#the fucking nazguls and shadow kings

[domokunrainbowkinz]

having finally watched the lotr movies is making me think back to dark rise and being like "oh you REALLY liked lotr" bc I now realize how much of it was inspired/drawn from tolkien

[rosa-berberifolia]

The Long Haul|LOTR x Reader|Eomer x Reader - Part 3

A/N: Part 3 of 4 I think. Again, I am not super duper familiar with the books. This is based off of the movies primarily, with some changes to canon. If you hate it don’t be mean about it. I don’t know.

Warnings: violence, blackish magic type stuffs, blood, death and all that jazz

Word Count:

As the days passed after your return to Edoras you felt guiltier and guiltier. It seemed that Eomer paid no mind to the fact that he could never be with you. It seemed that his favorite thing to do when he wasn’t working with his uncle was to come find you, regardless of what you were doing, and take your hand to place a kiss to your fingers, smile sweetly at you, and then leave. Nothing had happened between you two yet. And even though that made you a bit sad, you felt it was better that way.

A raven came to Edoras one morning, for the king. It was from Treebeard, who said that the ents, along with two hobbits, had taken Isengard. You, Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas were relieved. You knew that you lost the two hobbits to Treebeard before the battle at the Helm. The two hobbits Treebeard was referring to were Merry and Pippin.

So the five of you, plus Eomer and some of the king’s men went to Isengard to see what was going on. And to your great relief, Merry and Pippin were indeed more than fine, and the place was crawling with ents. You all took the two hobbits back to Edoras with you, and a few days later the Beacon of Gondor had been lit. That same day, all of the Rohirrim, your company, and Eowyn left Edoras and met under the shadow of the mountain were they set up an encampment.

You rode with Eomer the whole way. And you could see Eowyn and Aragorn give you knowing look as you rode off. You looked away in embarassment. You were definitely going to have words with them later.

///

It was an eerily quiet night. The wind was almost non existent in the shadow of the mountain. And all of the men were quiet as they contemplated how they were probably not likely to live through the battle. You felt it too, but you kept it to yourself. You just wished that you and Eomer had been intimate with each other before the end.

You knew that this battle was going to go one of two ways for you. Either you would fight and lose, dying in battle, and hopefully atoning for your past sins, or; Frodo and Sam will succeed, causing everything evil to fall, yourself included - destroying the ring means your death. Either way, you die.

You noticed Aragorn talking to Eowyn later as he appeared to be packing up his horse. You knew he was leaving to go into the mountain. You couldn’t very well let him go in there alone. You shared a tent with Gimli. You came inside to find him and Legolas playing a game where one tries to slap the others hand before they can take them away. You chuckled and shook you head at there antics. 

“Aragorn is going into the mountain. Lets go.” You said and started to fill your bags. 

///

“Where do you think you’re off to?” Gimli questioned with his pipe as Aragorn and his horse walked by him.

“Not this time. This time you must stay, Gimli.” Aragorn countered.

Legolas walked up behind him with the other horse. “Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?” He asked smuggly. You walked out from behind Legolas, saying nothing but crossing your arms over each other.

“You might as well face accept it.” Gimli started, “We’re going with you, laddie.”

Aragorn smiled but then looked to you and it faltered. He shook his head. “Y/n. I must ask you stay.” Your eyebrows shot up as you shot his a surprised but scathing look. “Eowyn intends to fight in the battle.” He informed and your expression dropped immediately turning to worry. “Please stay and watch over her...if you can?”

You bit your lip to keep all of the angry words from escaping. Fuck. You sighed defeated. “Fine.” You said through gritted teeth. Aragorn walked up to you and put a thankful hand on your shoulder. You couldn’t help the smile that graced your lips. You knew and he knew this would be the last time you would see each other. Your chin wavered and before you knew what you were doing, you found your arms around him, and his instantly came around her. Y/n hugged Aragorn with a strength she didn’t know she had. But Aragorn was her best friend. Her first friend. Both knew that she wasn’t going to survive this war. Aragorn might. But she wasn’t. When they let each other go they smiled sadly at the other. Then Legolas stepped in.

“Mellon nin.” He said softly, giving a tight lipped smile. Y/n smiled back and wrapped her arms around his torso while Legolas wrapped his around her shoulders. He rubbed her back a little before pulling back.

“Aye lassie. I -” Gimli started but Y/n had quickly knelt down an hugged him tightly. Gimli sighed defeated and gently pat her back. With a deep breath Y/n got back up. She gave the three a bittersweet smile before walking slowly off towards Eowyn’s tent.

///

Y/n had gone to talk to Eowyn who lied straight to Y/n’s face about staying at the camp when the rest of the soldiers left.  Y/n just chuckled and shook her head at Eowyn’s stubbornness, figuring that she would deal with it tomorrow. 

Heading back to her tent, a familiar voice called Y/n’s name. She smiled to herself before turning around to meet Eomer’s warm brown eyes. He approached her and took her hand, bringing it up to his perfect lips and placed a gentle kiss there. Y\n couldn’t deny how much she wished to feel those lips on her own. She couldn’t help that her teeth took her bottom lip between them. T/n almost missed Eomer’s glance at her mouth. And almost as if it was a reflex, her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

“I - I - I - uh -” Eomer tried to form words. Y/n giggled and he shook his head and took a deep breath and started again. “May I talk to you about something?” He asked. Y/n nodded - anything to spend more time with him. Eomer held out her elbow for her and she wrapped her arm around his and he lead her away.

“Is it about the coming battle?” Y/n asked.

“I know you are planning on going.” He started, “Though I wish you would stay safe and stay here.” Eomer added with a chuckle. He knew Y/n was too headstrong. Y/n looked up at him, slightly worried. It was clear that he didn’t know Y/n’s lineage, nor did he realize she’d be dead soon, regardless of the battles outcome.

That only made Y/n want to be with Eomer even more. At least before she died. She couldn’t have been more delighted - nervous, but delighted - when it turned out Eomer had lead her to his personal tent. He lifted the flap to enter and motioned for Y/n to go in. Y/n smiled before quietly going inside. 

Y/n took a few steps in the tent and took in the items inside. Eomer stepped in and let the flap close behind him. He stayed silent as he watched her take in her surroundings. She stopped when she finally noticed him standing there.

Eomer smiled and took steps towards Y/n. He put his hands on her arms and rubbed them sweetly for a moment before he stepped even closer and then cupped Y/n’s cheek gently. The look he was giving, one of longing and want, sent shivers down her spine.

Y/n licked her lips and then pressed them together. The yearning for Eomer, the want of a chance to show him how much she loved him, it was building up to be too much. Gathering her courage, she reached up and put his cheek in her hand and pulled him closer until their lips met in a sweet kiss. After a moment, Eomer pulled away smiling. He rested his forehead against hers.

“I’ve been dreaming of doing that again for so long.” Eomer said in nearly a whisper. 

“Me too.” Y/n confirmed with a grin so large it hurt her cheeks. They stayed like that for a moment before they couldn’t help it, and they reconnected once more. 

Quickly the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. Soon Eomer had guided Y/n to his bed and laid her down with him on his elbows on top of her. His hand had thread through her hair, pulling her incredibly close. Y/n’s hands wandered every inch of his skin that she dreamed so much about exploring. Before she knew what she was doing, Y/n had worked Eomer’s tunic over his head. Eomer took the queue and started undoing the laces of Y/n’s outfit. Shortly after, both of them found themselves bare and they held each other impossibly tight, spending their night together, taking all the other had to offer. 

///

Y/n wasn’t able to find Eowyn - or Merry for that matter - before everyone left for battle. The sneaky pair must have disguised themselves. Y/n could use magic to find them, but there wasn’t time and she didn’t have the resources. Plus the amount of energy required to do magic was great, and she thought that she really ought to conserve it in case they needed it during battle.

