#the gist of it is it's from the perspective of someone who drank too much and is carried home

[genderjester]

In a universe where geto and gojo got to have the normal young ppl wild nights out where maybe u drink a bit too much but you figure it out and walk home at 3am etc huckepack by grossstadtgeflüster is literally. The vibe.

[queertheology]

WHAT PURITY CULTURE DOES

Sex was pretty much a mystery to me, growing up as I did in a conservative, evangelical home. Pretty much all I knew about sex was that you shouldn’t do it until you were married. I don’t remember ever getting any sex education at school–I went to a private Christian school from first through sixth grade–or at home–I was homeschooled from 7th through 12th grade. What I do remember is that every year, around Valentine’s Day, they would have a youth group series on sex and dating. Which I always thought was ridiculous. For one thing I wasn’t all that interested in dating and so it seemed overkill, but for another once we heard their schtick once, we kind of got the gist! Don’t have sex. Which seemed fine to me because sex wasn’t something I was interested in.

There must have been a series in Sunday school that was a little more in-depth because I remember a car ride home after church and my mom asking me what I thought about Sunday school. She seemed to understand that I didn’t really know much about sex and that I might be embarrassed by that. I was embarassed not because I didn’t know stuff, but because we were talking about it at all!

I do remember that they had talked about oral sex in class and I thought that it meant talking dirty . My mom explained what it actually was and I was pretty grossed out by the concept. It didn’t make any sense to me why someone would want to do such a thing.

My body was a source of embarrassment to me and so I disconnected from it. I hid it behind baggy clothing and tried to pretend that it didn’t exist. I went deep into the life of my mind where I felt safe. I remember girls having conversations about boys and sex and I just had no interest. I wanted to talk about “serious” things, “important” things. Sex and boys just seemed bizarre to me. They existed in some other dimension, I guess. It wasn’t that I felt actively grossed out, I just never thought about it at all. I was so closed off from my body that sexual pleasure never really crossed my mind.

I got a purity ring for my 16th birthday. It was something I really wanted. The deal was that I would keep that ring until I got married and give it to my husband. If I broke that vow–violated my purity–I had to return the ring to my mother.

I lost the ring while I was on a summer mission trip which became the source of endless jokes about me “losing my purity….ring”.

Flash forward to me in my 20’s. By this point I have come out as gay, but still don’t have language for my gender identity. I am starting to leave my fundamentalism behind, but the attitudes that surround sex are the hardest for me to let go of. I look around at the stuff I see in the gay community (granted I don’t have access to very much) and it feels like everyone is interested in having lots of casual sex. I have never met a LGB couple in a long term relationship (that I know of).

Growing up I absorbed messages that all gay people were promiscuous and drank a lot and were incredibly unhappy.

I had the unhappy part down. As I looked at my own life I was determined that I was going to be different from all of those other (mythical) gay people. I was going to be moral and wait until marriage to have sex. I felt like there was no reason why I couldn’t be a “good Christian” and still be gay. I wore that like a badge of honor feeling like it would make me more holy and righteous. And I could tell all of my conservative friends that that was my decision and maybe they would see that being gay wasn’t so terrible after all. Maybe they would continue to love me. Maybe my mother would still respect me. And besides, I had made a vow and I did not want to have to return the purity ring to my mother.

When I started dating someone seriously for the very first time (before that I had two “relationships” that lasted all of about five days with guys that I was only in to because they were nice to me and guys generally never paid me any attention), I’d never kissed anyone let alone had sex.

I had a better handle on how sex was supposed to work by this point but my knowledge was entirely theoretical. I told her early on that I didn’t want to have sex until I was married. It became a source of tension in our relationship; she was willing to wait, but it was difficult for her. She didn’t have the same baggage as I did around sex. And it was also complicated because she wasn’t ready to get into a serious relationship (having just broken up with someone) and to me everything seemed very serious.

Not only was I dating someone for the first time, but she was a woman which compounded everything further. I was closeted at home and work and the inauthenticity I felt during this time made me so stressed out that I ended up in the hospital because I couldn’t keep food down.

Everything freaked me out and seemed huge. If we held hands it was all I could think about. It seemed like everything was moving both too fast and too slow. And things were happening all out of order. We kissed before we were “officially” dating which felt wrong to me somehow. But I really liked her and I wanted to be close to her (and I really liked kissing her).

I understood, for the first time, what people were talking about when they talked about wanting to be with someone. But I had all of this stuff in my head that said that what I was doing was wrong. I was going too far. I was going too fast, and once you went too far and too fast there was no going back. You were ruined. That sounds harsh, but that’s the kind of emotional baggage that is put onto any kind of physical interaction and it made it impossible to view the relationship with any kind of perspective.

