#the i've seen you a lot line or like that awkward watch early on are tiny but do so much and let Marisha as Beau know to keep going

[utilitycaster]

Talking as players outside the game is an incredibly important part of having good PC/PC D&D relationships, and obviously the characters involved in the relationship talking to each other in meaningful ways is crucial, but I think the importance of talking in-game in depth to other people is really underrated, in that it not only tells the other player what your character is feeling without having to reveal it in-game to them, but also serves to engage other characters in the story and deepen those platonic bonds to the point where they might even serve as confidants or wingmen. To give a bunch of examples and what they achieved:

Vax telling Gilmore he didn't want to string him along made it clear out of game that his feelings towards Keyleth were his priority, even though it happened where the other characters were not able to hear.

Similarly, Vex giving her blessing eventually after her initial resistance signaled to Liam that this would not be a major break between the twins.

Vax asking Vex what she intended to do about her feelings for Percy served not only as an opportunity for her to voice them to someone; it also serves as a big green light for Taliesin as Percy to kiss Vex later that episode (which he had already from Vex's resurrection ritual, but it underscores it).

Pike talking about Scanlan with Keyleth and Vex allows her to make it clear that she does ultimately like a lot of things about him despite sometimes being annoyed, and her talking to him through her earring while Scanlan is very much not there but Sam is at the table also serves as this kind of green light.

Jester asking Veth about kissing in relationship to Fjord lets Travis know where Jester is at and invests Veth in-game in the relationship.

Caleb asking Jester if she's "sweet on [Fjord]" lets her openly reassess her feelings after an intense arc and also indicates in-game that Caleb has noticed.

Beau waiting to hear the sound of thunder signals to Ashley (who was not at the table but who was presumably staying updated on events) that Beau has feelings for Yasha; it also allows those playing Yasha (often Matt for pure RP and Travis in combat) to return that flirting, since the baseline was already established.

Possibly the most obvious example, but Beau and Fjord's conversation on Rumblecusp not only clarifies to the whole table where everyone is (opening the door, for example, for the scenes in the beer garden a few episodes later of Caleb having Fjord and Jester dance together and Caduceus encouraging Yasha to pursue Beau) but very much serves as a green light to Ashley and Laura respectively. This is then mirrored by them talking after Beau has asked Yasha on a date and Fjord and Jester have kissed, and everyone involved can "debrief" with their partners not present in-game.

As mentioned, this is mostly about PC/PC relationships because PC/NPC is an inherently different dynamic mechanically though still should be a conversation, but Veth describing Yeza and Jester asking Caleb about his feelings about Essek both give Matt clues for playing these NPCs and how things might be received.

FRIDA mentioning their crush on FCG to Deanna means it's not a complete surprise to Sam, since it is a very sudden relationship, and lets him prepare and decide how FCG would feel in the moment, and also establishes how Deanna will feel about it.

Similarly in the C3 Uthodurn arc, Fearne going to Chetney about Deanna is an incredibly good move from Ashley (to the point that talking about this is what led me to write this whole post). It lets Travis play out where Chetney is. It lets Aabria therefore hear not only where Chetney is, but also know that Fearne is potentially interested. It establishes a ton of the dynamics for a relationship that out of game everyone knows will not have a full campaign to play out since one of the characters involved is a guest. And finally, it signals to Christian as FRIDA what the situation is in case Deanna confides in them.

[abiiors]

red lines - pt. 2 ║// matty healy x reader

a/n: this was supposed to be a late christmas/new year's gift for you lot but oh well, consider this an early valentine's day gift now lol. this is sad but also smutty which seems to be my favourite thing to write so enjoy ♡ cw: angst, crying (so much of it my god) (seriously, matty cries after sex like a loser) and arguments, a briefly sick baby (she has a cold) fucked up relationships in general, typos, probably cringe idk. wc: 6.5k here's part 1

matty’s red rimmed eyes stare back at you. 

if it weren’t for your baby’s soft babbling grounding you, you would have slammed the door in his face the second you opened it. before he even had the chance to get a word in. not like he’s said anything yet—he’s busy looking from mia to you and back to mia who’s strapped to your chest, face away from him. 

his daughter. he doesn’t even know what his daughter looks like. 

your heart hammers in your chest as you look at him, take him in properly. he looks like he’s been frozen in time—the same man you left almost a year ago, maybe with a few more greys on his head now. but everything about him harshly pulls you back in time. 

looking at him after all this time is like having the last piece of a puzzle click in place. 

“hi,” he says, and looks at the back of mia’s head for a moment. his hands twitch at his sides and matty shoves them in his pockets quickly. 

you clear your throat. “hi.”

the silence that lingers is so awkward that even the baby senses it. she fusses and lets out a soft whine and you know you only have a few moments before the whine turns into a full cry. 

“come in,” you offer and he nods. 

the door shuts behind him with a deafening creek and the silence returns with a vengeance. 

you watch matty as he looks around him. you wonder how it all looks through his eyes—a house that’s neither too clean, nor too messy, mia’s toys on the sofa, her bottle on the kitchen table, half finished. the half cooked pancake in the pan. and then he looks at the baby. 

you watch him carefully, look at the way his eyes shine so brightly and the subtle tremble of his lips. matty takes his hand out of his pocket and reaches out. about to touch her blanket. but you step back on instinct and his hand lingers in the air before falling at his side, limp and useless. 

“what do you want, matty?” you ask, your voice more steady than you expected.

he swallows harshly. “i wanted–i thought i’d…”

“you thought…?”

he squares his shoulder and straightens his spine, gathering courage just like you’ve seen him do so many times in the past. 

“i wanted to see her. mia. it’s a beautiful name…”

“who told you her name?”

you don’t know where the snapping, harsh tone comes from but matty flinches regardless. you don’t give him a chance to answer though. you know who told him her name. 

“it was adam, wasn’t it?”

“please don’t be mad at him,” matty tries hastily and takes a step forward before coming to an abrupt stop. “i begged until… yeah, i begged him to tell me.”

“look i…” he continues, “i messed up, okay? i messed up big time. i've spent every day regretting it. i miss both of you, and i can't—”

“you miss her?” your voice rings out around the room. 

mia in your arms is the only thing stopping you from yelling as your entire body shakes with so much rage. you try to keep the tears at bay, you really do but they fall one after the other. land softly on her head. 

“you miss her, do you, matty? do you even know what she looks like?”

he shakes his head and looks down in shame. 

“no? you didn’t beg your best friend for a photo?” your voice has taken a mocking quality—ugly and cruel. words meant to hurt him, to damage him. words that might give him a taste of a fraction of what you went through. 

“please, i—”

“get out.”

“no, listen to me! please, just—”

“leave!”

matty stumbles back and mia breaks into a cry. whatever possessed you to yell like that leaves instantly, zapping away every ounce of strength in your body. your knees shake with the effort of standing upright. your arms tighten around the baby. 

matty wipes his eyes quickly and makes his way out the door. 

it’s the thud that breaks the last of your restraint. quietly, you sit on the floor, soothing her for what feels like hours. trying to calm yourself by breathing in her scent. she’s safe. you’re both safe. 

you don’t need a third. 

you only need her. 

matty doesn’t give up. 

although he doesn’t show up again in person, a box shows up at the door—one addressed to both you and mia. it feels heavy in your hands and something rattles inside. 

as curious as you are, you set it on the dining table and go about your day. 

you don’t need any of this, whatever he’s sent is probably useless. it’s silly and meant to break down your defenses. you’re sure of it. 

still, every time you pass by it, the box seems to wink at you. so you chuck it in a random drawer—one where you keep the extra nappies, the backup-backup-backup ones—and breathe a sigh of relief.

relief that’s almost comically short-lived.

the days pass, and life falls back into its routine—diapers, bottles, and the sweet sound of mia's coos and giggles. the box from matty remains tucked away in the drawer, almost forgotten. you convince yourself that whatever he sent doesn't matter; you've built a new life for you and mia, and that's all that matters.

it's a rainy afternoon when mia decides to unleash chaos upon her last clean onesie. a cosmic fucking joke really that she should need her backup-backup-backups when you’ve almost managed to forget about the box. but there it is, sitting atop the neatly stacked diapers—a plain cardboard box, tied with a simple piece of twine.

you take it out and set it on the kitchen table. then you brew yourself an extra strong cup of coffee and sit in front of it, almost like it’s a staring match…

who’s going to break first?

but obviously it’s a cardboard box, it stays fucking still no matter how hard you wish for it to burst into flames. so you take a sip of coffee and begin undoing the twine. your hands tremble as you lift the lid. your heartbeat quickens. 

first you see a layer of tissue papers covering something and then under it, a plain envelope with your name written on it in matty’s handwriting. 

inside it is a piece of paper, slightly torn at the edges. folded and refolded a million times. 

hi, my love please come home i’m so sorry i don't expect you to forgive me. i messed up. horribly. there’s no other way to put it. and there's no excuse for the pain i've caused. i understand if you never want to see me again, but please, i’m begging you to let me see her just once. just to let her get to know her father. so that i can get to know my daughter.  i know what i did is unforgivable but it’s like half a piece of my heart has been missing since you walked out i let you walk out.  i don’t expect you to let me back into your lives but please let me hold her just once.  i would also like to set up a small trust fund in her name if you give me permission. i won’t have any control over it, but i want her to have something from me for anything she might want in the future.  i’m leaving that decision up to you.  there are post cards in here that i wrote for you and for her when things got really really bad. it’s not an excuse for how i behaved but some day i hope we could be together friends again.  till then just know that not a moment goes by when i don’t wish i could go back in time and stop myself from till then i hope you know how incredibly sorry i am. i hope you know that i will always have nothing but love and respect for you. and for mia.  love,  matty

the weight of the emotions threatens to suffocate you. the scratched-out bits from the letter are just slightly visible. not really enough for you to make it out properly but whatever it says has to be too personal, right? 

you sink further into the chair, and tears blur your vision. the postcards are right there under the letter—a hundred or so—his heart bared to you. all of the best and worst parts. all the ugly ones too. 

and then there’s the trust fund that he wants to set up. 

you know it’s the smart thing to do. you can’t have emotions clouding your judgement when it comes to securing her future. and he said he won’t have any control over it so that’s good, right…?

and yet a part of you hesitates to pick up the cards and read his words. 

everything feels too raw, too vulnerable and honest. 

everything feels too much.

you think and you think and you think for the next few days. 

all you do is think about him and the postcards and the trustfund. you even have a little spat with your mum when she says it’s a good idea. you accuse her of playing the devil’s advocate but ultimately she’s right. 

this is not about you. this is about your daughter. 

so you let her bathe mia and get her ready for bed, and then you pick up your phone and open the old text thread. 

have an amazing night, babe. break a leg.

the text sits there innocently. the words are still the same—casual and loving and normal and almost like they were written in a foreign language. you quickly wipe up your tears and delete the old thread before there’s time to second-guess it. 

gone. winked out of existence just like that. 

and then you open a fresh new thread. 

hi matty, hope you’re well.  got your letters hello matty hey. i got the box. can we talk?

it amazes you how much back and forth you have to do for a simple message. how many times you talk yourself out of sending it. but once it’s gone. it’s gone. 

half a minute later, three dots dance in response. 

hey, would love to. next sunday?

sunday works. that’s exactly a week from now. enough time for you to prepare mentally. it’s also a day after your mum gets back from her mini holiday so you can just leave mia with her without having to worry about bringing her with you. 

sunday works. see you then. 

and that’s the end of that. you switch your phone off and vow to not think about him till then. if only it were that easy…

three days later you wake up to a shrill cry coming from the nursery. 

hastily you check the time, 2:37 am, and run to check up on mia, heart thudding in your chest. she’s usually such a calm baby. she sleeps so well through the night and yet the closer you get the louder her cries get. 

the more you feel fear grip your chest. 

“oh my love, what’s wrong? what’s wrong, baby?”

she continues to wail even after you check her diapers and feel her cot for any wetness. it’s only when you gently touch her cheek do you realise how warm she feels. heat radiates from her little body and panic sets in as you rush to the kitchen to grab the thermometer. the digital display confirms your fear—a fever.

not very high but still, she’s sick for the first time in her life. 

“you’ve got a fever sweet girl,” you coo and clear your dry throat. 

fuck! calling your mum’s not an option. calling the gp’s also not an option. 

her loud cries make your heart squeeze in pain. rocking doesn’t help. strapping her to your naked chest helps only for about ten minutes until she’s screaming once again. 

you try a bath, hoping the vapour would clear her cold a little but all it does it give you a headache. 

your head feels like it’s about to burst open, blood splattering on the walls and everywhere else as mia continues to cry until her whole body is pink and red from the effort. how does a tiny baby have this much strength in her lungs? you feel her forehead for the tenth time—warm, and you wipe away her runny nose. but no amount of cooing and rocking her helps. 

“calm down, darling,” you try to shush her, a note of begging in your voice. your temples throb and mia wails right next to your ears.

you think maybe singing to her would calm her down but any more exertion and the black dots in your vision continue to swim around. 

fuck. 

you need help. and your mum is not an option. absolutely no one you can call at 3:30 in the morning. 

absolutely no one who will even answer. 

but that’s not true is it…

with shaky hands you pick up your phone and dial his number. you’d promised yourself never to go crawling to him for help. but the universe has a funny way of forcing your hand. 

desperation for your daughter's well-being overrides any pride or resentment. the phone rings, each tone louder than the last. just as you’re sure it’s about to go unanswered, his groggy, sleepy voice comes through from the other side. 

“hello?”

you barely give him the chance to speak before launching into your panic-filled pleas. “matty, it’s mia. she’s sick–she won’t–she’s so warm and my mum’s not here and i don’t–nothing's working—”

“hey, hey, love calm down,” he shushes from the other side and then there's rustling in the background. “i’m coming over.”

matty doesn’t even take fifteen minutes to get to your house, eyes widening the second he takes a look at you and your daughter. she’s been attached to you like an extra limb ever since you woke up to her crying. not that you’ve had the heart to set her down for any longer than necessary but you’re aware how deranged you must look with your hair all over the place and red eyes, exhaustion embedded so deep down in your bones that no amount of sleep will get rid of it. 

“she won’t stop crying,” you launch into it the second he steps inside. every two words you hiccup, trying and failing to keep the sobs at bay. “she has a cold, matty. i’ve tried everything. we had a warm bath, i gave her some calpol. i’ve tried rocking her and singing to her and i’m so fucking tired but she’s just–she won’t stop—”

“hey…” it only takes one gentle touch from him to make you forget every single feeling of apprehension. matty’s frown deepens.

“are you sure?” his voice has suddenly gone quiet, so quiet that you barely hear it over the baby’s cries. 

you look at him in confusion. “didn’t you listen to me? yes i’m fucking sure, she’s ill, matty. look at her!” your voice rises another octave, more and more panicked as another moment passes by and she refuses to settle down.

“no i…” he steps closer and extends his hand. almost afraid to touch her or you. maybe afraid that you might step away like last time. but you stay in place and matty touches the back of her head. it's featherlight at first as if she might break if he puts too much force into it. one touch and she’d crumble away like she was never here at all. 

as if this was all his dream. 

“no, i meant…” he swallows harshly and clears his throat. “are you sure you want me to take her?”

the hold you have on her loosens ever so slightly. 

you called matty here. it’s not like he showed up, unannounced and drunk, no! he showed up at an ungodly hour to help you. if anything… that earns him a tiny, miniscule brownie point. 

“do you know how to—”

“hold a baby?” he quips and you notice the way his face brightens almost imperceptibly, barely even noticeable. “i do, i’ve uh… yeah. i do.”

he doesn’t elaborate further, he only stands there patiently until you find your hold on her loosening. you will your heart to calm down, will your body to not be so rigid. then you take a deep breath and extend her to him.

she looks almost different in his arms. smaller somehow, so much more like him than you realised. and matty’s face holds an expression you’ve never seen before. 

something about it makes your heart stutter. 

he’s enamoured by her, so much so that he barely even reacts when she sneezes in his face and keeps crying even though it’s a bit softer now. maybe she’s just as distracted trying to process him, maybe she feels something too—a bond that’s somehow always been there, hidden and battered and hanging on by a thread. 

in a heartbeat, his face changes and he holds her to his chest. 

in a tentative voice, matty shushes her, bounces her a bit just like you had been. you wring your hands nervously waiting for something to happen. maybe he’d realise he still doesn’t want her, that he was wrong to think he did. maybe he’d give her back and leave you again quietly. 

your chest hurts at the thought, but you will it away and watch matty cuddle her closer. 

he holds her as tightly as possible without hurting her. matty closes his eyes and presses his face into her head, he swallows harshly and for a moment his whole body shudders. when he opens them again, they’re tinged pink, and he quickly looks away. 

“can you—” he clears his throat and tries again. “can you show me where the nursery is?”

you nod and gesture for him to follow. mia’s cries slow a little when matty starts walking. he continues shushing her and attempting baby talk which is slightly amusing despite everything. he gives up in a few seconds though and goes back to talking to her normally. 

“just a cold, my love,” you hear him faintly, “they’re really annoying though, aren’t they?”

in spite of yourself, you smile and stop in front of the nursery. 

“she usually likes the chair.”

matty looks to the corner of the room where you’re pointing and nods. then he clears his throat. 

