#the hilarious bomb-drop of 'daddy' at the very end with the wrong 'to/too/two' as the cherry on top

[aces-to-apples]

Yeah. Nice work, buddy. Now I know you're a yank. Yank, man, too. Late teens to early twenties. All full of rage and directionless anger and the victim of a school system designed to leave them half people who cannot use words to articulate. Not fully human and guided only by spite. I'd feel bad for them if they didn't continually reinforce that all they have is hate and violence in their heart, the only way they can feel anything is to hurt people and would gladly murder everyone slightly different from them if daddy told them too.

Lol. Lmao, even. This is by far and away my favorite genre of weird stalkery nonsense anon: complete word-salad, prompted by nothing and including zero particulars, which could be sent to literally anyone and make about as much sense. Hats off to you, sir, you sure strung together a bunch of sentences that equate to nothing. In the words of the estimable FriendlySpaceNinja: do you need a Kit-Kat?

Edit: omg wait did Andy Ngo find my tumblr and is trying to dox me again? Andrew baby is that you??

[xsecretblastsx]

1x11 - Roman Holiday

Happy Christmas Everybody! Or rather I’m trying to delude myself into thinking it’s winter because it’s awfully hot in here. Too bad the episode only lasts like 40 minutes. Anyway here’s the recap.

This one didn’t get as long as the last ones, but I’ll use the keep reading break anyway because it’s a bit more neat for everyone.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

The Constance choir, oh how I miss it.

 I have a coat really simliar to the one’s Jenny’s wearing, mine’s probably cheaper though. 

Global Warming Grinch! what a surprise Dan’s complaining about something yei!

Here comes Vanessa raining on Serena’s parade! Auch. I never really know with her, because she seems nice and sincere and everything, but doesn’t she realize how uncomfortable this is for Serena? She doesn’t acts like Dan’s best friend, she acts like the soul mate or something like that.

I had almost forgotten about Bart Bass, if only. It’s not like Bart knows the actual meaning of the words “I’m in love with you” but I do ser her point on this Lily, ugh. I can’t believe I typed that.

I really like Blair’s outif the perfect mix between school uniform and holiday spirit. Also, I love her, but what with the long face at hearing Chuck is at Monaco? She dump him, so she shouldn’t care.So.. no,  Nothing that she needs to know.

It’s sweet the amount of traditions Blair had with her dad, no wonder she wants him to move back to New York

I’ll never understand this show’s obsession with Dan’s cabbage patch doll.

Blair bear! I had totally forgot about that aww.

That look Blair share’s with her mom, haha “you don’t say what a suprise indeed”

Auch, I was vaguely wondering though in which episode Dan’s mom leaves again, not that I particularly care but I guess is this one

I know shows tape earlier than the season they’re suposed to be, but the park looks so autumm-y for Christmas, is taking me out of the mood. But since I don’t live in New York what do I know.

Blair’s skating outfit thoug, an all time fave.

I had totally forgotten Eleanor had a love interest this episode.

I mean to be fair, that watch is the kind of gift Serena would have made any boyfriend she had because it’s the kind of stuff she’s used to, and I feel for her because she was so excited, I do get where Dan’s coming from, it’s probably the same thing I would said in that situation, but aww Serena.

Again, Vanessa seems nice but, not cool girl.

Blair’s face at Chuck’s text was hilarious, though she shouldn’t be as surprised, Chuck’s pervy on a good day, and she sort of burned him. Not a good combo.

Blair Waldorf in action, sorry Roman.

I’ll never understand why Blair would ask Chuck to  don’t speak to anyone about them, like honey letting him know you want to keep that secret, is giving him levarage. 

Not a fan of having a scene were Serena is like “i came with my tail between my legs, please Vanessa help me to find Dan a gift” and even worse Vanessa is like “I would gloat, but I like you” that’s sorta gloating anyway, ugh. 

Victoria’s Secret themed Christmas party, only on gossip gir.

Rufus and Lily, acting like scaredy cats teenagers.

“Friends doesn’t steal other friends husband” you tell him Eleanor.

This loos “so promising” for  Blair, so Nate said he would go to her mom’s Christmas party, except he didn’t and nowshe’s  tracking him down because he didn’t bother telling her. Same old story.

