#the goblin is a beefy boy

[theonlyturtleinexistence]

Starting my first ever Pathfinder playthrough with my husband! 💙 We'll be running a solo campaign to learn the basics before moving on to group sessions.

I'm still in the middle of making my party. I like to draw concept art of my characters to get them fully fleshed out in my head, so I sketched them last night. A gnome witch, orc fighter, and goblin ranger. I absolutely adore all of their long ears lol.

Still no names picked. If you have any suggestions let me know!

[fbfh]

Sweet Pea x soft!reader hcs

wc: 1.3k

genre: mutual pining, tooth rotting fluff

pairing: sweet pea x soft reader

warnings: reader is implied to be smaller than sweet pea but he's like 6'3 and beefy so it's not too out of the question, reader is called clingy needs attention and hates being alone by jughead but sweet pea LOVES that about you, size difference, protective sweet pea, sweet pea is a rottweiler boyfriend, kisses and cuddles, mentions of fighting and gang activity

song recs: fight for me - heathers obc, big boy - sza

a/n: been watching the anime my love story and it's feuling my sweet pea obsession lol. I've also decided that while horribly bad, riverdale is camp. If I convince myself it's camp I can drag myself through it. It's supposed to be bad and make no sense and of course there's a "goblin king" running around town causing problems because it's camp.

tags: @yesv01 @magcon7280

Okay so like I said in my initial drabble

When Sweet Pea first sees you he deadass thinks you’re an angel

You are so sweet and soft and perfect

The only way to describe you is angelic

He’s so wrapped up in how alluring and enamoring you are that he doesn’t notice you’re just as drawn to him

You immediately see past his gorgeous and intimidating exterior to the soft great big heart inside him

You see all his good traits and you’re not scared off that he’s a little rough around the edges

But Sweet Pea sees that you’re not rough around the edges

And he doesn’t want you to become that way

Especially not because of him

He feels so protective over you from day one

Even though he’s fighting his obvious feelings for you and ignoring your obvious feelings for him, he still tries to look out for you

Keeps an eye on you a little, just to make sure no one’s giving you any trouble

You’re friends with Betty so you’re sort of tied to the serpents already, but he doesn’t want to drag you any deeper into gang life than you already are

So he tries not to fall any harder for you than he already has

Even though Jughead is always bringing you up, telling him that Betty says you’ve been asking after him

He can’t even process that Jughead just said you’ve been asking after him and about him a lot because of how Jughead keeps describing you

He says you’re sort of clingy and need a lot of attention, that you get nervous in crowds and you’re really touchy and hate being alone 

That’s why your last boyfriend broke up with you

But the more Jughead talks about you and your apparent flaws, the more perfect you sound to Sweet Pea

You’re exactly what he’s been dreaming of

Someone he can go all in with, someone who wants him and needs him as much as he wants you and needs you

Which is obviously a lot

And now it’s getting harder and harder to listen to that logical voice that tells him he’s no good for you, that you deserve someone from northside who can take good care of you and not drag you into any more chaos than you’re already surrounded by 

But you’ve been writing his name in your diary over and over for weeks now, and it’s really just a matter of time before you end up together 

All your friends know this

Betty and Jughead and Toni know this

Even Fangs knows this

Everyone knows but you and Sweet Pea

You both still think it’s an unreciprocated pipe dream

Something to imagine scenarios about before you fall asleep

You’re more alike than you realize 

But soon you find your way to each other

You just can’t stay away anymore

And once you’re together, once you’re finally in his arms, neither of you ever want to let go

Sweet Pea is an amazing boyfriend to begin with

But especially when it comes to someone as soft and sweet and precious as you?????

