#the ideal cas who needed nothing from dean and did everything dean wanted never existed. he's an invention in dean's mind

[chuckwon]

"They didn’t miraculously outsmart Chuck. It’s all his plan that unfolds like a magic trick, and it works. He takes away everything and everyone else in the world, ensuring that the one course of action left– his planned course of action–is the one that the brothers will take. They forget the power of their free will and feel they have no other choice.

Jack’s sacrifice is completed as he supposedly becomes the 'new God,' but he actually 'dies.' As he told Cas in 15x15, 'God and Amara will cease to exist, and I won’t survive,' and that’s still exactly what happens.

. . . This is where the rest comes in: regardless of the mechanics of the plot’s specifics in 15x19–whether Jack is literally dead, simply caged in his own mind as Chuck uses him as a vessel, altered/corrupted by the God powers within him, or some similar variation–Chuck’s influence remains. Chuck deliberately removes himself from the story, but nothing of significance changes, either in the structure of the universe he created or in the brothers’ lives. And not only does Chuck get the ending he orchestrated in regards to Jack, but his ending for the story also punishes the Winchesters shortly thereafter."

–THE HOW: Chuck’s Method of Victory

Deeply apologize for insufferably quoting my own meta, but it's for the sake of expediency because I just want to put this thought / clarification out there right now and I've only got a few minutes!

(Standard disclaimer that I'm speaking from solely my perspective on the mechanics of a potential "Chuck won" plotline, aka I do not have a monopoly on this analysis or theory and others are free to disagree with my POV. The fact that I have this blog does not mean I'm positioning myself as an Authority on the matter.)

In terms of the plot (as in the literal things and not the metaphorical)... the idea that Chuck won is not beholden to the idea that the way to convey that concept or run with must literally include Chuck being inside of Jack's body. That's one possibility, and it just happens to be one that I tend to gravitate to when imagining potential for storylines. But the exact “method” if you will has several options. Maybe Chuck took over Jack, or maybe he knew the God power would corrupt Jack, or so on and so forth.

The idea of Chuck winning (in terms of the literal events) is essentially that...

A) God power should not have personhood. The fact that it does at the "end" of the story is inherently a problem based on everything the Supernatural universe has put forth thematically, literally right up until the end in 15x17.

B) What happens to Jack–him becoming the "new god"–isn’t okay. It's awful and it was Chuck’s plan or aim all along as part of the "Abraham & Isaac" ending he desired: the father sacrificing his own son.

C) Therefore, Jack needs saving (in some fashion) through his family making it clear that he’s loved for who he is not what he is, and that he never needed to prove himself or earn their forgiveness. By "his family" I specifically mean Sam and Dean, as they are the ones who unintentionally sacrificed Jack. Or, to reference SPNWIN 1x06,

"So you had a friend stuck in a cycle of violence, and instead of helping him, you wielded him like some kind of weapon?"

Sam and Dean needed to have told Jack something along the lines of what Mary tells John in that episode:

"I still want to get out of hunting. I really do. But it's not gonna be at your expense."

D) What happens to Jack–WHATEVER the specifics–embodies the cycles of violence on the micro and macro levels. He is a son who is burdened with the expectations of his fathers. He is also the grandson of Chuck/God and in the end he could not escape the fate of becoming him.

Sam and Dean may not have meant to “kill” Jack, but they did anyway between 15x17 and 15x19 because Jack was sacrificed on the altar of their hopes, struggles, and expectations. It plays right into Chuck’s favorite themes and ideal ending. In Chuck’s words from 14x20, it’s “the father killing his own son,” otherwise known as “Abraham and Issac.”

Jack’s sacrifice fits perfectly into an unbroken cycle of violence that Chuck embodied and that was embedded into the DNA of Supernatural as a story from day one. Breaking that cycle once and for all was the only avenue to true victory, but in the end, the cycle remains intact. In-narrative and out-of-narrative, the story and characters were not allowed to fully grow beyond it —which is why it’s important to understand the breadth of these themes in order to understand the reasoning behind the writing of Chuck’s canonical victory.

How the future authors or any future sequel may or may not run with all of this in terms of a plot–is Chuck using Jack as a vessel, and if so, is Jack alive or dead? Or is Chuck not involved and this is a consequence he left behind as part of the tragedy, and the God power itself corrupting Jack and he has to be convinced into giving it up? etc.–the baseline idea is the same.

My point in bringing this up is that "something's wrong with Jack"–which I think many people are picking up on anew in the SPNWIN finale–is enough to be getting on with :)

[teamironmanforever]

HIGHLIGHT TRANSLATION OF THE SPANISH DUB ACTOR GUILLERMO ROJAS

Guillermo Rojas - Spanish Dubbing actor for Dean since season 12 until 15x18 (he contracted Covid and was unable to record 15x19 or 15x20 - he has yet to record those) 

INTERVIEWER: “Memo (nickname for Guillermo), I am not sure if you knew, but you broke the internet” 

MEMO: “Yes, a lot of people sought me out when this happened. I am so sorry I wasn’t able to answer at length all of your questions, but I was right in the middle of dealing with Covid. I couldn’t speak without feeling like I was drowning. Right now I am going to (voice) therapy. While it is not too dreary, there are 2 continued effects, so I couldn’t answer everyone who contacted me through various ways - through FB, instagram and an old youtube channel that I haven’t used in years - with respect to the situation that occurred between Dean and his friend (Cas). 

MEMO: “We try to follow (our lines) in what we see of the acting. Remember that dubbing is something where we must make a parallel alignment in our own language. Under the guidelines given to us by the client, we try to expand on all possibilities and all the alignments and - as actors - they permit us to give 100% of ourselves. So there isn’t a limit per se, so long as you don’t go off track (from what was requested from the client)” 

INTERVIEWER: “What were the guidelines for the line that broke the internet” 

MEMO: “It’s curious because neither the director nor us the actors knew much about the tendency that existed. Because we didn’t have much previous information that suggested that something like this would happen. To be honest when we recorded it, we were asking wait what’s happening? I mean we did it, but no one knew this was coming neither in the production studio nor amongst the actors.” 

INTERVIEWER “I need to ask for a clarification here. I mean we are talking about the love declaration Cas made to Dean after 12 years of intense eye-contact. But the big question is Dean’s answer. Because EVERYONE heard in your voice that clear “And I you, Cas”

MEMO “And I you, yes.” 

INTERVIEWER “Where does that “And I you” come from? Was it you? What happened there?” 

“The adaptation came entirely from my director (Adrian Fogarty). He adapted it and gave us our acting guidelines, and I performed accordingly - I gave what he asked of me. We all loved it. We never saw it coming so overtly.... If you remember across all seasons, we rarely see Dean get involved with any women. It just didn’t happen, unlike his brother. He just never got involved. It wasn’t his thing, especially because we have his brother to compare him to. We saw (Sam) in a relationship in the past 2 seasons with Eileen which was a very intense relationship, and very painful in the end. Dean never had to suffer through that. They tied Dean’s pain to the loss of his mother since he lost her more than once.” 

FB question: “So It wasn’t a rogue translator, it was a rogue director”

MEMO: “Look, Fogarty has some really intense abilities and one of them is to adapt the dialogue. When you see him translate a script, when he has the time to do it - even when he is not the one directing - and he leaves it in Spanish. The dialogue said, if I remember correctly, “me too” or something like that and then we switched it to “and I you” due to effects of lip movement, rhythm, etc... We don’t all have the ability that Fogarty has, that speed which he has, to think and translate immediately. We are a team and we work together, and pool our collective abilities, and of course Fogarty does his part. You need a Fogarty in every company.” 

(The interviewer mentioned that her cat hates Sam Winchester and loves dubbed Dean’s voice). 

INTERVIEWER “Do you know what Dean said in the original script before Fogarty got his hands on it?”

“Yes, of course. It made allusions to that. (Fogarty) made the right translation. It said and so do I or me too or something like that. It said it in the (original) script.” 

INTERVIEWER: “When you heard the english version while you recorded yours, did you hear Dean say I love you too?” 

MEMO: “No. If I would have, I would have taken the earphone out and gone what the fuck? *laughs*” 

INTERVIEWER: “What was your favorite episode to film?” 

MEMO: “With my short-term memory, I would say this last one (15x18), because it says so much. In one scene, it says it all. It was impressive, and so beautiful. I never saw it coming.” 

Interviewer “Well you have broken tumblr again.” 

MEMO: “Okay *Laughs*. Well, that’s good. Thank you very much.” 

MEMO: “I think it’s clear to everyone that the fact that he (fogarty?) broke the internet, with this information was a surprise for everyone. Absolutely everyone. Because we all say that if someone wants to be a “real man” we have to be like Dean. In fact it’s something very beautiful for me because it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with feelings. It was a play by the writers that was marvelous. You didn’t see it coming, but damn do you like it.” 

MEMO: “Nothing was left out of the translation... No I was not called to re-record the “and I you”. I have not been asked to remake the dubbing. My director perfectly understood the texture of the text.” 

INTERVIEWER “Do you know if Supernatural has a quality review for the dubbing through Warner Bros?” 

MEMO: “I would be lying to you if I said yes, but I have been working for WB (LatAM) for many years as both an actor and director. And there is some specific material where they do have “filters”, but with something like supernatural I doubt it. I would assume the one left in charge of all decisions was our director (Fogarty).” 

INTERVIEWER “Have you been interpreting Dean as in love with Castiel this entire time or was it a surprise for you?” 

MEMO: “No, never, it was a surprise. In fact, to be entirely honest, to my closest friends - of the same gender - I do use the phrase “te amo”. I don’t have any issues with that. So I actually thought it went that way - but then I found out it was romantic.” 

INTERVIEWER: “Guillermo, what is your opinion, of destiel now that you know the nature of their relationship.” 

“Well it was a revelation for everyone - including me. I love how they handled it because we didn’t see it coming. And I think, of our understanding of the character’s traits and psychology, we know that if someone knows how to repress their feelings, it’s Dean Winchester. *laughs*” 

INTERVIEWER: “What would you say to Cas if he came back from the empty?” 

MEMO: “He came back?! (he hasn’t seen 15x19 or x20)

INTERVIEWER: “No I am saying what would he say IF he did” 

MEMO: “Oh, okay. I was under the assumption that I said I loved him so long as he wasn’t planning on coming back! *laughs* Well if he returns I guess I would say “Hello, Cas”.  

INTERVIEWER: *Tells MEMO about the not for nothing cas but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” 

MEMO: OKAAAAY *laughs* That was too much. *laughs* 

INTERVIEWER: Would you be this fandom’s Godfather? 

MEMO: But of course *smiles* This was a big thing, from what I see. 

INTERVIEWER: “What message would you give to the fans who are descovering the spanish dub?” 

“first, thanks a lot of being part of the mexican dubbing. We do this job with all the heart and all the passion that we have. And I think I speak for all involved in this industry. We are glad to note that there are so many people from other countries that are watching these new projects in another language. So I have no words but thanks a lot.” 

INTERVIWER: “What would be your ideal ending for Dean Winchester” 

MEMO “I think, for all of them, they have sacrificed their lives and that of their loved ones for the safety and well being of everyone else. I think if anyone deserves to be well, happy, and calm, at least it’s those three (Sam, Cas, and Dean).” 

INTERVIEWER: “What about jack?” 

MEMO “Jack did attach himself to them, but I think he could find happiness in another nest.” *laughs* 

[dothwrites]

15.20 coda--at the end of the world

author’s note: while i am still reeling from the finale, this was my way of making some kind of personal peace with it. don’t mistake this for me agreeing with the choices made <3 

---

“I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”--Madeline Miller

---

Castiel opens his eyes. 

All around him is green. A moment later, he hears the soft sound of birds chirping in the background; from further away, the faint sounds of children laughing. The air is ripe with the smell of growth, damp in the air and life underneath his fingers. 

He sits up. The sky is a perfect shade of blue, the kind found only in poet’s and painters imaginations. A few feet away, the shrubs grow, flowers spilling over themselves in their enthusiasm to be born. Everything is a riot of life and color. 

“Cas.” 

Castiel’s heart thumps against his ribs. He knows that voice. 

He whirls around, already knowing who he’ll find. Several feet away, Jack waits, one hand raised in a short wave. 

Castiel finds himself up on his feet, and within two short steps, he’s enfolded Jack in his arms. For a moment, he forgets about everything which came before, and allows himself this sheer comfort. If nothing else remains, then Jack is here. 

Jack hugs him back, twice as fiercely, before they separate. Castiel holds him at arm’s length, trying to find injuries or hurt on him, but there’s nothing. In fact, it’s almost as if...

“Jack,” he says slowly, his arm falling away from Jack’s shoulder, “what happened?” 

Jack smiles, a little lopsided, but still his boy. 

“Well,” he says, gesturing towards a bench, “It’s kind of a long story. 

---

For all that Jack said it was a long story, it ends up being remarkably quick in the telling. Castiel listens, sometimes grieving and sometimes proud, as he hears of how Sam, Dean, and Jack ultimately defeated Chuck. His heart grows in his chest as Jack recounts Dean’s words. 

That’s not who I am. 

A small part of him wishes that he could be there to see it, but he tucks that part of himself away. He said his piece. He relieved the burden which has been pressing down on his shoulders now for years. In his lifetime, it was nothing more than a blip on the map, but those years have made all the difference in the world to him. Finally, he can look back on them now without regrets. 

“And so, I came here,” Jack finally says, shifting a little on the bench. He looks oddly guilty, like the times Castiel would find him sneaking snacks back into his room. “I thought...” 

“What?’ Castiel prompts, after a few moments when it becomes clear that Jack has no interest in speaking. 

“Sam and Dean don’t really need me anymore. I mean, I know that they want me, but the world is bigger now. And the people up here need me too.” 

It’s then that Castiel looks around, scrutinizing his environment more closely. The nagging sense of familiarity hits and then he wonders how he didn’t see it before. His favorite Heaven, caught in an eternal Tuesday afternoon. 