As things progressed I felt like as long as we didn’t have sex I was somehow preserving my purity. She and I started talking about marriage early. Way earlier than was right to do so. We were in love, but I was still closeted and she was still recovering from a break up. It was my first relationship. But marriage was on the table almost from the very beginning.

As we got more and more serious we started thinking about moving in together, but I was determined that I wouldn’t move in with her until we were married. That was the way it was supposed to be. So if we were going to move in together when her lease was up that meant we needed to get married before then. She was rightfully concerned, but to me it seemed like the best course of action.

After I was outed by her bumper sticker I remember my mom saying something to me that insinuated that she thought my girlfriend and I were having sex. I was furious. How dare she think so little of me that she would think I wasn’t keeping my promise? And then I thought, why am I keeping this promise if my own mother doesn’t even think I’m keeping it? Who am I keeping it for?

When I proposed to my girlfriend and she accepted we had sex. It seemed close enough to marriage at that point; we had plans to get married, we wanted to be closer, it felt right. But right from the beginning sex was complicated.

I was inexperienced and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. There was tension and impatience on both our parts. It was complicated and I felt like I couldn’t talk about it. I was so ashamed to not be better at sex.

And of course, who was I going to talk to about it?

Most of my friends weren’t speaking to me since I came out. I had no other queer friends to talk to. I did what I always do and read a lot of books, but that only takes you so far.

I felt a deep sense of shame. Why wasn’t I better? I had been promised that if I waited to have sex God would bless me (and my sex life) and it would be awesome. But it wasn’t awesome. Did anyone else have these experiences? None of my friends who had gotten married talked about stuff like this. What was wrong with me?

We got married after we had been together for less than a year. I gave her my purity ring.

Sex stayed complicated.

It seemed like we could never get on the same page. And then I finally found the language to talk about my gender identity and that complicated things even further. What did my male identity mean to her, a lesbian woman? As I transitioned medically she felt her queerness disappearing. And as I tried to figure out what it meant to me to be a man I overcompensated on masculinity in order to feel whole.

My changing body pushed us farther and farther apart. She didn’t like my facial stubble and I didn’t want to always have to shave. I want to be very careful here: the complications we faced were no one’s fault, but I internalized her disinterest in me sexually as something that was wrong with me. I saw my changing body as shameful just as I was starting to feel connected with it.

Throughout all of this, I had no one to talk to. Sex still seemed like something mythical and private, and yes, still a little shameful, although now my shame was about being terrible at sex and being unattractive. But that isolation made it so that I couldn’t get any perspective on what was happening. I was still convinced that everyone else in the world was having fantastic sex all the time and that I was the only one who couldn’t figure out how to get it together.

Everything seemed like it was my fault.

If she was having a bad night and wasn’t interested, my fault. If one of us couldn’t orgasm, my fault. If it took too long or went too fast, my fault. All of this shame just locked me up and kept me from being able to get untangled.

She and I divorced after being married for three years for a lot of different reasons, but sex was definitely one of the reasons (even if neither of us was willing to say it out loud). Even now it feels scandalous to say these things. It seems like I am being too personal. It seems that by saying that we had trouble with sex that I am somehow disparaging her or our relationship. It still feels strange to be speaking honestly about sex.

It still feels like people will read this and say that all of this is because I’m queer and that I deserve what I get. The weight of that shame still hangs heavy on me, even after all of these years.

That’s what the teaching I received about sex did to me. This is how it plays out in real lives and real relationships.

Like what you read?

This article was originally published in the SEX (BODIES) issue of Spit & Spirit. If you liked what you read and want more, learn more about the issue and pickup a copy.

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[missjosie27]

Year 2 Part 1- Coming Back

Hey, guys! Year 2 of David Grant’s adventures at Hogwarts have begun! Not really much to say except thank you for your patience and I hope you all enjoy! Any feedback is welcome:)

David Grant stared outside of the window almost precisely three months after his last trip on the Hogwarts express, witnessing . The summer passed slowly, too slow for his own liking, but the time had come to return to the gargantuan institution once more and he could not have been more excited.

To be sure, he had not spoken of his adventures to his parents. Evidently, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall felt it wasn’t important to inform them of the majority of his misdeed and run ins, something for which he was extremely grateful. His mother was overbearing and cautious as it was, and dad didn’t do much to counteract it. Other than family meals, or an occasional excursion into London to visit relatives, there wasn’t much to report from the Grant household. It also went without saying that he had also not mentioned being on Jacob’s trail. Though they only had one clue at the moment, it was enough and more than ever, David believed he was alive. Before his first year, he wouldn’t have even entertained the possibility. Now, he was determined to find the break through that would lead him to his long lost sibling and the vaults were the key.

His thought process brought him back to earth with Rowan prattling endlessly about his summer within their compartment.

