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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: 1997, part one

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart between 11 january and 8 march 1997

that may seem like an arbitrary cut-off, and that’s because it is, my sleep got hella fucked and i couldn’t focus on listening to these songs for more than like three at a time (bob we know sgdq was last week) LET ME BELIEVE I TRIED MY BEST, but i have a soft deadline of tuesday for these posts and DIDN’T WANT TO SHORT YOU so here are 50+ reviews and i will do my darndest to catch up with 1997 by the end of the week

1.11.1997

65) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill

oh gosh this just kicks it off right. this is the epitome of '90s cheese: an absurdly talented man singing a song about heartbreak and/or lovemaking over a thousand chimes. bravo, everyone that could have made this happen. i expect i'll get as tired of slow-jam r&b tracks a thousand chime noises as i am of dumb meathead trap songs by the time i get to week 27 of 1997, but right now, it's a treat to hear a singer who is legitimately good at singing.

85) "What They Do," by The Roots

You know, I've never actually checked out a full The Roots album. I've always understood they would be something I like, and I understand it's something of a tragedy they're relegated to a sideshow for Jimmy Fallon (of all people, Jimmy Fallon), like, I'm familiar enough with them that listening to this song was like... Like, I went to a friend's birthday party a few months back, and it was at this bar I hadn't heard of. I'm not usually the sort of person who goes to bars, and I haven't been back since, but something about that bar just instantly felt like home to me, like, maybe the tacos, or maybe the atmosphere, or maybe the fact I nearly smoked weed for the first time with the chef, but I left that bar thinking, "This is the sort of place I'd like to be a regular." That's what listening to a 20-year-old Roots song is like. It's like instantly knowing you're home.

96) "Tears," by The Isley Brothers

"God so loved the world/That he blessed us all with you/Then he gave me a heart/And now I'm giving it to you" THAT IS AN AMAZING LYRIC AND THAT SINGLE-HANDEDLY SALVAGED THIS SONG AND THIS REVIEW. Like I was struggling with how to say this song was boring, but then that line just dropped into my lap, and it... It's as if the Christian god God so loved the world that he gave this lyric to us all, and then he gave me a heart so I could give it to this song. That is quality corniness, right there.

1.18.1997

62) "It's All About U," by SWV

1997 is batting 1.000 right now. This isn't quite an absolute jam, but there's some solid harmonies, a really fun funk-influenced track, and what sounds like Jay-Z going "unh" once every few seconds. This is a good time! 1997 is so much more fun than the other years, is the snap judgement I am making twenty minutes in. 2017 is the confused goth kid who mistakes being dark with being interesting, and 2007's a chill dude with the right person but kind of a stiff sometimes, and 1997's just the life of the party.

84) "Firestarter," by The Prodigy

Pobody's nerfect, 1997. Solid start, but even the best fall down sometimes. This dude describes himself as twisted in the chorus and in one of the verses, and when someone has to insist that they're twisted, that's how you know they're crazy. Oooh, this dude loves fire, that's not a trait this dude shares with a thousand teenage boys who all think they're funnier than they are. (Speaking from experience.) Such a wondrous mind to be so tortured! Truly the Kanye of his generation!

90) "Colour of Love," by Amber

OK. OK, so, this was an unpleasant thing to listen to, but man, listening to this song while having the video on in the background was an assault on the senses. The video is pastel in all the wrong ways, and I was heretofore a believer that there is no such thing as a wrong way to use pastel, but ye gods, the awful color scheme and the aggressively cheery song (LOVE IS GOOD. YOU WILL AGREE THAT LOVE IS GOOD. THIS IS HAPPY NOISES FOR HAPPY THOUGHTS.) made this potentially the most unpleasant listening experience i've had so far for YAS. 1997 has established a high ceiling and a frighteniningly low floor.

