#the hat is staying on through sheer force of will <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[dean-smiths-suspenders]

y’all remember when cas had a female vessel…she’s here she was drawn in a frenzy and she’s ready to fuck shit up !

[lay-z]

🎁 Day 1 ‒ All I want for Christmas (is you)

Synopsis: It’s been several long, dark months since John got shot by Makarov and dealing with the aftermath of that would have truly been nothing but gruesome if it wasn’t for the one constant ray of sunshine who refuses to be pushed or send away.

Pairing: John Soap MacTavish x fem!Reader Warnings/Info: NSFW, 18+ | John’s POV; military!Reader; friends to lovers, cussing; minor angst; tw:depression + suicidal thoughts; humour, medical inaccuracies; dirty talk; mild degradation; praise kink; hand job; fluff; happy end (literally)

Word count: 4.1k

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John used to love Christmas season; back when he wasn’t stuck in a military hospital, alone and crippled. Back when he was still able to spend it at home with family or, hell, even in the field dodging bullets and grenades with his comrades.

This year, though, he can’t seem to be able to escape it, no matter what he does. The bloody Christmas spirit is being shoved down his throat and pushed into his grumpy mug wherever he looks, wherever he tries to hobble away on his crutches with his bad leg.

Every hallway, every door and every goddamn window is decorated excessively and there’s Christmas music playing everywhere, whether it’s the classics or some bullshit cover.

It’s almost cruel, John thinks, trying to sugar-coat a place like this while most of its clientele would probably rather die than continue to suffer through the misery they find themselves in.

John certainly finds himself wanting to simply end it all more often than usual nowadays.

No, he really doesn’t feel like celebrating.

His head aches terribly today, one of those post-traumatic headaches again, and he’s sure his skull will detonate the next time he’s forced to listen to Mariah Carey’s Christmas hymn from hell, so he keeps to his private hospital room and refuses to leave it tonight.

The chipper nurses on duty this evening, wearing their corny Christmas sweaters and silly little Santa hats, have already brought him his meds along with the poor excuse of a "Christmas feast dinner", though he can’t really complain about the latter; John has eaten much worse grub in his military days.

Now, he’s all by himself, staring at the ceiling and twiddling thumbs in his dimly lit room – too clinical and sterile to be considered homely, though he’s been moved from a normal hospital room to one in the rehabilitation ward for his permanent residency two months ago.

The silence is only broken by the muffled sounds of the nurse’s chatter and jolly cackles and soft Christmas music coming through his room door from the reception desk down the hallway.

And when that sudden familiar wave of loneliness and realization crashes over him, suffocating and gut-wrenching as usual though somehow worse than all the times before, there’s a small part of him that he couldn’t kill yet that yearns for your sheer presence in this moment.

Feisty, smartass, cheeky, terribly witty and beautiful you, who’s been refusing to stay away from him since he woke up from that bloody coma after he got shot by that prick; no matter how annoying and rude he is towards you. No matter how many time he has straight up told you to piss off, to move on, and to live your bloody life without him in it, even if it kills him inside every time.

Even if the sheer thought of you with another man or simply moving on from a miserable bastard like him can shatter his heart into a million tiny pieces.

Yes, deep down, John is selfish when it comes to you, and his heart clenches painfully as his dark thoughts begin to spiral again; he groans when his head throbs with more waves of dull pain, even though he already took his painkillers.

“Fuuuck me.” He cusses under his breath, his voice raspy and low from lack of usage today, as he reaches for his bed gallows with his right arm to help himself sit up in his hospital bed.

Glancing at the digital clock on his nightstand to his right, the time reads 20:33 p.m., which means visiting hours are long over anyway, so – stop getting your fucking hopes up, MacTavish!

You’re most likely deployed, because war and terrorism don’t take holidays off, or perhaps you’re stuck on base on standby, but God, he prays you’re just at home; safe and sound for his sake. After all, it’s been weeks since he’s last seen you, days since your last phone call.

A sudden timid knock against his room door makes him flinch first and then groan internally next.