“…she’s such a cute cat. Fuzzclaw is the real brains of the family I always say. Also my parents started growing another kind of wood made for a batch of wands. Ollivander just ordered a whole bunch.”

When David didn’t respond immediately, his friend waved a hand to grab his attention.

“Hello? Earth to David? Are you going to say something? I feel like I’ve been talking for over ten minutes.”

“That’s because you have.”

Rowan appraised him.

“You’re distracted and that usually means you’re thinking about your brother, the vaults, or both.”

“Good guess,” David replied. “Sorry, Rowan, I don’t mean to be rude. But my summer was…forgetful let’s just put it that way. Going back to Hogwarts, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Forgetful? Did anything bad happen?”

“More like it was just incredibly boring,” he shrugged. “Mum had us visit our relatives and my little cousins but I rarely had the opportunity to do, well, anything. The sooner we get back to Hogwarts, the happier I’ll be.”

“Too right. I’ve been running through our coursework this year. It should be slightly busier and more challenging than last year,” Rowan said excitedly. “I hope we get to learn more about giants.”

“If Binns doesn’t put me to sleep first, I’d share that sentiment.”

Laughing, Rowan chucked him a chocolate frog, which David began munching on before the spell could take effect.

“That reminds me, did you find anything more about those Aramaic ciphers?” he said through a mouthful of chocolate. “I couldn’t do much with my mum hovering about all the time.”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” his best friend answered. “I wish I had the book on me right now, but I can show it to you when we get to our dorms. But the basic gist is that the language was used by a sect of wizards back in the early Middle Ages, including Merlin. It’s enchantments and power were apparently greater than that of Latin, even though that’s what most wizards used around the time Hogwarts was founded.”

“That’s interesting,” David said genuinely. “Did it say anything about the vaults?”

Rowan shook his head.

“No, but there’s a lot of interesting history there and what the vaults could have or rather be hiding. Aramaic was also inscribed on ancient relics, including one that King Arthur personally searched for: The Holy Grail.”

David thought back a minute, the name sounding vaguely familiar.

“Hold on, isn’t that part of some muggle fairy tale?”

“It’s more than just a muggle fairy tale, Dave. Remember who advised King Arthur at the Court of Camelot? Merlin, arguably the greatest wizard who ever lived. I’ve read that story a million times and I love the adventures they go on. Especially their quest for the Grail.”

“You keep mentioning some sort of Grail.”

“King Arthur and his knights were Christian, which is the majority muggle religion in Britain,” Rowan explained. “The Grail was an important part of their faith.”

David had to admit, Rowan’s encyclopedic knowledge of these kinds of things came in handy and provided entertaining stories. But he failed to make the connection.

“That sounds brilliant and all, but what does a Christian relic have to do with the cursed vaults?”

“Everything,” Rowan said becoming more excited. “Because the Grail wasn’t some religious piece. It was real and created by Merlin himself! Supposedly it had all sorts of powers, and anyone who drank from it would be granted immortality. As I said, it was probably inscribed with ancient Aramaic like we found on the door. It could be one of the treasures hidden inside the vaults.”

This was all well and good, but believe it or not, the now second year Gryffindor held no interest in the concept of living forever. This ‘Holy Grail’ was actually quite fascinating, but it was not quite enough to go off of in terms of actually finding the vault or his brother.

“The treasure is irrelevant, Rowan,” he said firmly. “We need to discover the location of these stairs first and foremost before doing anything else. Jacob is the number one priority.”

“Of course,” the Indian preteen nodded. “Still, doesn’t mean it’s not fun to think about.”

“You read too much, Rowan.”

“And you don’t read enough,” his best friend chuckled.

David chucked the wrapper at him in jest. He peered around idly curious as to where some of their other friends were.

“Did you see Ben on the train, by the way? He should be sitting with us.”

“I caught a glimpse of him,” Rowan told him. “Last I saw he was talking with Bill Weasley about something.”

Well at least he’s in good hands

David was comforted knowing he was probably among those who would treat him well. While Ben had made great strides the previous year, he still didn’t like the idea of him running into any of the Slytherins on his own. Honing his full potential as a wizard would still take some time.

“Maybe we should say hello-”

At that moment, a crash and a muffled yelp could be heard outside the door. The two boys wasted no time in peeking out of the compartment to see what the ruckus was about, only for a blur of orange to stumble into them.

“Quick, shut the door!”

Only then did David realize that the blur was Charlie Weasley, who was grimacing and grabbing his shoulder.

“Charlie are you alright?”

“Never mind that, is the door shut?”

Rowan double checked that it was secure and gave a thumbs up.

“Good. Merlin, that freaked me out.”

“Slow down,” David said, pulling him up off the seat. “Just what the bloody hell happened?”