“should i… uh, does she have a favourite blanket?”

the fact he thought of it is impressive. and she does, but you know it’s just been washed and folded. to get it for her, you’d have to leave them alone. for the first time ever. 

the rational part of your brain knows it won’t be a big deal. it’s two minutes at most and it’s not like matty’s gonna run away with her. your heart pounds regardless, and your feet feel leaden. 

“sure, it’s–yeah, let me just…” and then you leave before you have the chance to overthink it. 

by the time you’re get back to the nursery, soft blanket in hand, matty’s already settled in the rocking chair, mia in his arms with her cheek squished against his chest. 

he’s unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt so he’s not entirely shirtless but just enough to feel her against his skin—to get a second chance at the skin-to-skin he missed. 

“that’s it, darling,” he speaks softly and strokes her cheek. “settle down for me. daddy’s gonna take care of you, okay?”

with every word he speaks, her eyes get droopier, her sniffles turn to quiet breaths until matty takes a deep breath and starts singing a quiet song. 

it’s unfamiliar at first, and he starts off unsure and off-kilter. his voice cracks, but mia babbles something and presses further into his chest. it’s then that he really smiles—wide and breath-taking and so incredibly happy that the air whooshes out of your lungs just at the sight of it. 

daddy’s gonna take care of you, okay?

and that’s exactly what he does. he pats on her back softly, presses small kisses to her head until your eyes sting and a sob almost escapes. 

quickly, you back away, still clutching the blanket. still holding back tears until you’re far, far away from him and somehow in the empty kitchen. the sky is only just turning pink, even then, the darkness lingers. and that’s when the dam breaks. 

great, heaving sobs spill out of you—ugly and wretched and loud enough that it’s a miracle matty doesn’t come running. your legs give out from under you and you slide against the counter, leaning against it and praying for any amount of strength. your chest aches and your body trembles. a distatant memory flashes across your mind—of the last time you cried like this. when you accidentally called adam instead of your mum. 

when adam did show up even if you tried to get him to leave.

the cool surface of the countertop offers a small comfort. with trembling hands, you clutch the soft blanket, and bury your face in it. it still holds the scent of baby oils and powders, of her fluffy little head that you adore so much. the same head that’s full of his curls. 

you gasp for a breath and stifle another sob. the blanket helps too—it’s grounding and comforting. it’s familiar. you force yourself to take another deep breath, and this time it comes a bit easier. the weight on your chest eases just a bit. the grief that felt so overwhelming all these months loosens its grip around your heart and in the stillness of dawn, matty’s voice floats into the kitchen. 

you stay there on the floor, counting one breath after the other, listening to his lullaby until the whole kitchen is bathed in the orange light of dawn.

then you wipe away the snot and the tears and make yourself stand up.

you hold your head in your hands, hoping the dull ache would go away soon, along with all the memories of the last 24 hours. at this point, you’d settle for the complete erasure of the last thirty minutes. 

you just want to go back to before—back to your happy cheerful baby, back to being busy enough that you have no time to think about him. 

you desperately crave the before where the crack in his voice doesn’t haunt every thought. where the song doesn’t echo in the crevices of your brain and mia’s cries don’t grow quieter with every word he sings. in fact, you crave an alternate world where she doesn’t cry at all. she sleeps through the night like always and you video call your mum when she wakes up. 

that’s what was supposed to happen. not…this. 

not matty being in your house with your—his—daughter, watching her with that devastated look on his face. 

a soft thud of the door jerks you out of your thoughts but the house remains devoid of baby cries. the only thing you can hear really is matty’s footsteps growing louder until you can see him at the door to the kitchen from the corner of your eye. 

he hesitates and lingers like he’s trapped in a limbo. 

“you can come in, you know?” you straighten and roll your neck to get rid of some of the pain. there’s a momentary relief before the ache comes flooding back. 

“she’s asleep…”

“yeah, i thought she would be.”

“she feels a bit cooler to the touch,” he reports and relief floods your chest. 

for a moment the kitchen stays silent. the birds outside chirp once in a while and you hear the occasional sounds of a car but everything else feels like it’s come to a standstill. quiet. the universe holding its breath in anticipation. 

“i should go—”

“coffee—”

you both speak at the same time and shut your mouth again. another pang of pain lances through your body and this time you barely hold back the wince. 

he wants to leave, of course, he does. just because he came through in a time of need doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a father. it doesn’t mean you’re ready to let him be her father. 

“coffee sounds nice,” he speaks so softly that you barely hear it at first. there’s trepidation in his voice; a slight tremor that he might be pushed away again but a rock lodges itself in your throat and all you can manage is a slight nod. 

you can feel his stare burning into the back of your head when you turn. the coffee pot is still full of yesterday’s grounds—something you haven’t had the chance to tidy up yet. now that you look around, the whole kitchen is a bit of a mess. you scoff to yourself. your mum’s been gone for three whole days and your life is already falling apart trying to be a single mother. 

the gurgling of water fills the kitchen as the kettle starts boiling and you look around for a spare mug. yours is right by the coffee machine but an extra one should be high up in the cupboard. 

matty’s shoes squeak on the floor but he doesn’t come any closer. 

“need any he—”

“no. i’m fine!”

and just to drive the point home, you yank the door to the top shelf open and stretch extra high to reach the spare mug. cool air brushes the exposed sliver of skin and just for a moment you’re tempted to see  if he’s looking, just for a tiny second, until pain lances through your neck and shoulder and this time the loud wince slips out. 

before you know it, matty’s behind you, steading you with a hand against the small of your back—warm palm pressed against warm, exposed skin. somewhere deep down you would have recognised him through smell alone—the same warm spicy smelled laced with just a hint of cigarette smoke that you’ve thought about on many lonely nights. 

sometimes when you’re deep asleep, it sneaks up on you, envelopes you so thoroughly that you wake up surrounded by it, suffocating almost and still desperately trying to get lungfulls of it. 

the same smell surrounds you now and matty’s body presses close to yours. 

“careful there,” he breathes and the warmth of it spreads goosebumps all over your body.

“you alright?”

you know he’s referring to your wince from two seconds ago but your brain takes an eternity to form a coherent sentence. 

“fine,” you manage. “i was rocking mia all night, think i pulled something.”

instantly, warm, rough fingers touch your shoulder and the space between you comes alive with electricity. 

“trust me,” he murmurs and somehow you find yourself nodding and closing your eyes, sighing when his fingers press into your skin. the wood the counter digs into your pelvis, almost like a tether to this world, something to stop you from floating away and giving in to his touch. heat simmers in your blood just as the water in the kettle comes to a full boil. 

“this feel good, love?”

distant thoughts remind you to say no, to move away and shut hm off again. he has no business touching you again, but your body seems disconnected from your brain. instead of walking away, you lean back, into his chest and away from the wood of the counter. 

the tether snaps but matty’s there to hold you down. his hand snakes around your waist and you spin. spin till you’re facing him and pressed flush against his chest. until his scent is all around, finally enough to settle into your lungs and not dissipate into the cloying scent of nightmares. 

“we s-shouldn’t…” you try to sound firm but the word makes you choke. matty’s eyes dip to your mouth. 

“we shouldn’t,” he agrees and presses his lip against yours. 

the kiss takes you back to the last time—to the before, in that cosy hotel room by the sea. you think of the two people tangled up in the bedsheets, naked and sweaty and happy. one of them looks remarkably like you—the same hair and eyes, the same smile, slightly fuller cheeks though. she laughs and whispers something in matty’s ear. then he nips at her lips just like he nips at yours now. 

it’s a kiss teeming with longing and desire and everything in between. 

your teeth knock against each other and matty takes advantage of your gasp to slide his tongue in, to let it run over your lip and against your tongue until you’re panting and leaning against him for support. 

“m-matty,”

“tell me you don’t wan’t me,” he says all of a sudden but his eyes are so full of so much hope that your heart might shatter into a million pieces to see it die away slowly. 

“i want you…”

and that’s the only permission he needs before his mouth is on yours again, hungry and hot, your lips between his teeth until they’re red and swollen, and only then does he move to your jaw. 

his stubble leaves a faint burn on your skin and the fire in your blood burns hotter. 

“please,” he chokes out and swallows roughly, “need to taste you, please.”

you don’t trust your voice enough to speak, instead you give him a light push on his shoulders. instantly, matty kneels between your legs and pulls your shorts down until they fall to your ankles, along with the underwear. 

silently, you curse for not bothering to shave or wear decent underwear. not like you knew this would be happening. but he’s like a man starved and every ounce of hesitation leaves when your fingers tangle in his hair. 

the tresses slip between your fingers, soft and curly and exactly how they used to feel a year ago, the greys stand out against your hand and a whine escapes you the moment his tongue connects to your clit. your breath hitches at the sight of him—eyes half-lidded, dark enough that they are almost black, lips swollen to the point they are wet and red. for a moment, you consider pulling him up just to kiss him again, to taste him again. but then matty’s tongue plunges inside you and your mind goes blank. 

his rough hand is against your thigh, fingers digging into soft flesh, another against your ass, holding you up and squeezing the flesh at the same time. your legs tremble and almost give up but he pushes you back and traps against the counter. 

you shouldn’t. you shouldn’t. you shoudn’t. you try telling that to yourself over and over again and yet your belly erupts in butterflies that just won’t go away. your hands move of their own accord, guiding his head, pushing his mouth right against your clit, and matty takes it all. 

“fuck–” he chokes out and goes back to licking another broad strip, “missed you, missed your taste, fucking missed you so much!”

tears sting your eyes and your body trembles for a different reason this time but you push it back and rut your hips against his face. 

despite the thoughts in your head, this feels good. this feels familiar and fantastic and as much as you don’t want to admit it, this feels right. 

matty moans against your clit and swipes a finger through your folds. euphoria makes your vision go white and you let yourself cry out his name. perhaps for the first time. the sound echoes around the kitchen, confined within the four walls of this room somehow even before you stifle the second scream. there’s a sleeping baby in the house after all, the last thing you need is for her to wake up and put an end to whatever this is until the awkwardness would push matty out of the house and possibly out of your life again—

your eyes scrunch shut as another lick makes your head spin. 

“fa-faster,” you moan out and shamelessly throw a leg over his shoulder, holding onto his head so tight now that he surely feels the tug. if anything, his efforts double, and his tongue plunges deeper into you than before.

the world goes hazy and soft around the edges as your eyes roll back into your head. 

fuck! he’s good… he’s always been good. he’s always known your body better than you have. besides, no one’s made you feel half as good in a year, no one besides your vibrator on occasional lonely nights. 

“fuck, darling you’re perfect…” he breathes and the word echoes around in your head. 

you were perfect. together. even after everything, nothing and no one can erase the that. 

you swallow another cry and hold onto him tighter. your head buzzes and pleasure floods through your entire body until you’re chanting his name over and over again. somewhere through it all, you’re aware of grinding against his face like a wild animal in heat but his mouth keeps up with it. if anything, his thumb joins in, pressing on your clit, pinching it just so till you jerk and let go all over his tongue. 

ecstasy replaces the blood in your veins, runs at lightning speeds and you feel as if you’re floating up, up and away if not for matty standing up, holding onto you, kissing you till you can taste yourself on his tongue—taste so much more that heat pools in your stomach again and you push your hands inside his t-shirt. 

his whole body tenses, muscles taut against your hand until he’s practically vibrating and rigid. 

“you really w-want this? me?”

the hope in his voice is barely controlled but you refuse to open your eyes. one look at him and you know your resolve will crumble and the tears will come. instead you push your face into the crook of his neck and nod. 

“i’ve never been more sure of something…”

for a moment, his breathing stops completely and matty goes still—you can almost feel his heart stop too, almost feel the stuttering beat pounding right under the palm of your hand. then the spell breaks and the clinking of his belt buckle fills the room. 

his lips press against the hollow of your throat, leaving wild, reckless marks behind before he moves over to where your pulse thrums wildly. his mouth finds the spot, sucks on it gently, and you find yourself losing in him once again. 

you feel the hardness of his cock through the boxers and before you have the chance to touch him properly, matty pulls away slightly, making you look at him in confusion. it’s only when his hand reaches for his wallet do you realise that he’s pulling out a condom.

good. there should be some barrier between you. some semblance of a boundary even though it laughably flimsy and pathetic. and well, that lack of barrier is really what landed you here in the first place. 

“i need—”

“yes,” he interrupts and goes in for another sloppy kiss. 

your hands wander until you’re pulling his hard cock out, feeling him moan into the kiss and he reluctantly pulls away to put the condom on. the moment stretches on and suddenly this whole thing feels juvenile, like he’s your high school crush. like this is your first time. excitement bubbles up in your chest—dull but unmistakably there. maybe just this once, you let it surge. 

as if in a daze, matty slides the stray hair off your shoulder, brushing away the strands until your shoulder is bared to him and kisses the exposed skin. goosebumps erupt in its wake.

the whole affair is silent—just moans and sighs and the sound of his shuddering breath before he’s slipping into you, deeper and deeper until all you feel is him and his heartbeat.

“fucking perfect, so fucking perfect…” he chants and thrusts again. and again. and again till your breathing becomes ragged and your head loses every thought once again, and then he’s the only person to matter in the world. 

you’d die if he were to let go of you now. 

his grip on you tightens and his pace becomes faster, hips slamming into yours until you’re both moaning and panting, until your face in in the crook of his neck, mouth against his neck. the kisses excite him more, make him shiver in delight, and somehow you feel him grow harder inside you—streching you out till you’re nearly in tears and crying out from pleasure that is almost overwhelming. 

“matty, you’re—i’m—”

“can’t wait to feel you drenching my cock,” his voice turns into an unexpected growl and pleasure coils in your belly. his hand inches between your legs, fingers circling your clit until his thumb is pressing down on it once again and you mewl. his chest barely even stifles it. 

“please…” you beg and get swept away by another feverish kiss. your head spins and matty’s saying something, he’s fucking into you so hard that you can barely hear a word over the obscene, wet sounds. or maybe it’s the blood rushing through your whole body that drowns it out. 

none of it matters though, not when you feel white hot pleasure swirl through you and then you clench around him, hard enough that he cries out too. hard enough that you feel him cum despite the condom. and that’s what tips you over the edge. 

matty keeps going through it, slamming into you until he eventually slows down, until he eventually stills but doesn’t pull out. you keep your eyes closed, chest heaving, breath mixing with his, bodies pressed together so tightly that you can practically feel the rush of his blood under his skin. 

some pathetic part of your brain makes tears prick at your eyes and you finally open your eyes, taking just a second to look at his face. there are lines etches into his forehead now—deep grooves that used to be much softer. a reminder of all the time that’s passed. his sweaty curls stick to his forehead, much more grey than before. much messier. still, he's as beautiful as ever, as beautiful as a forbidden fruit. 

then he opens his eyes too and the breath truly gets knocked out of you. 

after all this time, his eyes are the same warm hazel. the same eyes you look into every day. mia’s eyes. matty’s eyes. 

for a moment, the room feels colder. the orange hue feels odd and unnatural but it’s just a trick of the light, just a trick of an overthinking mind.  

“we—”

“don’t,” you interrupt quickly. “please, just… let me stay like this. let me have this memory.”

matty hmms, then moves his hand to the back of your head, fingers in your hair until you feel something wet on your cheeks, on your shoulders. until you feel his body shaking. you don’t look up. you don’t try to console him either. you just stay like that, breathe him in until your lungs feel full enough to burst. 

you know how this ends. deep down, you’ve always known it. 

still, letting go of him feels like plunging a knife in your chest. 

there will be a part 3, this was getting too long.

lemme know what you think <33

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[crackers4jenn]

Okay, now that it's the next day and my brain isn't just a swirling hormone cyclone of horny Looney Tunes noises I wanted to recap Misha's live show a little more thoroughly for my own memories, since you couldn't take photos or record.

*

I went with a friend who's only experience of the spn fandom is via me trauma dumping on her about it. She's seen some of the show, post-Nov 5th, but she didn't develop any sort of attachment or, you know, "mild liking" to it at all. She gave up several seasons in and declared her life all the better for it. Fair! An appropriate response, actually.

But because of this, she didn't really have an idea of what to expect from the show. Same here - I mean, I figured there was going to be a comedic element to it - but that was as specific as my understanding got. I've been watching spn con panels online for years and years, though, so I knew going in what Misha's on stage humor was like, what sort of jokes he'd probably tell. She went in blind, and she did have a fun time, but her first takeaway after was "that was.... interesting." 😂

Okay, so first of all! The venue was separate from the con, we got there a little before 7 when they were supposed to open the doors, with the show starting at 7:30. Instead, we got let in late, but most people seemed pretty chill about it. I will say, waiting in line wasn't my fave. It was very loud, we were right by the bar, there was music playing, everyone was using their Outside Voices. With my voice so hoarse, I could barely talk with my friend without her first going "What????" so I definitely wasn't making pals with anyone around. But I did overhear quite a few people who had shown up solo who were finding other people to talk to. So if you're going to a future show by yourself and you're worried about feeling anxious or awkward or lonely, don't! The fandom is friendly, they'll make you comfortable. Even with my standoff-looking ass being so quiet, people were still complimenting my hair (up in space buns) and socks (strawberries) and being generally really nice.