He’s literally the best person you could ever hope for

He’s a classic rottweiler boyfriend 

AND he’s a gang boyfriend

Plus Sweet Pea’s just naturally a very protective person to the people he loves

So you can guarantee you’ll be safe with him

He won’t hesitate to stare down anyone he thinks looks at you too long

But he’s not going to start shit with you around unless he has to

If he does need to fight someone, he’s going to make sure you’re not there to see it

Even if he has to ask Betty or Veronica or Fangs to drag you into the other room and stay with you until it’s over

He doesn’t want you to see him like that

But he knows how to hold his own, and Fangs and Toni both reassure you there’s not a fight he hasn’t been able to walk away from

You’re always there to patch him up afterwards too

You touch him so gently

With more love and care and tenderness than he’s ever gotten from anyone before

It makes it kind of impossible to regret sticking up for you

Even if he did walk away with some nasty scratches and a black eye

You’re still not scared of him

You don’t judge him

Like at all

He always makes you feel so safe around him 

All he’s wanted for a while is someone to go all in with

Someone to protect, someone to take care of

Someone who needs him

And you do 

You spend more and more nights together before finally confessing that you can’t really sleep without him anymore

When I tell you his heart explodes when you say that?????

God as if you couldn’t get him wrapped even tighter around your finger

Surprise! Yes you can

He dips you a lot too

Mostly because he’s so tall and it’s so easy and it makes you so nervous when he pulls you close and leans over you like that

It makes you all dizzy and he talks so close to your face for a few moments before finally kissing you

GOD it makes your head spin

You can’t get enough

And he can’t get enough of the way you look up at him all soft and sweet

Like you’re not scared of him

Which you’re not

It’s still kind of new for him

But it’s something he really hopes he can get used to

He’s touchy too

He pulls you into his lap and rests his head on your shoulder a lot

Or wraps his arms around yours

Don’t even get me started on holding his big old hands with both of yours

It makes his stomach flip every single time

And SO MANY FOREHEAD KISSES

You kiss his neck and jaw a lot too

Mostly because it’s all you can reach half the time

And because you know it drives him completely crazy

If you ever worried about getting unwanted attention from guys, you don’t have to anymore

EVERYBODY knows you’re Sweet Pea’s 

And EVERYBODY knows not to fuck with him

Sweet Pea can be fucking terrifying when he wants to

Which makes things like him pinning you to the couch and tickling you until you tap out and you’re both blushing giggly wrecks even cuter  

You completely and totally have scary boyfriend privileges 

And you take such good care of him too

He really doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy and content and at peace

His friends can easily attest to the fact that they’ve never seen him this happy either

And your friends have never seen you this happy too 

Over all, you’re really just a fantastic match

You become the emotional support couple of riverdale high so fast

People get used to seeing him walk you to classes he doesn’t even have 

Seeing you ride around town on the back of his motorcycle together 

Because you belong together

You really do

Sweet Pea might not know what the future is going to look like

He might not know what’s going to happen tomorrow

But the only thing he does know about his future is that you’re going to be in it

And he’s going to be in yours

You’re starting to make him dream about a soft domestic life away from gangs and murder and conspiracies

He doesn’t know if that’s practical or attainable, but he hopes it is

Until then, he’s more than happy just getting to be around you

Getting to see you all the time and wake up next to each other on the weekends

He loves loving you, he loves keeping you safe and happy

Just like you love him and keep him happier than he’s ever been

Just being with you is more than enough

[luna-andra]

The Shadows Return | Simon 'Ghost' Riley x OC | Retired AU | Is It Really You?*

Summary: A little 🍃 Andra stargazing with Ghost

Word Count: ~1.8k

If you're new to this story, you can read Chapter 1 here. Filler chapters are marked with an * sign.

Content: accidental high (hehe), fluff, wee little lore drop

Author's note: This one is a itty bitty filler chapter that the little writing goblin in my brain told me to create at like 2a 🥴 enjoy and stay tuned cuz next chapter is gonna be beefy!

ALSO I made a little playlist of the songs they were listening to if anyone cares 😂

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsvQwF6FNtSzXEjTpFX6zxpH2nsdbuN0G&si=cfNPy4NgRSjRIx9T

“It’s in my glove box!” Johnny hollered from under the kitchen sink as Andra stomped through the living room.

“I heard you!” she yelled back, earning her some disgruntled Scottish noises. She was in a sour mood from Johnny helping himself to her last sparkling water. Usually, it wouldn’t be a big deal, she’s told the boys to take anything they want all the time, but she specifically told Johnny ‘not the Bubbly.’

