#the housing situation is also... not pleasant so im trying to get out as fast as possible :')

[floralovebot]

Hi everyone! It sucks to be doing this but I'm currently in a bad situation; I'm couch homeless and unemployed. I am actively applying and interviewing for real jobs, however, I need money in the meantime (currently have $62 in my bank account and multiple bills that need to be paid soon).

I'm starting art commissions to help pay for bills! Please DM if interested! I also have tips open on kofi if anyone wants to help that way.

For fanart, I'll do any and every fandom (even ones I'm not in or knowledgeable on). I'm most familiar with Winx Club, DC comics, marvel comics, disney movies, asoue, narnia, and tgcf, but again, I'll do anything!

Please rb if you see this! All help is extremely appreciated right now!!

[spinster-sisters]

LADEVOTEE k.hj

Summary: Your life might be mundane to others in a city of stars and wanna-be's, but you don't care. You're just trying to keep your head down and work hard, even if all your friends just don't get you. Also, How is it that everyone knows Kim Hongjoong and you don't? is there really anything that special about him? The answer is yes. The real question is, is there anything special bout you? He seems to think so.

Warnings: afab reader, swearing, alchohol use, people being assholes, car sex, unprotected sex, marking, probably some other stuff, let me know this is really long.

Wc: 21.1k (i know im sorry)

Author's Note: Yeah this is totally based on the Panic at the Disco song, no I don't like any of their new music basically at all but that one slaps. Also, I've had this idea for at least a year and I've tried writing it like three times but this is the first time its worked. maybe that's why its so long.

🔸comments and reblogs are appreciated🔸

-

You don’t know how the fuck you got here, really in truly. The sun had set about an hour ago, but the air was still warm and a pleasant breeze wrapped around your bare shoulders and ruffled your dress. You weren’t dressed for the occasion at all. You wore light florals, fit for a friendly gathering. Not at all what this party had turned into.

From where you stood by the bar you could see the party unfold into picturesque chaos around you. Everyone was too beautiful, too graceful, and too confident, even as they jumped into the pool with their too expensive clothes still on. It felt like a scene out of a movie. If your life was a movie right now, it would be called “wallflower”

You looked to the skyline as it seemed to be the only place you could look without staring at someone. California was a desert, people always seem to forget that. And everyone knows the desert is best at night. There were no stars, the lights from the city shown too bright, but from this house's spot on a hill, you could see all the twinkling lights of life in the city around you, illuminating the sparse clouds in the sky making them glow against the black.

You used to love this city. You used to love being from LA and living the magic. But as you grew, things became a little duller. The world became a little too real. You barely had time to stop and admire it. But to others, the city glowed like the sunset that just passed. Deserts also have amazing sunsets. And the place drew people like moths to a flame. That’s who most of these people were anyway.

You couldn’t see anyone you came with, and you didn’t even know whose house it was. The text your coworker and friend had sent you was simple ‘I’m picking you up at 8, wear something cute.’ This text had woefully underprepared you for tonight. But it’s not that what it’s like here in LA? A chance invite to the right party could be enough to set your career on the fast track. And a party was never just a party. Except you weren’t an aspiring actor or musician, you were a hairdresser. So no, this was not your scene.

Your phone rang in your pocket. It was Macy, your coworker. With a huff, you fished the last drops of your drink, set down the glass, and pushed your way to the far back of the patio where the pounding house music would not be so loud in your ear.

“Where are you?” You asked into the phone, not waiting a moment for pleasantries. You could hear voices in the background over the phone, but suspiciously no music.

“I’m going to the beach with some friends I met, on no! Did you want to come?” Macy's bubbly voice called through the receiver. She practically screamed the words to be heard, but a slight tremor of a slur told you she had drunk herself into this situation.

“No, Macy-“ you cut yourself off with a sigh, “what did you need?” You asked in exasperation. Just as you spoke a loud cheer broke out from the partygoers behind you. A glance over your shoulder allowed you to see many of them crowding the big glass doors that led to the patio and the rest of the party inside. You whipped back around.

“What?” Macy asked after a beat.

“You called me Mace, did you need something?” You spoke slowly, enunciating into the phone. Your patient was wearing thin.

“Ummm, oh wait yeah! Can you cover my clients tomorrow?”

You didn’t even try to stop the groan that left you. You loved Macy. You did, but covering for her every time she had a hangover was getting exhausting. Especially since this time she had dragged you out with her as well.

“Yeah fine, call me if you need me to come to get you.” You replied dryly.

“Oh my God! Thank you so much! I love you!” She called into the phone before the line went dead.

You sat in shock for a moment. Why did you agree to that? It’s not like you had a stick up your butt or anything. You loved parties, you loved drinking with your friends and having fun, but this? This party was way too Hollywood Hills for your taste. And now you couldn’t even get drunk to enjoy it because you have to work tomorrow.

You turned back to the sea of people. The party was still bumping it seemed even wilder than when you turned around a few minutes ago, but it seemed to have lost the magic sparkle that you had been quietly admiring only moments before at the bar.

You debated just leaving altogether if you hadn’t just finished a drink. You would have to give yourself an hour or so before you felt safe to drive though you were definitely not drunk enough to jump into the sparkling crystal water as the other girls had.

“Why the long face?” A voice you recognized inquired. You looked up to see Anthony, he was the manager of your salon, and one of the people who had dragged you out here and essentially abandoned you by the bar. It wasn’t his fault. It was wrong to blame your shitty night on him, but it was just so easy with him standing in front of you.

“I’m taking over for Macy tomorrow,” you reply drily as ever. It wasn’t rude but even then you felt guilty for taking it out on him. Before you could even voice an apology the tall skinny man was laughing.

“Such a team player! I knew I did the right thing by hiring you.” Anthony patted himself on the back, spilling a bit of his drink across his baby blue shirt.

Just as you were about to comment on it another man approached your conversation, but this one you did not know, but by god did you want to.

A small but lithe hand landed softly on Anthony’s shoulder. Patting at the damp spot. The hand was attached to an arm, bare completely except for a few small tattoos that were inked into blemish-less golden skin. The arm was attached to a well-built shoulder wrapped in a tight black sleeveless top. Muscles bulged from the shirt, not in an overt bodybuilder way but just enough to distort the word written across his chest, the man had a jean jacket thrown over his other shoulder. And holy fuck, the collection of silver chains and trinkets that hung around his neck.

As your eyes moved up to his face your breath hitched. He was easily the best-looking man you had ever seen. Sharp and defined eyes, a pointed nose, and a wide smile curved into his lips showing rows of pearly white teeth. All of this was topped with more piercings in each ear than you could count and bright cherry red hair styled effortlessly to perfection.

If Anthony noticed your gawking, he didn’t say anything. And the man hadn’t even looked at you yet. As your manager turned to look at the man his eyes lit up.

“Hongjoong! My man, it’s good to see you, I didn’t even know you were here!” Anthony cheered, before returning the gesture with a pat on the shoulder. Now it was the man’s, or Hongjoong you suppose, turn to speak.

“Only just arrived, got caught up by some old friends at the door.”

Oh my lord, his voice was like honey. The reflection from the pool danced across one side of his sculpted face as he spoke, his bright smile only stretching wider.

And then it clicked. When you were on the phone earlier, the people cheering, the crowd by the door. This man wasn’t just a man, he was The Man. The kind of hug everyone wanted to know, the one they all wanted to call friends, the one everyone just knew was gonna make it big.

This thought alone was enough to pull you out of your daydream. Yeah, you had no chance with him. It's not like you didn’t think you were hot enough or cool enough. More like, you weren’t known enough.

And as if to prove your point, as soon as Anthony finished whatever sentence that he had started and you didn’t hear, Hongjoong bid farewell and walked away, without a glance in your direction.

Just because you didn’t have a chance didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to admire the way his stylish clothes clung to his body. And you couldn’t help but notice the way you could hear the click of his boots even over the pounding music.

There was no way you could stop the words tumbling from your lips.

“So what’s his deal?” Luckily they came out far more nonchalant than you felt, in fact, you were dying to know. But you never got a clear answer.

“Wait? You’ve never met Hongjoong? How is that even possible, everyone knows Hongjoong!” He looked stunned.

“Well I don’t,” this time you didn’t even feel bad for being annoyed.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you!”

before you even had a chance to reply or feel mortified that you were about to be introduced to a man that had completely ignored you, Anthony took hold of your shoulder and was leading you down the pavement to a small set of stairs. Two steps down then it leveled into a small but equally crowded fire pit area. You barely had time to look around at the beautiful bodies around you before you stopped directly in front of the best of them all.

Somehow Hongjoong had already been integrated into a group of others, who were already hanging on his every word. Anthony pushed past several of them before depositing you at Hongjoong feet. From where he sat at the fire pit, you could feel his gaze burning you as it moved up your body, for the first time that evening you felt truly self-conscious about your outfit, you could practically feel his gaze analyzing every inch of you before landing on your face. His eyes held your gaze without moving, his hand halfway in the hair as he stopped mid-sentence, no expression painting his features but a stone-cold stare.

“Hey, I almost forgot to introduce you to my friend!”

Anthony called over your shoulder.

As if the words flicked a switch. Hongjoong’s face morphed into that wide bright smile, he reached out one of those perfect hands to you, you couldn’t help noticing electric blue polish on some of his nails. His entire body seemed to ooze charisma when only moments ago he looked as cold as stone. It seems he had finally decided you were worth knowing.

“Hi, I’m Kim Hongjoong, lovely to meet you.”

-

“Wait Hongjoong showed up after I left! No fair! I wish I had stayed.”

It was exactly one week after the party. As Macy spoke you ran a comb through her hair, snipping lightly at the ends. You had no customers for an hour or so and Macy had all but begged you to trim her sleek back hair, while you had the time.

You paused to take a sip of the iced coffee that was acting as your lunch, you would never do this with a customer, but if she wanted her hair done during your break she would have to deal with it.

“Does everyone know this guy but me?” You asked aloud, you hadn’t really expected an answer but Macy gave you one anyway.

“Well duh, it’s Kim Hongjoong, he’s gonna be famous one day.” She spelled it out as if you were missing some great point.

“Yeah, I gathered that,” you huffed. Returning to her hair.

“Listen, Kim Hongjoong is a really cool guy. He has some cool raps on sound cloud- don’t give me that face it’s actually really good.” At the mention of sound cloud, your eyes had rolled so far it was impossible to miss as she was facing the mirror. But she continued.

“But that’s not even it, his real thing is producing, he does all of his own songs but he’s also helping out a lot of other people, and not just nobodies, some of his friends have connections and I bet it’s only a matter of time before he gets a job at a real label working with real celebrities.” She explained, her face twisting into a satisfied smile at the end.

You couldn’t help but sigh. You had lived in LA all your life, and much of the glamour had lost its touch to you, but Macey had only moved out here 3 years ago and was obsessed with celebrity culture. That and her well-off parents allowed her to live way more comfortably than you could on your commission, not to mention they footed the bill for her partying habits. You didn’t mind covering for her, LA was expensive and any customer she didn’t take was extra money for you, it’s not like she would miss it. Macy, though she was technically older than you, felt like your little sister in a lot of ways.

“What did you guys even talk about? You don’t have anything in common.” You knew she meant no harm by the words but they still stung if only a little.

“We didn’t actually talk that much, Anthony introduced us, but there were so many people around him all trying to get his attention I barely think he heard my name.” You replied honestly, snipping again at her hair.

“Oh well, that makes sense, like I said he’s very popular.” She shrugged. You ran a brush through her hair before tapping her shoulder.

“Yeah whatever, you're all done, get up my next customer is gonna be here in a few minutes.”

You brushed off your shoulders before unclipping her apron. Macey all but squealed. Getting to her feet she admired herself in your mirror before whipping around with her hands clasped and a bright smile.

“OMG! Thank you it looks too good!” She hugged you. You returned it just as tight.

“Well thanks again babe, but I have to get going, Shane is picking me up soon.” She swooned.

“When’s he going to make you his girlfriend? You asked with a chuckle, re-organizing your tools. She had been spilling to you about her situationship for weeks now and honestly, you doubted he was the kind of guy who even wanted a real girlfriend, but a happy Macy made your life easier, you were better equipped to be her shoulder to cry on when it went south then try to stop it. You couldn’t with the last guy.

“I don’t know, hopefully soon!” She called on her way out the door.

You heard to bell tinkle to signal her departure. You finished setting up for your next client, slowly bopping your head to the music playing in the salon. You had been so focused on your task that you almost missed the tingle of the bell letting you know someone had entered. When you looked up you had expected to see Mrs. Alton a middle-aged woman with a wealthy husband who tipped exceptionally well. But instead, leaning against the counter, in shredded jeans and another god-forsaken tank top was a mop of cherry red hair. He was looking around at the decor with mild interest.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

At first, you were confused, then mortified, then suddenly, as you remembered that there was no way this man was here to see you, you were about to turn back to your station when you realized that your salon's receptionist was nowhere to be found. Damn lunch breaks.

As you approached the counter you once again realized how not dressed up you were. I mean, you're at work, it’s not like you would ever normally need to look good there beyond being presentable, but with how stunning Hongjoong looked even in his causal clothes you suddenly wished you had picked a better outfit.

You made your way behind the counter and Hongjoong turned to you.

“How can I help you?“ you asked, sounding convincingly casual as if you hadn’t just been talking about him mere minutes before. You internally giggled about telling Macy that she had just missed him once again.

Hongjoong’s face was blank at first, then recognition dawned on him.

“Hey, I met you at Gabriel’s party,” he mentioned in an off-hand way. Cool, at least now you know whose house you were at. You didn’t know who Gabriel was.

“Anthony didn’t mention you worked for him.”

“Well, didn’t really have the chance did he.” You point out. At this Hongjoong cracked a faux bashful smile. Even when it was fake it was still beautiful.

“Sorry about that by the way, you know how parties like that get.” He explains in an off-hand way. No, you didn’t know how parties like that get, but you also didn’t know how to tell him that it’s actually just like that for him. Because everyone loves him.

“Well, how can I help you?” You ask, trying to keep him from realizing just how different you are from him. Yeah, you had already accepted that that just wasn’t going to happen, but you still wanted him to like you. It seemed like that was his superpower.

“I need to see Anthony.” He replied,

“Anthonys not here right now, what did you need him for?” You ask.

“I was gonna ask for his help with my hair, normally I do it myself but now that it’s getting longer I think I need professional help.” He winks. Upon closer inspection you can see now that he wasn’t lying, the roots of his dark hair were beginning to show, and although his hair was styled well, you could see the beginnings of damage from the low-quality dye.

“Oh well, he isn’t really taking new clients right now but I’m sure he’d make an exception for his friend, I’ll put you in his books.” You reply, turning to the computer and clicking the mouse to wake it up, leaning over slightly to see the screen better.

“Oh there's no need for that,” he calls, when you look up in confusion Hongjoong is leaning fully onto the counter now, face much closer to yours.

“You can do it.” he replies, with what could almost be called a smirk. You can’t help it, you blush. And what’s worse, your fucking stutter.

“U-um well, I’m busy right now, not many openings.” You murmur, turning back to the computer as you feel your cheeks flush.

“Come on,” Hongjoong all but whines, “even for a friend?” He asks all too innocently, batting his eyes at you. You are a weak, weak woman.

“Well-“ you start, nodding your head while thinking it over. You had one spot today. Right at the end, you had purposely not booked anyone at that time, planning to leave early and maybe treat yourself to the new spa that opened across the street with a bit of the extra money you had earned from covering for Macy. You glanced longingly at the storefront through the window before caving.

“I have an appointment right now but if you want to come back at 3 I have some time then?” You asked.

Hongjoong’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas.

“Great, It’s a date then.”

And just like that, he was gone. The only sign he was ever there was the doorbell quietly tinkling as it closed. You stood there dumbfounded. If this were one of the romantic comedies being made a few miles away right now, or if you still believed in the magic others thought this city had, you would be giggling like a schoolgirl. But this wasn’t a movie, this wasn’t a meet cute, and this most importantly was certainly not a date.

You were still staring blankly at the door when Mrs. Alton walked in.

-

Your fingers tapped at your phone nervously as you sat in your salon chair. 3 o clock ticked nearer with every second. Your eyes instinctively scanned the room again, as if expecting him to appear suddenly out of thin air. Thank god the door had a bell. The salon was significantly emptier than it had been at 12 today. Many of the other stylists had gone home as it was a Friday and lost like to get out a little early if they could. Like you could be doing right now.

3:05, he was officially late. But it’s ok, most people are at least a little late, it’s not the end of the world.

3:10, still not here, probably just got caught in traffic.

3:19, you were just about to give up and see what the spa could do for you before they closed at 4.

3:23 the doorbell tinkled. Your head whipped up. Hongjoong stood in the doorway, looking around before locking eyes with you and giving your a crooked smile.

“So, ready to get started?”

Not going to lie, you had expected him to be a little more apologetic about making you wait, at the very least a half-hearted excuse. But this was your first lesson on Kim Hongjoong, he came and went as he pleased.

You could only nod.

As you made your way to the wash bowl you suddenly realized you were going to actually have to touch him. In hindsight, of course, you would, but as the man himself settled into the chair, and you helped the chair recline him to position his head comfortably in the bowl and turn on the water you found yourself hesitant to actually touch his hair. You tested the water against your had for temperature.

“Are you ok? You keep frowning.” Hongjoong asked aloud. This snapped you from your spiral of thoughts.

“Yeah sorry, I was supposed to leave early today. Is the water ok?” You mention as off-handedly as you could, adjusting the water temperature one more time before finally wetting his hair. The first time you ran your hand through his cherry locks it was barely a ghost of a touch.

“Oh, I must be special then,” Hongjoong shoots back with a grin, completely ignoring your question. You turn away from his face, deciding there was no reason to torture yourself by looking at him when you had a perfectly good excuse not to. You soaked his hair fully with the sprayer as you responded, less and less hesitant with every touch.

“You know you are,” you say more to yourself than him. You hadn’t meant it to sound the way it did. You were simply pointing out that he must get a lot of favors from friends, but as you looked away from his hair to grab the shampoo you couldn’t avoid the smirk growing on his lips.

You count yourself lucky that he did little more than giggle at your little slip of the tongue. You began to work the shampoo into his hair, bringing it to a lather. You both fell silent after that.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that you realized just how much dye was leaking from his hair onto your hands.

“What brand of dye do you use?” You ask with a frown, running your hand through his hair again, watching as the water that came out ran pink even after the shampoo. You chance a glance at his face only to see his eyes closed. He looked serene. For a second you thought he had fallen asleep before his mouth moved.

“I don’t know, whatever I can find.” He replied, not opening his eyes. Instead, he adjusted in his seat, resting his head against your hand.

“Your really good at that, feels like nice.” He remarked. You are over this man completely out of your league making you blush. Choosing to ignore his comment entirely you continued.

“Whatever it is, it definitely isn’t good for your hair.” You mumbled.

Eventually, you finished washing his hair and turned off the water. Once again slightly convinced he has fallen asleep until he groaned at the lack of contact.

“Don’t stop yet.” He whined.

“Sorry, gotta get you into the chair.” You reason. Moving your party of two to your station.

About halfway through working on his hair in mostly silence, Hongjoong looked up from his phone.

“So why haven’t I seen you at anything before?” He asked casually watching your concentrated face in the mirror as you applied fresh dye to the roots. The bleaching process had already taken longer than your expected and it was nearing 4:40

“Not really my scene.” You hoped to placate him with your short answer, but Hongjoong who had clearly been getting antsy in the chair was not satisfied.

“Why not?”

“Well, big crowd, even bigger house, it’s easy to feel out of place.” You give a slightly more honest answer.

“Out of place? How?” This piqued his interest, and Hongjoong sat up straighter in the chair. You hesitate, brush in hand staring at the spot you planned to place your cherry red dye thinking it over.

