#the fish my dad gave me.... I think for my 13th? it may have been my 14th or 15th.

[thetangibleghost]

All the stuffies I have

[hari-writes]

Little Louis Dupain-Cheng - Chapter 15

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Pairings: Adrien/Marinette Summary: In the seven years since Hawk Moth’s defeat, much has changed. Adrien Agreste PhD returns to Paris and is reunited with his friends. Marinette has a degree in Fashion Design, a thriving boutique and a son, six-year-old Louis. Louis is like his mother in many ways, except for green eyes and a familiar smile… Will Adrien do the maths?

Read on A03 ★★★ Buy me a coffee?

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7| Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

The power of love, always so strong

“Oh, Adrien, you beautiful tropical fish, whose child did you think he was?”

Adrien was strongly regretting his decision to answer the door to his oldest friend. He mistakenly thought she’d take his side in this, but instead, she found it all very amusing.

“Of course Louis is your kid, Adrikins! Was there ever any doubt?!” Chloe laughed.

“Are you kidding?” He objected, “I’ve been away for seven years, when exactly was I meant to figure it out?”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately? I know you’re not a model anymore, but you must check your reflection when you shave, at least?” Chloe said. “You have the same eyes and smile. When Louis is around, I get flashbacks to when we were kids. How could you not see it?”

“So, everyone knows but me?” He asked.

“No. Nobody knows . We just… strongly suspected.”

“Oh, great, so everyone I care about has been speculating on my possible paternity status in my absence. Nice.” Adrien huffed. He knew he was being obstinate but he felt he was entitled right now.

“Yeah… Except for Nino, he must have known all along because he registered the birth.” Chloe mused, “But we all know Marinette and she’s loved you since she met you. Who else would be the father of her child?”

“Why didn’t you say something to me?” He asked

Chloe was unabashed. “We were waiting for Marinette to tell you. Honestly, though, you don’t have to be Max to deduce that you’re clearly the daddy. She calls him ‘mon chatounet’ for crying out loud. He is obviously Chat Noir’s son, look at his hair. So, assuming the recent reports are correct and you weren’t just posing in a leather catsuit for fun all those years, it’s time to accept that you’re not as smart as you like to think, doctor .”

Adrien sat down heavily. He was an idiot.

“What do I do now, Chlo?” He looked at her helplessly, “How do I move past this? I’ve missed out on six years of my son’s life because of Marinette’s secrets. If I hadn’t asked her, who knows if she’d ever have told me the truth.”

“For what it’s worth, Marinette knew you’d call me so she gave me this.” Chloe handed him a memory stick. “You should take a look before you accuse her of robbing you of Louis’ early years.”

Adrien plugged the memory stick into his laptop and a folder opened automatically. It was mostly JPEGs and MP4s. There was one document and Adrien double clicked on it first.

Dear Adrien,

One day, you will know the truth about your child and I hope that you will understand why I couldn’t tell you before now that he existed. I’m sorry. Every selfish part of me wants you to know. I wish you could come back to me, for us to be a family. I know, however, that to tell you would be to interrupt the new life you’ve started for yourself and to stop your healing in its tracks. I want you to come back to me as a new man, ready to be a father, not the broken boy who left us. If you never come back, well, I understand that too.

In lieu of this, I will keep every photograph, every memento, every video I have of Louis growing up so that when you are ready to be a part of it, you will know everything. It’s all dated so you can start from the beginning. I’ve listed the dates here with a description so you know what you’re looking at.

Love always,

Marinette.

P.S. Now that you know, I want nothing more than for you to be a part of Louis’ life. For us to be a family. I won’t pressure you, though. If you want us, we’ll be here for you.

The first image on the list read:

Nov 13th, my first scan. I found out I was expecting the day before and they managed to squeeze an appointment in with the sonographer. I had no idea what to expect, but when I saw my baby for the first time, I fell in love.

He clicked on the corresponding JPEG as saw the ultrasound image of his son at 12 weeks and he understood why Nino seemed so giddy the day Alya had her scan. Tears blurred his vision as he opened image after image and watched Marinette’s belly swell in size as corresponding scan images showed his baby growing.

7th January, My 21 week scan was today and our little boy is growing well. Yes… it’s a boy! I am thinking about the name Louis or Hugo, I like both. Although, isn’t Hugo your middle name? Do you like it too? This is harder than I thought. He’s going to have this name for the rest of his life and I have to choose it alone. ...Sorry, hormones and overwhelm are strong today. Maybe I’ll wait until I meet him, see which one he looks most like?

The cursor paused over the video file titled, The Birth. He had read Marinette’s notes on it and was wondering if he should watch.

25th May, the delivery. I should add an advisory warning here. Alya shot the video and she has no shame. If you’re squeamish, probably don’t watch. I don’t remember much about the birth, but I do recall the midwife shouting at her for getting in between her and the baby at one point… I haven’t watched because I really don’t want to see myself from that angle! Anyway, enter at your own risk.

While he didn’t want to stumble on to something he would never unsee, he desperately wanted to watch. Promising himself he’d fast forward through anything too graphic, he hit the play icon.