He took the Bubbly.

Karma made its way back to him when he decided to tag along with Ghost to come help with her clogged sink. He was stuck with having to do the job considering Ghost’s wide shoulders kept him from being able to fit underneath the tight space. Drink the one thing off limits? Enjoy the clogged sink.

Receipts and an empty protein shaker fell out as soon as she opened the passenger door to his truck. “Pinche basura…” Andra picked up the shaker and chucked it back in and shoved the receipts in her pocket to toss when she went back inside. The glove box wasn’t any better, but she managed to find the adjustable wrench he needed.

A plastic bag with an array of colorful gummy bears sat in the cupholder of the center console, and it caught her eye. She fisted a handful of the candy with a snicker before closing his truck up with the wrench in hand. Johnny won’t miss a few gummies, she thought.

She popped a few in her mouth as she strolled in, her nose and mouth scrunched at the taste. Sugar free, gross. “Here,” she kicked his boot to catch his attention.

Johnny reached a hand out and took it from her without breaking focus.

Her other hand reached into the receipt-full pocket and threw them in the bin. “You gotta clean out your truck, an avalanche of trash fell out when I opened the door.”

“You offerin’?” Johnny scoffed. “I’m a wee bit busy fixin’ yer sink.”

Andra snorted. “If Ghost can keep his truck clean, so can you.”

“Pissin’ blight, the two of you…” Johnny growled as he struggled to loosen up the pipe.

She continued chewing on another gummy, regretting that she took so many. “I know, it’s a pain in the neck sharing parental responsibilities with Ghost at your grown age.” Her face grimaced at the taste of the gummies once more. “These gummies are ass.”

Johnny grunted as metal clinked on metal, followed by the sound of water hitting the bottom of a bucket. “Which ones?”

Andra swallowed the last bitter gummy she had. “I got them from your truck.”

“You what – agh, shite!” He cursed as he bumped his head while trying to pull himself up from under the sink. “How many did you have?”

Her shoulders shrugged. “Five or six, maybe?”

“Ghost is gonna skin me.”

-----

Ghost couldn’t leave Johnny alone to handle a clogged sink for more than an hour without getting a message talking about ‘It’s not my fault’. Luckily, he was already on his way back with takeaway and a fresh new six pack of that water Andra likes.

He was relieved to see the house wasn’t flooded, but found the front door open with just the mesh, screen frame keeping the bugs out. His hands were full with the bags, so he used his index finger to pull the screen door open and found Andra laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with an open bag of crisps laying on her stomach.

Ghost set down the plastic bags on the coffee table and stepped up to the edge of the couch. “You alright, doll?”

A wide smile spread across her face. “I can’t feel my face, and I see Gilbert Gottfried on the ceiling.”

Johnny rushed to the living room, a guilty look in his sapphire eyes. “Before you wallop me –”

“What happened?” Ghost demanded.

“Andra mistook my edibles for normal gummy bears and helped herself.” He slowly flinched away with every word he said.

A giggle came from the woman that barely took up the length of the couch. “Had to collect the Andra tax for stealin’ my water.” Her southern lilt came out for a moment.

“Christ alive, Johnny.” Ghost oughta grab him by the collar of his shirt and kick him in the ass, leaving him out on the front porch. He was more concerned with Andra to follow up on his promise. Ghost helped her sit upright, taking one hand and supporting her back with the other and set the crisps on the table behind him. “Look at me, sweetheart.” His mitt-sized hands cradled her face between one another.

Her pupils were blown out dilated, the honey brown eclipsed by the void. She giggled once more, her lids barely staying open. “Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump.”

Ghost scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “What’s that about?”

“My heart beating faster when you hold me like that.” He couldn’t help himself from grinning at that, and he pulled his hands away from her. “I can feel my nose throbbing.”

“I thought you said you can’t feel your face.” He retorted.

Her smile dropped as her cheeks turned pink. “Then it’s not my nose throbbing.”

“Screamin’ Jesus.” Johnny groaned. “I’ll go unpack the takeaway –”

Ghost shot him a daggered glare when Johnny reached for the plastic bag holding the food. “Keep your recreational substances out of sight next time.”