“I don’t know, all those people that go to those things have big dreams of making it big or something, it’s all about networking and being seen being cool than actually having fun.” You try to explain as best you can, especially since Hongjoong was one of those people.

“So your not?” Hongjoong asks.

“Not what?” You shot back, returning to your work. The place was basically empty, with only one other stylist working on a customer on the opposite side of the room.

“Not trying to make it big, don’t have a dream?” He asks, trying to meet your eye in the mirror. You can’t help but sigh at his words.

“I mean, I do have a dream, it’s just not to be famous.” You reply.

“What is it?” He continues to pry. You huff, setting down the brush in the bowl of vibrant color, meeting his gaze in the mirror.

“Just this, I want to be a hairstylist, and a good one. Maybe run my own salon one day, who knows” you trail off.

“Sounds like a good enough dream for me,” he replies with a wink.

You didn’t expect Hongjoong to be satisfied with that answer, but you couldn’t help but smile back at him at his words. If he could see the value same in your job as someone with a dream of being a star then maybe you had the right idea.

“But you're wrong though, about those parties,” he continues, lifting his lightly tattooed arm to tap his temple with a smirk. You chuckled at him. You were finding it easier and easier to talk to him, at the very least it was making time to by faster, and what the hell you can admit it, he’s cute. Not just in a beautiful man kind of way, but also in a quirky and charming way and it was working on you.

“Do tell,” you indulge him with a smile and continue your work.

“Yeah there are people doing that stuff to get head but if you think about it like that then anything can be boring, you gotta have fun with it.” He explains, waving a hand in the air.

“Take this job, for example, you are doing it to be good, to hopefully run a salon day. Which is good, that’s what you want. But can’t you think of anyone who’s just doing it because it’s a job, something to fill their day? In that way, you are kinda like those people at the parties trying to get ahead” Your mind flashes with Macy’s face and you can’t help but chuckle.

“Ok, I guess I see your point.” You say with a smile, applying the last of the dye.

“K, we just have to let that sit for a while then rinse and dry then your good to go.” You say. You glance at him in the mirror only to see him already staring at you with a plotting grin.

“What’s that for?” You ask, apprehensively.

“I’m going to teach you how to enjoy yourself more.” He replies with a smirk.

-

“He said that! He really said that?” Macy screeched through the FaceTime call. She had initially called you the moment you got back to your apartment to spill about her “date” with Shane, and it took until your dinner was almost made before you had the chance to tell her about what she missed today. Oil popped in the pan as you continued stirring your food. Your phone was propped against your mug. As you looked down at her face you could see her sitting up straight in her plush covers after you told the story.

“Yeah Mace, but don’t make a big deal about it. It’s Hongjoong, he’s probably just bored, he’ll maybe invite me to one party before he gets bored and moves on to the next person if he even remembers at all.” And you meant it, even if he was ridiculously charming and seemed interested at the time, Hongjoong was still Hongjoong.

“I mean yeah your right, it’s weird he even offered in the first place, no offense babe,” she stared,

“None taken,” you reassure, turning off the stove and platting your food.

“But even then, that totally sounds like he’s asking you out and that is sooooo out of character for him!” She shoots back over the phone. This catches you off guard. You hadn’t thought about what Hongjoong’s love life must be but thinking about it now you’d imagine it to be pretty full.

“What do you mean by that?” You ask, taking your phone and plate and moving to the couch to eat and watch some TV. You crossed your small apartment and landed on your second-hand couch with a huff before kicking your feet up on the coffee table.

“I mean, that Hongjoong hasn’t dated anyone in years as far as I know. I’ve heard he’s had causal hookups and stuff but nothing seriou- Holy shit! Do you think he’s just trying to hook up with you?” She shrieks. You had just taken a bite of food and almost choke as those words fell past her lips.

“What? No! Mace, I don’t even think it’s a date! He probably just said it because he felt sorry for me or something but it’s not like I need it. In fact, I can almost promise I will probably never see him again.”

And as if by the divine intervention itself your phone dinged with a text message.

[unknown number]

Hey, this is Hongjoong, I got your number from Anthony, I hope you don’t mind.

7:02pm

It must have shown on your face.

“Oh my God that’s him isn’t it.”

You sigh.

“Goodbye, Macy!” You say loudly stopping her from continuing to explode on you.

“Bye, babe! Tell me what he says!”

Then your phone clicked to silence. Another message pinged.

[unknown number]

So I was thinking, I have just the thing I want to do with you. Are you free tomorrow?

7:04

You frowned. Working on weekends wasn’t required by any means. But this city was face paced. Even something like being a hairstylist was fast passed, if you wanted to achieve your goal you would have to put in the time. In fact, it never seemed like you had enough. But nevertheless, you did have work tomorrow, in the morning only, but you would be exhausted, and you already knew you wouldn’t feel like going out. But even then, you found yourself giving in to Hongjoong, he seemed worth wasting time on.

[you]

I have work in the morning but I guess I have time after.

7:05

You took the time to put his name on your phone.

[Hongjoong]

Great, what I have planned would work better at sunset.

7:05

You can’t help but roll your eyes at how Macy would react if she found out he wants to take you somewhere at sunset. That might be a detail you have to keep to yourself.

[you]

Ok, what time then?

7:05

You forced yourself to put your phone down and take another bite, turning on the TV and loading up your Netflix account.

Ping

[Hongjoong]

I’ll pick you up at 5

-

This time you had a warning, time to prepare. When you texted him your address you had asked what it is you were doing this morning all he had sent back was a winking emoji. You expect some kind of party seeing as how he had extolled their virtues before, but even if it wasn’t you were determined to look good.

But you didn’t want to look like you had dressed up for him either. Even though you totally had. It was a fine line to walk. You were happy with your ensemble though. And now the waiting game. And of course, he was late again. You kind of expected it this time, however. That doesn’t mean the extra minutes in his absence didn’t let you ponder the idea of not going out at all, your couch was awfully comfortable at the moment.

When he eventually texted you he was outside you made your way out the door. There was a black Honda Civic parked out front, and a head of freshly dyed cherry hair looking out the rolled-down windows. You were almost surprised it wasn’t something more fancy considering who was driving it but you had to remind yourself, that he hadn’t made it, yet.

He got out of the car when he saw you, greeting you with a smile before opening your door. This was starting to feel suspiciously like a date, but as if determined to prove Macy wrong you forgot to thank him.

As he pulled open his own door and sat down with a grin he turned to you.

“Sorry I was late, I was working on some new stuff.” He explained. This time offering an explanation.

“Is that what happened yesterday? Working on new music?” The words leave your mouth before you could stop them and you almost apologize before he laughs.

“Who told you I work with music?” He asks, leaning over slightly as if to whisper but he spoke at full volume. You realized your mistake. Great, now he knows you asked about him. You almost stutter a reply but he only raises a hand to wave it off.

“It’s ok, I did a little research about you too.” He shoots back turning the car on and beginning to drive with a smirk. This catches you off guard.

“Ok, what did you find out.”

“That you're an LA native, that’s great by the way, I think that’s going to make this even better.”

During the drive, Hongjoong is keeping a casual conversation. Of course, he is as sharp-witted and engaging as always, but you can tell whatever it is he has planned is occupying most of his mind.

“So do you always work that much before appointments?” You ask, trying to keep the conversation lit.

At that Hongjoong chuckles, though a bit exasperated.

“I guess yeah, feel like I’m always working, not enough hours in the day.” He sighs but keeps on smiling.

“Really? I thought you were all ‘you got to enjoy life’” you reply, realizing as you look out that he’s taking you into Hollywood.

“I am, don’t get me wrong. But hey, that’s life, you got to make the most of it in every way you can. To me, that means to play hard but work even harder to make up for it.” Hongjoong speaks these words resolutely, you can tell these are the words he lives by and you store them away in your mind. You can tell they are going to nag at your brain later tonight.

It has already been bothering you how much time you’ve been giving Hongjoong, time you could be using to work, or on yourself. But here you are, using your precious hours with him. Why you don’t quite know yet.

“We're here,” Hongjoong announces.

It only took a glance out the front windshield to know where he had taken you. Around you was a parking garage most filled but through the gaps in the concrete, you could see what was waiting outside.

“You took an LA native to Hollywood Boulevard? You ask, whipping your head to look at him incredulously. He was already watching you with the faintest hint of a smile.

“Come on, when’s the last time you’ve actually been out here, seen this part of town?” Hongjoong prodded, clicking open his door and standing up from the car. You pushed open your own door.

Hongjoong looked oddly giddy standing at the end of the car. Shifting his weight from foot to foot as you pushed the door closed and turned to face him.

“Ok, if we’re doing this is we’re doing it right.” You reply, standing up straight as if to accept the challenge. Hongjoong’s grin that hadn’t left his face since you arrived only widened.

“That's exactly what I wanted to hear.”

Hongjoong spun on his heel and began walking to the elevator. You take several large steps to keep up with him before coming into step next to him.

“So what is it that you want to see out here?” You ask. If he hadn’t been here before then your sure he at least had something in mind.

“As much as we can” he shoots back, approaching the elevator and smashing the down button.

The two of you made your way up and down Hollywood Blv, as the sun fell lower and lower in the sky. It was of course packed. People from all over both dressed to the nines or in what could only be described as hiking clothes swarmed around you guys as you followed the flow of people. Flashing signs and creative graffiti littered the streets, and Hongjoong often stopped to photograph his favorite ones.

Every once and a while Hongjoong would point things out to you. Of course, you had been there before, many times in fact, but Hongjoong’s eagerness was beginning to rub off on you. As the minutes ticked on you couldn’t help but feed off his energy, becoming just as excited to point out a clothing store you loved or funny bumper stickers on cars. You each dragged each other into the shops that piqued your interests and pointed out restaurants you’d like to try one day.

Hongjoong had been particularly keen to stop at an ice cream shop he heard was the absolute best in the area. Hongjoong’s hand grasped your arm, lopping his through yours before pulling you inside. Cold air blasted you as you stepped through the threshold, a welcome comfort from the LA heat outside.

The interior was decked out, trendy decor and bubbly signs welcomed you as you made your way to the counter. One thing both you and Hongjoong seemed to have in common was people watching. You liked to guess where the families on vacation were from based on their clothes or how the group of rowdy boys in line ahead of you met based on their words. It was slowly becoming a little game of yours.

You wouldn’t call it eves dropping, not when the boys were speaking so loud they could easily be heard from where you stood behind them, but just as you leaned over to point out that one of them was wearing a shirt from a local college when you heard a snip of their conversation.

“Dude that chick behind us is kind of cute right?” One of them nudged another. He lowered his voice, but definitely not enough. The one he nudged attempted a casual look over the shoulder before responding.

“She’s with her boyfriend bro just leave it alone.” He replied.

At first, you were slightly impressed by the initiative taken by the second boy to not bother a lady in public, but then the first part of his sentence rang in your ear. Boyfriend. You looked down and noticed that your arm was still looped around Hongjoong’s even as he looked aimlessly around the room, he kept you locked to his side.

Your face flushed when you looked away from Hongjoong. His side profile was gorgeous, all sharp and angled, but his eyes were round as he took in the room with a curious expression.

“Do you think that’s real?” He asked aloud suddenly. When you turned to follow his gaze he was staring at the back wall of the shop, covered in succulents attached to the wall.

“I doubt it, probably too much upkeep.” Your reason, but the heat was still rising in your cheeks and you slowly slipped your arm from his. He didn’t mention your slight side step away from his side, nor the way your head turned away from him as if to look around the room in interest as well.

“I’ll bet you five bucks it’s real,” Hongjoong replied and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“You’re on.”

Ice cream in hand and down an extra five dollars you both pushed out of the shop. The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky. Hongjoong was leading again, walking against the flow of people towards the Hollywood walk of fame.

When you reached it there were still quite a lot of people wandering around, but the sea of people had dispersed some. The sun was hanging low on the horizon, the sky lit up with bright reds and oranges, and the cloud turned pink in the late afternoon light. The first cool breeze of evening air tickled your skin as you began your walk down the path.

“Ok I admit it, this has been pretty fun, if not a little touristy.” You joke as you inspect the names of the stars beneath your feet.

“I never understood how people can live in such cool places, but refuse to ever come and see the things people travel to visit. Seems like a waste to me.” Hongjoong mused, stopping at Meryl Streeps star and looking out to the sunset

Hongjoong was glowing in the golden light. The cherry strands of hair almost looked like wisps of fire as they blew gently in the wind and caught the light. Your heart clenched at the sight but you pushed those thoughts away.

“Where are you from then?” You ask. At these words, Hongjoong looks at you in mild confusion.

“I’m from LA.” Was all he said, as though he expected you to already know. You were taken aback, all day you thought he had been seeing things for the first time. If he had been here before it was amazing how much love he still had for the place.

“Oh, I didn’t know.” You stammered, unnecessarily embarrassed.

“Well, technically I was born in Korea, but I don’t remember it much, I’ve lived here most of my life.” He explains starting to walk again. You follow a few paces behind, just watching his back as he maneuvers gracefully through the crowd. Even these people who didn’t know who he was seemed to part for him to walk through.

After a moment, Hongjoong realizes you're lagging behind and turns to face you. The sun is just barely peaking above the horizon now and it casts a halo of golden sun around his head. Hongjoong reaches out a hand and takes yours firmly in its grip.

“Come on, try to keep up” he shoots with a wink.

-

“Yeah, that was a date.” Macy mused, working product through the hair of her client.

“Sounds like a date to me,” the older lady in her chair agreed. Macy's station was next to yours. As you both worked on clients through that Monday Macy had been mildly pestering you about what had happened, eventually closer to the end of the day, you finally gave her a few details just to get her to stop asking.

The old lady in her chair had been actively listening, offering her thoughts and wisdom that came with age. Your own client, the old lady’s husband couldn’t seem less interested in the conversation happening between his wife and the two stylists. The couple are regulars for you and Macy. She liked to talk, so she went with Macy, and he liked to sit quietly and get his hair trimmed so he sat with you. At least once a month this was the routine.

And this was the conclusion that they came to, even without the sunset detail.

“I don’t know, I don’t really know what I expected going into that but Hongjoong is a lot different than I would have imagined. You made him seem like some wanna-be celebrity. The more we talked the more he seemed like just some guy.”

That was the understatement of a century on your part. Hongjoong was an intelligent, hard-working, and creative individual, who enjoyed far more of the little things in life than the average person. Not to mention the most attractive man you’ve ever met. Definitely not just some guy, but your point still stands, practically every time you’ve seen Hongjoong so far he has surprised you.

“So what did it not go well? Did you not have a good time?” Macy prods, continuing to style her client's hair. You had finished with her husband, but there was still some time in his slot and he enjoyed sitting next to her and you didn’t mind.

“I had fun, but what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know him that well, it seems early to call it a date. Besides if it was one, wouldn’t he have just said it?” you try to reason.

“She’s hopeless.” The old lady mused, waving a wrinkled hand in the air.

“You're telling me,” Macy agreed, putting the finishing touches on her hair.

“So he told you he wants to hang out again right?” Macy inquired after the couple had left.

“Yeah but not in a concrete way, more like a causal suggestion. Like I said before, he probably will just move on to the next person.” Your reason. The thought made you sad, you really had enjoyed spending time with him. But Hongjoong knew a lot of interesting people, it wouldn’t surprise you if he forgot about you in a week.

Macy watched your face and read your expression like a book, a knowing smile taking over her face.

“Who knows, maybe this is the start of your life as a somebody.” She giggled.

-

As it turns out, it seems like you were right, it had already been two weeks and you heard nothing from him. Not that you had been expecting to, but it still made you a little upset.

In fact, you were a little peeved. Sure you know you're probably nowhere near the most interesting person in his contacts, but not even a single text from the man in that amount of time felt a little like the cold shoulder.

Ok maybe you were being petty, you could admit that, but you began asking around about him, specifically looking for anything to hate him over. You didn't have a huge amount of friends, especially not close ones which were basically limited to just Macy and Anthony, but you had the numbers of a few of the people in their circles so you messaged them all with one purpose. Dirt on Kim Hongjoong.

The problem arose when no one seemed to have an ill word to say about him. Everyone glowed about him, about his talent as a songwriter, about his exceptional style, about how everyone says he's the best. But you noticed something strange in your endeavors, it seemed like no one was actually that close to him. Not one person could name a single interest of his outside of producing or maybe drinking. The more you looked into his life, the less you found. It seemed he also had a knack for keeping everyone at a distance.

And it had to be on purpose because from what you saw at this "Gabriel's" party, he always had people around, people dying to know more. But from what you could tell he just wasn't talking.

People were curious why you wanted to know so much about him, and it's not like you could just come out and say you were looking for a reason to not like him, but to your surprise, an excuse about a shy friend who happened to be into him (certainly not you) revealed an interesting tidbit that may have given you a reason.

A friend of Anthony, Keller, had said,

"tell her to not bother. Hongjoong is a great guy but he really doesn't want to waste his time with people who aren't worth it."

This set alarm bells ringing, but since your a sadist you chose to pry even more. Keller gave you the following words of advice to tell your friend, totally not you.

"Don't get me wrong, Hongjoongs a people person. But too many people who want to get to know him, he's allowed to be selective with his friends."

From what you can tell, 'selective' meant completely turning people away. But you took that and ran with it. And the more people you asked, the more this pattern appeared. Hongjoong was too good for everyone else, at least in their opinion. And by extension too good for you.

So yeah, you're in a bad mood.

Your life went back to being remarkably routine, more so than it had been before Hongjoong if that was even possible. That probably wasn’t true, it just felt like it after those two days you spoke to him.

That was the fact you kept reminding yourself. It was only been two days, you really can’t expect to become best friends with someone after two days. Maybe you had thought Hongjoong had just as good a time with you as you had with him, but maybe you were just too boring, or too different. Whatever, it’s over and done with. Back to life.

Almost every day you woke up by 8 o clock and were out the door by 8:30. Sometimes you stopped for coffee or a smoothie on the way to work to spice up your morning. You worked client after client each day. Both Saturdays so far Macy has called in with a major hangover, and her extra clients had taken up the time you would be using to wallow in your thoughts.

You once again had no reason to dress up, no reason to leave your house for much else than work and the occasional trip to the grocery store. You had already finished 3 whole seasons of Downton Abbey in your little free time.

So yeah, back to life.

On Sunday Anthony took pity on you and insisted you join him for a drink at a small local bar after work.

You could be a heavy drinker when you wanted to be. But work had kept you from indulging, even now tomorrow was another early morning so you were scheming a way to get home and into bed soon.

Ping

[Hongjoong]

You busy tonight?

8:21

“Who’s that from,” Anthony asked, leaning over the booth to peak at your phone, already a few drinks in and getting nosy.

You quickly pull your phone away from his gaze and shoot him a stern glare.

“None of your damn business.” You grumble sipping your drink. But the text had already worked wonders on your mood. Maybe all those people were wrong, Hongjoong wasn't keeping people away, he was just busy. You couldn’t stop smiling as you typed out your response.

[you]

Yeah, I’m free, what’s up?

8:21

If you had taken a single moment to self-reflect it would have been ironic how quickly you agreed to ditch your friend when he had to drag you kicking and screaming out in the first place. Ping.

[Hongjoong]

Great, I’ll pick you up at 10

8:22

Now your lips were stretching into a full smile.

“Now seriously, tell me who that is.” Anthony tried again, reaching out to try and swipe your phone but you pocketed it before he had the chance. Downing your drink, you stood up.

“I got to go, Anthony, thanks for inviting me out.” You explain already gathering your things.

“Wait what? You're leaving already? What about the night out?” He asked like a child about to throw a tantrum.

“You know me, Anthony, have I ever been the type to enjoy a night out?” You ask, already walking to the door. Oh, how ironic.