1.25.1997

11) "Wannabe," by Spice Girls

This song has 58,236 dislikes on YouTube. Mind you, this song is 20 years old. YouTube, to the best of my knowledge, does not allow you to view a video at random, though I'll cop to not knowing the full extent of YouTube's features. But to have listened to this song on YouTube, you had to go to YouTube intending to listen to this song, which means there are nearly 58,236 people on this planet who intentionally went to the official "Wannabe" music video on YouTube dot com solely to hit the dislike button. There are, obviously, more worthless people; I doubt that the entire Republican party is on YouTube. Hitting the dislike button on this video, though, is still a demarcation of general worthlessness. Anyway, this song, it's not as good as you remember or as bad as you want it to be. It's just a bad pop song elevated by memory. Also, none of these girls could sing. Like I didn't expect SWV-level work, but man, this was disappointing to listen to. Like, I watched Space Jam once as an adult because I was awake at 1 AM and wanted to fire off some tweets, only to learn that Space Jam wasn't like an amazingly bad movie it was just a lazily-written and poorly-acted and boring-bad, and hearing this song made me feel the same disappointment I felt watching Space Jam.

32) "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down," by Puff Daddy ft./Mase

I talk a lot about The Game's 1992 because it's an amazing album, but like the entire time I was listening to this song, I couldn't stop hearing the hook for "Orange Juice." Mostly because it's easy to ignore Mase. Not a good rapper, this man! Nor is P. Diddy! It's a classic track, and I am glad someone else made a better home for it.

33) "On & On," by Erykah Badu

This seems like one of those songs that sort of defies the point of this whole enterprise, because it demands a deeper listen and more thought than I, needing to cram hundreds of pop songs into a few hours spread across a few days, an able to give. This seems like a track that'll reward multiple listens, and Erykah Badu's on the same musical to-do list as The Roots, and it does not seem like a good track to gloss over so we can get to whatever trash is next. Leah Andreone, always a good sign when you don't recognize the name.

79) "It's Alright, It's OK," by Leah Andreone

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOM WHERE DID YOU PUT MY ALANIS CDS. OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN JOKE, IF YOU REALLY THREW THEM AWAY I'LL BE SO SAD. UGH, YOU'RE RUNING MY LIFE! This song is as wonderfully bad as I wanted "Wannabe" to be. Like, some of the pained noises she makes with her voice are making me laugh out loud. My goodness. SHE WAS 24! Man, I mean, this really puts Tay Tay into perspective a little bit, y'know? Like, Tay Tay wrote a lot of bad songs, but she never wrote anything so dumb as "Her ideas need expression/Her wounds never bleed/Her beauty lives in my eyes/Too bad she can't see." Like, the same age this woman was when she made this song, Tay Tay made "Style." We take Tay Tay for granted, is what I'm trying to say. "Cloudy diamonds freebase fun house." Just say meth, dude.

87) "Setting Sun," by CHEMICAL BROTHERS

You could give me a thousand hours and I wouldn't be able to tell you how this was meaningfully different from "Firestarter."

89) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe

This is a dance track I can get behind! Not some awful thing with noises meant to evoke darkness and mosery, a song that says "Hey, dancing is fun! Get out there and do it! Don't feel bad about it!" It's still Eurotrash, but at least it's the fun Eurovisiony side of the genre, not trash trying to disguise itself as recyclable materials.

91) "Another You, Another Me," by Brady Seals

...You know, I don't like that I had to listen to a Charlie Puth song for YAS 17, because Charlie Puth is a boring dude and his songs are bad, but at least Charlie Puth has something akin to a personality. "Marvin Gaye" is a song devoid of creativity, but at least I can identify Charlie Puth as someone who enjoys Marvin Gaye. Milquetoast white dudes in the '90s were just boring fucking white dudes. They didn't have to have ANYTHING like a personality, they could have a nice haircut and sing about love and that was it! I can't believe someone out there loved this song enough to keep it with them and uploaded it to YouTube. I can't believe someone remembered this song and uploaded it to YouTube.

92) "Don't Stop Movin'," by Livin' Joy

So all the dance tracks have been boring and don't really move my needle, but at least electronic music in the '90s wasn't trying to infuse itself with sensitivity or artistic ambition. It was just trash to dance to. None of these songs are "Something Just Like This." The Livin' Joy Wikipedia page states, "Sadly Livin' Joy never managed the same level of success from their first two singles," and I am glad there is a page on Wikipedia being so neglected that some subjectivity can sneak in. That "Sadly" speaks volumes about the state of Livin' Joy's Wikipedia page.