She sat atop a horse, waiting with the kings company as Theoden made a speech about bravery. But his words had little effect when his company got a look at the battlefield. It was terrifying. Monsters and machinery littered the field waiting to get into the walls of Minas Tirith. It was one hundred percent accurate to think that she was going to die there. But with a rousing cry for death, the ensemble of heroes galloped towards the orcs and beasts.

///

It was a massacre. Olliphants crushed men and horse into the ground and Nazgul picked them from it before devouring them. The men were fighting frantically for their lives, trying desperately to make it to the end of this seemingly endless war. It was a miracle when Y/n finally spotted a familiar marking on the armor of a soldier. It was Eomer. Still alive. Still trying to encourage his men to keep going. Y/n made for him, and she called his name. He turned to see her coming towards him. The look of relief on him made Y/n smile. She came closer and Eomer put his hands on her shoulders, taking in her figure to see if she was hurt. And when he saw that she wasn’t, he gave a loud sigh and pulled her to him so he could wrap his arms around her.

“It’s pointless to try to win.” Y/n said with little hope. Eomer shook his head and then bent down to kiss her. 

“Perhaps we can’t win. But maybe we can fight so we don’t lose.” Eomer said. And Y/n knew exactly what he meant. The chances that they were going to make it out of here were incredibly slim. But perhaps if they fought hard enough, Man would make it. Man wouldn’t lose. Self sacrifice for the greater good. Y/n nodded and pulled Eomer closer for one more kiss before saying the thing she had wanted to say to him from the beginning. “I love you.” And then she turned around.

She walked over to where there laid about ten dead horses and men scattered on the ground. Y/n looked back at Eomer to see that some orcs had approached them and he was moving to get rid of them. Kneeling on the ground, she reached deep within herself, finding the side of her that she had put away for so long. She knew that using the kind of magic she was about to was dangerous. The power and feeling of it like a drug that made her crave more and more until she might forget what side she was on. But hopefully that wouldn’t happen, or if it did, someone might stop her before it got out of hand.

“Maausan jiak nauk-ach avo avhe vadokan around alnej.” [1] Y/n said, her voice growing deeper and turning to more of a growl as she spoke. “Riuke agh deukavroausan avhouke shal our paavh, avogeavhas.” [2]

Black roots started up from the ground around Y/n and fed their way into the bodies of the dead horses and men on the ground. They all came together like a mass of black. Ripples opened up in the mass showing light like embers. Soon it began to form into a shape like a group of horses, black with eyes like fire. Their teeth barred like monsters, showing the fanged mouth that they now sported. When they neighed it was a low wave that could barely be heard by the human ear. The horse forms stopped the ground, eager to start with their dark purpose.

“Drepa!” [3] Y/n shouted and the mass rolled along as the devil horses pulled it.

Y/n aimed for the hoards of orcs af as her mass reached them, they were engulfed by it.Their screams were muffled as they were shredded and added to the dark mass, growing with every victim. Over and over, the same result, and with ever body added, Y/n could feel the good within her shrinking. It was happening. The thing she most feared. But it was so sweet, the power she was feeling. Like a drug in her veins pulling her farther away from the light and closer to evil. And her resolve to fight it was quickly fading.

Soon, Y/n didn’t care if it was friend or foe that her mass engulfed. She only cared about the kill and adding to her monstrous legion. She rolled along to someone trying to fight a wraith on a Nazgul. Something pulled her to them. An unknown force. It wasn’t until she got closer that she realized who it was: her father.

Y/n came close enough to notice who the fighter was as they took their helmet off. A small twinge in her echoed when she saw it Eowyn.

“I am no man.” Eowyn said before crying out and plunging her sword into Y/n’s father’s face. He crumpled up into darkness before exploding, knocking Eowyn to the ground.

Y/n suddenly didn’t hear the battle around her. She did not notice the men and orc fighting. It was as if her mind and soul had been yanked from her body. The bodies in her dark mass started to fall out, littering the ground as her rolling slowly came to a halt. All of the bodies were released until it was only Y/n, and she herself fell to the ground. She could feel herself draining. Like a water-skin with a hole in it. She just lay on the ground, surrounded by the ones dead at her hand. And with her last breath she thought that she was happy to have been able to tell Eomer that she loved him at least once before the end.

///

And then Y/n woke up in a healers tent.

---

Translations

1 - May I reach to all the dead around me.

2 - Rise and destroy those in our path, together.

3 - Kill!

---

Tags

@ladyideal

@merrillbee92

[365days365movies]

March 1, 2021: The Hobbit (Part 2)

Time for the Desolation of Smaug chapter of this movie!

Since I’m dividing this up by the Jackson movie standards, I should mention that my favorite of those films is the second one. I love An Unexpected Journey, mostly because of Gollum, and also because when I went to the midnight premiere, I dressed up as a Nazgul and went up to people dressed up as hobbits and whispered “SHIIIIIIRRRRRRE. BAGGIIIIINNNSSSSSS” uncomfortably close to them, and it was great.

But you know what Desolation of Smaug had? Fuckin’ Smaug. And also, Benedict Cumberbatch doing this.

That shit is HILARIOUS. Also, Smaug was fucking awesome, and genuinely my favorite part of the trilogy. I mean, Gollum as well, but he didn’t get enough of the first film to call him my favorite part of all three movies. He’s in second place, though.

Anyway, excited to see Smaug, so let’s get into it, shall we? First part of the Recap is right here!

Recap (2/3)

No time to linger about, as the Goblins are on our group’s tail, riding Wargs. However, with Gandalf’s help, the group escapes their clutches, as Gandalf summons...giant eagles...which I totally forgot about until now. Don’t mention the eagles thing...DON’T MENTION THE EAGLES THING...

Anyway, I realize I’m cheating here, since this is part of An Unexpected Journey, but...I legit forgot that this was the ending of that movie. It’s been a while. So, OK, the gang flees not-Azog and the eagles fly them away. The King of the Eagles thanks Gandalf for his help back in the day, and Gandalf is like, “s’all good dude, I’ll never call you again”, and they take off.

Gandalf takes off too, even though the group isn’t exactly happy about that. Especially considering that the eagles dropped them off in a dangerous-ass forest called Mirkwood. To get their bearings, Bilbo’s forced to climb the tallest tree in the woods, and when he does, he sees a flock of black butterflies, which he sees as so beautiful that it changes him.

When he climbs back down and the group goes to bed, things go great. And by greeat, I mean that they get attacked by the ugliest spiders I’ve ever seen. Like...they have beards? Why do the spiders have beards? Bilbo seems to agree, because he kills the fuck out of them, frees his envenomated comrades, and scares the other spiders away.

Then, as soon as that’s done, the goddamn dwarves get captured by a group of forest elves. And think less Jackson elves, and more Gremlins from Gremlins. These are Wood-Elves, and they take the Dwarves prisoner after Thoring won’t tell them that they’re doing on their journey. Bilbo seems to think that this is out of greed, and the desire not to share the treasure. And yeah, he’s probably right.

Anyway, Bilbo makes it out without being captured, and uses his ring of invisibility-and-definitely-not-an-evil-demon-king to smuggle them out in barrels of mead delivered by men from the nearby Lake-Town. That’s where the group is headed, incidentally, and they float down the river, where the men of Lake-Town greet them with open arms. Led by Bard (John Stephenson), the group stays there for two weeks, and then heads out...to Lonely Mountain.

They make their way up the mountain, but can’t seem to find the secret door. However, luckily for them, Bilbo’s an avid birdwatcher, and recognizes the rare but fortuitous Prophecy Thrush (Turdeus exmachinus), and as the sun sets, the door reveals itself. 

