#the image has been in ny head all day

[elmocult]

ephelayer "baking my long distance bf into a cookie because i miss him" . is this anything

[minnielvrr]

Oooh I just had an idea for Switch!Leeknow and Switch!Felix. They’re at NY fashion week right? What if after the show they’re relaxing in the hotel and Felix offers LK a massage but also sneaks in tickles for fun. But of course LK has to get Felix back and it turns into a sweet tickle fight. Idk if you like my idea but if you wanna turn it into something go for it, but you don’t have to.

After Party

Lees: Felix, Minho Lers: Minho, Felix Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: this idea inspired me so much🤭thank you for the request anon!!🤗💞

Tags: @itzsana-kiddingmenow, @lajanaa, @bbybumblelee, @hearted-anon, @lunalattae,

@jungwon-is-the-one, @reginald-stay09

"Hyungie you were SO nervous and tense today. Your body must be aching," Felix sympathized, cuddling up to the curled figure in the middle of the bed.

They had both showered and were ready to sleep, but the day had been an eventful one and Felix knew he’d have to help the older (and himself) lose a few more joules of energy before they’d actually feel tired.

Minho’s eyes were wide and glassy as he stared blankly at the wall, and Felix found the sight before him endlessly adorable. Over the years, a little of Minho's tsundere nature had leaked into his real persona.

That meant he got shy and flustered much more easily whenever he got a compliment or was teased. And tonight, Lix was craving a glimpse of that side.

He wanted to see Minho red and teary, wanted to have the older squirming and begging Lix to stop through his sweet, unrestrained laughter.

With that vivid image in mind, the younger gently eased Lino back so he was lying with his back to the mattress. The older blinked up in confusion but didn’t resist.

“Let me give you a nice, relaxing massage hyungie.” He told him, scooting down and taking ahold of Minho’s feet. Lix began, working his magic on Lino’s tired soles.

The older sighed and relaxed almost immediately, all but melting into the mattress. “Thanks, Lix,” he said softly, his eyes slipping shut in bliss.

Felix smiled, working diligently until he felt a sudden twitch. Minho didn’t seem to think too much of it, lying still. It made the Aussie smirk in delight, hiding his ulterior motives under his curtain of long hair.

He pressed at the spot, staying there as Minho’s foot jerked and wiggled and the kitten finally opened his eyes to glare at the younger. “Don’t.”

“Now that’s no way to talk to your dongsaeng hyungie~” He teased, rubbing quickly at the spot to have Minho squirming. “What are you trying to do?”

“I'm going to massage you aaaall over hyungie. Don't worry, I won't miss a spot.” He assured and Minho flushed at his words, flopping down and bringing the blanket over his head.

Lix cooed, dragging his nails in slow, deliberate strokes along the sensitive sides of Lino’s feet.

Minho’s foot jolted, little bursts of giggles escaping as he peeked from over the blanket at the way Felix smiled then quickly raked his fingers down his soles once, laughing meanly at how it made Minho squeal.

“Boohohokkie plehehease!! Ihihit’s soHOHO baHAHAHAd!!”

"You really are named perfectly aren't you hyung? LEE Minho suits you well, you were practically destined to be so helplessly sensitive. So ticklish and so adorably shy at the best of times. I'm honestly surprised we don't tickle you more often.”

As he talked Felix started scribbling over the arches, watching in amusement at how it made poor Minho buck and squeal and fist the blanket tightly.

“Lihihihix nohoho!! Ihim tihehehred!! AH-NONONO! shihiHIHIHIHIhit!!”

“Oh? Is this place extra ticklish hyungie?” Felix teased, noticing that Minho seemed to avoid the word.

He scratched under the toes, loving the way it got Minho howling with laughter, kicking out desperately through the sensations.

He tested the area, switching form slow, lazy strokes and quick, insistent motions, observing each reaction it earned.

“NahahahahaHAHAHA! PLEHEASE!! Ihi cahaHAhan’t thehere! GOHODS FELIX!!!”

The kitten was thrown into hysterical cackles at the faster tickles and his laughter would lighten up and get giddier at the slower ones.

It was beautiful…and a little funny.

Then Lix crawled up the bed, gently pulling the blanket aside. Minho’s ears had turned pink, his lips unable to fight off the wide smile that was formed. With a grin, the younger latched his hands onto the kitten’s lower sides.

He kneaded the spot vigorously and laughed along with him as Minho fell apart slowly but surely.

“AHHH SHIT! Lihihixie plehehehHEASE!! ihihi cahAHAN’T TAHAKE IHIT ANYHYHYMOHORE!!”

“Gosh I can’t believe someone this ticklish exists. Even just this,” Lix wiggled a finger in the older’s belly,” can have you so defenseless.”

Felix’s smile was pure evil as he alternated between spots, the feather flying all over Minho’s torso while his free hand ran chaotically all over the Minho’s thighs and hips and belly.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA NAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEAHEASE!”

Reality was even better than Felix imagined it. Minho’s eyes were twinkling with mirth, tears slipping down his red cheeks and his lips were pulled back, leaving his bunny teeth on full display.

Broken pleas fell from his mouth in strings and Felix stopped to give the kitten a chance to breathe, stroking his hair gently as the older gasped through his residual giggles.

Felix’s heart swelled in fondness and he leaned forward to plant a tender kiss onto Minho’s forehead, smiling when the older pushed him away shyly.

Felix’s laughter finally subsided as Minho caught his breath, gleaming eyes turning to the younger. Before Felix could protest, Minho swiftly flipped them over and pinned him down.

“Your turn!” Felix heard in a whisper near his ear before Minho flashed a cocky smirk at him and rolled them over, pinning Felix to the bed.

The kitten smirked, "You do realize that applies to you too, right LEE Yongbokkie? Aren't you even *more ‘*sensitive’ than I am?"

“C'mon you can say the word hyung, TICKLE. It's TICKLING that we're doing now and what I did to you a few seconds ago.”

“Shut up!” Minho’s hands descended on the chick’s sides, Lix yelping when he was given a few prods to

“Remind me again, which of us can't handle this even a little bit?” The moment Felix parted his lips to answer, Minho's fingers swooped down, vibrating into the Aussie's abs. Lix shrieked, his hands snapping down to grapple with Minho's but he wasn't nearly strong enough.

“Not so cocky now are you baby? You really thought I wouldn’t get you back for that little stunt you pulled hm?”

Each word brought with it more and more laughter from Felix, his head thrown back as he squealed and giggled and twisted under the never-ending attacks.

The sounds were bright and bubbly, and Minho loved how Felix looked, writhing and laughing his head off. ”Hyuhung! Hyuhuhuhung plehease!! youHUHU knohow ihi wahaHAHAS JUHUST TEHEHEASING!!”

“Do you know what my favorite move is to use on you? I have one for everyone…and yours, are feathers!” Minho exclaimed, pulling out a feather from his jacket pocket.

Felix’s eyes widened as he saw the feather, but before he could protest, Minho’s hands were already moving again, and this time, he knew there would be no escape.

“W-why? How? Wha—ahehehehe hyuhuhungie nohoHOHO!!” His stutters were cut off by peals of laughter when Minho fluttered the soft feather over his neck while one hand still squeezed and scribbled relentlessly at his waist.

His sounds grew more urgent, rising in pitch and then disappearing altogether. Then it would come back louder, breathier and more frantic. Just the way Minho loved it.

He was normally much gentler with the Aussie, treating Lix like his baby but he knew that Lix liked rough tickles a whole lot more on certain days. Today seemed to be one of those times.

So why not humor him?

“FUHUHUHUCK! HYUHUHUNG, CHAHANGE—CHAHAHAHAHANGE SPOHOTS!! PLEASE OHO MY GAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Aww change spots? Not stop? You really like this don’t you?”

“YOUHUHU WOHOHON’T STOHAHAHAHA EHEHEVEN IHIF IHIHIHI TOLD YOUHU!!” Lix protested through wild cackles.

“That’s true.”

“MEHEHEHEANIHIHIE!” Lix bucked and arched and jerked away, finding no reprieve when the older’s hands seamlessly followed his every movement.

The poor boy was hysterical, twisting and squirming as the unbearable took over every nerve on his skin, sending lightning shocks of tickles racing to his brain.

His face and neck were so red and his lashes were wet with tears. Minho went on for a few more moments before stopping, flopping down next to the giggly puddle on the ruffled sheets.

He spooned the little one closer, fluttering light kisses over his freckles as Lixie scrunched his face bashfully. “Stoooop~” He whines, half-heartedly, nuzzling his face in Minho’s chest to escape.

It wasn’t long before the two were quietly snoring away, snuggled close together, with Minho’s hands wrapped protectively over Lixie.

[hard-core-super-star]

Tmz vacation pictures. My bad.

the sweetest torture one could bear [H.Steinfeld]

full request: Hi, I have part of a request. Aha, I didn't know what else to put with it, so do with that what you will. Instead of JA being in the videos and photos with Hailee, it's Reader.

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: when you and hailee are flown out on vacation to promote your growing 'relationship', you find out there's more than meets the eye when it comes to the actress...and your feelings for her.

warnings: enemies-to-lovers type vibe with a semi-happy ending; PR relationship + stunts; like two JA mentions; R being a jerk to hailee and vice versa; so many petty arguments and hidden feelings; R is technically also famous but it never gets expanded upon whoops; 110% got carried away because of lacy by olivia rodrigo

wordcount: 2.5k

a/n: i know you said you didn't have anything in mind, lovely anon, but i think i took your idea and RAN with it. i just needed someplace to put all the emotions hailee's been bringing out of me lately with the stupid JA situation so i can continue to write fics for her. that's why the NY stunt is still a thing that happens in this fic. hope you enjoy despite how scathing some of my comments can be in this <3

* * * * * * *

Dating a famous celebrity is supposed to be fun. At least that’s what you imagine things would be like if you were dating anyone but Hailee freaking Steinfeld.

Although, to be fair, the word dating technically doesn’t apply to your situation.

Even calling it a PR relationship is incredibly generous. You’re pretty much just damage control after whatever mess happened in New York with her and that quarterback.

Of course, it was a mess she created and once it blew up in her face she was forced to retreat and avoid looking like a bigger asshole…which is where you come in. You don’t know how or why but somehow you got roped into things and now you’re being forced to help the brunette clean up her image.

Maybe forced is being dramatic but your team didn’t even let you attempt to talk them out of the idea and instead shoved you onto a private plane headed to Mexico City for a Fourth of July mini-vacation with the one and only Hailee Steinfeld.

Also known as the one person you’d never willingly go out with. Much less on a mini-vacation that only has one goal: get as many paparazzi as possible to take pictures of the two of you so speculation will run wild and distract Hailee’s fans from the New York stunt.

You have no doubt the plan will work which just pisses you off even more.

You’re not new to this life of hiding or the lies it comes with but there’s something about the way the brunette handles things that just rubs you the wrong way. She straddles the border between genuine and fake so often that you’re sure she doesn’t even know who she is most days.

Hence her constant disappearances from the public eye nowadays. Disappearances that just make her stunts with the quarterback even more confusing.

You’re not here to figure the actress out though, you just have to fake a few smiles, hold her hand, and pretend you actually like each other. The media and her fans will do the rest.

Whether the result of your stunt ends with people speculating you're in a relationship or just a public denunciation of her connection to said quarterback is ultimately up to her team so all you two really have to do is pretend.

Something that would be easy…if your distaste for each other wasn’t so obvious.

“Did your lovely team forget the part where we’re not actually a couple?” You question the second you arrive at your hotel room, only to find a single king-sized bed in the middle of the room.

“Why do you assume it was my team that messed up?” She fires back, eyebrow raised in defiance.

You roll your eyes as you finish wheeling your suitcase inside. You don’t even bother to argue about who gets the bed and instead put your things down on the couch set up in the corner of the room. After all, you’re still a gentleman. “Because this whole thing was their idea.”

“They actually know how to do their job, unlike some people.” Her verbal jab isn’t lost on you and it quickly silences the small voice in your head that was urging you to try and get along with her.

“And what’s my job? Pretending you’re the center of the universe?”

“It’d be a nice start.”

“Too bad I’m not the academy-award nominated actress here.” Out of anyone else’s mouth, it would be a compliment but you both know that’s not the way you meant those words.

Hailee doesn’t say anything in response. She just glares at you as if that’ll make you disappear.

Unfortunately, it doesn't, which means you’re still stuck in this same situation with the same pair of eyes that wish they could send you six feet underground…or, at the very least, six rooms away from her.

That glare is more than enough to draw the conversation to a close for the moment. The awkward silence that sticks around instead is just as bad though and you’re actually glad when Hailee’s phone goes off.

You watch, with a slightly amused smile, as the actress argues with one of the many poor souls from her PR team.

She’s clearly not as amused as you are considering the string of curse words that reverberate around the small room. You pick up enough information to know there’s already a plan and a schedule for the pap shots so the two of you have to be on top of your game sooner rather than later.

There’s a split second during the phone call where your eyes meet hers and everything else seems to fade away for those few moments. 

There’s no badly suppressed annoyance in her eyes, no vacant look that represents the hundreds of walls she’s put up to keep you locked out of her mind and heart. For the briefest of seconds, she seems…real. It’s as if the mask she so easily wears to hide who she is slips and leaves behind the uncertainty she seems to detest so much.

Ironically, that uncertainty would make her a lot more bearable in your opinion.

The moment ends as quickly as it started and in no time at all, you’re back to being passive-aggressive while pretending to like each other.

“So, what’s the plan here?” You hate how much you care about not further ruining her life by messing up the pap shots. “Last time I checked, you weren’t out of your glass closet yet.”