“I’m not sure, exactly,” Charlie said, still grabbing his shoulder. “I was just reading an article about Chinese Fireballs as I walked down the hallway. Must not have watched where I was going because I accidentally bumped into this Slytherin girl. Next thing I know, she’s firing hexes at me.”

“What did she hit you with?” Rowan pressed him urgently. “Maybe we should find a nurse.”

Charlie gave a wave of his wand.

“Nah, I’m fine. Worst she did was a stinging hex on my back. Though no doubt she was using deadlier stuff than that.”

“Any idea what she looked like?”

“Yeah, actually I do. Pale girl, recognized her from last year. Black hair covering half her face, a little freckly, with giant boots.”

David and Rowan looked at each other, gaging whether or not they were on the same page.

“Does that ring a bell, David?”

“Somewhat,” he said racking his memories. “She’s a Slytherin in our year. Real quiet, never says anything. I think her name is Ismelda.”

“That’s it,” Rowan confirmed. “I remember overhearing Professor McGonagall talk about her hexing a whole bunch of Gryffindors last year. Said she used spells that someone her age isn’t supposed to know.”

David raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Sounds like another Death Eater in training to me.”

Charlie shrugged as he grabbed a frog from the pile they had collected.

“Lots of Slytherins are gits, but I can’t imagine all of them are.”

“Trust me, the less of their presence I have to deal with, the better,” David frowned. “One in particular.”

“Merula,” Rowan answered for him. “I’m hoping a summer away from Hogwarts mellowed her out a bit.”

“That’s about as likely as a giant’s ass fitting through a straw.”

Charlie snorted as he laid back down on the seat.

“We’re not even halfway to Hogwarts and you both are carrying on about rubbish we don’t need to worry about just yet. Let’s relax and play some exploding snap or something.”

Charlie had a way of putting things into perspective and in the end David and Rowan acquiesced, putting aside the vaults, Merula and everything else. During the course of the game, they discovered their red headed friend’s desire to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, which was not surprising given his natural talent for flying.

“So you have a broom and everything?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said plainly. “But it’s not very good. Mum and Dad really couldn’t really afford a decent one. It’s a cleansweep seven.”

Cleansweeps were serviceable, but it was common knowledge that they couldn’t go as fast as the comet and nimbus series.

“Maybe you’ll get another at some point?” Rowan encouraged. “My family could help make one for you at a discount with one of the better makers.”

“It’s okay, I appreciate that, Rowan,” Charlie said, going pink slightly at the generous offer. “But I’ll make do. It’s the talent after all, not the broom.”

“Well I hope you make it, mate. We can’t be any worse than we were last year. Haven’t had a real team since James Potter was seeker back in the seventies,” David said shaking his head. “The father of the boy who lived himself.”

“He was a legend. If I can be as half as good as him, I’d be more than happy.”

They discussed Quidditch for the better part of the next few hours before the light slowly gave way to dark and the Express was minutes away from pulling into the station.

A knock on their compartment and Bill appeared in the doorway, looking as cool as ever even in his uniform.

“Hey, you all might want to get changed into your robes, we’ll be arriving soon.”

“Time flies when you’re talking about Quidditch,” David yawned, stretching out his arms. “Didn’t even realize it was so dark. Thanks, Bill.”

“No problem. By the way, have any of you seen, Ben?”

That perked up eyebrows.

“We thought he was with you,” David said, a note of anxiety in his voice.

“Wasn’t he sharing a compartment with you earlier?” Charlie asked.

“He was. But then he left, and I haven’t seen him since. I figured he went and found you guys.”

“Well he isn’t here, Bill,” the younger Weasley replied. “Haven’t even caught wind of him.”

An uncomfortable silence followed at the revelation that their friend was missing. Rowan gave a sideways glance to David, who in turn looked at Charlie. It appeared that the mysteries to solve this year had grown by one more.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Bill reassured them. “I’ll keep an eye out for him. In the meantime, make sure you’re in your robes by the time the train pulls in.”

He exited the compartment leaving the three second years in a state of puzzlement. Rowan looked especially anxious.

“Rowan, relax. We’ll find Ben, okay?”

“It’s not that,” he replied, and now he sounded excited. “I mean I’m worried about him of course, but Bill Weasley actually talked to me!”

“He was talking to all of us,” David pointed out, trying not to laugh.

“I know! But still, no one that cool even acknowledges my existence usually!”

Charlie silently rolled his eyes, while David couldn’t help but give a nervous chuckle. Amidst the positive emotions about returning to Hogwarts, the fact that one of his friends was nowhere to be found was an ominous welcome back greeting.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Given that they were no longer first years, this time around they rode the carriages, which were pulled by some kind of invisible horse, into the front entrance of the school as opposed to crossing the lake with Hagrid (the big man still waved his usual massive hand, cheerfully at them). Privately, David was thankful for this step up in seniority, however minor it might be. His sorting the previous year had been quite the spectacle and he was more than content with being among the general crowd this year.