Johnny disappeared to the kitchen, mumbling something under his breath about how she shouldn’t be taking things that aren’t hers.

Rich coming from him.

“I’ll crack you open one of those waters and bring you your food.” Ghost pushed himself up onto his feet. “You feel like eating?”

Andra slumped against the couch, her lower lip tutted out for a pout. “Can we eat here? I don’t want to get up.”

“Of course.”

-----

With Andra still high as a kite after a few hours, Ghost made sure to check her pulse every now and then to make sure it wasn’t too elevated. He smacked Johnny upside the head when he told Ghost what dose of THC was in each candy.

Andra didn’t seem like the kind of person to eat edibles every now and then, or even ever. He was impressed with how she handled the effects. He expected her to panic at some point in the evening, but the worst she ever did was separate the ingredients in her shrimp fried rice and ate them all separate.

“Why are you even taking edibles, Johnny?” Ghost asked as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

Johnny answered as he continued to wipe up the kitchen floor. “Helps me sleep, and sometimes I just wannae enjoy the high.”

It wasn’t Ghost’s thing, alcohol was hardly a substance he would have once in a blue moon. That was a different story a couple of years ago, but he decided to call the weekend drinks quits after getting into yelling matches with Johnny a few too many times. And then stopped drinking by himself at home after Price’s detox treatment.

“Where’s the Spotify app?” Andra said out loud in the living room. Ghost found her scrolling through the apps on the large screen in her hand.

Ghost leaned against the doorway. “That’s my phone, doll.”

“Thaaat makes sense.” She made no effort to give back the phone that didn’t belong to her. He could see her downloading Spotify and logging in with her own credentials, and he had no reservations about her being on his device.

Andra stood up from the couch and made her way out the front door. “Come look at the sky with me, I wanna see the stars.”

Ghost stuffed his water bottle in one of the pockets on his cargo pants and went to retrieve a blanket from the hallway closet. He met Andra outside where she was already laying supine on the bed of his truck, leaving the rear gate hung open.

“Let me put this down.” He offered.

Andra sat up and scooted herself to the edge of the trunk while Ghost wrung out the king size blanket and laid it over the hard bed of the truck. She returned to her spot and Ghost followed in suit, lying beside her with his arms behind his head. The temps were dropping, but Andra was unbothered by the chilly air. Ghost enjoyed this kind of weather, cold without a trace of humidity.

“I’m gonna head out now.” Johnny announced as he opened the door to his truck. “The sink is good to go.”

“Thank youuu.” Andra beamed. “Drive safe.”

Johnny’s tires crunched on gravel until it was out of earshot, leaving Andra and Ghost laying beneath the evening sky.

Music was playing at a tolerable volume from his phone on top of the metal toolbox above their heads, coexisting with the sound of chirping insects off in the distance. The sky blushed pink and orange hues off on the horizon; it wouldn’t be long before the sky went dark.

“When I first moved out here,” Andra started, “I would come out here and lay under the stars. Out here, I can see so much more than when I was in the city. I’ve traveled out of the city every now and then when I lived in the states, but it was never like this.”

Ghost hummed in agreement. He’s spent countless nights sleeping under the stars, nights where he could see even more than now. It felt like he was looking at galaxies, so vibrant it was as if he could reach out to caress the constellation’s translucent veils.

Andra turned her head to Ghost, and he glanced in her direction. “Tell me a story.”

He rolled his lips as he thought of one. “When I was out in Urzikstan in 2019, I had gotten lost with my squad in the sand dunes one night. One of the locals a few days prior to this told us not to follow the north star if we ever got lost, the desert played tricks on its victims and send them in circles until dehydration or the steep temperature drop would take them.

“The local told us ‘Follow the Andromeda constellation, she won’t betray you’. She didn’t, and we found our way back with the rest of our company.”

Ghost was about to point up to the sky when Andra beat him to it, aiming directly to where the formation of stars that comprised the Andromeda. “That’s the constellation I was named after,” she giggled to herself, “That’s so wild.”

Ghost lifted his head and looked at her.

“My dad named me Andromeda, and my youngest brother Orion. He was kind of into space stuff if you couldn’t tell.”