“It’s not right,” Jack says, his forehead wrinkled into an earnest expression of worry. “The people here are stuck. While I was on earth, we all talked about free will, but the people here don’t have it. They’re stuck forever in an endless loop of memories, and it’s all just...empty.” 

Jack looks at Castiel, and Castiel doesn’t see God. He doesn’t see a divine being, or Lucifer’s son, or even an angelic being. He just sees his boy, lost and confused, but still so pure, still wanting to do the right thing, no matter what. 

“Cas?” Jack asks. “Will you help me?” 

---

Rebuilding Heaven is slow work, but time doesn’t really mean anything here. It’s delicate to rebuild the walls separating billions of souls so that nothing collapses. Castiel works alongside Jack, making suggestions as his mind trips along to potential problems. 

Though it’s never said aloud, Castiel knows why Jack is working tirelessly. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, the knowledge sits that Sam and Dean are going to die. One day, they will pass from the earth, and come to Heaven, and on that day, Castiel wants everything to be perfect for them. He wants to show them a true paradise, a place without walls or barriers, a place where emotion is genuine and not just a manufactured memory. Rebuilding Heaven is his last chore, the last of his penance to be performed. 

He does make one stop, however. 

When he walks in the door, Kelly’s head lifts up from the book she’s flipping through. Her smile is a balm to the hurt places inside him, the ones that he likes to pretend don’t exist, because he was happy, yes? That was the whole point of everything, was to be happy. “Hey, Cas,” she greets him, shifting over and patting the couch next to her. “I was wondering when you’d be by.” 

“I’ve been busy,” Cas says, settling down on the cushions. In Heaven, his body is easier than it was on earth, more flexible, and he wonders if that’s because after all these years, he’s finally returned to where he was supposed to belong, or if it’s because he no longer has the shadow of his love pressing down on his shoulders. 

“Jack told me. Rebuilding Heaven? Sounds ambitious.” 

“The old Heaven was...not ideal,” Castiel says. “I thought it was at the beginning: each soul gets a paradise tailor made to them. But then, I realized that human life is meaningless without the connections we form along the way. Each soul, stuck forever in its own loop is...” 

“It’s lonely,” Kelly says, reaching out and squeezing his hand. Castiel returns the gesture, grateful for the connection. Her eyes are kind as she moves closer to him, her shoulder pressing into his. 

“So what happened?” 

---

In their time together, Castiel never told Kelly about Dean, at least not explicitly. But she had a brilliant mind and was able to see the threads of his longing woven into everything he did. Relating the story to her comes easily, and he tells her things which he would never tell Jack. 

“And I was happy,” Castiel says at the end. “I was.” 

“You trying to convince me or yourself?”

“Neither,” Castiel replies, bristling slightly. It was true that he might have been happier--he had performed a willful obfuscation of the original terms--but that doesn’t negate what he felt in that moment. The sheer love, the overwhelming gratitude, the incandescent happiness of being able, one last time, to proclaim to the world Dean Winchester is Saved. 

Everything else is unimportant when viewed through those lenses. 

“Why haven’t you gone to see him?” Kelly was always good at cutting to the heart of the problem. 

“Dean has his life on earth. I have my work here in Heaven. I don’t...” Because, of course, he’s asked himself the same question many times. Why doesn’t he go find Dean and tell him of one last, improbable miracle? 

“Cas, let me tell you: I didn’t know Dean all that well, but I didn’t need to if I wanted to know how he felt about you. It was all over his face.” Kelly turns to face him, suddenly serious. “Cas, you should go to him. At least allow him to speak his side. If he doesn’t feel the same way, then you’ll know. And if he does...” 

Castiel shakes his head. Happiness in the being is what he’s told himself ever since he awoke to find himself in Heaven. Happiness doesn’t come from the having. He will live with himself and find contentment in the works which he does. 

Kelly looks sympathetic, but doesn’t say anything as he walks out. 

There’s work to be done. 

---

Castiel sighs with satisfaction as he walks through Heaven. Slowly, the walls are coming down. Souls are mingling and interacting. There’s joy in the once quiet halls, the giddiness which comes from freedom after too long without. He moves through the different realms, silent as a thought, and goes unnoticed, at least until a gruff voice catches his attention. 

“What the hell are you doing here, boy?” 

A wide grin splits Castiel’s face. Only Bobby Singer would think to call an angel ‘boy’. He walks towards the old hunter, who looks the same now as he did in life, and is surprised when Bobby sweeps him up in a hug which would threaten to crack his ribs, were he human. 

“You did good,” Bobby whispers, his voice thick in Castiel’s ear. “I heard what you and that boy Jack did, and you did real good.” 

It means more than he would have thought, to have Bobby’s approval. After a moment’s pause, he hugs Bobby back. 

When Bobby pulls away, he quickly knuckles his eyes, before clearing his throat. “So, you fixed Heaven on top of everything else? What do you have planned next?” 

Castiel’s shoulders lift in a shrug. “There’s always work to be done maintaining Heaven. We don’t know what, if any, effects the restructuring will bring, so I suppose I will be traveling and making sure that everything is stable.” 

“If that ain’t a load of shit,” Bobby scoffs. “From what I’ve seen, your boy has enough power in his pinky finger to do just about whatever he wants. Stop making excuses and get your feathery ass back down there.” 

Castiel swallows. “It’s not quite as simple as that. Sam and Dean have a chance to live their lives, the way that they would wish for them to be lived. It’s not fair of me to intrude.” 

“Now, if that isn’t the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve ever heard.” Bobby’s mouth twists underneath his beard. “Only one thing keeping you from going back down to see those boys, and it sure as hell ain’t concern for Heaven or some BS notion that they’re better off without you.” Castiel opens his mouth, but Bobby speaks over him. “And don’t tell me that you’re just waiting either. Something I learned a long time ago--you never have as much time as you think you do.” 

Castiel closes his mouth and says nothing. 

---

Bobby is wrong. 

There’s still time. He doesn’t have to go yet. There’s still work to be done in Heaven, souls to be guided, walls to be broken. Jack still needs him. 

There’s still time. 

There’s still time, until there isn’t.

---

Castiel feels it before he knows what’s happening. It’s a rift, a tear, something which ripples throughout the universe and comes to hit him in the chest. He staggers backward, hand clutching at his shirt. 

His first thought is that Heaven is under attack, but a second’s observation tells him that’s not the case. Everything is fine. The fabric of Heaven remains secure, the souls are unbothered. It’s only him that feels the blow. 

With a flutter of wings, Jack appears beside him. His face is a mask of distress, tears welling in his eyes. “Cas,” he cries, clenching his hands into fists at his side. “Cas, it’s--” 

“Dean,” Castiel says, finally understanding the bolt of pain which ripped through him. 

It was too soon. He doesn’t know how much time has passed on earth, but he knows it was too soon. 

It’s always too soon. 

“Cas, what do I... I can heal him. I can go and heal him now. I can save him. I can...” Jack trails off, his feet still pacing in desperate circles. “What do I do?” 

It’s a child’s question, and Castiel has no answer. 

“Free will,” is all he says. “Whatever you do...It’s your decision.” 

---

Castiel feels when Dean Winchester’s soul enters Heaven. He held that soul within his grace, he snatched it away from the filth and flames of Hell. He cradled that soul while he was reassembling Dean’s body, pulling atoms out of air to create skin, flesh, and bone. He would know that soul at the end of everything, and he knows it here, when it settles into the place which was created for him. 

It was as perfect as Castiel could make it; down to the Impala sitting in the Roadhouse’s parking lot. He created every inch of Dean’s Heaven in homage, in apology. 

It wasn’t fair. Dean deserved to live to a ripe old age. He deserved to enjoy the world for which he fought so hard. He should have grown old, should have found peace, should have discovered the foibles and pitfalls of normal, human existence. Dean worked too hard, for too long, and he deserved a kinder, softer fate. Instead, he’s here, and all Castiel can do for him is to craft his Heaven with painstaking care. 

He pauses on the boundaries of Dean’s Heaven. Every fiber of him yearns to go forward, to rejoice in Dean’s presence, to see that beloved face again. He wants it so badly he can almost taste it, leather and gasoline and whiskey mingling together until he’s back in the bunker, listening to the sounds of his family--

Castiel takes a step away from the border. First one, then another. After three steps, it becomes easier. 

Dean has his paradise, and Castiel won’t interfere. 

---

Heaven moves as it always does, timeless and changeless. There is no turn of the earth to mark the passage of time. Instead, it moves like the ocean, rolling waves which are always moving and yet the surface remains the same. Castiel travels through various Heavens, observing the newly liberated souls, and taking his peace from their newfound enjoyment. It eases something within him to see his former home restored, better than it ever was before. 

He’s inspecting a field of sunflowers when the sound of a car door closing surprises him. Immediately, his heart lurches in his chest, dipping down to somewhere around his knees before hurtling upwards to lodge in his throat. He swallows before he turns around. 

Dean Winchester is there. 

Castiel’s heart, always out of his control, performs a quick dance against the confines of his ribs. Dean looks...He looks whole and wonderful, vibrant and alive. The lines around his eyes look as though they’ve been carved through laughter instead of despair. His shoulders sit easier, no longer pressed down with the burden of the entire world. 

Castiel licks his lips. “Hello, Dean,” he finally says, when it becomes obvious that Dean has no intention of making the first move. 

Dean’s lips quirk up in a grin. “Cas,” he says, not moving from where he’s leaning up against the frame of the Impala. “You’re a hard guy to track down.” 

Layers upon layers of subtext are placed within the seemingly simple sentence. Castiel remembers Purgatory as well as anything else, the desperate year of keeping one step ahead of Leviathans while close enough to Dean to protect him if need be. 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says faintly. “I wasn’t aware anyone was looking.” 

Dean’s face performs a series of interesting maneuvers, dropping and rising and twisting. It finally settles into an expression like stone as he pushes off the car and storms towards him. Castiel waits, caught up in breathless anticipation of the oncoming storm. 

“Look,” Dean growls, reaching out and snagging the lapel of his coat, almost like he wants to ensure that Castiel doesn’t escape. Castiel doesn’t even dream of it; there’s no other place he’d rather be than caught in Dean’s grip. “There was a lot of shit going on at the time, so I didn’t get to say it then, but there’s nothing happening now, so you are going to sit here and listen, all right?”

Castiel nods, but Dean doesn’t seem to notice. “I can’t believe you didn’t...” He runs the hand which isn’t still wrapped up in Castiel’s coat over his face. “You idiot,” he finally breathes. “A couple of dumbasses. You’ve had me, Cas. All along, you’ve had me.” 

Castiel looks up at Dean in sharp surprise. When he meets Dean’s eyes, there’s nothing but the infinite compassion which he fell in love with. “You... You’re this force of nature that came bursting into my life. All this time, you’ve always been there, always helping, and I took that for granted, I know I did. But, god, Cas, I should have told you every day how thankful I was to have you there with us. I should have let you know what a miracle you are. You never gave up on me, not once, not even when I deserved it.” 

Castiel’s breath hitches in his chest as Dean lets go of his coat. Slowly, with a shaking hand, he reaches up to cup Castiel’s cheek. “You never stopped believing. You never stopped trying. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“Dean.” The name bursts out of Castiel’s chest in a harsh breath. Dean’s words are working their way underneath his skin, to the point where his body can’t contain them. 

“Cas.” Dean gently angles his face up so that there’s no escape when he says, “I love you.” 

“I’m sorry,” explodes from Castiel’s chest, the helplessness and grief he felt when he felt Dean’s soul leaving earth erupting in a single quick sob. “Dean, I’m so sorry, I should have been there, I should have done something, I never should have left you alone--” 

“Cas.” Dean’s fingers press into his cheek, not hard, but firmly enough to get his attention. “It sucks, all right? There was so much I wanted...” The corner of his mouth drops. “I was going to get you out, and you, me, and Sam were going to head to the beach. I was going to get you drinking out of a coconut, maybe a Hawaiian shirt. We were going to do Christmas, I was going to take you to a theme park and see if you puked on roller coasters. I wanted...” For a moment, grief so overwhelming that it can’t be touched crosses Dean’s face, but then, with effort, he pushes it away. “There’s so much that I wanted, but it’s done now. And besides, you’ve been busy.” Dean raises his eyebrows. The grin on his face invites Cas to smile as well. “Reforming Heaven?” 

“I wanted...There was so much I did wrong here. I thought if I could make it right, that maybe...” Castiel leans his cheek into Dean’s hand. “I wanted it to be perfect for you. You weren’t supposed to be here yet.” 

“I know. I know. And it’s not okay, but you’re here, all right? Mom’s here, Bobby’s here, Charlie, and Jess, and Kevin, and Ellen and Jo...They’re all here, and thanks to you, I’m going to see them. You did that, Cas.” 

“Jack did most of the work--” Castiel begins, but he’s cut off by the soft press of Dean’s lips against his. 

Sparks burst in his chest as Dean’s hand slides around to the back of his neck to cradle his head. His other arm slides around his waist, and suddenly, Castiel is held by Dean Winchester, by this miracle of a man. Dean’s kisses consume him, until he’s no longer Castiel. Instead, he’s heat, and friction, and more. 

“You and me,” Dean pants against his lips, pulling away just far enough to run his nose along Castiel’s. “We’ve got time now, Cas, we’ve got so much time. I’m going to take you apart, going to show you how much I love you, every single day. I’m going to show you everything.” 

Castiel is drowning in the outpouring of Dean’s devotion. He’s helpless in the riptides. All he can do to save himself is kiss Dean again, tasting salt on their lips from where their tears trace down to their lips. Castiel cries partly for Dean’s missed opportunities and the fact that life is so cruel. But he also cries from happiness. Dean is right. Here, they have all the time they could ever want. There’s time to explore every feeling and desire, time for them to become themselves, without the pressure of the world around them. 

They part. Somehow, Castiel’s hands have found their way onto Dean’s waist. One of his thumbs is braver than the rest of his whole body, as it sneaks underneath Dean’s shirt to touch bare skin. Dean grins at him. 

“Hey, Cas,” he asks, pressing his forehead to Castiel’s. “Do you want to take a drive?” 

