#the harder i think the more questions i have

[slightly-knot-insane]

A Little Bit Rusty [part 2]

[ m!monster x fem!reader ]

a/n: continuation of this short drabble, now with more plot, hehe. also, i imagined this monster as some kind of dinosaur hybrid, but i'll still keep it vague enough for readers to imagine whatever they like ^^ content: nsfw, some steamy moments with clothes on, fingering

You left his apartment before he woke up, figuring it will be less awkward than to have breakfast together and spend the morning in silence avoiding each other's gaze. The night was so good, though, you think as you enter the museum, your workplace.

It's hard to focus on paperwork you left unfinished yesterday in order to have fun with your co-worker, aka supervisor, aka mentor. It's very hard not to think about his long monstrous tongue or his teeth biting your inner thighs.

"Good morning..." You jolt up immediately recognizing your mentor's voice. You didn't notice when he entered the office. He is standing a few steps away from you, like you have a disease. "Are you... okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" You are truly surprised with his question. Last night was fantastic.

He suddenly stands with his back straighter than before - if that's even possible. "R-right. Good to know." And then basically runs away.

Maybe he didn't have such a good time? He sure didn't act unsatisfied. You chuckle looking at him trip over his own legs.

It's a busy day, Saturday, and the museum is full of people. You both have tours to lead, but since you only started working, you are mostly free or assisting him.

You actually love listening to him, since he's very eloquent when talking about archaeological findings, especially about bones. He is especially charming with kids and can make them laugh easily. But as soon as he lays his eyes on you, he blushes or stutters. It's so entertaining seeing him flustered you can't help but on purposely make his job even harder.

You shorten your skirt, pull your blouse down to expose your bosom, and tighten the belt around your waist to accentuate your curves even more. When he sees you the next time, his jaw drops like a malfunctioning lid. Luckily, his group is enjoying some free time exploring the science room so he has time to quickly approach you.

"You, um..." he tries to form words, ask you something very polite probably, but you bite your lip and his pupils dangerously dilate.

He pushes you behind 'staff only' little door in the next room and shoves your body against the wall. It is so cramped in there and you can't move - not that you want to. This 'rusty old man' how he called himself, is all but out of practice, and you get wet just thinking about what he could do to you right now.

"I'm not blind," he growls and pushes his clawed hand into your hair pulling your head backwards. He licks your neck along your jugular. "You're toying with me."

"You think?" your sarcastic remark is cut short by his hand sliding between your thick thighs and lightly touching your mons pubis.

"Why did you leave this morning?" he asks you but doesn't let you answer because he pushes his tongue inside your mouth. All you can do is moan and suck. "Why?" he repeats letting you catch your breath.

"I-I'm not sure," you reply, mind hazy, "I wanted us to think about everything, I guess. Analyze things."

"I see," he hums as his finger slithers inside your panties and rubs your lewdness while his other hand grips your hips. "I recon we're both done thinking."

He pulls his finger out and licks it with the tip of his tongue. Your pussy throbs.

"We should get back to work," he says, blushing again, returning to his old flustered self... and kisses his wet finger before exiting the storage room with a naughty wink.

[ third part coming soon! ]

[afterglowkatie]

too early? | k.m./c.f.

katie mccabe x caitlin foord x child!reader | 1.1k | it's never too early for christmas

ˏˋ°•*⁀ this is part of my new little starfish universe. i hope y'all like it and it makes up for the lack of fics lately!

‘Don’t you think it’s a bit early for that,’ Caitlin had come home to see the entire lounge covered in tinsel and christmas tree decorations with both you and Katie in the middle of it all singing and dancing to christmas music while putting up the christmas tree. 

Even if your mummy thought it was too early for christmas, she still cracked a smile at how adorable her two girls looked dressed up in christmas clothing, your hair in two little pigtails with tinsel wrapped around. Poor Coopurr was even dressed up and whenever he tried to sneak away you would grab him back until he curled up on the couch accepting his fate.

‘Mummy!’ You dropped everything in your hands, trying to run over to Caitlin despite all the obstacles in your way. Caitlin bent down, arms out, you always would run into her arms and she’d pick you up. But you stopped right before, ‘It’s never too early for Christmas, Mummy!’ Caitlin held back a little laugh, it was hard when you stood in front of her your arms crossed, with a little pout and your eyebrows furrowed. 

What made it even harder for Caitlin to not laugh was the fact Katie was a bit behind you with the same expression on her face, ‘Oh is that right?’ Disbelief flashed across your face at the thought your mummy would question you before a cheeky grin took over. You grabbed a handful of tinsel and threw it on top of Caitlin. With her still kneeling she ended up covered head to toe in tinsel.

‘Much better!’ You grinned, happy with yourself, grabbing hold of your mummy’s hand, ‘Come help me and mammy,’ The three of you finished decorating the christmas tree. Your mummy lifted you so you could reach the top of the tree so you could put the star on, with some help from your mammy of course.

‘Starfish,’ Your mammy called from the kitchen, she’d gone to make the three of you some hot chocolates while you and your mummy picked out a christmas movie for the three of you to watch. It didn’t take long for Caitlin to give up on the ‘it’s too early to start christmas’ since she was out numbered anyway. As soon as November hit it was time for Christmas.

You slid off of your mummy’s lap and made your way towards the kitchen, ‘Do you wanna show mummy what we got today?’ Katie handed you a little bag, your eyes lit up. You’d almost forgotten what you’d bought today while it was just you and mammy. Before you could run off your mammy reminded you to be careful, you walked carefully back to your mummy, you didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

Katie was close behind you, somehow balancing the three hot chocolates, ‘Starfish and I have a surprise for you love,’ While leaning forward, handing Caitlin one of the hot chocolates she snuck in a little kiss. Smiling at each other, Katie attempted to sit next to Caitlin but it didn’t last long before you wedged yourself in between the pair. 

‘What you got there, starfish?’ Your mummy nodded towards the bag you were holding up while you were wiggling your way between them.

You held the bag away from Caitlin when she pretended to try to look inside the bag, ‘Close your eyes mummy,’ Katie leaned over to cover Caitlin’s eyes making sure she wasn’t peeking, ‘Mammy says be careful,’ Your mummy let out a little chuckle, whenever you wanted to come across more serious you always brought Katie into it. It was like if you said that your mammy said it then no one could ever go against it, you were the exception to that though with the amount of times you liked to push your mammy’s buttons.

Your mummy held her hands out and you carefully took out the little bauble and placed it in Caitlin’s hands. You picked out the colours and how it was decorated and personalised. You were quite proud of yourself, it was just like the ones you and your mammy had on the tree already. 

You sat back in your mammy’s lap, her hands leaving Caitlin’s eyes to wrap around you. Caitlin opened her eyes and instantly teared up at the present in her hands. Her smile reached her eyes, looking between you and the bauble. The bauble in Caitlin’s hands was forest green with silver writing on it, ‘mummy’ with the year underneath it was written across with little snowflakes all around.

The year was this year, when you started calling Caitlin mum/mummy. It matched the one you had with your name and the year you were born, along with Katie’s ‘mammy’ bauble. When you were getting it made Katie couldn’t decide between matching the year with yours and hers but she decided it would mean a bit more having the year you officially started calling Caitlin your mum.

‘Do you like it?’ You asked when you thought your mummy was silent for too long. Caitlin was taking it all in, processing everything. She was so grateful for the little family she had with you and Katie, forever thankful for being allowed to love and be loved by both you and Katie.

‘Starfish, I don’t like it. I love it,’ Caitlin had to add that she loves it quickly, seeing your face start to drop and the warning glare Katie started to send Caitlin’s way, ‘Come here,’ Your mummy gently gave your mammy the bauble to keep safe and scoped you up into her lap, her arms wrapping around you tightly, ‘I love you and I love the present so so much Starfish,’ 

You cuddled into your mummy, Caitlin glanced towards Katie, a smile thrown her way with a little thank you mouthed. Katie placed the bauble down where it would stay safe and threw herself on top of the two of you, joining in on the cuddles. ‘Mammy,’ you laughed out but wiggled enough to wrap one of your arms around your mammy as well. 

Eventually you grew impatient and wanted to see the bauble join yours and mammy’s on the tree. Caitlin stood up, holding you on her hip while she got the bauble, you reached out for your mammy’s hand, holding it while you all stood in front of the tree. The third bauble was the perfect addition and soon enough the three of you would be adding a fourth and who knows after that.

Both Katie and Caitlin’s hearts were full as the three of you cuddled up together on the couch, watching Christmas movies, movies that only Caitlin would stay awake throughout while her two girls fell asleep either side of her. Caitlin smiled, giving a small kiss to yours and your mammy’s foreheads while you slept. Life was perfect, even if Christmas started coming earlier and earlier every year.

[katiascraft]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ "Maybe i should've told you i miss you. But i don't know if you feel the same" | OP81 ✧₊⁺

parings: oscar piastri x singer!reader

summary: your insecurities lead to lose the love of your life, but destiny always play its worst (or best) cards for you. in the aftermath of it all, two souls become one (again). or that's what you'd like.

inspired by: gracie abrams music ⤦

⟢ ‘almost said I miss you’ EP: tracklist

➥ track 1 - mean it

➥ track 2 - stay

➥ track 3- I miss you, I’m sorry

word count: 6k.

warnings: angst. and a little fluff. mentions of insecurieties, trauma and depression. not a native english speaker so there could be (so many) erros. not proofread.

MASTERLIST

「 ✦ The ticking clock ✦ 」

You took a deep breath. Your hands were shaking and your stress levels were at their peak.

“You are always picking fights, y/n. I'm tired, "Oscar said, clearly annoyed. Is not that you always fought or had a toxic relationship, no. but lately, things got harder between you two. Stupid fights now and then. Dead silence that creeps you out everytime. Coldness was the new dynamic you had going on. And it hurts.

Everyday hurts lately.

“Oscar, I'm not always picking fights. For fucks sake, just wanted to know why you are so cold all the time to me!” you didn't want to raise your tone but desperation never took the best out of you. He was shocked, his head disapproving. Probably done with all of this. Done with you. You didn't want to admit it but maybe it was true. 

“I'm not being cold to you, y/n. I already explained it to you: I'm tired. My job it's complicated enough to come home to be even more complicated. Just stop” he said leaving the kitchen, leaving you behind hanging in your words. That made you so you followed him down to the living room. 

“Oscar, don't leave me talking alone, please! Why do you always have to run away? I have feelings actually you know? I would love to express them to my lover so we can have a proper conversation, what do you think about that?”

“y/n, bullshit. Don't act like I'm a monster who doesn't listen to you. If i didnt we wouldn't have this argument. Stop playing the victim for once. You don't hear me out either anyway” he gritted his teeth trying not to follow you down with your anger. He didn't want to raise his voice towards you. 

“Playing victim? You're an impossible oscar. I only asked you a fucking question, what did i do wrong for you to ignore me and act so cold? And you said you're just tired and that's bullshit” you were so angry by now. Offended. Hurt by his words. Hurt by the fact you were happy once and now everything is falling apart. You never hurt this deep before. 

“It's not!” he couldn't anymore with all of this. He didn't want to raise his voice but you made him feel exasperated. “You see? You don't trust me! Im telling you im just tired and you say its bullshit and then you play the victim card that i dont listen to you and im a fucking monster? I see how things go now. I'm done” he didn't even want to look at you. He just sat on the sofa looking at the floor. But you heard what he said under his breath. What you were most scared of what’s happening. 

You started crying out of desperation, anxious that all of this was gonna end right there and then. You just left him there and went back to the kitchen as if that way he wouldn't see nor hear you crying. You just couldn't keep talking or being around him. Your heart was sinking.

He sighed frustrated and stood up sprinting to his studio and banging the door. You gasped hearing the door closing so violently. No that he noticed what he said. Nor that he cared you thought he didnt care you anymore, that was for sure. 

(...)

You haven't talked to Oscar since yesterday. He didn't sleep at your shared apartment. He said he didn't want to see you. That hurt a lot. Your heart was already broken. You didn't know what to do anymore. You've been on this rabbit hole for several months. You didn't understand what broke between you or when it was. You felt confused, lonely and scared. What would your whole life be without him? Once, you only wrote love songs because what you felt for him was beyond what your body could handle so you needed to take it out. Now, you didn't write anything for months. You felt too much sadness, it felt like you didn't feel anything at all. Just emptiness. 

You were playing with your food, not really that hungry that you thought you would be. Another night alone without him. Would life be like this when he gets rid of me? I don't wanna leave. 

The doorbell rang. You frowned, not sure who it could be knowing it was almost 10pm and I couldn't sleep (just as yesterday and every time you had an argument with him). You looked through the little visor of the door seeing your boyfriend was back home. But telling from the look on his face, things wouldn't be better anyway. You opened the door after taking a deep breath not sure if you would survive another fight. 

You two just looked at each other for a few seconds. Probably analyzing how you were feeling now that 2 days have passed by. Neither of you smiled. Not that you had the energy or a reason to anymore. You moved from the door so he could get into the apartment and closed the door once he was in. 

“Did I wake you up?” he asked quietly. You swallowed hard not knowing what to say by this point.

“I can't sleep since you are gone, so. No, you didn't” you didn't want to sound cold, especially after you fought because he was acting like that with you,but you felt like shit and didnt have energy to pretend you were okay with it all. You felt miserable. He nodded without saying a word and looked at the floor for a moment. 

After a moment of really uncomfortable silence you broke it with something you didn't even think would slip out your mouth “are you seeing someone else, oscar?” your words cut through him as if they were sharp glass pieces just thrown directly at him. 

“What?” He was surprised and hurt that you thought about him like that. You shrug.

“I mean, it's not that you don't kiss me anymore, so.and i think you're not tired because of your job, i think you're just bored of me, tired of me, done with me” you sat on the kitchen table again. He followed you there but stayed standard. He was confused and hurt now. 

“When did I ever say that to you?” he was tired of all of this, for sure. But he wanted to make things work with you. He just didn't know how to.  It was hard for him to understand you, but he was trying. He finally sat in front of you staring at your plate. It was full, you kept playing with your doodles, pretending to eat like you used to. He felt so guilty for all of this. He knew at that moment. That he broke you. He didn't know how or when but he did. His face softened in sadness.

“You said it. You said you were done and you know what? I get it. I mean, it's not as if I am easy to love. I know I'm complicated and a pain in the ass for everyone so I wouldn't be surprised if you found someone else that makes you happy for real and you don't wanna tell me out of pity. I'm ready to hear it though. Just say it” your voice was empty and plain no emotion detected just numbness. He didn't want to think it was too late. It Has been a long time since he has seen you like this. At that time it wasn't him who made you feel like it. 

“I didn't mean to say it, y/N. I Was tired because of work and fighting with you. I don't like fighting with you. I wanna make things right, please. I wouldn't ever do that to you, you know it” he explained desperate for a moment. He wanted you to believe him. But your face didn't say anything. He couldn't read you and made him scared. You looked unbothered, way far gone now.  

You shook your head “i know you mean it and i know you are tired, but i don't think you really want to be with me anymore” your sincerity cut like a knife in both of you. Like, you over thought a lot about it but it still hurt. He was lost and didn't know what was going on anymore or was going through all of that. “You didn't deny it either” you continued.

“I'm not with anyone else, y/N, please” he cut you off with his deep voice, kind of cracky now. 

(...) 

You just didn't know how you ended up moaning his name once more. His mouth is in your centre. His hands are grabbing your tights. Your fingers on his hair.