“Are you saying you check up on me often?” She replies as she gets into the private pool next to you.

For some reason, her team had decided the two of you should kick things off with some pool pictures before going out to dinner tomorrow night. It’s a pretty ridiculous idea but nothing screams summer romance like paparazzi pictures at the pool and/or the beach. 

“Yeah, it’s like watching a trainwreck. I can’t look away no matter how hard I try.”

“Funny.” 

She sits across from you and you do all you can to stop your eyes from wandering across her face. It’s impossible to deny how attractive she is, no matter how long her list of contradicting personality traits is.

You assume she’s forgotten about your question until she speaks up a few moments later. “There’s no real plan. We don’t have to actually kiss for people to think there’s something going on.”

“What a relief.” 

The brunette rolls her eyes at you but no snarky comeback escapes her lips. It might be too insignificant to call it progress but at least you’re having a conversation that doesn’t turn into an argument.

Nothing significant happens after that besides Hailee spotting the paparazzi and both of you pulling the most authentic smiles you can muster onto your faces. Turns out, the fake smiling is the easy part, finding something to talk about is the hard part.

You let her talk up and down about Hawkeye and Across the Spiderverse until you’re finally able to go back to hiding inside the hotel room.

It pains you to admit it but she’s not half bad when she’s talking about her projects. Being alone certainly helps ease some of her anxieties and you’re sure her people-pleasing tendencies have disappeared around you. (You’re not sure if that’s a compliment or not...not that you care either way.)

You push away your slightly conflicting, and borderline confusing, feelings as you make your way back into your room. 

And maybe your eyes wander down to her abs a few times and maybe you catch her looking your way once or twice but that doesn’t matter. Sharing one moment with her where she feels like an actual person instead of a walking brand deal isn’t going to change your mind about her.

You make it back into the room and a few peaceful minutes go by until Hailee’s phone goes off once again, her face twisting from annoyance to shock to genuine dread in the span of five seconds. You can’t explain why but something inside you urges you to step out onto the balcony and leave her alone. 

So you do just that.

Contrary to the way you act when you’re around her, you do sort of care for her in ways you’d rather not think about. It’s just hard to show that side of yourself when she does everything in her power to get under your skin. It might not be on purpose but that doesn’t make it any less grating. 

You rise to your feet and grab the towels you had left hanging on the back of a chair. You don’t say a word as you slide the balcony door open but you swear you hear her mumble out a thank you before you slip outside.

Maybe things between you two aren’t so hopeless after all.

It might be wishful thinking but things are surprisingly calm for the next few hours. It's not until you’re getting ready to fall asleep and forget everything that’s happened today that she speaks to you again.

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch, y’know? The bed is big enough for both of us.”

You turn to look at her, doing a terrible job of hiding the surprised look on your face. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine, y/n.” She shrugs as if sharing a bed with her isn’t a big deal. “Just don’t snore or I’ll kick you to the ground.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you reply sarcastically.

A tense silence fills the room after that and neither of you makes any attempts to break it. Hailee busies herself with double-checking that everything is locked while you climb into bed, turning onto your side and attempting to put as much space as possible between the two sides of the bed.

She turns the lights off, leaving you in the darkness with a rapidly beating heart. You’re not sure why you’re nervous but you have a feeling falling asleep is going to be almost impossible tonight.

You lay there for what feels like hours, doing your best not to think about how close your bodies are right now. You saw her in a bikini earlier today, why are you freaking out over sharing the same bed?

You’re in the middle of mentally arguing with yourself when you hear Hailee let out a series of deep breaths. Anxiety isn’t a stranger to you and you suddenly worry something might have triggered a panic attack.

“You okay?” You speak up despite yourself. “Did you finally realize you fucked over your queer fans with the QB stuff?”

You can’t help but poke the bear even when you’re supposed to be checking up on her. 

She doesn’t respond and a few seconds later, you hear her sniffle, the guilt immediately hitting you like a runaway train. “Hailee? I’m sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Republic dropped me.” Her voice is barely audible but there’s no denying the pain it carries.

The urge to turn around and look at her is far too strong for you to ignore so you take a deep breath before giving in. You turn onto your other side so you’re facing her, not wanting to ruin her moment of vulnerability by appearing uninterested. 

Her eyes are trained on the ceiling above her but you can make out the glimmer of unshed tears in the warm pool of her eyes. She doesn’t give you a chance to speak up, she just continues as if you’re not looking at her with real empathy in your gaze for the first time since you met.

“I should’ve seen it coming, you know? With all the hesitation and the drawn-out meetings. Coast was supposed to be my chance to prove myself and it did nothing. I hoped rushing SunKissing would fix things but it just made everything worse.”

“And then New York happened,” you mumble.

“Yeah-” Her voice breaks and you hate the way your heart aches for her. “I should’ve just owned up to it but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to admit I was grasping at straws so when my team told me to bring you into this mess…I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Saying no would have been a good start.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles as she turns her head to the side, allowing your eyes to meet in the darkness. “You don’t deserve any of this.”

The sincerity in her words strikes you “Oh, come on, I’m no saint. I’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass since we got here.”

“You're right. You're awful.”

“Shut up, Steinfeld.”

She laughs. 

An actual laugh that makes the corners of her glossy eyes crinkle up in a way that makes your heart skip a couple of beats. You’re sure you’ve never made her laugh like that in the time you’ve known each other. 

And you hate the way you’re already obsessed with the sound.

“We don’t have to keep doing this,” she says suddenly before fully turning her body toward you. “It was a stupid idea anyway, it’s not going to change people’s minds.”

“Maybe you’re the one who has to change her mind.” You offer the only advice you can think of. “Pretending like everything’s okay isn’t doing you any favors, Lee.”

The nickname slips out of your mouth without a second thought. You don’t even realize you said it out loud until Hailee questions you about it. “Lee? Five hours ago you wanted me out of your life and now you’re giving me a nickname?”

“Five hours ago I wasn’t sure you even had feelings.”

Your comment would have surely earned you a glare earlier but now you get a smile instead. “Point taken.”

“I mean it, though. Stop doing what you think everyone else wants you to do and do what you want. You owe yourself that much.”

“The things I want will just make things worse,” she says, the smallest of frowns tugging at her lips.

“Maybe it’s worth it.”

You have no idea what her words truly mean until you catch her eyes drifting down to your lips.

Everything inside of you tells you to make a joke, or piss her off, or at the very least, turn around and pretend to go to sleep. Anything to stop both of you from making a huge mistake.

But then her hand reaches out to touch your waist and you find yourself leaning toward her without a second thought.

It’s stupid and reckless and the last thing you should add to this already messy situation and yet it’s the only thing you want to do. You don’t want to argue with her anymore, you just want her. Even if it’s only for the night.

“What are we doing?” You whisper, your lips barely inches away from hers.

“I don’t know…do you want me to stop?”

You meet her eyes and reach your decision. “No.”

It’s all the encouragement she needs to close the gap between you, her lips claiming yours in a surprisingly soft kiss. You tangle your hand in her hair to pull her closer as a thought suddenly dawns on you.

There’s no way to deny how attracted you are to her. No way to deny how drawn you are to her despite all the things that get under your skin about her. 

No way to deny that you’re actually falling for Hailee Steinfeld.

Shit.

[bluelotuswrites]

i love ask games!!! is three asks excessive? three might be excessive… pick and choose if you don’t want to answer all of them!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you l

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairing

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

hope you’re having a good day and your wips aren’t giving you trouble <3

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I'm gonna link a couple because I have lots.

butcherbird, fly away home One of Jason's instructors kidnaps Bruce fucking Wayne. This changes nothing, or at least that's what Jason keeps telling himself.

Six Degrees of Separation by @oliocelottafanfics Catatonic Jason is picked up by Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. It changes many things. Very good and fun

Melodyverse by @rainymeadows If you like Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright, then this is a fun continuation fic.

The Wayward Boy Instead of Jason going after his mother in Ethiopia, he instead enlists in the military.

Ed Elric/Marvel Fem!Ed gets transported to the MCU during Capitain America First Avenger movie. It's actually really good and I hope the author is doing well since it's been a few years since they updated.

The Volatile Verse Comics Jason crosses dimensions to YJ season 1 and becomes a big brother figure to Dick. It's locked so you'll need an AO3 account to see it.

Batman: Arkham Compendium Listen to me. When I tell you this is the best Arkhamverse fic, I mean it. It follows Jason's life in Arkhamverse from before and after Arkham Knight. The author left the fandom a long time ago, but I will forever love the worldbuilding that was put into it.

Not that big a distance really Bucky and Jason meet after Bucky goes to Jason's apartment address in NJ instead of NY. Bucky and Steve becomes kinda like a pseudo-dad figure to Jason.

Remnant Michael Afton is on the YJ Season 1 team and has super powers after the incident at Sister Location. He's 15-16 in this, and William Afton is one fucked up dude. It sounds like a concept that is so out there but it's actually really fucking good.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairing

Okayyyy so. I'm not really an active fandom shipper? I guess the only one I really am open about is Laywright. For them, I headcanon that during the 7 years that Phoenix was disbarred, he had met up with Hershel and was the person he knew in London. Also, Hershel helped him back on his feet and was a soundboard for Phoenix's idea for revamping the justice system in America.

For platonic pairing, I headcanon that Tim and Jason tend to have regular bitch sessions about the idiots in Gotham/family. Tim is a sassy little shit in canon and Jason is Jason. When their paths cross or Bruce has pissed them off again, they go to one of Jason's safehouses where Jason cooks and they bitch about whatever is on their minds. Dick is not allowed and regularly gets kicked out if he tries to butt in.

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

Oh god, my favorite piece??? You're evil. I can't have just one! Okay, okay.

So this is actually a painting the lovely @gremlinscogs did for their art class based off RitCoS. It's glorious, and it was sent to me in DMs but they gave me permission to post. It's really a beautiful piece that captured the vibes of the first fic in Red is the Color of Sinners perfectly.

(digital concept art version they did)

Also, this bad boy by @speaching back when we first started talking and I teased a small chapter bit I had written but hadn't posted yet. I went to bed and woke up to that, and thus started a chaotic friendship that has lasted for quite some time.

Speach also drew this one that never fails to make me laugh. Just the image of Matt aggressively shoveling snow sends me.

[natrogersfics]

Article created by @teamromanoff for this 'verse years back! Read on AO3 Steve knows that there are not many things in this world that can leave Tony Stark and Pepper Potts slack-jawed. In terms of all things ridiculous, the couple has seen it all – Tony for being, well, Tony, and Pepper by having to put up with Tony for all these years. And yet, as he and Natasha stand behind the bar after informing them of the truth about their relationship, they find the usually eloquent pair rendered speechless.

The discussion of whether to let them in on their lie had not been a short one. On one hand, the smaller the circle of people who know, the less chance of a slip up there is – not that he and Natasha think that Tony or Pepper would go babbling to the press. They trust them implicitly, and if there’s ever a pair who understood the importance of concealing details about their lives to the press, it’s them. But if things go South, they don’t want to risk implicating their friends. Ultimately, though, the fact that they are some of their oldest friends trumped all the other reasons that had come about. They’re already keeping his actual family in the dark; the family they had chosen did not have to be subjected to the same treatment.

“Let me get this straight,” Tony says, shifting in his bar stool. “You’re telling us that this” – he gestures between them both – “isn’t real? Like, at all?”

His eyes widen at the volume at which Tony says the words, and despite there being an hour left before opening, like a reflex, he and Natasha let their eyes roam around the room to check for any unwanted attention the man may have garnered.

“Will you keep your voice down?” Natasha hisses at Tony. “We have employees in the back.” She gives their surroundings another once-over, and satisfied that no one had heard Tony’s outburst, she looks back at both him and Pepper. “And you two saw us just last week. We weren’t even together, much less engaged. How could you think this was real?”

“I don’t know,” Tony says, his expression twisting as if he’s only now considering the idea. “You two are always joined at the hip. We assumed that at one point the bulb would just go on.” He shrugs. “I never would have put money on you two playing 90 Day Fiancè- ow!”

“What Tony means,” Pepper says, looking at both of them as Tony winces next to her, “is that you two were very convincing. When Sarah announced your engagement, we didn’t have any reason to believe it wasn’t true.”

“Right,” Tony says, pulling out his phone. “Were we really supposed to think this was all fake?”

Steve looks at the picture on screen of him and Natasha on stage with his family before rolling his eyes. “For the hundredth time, yes.”

“What about this?” Tony says, swiping to show the picture of them kissing at the lobby of Cipriani’s on the front page of the NY Star. “And this?” Tony swipes again, moving to the picture of Natasha’s head on his shoulder at the Knicks game they attended with Thor and his wife, Jane. “And this?” The final image is of him and Natasha as they grabbed coffee on their way to do inventory this morning, and if he hadn’t already been jaded by how ruthless photographers could be when it comes to disregarding people’s privacy, he might have rolled his eyes at how quickly they’d gotten their picture circulating on the Internet.

He sighs. “All an act, Tony.”

“Well, shit,” Tony says before zooming in on the picture of Natasha’s engagement ring. “I mean, this looks really real. And expensive.” With a swipe of his finger, the screen shifts back to a gallery of their pictures on the NY Star website. “And these all look really real.”

“Tony, if you believe half the things they print in tabloids, then you’d have married half of Manhattan by now,” Natasha says.

Pepper smirks. “This is true.”

As Tony and Natasha continue to trade jabs, Steve stares back at the phone Tony is still holding out. There’s a part of him that has to admit that their friend isn’t wrong. He and Natasha do look like a couple, and truth be told, ever since the night they had taken their ruse public, every time they’ve had to act has just become easier and easier. But that’s the benefit of having been friends with someone for so long, he reminds himself. Their familiarity with one another has made it so that their learning curve in this has been practically nonexistent, and that’s precisely why Natasha’s the perfect partner in this ruse.