2.1.1997

19) "Every Time I Close My Eyes," by Babyface

This was fine. It's nice to dip back into the sexy R&B slow jamz, it'd been a week, I was worried maybe the trend was over, but nope, here it is, slow and sexy as ever. Well met. ...I think I might be exaggerating the slow jamz, looks like it may be a couple weeks before we get another one, I dunno, I just couldn't come up with anything fresh to say about this song. Guy loves his girl and sings well about it. Great!

52) "Things'll Never Change/Rapper's Ball," by E-40 ft./Bo-Rock

As a longtime enjoyer of podcasts on the Maximum Fun network, I have long been aware of E-40 from all the times Jesse Thorn has upheld the virtues of San Francisco rap. This is probably not a great introduction to E-40. I would not have guessed E-40 would have made a message song based on all the descriptions of him I had heard. It's not a great message song, it's like "What It's Like" but with a weirdly bouncy beat and a weaker condemnation of the listener ("some things will never change/that's just the way it is/when will we ever learn" are we supposed to, what, accept that things don't change? what do you want from me, song. how am i supposed to help).

76) "Watch Me Do My Thing (From All That)," by Immature ft./Smooth & Ed from "Good Burger"

It's kind of amazing that All That was ever a thing. It's a show that presumes that: 1) children would want to watch sketch comedy, 2) specifically sketch comedy performed by other children which are just incredibly silly things to presume. No child should be watching sketch comedy that isn't going to grow up to be a sketch comedian. This song, made with one of All That's most beloved recurring characters, is about as good as any song made by 10-year-olds for 10-year-olds is ever going to be. Well done, congrats, oh hey Marques Houston you pop up ten years later great for you!

77) "Let Me Clear My Throat," by DJ Kool

This song is one verse and then a man shouting at people for three minutes. I thought I listened to the live version on accident, but nope, this is the actual song, this is the canonical version, one verse and then A THOUSAND EXHORTATIONS. Ah! Ah! Ah ah ah! That means I want to party like DJ Kool and his friends. Ah! Ah! Sorry, sorry, he just told me to say "Ah!" after he said "Uh." He said that when he says freeze, he wants me to stop on the dime, so I guess I have no choice to obey him! I feel involved in th

93) "Runnin'," by Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Radio, & Dramacydal

oh whoa a song with tupac and biggie on the track, that's crazy, i wonder if anything else happens in 1997 that would bring tupac and biggie together? Technically, this song is a 1995 release that people happened to purchase in 1997 for whatever reason, so despite being rather dope, I do wish I had found a reason to disqualify it from any consideration. I wouldn't have heard this song, but I would've saved five minutes and also not had to make the decision on whether I, someone mostly ignorant of hip-hop history, should write about the Tupac/Biggie feud. ...I mean, we're not done, not by any stretch of the imagination, but one less Tupac/Biggie-centric song would've been nice.

94) "My Baby Mama," by QT

So okay. Okay. This song, okay, this song? It's amazing. Like, let's get this out of the way, this song is the awesome bad the '90s knew I would one day need, like criminy, but this song? This song. This is a song about a man telling the mother of his child that she can always count on him, but also he pretty clearly left his baby's mama at some point, so she can't actually count on him. This song is so weird! This is the most loyal disloyal man alive. He sees his baby's mama at the mall with another man. "He was touching my baby/I went crazy/I shoulda beat that." DON'T BEAT UP YOUR BABY'S MAMA'S NEW LOVER AT THE SHOPPING MALL FOR TOUCHING YOUR CHILD, JEEZY PETES. Maybe QT isn't the greatest male role model for his kid to have. Gosh, I'm glad this song got put into my life.

96) "Whateva Man," by Redman

nothing like enjoying a classic hip-hop song and then they describe the effect the marijuana they are smoking is having on them by declaring themselves "chinky eyed." that's such a delightful turn of phrase, i hope we never get rid of it, it's so comfortable to think about and consider. also, "I smoked with a lot of college students/Most of 'em wasn't graduatin' and they knew it." that's a quality line. it's no chinky-eyed! it's still pretty great.