How easy is it, right? To love someone. One moment, you destroy them.. Then, you fix them with makeup sex. Making them see the stars so they forget how shitty things are. So that pleasure it's more important than gentle affection. Always pretending to be sane then doing insane shit like this as if memory didn't exist when it came to you and him. As if feeling him inside you was the only thing that could fix your mind. That it was the only way to communicate properly. As if it was your love language, then ignore each other. 

His hands of your body grabbing you as if you were about to break and he was trying to keep all of your pieces together. As if he could save you or your relationship that was already 10 feet down buried. He would like to think sex could fix it. That it was the best way to communicate if then you didn't trust him. He was hurt and you didn't trust him. You were hurt because he didn't love you anymore. Unfortunately, your minds couldn't agree. You were the love of his life, he wanted to help and make you trust him. But you just didn't, you already convinced yourself he didn't love you anymore and that everyone was better than you. He wanted a team when you just wanted to run away from him. Or from yourself?

「 ✦ Destruction ✦ 」

“I'm done with you for real, y/n! Everytime an important day comes for me, you just like to ruin it!” He was mad as hell. Fed up with all your bullshit. 

“You really think I do it on purpose? oscar! “ He left the room so you started following him around your shared apartment. “I wouldn't if you didn't ignore like you always do! I don't know what to do anymore! Nothing seems enough for you!” you started crying out. Your heart couldn't take it anymore and this time it felt different. So much different than any time before.

“Why is it always my fault? Why am I always the one doing something wrong? The only thing you do is complain about me and then you just want me to kiss you?! You are insane!” His words cut you deep, so deep you thought they cut you in half and you were nothing anymore. You couldn't breathe for a moment. He called you insane just the way your parents made you feel your whole life. Maybe they were right after all. You deserved all of those years in a psychiatric hospital. You deserved even when he

 was the first one to say your parents were monsters and you were more than okay. More than normal. More than lovable. How ironic, right?You wanted to laugh but couldn't. You just couldn't move. 

Oscar realised what he said. He knew when he saw you. He felt terrible at that moment.

“Look, y/n i-” you cut him not wanting to listen to him anymore. 

“Dont talk” you said shaky under your breath. You had to sit down on the sofa because you felt you were about to faint. In shock - a lot of moments of your relationship replayed in your head. How could someone who said he loved you more than anything and anyone, end up thinking just as your parents? It was your fault. Of course it was. How could you ever think someone would love you? You were miserable. How can someone love a miserable person? 

Oscar started breathing heavily and he had to sit on the floor trying to calm down. He is always so collected and rational, these kinds of feelings he had never experienced, not even with his ex. 

“We can't be together Oscar, I make you miserable. And you're right. I'm insane, how could someone love me right? No one wants to deal with my bullshit, not even myself” you said quietly. His throat closed for a moment. He remained in silence for a few seconds processing your words. You didn't look at each other, you couldn't. Guess this was it. How sad, right? Oscar started crying realizing what was about to come.

“I promise y/N, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it that way. You aren't hard to love, actually the opposite. But yeah, i don't think this is working for us anymore whether i like it or not” he said wiping his tears away of his face as he could. 

You nodded even though you didn't hear a word he said. It was over. Your life is over.

「 ✦ time heals it all, right? ✦ 」

It's been exactly 8 months and 25 days since you and Oscar were not together anymore. Yes, you had a countdown. You created it to see how far you’ll survive because you didn't believe you would last this much. You thought your life was over and for a few weeks it was. You didn't get out of bed. The break up depression, i guess. Your friends suggested you go back to therapy because they were really worried about you and your mental health. They knew how much Oscar meant to you: he was your everything. And to be honest, that was your first mistake going into the relationship with him. 

You shouldn't have made him your everything because you were nothing suddenly when you left. You didn't know who you were without him, what you liked or what you would like to be. All of your future plans had him in them. There wasn't a future without him. He was everywhere in your life. You shaped your destiny around him. You wanted to get married and have kids with him. And you never wanted to be a mother but he had changed that until he was gone. 

You couldn't go back to dating. You tried but failed every time. You were a little too afraid to get hurt again. You had to work through your insecurities and traumas first. There was a lot of your history that needed to be let go. You needed to go through really ugly times in your past to find some perspective. Forgive yourself, putting yourself first, understanding yourself. You just worked on knowing you and becoming the person you always wanted. 

And you grew and changed so much. You felt proud of yourself. You started writing again. Creating was the best way to mourn your relationship with Oscar alongside your old self that left him. To mourn that part of you that is gone forever. Creating was what kept you sane all this time. What brought you back to life. You wrote so many songs about him. Blaming you, blaming him. Blaming the universe for not putting it easier on you. 

So music, once again, saved your life. 

Oscar’s life changed drastically. Not only by the fact he didn't have you anymore on the paddock to cheer him on, but also he didn't have you in his apartment to share his life with. He missed you everyday he woke up to an empty bed. Mourning what you had changed him forever. He blamed himself for not knowing how to get to you, how to understand you and be able to help you through it. So he started reading about psychology to learn how to understand people better. He wanted to improve his emotional intelligence. He knew that maybe you wouldn't be there anymore, probably forever, but at least he could be better to the people around him. 

He didn't date anyone. His way of mourning was trying not to think about it occupying his space and time with work and training and racing and reading. He couldn't do anything else.  

He always found himself not being able to think, wondering where you were and especially how you were. After that night, you went to cero contact. And he knew it was the best, but he couldn't get you out of his head yet. He felt guilty knowing that he can understand your needs better when it's a little too late. He just wished to press rewind and do it again but the right way this time. He knew it was impossible and that dug a hole in his heart. He knew that it would be there forever. You were the love of his life. He really thought he couldn't love anyone that way, ever again. You were a force of nature for him. Blowing him away every single time. 

You never went back to races. He knew how much you adored the sport and how in another life you would have loved to be an engineer. You dreamed of one day to see a woman on the podium. You actually sponsored two girls from F1 Academy. The boys didn't see you again either. Actually he knew you did see lando a few times because you two became really close during your relationship, but lando always lied and told him that he didn't see you. He knew Lando was trying to be a good friend. He even tried to introduce Oscar to some girls but it never worked. He tried though. But he found himself thinking that he was kissing it was you. It was heartbreaking to see. He was kind of stuck on you. 

So he decided he would take his time to grow and figure out who he was by himself. Find comfort in his own company. Doing dates  by himself. He found it cringe to call it that way but his therapist insisted on calling it that way so he could deprogram himself from you and anything and everything related to you. 

He was proud of himself though. He was doing alright again, actually enjoying his job, his friends, and his own company. He even won races, he did podiums and everything he dreamed of. But still, he hoped you didn't feel like you needed to leave to let him shine. He wished you were there every time to hug you and shower you in  champagne. 

He really missed you in his life.

「 ✦ Too far gone, don’t know where we started ✦ 」

So here you were more than a year later at the Azerbaijan GP 2024. The Mercedes team invited you as a star guest so you came with your friend because alone you would have died. Actually, before coming to the paddock you had an anxiety attack and if it wasn't for your friend who made sure you felt safe and okay to go, you would’ve been on a plane back home. It was the first time since you broke up with Oscar you felt okay enough to be able to go through it. You were invited by different teams at least 15 times now. But you always lied and said you couldn't make it. You just needed to stay at home or the studio writing as far as possible from oscar and anything related to him. But you went through all of that with your therapist and she said that if you liked the sport and you really enjoyed races or anything related to it, you shouldn't let Oscar or the thought of him or what happened, deprive you of it. 

It was sunday, you preferred not to come on friday or saturday just because there were more possibilities you would bump into him. And you just weren't ready to see him. The race was insane so far. Actually, Oscar was doing more than okay. Your heart was pounding, you could hear it loud and clear. Your best friend held your hand all the time in that garage so you don't forget she’s there for you. And that you’re okay.  You knew you shouldn't be afraid of him because he was an angel. But you were scared of yourself and how would you handle that situation. You came to terms that actually, everything that happened between him and you, it was that your insecurities just made everything so toxic that he couldn't handle it all. It didn't feel good when you realised that but it is what it is. You didn't know better and forgiving yourself for that was the hardest part of the process. 

You squeezed your best friend's hand, it was the last lap. Your heart is almost out of your body. You are wearing an old Oscar hoodie. You really liked it, plus you came here looking like shit in your opinion. You didn't even brush your hair nor that you needed it like before, now your hair is super short. Everyone in the garage was watching closely and before you could actually process what you ‘ve just seen. Your friends shouted “omg” in unison not believing what they saw.

Destiny had its twisted ways to be honest. Osca won the race. he won. You were just shocked. 

You were here and he won, like, what are the chances of that to happen actually? First race you’re back and he wins. and in that way. Your friends hugged you. 

“Holy shit that 's really insane shit” Nikola said, watching the screens at the garage. 

“We need to go guys, i don't wanna see him, please” you didn't know why you started to panic like that. Sonny looked at Nikola and just got you out of there. 

At the Mercedes hospitality you felt safe while the celebrations were held. There was no reason or chance Oscar walked into the Mercedes building, right?  You were drinking some coffee with you girls trying to focus on the conversation about any other driver but Oscar, just around strategy and stuff. You were trying really hard but you couldn't stop thinking about the fact that maybe he could come into you any time. Now that you see destiny hates you. 

“y/N, you okay bestie?”Sonny tried to get you out of your drawing though by touching your arm so she could catch your attention back to reality. 

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking,” you said, adjusting yourself on the chair. Nikola looked worried. 

“y/n, we can go if you need to. We don't want you to feel uncomfortable, okay? Just tell us” she said, comprehensively describing the situation and her friend's feelings. You licked your dry lips.

Before you could answer her someone interrupted you. 

“y/, is it you?” that. Fucking. Voice. Your friends’ eyes widen as surprised as you were. You turned to the voice to find, in fact, your ex boyfriend watching you so confused. You were speechless for a moment. He looked so pretty and sweaty. His eyes are shining brighter than ever you have seen. 

“Oh, hi oscar. Yeah, it’s me” you tried to play it cool but to be fair, you felt the butterflies on your stomach just like the first time you met him at that  birthday party you didn't want to go to. But luckilyyou did. Destiny is always playing dirty for you. Or geniously. You didn't know anymore. He smiled widely.

“Oh, wow, hi, yeah. I didn't know you were coming” he said nervously. Your friends looked at each other noticing. 

“I was invited by George, actually. I almost didn't come tho. How crazy, you win right? You did an amazing race. "You were surprised that you could even have a proper conversation with him while your heart was hurting out of anxiety, nervousness and butterflies were everywhere. 

Oscar Felt his chest tighter. His stomach was happy to see you, he knew. “Thank you,” he said sweetly. You looked so pretty under the light of the Mercedes building. You were his hoodie, your favorite, but he didn't know if it was appropriate to mention it. Your hair was so short and looked so beautiful on you. It actually made you look prettier. Your face was the face of an angel, he always thought that. But with that haircut it only intensified your perfection. He felt stupid. Just like the first time he saw you at that party he wasn't even invited directly. Destiny always played on his favour with you, until that night. He didn't even want to remember it. You looked so different yet you felt the same. Your perfume was the same, he knew. It’s the one he gifted you on your 6 month anniversary. You used to celebrate each month. 

An awkward silence makes its presence between you two, not knowing what else to say or comment. 

“Congrats oscar on the win” sonny tried to save you from misery right there capturing oscar’s attention. He smiled gently, thanking her and nikola. He recognized them and gave them a hug. He seemed happy to see them. You smiled remembering your nights playing uno and drinking wine and baking canela rolls when winter break came around. You Missed him more than you’ve ever thought you would. And something inside you just felt exactly the same you always felt with him. He altered the chemistry in your brain so easily it was kind of scary. 

“Hey osc! Zac wants to talk to you! What are you doing here?” Lando Norris came into the building as well. He was your friend. when he saw who Oscar was, he grinned. “Hey, bestie, whatchu doing here?” he said happily, giving you a comforting hug. He was genuinely surprised because you didn't even tell you. He suspected Oscar was here because George told him you were here. He can't keep secrets. And he knew it was George because he was sure Lewis didn't even know you. 

“George invited us,” you explained after he stepped back.

“Okay let's go, great to see you girl. Hope to see you around more often "Oscar said while looking directly at you in the last sentence to then disappear dragging Lando out of the hospitality. Your friends looked at you and you looked at them.

“I need a whole vodka bottle down my throat right now” you sentence, making them laugh. But you didn't. You felt scared of what you felt a few moments ago. 

(...)

New year is here. You were invited along with your friends by lando to his beginning of the year party here in Monaco. And oh you knew Oscar was gonna be there. Of course, he is one of his closest friends also.

This time you felt more calm and collected around the fact you were going to see him again. I think being drunk was the thing you were thanked for. If something felt rare,you would drink straight vodka or tequila and the problem was solved. You didn’t even have to think about it. 

Your friend helped choose the sexiest dress for you. It was a satin white little dress with broderie endings. Pretty subtle but at the same time suggesting. Just how you were. Angel face, dirty minded. Problem was you couldn't date people because of the Oscars. Because since you saw him those seconds in Azerbaijan, you couldn't stop seeing his shiny eyes and beautiful smile every time you close your eyes. You didn't interact all of this time, you didn't even follow each other on social media. 

Mystery drove you I guess. And who could blame you? It was Oscar Piastri, the one you had to forget. But I just couldn't. You missed his touch, his breath, his voice, his lips. 

Your friend took you out of your thoughts telling you they needed to go to the bathroom. You Followed them around the party up to the toilets. They got in but you decided to wait outside because the music was just so good you wanted to enjoy it. You always wished you could write a party song but it isn't your thing at all. Nor you didn't have the personality for it. You were too deep of a person. You needed to cut deep. Be someone to suffer along with. Or at least that’s how you perceive yourself as an artist. 

“y/N?” not that voice again. That damn voice. Though this time you were waiting for it. You looked up to find a drunk Oscar in front of you. You were breathless for a moment. How can a man become so much hotter in just a year? You smiled at him feeling your strawberry lip gloss. 

“Hoy, osc. What’s up?” you said easily. The alcohol made it easier actually. When he smiled you almost died. You Adored his smile since that party you didn't even want to go to. You thought you fell in love with him just right there. Just right here…?

“I was looking for Danny, have you seen him?” he said normally, ignoring his heart, almost skipping a beat when he saw you in that short white dress. He hoped not to be drooling in your face. Since he saw you again, he couldn't get you out of his head. You were everyday hunting him. He wanted to text you but he wasn't sure if he should. You seem so happy now, he didn't want to ruin it. He convinced himself that probably the best for you was staying away from him as much as possible. At the end of the day, he was the reason you hurt, right? Or he wanted to believe that. 

For a moment you watched his lips talking to you. His drunk voice always turned you on. But you couldn't show it. Not anymore. You looked back at his eyes. Half smile on your face while shaking your head “no, i didn't. Iwas waiting for my friends that are in the bathroom” you explained and he nodded. 

“Well, I'll keep looking then. See you around” he told you to go back into the crowd to look for his friends. Hesaw the way you looked at his lips. He had to be the stronger one. It was better this way. As much as he wanted to eat you out right there and then.

He hurt you. He didn't understand you. He didn't deserve you. He made sure to protect you from himself. Even though all he wanted was to be with you.