“So how long do you two plan on keeping this up?” Pepper questions, and if he’s honest, it’s the first sensible inquiry they’ve gotten since they revealed the truth.

He turns to Natasha for confirmation before looking back at Pepper. “Just until the deal closes with the Odinsons.”

“Then I look forward to your next performance as Mr. and Mrs. Rogers at the Odinson charity event tomorrow,” Tony says, whose smirk is wiped clean by the glare Pepper shoots his way.

“Well, if our reactions are anything to go by, obviously you two are playing this exceptionally well,” Pepper says. “But just be careful, all right? There are a lot of vultures out there.”

Steve sighs. “Don’t worry, we’re keeping an eye out for the media.”

“Among other things,” Pepper notes, reaching to take a sip of her water. “Anyway, and now for the other reason we wanted to come see you two.” She steals a glance at Tony before smiling. “We have some news.”

It’s slow for a Wednesday night, and with only a handful of patrons finishing up their drinks, Steve makes his way over to where Wanda is standing, her attention on the tablet resting on the surface of the bar. “Not to sound like a grandpa here, but… reading under these lights will do a number on your eyesight.”

Wanda looks up, her expression sheepish. “Sorry,” she says, flipping the cover over the screen. “It’s just with finals-”

“Wanda,” he interrupts with a chuckle before she can continue. “I was just kidding. Well, maybe not entirely about the eyesight thing.” He shrugs as Wanda rolls her eyes playfully at him. “You should take off. Study in proper lighting.”

“Thank you, Steve,” Wanda says, shaking her head. “But no. You and Nat have already been so understanding lately. I couldn’t do that.”

“We weren’t asking,” Natasha says, a smirk on her face as she comes to stand next to him. “It’s the middle of the week. I doubt any more people are coming in. Go.” She cranes her neck towards the direction of the sink at the end before calling out, “You too, Pete!”

“Thanks, guys!” Peter calls out.

“Be safe, kid,” he says, smiling as Peter gives them a thumbs up, before turning his attention back to Wanda. “See, leaving is that easy.”

Wanda looks at him and then at Natasha, who crosses her arms over her chest, before letting out a sigh. “Okay, fine,” she says, her smile full of gratitude. “You two are the best. Thank you.”

Natasha smiles. “Go.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Wanda says, placing her hands up.

He and Natasha wave to Wanda as she exits, and as soon as the door closes behind their bartender, Natasha makes her way towards the end where Peter had left a batch of freshly washed crystal tumblers. As she takes one in her hand and a dish cloth in the other, he moves to stand next to her. “Do you think we have to let them know too?”

“I thought about it,” Natasha admits with a sigh. “I hate the idea of keeping things from Wanda and Peter, but at the same time, I don’t want to involve them if they don’t have to be.”

“I guess you’re right,” he says before adding, “I doubt they read the tabloids and society pages anyway.”

“No one below the Upper East Side does,” she confers. “Plus, it’d be nice to have a space where we don’t have to pretend, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” he says, the corners of his lips lifting in a smile. “I think that’s a great idea.” As far as safe havens go, the Soldier & Spy is very much it for them both. It’s taken their blood, sweat, and tears to get their business to where it is today, but it’s the one place they’ve both found happiness in after a long list of unfulfilling careers. “So…” he begins after a beat. “Tony Stark, a father.”

Natasha smirks, but does not take her eyes away from the glass she’s working on. “I honestly thought I’d be more surprised,” she says. “But now that I’ve had some time to think about it, it’s not all that shocking.”

“Yeah?” he prods, turning to look her way.

“Yeah,” she confirms. “If you only knew Tony from what you read about him, then yeah, I guess you’d be floored.” She shrugs. “But we don’t, and we know that underneath all the snide comments and witty comebacks” – she pauses as they share a laugh – “he cares fiercely for the people he loves.” She turns to look at him, a little smile playing on her lips. “I think he’ll make an excellent father.”

“The best,” he says, mirroring her smile. “He and Pepper are one hell of a duo. That baby is going to be so lucky.”

“Speaking of babies, though,” she says, setting the towel on the counter before nodding towards the booth in the corner. “You might want to break that up before those two start making one on our freshly cleaned upholstery.”

He looks to where a young couple is practically draped over each other before chuckling. “Ah, to be young…”

“And out for some action,” she finishes, eliciting a laugh from him.

“Is that why you’re leaving early and making me serve as human contraception?” he asks, watching as she puts the towel down and smirking when she narrows his eyes at him. “What? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Nat.”

“First of all, I’m not ashamed,” she says. “And second, do you really think I’d do that while” – she gestures between the two of them – “this is going on?”

“I wouldn’t either, by the way,” he interjects.

She rolls her eyes, as if that’s the most obvious fact in the world. “Besides…” she says after a beat. “Even if I did go out looking, it’s been too long since…” She cocks her head towards the booth once more before chuckling. “Anyway, I probably don’t even remember what to do.” Maybe it’s the blank stare he gives her or the silence that lingers between them for a millisecond too long, but either way, she scoffs. “You look surprised.”

“No,” he says quickly, even though that’s not completely the truth. “I mean, I obviously wouldn’t have dragged you into, you know… if I thought that you… But at the same time, I didn’t want to assume-”

“I’m here all the time,” she says almost incredulously, the corners of her lips quirking. “Where could I have possibly found the time to-”

“I don’t know!” he says, amusement thick in his voice as he scratches the back of his head. “Plus, it’s hardly any of my business.” He shrugs. “But hey, for what it’s worth, I heard it’s just like riding a bike.”

“You heard or you know?” she challenges, raising a brow.

This time, he’s the one that scoffs. “I’m here all the time!”

She just shrugs, earning yet another scoff from him. “Wait,” she says, a glint in her eye as she steps closer to him, leaning in as if to let him in on some dirty little secret. “So, you and Peggy… you two aren’t…”

“Natasha,” he says exasperatedly. “For Christ’s sake, not you, too.”

She puts her hands up in the air. “It’s hardly any of my business.”

He rolls his eyes. “No, okay,” he says, shaking his head. “No, it’s not like that with Peggy. It never has been. Okay?”

“Okay,” she says in concession, letting a moment pass before letting out a sigh. “So I guess we’re just a couple of lame bar owners, huh?”

“The lamest,” he agrees, tipping his chin upward.

She smiles. “Anyway, I should get going.”

“Since we’re in a sharing mood,” he says, watching as she picks up her purse and slings it over her shoulder. “Where are you going?”

“Haven’t you heard?” she asks, causing his brows to rise in intrigue. “We have to leave some mystery in the relationship to keep it hot and spicy.”

He scoffs for the nth time as she giggles and leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Get out of here,” he says, shaking his head when she only looks back to stick her tongue out at him. Masterlist

[foxes-that-run]

Daylight - Lover

Daylight was originally the title track for Lover, a concept Album for the 13th year of Taylor's career, when she turned 30. It was first long planned and mentioned in the liner notes of Red.

The song has many references to Red and was possibly started by 2012, while Taylor was still dating Harry, but finished for the album release. Harry references the song in the opening of Fine Line in Golden, Fine Line's 'Daylight' is track 5 and released it on Taylors 30th Birthday.

Lyrics

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in Everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

Taylor is reflecting on the journey to through relationships to this point and choices she regrets. Matured from her view in Red where the other person wronged her Taylor now acknowledged everyone looks worse in the light.

She promises to be truthful but never say goodbye to her muse. This could read as telling all her secrets, or it could also be talking about being in an open relationship. Like So it Goes Taylor won't let him go.

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

The chorus repeats the theme of the album, finding the one true love. Sleeping in a 20-year dark night is interesting and there are a few possibilities:

Knowing the song was part of a long term album plan from when she was 22 it may refer to her age when the song was started

20 is a Haylor theme

Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky And so I became the butt of the joke I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now It's brighter now, now

Taylor talks more about her journey to find this love. She references Reputation where she was unlucky, the world turned on her. Including clearing the air (posting about the Kanye phone call) she breathed in the smoke.

My interpretation of wounding the good, trusting the wicked is wounding Harry by trusting Calvin Harris. This is played out in Exile/Woman. Did Something Bad is similar within the Rep period.

Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down refers to Harry's time with One Direction and womaniser image in that time. One direction also have a song called Wolves where wolves come out at night and come for your heart. Meet me in the Hallway has a similar lyric "I walked the streets all day / Running with the thieves"

Finally Taylor talks of storming out of every room, referring to drama she has had in the industry. There is a similar lyric to throwing out cloaks and daggers to live in peace in Long Story Short "At the golden gates they once held the keys to / When I dropped my sword / I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door"

And I can still see it all (In my mind) All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) And I can still see it all (In my head) Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden Like daylight, like daylight Like daylight, daylight

Taylor sings about being tangled in Wildest dreams, but here intertwined speaks to a longer time.

The next lyrics of love being B&W, Golden are interesting, in out of the woods and Illicit Affairs has described her love with Harry as in screaming colour/colours she can't see with anyone else. But here it is golden, Golden is the opening track to Fine Line Harry released 3 months later on Taylor’s 30th, referencing this line.

Back and forth from NY and sneaking in your bed, is a reference to Harry, they did go back and forth physically with excessive travel from them both and in terms of a relationship. They did sneak to see each other during the 1989 era after breaking up and possibly after.

This verse is a reference to red, Harry was the muse for several Red tracks including the closing Begin Again. This verse also references another Red song Starlight with 'Like daylight' vs "Like we're made of starlight". Starlight is about this photo of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy, another. While CK did fall between TS dating HS, Taylor is referencing the romantaised lasting love here, this reference is what indicates this song may have been started long ago.

Like daylight It's golden like daylight You gotta step into the daylight and let it go Just let it go, let it go

This lyric is about letting go of fears, grudges and fights and moving on. This lyric and Lover/Fine Line being released around Taylors 30th birthday make me think she intended to make changes in how her (possibly open) relationship was viewed, but we know what happened after with re-records and the pandemic. The Folklore album lets us know her thoughts were still with this calamitous love.

I wanna be defined by the things that I love Not the things I hate Not the things that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night I, I just think that You are what you love

This voice-style outtro is the thesis of the album and song, especially the reset after Reputation. The last song on the album, indicating where the story goes next.

[mediamonarchy]

https://mediamonarchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/20240506_MorningMonarchy.mp3 Download MP3 The Seinfeld Chronicles, PCU and Trumpster’s billions + this day in history w/pointless, stupid and evil lockdowns and our song of the day by American Thought Criminals on your #MorningMonarchy for May 6, 2024. Notes/Links: Masticophis flagellum https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masticophis_flagellum Image: You’re going to feel pretty stupid if it turns out you’re not a monarch. https://mediamonarchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/if_youre_not_a_monarch.jpg ‘Sopranos’ star doubles down against pro-Biden celebs: ‘The far left own Hollywood’ https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/entertainment-celebrity/sopranos-star-doubles-down-against-pro-biden-celebs-the-far-left-own-hollywood/ar-AA1o879I Video: ‘Sopranos’ actress claims celebrities are against Biden but ‘petrified’ to speak out (Audio) https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zILfl4wai9E Inside the failed White House coup to oust Biden press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre https://nypost.com/2024/04/26/us-news/inside-the-failed-white-house-coup-against-press-secretary-karine-jean-pierre/ Jerry Seinfeld Says TV Comedy Is Being Killed By the ‘Extreme Left and P.C. Crap and People Worrying So Much About Offending Other People’ https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/jerry-seinfeld-says-tv-comedy-is-being-killed-by-the-extreme-left-and-p-c-crap-and-people-worrying-so-much-about-offending-other-people/ar-AA1nSc5z Video: Jerry Seinfeld Says Extreme Left Is RUINING TV Comedy; Calls It ‘PC CRAP’ (Audio) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g8yYg8eh-g Image: Fuck America, Protect Israel https://mediamonarchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/fuck_america_protect_israel.png New York Times Failures in Israel Coverage Point to Larger Bias: Experts; The newspaper’s long record of bias in its coverage of Israel and Jewish issues has worsened with an influx of young ‘woke’ reporters, experts say. https://www.theepochtimes.com/article/new-york-times-failures-in-israel-coverage-point-to-larger-bias-experts-5619646 Katherine Maher’s Color Revolution; It appears that new NPR boss Katherine Maher has been around, around color revolutions all over the world while working for intelligence linked NGO National Democratic Institute. https://www.city-journal.org/article/katherine-mahers-color-revolution South American state to sever ties with Israel; Colombia will cut diplomatic relations with Israel over its “genocidal” leadership, President Gustavo Petro has vowed https://www.rt.com/news/596858-south-american-promises-to Shai Davidai comes from a long line of assholes. A short piece on his family’s ties to the weapons industry (and other shady dealings). https://vxtwitter.com/joshua__frank/status/1782499910509789365 Columbia Professor Shai Davidai’s Family Tied to Weapons Manufacturing https://www.counterpunch.org/2024/04/22/columbia-universitys-shai-davidais-family-tied-to-weapons-manufacturing/ Images show US military building floating pier off Gaza. Pentagon says it will cost $320 million https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/30/middleeast/gaza-floating-pier-images-aid-intl-hnk/index.html Bill Proposes “Antisemitism Monitors” for Colleges that Would Limit First Amendment; Shocker: Rep. Ritchie (D-NY, who co-authored the bill) is swimming in AIPAC money, $372,994 in this election cycle. https://needtoknow.news/2024/05/bill-proposes-antisemitism-monitors-for-colleges-that-would-limit-first-amendment/ REVEALED: George Soros is PAYING left-wing activists to head up camp outs at colleges across America – as huge wads of cash they’re getting are shared https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13353941/George-soros-paying-left-wing-activists-college-protest-camp.html George Soros is paying student radicals who are fueling nationwide explosion of Israel-hating protests https://nypost.com/2024/04/26/us-news/george-soros-maoist-fund-columbias-anti-israel-tent-city/ A GWU! (Student) Guide to Avoiding Gaza Protests https://getwokeup.com/a-gwu-student-guide-to-avoiding-...