By the time you got home, you already had an outfit planned in your head and ran to your room to put it together. Hongjoong was artistic so you thought he might enjoy the old white converse from high school covered in doodles. At the very least he would notice them right?

He hadn’t mentioned food, in fact, he hadn’t mentioned anything, so you made yourself a quick snack and were already planning how late you could stay out without being too exhausted tomorrow while you munch.

By the time 10 o clock rolled around you expected him to be late, but you were still waiting on the couch, dressed ready to go with shoes on and a purse slung around your shoulder.

By 10:30 you had started pacing by the window. Watching for the familiar black Honda Civic to roll into place.

At 11 you considered sending a text, but the desire to stay aloof was winning.

At 11:30 you finally caved.

[you]

Hey, you almost here?

11:33

No response. Dread had been building in you for the past hour. Slowly eating away at your confidence, the more you looked the more you hated your outfit, and the longer you waited the more sure you were he wasn’t going to come. But still, because you are a fool you stayed sat on the couch with season 4 of Downton Abbey playing on the screen in front of you. You were barely watching. The characters were moving around from scene to scene surely providing you with top-notch entertainment if you had bothered to pay attention. Instead, you chose to continually check your phone every minute until midnight in case a text magically appeared.

On the wall next to you was a large mirror, just in the right position to see your own face out of the corner of your eyes every time the blue light lit up your face.

Dread turned into anger. You could have had a perfectly good night at the bar with your friends exchanging customer horror stories and already be in bed by now. Instead, you were sitting in the middle of a dark and empty room glaring at the TV. Ping.

You practically threw your phone in your attempt to pick it up the second the noise sounded. Yeah, you felt just a little pathetic at how quickly your mood soared at the sound.

[Hongjoong]

Sorry, can’t make it. Working.

12:25

Your heart sank twice as deep as it just rose. Once again you berated yourself for being so hung up on a man so far out of your league. You forced yourself to remember the things others said about him. Kim Hongjoong, he’s gonna be big, always moving, always working, and loved by everyone. No, his time is precious. He doesn’t need to waste time with you.

-

You were down the next two days. Anthony didn’t mention it, as long as you got your work done who was he to complain? If he noticed that your bad mood started on that night that you left early she hadn’t asked. Macy on the underhand couldn’t let anything go.

The two of you paced through a clothing store, the kind too expensive for you to buy but you enjoyed browsing as much as she enjoyed buying. You flipped through the racks, occasionally pulling out a shirt that captured your fancy before returning it to the rack. This was the type of store that played bass-filled music far too loud to have a normal conversation, but Macy stopped for no one.

“So Shane and I broke up,” Macy spoke, voice raised over the music, you severely doubted that they were ever actually together but you weren’t about to bring that up now.

“Oh, Mace I’m sorry.” You started to console.

“Oh no, don’t worry I’m fine. I’ve already found someone better!” She sings songs at you. You can’t help but sigh as she continues shopping. Always the same with her, no matter how much you loved her, or how much you wanted to help, she never took your advice. And maybe you were a bit salty she was able to get over it so quickly but that is something you will keep to yourself. But your frown was there all the same.

“Doesn’t this just make you feel so much better” she mused, picking out a sequin dress and laying over her arm with her growing pile of clothes to try on.

“For the last time Mace I’m fine.” You grumble, flipping past an electric green shirt, back hunched slightly to better see the clothes in front of you.

“Whatever you say, babe, just let me know when you're out of your funk. It'll be nice to talk to my friend again.” She sighed.

Several hours and several stores later Macy was hauling several large bags back to your car. You loaded hers, as well as your single bag into your trunk to drive her home.

As you drove the sun was setting, and you purposely ignored the ways the colors lit up the sky and the way the palms blew in the breeze.

“Hey just so you know I told Anthony you would cover for me tomorrow afternoon,” Macy spoke up halfway back to her home. You approached a stop light and her words shocked you just enough to hit the breaks a bit harder than necessary. You heard the backs moving in the back and the huff Macy let out, her back hair falling in her face.

“What the hell?“ she asked quietly, adjusting her hair.

“Macy, you can’t keep ditching every time you feel like it.” You shoot back coldly. Maybe it was the timing, maybe it was that she didn’t ask, or maybe it was just your bad fucking mood, but you didn’t care. Macy whined in response.

“You said you don’t mind covering for me!” She pleaded. You sigh, rubbing your furrowed brow in frustration.

“Listen, Macy, it isn’t that I mind covering for you, it’s that it’s becoming more and more frequent. Aren’t you worried about losing your job?” You argued, agitation still dripping into your voice. At that Macy giggled, fucking giggled.

“Oh no, I’m not worried about that. Besides you like having the extra money right?” Macy brushed your words aside, flipping the mirror down and reapplying her lip gloss.

You stared at her in a mix of amazement and furry. Shaking your head you tried to evaluate your emotions. You had told her it was ok. And it was her life, you really needed to stop trying so hard to help hers when clearly she thought she didn’t need it. With a huff, you shook your head and turned to stare at the light till it turned green. Either way, you were allowed to secretly think her life was going to end up a mess.

You dropped Macy off and had just begun your drive home when a text pinged on your phone. You knew better than to text and drive but figuring it was just Macy saying she forgot something at the next light you peek at your phone, completely unprepared for the massage illuminating your screen.

[Hongjoong]

I’m picking you up tomorrow at 1

5:43

You scowled, quickly trying to type your response before the light changed.

[you]

I’m working tomorrow.

5:43

Perfect you though. Short, but not rude. But more than anything, a clear no. You weren’t about to do that again. Get hung up on him again when it is clear you are just a passing fancy in his life.

[Hongjoong]

No your not? I checked with Anthony yesterday. Free all afternoon.

5:45

You read the message when you arrived home. Secretly you cursed Anthony for revealing such information to ‘the enemy’ at the moment, but as you hadn’t bothered to explain your bad mood lately how would he know?

[you]

Not anymore, apparently, Macy told him this morning I’m covering for her tomorrow afternoon.

6:02

Setting down your bags you went to swap your laundry, purposely ignoring the sight of your phone on the coffee table. But when it buzzed again, like a poor lost soul who hadn’t quite learned their lesson, you checked it.

[Hongjoong]

“Apparently?” She didn’t ask you first?

6:09

You sigh, plopping yourself on your couch finials succumbing to the conversation.

[you]

That’s not how Macy operates.

6:10

[Hongjoong]

I think you need better friends.

6:10

Now you're frowning even deeper.

[you]

What, like you?

6:10

The three dots appear as soon as your message is sent, you watch them appear and disappear several times before his response is sent.

[Hongjoong]

Yeah like me, is there something so wrong with that? 😅

6:11

You almost groan in frustration. How is it that everyone you know is so wound up in their own lives they can’t see what’s right in front of them? Hongjoong, while his message may be objectively sweet cannot seem to see the irony in him lecturing Macy about her disregard for your time when he himself did the same thing two days ago.

[you]

Either way, I can’t go. I have to work.

6:12

You try to keep your messages light but even you can see how short you're being.

[Hongjoong]

Are you sure? Please, it will be fun. She can work her own shifts for once, maybe she’ll learn something about time management.

6:13

Once again, his lack of self-awareness made you want to scream. None of these people would ever change, and you knew that all too well. You lay your phone face down and leaned back into the couch and shut your eyes for just a moment, blocking out the world.

The worst part is that you wanted to go. You wanted to go so fucking bad. And hell, maybe Macy should have to deal with her own problems for a change.

You mulled this over for the rest of the night, taking a mild pleasure in making Hongjoong wait for you for once. But as the hours ticked on you couldn’t help it, Hongjoong was just too magnetic, too convincing. How the fuck were you supposed to say no to him?

[you]

Fine but you're going to have to tell me where we’re going first.

9:56

Within seconds the three dots appeared.

[Hongjoong]

Great, we’re going to the Griffith Observatory.

9:56

At this, you chuckle. This is quite possibly the first semi-predictable thing he has done so far.

[you]

Do you have a thing for tourist destinations?

9:57

[Hongjoong]

There’s a reason people like them!

9:57

you can’t help it. Your smiling, god damn it, it’s just too easy for him to get inside your head.

[you]

Isn’t that very? Rebel without a cause?

9:57

You joke, there are quite a few movies that features the famous observatory, but this one had always been your favorite. And as Hongjoong was clearly a bit of a rebel himself, you couldn’t help but make the parallels between him and the main character of the movie. He was certainly handsome enough to play the leading role.

[Hongjoong]

Why? Do you want me to pick a knife fight to defend my honor? I could do that. I’d have to go buy a knife.

9:58

You chuckle at his reference to the movie.

[you]

No, just buy a red jacket. I think that would be enough to set the scene.

9:58

You shouldn’t let yourself get carried away. This was getting dangerously close to flirting. But it was an unfair fight, your heart versus your head, and your heart doesn’t get to win enough.

[Hongjoong]

I already have one.

9:58

-

Somehow, you did it. You marched right into Anthony’s office and told him you couldn’t cover for Macy today. He had begged and pleaded with you, apparently, Macy was on the other side of town, and would have to start driving here right now to get there on time for her appointment.

So you told him to tell her to start driving.

Macy hadn’t arrived yet when Hongjoong appears, as you exited the salon you shut your phone completely off. Anthony had technically never given you exact permission to leave, but all of your clients were done for the day, and Macy left early without repercussions on occasion as well.

The door clicked shut behind you. Hongjoong stood impressively against the side of his car. Black ray bans contrasted perfectly against his bright hair styled to be slicked back out of his face save for a few stubborn strands that brushed his dark eyebrows. His hair perfectly matched the color of his red zipper jacket with a popped collar. Were it not for the excessive amounts of jewelry and the frankly too cool for school, heeled boots he would look almost exactly like the character from the classic 50s film.

“Up to standard?” He asked, lifting his arms and shifting his body to turn from side to side. You can’t help but giggle along with him.

“Absolutely”

The car ride to the observatory is as filled with music. Hongjoong had offered to play whatever you like, but seeing as how you hadn’t actually heard anything he’s made yet, you were still skeptical of just how good really good was to Macy.

And the answer was Very Good. Even the songs that were not performed by him, only produced had a certain quality you couldn’t help but bop along happily to. Whenever you chanced a glance at Hongjoong you found yourself even happier with the choice you had made. He looked dashing in his outfit, and his side profile still left nothing to be desired absolutely perfect. His lips mouthed along to the words silently and his hand tapped against the steering wheel in time with the beat.

Yeah, he may not be self-aware, and would likely leave you just as depressed as he had last time, but it was easy to forget that when sitting next to him.

Hongjoong pulled into a spot near the front of the parking lot. As it was a weekday there weren’t many people around as there might have been. And the grass in front was being taken over by small clusters of people, some pick-nicking families, and friends, as well as couples walking hand in hand. You remember how his hand had felt in yours on Hollywood Blv. They were soft but strong, and fit perfectly into yours.

“So do you wanna see the show?” Hongjoong asked. Your head whipped to his after staring off into space.

“Nah there’s no need, if you're from LA I bet you’ve gone to see it on a school trip at some point right?” You reason, starting to walk in the direction of the statue.

This time it was Hongjoong who was forced to keep pace with you.

“Yeah I have, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun again,” he reasoned. He’s walking much closer to you now. His hands are clasped behind his back as he walked, and every so often his shoulder or elbow brushed against your side.

“Planetarium shows are all the same. They tell you all the least fun parts of astrology than that the world is going to explode in a billion years.” You reply, coming to a stop to look up at the marble.

“I never took you for the astrology type.” He shot back, stopping just as close to you.

“It’s less that I actually believe in it and more that it’s just something fun to think about.” You explain, beginning to pace around the perimeter of the statue, eyes not leaving its clean marble surface.

“Fine then, tell me about myself. My birthday is November 7th.” He quizzes you with a smirk.

“Oh you're such a Scorpio,” you sigh dreamily, turning your head to bat your eyelashes at him, poking fun at the situation.

“What are you then?” He asks, leaning against a small post on the right side of the path.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You tease, turning back to the statue.

In a flash you feel his presence remarkably close behind you, then his head is dropping onto your shoulder, looking up at you with wide puppy dog eyes that make your heart skip a beat. The effort to remain unbothered but just how close his face is to yours is hard. You can better see every detail and line on his face, as well as the shadows cast by the eyelashes on his lower lid. Fuck, stop staring.

“Yes, I would.” His voice comes out smooth and almost sultry. Now you're sure with his proximity he will be able to hear your heart beating in your chest. He blinks, once then twice. And then he’s gone, walking only a few feet away, head thrown back in a chuckle.

Air rushes into your lungs and you can practically still feel him resting on your shoulder, but it’s clear now what that was. He was playing the game, the flirtatious game you had started without intending, not meaning any of it. And he had won.

“Come on let’s go inside.” And just like that, his hand is in yours again. Hongjoong please give your heart a break.

The show you arrived for is only about half an hour long. As you expected there wasn’t much in it that you didn’t already know from years of public education, but Hongjoong was right it was always fun to see the stars so up close.

As you wandered around the exhibits indoors you noticed again how into all this Hongjoong was, either this man had a million hobbies or he was just a nerd. Either way, it’s kinda adorable.

“So do you take all the girls to see the stars?” You joke after a few minutes of silence reading the displays. You know you're playing a dangerous game by bringing up his love life given what you’d heard from Macy, but after your exchange earlier you simply couldn’t stand not knowing.

“Hmm, now that I think about it, no. You're the first.” He mentions it in an off-hand way. But you do like what you hear. And now you want to hear more.

“Why not? Not cool enough for stargazing?” You joke, trying as hard as you can to be nonchalant as you walk to the next display.

“I don’t have time for most people. Most of them aren’t worth it.”

You stop in your tracks at those words. Hongjoong just kept walking in front of you as if he hadn’t just dropped that on you.

“What do you mean ‘not worth it,” you ask, still stunned. His next words are like a realization of your worst fear, it's one thing to hear and assume from the words of an acquaintance, but it was another entirely for him to say it.

“I mean the majority of people are boring,” he starts, still seemingly not noticing that you are not at his side as he begins to look at the next exhibition.

“Those people who don’t do things with their lives, who only follow me around at parties like lost puppies because they are so desperate. It’s a little pathetic.” He explains, as though talking about the weather, “so like I said, not worth my time.”

Of course. You should have known. Every time you speak with him you let yourself forget what kind of person he is and every time you wanted to kick yourself for letting this get out of hand. How could he be so disrespectful to others so causally, when so many of them just want to be his friend it’s like he can’t see them till they prove their worth. You're still standing rooted to the spot a few feet away.

Hongjoong, glances over his shoulder, looking in your direction, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Don’t worry, I’m not talking about you. Once Anthony introduced you I knew you must be worth it.” He started, he walked back over to where you stood and leaned down ever so slightly to meet your eyes.

“And you have proved me right, so far.”

Hongjoong took your hand again and began pulling you along.

“Come on, love, more to see.”

Sometimes you hate his stupid perfect face. You hated how when he spoke to you he seemed so real like you had a connection, and he wanted to show you things he hadn’t shown to others. And then sometimes he said the worst kinds of things.

You remember his face when he first meet you, how he didn’t even spare you a glance till he knew you were close to his friend.

And even know the way he spoke about those other girls, like they were just a waste of time, somehow not worth more than the bare minimum.

Maybe you should be happy he thought you were different but how could you? This man was unstoppable and unchangeable. What made you think he would change for you? “So far” he had said, when you did disappoint him, there was no doubt in your mind you would be pushed to the side. It was no longer a suspicion, it was a fact. So this time you told yourself resolutely. This was not a date.

-

When you returned home and turned your phone on there were about a dozen notifications from Macy and Anthony each. You skimmed most of them with a sigh before reaching the final one from Anthony, giving another reason to fill you with dread.

[Anthony]

We need to talk.

3:45

Nope, not right now. First things first, shower and food. Once those are taken care of everything else can come after.

Your destressing process is much more complicated this even than usual. Mainly because what the fuck was that Hongjoong? It’s shouldn’t have surprised you. If you had just listened, listened to everyone else and your own brain you wouldn’t be in this situation. You would have stayed in your own lane, far away from Kim Hongjoong.

But you didn’t, instead, even when you should be thoroughly repulsed by him, why the fuck won’t your heart spot fluttering every time you close your eyes because all you can seem to remember is his eyes lighting up at the colorful displays at the observatory.

Either way, you need to purge yourself of him. At least for the time being. Right now you make the decision that next time he texts you because if you learned anything at all from today’s encounter, he for whatever reason decided that you are worth talking to, and will likely text you again.

It’s just annoying that that realization came after his complete disregard for the people that revere him.

And now that that whole fiasco has been felt within your mind, it’s time to deal with the other.

Clicking your phone to life you press Anthony’s contact, hitting the call button and bringing it to your ear already mentally prepared for whatever he had to say.

“What you did today wasn’t cool.” Anthony’s voice sounded through the phone. It takes all you have not to groan. Of course, you would be the absolute first person to get in trouble for something like this.

“What no hello?” You ask, trying to ease the tension. But Anthony holds firm.

“You left early today. I honestly can’t believe you did that.” His voice carried an edge that didn’t suit his carefree attitude and it rubbed you the wrong way.

“I don’t know what you're talking about, all of my clients were done.”

Here’s the thing, you know exactly what he’s talking about, but you just want him to admit that he’s mad at you for not doing Macy’s job and hopefully he realizes how stupid he sounds.

“You know what I mean, you were supposed to cover for Macy today, she missed two of her appointments.” He replied. This confused you a bit.

“And then I said I couldn’t. Besides I thought you said that if she came in right then she’d make it in time for her first one.” You fired back, still feeling ridiculous you’re even having this conversation.

“She couldn’t get away.” Was looking he had to say to that. Now you're actually scoffing.

“Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?” You reply, tone as icy as his.

“What is it you're trying to say?” He asks, voice raising slightly. You begin pacing the floor of your apartment as you speak, the blank walls staring at you as you go.

“You know what I mean Anthony, I love Macy too, but you know damn well this wouldn’t have happened if she had just worked like she was hired to do!” As you talk your voice raised to match his tone.

“But you agreed to cover!”

You almost blow up. Almost.

“No Anthony. No, I didn’t. She told you that without asking me as I explained to you this morning so I cannot for the life of me figure out how this is my fault!” And you conclude your rant you pause dramatically to wave your arm in the air knowing damn well he cannot see you over the phone.

“Because Macy is Macy! Her happiness is important to me and it’s not like you haven’t done it before!” He called through the phone, exasperated as if he doesn’t understand why you were being so difficult.

“What about my happiness Anthony? How come she gets to have a life and I have to be there whenever anyone needs me!”

“Macy is my girlfriend.”

“What?!” You stop mid-stride, feeling like the wind was knocked from your lungs, but you don’t stop to catch your breath, “you’re the new guys she’s dating?” You ask, trying not to blow a fuse.

“Listen, we didn’t want to tell everyone right away, but since your my friend I expect you to keep this to yourself. So, you can’t expect to yell at my girlfriend right? So here we are. I’m not going to punish you or anything, just don’t do it again.”

Click. And the line went dead.

What the fuck? Did that really just happen the way you heard it? You’ve always thought Macy's dating life was going to bite her in the ass, turns out it’s all been culminating into you getting yelled at. How the fuck does that happen?

“I need a fucking drink.” You say aloud to no one in particular, maybe the walls would agree with you.

-

The next three weeks are, irritating to say the least. Once again, radio silence from Hongjoong, but this time you're thankful for it, one problem at a time.

You had away been amused, if not a little concerned by Macy’s behavior, but since your fight Anthony. It’s done nothing but tick you off. You used to feel protective over her, trying to guide her in the right direction whenever possible, but you came to realize that really only went one way. Yeah, Macy called you her ‘best friend’ but over the past few weeks, you’ve been less than proud to have that title.