「 ✦ the (your) truth is out ✦ 」

yourusername made a post

liked by sabrinacarpenter, user456, landonorris and 1,543,678 others

yourusername: i'm so excited to finally tell you our biggest secret! my new ep 'almost said i miss you' will be out february 14 <3 (trying to resignificate the date lol) these songs are really important to me and i can't wait till they finally become yours. thank u to the bestest bestie in the worl for guiding me and helping me through it all, it wouldn't have been possible without you. and you guys for the support, you don't know how much you mean to me :,) thank you for listening to my music since day one. i feel so lucky! see you in a few weeks :D

tagged: sabrinacarpenter, y/nhq

view more comments

sabrinacarpenter: so proud of you baby, my fav artist forever. just keep smiling! it's so beautiful to see you happy <3

nikolabff: we are so proud of you gorgeous! the prettiest songs I’ve ever heard 🥹

sonnybff: girl you always serve, thank you for sharing your art to the world I admire you like crazy. So proud of you baby, I love you <3

user489: 'trying to resignificate the date' WHY AM I SOBBING AT WORK

User99: THE TRACKLIST ����😭😭😭😭

↳ user87: “I miss you, I’m sorry” I CHOKED

user45: it hurt

user12: so excited

landonorris: can`t wait for the world to cry their eyes out just like i did when i heard them :( (it still hurt and I cry before falling asleep)

↳ nikolabff: bro same 😭😭😭

↳ maxverstappen: babygirl

↳ landonorris: get outta here 😡

georgerussel: I know who will cry listening to this

↳ danielricciardo: @/oscarpiastri

↳ landonorris: @/oscarpiastri

↳ sonnybff: guys knock it the fuck off

hattiepiastri: so prod of you girl! Can’t wait to listen to it!

↳ user67: NOT HIS SISTER OMG

↳ user08: I don’t wanna be delusional but girl you

don’t help

↳ user134: they NEED to get back together I don’t

wanna suffer anymore I know Hattie

wants it too 😭

user1: I’m not alright knowing these are for oscar tbh IM DEAD and I haven’t even listened to them yet

taylorswift: and artist of the year goes to…

olivirodrigo: my day to day inspiration

user975: I love girls supporting girls

user56: @/f1gossipofficial is there something about this you’d like to share????

「 ✦ The aftermath - february 14 ✦ 」

Oscar was back to the UK training for the beginning of the new season. It was the coldest winter he experienced. He got back home from mclaren hq. He took a hot shower to warm himself. His apartment was silent. It felt empty for the first time. Like something was missing. He went straight into bed. He wasn't that hungry anyway, but he was tired indeed. 

“Hey, listen to it. I think you need to” 

He saw his sister Hattie's notification pop up on his screen confusing him abit. He went into the messages app and opened his sister’s. When he did he understood what she was talking about. A knot on this throat formed. It was y/n ep. Guess he now understood taylor swift’s exes. It’s hard to date a musician ust because of the aftermath of the relationship. 

“Just do it. You will understand why once you did” 

Another message popped up on this screen and sighed heavily. Probably his sister was right but at the same time he was scaredas fuck. He opened it on spotify, she looked as pretty as ever on the cover of it. ‘Almost said I miss you’ - that was the title and only had 3 songs. By the names of them he suspected it was about him but he tried to believe they weren't even though his sister already told him that they were. He decided to listen to it in order.

He took his headphones from his nightstand so he could hear your voice clearly. All over his head. Cutting deep into his fiber. 

The first piano tiles started playing and his heart was already sinking. Hearing her voice so raw and close and clear sent shivers down his spine. He heard every single word you said. It described perfectly that horrible and forgettable night you broke up. Hearing your voice crack broke his heart into a million pieces. It wasn't even half of the song when he started crying. He knew what he said under his breath that sent you both straight into hell. He felt so guilty about everything. He really just wished to talk to you. 

When he started to hear the second song he knew it was about that race you went. He hoped to see you in the next one, and the next one. But you didn't go again. The lyrics were so real his skin felt every word. 

When he heard you saying that you felt sorry his tears streamed down his face more violently. He didn't recognize this person. But you always had this effect on him. With you he was a feeler, one that felt way too deeply. Unlike the person he shows to people. You always knew the real him. He couldn't lie to you. Even though you thought he would cheat on  you. He would never. Hearing you wanting to hold him broke his heart. Why did you both have to do this the hard way? Why didn't you just be happy with each other? He really missed you. He missed everything about you. Your presence around him. He was his best version with you. Now he feels like a ghost of who he used to be. 

The last song just ended him. 

‘Do you remember being happy together? I do, don't you? Then all of the sudden, you’re sick to your stomach. Is that still true?’ he whipped his tears the best he could. 

You never called her or told her you missed her. But he guessed you would have liked it like that. 

‘everything i know brings me back to us. Everywhere I go leads me back to you’ he felt the same. 

He didn't know what to do. He had a battle inside him. He promised himself he would stay away from you so you could be happy just like you deserved. But at the same time he wanted to be happy and he knew you made him happy. He was happy with you. 

“So? Call her please oscar. You both deserve to be happy and figure things out along the way, together”

Hattie read his mind. Her text just in time when he is back into the silent apartment. The empty and cold apartment that once was full of laughter and music because you were with him. He missed you so much. He missed hearing you play guitar rumbling words then writing them down. You hugged when he was back home, you cuddled in bed when he was sad, your perspective on things. He missed every detail about you.

But was he ready to come back to you?

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

author's note: SO I DELETED IT BY MISTAKE AND I HAD TO REDO IT :(((((((( i've never been this sad but I hope you like it anyway. (This like a 2.0 version) it's the longest fic i've ever written and i love it sm :,) oscar piastri i deeply love you.

idk if I should do a part 2, should I?

also shout to to my international friends nikola and sonny, you girls at the best mwak mwak 💌

don't forget to like, reblog or comment! and follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together)

[jarl-deathwolf]

EXCELLENT!

Ooo that is a lot of FANTASTIC information, I pulled up a document and got to work taking notes. I'll have to spend some time sorting it out into a handy reference sheet but even as-is this will help a lot.

I'm really glad I asked because this includes a lot of details that I wouldn't even know to ask, like the acidic/neutral/alkaline distinctions between forests. Between that and the wet/dry divide, now I can look at a map of around where the characters are and sus out roughly what they're looking at. It really does take away a lot of the stress when

Better yet, it gives me options so I can pick some possible environments to suit what I need in the story. Like choosing a wet forest if I need treacherous terrain, or a Celtic Rainforest to enhance the splendor of a moment.

Best of all, this gives me a vocabulary of things that I can then look up references for, and a bank of plants and animals I can pull up to add life to a scene.

One thing I've really struggled with in this story has been giving the region its own distinct feel compared to other woodlands. Which is doubly important since the entire story revolves around people desperately trying to save it (and their culture) from being destroyed by colonization and conquest.

That section was pretty thorough, so I'll have to digest it for a while before I've got more questions there.

Anyway, getting into more specific comments, as well as the map, below:

(map by @noanieactuallydrawingalot) So this is the continent where the stories take place as a whole. I may or may not have made the Fells (Fantasy Wales) something like five times as large as its real counterpart. Here is more specifically the Fells, with the three big rivers named (I assume there are many more rivers and small lakes, these are just major ones) and the historic realms of the Fells marked out

I've tentatively named some broader regions, but I'm not confident about those just yet. Red dots denote major cities. The yellow line is where the old empire's borders were - those five Fellish realms are still fully under foreign rule, with four more ruled by Marcher Lords, which is just more tenuous foreign rule.

Let me know how I did with the geography and such! I've done a lot of free time studying and took a college course about it, but things like the effects of ocean currents and wind patterns always tripped me up. Anyway, I'm glad I ended up pretty close with Old Man Ash. I think he would be fine with the informal version - the other name he gets called in the story is Grandad, so I get the sense he cares more about people being comfortable in his presence than formality. Although keep me updated on if your inlaws have a different opinion - I'll need to contact my editor to update the PDF, so I'd rather do that just once. With what you said about broadleaves being exclusively what makes up the old growth forests, I wonder if that would mean that all Dagfolk would be based on broadleaves? 🧐 Since I'm sending pictures, here is the (now properly named) Hynafwr Onn:

(art by dinwardo over on twitter)

Before I move onto the next thing, just a quick question: I have another Dagfolk (like Grandad up there). His current placeholder name is the Great Oak, and he's considered the wisest and most powerful of the Dagfolk. A personal friend of King Arthur.

I don't suppose you'd have a suggestion for a name?

I am delighted that you bring up bards because I made the main character a Fellish bard by the name of Llywela ferch Marared. She plays a crwth and I like to have her make subtle references to Welsh songs like Sebona Fi and Yma O Hyd. I gave her uncommonly red hair to imply a connection with Annwyn.

(I realize that's not the usual spelling of Annwn, but I chose it so I wasn't directly cribbing mythology and making it harder for people to learn about those myths) I also have some commissioned art of Llywela, plus the Lady of the Lake and the Merlin analogue, for what it is worth. You mentioned faeries with the peat bogs. I don't think faeries will be making a huge appearance in this story (mostly just one knight), but I'd be glad to hear about Welsh-specific faerie lore if you've got it on hand.

You also said that cheeses were a big Welsh cultural touchstone. Are there Welsh specific varieties that you can tell me about? And what sort of dishes are they made into?

Also on that train of thought, you mentioned a plant that flavors mead - would that be the go-to alcohol of choice, or are there others floating around? Both for a lord's table and what you might find in an inn.

And thanks again for the response, this really has been a treasure trove of great information for me!

Hi hello! I'm writing a story in my original world, set in a Fantasy Wales. A King Arthur Returns type story, if that matters.

I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Welsh ecology? And possibly also some cultural details?

Thanks ahead of time! And I understand if you decline or don't respond!

YES OH MY GOD YES HELLO

[lostintransist]

Secrets Are For Grown Ups | Part 3

CW: Paperwork. I hate paperwork.

Shout out to the fabulous @xbirdiex. It's better than reading my words for the first time because she is so good at articulting to me how everything makes her feel.

Part 1 here.

John pulled off his glasses before rubbing his eyes so hard the kaleidoscope of colors blurred his vision for seconds after he blinked to clear them. He needed to retire. The years of being trapped at a desk and only let out for training had sapped him of the will to continue. He had given the greater good all that he could, but if one more file got sent to him as half digital half paper copy he would start launching things out the window or possibly set his office ablaze.

He had stayed longer than he should have again but the frozen dish of lasagna and beer at his flat did not entice him home. The trill of his ringing phone pulled him from his languorous thoughts. Number hadn’t been saved in his phone. Odd. The same tickle in his brain that saved him on countless missions twitched now. Answering it in silence he waited.

“Is this Captain Price?”

“Not a captain anymore, but this is Price. May I ask who is calling?”

The woman on the other end blew out a breath.

“I worked with you several years back on a visa from the US. I’m not sure if you remember me,” her tone indicated a question as she searched for more words.

John could only remember one such woman in his time as a captain. You popped into his mind in technicolor.

“I do remember. I haven’t heard from you since you left for your family emergency. Has something come up?”

He swore he could feel you vacillating on the other end of the line. You had been so painfully expressive in your communications the year you had worked for him. For you to call out of the blue after so many years, something had to be wrong.

“Yes. You could say that.” You blow out a slow breath before continuing. “This is a…a bit of a long story. Do you have a moment?”

Settling back into his office chair with a creak John gets more comfortable.

“For you, I can take all day.”

Leave had been approved fairly quickly. John had an overabundance of it that brass and the HR and accounting teams hounded him about taking. They all claimed it made their jobs harder if he let it build up so high. He could take off six months without putting a dent in his overall amount of leave. Also if he weren’t there to bitch about the paperwork brass would more likely pass it off to someone else.

Last-minute flights were a pain in the ass to schedule as well as to pay for but like everything else in his life money tended to pile up because he rarely had time to spend it. John packed the same way he would for a long mission, though this time he packed his good underwear. You had offered to let him stay with you after he provided the contact information for one Nyla MacTavish.

His phone rang as he zipped up his large suitcase. Glancing at the name John wished he had a cigar to add a hint of nicotine-laced clarity to his thoughts. Flicking open his phone with a thumb John lifted it to his ear.

“Been expecting your call.”

“That’s never a good way to start a conversation, John.”

“I agree. Now tell me what happened?”

“Did you know?” The quiet, pained question could bore through bone. Simon, one of his muppets, his strongest men, sounded on the point of tears.

“Not until a few hours ago,” pinching the phone between his ear and his shoulder John settled his wheeled luggage on the floor.

“Good,” Simon repeated it to himself as if confirming his belief in John stood strong. “I had to dose Johnny with part of an edible he didn’t know we had in the house. He wanted to break down her door for answers.”

The idea of Simon handing Johnny an innocuous candy or baked good to dose him into a stupor that wouldn’t lead to criminal charges caught John as funny.

“I think your husband is going to have something to say about that in the morning.”

Simon snorted, “Knowing him he is going to have a lot more than a single thing to say.”

“Mmm, you might be right.” John paused to lock his flat door behind him. “Give me twenty-four hours Simon. I am headed to the airport right now and out to you.”

“Did she invite you or are you coming to keep us in line?” Simon’s voice edged into Ghost territory.

“For your information, I was invited,” John replied, mock offended.

“You would have come anyway.”

John could hear the rolling of his eyes even across the line.

“Yes, but this way I get to meet your boys and don’t have to pay for a hotel.”

Simon sucked in a breath.

“Boys? We thought she had a boy and a girl.”

“Nope, she clearly referred to them as the boys or her boys.”

A wet cough cleared the phone line.

“Okay. Let us know when we can meet with her and discuss this all.” Simon sounded defeated, unmoored.

“Are you wanting her back?” John asked carefully as he stepped onto the street to wait for his cab.

“Not…not like before. Johnny and I are happy as we are, but if the boys are either of ours we both want to be involved. We deserve that much.”

John didn’t know if the word deserved had any place in this sticky of a situation but he let it slide. That would be for you to explain.

“I will see you in a day or so, Simon. Keep your husband on a short leash until I get there. We both know explosions from Johnny weren’t only from bombs.”

A light chuckle from Simon is the only warning before the call ends. John sighs through his nose as he tucks his phone away.

What a hell of a story this would turn out to be.

Secrets Masterlist | Masterlist

@love-kha1 @bdbdhshhs @persephone-kore-law @vmaxis @splaterparty0-0 @momowhoo @talia-the-gemini @redkarmakai @aethelwyneleigh27 @asexualbuthorny

[certifiedsexed]

Hello!

Can you explain what aromantic means?

I know asexuality is not being sexually attracted to other people, and that explanation is easy for me to like, comprehend, I guess? I know what sexual attraction is and what it feels like, so it's easy for me to understand.

So being aromantic would mean not being romantically attracted to other people, then? I think? But I'm not sure what exactly that means.

Whenever I think of "romantic" things I think about going on dates, holding hands, flirting, etc. and I guess I'm just not understanding how not being into those things is a sexuality?

Like, not wanting to go on a date or hold hands just sounds like a normal dislike or preference, the same way someone might not not want to watch horror movies or go skydiving.

Or am I totally misunderstanding what the "romantic" in aromantic means?

Hello!

Sure! Aromantic means someone who experiences low/varied romantic attraction to other people. It's not a "sexuality" in the same sense as homosexuality for example, but it's definitely a variation on romantic attraction, which is linked to general sexuality.

Romantic attraction is about being attracted to someone(s) in a romantic way [e.g. wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them, wanting to do things with them with a romantic intent, etc], not just about doing things people consider "romantic".

