#the guy in the comic is actually clotted cream

[i-am-dumb]

Animal purecacao!

(a stupid, VERY low effort comic under cut)

[clottedcreamtea]

yeah this is canonically how it happened actually

but fr i just wrote the most heartwrenching material ever??? i mean probably not ever but like. woof. im breaking hearts left and right and projecting even further!!!!!!!!

[lexi-the-demon-69]

My CRK hot takes (character edition)

Yeah, you knew this was bound to happen. So, here are my Cookie Run Kingdom hot takes! Please do not read beyond this point if you are easily offended by someone else's opinion because I do not feel like listening to some of you guys whine in the comments.

So, here they are lol:

Ok, now let me explain my takes! I couldn't really fit everything into the comic, because they're just too small and I don't think I can do it justice. So, here are my explanations!

1.) "Black Pearl is an overrated character and didn't deserve to be Cookie of the Year."

I honestly do not understand why she’s so popular, other than that her design is pretty and she’s VERY good skill-wise. Other than that… there’s nothing really that I like about her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not criminally offensive compared to other characters, but all she is to me is a simple rehash of Dark Choco Cookie’s character, but worse. If anything, Sherbert Cookie should’ve been Cookie of the Year and not her! He’s an amazingly written character compared to her and I actually feel very sorry for, unlike Black Pearl. The only reason why she got Cookie of the Year is that she’s pretty. That’s it.

2.) "Clotted Cream can go fuck himself."

I despise this character with a passion. I also do not understand the appeal of Clotted Cream. There is just something about him that I just do not like! The moment I laid eyes on him in Cookie Odyssey, I immediately thought he was the man behind the slaughter and I feel like that was also half of the fandom at the time when Cookie Odyssey was released. Do I even need to mention the scene where he confronts the ancients with Dark Enchantress Cookie’s identity? I mean, yes, it should’ve been said, but holy fuck he could NOT shut his fucking mouth! Besides, HE started the whole damn thing! If anything, Dark Cacao should AT LEAST knock some fucking sense into him. I would not be even mad. Also, he’s fucking annoying to me. Why does he not have a British accent?! WHY?!-

3.) "LicoPom is a good ship"

I stand by this and I shall explain myself now. Both Pomegranate and Licorice Cookie are shitty people and they both treat Dark Choco like garbage. The ONLY reason why people say this ship is bad is because Pomegranate is shitty towards Choco. Y'all, you DO realize Licorice also uses Dark Choco as a punching bag too, right? Not only does Licorice throw Dark Choco under the bus by mentioning him to get him in trouble, but ALSO calls him names. Not to mention that Licorice is treated the best by Pomegranate, compared to the others, and you can see that they care about each other (at least, Licorice does, at the end of episode 14, where he tells her that she's hurt and they need to retreat.) They deserve each other, honestly.

4.) "The Heroes of the Dark Cacao Update is THE BEST CRK Update."

Do I really need to explain why? I mean, this update is CARRIED by its story ALONE! Not to mention we got Dark Cacao: One of the BEST written characters in the entire game, Affogato Cookie, Caramel Arrow Cookie: Dark Choco's wife/j and certified Girlboss, and we got to learn more about Dark Choco Cookie as a character! Whoever says this update is bad is a liar-

5.) "Sea Fairy is a mid character"

I don't think I need to explain why. We know very little about her, even after the Mermaid update we only know that she's connected to the Mermaids and that's kinda it. I mean, I don't hate her at all, but I wish we had a little more info about her.

6.) "Pudding Cookie should be introduced into Kingdom for the next Krima update"

Ok, not much of a hot take but more of an opinion. I mean, c'mon! Look at her!! We need an update where she's introduced along with other Christmas Cookies with their own little story, like in ovenbreak! Please, Devsisters, do it-

----

Ok, that's all of my hot takes I have so far. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose some of my followers for these takes- (thank you for 400 followers btw!! It really means a lot!!) but I say it's worth it. If any of you guys have any hot takes of your own, please let me know in the comments or ask box! I'd love to see them!

[queen-rainy-love]

I decided that this is a bit overdue and that we did need a slight update on the Pure Lily family tree. I thought 'Why not show the heights of every Cookie in the family tree?' and then this was made! And I have included every family member, jam related or not, here. Which does include Oyster and Captain Caviar's family (except for Bubble Pearl because I'm not an artist and I can't create a sprite for her).