However, the Dwarves are all, well...somewhat cards here, and they basically force Bilbo to go in for them, and procure something of worth from the dragon. And as Bilbo goes in, I gotta admit that I’m excited to see Smaug. I genuinely loved him in the Jackson films, so I can’t wait to see him here. Bilbo (and the thrush) go in, and...

There is is! It’s Smaug (Richard Boone), and...he has the face of a cat-wolf-thing? I, uh...yeah? We’re doing with this? I mean...it’s weird, right? I mean, it’s also interesting, I’ll grant you that, but it is still a little weird. Maybe I’ll get used to it

Smaug asks who Bilbo is, and he responds with made-up titles that accurately describe his journey, and the unexpected things that he’s done on it. It’s still one of my favorite speeches by Bilbo in the story, but that’s nothing compared to Smaug’s speech.

I kill where I wish and none dare resist. I laid low the warriors of old and their like is not in the world today. Then I was but young and tender. Now I am old and strong, strong strong. Thief in the Shadows!" he gloated. "My armour is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death!"

I fucking love it. I love it SO MUCH. And the movie makes good on this speech. Shortens it, yeah, but still does it justice. I might not like his face, but his voice is all right. I do think Cumberbatch was better, though.

Bilbo tries to discover a weakness of the dragon’s but Smaug is confident about his strength, and shows him his underbelly, where Bilbo discovers a single missing scale there. He points this out, then decides to reveal himself at the last second. He leaves with a silver goblet, and Smaug goes after him with fire. However, he still escapes, albeit a little on fire.

But hey, that ain’t too bad, right? Not like Smaug’s gonna get pissed or anything and attack him by flying out of the mountain, right?

Ah. Well, shit. Oh, and also, Smaug is under the impression that Bilbo was one of the Lake-Town guys, and he goes to Lake-Town to get his revenge on the town for stealing the goblet from him. Yeah. Good times.

And that’s it for Part 2! Stay tuned for Part 3!

[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Chapter 3

Summary: You, a fantasy-loving LARPing human from Earth, got dropped into Middle-Earth with no recollection of the place except for bits and pieces. Lord Fabulous Elvenking has given you three days to find the portal from which you came, with the aide of his son Legolas, who you've taken to calling "Blue-Eyes." If you don't find the portal, you're to be taken back to the palace for a swift execution...

Chapter No.: Chapter 2

Key:

[Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: I actually researched the languages using a website called elfdict,but I don’t know if the orcish is correct...

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir lives, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

Starting at dawn every day, you, Legolas, and the troop of Elves searched repeatedly for the portal. You threw yourself off of the tree countless times. You laid in the spot for hours. At one point, the Elves had even used some kind of sheet made of leaves and their supernatural strength to fling you up like a trampoline to see if the portal was aboveground.

Nothing happened.

As the days wore on, you grew more and more bitter. Every move felt exhausting, and like there was no use: you couldn't get back to your family.

You couldn't live here. There seemed to be no point of your existence anymore.

Somewhere around sunset of the second day, Blue-Eyes noticed your sudden lack of enthusiasm. "May I ask what troubles you?"

You scoffed. "Why do you care? I'll be dead in about forty-eight hours anyway. What I feel doesn't matter."

"I beg to differ," Legolas took a seat beside you; you scooted a couple of inches away. "You are in our world now, so you will go to our gods for judgement when you die."

You frowned. You'd always been kinda an atheist. "The Valar?"

Legolas nodded. "Yes. The Valar. Your feelings before death will determine whether or not you'll be given a good place among them."

You rolled your eyes. "You're kidding, right? They'll judge me for being pissed off and upset 'cause I can't get back to my own world to see my family, then killed just for breathing on Lord Fabulous's precious trees? They can go fuck themselves."

His face was priceless. If you hadn't been so pissed, you might've laughed. "...Lord... Fabulous? And, while I have my doubts about your recent hand gesturing, I do know that what you just said is most likely vulgar. Have respect for the Valar."

You snorted. "First of all, fabulous means somebody who loves dressing in the best and most well-liked outfits of the time, while also being very uppity and acting like they're God's gift to humanity. Second of all, yeah, that is vulgar, and no I will not take it back. Third, how fucking dare you, sir, to tell me to respect some candy-ass bitches up in the sky who'll judge me for having feelings."

Legolas shook his head. "Alright, ass is a word we do have here, as is candy. I can get the gist of that meaning. I cannot force you to have respect for them, especially when they brought you here."

You glared at him. "Yeah, whatever. Just leave me alone."

Blue-Eyes sighed. "As you wish."

You turned away, scrunching up into yourself against the night chill.

On the edge of night...

All shall fade...

With a huff, you curled up where you were and tried to fall asleep.

**

A beautiful copper dragon sat before you on a mound of gold. "Do you think flattery will keep you alive?"

"N-no..." Said the silhouette of a very small person.

"No indeed," Confirmed the dragon. He began to prowl around. "You seem familiar with my name, but I don't remember smelling your kind before. Who are you, and where do you come from, if I may ask?"

The dream flipped.

You stood between two Elves in silver robes, one of which was Blue-Eyes, looking sullen. "Tell me," Said the other Elf, "Where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him."

Legolas's crystal blue eyes glistened with tears, but he held them back. He'd never seemed like one to cry. "He was taken by both shadow and flame. A balrog of Morgoth."

The dream--no, vision-- changed again.

Before you was an old man in blue-gray robes with a long gray beard and pointed hat, smiling kindly up at what looked like a child. You couldn't turn your head to see. "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

The visions flashed in your mind quickly now, too fast for you to discern much from them.

"Sauron's forces are massing in the east."

"This is no mere ranger! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. You owe him your allegiance."

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."

"I ain't droppin' no eaves, Mister Frodo!"

"I choose a mortal life."

"The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid!"

"He is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, the true King under the Mountain."

"You have the gift of foresight. What did you see?"

"Arwen..."

"What did you see?"

"I saw death. Your death."

"But there is also life. You saw my son."

"You have my sword."

"And my bow."

"And my axe!"

"If this is what the council decides, then Gondor will see it is done."

"Things that were... Things that are... And things that have not yet come to pass."

"Did he offer you a bargain?"

"Yes. I refused."

"A bargain was our only hope..."

"Have you forgotten what happened to Dale?"

"I am fire... I am...Death."

~ominous as fuck time skip~

You woke with a start, the dragon's words still echoing in your head. You knew over half of those names, deep in your mind... Sauron, Morgoth, balrog, Thorin, Frodo, Aragorn, Gandalf... You knew the voices, too. But you couldn't place any of them.

The Elves were already awake (With the sun as usual.), readying their breakfast of weeds.

You frowned. Why should you be concerned with why this place sounds familiar if you weren't going to be here much longer? You got up, and prepared to search for the portal-- you didn't want any breakfast, especially when it was nothing but dandelion fluff and sparkles.

"You are not breaking your fast?" Blue-Eyes asked you, and at first you thought he was using Elvish slang.

"You mean I'm not eating breakfast?"

"If that is how you say it in your world, yes."

You shrugged. "I'll be dead later anyway. What's the point?"

Legolas sighed. "To keep up your strength to find your way back. What if you arrive back on your world in the middle of the wilderness, like you did here? You will have no supplies, and I doubt you know much about foraging."

You huffed. "You know what? Screw off. I don't want anything to eat, and you can fucking deal with that."

He looked up in exasperation, probably praying to his Valar for you to stop being such a nuisance. "You use that word an awful lot."

"What word?"

"Fuck."

Then you almost busted out laughing, because a fancy pretty sparkly Elf, even if he was deadly, saying a modern cuss word was too funny.

He blinked. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

You snorted, crossing your arms. "Do you even know what the definition of that word is?"