I think it can be harder to understand romantic attraction because romance doesn't have an obvious physical component or even an obvious social definition. Which makes it harder to explain what a lack of romantic attraction is.

But those things are regular preferences, you're right! But all sexualities are about normal dislikes and/or preferences. A girl dislikes dating boys, prefers dating other girls-that's a lesbian!

Someone isn't attracted to others sexually-that's an asexual! Someone is attracted to all genders, that's a bisexual! Someone isn't into people romantically-That's an aromantic.

I don't think you've exactly misunderstood. I think there's more to it than you've understood but I think you're on the right track, Anon.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[rootspiral]

hi, hello!! i absolutely adore your deep dive series into the aaa episodes, and i was wondering if you could/would feel like expanding further into agatha’s guilt towards wanda and all the emotion she shows in the first episode, when she sees wanda’s corpse? the way agnes seems to value human life is especially interesting to me, considering how much agatha has killed (and i understand agnes is a character in what’s supposed to be a very stereotypical detective series, but i remember how you said agnes is in some ways agatha at her most transparent). anyways, i thought i’d try to pick your brain a little more on the subject, because your takes are very interesting to me!

Hi hello to you, thank you for stopping by! And also thank you for your interesting question, consider my brain officially picked. I'm gonna ramble QUITE a bit because I want to talk about Agatha and misogyny first (as requested by @leoleolovesdc ) but hold in there, I'll get to wanda too.

To get to the point directly, I think that Agatha's actions are steeped in internalized misogyny, and I think it's something she inherited from her mother and the salemites. It's actually pretty common for marginalized communities or individuals to turn against their own and replicate the patterns of the oppressor, looking to ease their self-hatred or for outside acceptance or a sense of control. Think for example about super conservative wives voting against their best interests, think about all the homophobia and biphobia and transphobia and acephobia (etcetera etcetera ad infinitum) in the queer community.

The persecution of witches was essentially a war on a kind of womanhood that went against imposed gender norms. Witches (in the marvel universe and in real life) were more often than not women who lived independently, who knew herbs, who didn't marry, who worked as midwives etc. And talking about the salemites specifically and the way they treated Agatha: they did to Agatha what the external world did to them, they replicated a pattern. They targeted the odd one out, the woman in their group who was the most different, and called her evil and essentially tried to burn her at the stake.

We don't know a thing about evanora, but I would BET that a lot of her hatred stems from her own internalized misogyny / agatha being born female, and I honestly wonder if Agatha would have found it harder to love a daughter the same way she does Nicky or Billy, without any of her internalized bias kicking in. Since she was a kid Agatha had been hurt and persecuted by other witches, she's pretty much wired to mistrust and hate them. And it gets even more muddled and complicated because she hates witches but loves witchcraft, she hates women but is sexually and romantically attracted to them. She yearns to belong, but she ends up torturing and killing her own community. She allies with people like that disgusting prick who violated Jen.

Enter Wanda, who is essentially Agatha 2.0: she was born doomed by the narrative or, to say it like evanora, she was born evil. Evanora would have had a FIELD DAY with Wanda. The Scarlet Witch? The destroyer of universes? She would have tried to kill her on the spot. There is A LOT Agatha instinctively hates in Wanda, she's a woman, she's a witch, she's dangerous. Agatha does what the salemites did to her and what men did to witches: she replicates a pattern. She punishes Wanda for being too alone and too different and complicated and scary. And yes Agatha is doing it to get her hands on chaos magic and all that comes with that, but this is all the baggage she brings in.

There's the other side of the coin: Agatha hates women and witches, Agatha loves women and witches, and Agatha hates and loves Wanda. She's been essentially killing and running away for the past two centuries, refusing to dwell on the consequences of her actions, but we know that she is no unfeeling psychopath, that's just a role she plays. We know all her actions weigh on her. With Wanda that sense of guilt is even stronger because Wanda is not a random witch she kills and abandons in the woods, she has to live with her and witness all of Wanda's pain up close, how lonely she is, how scared she is, the grief of losing Pietro and Vision, it's all there to torment Agatha. She cannot be a child about it, she can't close her eyes and cover her ears and go lalala until it's over, she has to take it all in order to get what she wants. And what's worse, Wanda is so similar to her that Agatha can picture exactly what she's feeling down to her bones, that's empathy to the max. And she goes through with her plan and does horrible things to Wanda anyway.

Knowing Agatha like we know her now, I'm convinced that her guilt about Wanda is especially hard to deal with, but Agatha has always refused to deal with any of her inner struggles, so Wanda just goes on the pile together with all the painful and complicated feelings she's pointedly ignoring, and which are not haunting her at all, thank you very much!

Except when she's Agnes, because all the feeling are still there but she doesn't know where they come from. I'd say that more than transparent Agnes is unfiltered, she doesn't know she should censor her struggles like Agatha does. Based on Agnes, we can plainly see what the biggest issues on her Inner Pile of Shit and Sorrow are: grief over Nicky's loss, anger and yearning for Rio, extreme loneliness, and guilt over those she hurt, with a particular emphasis on Wanda.

[jisungiesvzz]

He Won’t Know

Han Jisung x fem!reader

Best friends brother trope (Minho is your brother, Jisung is his best friend)

Warnings: lots of kissing/heavy making out, angst at the end, mood changes quickly, not so happy ending (that’s it I think?)

Word Count: 1.8k (a little over)

Summary: You had fallen for your brother's roommate/best friend, Jisung, and it was getting harder to hide it. You’d managed to suppress your feelings for him but his constant flirting and need to get you flustered didn’t help. You had to spend the week at their dorm due to your roommates lack of spacial awareness, giving you unexpected alone time with Jisung. Will he be able to win you over or will your brother get in the way?

P.S. this is NOT proofread so please lmk if there’s any warnings I missed or spelling/grammar mistakes. Okay now go enjoy the story :)

———————

Your brother Minho shared a dorm with his best friend Jisung. You often spent the night there because your crazy roommate was either always yelling at someone over the phone or had a guy over at the late hours of the night. She had no spacial awareness and constantly left her things all over the kitchen, bathroom and living room.

Most nights you could handle your roommates obnoxious and incredibly annoying nature but some nights, like tonight, you just couldn’t take it anymore. 

Your roommate was yelling at her “friend” over the phone and you could hear her from the down the hall. You repeatedly told her to be quiet because you were running on two hours of sleep and had an exam early in the morning and needed some good rest but she just yelled at you and slammed the door in your face. You pulled out your phone and called Minho. It barely made it past the first ring when he picked up.

“Y/n is everything okay?” 

You let out a long sigh, “No, everything’s not okay.”

“What happened?”

Although, you hadn’t mentioned your roommate, Minho already had a pretty clear idea of why you were calling.

“I really hate to ask this but…” you paused for a moment unsure if you should continue. You wanted to ask to stay the week so you could get some sleep for your upcoming exams but you felt like you’d be a bother to them for staying that long. After all, you’ve never stayed more than one night. “Can I stay at your place for… the week? I know I’ve never stayed that long but my roommate is being so disrespectful. You don’t have to say yes, I don’t want to bother you guys.”

Minho chuckled humorlessly, taking you a bit by surprise.

“You’ve never been a bother, Y/n. We wouldn’t let you stay over if you were.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?” 

“Y/n, don’t make me go down there and pack your stuff for you,” he playfully threatened. “Because you know I will.”

You giggled to yourself, “Yeah, you totally would. Okay, uh… give me a few minutes then I’ll head over.”

“Be safe and call me when you get here so I can come down and get you,” Minho said.

You hummed in response and ended the call.

You let out a relieved sigh as you headed to your room to pack your bag. 

—————

You arrived outside Minho and Jisung’s dorm building, your finger hovering over Minho’s contact. You stared at your phone for a while, feeling a bit nervous now that you were there. 

You were caught off guard when you got a text message.

Jisung: I can see you standing outside. You don’t need to be nervous, jagi ;).

You looked up from your phone and saw Jisung sitting on the window frame, looking down at you from his bedroom window. The nickname gave you butterflies but you fought them back as you typed a response.

You: lol I’m not nervous.

Jisung: you’ve been standing there for five minutes… I’d say you’re nervous.

You playfully rolled your eyes at him then headed towards the building. You raised your hand to knock on the door but it opened before you could make contact. 

“You got telepathy or something?” You questioned as you looked at Minho.

“Maybe…” he replied rubbing the back of his neck, “Hurry up and get settled in it’s already pretty late.”

You walked in and set your stuff down by the couch. You usually sleep on the couch when you spend the night since the dorm doesn’t have a spare room.

“I’d stay out here with you for a bit but I have an early morning,” Minho said letting out a deep breath.

You looked up from your bags and gave him a tired, reassuring smile, “It’s okay. Go and get your rest.”

Minho gave you one last comforting smile before wandering off to his room. You scavenged your pajamas out of your bag and headed for the bathroom. You changed into your pajamas and opened the door to leave when you were met with Jisung directly outside the door.

You swear your heart skipped a beat as you made eye contact with him.

“Hey…” you whispered a little startled.

“Hey,” Jisung said with a soft smile. He looked you up and down and you shifted from the spot you were standing in. He let out a soft chuckle and a smirk before commenting, “Cute pajamas.”

“Oh- uh thank you,” you replied back a little more flustered than you wanted. He was almost chest to chest with you now and you held your breath.

“Minho told me you’re staying for a week? Is it that bad with your roommate?”

For such a simple statement, his tone was low and sultry, taking you a bit by surprise. Your words were caught in your throat for a moment as you looked up at him. You knew he knew what he was doing to you but you refused to give in.

“Y-yeah it is… I should just live here at this point,” You half-joked.

“Hm, I’m not opposed to it,” Jisung mused leaning impossibly closer.

You didn’t know what to say after that. His body was leaned up against yours now and his lips were inches from yours. You didn’t know how it got to this point but all you wanted to do was kiss him and he knew it. He smirked at your flustered state before closing the gap between you. 

The kiss was slow but sloppy, making you melt into him. He placed his hands on your hips and you wrapped your arms around his neck.  He squeezed your hips causing you to gasp and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You moaned into the kiss as his tongue danced around your mouth. His hands slid down to the back of your thighs and squeezed, lifting you up and placing you on the bathroom counter. He broke from the kiss and trailed kisses from your cheek to you jawline, making his way down to your neck. He sucked and licked at your neck and you moaned at the new sensation. 

You covered your mouth suddenly remembering that your brother was in the room next door. You knew how wrong this was, even though it felt so good.

“Ji… mmh wait,” you breathed out trying to contain your whimpers. He broke off from your neck and admired the purple mark that was starting to form. 

“We can’t- we shouldn’t do this,” you continued.

“Why not, jagi?”

“It’s not right.”

Jisung pressed his tongue against his cheek and let out a breath of air, “It’s because you’re my best friends sister, right?” 

You didn’t know what to say. Partially because you didn’t know what he meant from the tone in his statement.

“Ji, it’s not a bad thing but… you know my brother won’t take this well.”

He sighed looking down, “I know, I know. This-” he points his finger between you two, “is forbidden.”

“How I hate unspoken rules…” you mumbled.

Silence fell between the two of you and Jisung nuzzled his face into your neck. He let out a deep breath that you didn’t realize he was holding as you wrapped your arms around his neck, stroking his hair with your hands soothingly. You stayed like that for a few moments before Jisung broke the silence.

“He doesn’t have to find out you know,” his voice was muffled from his face still being buried in your neck.

“What…? What are you implying?” You say furrowing your brows.

Jisung lifted his head from your shoulders to look you in your eyes. His expression was needy but hopeful, like he wanted this to work with you. All those times he flirted with you might of actually meant something. Part of you thought his flirty comments and actions was just for his own entertainment and not because he actually felt something for you.

“I want to be with you. Like really bad. All my flirty comments… they weren’t just to make you flustered.” 

He laughed to himself and grinned, “I mean bonus if they did.” 

You softly laughed at his comment. Then it hit you. He wanted to be with you and he was serious. You hadn’t realize you had gone quiet.

“Can you please say something?” He whispered, his eyes flickering to look at your lips.

“I… I wanna be with you too, Ji.” You paused shifting on the counter a little.

“You don’t seem like you want it.” His gaze softened and you frowned at his disappointment.

“No I do, I do. It’s just-” you were suddenly cut off by a loud, shocked voice.

“What the fuck?!”

You both turned your heads to find Minho standing in the door way, mouth opened in shock. Jisung immediately ripped away from you as you jumped off the counter top. Jisung started fumbling over his words.

“M-Minho it’s not what it looks like-”

“Really? You’re gonna tell me that after the position I just saw you two in?” Minho retorted taking a step towards him.

“Minho just hear us out,” you chimed in.

“You know what, no,” Minho threw his hands up in surrender, “I don’t want to hear it. This is-” He paused for a second then looked at Jisung causing him to take a step back,  “That’s my fucking sister.”

Before either of you could say anything else, Minho turned around to leave, slamming his bedroom door. You and Jisung stood in the bathroom in silence, shocked from the situation. The air became thin and suddenly you couldn’t handle being in the same room as him. You thought coming here would fix your problems but trouble just seemed to follow you here.

“We should talk this out in the morning…”  you whispered, your voice slightly cracking.

“Jagi please-”

“Ji, can we please just talk about this in the morning.” You sighed, not wanting to think about the situation further. 

Jisung lowered his head with a frown, “Yeah… yeah we can do that.”

You nodded and left the bathroom, leaving Jisung alone. 

Author’s Note: The amount of times I rewrote this ending is INSANE. I eventually just gave up so sorry for the semi-abrupt ending. I can attempt a part 2 later… maybe 😐

[metalomagnetic]

Hi! Do you have any characters that you find slightly similar to Loki or Voldemort/Tom Riddle in terms of personality or backstory or just vibes?

For example, as huge fan of frostiron I LOVE Loki. And after reading fics about him for years I can’t help but notice small similarities between him and Sirius. They’re NOT the same, not at all. But I personally see a lot of stuff that they have in common. Both characters are very prideful, strong magicians, black sheep of their family, have a dark side but ultimately end up doing more good than bad. And that’s if we include both canon and fanon. It’s okay if you disagree, that’s just my personal perception)

For Voldemort I was unable to find any sort of counterpart🤷‍♀️

Soo, my question remains. I am very curious as to what you have in mind;)

I assume you mean Loki from the movies; I am unfortunately unfamiliar with him. The only Loki I know is the one from Norse mythology, and I don't remember very much about him, either. I do remember he was a shapeshifter, like many gods, so I suppose he has that in common with Sirius! I can't speak further of similarities, that's practically all I remember.

As for Voldemort...I don't know. The Evil Queen from Snow White? 😂 They both hear a prophecy warning of their downfall and they act on it and start beef with kids. And the kids end up surviving and winning with the power of love.

If we just take canon V at face value, then he's similar to all fairytale villains. Or to Palpatine, I suppose.

If we look at Voldemort as a more human character, not just Evil TM, then I could see some similarities with Magneto from X-men(at least from one or two universes of that big world): the hate for the muggles/people without mutations that steams from their childhood, their lives were impacted by ww2, both ridiculously powerful, both claiming they fight for wizards/mutants. Also they both have a badass lady as a second in command.

But, ofc, Magneto is allowed to be human, when Voldemort is doomed by the narative and his position as villain in children story. While Magneto is clearly a villain and loves genocide, he at least thinks he's doing the right thing for his kind; Voldemort is just there to be bad.