2.8.1997

66) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy

This is absolutely solid. It's a fun Latin twist on the standard '90s pop song, like not 100% Latin pop, just a normal pop song with enough Latin influence to make it more unique than that Amber nonsense from a thousand years ago. Just a grand old time, better than most of the things I've had to listen to so far to be sure, if maybe not great enough to justify the enterprise. We will unearth a classic, and not an ironic one like "My Baby Mama," we will find something that didn't deserve to be forgotten, and we will find it in this post!

75) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Ice Cream Man (Master P) & Mia X

If you'll permit me to grade this song based on what it isn't, this song was not a cover of the Rockwell song with a lazy rap verse attached, and I am ever grateful for that. As for the track: neat! All involved did fine work! Mia X's verse was particularly worthy of note, that young woman was out her mind, and I appreciated it. Good work! This also is not the classic I was hoping to unearth, this isn't the nugget we're hoping to find, but flakes in our pan are nothing to sneeze at.

78) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter

Hey! Country! Welcome! This is pleasant. Week 5 of 1997 has just been pleasant, not great, just nice songs by nice (hopefully) people that I can accept.

95) "Fired Up!" by Funky Green Dogs

House music, you just have to ruin everything good, don't you? Quick note about YouTube comments: the YouTube comments under every other genre are "man, my preferred genre of music was way better back when music still sounded good to me," but for house, you don't see people trashing the Chainsmokers or whatever, you just see comments like, "Man, this song was playing the first time I took mushrooms. What a trip!" and it's like, good on ya, house music people. Your music is horrendous, but y'all good people.

98) "Passion," by K5

YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. I Commenter: I shuffle skate to this almost every Saturday, the high point of my week Uploader: Wish they still had skatin rinks around here man. Miss those days. Someone in this exchange is the sadder person, but I can't tell if it's the only person whose single-greatest joy is derived from a weekly trip to the roller rink or the person who can't make time in their schedule for the roller rink. We had a good thing going with this set of five songs, and now I'm just sad for these people who love roller skating too much.

2.15.1997

56) "What's on Tonight," by Montell Jordan

"I pray that you're wearing Victoria's Secrets/Oh, that blows my mind" That's acceptable! I enjoy the image of a woman wearing lingerie that this song brings to mind! I agree with this song so far. "Now what should I bring/Strawberries I'm thinkin/Or some honey for your toes" I'm out. Nope. You can't get me to sway to your foot thing. I refuse. I'm not gonna do it. How dare you even try, sir. Gosh. We had something really great going, and the -- don't talk about toes! Not on the single, man! Sir, this is NOT how we do it.

78) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z

BABY JAY! This song is phenomenal. I don't really think about how deep the roster of female rappers was in the '90s, but man, the woman on "I Always Feel Like" and Foxy Brown have both killed it. Like, I defy anyone to come away from this song thinking Jay-Z badly overshadowed Foxy Brown. He overshadows her, yeah, it's Jay-Z in a moment where he was getting mighty close to the peak of his powers (if he wasn't already there), but Foxy Brown more than holds her own, and the realtive equality at play makes this song a complete jam. Highlight of the year so far!

79) "It's in Your Eyes," by Phil Collins

Ugh.

87) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone

this was cool and also it faded from memory as soon as the song ended also i'm trying to find out more information about Tre but apparently the band doesn't exist and they have a name with really poor seo. like, the wikipedia page for krayzie bone's discography doesn't even mention this song, and i find it hard to believe this was the most forgettable song krayzie bone ever featured on. the wiki lists two songs where some entity named Damizza is the lead artist, but omits tre from the complete record of krayzie bone history. this is weird, like the song is forgettable beyond the "take. your. tiiiiiiiiiime" chorus, but it deserves better than complete erasure!

88) "The Theme (It's Party Time)," by Tracey Lee

This is chill. It's as disposable as any of the rap tracks in 2007 or 2017, no one is pointing to this basic party jam when arguing the virtues of '90s hip-hop, but not every song is going to be a classic, and this song wasn't intended to sound like something more than a red Solo cup. OK work, sir. Congrats on making an accpetable song.