John can only assume which of the nurses it will be. Probably the elderly one, Mrs. Bishop, who can’t stop fussing over him as if he’s some incontinent toddler asking him if he wants some eggnog or some crap like that. He secretly appreciates it, though, but no one could ever make him admit that.

“Johnny?”

However, it’s your voice, your beautiful voice, which calls out to him from the other side of the door, and for a moment John seizes up on his bed, wondering if he’s finally lost his mind, because it certainly can’t–

“Johnny, can I come in?”

Another few soft knocks follow and John’s throat feels like sandpaper when he swallows thickly before answering in a hurry as if you’d simply disappear within seconds if he doesn’t manage to open his stupid mouth immediately.

“Aye!” He calls out hoarsely, grunting softly as he tries to sit up a little straighter while he runs a nervous hand through his short cropped hair to make himself look more presentable, “Ah, yes, lass!”

When the door to the room finally opens and you’re revealed, standing in the doorway with that familiar, cheeky grin of yours while the bright hallway light illuminates you from behind, John’s heart stutters in his chest, because fuckin’ hell, – you look like an angel.

Shutting the door behind you with a soft click, your pretty eyes seem to twinkle in the dim light of his room.

“Hello there, Sergeant. Sorry, ’m late.”

His chest heaves slowly with shallow breaths and he feels like pinching or treating himself to a knuckle sandwich, because this can’t be real. You cannot truly be here right now, standing at the end of his bloody hospital bed. This must be some cruel hallucination, some proof that he has lost his mind at last.

“Cat got your tongue, hm? Heh.”

John can only watch, shocked and awed, as you saunter further into his room, taking a nonchalant glance around while kicking your boots off, shrugging your winter coat off and placing the bag you’re carrying on an empty chair nearby, like it’s no big deal at all – like you’re not just turning his shitty world upside down right now.

“What’re ye doing?” John eventually manages to ask, more harshly than intended, but you don’t care about his sharp tone anyway.

“Getting more comfortable,” you reply casually, rolling your eyes in mock exasperation as you approach his hospital bed, “Duh.”

And John inhales sharply, nearly flinching away like you just threatened to skin him with a dull combat knife, and blinks at you with wide eyes when you start climbing onto the mattress with him.

“Ach, n-no, lass–“ He hisses, brows furrowing in annoyance at your disarming nonchalance and familiar dry sarcasm of yours.

In the past, John would’ve laughed about your behaviour; he would’ve actively encouraged you to be a pain in the ass, actually, but now? Now that he’s simply not good enough for you anymore.

“Fuckin' hell, lassie,” he grunts as he sits up and makes space for you on the mattress, because he doesn’t trust himself to be that close to you now.

“I meant… What’re ye doing here… right now? Ye- Ye should be home with yer bloody family and friends and–“ His voice fizzles out in a low grumble while he’s unable to even speak aloud what is on his mind, what has been plaguing him for months now, and what makes his chest clench so hard, it always takes his breath away.

…You should be with another man.

However, you simply blink up at him with your fecking doe-eyes, looking way too innocent for all the war atrocities he knows you’ve committed in the past along with him, already snuggled up, hogging the blanket like the gremlin you are; cold tips of your fingers, chilled by the winter breeze outside, brushing against his exposed biceps tentatively, and making him crumble internally like a badly piled up house of cards.

“How did ye even get in here, huh?! Visiting hours are long over.”

You pull the blanket up to your chest before you grab the remote of the TV from his nightstand, pointing it at the flat screen, though John knows that the batteries are dead and needed to be changed like yesterday.

Your answer is way too casual for his liking again and it makes him bristle like a dog, “Your fan girls let me in. Waved me straight through to your room, Johnny-boy; said you could use some cheering up.”

There is a moment of silence where John simply looks at your side profile, admires it… hates it – hates this helplessness that comes with yearning for you so badly that it feels like he’s being ripped apart from the inside out. His 5 o’clock shadowed jaw clenches and unclenches with simmering anger and hurt and frustration, calloused hands fisting the blanket until his knuckles turn white while he tries to keep himself from snapping at you, from reaching out and shaking some sense into your thick skull, from reaching out and hugging you tightly to his chest and never letting go.