Their fingers entwine as they walk towards the Impala. Castiel’s chest feels light, like Dean’s hand is the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. “I’m still trying to figure out the roads here. It felt like I was driving around for forty years to try and find you.” 

They settle into the Impala, where they’ve been so many times before, but now Castiel can enjoy every squeak of the leather seats. He can revel in the imperfections of the car because of the perfection that’s next to him. Dean Winchester reaches across the seat and takes his hand, as easy as breathing. 

“I can’t wait to show Sam everything,” Dean says, as he guides the Impala back onto a road which Castiel is almost certain wasn’t there when he arrived. “I, uh...Hope it takes him a while to get here. But. Yeah, when he gets here, I can’t wait to show him everything.”

“We’ll see it all together,” Castiel finally says. It’s all he can say, his heart too busy dancing in his chest. 

They have all the time they want.

---

Time slips and passes and stops. In between his time with Dean, Jack, and the rest of the residents of Heaven, and performing maintenance throughout Heaven, Castiel watches the earth. He sees those left behind grow older. Claire and Kaia start a family, Claire finally having set aside the kernel of anger in her heart. Castiel watches Sam and Eileen’s family grow, smiling when Sam finally goes back to law school and gets his degree. He spends the rest of his career fighting for justice for children lost in the system, those who can’t fight for themselves. Saving people, hunting things, indeed. 

Several times, Castiel thinks about going to visit Sam, if only to assuage the grief he can still see the man carrying, but each time he stops. It hurts, but grief is a facet of life. This grief is natural. It comes honestly. It’s not manipulated by a sadistic higher being for a voyeristic pleasure. 

Eileen comes out to the Impala and brings Sam back into the house with gentle touches. Throughout the years, she’s learned how to navigate Sam’s moods, and knows how to bring him back. They lay in bed, foreheads pressed together, Eileen’s body curved into Sam’s. 

“I just,” Sam begins, twisting slightly so Eileen can read his lips, “I just miss him so much sometimes.” 

“I know,” Eileen answers. It’s all she needs to say. 

After a while, Sam gently wraps his fingers around Eileen’s wrist, partly for comfort, partly to grab her attention. “Dean’s baseball game is next weekend. Do we know yet if it’s going to conflict with Beth’s dance rehearsal?” 

“It shouldn’t,” Eileen answers, and with that, the normal routine of their life is reestablished. The grief is always present, but it’s part of the human condition. 

Castiel turns his eyes back to Heaven, where Dean waits for him. Despite it being Heaven, he insists on making repairs to Bobby’s house as well as the Roadhouse, even when Castiel reminds him, for the hundredth time, that if he truly wanted to, he could fix these imperfections with a thought. 

“Sometimes, you just have to do things the hard way,” he answers, through a mouthful of nails. 

Castiel rolls his eyes and goes to help him. 

---

The morning dawns, quiet and gentle. The dawn is silvery-gold as it stretches across the grass leading up to the cabin. In the distance, the birds start singing. Castiel can smell the fresh scents of spring, dew clinging to the grass, the clean, bright potential in the air. His toes stick out from underneath the comforter, but a quick flip of his foot flicks the corner of the blanket back into place. 

A warm, heavy arm winds over his waist. “Babe, it’s too early,” Dean mumbles into the nape of his neck. “Go back to sleep.” 

Castiel strokes over the back of Dean’s hand. The words are tempting, but something has woken him up, and now that it has, he wants to know what it is. He props himself up on his elbows, ignoring the chill of the air as it bites at his bare skin, and concentrates. After a second, he startles. 

“Dean,” he says. 

Though he doesn’t put urgency or fear into his voice, something about his tone makes Dean open his eyes, suddenly alert. Castiel looks at him, and Dean rolls over onto his side. After their time together, they’ve mastered the art of the wordless conversation, much to the chagrin of Charlie, Kevin, and anyone within ten miles of them, at least according to Jo. 

“It’s time?” Dean asks. He rolls closer to Castiel, stealing his warmth, as he trails his fingers over Castiel’s ribs. 

“Yes,” Castiel answers, taking Dean’s hand in his and pressing kisses to each of Dean’s fingertips. “Won’t be long now.” 

Dean’s fingers slide across his cheek before he curls his fingers around the bolt of Castiel’s jaw, pulling him down. Their lips meet in a chaste kiss which still manages to make fireworks explode in the pit of Castiel’s belly. He doesn’t think the thrill of kissing Dean will ever fade. Castiel doesn’t want it to. 

“I should get going,” Dean murmurs, rubbing against the bristles on Castiel’s cheek. “You want to come along?” 

Castiel relaxes back into the mattress, only reluctantly parting from Dean. “No, you go. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

“I know.” Dean slides out of bed, and Castiel takes a moment to appreciate the play of his muscles underneath fair skin. He lets out a small, disappointed noise when Dean slides into a pair of jeans and a jacket, causing Dean to roll his eyes at him over his shoulders. “Yeah, keep it in your pants. Definitely wearing clothes to this particular meeting.” 

“Shame,” Castiel murmurs, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Shameless,” Dean corrects, leaning over the mattress to kiss Castiel once more, short and sweet. “We’ll be back before too long.” Another kiss to Castiel’s forehead, and then Dean murmurs, “I love you,” into his hair. 

Castiel smiles. Much like kissing Dean, hearing those words will never grow old to him. He’ll revel in them, roll in the simple syllables, allow them to sink into him, with the simple truth that Jack tells him, that Charlie tells him, that Kelly tells him, that even Bobby and Ellen and Jo tell him. 

You are valued. You are loved. 

He smiles at Dean Winchester, this impossible, miracle of a man. “I love you too,” he replies. 

Dean out of the bedroom. The door to the cabin opens and closes. Castiel rolls over onto his back and stretches, staring up at the ceiling. 

There’s work to be done today. He’ll need to travel through Heaven, informing the various interested parties that Sam Winchester has arrived. There will be a party tonight at the Roadhouse, a celebration instead of mourning. Then he and Dean will get to show Sam their Heaven, will listen to Sam relate through his years. 

There is so much work to do. 

But they have time. They have all the time they need. 

---

“Life never ends when you are in it.”--Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

[elizabethrobertajones]

SPN deserves flak for handling sensitive topics irresponsibly, especially since it has a teenage audience. Castiel confessed that he's suicidal in season 8 (written by dabb!), the brothers were in a toxic codependency, Sam was sexually harassed by lucifer, a little kid -Jack- was driven to self-harm/suicide. and none of those issues were addressed or solved in 15 years. instead, the message was that people with troubled pasts could only "be forgiven" if they sacrificed their lives (Jack) or died

Yeeeeaaaah that’s something it was always getting criticism for consistently as it went along as a case- by-case basis of the treatment... There were some woke episodes later on with the newer writers which did handle some subject better but honestly usually in a motw way with side characters proving better examples to the Winchesters’ messed up coping. 

I guess one thing that I was leaning on a bit was that if it was all going somewhere that the resolution would be okay because the writing was aware that they did have these issues. For example, Carver era was really heavy on the codependency stuff but it was painting it in such a bad light that it was beyond romanticising it in any sense and the message seemed to be that the writing wanted them to heal. I personally think this was healed a fair amount over Dabb era along the way... But the finale as far as I can tell let Sam move on with his life and break the cycle or whatever, but also was so wildly unsatisfying on every front it probably would have been HEALTHIER for the fucker to go straight to Hell and petition Rowena for giving her an eternity of foot rubs in exchange for Dean back. Just so he could be like “what the hell what that, you nearly married that BLURRY WOMAN? What’s WRONG WITH YOU”

(I don’t know the fine details on this death scene to know or care how the Sam and Dean relationship wrapped up because it was clearly garbage and in my head they’re both still happy and alive and have a normal freaking relationship :P)

In any case, I know so much was carried by these characters that, to be serious for a moment, I don’t know if they ever could have lifted the whole weight of what we needed them to be, even in an ideal end. But I do know that by giving the show such a shaky resolution, especially with bringing Cas back off screen and not giving any real closure and telegraphed final scenes with anyone - i mean even the love confession and empty yeeting feel like Dean’s supposed to have another moment with him later and it doesn’t feel death scene-y enough to me because of the complete lack of closure the confession gives it by opening the new possibility moments before death - vast amounts of character work which could have HELPED bring some of these things to a conclusion just never showed up, it seems. 

Like, Sam’s Blurry Life With The Blurry Wife seems like an even worse state than his season 7-8 hiatus time with Amelia because at least she had a FACE and BACKSTORY and LINES ON SCREEN. At least she and Sam talked through their issues and related to each other and they had a reasonable reason for it not working out and they got to see what they both needed from each other at the time and what they couldn’t get from each other moving forwards. 

Even ignoring that Sam got the perfect endgame with Eileen, a Generic Blurry Wife ending for him is such garbage because so much of his bad coping is bound up in his hiding and running away... Just because Dean once waxed poetic about wanting Sam to grow old and boring and live a normal life doesn’t mean it’s what his character was best suited to or what he would really have been comfortable with long-term, especially when as far as I can tell Dean dies and he just up and abandons his hunting life and goes to be normal. If for garbage reasons you were ditching Eileen a happy ending for Sam would still probably involve a hunting-connected life, even if it was a montage showing him holed up in the Bunker being the new Bobby while nothing else changed and Dean was having bad drinks with the original Bobby in Heaven. Like just that one change would make Sam’s journey make sense that he stopped running away and accepted who he was and that the trauma shaped him but didn’t break him, and that he had moved beyond the harmful relationships with women who he valued for their normality, who he then told nothing about his life, bottled up his trauma and dismissed his past and then lived a sliver of existence right on the edge of sanity and coping. Blurry Wife might have the benefit that theoretically the cosmic nonsense is over and Sam might not be called back to that battlefield but the toll on Sam’s life from his history can’t just... disappear overnight. Literally his entire mental health arc which was based on his trauma and addressing it and overcoming it, and how Sam learns who he is beneath it and how it has made him uniquely Sam and stronger for it is all washed away. 

And that of all the examples you mentioned is like the only one I can talk about with any coherence without devolving into screaming about how better endings were owed all around. If the characters are denied meaningful narrative closure than everything they’ve carried with them, from just the way a plot will feel resolved or not, to all the stuff we reflect onto them about our own issues that we see in theirs, ends up dumped to the side and it leaves painful holes. 

I don’t think a better ending in terms of just wrapping up the show as it seemed to be on track to, until it abruptly wasn’t in the finale, would have ever fixed all of it or meant enough to some of us when it comes to things we’ve carried alongside the characters for a long time. Like I doubt even a full canon Destiel ending by their pen could have addressed ALL the issues we put on Dean and Cas and in our explorations in fic and meta and headcanon and crackposts and whatever else, feel like they’d need to talk out or resolve to be fully content on screen with each other. But there sure were things that could have been done with a few meaningful lines here and there and obviously Cas visually on screen with Dean at the ending that would have made things easier, or provided the paths to seeing these things resolved in our ongoing imaginings.

A lot of the finale pain seems to be the abrupt wall that the story just STOPS like that and so much of this is all left hanging and we’re all feeling the pain of many things that we forgave the story for along the way because there was a trust in the way storytelling works that we’d get that catharsis and closure at the end, and that all the painful stories we were told were being told for that reason. Like, the main reason to write painful stuff and dark themes is to explore it and look right at the horrible stuff, but then to find ways to bring it back down and let some of it go. And most of why I’m refusing to watch the end of the show is simply because it sounds like none of what any of us wanted to get out of it actually happened and there were NO paths to get these things we needed out of it. And at which point many of the terrible things that happened along the way now feel uncomfortable in a way that it’s torture porn without any relief or reason for doing it. The feeling is so universal and the descriptions of that last episode so laughably bad on that front that it’s the main reason I don’t want to watch it. Like, I can get a better sense of satisfaction bitching about how it should have ended than I’d get watching it so why would I do that? :P 

Anyway. Guess you got me ranting but this really is something I think in hindsight that might make rewatches really awful way back into the show just because you’ll be watching something and realise that for all the character is going through, they’re not going to get a resolution that actually would do anything to make any meaningful comment at all on what they’re going through. So now you’re just watching them suffer for the hell of it? Idk, this fear haunts me >.> 

[finaledenialist]

Hi! 13 for the destiel asks!

13. What is your ideal way for Destiel to go canon?

Honestly, I couldn’t imagine anything better than what we already got. I was always counting on a confession in the face of death with lots of tears and this is what we got. Now Dean needs to get his own ass into the Empty, drag Cas out and say what he has to say. And I don’t think any fanfic can ever beat Castiel’s monologue. This was perfect and beautiful and everything Dean needed to hear, it was also amazingly painful. I wouldn’t change a single thing here. 

Maybe apart from the ‘painful’ part. Because I always lowkey wanted a drunk confession. Just the two of them having a moment with no outside danger forcing them to say what they have to say. Just them and their choices to confess, with a little help of booze, because okay, these two are so repressed that they need a little push. Little, not a world-is-ending kind of push.

So like imagine if they confessed to each other marvelously drunk, coming back from a bar where Sam left them, because these two were driving him insane and he just noped out of there after zeroing his second beer; so they stayed and talked, and laughed and looked at each other and for a moment there was this silence, where they were only staring into each other’s eyes and Dean was starstruck because the dimmed light of the bar was playing shadows on Cas’ face, and Cas was smiling brightly at Dean and Dean thought how did we even got there; Castiel on the other had never felt happier, the beer got into his head and he was dizzy but Dean was right there in front of him, laughing carelessly at the dumb jokes Cas attempted to make and it was the best sound ever but now Dean was staring at him with so much fondness, lips parted, and it was the most beautiful moment of his life; for a while it was just the two of them and the world around them just didn’t exist. 

Then Dean chuckled and muttered something about going back to the motel; he seemed embarrassed and Cas didn’t want to admit to himself that his heart broke a little but he was going to cherish these few minutes that just passed forever, he thought. They stumbled out of the bar and Dean gave the impala a long tired look and shook his head ‘I don’t think I can drive, Cas’ he managed to say, eyes blurry, ‘We’ll walk then’, Cas shrugged it off, happy that they are going to have just a little more time together before they go into their separate rooms. The night was warm for a november, soft breeze dancing with the leaves on the ground, as they started walking, step by careful step. It was a slow walk, and the full moon just showed itself from behind a cloud. 