Still, his brother was out there somewhere and he would continue to pursue that avenue. He didn’t care about the vaults as much as he did Jacob. After a tumultuous first year in which he had risked expulsion (and worse), the last thing he wanted to was to incur the ire of Filch or Snape.

Or Merula for that matter…but in that case I have no choice, he mused.

The returning students made their way to the Great Hall, taking their seats at their respective tables. As the crowd continued to shuffle in, David took his seat next to Rowan and Charlie, Jae trailing in behind them.

“Any sign of him?” David asked.

Rowan scanned around, briefly.

“No, not yet. Honestly I’m starting to seriously worry now…”

“Who are you guys referring to?” Jae cut in.

“Ben. You haven’t seen him have you?”

“Yes, actually.”

Rowan eyes nearly popped up out of his glasses.

“What?! Where?!”

“Just now. Two rows down from you actually.”

The two boys quickly turned their heads to find the blond boy sitting in his seek looking perfectly normal, which in itself was a contradiction.

“Psst,” Rowan whispered trying to get his attention. “Ben!”

“Huh? What?”

He angled to see them better.

“Ben, where the hell were you today on the train?”

“I was with Bill,” he said simply.

“Yeah, but where were you before that?” Rowan pressed. “Or after you left his compartment.”

“Around.”

In David’s opinion, there was something off about their friend. Though he otherwise appeared fine, the non chantant way in which he was talking and the half glazed look in his eye was odd to say the least. But before he had a chance to dig further, they were interrupted by the sound of the Great Hall doors swinging open, Professor McGonagall and the new first years in tow.

Though only second years, David already felt like a veteran from a war compared to the fresh, young curious faces that now entered their presence.

“Did we really look that way when we were sorted?” Charlie whispered, evidently thinking of the same thing.

“Nah, no way.”

Soon enough, Professor McGonagall explained the rules to the young students, the hat sung its song, and the sorting was on its way. Unlike last year, however, it seemed to take forever. Time flew when your stomach was empty and the prospect of food salivating. The young Gryffindors tried to cheer their fellow inductees as best they could but by the time the sorting reached the letter ‘R’ most, including the older students were pretty burned out.

“Is it supposed to take this long?” David grumbled.

“Probably how everyone else felt when we were sorted,” Rowan said.

Though it felt like agony, at long last the last of the first years were sorted and up Dumbledore came to the podium, his midnight robes shimmering, his old, but penetrating blue eyes twinkling at them.

“Welcome to all, once more, to a new year at Hogwarts!” he announced. “To our first years, I give my warmest welcome and I’m sure that our returning students can forgive an old man so he may explain a few rules and boundaries,” he said with a wink.

A few quietly groaned, but that was all the protest one would hear. One did not complain openly to the Headmaster when making a speech, even someone as eccentric as Dumbledore.

“First, I would like to reiterate to all that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to all students and there will be severe consequences straying its borders. Second, Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to inform you that the list of banned items has been increased to one hundred and thirty six. Anyone wishing to know more may see the visit outside of his office door. For those of you know old enough to try out for your respective house Quidditch teams, Madam Hooch will be posting the dates within the next couple of weeks, so do be on the lookout.”

Dumbledore took a pause, his eyes becoming more searching than twinkling, as though he were gazing into the soul of each student in his presence.

“Lastly, I would like to add one thing, Hogwarts is a place of education and growth. Please, focus on your studies and spend time with your friends, but above all else, be careful as you journey about the castle. If you see anything odd that isn’t the Hogwarts sort of ‘oddity’, do not hesitate to tell a professor. Every year is an interesting one, but something tells me this year holds more surprises than most.”

The smile returned to the centenarian’s face.

“But enough of my ominous warnings and grand proclamations. Enjoy the feast.”

Immediately, food popped out of nowhere and David couldn’t help but grin at Rowan at the reaction of the first years. Only a year ago they had done the same thing at their first feast. Now, it was simply time to enjoy.

“Turkey?” a Gryffindor girl in their year offered.

“Don’t mind if I do,” David thanked her. “I’m starving.”

Rowan, however, gave him a small nudge.

“Dumbledore’s speech was especially cryptic. Do you think it means anything?”

Privately, the now second year never put anything past the Headmaster. The man was something of an enigma, even if he was also brilliant. Last year had taught him that much.

“I’m not too concerned with it, really,” he shrugged. “Let’s just eat. Pass the potatoes, will you?”