His thoughts start spiralling, then. Memories of the past, of you, of his time serving, being part of the 141, the last night he’d shared with you before he got shot, before his possible future got destroyed with one bloody bullet–

“Johnny – don’t.”

Your voice rips into his spiral like a cambrel, digging in and stopping his thoughts from spinning as his blurry eyes focus again when the sudden chill of your palm on his shoulder seeps through his shirt and into his flushed skin, making him shudder.

“Hey, breathe with me, yeah? You’re hyperventilating again,” you coo at him softly, giving his shoulder a few firm squeezes and only then, John realizes that his chest feels tight, that he’s breathing ragged while his heartbeat thuds in his ears.

He’s teetering at the edge of a panic attack, has been for the whole day, and now you’re holding onto the rope that has him hanging at the edge of that cliff, pulling him back with graceful ease like you always do for a reason he doesn’t understand – doesn’t want to understand–

He just cannot understand how you could possibly still want him.

However, John nods regardless, looking at you with wide blue eyes, “A-Aye, lass, ‘m tryin’ to.”

“Atta boy,” you praise and John doesn’t fight it when you pull him into your embrace while you lay down on your back, practically draping his thinner yet still bulky form over your body.

His heart flutters, more relaxed now, as he exhales a long and deep sigh once his face is buried in your soft hoodie, right between your chest. He inhales your scent greedily, can feel your arms snake around his broad shoulders, brushing over his back, one hand coming to gently grip the nape of his neck while the other roams along his spine, nails scratching over his shirt and making his skin pebble with goose flesh underneath the fabric.

And he lays with you like this until you speak up again,

“For a spec ops soldier, you’re pretty daft if you think you can get rid of me that easy, y’know?”

Your voice is husky as you murmur into his ear and to John’s own bewilderment, he lets out a deep groan against your chest, warm breath seeping through your hoodie and making your stomach flutter with the sudden sensation.

He’s so touch-starved, he feels like he’s drowning and getting drunk on you at the same time, wrapped up in your tight embrace for the first time in what feels like way too fucking long.

“Ye shouldn’t be here, lassie. Not tonight anyways.” John retorts petulantly yet rubs his face against your hoodie and resisting the urge to claw his way into your whole being, too stubborn to accept your affection and care just yet, because you can do and deserve so much better than him, but please, – don’t leave me.

“I’m right where I fucking belong, MacTavish. Now, stop being a fucking brat.”

John’s shoulders shake with a gruff chuckle at your playful reprimand, the sound muffled with his face still buried in your hoodie, enjoying the closeness and new source of warmth. Reluctantly, he lifts his head, peeking up at you with one eye, his thick eyebrow raised mischievously. It’s like the tables between you two have turned and it’s strangely exciting.

Almost forgotten are the times when John had you pinned against the wall in some godforsaken safe house in God knows which country or bend over the armrest of the couch in the rec room, making out sloppily and pounding away into your eager cunt.

And then, John dares to speak the words that have driven him half-mad whenever you’d uttered them to him in the past with your pretty pursed lips and a defiant glare to die for:

“… Make me.”

In his state and out of training, John has no time to react before you’ve already pinned him on his back while the hospital bed creaks under the sudden movement and added weight of you two. He huffs and grits his teeth when his head throbs dully, but the sight of you shifting and the feeling of you nudging his thighs apart is enough to distract him from the all too familiar pain.

John grunts when your palms rub over his upper thighs, “What the hell are ye doing now!?”

“Taming that bratty ass of yours, what the fuck does it look like?”

When he tries to sit up again, you push your flat cold palm against his sternum, pushing him back into the pillows with a sharp “Stay!” and to his own dismay, the obedient little soldier in him obliges while his stomach flutters all too happily.

“Stop that,” he bemoans, furrowing his brows at you in a weak glare, though his cobalt blue eyes sparkle with mischief.