"No." You gestured for him to come closer, then whispered the meaning into his ear. He sprang back wildly with wide eyes and a profoundly disgusted expression. "Dear Valar, I will never repeat a word you say again unless I am sure of what it means!" His eyes widened even further. "Wait... You just told the gods to perform impossible sexual acts on themselves! And the day before you told me to..." He stopped short, appalled.

"Yuh-huh. Just now gettin' that, goldie? For shame upon me." A thought struck you. "Wait, do Elves even have sex like humans? Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

He blushed a little. "Find the portal. Quickly." He awkwardly left, sparing you a quick glance like "wtf."

You grinned maliciously, then went back to your search.

By sundown, nothing was found. You stared down at the patch where you'd originally landed, wishing for all the world that you'd been born normal, with maybe a slight love for fantasy. Why? Why had you wished, for all of your life, that you'd been transported elsewhere? Now you were, but... You didn't have your family. Without them, you couldn't function right. You just couldn't imagine never seeing them again.

The Elves were already leaving, except for Blue-Eyes. He stood by your side for a minute, as if you were both staring at a grave. You might as well have been. "Bury me here, will you? Maybe my family will find my body. And kill me as non-messily as possible, please? Like, an arrow to the heart'll do."

Blue-Eyes stiffly patted your back. You went ramrod straight-- you'd always hated touch contact. "I will pray for you." He followed his comrades, who were already a good ways back to the river, spread out through the forest. You half considered running in the opposite direction, but you'd be dead before you even so much as got to the ridge where the first of the big dogs had attacked you.

You sighed, and forced yourself to move forward; you gasped as your ankle slipped into a rut, and you yanked it out, arms spread wide for balance. You gave the ground the dirtiest look you could muster, which quickly faded to stunned silence. You leaned down, and scraped more of the dried leaves away...

Your breath caught in your throat. "Blue-Eyes!"

Legolas was at your side in a moment. "Did you find it?"

"I don't know!" You stood and gestured to what you'd found. An inscription, in a language you couldn't read. "It was buried under the leaves."

"Can you read it?"

"Obviously not, dumbass. Is it Elvish?"

Blue-Eyes knelt, tilting his head slightly to read it. His hand grazed the writing. "It is a form of old Elvish, used in the time of Gondolin. This has been here for a very, very long time." He gave you a look. "Forgive me, I'd thought you'd written it at first." You thought about smacking him upside the head, but with everybody suddenly around you again and ready to attack, you thought better of it. Legolas turned back to the writing.

After an almost unspeakably long amount of time, you got impatient. "What's it say, dammit?!"

Legolas shook his head slowly. "I am sorry. Truly, I am. If we had seen this earlier..."

"What does it say, Legolas?!"

He stood, and looked you in the eyes, sympathetic. "'The way is shut. There is no going back. The way is shut, until next fiery moonlight.'"

Your face lit up. "R-really?! Then that means all we have to do is wait for a full moon, right?! That's usually what it is! Full moon at midnight for stuff like this, in all the books! Do you think Lord Fabulous could extend my sentence--"

"[Y/N]," It was the first time he'd used your name, and it made you freeze. "The night you arrived, the moon was full. But it was also a Firemoon. It means you cannot return to your world until the next Firemoon."

Your hopes slowly fell, but you were determined not to succumb to the panic that was quickly rising. "H-how much longer till the next one?"

Legolas put a hand on your shoulder, trying to get you to understand.

"Firemoons only happen once every thousand years, [Y/N]." The words were like being hit by a semi going full speed on the highway-- sudden, fatal, and unbelievable. "You cannot go home."

Everything suddenly seemed far away, like you were seeing this from someone else's perspective. Everything went quiet, at least to you. The world seemed to spin. You dropped to your knees, and you were vaguely aware of Blue-Eyes saying, "I am sorry..."

You didn't know what to do. I can't go home... I can't go home...

I can't go home.

Your breaths came in panicked, short bursts. Even if it killed you, you took off running. Maybe if you ran for long enough, you'd wake up from this nightmare. Then you could pretend you were in some fantasy world with your family this time. You expected to be shot in the back, but you heard Blue-Eyes shout an order in Elvish, and instead, about three or four individual Elves followed you. You don't know how long you ran; tears streamed from your cheeks. Your lungs burned. Your legs felt like Jello. You collapsed at one point, and screamed, though you couldn't hear it. You screamed until your throat was raw. You were vaguely aware of a few Elves nearby, but you ignored them.

All shall...

In all the chaos, it wasn't long before you blacked out.

...Fade...

~emo time skip~

When you woke up, it was midmorning. Birds chirped endlessly on, the happiest goddamned creatures in the world. A couple of Elves talked quietly amongst themselves in hushed voices and in Elvish. You were laying on your back, and somebody had covered you up in a blanket. The smell of something good-- not that anything was, at this point--filled the air. It smelled like cinnamon and walnuts, like Christmas.

With a sigh, you cracked your swollen eyes open. Legolas sat cross-legged beside you, checking his bowstring and polishing the wood. He smiled half-heartedly at you. "You are awake."

Obviously. You didn't say anything. You didn't want to talk. Or think. Legolas sighed, placing his bow across his lap. "We must head for the palace. My father will wonder what is keeping us."

Yeah, gotta kill me as quick as possible... Death is better than this, anyway.

Legolas gave the order, and the Elves started to pack up. You laid monotone and still for the length of it, until Blue-Eyes gave you the signal to get up. Then you walked slowly behind them, every step a chore. You'd barely reached the river, and you were exhausted. And still, that damned song was going through your head...

Home is behind...

The world ahead...

All shall fade...

You knew that your dream last night had been connected to this place, whatever it was. Did that mean this song was, too? You were half tempted to ask Blue-Eyes, but you decided you weren't worthy of talking to any of these fantastical fantasy beings, even if they were going to kill you in t-minus some hours.

The company suddenly halted. Blue-Eyes had a hand raised, and all the Elves's weapons had materialized in their hands. Blue-Eyes was quiet, listening...

An eerie howl cut through the trees, chilling you to your bones. Was that one of those big dogs that carried orcs? A horn followed the howl, and all the Elves strung their bows and readied their weapons. "Gundabad yrch!" Legolas proclaimed-- you were going to assume that yrch meant orcs. He went on to give a bunch of other orders, and the Elves took off running; if it were up to you, you'd've stopped running and let the dogs have you for dinner.

But apparently Legolas seen that, and grabbed your upper arm to drag you along beside him. Damn him... The rest of the Elves were suddenly ignoring Blue-Eyes's orders. Half of them went off into the trees in the direction of the horn and howl, and the other half formed a protective circle around him-- and you, coincidentally.

Blue-Eyes barked an order at them which they ignored, but all of you stopped short when you seen what awaited you on the far bank; the way back to the palace.

Six massive wargs, more wolflike than the ones from before, with orcs a hell of a lot uglier than the ones from before sitting atop their backs, with black bows and jagged, haphazard swords. In the direction the other Elves had gone, there was more howling. Shit. If you cared about your survival right now, you'd've been terrified. But you almost enjoyed the thought of death, if it hadn't been so gruesome.

Blue-Eyes scanned the bank. There were more orcs nearby, on foot, and several more wargs. One of the Elves moved faster than you could see, snatching a sleek gold horn on his hip and blowing hard before Legolas could stop him.

The Elf-- it was the one that'd found your hair dye repulsive the other day-- hardly got a note out before an arrow lodged itself in his throat. The note trailed off into a gurgle as blood sprayed from the wound. Droplets splattered onto you, and you recoiled; you'd never seen death. You'd been to a funeral once or twice, but never this. He fell backward, and the river swiftly carried his body away.

