#the irony is not lost on me that richard lipshitz would be mad about this crossover

[greenreticule]

You know I've hit the Nerdy Prudes Must Die brainrot because I just spent all day thinking about a crossover with Star Wars where all those kids get accidentally parented by Dexter Jettster.

Hermione Bagwa becomes a transfer student to Hatchetfield High - a school on the upper levels of Coruscant. She transfers because it's easier for her to get to her job after class. Hatchetfield is a lot closer to Dex's Diner than the school on the lower levels, where she lives with her nana.

She ends up throwing in with the nerds, both because she quickly becomes a target for Max (being new and visibly poor) and because she can't stand people like him in general. Her friendship with them started when she attacked Max in the hallway for menacing Richie. She lost the fight and got detention, but Richie stayed with her so she wouldn't be alone in case Max came back around.

At this point in her life, Hermione is still getting used to people staying. The only ones who'd done so this far had been Nana and Dex, and neither were her peers. So even this small gesture meant that Richie was her friend.

Steph was impressed that someone stood up to Max so directly and made a point to talk to her in one of their shared classes. Hermione sees Steph as the type of the girl Hermione wishes she was. Hermione knows she's got confidence and charm, but the charm is rough around the edges. Even Steph's casual swagger seems a step up in glamour from what Hermione has. Hermione has enough pride to try to hide that and meet Steph as a peer, but she is thrilled that Stephanie Lauter wants to be friends with her.

With Steph and Richie come Pete and Ruth, who were also impressed like Steph was, but were a little less confident about approaching the new kid who fucking punched Max Jagerman. Still, Hermione appreciates Pete's down-to-earth sensibilities, and she and Ruthie soon bond over their shared dreams of acting.

Hermione doesn't talk much to them about her home life (of which she considers the diner a part). She's not ashamed of Nana or Dex, but she is protective. Hatchetfield High is new and weird and she doesn't trust any of it yet. Especially not when Grace Chastity keeps insisting on joining their study parties. Now there's the sort who'd judge Nana and Dex, and Hermione'll be damned if she lets Grace near them.

(yes, she's a teen protecting two adults from another teen. it's not logical, but hey: she's a teen.)

So the most the nerds know about Hermione's home life is that almost every day after school, she leaves their study or hangout at the exact same time, with precision. Not a damn thing can stop her when the clock strikes the Star Wars equivalent of 4:15. She is gone.

Well... one thing could stop her. Maxwell Jagerman.

One day Pete had done something that pissed the bully off good. Probably displayed more confidence than Max liked. Regardless, At 4:14, Max had cornered Pete alone in the hallway when Pete had slipped away from the study session to pee. Less than a minute later, Hermione came down the hall, at her usual departure time.

The fight was longer this time; no nearby teachers to instantly break it up. It's only after the rest of the nerds come around, after a yell from Grace Chastity of all people, that Max finally lets up and struts off.

Pete is bruised, not just from Max's initial shove, but also because he tried to join in the fight after Max had thrown Hermione to the ground. Hermione can barely stand and her comlink is busted. Steph tries to call an ambulance, but Hermione and Pete both stop her: their families can't afford that.

Somewhere in the panicked discussion about how to help Hermione, she ended up trying to stagger out to the public transport until everyone forced her to sit down on the curb again. "I can't miss work," was Hermione's angry retort as she tried to fight her way back to her feet.

Between the physical fights and the arguments about the proper course of action, it's about 4:50 when a Besalisk rounds the corner from the nearest public transport stop, and breaks into a run when he spots Hermione.

When Hermione hadn't showed up at work at her usual time and she didn't answer her comlink, Dex had gotten worried. She'd shown up to work bruised before - the week at that new school Hatchetfield - and had dodged questions about it. Seeing her on the curb only confirmed his worst fears.

After reassuring her that "no, ya ain't fired. and no, ya ain't gonna miss a paycheck. the union gets ya paid sick leave, remember kid?", Dex says he's got a favor he can call in to get both Hermione and Pete looked at by a doctor without any fees.

Encouraged by Hermione's instant trust and agreement to this strange adult, Pete agrees to accept the help too. "Stranger danger" alarms start going off in Steph's head and she insists that all the nerds accompany Hermione and Pete, to watch their backs. Hermione might know this Dex, but Steph doesn't. And she's not sure she trusts this man who just shows up at a school and calls in favors for medical care.

Dex agrees. Though he won't tell her until months later, this insistence of Steph's is what first let Dex know that Hermione had found herself some quality friends.