For Sirius, you can make a case about Aragorn, I suppose? Both come from ancient, noble, rich lineage, but they shy away from the burden of it, they're both good (but rough) men, they are protectors for their respective protagonists, they would die for Harry/Frodo, and they're both fighting this supreme evil that is threatening the world. They both obey basically God on Earth (Albus and Gandalf).

I think it's easier to find Sirius similarities, I can think of some in A song of Ice and Fire, but it's harder for Voldemort because he barely has any 'meat' to his character in canon. He's just there as a lesson for kids, as an obstacle for Harry to overcome.

There is that saying that a story is only as good as it's villain, and it's true. If Harry Potter was anything other than a children's book, than it would be a very bad story, because the villain is just a prop. However, since it's for children, the rules are obviously different. Ironically, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is considered the best book in the series because it had a great villain- Sirius. That book is so beloved because for most of it we believed Sirius to be a villain, and he was real in a way Voldemort never is, he is human, and he is scary.

So it falls on us, the fandom, to give Voldemort something real, to turn him into a person, and we all go in slightly different directions, hence why it's so hard to find a counterpart for him in established literature/cinema.

[cripplecharacters]

Hello. I am writing about a main character who has Down syndrome (12 years old). How does a child like her would react to mother death and moving to an old house? I want to be respectful while writing her.

Hi asker,

So there are a couple different things to think about.

For one, death of a loved one is hard for everyone, and the death of a parent is very difficult for pretty much all children. Change is hard, and this is a very permanent change that can be very traumatic because a person a kid expects to be with for way more time is now gone. The closer the child was to her mother, the harder this is going to be for her.

On change being hard, ID can make it harder for her to adapt to change. "Harder" does not mean "impossible." "Harder" means maybe they have to make a plan to help her transition to her new living space, maybe it needs to be explained to her more often, things like that. Maybe she needs support from lots of visuals, maybe she's asking questions a lot of the time, maybe she has trouble with doing things because of the stress. And this is from just the change of moving – all of this will likely be compounded with the stress of not having her mother. For this, people can try to help her by trying to provide as much of a sense of normalcy and trying to make sure she can have some sort of... it doesn't have to be a routine per se, just trying to make sure that some things don't change.

Abstract concepts are sometimes hard for kids, although less so by age 12 than for younger children. Abstract concepts can also be more difficult for people with intellectual disability (as is likely the case for your character with Down Syndrome). So, how is the death explained to her?

Best practice to explain death to children, including and especially kids with I/DD, is to use concrete and simple language. Euphemisms don't help much, especially for children, because euphemisms have context behind them that a child doesn't have. Euphemisms can also be misunderstood and unclear.

So, if she actually understands what's going on because people are explaining things to her in a way she can understand, ultimately this is going to be much better for her than if she doesn't understand that her mother isn't coming back because people keep being vague and saying things like "she's in a better place" and she keeps hoping to join her mom in this "better" place. Or it might take some time for her to understand the situation, and she might experience delayed grief.

Who is she moving with? Who is going to take care of her — she's a kid, she can't do it all by herself. Does she know them already? Is she just meeting them? If she's never met them before, this will probably be even more stressful to her — basically every single thing in her life is changing. That's huge. That's stressful and can be hard for her to understand why everything is different.

Overall, at the end of the day she's just a person, a child specifically, being put in an incredibly difficult situation. She has emotions like anyone else — there is a misconception that people with Down Syndrome are always happy, and that's just not true. They have

She's in a situation where adults with zero disabilities would probably have a super rough time as well. Add on to that being a kid, and add on to that being intellectually disabled, and it's probably going to be a really stressful situation. So, think about how your character reacts when she's stressed out, and factor in her disability.

Here's some links to grief and I/DD and grief and children. I have read through them, though not all of them at length. They do have information that you can use, whether on how she'd react or how others around her could react, but either way use your own judgement.

Helping People With Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities Process Grief by the Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities (PDF file)

Responding to Grief Reactions of People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities by the Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities (PDF File)

Bereavement In The Lives Of People With Intellectual Disabilities by the University of Hertfordshire's website on Intellectual Disability and Health

Managing Grief Better: People with Intellectual Disabilities by the University of Hertfordshire's website on Intellectual Disability and Health

Helping People With Intellectual Disabilities Cope With Loss by the Vanderbilt Kennedy Center (PDF File)

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

[oh-no-its-bird]

Don't know if you've mentioned it and I've just missed it, if I have feel free to ignore this, but if not I wanted to ask: Since the Hatake clan has so few children and the ones that does exist and children overall are very much treasured, what was the WS era Hatake's view on sending children into war at a very young age? Do you HC that they do it just the same as other clans and it contributed to the dwindling number? Or did they do things differently?

OHHH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION ACTUALLY ?? OK SO

I hc that obv, warring states era, pretty much all the clans are starting out teaching their kids a lot younger than in modern times. (Though there are some exceptions in modern w some clan kids, who gets the same education that they're clans have been giving for hundreds of years)

Now, modern village-era has a lot more to teach with stuff like techniques and jutsu, (with there having been a big boom not only in the invention of new jutsu when Konoha was founded but also in the sharing of them between clans + making them standard) but warring states held them to a much higher standard with the basics they were given

So a 13 year old from modern konoha may know a few more tricks and techniques than a 13 year old from the warring states— but the warring states kid is probably going to be at a higher standard of skill. Not just bc they had less to learn and was thus trained on their basics over and over again, but also bc the states were harder on their kids bc like. They faced constant danger from literally every single direction at all times.

The village may have industrialized the child soldier buisness but it did help some. It provided a place where they didn't have to begin training till they were older (unless family interfered ofc) where they could act as children without fear of eandering too far and getting caught by bloodline thieves or rival clans, where there was time and space for them to fail at being a "good shinobi" and hopefully learn to be better

The warring states did not have any of that.

Anyways with that said! I think different clans have different standards of at what age their kids are adults now and what age are they properly battle ready.

The consensus tho is usually about ~15/16 for them being an adult (though that's still in air quotes)

You'll notice that clans who have less conflicts/are in more secure positions, have higher standards for adulthood. Like Uzushio, who considers their kids to be adults at 17.

Similarly, clans have different standards for when their kids are battlefield ready! There's a big divide also between the children of the clan head and the other children of the clan— ofc the clan heads children will probably be considered battle ready much earlier than others might just bc the clan head wants to make sure their children really get that experience.

You don't not have to be an adult to be battle ready, and many children are given missions with older clan escorts to guide them. If a child can prove their skill, they'll possibly be given their own solo missions, but ofc the type of mission is considered.

There's also probably a big difference in clans like the senju (not at risk to bloodlime theieves bc of how rare the mokuton is) and the Uchiha (very fucking at risk) treat sending out their children on missions!

So like, a senju kid might get an easy, solo courier missiom after proving their skill

But there's no way in hell the Uchiha would send out a child of the same skill and age on a solo mission of any kind

SO. ANYWAYS. THE HATAKE.

Like you said, I hc that they're a very small clan, and have problems both with fertility and also in safely giving birth. Even if they do get pregnant, there's a lot of miscarriages, c sections, and the mother dying in birth. It's very unfortunate, and because of it they treasure their children greatly

Which means ofc that their views on kids are a bit different than other clans!

Now, they are still a shinobi clan in the middle of the warring states era.

They do however have an extra bonus of being based in Iron— which actually has very few other shinobi clans, and whos millitary is mostly made up of samurai. So they have no real worries about neighboring clans attacking.

They don't even really have any direct enemies among the clans? And they have a terrifying reputation, some earned and some pure rumor, so most who know of them hear their name and immediatley turn around to book it the other way.

Which is to say: it's a bit safer for them to venture out and about than other clans, like the Uchiha.

So anyways:

When a Hatake is around 14-16, they'll lead their first hunt and have the option of gaining their 'stripes'. Red tattoos painted onto their face by the clans spiritual leader (Tobirama, when visiting his mother's clan in the past, got his tattoos here)

Once they have stripes, they are technically considered an adult— but there are ofc stages of it and they tend to not be really seen as an adult adult till about 18

The Hatake's are a self sustaining tribe and only take missions if they need the coin or it interests them. And when they do, the missions tend to be either bloody or something along the lines of "please come stand next to me and look menacing xoxo thx"

They arent to take any missions, solo or otherwise, till they've lead their first hunt. There are occasional exceptions: if the kid begs hard enough/ if the missiom looks simple and easy enough/if the missiom actually requires someone around that age/and ofc it's never solo— but in general before they lead a hunt, they pretty much never ever leave the home of their woods.

Its very boring and does lead to lots of pent up energy and begging of PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GO ON A MISSION PLEASE JUST ONE JUST ONE SINGLE MISSION ILL EVEN DELIVER MAIL IF I HAVE TO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Even once they've got their stripes, it usually takes them a bit to get their first solo mission— both bc of over protection and also bc Haruka, the clan head, is a bitch and thinks it's funny to see them cry about it.

And ofc, the clan head is the one who has final say in who gets what mission. Tho in general the matter is usually dealt with by her heir— she can just butt in at any time

SO. THEIR OPINION ON OTHER CLANS.

The kids themselves burn with jealousy with the knowledge that their peers got to see battlefields when they were 12 or whatever

The adults find it mildly distasteful, but again, they are shinobi clans in the middle of the warring states era (and also a shinobi clan with a well deserved reputation for being fucking maniacs who would tear the world apart for their family)

So they're ultimately typically kind of "damn that's crazy. I would never." (Judgmental side eye and quick retort towards their own child to not get any ideas)

I think it's hard to say specifically bc its a balance of them valuing children and all but also like. Shinobi. Yk. They are a culture built on the backs of blood and bone

There's also an interesting prospect of how coming to the village changed this— or would have, in the short years the Hatake had their before they got wiped the fuck out

Ofc, using my own ocs here, when they come to Konoha there's only one real kid left, Ichigo at ~10, and there's a few years of busy work with Konoha getting set up and all sorts of shiny new things and people to distract her before it becomes smthn she remembers to beg for again

Sakumo would be born a couple years later, and his clan would die before it became a relevant enough topic to really discuss

BUT YEAH THATS MY TAKE ON WARRING STATES CHILDREN CULTURE N STUFF THANK U FOR UR ASK

[guksvault]

HOUSE OF BALLOONS | JJK

03- Loft Music

synopsis: fleeing the pressure and pretense of your elite life, you stumble into the seductive chaos of the House of Balloons. there, Jungkook waits— ready to make you question everything you thought you knew.

w/c: 3.3k

warnings: partying (ofc), drug/alcohol mentions & usage, tae makes an appearance, reader makes jk almost smile?? gasp, hobi being yummy, jk has a boner, so does hobi, light foreplay?, make out sesh, cockblocking :(, think thats it???

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Waking up at 2:30 in the afternoon by your mother telling you to get your shit together and put on a face was not exactly the wake up you had planned.

Also didn't plan to spend the rest of the afternoon having to sit next to Taehyung at the dinner table as both your parents tried their hardest to convince you that you two looked like a match made in heaven.

"Oh the grandchildren you two could create. Models. Would be models" Taehyung's mother rambled on, glass of red in her hand never empty.

Taehyung's hand had found its home on your lower back, tracing small circles with his thumb. You would have found it comforting, endearing even if your father hadn't told you the day prior that he wants to marry you to ensure the safety of his future.

The glass of Chateau d'Yquem becoming increasingly harder to swallow. Think it would be easier downing a shot of whatever the fuck they poured into the Grey Goose bottle at the House Of Balloons.

So that's what you tell yourself when you excuse yourself from the table and retreat back upstairs to your room and change into something more, you.

Of course I would rather be anywhere else, could be anywhere else. Only going to escape the reality of this mess. Isn't that the whole point of their parties anyways? Everyone there is running from something.

"Going out?" Taehyung spoke with curiosity, leaning against the frame of your double doors, his eyes on you through the reflection of your mirror as you adjusted your dress.

"Looks like it, no?"

He let out a small laugh, no emotion behind it. Took a few steps into your room and stood behind you in the mirror.

"They were right, you know. We would make pretty offspring" He smiled, placed his glass down on your vanity and returned behind you, moving some of the hair over your shoulder and gently brushing it down your back.

"Mm, the prettiest. Too bad they would come from a home with no real love or respect" You spit, moving away from Taehyung's proximity.

"No real love? You know that's not true"

Taehyung has supposedly been in love with you since he was 16. He hasn't been, you just took his virginity one spring night whilst both your parents were downstairs striking up a business deal.

The idea of you and Taehyung ending up together had been a never-ending conversation since you guys were kids. He doesn't love you, just thinks he's supposed to.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

So, rightfully so, after the evening you've had. You've ended back at the House Of Balloons. Swapped the wine glass for a red solo cup. The Chateau d'Yquem for Smirnoff lemonades.

You had only been there for approximately 7 minutes before a little teary eyed pocket rocket of a woman dressed in a short black bodycon dress had snatched the vodka from your hand and ran off to cry off the clumpy mascara coating her eyes.

Approximately 9 minutes in, Jungkook had stormed past you. If you hadn't seen the cigarette between his fingers you would have believed the cloud of smoke following him was coming from his ears.

Face like a slapped ass.

Yoongi had shrugged when you asked who pissed in his cereal, "Who hasn't."

As far as you were concerned, Jungkook walking out of the party was only a benefit for you. If he wasn't inside, it was one less pair of daggers being shot your way.

Which is why you want to knock yourself out when Yoongi excuses himself for five minutes and you end up right in-front of Jungkook. Pretty baby blue pumps shining in-between his worn out converse.

Half think you should turn around, take the bottle of Smirnoff and down it whole. Would probably do less damage than whatever choice words Jungkook will have for you.

He looks up, his eyes round and glassy for half a second before they are narrowed, brows pinched together.

"Yes?" His tone was laced with disgust, no effort put behind his words.

"You look like shit." You take a seat beside him on the bricks that line the side of the garage. Unevenly laid, empty wine bottles with plants growing inside them sitting along the bricks that Joon had planted.

"You look like a fuckin' moron" he hangs his head again, slightly kicking up the dirt with top of his converse.

You let out a small laugh. Reach into your YSL purse and grab your own cigarette.

Jungkook watches you from the corner of his eye, not surprised that even the packet of cigarettes you own look like it would take half his paycheck. A sleek black and gold pack of 20s.

You look at Jungkook, hold the open packet towards him. "Sobraine. My father gets them imported from Russia, try it."

He takes one. Definitely not because he's curious if it tastes like money and power. Just has never been one to turn down a freebie, even if the one giving it was an insufferable spoilt bitch.

He brings the flame from his lighter to the end of the cancer stick and drops it on the bricks beside you.

Inhales. Inspects the cigarette. Exhales with a scoff.

"You pay a shit ton of fuckin' cash to have a shitty cig imported. Eat the rich." Shakes his head, inspects the cigarette again, keeps smoking it anyways.

"You snort your cash" you retort.

Jungkook lets out a small scoff again, more air behind it this time. Lighter. Kinder. "Didn't take you for a smoker."

"Mm, and what did you take me as then?"

Jungkook turns his head, looks at you. Pushes the locks of hair back that have fallen over his forehead and lets out a somewhat condescending chuckle.

"Spoilt. Annoying. Immature. Inexperienced. Conceited." Each word spoken a tad harsher than the last, followed with a slight shrug.

You flick the cigarette with your thumb onto the ground, stand to your feet and look at Jungkook.