Legolas shouted an order, and the Elves readied themselves for battle. But there wouldn't be one just yet, despite the death of that Elf. The lead orc-- a nasty, pale gray orc with swollen eyes and a protruding mouth, tall and thick, his forehead covered in scars-- stepped off of his warg, which was bigger than the rest.

He came about halfway before stopping. "A truce?" One of the Elves asked-- Common was probably hard to speak for orcs, so they resorted to it to keep from being understood. It made sense.

Legolas didn't take his eyes off of the orc, but shook his head. "That is Bolg, spawn of Azog the Defiler. He would not make any truce with us, nor would any other orc. They are beyond reason, and think only of blood and death." Bolg... Azog... Now you really knew these names... But why?

"Albai," The orc snarled; his voice was deep. "Dorzog ajog lum trov!"

"Emme uva!" Legolas cried. "Sin nor yara ana Aran Thranduil!"

Thranduil... You knew that name. But the fact that they were conversing in orcish and Elvish was astounding. One must've came from the other, and you were just going to assume that it was the orcish that came from Elvish.

Bolg's already disgusting face scrunched up into a frown. "Vol lat diig!" The orc raised an arm; you recognized the movement as a signal to fire. The Elves scrambled around wildly yet gracefully to avoid the arrows, but you barely moved; an arrow got you right in the bare part of your upper arm, and another grazed your ear. Still, you didn't move, praying for one to hit you in the head or heart or something. You hardly felt the pain.

As the battle took place around you, you zoned out. You caught glimpses of a bloodied Elven corpse, or a dismembered orc, and of course, blood was everywhere. The river ran red. You just wished it would end...

A grunt nearby brought you out of your trance.

It was Blue-Eyes, being pinned down by a warg's paw on his chest, another on his left arm. He flipped the dagger in his good hand and stabbed it violently into the warg's shoulder. The beast howled in agony, but only pushed down harder; Legolas's eyes widened as he realized the knife was stuck. The warg snarled, and opened its jaws, savoring the taste of fear before it would bite down...

None of this is his fault. He shouldn't have to die.

The warg had dismissed you as unthreatening. One of the Elves lay dead on the rocks nearby, a longblade in her hand as she stared with unseeing eyes to the sky, mouth agape. You snatched the weapon from her already-stiffening grasp. It was heavy. But it was sharp as hell.

In two leaps, you'd reached the warg, which looked to you in confusion, then recognition, with a growl. You brought the sword down, slicing deep into the creature's face. It wailed in an echo of a voice, and released Legolas, pawing at the wound; Legolas whipped his bow out like an OP follower and shot that dog point blank.

You let go of the hilt, stunned. Blue-Eyes inclined his head. "You have my deepest thanks, [Y/N.]. You saved my life."

You just nodded in shock.

Legolas raced back into the battle, leaving you to your own. Another horn blew, this one like the one the Elf that'd been shot first had blown. A barrage of arrows flew from the trees, felling every orc and warg in seconds. Some grazed you, but none touched any of the surviving Elves.

A she-Elf in a dark green tunic, carrying a longbow, loped out of the woods with her comrades. She was beautiful, with red hair so long it went past her waist. "Legolas!" She cried, and he responded in Elvish; again, you couldn't understand what they were saying, and it was really starting to piss you off.

"[Y/N]," Blue-Eyes called to you, and you belatedly looked up. He and the ginger were approaching you sollemnly. "This is Tauriel, Captain of the Guard. She will take you back to the palace and explain what happened here." Ah... Death at last.

"Tauriel," Legolas turned to her; something shone in his eyes. You recognized his spark, but not hers, but the thought quickly left your head when you registered what he was saying. "Tell my father that they saved my life."

"What?" Tauriel looked impressed, and bowed her head to you. "You have my thanks, mellon."

"Perhaps he will spare them from execution in repayment," Legolas pointed out, and Tauriel made an 'o' face.

She bowed respectfully. "I will make sure of it, my prince."

Wut.

Oh, right. Blue-Eye's dad was Lord Fabulous, king of these Elves. Of course that'd make him a prince. Prince Legolas Gr... Of the Wood... Rea... The thought was like an echo. You couldn't catch it.

Legolas nodded to you, and Tauriel lead you away from the carnage of the river battlefield.

~time skip~

"Saving my son does not grant you my utmost favor," Lord Fabulous glared down at you like you were a nasty piece of gum he'd stepped on in flip-flops. "But it does warrant some form of reward. I am sure you wish for your execution to be cancelled?"

On autopilot, you nodded. You didn't want to die, but you didn't want to live. You just wished you'd never have existed in the first place, that way none of this would've happened.

Lord Fabulous Elvenking snorted, like he was hoping you'd just ask for cake before you were beheaded. "Of course. Take them to their cell."

Tauriel wasn't as rough as Legolas, or even any of the guards had been, but she still held you firmly. "Would you like a change of clothes? I could also arrange for a washbasin to be brought to you."

You just nodded. Couldn't you just dissipate? But, if it'd taken nineteen years for this wish to come true, then it'd take another nineteen years for you to disappear. You were an Elf now, so that should pass in one painful blink of an eye...

"I am sorry that you could not find the portal," Tauriel told you as she locked the door to your cell. "I will have the guards bring you something to eat at once."

You laid down on your cot, curled up, and closed your eyes. You heard the guard come and deliver the food, then leave quietly, but you still didn't move. You didn't move when Tauriel brought you clothes and a bucket of water and rags, you didn't move when Blue-Eyes came to thank you again, you didn't move when a rat came and took your cheese. You just laid there, staring and feeling dead on the inside.

You refused to eat or drink for the next few days. You slept, mostly. When you were awake, you were crying silently. You dreamed of your family. You grieved. Your muscles cramped from sleeping in one position for days. Your stomach felt like it was going to eat you alive. Your mouth was as dry as sandpaper. A hollow ache had settled in the core of your torso, between your heart and lungs; a pulsing orb of sadness, regret, and the wish to disappear. A couple of times, you passed out from hunger while laying down. But you were an Elf, so it'd be hard for you to starve.

You kept count of the days by the cycle of guards exchanging meals. Every tray held different things for different mealtimes: fruits and bread for breakfast, cheese and bread for lunch, and a thick vegetable soup for dinner. About nine days went by before anyone came to check on you, and by that point, you were hysterical on the inside. On the outside, you were catatonic.

And you reeked, because you hadn't had a shower in like, awhile.

After two battles.

So you weren't at your best.

"My guards tell me you refuse to sustain yourself." It was Blue-Eyes. "Do you realize how much of an offense that is to his majesty? He allows you to live, and yet you seek death out deliberately."

You said nothing. Hell, your eyes didn't even move. With a sigh, Blue-Eyes moved to your bedside. "Ah, I see you have also refused to bathe..." You didn't crack a smile. Even on the inside, you hardly felt a twinge of amusement. You felt... Empty.

Legolas surprised you by placing a hand on your cheek. "You miss them, don't you?"

Tears welled in your eyes. Dammit stop making me have feels. Ah, but feels you had, my friend, and you started bawling into your pillow. Legolas shushed you, and petted your head and told you it would be alright. You don't know how long you cried, but at one point, Legolas and Tauriel switched places, even though she clearly didn't want to and sucked at emotional talking.

When it was Legolas's turn again, you'd finally gotten to the nearly-finished state of hyperactive wheezing. "How long were you holding that in, I wonder?" You still didn't answer. He gave you a sympathetic smile. "You saved my life. Let me help you save yours. Get up. You will eat, even if I must force it down your throat, and once you're full, you'll bathe. After, I will take you for a tour of Mirkwood. You'll be living here, now... I suppose it's only right you learn how to navigate your homeland."

Finally, it clicked.