And then, when you genuinely laugh in his face, John can feel his neck flush with embarrassment; warmth spreading through his chest and covering his stubbly cheeks while his eyes flicker over your face, memorizing the sight of your bonnie face lighting up with your taunting giggles for when he will be alone again.

“What? I’m not even doing anything yet,” you retort with mock innocence as you descent further down to kneel between his parted thighs more comfortably.

John lets out a breathy groan when you grope and massage his sore legs, his head slumping back against his pillow, “Ye’re doin’ too much already.”

Too much and not enough at the same bloody time.

“Relax, Johnny,” you coo at him sweetly, already tugging down his sweatpants along with his underwear to reveal his rapidly hardening dick, “How long has it been since someone played with your cock, hm? You look like you’re gonna cum when I so much as blow air on it, Sergeant.”

John clenches his jaw and huffs, nostrils flaring with annoyance and chagrin, when he lifts his head to glare down at you while you flutter your eyelashes tauntingly at him, and goddamn does his cock twitch joyfully in turn. You know exactly how long it’s been; you’re the only one, the last one who has touched him. The only one he accepts and wants.

His voice is strained, veins protruding in his neck when he replies, “Ye’re a right arsehole.”

“Shhh,” you shush him, smirking and enjoying the way his whole body jerks when his cock springs free eventually, it’s meaty weight slapping against his lower abdomen with a lewd smack where his shirt has ridden up, exposing his dark happy trail up to the coarse hair covering his chest.

“Still the prettiest cock I’ve ever seen, Sergeant. Fuck.”

Your praise and taunts, and the way you keep calling him by his former rank go straight to his head; warming his body down to his toes and making his balls ache with the pressure to release.

“Suck it if ye think it’s that bonnie.”

You snort, shooting him a playful glare as you poke your tongue into your cheek, and John knows that look, knows that you’re pondering the best way to punish him and it makes his heart race with excitement and anticipation. He knows he cannot possibly be making any demands right now; he’s already floating on cloud nine by your sheer presence alone.

And yet, he lifts an eyebrow challengingly, non-verbally asking you Well?, and in this moment, it almost feels like nothing has ever changed.

His breath stutters in his chest, eyes going comically wide, when you grasp his thick shaft suddenly and lean forward to let a generous glob of spit drop from your tongue right onto his flushed tip. It’s the hottest thing he’s seen since the last time he was able to take you reversed cowgirl to watch your ass cheeks bounce while his cock disappeared into your dripping cunt.

John’s head tilts back, body going taut as he props himself up on his elbows, “O-Oh Steamin’ Jesus – f-fuck!“

You chuckle lowly, licking your lips hungrily before you chide him, “Be quiet or the nurses might hear us. They told me to be nice to you and am I not being so nice to you right now, Johnny-boy?”

It only takes three, four slow and firm pumps of your fist from root to tip to have John leaking pre-cum like a faucet; his balls tightening at the stimulation as his cock is finally, finally touched by you after weeks of neglect. Leaving him no time to adjust, you start stroking him faster, twisting your wrist deliciously as you go up and down his cock; swiping your thumb over his sensitive tip teasingly until his legs are trembling and writhing on the mattress.

His hips buck into your hand around his length, his toes curling as the familiar heat starts blossoming at the base of his spine already, so he tries to focus on your other hand as it squeezes his upper thigh while your nails dig into his skin, leaving a sharp sting.

“Please, I’m… ‘m gonna – ah! – gonna cum, hen.”

You lean forward, eyes twinkling with affection and mischief as your free hand glides over his stomach, over the soft bit of pudge right below his naval that has been developing since he was forced to stop working out, though you don’t seem to mind as you caress him lovingly and continue to jerk him off skilfully, your voice but a gentle purr as you coax him on,

“Do it, baby. I’m right here to catch ya.”

John screws his eyes shut, his hands grabbing at the blanket and the hospital bed’s metal frame; knuckles whitening with the effort not to bust all over you like some inexperienced virgin, but oh god, he’s weak and sad and you’re being so so good to him, too good, in fact. He’s trying not to fall into a hole of self-loathing again, he knows he’d go limp in your hand if he’d let his mind wander now; teetering at the edge of coming too hard or not at all again.