"It's cute, really." You smile, your words spoken so softly.

"What? Whats fuckin' cute?"

"You." You tilt your head slightly, "You're cute. Thinking of me so often. Very cute." your words are teasing, a pretty smile on your lips. Want to rile him up, know it's not a fair shot to come for his background like he does you. It's not hard to spot that Jungkook holds up a hard front, will make him question it.

"Yeah, fuck off, you were tolerable for all of two seconds. Fuck off." His expression looks like you've just told him he's got 7 minutes left to live. Absolutely bewildered.

You smile, walk backwards towards the house, "Don't want you staring at my insufferable ass."

Jungkook wedges the butt of his cigarette between his teeth, sticks each of his middle fingers up at you.

If you hadn't already made your way inside Jungkook would have yelled out that he was a titty guy anyways, and your tits may have just made his cock twitch- No. No they did not. Repulsive. Horrible tits. Bad, bad, bad tits.

You spot Yoongi back inside sat on the same ugly, worn and torn brown couch as last night. Grab a new drink and make your way to sit beside him.

He's on his phone texting, said something about his dropper fucking around, wouldn't be here on time.

A petite, long legged brunette sits beside you. Dressed in some black ripped up skinny jeans with an oversized band tee that she had DIY'd into a crop, more bra on display than shirt.

"You're Bee, yeah?"

You nod slightly, her tone was polite, her lips coated in crimson red in a small smile.

"Valerie." She extends her hand, shakes yours, comments on the pretty quartz stone ring decorating your index finger.

Her brunette bob was slightly messy, chipped red nail polish matching her lips. Eyeliner in a sharp wing. Pretty. High cheekbones, a small button nose. Could have been a Runway Model you think.

Yoongi had left upstairs to handle whoever had been fucking him around with his order of drugs. Would hate to be on the receiving end of that call.

Jungkook had returned, sat opposite to you in the middle of the couch. His face had relaxed slightly, no more crease between his brows, his shoulders relaxed.

Joon was sat on the couch to your left again, the same girl as last night under his arm. He had taken a much kinder approach in talking to you tonight, had asked you about your hobbies, if you had a private car to drop you where you desire, asked you if you had any fancy champagne bottles he could use for his bottle-garden.

Jimin was out of sight, Hoseok in his usual place behind his decks.

The conversation was light, mostly engaging with Valerie. She was kind, each taking turns to refill each other's cups. She had told you she had been coming to these parties for around a year, and had gotten friendly with the guys. Hasn't missed a weekend here since she first came.

Yoongi had returned, repeated the same actions of last night, dumped the black bag holding the tiny bags of snow and then retreated upstairs with a different girl.

You watched as he led the girl upstairs, hand on the small of her back and guiding her to his bedroom, assuming he was going to get high and fuck through his high.

You would be wrong though, he just didn't want you seeing him snort a line. Felt wrong. Knows you wouldn't judge him for it, but a part of him is still scared of letting someone from his past down.

Jungkook had wasted no time in getting his nose to the bill. Two lines snorted clean. Leans his head back, smiles. The ring at the end of his lip flips as the corners of his mouth lifts..

He looked at Valerie, gestured towards the coke, was met with a shake of her head. He turns to you, "not even gonna bother asking you."

"Don't be such a prick Jungkook" Valerie spoke up, offered you a smile. "Don't let him get to you, he's a dick."

You laughed softly, shrugged slightly.

Valerie was up onto her black glossy heels, holding her hand out for you to take. "C'mon. Need to dance."

You took her hand, a little hesitation, eased when she gave you a smile. She leads you through the crowd of Hoseok's makeshift boiler room. Found the perfect place just in-front of where Hoseok was set up.

She grabbed the bottle of vodka Hoseok keeps beside his set up, took a swig and held it out to you.

You were buzzed now, no, drunk. You were drunk. The champagne from lunch that you kept refilling, the countless vodka lemonades and cheap Jelly shots had definitely settled into you now.

Valerie's hands were holding yours, her back pressed against your front as you both moved to the music.

You can't actually remember the last time you had felt this carefree. Sure, you had been to your fair share of parties, had ran your hands over countless bodies as you danced, drank yourself sick. But, you had always remained in control, alert, aware. Would have never risked someone snapping a photo of you with your head in a toilet bowl or your tongue down an elite's throat just to end up with a scandal.

Have never felt this feeling before. Carefree. You didn't care who was watching, you didn't care that people kept accidentally spilling their drink of choice down your legs as they bumped into you and definitely didn't care if Jungkook was shooting lasers from his eyes towards you.

This is why people came here. To escape. To live. To express themselves.

Valerie's arms were hooked around your neck, your bodies moving together almost as one. Your eyes move around the room, countless people moving just like you, hands touching themselves or whoever was pressing their bodies against theirs.

Until your eyes found Hoseok.

He had been watching you with a half smirk as soon as you started moving your body, missed a transition or two as he did. He saw the way you had eased into the movements of your body. How your dress hiked up ever so slightly every time you lowered your body to grind against Valerie's.

Your eyes locked onto his, your movements becoming more deliberately sinister. Your hands roaming down Valerie's sides as you danced. Watched as his adams apple bobbed slightly as he swallowed.

Only took two more songs for him to knock his head towards the back sliding door and ask his friend to spin his decks for him. Grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd and out to the garage.

Pressed in the code that locked the door, ushered you inside.

He was dressed in a pair of blue baggy jeans, an oversized black hoodie, shut the door and pressed you against it.

Wasting no time, you crashed your lips against his, grabbed his hoodie and pulled him against you.

His tongue met yours, said hello, decided not to be friends and fought for dominance against yours. A soft grunt into your mouth when yours fought just as excitedly.

He pulled away just barely, took his lower lip between his teeth, moved his hand from your waist to the side of your neck, eyes drinking you in.

"Fuck." Starts to pull his hoodie over his head, gets stuck from moving too fast, succeeds and wiggles his eyebrows at you, "Meant to do that."

He cuts off the small giggle that leaves your lips by pressing his back against yours. Your hands trail down his chest slowly, no need to rush. Want to feel this reckless and carefree forever.

His hand palms at your tit, kisses down your neck, pouts when you tell him not to leave marks.

His other hand slides up your thigh, lifts your leg slightly to his hip, his fingers just barely under the hem of your dress. Looks up at you, looks for any signs of you wanting to back out, watches as you nod and push his hand a little further up your leg.

His hand traces your slit over your panties, lets out a moan of approval at the feeling of the lace. "Fuck, so fucking wet."

Your eyes are half lidded, looking down at him as he kisses down your chest, lips parted, "More."

He leans up, kisses you hungrily, leans his forehead against yours, presses his thumb against your clothed clit, smirks when you let out a sharp breath.

His finger moves slowly in circles over yours clit, lets out a moan of his own as your hand starts to palm him over his jeans. Thinks he would be happy to cum just from this. Never leaves his sets to enjoy in his own pleasures. Wants to enjoy this.

"Fuck, yeah, feels good. So pretty," He kisses you, fastens the pace of his thumb, watches as your lips part further, "Want you cumming on my fingers, hm?"

"Fuck- Just touch me, more. Please." Your eyes are locked on his, your hand moving over his own hardened cock. Can feel his cock twitching every time you move it upwards.

His hands push the bottom of your dress up, your black laced panties on full display for him now, "Mm, care if I rip em'?".

You shake your head, please. Touch me. His fingers trace lightly over the waistband of your panties, eyes never leaving yours, starts to inch lower.

Your back presses against the door, pushing your hips closer towards him, your body begging for him to hurry the fuck up and finger you.

"Fuck, Hoseok!"

The words he wanted to hear from you so badly echo.

Except, they aren't your words. Their Jungkooks, from the opposite side of their door you're pressed against.

Hoseok fucking groans, "Busy, piss off."

"Open the fucking door, I'm not fucking playing with you." Jungkook barks, his fist pounding against the door.

"Fuckin' bit busy right now." His fingers are still hooked under your waistband, his jaw clenched, mouthes a 'sorry' to you.

"Fuckin' cops are here man, sure you can get your dick wet at a later fuckin' time."

Hoseok's fingers fucking fly out of your panties, the waistband smacking against your skin, pushes your dress down and moves you by your shoulders from the door.

He opens the door, Jungkook stood on the other side with a black backpack pressed to his chest. Looks at Hoseok then at you, cocks his eyebrow and rolls his eyes.

You can see the lights on in the house now, 4 cops in view from the back sliding door, ushering people out, all holding torches, hands on their duty belt.

"Fuckin' cock blocks!" Hoseok yells out to them.

"Yeah, fuckin have about 2 minutes until they make their way out here, needa hide the stash." Jungkook mumbles, lets himself into the garage, barges your shoulder as he does.

Cops are rarely a problem for the House of Balloons. They had tried to shut down the parties when the boys first started hosting, and quickly realised that if the people were here, they weren't causing issues on the streets. Had organised a deal with them, as long as there were no drugs, they could continue on with the parties.

Idiots.

The only reason they had been called in tonight was because someone made an anonymous call that people were smoking crack and overdosing.

"Crack? Who fuckin' does crack these days? Ain't no fuckin' crackheads here" Yoongi had argued with the constable as he said he needed to do a search.

"Nowhere to fuckin' hide it. We're fuckin' screwed." Jungkook was pacing now, he and Hoseok eyeballing the room for any potential places.

"Give it to me." You turn to Jungkook, holding your hand out.

"Yeah, fuckin' right" Jungkook spat at you. Give it to you? He'd may as-well go empty the bag out in front of the pigs and dob himself in.

"Seriously. I'll take it, leave with the crowd. Will bring it back when everything's cooled down."

Jungkook and Hoseok look at eachother, Hoseok's eyes screaming 'Hand her the fucking bag', Jungkook's 'Are you fucking insane?'.

"Or don't," you shrug as you turn around and head towards the door, "Have fun sober in a cell. You will make a pretty bitch boy in there.”

"Fuck- Here." He throws the bag towards you, tells you to not fuck it up and fuck off.

You throw the bag over your shoulder, slip out the door and right into the middle of a group leaving down the side of the house.

You make your way down to the front, two extra cops stood outside, ushering people away, waving off the people who piss and moan at them for the shut down.

As naturally as you can, you start to pass them. Have no idea where the fuck you're gonna go, tell yourself you'll order a driver in the street over.

"Hey, you. Stop". The voice came from behind you, a slightly older cop looks at you, gives you a once over and tilts his head.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. They know. They know I would never possibly carry an ugly bulky black bag with this dress. Or maybe Joon was right and I do look like a hooker. I'm done. Off to prison I go, Possession Of Drug Paraphernalia, definitely going to be somebody's bitch, will make a lovely trade for a coffee stick.

“Nevermind, looked familiar. Keep walkin’.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

As you step back into the familiar setting of your bedroom, you can still feel your legs shaking from the adrenaline. Stuffing the backpack to the very back of the top of your closet, you lay on your bed and send Yoongi a text.

| 5:57am

You: ur drugs are safe and sound

| 6:00am

Yoongles: Owe u big time Bee.

Thanks again x

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[alicewrotethis]

𐙚ᣟ݂﹒𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭﹒

ㅤ۫ㅤ ˚ ۪˖𓏲﹒synopsis!! bokuto needs a tutor for his astronomy class, and what better person to do that than you? . ㅤ ˖ㅤㅤ۫ㅤ ˚౨ cw!! timeskip! b. kotaro x astronomy tutor! reader, sfw  ﹒ ◠ note!!   i thought of this and just had to write it down omg probably my fav i have so many more ideas for this once i finish part 2 of my atsumu series౨  wc!! 2.8k   ˚ ۪˖𓏲 mood!! series playlist

The campus library was supposed to be your sanctuary— a quiet haven where the soft rustle of pages and the hum of fluorescent lights allowed your thoughts to stretch as vast as the stars you studied.

But today, peace shattered the moment he arrived.

Bokuto Kotaro stormed in like a supernova, all bright energy and booming voice, waving his crumpled astronomy work like a flag of surrender.

“Hey, hey, hey! You’re the tutor, right?" he asked, his grin wide and unbothered by the dozen glares aimed his way.

You stared at him, momentarily speechless, wondering how anyone could radiate that much energy this early in the morning. It barely cracked eleven AM.

Under normal circumstances, you'd have never stepped five feet in the owl-headed boy's vicinity, but for the extra credit in your classes, you would.

Bokutos coach had come to you, requesting you tutor Boktuo on astronomy as you were the only one available and the only one who excelled in the university's astronomy course. In return, he promised hed twist a few strings to get you some extra credit, and after a few moments of debating you accepted, it couldn't have been that bad right?

Wrong.

"Bokuto-san, this is a library," You reminded him, subtly looking around at all the faces watching Bokuto's rather bright form.

Bokuto blinked at you, his grin faltering for only a second before bouncing back as if the concept of an 'indoor voice' simply didn’t exist in his world.

He leaned closer, lowering his voice ever so slightly, "Right, right, sorry!" he whispered, though it was still loud enough to earn a second wave of shushing from a nearby table.

"I just got so excited! I mean, how cool is this? Studying stars? Like, actual stars!" He punctuated his sentence with a dramatic gesture that sent his crumpled papers fluttering to the ground.

You sighed, already feeling the beginning of a headache, "Bokuto-san, I don’t think you understand—"

"No, no, I get it!" he cut in, crouching to scoop up his fallen notes.

"This is serious business, I’m totally ready to learn, you’re, like, my last hope before the coach makes me sit out for the rest of the season, "He looked up at you then, his golden eyes wide and genuine, and for a moment, you almost believed he meant it.

Almost.

"Then maybe start by sitting down... quietly," you said, gesturing to the chair across from you.

Bokuto saluted, far too enthusiastically for a library, and flopped into the seat with enough force to make the table rattle, causing you pinched the bridge of your nose.

This is going to be a long semester.

Bokuto leaned forward, practically vibrating with excitement, as he spread his crumpled papers across the table like some sort of battlefield strategist, "Okay, so I was looking at the syllabus— well, kinda— and I think I get it, stars are, like, really far away, right? But also super hot? Like... the sun, but not?"

You stared at him, trying to decipher if that was a question, a statement, or a Bokuto-ism you’d just have to get used to, "That’s... technically correct, Bokuto-san, but—"

"See? I’m not totally hopeless!" He beamed, leaning back with almost contagious confidence, "Coach was all, ‘You’ve gotta study harder,’ and I was like, ‘Don’t worry, I’ve totally got this!’ And then—"

"Bokuto-san," you cut in, resisting the urge to bang your head on the table, "Do you even have your textbook?"

His grin faltered, "...Doesn't a syllabus count?"

Did he really just ask that? Where even was his bag? Why would he sign up for astronomy if he didn't even know the difference between a textbook and a syllabus?

You sighed, long and deep, feeling your patience wear thinner by the second, "No, Bokuto-san, a syllabus does not count, we’re going to need to start at square one,"

Bokuto straightened in his chair, slapping his hands on the table with a determined glint in his eye, "Alright, teach me! I’m ready!"

You raised an eyebrow, glancing pointedly at the other students in the library who were now watching him like a particularly loud wildlife documentary.

"Quietly, Bokuto-san, this is still a library," you muttered, before pulling out your notebook.

He immediately dropped his voice to an exaggerated whisper, "Right, right! Quiet stars! Got it,"

You pressed your lips together, stifling a laugh despite yourself.

You took a deep breath and opened your notebook, flipping to the diagrams you’d drawn for the last exam, "Alright, Bokuto-san, let’s start simple, can you name the three main types of stars?"