‘I need to take a breath’, Dean said finally, leaning on the railing of the bridge they just reached. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He glanced at Cas and then looked at the river underneath them. His heart was racing. Because Cas was standing right next to him, close enough to touch, almost. Cas, and his dark messy hair, and reassuring smile and those stupid blue eyes, piercing right through him every time. But Cas wasn’t looking at him this time, his eyes were closed, he was breathing slowly, listening to the quiet whispers of the river, trying to focus on the smell of fallen leaves and the water. Castiel felt intoxicated; but he was sure it wasn’t the beer, at least not entirely. Emotions and feelings were still new to him and completely overwhelming. He wasn’t able to read Dean’s mind, and he had no idea what was expected of him. He wanted to say something but he didn’t even know what to begin with.

‘Cas’, Dean finally mumbled, and it brought him back to reality immediately. Cas slowly turned his head to face Dean, his eyes were bright and questioning, and Dean couldn’t look straight into them because he wasn’t sure what would happen if he did. Dean took another deep breath. ‘I wanted to...’ he grunted ‘To, uh, thank you.’

Cas looked confused. ‘Wh-- What for, Dean?’, he finally managed to ask, very quietly. He felt unsure and the fear started creeping in. This whole situation was new and he had no idea how should he react; at the same time he didn’t want to ruin this moment by saying something inadequate. He felt frozen and out of control. He was scared.

‘For... For everything, I guess. I never said that to you’, Dean finally let himself speak, and he felt instant relief. He knew he wanted to say it to Cas for a long time now, he didn’t even know how long, but he just couldn’t. The words were always stuck in his throat, and he always lied to himself that this wasn’t the time.

But tonight he felt he reached a breaking point. He felt it in the bar, after the fifth beer, when he looked at Cas like he saw him for the first time. Cas was laughing at something stupid Dean said about the guy who was playing pool or about the bartender; he couldn’t remember what it was and it didn’t matter anyway, but he looked at Cas and he couldn’t stop looking, because this was all he ever wanted. His brain froze after that thought, because it was something he knew for a long time now, he realized, but it was also something he never admitted even to himself. And when he suddenly did, when this thought appeared seemingly out of nowhere and despite all the walls he put around his heart, he felt finally free. He was free and completely, unconditionally in love. 

Cas looked at him with open mouth, and he looked confused. Castiel felt his heart racing at a dangerous speed, it seemed like it wanted to desperately jump out of his chest and right into Dean’s hands, where it belonged. He felt he was sobering up and his head felt light and heavy at the same time. 

‘You... You don’t have to say it, Dean’, he started cautiously. ‘I am glad to be here. I always was--’

‘No, Cas’, Dean cut him off, ‘I have to.’ The world around him was spinning, and Cas was the only fixed object, so he focused his eyes on him. ‘You... It’s good to have you here, Cas. And I mean it. You did so much for us’, he started, feeling the weight slowly lifting from his chest. It was a risk, it was probably the biggest risk he ever took, but he couldn’t help it, he always felt braver after a couple of beers. ‘You did so much for me’, his voice suddenly broke and suddenly he wasn’t able to say another word.

Cas stood there, frozen. He couldn’t believe what was happening. Dean's forest green eyes were staring intensely right into his own. It was like Dean wanted to speak but he physically couldn’t do it, and honestly, Cas could relate. At one second his mind was just a frozen void and right at the next one, unexpectedly and out of nowhere, words were madly rushing through his head, forming dozens of sentences all at once, rioting; everything he ever wanted to say to Dean was emerging from his subconsciousness into the surface, flooding his mind; he was drowning in emotions and unspoken words, it was all too much, too many; he felt like he was suffocating, so he opened his mouth to take a breath and then...

‘I love you’.

It just escaped through his lips, slipped right through it without his consent, and the world suddenly stopped and his mind went silent again. Cas blinked a couple of times, shocked but also strangely relieved; once the truth was out she was unstoppable. ‘Dean...’, he whispered, but all at once he was out of words. Thousands of them were just gone, leaving only four of them that ever mattered, that ever had meaning, echoing in his head repeatedly.

Dean looked like he was just struck by lightning. He also felt like it. The words he never thought he would hear hanged in the silence between them; it took a few seconds for them to sink in. For a moment Dean thought he was delirious, he almost expected to wake up in a second, in a motel bed, completely hangover, because this? This was simply too good to be true. 

But suddenly everything just made sense. Everything just clicked and fell right into place and he was home. He was barely standing on his own two feet, on some bridge on the outskirts of some godforsaken town in the middle of nowhere, with the moon and stars shining brightly above him and the river humming underneath him, but he was home. Nothing ever felt this right. 

After a long pause, he exhaled, smiled and--

‘Dean, I’m... I...’, Cas stuttered, ‘I shouldn’t--’

‘Cas’, Dean reached out his his hands and cupped Castiel’s face. He didn’t even have to take a step towards him, they already were standing this close. He pressed their foreheads together. ‘This is all I ever needed to hear from you’, he whispered, ‘You are what I need, no’, he quickly corrected himself, ‘you are what I want. I love you. I knew this for a while now.’ He wrapped his hand around Cas, as he said it, to keep him as close as possible, ‘I remember what it was like... I remember my life before you. I could never imagine going back to that. I just wanted you to know that’, suddenly the words started to flow more easily, ‘I am better with you around’. 

Slowly he let go of the embrace and looked directly into Cas’ eyes, brighter than ever, but was it because of moonlight or was it Castiel’s very own light, Dean wasn’t sure. Cas wasn’t sure either, but the light was everywhere. Everything looked better, brighter, more familiar. So this is it, he managed to form a thought, this is how it goes. This is what the whole world is about, as he suddenly started to understand why some of the angels fell before him. This was worth everything. He reached for Dean’s face and stroked his cheek, wonderstruck how right it felt. 

Dean was barely holding back a sob all this time, but this is not time for crying, he told himself, not now, when Cas was gently touching his face and looking at him with pure admiration. Dean couldn’t help but lean into the soft touch. Slowly he reached for Cas’ hand, leaned in more, and kissed the inside of his palm. It all felt too natural, so good and so right. 

They stood like this for a good moment, feasting on it and letting the time pass. They weren’t in a hurry anymore, they were right where they were supposed to be. After some time they finally started walking again, and when they crossed that bridge they felt like they just entered a new beginning, a new world that belonged only to them, although in a way, nothing really changed; they were joking and laughing in no time, and when Dean slipped on the wet leaves on the pavement, Cas was there to catch him. 

When they finally reached the motel, the moon and stars were already fading, and the sky on the east was slowly turning golden and pink. That night was the first of many nights to come when Sam had the motel room all to himself. 

[go-diane-winchester]

Misha Collins is not the Professor of Slash Fiction

What Misha Collins has done to Supernatural slash fiction, has ruined slash within the fandom and added fuel to the fire of hatred that gay men are starting to have for slash fans.  I feel very sad for the teen destiel shippers in fandom, who have fledgling sexualities and instead of letting them explore these things organically and healthily, via slash fiction, Misha wants to school them on slash, a subject he has piss poor knowledge of.  Because he is a well known figure, in SPN circles anyway, they assume that he knows what he is talking about.  Actors and characters are merely muses, not the foundations blocks for a shipper's  happiness mansion.  You don’t need their permission or blessing.  You don't need their validation.  What Misha did was, he made destiel his personal brand.  Anything for popularity.  And he did it, despite knowing that the other half of the pairing is disapproving of it.   

A slasher's sexuality is being exhibited through the stories she writes.  Slash fiction is not about an actor, show, character or other external parties.  It is internal.  It has everything to do with the girl writing the story, and is a reflection of her sexual expression.  Once upon a time, women wrote only what they like.  If they didn’t like something, they steered clear of it, because that is what people with common sense do.  I, for example, can’t read fellatio because it doesn’t do anything for me.  I guess its because I am not a man, don’t have a penis and therefore don’t know what it feels like, so I don’t appreciate it.  In my stories, my characters don’t fellate each other.  If I read a story that is really enjoyable and fellatio makes an appearance, I skip that paragraph.  However, I don’t berate the person for writing something I personally don’t like.  She wrote it perhaps because she finds it enjoyable. 

Today, women are not really writing for themselves.  They are writing homosexually appropriate sex scenes, just so that their gay male readers, that are not the majority, don’t scoff at them and go “that’s not how we do it”.  Yes, the gay friends in this bubble are happy, but the majority of the slash fans that are mostly heterosexual women are left feeling lackluster.  Perhaps that is why there is a general trend for women to “grow out of slash fiction” and even mass media is seeing slash fiction as a teenage girl’s pass time.  Women, who are fully grown, and fully aware of their sexuality can’t pretend to like the stories because the stories are no longer appealing.  Of course, some Misha fans are A-OK with that artistic injustice because “Misha would love it because he is not a bigot”.  It has nothing to do with bigotry.  Sometimes, it is best to leave out the sex scene rather than make a select few happy.  Slash sex was never meant to be realistic sex.  It is, after all, written generally by straight females for straight females.  Throw in the bi females as well.  Its fantastical, as it should be. 

In early slash stories that I read, back in the lord of the ring days, ukes came the way women do, without a hand on them.  Why?  Because that is how women usually orgasm.  They write what they know.  However, young sexually inactive girls, listening to Misha and his LGBT slash tirades, endeavor to make stories “accurate”.  So now we have lots of young girls, growing up with a better understanding of gay sex than of straight sex.  I have even heard a few saying that they wanted to be gay men.  Misha is interfering with a natural process and confusing teenagers, which bites because as it is, sexuality is so confusing for young people.  Proper slash or classic slash is an artistic manifestation of straight sex.  The drivel that we have now is political correct, inclusive nonsense that gay men didn’t ask for and women don’t feel overwhelming enthusiastic about.  I don’t know what the ramifications of that is going to be other than women deserting slash fiction. 

I would like to point out at this juncture, that as far as SPN is concerned, Misha is a culprit.  But there were one more culprit.  There was one who communicated with general slash fans around the early 2000s.  His name was minotaur.  And he tried to school slashers on how to write gay sex correctly because they weren’t doing a good enough job for his liking.  He had no business doing that.  It has nothing to do with him.  Slash fiction is for woman.  Gay fiction or bara is for men. 

For Supernatural, I like J2 alternate universe.  There aren't very many other people left to love on this show.  They are all back stabbers.  If I write a story, Jensen is always the baby.  Baby is the word I used to use during my Lord of the Rings days, before I realized that the word uke existed.  Its not the correct way to write Jensen.  It is my favorite way of writing Jensen.  I like Jensen as the baby.  When I write a story where I need the baby to be a kidnap victim or abused stepchild or ethereal unattainable prince, I like to see Jensen in that role.  It has nothing to do with him.  It is how I like to write.  Its about my perception.  He is just a muse.  

I like seeing Jared as the daddy.  Go ahead and laugh.  I still smirk about this embarrassing word that I used before I know seme existed.  I like when Jared as the savior.  I cant see him as a baby because he is so fricking huge and tall, with the rippling muscles, expansive torso and broad shoulders.  Its is, for me at least, too easy to write him as a ferocious warrior, then as an abused baby locked away in a dungeon. 

P.S.:  THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE JARED GIFS. 

The Jensen and Jared in my stories are mere avatar of the real actors.  They are manifestations of my sexuality and what I like sexually.  They have nothing to do with the real actors.  That is what hellers fail to understand.  They think that whatever they read in a destiel story is a manifestation of the truth.  That is why destiel and cockles stories are not imaginative.  J2 stories are so diverse because the actors themselves, despite being slash friendly, have never interfered with the genre.  They allowed the art form to grow at its own steady pace, organically.

Only the destiel fans do that now.  Because Misha turned an innocent art form into a drug, and he is their only dealer.  And you know how druggies love their dealers.  Reader opinions matter but not about who should be the baby and who should be the daddy.  You can't tell others how to navigate their sexual expression.  That is what Misha fails to understand.  Misha tries to show that he is an alpha.  So he is, essentially telling his fans what to write.  That is why Cockles stories are one trick ponies.  Artistic growth is completely stunted.  They are mostly High School AUs with the Jock Dean and Nerd Cas falling in love.  Even Twist and Shout was like that.  Except that Cas died in the end.  From AIDS.  No wonder gay men hate slash fans.  AIDS has no place in a slash story.  Its not a trope or a fetish.  Have some respect.  And who made hellers think slash was a gay thing?  Misha.  So blame him. 

Mpreg is proof that slash is a female art form.  The only other people who write mpreg now, write it as a creative exercise.  I used to feel embarrassed by mpreg especially if men found out about it.  But now I am fiercely protective of it.  Because its one of the last remnants of female sexuality in slash fiction. You don’t see mpreg popping up as frequently in bara, because gay men don’t fall pregnant and therefore don’t have a natural maternal desire.  Mpreg is big in SPN.  The brothers, Cas, even Kevin have gotten knocked up.  SPN is like a regular maternity ward.  I realize that Misha might not know anything about mpreg because he hasn’t spoken about it in his panels.  If this is true, then I hope it stays that way.  I don't want Misha to ruin mpreg, because imagine poor Jensen dealing with that. 

I was under the assumption that Misha doesn't know what tin hatting is.  I assumed that he thought Cockles is just an RPS pairing.  His talks about Cockles has started to make me think otherwise.  Misha doesn't realize that he is playing with fire.  And the day the penny drops for Jensen, he is going to be furious.  He is going to realize Misha is the reason his and Jared's reputation are completely tarnished.  He is going to realize Misha is the reason he and Jared get so many threats.  That is why, I wish Misha will stop talking about Cockles.  Just his interference, by itself, has turned his destiel shippers into a militant group.  Notice how his sastiel fans don't do that.  It is because he doesn't indulge sastiel.  In other words, he neglects the expendable fans, because he assumes, incorrectly, that destiel gives him more clout. 