“Hey, stop that,” you chastise him eventually, bringing him right back to reality when you pinch his belly and give his cockhead a squeeze that has him gasping, “Stop overthinking.”

How do you know? How can you still read him so effortlessly?

John whines and it’s a sound he’s most likely never made before. He can see your face light up with pure adoration, but he thinks himself utterly pathetic.

“Johnny… I love you. I got your six… always.”

Your soft-spoken, almost desperate declaration paired with the salacious, slick sounds of your soft hand pumping his throbbing cock faster, are his undoing at last, and his climax hits him like a sledgehammer to the chest, knocking the air right out his lungs while his spine arches and his eyes roll back so far that his vision goes black momentarily.

Forgotten are his headache and those dark thoughts plaguing him while John paints his stomach white, makes a mess on his rucked up shirt and spills over your knuckles with each tight throb of his thick cock. He’s left quaking and trembling, breathing raggedly while muttering Scottish curses under his breath, trying to gather his bearings.

“F-Fuck… fuck, fuck–“

His gaze flickers down, half-lidded and hazy blue eyes meeting yours, shining brightly with fluttering lashes while your hand keeps stroking and caressing his softening, twitching length adoringly.

“C’mere,” John beckons hoarsely, patting his chest invitingly, “Come up here. Right now.”

He reaches for your elbow as you sit up on your knees, looking for something to clean up with, but John is impatient and desperate, and he tugs on your arm with urgency, shaking his head.

“We’ve made worse messes before. Come. Here.” He repeats, more sternly, though he adds a soft “Please” for good measure.

Once his sated cock is tucked away into his briefs again and most of his cum is wiped away with some tissues, you crawl up his body, lying down next to him while John does his best to roll onto his side to face you.

His hand comes up to cup the side of your beautiful face and he allows himself to simply look at you for a moment before he feels his emotions taking over and his throat tightens painfully as he begins to choke up.

“I meant it,” you speak softly before he can get any words out, cupping your own hand over his still resting on your face, “I love you and I hate that you don’t believe me, that you think you don’t deserve it anymore, because of what happened to you.”

John swallows thickly as he processes your raw admission, eyes welling up with tears as the weight of his doubts and insecurities is slowly lifted off his shoulders.

“I need you.” He admits and his voice is cracking already, so he swallows hard again and takes a deep breath to gather the much needed courage to speak his next words,

“I can’t do this and I know – I know it’s fuckin’ selfish, but I can’t – I don’t want to live without ye, hen,” he rambles, shaky breaths catching and stuttering as he spills his heart out to you,

“I love ye, too. So fuckin’ much it hurts.“

And then, you lunge forward, closing the short distance between his face and yours to crash your lips together in a deep, meaningful kiss. John moans in relief, eyelids fluttering shut as he parts his lips all too willingly to welcome your warm tongue in.

It’s been way too long since he felt your lips on his, tasted your essence, and enjoyed your touch and company.

Now, John feels like he’s coming up for air after months of drowning in darkness, like he could take on the world and become his old self again as long as you’re with him on this journey.

His heart flutters violently when your fingers rake through his hair, not quite his signature Mohawk anymore but buzzed short, and his breath hitches when you’re extra mindful of the healing scar on his temple. Then, you grasp the nape of his neck to pull him closer, noses bumping together sweetly as you two try to coordinate and get back into the rhythm you two had perfected before everything really went to shit for the first time.

After a long, necessary moment, you and he pull back simultaneously, breathing heavy with raw kissed lips and his cock chuffing back to life inside his briefs.

“No matter what, we’ll get through this together.”

A moment of silence passes as he lies with you, facing each other in the dim light of his hospital room, and there is so much more John wants to say and promise, speak of plans of the future he hopes he will be sharing with you, but then, he simply nods obediently.

The genuine smile you flash him is breathtakingly beautiful and John’s arm curls even tighter around your waist, tucking you closer against his chest to make sure you’re real, that you won’t leave.

“Merry Christmas, Johnny.”