Blair spelling it out to Vanessa, and for once I think she wasn’ wrong in what she said. Also I love it when Blair is looking out for her friends.

Honestly I would react exactly as Serena and Eric if my mom dropped on me the bomb that she’s dating Bart Bass. That’s scary.

For once I’m liking Eleanor, also she’s dead right, Blair learned scheming from her mother, unrealistic dreaming from her father. Quite the combo. That’s why I lover.

Gotta love Lilly helping Dan to get that tree inside.

I mean considering I’ve seen the whole show, sorry Howard, but your words sound a bit hollow.

Ok, Serena’s gift for Dan was nice.

Dorota’s themed aprons are such a nice little detail. 

Ngl, it mades me sad seeing Bart doing more of an effor with Lilly’s kids and never really bothering with Chuck.

Imagine if Lilly had answered the phone.

That photo of Nate looking like they’re in the Caribbean when they’re supposedly in Monace would never not be hilarious

Normally this is the part where I rant and rant about the episode, but this time I just dont’ have that much to say. I know a lot of people love this episode a lot, but I’m just not one of them, I didn’t fight it particularly memorable on first watch, and now on rewatch even less so, this episode is heavily focused on Derena and the end of the Humphrey marriage, and I don’t really care about either of those things. The only thing I really find interesting about this episode was Harold’s visit,, but on this episode for some reason Blair’s storyline felt like a B plot, that’s probably just me, but l’m finding out that episodes with a lot of Derena feel like such a drag to me now. I almost wish I could care about them again, if only for this season.

So, Blair’s dad. I’ll get it out of the way soon, I’m not a fan. He may have been the loving parent while Blair grew up, but I don’t feel he really knows her, not the way Eleanor does, and I’m not even talking about her dark side, but as Eleanor pointed out, how could he thought she would be glad he had brought over the man he left for when it was supposed to be them enjoying the holiday.

We were told on the Thanksgiving episode that that was suposed to be his first visit after moving to France, and I mentioned there that it sounded like Blair hadn’t seen her father in a long time, which isn’t nice.I feel Harold never really grasped how much he hurt his daughter when he left for France, it was a lot to take for a 16 year old girl who was a total daddy’s girl. First, there’s the separation of her parents, then the fact that her dad is gay, those two were quite a lot, and then he’s like oh I’ll move to France. I’m sure part of the reason Harold stuck in out in his marriage was Blair, and he shouldn’t have to hide who he is and keep married to Eleanor, but I think he could have thought about it and delayed his moving to France. Like Eleanor said this episode Blair might like to act like an adult, but she was at this point still very much a girl in need of her dad.

And this episode he may have said there would always be a place on his life for Blair no mather what, but it was never the same, I mean last episode was Cotillion, and Blair didn’t have any of her parents there, it was probably Dorota the one that was exicted for her, taking pictures and everything. I guess we’re supposed to think she probably talked frequently with her dad over the phone, but I feel in many ways it was mostly a superficial relationship, like I never got the impression Harold went out of his way to see his daughter. But I could be wrong.

The other bit I would like to mention is that not long ago I got an ask about what do I think Blair cared about Chuck not being into town this episode, having watched the episode again now, and I said:  i feel she believed it’s always wise to keep and eye of Chuck and be wary of his intentions, gods knows what he’ll plot just for fun, and now they share history, a secret one at that so she has reason to be cautious, considering the message he sends her at the end of the episode she wasn’t wrong. And while I still think it had a lot to do with that, I do feel having her ask him not to spill the beans, wasn’t the smartest choice, I guess she was banking on him not using it as leverage because they’re are friends and because he had let her know at one point he had felt something, it’s what I call wishfull thinking. 

On a more subconcious level I think she simply wanted to know because well she’s into him. She likes him. She ends their fling out of anger and it’s part that anger that leds her back to Nate, (and it also trills her that after so long Nate wants her, he’s going after her, not Serena). Of course at this point she’s not about to admit even to herself whatever she feels for Chuck, not only because she’s back on track with her so planned life but because well… he’s Chuck Bass, but that doesn’t mean she’s not atracted to him still.