The first part of Misha's show was a little clunky. He came out, uttered the words "enormous cock" about his newborn self, and it took some time for him to find his pace. But after about, I don't know, ten minutes, he seemed less awkward and more comfortable being up there stared at by so many people.

He talked about his mom dressing him as a girl when he was young; painting his nails, growing his hair long, putting him in tights. How this meant that, as a child, he thought he was going to grow up to be a woman. He also talked about how this meant he was a bit of a freak in his blue collar North Eastern hometown, and he got beat up because of it.

He mentioned his mom's activism, in ways that both positively and negatively impacted him. There were quite a few tales of close calls with drugs, of a childhood sleeping in tents, of being poor, of moving constantly, of being encouraged to not live by societal rules. When he talked about his mom, there was always a lot of fondness, and at the end of the show, he was straight up tearing up reading a newspaper article about her.

He talked about getting a boner in his first sex scene, when he had a role on 24. His partner in the scene wrote "hi, Misha" on her pasties and that apparently did it for him. This story was obviously rife with "my dick is so big" jokes.

He also talked about sneaking into a Hollywood Oscar's party v. early on in his career (as in, before he had one) and mingling with the likes of Jude Law (who, of course, was at a urinal next to him admiring his enormous cock) and Brad Pitt, and Chloe Sevigny giving him her number.

He talked about his kids a bunch. His divorce was turned into a punchline or two. (But never directed at his ex-wife 💖) He brought up his new girlfriend, so I had to sit there and endure the "I bought a sex toy for my long distance lady that she mistook for a birthday present for her kid" story, which!!! I knew was coming, that's something I had heard about from previous shows. And lemme say: uncomfortable to read those words, even MORE uncomfortable to listen to him admit it aloud in front of an audience that was half cringing, half cackling.

There were a couple points where he forgot where he was going with the story he was telling, or where he kind of just spaced out, or he played up the awkwardness. And it was all very charming! He's just a charismatic guy, he's got a great stage presence. The event was like a one-man stage production slash autobiographical comedy show, and somehow him oscillating between poignant sincerity and dick humor really worked. Probably because of the aforementioned charisma. And also that he's smoking hot. I mean!! I went paragraphs upon paragraphs without saying it, so I feel I'm allowed one objectifying "awoooooga" at the end here.

Anyway, I mentioned that my friend's initial reaction to the show was "interesting" but she enjoyed herself too and laughed in shocked delight way more than she doubled over in secondhand embarrassment, so, win!!

Personally, I had a great time. I've been to a few spn conventions before and I don't really enjoy the "dance, puppet, dance!" atmosphere that sometimes happens, or how parasocial it feels, but even when Misha took off his overshirt early on and flashed some skin, no one really hooted and hollered. He did label us his therapists early on, though, so maybe we were all respecting our professional boundaries.

In conclusion: 10/10, would do it again!

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part thirty-four: "The Ex Encounter"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your Sunday morning coffee date certainly doesn’t start off as you’d planned.

Or

An uncomfortable run-in with an ex causes tension between you and Matt.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 3.1k

a/n: This is a light angst installment, friends! Who's ex do we run into? Read and find out! You can find the list of all of these installments on tumblr here as well! Enjoy!

The smell of freshly roasted and ground coffee beans surrounded you as you waited in line at the coffee shop. Hands fidgeting with your purse strap, you glanced down at your pocket. For a moment you debated on not checking your phone and just continuing to wait, but then your overthinking mind forced you to slip your phone out of your pocket and glance at the screen. No calls or messages from Matt still. You sighed, slipping the phone back into your pocket. He was supposed to have been here ten minutes ago to meet you, but you figured you’d give him a little longer before trying to call him. Maybe his alarm wasn’t set for this morning or he’d gotten slowed down by the mid-morning foot traffic.

Absently, you chewed your thumbnail as you stared vacantly ahead, beginning to wonder how many minutes you had spent standing in lines ever since you’d moved to Hell’s Kitchen. The number was probably something that would leave you appalled. Then you began curiously people-watching the coffee shop patrons seated at the tables. A few were here in groups or pairs, but even for it being a Sunday morning, a handful of people were alone at a table staring at a laptop screen or typing furiously on a phone.

With a sigh, your mind began to drift as the line moved forward, wondering what was taking Matt so long. Usually he was the one who arrived ahead of time for your coffee dates. You found yourself internally contemplating calling him–how early would be too early to check in with him?

Gnawing on the inside of your cheek, you slipped your phone out of your pocket again. He was fifteen minutes late now. And there still were no messages or calls from him. Shoulders sagging, you pulled up your contacts and searched for Matt’s name, but abruptly halted, brows furrowing when you swore you heard someone calling your name behind you. And then you heard it again–your full name. Confused, your hand lowered as you spun around behind you towards the voice.

Your eyes instantly grew wide. It was your ex, the guy you’d dated shortly after you’d moved to Hell’s Kitchen a couple of years ago. You had met him at another coffee shop quite a few blocks over–one you intentionally had steered clear of after your breakup to avoid an awkward, emotional run in with him. Eventually you’d found other coffee shops you preferred, including this one, and you’d forgotten all about the one that had always been his go-to spot.

But now, there he was, staring at you with a warm, familiar smile on his face as he gazed down at you. You awkwardly smiled back, greeting him politely in return.

"It's been so long since I've seen you!" he exclaimed. "What, like almost two years now?"

Nervously you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and nodded, shooting him a tight lipped smile. "Yeah, uh, something like that I guess?" you answered. 

Honestly, after you'd gone through your usual breakup routine–crying a lot, drinking a little, binging some really bad television–you'd moved on. And then ran into Matt a little while later and spent a year pining over him before somehow dating him. 

"You still work at The Bulletin, right?" he asked. "I often read your articles. They're amazing. You've always been a great writer."

You followed the line forward, now the next in line to order. And you were still wondering where the hell Matt was. "Uh, yeah, still there," you told him. "Didn't work my ass off all that time to just leave it," you half-joked.

Your ex laughed. Hard. As if somehow what you'd said was far funnier than it was. Your eyes narrowed suspiciously at him.

"Yeah," he said when he recovered, nodding. "I remember how much you were always out chasing stories. Sort of was our downfall, huh?"

"Yeah," you agreed, smiling a little awkwardly. 

Discussing the cause of a breakup with an ex unexpectedly years later was certainly strange and a little weird. And also not particularly how you planned to spend your Sunday morning.

Turning back around, the woman before you finished ordering and stepped aside. You greeted the barista and quickly ordered your and Matt’s lattes. You figured you could grab the coffees and a table and call Matt if he still hadn’t shown yet. After you paid, you stepped out of the way, glancing back down at your phone in your hand as you waited for your order. Still nothing from Matt as you looked at the screen.

With a rough exhale you pocketed your phone, attention focusing on the baristas behind the counter making various coffees. A moment later something caught your eye out of your peripheral. It was your ex; he’d come to stand beside you, waiting for his order, too. He smiled down at you again when you glanced at him. Internally you cringed–you did not feel like playing catch up with your ex.

“You won that Pelman Award recently, didn’t you?” he asked.

You nodded your head, eyes returning to your drinks being made. “Yeah, I did,” you replied.

He lightly nudged your arm with his hand, your eyes drawn to the place where he’d touched you. You stared at it for a moment, wondering what the hell that was about.

“Congratulations, that’s a big deal, isn’t it?” he questioned.

“Uh, yeah, it is. Thank you,” you replied, eyes slowly making their way back up to his face. 

“Hey so,” your ex began, his tone changing a bit as he leaned a little closer, “I was wondering if maybe you’d want to grab coffee sometime? Like we used to?” He laughed lightly, shooting you a smile as he shrugged a shoulder. “Feels sort of like fate bringing us back together over coffee, right?”

The barista behind the counter called out your order and you gratefully spun on your heel, grabbing both cups of hot coffees in your hands. This was uncomfortable and you desperately wanted to find a way out of the entire situation. Gathering your courage, you turned back to face your ex with a tight smile, both coffees in hand.

“I’m actually seeing someone,” you told him, watching as his smile fell. “Have been for a bit. I’m waiting for him to show up–” your ears caught the sound of Matt’s cane and you internally screamed in delight as you glanced towards the coffee shop entrance to find him standing there with a slight frown, “–and he actually just got here.” You cleared your throat awkwardly, trying to figure out how to run away from this uncomfortable situation faster. “So uh…have a good day?”

Cringing at how weird that was, you quickly made your way around the line and over towards Matt who was waiting by the entrance. Of course you knew he knew exactly where you were, but for the pretense that he was just a blind man without extra senses, he was pretending to be waiting for you to approach him. 

“Hey, Matt,” you greeted him brightly despite the sour look on his face. “Already got your coffee. Should we grab a table?”

“Sure, sweetheart,” he said, tone a bit off.

You frowned but offered him your arm which he quickly grabbed. Without a glance towards your ex, you led Matt through the shop towards a vacant table near the window. You set the coffees down as Matt pulled out a chair.

“So what was the delay this morning?” you asked curiously, lowering yourself into the chair across from him. “Normally you’re here before me.”

“My watch broke,” he said.

You slapped a hand to your forehead remembering how he’d told you about that the other day. He’d been in a rush to get into his Daredevil suit and completely forgot to take it off. Someone had smashed it with a broken pipe under his suit–and you weren’t too thrilled to be picturing someone hitting your Matt with a broken pipe when he’d told you.

“Couldn’t find my phone for a bit to figure out what time it was. I apologize,” he finished stiffly.

“No need to apologize, Matt,” you said quickly. “I was just wondering. I almost called you–”

“But then you got distracted,” he cut in, tone slightly bitter.

Eyes narrowing at him, you tilted your head curiously to the side. He was still frowning a little beneath the dark lenses, his lips thinned a bit. As he brought his coffee to his mouth, you saw one of his fingers tapping rapidly along the wood table. He also wasn’t quite looking in your direction. Which meant Matt was…frustrated? You knew him well enough to usually gauge his body language–or rather, you’d stared at him enough over the year and a half you’d known him to be able to gauge it. 

“Something else happen this morning?” you asked nervously. “You seem…upset.”

His jaw tightened noticeably, one of his hands rubbing along his forehead roughly. His finger was still tapping anxiously along the table beside his coffee cup. 

"Maybe you should be with someone like him," he muttered. 

Matt's voice was so quiet you had to strain to hear him over the noise in the coffee shop. Your brows drew together as confusion washed over you once you’d registered what he did say. You also felt a jolt of nerves shoot through your body immediately after.

"What?" you asked him carefully. "What are you talking about?"

"Your ex," he answered simply. 

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, brain trying to catch up to what Matt was saying. He must have overheard that entire interaction with your ex. Immediately you shook your head, pushing your coffee out of the way and leaning forward towards Matt across the table. His covered gaze was still focused away from you, the muscle in his cheeks twitching.

“Matt, I wasn’t flirting with my ex if that’s what you’re thinking,” you told him earnestly. “That was an incredibly uncomfortable and unfortunate encounter. I haven’t even thought about that guy in years.”

“Judging by the fact that I can practically feel him staring at you still,” Matt ground out, “I’d say he’s definitely thought about you.”

You opened your mouth, about to respond with a comment about how you couldn’t control what your ex did or didn’t do, but then quickly shut your mouth again. This wasn’t like Matt. You’d seen him jealous before, that night when you’d been hit on at Josie’s and you’d been far more cordial to that guy than you’d just been to your ex. Matt had practically wanted to fuck you in the hallway in front of the bathrooms because of it, not give you the cold shoulder. No, he was acting weirder. Angrier.

But the anger wasn’t at you, was it?

“This…isn’t really about my ex, is it?” you asked hesitantly.

“What do you mean?” he questioned back, his focus shifting to his coffee cup.

“You’re angry,” you answered him slowly. “Or frustrated. And you’re taking it out on me but you’re not actually mad at me, are you?” Licking your lips nervously, fingers drumming along your own coffee cup, you recalled what he’d just said about how you should be with ‘someone like him.’ Leaning forward a bit more, you whispered, “Did…me running into my ex dredge up all those fears I know you have about me leaving you?”

He flinched, gaze still focused downwards. Your face fell as he remained silent. Clearly that was a yes. Sliding your hands across the wooden table, you grasped onto his own hands firmly.

“Matty,” you whispered, “stop whatever self-deprecating train of thoughts that are going through your mind right now. Focus on me.” The corner of his lip twitched further downward as you continued. “Hey, I love you. I’m not going to leave you and–”

“But maybe you deserve someone who can handle shopping at a grocery store without having to wear noise-reducing ear plugs,” he cut you off, his tone still bitter. “Or someone who can catch a flight to Chicago when you visit your family for the holidays. Or doesn’t lose track of time and end up leaving you waiting for them because they’re blind and their options of telling time are so limited. Someone who isn’t out at night doing what I do and making you worry.”

Your jaw dropped as you blinked rapidly, trying to process everything he'd just thrown at you. "Matt, what–"

"You deserve better than me," he said sharply. "Someone normal who leads a normal life." His jaw tightened visibly. "It's only a matter of time before you realize it," he muttered.

Eyes narrowing, you squeezed his hands a bit harder. “I deserve someone who makes me happy,” you countered firmly. “Someone who loves me and treats me with respect. Someone who challenges me to step out of my comfort zone and knows how to make me comfortable enough to do so.” You leaned forward onto your elbows, drawing his hands towards you. “And I already have that with the compassionate, intelligent man sitting across from me right now, the same man I spent a year daydreaming about asking me on a date. Even after discovering your nighttime hobby of Rooftop Surfing.”

His head shifted just a bit, his covered gaze rising from the table towards you finally. The corner of his lip twitched again, though this time faintly upwards at yet another ridiculous name you’d come up with for what he did.

“I don’t care that your senses make certain situations difficult other than the fact that I hate how difficult those situations are for you,” you continued earnestly. “I wish I could find ways to make things easier for you. But Matt, I don’t mind that you have to wear noise-reducing ear plugs to make some places more bearable–that’s why I got them for you in the first place. And I don’t care if I can’t really ever fly in a plane again–personally I hate flying. I’m looking forward to our little winter road trip to Chicago for Christmas,” you admitted. There was a sting of tears in your eyes as you barreled forward. “And I’m sorry things in this world aren’t more accessible and functional for you, like clocks, for example–but I don’t have an issue with any of your senses, heightened or otherwise.” Your hands gripped Matt’s tighter as the words continued to spill out of you. “Yes, I worry about you when you go out at night, but you’re a goddamn superhero ,” you harshly whispered. “What you do is incredible. You are incredible. And you’re–you’re–” you paused, biting your lip, your heart thumping heavily in your chest, “–you’re like my other half, Matty,” you whispered nervously.

His hands squeezed yours back instantly at the admission, the expression on his face completely changing in the blink of an eye to something far softer. “Sweetheart–”

“So don’t,” you continued, shaking your head roughly, “do that thing where you try to tell me what you think is good for me, Matt. Don’t try to push me away because you’re over here tearing yourself down and thinking you’re some sort of burden, or that you’re not good enough, or that you’re bringing me down. Because Matthew Michael Murdock all you’ve ever done is help raise me up since the night I met you. And I have never once regretted staying for that drink despite how fucking embarrassed and nervous I was that whole night. Not a number far enough away from one, right? We’ve always said that for a reason.”

Breathing a bit heavily, you quickly turned your head, brushing your cheek against your shoulder to wipe away a stray tear that had fallen in the heat of the moment so you wouldn’t have to release your death grip on Matt’s hands. When you focused back on him before you, there was a smile on his mouth that was only getting wider by the second. After a few moments of him just silently staring back at you with a massive smile on his face, you began to feel a little self-conscious about the long-winded rant you’d just gone on and heat rose up to your cheeks.

“What?” you asked him nervously.

“I was just thinking,” he answered slowly, leaning towards you, “about how I owe Katy a lifetime supply of those yogurts she likes for forcing you into that uncomfortable situation.”

You snorted out a laugh, Matt’s warm chuckle accompanying the sound. He leaned even further across the table towards you, the smile still on his lips as he managed to untangle his right hand from your firm hold. Immediately he grabbed your chin, drawing you towards him.

“Don’t you dare think I’m not going to kiss you for saying all of that, either,” he murmured.

Your eyes closed just before his lips landed on yours. For a long moment you forgot that the pair of you were sitting in a busy coffee shop. All you could focus on was the faint taste of his usual vanilla latte on those perfect lips and how much you loved the feel of them every time they were kissing yours with so much love.

When he finally pulled back, his mouth rose just a fraction, placing a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose that had you briefly giggling. His lips remained curled up in a smile as he sat back in his chair. And as you sat back in your own seat, drawing your coffee cup to your lips, you decided you never wanted to have a coffee date with anyone else ever again. You wanted Matt to forever be your coffee date.

Instantly your heart sped up at that thought, your mouth going dry despite the sip of coffee you’d just drank. From across the table, Matt’s head very slowly tilted to the side as he studied you curiously behind his own cup of coffee.

“What was that spike in your heart rate for?” he asked softly.

Trying to wet your lips, you shyly answered, “Just thinking about how much you mean to me.”

He smiled again, that little dimple returning to his cheek. “I love you, sweetheart,” he said, giving your other still entwined hands an affectionate squeeze.