[crazyblondelife]

The Ultimate New York City Guide for Uptown and Midtown (Part 1)

When visiting New York it’s tempting to pick your favorite spots or popular places around the city but you may find yourself bouncing all over town rather than taking advantage of what is in the neighbors you are staying in or planning to spend your day. Below is an extensive guide to all things Uptown and Midtown including where to stay, eat, shop, and experience!

Uptown 

Stay 

If you plan to stay uptown, you can’t beat these luxury hotels. All are different but offer an exceptional luxury experience that is unmatched. 

The Mark

At the top of the list is the Mark. Known as one of the most luxurious hotels in New York, staying at the Mark is an experience you won’t forget. Decorated top-to-bottom by French designer Jacques Grange, the interior is elegant and fun, with bold marble floors and vivid art. Located in the heart of the Upper East Side and just steps from Madison Avenue shopping and museums, the hotel is in the perfect location to explore Uptown Manhattan.  The Mark also offers many amenities, including The Mark Restaurant, established by the acclaimed Jean-Georges Vongerichten, the esteemed Frédéric Fekkai salon, and the ’60s-inspired Mark Bar where you can sip your favorite cocktail. They also offer Laudrée macarons at turndown service, a wonderful treat at the end of the night. 

Below images from themarkhotel.com

Lowell

Located just steps from central park and Madison Avenue shops, the Lowell is a luxury hotel located in a residential neighborhood on the Upper East Side. Established in 1927, The Lowell, a boutique hotel, reflects the timeless elegance of upper Manhattan with great attention to detail and excellent service to its guests. Wood-burning fireplaces, beautiful terraces with sweeping views of the city and warm rooms that feel like a luxury NYC apartment, make this an excellent stay for a romantic getaway in the city.

Below images from lowellhotel.com

The Carlyle

The Carlyle is a luxury stay that emulates the spirit, sparkle, elegance, and nostalgia of old New York City. Surrounded by museums, upscale shops, and fine dining, the Carlyle is a beautiful place to stay! Opening its doors in 1930, the Carlyle has maintained its glamour and prestige throughout the years creating an inviting and elevated environment. Designed by Dorthy Draper the interior is lux and traditional but with a modern flare. They are also known for the Bemelmans Bar, a beautiful spot to grab a cocktail before you head out to dinner or even a nightcap as you head in for the night. Guests such as George Clooney and Sofia Coppola have been known to stay at Carlyle which should help paint the picture of excellence this hotel exhibits. 

Below images from rosewoodhotels.com

Eat

Elio’s

A bustling Italian restaurant in the heart of the Upper East Side is a great spot for a hearty meal and a true New York experience. A place where the room is always crowded, the clientele is posh, and the food is consistent, you’ll find delicious pasta, a bustling environment and unmatched people watching.

Images below from eliosrestaurant.com, Elio’s Instagram, nymag.com

Daniel

Once rated the top restaurant in the world, with 2 Micheline stars, the tasting menu will cost you over $200 a person but the experience is well worth it. The food is excellent and the interior is stunning, Daniel is the perfect spot for a special occasion!

Images below from danielnyc.com

JoJo

Jojo is acclaimed chef Jean-Georges’s first NY restaurant. This beautiful space was recently renovated in a 2 story townhouse on the upper east side and is a wonderful place for a special meal while visiting the city. Not only is the food delicious, the space is bright and beautiful!

Images below from jojorestaurantnyc.com

August

August is a charming dining experience serving classic comfort food in Midtown Manhattan. With a cool and sophisticated interior, deliciously simple food and cocktails that change often, this is a great dinner spot if you are looking for a casual, warm and filling meal after a full day of sightseeing and shopping.

Images below from augustny.com

Ralph’s Coffee

Owned by the Ralph Lauren Group, Ralph’s Coffee is a fun place to stop in for your morning latte. With a couple of locations throughout the city and the city, including their adorable coffee carts, they serve delicious coffee and pastries in a beautiful environment.

Images below from www.ralphlauren.com, Raiph’s Coffee Instagram

Sarabeth’s

Sarabeth’s started as a tiny bakery-kitchen in 1981 where Sarabeth Levine prepared and sold homemade jams and baked goods. As its popularity grew, the store expanded and began to serve breakfast and lunch, alongside the original backed goods. Sarabeth’s quickly became a New York City landmark and now has four locations across  Manhattan. Sarabeth’s is a great spot for a delicious brunch or a cozy dinner of classic American fare. 

Images below from ny.eater.com

H&H bagels

When in NY you must eat at least 1 bagel. This iconic NY bagel shop has been seen on nearly every iconic NYC set TV show or movie, including Seinfeld and Sex and the City. At H&H you’ll find a crusty, chewy, perfect and classic New York bagel.

Images below from amny.com

Drink

Bemelmans Bar

Located in the Carlyle Hotel and named for its masterpiece murals by Ludwig Bemelmans, Bemelmans Bar draws socialites, politicians, and movie stars with its extensive drink menu, and live piano music every night.

Images below from cntraveler.com, rosewoodhotels.com, nytimes.com

Shop

Fivestory

Wander through five stories of beautiful rooms in a transformed townhouse filled with luxe clothing for men and women, shoes, bags, and more from top designers.

Image below from wwd.com

Intermix

This highly curated high-end boutique has grown to be a large in-person and online shopping destination offering some of the most high-end brands. Their flagship store is located on Madison Avenue and is the place to grab the perfect pair of denim, luxury basics or a special piece for any occasion. 

Ladurée

Ladurée was first opened in Paris in 1862 by Louis Ernest Ladurée, a French miller that turned a simple pastry shop into one of the first tea rooms in the city. In 1930 the tea room was expanded and the macaron we know today was introduced. Ladurèe now has locations in most major cities across the United States and Europe and is known for delicious macarons in a mint green box. No matter the city, Ladurée is the perfect place to stop in for a cup of tea or coffee, a pastry, and of course some macarons.

Images below from yorkavenueblog.com

Experience

Guggenheim Museum

The Guggenheim Museum is an internationally renowned art museum Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright in 1939. Founded on a collection of early modern masterpieces, visitors can experience special exhibitions of modern and contemporary art and the permanent collection of works from the 20th century and beyond. Even if you don’t have time to view an exhibit, visit the exterior of the Guggenheim, the building is a work of art in itself.

Image from guggenheim.org

New York Public Library

As NYC rapidly flourished during the 19th century, the wealthy agreed that if NY was to be one of the world’s great cities, it ought to have a great library. Governor Samuel J. Tilden, a very affluent man, requested upon his death that the bulk of his fortune, about $2.4 million should be used to establish and maintain a free library and reading room in New York City. There were two other libraries at the time but neither was what Tilden had envisioned and both were experiencing financial hardship, so the resources were combined and The New York Public Library was formed. 16 years after the plan was set into place the library opened in the spring of 1911. It is said that between 30,000 and 50,000 people visited the building on the first day it was open. The beautiful main branch is still open today along with 91 other branches. The main building on 42nd Street is a beautiful place to visit with its large lion statues welcoming you in and its stunning architecture inside and out! 

Images from smithsonianmag.com , afar.com, vanityfair.com

Central Park

An iconic New York City landmark, Central Park is 843 acres of green space spanning over 50 blocks in the middle of the city! It is filled with walking trails, a pond, the Central Park Boat House, a zoo, a concert venue in the summer months and so much more! The park is a great place to visit any time of year for a beautiful walk or any number of activities. It’s especially great with kids! 

Images from architecturaldigest.com

New York City Ballet

If the busyness of Times Square and Broadway is not your scene, but you still want to spend a fabulous evening in the city, the NYC Ballet is a wonderful option! The David H. Koch Theater, home of the NYC ballet since the 60s is a grand and beautiful space and the NYC Ballet is among some of the best dancers in the world.

Imaged below from nycballet.com, timeout.com, untappedcities.com

Cooper Hewitt

Cooper Hewitt, Smithsonian Design Museum is housed in the Andrew Carnegie Mansion on the Upper East Side. The museum has one of the most diverse and expansive design collections in existence with more than 215,000 design objects that span more than 30 centuries. The work includes ancient textiles, works on paper,  iconic design objects, and cutting-edge technologies. Not only are the works in the museum magnificent and wonderful, but the architecture of the building is also equally as beautiful and worth the trip! The Cooper Hewitt is my favorite museum in New York!

Midtown

Stay

St. Regis

With locations around the globe, the New York St Regis feels like a gem in the city. The gilded lobby welcomes you, the service is excellent with concierge and a butler on every floor and the rooms are so luxurious you won’t want to leave! Just steps from 5th Avenue shopping, the MoMA, Rockefeller Center, and Central Park, St. Regis is the perfect place to stay in Midtown. 

Images below from marriott.com, kiwicollection.com

The Warwick

Opening in 1926, the Warwick has been an iconic NYC hotel ever since. The hotel inevitably became a Manhattan icon when it was featured in the background of the famous photograph titled Lunch Atop A Skyscraper. The hotel has hosted celebrities through the years and continues to host stars to this day. Regular guests of historical note include Elvis Presley, the Beatles whilst performing at the Ed Sullivan Show, and Cary Grant, a long-term resident. Located on 54th Street between 5th and 6th Ave, the Warwick is a perfectly placed hotel for great shopping and sightseeing. With an understated elegance and cozy feel, this is an excellent midtown stay. 

The Ritz Carlton

The Ritz Carlton is a luxury staple across the globe and The Ritz at Central Park New York is no exception. The rooms have recently been redesigned to be contemporary, townhouse-inspired quarters that are luxurious and comfortable. The Ritz also offers a spa, fitness center and Movement Studio that has on-demand classes. With genuine care and comfort for their guests, the Ritz offers a luxury stay surrounded by high-end shopping, delicious restaurants and museums including the Whitney.

Images below from ritzcarlton.com

The Whitby Hotel

The Whitby is a beautiful and uniquely decorated luxury hotel that celebrates art and design. With just 86 bedrooms and suites across 16 floors, the Whitby Hotel is a smaller more boutique experience. The rooms were designed by Kit Kemp, an award-winning contemporary English designer, and each room has its own bold color scheme, unique design, and floor-to-ceiling windows.  Situated in the heart of upper midtown on West 56th Street at 5th Avenue, The Whitby Hotel is just two blocks from Central Park and on the doorstep of some of New York's leading restaurants, galleries, and museums.

Images below from firmdalehotels.com

Eat

Il Gattopardo

Il Gattopardo is housed in a Rockefeller Townhouse that was built in 1897 on the so-called “Millionaire’s Row”. The Rockefeller Townhouses are named after their famous owner, John D. Rockefeller who called them home for nearly forty years. In 2001 Il Gattopardo opened its doors and to this day serves traditional Southern Italian comfort food. Their loyal upscale New Yorker clientele is a geat sign that this is a delicious neighborhood spot.

Images below from ilgattopardonyc.com

The Polo Bar

Owned and designed by Ralph Lauren, the Polo Bar opened in 2015 after his success with restaurants in Chicago and Paris. Today The Polo Bar is a sought-after place to dine, serving American classics such as chopped salad, crabcakes, and the famous polo bar burger. It’s hard to get in but worth going if you are able! The restaurant is cozy and fun and you just might spot a celebrity. Make reservations well in advance!

Images below from opentable.com

Jupiter

Serving up delicious pasta and wine, is there anything better? This is a great place to dine in Midtown if you are headed to a show after or staying nearby!

Images below from jupiterrestaurant.nyc

Le Rock

Owned by the same group as Frenchette in Soho, the Rock is an excellent place to have lunch or dinner in Rockefeller Center. If you are staying in midtown and looking for a nearby place to go, this is a great spot! It’s a beautiful space to dine in and they have breakfast lunch and dinner 5 days a week. 

Images below from elledecor.com, theinfatuation.com

Cosme

Located a little outside of midtown in the Flatiron district, Cosme is an elevated Mexican restaurant that is possibly one of the best meals I have had.  The interior is dark and moody, contemporary and sleek, and the food is fresh and simple but absolutely delicious! Highly recommend a meal and Cosme!  I highly recommend this restaurant!

Images below from ny.eater.com, phaidon.com

Le Grande Boucherie

With locations across the city, La Grand Boucherie is a beautiful French restaurant group serving every meal of the day. This is a great spot to pop in for a meal before leaving the city or weekend brunch before a busy day! With an expansive menu and delicious cocktails and wine, there is something for everyone!

Images below from boucherieus.com

Drink

King Cole Bar

Located in the St. Regis, the King Cole Bar is a beautiful destination for an evening cocktail. The bar claims to have invented the Bloody Mary in 1934 and has hosted visitors such as Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, and Salvador Dali. The bar has been a destination ever since!  The atmosphere is cozy and luxurious and the cocktails are expertly made. I recommend arriving early, they open at 4 pm a line will start to form well before. If you can get one of the first tables you’ll be able to enjoy a drink without waiting too long! If you find yourself standing in line, you can always grab a table in the lounge.