And so they feasted, stuffing themselves senseless, drinking gallons of pumpkin juice, laughing the night away with old friends in the hope perhaps that new ones would be made as well. Summer vacations were discussed, Quidditch matches polled, old companions reunited, and Jae even mentioned off handedly he was going to take a first hand look at Filch’s list in order to update his buyers. All in all, it was a night to remember, so much so that amidst the merriment, David forgot about Ben’s odd behavior. However, that was only temporary.

The feast ended and Dumbledore ordered them to bed. Being second years, they no longer were required to hang back and wait for the guidance of a prefect. It was truly amazing what a one year difference could make. There would be no Angelica to lecture them this time, though no doubt she would have her eye on him and his friends this year.

Climbing up the last staircase that led to the Fat Lady, David attempted to make conversation with his muggle born friend.

“Hey, mate. Haven’t had a real chance to say hello yet. How was your summer?” he asked, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Hey, Dave. It was good. Not much to report, though. Took a holiday to Ireland.”

“Sounds fun. Wish I had gone out of the country. Mum won’t let me do much.”

“It was actually nice not to think about magic for a bit,” Ben admitted. “For my parents, this is still pretty new. Takes some getting used to, you know?”

“Yeah.”

David silently appraised him, trying his best not to act suspicious.

He seems perfectly fine. So why do I get the feeling that he’s not?

Instincts aside, he simply let the conversation peter out as they took over the second year dormitories and settled in for the night. But even trying to sleep through Charlie’s snores and Jae’s personal tinkering with an object he claimed off a Hufflepuff, David could not put away the combination of excitement and anxiety that rattled around in his mind.

He was back at Hogwarts, but as Dumbledore had hinted, they were in for more than a few surprises.

[atopearth]

OZMAFIA!! Part 1 - Caramia Route

Now I can know the basic gist of The Wizard of Oz without reading or watching it lolll! Yes, I have never read/watched it (EDIT: After finishing this game, I read the Wizard of Oz, it was very fun). Ooh okay, heroine is this silver hair guy’s prey huh, yeah that’s a great start to the game and her life I guess lmao. Caramia sounds like a nice guy since he caught her from falling, but he’s with the guy that tripped her so…. But I guess it’s still better than getting caught by the silver hair guy called Caesar? Maybe? Maybe not? I wonder if amnesia is common in otome games hahaha. Every time I hear about Ozmafia, people talk about Axel so I hope he’ll live up to expectations! But Caramia first! Oooh that’s why it’s called Ozmafia!? Literal mafia town?! And Caramia is the head of this Oz family? Hmmmmmm.

Yayyy! I don’t have to think of a name, that’s always the most stressful part for me lmaoo. Fuka is cute btw. Nice to be named by my current favourite boy lolol. Ooh she gets to choose which family she wants to belong to. How nice of them. Robin Hood being a doctor is a very interesting idea. I guess Fuka seems very naive and innocent? Like a little lamb, ready to be devoured by carnivorous men? LOL Axel was rather cute when he felt a bit shy after the heroine thanked him for showing her where her room was lol. The families quarrel for territory from Monday to Saturday but have declared Sunday as a day of peace? How very systematic and interesting.. Caramia looks hot in glasses btw and fyi, I love men who read! Plus points to Caramia!

Soh is a nice boy. Doesn’t like lies and is straightforward. Lmaoo at Caramia asking Axel for money and then he’s like yay, Axel is shouting us food hahaha. Actually, after seeing a close up of Axel, he looks awesome with his glasses, I like, I like! Kyrie sounds wayyy too dodgy for my liking btw lol. Axel is so subtly considerate, I love him. Hmm so Caesar is like part of the rebels that don’t agree with the rules in the town with having to belong to families etc, so I guess he’s like a criminal along with the other people in the slums and outside of the town. Axel got captured by Caesar because he was protecting Fuka? That’s not good. But it was way too reckless of her to go to Caesar herself, how dangerous. I’m happy that Axel called her an idiot for coming to sacrifice herself to hopefully exchange for Axel’s safety. But I’m also happy that he acknowledged that she did it because the Oz family took care of her so well that she couldn’t do nothing. I guess breaking the Compromise (Sunday is a day of peace) is a pretty big deal if all these families would come out to deal with it and kill some of the Wolf Gang members.. so cute how Axel really loves sweets though haha.

Lmao at Fuka thinking Scarlet was a girl hahahah. Didn’t think Soh was part of the Wolf Gang.. I like how Caramia makes breakfast for Kyrie and Fuka quite often hehe. It was really cool when Scarlet came out to protect her when she got into the feud with Gretel and Ande, although it’s true that hurting her could be pretty bad so it was natural for him to do that but it seemed like he did it because he cared for her too XD Lmaoo that one sip of alcohol of whatever Caramia drank knocked her out and he had to carry her home hahahaha. How bold of her to say she loves him while drunk lol. Not that he took it seriously.