Bokuto leaned over the table, squinting at your neatly labeled chart like it was written in another language, "Uh... big, medium, and small?"

You blinked, "That’s not even remotely close,"

He scratched his head, looking sheepish, "Okay, okay, give me a hint! Is one of them... shiny?"

You bit back a groan, tapping your pen against the table.

"They’re all shiny, that’s kind of their thing, let’s try this instead," You pointed to the diagram.

"The three types are massive stars, intermediate stars, and low-mass stars, think of it like volleyball players— each type has a different role and lifespan depending on how much ‘energy’ they have."

Bokuto’s eyes lit up, "Ohhh, like an ace versus a libero! Okay, okay, I get it now! So... low-mass stars would be like liberos? They don’t get the spotlight, but they last a long time?"

You blinked, surprised, "Actually... that’s a decent analogy, I think,"

"See? I’m a genius!" He declared, earning another round of glares from the surrounding tables. He shrank a little under the scrutiny but quickly recovered, leaning in closer, "Alright, hit me with another one!"

Bokuto had only taken astronomy because he thought it'd be an easy class, he saw stars all the time, in movies, and outside; even the lights in the gym looked like stars! So how hard could it have been?

What he wasn't prepared for was needing to name them off the top of his head, and he never even understood the whole constellation thing, they all looked the same! He just could never see it no matter how long he stared at the sky, and he was starting to believe it was some inside joke he wasn't apart of.

Encouraged by his enthusiasm, you turned the page to a diagram of the life cycle of a star.

"Okay. This is how a star evolves over time. It starts as a nebula—basically a giant cloud of gas and dust, and from there, depending on its mass, it can become a protostar, then a main-sequence star, and eventually..."

Bokuto’s hand shot up like he was in a classroom, "Ooh! Ooh! Does it explode?!"

You stared at him, caught off guard, "...Yes, some stars do end their lives in a supernova,"

“I knew it!" He grinned like he’d just won the lottery, "Stars are like aces! They go out with a bang!"

You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped, "That’s... one way to put it, I guess,"

Bokuto was definitely a creative person you'd give him that much.

For the next hour, you worked through more diagrams and explanations, occasionally pausing to translate the material into volleyball metaphors when Bokuto started zoning out. To your surprise, he was actually listening— though his 'notes' consisted of doodles of stars with dramatic eyebrows and stick-figure volleyball players labeled 'supernova aces.'

Despite the silly drawings instead of words, the notes actually made sense, like he was keeping up and actually processing what you were saying, for the most part, it was as if he just needed the right way of studying, and that way was comparing things to volleyball— something you had no clue about.

When the session finally ended, Bokuto leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms behind his head with a satisfied sigh.

"Man, that wasn’t so bad!" Bokuto said, his grin as wide as ever, "I mean, I still don’t totally get why stars have lifecycles or whatever, but that thing about red giants being, like, the blockers of the universe? That stuck!"

You arched an eyebrow, packing up your notebook, "You do realize blockers don’t explode into planetary nebulae, right?"

He waved a hand dismissively, "Details, details, the point is, I’m totally gonna ace this next quiz, the coach is gonna be so impressed!"

You paused, glancing at his scribbled mess of notes, amidst the chaotic drawings and exaggerated labels, there was a strange kind of logic— one that only Bokuto seemed to understand, yet seemingly effective if he actually understood.

"Well, if this... masterpiece helps you remember the material, I guess that’s what matters," you said, sliding your bag over your shoulder.

"Exactly!" he declared, shooting up from his seat with enough force to make the table rattle, he held out his fist toward you, his grin practically glowing, "Thanks! You’re the best tutor ever!"

You blinked at his outstretched hand, momentarily caught off guard by the unexpected gesture. Hesitantly, you raised your fist and bumped it against his, feeling the warmth of his enthusiasm seep into you.

"Just don’t forget everything we covered the second you step out of this library, Bokuto-san," You replied, trying to sound stern but failing to hide the small smile tugging at your lips.

"No way! I’m locked in now," He said, tapping the side of his head, "It’s all up here, supernova aces, red blockers, all of it,"

You shook your head, suppressing a laugh, "I’ll see you tomorrow then, don’t forget your textbook,"

As you turned to leave, Bokuto called after you, his voice loud enough to earn another round of glares, you lost count at this point, "See ya, don’t miss me too much!"

Bokuto smiled widely, his papers in hand, he felt like he could really pass this class with your help, and he couldn't wait till tomorrow to show you that he in fact did not forget everything you've explained to him. He liked studying with you, you were patient, sort of, in your own way!

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the warmth spreading in your chest.

This is going to be a long semester.

But this time, the idea didn’t seem so bad.

You stepped into your dorm room with a small content sigh, replaying the memories of hours ago a small smile made its way onto your face, you were glad your roommate had been spending more time at her boyfriends apartment.

Boyfriend, the word itself grossed you out.

You could never imagine yourself having a boyfriend right now, you were just too focused on college and your major, You neither had the time nor the patience required to handle the responsibilities of a relationship.

Throwing your bag onto your desk you headed for your closet, wanting to change into something comfier before you began your late-night studying.

As you plopped onto your bed you felt your phone buzz, the screen illuminating your face as you read the notification.

unknown number: hey!!

you: hello?

unkown number: its me, bokuto!!

A smile appeared on your face as you bit your lip to try and suppress it.

you: how'd you get my number? and why are you texting so late bokuto-san?

bokuto-san: details details, anyway! do you have a window in your dorm??!111!!!111!11

you: yes bokuto-san, its mandatory...

bokuto-san: face time me !!!!

With a sigh you clicked on his contact and dialed his number, what could possibly be so important that he needed to call you so late? And why were you entertaining it?

Within an instant he picked up, the sight of bokuto filling the entire screen, a wide grin evident on his features.

"What did you need Bokuto-san?" You asked, propping the phone up on your nightstand while you sat on your bed.

"Your pajamas are cute! We should get matching ones!" He blurted out, you were wearing dark blue pajama pants that had stars littered on them.

The compliment made a blush rise to your cheeks, but you wouldn't let it distract you, "Bokuto-san," You said sternly.

"So serious all the time! Anyways, go to your window!" He said, and from what you could see in his background he seemed to be moving around.

With a sigh, you picked the phone up and walked to your window, "Now what?" You questioned, looking out to make sure he wasn't climbing it or something, you wouldn't put anything past this guy.

You heard him laugh, "Now open your window and tell me how to find this Orion guy!"

You smiled fondly, one of your favorite constellations was Orion, "Alright, Bokuto-san, but only for a little," You firmly said.

You opened your window and peeked your head out a bit, feeling the cold breeze hit your skin and sent a shiver down your spine.

"Cold, huh?" You heard Bokuto say, in a much calmer tone.

"Yeah," You stared up at the sky, looking for Orion's belt, "You ready Bokuto-san?"

Your gaze shifted back down to your phone, seeing Bokuto on his back in the grass, his eyes were looking past the phone and into the sky intently, the only thing illuminating his face was the moon and the subtle yellow light of an estrayed college sidewalk light.

"Yeah," He said focused, though his eyes beamed with excitement.

"Alright," You said, gently smiling as you redirected your focus onto the sky, "You’re gonna want to look for three stars in a straight line, they’re not super bright, but once you see them it's hard to unsee them," You explained as simple as you could, already finding Orion's belt once again.

Bokuto squinted, his brow furrowing as he scanned the dark expanse above."Uh… wait, wait! I think I got it!" He said enthusiastically, "Is it that one?" He pointed, seemingly forgetting you were on the phone.

"Bokuto-san, I'm not with you," You said with a soft giggle.

“Oh, right!" Bokuto laughed, the sound was sheepish but warm."Okay, okay, so, uh... describe it again? I think I’m close!"

You smiled, shaking your head,"Alright, focus on the three stars in a straight line, they’re pretty evenly spaced, and they’re just below a really bright star— Betelgeuse, can you see that one?"

“Betel-juice, yeah, I remember from earlier!" He said, his voice brimming with excitement. You heard the faint rustle of grass through the phone as he shifted around.

"Alright, I see the bright one, now... oh! I see them!"

"Really?" You asked, grinning, almost as excited as he was.

Almost.

"Yeah! Three stars, right? In a row? That’s it, isn’t it?" His voice was so loud and triumphant, it was hard not to laugh.

Bokuto couldn't believe what he was seeing, he actually saw a constellation, it wasn't just an inside joke between people in his class, it wasn't some myth, it was real! And you helped him see it, you're the reason he doesn't feel so left out anymore.

You laughed tenderly, "Yes, that’s it, congratulations, Bokuto-san, you’ve officially found Orion’s Belt."

"This is so cool!" He exclaimed, his voice practically vibrating with excitement.

"It really is," You say, happy he feels as excited as you were when you found your first constellation. "If you look north a little you'll see two brighter stars, those represent his shoulders, and if you look south of his belt you'll find his feet,"

After a few moments of silence, he spoke up, "Man, it’s way cooler when you actually know what you’re looking at, what’s next? Are there more belts? Like a whole star wardrobe?" He asked enthusiastically.

You couldn’t help but laugh again, shaking your head. "Not quite, but there’s plenty more to see, first, you might want to take a moment to just enjoy Orion,"

There was a pause, and when Bokuto spoke again, his voice was softer, almost a whisper. "This is actually kind of amazing,"

You looked down at your phone screen, and you noticed Bokutos eyes were glazed over in awe, adorning his cheeks was a pinkish tint.

"You're amazing," Bokuto said, turning his direction towards his phone screen, watching as a smile tugged at your lips. His tone was still the same soft voice, a contrast to his usual theatrical self.

He was telling the truth, Bokuto found you amazing, how you knew so much about the stars, something he wouldn't have even thought twice about before meeting you or before he signed up for the class. He was glad he did, he was glad he was failing the class because if he wasn't, he wouldn't be on the phone with you, lying in the grass and staring at the stars.

And just like that, he couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, the stars didn't seem so distant anymore.

navigation !

© 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 ─ please don't copy, translate, or post any of my work without my permission !

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

Quite the Workout Part 3 -Oneshot

Sorry it took me a minute, but here's part 3. ;) I also don't necessarily like the nicknames Bucky calls reader in this one...but it seemed to fit the vibe of the story. Trigger warning: derogatory name-calling, smut Word count: 2603

Part 1 Part 2

“I’ve never been in this room before,” Y/N said, looking around the smaller workout room.

Bucky hummed.  “It’s one of the private workout rooms.”

She looked around at the equipment lining the walls, the mirror along the wall across from the door and a large mat covering the middle section of the room.  There were no windows, and she wasn’t sure but she thought she heard the click of the lock when Bucky closed the door behind them.  “Why do we need a private workout room if we’re just sparring?” she asked, though she had an inclination as to what it was Bucky had on his mind.

“So I can give you a private lesson,” he said matter-of-factly.  “Who better to learn hand-to-hand combat and sparring with than the one and only ex-Winter Soldier?”

Y/N lifted an eyebrow at him.  “I know hand-to-hand combat, Buck,” Y/N said.  “You’ve seen me do it before.”

“Yes,” he nodded, walking toward her.  “But you’ve never had to go up against me.”

Y/N huffed a laugh as his eyes narrowed, looking like a predator stalking its prey.  “You sure you won’t get a boner while trying to fight me?” she teased.

Bucky’s expression didn’t waver except for his lips slightly curling into a smirk.  “No promises,” he said.  

Y/N rolled her eyes and got into a defensive stance.  She let Bucky circle her, watching him carefully and trying to think of the next steps he could take.  She’d seen him fight in the field multiple times.  He was wicked fast, strategic, and quite lithe for a man his size.  He was taking small steps closer to her each time he circled, almost imperceptibly if she wasn’t so aware of him.  Like lightning he suddenly swung at her, and she barely dodged his attack by mere centimeters.  It slightly scared her, her eyes widening and muscles tensing.  Most people, especially men she had ever had to fight were pretty predictable, they’re bodies indicating what their next move would be with each twitch, back swing and twist.  But Bucky was like a wild cat, slinking toward her one way then surprising her going a different way.  His hits were heavy but precise.  She tried to keep her breathing even and composed.  It would do her no good to panic.  She moved so that her back would never face him, frowning as she focused on the task at hand.

Bucky’s smirk never left his face.  He knew he had the upper hand, and she knew it, too.  As much as she could hold her own against most assailants, an enhanced person was a totally different animal.  He finally stopped moving and waited for her to make the next move, his head tilting in both question and challenge at her.

Y/N couldn’t stand the anticipatory, charged silence and attacked, swinging her arm through the air toward his face.  She knew he would dodge it easily, so as he moved his head she twisted her body and punched his ribs with her other hand at the last second before springing away from him.

Bucky huffed a breath and smiled as he turned to face her.  “Good girl,” he praised her.  “Good strategy.”

Y/N shook out and flexed her hand that landed the punch.  It was like punching a brick wall.  As proud as she was at landing at least one punch, she didn’t let it deter her from being realistic about her chances.  She wasn’t enhanced, didn’t have any powers to help her.  They sparred for a while longer, Y/N doing her best to just not get hit or hurt.  Most of her movements were defensive or evasive, and she could feel her endurance diminishing as time went on.  Bucky seemed to be enjoying himself, his eyes raking over her figure more often than not, which only made it harder for her to focus.  

“Would you quit ogling me and just fight?” she finally grunted as she missed hitting his torso once again.

“It’s not my fault you decided to spar with the tiniest, tightest shorts known to mankind,” Bucky retorted, his hungry gaze flitting over her lower half for the hundredth time.  “Trying to distract me with those thighs of yours.”

“Aw, I thought you liked my thighs,” Y/N said patronizingly.  The shorts had been a conscious decision, which he of course picked up on.  

“I do,” he winked.  “And that ass that’s practically hanging out of those shorts.  And what’s peeking at me between your legs every time you kick at me.”

Y/N smirked.  She conveniently hadn’t worn underwear, either.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said nonchalantly.  “I’m just here to spar with my mission partner.  It’s not my fault if he’s a horny, thigh-obsessed, sick little pussy puppy.”

Bucky’s eyes widened at her.  He suddenly sprang forward and tackled her, blocking most of the fall with his body before rolling them over until he was on top of her.  Y/N squirmed and struggled, trying to fight him off but failing miserably as his metal hand gripped both of her wrists and held her hands up above her head and firmly against the mat.  She tried to lift her legs enough to kick him off, but he positioned himself between her legs, keeping them spread wide so she couldn’t bend them high or wide enough to get at him with her feet.  His flesh hand gripped her throat and she gasped as he squeezed.

“Watch your dirty mouth, baby,” Bucky growled, his face an inch away from hers.  His eyes were dark, his nose scrunched and lips curled over his teeth like he was snarling at her.  He looked more dangerous to her than he ever had before, opening up a flood of conflicting emotions that had her body responding in strange ways.  As much as she was panicking at being so easily taken down, her hips were trembling with need, her pussy hot and throbbing at the danger.  “Wearing the smallest shorts with no underwear to try and throw me off.  Once again, proving that if anyone is sick in this relationship, it’s you.”  He kissed her hard, making her hum against mouth as he stole the breath from her lungs.  The kiss was all tongue and teeth, nipping at her lips and sucking on her tongue before quickly pulling away.  He squeezed her neck again and she opened her mouth wide to suck in a breath.  He leaned down and licked a tear that she was unaware had fallen down the side of her face.  “Look at you, so desperate you’re shaking beneath me.  Such a sick, horny, pretty little bitch.”