Random bits I would love to mention

The one shot I’m writing (and hopefully finishing one of these days) is actually set between last episode and this one. Not that it wasn’t hard to guess, but I’m glad I got Nate’s location right.

Funny but like a week ago Buzzfeed shared this bit about the watch Serena gave Dan, turns’s out it costs about $25,000. 

“All the grace of Nancy Kerrigan but packing the punch of Tonya Harding” sometimes the Gossip Girl voice is just so on point. 

I’ve always loved Chuck’s voice mail “leave a message and I might listen to it”

The kind of headband Blair’s wearing at that Christmas party were sold anywhere last winter here. Guess they came back.

Lily’s golden dress makes me think of Klimt’s paintings. I like that.

Seriously Gossip Girl’s voice overs this episoder are making me laugh so much “sugar, spicy and everythin nice” not so much.

The Palace hotel decoreted for Christmats time!!  I love it so much. 

[hobbitsetal]

Prodigal son s1e1 live-blog, for @loubuttons and @thisbibliomaniac because the fact I’m watching this show is y’all’s fault. But under a cut, because I’m nice like that.

his dad looks a bit manic...and saying “we’re the same” doesn’t bode well, given what I know about the show. also 80% sure he’s got gum disease, going by how red his gums looked in that smile.

Serial killer! Makes sense!

He’s distracted by the cicadas. Five seconds and I see what the fuss is; this is one precious boi.

Brrzap; that taser looked painful. Ooh, and cue the freaky childhood flashbacks! His dad is clearly the worst and this poor baby needs a better relationship than this to cling to.

YOU LIE, YOU SICK THING. THERE *ARE* MONSTERS AND YOU ARE ONE.

faces in a jar. That’s no bueno. Bad guy with a gun, also very no bueno. “Someone breaks us.” tbh my friend, I believe too strongly in original sin to agree with that.

oh yikes, the sheriff. Even bad guys have humanity.

“I get it, you don’t punch a sheriff.” He is a baby, but yes also a little stupid.

Oh hey, Lou Diamond Phillips is in this!! AND Michael sheen! LDP was one of the best parts of “Stargate Universe.”

He’s still friends with his dad. This is heartbreaking and extremely unhealthy. I feel stupid for just now recognizing Michael Sheen is the dad. He plays warm and sympathetic and psychotic equally well and it’s frankly impressive. plus that’s an A+ beard.

Soooo homebody has Severe Issues. That was not a good nightmare. But “I can see clearly now” is a fabulous song.

His sister seems like a good egg. I am HERE for good sibling relationships!! Plus she has a killer outfit on. If I could be an actress, I would be one for the wardrobe alone. She has gorgeous eyes, too.

Oh heyyyy it’s LDP! “Spooked puppy dog look” yep I like him. But his sister lied ;_; so much for good sibling relationships. I mean, yeah she’s trying to protect him, but still.

“psychologist, forensic profiler, acquired taste.” I love Gil and I love Gil’s relationship with Malcolm and I already love JT’s relationship with Malcolm. “So you’re a necrophilic?” Iconic. We stan one rude boi.

also can I just point out that Gil’s outfit is frickin classy?

A copycat killer...copying his dad. Welp, let’s just dive into the emotional anguish, shall we?

Gil, you trash bucket, you KNEW. you KNEW the killer was copying his dad! And now you’re saying you’re not asking him to talk to his dad, but you’re definitely asking.

“It wasn’t a healthy relationship.” Okay, at least you know it.

His mother does not look old enough for two kids in their late 20s. Aaaand she’s trying to rub his life. Rude. He’s a grown man, woman, mind your business and shove your pills where the sun don’t shine.

Don’t drink the tea, Malcolm. Pls. I beg.

Oooookay, the coroner is mildly insane. Which makes she and malcom would instantly get along.

welp, we’re diving into BDSM. I am Uncomfortable™️. And I’m pretty sure the killer is at the dom’s apartment, if not the killer himself.

“My profile’s wrong.” Whoopsie.

Nico is a victim sitting on a bomb. Well that’s dandy. God bless Malcolm and his complete lack of social skills.