Because he is schooled hellers for the past ten years, they are brainwashed into making slash fiction something it isn't.  It is not an expression of gay rights.  Its not a sexuality and its not about making the writers do what you want.  Even having a civil discussion about slash fiction is hampered because the answer to anything, from that camp, is usually “Well, Misha doesn’t have a problem with it”.  Misha is not your father.  You don’t have to see slash fiction or anything else through the Misha Collins lens.  Use your own common sense.  Normal destiel fans understand this.  Why cant hellers?

You don't need actor validation to enjoy slash fiction.  In fact, in my ideal world, I would hope that the actors never heard about slash fiction.  Personally, I find it mortifying.  The actors [decent ones anyway] are not there to fulfill your sexual needs.  They are not sex dolls.  They are only muses because you love them.  That doesn't mean they have to approve of your fetishes.  The proper definition of slash fiction should be:  Slash fiction is an escapist fantasy platform showcasing stories and artwork, by women for women, about male subjects in a romantic setting.  Leaving out the words “homoerotic” does away with multiple confusions, because slash is not gay porn.  This is what Misha believes and his own shipper fans got angry with him for calling destiel pseudo-porn.  Misha researched slash fiction on Wikipedia, like the complete idiot that he is, and it gave him biased, incorrect information.  It is the first time I actually saw destiel fans questioning Misha about this subject.  Even they acknowledge he doesn't know what he is talking about. 

Misha Collins is singlehandedly ruining something he had no business getting involved in.  I don’t really bother about what minotaur did to other slash fans, because originally it didn’t disturb my little corner of the internet.  Misha had ruined slash in this fandom.  When slash was true to itself, in the classical sense, women were still honest with themselves about their sexuality.  Bullying was infrequent and slash fiction was not ruined beyond repair.  Gay men weren't getting infuriated because women were fetishizing their lifestyle.  Now the hellers are bleeding into other fandoms and influencing their thought processes.  Misha's rotten influence has had a domino effect.  I really wish he would read this and stop.

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

Part 2/3 of my Masterlist, a compilation of AU stories - with special mentions of “High School”, “College”, “Coffee Shop”,etc.!!

Also watch out for the other two parts:

Canon!verse/Canon Divergence

Alternate Universe: Supernatural Elements

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:

A Single Kiss by whelvenwings

>> So did you kiss him?

Cas read Anna’s text message with a sigh, standing next to his bed in his pyjamas, only just woken up. He should never, ever have allowed his sister even the slightest of glimpses into his meagre dating life.

(Words: 4k)

A Different Kind of Fairy Tale by lemonsorbae

The best part about Castiel’s day is going to work among the books.

That is, until the mechanic walks through the door.

(Words: 6k)

A Man May Change by Hekate1308

Sam wishes he didn't hate the person his brother has become. He really does.

(Words: 7k)

All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter by aileenrose

Sam's too busy to pick up Sarah's engagement ring from the jeweler's.

Enter Dean. He minds just a little, and then not at all.

(Words: 8k)

Every Dog Has Its Day by aileenrose

Dean's new to Sioux Falls. In between meeting the mysterious Cas Novak, and helping save a puppy whose name they can't agree on, he thinks this place can become something like home.

(Words: 12k)

After Midnight by Winglesss

"How can you know you don’t like guys if you never tried to sleep with one?"

Dean can't get Sam's words out of his head so he goes and picks up a guy. It doesn't take long before he realizes how extremely lucky he was to find someone like Castiel.

(Words: 13k)

Understanding That Reference by Carrieosity

Castiel loves working in the library, except for the boring parts. When a string of complicated and entertaining questions begin to flow into his email box, courtesy of the "Ask-A-Librarian" reference service, he finds his boredom vanishing and being replaced with an increasing curiosity to learn who's behind them.

(Words: 16k)

So Glad We Made It by Annie D (scaramouche)

At twelve years old, Dean makes a friend, who becomes his best friend, who will eventually become the love of his life.

(Words: 16k)

Only You by cylobaby27

After John's death, Dean moves out to Palo Alto to be closer to Sam, who is studying at Stanford. Despite their proximity, the brothers barely have time to see each other between Sam's studying and Dean's two jobs, leaving Dean feeling tired and lonely. However, when he meets a slightly awkward and completely serious graduate student named Castiel, all of that changes.

(Words: 17k)

Sharing the Rain Dog by almaasi

When some asshole hits a dog with his car and drives off, the first two people on the scene are Dean and Castiel. Castiel's an FBI agent with a plane to catch, and he doesn't have time to take the dog to the vet. Dean's a musician, and he doesn't have the money. An agreement is reached: Dean goes, Castiel pays, and they'll exchange details and meet again to work things out. But who gets the dog? Sooner or later they're going to realise that having shared custody of one pitbull isn't ideal. She needs one home, not two. One stable, loving home...

(Words: 20k)

Once Upon A Time in a Disney Store by noxsoulmate

When Castiel Novak gets sick and loses his voice for a few days, he comes up with a clever trick to explain his lost voice to the kids in the Disney Store he works at. One little Mary Winchester, however, takes his note too serious and promptly starts a quest for his prince. Will her charming uncle be able to break the curse and be his one true love?

(Words: 23k)

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

(Words: 24k)

Wide Open Spaces by bellacatbee

Dean is supposed to drive Sam across country to his new job but, driving late at night, Dean runs them off the road onto farmland and straight into the side of a barn. Dean is arrested for dangerous driving and sentenced to community service, fixing what he broke at the farm.

At first, Dean just wants to finish and get the hell out of town, but to his surprise he finds himself drawn to Castiel Novak, the farm’s owner.

Castiel is unlike anyone else Dean has ever met. Dean begins to fall for him and for the quiet country life Castiel leads.

(Words: 23k)

Life In Pink by youaresunlight

At just 33 years old, Dean Winchester is one of the most sought-after wedding planners in the city. He’s chased his dream ever since he was a kid and is now on the brink of making partner at his firm. But the wedding that’ll make or break his promotion? Is his best friend Dr. Castiel Novak’s. It’s going to be the event of the season - unlimited budget, no expense spared - and it’s the kind of task that Dean has been waiting for… except he’s hopelessly in love with Cas.

(Words: 25k)

Back the Way You Came by tellthenight

Dean Winchester knows he has a lot going right in his life–good family, friends–but he can’t seem to let go of one nagging regret. He should have left while he had the chance. Instead, he’s stuck in place wishing for someone he’ll never see again.

Cas Novak never thought he’d end up here– back in his mother’s house, taking care of her medical decisions. He planned to take care of everything as quickly as possible and get back home–until he runs into a former classmate who insists that he should go to their 10-year reunion that weekend. Cas refuses the offer until he hears that Dean Winchester will be there.

(Words: 25k)

Cars, Cats & an Idiot by Serisia

Who would’ve thought that helping your brother buy a car could change your whole life? Certainly not Dean Winchester, but that’s exactly what happens, when he accidentally makes the blue-eyed car-salesman run away.

(Words: 26k)

Your Favorite Hello by jupiter_james

Accounts Manager Dean Winchester and CPA Castiel Novak have been working at the same large company for several months, only interacting through office IM. Then a typo on an expense report leads to an unexpected phone call that results in a simmering crush on both ends of the line, despite neither knowing what the other looks like. Office romances typically never work out, especially when one of them has a slightly bad (though undeserved) reputation, and the other has a slightly bad track record with lovers. But their first face-to-face meeting at the company Christmas party makes them both willing to give it a go. Through a whirlwind romance, Dean wonders if they're moving too fast, and Castiel worries that he's opening himself up for another devastating heartbreak. Together, it turns out that sometimes good things do happen.

(Words: 28k)

The Inescapable Dean Winchester by gefhrlich

Castiel has been infatuated with Dean Winchester since he was fifteen years old. And despite the years that pass, he just can’t shake the man. Then again, he isn’t sure he wants to.

(Words: 30k)

Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by Sparseparsley

Dean is a waiter in a strip club to put his kid brother through school. Castiel is dragged to the club as a part of his sister Anna's bachelorette party. Dean and Cas hit it off, but Dean thinks Cas is the one marrying Anna.

(Words: 31k)

Freebies and Oak Trees by violue

It’s just a joke. Dean adding Castiel Novak to his “Celebrity Freebie” list is just a joke. Dean has a girlfriend, and besides, it’s not like he’s ever going to meet Castiel, let alone sleep with him. Right?

(Words: 32k)

First Gentleman Wanted by youaresunlight

President of the United States Castiel Novak is popular, charismatic, and knee-deep in campaigning for a second term. He’d be the ideal candidate if it weren’t for the fact that he hasn’t dated once while in political office. With his opponent’s relentless PR team calling him incapable of emotional commitment, Castiel’s staff decides to remedy the situation by finding their boss a fake, picture-perfect boyfriend. And when Dean Winchester enters the scene, he and Cas become America’s new favorite couple, except they’ve got a whole lot of history between them and complicated feelings to resolve.

(Words: 32k)

Prosopagnosia by misseditallagain

“I could turn around right now and I wouldn’t be able to spot you out of a lineup. There is nothing remarkable about you I could identify and say: there, that is Dean.”

“So you mean I’m not just another pretty face?”

(Words: 33k)

Boys Will Be Boys by im_an_idjit

Since the age of ten, Dean Winchester has been the bane of Castiel's existence.

(Words: 37k)

Just for the Holidays by Fallen_Angel_Meg

After going through some tough times, Jess, Castiel's best friend, decides the best thing for him to do is to get away for Christmas. She secretly signs up their shared house on a home exchange website and it doesn't take long for them to get some interest. Castiel ends up trading houses with Sam Winchester, despite his hesitations to do so. So now Castiel has to spend his Christmas alone in Lawrence, Kansas. Which isn't so bad because Castiel is looking for some alone time right now, not wanting to get romantically involved with anyone. That is, until he meets Dean Winchester and things get complicated.

(Words: 42k)

Run Boy Run by DarcyDelaney

Cas likes to run. He likes that it’s something he can do alone whenever he wants, something to clear his head and decrease his anxiety. All that changes when his sister, Anna, volunteers him to be a guide for a blind runner who wants to participate in the Boston Marathon. Cas is completely, totally, 100% against this at first, but once he meets said runner, the snarky and (if Cas is being honest) ridiculously attractive Dean Winchester, he starts to have a change of heart. Maybe running with a partner won’t be so bad after all.

(Words: 42k)

Return to Sender by aileenrose

"He's going to let Cas do this thing for him--he's going to let Cas make him so fucking happy." In the first year after Dean loses his brother, Jess comes up with an idea. She wants to meet Cas Novak, the man who has Sam Winchester's heart in his chest.

(Words: 47k)

The Complete Works of Emmanuel Allen by violue

Dean Winchester, reluctant business owner, reluctant home owner, and reluctant cat owner, is striking up a very promising friendship with the author of his favorite book series.

And he has no idea.

(Words: 56k)

Strangers on a Bus by Terene

Castiel is flummoxed. This is a social situation he is not equipped to handle. What is the protocol when the stranger sitting next to you on a bus, whom you incidentally find very attractive, falls asleep with his head on your shoulder?

(Words: 60k)

Twenty First Century Blues by thepinupchemist

When John Winchester dies, Dean and Sam pack up their lives in Lawrence and make a new home in Sioux Falls. Despite a rough start, both brothers find love in unexpected places, and for once it feels like life might be going right for the Winchesters.

Then one of Sam's classmates turns up dead, and everything falls to pieces. The people of Sioux Falls start to suspect the new arrivals -- and as more bodies turn up, the suspicion only grows.

(Words: 62k)

Accidental First Date by Powerfulweak

Dean's date cancels on him at the last minute. Luckily, the stranger in the waiting area is willing to share a table with him.

(Words: 65k)

Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison

Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean couldn’t be any happier for them. Honestly, they’re kind of disgustingly perfect for each other and Dean’s pretty damn excited about staying with them the week before the wedding. He’s Sam’s best man, of course, and he doesn’t even mind that Jess has her own best man to share in all the organisational duties. The more the merrier, right?

Except Dean must have done something to epically piss off the universe because Jess’s best man just happens to be Castiel friggin’ Novak. He’s got even hotter since High School, but apparently no friendlier and if Cas wants to spend the week pretending like they’ve never met before? Fine. Two can play at that game.

(Words: 69k)

You're The Only Stranger I Need by lyndsie_l

When Castiel receives a text from a stranger, he finds himself engaging in conversations daily. He's drawn to the outgoing college student and longs to interact with the other man as often as he can. Slowly, he finds himself falling in love with the other and can't imagine ever meeting a more beautiful person.

The only problem?

He's never actually met this other man.

(Words: 70k)

Angel Cookies by noxsoulmate

“On Christmas Eve, if you eat Angel Cookies right before bed and then dream of your one true love, he will be your destiny.”

The Shurley clan sure believe their old family legend, but not Castiel James – not since he was a pudgy teenager, running down the church aisle on Christmas Day, trying to stop his very handsome and very straight teacher Dean Winchester from marrying someone else. He may be grown-up, well-toned, bestselling Young Adult’s book author “C. S. James” now, but Castiel will never forget that day. And he’ll never fall foolishly in love again, especially not for Dean Winchester.

But when the wish for a big family Christmas from his sick father brings him back home, Castiel has to confront his past. And not only that: a letter from a little fan from his home town is weighing heavy on his conscience. Reaching out to a troubled kid might endanger his secret identity. Adding to the problem is the shock of discovering that Dean is the little girl’s father – unattached and hotter than ever. Dean’s smile still makes Castiel melt, but Castiel knows that ship has sailed. The fact that Dean seems to be on board this time, however, doesn’t make it any easier for him.

(Words: 74k)

Never Not Fantastic by thestoryinsideme

When television star Dean Winchester makes a stop at the Rogue Wave Cafe, owner Castiel Novak initially takes notice - and exception to - the celebrity's presence in the all-but-forgotten beachside town where the age of the average resident is sixty-five.

(Words: 76k)

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche)

Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.