“I love you, too, Matty,” you quickly replied.

But your heart only beat a bit more wildly in your chest, Matt’s covered gaze dropping down towards it curiously.

“Now I’m wondering exactly what you’re thinking about,” he mused quietly.

“And I’m sure glad you don’t have mind-reading abilities,” you teased back with a nervous laugh.

Because you sure as shit weren’t going to tell him you’d just now started mentally sounding out how your first name sounded with his last name.

[itwoodbeprefect]

911 season 7 episode 4!! we've arrived!!

the only reason that i understand this long opening section is playing on the bachelor is that i've watched jarvis johnson talk about it before. thank you jarvis johnson.

the i'm taken but he's not scene. buck has a rule. eddie looks confused. hmmm.

fjdkf "hey joey." while watching the previous episode i said buck was bisexual character number 2 this season (after norman) but i may have been wrong. he's number 3, after norman and chimney.

i mean, admittedly i've never seen a single episode of the bachelor firsthand, but it seems to me like they'd LOVE for something like this to happen. nobody got seriously hurt, it's extremely dramatic and big, lots and lots and lots of free press - what could be better for reality tv?

buck is so pumped to be getting the tour!!

"i guess that night was the most fun i'd had since getting struck by lightning." "you need to raise your bar, kid." fjdkfd. lines that could have worked word for word in a katherine hepburn/cary grant screwball comedy.

fjdkfjdkfj he's just using getting struck by lightning as a point of reference! "ah." is the right response, i think, tommy.

he could give buck lessons if he wants!! honestly i could quote every line of this conversation as notable and fun. i'm having a ball watching this actually happen with audio, instead of looping chunks of a few seconds. (not that there's anything wrong with looping chunks of a few seconds. i love looping chunks of a few seconds, looping chunks of a few seconds are tumblr's liveblood.)

tommy has "something" (a person) "that" (who) should be arriving right now, actually. fjdkf. early practice for when eddie ends up crashing their date next episode

also, dear god, eddie's giant truck. forgot about that thing.

fjkdf. this poor man, watching his best friend and unknown crush fly off together. admittedly not into the sunset, but to vegas nonetheless

waffles!!! bobby and athena made it through a cruise on a sinking ship and now there's someone breaking into their home making waffles

harryyy. i was just thinking about him during the last episode!

ohhhh. he didn't just shoot up into the sky, that actually is a harry recast. interesting

okay, so apparently (x) marcanthonee reis was "sort of ready to move on". assuming that's true, fair enough - for anyone, but especially for a kid playing a role on tv.

ravi's "who's tommy?" is totally fair, and then he gets rewarded for his patience in being totally excluded from buck and eddie's weird jealous bff conversation by getting sent down a sewer. rough day, man

"both like watching half-naked men pummel each other" is certainly a set of words. it certainly is.

not for nothing, but is eddie blind, or is he just enjoying winding buck up a little, being at the center of some (as he would probably assume) friendship jealousy? because buck is. not being normal about this. at all.

buck thinking he's getting invited to the bar trivia thing and being asked to babysit.... i fully knew that was coming, but it's painfully awkward either way. also, dear god, eddie has already asked his girlfriend to babysit his kid twice this week. hmmmmm.

the AIR QUOTES. had to replay that three times, it's excellent, i adore this. the way he says it is SO good

the little WIGGLE at the second set of air quotes. GOLD

"get this! [star wars opinion]" jfkdfjk. possibly the funniest 911 has ever been

on his fridge! eddie has a day calendar! underatakeoutmenu

IT'S CIRCLED. WHAT DON'T YOU GET, MADDIE.

maddie's "with a little heart around it?" line is exactly as good as it seemed in all the gifs. wonderful, amazing, life-changing stuff

uh oh, harry in trouble!

yeah. so. the woman on this home break-in call absolutely shot her son, didn't she?

she did. we needed a nod to athena's recast son subplot.

that's athena's cop side coming out when she tells her son in a weird roundabout way that people are going to pee on him in jail. if buck and eddie sounded like a classic screwball, this is more tango & cash.

OH. we ARE getting into the athena-is-a-cop part of it.

oh my darling. you are being SO weird about this (affectionate).

insane amazon prime sponsorship just right in the middle of jealous bisexual weight lifting. what is happening

oh my god. oh boy. oh no

i mean, oh YES, but there's just oodles of secondhand embarassment to go around here. love you though buck, go for it, don't let me stop you

chimney innocently asking what that is buck is heartbrokenly cuddling..... and getting roped into this insane musclebound love triangle. poor chimney, you did nothing wrong.

also though. eddie giggling on the phone and fully and blatantly ignoring buck for that entire scene? there's just so much going on here. everyone's in love with tommy and his cool helicopters.

i was genuinely sort of hoping the athena-breaking-the-news part of this woman-shot-her-son case would remain implied. very sad. only misery here.

buck bullshitting his way into pretending this is totally just his attempt to bond with his future brother-in-law is very funny. nice try, my boy

the face of a chimney realizing he's been tricked :(

chimney calling himself a basketball beard...... chimney is cleverer than he even knows, i think.

i saw the post @redgoldblue reblogged pointing this out, but. yeah. that IS a whole montage that's just a very long top gun reference. playing with the boys!!!

also, in light of that...... buck & eddie's infamous "you can have my back any time" was also a top gun reference. (specifically, a reference to "you can be my wingman any time."/"bullshit. you can be mine.", as in, this right here.) we all agree on that, right? i've never seen anyone mention it, but that might just be because i only really see 911 content when it happens across my dash, so. we do agree? because. buck&eddie first bonding moments related to top gun.... buck&tommy arc starting with top gun basketball..... i'm just saying. i am. just saying.

sitting here open-mouthedly indignant that buck dragged chim along and then doesn't even let him play. chimney deserves better even in the middle of a dramatic understandably self-centered sexuality crisis

he bucked that up!! oh my god

big sister maddie is Good. i like that

a few minutes to go in the episode and there's a knock at buck's door! who might that be? maybe he ordered something else off of amazon prime (which is canonically really quick and convenient and you don't even need to sign anything).

the way tommy says "evannn." is so good

the fact that it's the terrible fake mouth static over the radio that got buck's attention is amazing. meet cute: we fly into a hurricane and you badly pretend your radio isn't working when someone tries to talk sense into us

🌈🎉🌈🎉💖

yes 🥺 he is free 🥺

gifs are good and wonderful but there are some things they just can't possibly do justice due to the limitations of the medium and just. seeing buck's quiet wide-eyed response to tommy kissing him and this Big Revelation he's having is definitely one of those things that need to be watched as a full scene with audio. oh gosh

saturday!

just lovely lovely good very sweet stuff! it's nice. but, like, nice - in a wonderful, good, heartwarming sort of way. god. the distance we've come - incredible.

[spaceorphan18]

Okay guys! I have watched all of Hearstopper -- as picked by you!

And here are my thoughts!

I'm going to put it under a cut -- Idk if people are worried about spoilers? Idk.

My overall, quick thoughts are that I liked it! It's a well done show, and I'm glad that there's a celebratory LGBT+ youth show that isn't reliant on trauma porn in the way that Euphoria is. (I haven't seen Euphoria - but based on what I do know, it'd be too much for me.)

I think, though, I have some complicated feelings about the show, though, more so concerning my place in life and less about the show itself. But I guess some reflecting is at hand.

I liked the first season more than the second. Part of it, admittedly, might be because I spent the whole day binging it. And sometimes that's a hard thing in general. I had a nice day -- and as afternoon slipped into the evening, it kind of felt like one of those relaxing days where you curl up with hot cocoa on a snowy, winter day. It's comforting. I enjoyed my day - but it was probably too much by the end of it. I was getting antsy about moving on, so that's on me, and my issues of not being able to parcel things out.

I think the other part of it is the realization as the second season was playing that I've spent the last thirty years watching some kind of variation of the stories being told. And while I think it's great that Gen Z has this, and that the LGBTQ+ community has this, I feel like I've seen it all before. This isn't a criticism of the show -- it's more so that I don't think I'm invested in these kinds of stories anymore. It's kind of interesting, in a way, that it doesn't matter sexuality or gender or what age you're growing up in, there are some themes that are universal.

Alright - so some more specific thoughts:

I do like the Nick and Charlie pairing. They're very sweet together, and I think the show does a good job of exploring it as a growing, awkward teenage relationship.

I also like the way they've handled Charlie's eating disorder. I usually hate eating disorder story lines in media -- and this one was handled in a really nuanced way, and I think that's really cool.

I think one reason I didn't like the second season as much as the first, though, is that the first is a real exploration of Nick and Charlie -- with everyone else as a supporting cast. And the second season kind of falls into the pitfall of being a little too bloated as they try to expand on everyone. As well as -- making it about everyone coupling off and less about the friendship. Don't get me wrong, they make sure to show everyone as a supportive group, and that's great, but friendship dynamics just didn't factor as much, and I hate when shows get so caught up in romantic dynamics that that's all it focuses on. Plus, Nick and Charlie almost got pushed to the background of their own story.

I have never read the graphic novels or the web comic so I have no frame of reference -- but Charlie's sister is straight out of a comic strip. I don't know if that works as much on screen, but man you could tell. (I felt that way about early Tao, too.)

The family dynamic stuff of the second season was... fine. But, I really do love Olivia Coleman as Nick's mom. She does a lot with a little.

I like Tao and Elle as characters (and really like that being bi-racial and trans is part of her identity but not her whole character), and while their romance was telegraphed early on, I can't say that I'm all that interested in it. And I feel like across all media, the cliche of one person wanting to choose their career and their romantic partner has to deal with that just feels... tired.

(Honestly - I think there's a story here about how you think you are in love with someone - and you try to date them only to find out you're better friends, is a more interesting angle, but I knew it wasn't going to go that way.)

I do love Tao's mom though. She is a delight and I love her.

Okay, here comes probably my most controversial opinion. I really wasn't a fan of the f/f story. The problem is, unlike Nick and Charlie who get to be nuanced, real characters. The girls identities and story are completely tied to the fact that they are lesbians. They really aren't developed outside of their lesbianism and I find that really unfortunate. I'm glad there is a lesbian couple on the show - I feel like they're underserved in media as a whole, but I really just don't like this story line or these characters very much.

That said - I'm really glad that there's so much f/f friendship on the show, and that there are a lot of instances of females supporting each other.

And then there's Isaac. I really love him as a character, and I absolutely LOVE that they put asexuality on the show -- seriously, as someone who is borderline asexual, it's so, so refreshing to see a teen going through a lot of what I went through as a teen. My one problem is that as the show erases a lot of the friendship dynamics for romantic ones, Isaac gets a little lost. Isaac is on his own? Oh that's fine -- he has his books. Geez, c'mon show. Let him have one conversation with one of his friends about how he feels -- and less of his melancholy, balcony brooding. (Again - there were definitely group scenes where they made sure he was included - but let's face it, Isaac is still a third tier character.)

Okay, and then there's another big issue I had overall, which, again, is less to do with this show, and more to do how certain things are portrayed in teen media. I really kind of hate the notion that your troubles will be your troubles until you find a magic partner who makes all those troubles go away. The world... just doesn't work like that, and you will have so many people in your life who will love and support you, and I wish these shows didn't zero in on romantic relationships to save or fix you. I know the narrative wasn't trying to do this -- but sometimes I roll my eyes when it feels presented that you aren't worthy of being you until someone romantically interested validates you.

The kind of background love story of the two teachers I found amusing. They're both great minor characters -- I would totally watch a show about them. The rugby coach, too, is a fantastic character. I'm glad the adults in this show aren't complete buffoons.

Overall, the show, on a technical level, looks really good. I did love the little added animations that popped up -- in a way to show the graphic novel origins.

So yeah. Look. This sounds like I hated the show when I really didn't. It is very sweet, and I am looking forward to a third season. But I'm being nitpicky of things I've seen over and over in teen media for the past thirty years that, honestly, did detract my viewing pleasure. That said -- I do think stand by what I said earlier in that it's something great for people who are of the correct age, and who are experiencing these stories for the first time. There are so many worse alternatives that I enjoy the fairy tale-esqueness of this one.

[broke-on-books]

☕️ WNSD

🎶 We're coming after you, We're gonna solve that mysteryyyyy 🎶

No okay but I loooovvvveeeeee What's New so much oh my god. It's probably the iteration of Scooby I've seen the highest percentage of episodes of (excluding SDMI) and if I had to pick my favorite Scooby series of them all. More than any of the others really (although a little WAY), What's New was the Scooby of my childhood, and so many of its episodes are just total classics for me as well.

I think WNSD is very beloved by the Scooby collective (and for good reason) but honestly STILL is underrated in my mind, especially the early episodes. I absolutely adore some of the little "plot twists" of the WNSD era and how creative it could be within the confines of "the Scooby formula". I mentioned many of these in another post recently but having unexpected solutions/elements like "the monkey did it!" or "we caught the wrong guy! We need to go back!" every few episodes just blew my brain wide open as a child (especially the second one there. I'm STILL in shock on that one) and are underappreciated by scooby fandom. (Despite WNSD winning the favorite scooby series poll I did lol)

Being my favorite doesn't mean that What's New is perfect though. There are still some moments I don't like, or that, while useful for a joke, fall flat for me character-wise. One example I think I've talked about before is the scene where they split up differently and Fred is left alone searching for clues with Shaggy. The punchline of this is the idea that Fred and Shaggy just don't have anything in common to talk about, going along in awkward silence until Fred asks Shaggy if he 'saw the game last night' to which he says no and they continue on in awkward silence. For me, that's not my favorite joke because I do believe that Fred and Shaggy are good friends and DO have lots to talk about, and while not my favorite interaction between the two, I can still mesh it pretty easily into my own personal canon with a few simple Watsonian explanations. Ex: They were both overthinking it and didn't know what to say, Fred grabbed a conversation starter from his go to list (he's been working very hard on his social interaction skills, okay?! Only 3/4 of them are about nets/mysteries/the gang/the Mystery Machine!) and struck out big time.

No but as I was saying as much as I adore WNSD, nothing is perfect, and at times (especially in some movies) What's New also suffers from the WAY/TSDS cultural................. awkwardness that comes from the "white guy dressing up as native/cultural legend" plot line.

OH AND THE SOUNDTRACK. What's New rightly gets its due (lol) for having an absolutely killer theme song (and sequence too!!!!) but I think it should get extra points on top of that as well for the chase music in each episode. What's New easily has some of my favorite chase music (leading to some favorite chase sequences) which makes watching it an even better time (some of those songs are catchy!!!!!) And I just love the way it handles music in general. What's New really just finds creative ways to explore and make interesting all aspects of the process, and move between them subtly and infrequently enough that it doesn't feel forced or thrown at you, but as a genuine exploration of what can be done with Scooby by people who care about it. (And while we're talking about music?!?!?!?! THE HAUNTED MYSTERY MACHINE EPISODE???????? 🤯😵🥰💘)

To me, What's New is just a really good show that is kind of seen as being "simple" (plan lol. Sorry I keep doing that but I can't help myself) or basic but really is much more creative and complicated than it looks when closely examined. It's a series that I think gets a lot of love while at the same time still not getting enough for everything it accomplished. Also it has some of my favorite Scooby castings out there. I mean, COME ON! Casey Kasem Shaggy at the same time as Grey Griffin Daphne? With Frank Welker Fred AND Scooby along with MINDY COHN (<3333333333333333333) Velma? Don't get me STARTED.

Anyways I just have SO much love for this series all the time. All the time. 24/7. Hope that answers your question on how I feel about it

[akiizayoi4869]

I posted 13,863 times in 2022

That's 12,576 more posts than 2021!

434 posts created (3%)

13,429 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chaos90

@zuko-always-lies

@prodogg

@balsa-margarita

@themadmanandhisbox

I tagged 7,391 of my posts in 2022

Only 47% of my posts had no tags

#azula - 3,215 posts

#atla - 2,706 posts

#zuko - 1,217 posts

#avatar the last airbender - 393 posts

#iroh - 321 posts

#mai - 317 posts

#katara - 282 posts

#sokkla - 281 posts

#sokka - 271 posts

#ursa - 266 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#seriously wish that these morons would just come out and say that she should be killed because she was mean to awkward turtle duck zuko🙄

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So I was looking through The Search comic for an ask, when I happened to see these early sketches for the cover art:

Originally they were going to have Azula remain all chained up in the straight jacket.

...I have no words for this.

395 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

#4

I don't feel like making this into a full blown meta post, so I'll keep this short.

Jet had every right to be suspicious of Zuko and Iroh in Ba Sing Se.

"Oh but they were trying to start over and lay low!" So? First of all, how would Jet even know that? To him, they were just two firebenders infiltrating the Earth Kingdom's last line of defense. And even if he did know that they were trying to start over, why should he care? Seriously, why? After this happened to him?

His entire family/village was killed by the Fire Nation. So why should he feel bad about being rightfully suspicious of those two? I've seen this take so many times in fanfics that's centered around Zuko and Iroh, and it makes no sense. Sometimes Jet actually apologizes to them about that if the author has him live. And it's disgusting. Think about it like this: Zuko proved Jet right in the end. You know why? Because Zuko turned around and did this:

See the full post

413 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

#3

The Family Portrait

Every time I watch The Beach episode and it gets to the part where Zuko burns the family portrait, I always think about how Azula felt when he does that.