Hmmm I feel like all the events and bonding time with the characters were so choppy and insignificant that the only thing Fuka and Caramia really shared was their time together and nothing else, so honestly, I really can’t see why they like each other besides the fact that they like the existence of someone beside them… And even that’s kinda forced because he has Axel and Kyrie to keep him company lol. Caramia’s character is rather shallow and the world itself is shallow as well even though it has such an interesting premise sigh.. the story is just like things happening in a world and it could have been anywhere because it doesn’t even really matter. And so yeah, if the guys are shallow, you can imagine how much of a blank board Fuka is. She has no particular thoughts or emotions that are relevant to the story or even to the guys! She’s never said anything about liking Caramia or particularly showing any special affection towards him so I have no idea when they ever considered each other to be the one they like. I feel like Axel and Fuka show the most affectionate emotions towards each other lol. And what about the Oz premise?! Caramia’s the lion so isn’t there going to be anything about that? Is it literally just a setting for us to have three guys? What is all this untapped potential considering this interesting world? Sigh… Also, the amount of loading screens in this game are killing me. 

I don’t know what I’d do if I ever found my future boyfriend hugging a woman near a brothel… Strangling him for the truth might be a good idea😅 how could he let her go like that so easily?! I know he’s trying to be considerate that he can’t spend much time with her but he knew that in the first place! He shouldn’t have confessed if he’s so weak willed about it! And she has the right to decide what she wants to do! She has the right to decide whether she doesn’t mind continuing to cry but trying to make this relationship work! Good that she said what I thought but really, I don’t feel like Fuka really has much emotion lol and really only does things because.. that’s her character lol. But wow, she’s really silly to go out at night to surprise Caramia considering how dangerous it is at night, poor Caramia though, he has to bear the guilt of accidentally shooting her… I don’t feel sorry for her, but I feel sorry for him… But omg, I feel like sometimes she’s so clueless and weirdly optimistic that I want to smack her, I think I’m starting to understand why people don’t like Fuka now…And this is my first route… Like, a lot of heroines are optimistic but you can see why they are in their personalities, for Fuka, she’s like this hollow shell that’s just a ball of optimism for no reason and that’s the only feeling she exudes.

I feel like the flow of the story is so haphazard, but I do have to admit that Caramia reverting back to the cowardly lion he was is hilarious, it’s so cute hahaha. How cliche that the power of love in trying to save Fuka from Hamelin got his courage back lol. Very basic route (Pure love vs Axel) and ending for this happy one lol. I guess the happy ending is when the guy overcomes his fears (which in this case is his cowardly personality) and the bittersweet ending is when he can’t overcome it but Fuka stays beside him regardless. The cowardly Caramia is pretty funny though, I mean he still went to save her from Hamelin regardless so I think that’s cool enough but seeing Caramia scared of every little thing made me couldn’t help but think he’s so adorable.

(Pure love vs Kyrie) Kinda like how this one shows Caramia consulting Kyrie on his love problems about whether he really likes Fuka or not, so it’s much easier to tell that Caramia really does like her, rather than the above where I felt like she got along with Axel more than Caramia lmao. So cute that Caramia doesn’t like baths and the heroine forced him to take one hahahha. I like how he’s trying to get used to taking baths because the heroine likes him clean hahahaha. So, does Caramia think her scent is similar to Dorothy’s? It’s good that he doesn’t think of her as a replacement haha. But lmaooo, Axel is so funny and cute, I can imagine him getting married just because he wants a giant wedding cake hahahaha. Anyway, besides the extra interactions and changing the second focus from Axel to Kyrie, the gist of the story is the same. Personally, I love Axel’s personality but in terms of story and development of Caramia and Fuka’s love, I’d say Kyrie’s one shows more of how much Caramia actually likes her or maybe it’s because I finished one route so I can see Caramia’s perspective now?

(Axel triangle) Caramia eats so much! Lmaoo at him going to to Robin because he ate 2 litres of ice cream hahahaha. HAHAHA, Axel is so cute to be that excited about Caramia’s pancakes, apparently they’re the best in town and are so fluffy! I’m jealous! It’s always kinda funny that Axel is usually so whatever and just follows orders most of the time but when it comes to sweets, he’s so adorable haha. Aww Axel is fond of cats, he’s such a softie, kinda like Caramia haha. Lmaooo at Kyrie offering Axel’s backup snacks to Fuka because she’s hungry and Axel is like no, until Kyrie says what if she starves to death. And then..omg😂 Axel gives it to her and says “please don’t die” LOLL, I’m sure she won’t die that easily Axel lmaooo. Omgg when the heroine said Axel was the most important person to her though, kyaa Axel!🤣 Chocolate river is a great idea, Axel! I’d love that! Danggg Axel can cook too, awesome! Maybe everyone can except Fuka lmao. Dorian and Caramia were talking about how a prostitute was poisoned and Dorian said he was sad that his goods was hurt so does that mean he’s the brothel owner?! But now, I see why Caramia was with a prostitute, he was trying to get info on the street slasher that’s been killing a lot of people in town and she knew some stuff about it.