"Wh...What did you say...?" Your voice was hoarse from underuse and crying, but it still worked.

Legolas gave you a concerned look, like that much crying might've damaged your hearing. "I said I will take you for a tour of Mirkwood--"

You sat up; too fast, but you sat up. Your sugar dropped. But you had to know. "Mirkwood... Where is that?"

Legolas frowned. "East of the Misty Mountains, west of Erebor, home to the dwarves and the King Under the Mountain. North of Ithilien, Gondor, and northeast to Lothlorien, Ithilien, and Rohan."

Oh fuck.

"Wh-what is this place called? In general? Collectively? Like, the whole continent?"

Legolas seemed to finally realize that you were crazy. "Middle-Earth."

Oh hell.

"Holy shit..."

"What is it?"

You couldn't remember it clearly. Hell, you could hardly remember it at all. But what you did remember finally made sense. Tolkien's fantasy masterpiece that no one can surpass... The Hobbit... Lord of The Rings... The Fellowship... Smaug, Thorin, Bilbo... Aragorn, Arwen... Thranduil, Legolas, Tauriel... Oh gods, Legolas! "I-I... The books... Oh, gods..."

"Mellon...?"

You promptly fell face-first off the bed before any half-assed explanation could be given to poor Golden Boy.

"[Y/N]?!"

...

Home is behind...

The world ahead...

And there are many paths to tread...

Through shadow, to the edge of night...

Until the stars are all alight...

Mist and shadow...

Cloud and shade...

All shall fade...

All shall...

...Fade...

Tag List: @tesserphantom​ @thedragonghostofmordor​

[sindar-princeling]

ep 5 thoughts!

I love the dwarven ring that looks like a building by a small bridge, what a cool design

I like that Celebrimbor is a mix of meaning well but also proud and almost- hubristic? feels like he's going to be like I Didn't Think Sauron The Deceiver Could Deceive Me when it all goes to shit

not sure I like that Sauron is present for everything now, because his presence has implications in this world. are rop creators implying that the Doors of Durin are also influenced by him, like the Rings he helped make? or are they just ignoring the fact that Sauron's power is present in his creations? or did they not think about it at all? this world has rules, and it weakens the story to just drop some of them whenever it's convenient

(like I know he may not have even touched them, but just the fact that he's here makes you ask questions)

"to credit your contributions" okay nvm you heard it here first - the doors of durin were made by sauron too I guess (i am. pretty sure they want to imply that but it's so ridiculous that it's hard to actually believe)

Celebrimbor and Sauron are the most interesting plotline I swear

Celebrimbor is growing on me, I didn't like him much in season 1 but he gets more depth here, there's more to work with for him in terms of plot

a nice little detail of Celebrimbor patting Sauron on the arm and Sauron standing there for a few seconds like. did that lowly thing just fucking touch me

it tickles me a bit that Sauron mentioned Earendil to, of all people, Feanor's grandson. "that guy whose sons were kinda-sorta orphaned because of your uncles..... he was a truly great man wasn't he?" like what do you say to that ajsjsjdjdjdjd

"perfection of the three, thrice perfected" WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE SEVEN THEN. STOP JUST WRITING THINGS BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY SOUND COOL

I really liked Ar-Pharazon's speech, yeah king lead that island to ruin through the power of your hubris. it's in moments like this that you wish the whole show was like this

I'm still not sure why the eagle's coming meant Pharazon should be king, though

Elendil and Miriel have such a nice dynamic. I loved her telling him to be the calm at the eye of the storm

Earien annoys me so much why is she here again. why did they have to invent an entire daughter for Elendil, she should have been a new character

WHY did gil-galad's vision look so out of place compared to literally all other scenes. it was filmed like bits of a documentary

I love Disa's insights into the whole situation

"two hundred for a bloody rock?" would you believe a dwarf said that line. would you fucking believe it

did the balrog finally wake up from its 5-episode-long nap? also that tunnel didn't even seem that long. it's kinda hard to believe the dwarves have that little of the mountain mapped

I think it's a really smart choice to have the dwarves' greed be mostly the rings' fault, takes a bit away from the antisemitic stereotype present in the books. it's presented less like their inherent trait and more like a side effect of the rings - they affect everyone equally after all

Celebrimbor's anvil-shaped paperweight ansnsnsnsajsksmnd

this show has a tendency to assign causation to the wrong things I think - they made Mordor be created instead of just be a land that's slowly filled with evil and killed by the shadow: they make men's rings be inherently different instead of acknowledging that the rings reflect their owners. the nazgul are not wraiths because they wear rings with specific properties - they are just corrupted by the rings' evil, and the wraithness is an effect of the corruption, not a property assigned to men's rings specifically. I don't know if I'm explaining this well but it's kind of a "correlation is not causation" thing

Sauron looking like a mini-eye as he watches from a tower was such a nice touch

the Numenorean seashell candles are cute. I also love the wall ornaments looking like seashells

ohh Valandil being nearly drowned was brutal, it was a good scene. same for that annoying Whatshisname washing the sword in the shrine's water

I really would have liked the forging to be more gradual, though, it's going so fast you don't have time to sit in any sort of dread or worry for what's coming

well we all know how well swearing things goes for people in middle-earth :)

I like that they show Sauron quickly reacting to obstacles and constantly twisting the truth - not all of his moves make sense to me lore-wise, but it's accurate characterisation for him

really nice performance from Charles Edwards this episode

rop season 2 episode 1 thoughts

at this point you gotta admire the creators' dedication to absolutely bizarre choices when it comes to sauron. 15 minutes in I'm already going what the hell and fuck. like what was that supposed to be. genuinely

Charlie Vickers has grown on me; he still doesn't have much to work with in terms of the script or the plot though

this whole introductory sequence was there....... I'm not sure why? we could already extrapolate all that, and I mean All That, from the previous season

it still pisses me off that Galadriel is The Main Idiot and Everything Is Her Fault

also, I am reminded by all the plot and worldbuilding choices that annoyed me before. why is mithril important for the elves' survival again?

CIRDAN HIII CIRDAN <33333

I'm so glad they kept his beard

believe me, I AM trying to find things to like about this show, but the plot choices feel like so much unnecessary drama. Galadriel and Elrond fighting feels.... tiring. I feel like all Galadriel does is fight with people

oh are we getting Rhun?? 👀 Nice

this is a personal opinion but the elven women have wayyy too strong and modern-looking make-up

it's a shame galadriel gets the ring because she's power-hungry and reckless, not because she's one of the mightiest elves in middle-earth. she SHOULD be power-hungry, don't get me wrong, it's one of her best traits, but this way you don't put any sort of accent of how very important and mighty she is

sauron having a Badass Walk into mordor at the end of s1, which was a really cool shot to end a season on, only to then get himself in chains and then turn away and come back to Celebrimbor has got to be the most '???' moments of this show. they really have no idea what to do with him

overall I'd say my main gripe, apart from the plot solutions, is that this show doesn't have much to say. it's showy, it's lore-heavy (even if I don't like the lore they came up with), but so far it still has little heart and thought behind it. to me at least it doesn't feel like it really wants to tell you something

[thetygre]

We need to talk about how there are Nazgul in Disney’ Cinderella, tumblr. We need to talk about it because I’ve been thinking about it for the last twelve years.

So, after the climactic second act of the movie, where Cinderella has to flee the ball and leaves the glass slipper, the prince (did he have a name?) tells his father the king and their foppish chamberlain to chase after Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage. So the king sends out his horsemen to do just that, and it’s the most fucking intimidating fifteen seconds in the movie. Because the king’s horsemen don’t look like your typical fairy tale archetypes you’ve seen up ‘til this point in the movie, but coming roaring out of the pitch black night riding nightmare horses and covered in shadows.