“I’m gonna chop off your hand!” UM??? Aaaand the bomb just went off. A’ight, I’m hooked.

HOLY FRICK HE ACTUALLY DID IT, THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN. “I’ve got to give them a hand.” What even is this show, holy merciful smokes.

Oh no, his hand is shaking. MAYBE HES THINKING ABOUT CHOPPING HANDS OFF, GEEZ.

His mother is trying to set him up. Hoo boy. This is an awkward family dinner. And ainsley sold him out without hesitation, nice. No don’t say he’s a copycat!! Ainsley is a reporter, don’t say—heck. This is going to end Very Badly. Pls malcom no.

oh gee, mom knows the victims’ names. That’s heartbreaking. I will give this show major points for exploring the fallout of a serial killer’s actions for his family.

Screw his father to hell and back for being a kind and gentle dad while also being a serial killer. That’s just messed up.

And we get another nightmare, that’s splendid. That poor detective who just got clotheslined. Bless her for hugging him till he’s awake again.

Poor Gil, dealing with a hyper frantic boi who is Not, I repeat, Not in Control whatever he thinks.

Oh here we go, he’s off to talk to daddy dipstick. This is gonna be a thing, clearly, where he has to ask his dad for help solving cases.

Do not, you horrible waste of humanity, look so pleased about your copycat. Is it a prison guard copying him...? How did he know so quickly the pages were stolen?

HE’S STILL SEEING PATIENTS?! How did he not get his license revoked for KILLING PEOPLE?! This is stupid. He’s enjoying this. I hate him. I hate him for being charismatic and charming and interested in his son.

Huh. He’s scared his son won’t leave. Welp, there’s our series hook: he promises to come back and see his dad. At least he got what he needed.

Malcom running into his mom at Berkhead’s party is frankly hilarious. Also I suspect the wife rather than the husband. She’s probably jealous.

Oh yep, private conversation upstairs AND her husband’s upstairs! So I was wrong, the wife is the fourth victim, which makes sense given Malcom’s refined profile. Okeydokey, I can work with how this show handles plot twists.

Dani’s in danger. How do we fix it? By strolling in like a boss. Malcom, you absolute nutcase. “You’re still in control.” Bro. Broski. Bromonid.

Is that a knife?? Aw Dani, you were so close! MALCOM NO threatening to use the paralytic on yourself is...I mean, it’s working, but also BRO YOU ARE NOT OKAY. why are you looking at Dani as you confess your motivation for being a profiler? Why are you begging Carter to kill you. This is bad. ooh also title drop!

Enter Gil!! Intriguing bookend with the beginning; also props to the guy playing Malcom for capturing that bitter disappointment at not dying.

Oh yikes, Gil was almost a Surgeon’s victim. And Malcom was the one who called him...makes sense with the nightmare and Gil and Malcom’s connection makes sense.

Does he eat a candy every time he solves a case? That’s adorable ;_;

Hmm, so his dad is pulling strings behind the scenes. Yep, I hate him. Aaaand now he’s emotionally manipulating his son and offering him help to maintain that phenomenally unhealthy relationship. Ugh. Smug piece of dirt.

Heck. This is my quarantine binge now.

[seniorbrief]

37 Hilarious Phrases Parents Say to Avoid Cursing in Front of Kids

Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

“Mrs. Andersen? We need to talk about your son’s new favorite word.” I’ll never forget that phone call from the preschool teacher of my adorable, cherub-cheeked four-year-old. Like many kids his age, my son had discovered a fun new word and wanted to use it all the time—and the fact that it got a major reaction from all the adults around him made it just that much better. The word? Motherf*****.

The day prior, I’d been bending over to tie his shoe when his older brother threw open the front door, nailing me right between the eyes with the metal doorknob. I’m not much of a curser but there’s nothing like pain so searing that you see stars (literally) to make a mom lose her, um, shiznits. I let out a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush. And of course, my kiddo remembered the best one.

When he got home that day, we had to have a long talk about appropriate language and I learned as much of a lesson as he did. If you don’t want to hear your toddler call their friend a “d*****bag” then you’d better not say it in front of him. As a parent, your creativity is one of your best skills—and we don’t just mean with Play-Doh. Here are some of our favorite swear-substitutes real parents use.

