#the handful of times i did a full 8hr shift was so bad that i would sleep for 20 hours straight and then another 8 before my next shift at

[bunnyb34r]

Welp I went to take a nap at 2pm and just got up now 😅

[theboardwalkbody]

Time to play:Is it Taltz causing my immune system to fail or is it Normal?

Two weeks ago I had sinusitis symptoms. Took antibiotics and it helped.

That same weekend I ended up in the hospital with what turned out to be a bladder infection (which I had 0 symptoms of prior to the extreme pain it ended up causing) and, according to the scan at the hospital I also have a cyst of "significant size" on my ovary which between that and the swollen bladder have been working together to cause chaos.

Plus I got a cold sore. My paternal grandmother got them all the time and passed them to my sister and I as babies and sometimes if I've been sick enough they come out. It's had me in a bad place mentally because of my own personal feelings about it.

Still battling some issues with that despite the antibiotics but now I'm not sure if it's infection or just the cyst.

Now last Friday I woke up with a sore throat and mild congestion. Over the weekend both things have been getting worse.

I couldn't sleep At All last night. I tried going to bed around midnight but my throat was so dry and my sinuses hurt I was too uncomfortable and just kept tossing and turning until about 230. At that point I remembered the window was open and thought maybe the dry air coming in was causing it so I shut it. It helped a little. I wanted to drink something but I've been hesitant since the bladder issues are worse at night and it makes me not want to drink anything.

I tried to do some day dreaming hoping it would lead to real dreaming and it did but only for about 40 minutes.

From 315 to 415 I once again struggled with the intense dry throat and pain.

Now from 415 to 6 I couldn't shut my brain up. Intense racing thoughts and anxiety related to work.

I missed work last Monday because of the bladder stuff. I was in so much pain and had added nausea from the antibiotics.

I was supposed to start a new case today, a new patient's first day with our company. I really wanted this case for a few different reasons and I think it would be a really good fit.

But I've been awake all night, I feel run down, I feel hot, my throat is hurting, my sinuses are burning, I feel so tired.

They said it's OK and to feel better when I called (finally made the decision at like 615 because I was supposed to be up and getting ready to leave for 730) but I feel so guilty. I feel like it reflects bad on me and the company and it's day one and I really wanted this case and I hope they don't take me off it for good because of this and idk.

I spent hours beating myself up over it before I called and now I'm still beating myself up over it. Despite knowing I'd be suffering during a full 8hr hands on shift with the night I had and how I feel in general because of whatever is going on.

So I'm kinda miserable all around.

I keep trying to convince myself it's just allergies. Because the pollen and the blooming trees, and the change of weather, etc. But I took allergy meds and they didn't do anything. I took the 24hr pseudoephedrine and still nothing. I think it's either the sinus infection has come back or maybe it's a new one, or possibly tonsillitis because on Saturday I did have some spots on my tonsils (I get tonsil stones though and because of my cold sore I didn't poke around at them to see if it was stones or not) and they are swollen (which for me is normal anymore but they look extra swollen and red now).

So idk.

Part of me wants to be like que cera, cera

But the bigger part of me (where the anxiety and mental health issues live) is going to beat myself up over today.

My Lola knows I'm not feeling great and I'm upset because, despite the fan being on which she doesn't enjoy, she jumped down from her loop/perch and is laying on the bed with me (she did use the opportunity to scratch the curtain, though). She's going to snuggle with me and then get zoomies. It is prime for zoomies.

[kalamanthana]

“The universe doesn’t want you to leave,” she said. A story about my last day in Tokyo

Head rising from under the blanket, chuckling, “It’s a sign! The universe doesn’t want you to leave,” she said to me. While I could only stare at her. Slowly processing her theory, working to believe it.

It was my last day in Tokyo, January 2018. I was finally taking an inbound flight from Japan without a return ticket. I was returning for good after living there for more than 2 years.

Pook, a Bangkokian girl who had become so close to me for the past years, for sentimental reasons had decided to accompany my last night in the cheap hotel I’d booked; I needed to let my apartment go weeks before my flight.

My flight was scheduled at 5pm, would depart from Narita (being a city girl, I felt like crying every time I needed to take the long commute to Narita, not to mention the confusing choices of trains to take). We had planned in advance that we’d wake up super early (“early-riser” was not both of our names), fetch some foods and go straight to the airport.

However that morning—both of us still nestled on the hotel’s double bed—I suddenly got a call, a legit call that did not require internet connection (I was internet-less because I needed to give up my SIM card before the flight). It was from my dad.

I suddenly felt uneasy, what’s the matter? Is everything okay?

An Asian parent my dad was, would think more than twice to pay for international calls.

So getting an urgent international call from my dad at odd hours, I immediately thought something must be off.

Picking up the phone, my dad said that ANA (the airline) had been contacting me to inform that there was something with my flight that it would need to be delayed.

Of course, they were unsuccessful to contact me because I had no internet, no numbers to call. Fortunately, at that time it was my dad who booked me the ticket, so the airline could reach out to him.

After I was connected—with Pook’s full-of-internet phone—I was able to coordinate with the airline until we fixed on a new flight schedule. 