I mean look at this thing. Look at how intimidating it is. It’s got exactly two colors, and they are void black and glowing red. The horse’s eyes and nostrils are glowing, presumably with hellfire. This thing hasn’t been sent out to chase a princess, it’s been sent out to capture the One Ring. Seriously, compare this to one of the ringwraithes from Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings.

They’re practically the same. Fucking ringwraithes show up in Cinderella for fifteen seconds and are then never mentioned again by anyone, ever. What was the thought process here? Who at Disney thought, “We need these horsemen to look like they part-time as Satan’s bounty hunters.”? Why this one moment of darkness in what is otherwise a standard Disney Golden Age film?

Because whoever thought of it, they deserve a statue.

[garden-ghoul]

return of the blog, part 7

“who’s heard about swamps? they are the next big thing and I want to make sure everyone is ready”

BOOK 6! CHAPTER 1! THE TOWER OF CIRITH UNGOL!

Sam wakes up outside the door of the guard-tower, having thrown himself against it so hard he passed out. He doesn’t know if they’ll open again, but he is going to RESCUE FRODO OR DIE IN THE ATTEMPT. He goes back through the spider tunnel. He feels that if he takes one step down on the other side of the pass, toward Mordor, he won’t be able to take it back again. It reminds me of him in Farmer Maggot’s fields such a long time ago, when he said, “this is the furthest I’ve ever been from home.” Oh, Sam. This is the furthest you’ve ever been from home.

He puts on the Ring to hide himself (Tolkien notes that Sauron’s uncertainty about its fate is clouding his vision and he can’t find it, LUCKY). He hears fighting from the tower and gets so excited he yells “I’m coming, Mr Frodo!!” Taking off the Ring to see better, he takes his first step into Mordor. And he sees Orodruin, a volcano that for some reason I assume Sauron is keeping active? There are channels directing the lava to specific places... what does he DO with that lava... does it heat his floors so his toesies never get cold... Is he forging with it... Too bad he doesn’t have a physical body any more because I’m sure some jewelsmithing would really take the edge off.

Oh, this is good, as Sam comes over the ridge the guard tower comes into better view and he realizes all the watch-windows look into Mordor. It was built by people of Ithilien, to keep Mordrim in. Do you like that nationality word? Mordrim? Maybe Mordorim. Whatever. The point is this guard tower was not built by orcs. Oh haha also, this:

Since his return to Mordor, Sauron had found it useful; for he had few servants but many slaves of fear, and still its chief purpose as of old was to prevent escape from Mordor.

Honestly why does anyone serve him? All the guards could probably take Shelob together... run away, lads. Just get outta here. I promise Sauron cannot smite everyone personally. Sam is being given visions of smiting Sauron, with a flaming sword. And because it’s Sam, wherever he walks flowers burst into bloom and trees bear fruit. Please let Sam meet Yavanna. He is like. Let him be a maia of Yavanna and grow things everywhere and bring life and hope to everyone else as much as he does to me. Ah, but no. One small garden is enough for Samwise. “Good plain hobbit-sense” is all he needs to counter the whispering of the Ring. Dudes I gotta say I would be all over that. I would be absolutely desperate to make everything more scenic and fuck with a tyrant. Sam is so much smarter than I will ever be. Or I guess his chief “virtue” is that he has no ambition, which is kind of a fucked up thing to turn into a virtue when his major characteristic is that he is a loyal servant. JOHNALD.

Sam tries to go in the gate of the tower, but is halted by two Watchers. They’re like, enchanted statues I guess. I can’t help but think of some of the weird living statues from Labyrinth, and they’re about to start making fun of Sam for trying to get through. Instead, as he hardens his will and pushes through, an alarm bell rings somewhere. “Two liveries Sam noticed [among the bodies in the courtyard], one marked by the Red Eye, the other by a Moon disfigured with a ghastly face of death...” Mmm yeah a death-rictus moon is a cool as hell device for Minas Morgul. Did the Witch-King come up with that. Shouldn’t all orcs be wearing Sauron’s device, to promote unity? No, I think orcs probably do better with smaller, clan-like affiliation groups. Most of the Morgul orcs probably wouldn’t be getting over into Mordor anyway.

Sam goes trepidatiously into the tower and hears approaching footsteps: an orc! He trembles and clutches at the Ring, too frightened even to move and put it on, but to the orc’s eyes the Ring makes him look enormous, mysterious, and powerful. As if a shadow of Sauron is standing outside his body, protecting him. The orc runs in fear, and Sam steadily gives chase. He’s too tired and hungry to properly run after them though... aw. He gets up to the base of the turret and hears Shagrat arguing with the orc he chased off, Snaga. They’re basically both scared and pissed at each other and there’s a lot of death threats. Snaga runs off, Shagrat comes out, Sam scares him. I think he’s carrying Frodo’s things, which will later be used to threaten the Western Alliance, but all Sam really cares about is he’s run off, leaving the path to Frodo clear. He comes to two locked doors and slumps down in exhausted defeat. But to his own surprise he begins to sing.

In western lands beneath the Sun the flowers may rise in Spring, the trees may bud, the waters run, the merry finches sing. Or there maybe ‘tis cloudless night and swaying beeches bear the Elven-stars as jewels white amid their branching hair. Though here at journey’s end I lie in darkness buried deep, beyond all towers strong and high, beyond all mountains steep, above all shadows rides the Sun and Stars for ever dwell: I will not say the Day is done, nor bid the Stars farewell.

Yavanna and Varda will have to share him, I expect.

Snaga thinks it’s Frodo singing, and comes out with a ladder to get up the trapdoor. He hits Frodo, and hearing the sound, Sam sees red. He springs up the ladder and immediately cuts Snaga’s arm off. Holy shit! This boy has never hurt a fly in his life! He grapples with Snaga for a bit and then Snaga fortuitously falls down the trapdoor. Sam stops paying attention to him because FRODO IS HERE!! He kneels down next to Frodo, who is half delirious but so so glad to see him. Guysss they love each other so much.... Frodo is despairing that everything was taken from him, BUT Sam shows him the Ring. Frodo of course gets all Gollum-y about it, but immediately regrets it when Sam starts to cry.

They get it all sorted out, though. Sam brings back some orc gear while Frodo tries to recover from being cooped up and beaten. “The Morgul-stuff, Gorbag’s gear, was a better fit and better made,” said Sam; “but it wouldn’t do, I guess, to go carrying his tokens into Mordor, not after this business here.” Samwise “surprisingly astute at orc politics” Gamgee! They scrounge up some food, and Frodo says the most weirdly comforting thing I’ve ever heard, which I feel every day in my bones:

‘The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it’s no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won’t come.’

Same dude. The hobbits manage to get past the Watchers at the gate only by reciting poetry in Sindarin... and then the whole gate crumbles and sends up an Evil Signal into the sky. A Nazgul drops from the sky, shrieking.

[garden-ghoul]

return of the blog, part.... uhhhh

“that’s right, I can’t even reliably count to three. or maybe I can and it’s four I can’t reliably count to?”

That aside, something horrible is about to happen.

THE SIEGE OF GONDOR

Gandalf wakes up Pippin at “the second hour,” which is either 2am or like 9am, depending on where they’re counting from. Pippin stares at his bread butter & milk breakfast miserably and says, “Why did you bring me here?” 

“You know quite well,” said Gandalf. “To keep you out of mischief; and if you do not like being here, you can remember that you brought it on yourself.”

Dude. He’s a teen and he was cursed. Give him a break.