Image below from foursquare.com

The Campbell

If you visit Grand Central The Campbell in Grand Central Terminal is a wonderful bar to stop in for a drink. Formerly an influential businessman’s private office, it became a bar in 1999 and through a few ownership shifts and aesthetic updates, The Campbell has become a destination. With beautiful original leaded-glass windows, a lofty hand-painted ceiling, and a grand stone fireplace, this cocktail bar is the place to grab a delicious classic cocktail and an afternoon bite!

Image below from thecampbellnyc.com

Shop

There are so many wonderful shops in Midtown, from high end clothing including Gucci and Hermes to H+M and Zara you are sure to find anything you are looking for! Below are a few favorites that are worth stopping in!

Bergdorf Goodman

One of the greatest department stores in NYC, Bergdorf Goodman is the perfect destination for an afternoon of shopping, browsing, and a delicious lunch at BG Restaurant on the 7th floor. If you can, grab a seat at the window and enjoy a glass of champagne with a beautiful view of the city.

Image below from forbes.com, fifthavenue.nyc,

Tiffany and Co.

Tiffany and Co. is having a comeback and if you love beautiful jewelry or the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s then you may want to visit the Tiffany & Co store flagship store on Fifth Avenue. The store was featured in the 1960s film and you can now enjoy Breakfast at Tiffany’s at the Blue Box Cafe located on the 4th floor of the store. Tiffany remains a highly regarded luxury jewelry store in New York City since its opening in 1940.

Images below from courthousenews.com, lookphotos.com, timeout.com

Experience

Broadway Show

When in New York, if you can see a Broadway show, you absolutely should! There are so many wonderful shows running all the time, you are sure to find something for the whole family, a girl’s weekend, or even a date night. From The Lion King to Hamilton and so much more, Broadway is an experience you won’t forget! 

The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Known as the number 1 museum in the US, the Metropolitan Museum of Art is a wonderful way to spend a day in the city. With a tremendous permanent collection as well as some of the most impressive special exhibits, you can spend hours learning and exploring this beautiful Museum. Even if you don’t have the time to visit the collections, viewing the grand building on 5th Avenue is worth the trip! 

Images below from facebook.com

Top of the Rock

Top of the Rock is an indoor and outdoor observation deck with spectacular, unobstructed views of the NYC skyline. It’s listed as one of the top things to do in New York City!

Image below from tiqets.com

Rockefeller Center

Know for the location of the giant real Christmas tree that is a tourist attraction throughout the Holiday season, Rockefeller Center is great shopping and sightseeing destination any time of year! The location of Top of the Rock, shopping, skating sightseeing during Christmas and so much more!

Radio City

An iconic music venue in NYC, Radio City Music Hall is a great place to see a concert any time of year of the Rockettes during the holiday season.  

Image below from rockefellercenter.com

MoMA

Established in 1929, the Museum of Modern Art is one of the oldest modern art collections in the United States. With works from Van Gogh, Andy Warhol, Salvador Dali, and Picasso, the MoMA is a fantastic museum to visit!

Image below from architecturaldigest.com

Grand Central Station

A historic and world-famous landmark in Midtown Manhattan, Grand Central Station is a functional train station, however, it is much more! With shopping, dining, beautiful architecture, and the iconic constellation painted on the ceiling, Grand Central Station is a destination I always like to visit while in New York.  Opened to the public in February 1913, Grand Central Terminal has been been a New York land ever since.

Image below from travelandleisure.com

I hope you’ve enjoyed the first part of my New York City Guide! The second part will cover Soho, Nolita, Brooklyn, etc. Refer to this post when you’re planning a trip to NYC and share if you know someone who would enjoy it!

[leticiahewett]

The heaviness of grief

Some days is okay I wake up and I’m good.. on the bad days the heaviness of grief is horrible.. last night all sorts of random thoughts surrounding death pop in ny head..

like I’m watching a show on tv and all of a sudden a thought pops into your head and maybe even an image well that thought and that image was of a skeleton laying in a coffin underground..

I wasn’t watching anything that could of even been tied to my sons death I was watching fireworks being let off on YouTube.. my son Isiah had no connection with fireworks apart from us watching them quite often when they’d be let off around town..

this morning I’m waking up with a very heavy feeling in my chest and I can barely breathe..

I’m sitting here just wanting to cry and I haven’t even been awake for an hour.. some days upon waking up I have a few minutes before my brain catches up with reality.. luckily this isn’t an every day occurrence anymore it’s more like a random occurrence..

I’m not sure if I’ve just noticed this or whether kts been happening before Isiah’s death but my heart legit a feels different like there are times it’s skips beats, some days breathing is also weird like some days I feel like I’ve forgot to breathe.. so much I’m noticing now within my own body and mind..

I’m no stranger to grief I’ve lost many family members through my life. My grandmother who raised me, my grandfather, my father, many uncles and aunties I’ve even lost many friends but their grief of your child is grief like no other.. I’ve never experienced this type of pain..

I used to avoid cemeteries and anything surrounding death because I was scared of it.. even seeing a dead mouse would freak me out and now shit has changed I’ve had to face it full on by identifying my sons dead body..

[apexart-journal]

Mvelo Mahlangu in NYC, Day 25

Last night, I made a timed plan of how I would see the museums today. I would start off by going to the Whitney just as it opened and leave in time so that I could make it to the exhibition at Apexart with Fabiola. Afterwards, I would go around the are with Ryan to see galleries and then would make my way to the MOMA, stay for 2 hours and then make my way to the Met before it closed. My plan was very ambitious, but I’d give it a try. Making my way over to the Whitney Museum, I took the bus from the apartment. Once I stepped off, I had to walk a couple blocks and I realised that the streets leading to the museum reminded me so much of what looked to me like European streets. It felt so different from most parts of NY that I had been to. It was beautiful nonetheless. I was so excited that I could now engage with art and see many works. I started off  by seeing the artist Harold Cohen whose works were considered the first form or reach at AI art. His works were created by using plotters that would be preprogrammed in such a way that you could attach pens and the machine would draw lines and images based on the points he would plug in. It was fascinating watching a machine draw a picture. The Whitney Museum has balconies on each floor which allow you to go up or down a floor instead of taking an elevator, so I got to see another view and skyline of New York that faced East, towards Broadway. It's so interesting seeing New York from above or a higher perspective as opposed to being on the ground. I savoured this view and made my way back into the building and came across some modern contemporary artworks. Then I made my way over onto the other floors and came across a painting by artist Edward Hooper called 'Woman in the sun’  which I had recently seen online by chance and it intrigued me. So seeing it in person I was able to appreciate it even more. 

With only a couple minutes left, I quickly made my way over to apexart for the curatorial tour of “Build what we hate. Destroy what we love”. What a powerful title as well. I had walked in just as the tour was about to start and greeted the curator Fabiola. There were quite a few other guests as well and we all stood in the Gallery section of the apexart building. Its funny because I was finally able to see this room even though I could only see a sliver of it when I would meet with Nia. So my curiosity was being satiated. The exhibition was such a beautiful and powerful ode to Venezuela, its people, and the documentation of migration out of the country. I had not known that Venezuela had one of the highest rates of migration out of the country, with people trying to seek a better life for themselves. Fabiola combed through the artists works and also gave perspective on what these migrations would involve. We looked at video work, photographs and installations which all had really heartfelt stories attached to them. My favourite was the tapestry installation by the artist Cassandra Mayela, which were stories literally woven together using fabrics donated by people who migrated over to the US from Venezuela. These fabrics were pants that people wore during the migration, shirts that people wore to their first job in the States, bags that were used to carry personal items when migrating. It was such a sentimental piece of work representing the hopes and dream of these people. 

Afterwards, Ryan and I head out to go see some galleries in the area. When I first visited the apexart office, I walked passed so many galleries which made me think that apexart was situated in an area where you’d usually find galleries. To my surprise, Ryan had told me that this wasn’t the case a few years ago, with apexart being the one of the only gallery around. I wonder why so many galleries picked this area to open up. Nonetheless, we stumbled upon some interesting works which I really liked. There was one body of work that I like in particular throughout our whole galley hopping. The artists name is Paulo Nimar Pjota, whose paintings at first glance look so whimsical and ethereal. I later looked his works up and saw that his works are inspired by a mix of mythology, realism and architecture. There was an installation we had also seen at a different gallery that was exhibiting works which created optical illusions through the use of reflection. My eyes and brain could not understand what I was looking at and I thought to myself if this piece of work were displayed in prehistoric times, people would think you’re a witch or magician, hahah. Through our wandering, I got to know a bit about what Ryan does outside of Apexart and the types of art/creation he delves in. It was really interesting engaging with someone who has a foot in multiple disciplines and their process. One our way back to the apexart office, we came across the most intriguing synagogue I’ve ever seen. It was wedged between two buildings and was a complete contrast as its facade had no windows at all and looked like a concrete curved form. What made it even more beautiful was that the building opposite it had windows which reflected the suns light onto the synagogue faceted, giving it this ghostly impression of windows. Upon arriving back at apexart, I wished everyone farewell and thanked them for looking after me during my stay. It was a little bit sad, again, having to say goodbye but all the more to cherish the connections. 

I immediately made my way over to the MOMA which was quite packed, and realised very quickly that I would not make it to the MET. There was too much to see, and too little time. I would keep The MET visit for another time. I absolutely loved the huge open space I was greeted with when entering the MOMA building. I made my way through the building and was amazed at how big some of the works were. It was insane thinking that all this space could exist in New York, just for art from all over the world. I did my best to pace myself but also wanted to see as much as I could. Childhood me would have been so happy to know that I stumbled on 2 huge Monet paintings of the water lilies and got a real good look at his works. I always really loved Monet's paints and his impressionist style. Moving from room to room I started getting overwhelmed by how many works there are and by so many artists I love. After having my fill, I decided to go to the MOMA store downstairs and bought a few small gifts for some friends. I really needed to start packing and cleaning so rushed back to the apartment. On the way back, I savoured my last subway ride and thought of how much I had grown from feeling so clueless to finally getting a grasp. 

[gravitascivics]

MOTIVATIONS IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD

Andrew Marantz gives his readers an insight into the world of social media, especially that segment that proclaims to be journalistic.  In his introductory comments about that landscape, he describes it as an “antipathy to the establishment wings of the Democratic and Republican parties, but their guiding principles seemed more temperamental than political.”[1]

          The upper echelon of this group – the VIPs – have solidified a position among the political class and Marantz looks at what motivates them to do what they do.  It seems to be a mixed bag of incentives.  He writes:

They [the VIPs] made their names, and in most cases made a good living, by generating what they called content – podcasts, publicity stunts, viral memes – which they peddled across a variety of platforms:  a Twitter [today called X] feed driving traffic to Patreon, a Gab feed soliciting donations through Coinbase, a personal site racking up revenue.  This insured that, if they got banned from one platform or another, they wouldn’t starve, and their message wouldn’t be starved of attention.  Some of them knew a lot about politics; some knew next to nothing about politics.  In every case, their main skill was the same:  a knack for identifying resonant images and talking points, and for propelling them from the fringes of the internet into the mainstream.[2]

In summary, Marantz calls them “metamedia insurgents.”  And given this knowledge base among these VIPs, they hit upon politics because it draws the highest ratings, and one can suppose the highest revenues. 

          Of course, all of this does not point to the federated aim of a more perfect union or the common good, but to cause and accelerate emotive reaction at a cultural level.  And if the consequence is to undermine existing institutions, so much the better.  Marantz claims that they are motivated to eradicate old institutions and that social media can serve as matches to burn those institutions down.

          One target institution is the mainstream news media.  Citing Mike Cernovich, a lawyer and social media blogger, the end of mainstream news media is foreseeable – “their days are numbered.”[3]  Mainstream news’ ability to control the national, political discourse, the nation’s narrative, has already been highly compromised if not ended.  Cernovich boasts that everyone has a voice in current day America.  And given the necessary salacious talents, those so “blessed” have a louder voice than those that don’t.

          To the extent that this is true, it presents federated theory quite the challenge.  While federalism is all in with people becoming involved in the politics of their lives, especially at the local level, this over the top, over emotional form of discussion – and more dangerously, form of journalism – is not what federated discourse looks like. 

As the last posting of this blog stated, a federated discourse is noted for being level-headed, reasoned – not jumping to conclusions – and sensitive to the needs of fellow discussants.  That discourse is not vindictive, virulent, or valued for its shock value as the social media world too often exemplifies.

          In sum, this situation begs for a better socialization into politics and, as long as the natural rights view holds dominance in the nation’s civics instruction – as it does – this pandering to immature impulses – which is what this blogger believes is going on – the future seems dim in promoting a federated citizenry; that is, a citizenry that pictures a general sense of partnership among the populous.

[1] Andrew Marantz, Anti-social:  Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hijacking of the American Conversation (New York, NY:  Penguin Random House, 2019), 14.  Factual information in this posting based on this site.

[2] Ibid., 18.

[3] Ibid., 19.

[casspurrjoybell-26]

The Contract - Chapter 49

*Warning: Adult Content*

- Donovan -

It's been two weeks since the hospital incident with Evan's mom and exactly one week since I've seen Evan's face.

Three days after being dismissed from the hospital, I helped Judy, Evan's mom get into a private clinic to get the help she desperately needed and in the past two weeks, she's managed to get life back on track, putting Evan and his mom in a good place, as mother and son.

Judy divorced Roy and changed her name back to Beckett and Evan pressed charges against Roy's two teenage daughters, the ones that broke into his old apartment, putting a restraining order on them and their father.

I'm on my way home after being away for a week for a business meeting for partners in Europe, I can now say that I was looking forward to going home because I know Evan would be there.