OMG, I’M SO SHOCKED. I can’t believe she just did it with Axel… Like his confession was really cute and romantic but you haven’t even properly broken up with Caramia yet Fuka! You can’t just jump into another guy’s arms even if you do like him too! At least tell Caramia first! Omggg, gonna die from the drama that will ensue.. I feel so sorry for Caramia… But lining up for crepes with Axel does sound so nice…. I can understand Axel’s perspective in being careful with words and stuff though, since wounds of the heart hurt much more and cannot be seen unlike physical wounds. I thought Kyrie would be the possessive type but I guess that’s Axel lol, well at least he’s honest that he knows it’s bad but can’t help it?

I was gonna say it was so inconsiderate for Axel and Fuka to consult Caramia about Axel’s overflowing love and possessiveness towards Fuka and then Caramia got controlled by Hamelin’s music and like nearly killed Axel! Crazyyyy! And then ughhh I hate how the stories and scenes don’t flow properly, it’s like, Axel defeats Hamelin and is stuck in the fire with serious wounds but it doesn’t bother to address how he got out of that and spent the next year’s festival with Fuka. It’s like as if it never happened. Like whaaat. But anyway, I guess these love triangle routes are interesting? I mean, it’s like, you’re chasing Caramia but because your heart wavers, you end up with some other guy even though you’ve consciously been going to meet Caramia every week lollll. I don’t even know if that’s good, I’d feel so weird. But whatever I guess, Axel’s cute?

Lmaoo when he asked if she’s a cat or dog person, and that he read in a book that it’s a surefire way to start a conversation🤣🤣 I hate this triangle idea but Axel is so cute. Omggg so adorable when he asked to hold her hand because his glasses broke so he can’t seeee! There is no end to his adorableness as well, especially when he took off his glasses and said that this way, he can continue holding her hand. Like dude, how much more adorable can you get?! I’d attack him too if I was Fuka lmaoo.

(Kyrie Triangle) My heart breaks for Caramia…. He tried so hard to look normal and support her and Kyrie… Whereas Kyrie was like so intent on stealing her from Caramia from quite a while ago… At least Axel in his triangle route just wanted to make her happy and he felt that he could more than Caramia. Kyrie is just so…. inconsiderate and uncaring for Caramia’s feelings. But I see why Kyrie is interested in Fuka I guess, can’t feel the romance but I can feel that he’s bored and the mystery of her existence without being able to find traces of her past is interesting. Like where did she come from…

Hmm guess it’s kinda the same as the other triangle with Caramia being controlled by Hamelin’s flute and attacking Kyrie. It’s also nice to know that he likes her because it’s fun. He has always been a person that calculates everything ahead and is logical but when he’s with her, he can’t predict what she would do and how reckless she would be next I guess lmao. Not sure if that’s good but cool lol.

I like Kyrie’s story about when he was a scarecrow though! It’s kinda cute that he’s got two different eye colours and the right one always changes depending on his mood (guess he’s like a mood ring lolol) because, back when he was a scarecrow the old man who made him didn’t put his hat on properly and rain kept washing away his painted eye, but the old man would always repaint it making it different colours lol. But now I understand why he always wears gloves and a hat! I kept thinking why does he when it’s so awkward and ugly lmao. There was a proper reason! I apologise. I’m surprised Fuka is so terrible at cooking though, it’s probably a talent in itself.

Wow, Fuka said she wanted peace in this town and Kyrie interpreted it as him might as well lessening the amount of mafia families, so basically the less families, the less conflict and that will create peace. Not sure if that’s what she meant Kyrie but whatever rolls for you I guess. Aaand it ended abruptly lol. I think the biggest problem I have with Ozmafia is how choppy and unconnected the scenes are from each other, it really doesn’t flow well at all and you really lose your bearings on what’s happening because of it, and the dreaded loading screen too of course lol.

Anyway, I feel like for more bits and pieces to come together, you have to read the different routes but since the story isn’t very detailed or good anyway, it doesn’t matter lol. I’d just recommend pure love vs Kyrie for Caramia’s story. I think that was the nicest one. Otherwise if you don’t mind the guys “stealing” Fuka from Caramia, Axel triangle route is adorable. I honestly don’t want to do the triangle routes too much because it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing the guy sad that Fuka goes with another guy… But I’m also a completionist so… Sigh. Anyway, Kyrie story next~ not a fan of him but let’s go!