After your spat with Anthony, at first, you thought she didn’t know it had happened, because when you walked into the salon with a chip on your shoulder Macy had remarked,

“What’s wrong baby cakes? Still feeling down in the dumps?” At the time you thought, ‘there is no way this girl understands the consequences of her actions.’

But as you were setting up your station she came wandering over and dropped this juicy nugget.

“Hey Anthony told me what happened, sorry you got yelled at and all, but I was going to come in, if you had just stayed till I got there it would have been fine.”

And then floated away like a fairy without a care in the world.

And then for the next three weeks, work went from exhausting to running you right into the ground. No punishment my ass.

Yeah sure you didn’t get an official punishment or anything, but since Macy started dating the boss it’s like her already feeble workload got cut in half, and since the other stylists are smart and kept their heads down they rarely got assigned any extra work. But no, Anthony had decided that all this extra work could only be trusted with his ‘best friend.’

Macy never kept men for too long, whether she left them or they left her, either way, you pray to any god that will listen that whatever they have going on will end. And soon.

It was a rare rainy Thursday in California. The drops could be heard over the soft music of the salon as you kept casual conversation with the client in your chair. Macy was working next to you, happily chatting away with every snip of her scissors.

And then you heard it. The song faded out as the radio station introduced the next song. You couldn’t hear the name over the gentle calming noise of rain and voices in the room but after about 30 seconds of gently bopping along to the melody, you caught it.

It was Hongjoong’s fucking song. It wasn’t him performing it, that much you could tell. The voice was far too rough to be his almost melodic rap, but you remembered those words. You almost dropped the clippers on your hand. Luckily they weren’t turned on, but your grip still tightened on them dangerously. You remember him telling you in the car that he was working on selling the song to some label. You specifically remember him saying he didn’t think it would happen because he was insisting on having full production rights on the project. You had even consoled him over the fact. But here you are, listening to it on the radio.

It’s kinda strange. He fucking did it. He made it, he’s a producer now. Well at least the radio silence made sense now.

You had been distancing yourself from Macy for the past few weeks for what you feel are completely justified reasons, but quite frankly she’s still your friend and you needed to share this moment with someone or you were going to explode.

“Hey, Mace?” You asked, turning to face her station. She was laughing at something her client had said. She turned to you with a smile.

“What’s up?” She asked as bubbly as ever. Now that you had her attention it was safe to return to your work.

“This is Hongjoong’s song.” You reply simply, hoping that would be enough to convey your emotions. You watched from the corner of your eyes and she paused, tilting her head but a bit so to hear the music.

“That isn’t his voice?” She asked more than said.

“It’s not his voice but it is his song.” You replied, turning on the clippers and getting back to work.

“Oh my gosh, that's so cool good for him! Hey, wait are you still talking to him?” She prodded. Really you shouldn’t have got her started because there is no way she would have ever let that conversation end there. Even with the clippers in your hand drowning out the end of the song, both clients in your chairs had heard the whole thing and though they didn’t say anything were both clearly dying to know, you could see them both eyeing you in the mirrors. Even if they didn’t know the man himself. People really are nosey.

You sigh, “not really haven’t heard from him in a few weeks, guess we know why now.” You reply plainly, you want to keep your voice neutral, any sign of discomfort would be enough to have Macy reeling with excitement. Oh the drama, if it had ended badly right before he took off. The crazy part is that even though he may not think that, it kind of did to you.

“Well if he texts you again let me know, I want to know just how fancy of a dinner he takes you on with a big new paycheck.” Though she says that last part more to her client, a young girl who erupted into giggles.

“He’s not really the dinner type.” And that was not a lie.

After that day it only took another three for your phone to chime with a message from him. Work was still insane and intolerable most of the time, and you still have every intention of keeping that promise to yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t read the text.

You were on your break, sitting at the coffee shop a few doors down from your salon. You still hadn’t tried that spa yet. You were thinking of it longingly before you received the text.

[Hongjoong]

What are you doing tonight?

12:13

You had already rehearsed this conversation in your head and now it was just time to act on it.

[you]

I’m busy.

12:13

Cold? Perhaps. But you meant to be. You didn’t want to give him any wiggle room because on three previous occasions he had turned wiggle room into spending a large amount of time together. And if one rejection was all it takes to get rid of him then good riddance.

Honestly, you were mad at yourself for even entertaining the idea of seeing him again at all. When you look at him from the outside in, he was rude, self-centered, and thought way too highly of himself. Basically, he’s gonna do great in the music industry. The fact he thought highly of you too was the only thing confusing you right now. Because when you looked at him from where you stood, on the pedestal he had put you on to be on the same level as him, he was remarkable. Talented, inquisitive, and oh so very charming. Not to mention he made your tummy erupt with butterflies.

But no, right now you're rejecting him. To put your mind at ease. What happens later is a then problem, even if it breaks your heart.

[Hongjoong]

What? Too busy even for me?

12:15

Somehow Hongjoong always said the perfect thing, but this time instead of persuading you, his choice of words only reminds you why you're doing this in the first place.

[you]

Yep.

12:15

You fire the message back. You set your phone down to take another bite of your sandwich. Staring at the screen waiting for it to ping again.

[Hongjoong]

Awe, love that breaks my heart 💔

12:15

I have something I really want to show you

12:15

Please, I’ll make it worth your while

12:15

Come on love I know you're reading these

12:15

All of these messages come through in quick succession. You watch as your phone buzzes against the metal table top with a little too much satisfaction. You take another bite, chewing and swallowing slowly, before picking up your phone and leaning back in your chair to type your response.

[you]

I said no Hongjoong, I don’t have time right now.

12:16

The best part is that it isn’t even a lie. Your workload had gone up. You often stayed far later and arrived far earlier than you have done to make up for the extra responsibilities, mostly to do with extra cleaning and bookkeeping.

[Hongjoong]

Why don’t you have time?

12:16

The message was received within seconds of yours being sent. You sigh, being honest couldn’t hurt right? Honesty is not wiggle room.

[you]

Anthony had me working harder to cover for Macy’s slacking.

12:16

Here’s the thing. You don’t want to see Hongjoong in person that was for damn sure. But strangely enough, he is probably the only person who you can talk to about this who has all the details, or at least most of them.

[Hongjoong]

Who the fuck is Macy?

12:17

You can’t help but bark out a laugh at that. You know she would be absolutely mortified if she knew Hongjoong had not a single clue who she was. A kind of bitter-sweet moment for you.

[you]

Anthony’s new girlfriend and my best friend and coworker Macy.

12:17

[Hongjoong]

Oh yeah, remember when I told you to get better friends? I meant it.

12:17

Ok, you are a weak woman, and honestly having someone side with you on this is oddly refreshing, but his next message ruined any chance of that sticking.

[Hongjoong]

They clearly don’t respect you enough for this.

12:17

Only because him lecturing anyone about respect even in your defense peeved you again, you were reminded of your mission. No wiggle room. Sitting up straight in your chair and typing your next message before turning your phone face down to finish your lunch in peace.

[you]

The answer is no Hongjoong. I’m too busy to see you right now and probably will be for a while.

12:18

You finish your lunch and grab your coffee to return to work. It’s starting to cool off more and more every day. California doesn’t really get seasons, but the wind picked up with a surprisingly icy chill against the open collar of your shirt. It’s only about a seven-minute walk back to the salon. But in those few minutes, you allow yourself to feel your first few moments of real peace in quite a while.

Your life isn’t terrible. Realistically you didn’t have much to complain about, you had your own apartment and a job in a field you love. Yeah, your friends might be on the ignorant side, but at least you had them right?

With that thought, you pushed open the doors.

You were the last back from your lunch break except for Macy of course, And all of the stylists were standing in the middle of the room, Anthony stood opposite them. When the door chimes to signal your entry the whole room turned to face you.

“Uhh hey, guys? What’s up?” You ask, not liking the looks on their faces. Anthony raised a hand to wave at you.

“Hey, glad your back, can I talk to you in the office for a second?”

Ah, there it is. Dread.

Stepping onto the linoleum floor your shoes squeaked as you walked to the back head hanging somewhat. The other stylist were quick to hurry back to their stations as you walked past.

Anthony waited at the door to the office, holding it open for you, you stepped in without glancing up at him, taking a seat in one of the chairs situated around the room. Anthony walked in behind you and leaned against the desk. He gave a long deep sigh than an even longer silence. Now he was avoiding your gaze as you stared him down, waiting to hear whatever life-shattering news he could drop on you today, as if to mock you Hongjoong’s song began on the radio. It was already climbing the charts, there was no way he came out of this without a job at some big-time label.

“So?” You asked, already ready to get this over with.

“I’m leaving.” He said, still staring at the floor.

“What?” You ask incredulously.

“I’m leaving, I got a job offer at a different salon and I’m taking it. I need to name my replacement.” He spoke slowly, hesitating on every word.

Oh my god, you were about to be made manager. You felt yourself getting giddier and giddier with every second. Even a smile slipped onto your lips.

“I’m promoting Macy.”

And then it all came crashing down.

“Your kidding right?” You say, straight up, not even bothering with pretense.

“What no? Why would I be kidding?” Anthony reels back at your words finally facing you, looking shocked and taken aback. You stood up to look him in the eye.

“Anthony you have been my boss for three years, you have been Macy's boss for three years. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that I don’t deserve that job more than her.”

“I can’t believe you would say that about your friend, you should be happy for her!” He fires back. You scoff at him again. Nope, not this shit again. You square your shoulders and stick him with a look so hard it has him pinned to the spot.

“Anthony, if we’re such good friends like you say we are you need to shut up and listen to me for a second,” you take a deep shuttering breath,

“Macy has missed more work than anyone here combined, I have personally fixed more problems made by her than anyone else, I am here more than any other stylist, I have the most loyal clientele of any other stylist, I have the most experience and professional training than any other stylist. The reason they all looked away from me as I walked past us was that they all knew damn well that I was walking back here to hear that I’m not getting the job that I rightfully deserve.”

“Well I don’t know if I would go that fa-“ you cut him off before he can even get going but he is already cowering from your fury.

“No no, Anthony. That wasn’t a question. My question is, are you seriously going to pass up the more qualified stylist who needs the money, so you can promote your girlfriend, who’s already an heiress?”

Anthony looked stuck, he was looking around the room wildly, anywhere but you. He was gripping the edge of the wooden desk for dear life.

“I need an honest answer, Anthony, just be honest with me and we can move on from this.” You command resolutely.

At that, he finally looks up.

“Yes, I guess someone could see it that way.” He replied meekly.

“Not someone Anthony, do you see it that way?” You prod, arms crossing in front of your chest.

“Yes.”

All the tension leaves your body at once. You feel a wave of calm resignation flow over your body putting out the raging fire.

“Ok.” You start, “I’m taking the rest of the day off.” You continue. You didn’t even wait for an answer.

Pushing out the door you notice every head turn in your direction, you see Macy beaming at you like the dumb airhead she is unable to read the fucking room. You can see your next appointment waiting for you in the seating area.

As you walk to your station to gather your things Macy comes hopping over.

“Did you hear the news?” She asks, alarmingly chipper. You realized at that moment that it had not even occurred to her that she was undeserving of that job, much less who actually was. Fuck it. You need better friends.

“Yeah. I’m taking the rest of the day off.” You reply, cool as a cucumber. Honestly, someone could walk up to you and deck you in the face right now and you don’t think it would even hurt.

You walk away from her before she has the chance to start talking again. You approached your next client. You could hear the office door opening and you could bet all your money in the world that Anthony and well as the rest of the salon were staring at your back.

“Hi Mrs. Alton, I’m so sorry but something just came up, very urgent that I have to go tend to. If you don’t mind speaking with our receptionist to reschedule for next week? Any time day or night I’m yours.” You explain in your serene customer service voice, even going as far as to lower your head slightly in apology.

“Oh it’s no problem dear, your the best in town, I’d be happy to reschedule, now you go deal with that. This salon is lucky to have someone as dedicated as you.” Mrs. Alton smiles at you.

It’s almost cathartic the way the entire salon heard those words, even with the final seconds of Hongjoong’s song fading out over the radio.

“Thanks so much, Mrs. Alton, give my best to your daughter.” Your reply before turning on your heels and getting the fuck out of there and went to the goddamn spa across the street.

-

You don’t know if you should call it a moment of weakness or if you really and truly stopped giving a shit. But as soon as you sent that text you knew that this was the last of restraint out the door.

[you]

Come pick me up. I don’t care where we go.

8:45

You honestly didn’t know if you expected him to show up. You hadn’t exactly been nice to him. But it took all of 10 minutes to be outside your building. On time for the first time in his life you bet.

Now you're here, in his car, his black Honda Civic, parked at the Mulholland drive scenic drive overlook, staring out at the lights of the city. The windows were rolled down and the air was cold. His song is on the radio.

“You know, I was expecting congratulations.” He joked motioning to the stereo. Your head was leaning against the door feeling the breeze on your face. Watching as the lights from the houses clicked off one by one the later it got.

You turned to look at him. It was the most casual you’ve ever seen him, you can tell he left the house the second he got your text. And fuck he may objectively be a piece of shit to everyone else but he did that for you, and it warmed your heart to see him in only his joggers and a hoodie, a subtle reminder that someone on this rock in space had put you first. And he still looked good.

You gave a small laugh.

“Have I not yet?” You ask teasingly shoving his arm. He cracked a grin.

“No love, not one congratulation, hug, or even a text. I thought you hadn’t even noticed, I was a little hurt.” He pouted at you.

“Well maybe you’ll get one when you upgrade the civic,” you joke, returning his pout.

This led to a fit of giggles shared between the two of you, when it died down the only sounds left were soft music and rustling trees outside. You inhaled the dry desert air. You couldn’t help but feel contemplative. You could tell Hongjoong had sensed your mood. If not from your text but from everything else about you since you got into his car. He wasn’t being antsy or excitable, he wasn’t being too flirty or confident, he was just sitting there, only speaking when you spoke or to occasionally try to lift your mood.

It really was getting harder to care about what he thought about others when he clearly thought so much of you. Why you still did not know. You hadn’t done anything amazing or extraordinary to catch his attention, hell you didn’t even have a cool job. But one of the things you’ve learned about him since that first night, he doesn’t feel the need to explain himself to anyone.

“I used to think this city was magic.” You mention, staring out into the ever-darkening void in front of you, the streetlights acting like stars against the dark earth.

“Is it not anymore?” He asks, inquiring. You turn to look at him again, he’s leaning more against his door than his seat, almost completely facing you, he seemed to be observing you with the same keen interest you were giving to the view out the windshield.

“No, it lost that a long time ago, if it ever even existed.” You remark dryly.

“Black magic maybe,” Hongjoong stars pensively, glancing out the window, but then firmly back at you.

“Some people say that’s what it takes to be successful in this town.” He mused, chuckling towards the end. As if it were a joke, you were taking everything he said incredibly seriously.

“Did you?” You ask, not missing a beat, meeting his gaze in the low light of the car from the buttons on the dashboard.

“Nah, I did it the old fashion way, hard work, and dedication, years of it.” He explained, catching on to the tone of the conversation quickly leaving all jokes behind.

“Well that didn’t work for me, maybe I should try the magic idea.” You reply cynically, tapping your hand against your thigh as if trying to distract yourself from your bubbling thoughts.

“Are you finally going to tell me what happened today?” He had asked this a couple of times but you had yet to answer. But you had your own question that needed answering.

“Are these dates?” You didn’t even try to stop the question before it left your lips, at this point nothing he could say would hurt you. He looked at you, expression unchanged for several seconds. Hongjoong looked you up and down, once then twice before settling back on your eyes.

“Yes. Are you just figuring that out?” He didn’t say it to call you stupid or unaware, his face showed no sign of laughter, it was simply a question.

“I’ve had a hunch.” You shot back.

At that he chuckled again, sitting up straighter in his seat but still facing you he leaned in and rested an arm on the center console.

“So, love,” he practically purred the word, “what are you going to do about it.” A challenge in plain sight.

Once again you didn’t stop the words. For so long you had been holding your tongue about so many things but just saying them seemed to be working for you today so you might as well keep it going.

“Here’s what I don’t get about you Hongjoong. You are selfish and spoiled. You are used to getting exactly what you want from everyone you meet and everyone just lets you. You lack basic human respect a good amount of the time and honestly based on how you act to others alone I don’t know why everyone loves you so much.”

The words spill from your lips without thinking. You expect Hongjoong to be angry with you but to your shock, he’s still just leaning into you, smiling, as if waiting for you to finish. So you do.

“But for whatever reason, I love being around you. You are smart and clever, incredibly talented and inquisitive and once again to be honest the best-looking guy I have ever met. And for some reason, you chose to hide that from people you don’t think deserve your attention.”

You take another pause, but still, he’s waiting patiently. The sounds of night bugs and rustling tree branches can be heard outside but right now your whole world is in this car.

“Hongjoong, we make absolutely no sense together,” you try to reason.

“But honestly at this point I don’t give a fuck, and I just really want to kiss you.” That last part really came from your subconscious because you hadn’t even realized you had been staring at his lips.

Hongjoong was giggling again, but practically beaming at you.

“Wow I didn’t expect you to be that honest,” he replies through his short laughs. You start to shrink back into your side of the car but Hongjoong doesn’t let you. There’s a hand on your cheek, gripping your chin. He’s guiding you closer. You feel your breath hitch. And then plush lips are pressing softly into yours. He doesn’t rush you. Slowly, guiding you through the motions of the kiss, lips moving in perfect sync with the gentle music. It’s nothing more than a kiss.

Then he’s pulling away, but only just.

“What that up to your expectations, love?” He asks, voice low and mellow with a hint of amusement, you're sure you're incredibly flushed. And based on the way your tummy feels like it’s doing cartwheels and your lips still tingle ever so slightly then yes.

“Do you want an out of 10?” You ask, feeling like an idiot for saying it, but Hongjoong let’s put a real hardy laugh and continue.

“You said we don’t make sense together. I think you're wrong.” He said. You're about to rebuttal but he cuts you off by pecking your lips so quickly you barely felt it. He’s still only inches away.

“You’ve had your turn, to be honest now it’s mine.” He explains, and you find yourself nodding along.

“I won’t deny I probably am everything that you said, but I won’t apologize for knowing my worth. My only qualm is that you don’t seem to know yours.” He started. You already feel like you have so much to say but he gave you your time now you must let him have his.

“I said I looked you up, and that’s true, but I found out more than just where you were born from Anthony. I’ve never liked that guy too much but he’s a hairstylist, they always have connections, so I kept him in my good books. As for that girl he’s with, I don’t know shit about her and if I ever did I’ve forgotten it.” He explains.

“What I heard from him kind of pissed me off, to be honest. It was something along the lines of ‘oh yeah her, she’s a good friend and all but she’s a bit boring, not really up to your speed my guy’ now this was after I had just spent close to 2 hours with this cute girl. With gentle hands. You didn’t seem boring, you seemed bored. There’s a difference you know.”

You wanted to be hurt by how someone you thought was one of your closes friends described you but you didn’t care, all you wanted was for him to keep talking.

“So at first, I wanted to see this for myself. So I took you somewhere interesting, gave you pretty much free reign, and watched to see what you came up with. And fuck you were you cute.” He giggled. Your stomach did another twirl.

“But more than that you saw all the things I saw, looked at all the things I did, went to all the same places I wanted to without much prompting, and I for one had a great time. ‘Not really my speed’ my ass” he quoted.

“So if you want to keep believing that we are somehow wildly different just because our jobs are or because I dont let people walk all over me, then I will let you. I’ll drive you home right now. But if you're willing to admit that you are worth every second of my time and that every moment together has been well spent then I don’t see why we shouldn’t be together. Because I’m selfish and you're a pushover? If anything we can do better helping each other than just walking away. Don’t you think?”

And then he stops. You wait for a second to make sure he’s really done before responding.