See the full post

425 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#2

On the topic of Azula, Ozai, and abuse.

One of the things I've noticed when it comes to how Azula's character is discussed in the fandom and by the writers themselves is that there is this popular belief that she wasn't abused by Ozai. Which I've always found to be bizarre since the show gives us evidence that she absolutely was abused by her father, just not in the way same way as Zuko.

In the show, Azula is seen as the golden child of the family for her excellent firebending skills. She is constantly propped up by Ozai as a way to put Zuko down. What a lot of people don't realize is that this is in fact abuse, and it's abusive to both Zuko AND Azula. Sure, Azula more than likely loved the praise she was getting, but that praise was disguised as abuse.

(I'm sorry for using the comics but this one part is actually relevant to what I'm talking about here). When Ozai says this to Zuko right in front of Azula, we see this as verbal abuse. It's abuse towards Azula as well since she is the one Ozai is using constantly to put Zuko down with words. When you abuse one sibling in front of the other, you abuse both of them.

Azula is portrayed as being a perfectionist in the tv show. Some people see this as her being power hungry. When that actually couldn't be farther from the truth. Her perfectionist personality comes from abuse. Because she saw what happened to Zuko since he wasn't perfect and he was considered to be weak. He was burned by Ozai. Right in front of her. Which in it's own way was a warning to her. "This is what happens to failures, and those that are not perfect. You must be perfect at all times if you do not want what I just did to your brother to happen to you." That's what that told her. So when we see her perform lightning bending in the first episode of book 2, and this happens

See the full post

462 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Search: A story about abuse, abuse apologism, and ableism.

So as you guys all know, I spent my night reading The Search for the second time, and much like the first time I read it last year, I wasn't impressed. At all. It gives us a detailed backstory about Ursa, and what her life was like before and after she married Ozai. To make a long story short, she was forced into an abusive marriage. And the comic goes out of its way to show us just how abusive it was, and that this was a bad thing.

These panels show us an abusive marriage, and how that was bad. The panel that shows they're wedding night shows a prelude of what will be an abusive marriage. Ozai also happens to be abusive to his children.

See the full post

495 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[rookie-critic]

Rookie-Critic's Film Review Weekend Wrap-Up - Week of 2/27-3/5/2023

-The Sea Beast (2022, dir. Chris Williams) This was beyond fun. I'll admit my bias towards pirate-y/sailor-y stuff up front, but even aside from that this was just an amazingly crafted, beautifully animated film with a well-told story. The characters are well voice-acted and vibrantly full of character and life. Jared Harris' Captain Crow in particular was fantastic. This really gave me the vibes of the best animated adventure films from the 90s; it had that sense of wonder and heart that the film's from my childhood did and it struck a chord, for sure. Plus, any film that points out how history books might not be completely trustworthy if the ones holding the power are the ones that wrote the books is a win from me. The only reasons this isn't getting a full 10/10 is because of a few small plot devices that aren't explored fully and the fact that the story isn't anything super new or groundbreaking. Anyone who sees that this is nominated for an Oscar and thinks "why the hell is this here?" clearly hasn't seen it and I recommend that you do so immediately. Score: 9/10 Currently streaming on Netflix.

-Rocky (1976, dir. John G. Avildsen) [REWATCH] I've started a Rocky-thon of sorts in order to prepare to go see Creed III, so naturally, first up would be the original 1976 Best Picture winner. The story of street-kid Rocky Balboa's one-in-a-million chance at becoming a professional boxer almost mirrors writer/lead actor Sylvester Stallone's own journey in getting this very film made, and there is a ton to like about Rocky, even outside of the amazing final scene where he fights Apollo Creed for the first (but most certainly not the last, as we've all come to find out) time. The cinematic brilliance of that final fight and subsequent shouting of "ADRIAN!!" cannot be underplayed. No spoilers, of course (although if you're over the age of 20 and have never seen Rocky before, what are you even doing?). I think my biggest issue with the film is it feels very meandering in its first 90 minutes, even by character study standards, which this most definitely is. You get a feel for who Rocky is as a person pretty early on, then the rest is just watching him mumble-through awkward encounters with Talia Shire's Adrian until, miraculously, that blossoms into a relationship. I just had a hard time connecting with Rocky from a personality level, not to even mention the machismo that will continue to plague the franchise well into its lifespan. Also, and I'll get more into this in my other Rocky reviews, but I really, really don't like Paulie. He served a purpose in this film, but man, I've spent four films wishing someone would just deck him. I'm never gonna knock someone for liking Rocky and thinking it's amazing, because a lot of it is, but I found too much lacking in it to give it higher than the score I gave it. Score: 7/10 Currently streaming on Netflix.

-Rocky II (1979, dir. Sylvester Stallone) [REWATCH] Onto the second installment in this all-time classic franchise, and this time there's a rematch. Personally, the story in Rocky II, that is to say the first 90 minutes of film prior to the big fight, interested me way more than the original. Seeing Rocky struggle with the aftermath of success, and the aftermath of short-lived wealth was so compelling. The dichotomy of wanting to live a quiet, peaceful life with your partner and build something away from the quite dangerous world of boxing with the pull of this thing that has been your world for so long, this thing that is your true calling, made for a much more interesting film than the first. Combining that with an increased presence of Burgess Meredith, who was, without question, the best part of the entire film, had me more invested in the narrative through line of Rocky II more so than I ever was in Stallone's first outing. However, where Rocky II falters is in its attempts to recapture the magical moments of the original film. The training montage in this one is, frankly, just silly, and running up all those steps doesn't seem quite as impressive when a thousand children have also just followed you up there and don't look any worse for wear than you do. The fight at the end of the film, while still not bad, isn't nearly what the first film's was. I've heard fans of the franchise say that the fight in this one is one of the best parts of the film, but I just couldn't get hyped up like I was during Rocky's first match with Apollo Creed. Also, Paulie, who I already hated, has lost his purpose for existing in this world outside of to just be an annoyance and something to be tolerated and worked around, and he continues to be this in an ever-worsening way in the future installments. Overall, a better story, but worse in all of the places that made the first film iconic. Score: 7/10 Currently streaming on Netflix.

-Cocaine Bear (2023, dir. Elizabeth Banks) I won't dwell on this too long, as I posted a full review earlier on in the week. This movie is exactly what it advertises itself as, which is a fun, schlocky romp through B-movie horror-comedy territory. Plenty of vibe-conforming bad CGI and gory bits to please any and everyone who saw the trailer and thought "Well, I gotta see that!" Ray Liotta, Alden Ehrenreich, and O'Shea Jackson Jr. are all great, but Christian Convery is the true Cocaine Bear MVP. My complaints with it are more with the editing and the technical end of things, as well as not being the biggest fan of the film's surprisingly half-boring first act. This one is a fun, wacky, and harmless distraction of a film and I had a blast in the theater watching it. Score: 7/10 Only in theaters. Read my full review here.

-A House Made of Splinters (2022, dir. Simon Lereng Wilmont) This documentary about a temporary children's shelter located just a handful of kilometers away from the Ukraine/Russia war's front lines is heartbreaking and, at times, an incredibly tough watch. It shows a consequence of any war that doesn't necessarily always get a light shined on it, which makes this something truly unique. The Ukraine conflict almost exists only as a backdrop. It is clearly the reason for the sheer number of children being housed in this facility, but it is barely mentioned, nor is that particular war really the focus or the point of the documentary; that is placed squarely on the children. The resilience of these kids is truly wondrous, ranging from younger children who maintain their childlike playful nature, even in these extreme circumstances, to slightly older (but still very much young) children who have clearly had to grow up faster than any child should. As a small look into this tiny-but-not-so-tiny, unexplored corner of the war, A House Made of Splinters was a very eye-opening experience. Score: 8/10 Currently available to rent/purchase on digital (iTunes, Amazon, Vudu, etc.).

-Rocky III (1982, dir. Sylvester Stallone) [REWATCH] This is my favorite Rocky of the classic run, bar none, hands down, no contest. It is easily the most fun, easily the most purely entertaining, and has what, to me, is easily the best fight of those first four films. Mr. T is brilliant as Clubber Lang, and Burgess Meredith and Carl Weathers continue to be scene-stealing masters as Mickey and Apollo Creed. I've read that many, many people (both fans and critics alike) think this is the most rewatchable film in the Rocky franchise and I could not agree more. It's still not just a blazing masterpiece or anything; it falls prey to trying to recapture those iconic moments of the first one just like Rocky II did, although to a lesser degree, and Paulie continues to be a giant bag of useless crap that adds nothing to this franchise whatsoever, Stallone even sees fit to add "racist" to Paulie's seemingly never-ending list of (excuse my language) dogshit qualities, for good measure. All of that aside, I had an absolute blast with Rocky III. It's so close to being an 8/10 it can almost taste it, but there are too many things still dragging it down to earn that extra point. Score: 7/10 Currently streaming on Netflix.

-Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023, dir. Steven Soderbergh) How do you strip the magic out of Magic Mike (puns absolutely intended)? You reduce the supporting cast that made the first two entries, especially the second one, so much fun to mere cameos, and then you take Channing Tatum's Mike Lane to London and place him in a position where he only gets to fully dance twice in the entire film. You also throw in a really contrived and unnecessary voiceover and make the big set piece at the film's end, which has been sold to us as something that's supposed to be truly spectacular, a pretty fun strip show, but not one that's any better than the stuff we got at the end of the previous film. I was also surprised by an uncharacteristically sub-par turn from Salma Hayek Pinault, who is normally a great actress. I'm not entirely sure if it was that her character was poorly written, or if her acting was really not good even for the material she was given, but it shocked me to see a veteran actress like Hayek Pinault give something far below her usual. All was not completely lost, though, as the choreography was great, as usual, and the film has still got a trace of the humor that made XXL so fun. I didn't have the worst time with Magic Mike's Last Dance, but I was disappointed. Soderbergh can do better, and I kind of hope this is, indeed, Magic Mike's last dance. Score: 5/10 Only in theaters.

-Rocky IV (1985, dir. Sylvester Stallone) [REWATCH] I'm sorry, I know Rocky fans the world over consider this one of the good ones, but it's bad. It's pretty bad. The runtime is extremely padded with completely unnecessary montages, a couple of which are just music videos for songs on the film's soundtrack. The fight at the end is not worthy of the really good setup that Ivan Drago gets in the film's first half; it's not a bad fight, per se, but the buildup was so big (like I said, there are so many training montages) for a fight that was largely no more intense than the fight from the original film. Not to mention Paulie's robot, which he manages to insert his sexism into (and the film plays it all for laughs), the fact that both Rocky and Adrian abandon their child ON CHRISTMAS to go fight the big-bad Russian man, leaving little Rocky Jr. in the care of the freaking robot! There's also the unavoidable subject of this being a cold-war propaganda film, which might be the most disappointing part of the whole thing. The franchise seems to be a complete bastardization of itself at this point in its lifespan, and it's getting the points I am giving it for Carl Weathers and the great setup of Drago as a menacing villain alone, even if the payoff for that setup was lackluster. I understand Stallone released a director's cut of the film a couple years ago that re-contextualizes a lot of the film into more of a character study befitting the tone of the first few entries. I'd be very interested to watch that and see if that's true. Score: 4/10 Currently streaming on Netflix.

-The Wicker Man (2006, dir. Neal LaBute) The classic. The infamous. The "not the bees!" one. This was the latest film my college friend group watched as a part of our "Nicolas Cage Fridays" movie night. It is everything that people have built it up to be, although maybe not quite as absolute trash as I've heard. It isn't good by any means, but Cage's acting outside of those few beautiful moments where we get full-Cage isn't really that bad. It's not great, but it's pretty standard stuff. It's an interesting enough story, but none of it ever really comes together in a way that isn't unintentionally hilarious. Also, this has no bearing on my score, but I was not aware that there are two different cuts of this film, a theatrical and an unrated. We watched the theatrical version, apparently, so imagine my surprise when the end of the film comes along and that truly iconic line and scene is just completely skipped over. I was livid. Thankfully, that appears to be the only big difference between the two versions, so it was nothing a quick YouTube pull-up couldn't fix. I had a fun time with The Wicker Man, but I attribute most of that to watching it in a group setting and not to the film itself. I really want to watch the original Christopher Lee film from 1973 that this is a remake of, because I hear that is much better. Score: 4/10 Currently available to rent/purchase on digital (iTunes, Amazon, etc.) and on DVD and Blu-ray through Warner Bros.

-Children of the Corn (2023, dir. Kurt Wimmer) An unfortunate fun fact about me is that I have, regrettably, seen all 10 (now 11) entries in this godforsaken franchise. It's one of the unfortunate side-effects of being dedicated to watching all Stephen King-related media. I'm not proud of it, but it is a sunk cost fallacy that I cannot separate myself from. That being said, in the realm of horrible Children of the Corn films (which is basically all of them), this one at least had a decent production value and acting that wasn't laughably atrocious. I think more than anything, this entry suffers the most from being just kind of uninteresting. It comes from the angle of showing just how the town became children-of-the-corn'd, which is interesting, in a way, but once the proverbial shit hits the fan it's just more of the same that we've already seen a handful of times (or, if you're a normal person, maybe only seen once). I think the thing that I hate the most is that I know that, inevitably, there will be another one, and I will go see it, because I've made this bed of corn husks for myself, so I might as well lie in it. Score: 3/10 Only in theaters.

I saw Return to Seoul this morning, but don't feel like I've formed my opinion enough to even give a mini-review yet. That will most likely be a full-length one that I will type up tomorrow. I'm also currently in the middle of Argentina, 1985, so look out for that on next week's wrap-up.

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: Cult Following

So I played Borderlands 3 last night, checked socials later to find.... Atari have announced for winter the 7800+, a new version of the old console.

So Borderlands is a series i've followed for a bit, having played since the 1st game which was a bit a chore to get through. Most of that game was fighting bandits and wildlife for 80% while traipsing through the brownest scrapyards in the galaxy. Its

In my opinion the worst borderlands in the whole series... and my most completed game of them all. Funny how that works.

So starting in Borderlands 3, I found a legendary grenade mod in one of the first vending machines you come across. I did the quest of fixing the vending machine for marcus and I find the legendary pistol infinity in a red chest... all before I even met the twins at the broadcast center... hmmmm I'm sure this wont devalue the excitement of finding a legendary in this game.

One of the biggest complaints you'll hear about borderlands 3 is that the writing is... awful... cringe... tries too hard to be funny. I think its because there was a push to make sure everyones line of dialogue had to be somewhat "funny". Its like the awkward kid who thinks people will like them if they're funny but they dont know how to be funny, so they just mimic characters they've seen that they think are funny in the hopes people will find them funny.

The Calypso Twins aren't great villians. Yeah everyone felt they were weak as antagionists. Infact thats something that the borderlands series has an issue with, they only had 1 great villian in the whole franchise, Handsome Jack. He was a narcissist, megalomaniacal, sociopathic jackass who will mock you in the early game and dehumanise you as a bandit. He very much hypes himself up as the saviour of pandora, destined to cleanse pandora of its bandit crisis which to him, is everyone on pandora who isnt groveling to him. He taunts you with glee as he watches you fall into his plan but then afterwards when you've assaulted the "bunker", you manage to land a serious blow against him, and he stops mocking you, instead makes it clear he wants you to suffer. His psychotic tendencies come out, unmasked, as he calmly tells you that once he awakens "The Warrior" he is going to go after everyone you've ever known before killing you himself, all in retalition to what you dared to him.

Jack was memorable, hateable and there hasnt been a single antagionist to match that level of vitriol. Steele in the first game didnt do much other than a couple of messages and dying at the end. Knoxx from the 1st games dlc was more interesting as an antagionist given how much he suffered under such incompetent, nepotistic leaders. The presequel had Zarpodon who was more of an anti-villian  and at the very least, a neat contrast to jacks descent in that game. The Twins just acted like cocky "haha funny, please laugh" kind of characters that dont have much beyond being sirens. But to gearbox's credit, the general idea of the main antagionists being based on streamers is actually a pretty neat idea.

Given the influence that a lot of online personalities have nowadays, with roving masses of fans supporting, villians who were influencers were a pretty great idea for an antagionist in the borderlands series. Just a straight up  literal cult of bandits who sees themselves as a family, supporting their "godqueen" as they wage galactic war on her behalf. Yeah that wouldve been a great way to explore aspects of streamer culture and even a bit on toxic family culture. Unfortunatly they didnt really manage to realise that fully and insteasd the Calypsos were just underwhelming.

So is there anything good about Borderlands 3? Yeah its hands down the best playing borderlands game. The combat in game feels more active compared to previous entries, I used to just stay behind cover and aim for weakpoints, occasionally using an action skill but in 3? I moved around a lot more and played more aggressively and I enjoyed that. The guns feel at their best with the unique gun quirks being fun to play with. And the skill trees? The fact you can choose from different action skills rather than just one with going down the skill tree opening up addons that can add more effects to your action skill and that the vault hunters in this being the most mechanically interesting. Yeah no this is honestly the best borderlands in spite of the dialogue and story.