So let's start with the first generation! The parents, aunts, uncles, and caretakers.

Of course, Millennial Tree is the tallest and Vanilla Sugar is the smallest. I'm actually surprise that Pure Vanilla isn't the smallest or part of the five smallest Cookies.

Next up, the children of the first generation (at least most of them).

Dark Choco is only in this outfit to have a fair measurement to the others (and he was raised by Dark Enchantress in his late teens but he does not see himself as her child). And yes, Lilybell is shorter than Kouign-Amann, who is younger by two-three years. (Also, huge thanks to Comic Creator Cutebear39 for making Royal Margarine alone sprites). And Bubble Pearl isn't here, as she's my OC, but is taller than Clotted Cream but shorter than Royal Margarine. And yes, Dark Choco was raised by Dark Enchantress but is not jam related to any of the Pure Lily family.

Now the grandchildren of the first generation and some children of the first generation that I forgot to put in the second photo!

I will tell you all this right now: only one has jam relation to the Pure Lily family tree. Everyone else is adopted but still well love. Also, only two are adults...like between Clover and Knight's age. Everyone else is a under 18.

Now if you guys have questions about who raised who and who is related to who, I'm more than glad to answer them. Just please be respectful.

[chromes-corner]

Hey it's me >:] for the character bingo thingie, can, can you try it with Affogato and Clotted Cream? if you can ofc!!, generally I need to know abt ppl's opinions on those sly bastards <3

-Mid

More brainrotting 😌😌 ah my sweet sweet catharsis 💕

Affogato up first!

I. Love. Affogato. I fucking LOVE HIM YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!! Like he’s so conniving and sneaky that it’s lowkey comical and that’s such a FUN CHARACTER TRAIT. i just think affogatos a silly funny guy and he should be allowed to do whatever he wants <3

i marked wasted potential because i know damn well that hes never gonna be relevant to the story ever again and god that upsets me so deeply. like i said up there affogato is just FUN. i love the way he talks and how he enunciates everything to sound as evil as possible. i want him to read me bedtime stories about murder and betrayal. 

god i want to know more about his upbringing, because what we do know is SO INTERESTING AND GODDDDD IT MAKES CACAO OUT TO BE SUCH A SHIT KING AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! like i can ONLY assume that it was because of cacao’s shitass kinglyness that affogato became the way he is. maybe this is just me making long winded headcanons about things, but in my eyes, because cacao was so focused on defenses and such, he neglected the other tribes of the kingdom which eventually led them to ruin. affogato grew up with NOTHING, poor as dirt along with every other coffee tribe denizen, thus leading him on this epic mission for revenge and regicide. oh what a guy. you go boo <3

for the love of god i want more on affogato. hes so funny but hes also kinda tragic oh what a little guy... i want him to eat out of my hand and then tell me im filth beneath his shoe.............

ummmmmmmmmmmm i dont like clotted cream. yeah erm uh sorry.

ok actually its kinda weird. i have a really strong love-hate relationship with clotted cream. i like him BECAUSE i dislike him so much. i want to step on this twink. i want to wreck his shit and punch him in the face. hes a stupid manipulative politician (i said the same word twice there) and i want him to lovingly fall into a pit of spikes.

that being said, I LIKE SEEING HOW HE INTERACTS WITH OTHERS!!!!! like by himself hes a shithead and i want him to take a nap forever, but when hes actively putting on the charms to manipulate other people??? fuck yeah honestly give that to me. he has really good fucking writing and i appreciate that the story is making me hate him. like go off bro convince those old geezers to give their weapons of mass destruction to you. 

and i cant mention clotted cream without screaming about his design. HES SO DUMB LOOKING. HE LOOKS LIKE SOME GUY. SOME FUCKIN SCHMO!!!!!!!!!! if someone didnt look closely they wouldnt even know hes supposed to be a food!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no anime boys in my pastry game thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i put a question mark over the deeper than they seem question because we still dont know everything about the guy yet. who knows. maybe therell be a twist in these next few story updates that make me love him. maybe ill fall deeper into my pit of hatred. im excited to see the outcome nonetheless.