Initially planned to take off at 5PM, I was rescheduled to 11PM.

Initially planned to take off from Narita airport, I was rerouted to Haneda airport.

I was given an additional 8 hours to say goodbye (or not?) to the city that I love. 

Days before, I had made peace with the fact that I was going home. I went through all the chaotic and stressful processes that come with moving out and returning to one’s country. I had fulfilled my check-list of “last-visit”s in the city before I go back. I had my best friend accompanying me throughout my last days here. I had made peace and I was ready to return for good.

But then, the universe decided to prolong the city’s separation with me.

“It’s a sign!” shouted Pook, “the universe doesn’t want you to leave.”

Me, being a romantic, immediately agreed to the idea.

Okay, Universe, will you give another sign within the next 8 hours, that I will have to stay in the city, for good?

The funny thing was, I have realized that when you know that it is the last thing of something, you settle to things that are familiar to you. You don’t think of checking all the bucket list; you stick to the things dear to you.

So on my last day, instead of checking my bucket list (if any), we decided to go to two places that we’ve been over and over and over again; Roppongi and Shibuya.

And we were in dire need of coffee and big lunch.

Now, mind you. It was supposed to be my last day after living there for 2+ years. I carried a lot of baggage with me, like, a lot.

Of course I would not have them tailing us around, and thank god Tokyo for sheltering abundant lockers in its stations.

And so we hopped on the JR Line train, hoping to fetch some empty lockers in Shinagawa station, and when we arrived, that was when it hit us: we were in Tokyo on a Sunday.

No lockers were available.

We started hopped on and off the train again, stopping at stations to check on the lockers, no luck.

And when there were ones available, my baggage was too big to fit in.

We were hungry and tired, and the ever-kind Pook started Googling for other locker options other than stations, and we found one in Shibuya. 

So then gone were we to Shibuya, which was supposed to be our second stop of the day. But we intended to stick to our plan. So after we left the baggages in Shibuya, we headed on to Roppongi (again, the plan was Roppongi > Shibuya).

We couldn’t count how many times we visited the district, we loved it so much there especially during winter time, due to Tokyo’s Illumination hype. Both of us are such suckers to those Christmas-y lightings. And Roppongi has one of the best Illumination spots in Tokyo (second to Marunouchi, IMHO).

We had lunch at TGIF to spoil our belly, then we headed on to the Starbucks Tsutaya—where the heart of the district was (again, IMHO).

Indulging ourselves with coffee, we went upstairs and competed with other Tokyoites to grab the high-demand lounge chairs facing the high-glass window, overlooking Roppongi streets, along with its soon-to-be-lit Winter lightings (Illumination). We were lucky we managed to get one chair each.

To this day, it struck me how, on my last day, me and Pook did not fill every second with bits of farewell remarks, or any goody-sweety things, knowing that it’d be awhile since we’d see each other again.

Instead, we just sat there, being silent with each other. Mesmerized by the calmness of Roppongi street (during the day), and how it would shift to the festive ambiance when it got darker.

Then it was time to go to Shibuya, last stop before the airport.

Two of our friends were planning to join as well; Logan, whom I met in school and had a huge crush on Pook at that time, and Yuji, Pook’s high school friend in Bangkok, whom I had never met before.

And so four of us went to have dinner together in an Izakaya.

Afterwards, they accompanied me hopping on the train until Shinagawa station, the last stop before I boarded on the train straight to the airport.

I have always had such a weak heart when it came to goodbyes. I hated goodbyes. It usually would leave me with this such hollow feeling that would linger for God knows how long.

But at that time, I think having people around me, especially my very best girl really helped. And to be honest, it helped as well knowing that I was the one leaving.

At the station, I could see Pook was getting a tiny bit sentimental (after all, she’d always been a heartless b****, if I may say), when suddenly she handed me two things: a small box and a booklet.

I was so surprised. It did not dawn on me that she’d have the time to prepare any gifts, and I felt bad for not doing the same for her.

Afterwards in the airport, it surprised me even more that she had gifted me a watch, a watch that I’ve been unconsciously craving over and over again—just because I want to have it though, had not developed any deep intention to actually buy it—all of this time she listened, and it was so kind of her for being so sensitive and considerate.

Now because of that fact, and that it was a farewell gift, I never wanted to adjust the time on the watch. Whenever I am in any part of the world, the watch needs to be TYO time.

I may not have experienced all the things people think you should do in Japan.

I may not have checked all the list of things to do in Japan.

To this day, I still get remarks of “You lived in Japan but you’ve never been in Hokkaido?” You never did this and that?

Well, but if I hadn’t lived in Japan, I wouldn’t have had Pook. And that’s for life.

At least once in your life, you have to have a Pook.

Fast forward to 8hrs after parting with Pook in Tokyo, I sat on a quiet, just-opened-for-for-the-day coffeeshop at Changi airport, Singapore.

I opened my laptop, savouring on the free wifi, while sending Pook a picture of my coffee, texting “But yeah, coffee first.”

It was 6.54am and I knew all was, and would be well.