Ghost chuffed. “You don’t say." The warmth of her hand was electrifying, but he didn’t pull away. She just let her hand rest over his, each digit laying over his. Ghost returned his gaze to the twinkling stars of Andromeda. His fingers interlaced with hers, holding a piece of his own constellation that brought him here in this moment.

taglist: @fried-papad @onomatobooyah

[pikapeppa]

Unique drow!Tav dialogue when meeting Halsin at the goblin camp (Act 1)

I'm playing a drow sorceress during my current playthrough, and it has been an interesting time (i.e. the goblins bowing and scraping for me just because I'm drow LOL). But this was an unexpected tidbit! I hadn't seen it on Youtube before after a cursory search, so I thought I'd post.

Halsinnnn 😭💔 I don't want to go into a whole big analysis/Charlie Day conspiracy board in the context of his prior experiences in the Underdark with the drow because I've seen it in more depth before, but just to throw this out there so others can see and cry with me about our poor big beefy boy... 😭💔

[blackjackkent]

So, leaving the warg cages by the tunnel of a previously escaping inmate, we are IMMEDIATELY clocked by some of the upper floor goblins and one of them tries to go smack a war drum.

If she's successful, a LOT of goblins get very annoyed right away. It took me a little while to figure out how to deal with this, and eventually realized that we're actually still not considered enemies here yet - it's the BEAR that's bothering them.

So I was able to keep Halsin in hiding for a few minutes and send Astarion to cut the war drum apart.

I'm a genius. [bows]

Halsin also provides something of a challenge in close-quarters combat in that in his bear form he is a very LARGE boy. So he kind of gets in the way of Hector and Astarion doing their monk and rogue zoomy zooms.

Ultimately, there were other drums as well as a scrying eye that got set off so we ended up with everyone coming after us anyway but it gave a distinct advantage to have a couple of turns to take the initial combatants out.

Managed to finish off Minthara, the drow soldier, who had an upsetting number of hit points. Really hoping the other two targets aren't as beefy. After a short rest everyone is not in the worst shape ever but no one has any spell slots left and I'd like to avoid taking a camp rest inside the temple if I can avoid it (for realism's sake if nothing else.)

[sbpstudios]

the Transformation Dungeon: the post about fantasy species

because i wanna talk about lore outside of an ask for a change.

these are for the large part rough ass notes prone too change but such is life.

===============================

Humans: you know what they are. more or less. tho due to the nature of the setting being that of one of the many Stages in the Land of Fables, they aren't Earth humans. but the echos of them from mankind's many stories of themselves.

Fae Kin: the umbrella under which the elves, gnomes and orcs fall under. all three being descendants from the fair folk of Faerie. with the elves coming from the whimsical and beautiful fae. the gnomes the kin of the house fae. and the orcs being the kin of the ogres and other big beefy boys of faerie.

Earthen Kin: the umbrella under which the dwarves, trolls and giants fall under. all being born of stone and dirt. dwarves are the most commonly seen ones as they're a social bunch. while you rarely see trolls as they're a bunch of hermits. and giants are somewhere in between.

Outsiders: the term for people from outside the Stage. the most common type being demons who moved here from Pandemonium, who have as a result changed too fit in. the fae are also a regular enough sight, tho not as changed as demons as Faerie and the Land of Fables are closer neighbors. rarely do you get things from any other realms besides that, but sometimes, dreamlanders are seen about, filling the stage's niche for 'angels'

Bogymen: this is what things like goblins, bugbears and the like full under! technically Outsiders as well, but they've changed so much to fit the stage that they get their own section here. professional little shits.

Beastmen: often coming from a neighboring Stage based on the many, MANY stories man has made of people like animals. a fairly common sight here as the stories that built this Stage also feature, so many people like animals. they can come in any form of animal really.

and that's like- what would be in a theoretical player guide for Shit You Can Play As. BUT! i have two more things i'd like too mention here while i have your ear.