(Words: 78k)

Win A Date With Dean Winchester by FollowingButterflies

When Hollywood actor Dean Winchester gets caught up in a scandal that could threaten his career if exposed by the press his agent draws up a deal with the press. They won't expose the story if they can run a competition offering a date with Dean as the prize. Everything is fine until Dean meets the winner, Anna Milton, and her brother Castiel who Dean can't seem to stop staring at or thinking about despite the fact that Castiel clearly thinks Dean is a talentless moron.

(Words: 80k)

The Unwavering Heart of a Winchester by violue

There’s no point in mincing words. Sam is dead, and without him Dean is a drunken shell of who he used to be. When he finally pulls himself out of a growing pile of whiskey bottles, Dean finds it hard to go back to his life. With one flippant comment from a friend, Dean thinks he might finally have a way to make peace with the loss; Sam was an organ donor, and Dean’s going to find the recipients, talk to them, and see how their lives are better because of his little brother. For the first six stops on his road trip, things go mostly according to plan, and then he meets the man who has Sam’s heart. Dean had hoped he might find peace on this trip… he never expected to find love.

(Words: 87k)

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia by violue

Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

(Words: 89k)

Imperfect Proposals by Fallen_Angel_Meg

Dean Winchester has a dream of being a successful architect- one that may or may not be out of his reach. So when he receives a promising job at Designs of Divinity, a reputable architectural firm, he is beyond happy. It's everything he could ask for. Sure, he may only be the assistant of Castiel Novak, a well known architect and project manager, but he doesn't even care. It's a start. It isn't until he starts working for Castiel that he realizes the guy isn't exactly who he thought he'd be, and his dream job turns into a living hell. Dean decides he's had enough when Castiel denies him time off to attend his brother's wedding. But just when Dean thinks it can't get any worse, he finds out that he's being forced to marry Castiel to keep him from being deported. Fan-friggin'-tastic.

(Words: 111k)

Clean Air by anactoria

Centuries after the surface of the earth was devastated by an unknown disaster, the remnants of humanity live in a series of vast underground silos, each unaware of the existence of the others.

For the inhabitants of Silo 34, the silo is the world, and the only world they know. Questions about the outside world are forbidden, and asking them is what got Dean Winchester's parents killed. He isn't even sure himself that they weren't crazy.

That all changes when he hears a voice on the radio -- a voice from another world.

(Words: 122k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: HIGH SCHOOL

Blackboard Painting in the Dead of Night by whelvenwings

Cas thinks that the school's latest idea of getting students to write their thoughts on a huge, public blackboard is... well, black-boring, until someone replies to his angry scribbling. Several bad puns and some Kant quotations later, Cas may finally meet the mysterious messenger who anonymously turned his life upside-down.

(Words: 4k)

Sometimes It Works Out by messtiels

Castiel Novak is your average teenager, with the exception of being casually brilliant. His longtime crush, Dean Winchester, is the attractive, charismatic, and overall popular guy in high school. As unexpected situations arise, Castiel is faced with the challenge of overcoming his self-doubt, and at the same time he is completely clueless.

(Words: 9k)

flour in your hair by cassiewrites

Dean and Cas are paired up for a project in Home Ec in which they have to take care of a "flour baby" for a week.

(Words: 10k)

It's Always the End of the World Somewhere by Annie D (scaramouche)

The status quo is this: Dean is the popular captain of the football team, and Castiel is the off-kilter nobody who doesn't so much as breathe the same air as Dean. Then senior year happens and the status quo is shot to smithereens.

(Words: 21k)

In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn't Dare Elsewhere by RhymePhile

It's 1995, and Castiel's high school years are destined to be difficult: home-schooled until eighth grade, he is awkward, shy, and socially inept. The weird kid with the funny name would rather isolate himself and draw in his sketchbook than deal with the constant bullying he faces every day. Things only get worse in his junior year when he excels in home economics class, leading the captain of the baseball team, Alastair, to start taunting him for being gay.

Then new student Dean Winchester arrives at Flour Bluff High School, sharing many of Castiel's classes. Castiel has seen his type before -- handsome, athletic, arrogant, and sure to be the most popular kid in school. But Castiel eventually learns that he and Dean have more in common than he thought, and they form an unlikely friendship.

(Words: 34k)

Count On Me by swoopswoop

Castiel Novak is an unpopular kid at school, his brother’s reputation the only thing keeping him from a regular beating, but not the occasional shove. When one other person in the school helps him out, it inadvertently starts a marathon game of IOU.

(Words: 41k)

Exalted in the scene by zation

John decides that his boys needs some goddamn education and makes them settle down in a small town while he keeps on hunting. Dean is reluctant at first but then he meets school punching bag Castiel Novak and suddenly things are starting to look up.

Or,

The one where Dean tries desperately to save the one damsel in distress who turns out to be more than reluctant at the prospect of being saved.

(Words: 50k)

Look Right Through Me by darkforetold

It’s his senior year in high school and Dean cares about little else than what makes him feel good. When an unexpected tragedy strikes his family, it shatters his world. Heartache tears at him while guilt worms through the wounds—and only a second chance can set him on the road toward healing. As his world reshapes, Dean rediscovers the importance of family, transcends loss and chooses something he never expected to find: love.

(Words: 53k)

Suburban War by squeemonster

Moving to Lawrence with his family is the most significant event of Dean Winchester's life. It brings a stability he's never known, and the only thing to have more of a profound impact on him is Castiel Novak: the two boys become fast friends the day they meet. But as Dean grows older, he dreams for something beyond the monotony and constraints of suburbia, and he is haunted by the inexplicable feeling that he was born for something more than what this life offers. As he struggles to reconcile the person he yearns to be with what his family and friends expect of him, a fateful choice exposes just how fragile his life in the suburbs is, and possibly risks losing the best friend he's ever had.

(Words: 105k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: COLLEGE

Perfect Imperfections by youaresunlight

Castiel Novak is a graduate student teaching Intro to Calculus. He’s hard-working and awkward and shy, tends to avoid the gossip among his students, though he can’t help but pay attention when they bring up the assistant coach of the rugby team.

(Words: 3k)

Please Leave a Message by StarlightDragon

During his first semester of college, Dean Winchester slowly falls for a guy he’s never seen and never met, through a series of messages exchanged between the two of them on the whiteboard pinned to Castiel’s dorm room door.

(Words: 12k)

The Graveyard by amarillogrande

“Okay, look. You finish it, then you stick it up on top of the shelves. And then…well, the bottle is there to remind you. Hence the name—“ Dean spreads his arms, indicating the endless rows of glass. “The graveyard.”

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are best friends, living together for the past two years and about to graduate in the spring. It might take a visit from Dean's little brother to get them to realize just exactly how they feel about each other.

(Words: 19k)

TutorMate by faeryn

Sam leaves Dean's laptop logged in to some app called "TutorMate" and Dean meets his brother's tutor. Cas helps him with his own work and they strike up a friendship. Before long Dean finds himself growing attached to the cute, clever Cas and flirtatiously suggests they go on a date if he applies himself to his college work. Cas agrees, but Dean discovers his online friend is not quite what he expected.

(Or, in which Dean thinks he's met a cute girl and finds out he's actually met a cute boy.)

(Words: 21k)

Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes by prosopopeya

Dean is a grad student studying for his MA in Spanish literature, and he’s pretty content with his sexuality as it is -- that is, fairly undefined and also secret. His attraction to Castiel, a professor to the undergrads, doesn't seem like a big deal until it becomes a very big deal, and Dean scrambles to keep his head above water.

(Words: 42k)

Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by eBob, K_K_TiBal

AU in which Castiel accidentally sends a text message to the wrong number and befriends the person at the other end of the line. However, accidents don’t just happen accidentally, and sometimes two completely different people are exactly what the other needs.

(Words: 65k)

Free to Be You and Me by same_space

Coffee Shop!AU and University!AU rolled into one. Castiel Novak is the introverted English Literature major at the University of Kansas. Dean Winchester is the elusive cool guy who happens to work in Castiel's favourite coffee shop. This is how they meet, and this is how Anna and Crowley play cupid.

(Words: 70k)

All the Way by cadignan, Guu

Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.

(Words: 81k)

Hear You Me by through_shadows_falling

Castiel is a college graduate stuck in two dead-end, part-time jobs. Oh, and he's Deaf...which to his oldest brother Michael makes him something to constantly fret over. It's not Castiel's fault that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, right? Not like it's Michael's business anyways.

Enter Dean Winchester. A chance encounter with the man has the power to change Castiel's life - and in the end, maybe, just maybe, it will help him finally understand and accept who he is and what he's meant to do.

(Words: 84k)

*  *  *  * 

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: TEACHER

What is Love? by regardinglove

When Dean’s students ask him about what it means to be in love, he gets quite the awakening about his own feelings for a certain blue-eyed teacher.

(Words: 2k)

Chili Peppers by justanothersong

Dr. Winchester hears an off hand comment from one of his students and find himself browsing a website dedicated to rating university professors. He's not surprised by his rating -- but is a little miffed to see the department chair has an even better one. Clearly, something needs to be done about this.

(Words: 13k)

Before I Can Breathe Easy by ShastaFirecracker

Castiel Novak, anthropology professor and recent divorcee; a half-drunk hookup with the bartender from his brother's bachelor party; cue the morning after, with full attendant nudity, awkwardness, walking into doors, and running into one of his students at the worst possible time.

(Words: 14k)

Learning Curve by mtothedestiel

Dean is a pre-school teacher and Castiel Novak is his new student's intriguing guardian. They both know the sacrifices that come with caring for others, but, over time, they learn what it means to want something for themselves.

(Words: 38k)

Try-Something Tuesday by almaasi

Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not?

Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

(Words: 48k)

Easy Now, With My Heart by casfallsinlove

Dean Winchester is a kindergarten teacher. Castiel Milton is a writer slash works-in-a-coffee-shop. He also happens to be the extremely hot one-night stand that Dean never intended to see again other than in his own fantasies (he’s classy like that). But suddenly Cas is everywhere and Dean is convinced that Fate is out to get him. And maybe they do this thing backwards, but that doesn’t have to mean they can’t make it in the end, right?

(Words: 50k)

Crossroads State by Mercy

Castiel has a nice predictable structured life teaching high school, even if he happens to be overqualified for it. Then this guy moves in around the corner and literally knocks him on his ass.

(Words: 51k)

Like Real People by charvelle

Dean Winchester is a respected literature teacher at Lawrence's best private school, yet he feels like he's still a complete and utter travesty of a human being. Months after his father's death, he's yet to come to terms with the negative impact John Winchester had on his life. Though he's determined never to admit it, the only thing Dean's ever wanted was an Apple Pie Life: it's something that's been dangled in front of his face, though he's certain he could never deserve it.

While Dean struggles to come to terms with the isolated, lonely life he's made for himself, a disruption comes in the form of Castiel Novak, Lawrence Private's newest faculty member. Those blue eyes and raspy voice are things Dean can't ignore for long, and when he's forced to stop fighting his affections, Dean finds his lonely life turned upside down.

Is it possible he could deserve an Apple Pie Life after all?

(Words: 135k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: DOCTOR/NURSE

Recovery In Room 233 by eshcaine

Sam is in the hospital and a bored fidgety Dean means trouble for the nursing staff. Luckily, Balthazar has something that will keep Dean occupied.....

(Words: 11k)

Nothing to Moan About by Hippivickyx

Doctors Dean and Castiel don't get along, before tragedy forces mostly Castiel to reevaluate.

(Words: 12k)

Chasing Life by zerostumbleine33

Castiel is the perfusionist on call when a young college kid, Sam Winchester, is brought in with Acute Respiratory Distress and needs to be put on an emergent life support machine called ECMO. His brother Dean is there with him every day, and along the way he forms a surprising bond with Castiel.

Afraid of hospital rules and his own self doubts, Castiel keeps their relationship strictly in the friendship area, wary of losing his job as he falls hard for a patient’s family member, that he is pretty sure isn’t into men anyway. Either way, it’s against the rules and he’s not about to break them.

(Words: 18k)

It's Only Love We're Falling In by zeppx

Human AU. Castiel is a nurse. Dean isn’t a very pleasant person. Castiel and Dean don’t get along at first, then, naturally, like in most romantic comedies, things happen. Like unwillingly falling in love.

(Words: 19k)

Dean Goes to the Doctor by thatwriterlady

When Dean wakes up one morning feeling like he swallowed razor blades and his skin is on fire he figures he'd deal with it, but when he coughs up blood he makes the reluctant decision to head in to see his doctor, except his doctor has retired. The new doctor that has taken over his practice is the one and only Castiel Novak, and Dean finds the new doctor more interesting than he wants to, and somehow this doctor gets Dean to come in again. Shortly after meeting the new doctor he gets injured on the job and lands himself in the hospital in need of surgery. The handsome doctor comes to see him and sweet fluffiness ensues.

(Words: 21k)

The City Doctor by palominopup

Dr. Dean Winchester is on his way from LA to New York to start a new practice. He drives through a small town in Kansas and causes a traffic accident. The town sheriff serves him a citation and he has to appear in traffic court. The judge sentences him to six weeks of community service – helping the town’s elderly doctor. Culture shock ensues. Enter, Cas Novak, the town’s large animal vet.

(Words: 36k)

Preacher Comfort by almaasi

Dean Winchester works as a nurse at an after-hours medical clinic. He's a champion at what he does, but for him, professionalism has its pitfalls: good-looking patients make him flustered. Luckily, his fly-by-night infatuation evaporates within minutes, since most patients only swing by once. Castiel (fondly known as Bee Sting Guy around the clinic) is one of those iniquitously handsome fellows – and he keeps coming back. He's also a Catholic priest, 94% asexual, and in need of the tender love that happens to be Dean's speciality.

(Words: 43k)

What I Need by Jacqueline Albright-Beckett (xaandria)

A joking phrase commonly heard between a surgeon and his tech is "Give me what I need, not what I ask for." Dr. Novak and his tech Dean will soon learn the impact this phrase has on life outside the operating room.