He has to go see Denethor, who treats him rather rudely and then says he’ll be the lord’s esquire for today. Does he know any songs? Well, um, not many that are fitting here... Pippin does not want to sing comic songs or lewd songs to the Steward of Gondor. I just can’t get over this teen thing, he is like a college freshman who got out for the summer after a socially productive semester and now he works for the president. It’s fucking ridiculous. Well, he goes and gets some fancy livery so he’ll look regal enough for Denethor, and it only makes him gloomier. I love all the descriptions of Merry and Pippin being gloomy about being treated like ornaments.

Near sunset he’s finally released from his service (both boring and arduous, though I’ll wager he’s been doing a lot of good eavesdropping) and goes to hang out with Beregond and bemoan the fact that Faramir isn’t here. Oh! How convenient! There’s Faramir’s company right there (what’s left of it), being attacked by Nazgul! LUCKILY Gandalf, who vanished a while ago, seems to have foreseen this; he chases them away with light magic. Pippin runs to the gates to see Faramir coming home, and immediately gets a crush on him. He’s so noble! So tired! Yet so approachable!

Denethor does not really think so. He finds the smallest crack in Faramir’s demeanor as he’s making his report, and verbally eviscerates him in front of the guests. Y’know, for letting the Ring go into Mordor, and also for being alive even though Denethor is the one who told Boromir to go questing. Denethor and Gandalf yell at each other for a while, it’s rather frightening. As Pippin and Gandalf are leaving (Faramir has gone off to get some sleep, thank goodness!) Gandalf says he is filled with foreboding that Sam and Frodo are going via Cirith Ungol. How would YOU have gone, Gandalf? Through the front door? Secret tunnel?

The next morning everyone is gloomy again. They WERE excited about Faramir coming back--the text sort of implies that everyone in the city is a little in love with him--

But now Faramir was gone again. ‘They give him no rest,’ some murmured. ‘The Lord drives his son too hard, and now he must do the duty of two, for himself and for the one that will not return.’ And ever men looked northward, asking: ‘Where are the Riders of Rohan?’

Restless, restless, restless. Electric air. That Good Stuff. Faramir has been sent to Osgiliath to strengthen the garrison:

‘Then farewell!’ said Faramir. ‘But if I should return, think better of me!’

‘That depends on the manner of your return,’ said Denethor.

Ouch. Why do I get the feeling that Denethor will only think better of him if he returns in a coffin? As Faramir leaves, Gandalf tells him that his father loves him. Umm okay but how does that mitigate his awful treatment of Faramir. Doesn’t that make it worse? Right now I’m thinking about how Faramir is probably going to have to fight the Witch King since he’s leading the attack on Osgiliath, and thinking about how Eowyn is the one who kills him, and just being really excited for them to meet. Weary guy who hates to fight but must; frustrated enby who is chomping at the bit to murder some dudes. Honestly doesn’t that describe ALL the best Tolkien ships. Sometimes he does ladies right and it’s so #aesthetic. Wait I think the aesthetic I’m describing is just classic Jewish gender roles. Gentle studious men and women alight with the fire of direct action. I’m gay for both of these genders.

Anyway the next day the Black Host or whatever comes through the wall of the Pelennor Fields, despite the fact that Faramir is still doing his best to hold the rearguard off in Osgiliath. Including, yep, the Witch King. Actually they never refer to him as the Witch King in these books and I’m not sure where I heard it, but it’s an amazing title. Anyway mounted sorties start going out into Pelennor, with Gandalf at Prince Whoever of Amroth at their head. Denethor at least doesn’t let them overextend themselves; he calls them in very promptly so they won’t get trapped or too tired. I get the impression that for quick strikes they have the advantage because all of Sauron’s people are on foot. Oh, except a full third of them died anyway, because Sauron’s forces MASSIVELY outnumber them. Faramir has come back dead or wounded, and EVERYONE is crying. They bring him back to Denethor, who goes up into his tower and people see a strange flashing light and he comes down even more dead-looking than his dead son. I am beginning to suspect that the reason the text has alluded so many times to how far-sighted and well-informed Denethor is, is that he has a palantir. And this is some kind of secret, maybe?

The very last companies who can make it come back in through the gates, and they report that there is no way the Rohirrim can possibly make it in to help them now. The enemy is throwing fire over the walls. They’re throwing severed heads over the walls. Nazgul are circling. Denethor is weeping by Faramir’s body. Gandalf and the prince of Amroth have taken command of the city. There’s an aside here with Gondorians whispering about how elvish the people of Dol Amroth are--the people of Nimrodel. I’m glad there’s at least one version of the story where they found each other again and settled down, even if “the coast” probably wasn’t the land Nimrodel dreamed of that had never heard of war.

Hey, let’s check in on Denethor! Oh, uh, the palantir broke his will and he’s planning to set himself on fire in his despair. That’s cool I guess. Pippin goes to fetch Gandalf, as if he couldn’t possibly have anything more important to do than save one rude old man’s life. Or no, Pippin suspects he is going to kill Faramir as well. He passes Beregond and tells him to stop anything awful from happening.

OMG SORRY I FORGOT EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO BECAUSE WE HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT THE BATTERING RAM GROND IS INDEED NAMED FOR MORGOTH’S HAMMER. I CAN STOP READING NOW THIS IS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.

No no jk I will keep reading. I’m extremely pleased though. I have “Grond! Grond! Grond!” echoing in my head nonstop some days. Um anyway the Witch King is there, casting an evil spell to help Grond along, and on the third go it BURSTS the gates open!

‘You cannot enter here,’ said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted. ‘Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!’

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set.

Fuck yes.

Somewhere in the city, a cock crows, because having half of Gondor on fire in no way disrupted this chicken’s daily routine. Dawn. And with it, the horns of Rohan.

THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM

The beginning of this chapter has a lot of fun sense description, since Merry is lying awake in complete darkness listening to the distant sounds of the Enemy’s hosts. Smelling the horses. All that. He thinks about how weird it is that everyone is just ignoring him because they know he’s not supposed to be here; Dernhelm seems to have some kind of “understanding” with Elfhelm, the marshal of their company. Sorry. Elfhelm? Elf? Helm? Is that a guy’s actual name? Elfhelm trips over Merry in the dark, and Merry asks What Is Up. As it turns out what is up is Woses, and what will soon be up is all the Rohirrim. I was gonna explain what Woses are but I think it’s way funnier if I don’t.

A Wose has come to offer help to Theoden, since he hates orcs as much as the next guy. Woses, he says, have “long ears and long eyes,” which isn’t especially relevant as far as I can tell but it’s delightful. The leader of the Woses, Ghan-buri-Ghan, knows a secret road! All he wants as a reward is... for the Rohirrim to stop hunting his people like beasts. What the fuck. I can’t believe Ghan-buri-Ghan actually prefers the Rohirrim to orcs. They go through the forest, and it takes all day, but the next morning before dawn they are ready to go do murders. Merry is upset again because he’s actually zero good at fighting and is just going to get himself and others killed.

The king sat upon Snowmane, motionless, gazing upon the agony of Minas Tirith, as if stricken suddenly by anguish, or by dread. He seemed to shrink down, cowed by age. Merry himself felt as if a great weight of horror and doubt had settled on him. His heart beat slowly. Time seemed poised in uncertainty. They were too late! Too late was worse than never! Perhaps Théoden would quail, bow his old head, turn, slink away to hide in the hills.

Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering. Far, far away, in the South the clouds could be dimly seen as remote grey shapes, rolling up, drifting: morning lay beyond them.

Nice nice nice nice nice that’s some top notch metaphor. Tolkien is sooo good at environmental metaphors and foreshadowing. IDK there’s just something about the way the whole world seems to get in on the narrative, it’s really good. Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered; a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Theoden grabs a horn from someone and blows on it so hard it EXPLODES. AND THEY’RE OFF!! Join us next time for

THE BATTLE OF THE PELENNOR FIELDS