Evan has been busy the past week with work as an actor, he's gotten a movie role with a big-name film director and yet despite how busy he will be and how demanding my job is, I'm happy for him, he got what he wanted, he made a name for himself.

I simply gave him a push, all Evan had to do was show up and impress them, as he impressed me, without getting on his knees, I call that a job well done.

It's Tuesday and it's Evan's twenty-third birthday and from speaking to his mom on the phone, I know they'll be throwing him a surprise birthday back at the penthouse.

With my work taking me to Europe, I was supposed to be there for two weeks, and miss his birthday, but after shifting things around, and working into the night and into early hours in the morning, I finished everything in five days.

I didn't waste any time getting back on the plane for NY, I knew how disappointed Evan was when I told him I would miss his birthday, even if he didn't say it, I knew he wanted me there with his family and friends to celebrate.

I'm an hour away and right now I know Evan's with his best friends drinking, they'll be back at the penthouse by three, giving me time to get cleaned up and changed back at my place, knowing his mom would be there, setting everything up with the help from some of his friends I met briefly.

I thought long and hard about what to give Evan, being twenty-three and the young guy he is, I was lost with what to get him but speaking to his mom, who I've grown close to, I finally decided what to get him, I'm just hoping that he likes it.

Meeting Evan's friends for the first time, before leaving for Europe, I couldn't help but wonder if he was satisfied being with me, someone who has already done it all, I've been married and had a child, while Evan is still young and has yet to experience life. A part of me wanted to let him go, settle down and live the bachelor life, to let him experience life without me while he was young, to know if it was me he really wanted and not just because of how I felt about him.

I'll admit, being almost thirteen years older than Evan has been hard for me to come to terms with, having not felt bothered by it until I saw him with his friends and then with mine when he met them.

I love Evan Beckett and life with him in mine is better, that much I don't deny.

My son Jamie loves spending time with Evan and I and Emily already calls him family, it's more than I honestly expected, given our age difference.

"Mr. Steele, we're thirty minutes away."

My driver announces, I nod my head and sigh and grab my phone from my jacket pocket.

Evan texted me ten minutes ago, with a photo of him and his friends, with the text 'wish you were here' plastered over the picture of them smiling into the camera.

The image only makes me even more sure I got him the right gift, he deserves so much and there's so much I want to give him, I want to be the guy in the photo with him and experience life looking just as happy as he does in that photo.

I go through our texts from the past week all the way up until my driver announces we're here,and once I get into the elevator, for the first time in a long time, I'm excited to be home, to surprise Evan a week early, on his birthday.

Opening the door to the penthouse, I'm welcomed by Judy and the incredible display she put together, with the help of some of his friends and a party planner I hired to help out.

"OH. You're finally here," Judy says, wrapping her arm around my neck, standing on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek, making me smile at the short older woman.

"The place looks great," I say, looking around. "He's going to love it, Judy," I add, making her happily nod her head, looking around.

"This was only possible with your help. Reece has been a darling," she says, looking over to Reece, the party planner I hired as he notices me and waves.

"Did you hear any more from him?" I ask and she grins and nods her head, showing me her phone, Evan telling his mom that they're coming back to celebrate with her after their last drink, giving me time to get changed.

"Breathe, Donovan," she says, patting me on the back. "He's going to love it, my boy loves anything you do, it's like you make magic happen," she jokes, making me smile.

"I should go get dressed before I'm the only one here wearing a suit," I joke lightly as the front door opens again and in walks more of Evan's friends, saying hi to me and Judy as they walk past us, their excitement filling the air once they see the inside.

I overestimated just how many people Evan knew, there are already thirty people here, with more waiting to get into the elevator to reach the penthouse from the camera downstairs.

Thankfully I own a large penthouse to house Evan's friends.

"Off you go handsome," Judy says, giving me a push towards the stairs. "I'll shout up once he's on his way."

She winks at me, as I nod my head, watching her go to greet Evan's friends, with a huge smile stuck on her face.

Any moment Evan will show up, with his friends here and a handful of my closest friends waiting for his arrival.

At thirty-five I've achieved more than most and I'm worth 86.4 billion.

I'm dating a twenty three-year-old man and I have a teenage son and ex-wife and a long list of accomplishments but nothing beats this feeling in my chest, the loud beating of my heart at the anticipation of just seeing him, being with him, living with him.

Turning on the shower and taking my clothes off after a long flight home, I stand there under the water with my eyes closed, with my hands on the shower wall, I know my insecurities are just fear of not being enough to shake me from what I want.

Evan came into my life as a contract, just another business deal where I get something in return but what I really got in return is a second chance with someone I least expected.

After Alex and everything she did to me, I'd had a long destructive and unhealthy relationship with women, never taking a girlfriend or a wife, going on with the rest of my life like a ghost, addicted to work, not giving a care in the world to those I hurt.

At thirty-five it took this long to realize I'm nothing without a twenty-three-year-old serious actor, whose completely useless with money and even worse at expressing himself.

It's been eight months and three days since I first laid eyes on him and not a day goes by that I don't regret kissing him, letting him into my life, letting him mess it up so much I don't know how I lived alone for so long.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him and given the chance he wants the same, I know I would have lived a good life if he of all people choose me to be with him.

A sudden pain hits me, nothing like I've ever felt before.

My chest tightens and starts to hurt, making me grip my chest tightly as my legs start to shake and lose balance, making my knees hit the hard tile floor, gasping for breath.

Nausea hits me hard as the excruciating pain in my chest worsens, leaving me gasping for air as the water from the shower head hit me, trying to claw my way out of the shower with my hand pressed tightly on my chest, my hands shaking violently.

The last thing I see before my head feels heavy and my vision blur is a shadowy figure of a man opening the door, the door banging against the wall in the process, whoever it was, was running over to me and dropping to their knees and putting their hands on either side my face.

Their hands... they felt so warm, I never wanted to close my eyes, I wanted to feel that warmth forever but the pain was too much and my body was fighting against me.

I don't want to die... but if this was it, I wanted to see his face, just one last time, just once, I'd pay all the money in the world to see Evan one last time and I'd die happily knowing just that I got that dying wish.

That was the last thought I had before I lost consciousness and everything went dark.

[pickledcarrotsandradish]

6, 17, 29 for the writing asks ?! 🤯🤯

Thank You sososo much!!! 💖💖💖

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Oh geez, too many lol

But personal favs off the top of my head include

bad blud by: bigdamnher0

On Understanding Caring Hearts: by ParvumAutomaton

right there where you left it: by Seeliteer

And def more

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

Casey Jr. says that they lived in caves in the future. While writing Reverse Order, I learned that apparently, NY is like, bursting with caves. As someone who is from the Midwest, I was flabbergasted.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Graaaagh okay, longer than a bit. But, I just can’t figure out how to wrap this one up. So here it shall live unless something else happens lol.

Also, pls forgive any formatting issues trying this on mobile is hard

CW: angst

Splinter tried his best to instill a healthy sleep schedule into his sons at an early age. It helped the sudden father of four get some much needed quiet time at the late hours of the night.

Raph could easily stay up late whenever he wanted to. But the snapper was eager to please, and soon found that if he did not stick to his sleeping schedule then he would be rather irritated throughout the morning.

Donnie could stay awake for a while, especially if he had a project he was passionate about. He could stay awake for days if left to his own devices. But, he quickly would lose track of whatever he was doing and would solder his own hand to his face if someone didn’t stop him.

Mikey adored staying up late with his brothers. Many late-night shenanigans held a special place in his heart. However, he was the opposite of Raph. If he wasn’t getting to sleep when he was tired at night, he became unbearably cranky.

And most nights, Leo couldn’t sleep if you paid him. It’s not like he didn’t try. He was just as eager to please as Raph, but his body never would lay still regardless of his efforts. Inevitably, Splinter, or whoever else was awake at the moment, would find Leo wandering the halls. He would watch Spanish soaps with his father long after the rat man fell asleep himself. Drink tea with Raph, ramble with Donnie in his lab, and play video games with Mikey. It all ended with Leo helping the other to their actual bed.

But it did help Leo develop a particular skill. The turtle became a master at power naps. If he could prop his head up against something, Leo could sleep for as long as his body would let him. Everyone else has at least one picture of blackmail of Leo sleeping in a position that threatened his carefully curated cool guy image.

Though there was also a special, oh-so-rare, sweet spot that Leo’s brothers adored. And that was: a sleepy Leo.

It happened almost completely at random. Donnie had tried to develop a formula to predict when this special version of Leo would appear, but to no avail. All of his data points might as well have been from a random number generator. But what was known was this: there were times when Leo’s exhaustion and insomnia held each other in perfect balance. Unable to fall asleep, but actually feeling tired enough to do so. When this happened, his brothers made an invaluable discovery.

Leo could not lie.

You could only ask him yes or no questions. Anything that would require him to think for more than a moment would usually tip the delicate balance back over to Leo being more awake than asleep. But…

Donnie was walking to the kitchen when he passed by Leo. The slider was laying down on the couch, head propped up on the armrest. There was a Lou Jitsu movie playing, one of the older ones that they had all seen countless times before.

“You’re watching this one again?” Donnie called out as he rummaged through the fridge.

“Uh-huh,” Leo responded.

“Color me shocked. Didn’t we just watch it yesterday?” Donnie turned around with an armful of sandwich supplies.

“Uh-huh.”

He peered around to look at his twin. Leo’s glazed over eyes were half open, and he was breathing through his mouth.

“You’re not tired?” Donnie asked very, very carefully.

“Nuh-uh.”

Taking out his phone and texting the group chat with only Raph, Mikey, and himself, Donnie gave a noncommittal hum as he walked over to a bean bag chair. He was just out of Leo’s sight as he asked,

“So, did you actually eat the last of Raph’s ice cream?”

“Uh-huh.”

Jackpot

Donnie saw Mikey and Raph speeding towards him, before slowing down to a purposefully nonchalant walk into the kitchen.

“Hey, Lee!” Mikey chirped, “Did you break my skateboard?”

“Uh-huh.”

Raph smothered irate complaints from the box shell as Donnie asked, “Did you portal to California by yourself? For their comic-con?”

It was risky having it be such a long question. But…

“Uh-huh.”

He was so going to rat him out to Splinter!

“Did you really oversleep for training last time?” Raph asked.

“Nuh-uh.”

Their eldest brother’s mood darkened, and Donnie shared a look with Mikey. None of them had been going to those training sessions. They had both stopped once it was clear Leo wasn’t going to bother either. Not that they didn’t love Raph, it was just… Donnie just wasn’t sure what they needed to even train for. They easily beat all their foes together.

“Do you like spending time with us?” Mikey asked as he wiggled his face free from Raph’s hold.

“Uh-huh.”

Donnie thought for a moment, “And you like going on missions with us?”

“Uh-huh.”

At this point, Raph seemed much more relaxed as he released Mikey.

Their baby brother cooed, “Aww, Leo, you love us!”

“Uh-huh.”

Breaking out his phone, Donnie began recording the scene for blackmail. But it was done too late. Mikey was too swept up in the moment as he teased, “C’mon, Leo! Tell us all how much you love us!”

Leo groaned and rolled on the couch to look at his brothers with bleary eyes, “Raaaph, ‘m tired.”

Ah, that was game then.

Raph’s face went overly soft as he scooped Leo up to take him back to his room, even as Donnie and Mikey gave light protests to the end of their fun.

Donnie remembers asking once, why that would always get him. Because that’s what would happen every single time. That’s all Leo would have to say, and Raph would take him to bed no matter how much fun they were having.

“Aww, what? I’d like to see you two bozos do any better. You know as well as I do that Leo doesn’t get any sleep. So when he starts talkin’ like that, it’s not just me bein’ soft. I don’t think there’s a force on this planet that could keep Leo awake when he’s like that. Least I can do is to lay him down and make ‘em comfy.”

“I’ll drive, you two keep him steady!” Donnie barked as he successfully hotwired a random delivery van they had found closest to Staten Island, “We’ll be back home in less than thirty. And keep him awake!”

Leo lay on the floor of the van, head in Raph’s lap as Mikey fussed over both of them. Everyone had some bandages from Leo’s pouch over the worst of their injuries, but they all needed professional help an hour ago.

“Are you feeling okay? Are you in any pain?” Mikey asked.

“I’m okay, just a little pain,” Leo grinned, “How bout you guys?”

“We’re gonna be okay now, Leo,” Raph rumbled. He had been beyond hesitant and reluctant to touch Leo, but his arms were in the best state and were not currently driving.

The rumbling of the old van was the only thing they heard for the next few miles. Donnie sped around potholes and abandoned vehicles, trying to go as fast and smoothly as possible.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Donnie heard Raph chastise as Mikey let out a noise of an alarm.

“Uh!” Mikey tried, “Do you want me to make you some food when we get back home?”

“Uh-huh,” Leo gritted out as Donnie accidentally ran too fast over a speed bump.

“We can play some video games together. Would you like that?” Mikey tried again and

“Uh-huh,” Leo huffed.

Mikey’s voice kept getting shakier and shakier, “And then we all can hang out together! Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nardo,” Donnie called out, “Hey, c’mon, really talk to me. You’re in pain, right? What’s hurting? Where-”

“Nuh-uh.”

What?

“What does that mean?” Donnie shot back, “You’re not gonna talk to me? You gotta-”

“You’re not in any pain?” Raph asked in a voice far too high-pitched.

“Uh-huh.”

The air in the van suddenly became far too cold.

Donnie was flooring it now, smooth ride be damned.

“Keep talking, dum-dum,” Donnie demanded as Mikey began making these awful, choked-off sounds that couldn’t be sobs, “Tell me about something. About anything. Just keep talking and-”

“Raaaph,” Leo quietly wined, his one unswollen eye barely looking up at his big brother, “‘m tired.”