And you can solve the dialogue problem in some way, you can look up on what files you need to remove to get rid of the dialogue on pc or you can just go into settings and turn the dialogue volume and subtitles  off and prepare to wait a bit during some sections.

Hopefully Borderlands 4 ends up playing just as well if not better than 3 and the dialogue becomes a lot more bearable and less trying to be funny... because the only thing thats funny is the movies rotten tomatoes score.

Anyway onto news. The entity that is currently puppetting the corpse of Atari has announced a new version of the 7800 for winter 2024: the atari 7800+.

So you know how Nintendo released the NES Classic and it created a whole boom of mini consoles aimed at exploiting nostalgia? It was pretty big withb a number of stuff like the psone classic, a c64 mini and even a small dos pc that can play the oregon trail. Nowadays thats died down though something does come along to try and capitalise on nostalgia again. But at the very least this one looks to have a bit more to it.

For one it comes with a wireless controller for your use, a new game for the console with the news that more games are coming soon and that the console works with any 7800 game along with any 2600 games. So if you're interested in retro gaming, I guess you might be interested.

Thank you all for reading. Wont be a post tomorrow as i'm going out tonight. Feel free to leave feedback or game suggestions, anons are currently on.

[lycan-troth]

Yeah, I can see that. It would be awkward for him in that aspect, and from Kaylee's (in your fanon), it makes sense for her to not feel as uncomfy. It must be pretty awkward to have their dad dating someone around their age, I don't think it'd be good irl, but it's fiction ✨️I really like how you flesh out their relationship,I find it interesting and they have good chemistry, and all based/inspired from what is in the game too 👀 Haha, thanks for entertaining that thought, it could be he'd have one in wolf form, but don't they have no genitals? I've always thought that detail was a bit odd, like they'll show you a decapitated head and someone getting their face blown off, but they draw the line at werewolf bits it's kinda amusing tbh.

That's sad, but it does make sense for your fanon of him, and in canon tbh. He seems sort of lax about it in the game. Obviously, finding Silas would be great, but you're right it's mostly Travis who is pressured and actively goes looking for Silas. Your version of him deep down accepting his curse as being something he's stuck with adds up to me. He needs to keep hoping for the sake of his kids, but it's been years, and still nothing. I don't blame him for losing faith in finding Silas. It's a depressing situation with their family life, mental health, work, trying to keep his thing with Ryan neutral, and the hikers he sometimes has to bury. I think a lot of the fandom focuses on Travis more because he gets more screen time. Therefore, he's more likeable than Chris, who doesn't get much screen time and is depicted as a bit sus and strict during that time. This is honestly one of the things I was disappointed about, I wanted Chris to get more screen time. David Arquette did what he could with it and left me wanting to see some more, so I think he did good depicting him. Also, I realised I'd seen Travis (Ted Raimi) before and couldn't remember where, anyway I was rewatching early seasons of Supernatural and he's in S4 during the episode "Wishful Thinking" it's not relevant to my ask, but I also found the ep name ironic considering Travis yk, but it can appeal to Chris too. I'm honestly low-key, surprised that Travis/Laura fans haven't done an au of that episode yet. His character in that (Wesley) makes a wish with a magic coin to make a girl fall in love with him, and she does, sort of. The coin takes wishes and twists them, so the girl becomes obsessed with him to the point that she doesn't have any autonomy. It gets so bad that she goes and makes a wish too, and her wish was for lightning to strike down the mc (Sam), who wanted him to take back his wish of her loving him. Sorry, I know this bit is super rambly and you probably don't know the show I'm talking about, but idk I feel like Travis/Laura shippers are missing out on a potentially interesting au there, lmao.

I think you're depicting his obsession fairly well atm. So far, we've seen the cracks like you've said, Chris is slipping more and more each day. I can only imagine what he's going to be like when it's out in the open. It's funny I still don't quite get why Chris enjoys watching him so much. Don't get me wrong, the content you're serving us is delicious, and I love it as always, but I still don't quite get it. He's obsessed fr, and I'm living for it. He just loves watching him, ig. It makes me think of this sound on tiktok I saw one time: "Despite his criminal mind, this man is behaving well. His reward is the canoe. This time, he can sit in the canoe for up to an hour." I know before you told me it was about feeding his obsession, of being able to be up close to Ryan but not really. I just know Ryan is gonna like the attention (in theory). The barn scene was so awkward for him, like damn, lmao. And the way you showed us Chris cracking a bit there was great. We could just tell what was lurking underneath it all, and Ryan, too, to an extent. I feel bad for Chris fighting back and forth with himself like he does. It makes sense for him to wanna "protect" Ryan from himself by staying away, but he wants him to come back at the same time. I find that element of Chris, that selfish part of him wanting Ryan to keep coming back, to stay close to him; I find it kinda cute tbh. I feel like it shows what you said about him not really having someone like Ryan in his life, so it's easy to obsess. To have a person that needs him and wants him in the same breath. Tbh, before I was thinking of Ryan being the clingy one, which he totally still is in my mind, but with this insight, I can see Chris being a bit clingy too. I know this is probably maybe gonna be a given since GP is the more obsessive darker route for them, but will we be seeing an openly possessive/obsessive/territorial scene of them? When I say open, I mean that it's not really something they hide from each other like they did in ASB and have been doing more or less so far in GP. Buuut back to the previous ask, Chris willing to push back his selfish wants to prioritise Ryan's wellbeing/needs is the angst that keeps on giving. It's like he (you) are dedicated to making me sad, lmao. Ryan really wouldn't appreciate it much at all, haha, and yeah WCA depicts that very well. Ooh yeah, that most certainly was a dick move on Chris's part. I was thinking the same like "Chris, what do you mean 'shoot me'? He's just killed someone for you, wdym you wanna die now? *sigh* smh." Ryan's refusal to kill Chris in that, and him feeling like Chris wants to abandon him was SO sad. I'm still not over that 🥲.

Aww, that'd be cute! The moving in together au without moving in together, haha. I can imagine Ryan settling in a place near/in town or something when/if he'd get the money to buy his own place. The differences he'd face in the country I can only imagine, haha. I grew up in a busy place/main road, not in a city but yk, we didn't have a garden or amything that was very uh "nature" 😂. I remember going to a forrest/wild nature walk place where I live now, and I was sooo out of my element, haha. The bugs, the animal shit, the smells, the ground hurts depending on the type of shoe you wear, and my sense of navigation is shit. So I can only imagine suddenly living in a place like Hackett's quarry, especially with it being SO hot, I'd perish for sure in that heat, haha. I like the idea of them spending a lot of alone time like that. Aww, it's so cute when Ryan doesn't wanna worry, Chris. He knows he'd go out of his way for him when he probably shouldn't considering their financial situation. feel like there'd be good opportunities for bed sharing. It's not like there'd be anyone to question or hide it from.

Apart from maybe Kaylee or mostly Caleb, lol. Maybe Kaylee and Caleb would finally have somewhere else to run off to when they're sick of being at the house with their grandparents. Imagine Ryan's just settling in for the night when suddenly they just pull up to his cabin and state that they're staying the night. Ryan just gradually gets used to spontaneous sleepovers forced upon him. Poor socially awkward introvert hassled by werewolves, tbh that could be a way he finds about them. Like they just become so comfortable around Ryan that they let him in on their secret, and wouldn't that resolve how they were feeling, or at least how Kaylee said they felt in her letter to Constance? They'd finally have someone to confide in, or at least not hide from. Their whole thing was being upset at hiding from people, so maybe having that one person, a bit similar to Chris being able to listen to them and understand/validate them could be enough to soothe them a bit.

Haha, I think I beat you with my response. It's a bit more rambley and longer than yours, lmao. I get carried away with my ideas/ramblings. There's no judgment here, haha 😂

How do you think Kaylee and Caleb think about Ryan and Chris? In ASB, Kaylee was trying to subtly push them together a bit, so I got to wondering how they view Ryan liking Chris and their dad liking Ryan. This sent me down a mini rabbit hole of thoughts that somehow led me to thinking, "Does Chris have something like a knot like in popular werewolf fiction?" I honestly can't remember how I got to wondering about that, and idk how it'd even work either, lmao.

Then, from that thought, I naturally jumped to the next randomised one, which was wondering about how Chris spent the year when Ryan wasn't there? The tapes he has of Ryan wandering around and staring into space got me thinking that maybe he'd watch those sometimes? They have eachothers phone number, too, so they call like they did a bit in ASB. It was just interesting to think about in the context of GP because the nature of their relationship is different. Chris has his obsession, and Ryan atm isn't quite on the same level rn, but he's still pretty fixated on Chris. With these things in mind, I just wondered how it might change how Chris feels/reacts to Ryan's absence during the off-season of camp.

Then, finally, I thought, "What if Ryan stayed with Chris during the off-season?" Idk what the circumstances would be, but Ryan just doesn't go home or doesn't live with his family anymore? I was thinking about what they'd do, obviously with Chris's parents around, he can't bring Ryan to the house. So they'd be at the lodge, or at least Ryan would be. It leaves a lot of room for potential domestic fluff or smut. Without the campers and counsellors around, Ryan would truly be in the wolfs den. I'd imagine Kaylee and Caleb might visit more without the noisy campers and nosy counsellors there.

i’d say, that they prob don’t think about it too deeply. like, ryan’s crush is pretty clear to everyone, who bothers to inspect his and chris’s relationships for more, than 2 minutes. but while kyalee thinks, that it’s fun and might be good for chris, i feel like caleb sort of avoids the topic. and not bc the hates the idea of it, more so, bc it’s very awkward lol. i mean, he’s the older out of the 3. he views ryan on the same level as kyalee, like as someone, who’s clearly younger than him. and his sister has a habit of having new, non-serious crushes pretty often. so he might assume, that ryan is the same in that regard. like that he’s confused or smth. and then, chris is his dad, who he considers to be good-natured, but a bit lame. not to mention, that ryan is around the same age category as them, and learning that your father is a ‘dirty old man’ surely doesn’t help, haha. so yeah, caleb would try to not dig too deeply into it. and nope, chris doesn’t have it, haha. i mean, in human form surely not. in werewolf one, he prob does, haha. but i struggle to imagine ryan surviving such an encounter tbh. 

ah, that’s a good question. i imagine, that chris has a lot to do around the campground, even when no one is around. then, he and the rest of the hacketts prob try to track down silas and all that business as well. but i feel like, chris doesn’t really believe, that they would ever find him. one would imagine, that it’ll be travis, who low-key gave up on everything, when in fact, trying to kill silas is in part of what keeps him going. compared to this, chris has a more cynical view on it. at least, in my fanon, haha. i guess, i always picture him as a guy, who really wants to help others, but considers himself to be beyond help. or maybe, not even worthy of it. i mean, i feel like while fandom adores fawning over travis’s situation, no one ever considers why chris had to be the one, who runs the camp. i don’t think, that it was a gift from his parents. i actually, assume that he was ‘trusted’ (read conditioned) into that position, bc travis was always a scapegoat of the fam, but in a way, he was ‘let go’. he could do whatever, bc no one cared all that much, which is still pretty bad, don’t get me wrong. but with this in mind, and added fact, that bobby is clearly the favorite child, it would mean that chris was automatically put into position, where literally no one, but him could ‘inherit’ the hackett’s quarry. and where he had to be the one to have a family, and be ‘the ideal man’ or whatever. all eyes were on him, bc there were things expected from him. nothing was expected from bobby. and in a way, from travis as well, but for different reasons clearly. with this being said, i don’t think that chris had it ‘worse’ than travis or smth, it’s just that he had to suffer through different sorts of parental pressure and most likely abuse too. travis has a stockholm syndrome toward his family, and chris was basically conditioned into filling the role, that no one else could. sorry, tangled up, haha. 

but like with all this in consideration, it’s fairly easy to imagine why he would get so obsessed with ryan. and yeah, he for sure would rewatch the tapes, and enjoy phone talks, that they have. he never had anything like this before. a thing to truly look forward to. his kids are adults, so in all fairness, they no longer need him like they used to, and i feel like chris gets very aimless, when there is nothing for him to do, no one to care for, bc he has no idea how to live for himself at all. and yeah, in GP ryan’s and chris’s levels of obsession are a bit different. i suppose, partly bc chris’s mental state is also worse, than it was in ASB. he tries his best still, but cracks are starting to show more and more often. as for how he feels, when ryan is not around for months, i think that it’s a tricky question. chris is party terrified of himself and what he can do, so rational part of him says, that it’s good that ryan is far away from him, and that it might be better if he never comes back. but then, he also always longs for him to be back all the same. need vs care. obsession vs common sense. chris is very morale dualed, haha. esp when it comes to ryan. but i feel like, he’s prob one of the rare kinds of characters, who can overpower his own selfishness more often, than not. like, if i had to put all my supermassives otps into situation, where they had a choice to basically keep their ‘better half’ with them or have a chance to let them go with hope, that they can do better, that it would essentially be better for them, only chris and andrew would be capable of smth like lmao. everyone else, ryan included, would have the ugliest tantrum imaginable. even john with a similar level of self-hatred as chris, wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from being terribly selfish and keep andrew, no matter what it would have taken. this is partly why chris was okay with ryan killing him in WCA. he just assumed, well, it would be better for ryan. kinda a dick move tho. like ryan killed people for him, and he then, asks him to shot him lmao. 

and oh, funny enough, i had un-used plot, where ryan gets kicked out of the house by his mother. idk, where his grandparents are. maybe, they don’t exist in that au or they’re not close. so as result, ryan literally has nowhere to go. he asks kyalee and caleb, if they can hook him up with some temporary place, until he finds a job and will get out of their hair. but naturally, they call him an idiot and say, that he can just stay on the campground during that time, chris won’t mind. i imagine, that ryan would ask them to not tell chris why he’s here, make up some story. it also leaves a lot places for humor, bc ryan is city kid, he doesn’t know much about life in the country. but chris be there to teach him. so yeah, they would spent a lot of time together. just two of them. kyalee and caleb would also indeed have a chance to hang out with ryan more often, show him around and such. for a while everything will be alright with the world. which is smth that i really about the quarry tbh. their set-up is so deceptively cozy.

[wolken-himmel]

In which Professor Trein's wife (Y/n) accidentally arrives a little bit too early to deliver her home-made lunch to him, thus interrupting his lectures right at the end.

Yuu and their friends are quite curious about their professor's wife, and seem to have a lot of questions to ask.

Request by @amypop122.

"And that should conclude the lesson for today. Does anyone have questions?"

Professor Trein's stoic eyes gazed across the ocean of students seated in front of him. The whole lot of them were anxiously watching the clock on the wall behind his desk ticking away in an agonisingly slow way. Today's lecture had been exhausting and hard, and especially Ace and Deuce in the last rows looked like zombies with the way they were groaning here and there, restless frowns on their faces. Yuu, too, was about to fall asleep with the way Grim in their arms was so warm.

The professor received no reply, to which he commented with a satisfied hum. "Good, make sure to read the passage on—" Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks upon seeing the door to the classroom open and a flash of curious (E/c) eyes peeking in. The sudden mood shift in the room was undeniable, able to even pull the chaotic duo out of their bored trances. For a moment, Professor Trein's eyes softened as he gazed at the woman in the doorway to his classroom: you. "(Y/n)?"

Every single student snapped their head towards the sudden intruder, and they gazes darted back and forth from their professor to you. Then, excited whispers and murmurs broke out throughout the classroom, the students excitedly discussing about the way their stoic teacher's gaze had softened ever so slightly — even if it was just for a second.

You gasped upon realising that the usually empty seats were still filled with youthful students. An embarrassed smile appearing on your lips, you quickly uttered, "Oh, I'm sorry— I thought class ended already." Then, you gently closed the door again, causing the murmurs to grow even louder. Lucius, who lazily sat in his owner's arms, meowed and scratched at Professor Trein's robe to snap him out of his trance.

"Silence!" he bellowed, causing the mass of students to immediately calm down again. Taking a deep breath — all the while scratching Lucius behind his ear — to calm down, he furrowed his eyebrows since your sudden appearance had completely thrown him out of his train of thought. Exhaling in exasperation, he gazed at his students with a distant and distracted look in his eyes. "You're dismissed. For homework, just read the text on page two hundred and eleven. And do the task listed next to it."

Awkward silence veiled itself upon the classroom, and for a moment, nobody really wanted to be the first to stand up — especially since their minds were still occupied by the surprise of your sudden appearance.

Deuce leant over to Ace, murmuring, "Wow... that's kinda generous of him. I've never seen him like that."

Ace hummed in agreement, yet his eyes reflected even more curiosity than his friend's. "I wonder who that woman was," the redhead mumbled under his breath, all out ot a sudden wide-awake.

His words caught Yuu's attention, and they turned around to remark, "We can just ask her. She looked nice, and I'm sure she will answer."

"You ask her then, Yuu," Grim chimed in as pawed at their blazer. "I want to know, too."

"Fine, if you three are cowards..." Yuu mumbled while they rolled their eyes. When the group of friends rose from their chairs to exit the classroom, they were the last ones to leave. Yuu bee-lined straight for the door, keeping Grim held in their arms since he preferred being carried around most of the times, anyway — although they did worry for his health if he kept on eating massive amounts of tuna without working out whatsoever.