(Words: 47k)

Your Very Own Doctor Sexy by words_reign_here

It's an easy and average life for Dean Winchester. He worked hard, helped Sam and Ruby through law school while helping Bobby expand his garage. There isn't much to want until a car crash changes Dean down to the very core of who he thought he was. Working closely with the Novak brothers, all doctors, changes his life in a way he can't account for.

(Words: 51k)

Vital Signs by emmy_award, hubrisandwax

The nurse grinned again and it did something odd to Castiel’s stomach. Too many Lucky Charms, he rationalized. Lucky Charms and pain meds don’t mix.

“I’m Dean. And I’ll be your nurse this evenin’.”

(Words: 67k)

Any Little Heartbreak by followthattardis

Dean Winchester knows everything there is to know about the human heart.

Well.

Anatomically speaking.

(Words: 77k)

Carried Away by charmedcas

Living in New York City, Dean Winchester's life consists of working as a pediatric nurse, leaving little room for free time. His best friend and roommate, Castiel Novak, happens to be a surgical resident at the same hospital that Dean works at. Even though they see a lot of each other, the two of them have learned to coexist with ease.

When the annual fundraising gala becomes the talk of the hospital, it only makes sense for both of them to pretend they're together to kill two birds with one stone. The gossip about them finally stops, and no one tries to set them up with a date for the gala. It's easy enough for Dean and Castiel to act like a couple at first. However, they each end up getting more than they signed up for as the line dividing what's fake and what's real between them blurs.

(Words: 82k)

Lead By Your Beating Heart by FollowingButterflies

After a night of celebrating (heavy drinking) with his brother surgical intern Dean Winchester discovers that his resident, talented Cardio surgeon Castiel Novak, is...well a huge douche bag...kind of hot but still a huge douche bag. A douche bag that he's stuck with for the rest of the year, that's if he survives the year without Castiel killing him and making it look like an accident. So why is it that an easy friendship forms between the two men that swiftly becomes something Dean never expected to find when he moved to Chicago.

(Words: 113k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: POLICE/FIREFIGHTER

Keep Calm by NuwandaSnicket

When Castiel's cat escapes up a tree, he has no choice but to call the fire department. Unfortunately for him, they send the sexiest fireman they have. Or is it fortunately?

(Words: 3k)

Burning Up for You, Baby by you_idjits

The Kansas City Police Department has always had a friendly rivalry with the Kansas City Fire Department, sure, but Castiel Novak has never been friendly. No, Castiel Novak is The Enemy.

“He has to be stopped,” Dean says, “and I have to be the one to do it.”

Or, the one where Dean is a policeman and Cas is a firefighter, and they get into a dangerous prank war.

(Words: 5k)

Follow You by youaresunlight

Detectives Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are assigned to a stakeout that’ll confine them to a hotel room for ninety-six hours. And as if it isn’t hard enough being cooped up together that long, Dean has to be head over heels for Cas and can’t stop thinking about kissing him.

(Words: 5k)

Muted Angels by geckoholic

There's nothing worse than a case involving dead kids, at least in the book of Detective Dean Winchester. It's just his luck that his partner is the lieutenant's favorite, and she chooses to give them the high-profile murder case of a dead girl from the suburbs. More deaths follow, and the two of them get sucked into the world of religious cults and ritualistic murders. In the face of that, Dean's feelings for aforementioned partner are the least of his problems.

(Words: 14k)

Secondhand Angel by cylobaby27

Castiel Novak owns a small used bookstore in Lawrence, Kansas. He is content with the peace and quiet of his current life, and can't imagine allowing anything to change that. Then Dean Winchester enters his shop.

(Words: 24k)

At First Sight by MayaAodhan

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Blinded in the line of duty as a decorated police officer, Castiel Novak now teaches classes at Washington State University as an Associate Professor.

Detective Dean Winchester comes to find Castiel to tell him that a violent criminal he once arrested is now getting out on parole. Instantly attracted to Castiel, Dean finds himself in a difficult position when he must protect the very man he is falling in love with.

(Words: 24k)

Bratishka: Little Brother by Valinde (Valyria)

Dean thinks he knows pretty much everything there is to know about his best friend Castiel Novak - he's a smart, gorgeous DA who probably lets Dean get away with more than he should to see the bad guy locked up - but it turns out Cas is hiding some dark family secrets.

(Words: 33k)

Show Me Your Badge, And I'll Show You My Gun by avidffreader

Dean had become an officer at Lawrence KS Police Department, with kid brother Sam as a lawyer at the federal level. The motto on criminals was simple: Dean takes them out, Sam puts them away.

Not even the addition of a socially awkward blue-eyed evidence technician puts a dent in Dean's system. It all works fine and dandy, until the Morning Star Corporation starts trouble.

(Words: 60k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: KIDS

When Life Takes An Unexpected Turn by thatwriterlady

Dean is a single dad to three year old Ava and it's them against the world. Dean hasn't had much success in relationships as people aren't thrilled by the fact that he has a child. When he enrolls Ava in a toddler ballet class at the suggestion of Charlie he finds someone that just might be answers to his prayers.

(Words: 14k)

To Find a Family by linasane

When Dean's little brother gets taken away, he's expecting the fight that ensues. He's expecting the stress that comes from separation, expecting to do all he can to get Sammy back from whatever awful foster family he's been placed with. He's not expecting Castiel Novak.

(Castiel, in turn, isn't expecting his first foster child - five years old and angry - to be the one that leads him to the family he's always wanted, but life has a funny way of working itself out).

(Words: 26k)

In Three Days: A Memoir by Castiel Shurley by glassclosetcastiel

Family and parenting advice writer Castiel Shurley is on the verge of syndication with his weekly column, Fix My Family. The problem? His husband is dead and he can barely handle their three daughters alone.

When the four take a trip to Castiel’s childhood home in Rhode Island to spend a long weekend with the entire Shurley family, Castiel meets an intriguing, incredible man who could change everything. But when Castiel finds out who Dean really is, the family drama just gets worse.

The only way to overcome will be for Castiel to own up to his mistakes and take his own advice- listen to his daughters- and admit that maybe it is possible to fall in love in just three days.

(Words: 33k)

Daddy Needs a Date by caswinchesterbaby

Castiel Novak loves his daughter, Grace, with all his heart. When their dark past threatens to catch up with them, the pair is forced to make an escape from Boston and move to rural Lawrence, Kansas. Grace is enrolled in Mr. Dean Winchester’s second grade class, and things go smoothly. But are there surprises ahead of them? Can Cas keep his small family together? He sure hopes so.

(Words: 85k)

Say Something by JhanaMay

No matter how difficult he can be, Dean loves his son. Raising him alone after his mother died hasn't been easy, but with the support of his family and friends, Dean has made it work. Now that Ben is starting kindergarten, Dean hopes that he can finally relax a little, but the challenges Ben faces at school make Dean realize that their struggles are just beginning. When Ben is assigned a new support teacher, Dean finds that Ben isn't the only Winchester who has a problem dealing with change.

(Words: 250k)

*  *  *  *

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: COFFEE SHOP/BAKERY

Afternoon Delights by snarkymonkey

Castiel has just moved to Lawrence, Kansas and the nearby café has the strangest sign out front.

(Words: 2k)

Benny Doesn't Partake In Audience Participation by Niitza

In which Benny owns a coffee shop and has a pie addict as well as a weirdo in a trench-coat among his regulars.

(Words: 2k)

Coffee & Donuts by betts

“It’s not competition, Sam. That place sells overpriced coffee and tea, and calls it something fancy to justify the price. And they probably serve shitty, gluten-free, vegan-happy pastries that taste like sod, too. We sell doughnuts. That’s all there is to it.”

But that wasn’t all there was to it.

***

Wherein Dean and Sam Winchester inherit their father's donut shop, some tattooed hipster named Cas opens up a coffee joint across the street, and chaos ensues in the form of too many pastry-related puns.

(Words: 10k)

I Like You (Like Me) by Carmexgirl

Dean’s the owner of his own pretty successful coffee shop, and he’s absolutely, totally not in love with the hot accountant guy who comes in every day. He’s way out of his league. Isn’t he?

(Words: 11k)

Sweet Tooth by DarcyDelaney

Dean had just expected to tag along to Sam and Jess’ cake tasting for their wedding and get free food. That’s it. The last thing that he’d been prepared for was to meet a ridiculously attractive blue-eyed baker with messy hair and rusty people skills who he’d almost immediately start falling for, but sometimes those things just happen.

(Words: 14k)

Pie in the Sky by PrinceMalice

Pie is more than something sweet. Pie is home.

(Words: 14k)

Cooking with Gas by WinJennster

Castiel Novak has it all. He's rich, famous, has a top rated cooking show and restaurant, drives an expensive car and wears Armani.

His producer throws a contest to spend a day with Chef Novak, cooking and learning techniques. Castiel wants no part of it, but Balthazar insists and Castiel will do as expected.

What Castiel wasn't expecting was to fall head over heels for the winner.

Dean Winchester hasn't had a successful relationship in his 34 years on Earth. He's got a past he'd like to keep hidden, and his life rotates around his family and his business.

Winning a contest to spend a day with his favorite TV chef is a shock, but a welcome diversion from his day to day life...until he meets the guy, and he turns out to be a big jerk. Dean figures he should have expected that.

What he wasn't expecting was that same gorgeous blue-eyed man to sweep in and shake up his entire world.

(Words: 89k)

A Little Slice Of Heaven by onamelancholyhill

Jim Morrison once said, “The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are.” That was Castiel Novak’s motto in life, and the reason why he accepted his grandmother's inheritance and took the responsibility it implied.

Dean Winchester, a remarkable accountant at Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc., however, had other priorities. He lived to serve, hidden in a mask that didn’t allow him to be honest with himself, but lonesome and boring.

When destiny made their paths cross, in a less than promising way, with Dean as the instigator and Castiel as his victim, Dean’s mind started wandering, in between pies and cakes, coffees and muffins... What if Mr. Morrison was right?

After all, as the guy used to say, "there can’t be any large-scale revolution, until there’s a personal revolution first."

(Words: 112k)

Kiss the Baker by Ltleflrt

Jo is pregnant and craving something a little bit unusual. When she sends Dean on a mission to find her some chocolate cake donuts with bacon sprinkles, he's sure that he'll fail. Luckily his partner Benny comes to his rescue and introduces him to a quirky little bakery that sells all kinds of weird (and delicious!) baked goods. And they do special orders!

Dean finds excuses to keep going back, and Castiel finds excuses to keep giving him special treats.

(Words: 113k)

[hekate1308]

That Vanished Abode There Far Away, A Season 13 Drowley AU - Chapter Eight

Masterpost

Whatever Sam expected from working with Rowena once more, it was certainly not nothing.

“What do you mean, nothing? You told us the spell should even let you know if Dean were dead –“

Much as the thought hurts, he’d find it hard to believe that this would mean he’d never see his brother again. Death doesn’t stick when it comes to them.

“I say nothing and I mean nothing. Wherever he is, alive or dead, he must have been warded or warded himself very carefully.”

“But who’d have that kind of mojo?”

“You’d be surprised. All it needs is a good understanding of the old runes. Fergus was always very efficient when it came to –“

She breaks off and looks away, and it’s still strange to see raw unfiltered emotion on her face. Sam wonders if she is hurting because she can’t use him anymore or because she’s actually grieving, then chides himself for the thought. If Crowley and Rowena had wanted each other dead, one of them would have been killed by now –

Well, by the other one. No one could have foreseen Crowley sacrificing himself. Except maybe Dean. But to ask his brother about that, he has to find him first.

“But this means we’re looking for someone with extensive rune knowledge, right?” Sam can’t read runes, and he’s rather sure Dean can’t either. He turns to Cas.

“Protections against other supernatural beings was never a priority in my garrison” Cas says, “But Sam is right.”

“Well” Rowena answers, “There aren’t many covens who specialize in things like that, I doubt many even know about protections that old. Surely with our angel pal here, it can’t be difficult to find them – unless they don’t want to be found.”

Sam snorts. “You think? You’re here.”

“I came to you, not the other way around. I’d waited long enough for Crowley.”

It’s the first time she’s ever used his chosen name when speaking about him, and Sam wonders what his reaction would be. Dean would probably laugh about it.

He nods, and she seems glad that he doesn’t answer.

When did things ever get so complicated that he’s trying to comfort the mother of the deceased King of Hell?

Michael is busy making breakfast, having offered to prepare their meal apparently rather out of embarrassment than appetite.

Roderick can empathize. Even though he’ll never admit it, he woke up a few minutes before Michael, and he spent them staring at him as the rising sun slowly illuminated his face.

It’s one thing to be stuck with someone rather pleasant on an island; quite another when this someone also happens to be handsome, charming, funny and kind.

He could have asked about his dreams last night. He didn’t.

He’ll have to tell him eventually, but first he has to make sense of them himself.

There was fire, and pain, and blood; but more, there was a joy about those things that was unsettling, and it’s left a heavy feeling in his stomach that somehow feels wrong, like he’s not used to... having a conscience, he supposes.

He kicks a pebble, utterly frustrated, and here’s somewhat giggle behind him. Giggle.

He turns to find the wraith Michael described. “Greetings, Mistress of the Waves.”

She nods approvingly. “Is there news?”

“No harm has befallen the island.”

She nods again. “There you go. Teach it to your pretty friend, alright?”

“I will do my best.” Not that he’ll have to try very hard. Michael could probably figure it out on his own if he gave him a little time.

“I wanted to talk to you in private” she says, stepping up to him, studying him with eyes of an unidentifiable colour. The gaze that lands on Roderick feels much older than she looks like, but she’s a wraith, the true embodiment of the water she spring from. She’s probably been on this earth for centuries at least... but time would mean nothing to her if he asked.

“I was right” she pronounces. “Your soul has this shine to it... like a newborn’s. As if it hadn’t existed until recently.”

His throat is suddenly dry. He swallows.

What she tells him confirms a suspicion that’s begun to form in his mind.

Sure, after they left Rosemary’s place, they tested themselves to make certain neither of them was a monster masquerading as man; but, human as he is now, he cannot help but think – but assume –

That he wasn’t always. And if his dreams are anything to go by...