Everyone’s reaction was immediate.

“Don’t fall asleep!”

[expensivetinfoil]

"What's My Age Again?..."

2022 was a big, messy, mostly incomprehensible year. It feels weird to consider its ending when I have no memory of it ever beginning. But the calendar tells me that it did begin and that in a few hours it will end, so here we are.

I spent half of 2022 running around the city in a five-dollar mylar gold hoodie with my phone flailing out in front of me shooting a movie in an effort not to go insane. While I can make no claims on my sanity, a movie has been shot and I spent the second half of the year—after a needed break—starting to make sense of the footage that was lovingly captured with my friends.

In between the moviemaking, there was a mad flurry of change…

I started working for The Film Foundation and over the past 12 months helped launch the Restoration Screening Room—an online space that screens a TFF restoration for free once a month.

DUELLE published more podcasts and film criticism before Carolyn and I dove headfirst into movie-making, something we are both very excited about. There will be more from us soon about our projects and purpose.

I banned together with my fellow workers at Anthology Film Archives and fought for a better contract via a 1-day strike that brought our community out into the streets in a very inspiring and fun way.

I threw in the towel of my almost 20 years as a vegetarian and adopted a come-what-may diet that doesn’t fit into a box of any kind outside of my making an effort to eat locally and organically whenever possible. I still love vegetables and prioritize them but my god, pepperoni pizza and roasted chicken!

I went to Barclays with Marie and David to see THE CAVS IN A PLAY-IN GAME!! (before this new system they would have simply been in the playoffs but I digress....) Watching this team brought me so much joy this year.

Alongside some beloved friends and very special artists, I presented a few of my films at The Roxy Cinema—it was so great to share our vision of filmmaking with an audience of new faces at a truly fun movie theater.

I visited my dear friend Madeleine in Snow Creek, CA and she took me to Pioneer Town (Roy Rogers! Gene Autry!) and Joshua Tree, helping me to inexplicably usher in a new decade alongside some supportive bunnies. The day after my birthday I awoke at sunset in a yurt outside Joshua Tree and went outside to greet the day and found myself face to face with a coyote and ever since then I’ve been trying to channel that energy.

I left the Upper East Side (Goodbye Donohues!) for Ridgewood (Hello Pizzeria Panina!), majorly downsizing and in turn creating more time in which I can make work and read and walk and cook and see friends.

As soon as I had moved, I was on a plane to Greece, headed back to the Temenos after 10 years away. I ate so much good food and drank so much good wine and saw incredible images and hung out with dear friends who don’t live in NY, spent quality time with NY friends who I don’t see often enough, and met so many amazing people. On my way out of Europe, I rolled through Bologna to see some beautiful films and film-lovers.

I reunited with the beaches of New York City and my soul was (in those moments) at peace.

With Flo and Dan, I helped put together a new NYFF program of Revivals that I was deeply proud of and then was able to share the films with so many wonderful friends that came to town for the festival.

I shot the shit with Paul Schrader for an hour for a NYFF Talk. He complimented my boots and laughed at my jokes and it was perfect.

I watched the Guardians win many games despite no one expecting them to. In particular, I will always remember the final game of the Wild Card series on October 8th, which saw me starting the game in Ridgewood and ending it sitting outside of Lincoln Center next to Dorota and Sofia screaming as we finally got a run in the 15th inning.

We all said goodbye to Jean-Luc Godard and Jean-Marie Straub…. Their passing continues to haunt me and to call into question how we make films, how we love films, and how we live as artists in the world. Also.... cigars <3

Related: I saw an insane amount of great movies! WOW! The programs that were nearest and dearest to me: Imageless Films @ Anthology, Victorin-Hippolyte Jasset @ Il Cinema Ritrovato, NYC’s Movie Renaissance @ Film Forum, Robert Downey @ Anthology, William Klein @ Anthology, Hugo Fregonese @ Il Cinema Ritrovato + MoMA, George Miller @ Anthology, Friedl Kubelka vom Gröller @ Anthology, Kinuyo Tanaka @ FilmLinc, Owen’s programs @ The Roxy + FilmLinc, Essential Cinema @ Anthology, Beth B & Scott B @ MoMA, + Everything @ Light Industry. + a special shout-out to Bradley Eros’s MAYA + COLOUR THEORY.

I took in the written word in a more piecemeal kind of way this year but the books I did actually finish have stuck with me: Sylvia by Leonard Michaels, Happy All the Time by Laurie Colwin, Airships by Barry Hannah, What I Loved by Siri Hustvedt, The Other Emily by Dean Koontz, John Huston by Lillian Ross, & The American Cinematographer issue devoted to Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Listening to Harold Budd, Cocteau Twins, Chihei Hatakeyama, Fred Again, Fleetwood Mac, Sinead O’Connor, Cleveland Orchestra, David Bowie, Mitsuko Uchida, Burial, Hercules & Love Affair, Blink 182, Lana Del Ray, Billie Eilish, Joan Baez, Smashing Pumpkins, and more got me through many a day.

I shared so many wonderful meals with wonderful people

I’m thankful to have seen shows featuring the work of Antonio Lopez, William Eggleston, Sharon Lockhart, Wolfgang Tillmans, and more + The American Folk Art Museum’s incredible MULTITUDES show.

I spent a bunch of time with a happy dog named Buddy and a beautiful fatty named Moonshine

I struggled with how to use social media and not go insane. In turn I started this tumblr LOL.

The past three years have, for me, functioned like a snow globe… In March of 2020 everything was uprooted, shaken up, and ever since has, ever-so-slowly, been finding its way back to the ground. If the pieces have finally landed, which it seems they mostly have, everything is still there but nothing is in the same place. It remains disorienting and at times, tbh, kind of like an unending hangover. I did a lot this year, but years are long and in-between the memorable moments above was a tremendous amount of uncertainty and anxiety. I continue to oscillate between excitement at the change and the possibility therein, sadness at the change and all that has been lost, and massive fear of the change, especially in the context of our world. It’s a motley mix that makes for strange times and I’m sure even stranger ones ahead.

But there are a lot of us on this godforsaken journey and even if I’m walking down the street crying, which I often am, I’m so deeply thankful for all the amazing people in my shit show of a life.  

Come and get me 2023!

[imaginationmess]

TAKE MY HAND (ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE) [BAKUGOU KATSUKI X READER]; TWO

Bakugou Katsuki X Reader

AGED UP AU!

Summary: When you take on the burden to keep the ones living safe, which causes you to become a traitor, but you had to pick a decision, and it cost their trust in you. You reverted to your old violent self. Months later, you find yourself face to face with your old friends. They want you to help them because they know you can handle yourself in this current state of the world. They are still ignorant of the state the world is. They have no idea how more dangerous it has become.

“We are still fucking fighting and won’t stop fighting. If you fucking give up, we lose!”

BEFORE READING! PLEASE READ DISCLAIMER!

Previously Chapter ONE; Masterlist

Chapter TWO

Word Count: 1,600+

Spoiler Alert for Anime watchers: There will be mention of Midoirya’s new quirks that haven’t been introduced in the anime.

Once the four of them have taken a shower and had time to discuss with each other weighing the pros and cons of trusting you. You did have a good record of keeping up with your promises before the incident where you betrayed all of their trust. It’s a tie between trusting you or not trusting you over a deal.

They are gonna reconsider the vote about it, later at night. They are all curious how you became a Mafia boss from just an original teenager who wanted to become a hero. To only become a cold killer and making a name for yourself years later.

They only have heard stories and rumors of the alias you go by.

Glitch.

A masked individual who is widely known for their cold,calculated mind and a heartless killer who didn’t care who gets caught in the crossfire. A leader who rapidly climbing up the ladder in the mafia world during the time of the apocalypse. A leader who became to hold more territory and killing off of other leaders to take their territory and expand their army.

A name alone made your enemies tremble in their boots.

They are hoping to get better judgment, seeing how things are run here.

The young boy that goes by the alias Speedy gave them a quick tour, but didn’t show the whole building due to being confidential from outsiders. He is just following orders. He was taking them to the cafeteria to grab something to eat to only notice where the children were eating all together were pointing at them. Most of them have eyes of admiration and pure awe looking at them.

“They are fans of you guys. They have seen the old video recording of previous sports festivals. We had to keep them somewhat entertained. Glitch got her hands on those old videos.” Speedy explains to continue to eat his soup.

The boys nod, understanding why the kids are so excited to see them in the flesh. It was weird, but somewhat comforting that the younger generation isn’t taught to hate heroes.

“I would keep those degrading comments of Miss Glitch to yourselves because the people who live here aren’t fans of heroes, much less of outsides. I heard you guys arguing earlier outside the room. You weren’t very quiet.” He looks at Bakugou in a way saying you are the loud one, before adding, “Everyone here would not agree on whatever image you decide to picture her.”

“Why wouldn’t they agree? Isn’t she a killer though?” Todoroki is just addressing the tension in the air. Midoriya and Kirishima choked on their food before coughing. They forgot Todoroki still struggles to read the social situations.

“Yes, she has killed many, but it is done to keep everyone safe. At the state of the world, it isn’t run by heroes who never got their hands dirty. It is run by killers because prison doesn’t exist. Who is gonna be the one to put those low lives underneath the ground? You guys never faced the true danger of the current state of the world. You are always protected just because you attend a prestigious school before the apocalypse hit.” Speedy spits out before taking a deep breath and just continues eating his food. His left hand was

“I apologized for his comment. We just have a history of them. It didn’t end on a good note. I know yo-.”

Speedy interrupts Midoriya by slams his spoon on the table before taking a deep breath to recollect himself.

“You don’t know any of our experiences. It was hell before Miss Glitch came to save us and took us in with no judgment. She taught us how to freaking survive by teaching us numerous tools such as self-defense and weapon handling. She never expected anything in return, unlike other mafia groups.”

The sound of a clap pauses the tension being created by five of them. The ex heroes in training look up to see meet the emotionless man covered with tattoos and scars. The same man who was within the room left to the minor from earlier. He placed a hand on top of Speedy head to ruffle his hair.

“Go ahead, eat with your sibling. Take a breather. I will take over making sure these little shits behave.” He removes his hand from his head before taking a seat beside the teenager.

“But-” Speedy was hesitant on leaving his position.

“It’s an order. Spend time with your sibling. Enjoy the night off.” The older man takes out a red apple from his pocket. Speedy stares at the four outside and gives a quick nod before taking his leave.

Bakugou Katsuki was staring at the man with suspicion as if he saw him before this mission. He wasn’t the only one who was thought so. Midoriya recalls those same tattoos, but it must have been a long time ago. He couldn’t easily recall. They were eating quietly until they finished.

“Let’s start ny introducing myself. I am Daichi. I am usually the one who runs this base when Miss Glitch isn’t present. It must have been your lucky day because you would have been tortured to death for trespassing.” The hairs behind their neck rise and getting goosebumps.

They sense malicious by the way he is sounding. Midoriya’s danger senses were activating and going crazy causing him to want to step away from him. It takes him back to when All For One and Stain’s presence.

Daichi’s yellow eyes stare at every one of them as he takes out a pocket knife directs it at Midoriya who was sitting in front of him. “The only reason you four are alive and even getting treated with special treatment is because of Miss Glitch. Step out of line, I wouldn’t hesitate to beat the shit of you wannabe heroes. That’s the only thing. I am allowed to do.” He swiftly put his pocket knife after cutting his apple into six pieces which fall on the napkin. He claps his hands together cutting through the tension for him to drop the act to replace it with a fake smile.

“Anyways comes to my question. What did you talk about with the young boy making them lose their composure?”

He was oblivious enjoying tormenting these wannabe heroes.

_______________________________________

Meanwhile, inside the hero’s refuge base where there is a tall metal barrier that runs underneath 20 feet underground.

There was a young man with black hair with his signature scarf, looking at a map looking where to travel to get more food and other resources. They are running out of places to investigate. The last 2 locations were a complete bust. It has been cleaned out completely. He is one of the leaders of the camp where they have stayed safe since the beginning of the apocalypse.

There was a knock on the wall, before someone coming in through the curtains. They pull a chair across from him, before taking a seat. They are twirling it around for them to rest their arms on the top of the chair.

“Aizawa, I can’t believe you took my suggestion seriously.” The young male with the purple bed hair as if he just rolled out of bed, comments. He has a small scar above his eyebrow. He has a few scars on his arms that have grown muscular.

“It was insane, but not outside of the possibilities.” Aizawa laid back in his chair and stares at his former student who is now somewhat a version copy of himself when it comes to fighting styles.

“Do you tell the trio? Whom they are gonna be meeting?” The purple-haired questions, not seeing they would be willing to see a former classmate that so-called became a traitor in their eyes.

“No. They wouldn’t be willing to do it despite us being a tight spot right now when it comes to resources.” Aizawa answers, before ruffling his hair and keeping his eyes closed. He is stressed out and not having a lot of options. They are running low on adults that were pro heroes. They have lost many throughout the apocalypse. Many of them abandon their original mission to save themselves.

The apocalypse revealed the true heroes who aren’t for the money. They are a good amount of pro heroes who got captured by mafia groups to have power. Some of them show over time randomly at their doorstep after being spared by the mask individual Glitch. That’s the only information they are allowed to share about their interaction with Glitch.

Aizawa and the other leaders of the camp believe the individual took them close enough for them to walk to their camp. Aizawa suspects it is one of his former students whom he didn’t have any contract  ever since the infamous incident. Majorly of his students calls them to be traitors.

“I still don’t get why we never told the truth about what actually happened that day.” The purple-haired male looks to the side to see Eri outside away from any harm playing with Kota.