Upon passing through the door, Yuu gazed to their right, where they found the woman from earlier patiently waiting for every student to leave before entering. You were humming a soft tune to yourself, and yet you shot the group of friends a smile when they passed by you — or at least you thought they would pass by silently.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Yuu suddenly spoke up, startling you slightly. You almost dropped the lunch box you held in your hands out of surprise, but quickly managed to calm down again. Curiously, you looked at the courageous student and their friends behind them. They had a smile on their face, a polite one. "Hello! Me and my friends were just wondering who you were."

Your lips pulled up into a smile at the warmth in this particular student's kind heart. As you smiled, the four friends could finally see the soft wrinkles right next to your eyes and around your mouth. "Oh, aren't you precious! You remind me of my step-daughters," you exclaimed, laughing softly. Pushing back a strand of already greying out (H/c) hair, you gracefully curtsied. "I'm your professor's wife, (Y/n) Trein. It's very nice to meet his students."

Ace's jaw fell down upon the revelation; he had already expected you to be involved with their teacher somehow, judging by the way Professir Trein's eyes softened upon seeing you, and yet he couldn't shrug off the strange feeling in his stomach. "I didn't think he could have a wife. Nonetheless children," Ace mumbled, which earned him a warning glare from Deuce. "Is he... nice?"

Laughing at the youth's words, you merely nodded. "Yes, he's a very loving husband." Your (E/c) eyes still shone with youthful vigour and energy despite the wrinkles on your face. Yet, that bright expression soon dimmed down when you solemnly added, "Although I do miss him a lot since he's never really home because of his job as a professor here, and it's been quiet every since my step-daughters moved out."

The students grew curious, and Deuce was the first to speak up to ask, "So, you're not his first wife?" His question earned him a punch to the shoulder by Yuu as they sent him an warning glare. Deuce groaned quietly as he stepped to the side to take cover behind Ace, whom he hoped would shield him from Yuu's wrath.

Your reaction was what caught the group off-guard. Instead of scolding them for prying, kind laughter spewed from your lips. "Yes, that's correct," you confirmed, smiling at the teens. You averted your wise gaze that was brimming with nostalgia. "We met... ten years ago?"

Grim's ear twitches curiously. "What made you marry Professor Trein?"

Humming, you tapped your chin with your index finger, for a moment digging through your memory. "He was such a gentleman! So helpful and nice— and handsome," you explained, your (E/c) eyes lighting up in adoration as you spoke about your husband. For a moment, giggles like that of a little girl escaped your lips. "How could I have resisted?"

"Ew—" Ace scoffed, causing him to be punched by Yuu. "Professor Trein and those adjectives don't fit together."

Grim grinned as he cooed, "Shh, you don't want detention, do you, Ace?"

Shaking your head in utter delight at the four bumbling students, you happily drawled, "Ah, you guys are so funny!" Then, your eyes turned to the cat in Yuu's arms that ogled up at you with big cute eyes. Extending a finger to playfully wag it in front of the animal's nose, your smile grew. "And your cat! The little guy reminds me of Lucius."

Grim crossed his arms while he haughtily averted his gaze, as if your words were offensive. "Hmpf, I'm better than Lucius. I can talk."

After having received Yuu's permission, you scratched Grim behind his ears, evoking unwilling purrs from him. You eagerly continued scratching his fur, and he more and more leant into your touch. "Wow, how adorable," you cooed, bending down to get a closer look at the adorable monster cat. "Aren't you a cutie~"

Your interaction was quickly cut short when your husband appeared in the doorway to his classroom, his eyes narrowed at his four students. "(Y/n), are my students bothering you?" he asked, sceptically eyeing the bunch of troublemakers.

Laughing, you straightened your back to get a proper look at him. "Ah, no no! Don't worry, Mozus dear. They're all very precious and nice to me," you said whilst you shot the group of teens a playful wink, which they reciprocated with a little snicker.

Trein nodded, petting Lucius in his arms like he was some sort of evil villain straight from one of those action movies. "You should leave now, you four," he said sternly, leaving no room for any 'buts'. "Enjoy your break while it lasts." Before any of the teens could disobey, he had already briskly turned around to disappear back into his classroom.

All of them sighed in disappointment. "Goodbye, Mrs. Trein," the four students chanted simultaneously, as if in a choir. They reluctantly watched as you shot them an apologising look whilst walking inside of the classroom.

"Maybe we'll see each other around, dearies! Goodbye," you exclaimed cheerfully before closing the door behind you.

For a moment, only silence enveloped the whole corridor — that was until Ace stormed to the door, his eyes peeking through the little window on the upper half of the window, managing to position him in a way that allowed him to see through the slits of the blinds.

His fellow friends groaned in annoyance at his antics, and they went to work in order to try and pry him away from the door. "Ace, get away from the door!" Deuce hissed, grabbing his friend by his forearm.

"No. No," Ace cried out as he wrestled his limb out of his friend's strong hold. "I need to know how he scored someone so nice like her."

Deuce merely rolled his eyes. "We don't want any trouble—" He stopped in his tracks upon coincidentally gazing through the blind's folds, too. What he saw managed to make him latch onto the spot right next to Ace, his hands pressed against the glass. "Wait, oh, the lunch she made him looks delicious—"

Grim was quick to jump out ot Yuu's arms and leap onto their shoulders. "Is it tuna?"

"Guys!" Yuu exclaimed, throwing their arms into the air in utter annoyance at how stupid their friends were acting. Their cautious eyes ran up and down the corridor, afraid that someone would round the corner and catch them eavesdropping. "What if they catch us spying?"

Ace let out a distracted hum. "Don't worry, nobody will." His calm was quickly disturbed when he felt a foot land on his own. "Ouch, Deuce! You stepped on my foot!" the redhead howled loudly.

Yuu slapped themself. "I'm doomed."

Opening the windows to let some fresh air stream into the stuffed classroom, you lovingly asked, "So, how was class today?"

Trein rubbed his temples as he set down his precious cat onto his desk while he himself let himself sink into the teacher's chair. It was only now in his beloved wife's presence that he felt the exhaustion from today rush over him. Sighing as he stretched his legs, he finally felt his tense muscles relax.

Taking a deep breath from the fresh air that streamed through the window you just had opened, he then began, "Today was rather exhausting... there are some rambunctious first-years among them that love to cause trouble." He watched you as you opened the lunch box you had prepared for him. It never failed to amaze him how much effort you put into these little signs of affection. Trein gratefully took the outstretched box from your hand. "They sure are a handful, but it's to be expected."

"You're doing a good job, Mozus," you mumbled as you circled around the desk to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, which somehow still never failed to make his heart flutter, as if there weren't years of marriage between the two of you. A smile appeared on his lips, and his eyes fluttered close when you pulled away.

"Thank you, love," he mumbled, feeling less drained already.

You nodded, as if you took it for granted. A wet nose bumping against your arm caused your attention to divert to the purring cat sitting on top of your husband's desk, the animal's tail flicking back and forth. You extended a hand to gently run it across his soft fur. "Ah, Lucius, you must be hungry too with how much you worked today~" you drawled while you fiddled with something in your bag. The cat's slitted eyes followed your hands curiously, and lit up when you pulled out a smaller container. "I brought you something, too."

Trein chuckled as you opened the container designated for the large cat and lowered it right in front of it. "You spoil him, love," he commented as he watched his furry companion dig right in, with the best of manners a cat could ever have, of course.

Laughing along, you put your hands onto your hips. "There's no one else to spoil but you two now! Ever since the children moved out, I've been lacking people to dote on," you complained as you leant against the side of the desk, your hand mindlessly running through the cat's fur. Just like earlier, your eyes temporarily lost their youthful shimmer due to the sadness that clouded them. "I am proud of how they've set out to start their own lives, but I do miss them very much."

Mozus set his lunch aside to cover his hand with yours that openly lay on the desk. "I'm sorry to hear that, (Y/n)." He shot you a smile that caused all sadness to evaporate quickly. "I, too, miss them... but well, I'm sure it won't be long until we have grandchildren of our own."

The corners of your lips quirked up in amusement at his words. "You're right. I can't wait until that happens," you exclaimed, suddenly feeling a rush of excitement vanquish the melancholy in your heart. Intertwining your fingers with his, you lovingly ran your thumb across the wrinkled back of his hand. "Also, our correspondences make me feel less lonely, so I have to thank you for that."

This time, it was Trein's time to act like it was to be taken for granted. "Of course, I feel bad for rarely ever being home because I'm on campus for such long times— so it's only right that I send you a letter every evening."

"Ah, I'm fortunate to have such a thoughtful husband," you cooed. In your chest, your heart skipped a beat. "I consider myself very lucky to have met you."

Trein shook his head. "No, I am the one who should say that."

"Aww—" You giggled at the way he looked at you so lovingly. Although, your lips quirked up into an amused grin when you pointed to the door, from where you could hear yelling. "But say, do your students always eavesdrop on you?"

Your husband immediately furrowed his eyebrows. "They what?!" he yelled furiously, his face completely having lost all its softness and fondness whenever he gazed at you. "That's detention for them."

[the-nysh]

Garou seems to be someone that if his life was normal he would be an introvert and an honor student. Because of his goal he adopted the persona of some troublemaker but I feel like that’s not who he really is? Fangirls would hype themselves over the thought of him being a bad boy but I think he is awkward as a nerd can get. Proof is when he finally got over his performative evil persona and started living the real life he was very respectful and hardworking, isn’t he? His boss even said he’s a good kid and he wanted to hire him full time or something I don’t really remember the details. I met some girl today who said he’s the type to vandalize walls and tables during his student days and I’m really wondering if they even know Garou at all. Am I overreacting or am I not understanding Garou as well as I think I am?

Ah - this is true. :') You'll see that when he has no need to perform or put on a false 'tough/bad boy' act, his more genuine self is that of a textbook introvert, who prefers to keep to himself, with a solemn air of solitude, with very much a dorky/nerdy side too, and generally does not purposely go around intending to cause mayhem, needless destruction, or trouble for the lulz. However, if the trouble comes to him, he'll make his displeasure known and absolutely won't stand by or be a pushover about it. For his opinions, sense of injustice, and righteous anger (both his temper and emotional sensitivity/compassion for things) are very much some of his strongest suits. He may be an introverted lone wolf, who's a bit socially awkward and bad at navigating the full spectrum of his feelings (because he has a lot), but he's definitely not shy about speaking out or standing up to something (taking action on gut feeling, often without thinking things thru) when he knows there's a problem.

You see this side of him when he was a good-natured child - where his preferred activity was reading insect field guides or watching the hero/monster cartoons (very much nerdy behavior, with quite the specialized interest in fictional stories and the types of critters/creatures he liked) and yet, even when he generally kept to himself, he'd still voluntarily speak up to express his opinion when he'd notice things felt morally wrong or unfair. Whether that was towards the shows he watched or witnessing his other classmates getting hurt - you can see how it's always been in his nature to defend others, and feel sympathy for their injustices suffered, ever since he was a kid. (Which also unfortunately made him stand out as the oddball target of the class...)

You see this side of him again when he's out and about, brooding and behaving alone during the dine & dash section of the story. Where he primarily keeps to himself again (and behaves like a dork making nerdy puns to himself - hey he's being dumb, broke & hungry~), and generally isn't trying to make a scene, yet when he comes across trouble, like the citizens fighting or noticing Tareo getting bullied, he breaks things up and voluntarily intervenes. I really like this part of the story in particular for showing this side of Garou, more nuanced beyond all his early (very obvious) grandstanding acts of performative evil.

And you see this side to him again post-arc in the wc when he isolates in the mountains to meditate, then quietly keeps to himself while dutifully performing the part-time job. (But once again, trouble comes to him and he's forced to stand his ground - he defends the truck and calls Suiryu an asshole for causing needless collateral damage to civilian property.) But fortunately at this stage, he's matured enough to walk away from the incident without escalating it or his temper snapping after experiencing the cycle of injustice.... (I've seen people say he's unusually subdued or that he's 'lost his fire' here, but while he may be serious in thought contemplating his future, his actual behavior here is still very much consistently in line and representative of his real self.)

And actually...that part about him being dutiful and hard-working...you see this side of him when he puts all pretenses away and prioritizes saving the helicopter vs the centipede. :O (Enough that he scolds Mb for losing focus on The Task.) Cause aside from Garou being a fighting prodigy (who's analytical, observant, and resourceful in his own way), you see that he's also quite competent and efficient when he puts his mind/focus on his priorities! Driven to complete his duty all the way, especially when it's Important to him. So yes, just like when he was a nerdy kid, the idea/possibility that he'd become an honor student (not unlike Genos actually) if he had properly continued his schooling under better circumstances (like his alternate school uniform from the game) is actually very high. :O

But yes, from his looks to his literal performance, it's very easy to typecast and exaggerate his character into someone he's not. (It feels like the curse of trouble always coming to him - cause he's experienced that same typecasting & judgement from others even when he's not acting, which was unfair to him as a kid who stood out from the rest, so if he'll always be perceived as the 'bad guy' even to himself, he'll take power from that role and roll with it.) ...Which also means many fans interpreted that early behavior from his acting literally and have since rolled with it to the extremes in their portrayals/perceptions of him too. Treating that outward 'bad boy' persona as if it's his actual, genuine self and personality. :'D When the real him, underneath that literal (and symbolic) 'monster' shell, is anything but.

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[bedlamsbard]

Talk about the AoU references people aren't catching in the already-posted chapters of Horizon?

Oh, the big one is something that's in the current chapter in progress, and because that's a later-chapters reveal... *hands* People are catching some of them (sorry to the person who said "hmm, I've never seen AoU, maybe I should watch it..." I did not expect people to watch AoU, lol, I expected people to go, "ooh, maybe I should watch The Incredible Hulk" for context on Betty and Sterns.)

The biggest one is Madame B, who is kind of a tough case because she's never named onscreen in AoU -- she's the Red Room trainer who Natasha sees in her Wanda-induced vision. I didn't want to explicitly say "Madame B" in Horizon because it's just kind of an awkward title/name, so she's only referred to as "Madame," no B, but she's the same character. Since she doesn't appear or come up at all in Black Widow I'm doing some backfill on how Natasha's Red Room experience differed from what we see in BW and how Madame played in. She was planned to be the big bad from almost as soon as I started working on this story as a chaptered, plotted story, as a movie villain who had very little screen time but was not explicitly dead, and using her means I had a direct tie to Natasha. This was always going to be a story about the super soldier serum as soon as I decided not to use a Thor villain; it was "who's a character who's unaccounted for right now who could be in a position to pull in Sterns and Hammer," who are two other characters I wanted to use from very early on. Using her lets me deal with a lot of Natasha's unaddressed Red Room trauma, including the stuff from AoU that is apparently not consistent with BW. (I was a little worried people would think she's supposed to be Madame Hydra, who's a comics villain who has appeared in, I think AoS in one form, and Valentina in Phase Four is supposed to be Madame Hydra even if she hasn't used that name. She's not; she's Red Room, even if she has some as-of-yet-unrevealed backstory with HYDRA.)

(At one point I considered using a character from Thor's rogues gallery, when it was going to be more Loki-focused, but that was discarded in the planning stages; I wanted to use a movie character and I wanted to use a character who was from an Earth characters rogues gallery, because part of this story is Loki having to function as an Avenger dealing with villains who are, in all honesty, well below his weight class in terms of power.)

The Hammer-adapted Ultron-bots are explicitly mentioned; they're not identical to the ones in AoU but they're mostly a red herring for the characters as well as the audience. (You can tell they're weaker than the Ultron-bots from AoU because Steve's actually punching straight through them, which he doesn't do in AoU.)

There are a handful of dialogue references to AoU -- one of the things I really like to do as a fic writer is to bring relevance back to stories that can get swept under the rug by canon, regardless of my actual feelings for them. So Steve has the "well, maybe Ultron was right" about "maybe I don't know how to live without a war" line in 5; the Hulk-Widow Natasha fights pulls a couple of lines that are meant to invoke Natasha's vision-conversation with Madame B -- the "sloppy" and the "you have no place in the world" are both from that vision.

More explicitly there's Natasha's conversation with Bruce and Betty about her brief relationship with Bruce -- there was actually supposed to be a Bruce and Natasha conversation about that in 7 that didn't end up fitting there, so hopefully I'll get in later, maybe in 10. With Bruce, it's also -- he has not been on Earth since AoU. That is his last point of reference to...everything, and everything changed between AoU and when he returns in IW.

Thor and Selvig's trip to the Water of Sight is referenced in this last chapter -- that was one I had to do a bunch of checks on, because I couldn't remember what was from the cut extended version and what was in the actual film, and I wanted to use what was on the actual screen; they're not consistent with each other.

Madame's the biggest one. There's characterization stuff with Nat and Steve and Bruce and to a lesser extent Tony (a lot of his dialogue in his return-to-Earth scene is straight from Endgame and that calls back to AoU), because I don't not think it's consistent with them even if it's not, like, ideal in terms of my characterization for all of them, but that's what it is. I knew almost no one was going to get Madame without me saying so because she appears for like fifteen seconds in a scene that people don't like in a film that people don't like. A few people did.