Stage Folk: this category is unknown too the people of the Stage, as they're unaware they're on a Stage at all. but this is what the gods and their Chorus fall under. as well as any Stagehands abound.

and finally-

Dragons: the personifications of the concept of power born from mankind's dreams. giant crystalline beasts that command respect and fear where ever they appear. they are all but name gods.

[thegalleonsnest]

Barbertos is a farmer boy at heart, and growing up in the jungle isn’t exactly the coolest place on the planet temperature-wise.

Wanted to practice more of Barbertos’ anatomy more without some clothes. It’s mainly fluff, but still, he’s a beefy boy.

(Also bonus in D&D session doodles of travesties, and Ankle Biter, our beloved goblin friend who we’ve adopted into the group after he nearly killed us)

[birb--birb]

Kestrel update: we survived act 1 baybeeee!!!

Fought Ethel the other day and stunned her in the tea house so it was a stupidly easy fight (thank you monk stunning strike)

finished grymforge this evening, which, woof took a hot minute grym is beefy in honor mode

All that was really left was goblin camp....... so I stalled and did the owlbear and beholder fights

met hot boi abdirak, participated as usual BUT loviatar didn't bless me on this day how dare😭

Threw rocks at bear Halsin and felt so terrible about it I killed all the goblins in the room and ran from the fight so I wouldn't have to kill him then and there

agreed to raid the grove with minthara bc bloodshed and carnage and murderrrrrr teehee just durge things

and I am here to announce that I will never ever EVER again, as long as I live, raid the grove again I am traumatized having to kill my sweet sweet tiefs in cold blood like that shit hurt I could barely look at the screen I was so ashamed of my actions

she got that drowussy but AT WHAT COST??? AT WHAT COST KESTREL?????

ngl I get the hype, it's a 🔥🔥🔥 scene like gött DAYMN it's excellent and as a femme durge???. Gay??? So very very gay like *mwah* chefs kiss A+ the homosexuals are winning tonight fam

But dear gods I'm never doing that again I feel my sins crawling up my back I gotta go play my Cassius save and kiss halsin to make myself feel better lmao

[twistedtummies2]

Your TW OCs are going to the latest Avengers movie! Who do each of them cosplay as?

Well, because these bois all attend Night Raven College, I think it's fair that - if they're going to a Marvel Movie Event - they're going to cosplay as Marvel Villains. ;) I'm going to stick with villains who have appeared in the MCU, specifically, for various reasons. They can appear in the movies or in the TV shows, but they have to be from that universe. Nakoda = Kilgrave, a.k.a. The Purple Man. Because hypnotic abilities, plus it means putting Nako in a snazzy suit, PLUS I can make all the Doctor Who jokes I want. Mua ha ha. Billy = Doc Ock. Don't ask me how he manages the tentacles. Honestly, given his hefty gut, Billy would probably look even more like the Doc Ock from the comics than Alfred Molina does...mind you, he'd be EXCEPTIONALLY taller, but that's another story. XD Elias = Mysterio. Even if his origins are a bit different from the comics version (where the character is a former wannabe actor, among other things revolving around showbiz), I can't think of a better Marvel rogue that's appeared in the MCU for my over-the-top theatre pup to play. Reno = Yellowjacket. I would say Scorpion from Spider-Man, but a.) got a LOT of Spidey rogues here already, and b.) Gargan in the MCU has yet to premiere as the ACTUAL Scorpion. I wanted to stick with MCU characters. So I went with the next best bug. :P James = Loki. Because both are melodramatic hams, and the idea of James being forced through the "Puny God" scene is hilarious to me. In an evil way. >:) Smitty = Thanos. Because a friend suggested seeing a teeny-tiny, pudgy little Thanos next to James as Loki would be hysterical, on SO many levels, and I entirely and completely agree. XD Maelstrom = The Kingpin. Not sure if he shaves his head, wears a bald cap, or just decides to keep the hair and say "screw it," but seems appropriate for the big beefy guy. Theodore = The Green Goblin. Seems fitting for a character who flies around, has a maniacal laugh and sharp-faced features, and throws fiery spheres (be it fireballs or pumpkin bombs) at people. :P Grit = Baron Zemo. Specifically as he appears in "Falcon and the Winter Soldier," in full costume. Mask, trenchcoat, etc. I WAS going to go with Red Skull, because he's one of the greats in comics...but I don't like the thought of my rock boi being dressed as a Nazi. So, I felt Zemo was the next best choice. (I actually considered giving one of them to Elias, too, but then I remembered Mysterio. LOL )

[cranberrybogmummy]

Worlding building dump.