The visit to Dex's doctor friend goes without incident. Dex orders Hermione to take sick leave for the rest of the week, and to the rest of the nerds: "first order at the diner is on the house, if y'all ever find yerselves in CoCo Town."

Once Hermione and Pete are feeling better, they all decide to have a study session at the diner. It's a bit of a weird spot; eclectic sorts and a few rough customers are regulars there. But it's safe. And the food is good. It quickly becomes a regular spot for them all, and it's not long before they all stumble into becoming quasi-adopted by one Dexter Jettster.

Dex encourages Hermione and Ruth practicing small scenes together, when it's a slow night and the diner is empty. Ruth starts getting enough courage to try out for that new show the school is putting on: B'ar B'a Que Monologues, especially after Dex shows her how to properly mime flipping and checking a burger. Ruth and Hermione become close, and Dex is pretty sure he accidentally interrupted a kiss behind his diner one time.

Richie discovers that Dex has seen one (1) an'iimei show. It was about some sharpshooter on a desert planet who helped people without killing anyone, but also had a huge warrant on his head. Not one of Richie's favorites, but he found Dex had some well thought-out opinions on the themes and characters. As a result, Richie starts recommending others at a pace that Dex cannot keep up with. But he does watch a few, gives Richie his reviews, and happily listens to Richie infodump. They do get into an argument about the one where giants are living in the city walls; Dex did not like that one.

One time when Pete had come to the diner by himself for breathing space, the seat at the bar next to him was taken up by someone that Pete was pretty sure he recognized as one of the unhoused people by the mall. Hermione handed her the usual diner menu and a second one. The lady ordered, ate her meal, was given a receipt, and left without paying. When Hermione looked completely nonplussed by this, Pete asked her why. She handed him the second menu: it was a list of supply needs to stay alive on the streets. "If someone orders from this menu, we don't charge them for a meal, and we send them with a note from the boss to folks who can get them supplies."

Pete starts noticing the second menu being handed out in the diner. It's always done discreetly. And in all the faces, regardless of the gender or species, he starts seeing that one unhoused man, just downtown from Hatchetfield High. The one who looks eerily familiar, who Pete generally tried to avoid. Eventually, he approaches Dex and asks for details, and how he too can help.

Dex gladly takes him under his wing, helping Pete understand the systems in place that cause homelessness, the partnership he and some other community members have with one of the encampments, and how they are all stronger together. It'll take a few months of learning, but Pete eventually gathers the courage to meet that one man downtown. The one who looks too much like his own brother.

Grace Chastity (member of a strict, Force-worshiping church) is the least adopted out of the nerds. She's generally challenged by Dex's existence. He's an adult - an authority figure - who has some good rules, but seems to flaunt others as mere suggestions. It only gets more confusing when a Jedi Master of all people saunters in and greets Dex like an old friend. She puts a lot of effort into timing a visit just right to catch the Jedi so she can ask him all sorts of questions about the Force and the proper ways to worship it. While Dex makes sure she feels welcome in the diner, it's really this Master Kenobi that kicks off her deconstruction process.

The adoption analogy is closest for Steph. The nerds have been good for her; allowing her to have deep, non-political friendships. Friends that are awkward and sometimes a bit much, but they'll be real with her. But all the adults in her life still finger-wag and talk down to her and say she's not smart. Dex, on the other hand...

One time Steph caught herself on a rant about... something. Something that she felt really passionate about in the moment. But the most important thing was that when she stopped herself, finally realizing how long she'd been talking, Dex was still listening. He hadn't interrupted her. And even then, he simply prompted her with the sentence she'd left unfinished.

Cautiously, she continued, but rushed to her conclusion. Dex nodded, said "You've thought a lot about this," and asked her a follow-up question on a part of her rant.

The first time an adult actually listened to her. And even more than that, he respected the amount of thought and passion she put into this topic.

Soon, Steph realizes she is getting a glimpse of what it feels like to have an actual dad. She only ever voices this once, to Hermione, who agrees. "But I'm not allowed to call him that," Hermione laughs. "He says that makes an 'unhealthy power dynamic' in the workplace, and he doesn't want me 'compromising my rights as an employee.'"

"Well, I'm not gonna call him 'dad,' either," Steph grins. "But... maybe I could call you 'sis'?"

Hermione likes that workaround a lot.

(Dex also realizes that Steph's dad is bugging her comlink and gets her a second, clean one to use for anything she wants to keep private.)