The thing I was checking today was actually a setting thing, which is potentially something that readers could recognize; like, it's going to be A Reveal but it's the kind of reveal where readers can go "oh, I should have realized because XYZ," so it's fine if people recognize it, I just don't want to say it in advance. And that's from AoU; it's definitely recognizable if one remembers the physical geography of the film. It's also very lightly hinted at in previous chapters, but it's not supposed to be recognizable earlier.

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen [chapt. 6]

[Donnie x reader]

sfw, chapter 5 here

Come on, save it, save it, Donnie chanted to himself later that night, at home and tucked away in his room trying to figure out how to neutralize the situation. He paced along his bed back and forth, phone in hand as he wracked his brain thinking about how he'd get her to let it go. He could tell her that she was...overtired? Go the stereotypical route and say it was just her eyes playing tricks on her? Try to play it off as human teenagers messing around on the roof?

She'd gone to bed already. He hated that he couldn't pursue the subject until morning, her morning, but by then, he'd be tired. When she woke, he slept. But he needed to get it resolved as quickly as possible, so he reckoned it was time to pull an all nighter. Luckily, that wasn't anything he wasn't used to.

He figured he'd get the preliminaries out of the way so he could get right to it when she eventually texted back.

"Good morning

I know you're not awake yet but I figured I'd get an early start today.

I want to know, what exactly did you see last night?"

He shut his phone off and set it down on the bed, fingers rubbing his temples. Depending on her answer, this would either be difficult, or near impossible.

The rest of his time was spent just waiting around for her to finally wake up, dodging all his brothers and trying to occupy himself with something. He was fiddling with the radio he kept on the floor next to his bed when his phone notified him of a message. Turning the volume up, some old-school rock played softly. He didn't always keep music on when he worked, which was what he was doing felt like, but something needed to fill the silence. It also made it feel more casual to have the radio on, for both himself and for whoever might stop by his room.

"Good morning to you too

That was...sudden??"

How nice it was to read those words coming from someone who wasn't his family. Not that they said it like that often anyway, but the small gesture hit differently.

"I'm just really curious about what you said you saw."

Curious? Not quite. More like dying to know, and not because he fancied himself some cryptid hunting.

"That's fair I guess

But don't laugh, ok?"

"I'd never, [y/n]"

"Well

Okay

They were big

But no like not the overweight kinf, not even just 'tall guy' kind of big

kind*

You know?"

Yeah, I aware. I'm 6'8" and have a giant shell on my back.

"They?"

He was hoping she'd only seen one of them. Maybe it would have been easier, but, of course, that wasn't the case.

"I think there were two

Idk it just looked really weird, it was dark but the silhouette from the light made them look bulky, I don't know what it was"

Lips pursed tight, he looked up from his phone, and all of a sudden that music in the background was suffocating. He quickly reached over and shut it off. He needed to be able to divert all of his attention to one thing. Except, even though he should have been spazzing over her spotting them (even if just for a split second), a concern crept up in the back of his mind that made him scoff at himself. The need to know was too great.

His eyes fell on his scaled, three-fingered hand as he typed.

"Did it scare you?"

Perhaps it wasn't what he should have been focusing on. But he was. He knew she hadn't seen much, but what if she quipped that it was frightening, or gross, or…?

"I don't know, Bo

I guess it was kind of freaky

Uh, do you actually believe me? That I saw something?"

"'Freaky?'" he repeated to himself in a whisper, brow ridge furrowed. What was I expecting?

He had to shake himself of whatever was going on in his head at the moment, because there were more pressing matters at hand. Like what he was going to answer her question with. Theoretically, he could go two routes; one, invalidate the experience and try to walk on the line of telling her that it was not real without making her feel crazy. And then probably get mad at him. Or two, go along with it, if he didn't have the heart to do that to her. The answer was already here; he let out a deep sigh. Two, it is.

Nothing could make him want to make her feel that way, even if it meant he'd have to put in a little extra effort in fixing his mistake.

"I wouldn't doubt your judgement, [y/n]."

"Thanks

That makes me feel a lot better

You're a really good guy, Bo :)"

Freezing, he sat and stared at the screen before slowly taking the phone away from his face, lips moving, but no sound coming out. He had no idea what to say; all he could focus on was the fact that the girl he undeniably liked thought he was a good guy. And that, presumably, it meant she might have liked him as well. Big on the "might", he realized as the logical part of his mind took over once again. Regardless, he licked his lips and got to preparing a worthy response. He didn't want to come off as flustered as he felt. Donnie was aware he was not particularly suave—he took solace in the fact that she couldn't see his face or hear his voice. He contemplated on acting a bit more "cool guy" than he actually was, but wanted her to like him for him, not a facade. Which was a major contradiction to all that he had done up to that point, but the least he could do was be the person he was on the inside!

"You there?"

"Sorry, I got distracted…

You really think so?"

"That I think you're a great guy?"

"Well...yes."

"Totally. 100%"

His heart was going, he was stammering to himself, and a new feeling enveloped him. He was no stranger to the different emotions; he'd gotten familiar with many of them. Because though he didn't always show it, he had a lot of feelings. These, he felt most viscerally. But he had to get back on track. If he could push last night's incident under the rug, all would be well. More well than it already was, considering.

"Thank you, [y/n]

To be honest, I've never had a friend like you

So, do you want to talk more about what you saw? I know I'm switching tracks quickly, it's just very….interesting."

It was a jarring and awkward subject change, he knew that, but he desperately wanted to get it out of the way. The sooner, the better.

"I suppose

You seem pretty interested in it"

Maybe she wasn't hanging onto the experience like he'd thought she would. There were so many tales of people seeing inexplicable things and becoming enraptured by the experience that he guessed he should only expect the worst, but it appeared that she was not so obsessed. Crisis averted?

"Not too much, I was just wondering

We can forget about it."

"Oh, I'm not going to forget about it, Bo"

There it is, he thought, not surprised.

After thirty minutes of attempting to throw her off without coming off as suspicious himself, he had to take a breather, reorganize his mind. Only to come back and find that she had to go take care of things, and that she'd talk to him later. He'd done as much fixing as he could; at that point, it was as good as it was going to get. The thought of being looked for by his unknowing friend loomed about in the coming weeks as they did their patrols, when they would pass by her residence, and the times that he snuck off to stop by himself. Sometimes accompanied by Mikey, but he tried to keep it as solitary as possible. Soon, watching her on her balcony from that roof became part of his routine. He vaguely thought sometimes that watching her like that could be considered creepy, but that ship had already sailed.

For the third time in the last month he was there yet again, on the same roof, watching the same balcony, watching the same girl. Sometimes they texted, sometimes they didn't. The times he wasn't talking to her as he sat there were the times he daringly crossed the threshold onto the fire escape. There were only a few instances of that. But did he still feel out of his mind doing so? Yes. The window only looked into part of the living room and kitchen, but he felt scandalous to do it. Most of his time there was spent only with his shell against the wall next to the window, just out of sight. He could always hear her faint but noticeable footsteps coming and could easily vault the railing and climb up or drop down. She couldn't get past his keen hearing unless she knew to tread lightly.

Mikey was with him once again, this time out to look for scrap rather than patrol. He'd been buddied up with his younger brother more often ever since their talk that night in Donnie's room. They only stopped by because they were already out and had a viable excuse.

"Does she know about us? Like, me, Leo, Raph..." rambled Mikey, curious, as he practiced one of his new moves with his skateboard. He kicked up onto the ledge of the roof and skidded before hopping off, tucking the board under his arm. "You guys have been together like, what, two months? And she doesn't even know your name."

Fiddling with the strap reaching around his shoulder, Donnie replied matter-of-factly to hide the embarrassment that was ailing him at the thought, "Okay, for starters, we're not 'together'. And secondly, she hasn't mentioned voice chatting in a while."

"And?" He got back on his board, zooming by Donnie.

"My name? It just hasn't come up," Donnie shrugged.

"Call her, then!" Mikey smiled, still preoccupied with his board and trying out his new tricks. Donnie gave a light scoff and shook his head. His brother passed behind him where he sat leaned against the water tower.

"I don't want to just call her out of nowhere, Mikey, she might be asleep."

He also didn't want his brother there when he did.

"You gotta not be so shy!...oh, look, in the window. Right there. See? She's up," he quipped with a small smirk. The curtain was drawn, but the light had turned on at some point, and they could see her silhouette moving past. Donnie looked over his shoulder to say something but felt a hand slip into his pocket on the other side, stealing his phone right off of him. He was fast, but Mikey was faster in jumping into his board and gliding all the way to the other side of the roof with the fussy turtle hot on his trail.

"Mikey, quit it!" Donnie barked, lunging toward him for the phone.

"You'll thank me later!"

The two wrestled for the phone, Mikey holding it just out of reach as he tried to navigate the screen without dropping it.

"Come on," grunted Donnie as the tussle led them near the edge, where Mikey held it precariously over the alley below. His glasses were jostled off his face when a stray hand bumped them, causing them to fall amongst their feet. Squinting, he partially knelt down and searched for the pair while still looking at his brother and his phone, trying to stretch his arm long enough to snatch it. "Really?" he groaned, "just give me the phone!"

Donnie slung out his staff and used the other end to whack his wrist from underneath just as he pulled away from the edge, losing his grip on the phone. Mikey tried to catch it but it bounced off his hand, going right over the side of the roof and plummeting down into the alley.

Mikey froze. Donnie finally found his glasses.

Laughing nervously, Mikey turned back to him, "Whoops…"

When he didn't immediately find the phone on the ground, Donnie knew what happened. He looked over the edge, and there it was, sitting on the pavement in the alleyway. The building wasn't incredibly tall, but enough to do some major damage. He'd have to switch for one of his spares if he didn't want to deal with a busted-up screen.

"I don't need your 'help', Mikey, so leave it alone next time," Donnie said and gave him a narrow-eyed look, huffing as he leaped down to retrieve it.

Mikey may have been insistent, but he knew then it was time to stop. All he wanted to do was help. For his shy, flakey brother to come out of his shell (no pun intended). Donnie, at that time, had the biggest shot out of all of them for something unique and good. He hadn't yet worked out the logistics of how to bridge the gap between the two, but it was a calling of his to help him along.

Donnie watched for people from behind a corner before creeping out to get the phone, which was face down on the concrete. No doubt cracked to all hell if not completely shattered, though it did have a case.

But as he got closer, he heard a voice. From the phone.

He picked up the phone timidly and shot a glance up at the roof, where Mikey was peeking over the edge in apprehension. Without a word, Donnie activated the taser in his staff, pointing it at his brother and zapping it briefly. He flinched and retreated out of sight.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Bo?" she asked again, tone riddled with confusion. "What was that?"

"Uh, yes—hol—hold on, please," stammered out donnie, flying around the corner and pressing flat against the wall as a group of laughing people passed by the alley. "Just one second," he said nervously. Above him, Mikey was rapidly motioning for him to get up there, eyes wide and body trying to stay low. Baffled, Donnie gestured back at him, mouthing at him to keep his pants on for one more minute while he made his way up.

"Hey, what's going on there?" she inquired, concerned.

A street cat abruptly skittered out from between his legs from the dumpster he stood next to, and he had to stifle a startled yelp. He hopped up onto the nearest fire escape, trying to control his breathing. "Hey, hello…[y/n]," he half-chuckled, distracted by working up the building one-armed as he kept as quiet as possible.

"What was all that? And who's 'Mikey'?"

There was suddenly a shout—Mikey's shout—and his stomach did a jump. He sputtered as fast as he could, "I'm sorry [y/n] but this really isn't a good time, and I mean it really isn't," he pulled himself up onto the roof, and there was Mikey, fending off men clad in black, "so I have to go, but—"

"Don, dude! I need help over here!" cried his brother, sliding out of the way as a sword was jabbed towards him. He countered with a harsh uppercut to the man's chin, sending him stumbling backwards. The blade fell to the concrete with a clank.

"'Don'? Bo, what the hell?! Who is with you? And—"

Donnie jumped into the battle, a mix of nine or ten armed men with swords other weapons, and Mikey trying to stave them off, swinging his chucks with nothing short of reckless abandon. But he still didn't hit himself with them.

Ending the call, he secured the phone in his pocket. He wailed the guy closest to him in the side of the head with the heavy staff, then kicked him in the chest. The man fell to the blow, and Mikey ducked underneath the length of Donnie's weapon just in time as the two came together. Stray bullets flew past them, some colliding with their shells as they spun around for protection.

"How was it?!" Mikey yelled over the clamor, breathless. Donnie sidestepped from the rapid hit he sent towards the human to his left.

"What are you talking about?!" Donnie loudly questioned, flummoxed of what could have been going on in his brain during a fight. "We're kind of in the middle of something here!"

"Your phone call!"

"Yeah, the hell's the talkin' about, Don?" a gruff voice cut through the jumble.

Both of the boys whirled around to see their older brothers there, weapons drawn.

"Oh, right. As soon as I saw those bad guys coming, I let them know," said Mikey casually to Donnie, throwing his fist into the face of the man coming up behind him. "You know, standard biz."

With the rest of the team there, the fight was over twice as fast. Some groaning in pain and some unconscious bodies littering the area, along with their weapons. Leo finished the last one and sheathed his swords, eyes on their tallest brother while Raph kept watch around them. Donnie swallowed as Leo approached him.

"Don, you said you were going out for scrap metal," Leo stated.

In the background, Mikey grabbed his skateboard and was going to try to kickflip over one of the knocked out guys, but Raph yanked the board from him, growling. He checked all of the men to make sure they were down and would stay down.

"We were...just on our way back?" Donnie answered. Nearby, there was a small pile of scrap he'd collected, though definitely not enough to justify being out that long.

"So you stopped at your friend's place?" Leo deadpanned, crossing his arms. "Didn't you think that this could get her in trouble, too? Her apartment's right there, dude!"

Mikey budded in and corrected him, "Ah, we stopped by [y/n]'s. And nah! It's all good."

Donnie's face twitched. "Of course I thought about it! That's why I've only come here three times since, and only thirty minute intervals!" he bit back, throwing his hands up. The rest of his brothers all looked at him and his specificity. "I'm not naive, Leo."

The leader pushed past the both of them, signalling that it was time to leave, and they followed. Not before Donnie got what little metal he had collected and put away his staff, tucking the stuff under his arm. Raph joined alongside Donnie as they ran. "What's with all the secret' stuff, Don? First, ya hide it to begin with, then, ya make out like you were done, and now you get jumped by Foot guys by her place when you shoulda been gettin' scrap!" he said. "How were we supposed to cover for ya if you're lyin' even after we let you off?"

"Technically, I did get some!" Donnie remarked. He held up a piece of the scrap for him to see, and Raph snorted. "But..."

Well, his question would be a little harder to answer.

Next block was the nearest manhole, where each turtle swiftly jumped in, knowing by heart (and years of wandering) most of the sewers and the way back home. In some tunnels was Mikey's telltale graffiti, but it was scattered throughout the place enough to not be a giant arrow to their hideout. In the last portion of the run was the tunnel they always slid down, and once they were actually home, Donnie knew what was coming. Master Splinter was already waiting for them by the time they arrived.

"Uh-oh," Mikey said upon seeing him, sinking behind his brothers. Raph pushed him back up front.

Dropping the scrap in his arms, Donnie squeaked, "That's not good." He quietly cursed how high pitched his voice became when he was nervous.

"Yeah…" Leo cleared his throat, looking down at his hands clasped in front of him. The situation had an awkward tension for everyone in it, save for Raph, who was immune to it by then and Splinter himself. "We took care of the soldiers," he added more seriously. "Got out of there before too much attention was drawn.

"The police may be able to handle them from here, but it will not make a dent in the Shredder's forces," explained Splinter, grave as he paced along the line of brothers. "He owns the city. Until I say so, there will be no venturing to the surface. You are all lucky to be unharmed."

"That ain't it," Raph piped up. "But they'll be bringin' the big guns, next time."

"Oh, I am well aware."

"Um...of which thing?" the nervous turtle questioned, exchanging glances to Raph and then Mikey.

Splinter raised his brows knowingly, and that was all it took for Donnie. The floodgates of his signature anxious chatter opened. He grabbed the edge of Mikey's shell and pulled him over into the spotlight with him, "I met someone over an online game and we started texting after a few weeks, and—and Leo found out and I said I would stop, but we never told you," he gestured toward their brother in blue, who refused to make eye contact, "so I told her that it was through and then Mikey somehow convinced me to go back on it," he sucked in a breath, and Mikey grinned uncomfortably, "and then we started talking again and I don't know why, but I went back there to her apartment building and it was just…stupid."

There was a cumbrous pause. Donnie was stiff as a board, Mikey couldn't look at any one thing too long, Leo stood in his polite but awkward stance, and Raph started to whistle.

As poised as ever, Splinter spoke. "I know."

All four pairs of eyes shot to their father.

"What?"

"Uh..."

"Huh?"

"Wait."

They expressed their collective confusion at the same time, and Splinter chuckled. Donnie wanted nothing more than to be able to retreat into his shell, but that was physically impossible. "Nothing gets past me, especially not you and your nervous habits, Donatello. You are scratching that spot on your neck again, son."

Flinching, Donnie pulled his hand away. He'd be damned; Splinter was right.

But unbeknownst to them, there had been spectator of their fight on the roof that night.

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shh do not think too deeply about this my children

a/n: haha plot device go brrrr

i need to finish this cursed fanfiction