“You are a strange one” she says, shaking her head. “But then, your companion isn’t quite what humans call normal either, is he. That’s fine. None of us nature spirits are, I think. Otherwise, we’d have given up long ago, with everything the humans are doing to destroy their planet.”

A sorrow older than either Roderick’s or Michael’s soul settles over her face. “Your souls though... they are clean.”

He shakes his head.

“You don’t agree?”

“What you see might be clean now, as you put it... but I don’t know what it was before.”

“Is that important?”

“You don’t understand” he says, then hastens to add, “And you can’t, Mel – if I may call you that?”

She told Michael it was her name, but who knows with these water spirits? Maybe she’s chosen a different one today.

She nods however, and he takes a deep breath before he continues, “You are ever-changing because that’s who you must be. What you must be. But us humans... We care who someone has been.”

“And neither of you know that” she replies, her eyes wide and curious.

“Correct.”

“Maybe you should try and find out who you are before you figure out what you were.”

It’s the closest he’ll get to useful advice with her concerning this, he knows. So he takes it.

“Thank you. Now, there are a few things we’d like to purchase...”

Breakfast is done by the time Roderick returns. “I met Mel. Told her what we needed.”

“Good. Thanks. Scrambled eggs okay?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Sometimes when Roderick thanks him, Michael feels weirdly surprised, as if he didn’t really expect him to. It doesn’t make much sense, but he’s getting used to that. After all, things are looking up from the field they arrived on.

“Say, do you know anything about a ritual we’re supposed to – I don’t know, use with Mel? She said something yesterday...”

“Oh yes, the old greeting. Don’t worry I can teach you:”

“You sure you were a hunter? Professor seems more likely.”

“Professor of what?”

“Mythology? Religion? No idea. Don’t think i went to college.”

“You’re smart enough” Roderick says, frowning, handing him to plates. Michael fills them quickly to hide his blush.

“Oh, I got that, don’t worry. If I weren’t, I’d hardly be alive now. I have to be, what, pushing forty?”

“You don’t look older than thirty-two” Roderick snorts. “I’m the one who has the experience here.”

“Of course, peaches” he answers lightly, handing him his plate. It almost feels... domestic. “Did Mel say anything that could shed light on our problem?”

“Which one?”

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“If you think I am a professor, I think I’ll have to ask you to specify.”

Michael definitely does not imagine Roderick as a professor then, maybe wearing glasses –

Oh God, he didn’t even know he was into that sort of thing. As if this wasn’t complicated enough already.

“What I meant is, did she see anything on your soul that might indicate who or what placed the spell on us?”

“No. She just told me exactly what you said she would.”

“The whole newborn thing?”

Roderick nods and pushes his plate away. “Look” he says, “I know this is far from ideal, but we have to trust one another unconditionally if we want to figure out what has been happening.” It’s obvious he’s forcing the words out, that he’d rather keep some of his cars close to his chest, but he’s right. They have to trust one another if they want to survive.

“I agree” Michael replies.

Another sharp nod. “Then you should know that... I might not have been human before all this happened.”

He stares at his companion. The thought certainly never occurred to him. Roderick acts very human. Smart, sometimes grumpy, sometimes downright joyful (his laugh is one of those things Miechal is determined not to talk about, no matter how honest they want to be with one another). “What else do you think you were? Werewolf? Vampire? Ghost?”

“Judging from my dreams... it could be something worse than that” he says slowly.

“What?”

“You were terrified in your dreams, right?”

“Of course. Someone slices into you –“

“But I was – doing things” he’s wording this carefully so neither of them will have an episode, Dean realizes, “And I was enjoying them. I think it might be possible that I was – evil. In some capacity.”

Silence falls over the table.

Finally, Michael makes a decision. “Look, I get what you’re saying. But right now? It doesn’t matter. As you said, we have to be honest with one another and – you’re human. That’s what matters. If we find out anything... we can deal with it.”

The look Roderick bestows on him is as astonished as it is grateful.

[dothwrites]

spn15 spec, destiel, post 15.18, mcd?? sort of???

---

And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend.--Antoine de-Saint Exupery, The Little Prince

---

Castiel opens his eyes in nothingness. 

It’s not dark, though the air which presses around him is thick onyx. There is neither gravity nor weightlessness here. Castiel exists but he does so in a void so barren that he doubts his own mind. He opens his mouth to call out, but no sound escapes. 

Castiel exists in ignorance for one, glorious moment. Then the weight of memory crushes into him. His chest buckles underneath the pressure. He tries to scream, but the vast emptiness swallows the sound. 

---

“Cas, we can fight this!” 

Dean, his Righteous Man, Dean, the shining beacon, his friend...The first real friend he’d ever made. Dean is ready to fight. Dean would fight God, has indeed fought God. But he can’t fight this. 

The door shudders in its frame. Blow after blow rains down on the weakening wood. Already, the wood is splintering under the assault. The thin strip of light at the bottom of the door disappears underneath a sea of writhing black. The Empty is here. It wants what it was promised.  

“Dean,” he says. He intends to say much more--It’s too late, let me go, thank you--but his voice cracks on the single syllable of Dean’s name. 

He wants to stay. God help him, but he wants to stay. 

“No, dammit Cas! You don’t get to give up! We can fight this thing, we can keep running, we can...” Dean’s voice trails off into nothing as he looks wildly around the small room. 

Though he might protest, Castiel knows that Dean is a man bailing out a sinking ship. In his heart, Dean knows the battle is already lost. But he’s still defiant, still clinging to the faintest shred of hope.

Castiel loves him for that. 

“You fought for the whole world.” Castiel’s voice is weak and pale against the ear-shattering thunder of the Empty’s attempts to break into the room. 

“Cas, no--” 

“But you can’t fight for me.” 

The words shatter something vital in him. Castiel gasps as the agony shreds through him. He thought there would be more time. He thought that happiness was an ideal that no one could ever reach. He thought there would be time, he doesn’t want to go, he wants to stay--

“Cas, I can’t...Not again, I can’t lose you again, please don’t go--” 

Black seeps into the room, slender tendrils snaking across the room towards where they stand. Castiel feels every second ticking away. He’s lived for millennia, seen worlds and empires rise and fall, felt the passing of centuries like nothing more than a passing breeze. Millions of years, and now, when it means everything, he has no time. 

Castiel cups Dean’s cheek with one shaking hand. If this is it, then he doesn’t want to leave with any regrets. “Dean,” he croaks. That word has become his compass, his prayer, the star to which he hitched his wagon. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. If I had a choice, i would stay. I would stay with you through every sunrise and sunset, through every moment, the mundane and extraordinary alike.” Castiel’s voice catches in his throat as the door finally shatters and darkness pours into the room. 

“You’ve taught me everything, Dean, and I...I’m so grateful that I got to know you. Without you...” 

Castiel can’t continue. He’s immeasurably grateful for all he’s experienced with Dean, but he’s always been greedy. He wants more. He wants to see Dean’s hair continue to silver until it’s soft and grey. He wants to go fishing with Dean and discover the peace inherent in the activity. He wants to watch Jack grow into his own and Sam start a family. He wants, with a fierceness that takes his breath away. 

Darkness curls around his ankle and winds its way up his calf. 

Dean shakes his head. Tears well in his eyes but refuse to spill over, though his lower lip shakes. “Please,” he asks, tilting his head into Castiel’s palm. “I can’t...how am I supposed to do this without you?” 

Castiel starts to respond, but his voice is cut off by the swift, hard press of Dean’s lips into his. His heart jolts and gutters in his chest before it picks up again, beating so hard he thinks it might escape through the confines of his ribs. 

“I love you.” 

The words tumble out of Castiel’s mouth, the same as they did years ago when he was rotting from in the inside out. The same frantic need consumes him now as it did then, when every beat of his heart dragged him closer to the edge of oblivion, when seconds were more precious than gold, when he was so close to losing everything--

Dean sobs. He clutches the lapels of Castiel’s coat and kisses him, teeth bruising behind his lips.

Castiel’s whole lower body is engulfed in darkness so complete that it feels as though it’s ceased to exist. His whimper is lost in Dean’s mouth. 

“No,” Dean gasps, pulling away. Castiel already knows the cause of Dean’s denial. He can feel it, creeping up his chest and shoulders, slithering down to his arms. He remembers how it was to be devoured, remembers the noxious black ooze of the Leviathan crawling through him, but this is worse, is so much worse, because now he knows what Dean’s lips taste like, now he knows everything he has to lose--

“Cas, I love you,” Dean tells him, though his words echo strangely. The Empty crawls up his throat. Castiel chokes on it, but he doesn’t dare to blink. He can’t lose a second of this, of Dean’s face, horrified and tear-stricken though it is. 

Seconds tick away like centuries, Dean’s face in front of him. Castiel can’t hear what he’s saying, but he can see the words shaped on his lips. 

I’ll find you, I promise, I’m coming for you, Cas, Cas, I love--

And then. 

Empty. 

---

With the image of Dean’s face in his mind, Castiel screams. 

There is no sound in the Empty, but he screams anyway. His agony and loss pour out of him, his grief and fear. Everything that he’s lost, Dean--

Castiel screams until his voice cracks and breaks, until his throat is shredded and raw, until he tastes blood in the back of his throat. 

Hollow, he slumps to the side, curling into himself. His one consolation was that he would at least be asleep for the rest of eternity. He wouldn’t have to live with the weight of everything he’d lost. Now, even that slender comfort has been ripped from him. For the rest of time, he’ll have to exist with the memory of Dean’s glassy eyes, with the sound of Dean’s choked voice echoing through his skull, with the phantom ache of Dean’s lips against his. Castiel shudders, sobs ripping out of his throat. 

“Jesus. So much for helping.” 

Castiel blinks. The sound of another voice is foreign in this void where nothing should exist. He rolls over, looking up at the sardonic face staring down at him. 

“Ruby,” he rasps, then remembers himself. 

That’s not Ruby. 

“Go away,” he mutters. He wraps his arms around his legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. There’s no point in having pride here, not when time is meaningless and every second is a torture. The Empty already knows his secrets, though why it chose Ruby’s form to torment him is a mystery. 

“Look feathers, you were the one who screwed the pooch on this whole ‘fixing eternity’ thing. So I think I’m going to stick around for a bit.” 

“There’s no point,” Castiel says miserably. “You got what you wanted. I’m here. I’m suffering. What more could you possibly want from me?”

“Were you dropped on your halo? I told you what I wanted the last time you were here. I want out, you moron. I told you to find a way out, and you wound up here, which is kind of the opposite of what I asked.” 

Castiel blinks slowly, lifting his forehead from his knees. “Ruby?” he asks. 

Ruby rolls her eyes and sighs for dramatic effect. “Yeah, dumbo. You know, I’ve only been trying to tell you that since the beginning.” 

“I can’t trust that.” Castiel remembers all too well the last time he was here, the jolt of pleasure at seeing Meg once more only to realize that the Empty was aping her appearance to hurt him. “The Empty, it takes on your visage, your memories--”

“Yeah, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.” Ruby’s eyes flash black. “You know, as much as you can.” 

“I’d pay attention to her, Clarence. If you don’t, then she’ll probably kick your ass.” 

Castiel knows that voice. He whirls around. Meg’s face greets him, a tiny smirk twisting her lips upward. “Meg,” he whispers, an odd combination of grief and happiness twisting in his chest. 

“The one and only,” she assures him. 

A small shred of doubt clings at the back of Castiel’s mind, but he has to trust in something right now. Even if it’s two dead demons. 

“Castiel. So lovely to see you again. Though I can’t say that I agree with the company you’re keeping these days.” 

Make that three dead demons. 

“Crowley,” Castiel breathes. 

The demon looks exactly the same as he did  the day he died. His suit is pristine, down to the pocket square. He looks at Meg and Ruby with disdain before he turns that expression on Castiel. “I suppose you’re doing your biannual visit to this dump? Feel like taking any passengers out with you when you make your escape this time?” 

“I’m not...I made a deal,” Castiel whispers. He made a deal to save his son and he’ll never regret that, not for a second, but then he thinks of Dean’s face. “I’m not leaving.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so negative, Cassie. You do have a way of wriggling out of the tightest of places.” 

Mingled guilt and joy sear through Castiel as he turns around. Balthazar’s familiar face looks at him. Balthazar raises an eyebrow. “No hug?” he asks. 

“I don’t understand,” Castiel breathes. Surrounded by ghosts from his past, he feels weak. “None of you should be awake. That’s the whole point of this place. All of us, asleep, forever.” 

“That’s the way it should be, but you have a habit of wrecking the natural order.” Castiel winces at Anna’s cool voice. Though there’s no real judgement in her voice, there’s also no real warmth. “It’s been changing here, ever since your last visit.” 

“I woke it up.” 

“And because you woke it up, we all started to awake as well.” Hannah’s calm voice joins their small group, though it’s growing steadily larger. “All of us, demons and angels, started awaking. At first, it was just for moments, but lately, it’s been distracted. More of us have been able to stay awake for longer. Eventually we started finding each other.” 

“That’s my boy,” Meg says, unmistakable fondness in her voice. “Shaking up the natural order, wrecking the whole of the afterlife.” 

Castiel’s eyes dart between all of them, former enemies, allies, and friends. “Is this all of you?” 

“Were you not listening? Did they not just tell you that we’ve all been waking up, at least a little bit?” 

Gabriel pops into existence next to Castiel. Despite himself, Castiel jerks back in surprise. 

“So, what’s it going to be, Cas? Are you going to just pop out of here like always?” Crowley brings Castiel’s brain back to the present. 

When he made his deal, he made it with full awareness that there was no coming back. He accepted that burden because he knew it was the only way he could save Jack. 

But that was before he felt Dean’s lips against his, before he heard the words fall from Dean’s mouth. I love you. 

When he made the deal, he had never heard those words directed at him. When he made the deal, he had nothing to fight for. 

Now he does.

He made a choice long ago. You don’t have to be ruled by Fate. You can choose freedom. 

Castiel looks at all of them, demons and angels alike, and makes a choice. 

“We’ve got work to do.”