I had an idea churning away in my head. So I have this alt-history low fantasy setting it's basically our world but with: Elves, Dwarfs, Goblins, Orcs, Halflings and magic chucked in. So anyhow…. back in the day one the main careers for Orcs (usually male) was joining the army. But Orcs get to be a like 6ft tall as preteens… so there were times when a Orc would sign on despite being ten, mostly because Humans couldn't tell the tall beefy and silent orc joining on was actually a ten year old boy and or a girl.

[uniformbravo]

MY SON....... CONFIRMED

[stonecoldsilly]

another thing i am Yearning For is aabria using the monologue mechanic on captain k.p. hob so we get some more wrackingspelt info and his reaction to the WHOLE duel because as they said in the AP at least the cousins can react to each other and talk about stuff openly so we see behind the curtain but who is hob going to be honest with?? a salt goblin??? blemish and boil??? even his letters are a stage three secret plotted out five maneuvers ahead of the game no he's keeping it all inside please let the beefy boy rant for a bit i know he can do it ya know blm's got a speech in the tank ready to go!!!

[sinnhelmingrmoved]

.

[headspace-hotel]

Rating various boyfriends

Werewolf Boyfriend: Looks intimidating but is actually a big softie. Always showers you with compliments. Cuddly. 12/10 but -1 for clogging the drain a lot. 11/10.

Vampire Boyfriend: Fashionable, high maintenance. Kind of pretentious. Goth, but his hands are cold because he’s dead. 6/10 due to unsatisfying hand holding.

Orc Boyfriend: Strong and beefy. Keeps you safe. Very good at cooking steaks. Will catch the spider and put it in a cup to carry it outside. Can reach high shelves. Loves to talk about how big and sexy his partner is. Bumps his head on doors. 13/10

Sasquatch Boyfriend: Gentle, nature lover, probably vegan. Uses a lot of toilet paper. Doesn’t know how to get on his email. Very shy. Amazing in bed. Sometimes tenderly slips a beetle into your hand to show you how much he loves you. 12/10, points deducted for being blurry in all your photos

Elf Boyfriend: Pretty. Has a skincare routine. Very polite. Likes houseplants. Smokes pot because no one has the heart to tell him humans do it because it gets them high. Keeps being unintentionally elitist. 7/10

Goblin Boyfriend: Small and cute. You can give him piggy back rides. Large ears for active listening. Likes the peddler’s mall. Hates minimalism. Will take you out to squelch in mud and stare at mushrooms. 9/10, some points deducted for not being familiar with soap as a concept

Merman Boyfriend: Sensitive. Pretty eyes. Will let you nap on his tummy as he floats on his back in the pool. Goes with the flow. Doesn’t exactly have a foot fetish but keeps complimenting your feet specifically in front of people. 9/10

Dragon Boyfriend: Sugar daddy. Hot AF. Charismatic. Likes to buy you gifts, especially jewelry. Never throws anything away, ever. Enjoys flying at sunset and campfires. Won’t fit in your shower. 9/10

Mothman Boyfriend: GREAT ass. Introverted. Soft. Fuzzy antennae you can stroke. Likes to stay up late watching movies. Will carry you gently to bed if you fall asleep at your computer. 11/10

Angel Boyfriend: The prettiest boy. Pure. Skin always radiant. Great singing voice. Not sure where he’s keeping all his eyes when he’s not in true form. Sometimes unable to be comprehended by the human mind. Only likes classical music. Can’t spoon him because the wings get in the way. 7/10

Demon Boyfriend: Hot. Edgy. Great in bed. A bad boy. Can be a dick. Always there when you need him as long as you have the right materials to summon him. Can’t steal your hoodies because of the horns. Doesn’t have hoodies you can steal because of the horns. 9/10

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?

Oh boy.

Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.

For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.

