#the future is so grim its just downhill from here theres nothing for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

schwarzeneggr · 8 months ago

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just doing absolutely abyssmal. everytime i am happy i sleep and wake up feeling like i should not be alive. there is no constant. mood rollercoaster. im trying to cling to shit but i feel like my mind is deteriorating at such a rapid pace. focusing on things that make me happy which is sekiro rn even thou its hard as shit. everything makes me feel guilty and makes me want to run away never to be seen again. overdosing on anxiolitics and bottoms up on my monster can, trying to empty my mind. I have been contacted by yhe psych clinic im supposed to go to and they want a pre approval meeting and girl if i dont make it ...

#the hardest thing is accepting that i no #longer am 'normal'#i am straight up handicapped #and its so weird. so weird. 4 y ago i was NORMAL #i had a few defects but it was not overwhelming #now? i cant do anything normal people do #i require so much rest after small activities its like im a badly programmed sims its horrible #and if i could chalk it up to like some grave disease it would bring me relief. oh dont worry its just cancer or something #but naw its a mix of traumatizing experiences bubbling up and bpd and bipolar and diabetes and stuff #just an accumulation of small things that make #it impossible for me to be normal #a 9 to 5 job 5 to 6 times a week sounds liyteraly impossibel #how am i going to #live in society without relying on help #the future is so grim its just downhill from here theres nothing for me #and still i look at funny posts online and dont respond to messages #this sucks

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