1. “My curse words come out sounding like a mix of Yosemite Sam, the Swedish Chef, and (before we knew what a horrible person he truly is) Bill Cosby, along the lines of Flootin’ frappin’ shligmen durnkin!” —Ted Williams

2. “I will call someone a ‘Richard’ as shorthand for ‘d*ck.’ My twins and several adult friends actually think my boss’s real name is Richard.” —Tracey Having a “creative vocabulary” is one of the 11 surprising signs you’ll make a great parent someday.

3. “The other day I dropped something in the kitchen and, because I could see my son watching me, I exclaimed, ‘Ugh, fork me!’. He thought it was so silly; I was glad it was safe.” —Kylie Larson

4. “Once, when I was opening a fizzy drink, it sprayed purple juice all over the bench top, the floor, the ceiling, and my clothes. ‘F…’ I started to say until I felt three sets of little eyes staring at me. I immediately changed it to ‘F… or coughs and colds take medicine!’ It was so funny that now we just use ‘for coughs and colds’ to express frustration.” —Nate Hamon

5. “Shut the f*** up used to be a part of my pre-kids vocabulary but now it’s ‘shut the front door!‘ which is way funnier anyhow.” —Amber Graves (Here’s why kids behave so much worse at home.)

6. “During the Great Lice Outbreak of 2015 (from which our household will forever be scarred), I discovered my new favorite phrase ‘holy cannoli!’ It replaced holy sh*t whenever I found another bug and it’s even better because it rhymes.” —Maryrose DeGroot

7. “My son once told friends from church that ‘my daddy says the F-word all the time at home.’ I had to quickly explain that I say ‘fart’ instead, and that’s what we call ‘the F word’!” —Tor Bailey

8. “‘The classic ‘fudge!‘ is my go-to for anything from stubbed toes, to an eggshell in the omelet, to a realization that I posted a comment on social media with a spelling mistake.” —Nate Hamon

9. “I’m from Minnesota and for whatever reason parents here always say ‘Uff da!’ I’m not sure if it’s from our Norwegian roots or even what word exactly it’s supposed to replace, but it always makes me smile.” —Kim DeBerge

10. “The c-word is the curse word I hate the most but if I ever have to say it, I spell it out with ‘see you next Tuesday.’ Adults know what I mean and young kids don’t even pick up it’s a bad word.” —Alison Hill (Have you read these hilarious texts gone wrong, from parents?

11. “As a foster mom, I’ve had quite a few kids that come with serious potty mouths, so I have a lot of practice with fake cursing. The one I probably use the most is ‘friggin!’ which I don’t love but it’s better than the real thing.” —Lisa Gunn

12. “Oh shnuck! It gets my kids laughing every time—mostly because it comes out like oh shhhhhhhhhnuck!” —Emily Tessman

13. “‘Fart knocker‘ is the one I use as a direct cuss at the kids. As in, ‘Stop fighting you little fart knockers!’ For emphasis, I’ll add frickin’. ‘Stop fighting you frickin’ little fart knockers!’” —Nate Hamon

14. “When I slammed my finger in the door, I yelled out ‘son of a… nutcracker!‘ Another favorite for when I hurt myself is ‘cheese and rice!‘” —Casey Wetjen

15. “I like to yell ‘shoot a monkey!’ when I drop things, break something, forget something. I have no idea where that came from but it works!” —Presley Salmon

16. “‘Shiitake mushrooms!‘ is apparently my go-to swear for when I’m in pain. Like, I’ve sliced my shin open on the dishwasher twice and both times I end up yelling about produce? We all know what word I was really thinking!” —Presley Salmon

17. “I like to say ‘well butter my bum!’ and ‘son of a biscuit!‘ I guess I like food curses!” —Jeni Svestka (Polite language is just one of the 17 forgotten manners parents should be teaching their children.)