“Ok then.” You force out. But with him still, so close it’s not even really a full sentence. But then he pulls away, back into his side of the car with a grin.

“Ok then!” He replies, only chipper.

“Ok sooo,” you start a little disoriented, you notice that your hand had been gripping the edge of the seat and you release it, “what next then?”

You look at him expectantly, as if he held all the answers.

“What do you want to be next?” He asks, urging you to continue to speak your mind. You mull it over for a second.

“I need to get better friends.” You say almost solemnly. Now, you are both laughing a bit too loud at your admission.

“We can work on that later,” he speaks through his laughs. His smile is so wide it’s reaching ear to ear and his pearly teeth shine in the blue light. Once you catch your breath you look at him again.

“Now that I think about it there is something I want to do.” You start. This is a make-or-break moment right now but you have faith in your decision.

“What’s that love?” He asks, patting your leg.

“Wanna fuck?”

If your last line got a laugh this one brought down the fucking house. He’s practically doubled over and your sure if there was any other car around they’d think he was dying from the way he just gasped for air.

“Right now?” He asked incredulously, searching your eyes for a joke. At this point, you're all in.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You ask, though you already know the answer.

“Absolutely I do,” he agrees with a smirk, the hand on your legs suddenly felt much more there.

“Then why wait.”

And that’s all it took.

You were pulled from your seat, legs slung over either side of his hips, straddling him. One of his arms reached around your waist and pulled your body flush against his. You felt your core against his sweats and your chest pressing into his own. Your heart skipped a beat as you sucked in a breath, but it was quickly stolen when the tattooed arm reached up to take hold of your jaw and pull you down for another kiss. 

Making out with Hongjoong was like an out-of-body experience. The way he ran his hand up your spine while gently coaxing your lips to part allowing his tongue to slip past your lips has made you lose your head far too quickly. 

As if he had all the time in the world, his hand ran up and down the curve of your waist, occasionally slipping down to caress your thighs and give an appreciative squeeze. You gave a small yelp into his lips but he didn’t lose the rhythm. Melding his lips to yours, then parting ever so slightly to lick into your mouth, brushing his tongue against yours.

Slowly, he began rocking you in his lap, taking a firm grip on your waist he used it to gently push and pull your body so your core pressed into the beginnings of his erection that you could feel through the sweats. You were already letting out enough sweet noises of ecstasy to encourage him. His lips were clashing hungrier against yours. He swallows up every noise you made then rocked you harder just to hear them again.

Your panties already felt soaked, stuck to your folds inside your pants but Hongjoong made no mage to remove them. Not when a particularly hard rock had sparks shooting up from your core, strong enough to make you break the kiss and groan, not when his lips wasted no time in attaching to the column of your neck, mouthing along it, not even his hand slipped under the hem of your shirt to rub soft circles into the bare skin of your waist.

Your hips were moving of their own accord now. You bucked into his lap, rolling them freely against his now hard dick, chasing the friction that burned in your core. Hongjoong began sucking hickeys across your throat. He would kiss gently at first then wrap his lips around a spot and suck hard, before swiping his tongue over the spot in comfort, he’d repeat the process several times in each spot till the marks were dark enough and visible enough to be seen the next day. You were already panting and moaning and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

Hongjoong pulled away from your neck with a pop. He leaned back for a moment, just watching. You had placed a hand on his firm chest, using it as leverage to rock onto his cock again and again. The sensation was minimal with that many layers of clothes, but this man had been teasing you for weeks. You would take absolutely anything he gave you at this point. You soaked up his low groans whenever you rocked into him especially well, just enough to make his grip on your hips tighten for a second.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened today?” He asked after a beat. Your head snapped from where it fell back to face him. You were definitely flushed, lips likely just as swollen as his but he didn’t seem to mind. He raised a brow at you.

“Now?” You asked incredulously, you almost came to a stop but when you tried, Hongjoong bucked his hips up to meet yours and his dick pressed so delicious into your cunt you felt a shock wave roll up your spine, completely losing your train of thought with a whine. “Do you wanna fuck me?” He asked, mirroring your words from earlier with a sinister smirk.

“Yes-!” You breathed, eyes screwed shut. Even though all these layers, you felt an orgasm building, the coil in your core tightening with each time you ground onto him but Hongjoong wouldn’t give you the satisfaction without playing by his rules.

“Ok, so tell me what happened.” He replied, as he spoke he smoothed the hand not under your shirt down to your ass, tapping it signaling you to start talking. With much great mental effort, you start recounting the events.

“Well, I kind of got in trouble last time we met.” You began slowly, Hongjoong rolled his hip experimentally, watching your expression change from one of concentration to one of pleasure, then fight to go back to concentration when he stopped. So that’s how you play the game, you keep talking he keeps making you feel good.

“What did you get in trouble for love?” He asks, concern lacing his voice, though his hand slipped further up your shirt. When his palm came into contact with your bra, holding one breast in his hand he looked at you expectantly.

“I got in trouble for skipping work.” You recount, arching your back, pushing your chest further into his touch. Like clockwork he bucked into you again, only this time he pulled down the cup of your bra, rolling your tit in his hand. This felt too good, there is no way you're getting out the whole story, not when your hard nipple was rubbing lightly against his hand, the feeling shooting to your core. But he paused again.

“Was this when what’s her name tried to get you to do her job for her?” He asked unimpressed. But you weren’t focusing on his words. Lost in pleasure you began grinding down onto his left again with a whine only for the hand on your ass to suddenly grip your hips and bring them to a halt.

“Ah, ah, love, that’s not how we play the game.” He coos at you. With a huff, you try to remember what it was he said.

“Yeah, it was that time.” You rush out, and you were rewarded with a kiss, a quick kiss, only enough time for him to swipe past your lips once before pulling away, your lips chased his but the burning desire in your panties was the far more pressing matter. “Keep going,” he urged, and you obliged.

“Well since then I’ve been working hard to make up for it, and I guess Anthony and Macy started dating or whatever,” you ramble. Pausing, hoping that was enough to warrant more action.

Hongjoong pulled the shirt from your body, exposing your chest to the cool night air. In a flash, your bra was gone, somewhere in the backseat probably. You’d get it later, or not, you honestly don’t care. Not when Hongjoong began rocking you again and rolling your nipple between his fingers. He tugged twice on the sensitive bud. Your hand flew up to his wrist at the sensation and your moans filled the car again.

This time he did not stop your hips but paused his hands, looking up at you waiting for you to continue after you gather your thoughts. Your core was aching. You felt ready to come any minute so you knew you had to get it out fast before he stole it away from you.

“Anthony is leaving the salon, and decided to promote his dumb girlfriend over me.” You practically spat out the words. Finally voicing your changing opinion of the girl who had been your best friend for years. But by god was it worth it. In seconds the top button of your jeans was popped and a tattooed arm dove into your panties.

“Oh look at this,” he mused, “your so wet love, practically dripping.” His fingers were cold as they slid against your heat, you yelped in surprise but Hongjoong skilled hand found its way to your clit, brushing over it with a ghost of touch was enough to have you keening. Even the lightest of touches was like a tidal wave of searing pleasure after how worked up he got you.

“Hongjoong, please! I need to cum!” You whined into the open air, staring down at him with pleading eyes. Hongjoong was grinning madly at you.

“Of course, love, see what happens when you speak your mind?” He asked, pressing a finger to the bud, your hips twitched against his hand but you nodded, biting your lip, wanting nothing more than to roll your hips down against his fingers and chase your high that was so fucking close.

“Words please,” she lulled in a sing-song voice. You almost wanted to cry or scream.

“Yes, I do now please, please! Make me cum!” You begged. He smiled at you surprisingly warm.

“Your wish is my command.” He giggled.

He rolled your clit in a tight circle that made your mouth drop open in a moan. You could no longer help but grind into his palm as he worked on your clit but he didn’t stop you this time. Your orgasm was fast approaching after having been teased for so long. You scrunched your eyes shut, and let your body take over, rutting against him, chasing every bit of friction against your core as you could, every movement had your hips twitching as shocks of pleasure shot through you.

When you finally came it was like getting dunked in a hot shower. The coil snapped and burst out with rolling heat and pleasure through your body. You had no control over your limbs as you gripped Hongjoong’s shoulders for dear life, ridding out your high as he continued to toy with your cunt, prolonging what was quite possibly the best orgasm of your life. Each touch felt like a shooting pain but it morphed into ecstasy as it moved through your body.

You came down from your high twitching. You opened your eyes just enough to see Hongjoong pull his glistening fingers from your cunt and pop them into his mouth like it was nothing. He groaned with a smirk at the taste, looking into your eyes. The desire to kiss him was so strong in that moment you couldn’t help but indulge it.

Hongjoong welcomed you, with open arms as your fell against him, chasing his lips he gave you as many open mouthed kisses as you could take. Tasting yourself on his tongue was trippy, but nothing compared to the comfort you found in moving your lips against his. He pulled away panting.

“Hold on love, you're not quite done yet.” Hongjoong whispers breathily in your ear. You look in to his eyes, a question on the tip of your tongue but your brain still felt like mush and you could only offer a questioning look.

“You want me to fuck you right?” He asked, smirking as your eyes lit up. Your hand rested against the swell of muscle on his chest raising yourself to sit up a bit better with a dopey smile.

“Yes, I do.” You nod. Your fingers on his chest start rolling the material of his hoodie between your fingers, suddenly very interested in it being gone. With a pout you tug on the material. Hongjoong has been watching your reactions with careful eyes, and his soften ever so slightly.

“Do you want this gone?” He asks, raising his hand to tug at the shoulder of the hoodie as well.

“Yeah,” you trail off, biting your lower lip in thought, so far Hongjoong has been indulging you at every turn as long as you speak up, so when his other hand leaves your body momentarily he pulls it over his shoulders with a flurry of hair and material before settling down on his seat. The blue lights from the stereo illuminated the soft planes and ridges of his chest. Your eyes were welcome to the lines of ink running across his chest in spots, creating images against his skin. This was a view you could get used to.

Hongjoong had already staked his claim on you, it would be impossible to hide the purple splotches growing on your neck after his handy work before you went back to work the next day. You wanted to do the same to him, if you were serious about being with him you didn’t want to half ass it.

Your lips met his chest, starting with gentle ghosts of kisses as you moved around before mouthing against the crook of his neck. You gave a hesitant suck against the skin. Hongjoong sighed happily beneath you, his hands returning to your body. One palm returning to gently massage your chest, making you gasp, but the other moved to the hem of your jeans, tugging them down your legs.

Once you were satisfied with the number and size of your marks you lifted up to smirk. Hongjoong returned the gesture. Your jeans were half way down your thighs, you took a moment to adjust yourself enough to get them off you completely before settling back down. Hongjoong took in your body with hungry eyes, his gaze raked over your body, his smirk growing as he went till it was a full wolffish grin. He met your eyes.

“You’re so fucking perfect.” He groaned, gripping your hips, head falling back to the head rest. The words set your tummy turning but you had more pressing matters to deal with.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” You asked tapping against his taught stomach, quickly loosing patience. Hongjoong ran a hand up your thigh to your waist in appreciate.

“I’m just enjoying the view.” He muses. But wastes no more time. With his grip on your waist he begins lifting you slightly off his lap, at the same time pulling his length free from his sweats. Your mouth waters at the length, not crazy big, you weren’t worried about hurting yourself or anything, but long and thick in all the right places. It must have shown on your face.

“Who knew you were so eager,” Hongjoong’s voice breaks through your reverie. The little shit was enjoying this way too much.

“I haven’t gotten laid in a while,” you shoot back in amusement. It was a joke, but also true, even with that you knew what a nice dick look like, and he had one. Your eyes couldn’t help but stare at his hand as he pumped his length, spreading precum down the shaft in the most appealing way.

“Good thing we’re about to fix that,” as he spoke Hongjoong pushed your panties to the side and hoisted you to hover above the tip of his cock. You were dripping with anticipation, but as you stared down into his face, eyes pleading, he only looked at you with soft eyes and an even softer smile.

“Hongjoong, please, just fuck me already!” You whined.

“I think this is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you.” He replies quietly. Your taken aback by the tenderness of the moment, and you can’t help but share the sentiments. Hongjoong always looked stunning. But in the low blue light, kiss swollen lips, and perfect skin dotted with tattoos and purple splotches, you found your cunt clenching around nothing because holy shit this god of a man thought you were beautiful, and you believed him.

But you don’t have time to dwell on that before Hongjoong is easing you down onto his cock. He’s not rushing, he lets you take your time, your head is absolutely spinning. It’s been so long since you've had something inside you and the stretch as his cock slid past your walls had your eyes screwed shut with a gasp.

Your arms wrap lightly around his neck for stability. His grip on your body grounding you as he began gently easing your hips up and down on his cock. It takes a few moments , but after a while the head of his cock brushes against your g spot and your hands wind into his cherry locks and tug because of the pleasure shooting through your core.

Hongjoong groans beneath you.

“Fuck, I love it when you do that.” He almost whines, eyes rolling back for a moment as you pull on the doors of his hair. “And you feel so fucking good, love.” He praises.

Hongjoong is fucking you slow and deep, each time he rolled his hips into you your body screams in ecstasy, loving the feeling of every inch of him pulsing inside you. Your moaning each time he buries himself to the hilt in perfect rhythm with the slow beats playing over the speaker.

Your brain has stopped trying to form coherent thoughts, you are completely at the mercy of Hongjoong, who can’t help but indulge you, not when your face morphs into blown out pleasure every time he fucks into you.

“Hongjoong-“ you can’t form a sentence, but you don’t need too, just saying his name in your fucked out voice goes straight to his dick, spurring him into action. He starts picking up the pace, bouncing you on his cock at a higher tempo, enjoying the short breaths that leave your body as pleasure shoots through your limbs. You're tugging at his hair again even if you don’t know it and it’s driving him wild.

“What? Do you have nothing else to say?”

He’s teasing you, you know he is. But you don’t care, you only shake your head no. Your hips are twitching, your cunt was still sensitive from your previous orgasm and the pain of intrusion mixed with the pleasure of getting fucked as to much. Your already so close, so close to coming on Hongjoong’s dick.

“It’s ok love, you don’t have to say anything, just keep riding my dick like that and I’ll fill you up with my cum. Would you like that?”

The filth spewing from his lips has you clenching around him as you nod, babbling out some kind of agreement. Hongjoong hisses.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He groans into your ear, angling you so perfectly the tip of his dick is pounding into your g spot hard enough to see stars.

And then one last thrust does it, the shot of pleasure is enough to send you spiraling over the edge. Helplessly bucking your hips in his lap, whimpering and moaning every time he fucks into you, riding out your high. Every muscle in your body is taught, your back arched, fingers tugging hard at his hair. It’s enough that with one final groan Hongjoong is spilling inside you.

After a moment of heavy breathing drowning out the music in the background, you finally meet his eyes again, even though yours were dropping. Hongjoong is smiling at you fondly, arms wrapped around you holding you close.

Ping.

This time it isn’t your phone going off. Hongjoong’s irritation is evident and he grumbles, picking up his phone from the cup holder and glaring at the screen. With his face illuminated by the screen you can see as his face morphs into a smirk.

“Your never gonna guess who just texted me.” He says with a plotting grin. You look up at him from his lap, you had adjusted yourself so you sat against the door, legs draped over his lap as his hand absently ran up and down your leg. You stare at him inquisitively, not even being to be able to guess out of everyone he is sure to have in his phone.

“It’s Anthony, apparently he can’t get a hold of you.” He smirks, gripping your thigh for emphasis. You groan at his name, You look around the car to find your phone face down on the floor of the passenger side, probably lighting up with messages from your boss about walking out today.

“Tell him to fuck off,” you groan, rubbing at your eyes in frustration. Hongjoong turns back to his phone, typing something back as you reach over to the passenger seat to grab your shirt. You didn’t mind being exposed to the cold air from the open window only moments ago but now you were getting chilly. Pulling it over your head you look back at Hongjoong who was putting his phone back in the cup holder, looking all to pleased with himself. You shoot him a suspicious look.

“What did you tell him?” You ask hesitantly.

“I told him to fuck off.”

[alicanta77]

NCT Dream Reaction: Their s/o’s ex approaching them

Mark:

it takes him a while to realise that it’s your ex that you’re talking to

when he does realise his eyes go SUPER wide and quickly flick back between you and them multiple times

his mind goes into hyper mode and he starts to overthink all the ways he can react while he tries to figure out how he should

if you’re just having a pleasant conversation (and he knows it wasn’t that bad of a breakup) i think he will be more on the relaxed side

definitely stands closer to you than normal and makes sure to join in the conversation himself

probably tries to make your ex aware of your current relationship with him in a bit more of a polite way

“hi I’m Mark, y/n’s boyfriend. nice to meet you :)))”

but if it’s clear that there’s still a bit of unsettled business and you look tense to be around your ex

mark will try immediately to end the conversation as soon as possible to get you away from them

he’s too polite to tell them outright to fuck off unless they’re down right rude to you but won’t introduce himself and instead will make some excuse for you both to leave

“baby if we’re gonna catch that movie we need to run!”

says this while nodding in the opposite direction that your ex was in

makes sure to wrap him arm around your shoulders or intertwine your fingers while the two of you are walking away

Renjun:

acts like the nicest person ever when you bump into your ex

yet is planning his murder like 17 different ways in his head

you would never be able to tell though

like he has a sweet smile on and is making polite conversation and joking

it seems as though the three of you are old friends

but if it turns even the slightest bit sour

he turns into some kind of army officer and gets you out of the situation whilst roasting your ex so efficiently

you literally don’t need to do anything

when it comes to protecting you, renjun has it covered

as soon as your ex is out of sight

he turns back into his usual soft self

and immediately checks to see if you’re okay

this includes squishing your cheeks, kissing your temples, and soft hugs

plus getting to your favourite restaurant/takeout for dinner

and cuddles into the night

he just doesn’t want your memories of the day to be filled with a bad conversation with your ex

you should be dreaming of him sweet things that you love

so renjun is going to shower you in love until he’s certain that’s all that’s on your mind