92) "Without Your Love," by Angelina

...look, i've been writing these posts for 27 weeks, and i'm more than a month deep into 1997. i don't claim to know every word i write, but i know i have not used this word before, because i don't believe it has critical value, but i'm listening to this song, and i can't tell if i have the right version, but i'm with this song, and, like, the beat sounds like farts. i'm sorry. but that's the most accurate descriptor available. there are fart noises on this track. people played this song on the radio! it has been seven months and i've made myself listen to multiple piles song, i am entitled to point out that a song sounds like farts when it legit sounds like farts. i'm sorry, angelina. you seem nice. your song is unpleasant.

93) "Drop Dead Gorgeous," by Republica

ye gods, it's as if they mashed everything bad about '90s music into one song. all it's missing is an allsuion to a foot fetish, and it would've checked every box on the list of things i hate about doing this to myself so far.

2.22.1997

10) "Discotheque," by U2

You can't tell me white privilege doesn't exist when we live in a world where U2 was allowed to continue making music after making this song. What the hell is this. If Apple tried to put this on our Apple-brand devices, they would have gone bankrupt. This is... How is dance music so fucking hard? You make a fun song that sounds like it'd be fun to dance to. That sounds simple. I don't get how every single band in the '90s trying to make dance music got it so wrong. Oh no he just went "ha! ha! ha! ha!" in the awful Bono falsetto. Mistakes were made.

17) "Don't Cry for Me Argentina," by Madonna

Man., at least when 2007 gave us Broadway, they gave us Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Who asked for this. Who was buying Madonna singing Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean, I guess that's not the craziest decision one could make with their money, but like these people probably also paid for the full soundtrack and for tickets to see the movie and likely the VHS copy, specifically to see Madonna performing Andrew Lloyd Webber, and like, I get it, but also, I don't.

37) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera

There's a riff about halfway through the song that nearly made me get out of my chair and shout, like I don't usually feel that way about people doing things with a collection of voices outside of Pentatonix songs, but there is absolutely a moment in this song that gave me chills. I miss this! I miss when people could sing, when the most impressive vocal feat on a song wasn't someone trilling their rs when they say "skrrt."

47) "Barrel of a Gun," by Depeche Mode

DAMNIT EVEN DEPECHE MODE IS BAD. All electronic-influenced music in the '90s was bad, and they even infected Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode is an entity I always understood to be good! This is disappointing. I thought this would at least be something I could get into the Brandi Carlisle or Paramore song I could claim was #1 over far more deserving or iconic tracks, but nope, it's just pointless noise. I'm bummed.

53) "Just Another Day," by John Mellencamp

So a ton of these songs have been absolutely awful. I don't think there's a single week in 1997 so far that would win, and despite weak weeks for the 21st century, it's not looking good for 1997. But this song is a reminder that what doesn't kill me doesn't kill me, so fill me up for just another day IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BRwrong "Just Another Day" sorry, sorry. This "Just Another Day." It's OK. Look, it's John "Cougar" Mellencamp with another rockin' jam about small town America, I'm sorry, I don't, fuck do you want me to say about this? Just, like, some days I feel like dying, when I'm really only trying to get through "Just Another Day."

57) "Say... If You Feel Alright," by Crystal Waters

Every single house song has the exact same goddamn drum line and it's the fucking drum line from "I'm So Sexy" and it makes me angry every time it starts playing. Everyone who feels nostalgia for this is wrong. There's a comment under the video that just says "The Streetboys," and it has one like, so I'm glad someone agrees with Nairda on this topic.

73) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele

I haven't made the Top 20 yet but I wouldn't be surprised if the entire 1997 Top 20 is just R&B. This year got one thing right, and man, it got that thing incredibly right. Even the slow jamz, they're endless, but only one of the many has been outright awful so far, and even that was tolerable until the allusion to the foot thing, which is still incredibly upsetting I know it's 2017 and I should be desensitized but maybe let's not mainstream foot things, 1997? I'm not focusing on this song, which is amazing and I love it and is '90s in all the best ways. There's a spoken outro! A SPOKEN OUTRO! An absolute classic. It's criminal this only peaked at #44 on the US charts, absolutely criminal.

80) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe

Is this legit the first alternative rock song? How about that, I thought 1997 would be teeming with this sort of thing. Depending on the day, this is either the pinnacle of post-grunge or a combination of everything silly about the genre. It can be all things to all people. The guy has a pleasant growl and it's a song on a heavy subject that treats that subject with respect, and at the same time, it is exceedingly dour and there's 30 seconds of the dude just going "yeah" like in every '90s alt-rock song.

94) "Here's Your Sign (Get the Picture)," by Bill Engvall ft./Travis Tritt

Sometimes I think I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, and then I remember that Jennifer Lawrence used to be a series regular on The Bill Engvall Show, and I remember I'm supposed to be on a journey home. Oh, this song? Well le -- oops! My fingers accidentally typed "electrolite" into the search bar, well no sense arguing with fate!

96) "Electrolite," by R.E.M.

This is slight. Like, I was worried I was judging this against the rest of R.E.M.'s ouevre? Because obviously, if I haven't heard of an R.E.M. song before, it's because it's not good, but judging any song based on whether or not it's better than "Losing My Religion" is dumb. But like this is just a nice alt-rock song that isn't packed to the brim with Meaning. It was a pleasant four minutes and I'm sure it made a fine closing track for whatever album it was on, but it wasn't really much of anything.

3.1.1997

31) "I Want You," by Savage Garden

Yo this song is kind of perfect? The "chic-a-cherry cola" in the verse is instantly memorable, I thought I hadn't heard this song before but then he said "chic-a-cherry cola" and I shouted "I TRIED TO MAKE THAT NOISE SO MANY TIMES!" which was a fun thing to do at 4:30 AM on a Tuesday, neighbors were happy. That's also a really dope bass line, maybe I just get irrationally excited every time a bass does more than exist on a song, but that bass kills. This was great. I'm trying to put into Smart Words what makes this song great, but I keep writing "something something propulsive," but I'm having trouble, which is usually when you can tell a song is great, because your brain doesn't want to think about why it's great, it just wants to accept it's great. But this song just, I dunno, it moves forward. It's up-tempo, but with these rap-like verses and that bass line, it's like the song is trying to rush through the wanting stage and actually get to the person? I need more time but I gave myself a deadline of Wednesday MOVING ON love this song

42) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison

In the eighth week, 1997 delivered two absolutely perfect songs, and I am so pleased. This is one of the best "HELL YEAH, I'M SINGLE!" songs of all time, like it's up there with "Since U Been Gone," except it's a little more well-rounded. There's an actual story arc in this song -- a man who used to be a real playa found a woman he could settle with, build a life with, but then she broke the trust, and after allowing himself to be depressed, Mark Morrison has regained his confidence and is determined to show that living well is the best revenge. He is ready to return to his former self. Like "Since U Been Gone" is just "fuck you, dude," this song is "STRIKE ME DOWN AND I SHALL RISE STRONGER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN." I honestly don't know why we've been wasting our time listening to other songs, this is it, this is The Song.

62) "Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)," by Aerosmith

The true miracle of "Return of the Mack" is that it's a song that could be a novelty. Like, I had to kind of make sure I wasn't treating the song like pure '90s kitsch. It's, as far as I can tell, a debut single with the word "Return" in the title, and it's made by a dude who had top ten singles in the UK called "Moan & Groan" and "Horny." But "Return of the Mack" absolutely holds up, it's not just some '90s ridiculousness, it is a legitimate masterpiece of a pop song. Everything works well. It's just, y'know, perfect. I want to think about it forever.

76) "Cupid," by 112

Because who wants to think about love songs? The people in love songs have lives outside of the love songs. How did they get in that bed? Who is that person they brought to bed? Is it really true love? "Return of the Mack" answers those questions for any slow jamz he might've made (because he's The Mack, it doesn't matter, and probably not but he will love her truly for a night), but when I listen to 112 say that Cupid doesn't lie, it sort of sounds like Cupid was just haphazardly spraying his arrows any which way and one of them happened to land on these people and I don't know who they are but I'm certain they're finna fuck. And that's OK. But, again, I hate to belabor the point, I could have listened to "Return of the Mack."