Y/N nodded, her wrists trying to twist out of his grip.  His flesh hand moved down slowly from her neck and over her chest, kneading her breasts roughly and rucking up her tank top and sports bra so her breasts were exposed before traveling down her torso to the rim of her shorts.  He yanked them down, maneuvering her legs so he could pull them all the way off so she was opened wide and splayed out naked for him.  Y/N was panting at his rough treatment.  They had been together a couple of times since that mission where she had teased him about getting a boner watching her fight, but it had never been this rough or needy before.  She had once again said too much, done too much, and pushed him too far.  This was punishment.

Bucky never let go of her wrists, his metal hand a literal vise pinning her against the mat.  His flesh hand felt her all over, his fingers teasing her cunt and clit before quickly pulling away, then he would lean down and bite or lick along sensitive spots on her body until she was a whining, moaning, crying mess.  

“Bucky…please!” she cried out after he edged her again, pulling his fingers away from her pussy.

She yelped as he slapped her puffy pussy lips.  “What did you call me?” he asked gravelly.

“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry,” she pleaded, trying to grind her hips up toward him, his hard cock tenting his sweats and brushing against her every time he moved.  “Please Sergeant!  I can’t, I can’t handle it, please…”

Bucky tickled the space above her pussy with the tips of his fingers, sliding them up her stomach, making her flinch, then kneaded her breasts again, pinching her nipples too hard one at a time.  She thrashed her head back and forth, biting her lower lip to keep herself from being too loud.  Then he slapped her tits, and she shuddered with a long groan.  “You’re my little slut, aren’t you?”

“YES!” she screamed.  “I’m your little slut, Sergeant!”

Bucky smiled.  “Good girl,” he said, then sunk three fingers deep inside her.  Y/N moaned loudly at finally being filled, her head wrenching back against the mat with a thud.  His thumb rubbed at her clit as his fingers squelched in and out of her, changing the pace randomly and sporadically curling his fingers deep inside her, brushing against the special spot and teasing her.  

“Sergeant, can I please cum?” Y/N begged, her legs moving up over his hips and hooking her ankles behind his ass.

“No,” Bucky murmured.

Y/N whimpered at the denial, trying hard to stave off her impending orgasm.  She decided to try something else.  “Sergeant, will you please fuck me with your cock?”  His eyes snapped up to look at her.  “Please?” she quickly added again.  “I want your thick, fat cock inside me.  I need it.  Please?”

Bucky paused for a second before removing his hand from her pussy and pushing down his sweats and boxers just far enough to release his cock.  Y/N moaned at the sight of it, hard, long and thick, pulsing with need like she was.  He stroked himself, wiping her wetness onto himself before rubbing the tip through her lower lips.  She shook again, desperate for him but trying not to move too much for fear that he would take it away.  

“This what you want, baby?” he teased her, rubbing her clit with the tip of his cock.

“Yeah, yes, Sergeant,” she whispered.  

“Is this what your pretty little pussy needs?” he asked, rutting his hips against her so his cock length ran up and down through her pussy lips.  Y/N nodded frantically, shivering each time the head of his cock would catch against her clit or at her entrance.  “Is this what my pretty little bitch needs?  So desperate for my cock.  You gonna take all of me?”  She nodded again, more tears falling down the sides of her face.  “But you’re not gonna cum til I say so, are you, slut?”

Y/N shook her head.  “No, I won’t cum til you say so, Sergeant.  Please!”  She knew how desperate and insane she sounded, but couldn’t find it in herself to care.  It was hard to believe that just a few weeks ago this would have been unfathomable to her.

Bucky hummed, then suddenly slammed himself all the way in with one hard thrust.  Y/N sobbed at finally being filled the way she wanted so perfectly like only he could.  He harshly blew out a puff of air, his eyes shut tight as he tried to keep himself composed.  “Jesus, baby.  Always so tight for me.”  Her pussy fluttered and he moaned.  “Don’t cum,” he grunted, his eyes opening and glaring at her in warning.

Y/N shook her head again.  “I won’t, I–mmh,” she moaned as he snapped his hips into her.  “I won’t,” she whined.  Bucky’s gaze raked over her, his flesh hand moving to grip and feel her thigh over his hip.  He rolled and thrust his hips into her at an agonizingly slow pace, letting her feel every inch of him moving in and out of her.  Y/N’s fingers were going numb from the tight grip of his metal hand around her wrists, and she whined again.  “Sergeant, can I please touch you?”  

Bucky looked like he was getting lost in the sensation of fucking her, and he absentmindedly nodded, his metal fingers releasing her wrists slowly.  She stretched and flexed her hands and fingers as she lowered her arms and reached up to cup the sides of his face.  Her nails scratched his beard and back into the hair at the nape of his neck, and he shivered at the feeling.  Her hands felt him down his back then tugged at the bottom of his shirt, which he quickly pulled off and flung it aside.  With his metal hand now free he used both hands to feel her up, the cool metal feeling soothing against her warm skin.  Her nails dug into his back as his thrusts got harder.  “I love it when you mark me up,” he groaned.  

Bucky’s metal hand moved back up towards her neck, and he gripped her throat while his flesh hand nestled at her pussy.  As his metal fingers slightly squeezed her throat his flesh fingers started flicking at her clit.  Y/N’s hips bucked under him, her legs starting to shake around his hips.  “Sergeant!  Please, if you keep doing that I’m gonna cum.  Please, can I cum?”  She was begging, something she never thought she would do.  “I’ve been so good for you, Sergeant, please?  Please please please please?”

His metal hand squeezed harder and she gasped, her eyes shutting tight.  His hand moved away and tapped her cheek hard, making her eyes snap back open in shock.  “You think you deserve to cum after teasing me?  After calling me a…what was it?  ‘A sick, little pussy puppy?’”  He was driving his hips into her impressively fast and hard, his flesh fingers never stopping on her clit.

Y/N whimpered.  “I’m sorry, Sergeant.”

Bucky smirked.  “I do love this pretty pussy,” he said, tapping her clit quickly with his fingers.  “So if that makes me a sick puppy, so be it.  But you will always be my pretty, little, desperate-for-my-cock-bitch, won’t you?”          

“Yeeesss,” she hissed when he roughly tapped her clit again.  “Yes, Sergeant.”

“That’s my good girl,” Bucky smiled.  His fingers started rubbing and flicking her clit fast, his thrusts getting more brutal by the second.  Her pussy fluttered around him dangerously and his metal hand went back to her throat, squeezing harder until her eyes rolled back.  “Cum, baby.  Cum on my cock, you desperate cumslut!”

Y/N finally let herself relax enough so that his fingers drove her over the edge and she came hard around him with a garbled scream, her entire body shaking as her vision went white.  She heard Bucky’s loud groan above her and then felt him pull out of her fast, his heavy breaths panting as he stroked himself to finish, then she felt his hot cum spurt onto her right thigh, then a little on her left thigh.  She whimpered, her body limp, nerves feeling shot with overstimulation and yet numb all at the same time.  She felt Bucky’s lips replace his metal hand, kissing the red marks his fingers had made.  

“Good girl…my good fucking girl,” he murmured, nis nose and lips nuzzling along her skin up to her mouth.  “Your thighs have never looked prettier.”

Y/N huffed a laugh, her eyes still closed as his metal hand pulled her by the chin to face upwards so he could kiss her deeply.  She hummed as he pulled away.  “Yes Sergeant.”

[voidspiraling]

Omg Till is so cute whattttttt. Excuse my brain rotting I just needed to get this out of my system.

LOOK AT THEM SO CUTE

ALL OF THEM SO CUTE!!!!

Ahem.

Now time for some serious analysis 🧐 (I don’t rlly get anywhere tho so less of an analysis and more just me asking a bunch of questions hoping for an answer from the void)

One thing I noticed aside from how cute Till is his eye bags.

This baby Till doesn’t have eye bags yet, so we can conclude that Till was starting to become sleep deprived after the age of 3 and before the age of 8. (I’m just making a guess based on the pics of their age Till could be 12 in that picture I truly couldn’t tell you)

Now what does this mean when a child is continuously sleep deprived by a stupid alien?

Impacts Behaviors: Harder to pay attention, prone to mood swings, and increased impulsivity (Yep that’s Till)

Impacts Mental Health: Increases the risk and severity of depression and anxiety (What do you know that’s also Till!)

Impacts Brain Development: Negatively affects the memory and intelligence parts of the brain (Do you guys remember that brain scan that showed a brain suffering from trauma?)

As you can see from an early age Till was already put through the wringer before he even got a bruise. I say this because sleep deprivation is extremely torturous regardless of whether it’s forced or self inflicted. Mentally and physically not getting enough sleep fucks up every aspect of your life. The lack of sleep could be bc Till was staying up late, it was noted by other Anakt kids that Till kept them up at night bc he was practicing his music. It could also be bc Urak forced him to stay awake.

Like when he made Till watch videos of a younger Luka. Overall my heart broke once again at the way they treat a literal baby. Another thing I want to point out is their necks.

I’m leaving out Ivan cuz he doesn’t wear the collar anyways. But Mizi and Sua both wear the standard (I’m assuming standard bc they’re the most common) collars both lit up green. They’re living in a little bubble and while they look cute, knowing how their story goes makes them look uncanny. Anyways this is the collar most of the kids wear.

But Till is wearing a different collar and also is wearing a green patch. It always made me curious why he has different collars compared to the rest. Like I get it’s bc of the fact that he rebels a lot so he has a lot more restraints. But this collar is thinner and more metallic than the other ones. You’d think that if they were trying to punish him more they’d give him a bigger collar or a more restrictive one. They forced him into one that restrains his arm to his torso and one over his mouth. But this is just a thin collar that he wears on stage and it doesn’t seem to have any function other than to be a small collar. It also doesn’t show a mood indicator like the other ones do. I guess bc Urak doesn’t care what Till is feeling so he didn’t bother getting that feature. But it also makes it ambiguous what Till is feeling. In the picture while Mizi and Sua look happy, and Ivan looks focused, Till looks shocked and perplexed about writing in the air. (And adorable but when doesn’t he look adorable?) Anyways I can’t for the life of me figure out why his loser alien would get a custom collar that is so simple. From what I’ve gathered abt that freak he grew up in the slums but due to his greedy nature and inability to have compassion was able make it big by doing illegal shit. So maybe it was cost effective to just make simple collars instead of getting the standard one? What a cheap bastard.

Another thing that confuses me is the green patch on his neck.

Just what is this? My first thought went to nicotine patches and insulin patches. But those aren’t suppose to go on the neck, usually on the arm. Then as I did my daily watch of Round 6 I noticed that Till has been injected with unknown substances through his neck.

My guess is that the green patches are injecting him with some type of drug. And because the skin around the neck is so fragile the drugs can seep through easier. (It’s completely unsafe but in line with how the loser alien acts)

There are two possible explanations.

One is that Till has become addicted to the drugs they pump him with. And in order to keep him normal and keep him from showing withdrawal signs they use the green patches like a nicotine patch. Drugs have been used by artists as a way to further their craft. Some have even become reliant on it in order to make art. There’s a sense of enlightenment as well, some use it as a way to gain a new perspective on life. I personally can’t understand using drugs for that purpose, but some of the greatest works of art have been created through the use of substances like these. So it’s possible that Urak in his attempt to create a weapon that could topple Luka tries to make Till produce songs using that method. Such as injecting a bunch of drugs and leaving him in a room to write songs.

Two is that they use the green patch as a way to sedate Till, or as a way to enhance his performance. As evident by just looking at Till you can tell he’s running on fumes when he’s on stage. So maybe as a way to push past his limit they drug him so that he can keep performing even when his body is at its limit. The patches are only seen in Round 2 but that could explain why Till got a nosebleed when he was performing in Round 7. His body was finally catching up to him.

Alternatively they could just be there to cover up the wounds from injections while also looking cool lol.

As you can tell I am very confused ;-; but also very curious abt these experiments. They seemed to be focused on the throat and mouth which makes me think they’re trying to modify how these kids sing. Like are they trying to make it so that they can sing outside of their vocal range? Are they trying to make it so that they can sing without having to breath? Or maybe the drugs can affect their literal genes. I know human editing is a procedure in Alien stage universe but what does that actually mean? Can you edit their appearance? Their personality? Their memory? Their thoughts?

My attempts at analysis have only left me with more questions.

Thanks for reading byeeeeee

[3gremlins]

eugh please sit with me and appreciate the absolute horror of leg tree, like what the actual hell bioware XD T.T arlathan forest spoilers/thoughts/rambling about inherent natural magic on thedas behind cut

i'm a little sad how the "these people were turned into static sylphs by the forest" is brought up once and never mentioned AGAIN. like there's that one dude who's been eaten by a mushroom and turned into a wooden sylph and your party's just like "ew, oh well another day in arlathan"...like as far as i can tell it's not a blight thing, just a this forest is really weird and magical thing but it's not really ever brought up again??

Just a horrible tree centipede, NBD. there's also a mention of how the forest will just reclaim bodies/magical weirdness at the end of one of the optional puzzles and i'm like HOLD THE PHONE CAN WE CIRCLE BACK TO THIS? but they never really do, even in the veil jumper/bellara questlines. also kinda sad that there aren't any more sylph spirit enemies around this game. Having the trees also attack you randomly is the good shit in fantasy games (it was a neat element in dao for sure). And then some of them were coherent/sentient like the old oak tree which just raises more questions really. They do a lot of kinda weird horror stuff with the environmental design but I wish it had more follow up in the music/pacing? Like dragon age in a fromsoft direction where i'm legit AFRAID to wander the woods would have been kinda neat (they already make you do fromsoft dodging) and there's def hints of that direction all over the game. Wish they'd pushed in that direction a little harder i guess (i don't think i'd want it all the way b/c a full fromsoft experience is not what i want in a dragon age game, but just a little bit more of the fear would be interesting). Tbh even a dragon's dogma night/day cycle would have been cool (where it's significantly more dangerous to go out at night/more enemies appear)

there also seems to be an element of that one scene from independence day with it, like "oh everything's waking up!" presumably b/c of evanuris presence but maybe in response to and less because of? But it seems to get forgotten as soon as you leave the forest areas, I wish there was a little more to it i suppose.

i sort of wish we got a bit more with someone (maybe bellara) being more excited about artifacts waking up and caring less about the overall damage (or even needing an arc to realize of the harm). like the brent spiner character in independence day who's more neutral aligned than anything.

like i get that they wanted the heroes to be heroes but for the LORE NERDS i needed one character to just be hyperfixated on dalish artifacts/the magic forest regardless of the cost. were the sylphs tied to the magic of the forest? does the forest have its own magic that just resonates with the evanuris magic? is the brecilian forest just more special than arlathan? it seems like if one thedan forest is magical they all should be somewhat magical in their own way. (i 100% acknowledge that the scope of this game just couldn't cover everything but i def wish there was a little more time for the non-evanuris related magic, the titans def predate it and i kinda think the world was also naturally magic in its own way before- the evanuris are def presented as a bit of a colonialist power so that would track. It's also just more interesting if all the magic in the world isn't tied to elven/spirit stuff. Like it for sure feels fairly narrowly focused on solas/evanuris stuff which is fine I just wish there were a few more ambient scrolls/codex entries with implied other weirdness. Like I don't want everything explained just breadcrumbs left. maybe they'll get into it in a future game or other media eventually)