Jeno:

strong boi gets protective

definitely recognises your ex from about a mile away

and initially tries to avoid you seeing them much less talking to them at all costs

but if he can’t

then you better bet that he’s going to be close to you

probably stands with an arm around you at all times

he trusts you with everything so he’s not worried about losing you to him

he just doesn’t trust your ex

and he doesn’t want to put you in a situation where you may be uncomfortable or awkward

probably introduces himself as your boyfriend and your ex has to ask again for his name

doesn’t matter to him if the conversation is friendly or not

this is an uncomfortable situation

you’re gonna have to calm your protective guard dog like seriously

is the kind to make sure to kiss your cheek as your walking away

cause he knows your ex is watching

yeah i think this is one of the moments where he loses his cool slightly

but is still a puppy deep down so will hit you with the puppy dog eyes

so again, needs love for reassurance

Donghyuck:

gets gradually more clingy the longer you talk to your ex

really doesn’t like it if you two chat in a friendly way

but he doesn’t want to say anything about it or drag you away

as cocky and teasing as hyuck is, i think he does get insecure about the things he cares about

especially you

because he loves you so much that he doesn’t want to risk anything that could cause him to lose you

therefore, he overthinks

so if you’re having a friendly conversation he starts to panic

gets worried about how much you’re enjoying your conversation

not because he doesn’t trust you (he does a lot) but because he’s scared of the possibility of losing you

if it gets unpleasant at all

yeah we know hyuck

your ex is not going to live to see tomorrow

is roasted within an inch of their lives effortlessly bu donghyuck

and you are immediately pulled away

out of everyone hyuck is going to need the most comfort

and that means CUDDLES, not just cuddles, but CUDDLES

not to mention kisses are also a must

so prepare to spend your evening drowning your boyfriend in love

Jaemin:

ok his uncompetitive ass is NOT BOTHERED

im sorry to all the jaemin stans who think he’s gonna go all mother hen and usher you away from the situation but i just don’t see that happening

like first of all his introvert self is not going to cause a scene

secondly he’s too nice to hurt anyone’s feelings

thirdly there is no way he’s going to be worried about losing you to your ex

is fine to just let the two of you have a nice conversation

the only things that do make him irritated are a) if your ex is rude to you or b) if you agree to meet up with your ex again

like you and your ex broke up for a reason and the two of you meeting up would not be okay with jaemin

but he’d probably explain that to you and why he was uncomfortable and you’d figure it out

cause we support healthy communication in relationships in this house

but if your ex is rude to you

then jaemin is simply going to be rude back

i feel like he’s nice to someone until they’re an ass and then he’ll be as short as he likes

will get you out of the situation easily while giving your ex a piece fo his mind

no one insults his baby like that

is also the one to check on you rather than need reassurance

so prepare to be spoiled by him

Chenle:

is immediately ON GUARD

i’ve said that chenle is pretty chill around his s/o and i do still think that

but this is one of the few situations where he is NOT OKAY

defences are up and he has a battle plan laid out in case your ex acts even the slightest bit less than angelic towards you

is also not okay if they act too angelic

he, like jisung, has about 70 excuses up his sleeve

except his actually make sense

is fully prepared to get you out of this situation if needs be

however if things seem to be fine and you’re having a comfortable conversation he will be confused

thinking “i did not prepare for this”

yet still has a plan to get you out of this in case your ex is a bit too friendly

chenle is like some kind of super spy just prepared for every situation

also makes sure to protect you so is keeping one hand in yours at all times

and taking you for your favourite food afterwards

and for all his dramatics about your ex

he will need a bit of reassurance that he’s your only boy

because deep down he’s a little soft bub

and you need to give him some cuddles and kisses to comfort him

Jisung:

watches the two of you interact with wide eyes

is the absolute definition of CLUELESS as to what he should do and how he should behave in this scenario

head flips between the two of you so fast you’re scared he’s going to break his neck

he spends most of his time just checking that you’re not uncomfortable

if you seem fine with the conversation he’ll just let you continue until you’re done

might be a little sulky afterwards but just needs a little reassurance that it’s him you love and only him

he also doesn’t really mean it he just missed your attention

but if you seem to be even a little uncomfortable

will make up around 74 excuses as to why you need to leave and you need to leave NOW

would probably panic and say that you needed to go skydiving and grab dinner at the plaza

then would stop and think about what he just said like

“what the fuck jisung? skydiving?”

but would still just grab your hand and pull you away from them without allowing them to ask questions

immediately checks on you if you’re okay

and then makes sure to keep a hold of you and give you extra attention

so expect forehead kisses and cheek squishes

[yakocchi]

Becoming a Family With Him, Part 3 // Shuichi, Hikaru, Rhion, Luke, Eisuke

so this came out, as further celebration for the anni. VERY GOOD, much more appreciated than the prior story set lol that one was kind of boring but i get it

they made the kids for all the... kid-less ones, and the eisuke one that used to be VIP-exclusive is now here for everyone to buy (rip those ppl who gacha for it)

my rambling behind the cut (spoilers!!)

shuichi // as ud expect, shuichi has a literal hime ass looking girl (kikyo) for a daughter. she’s only 6, but is pretty calm and ladylike. She even calls her parents with –sama so... ok luckily shuichi does not strip down all the way in the presence of her daughter and only takes off his suit coat. thanks dad

anyway since shuichi has a break coming up, he wants to have a family trip how nice. but then the dang girl wants to go over to see eisuke WHAT when soryu exists and lives a block away? unrelatable, im closing the app anyway eisuke is her first love, which wtf he’s like 20 yrs older than u. even worse, mc says she’s been in love since she was like 3.

shuichi is reconsidering the benefits of democracy in his mind but eventually relents. but then they’re still following the fucc-days rule they set years ago. well, as he says in the story, RULES ARE RULES

blah blah i don’t want to go over everything bc then it’ll be boring reading the story when it comes out in engl right? also im tired bc it’s 1 am and i just want to play toontown in bed but nothing really bad happens. they are a v cute family bc shuichi is a pleasant and mature dad. kikyo and mc even do a little surprise for him at the end and it is very sweet. i feel like out of all the families, this is the most ideal

mad hatter // so they have twin sons named Rui and Kai. Rui is the childlike one that resembles Rhion in personality, Kai is the more mature one that resembles Al. man i forget that boy’s name but u get me i know they only can use stock bgs but it’s killing me that these dang kids get to sleep in what looks like separate king sized beds.

even though rhion is now a father of two, he still acts like... 10. i mean he still horni but it makes me feel weird

later it’s revealed that Ota teaches them both as an art tutor bc they both showed an interest in art. this is cute bc ota is bad with kids in this universe LOL

the ending on this one was weird cuz the kids didn’t show up in the entirety of the last ep bc it was about WORK. so uh... interesting

hikaru // so their son is named akari. haha get it because it means light. like how hikaru also means light. can mc name her kids unrelated to their father or is that against the Geneva convention

this kid actually acts like an actual little boy. like what hikaru would’ve probably turned into if not for the whole sad backstory. the story starts with akari just bringing a dog randomly home one day. he actually saved the dog (it is very cute bc he did not want the dog to cry), and then after a talk they decide to keep the dog as long as akari knows the responsibility of taking care of an animal.

so next day, the bidders come over to their house and everyone’s like woaw a dog. lol they come into their house as guests and eisuke and mamo still demand for beverages, they all suck

akari names the dog... “Light” (Raito) and i want out of this nightmare. Naturally bc Light is an abandoned dog it’s still kind of bad with interacting with things. But then Light suddenly be giving the ( ╹ਊ╹) to soryu bc remember, animals love him. everyone clowns on soryu for being an unintentional dog whisperer and then akari is like “soryu san pls make me ur apprentice” and he gives some advice like approaching it slowly, and talking to it from the front instead of back.

blah blah there’s a situation where Light goes YEET after a Doberman gets all angry and then hides bc then another dog is scaring it. hikaru swoops in to the save the day as the Real Dog Whisperer. ok it’s cute when hikaru actually gets to look cool  for once LOL

luke // luke is cute on the bc “pre-story” scene he’s actually pretty open to the idea of having kids; he actually goes “well imo we should think abt it pretty soon, but i wanted to hear ur opinion on it” but then he gets horni. and then he’s like “our kids are going to have your collarbones. awesomeee im looking forward to that” ....ok

ok cut to the actual story and they’re in Japan. Luke’s kid looks... strange versus the others. why are his eyes so big? omg voltage his eyes arent going to be saucers just cuz he half white also the kid’s name is Yuri (Or Urey). They couldn’t think of any other Brit-styled names? Like Harry? Henry? William? Wilfred? hey stan be my princess btw he’s pretty cute, though he gives serious “timid kid that gets bullied in the children’s movie” vibes. He calls Luke “daddy” and mc “mammy/mommy”.

so luke talks about his relationship w/ soryu and eisuke and then yuri is like “i want friends like that” wow cute but also find less ethically-complicated friends

so luke lets yuri meet a young patient of his (haru) so they can be friends. they get along so it’s good. haru gets in critical condition later so luke zooms outta there to do the operation.

LOL but at the end yuri is like, “i want to make more friends. (...) can i go to the bidder’s room from now on?” this boy works fast

And then he’s like “Eisuke-san... please be my friend.” HIS POWER. even eisuke was like :O so then eisuke orders a whole bunch of food and books up to the penthouse. But then yuri’s like “...i like eisuke’s eyes” and everyone’s like oh man that’s gonna be his fetish

Baba: why have u started to have an interest in eyes Yuri: I read it from one of daddy’s medical books Hikaru: wtf u can read that at 4??? (...) Soryu: wat Yuri: um... i want soryu to be my friend too Yuri: bc soryu’s eyes are also powerfully cool...

eisuke // ok this gets an extended ramble bc the more annoying the story the longer i must complain

so you might be thinking, “oh so this is gonna be a flashback in some in media res styled story with your 2 kids, u know in the style of the others” and well, no you just go straight to white screen into the flashback, back when eito was smaller and thus a little more cute. well it’s not really false advertising bc they did say “reminisce” in the description. but i wanted to see eito be a good big brother for a moment! or... less good? man i wanted to see kaito go waaaah like a baby idk i wanted to see him exist

so back to the story they cut to small eito. even as a smaller punk he does fight with his dad a little, just w/ a more narrow vocabulary to work with. tho at this point he’s still pretty sweet so clearly eisuke clowning him day and night was a negative effect on his development. (doesn’t treat his child like a child) (child grows up to a punk that doesn’t respect him) (surprised pikachu) being the son of a billionaire means that this child has to go study at a very young age and listen to MOZART. no child of eisuke ichinomiya will be listening to degenerate bops like lee taemin’s criminal next day they all go to the very fancy school that eito will be attending. eisuke does a speech, but then eito is all like “why is papa over there all the time” in reference to how all the other parents in attendance are having fun with their children, but eisuke is busy talking to other people for business and connections etc. etc. mc kind of has a hard time trying to explain it to eito bc... it’s honestly poor parenting... eiji shows up after arriving late, and he’s like “gramps is gonna be with ya today! instead of papa” which is cute but then she’s like psst thanks for coming and im like oh... so grandpa just didn’t randomly come to the open house for fun he’s just gonna be surrogate dad while real dad is busy... aw... and then at the end eito’s like FUC THIS KINDERGARTEN. eisuke is like “(smh) don’t yell in public. (despite everything) you are still the eldest son of the Ichinomiya family”

and so afterwards it’s clear that eito does not want anything to do with this school. he just sits in the classroom until mc is there to pick him up instead of playing in the courtyard or w/e, wanting nothing to do with the other kids.

so later there’s a hiking trip for the students and both of their parents, and mc asks eisuke if he’ll be available for it. eisuke is like, “i have a business trip that day, so I’ll have to adjust my schedule” and he’s been very busy in the opening of a new business or w/e. mc tells him to not do so much for something like that and that it’s ok if she goes alone with eito on the trip.

it’s the day of the trip, and mc goes alone with eito. she notes that a lot of dads did indeed come along for the trip. she apologizes to eito and says that she did talk to eisuke about the trip before, but he’s simply busy for this day. and im like... but girl, you were the one who told him not to change his schedule for the trip. yes a trip may seem less important than business ventures, but don’t make it sound like you weren’t the one who stopped him. lol. idk why im pressed abt this single line of dialogue bc later she does realize she fucced up there well eito is just like w/e about it and has pretty much accepted that sort of thing

anyway eito goes missing later and one of the kids said that he told eito that his dad (eisuke) didn’t come bc his dad thinks that his work is more important than his son. so eito got mad and ran off somewhere

and then mc finally gets the lightbulb moment that eito... wants to see his dad!! he ran off to go try to see him somehow??? !! wow so sweet

it’s raining like a mf but then in her search for eito eisuke randomly pops out of nowhere. He’s like “ho i did not remember saying that i wasn’t coming” and she’s like “im sorrryyy” and both me and him are like “just find the dang kid”

ok yea they find eito, he starts being a good student, and u start to see where he starts being antagonistic towards his dad LOL etc. etc. lol this story annoyed me so i don’t feel like doing the rest of the play by play orz

anyway thanks for reading my garbage LOL

[hamsterboos]

A Vampire for Christmas

🎄Day 8 of 12 Days of PJO Christmas🎄

Honestly, Annabeth was surprised that this hadn’t happened earlier. It had been a few years since she had stopped spending Christmas at camp and would instead be spending it at the Jackson’s apartment — or on the occasional times, with her family in San Francisco.

Considering they were two of the most powerful demi-gods of the current generation, Annabeth had expected a monster attack on Christmas to happen much, much earlier.

PSA: These drabbles are canon-compliant till HoO and just acknowledge the existence of Estelle. Also technology use is a thing.

Read on AO3

~~~~~

Honestly, Annabeth was surprised that this hadn’t happened earlier. It had been a few years since she had stopped spending Christmas at camp and would instead be spending it at the Jackson’s apartment — or on the occasional times, with her family in San Francisco. 

Either way, Percy was always a constant.

Considering they were two of the most powerful demi-gods of the current generation, Annabeth had expected a monster attack on Christmas to happen much, much earlier. At first, she and Percy hadn’t even noticed that anything was wrong because they were enjoying a pleasant dinner at Percy's family's apartment, and she had momentarily forgot that there was anything special about her and Percy anyways. They were just two almost-adults spending Christmas with their families and enjoying themselves.

It was a special Christmas dinner because Annabeth's family had come up to visit New York, and the last that they would spend at the apartment while Percy was still living there. Since they were graduating from university in May, they planned to move back to New York and get an apartment of their own in the city with the financial assistance of Annabeth’s family. 

Just for the occasion, Sally had gone all out with the decorations for the apartment; she and Paul had decorated a six-foot tall Christmas tree complete with tinsel, ornaments, twinkle lights, and presents underneath the tree, and they had put up a green garland around the balcony doors. 

At first everything was going fine as they were chatting happily as they made their way through dinner. Annabeth had never been more happy to take up Percy on his idea to reach back out to her father and patch up her relationship with him as she was in the moment. She had a decent relationship with her step-brothers, despite the lingering tension between her and her step-mother that they both tried to ignore as much as possible (honestly, as long as they weren’t alone together, it was fine). 

She had gotten up from the dining table to grab a few more cans of soda from the refrigerator and was in the kitchen when an IM came through, scaring her half to death.

“Annabeth! Thank gods!” came Chiron’s voice through the mist. Jumping in her place, Annabeth shrieked slightly and dropped a can of soda. She whipped her head around, heart beating out of her chest as she looked into the mist only to find him looking slightly panicked.

“Chiron? You scared me!” she gasped, a hand coming to rest on her chest. From the living room she heard a scuffle of chairs being moved and quick footsteps. She turned to see Percy gripping Riptide, still in its pen form, as he ran into the kitchen. His eyes were worried, glancing all over the kitchen to make sure there was nothing immediately wrong.

“Are you okay?” he asked, immediately moving to her. Annabeth nodded mutely, simply pointing to the mist that he clearly hadn’t seen yet. When he looked up, he squinted at the image of Chiron’s worried expression. The centaur had furrowed brows, and he looked like he was about to deliver some very bad news.

“Merry Christmas, Chiron,” Percy spoke up, “but I’m guessing that’s not why you are messaging us.” 

“Unfortunately, you’re right. I’m sorry to disturb your Christmas night, but we just received word from one of the satyrs that was sent to pick up a demi-god, but they got attacked on the way there. They’re hiding, but I told Francis to try to make it as close as possible to your apartment, Percy.”

“I’ll get our jackets, Perce,” Annabeth softly said, gripping his forearm, and he nodded.

“Got it,” he responded, immediately moving back to the living room, presumably going to tell his family that they had to leave now. 

“We’ll get there soon, Chiron,” Annabeth promised as she waved a hand through the mist, ending the IM.

She put the cans of soda away quickly before jogging straight from the kitchen to Percy’s bedroom where she grabbed their jackets and her sword before meeting Percy by the open door. Sally and Frederick were standing in the hallway as well, and they both sent them small smiles.

“Stay safe,” Frederick called out, and Annabeth managed to give them a smile of her own in response. 

Annabeth felt a pang of sadness in her heart for their parents who had to watch their children willingly walk into dangerous situations that they might not walk out from, and she admired their courage to even let her and Percy leave the house. 

Percy shrugged on his jacket quickly and moved Riptide into the jacket pocket for easy access as Annabeth shrugged on hers as well, and within minutes they were making their way out of the building, glancing around for any signs of a monster or struggle to locate the demi-god and Francis, the satyr. He was one of the newer satyrs that had joined working for the camp so Annabeth had only met him once or twice, but he was insanely sweet and fiercely strong, so she had no doubt that he would get them to the apartment from where Percy could hopefully drive them to Camp.

“Hey, I’ll check behind the alley. You should stay here,” Percy called out. 

“Alright, stay safe,” she responded. He nodded and ran off, and she watched him till she saw him disappear behind the building. She trained her eyes to the main road, watching carefully. There was nothing out of ordinary, and despite the fact that it was Christmas evening, there were a decent amount of people out and about. 

It was also ridiculously cold, and she was just thankful for the small mercy that was the lack of snow. 

Annabeth put her back to the building to make sure that she wouldn’t be jumped from the back and stayed painfully aware of her surroundings, focusing on the cold to help her focus instead of worrying about Percy. He was more than capable of taking care of himself.

In the end, it was a good thing to put her back up against the wall because suddenly she heard a cry coming from her left, and she quickly turned only to duck, squatting towards the ground because an empousa had launched herself at Annabeth. 

The empousa landed on all fours behind Annabeth, and she quickly looked around her. It seemed like it was just the sole empousa with her at the moment, but Annabeth knew better than to let her guard down because they rarely hunted in groups. 

Which meant the others were after Percy.

Shaking her head slightly to get the worries about Percy out of her mind, she focused on the empousa in front of her. She was in her true form, complete with the flaming hair, milky white skin, the fangs that she was currently baring at Annabeth, red eyes that were glowing, and her mismatching Celestial Bronze and donkey legs with wings. 

Ever since Kelli, Annabeth had a certain hatred for empousai, but ever since Tartarus, that hatred had become more deep-rooted.

“Annabeth Chase,” the empousa hissed. “How nice of you to show up.”

Annabeth simply rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You do realize it’s Christmas and not Halloween, right? Not the right day for a vampire to show up.”

“I’m not a vampire!”

“Close enough,” Annabeth responded, waving her hand in the air.

“Mind telling me where that precious young demi-god is? I’d like to eat for him as an appetizer before I sink my fangs into that boyfriend of yours.”

“Oh so you’re telling me that you’re alone right now and that there’s not another one of you currently going after them?” Annabeth asked in a sickly sweet fake voice. 

The empousa hissed again as a response, and Annabeth reined in a sigh. She really wasn’t in the mood to deal with them. She spent three years in therapy trying to work through her PTSD after Tartarus and a lot of that involved dealing with empousas again. She was sick of thinking about them and letting them ruin her life. Instead of letting the monster speak, Annabeth lunged with her sword, but the empousa was fast and evaded her. The sword glanced off of the monster’s arm, and Annabeth immediately turned back to face the empousa. 

“I’m going to enjoy snapping your neck,” the empousa hissed. Annabeth didn’t bother to respond, instead moving to attack again, but stopping at the last second to grab the empousa’s attention long enough to force her to chase Annabeth. Annabeth needed to make sure that she could distract the empousa long enough for Percy and Francis to deal with the others, however many they were, until she could deal with this one on her own.

Sure enough, the empousa was running after her, and Annabeth ran along the block, trying to dodge people in her way. The empousa was insanely fast, and she had even nearly grabbed only Annabeth’s jacket a few times. Within a minute, Annabeth saw her chance and ran into an empty alleyway, and quickly faced the entrance and moved her back against the building, trying to avoid backing herself too far in and blocking any way out. 

The empousa just lunged for Annabeth, and she lunged out with her sword, forced herself to extend her arm enough while balancing her weight on the center of her feet to make sure she could push off the empousa while also slashing her in the chest. 

The monster backed away with a hiss, and in the moment that she was distracted, looking down at the tear in the shirt the empousa was wearing, Annabeth shot out, stabbing her in the shoulder and slashing diagonally, cutting from her right shoulder down to the left side of her waist.

Within seconds, the monster was dust, and Annabeth leaned over, bracing her hands on her knees, breathing heavily.

She knew that Percy would be looking for her, but she really needed to catch a quick breather, so she tilted her head back against the brick wall, looking up at the darkened sky. 

Gods, she couldn’t even get a break on Christmas. She supposed she should get used to this if she was going to be living in the city starting from May.

She jogged her way over to the apartment building, only to find herself stopping when she saw Paul’s Prius at the side of the road. 

“Annabeth!” she heard Percy’s voice call out. “Hurry!” She looked behind the car and saw a few more empousai running towards them, and she cursed, running to the car and scrambling to get into the passenger seat. Percy had already stepped on the accelerator, pulling away from the apartment building before she had even buckled up.

“How’d you get so far away?” he asked, panting.

“Had to run to distract one of them. Killed her in an alley.”

“I killed one too and then four more came after us.” It was then that Annabeth looked in the backseat, finding herself looking at a young boy who looked about fifteen with Francis. Francis saw her looking and sent her a shaky smile.

Annabeth huffed out a laugh, only realizing just how dumb she must’ve looked running away from a girl on Christmas.

“What’s up?” Percy asked, glancing at her briefly.

“Our lives from now on are just going to be dealing with monsters on Christmas.”

It seemed like Percy hadn’t thought of that just then because his face crumpled.

“Oh no.”