18. “Clusterfluff. It has almost all the satisfaction of saying the original but it’s way more kid-friendly.” —Anda Teverzczuk

19. “I started out by using ‘hells bells‘ a lot and somehow it morphed into ‘hells bells and cockle shells’ which my kids mistakenly heard as ‘hells bells and taco shells‘ and so now I just yell ‘taco shells.’ Yep, it’s like playing ‘telephone’ but with cursing.” —Carlie Pehrson

20. “Sometimes I say ‘sugar dumplings‘ but, let’s be honest, I just straight up curse most of the time.” —Cheri Gould

21. “Some parents are so creative! In the heat of the moment, all I can think of is ‘curses!‘ Because I’m original like that.” —Shanae Briggs

22. “I go full-on sound effects. Like I say, ‘Are you (beep noise) kidding me?’ so that the part that is censored can be filled in by whatever curse word the listener imagines.” —Tor Bailey

23. “I say ‘shoot the dog!‘ when something goes unexpectedly wrong, like a house project or when the dryer breaks. Ironically, I only use it when I’m in a good mood.” —Rosalie Davis (Want more? Check out these 11 parents quotes that will have you dying with laughter.)

24. “My family loves to bowl and whenever I throw a gutter ball everyone waits for me to yell ‘the F-word.’ However, my ‘f-word’ is ‘fooey!’ Or is it ‘phooey?’ but that doesn’t start with F. Whatever, my curse word, my spelling!” —Shirley Jamiel

25. “Instead of ‘what the f***, I say, ‘What the monkey?’ It works even better because it’s so random it usually diffuses the situation.” —Tor Bailey

26. “I’m a big curser but when I don’t drop a real f-bomb, I go with ‘frack.‘ It works and there’s the potential for some interesting environmental conversations.” —Sarah Barak (Know a funny parent? Here are 17 of the best compliments you can give a parent.)

27. “My mother’s favorite swear word when I was growing up was ‘Christopher Columbus!‘ I didn’t realize how funny that was until I became a parent myself and said it.” —Janet Elise

28. “I say ‘darn‘ a lot. So when we moved to a new city and I got lost trying to figure out the GPS directions, I’d yell ‘darn!’ every few seconds. It got so much that my oldest just assumed that yelling ‘darn’ was just a part of driving, like turning on the blinker.” —Rosalie Davis

29. “I normally swear like a sailor. But there are some moments when even four-letter words aren’t enough to express my feelings. In those cases, ironically, I yell ‘ALL THE SWEARS!’. Which doesn’t technically have any curse words in it at all!” —Marste McDonald

30. “A colleague and I were brainstorming ideas for curse words you could say in front of her young kids at home. ‘Shootskis‘ was a favorite. So was ‘fahrfegnugen.’ The best part was though is everyone started saying them in the office too!” —Lara Wiz

31. “‘Sugar Honey Ice Tea!‘ is my favorite because it’s cute for kids but adults can quickly figure out it’s an acronym!” —Anne Poirier

32. “At three feet tall, my youngest is the perfect height to nail my very patient husband right in his tender parts. He yells ‘sunny beaches!’ or ‘fudgenuts!‘. Depending on how hard the hit was, there might be some real ones mixed in too!” —Marianne Farquhar

33. “My husband and I have four daughters so ‘oh my hell…o kitty‘ has come out of our mouths more than once!” —Nicole Westenskow

34. “‘Mother trucker!‘ is my favorite kid-safe curse word to use around my two young daughters.” —Jennie Berglund

35. “My grandmother used to say ‘god d*mnit’ quite frequently, until the grandkids came along. I grew up hearing her yell ‘God… bless America!‘ I always wondered why she sounded so angry about America.” —Adrianne McMahon

36. “I almost don’t want to admit I actually say this but here goes. ‘Oh my freakin’ heck!‘” —Kacy Moller

37. “If I want to curse and don’t want my kids to hear it, I just swear in German. ‘Schiesse‘ is my favorite. It means sh*t but sounds so much nicer!” —Jill Fairchild

And if you find you can’t stop cursing, don’t sweat it. Turns out swearing is one of the weird habits that means your smarter than everyone else.

Original Source -> 37 Hilarious Phrases Parents Say to Avoid Cursing in Front of Kids

source https://www.seniorbrief.com/37-hilarious-phrases-parents-say-to-avoid-cursing-in-front-of-kids/