#the friendships i make online—which are the bulk of them which really isnt healthy—could end at the drop of the hat
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#maybe i should stop watching#media that gets really into mortality and tragedy with no happy end in sight tend to get ME thinking about it#and like. god i went to take a shower and now im filled with anxiety and dread??#dont read ahead if you think this might trigger anxiety for you too#the friendships i make online—which are the bulk of them which really isnt healthy—could end at the drop of the hat#hell one party could die and the other would have no idea#we all hope that everyone else is okay and just inactive#but we dont know!! we just dont know!!#and are we even friends?? just seeing each other on the dash and exchanging messages sometimes??#there are some im sure im friends with—have known for a long time—and others where im not. maybe thats for the best??#but i cant help it! most of my time is spent here and so most of the people i like are also here#even if i decided to keep at a distance that wouldnt stop me from getting attached! its a natural thing for people to form connections!#my mutuals ive spoken with are all very precious to me and i dont want to lose them#but theres not much of a choice there. we’re separated by physical boundaries and distance and we dont even know each other’s real names#i think only one of my friends here knows mine and that was on accident. but i prefer to be called pika ‘round here ive grown attached to#the nickname#but back to the point#its inevitable that we’re eventually going to lose each other with no idea what happened#there are only two cases where if i lose contact with someone i can ask someone who knows them irl what happened#by cases i mean friend groups(?)#and what happens then? ill lose that person eventually too or theyll lose me#and it just makes me really sad. the internet is an amazing communication tool but like this its also a curse#its not like online friendships are inherently unhealthy! having a community with people from around the world#is an amazing and wonderful thing!#and sometimes—oftentimes probably—the termination is simply because that person is busy with their life or has lost interest in the platform#but its still really lonely for me to think about the loss#and i know im a bit of a fool for clinging so tightly to these fleeting connections#but like if any mutuals are reading this. i love you very much and i hope that the rest of the time we have together—no matter how long—#is happy for both of us. i’ll treasure it#vent
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