~~~~~

Are any of these good? Idk but I kinda like writing them

Day 1 || Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5 || Day 6 || Day 7

[tcswritings]

Messages. (WIP/unpolished)

:: updated on 07/18/2019 ::

The day after the party. Orla is thinking many thoughts.

*****

It had been a bit more than six hours since he left and when she closed her eyes, she could still feel his hands on her body as well as his unsteady breath against the skin of her neck and how strands of blonde hair had tickled her face every now and then. 

What truly made her stomach flutter though was thinking back to all the brief moments when his eyes had met hers, when they shared sweet looks, to make sure the other one was feeling just fine, comfy and secure.

Biting her lip, she couldn’t help but smile to herself for the dozenth time that afternoon. Sleeping with someone wasn’t new to Orla and while she wouldn’t call herself an expert in the field, she had more than a basic idea of how these things worked and how to make them enjoyable for both parts. Last night, however, she had found out that sleeping with a friend was in no way comparable to anything she had experienced before and she also had to realise that the things she knew weren’t exactly helpful in that matter - she had felt like a clueless, giggling idiot anyway.

It hasn’t been bad, though, not at all. Quite the opposite, actually, but Orla couldn’t stop asking herself if people writing books and movies about friends falling in love had ever fallen in love with a friend themselves - there were usually big talks about how knowing each other inside out makes these things oh-so-much easier and friends would just switch to being lovers as if it was the most natural and uncomplicated thing ever and Orla couldn’t comprehend it at all. What happened last night was probably the most exciting and amazing moment of her young life so far and nothing made perfect sense just yet - it had all happened so fast after all.

That was not the only thing on her mind, though. There was something else, something far more essential.

She lay flat on her bed and stared at the ceiling and she had been doing that for the entire day, more or less. Ever since Mick had left the house she had been wondering. Wondering if what they did was right, if they should have waited until they had figured out at least SOME details (considering the well-known fact that sex had also great potential to mess things up), if they would do it again, when they would do it again and, most importantly, what they even were now, because if there was one thing certain it was that they had left their strictly platonic friendship behind.

Before he left, Mick had kissed her goodbye and he had also promised that they would meet up tonight but there hadn’t been any sign of life from him ever since and Orla had long started wondering if he had given it a second thought and maybe - she cringed at the mere thought - even changed his mind.

She reached for her phone for the umpteenth time (the last time was about five minutes ago) and unlocked it, only to feel the familiar little sting as she couldn’t spot the highly anticipated red little bubble that alerted her any time she had new messages.

Instead, she got the impression that her messenger merely laughed at her now:

No new message, girl.

Nope.

Not a single one.

Stop waiting.

He doesn’t care.

Just accept it already.

Orla sighed and tried to shake the weird thoughts off as she snuggled into her pillow a little more. She was being silly and she knew it. Those might be legit worries if it was any other guy she had just met the other night but the guy in question was Mick and Mick wasn’t like that. He was always true to his word and as she knew that he had some things to do today - and she knew that way before that unexpected and pleasant turn of events last night - she figured that she would just have to be patient.

How about you just text him, Dummy? her messenger now suggested, probably as a little gesture of reconciliation for sparking her mopey thoughts a minute ago. Or maybe just call him? It’s 2013, gals no longer sit around waiting for a man to make a move, we make shit happen!

Orla pursed her lips as she opened the messenger again. She didn’t even have to scroll; Mick was the first to show up in her chats as they had send each other a few texts at the party last night while they were wandering around apart from each other, trying to find a private spot where it would just be the two of them but they hadn’t been very successful.

She chuckled as she read his last few lines again.

SAT, 03-16-2013

1:17: kitchen again?

1:18: NO DONTCOME hERE someone puked in here

1:19: Im gonna go upstairs

1:25: where are you

1:25: WHERE

1:25: are

1:25: YOU

1:26: thou shalt answer

1:27: Im desperate

1:29: IM LOST 😂

1:30: this house is HUGE

1:30: almost LIKE oUS

1:30: OURS

1:32: oRLAA

‘Adorable’, Orla thought, smiling. They had found each other just a bit after that last message and they had managed to share at least one more passionate kiss before they had to jump apart once more as they got disturbed by a little group of drunk idiots - she couldn’t even remember who - staggering into the room.

She chuckled as she began typing.

Hey handsome 😘 I was just wondering whether we could

She stopped. Too casual. This wasn’t asking for getting a snack during lunch break after all. Orla hit the delete button and pressed her lips into a thin line. ‘Maybe I should google for some reference’, she thought. ‘How to properly address your childhood friend with whom you had sex last night.’

Or, well, maybe not.

I just saw this ad for porch swings and I thought I could get one so we can

God, no. 

You like big butts and you cannot lie… 😜

NO! (She could very well imagine the face he would make if he read that one, though.)

If choosing what to wear is what’s taking you so long to get back to me I’m happy to inform you that I fancy the kind of activity which doesn’t require any apparel at all so stop making a damn fuss 👀 💋

Smart. Playful. Sexy.

But no.

Please don’t change your mind about us and come back here, I miss you!

Woah. Needy, much?

“Aaaaah!” Orla cried out in frustration as she tossed her phone to the side, slumping back into the pillows. “This sucks.”

Only a few moments later she had another thought. Couldn’t it be that Mick was going through the very same thing right now? That he was sitting on his bed or his couch, or maybe in his kitchen just in this moment, long legs up on the other chair, chainsmoking, like he did so often when he felt lost, typing some words into his phone every few moments, only to delete them again because nothing he came up with felt appropriate?

Maybe Mick was just dying to hear from her all the time. Maybe he was just as insecure as she was and when she thought back to the party as well as to what happened after it, right here, she suddenly felt very silly for even thinking that he might want to back out. The way he had looked at her as well as his body language had spoken volumes after all.

Orla swiftly reached back for her phone and opened the messenger once more. Sometimes the best way to overcome awkward situations was to be honest and straightforward. Once she was done typing, Orla hit the send button and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath.

*****

“I can very well remember the last words Ethel said to me and they were sure words to live by.”

Terry Irvine, a stocky, balding man in his fifties, made a pause, heavy with meaning, as he looked around the tastefully decorated room, feeling deep satisfaction as he saw that everyone was listening to his words with rapt attention.

“She said ‘Lives are like rivers, Terry:” he went on, “Eventually they go where they must. Not where we want them to.’(*)“

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what she said.” Connor O’Loughlin scoffed quietly. “A mean old bitch will suddenly start crackin’ wise proverbs after she spent her lifetime just spattering shit at any given occasion.”

Mick bit his lip as he tried not to laugh at his younger cousin’s remark and he wondered whether anyone in his room actually liked ‘Aunt’ Ethel as the few memories he had of her certainly weren’t the best. She had sometimes looked after him when he was still a kid and as far as he could remember, she never allowed him to do anything besides sitting still while reading bible verses together and she also made him eat the worst, greasiest porridge that the world has ever tasted and the mere memory of it made his guts turn.

Friends and family were gathered together today, mourning Ethel’s recent death, but Mick felt rather indifferent about her passing; he was merely here to do his parents a favour who claimed that they had always been particularly fond of the old hag and while that might even be true, he couldn’t help but feel that they also wanted to represent the family business which, considering the estimated average age of the majority of people in the room, was actually a clever stroke.

“... and I’m sure that Ethel is smiling down upon us just now, as she sees all her friends and family joined together in love and harmony, thinking of her and the wonderful things she has done for each and everyone of us...”

Not only was he not listening, Mick also still had other things on his mind. Far more important and definitely nicer things. (No offense, Ethel.) He made a little step back and once he was sure that no one was watching, he reached behind his back and grabbed a handful of bread cubes from one of the bowls on the buffet table, still looking at Terry addressing his audience with his pompous speech as well as his grossly overstated gestures and expressions. That speech would last for an eternity, Mick just knew it, and he didn’t feel like starving, especially not now that his life had seemingly taken a really great turn.

“... I ask you now to observe one minute's silence as a token of our respect and sympathy for our sweet Ethel...”

Mick pushed the image of Ethel’s wrinkled and actually not-so-sweet face aside. Happily munching his bread cubes, he now recalled the memory of a pair of pale blue eyes looking at him from under the longest lashes he had ever seen. Orla O’Connell’s gorgeous, freckled face became clearer and her red-tinted lips smiled sweetly at him as Mick’s mind once again drifted off to last night, to their very first kiss on the porch swing and the ones that followed, to the moment when he had brought Orla home and when she had insisted on him staying and when she had started undressing him in the hallway and how they had barely made it to her room where they would eventually-

“Oy, creep, what are you grinning at?!” Connor’s sister, Delilah, now hissed at him, interrupting his pleasant thoughts and nudging him with her elbow a little harder than necessary. “Stop eating!”

“Ow! I’m hungry, fuck off.” Mick spat back. “Terry’s at the top o’ his game, it’ll take ages until they open up the buffet.”

“Disrespectful freak.” Delilah muttered, shaking her head and crossing her arms. She was usually all bark and no bite, Mick knew, but very irritating nonetheless.

Terry now directly looked into Mick’s direction and cleared his throat. Mick stared back at him, swallowing down his bread crumbs, suddenly seeing the many irritated faces staring at him, among them the horrified expressions of his parents.

Oh.

It was actually the second time that day someone had caught him with food and he usually would have laughed at the coincidence but considering that he was at a memorial service, he decided against it.

“Sorry!” he called.

Terry closed his eyes and sighed. “Now, one minute’s silence, please.”

Mick bit his lip. Thanks, Delilah. While he usually hated being made look silly, nothing could ruin his mood today, not even his uptight cousin. Granted, it probably was a little inappropriate to think of the things he had just thought of again at a memorial service but then again, no one could read his thoughts and wasn’t death also about celebrating life, after all?

Just as Mick’s mind wandered back to all the moments he had celebrated life with Orla last night he could feel his phone buzzing in the pocket of his suit jacket. Making sure that everyone else was still busy remembering Ethel, Mick stuffed the last few bread cubes in his mouth, pulled the cell phone out of his pocket and when he saw that the new message was from the person he hoped it would be from, a stupid-but-blissful smile spread across his face. He unlocked the screen.

I want dinner and I want to see you. Not necessarily in that order. And yes, this is me asking you out on a first real date. 💖 

Swiftly scanning the room for possible watchers again and seeing that everyone was still caught up in one minute’s silence, Mick eventually looked back down on his phone, hit the reply button and started typing.

hi gorgeous

kinda in the middle of sth here but Im gonna call ya once I get out

He pressed the ‘send’ button. Not keen on provoking another awkward situation like the one that had just happened, Mick wanted to put his phone back but as he felt another buzz, he was too curious.

What kinda thing? Was that a ‘yes’, by the way?

ethels memorial service

What, Ethel died??? 😱 😱 😱

yeah last monday

You could have mentioned that at some point?!?! 😨

its fine no one actually liked her and she was old

OMG MICK WTF!!!

Torn between the excitement about meeting Orla later and the fear of getting another weird look from Terry who had just picked up his speech again, Mick eventually decided to put his phone away for now.

what

its true

talk to you later

It just occured to him that he still hadn’t let Orla know what he thought of her suggestion. Rolling his eyes at himself, he dug out his phone once more.

and yeah

that was a yes

😘

*****

Some miles away, Orla frowned at her phone’s screen, feeling mild irritation but, above all, a great rush of joy. She would call Mick out later for merely casually mentioning that he was going to be at the memorial service of a family friend that day (and also for that rather insensitive remark about no one liking said family friend, no matter how much of a truth it was) but joy had overwhelmed her. He said yes. He wanted the date.

*****

(to be continued…!)