79) "Do G's Get to Go to Heaven?" by Richie Rich

This dude looked at the VHS cover for All Dogs Go to Heaven and before his eyes the word "Dogs" separated and he saw "Do Gs Go to Heaven" and he was struck with inspiration, and now that I know the song title is a pun I am fine saying this song is awful. It's a song about how bad life in the street is, but as long as there's reason to believe the song title is a play on All Dogs Go to Heaven, there is no reason to listen to it. There are no puns in "Return of the Mack," FWIW.

81) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid

The bronze medal this week is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey: how come there's only one girl group of note in 2017? We have plenty of boy bands (or maybe it just feels that way because of all the many directions), but only Fifth Harmony holding the mantle for girl groups. Seems silly. 2017 could be doing a lot of things better, but specifically the girl group thing is something to be highlighted for at least one second.

90) "King Nothing," by Metallica

Metal music is impressive on a purely technical level -- I mean, have you fucking heard "Through the Fire and the Flames?" That's amazing, that people can make music that sounds like that. But this is post-"Enter Sandman" Metallica, which isn't metal music as I understand it, is just shitty slightly-darker buttrock, so I'm not even listening to a sick as hell guitar solo, I'm just getting some bullshit I could get from Candlebox or whatever else was active.

3.8.1997

21) "Big Daddy," by Heavy D

"What do people like about The Notorious B.I.G.?" "That he's arguably the best rapper of all time at this point in music history?" "Hm... Maybe... But what else?" "I dunno, he's a big dude?" "That's it! Just find me a big dude, and we'll make him a STAR!" And this is why I'm listening to a Heavy D song 20 years later.

55) "Let It Go," by Ray J

This is a six-minute song and I just, I don't understand why this would need to be six minutes? I only got, what, three and a half minutes with "Return of the Mack," and yeah I understand I could've said nuts to this project and been listening to "Return of the Mack" this whole time, but it seems unfair I would have to put in effort to listen to "Return of the Mack" for six minutes but just let this song mosey along while looking at Prime Day deals. Happy belated Prime Day, everyone.

72) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection

1997 Week 9 is all about songs that play at a pleasant clip that are extremely listenable, not outright classics, not songs to sing from the tops of mountains, just great soundtracks for the rest of your day. I say this knowing full well it's going to make me listen to Kenny G, but hey, three B+s are nothing to complain about.

83) "Call Me," by Le Click

...I guess if I have to dive into Europe's garbage, I should be thankful to find something which either possesses some value or is edible. This song is OK, and yeah it kind of sounds like "Hamsterdance" or "Axel F" or whatever early-Internet meme you prefer, but there's a solid vocal performance and it's not aggressively awful, it's subtly awful, the awful takes a backseat to things that sound like music on this one. I am glad to have found a dance track that didn't make me want to quit.

95) "Havana," by Kenny G

You know, Kenny G is something of a cultural punchline, but I gotta say, he earned his status.

Top 20 for weeks 1-9 (33% of the way there!) 20) "Call Me," by Le Click (3.8) 19) "Whateva Man," by Redman (2.1) 18) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe (1.25) 17) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection (3.8) 16) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone (2.15) 15) "My Baby Mama," by QT (2.1) 14) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter (2.8) 13) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe (2.22) 12) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Master P & Mia X (2.8) 11) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera (2.22) 10) "It's All About U," by SWV (1.18) 9) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill (1.11) 8) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid (3.1) 7) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy (2.8) 6) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 5) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 4) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 3) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 2) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 1) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 1997 looks pretty thin, but hey remember when 2017 had two Big Sean songs in the top 20? THE BEST IS YET TO COME apart from the fact it probably has, seriously y’all “Return of the Mack” owns but then again “Hypnotize” okay scratch that i ever scratched that THE BEST IS YET TO COME because THE BEST IS YET TO COME

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