“Hitoshi, It was a quick agreement exchange of keeping our mouths close and follow whatever story they want to make up. She swore to keep her word on securing your guys safe within her presence.” Aizawa applies pressure on his forehead to relieve the headache.

Aizawa remembering back to the U.A dorms where you are smiling and being a normal teenager. The image of that student whom he watched over for months became dark. She was no longer a child, but an emotionless shell of what she should be.

The lifeless eyes staring back at him, covered in bruises and blood that wasn’t her own. She was carrying unconscious Eri. You were bathed by your enemy’s blood. The remaining light of innocence in your eyes had vanished from existence. It only reveals just cold, calculated eyes that were staring at his soul.

“Aizawa.”

💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣-💥-💣

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!

Any thoughts/Feelings/Predictions that you have while out reading this chapter.

I would love to hear them! <3

If you wish to be tagged, do comment down below.

[hangedalladalla]

Hello everyone this is a fanfic commission for someone. I do fics about different ships and reader inserts as well. This is part of my COMMISSION FOR A CAUSE for my mom’s previous chronic illness and to support her medications and medical needs (please see my pinned post for images of mri scans and interpretations).This is a short fic about Levi and Hange. Please message me if you want to donate or commission me.

MIRACLE

hangedalladalla

Hange Zoe was one to find out that death is definitely not a one way trip. She had always wondered what is to happen once death comes to you.Was there going to be tranquility and hope? Was there some place wherein your soul can finally rest? Was it some place wherein her soul will meet those that she have lost along the way? Or will she just turn into dust and just let her remains just scatter around into the air. The truth was half of her assumptions was true, half of them were not. Just like how she always thought when she was a child they were there those that she have lost along the way. She can name them not all of them but she can name them.

Her ever loyal assistant squad leader Moblit, her dear friend and former commander Erwin, her comrades and friends Nanaba and Miche. Her old squad Nifa,Abel and the others. She even saw Sasha whom she felt like she have failed. Hange looked back to how disappointed she was of herself when Sasha died. She was supposed to live a long life. With those whom she have loved but she felt like she took that away from her. Nonetheless, all of her fears and anxieties all went away when Sasha turned at her and engulfed her in a huge bone breaking hug if she wasn’t dead she would have groaned in pain but in all honesty she did not feel anything at all but relief, that Sasha wasn’t blaming her. She can finally feel at peace there in that tranquil silent place wherein she can spend the rest of her not-so-life with her comrades.

There was something missing. Hange had been spending a few days now there in the afterlife but something was missing. She cannot fathom the feeling of emptiness and sorrow but there it was, why was it there. Why is it that at the back of her non existent beating heart there was a voice calling out her name in agony. She then felt a surging pain on her left temple followed ny her arms and back. The urge to scream was too strong and yet she couldn’t. She couldn’t ask or scream for rescue. She tried reaching out to her dead comrades but they all just stared at her in solitude. She tried reaching out to Erwin’s hand but he just gave her a sullen and knowing smile, something she had grown accustomed to. The warm sullen smile of his comrade who was now letting go of her hand to kick her back into her reality.

The agonizing painful moment of silence wherein Hange Zoe realized that she was alive and barely breathing. The pain in her back keeps growing stronger and stronger and the screams of Gabi and Annie were muffled by the long deafening ringing in her ear.

There was a name, there it was the agonizing pain in her heart it wasn’t just a voice it was his. It was Levi’s. What was she even thinking trying to find peace in an own realm she created for herself.What was she even thinking leaving Levi all alone when all he had was her and all she had was him.

Everything was just blurry she cannot even decipher which was real and which was her imagination,all she knew was she was flying with Gabi yelling her name while Annie tries to bandage her burnt back that is far from being healed. Maybe this was her imagination as well, there was no way she would be flying right at that very moment because the reason of her death was solely for the flying boat to fly. But there she was being held by Gabi and Annie as they screamed out her name. It doesn’t even matter all she knew and all she could ever think of was the person whom she left. The person who dedicated his heart to her and vice versa. She could only laugh with a fitting cough as she miserably tried to ease the pain of her burning back. Then everything went black.

The next thing Hange knew there was a battle on going already. Who wins and who loses it does not even matter anymore wether it be them or Eren or the Marleyans or the world it does not even matter anymore. As she opened her eye and see through the horizon there he was. Riding a flying titan while here she is being held by Onyankopon. The rumbling had stopped everything was just in shambles and there he was silver orb staring at her own brown one. She does not even know if Levi lost his other eye as well or if the others were fine all she knew at that moment was that returning was the right choice. She does not need the eternal tranquility when right there at that moment of chaos everything just seemed to fall right into place he was there and alive and so was she and that’s all that mattered. Nothing else did it was just Levi and her and the two of them staying alive for each other.

---------------------------------------------------

Hange does not even remember when the war ended, or if it already ended all she knew and remember was Levi’s right arm reaching out to her and her taking it then everything just went black. She immediately rose from where she was laying and pain immediately resurfaced from her back. It felt like it was burning again and it was just really painful. She immediately reached out for her glasses that was at the bedside table when Yelena entered right at the moment.

“Hey, Hange you’re awake.” The blonde said as she placed a cup of water beside her then later on helped her drank it.

“Thanks Yelena.” She said as she looked far away. “Where are the others?”She asked as she continued sipping from her cup. “Where’s Levi?” Again, she asked as panic ate her whole system.

“Fine. They are fine Jean and the others were all still healing as they try to fix the damage of the rumbling. If there even is anymore to recover.” The blonde said with a scoff as she looked faraway. She looked different,tired and empty.

“Your Levi is resting as well. He’s just in the room next to yours. He was so beaten up that I don’t think he will ever fully recover.” The blonde stated still looking in a far distance.

“What happened? How did we all end up here?” Hange asked again to gain Yelena’s attention.

“You don’t remember? Falco’s titan grew tired and fell, luckily all of you who were riding it was okay. Pieck and the others are fine as well. Reiner is still recovering alongside the other shifters.”

“And, Eren? Where is he? What happened to him? Is he okay? Did you get to him? Did you manage to capture him? Was he safe along with the others?” Yelena looked at Hange dumbfounded. Eren was the sole reason why she nearly died and here she was asking about his whereabouts and conditions.

Yelena just raised her head up and looked into the ceiling while shooking her head no. It was more than enough of an explanation. There was no need for further elaborating about where Eren was and how he was. Yelena’s sullen expression was more than enough for Hange to understand and for tears to well in her eyes, because in all honesty she had raised Eren even if only for just a few years. She created a bond with Eren and it breaks her heart to see him that way. Maybe, they will never now what his sole reason is. Maybe, it was just for him to know and for them to never find out. It doesn’t matter anymore. She shook her head, wiped her tears and looked up into the window staring at the bright horizon, with an empty wish that hopefully wherever Eren is he had reached the freedom that he is fighting for.

------------------------------------------------------------

It has been three days since Hange had gained consciousness. She have been visiting Levi’s room from time to time tending to his wounds. Her wounds still hurts as hell but being with Levi, it just somehow lessens. She stared as his face as she wiped the towel down ro clean his wounds. There was nothing wrong with,minus the wounds nevertheless Hange felt guilty, of trying to leave him when he needed her most. For trying to escape from all of her responsibilities and just be there in that tranquil solitude with her comrades. She felt guilty for trying to leave him alone in chaos when the world was in shambles and there she was trying to hold on to the solitude that she probably created for herself. How selfish of her. She heald Levi’s knuckles close to her face and leaned into it before heading out and speaking to Jean and the others.

“Hange! What brought you here aren’t you supposed to be resting? You can barely walk.” Jean said as he guided Hange to the sofa in their shared room with Reiner and Connie as well as Falco. We are still trying to see what we can fix. The other Eldians from Paradis also flew here to help with what they can to rebuild Marley. Afterall, not long after Historia gave birth through the help of the scouts and alliance that Hange built Historia is working with a truce with all the people around their world. To avoid impending wars and such.

“I want to build something.In the forest, near the sea, just a small cottage. Just enough for two people.” Hange said as she fidgeted with her makeshift clutches.

“It does not have to be perfect, just enough to be able to live comfortably in it.” She went on as she explained what she wanted to build. In a span of two weeks do you think you can finish it? Hange asked as she picked her clutches and held the two boys by their shoulders and smiled. The two boys shocked their heads in disbelief then agreed with what she wanted.

---------------------------------------------------------

Levi awakened with a sickening pain throbbing in his head. He felt like it was being broken into half. He does not even remembered when was the last time he was awake all he knew was that his body was aching. He checked his body for any signs of bleedings or injuries, turns out they were almost completely healed. He tried sitting up when suddenly Gabi and Falco entered his room to bring him some water.

“Mr. Levi!” Falco shouted in panic as he grabbed the bottle of water from Gabi and went to Levi’s side to allow him to drink.

“You’ve been out for more than a month Captain. Everyone else was already up and about. Reiner and Pieck are helping in rebuilding Marley, or what’s left of it. Mikasa and the others are building whatever they were working on.” Gabi rambled as she carefully placed pillows at the back of Levi.

Levi just stared at the two of them. The others were alive and well and he was the only one who had not awoken for more than a month. Him, humanity’s strongest soldier, took the longest time to recover, what was wrong with him. He started having flashbacks of the previous memories of him when he stopped at his tracks. He stared at the two kids in front of him. Where was she, he was so sure that he was reaching out to her before Falco’s titan came crashing down. He was sure it was her. He will never forget those brown orb afterall. Levi noticed something about his vision as well. He can still see from both eyes, although the other one was really blurry and barely functioning but it can still recognize figures.

“Hange? Where was Hange?” He asked, afraid that they will give him an answer that will break his heart again.

“She was with Jean,Mikasa and the others, they were trying to build something we’re not really sure what it is though, just that it’s-” Gabi immediately kicked Falco in his legs when he was about to continue.

“Won’t you shut up! You’re just going to ruin everything!” She yelled as she pushed Falco out of Levi’s room while waving Levi goodbye and rambling on about training and things.

Three weeks have flew by faster and Levi could already feel himself regaining his strength. Everyone already visited him. Everyone except her. She was nowhere to be found. There was even no news about her. Whenever he would ask about her they would just shrug their shoulders and change the topic about how they are working on the truce. Or they will just simply answer ‘she’s fine’ or ‘she’s doing well’ like it’s something that is going to ease his mind that easily. Every single day that he was not seeing her his anxiety just grew larger and larger. What if she really did not survive and they were just lying for his sake. What if he was just hallucinating and the others were just going through with his craziness. He abruptly stood up thinking that it was enough and that he had to see her for the sake of his sanity.

He was about to go to Jean’s quarters when Gabi came in bringing a rolled up paper that looked like a map.

“Hey! Someone tasked me to give you this!” GAbi said as she immediately ran out of the door. Levi stared at the piece of paper. It was a map. At the side of the map was a tiny scribble with a note that says ‘meet me here’. There was no name or signature but he knows too damn well who wrote it. He felt his heart beating loudly with just the sight of her scribbles. He immediately took his bag and began travelling. With his condition riding a horse is no big deal already. That is why he immediately took off to go to the said place. The place was suprisingly near. Just a three hour ride from a horse to there and it will be quicker if he had used the innovative car that the Marleyans and the others used.

The forest looked peaceful and serene seems like the part of the forest where his travellung at did not get damaged by the rumbling. It was also near the sea and it brings solitude to his mind. Soon, he already reached the said cottage. IT was a very simple cottage,just enough for 2 or 4 people to live in. It was neat as well and there were fruits,vegetables and flowers growing outside the garden. He immediately reached out for the door knob, heart reaching in his throat he carefully twisted the knob. Nervous and panic, anxious of what he will really find there. Finally he succeeded in opening the door. He didn’t dare to look straight, he did not want to get disappointed immediately. Lucky for him he wasn’t, because right there was the love of his life, the person whom he dedicated his heart for. His other half. Smiling at him tears brimming in her eyes as she looked at him with her beautiful brown orb.

“Hange.” It was like a whisper, he did not know to whom he was calling to. He felt his legs buckle and he fell on his knees. Hange as well let go of her crutches as she held on to him. Levi who was holding tightly to Hange just kept on calling her name as he held he body tighter to his. In return, Hange had muttered a series of apologies for being selfish and trying to leave him alone. They just stared right there on the floor just holding on to each other muttering apologies and promises that only they will know and remember.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was selfish wanted to escape. I wanted to be free so I left. I’m sorry” Hange continuously said as she buried her face on Levi’s shoulder. Levi in return just stroked her hair as he continuously try to calm her and saying that he was forgiving her.

Soon there were no more tears left to cry and they just sat there in the silence, just the two of them feeling each others warmth. Levi tried to touch Hange’s back when she flinched because some of the burns haven’t dried up yet.

“Sorry.” Levi muttered while Hange just smiled at him and laced her head on his shoulder again. “Does it hurt?” Levi asked as he carefully traced her back.

“No, just sometimes. How about yours?” she asked as she carefully touched his damage eye softly with her fingers the reaching out to place a sullen kiss into it.

“No it doesn’t hurt anymore” he stated as he continued stroking her hair.

“What’s the purpose of this place Hange?” He asked as he stared at her. “I told you that we will live in the forest. I made myself a promise as well that I would run away with you once we both survived, and we did. Welcome to our new home, Levi. That is if you accept.” She explained and stated with a small and embarrassed smile.

“You know I can’t say no to you right four eyes?” He stated as he smiled lovingly at her and reached out to her face. There were no more need for confessions. The two of them already knows it. No more words was to be said for what they have was something that not everybody could have. For what they had was a chance and a miracle.