(*) A proverb by Richard Russo, author and screenwriter.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Car Seats, Leftovers, Medical Insurance, Budget Brands, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Early or late retirement contributions? 2. Purchases for infrequent use 3. Used car seats? 4. Excessive leftovers 5. Friends want me to spend 6. Value of one bag living 7. Buying a house on $35K 8. How to avoid drive-thrus 9. Medical insurance difficulties 10. Budget brands? 11. Starting career advice 12. Thoughts on taekwondo One of the most enjoyable parts of writing this mailbag column is the wide variety of comments and questions I get from readers. I usually try to keep the stuff I choose for the mailbag at least somewhat within the realm of personal finance, maybe slipping in one or two questions or comments a week that arent related to the topic, but I get quite a lot of great stuff from readers that covers completely different topics that I just cant reasonably fit into the mailbag. For example, just in the last week or two, Ive received the following notes from readers: A reader wrote in to talk about the joys of playing Magic: the Gathering with her son and how they were building Commander decks together. A reader wrote in to encourage me to pick up some of the writings of the philosopher Byung-Chul Han, particularly his essays Psychopolitics and The Scent of Time (which Im currently reading). A reader has been trying to get me to debate him concerning a number of hot button political issues. A reader has been writing to me consistently for weeks asking for step-by-step help in getting a batch of homemade kombucha to work. A reader invited me to his dynasty fantasy football league. Thats just over the last several days. Honestly, I love this kind of thing, because it represents human connection. Theres a sharing of ideas and interests and a sharing of concern behind all of it that goes way past merely writing about financial issues, and it means a lot to me, even if its not fodder for the mailbag. Speaking of the mailbag, here are this weeks questions. Q1: Early or late retirement contributions? Is it better to contribute to a Roth IRA early in the year or as late as possible? I have money set aside for my 2019 Roth contribution but I dont know if I should do it now or wait. Brian Unless theres some specific reason thats unique to your situation that points to waiting, you should put those savings in there as soon as possible. The longer the money is invested, the more time you have for compound interest to work in your favor. Having said that, investment markets are unpredictable. Theres always a chance that right after you put your money in, the markets dip. Remember that this could happen no matter when you put your money in there. You could put your money in now and immediately see a dip, or you could wait until next February to put it in and immediately see a dip. The difference is that, on average, its much more likely that the investment youre putting your money into will go up in value over that period. If you wait, its very likely that youre going to miss out on growth. Put your retirement money away in retirement accounts as soon as you can. Dont sit around holding them, because youre usually doing nothing more than missing out on growth if you do that. Q2: Purchases for infrequent use Im considering purchasing a pair of bowling shoes. I only bowl once or twice a year, but it seems like its a wise investment since I could get a pair of perfectly good bowling shoes for around $25 instead of paying $3 or so each time to rent them. How do you view rarely used purchases like this that, while adding to the stuff you own, will eventually pay for themselves? Adam My philosophy on purchases like these is similar to yours. I try to look at the total cost of ownership of the item over an extended but still reasonable period of time, like five years, and I figure out which is going to cost less. I also consider how frequently Ill actually use the item, and it basically has to be annually at the very least and preferably much more frequent than that. That type of thinking requires full honesty to be valuable. So, in your situation, is it cheaper to rent shoes for $3 a pop twice a year for five years or buy a pair of shoes for $25 once? Well, the cost for rental over that period is $30, so Id probably swing toward buying a pair, assuming that Im bowling twice a year. If you assume that its actually going to be much less than twice a year, youre going to be better off renting. I usually use a five year measure for calculations like this, because I figure its pretty hard to predict accurately what my life will be like beyond that time threshold and its also probably a reasonable guess as to the wear and tear that an item can take. Usually, with a five year calculation, its obvious whether its a good move or not. Again, in this situation, those bowling shoes arent going to be worn out after ten wears, so its likely you will be able to continue wearing them at that point or theyll have some minor secondhand value. This pushes the pendulum even more toward buying them. Q3: Used car seats? I am expecting in November. My husband and I are starting to pick up baby items from FB Marketplace and Craigslist. Whenever a carseat is listed on Marketplace someone always comments that you shouldnt buy used carseats because theyre not safe. How are used carseats not safe? Amy A carseat is one of the few baby options I wouldnt buy used. The reason is simple: a big part of whats protecting that baby when theyre in the carseat is plastic, and you dont know how that plastic has been treated. Theres some chance that the plastic has become brittle and could easily crack or break in a severe impact, just when you need it the most. This can happen, for example, if a carseat has been left in the sun too much over the course of years. Its not an issue of negligence its an issue of you not knowing the history of that carseat. It may have had years of sunlight exposure, rendering the protection that it offers your child much weaker. Most baby items are fine to buy used clothes and baby monitors and things like that. Those arent things that will cause calamity if they fail and its usually obvious if theyre doing their job or not. A car seat, though, is something you should invest in. 99.9% of the time, it wont matter, but 0.1% of the time, it matters more than anything else and youll never, ever want to skimp on that situation. Q4: Excessive leftovers On any given night we will have 2-7 people at our house for dinner. By default we cook for 7 but that means that many nights we have a ton of leftovers. We eat leftovers for lunch every day but they still get tossed a lot. We cant give them to the food pantry either. Ideas? Andy My first suggestion would be to simply have a leftover buffet night for dinner twice a week or so. On, say, Wednesdays and Saturdays, just pull out all leftovers, put them on the table, and let people assemble their own plates of leftovers and heat them up (or heat up the hot items before putting them on the buffet). That way, the leftovers get consumed directly and you have a free dinner. Another suggestion is to frequently make meals and side dishes that are easy to remix into another meal if you have a low turnout. For example, if you make a bunch of spaghetti, you can save it for two nights and then mix in a few additional spices, put it in a greased 9 by 13 pan, put a couple cups of mozzarella and provolone shredded cheese on top, and bake it for 30-45 minutes, covered for the first half, to make a nice spaghetti bake. We also often have plain vegetables as a side dish and save the leftovers to make quick soups later on, for example. A final suggestion is that on nights where you have a low turnout, simply prep leftover plates for the next night and have the same thing for dinner again, or prepare a different dinner the next night for just the two who ate the night before. I dont think you need to feel obligated to have a fresh meal on the table for whoever happens to show up each night. Q5: Friends want me to spend Im 23 and got a nice job out of college paying $45K per year. Several of my friends from college are in the same area and have jobs as well so its fun to hang out with them, but it feels like they want to blow their income as fast as possible. They go out drinking and to clubs constantly, upgrade their phones all the time, ride around in Ubers when they have cars, and throw money at stupid stuff. I want to get rid of my student loan debt and start saving for a house and Im already contributing to retirement so I can get out of this as young as possible. Its not like Im avoiding fun but theres a ton of stuff to do that doesnt cost $50 or $100 for an evening. When I suggest anything else other than clubs or an expensive restaurant, I get ignored. Do you have any suggestions? Amy Find new friends? I mean, that sounds fairly cold, but it sounds like your values are diverging from the values that your friends hold, or perhaps they were always divergent and the income just exposed it. While I dont mind being acquaintances with people with drastically different lifestyles than my own, I have found its far more pleasant and easier to have close friends who have similar values and lifestyles to my own. That way, Im not pushed to overspend constantly just to spend time with my friends. I have been in situations where it felt like I had to pay some kind of admission fee (in the form of going out when I didnt want to) just to hang out with a friend and if I wasnt willing to do that, that person wouldnt hang out with me. That just isnt worth it. Id suggest digging into activities that you feel internally interested in doing. Find groups in your community that match up well with that by using things like Meetup and there youll find people who are also interested in what you happen to be internally interested in. Get involved in those groups. Youll find its not too hard to build friendships that way. Q6: Value of one bag living I found your post on one bag living to be interesting but not practical. Its not like more than maybe 0.001% of your readers will actually ever do it. What is the practical value of such an article? Ollie The practical value of it is that it really shows you how few items you actually need to have a happy and comfortable life, and when you realize that, you begin to realize how much extra unnecessary stuff you have and how much that stuff is costing you, both in terms of the stuff itself and the space youre paying for to store all of that stuff. Lets say, for example, that you decided to try it for a month. You packed a big duffel bag full of stuff and aimed to live solely out of that bag for that month. During the month, almost everything you use comes out of that bag other than maybe a few kitchen items, you really dont use anything else in your home. At the end of the month, youre left asking yourself what the point of all of that other stuff is. Why have any of it if youre able to have a great life without touching it? Why have shelves full of books and DVDs you never touch? Why have a television if you have a good life not watching it? This is likely to lead you to start downsizing your possessions, recouping some money along the way, and its also likely to lead you to question almost all of your physical purchases. If you keep going in that direction, youll find that you likely have excessive living space and can easily be satisfied with a smaller home or apartment, and if you downsize that, then youre on the way to some serious financial improvement in your life, as youre losing far less money to utilities, insurance, property taxes, and so on. Q7: Buying a house on $35K I am a single woman with a four year old child from a previous marriage; the father is not involved and avoids paying child support. We live in a small apartment in [a large city with a moderate cost of living]. I make $35K per year. My mom lives about five miles away and takes care of my son when Im working and hes not in preschool as she has a pension thats enough for her to live on because my father died in the workplace. I would like to be able to afford a small house for us and get out of this apartment building before hes too old because theres kind of a rough culture of teenage boys here. I would like to be in a house in four years. I have no debts and am saving about $200 a month for emergencies. Carrie First of all, Id contact a lawyer and do what you can to get child support. The cost of supporting your child should not be borne solely by you and hes legally obligated to provide financial help here even if hes uninvolved. Second of all, $200 a month in savings thats also used as an emergency fund isnt adequate to get to where you want to go in four years. I looked into your area and a small starter home is going to run you in the $300K range now and will probably be closer to $350K by the time you want to buy. 20% of $350K is $70K. If youre saving $200 a month, youll get to about $10K in four years if there are no emergencies. To get to $70K in four years, you need to be saving around $1,500 a month and have no emergencies that tap that money. Considering that youre making about $3,000 a month before taxes, thats an extremely difficult proposition. Thus, to make it to your target, youre going to have to do some radical things. The first thing I would do is sit down with your mother and discuss the option of cohabitation for a few years, with you splitting up the housing costs. If she could move into your apartment or you two could move into her dwelling and its a tenable situation for a few years, youll both save a mint. If youre paying $1,000 a month in rent and it suddenly drops to $500 a month, theres $500 a month toward savings, and probably more than that because youll have lower utility bills and you can more easily share food costs. You may find that after you buy that starter home, it may make sense to have your mother continue to live with you to keep costs manageable going forward, at least for a while. If you can swing something like that, use a lot of smart frugal tactics like sticking with store brand items when shopping, get on that child support issue, and keep working at your career to move toward a better salary, you can make this work. Without those kinds of big changes, this probably isnt a realistic goal. Q8: How to avoid drive-thrus How do you stop relying on the convenience of drive-thrus? I understand that its way cheaper to make meals at home but when I can just go to a drive-thru and get a quick meal and have it eaten before I even get home or eat it right when I walk in the door and theres no cleanup because I just toss the wrappers, its hard to convince myself to make a big mess making a meal at home. Leon There are a few good strategies for solving this problem that work well for different people. I suggest trying one for at least 30 days, see if it clicks with you or merely causes frustration, and either stick with it if it works or move on to another if it doesnt. First, try simply packing a meal for yourself at home before you leave in a small cooler. Make something simple that you like a sandwich and some baby carrots and a drink or whatever. Pack the individual items in reusable containers and put them in something insulated with an ice pack to keep it cool. Take that meal with you when you go out and save it at your desk or in a work fridge until youre ready to leave, then eat that on the way home. You can do the meal prep the night before while watching a television show and if you use reusable containers, cleanup is really just a matter of popping stuff in the dishwasher and wiping off the table (which youd need to do anyway). If you want, you can designate Fridays as eat out days and keep it as a treat for yourself for getting through the week. Another thing I strongly suggest is to simply get better at cooking at home. Cooking seems very difficult at first and even easy things like scrambled eggs feel like a giant mess and a big time and energy investment, but once you get more practiced, it stops feeling so challenging. Start by making really simple meals that you like grilled cheese sandwiches or scrambled eggs or spaghetti. Another strategy is to cook things in advance, make individual meals out of them in reusable containers, and keep them in the fridge. For example, you could make a huge batch of spaghetti one night and pack three or four individual meals of spaghetti with a breadstick in resealable containers in the fridge. Then, you can take them to work with you and youll also know that one is just waiting for you when you get home. Yet another strategy is to use a slow cooker. Start a simple dump meal before you leave (a dump meal means you just dump several ingredients in there and turn it on low) and youll have a hot home-cooked meal waiting for you when you get home. Slow cookers are great for stews, chili, soups, and simple casseroles; it can also make a mean pot roast. The goal of all of these things is to either put something in your hands directly so that youre not tempted to stop or have something at home waiting for you so youre not tempted to stop. Q9: Medical insurance difficulties I am covered by [a major medical insurer] through my workplace. A few months ago, I had a procedure done that my doctors office informed me would be fully covered by my insurance. They filed this with the insurance and the insurance company came back saying that the procedure wasnt medically necessary and wouldnt cover it, so my doctor is now billing me for it at the tune of $30K. I dont even know where to start. Should I contact a lawyer? Petra Without seeing the bills and documentation, I cant give you full advice on what to do. However, my first step would be to document every single detail that you can recall about this entire process, including dates and what you were told by both your doctors office and insurance. If you have any supporting documents, such as receipts and printed information about the procedure or about the costs, thats all valuable here. Then, I would go through the process of appealing this claim with your insurer, providing a copy of all of that documentation. An appeal should definitely be your first action. If you find that your appeal is denied, you should then discuss the matter with your doctor and attempt to get their bill reduced. If youre still finding that youre paying an excessive amount, then I would take all of this documentation to a lawyer and get legal help. It very much sounds like you were given inaccurate guidance from a doctors office and a lawyer can usually help here. Q10: Budget brands? Are there any budget brands you trust for making high quality stuff? Meaning brands that are cheap in price but the quality of their stuff is good? Darren The store brands at most department stores and grocery store chains fit that bill. For the vast majority of product types, the store brand is as good as most of the name brand options. They might not beat some of the really high end premium versions of those products, but the store brand is usually as good as 80% of similar items on the shelf. For things like charging cables and basic electronics like computer mice or keyboards, Ive found that Amazons generic brand, Amazon Basics, is really good for the price. For many different kinds of smaller electronic items, like external batteries for charging devices on the go or headphones or things of that nature, I strongly trust Anker. If theres an Anker option for a small electronic device, youre probably getting great bang for the buck with it. Those are the ones that immediately come to mind as brands that I strongly trust that consistently provide good bang for the buck across a wide variety of products. Q11: Starting career advice My oldest son is about to graduate from college with a degree in electrical engineering. I am collecting career advice from some people I respect to pass along to him. What advice would you give to a fresh college graduate in a technical field today? Robert First of all, treat the first decade of your career as an opportunity to build skills and relationships above chasing salary. A killer resume ten years from now will be worth a lot more than earning an extra $5K or $10K right out of the gate. If one job pays a little more but feels like a dead end, while the other job pays a little less but feels like its overflowing with opportunities and ways to build relationships, take the latter job in the first decade of your career. Second, if your workplace offers a 401(k) plan, take advantage of it immediately and contribute as much as you can stand. You will never regret this. Just do this and then start off with smaller take-home checks theyll still be a lot more than what you had in college. Pay yourself first. Third, no matter how tough a situation is, dont burn bridges, even if it would feel good. If youre moving on from a position, do it as gently as possible and be as positive and flexible as you can on your way out. Finally, eat healthy, get some exercise, get plenty of sleep, and dont work too many hours. If you dont do those things, youll be far less productive during your work time, the quality of work you produce will be lower, and youll have a harder time picking up new skills. If your workplace is obsessed with 80 hour workweeks, carve out as much of that 80 hours toward self care and rest that you can reasonably get away with. Q12: Thoughts on taekwondo I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on taekwondo from the perspective of both a parent of a student and as a participant with an eye toward cost. Is it worth it? Do your kids get value out of it? How about yourself? Brenda I attend a local taekwondo school with the rest of my family. It was an activity that my two oldest children wanted to try and the family plan isnt much more expensive than just the two of them participating, so when our family schedule lined up and our youngest was old enough, we all joined. In effect, our third family member was half price and the rest of us are effectively going for free, and the price has actually gone down as some family members have reached black belt rank (and those who havent are at a belt rank approaching black). First of all, if youre new to martial arts of any kind, its something you should shop around for. Any city of any size likely has a few martial arts schools; a larger city likely has some dedicated taekwondo schools with branches in various locations. Different schools offer different prices and different philosophies. Taekwondo is a martial art thats focused on fast, high kicking. That means that it really works hard on agility and balance. Theres also an emphasis on forms, which are sequences of kicks and other movements that are memorized and done from memory, which challenges a persons memory while physically exerting themselves. Our familys interest in martial arts lies much more in the realm of self improvement, character building, self defense, and fitness rather than training to fight. There are definitely martial arts schools that are very focused on simply training to fight, preparing people for things like mixed martial arts. Theres nothing wrong with that, but its not what Sarah or I were looking for in a school. We wanted a school where the merit wasnt in whether you defeat someone in a fight, but whether youre working hard and genuinely improving yourself so that youre better at the techniques, better in all around fitness, and better in character than you were the day before. Again, I have nothing against a school focused on fight-focused training, but its just not what Im looking for or what I would direct my children toward until theyre old enough to make those kinds of choices for themselves. Perhaps someday theyll take what theyve learned and move in that direction, and Im fine with that. When my oldest son and daughter began expressing a genuine interest in taekwondo, we shopped around for local schools that offered dedicated youth programs and were focused on a self-improvement type of martial art philosophy, and we found one that we liked that had classes near us, and over time, we all joined up. I think it has genuinely helped our children improve their ability to focus, their ability to overcome challenges, their character, and most definitely their ability to defend themselves and get out of a threatening situation. As a parent, Im thrilled with the impact taekwondo has had on them. As for myself, I joined because I agree in a deep philosophical way with the goals and direction of the school, as well as the fact that I was looking for a fitness program for myself and an opportunity to mutually encourage my family to be more fit. This hits all of those marks and with family rates, its pretty inexpensive. If you divide our session fees by five, theres absolutely no way any of us could be in a sport or a fitness program at these rates. If someone is interested in taekwondo or martial arts in general, Id start by figuring out why you want to do it. What are you hoping to get out of it, or what do you want your child to get out of it? Self-discipline? Fitness? Self-defense? Character? What are the one or two things you want most for yourself or for your child that you hope martial arts can provide? Start from there and shop around at a lot of schools in your area. Theyll all have different philosophies and centers of focus some of them will line up well with your own goals and philosophies, while others will go in a different direction (not wrong or bad, just different). Find some that match what you want, price compare them, and give one a try for a session and see if its right for you. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-car-seats-leftovers-medical-insurance-budget-brands-and-more/

[vile-allure]

present

so, i was very depressed, cut my wrist down to the artery and had to go get stitches in france and blah blah blah. the program director caroline was very sweet and agreed to let me go back home for a week. wednesday night i purchased tickets to head home friday. friday came around, i got in the uber, the bus, the train,the plane, and then into the prius.. it seemed like only seconds went by when i got back in that car to head to the airport, to take a plane, then a train, followed by a bus and uber. as i arrived back in Aix, hoping out of the uber, i felt nothing. hearing people speak french in the airport just annnoyed me. i walked inside the house, and it didn’t feel like it belonged to me anymore. i dont feel like i am actually here, sitting in this bed listening to the wind rattle the window panes. it does not feel like i was just back home, it feels like it was all a dream. I saw so many familiar and welcoming faces in california. my parents, claudia, lindsay, annie, and the wormhole crew. but it feels like it was a dream. the weirdest part, is that on the plane and train, while i was napping i had very vivid dreams. i had dreams in which i was having a simple conversation with my parents, i felt myself wanting to talk back but i then quickly opened my eyes and realized it wasn’t real. it was all a dream. when i noticed that i felt so confused and lost.the dream felt just as real as the reality of me just being back in california. i close my eyes hard, squeezed them, while on the train, just praying i would open them and be looking out to a beautiful view of mt tam, i reopen them to see the flashing by french countryside. life is moving, and it is not stopping for anybody. itis a frightening feeling. 

when i was back in california, i had absolutely no desire to go back to france. when walking around SF i did not miss the beautiful french architecture. it came to mind but it wasn’t a negative nostalgia. it was a faint memory associated with positive things but no desire to relive it. i am here in france but i do not feel like it. i feel like i have moved on and past it. these past 6 months, i have noticed so much. i have grown and matured in so many ways. i have learned about myself and about time and life. i have really learned that you have to live in the moment because it goes by so fast. i have learned to sit close my eyes for a few seconds, take a deep breathe and be present, control my breathe so i know i am here and in the now. I have learned what it is like to be truly and utterly alone and not have the energy to reach out. when i felt like this in california, i had at least my mom on call, and an array of friends, but here it is just me. i remember as soon as i saw blood gushing from my arm all i wanted was my mom, i jjust wanted her to hold me or sit there, or be in the other room playing covet. i just wanted to know she was there. i see this loneliness and can only imagine the pain i will feel when this lonliness is not only separated by distance, but by death itself. I have no idea what i would do if i did not have my parents.

i walk by the kitchen in this french house, and see my father sitting there having coffee and reading a book, i only saw that a few times in comparison to all the other people and actions that have taken place there, but the most comforting thought is that he was once here, his spirit has walked through here and memories were made and it gives it some sentimentality.

i really do not know what i am feeling. i know i am sad, i am extremely aware of it. I am aware of how it feels, how i react to it, how it causes me to act in different ways. I have started to categorize myself as 2 entities. Hillary and not so hillary. Hillary is a happy and sarcastic animal loving goof ball, who just wants to spend time with loved ones, do adventurous things and have a good time. Not so hillary is very contradictory, she is destructive, not only to herself but to people around her, she has no patience and no desire to help anyone, and would like to be alone and wallow in her sorrows. The two hillarys meet, but dont associate with each other. i feel as if there is a switch and sometimes it gets turned. i can go from having a pleasant experience, to have something trigger me and all of a sudden it is the devilish hillary and it is almost impossible for me to stop the transformation. it is like i am hypnotized, and certain words or topic trigger the switch, but i am not able to pin point the triggers.

i am sad, very sad. i am aware of the sadness. i manifest it as a heavy dense raincloud over my head. I want the sun to shine through, i want to be happy, but it is hard to get away from the cloud because it keeps following me. sometimes i wake up and im happy, other times i wake up and would rather just lay in bed eating snacks watching stupid shows trying to keep my mind occupied. I notice it, i recognize the familiar feeling. i feel it, i taste it, i hear it. the sadness is all around me. and i understand that i am the only person who can lift this raincloud but while im under it so drenched in tears it is almost impossible.

in order to feel better, i am going to try to change a few things.

i am going to force myself to go to the gym everyday, i don’t care how tired or sad im feeling. i feel at least a little better knowing im doing something that will at least make me look better. 

I will be sure to keep my feelings and personal matters and opinions to myself. close friends and family are obviously an exception but there is no need for others to know my bussiness out of pure petty gossip.

i will read more, at leassssst 10 pages a day. i will also write more, no matter my mood, to try and track my feelings, progress, and maybe be able to identify my triggers.

i will cut out gluten and dairy once again and this time hopefully actually stick to it.

i want my body to be as healthy as possible, because that somehow might change my brain chemistry and equalize my hormones, resulting in more balanced emotions. this health will be reached, as said before, by a new diet, and daily exercise. as well as trying to get out into nature as frequently as possible.

as for my mental health, i will try my hardest to live in the moment and appreciate the now because it only happens once. if i notice something sneaking into my mind about what i will do later, as long as it is not a pressing issue i will put it aside. when at the gym running on the treadmill i will not cut my workout short just because i realized i wanted to search something or need to shower, we all sure as hell know that your fat ass is just going to sit in front of the computer screen and watch netflix. so live in the moment and dont fantasize about unrealistic or unimportant things, live in the damn moment.

you are only young once. ok now this is for future hillary. i know this is really tough right now. you are so lonely. you live alone, you have friends in class but have no real connection with any of them. you have pretty much no desire or energy to socialize. you are insecure and alone in a foreign country with nothing but two stuffed cows to cuddle. i want you, i NEED you to take advantage of this situation. when you feel the lonliness come on, write it down, try and realize what it is that is causing you to feel so lonely, and if there is anything you can do to change that. also, for motivation for the future, when you go back to california for summer you are going to see all you good friends again, who obviously saw you when you were back for week in a very negative headspace and 30 lbs heavier. so use these next few months to better yourself so when you go back, the people who you didn’t see, the people of lesser significance in your life will not see how being alone and abroad caused you so much hardship, but caused you to better yourself as a human being and cause you to come out stronger than ever thought possible. you know for a damn fact that people are more attractive when the are happy, so right now you must look like a gremlin, but that is beside the point. play the part and maybe you will get it. take the steps to be happier, smile more, exercise more, enjoy all mother nature has to offer. spend good times with good people. dont let your insecurities hold you back. if you want to say something, SAY IT, dont let your anxiety hold you back. if you want something, obtain the means to get it. be proactive hillary. no one else will ever be the root of your happiness, you will always somehow be alone. when you close your eyes to go to sleep it is just you with your subconcious, in the bathroom, when you give a presentation. there are so many examples. but basically no one person can take away your sadness and instill a strong foundation and sense of security. not all promises can be kept, due to personal changes, circumstances, or maybe death. people come and go, and if you attach yourself a little to each person, person you wont have yourself anymore because you will be so identified with other individuals. learn to be yourself. dress the way you want, do your make up the way you want, work out your body so you can shape and mould it into the shape you want. being an individual is all about following your own personal interests. so stop basing your own happiness on others. i want you to look in the mirror in 5 years and see a strong woman who no matter what is thrown her way will always stand strong. i want you to overcome this all and be so in touch with yourself that nothing will ever be able to bring you down, and no one will ever be able to make you second guess yourself. I want you to look in the mirror and see a queen. I want for you to not settle for anyone, the person you marry will be the luckiest man alive because he will be able to call me his wife. but if that man ever leaves me, he wont take a part of me with him, he can take my belongings, or partial custody of future children, but he will not be able to take my dignity or alter my self worth because it is based solely on my own opinion and perception of self. so hillary, in this time of absolute depression and upset, you can still see a bright future ahead. now i want you to reach out and get it at all costs. better yourself so that no one else in the world can even compare to you, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives. shape your mind in ways unspoken, obtain knowledge and experience new things. open yourself up to change. you need that right now. let this loneliness and hurt open you up to new beginnings and the development of a new a stronger you. one day people will know Hillary Perelson as a strong and intellectual woman, these people may not know your past, but will be able to tell from the way you present yourself and the demeanor of your actions that you came out on top. mental illness does not control you, you control you. so step it up Hillary. nothing is going to change on its own, you need to take initiative of your own destiny.