Welp, there's a lot to consider here.

First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.

Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.

What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.

The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.

Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.

Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.

I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.

Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...

Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.

And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".

He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).

I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.

Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?

Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.

Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.

Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.

I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.

I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.

Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?

Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.

Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”

No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.

Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.

Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.

I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.

Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.

Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition. 

This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.

For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.

Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.

Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.

Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.

The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.

Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.

(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)

Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.

But hey, we aren’t dead.

Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).

Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.

What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.

If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.

Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.

I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).

Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.

Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.

TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.

[mythicamagic]

Myth, I’m sorry if you answered this before, but can you make a ranking of your favorite monsters? 👀

Some monster boyfriend thirst got mixed in with a couple of these, I can only aplogise.

Werewolf - 8/10. A classic but not perfect because the formula can get a tad repetitive and modern interpretations have kind of robbed them of a bunch of mystique, but when its there, they're great. Van Helsing's design for them is the best interpretation, no I will not accept criticism.

Naga -  10/10 - a more recent love of mine. I'm sorry but you can get very creative with a person who is 30% human shaped and 70% tail.

Alien - 5/10 - I'm not into sci-fi stuff, so unless the alien be looking like Lotor, who is a 10/10 I'm likely not into that. BUT I can appreciate 'the Predator's design' and a couple of others.

Vampire - 11/10 - yeah I never grew outta my vampire phase. I don't care if it's basic bitch taste. There's a reason this monster icon has endured. But again I prefer ye olde interpretations of vampires rather than modern ones, unless they manage to capture the style and sophistication of melting candles, sweeping gowns, unrepentant attitudes and such. That said, Lost Boys slaps.

Dragon - 10/10 - They're awesome, hello? It's a mother trucking Dragon!

Goblin - 1/10 - no thank you

Angel - 9/10 - eldritch monster angel is superior to 'a dude with a halo and wings' gimmie cursed text speech and weird designs plz.

Hellhound/Gytrash/Church Grim - 10/10 bc they're good bois.

Gargoyle - 8/10 - Great monster but if we're talking 'monster boyfriend' they lose points due to turning to stone during the daylight hours.

Zombie - 2/10 - Warm Bodies is one of my favourite guilty pleasure films but they're honestly pretty boring and a tired concept.

Demon - 10/10 - classic. Encompasses a lot of different takes on the interpretation. The trope of summoning a demon in exchange for something will always be top notch. Good for horror or hotness depending on the story.

Centaur - 4/10 - top half hawt and I can appreciate an archer, but if we're talking monster s/o territory - unlike the Naga thing where you can separate them from being snakes because they just feel like a different species...centaurs just be straight-up horses down there.

Siren - 8/10 - sinks ships and drowns sailors using their melodic voices? Dats pretty cool bruh.

Ghost - 7/10 - angst/yearning potential and sure body possession can be fun, but ultimately it remains a sad s/o to have if you're a human

Orcs - 5/10- I'm not hugely into the big beefy type, so that's a pass for me, but I respect those who stan these guys.

Selkie - 7/10 - seals are cute and the concept that comes with it is a classic folktale but your bae will always belong more to 'the ocean' than to you.

Kelpie - 8/10 - I know I just gave Centaurs shit but Kelpies can shapeshift into humans sooo I know which one is better for an s/o.

Kitsune - 9/10 - spicy tricksters? With that aesthetic? Hell yee

Incubus/Succubus - 10/10 - self-explanatory. Like...c'mon.

Mermaid - 10/10 - classic.

Shark merfolk - 11/10 - good shit, yes. Give me the sharp teeth and danger vibes at the beach.

Tengu - 7/10 - Cool wings. Dunno about that mask though.

Nokken - 7/10 - I can vibe with a guy who plays the violin but the drowning women part is a little offputting. Also he always seems to be depicted in lakes or swamps, not particularly sexy water to hang around, unlike at the beach with merfolk.

Death/Grim reaper - 9/10 - hey the grim reaper has a lot of great depictions in media. Also sometimes death just needs a wife and it's always a great story of longing and pining.

Fae King - 11/10- Will let you disappear into the woods, never to be seen again. If you just give me your name, I can hook you up with one~