“Push! Come on! You can do this! ” Nino’s voice sounded tinny through his laptop speakers.

Marinette had her teeth gritted, chin pushed towards her chest and her face scrunched up with effort. Sweat plastered her fringe to her face. She was beautiful.

“Ok, breathe.” A stern voice, Adrien assumed it was midwife. “You’re doing well. Just one more big push and he’ll be here…  

"…Push! ”

Marinette’s face screwed up with determination again and the camera moved to show Nino, face grey with fear, clutching her hand.

“Come on, Mari! You’ve got this! Push!” He shouted.

Adrien’s stomach lurched as the camera swooped and he was afforded a view of between Marinette’s legs. He was about to fast forward when he heard the midwife again.

“Mademoiselle, please. The baby is crowning, you have to move.”

Adrien chuckled at Alya’s obstinance. Without the Ladyblog, she was clearly channelling her stubborn tenacity into this filming. As the video continued, he watched in amazement as a human head emerged from Marinette. Following more encouragement from Nino and the midwife, the body soon followed. Then, he heard it. Louis cried for the first time. A small, but strong mewl that was the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard. The midwife placed him on Marinette’s chest, draped in a blanket and he saw that his son wasn’t the only one crying. Tears trickled down Marinette’s cheeks as she greeted her baby.

“Hi Louis, I’m your mama. Thank you for coming out to meet me.” She whispered. It was too much for Adrien, he sobbed with emotion.

“Can I?” Nino held out his arms. Adrien saw his best friend’s eyes were watery. Everyone was overcome with joy.

Adrien didn’t pay attention to the rest of the video, he couldn’t see or hear it through his own tears.

»»★««

It was 5am by the time Adrien reached the last item in the folder, Louis’ birthday party, six months ago. He was surrounded by his friends, with Marinette, Chloe, Alya, Nino and his grandparents behind him. Ivan and Kim held him aloft to blow out the candles on his enormous cake. Adrien could make out Alix and a heavily pregnant Mylene on the sidelines. Marinette’s note said the photo was taken by Mme. Couquet.

Louis was loved. Marinette had made sure of that. He wasn’t short of father figures, either. Tom, Nino, Ivan and Kim were are regular presences in his life. She had documented every single part of his life, from first scans to his birth, first step and first word. Every birthday, every Christmas, every special day was photographed and Marinette wrote him a little note to describe why it was important to her.

She loved him and he had been on her mind in every significant moment of their son’s life so far. She did want him to be part of Louis’ life. He understood that she was in a difficult situation and he couldn’t honestly say he knew a better way she could have dealt with it.

He loved her, thought about her every day he was away from her. He loved Louis, too. He was a great kid and Adrien wanted to get to know him better, to have the sort of father-son relationship he missed out on.

He wanted to be a dad to Louis.

He couldn’t get past the feeling of betrayal, though. He’d been back in Paris for over three months now and Marinette still hadn’t told him.

Didn’t he deserve to feel hurt by that?

»»★««

“Dude! You never heard of condoms?!” Nino let himself into Adrien’s flat with his spare key just after 7am.

“Really? You think Gabriel gave me ‘The Talk’ when I was growing up?! We’re all lucky I didn’t stick it in her ear the first time.” Adrien laughed bitterly.

Nino put an archive box on Adrien’s table and wandered into the kitchen to help himself to coffee.

“Make yourself at home, bro,” Adrien said sarcastically.

“I will, thanks.” Nino chuckled. “You want one?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Adrien rubbed his face, he was exhausted but he knew he was too wired to sleep.

Nino tinkered in the kitchen for a few minutes before returning with two mugs of coffee and a plate of buttered toast. He placed it on the table next to the box he’d dumped earlier and sat down.

“If you’re here to persuade me to talk to Marinette, you can save your breath. You’re lucky I’m even talking to you, Judas.” Adrien said.

“Charming.” Nino laughed. “You forget that Mari’s been my friend since école primaire, Adrien. I owed it to her to keep her secret.”

Adrien glared at him. He couldn’t fault that logic, but he wasn’t in a forgiving mood.

“Anyway,” Nino continued, “You know why we kept it from you, I’m not going to apologise for it.”

They ate toast and drank coffee in silence. Adrien was still processing everything, stubbornly refusing to look at Nino’s amused expression. Eventually, Nino put his mug on the table and reached for the box.

“When Chloe told me you were being obstinate, I thought she was exaggerating, but for once, she was being restrained. I figured you needed some help to see the big picture. And if it all goes wrong, at least I’ll have had some practice in dealing with tantrums before our baby comes along.” Nino grinned.

“It’s not funny, Nino. She kept my son from me. She was selfish.” He reasoned.

“Yeah, when I think of Marinette, that’s the first thing I think, too.” Nino rolled his eyes to convey the irony in his statement. “Dude. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but, get over yourself.”

Adrien felt his glower deepen. “You’re meant to be my friend, Nino.”

“I’m being your friend.” Nino’s tone sharpened. “Now, shut up and listen.”

He handed Adrien and glazed tile bearing a pale blue handprint and footprint. The prints were tiny. Adrien ran his finger across them and read the words, ‘Louis, one week old’.

“There’s six of those in here, one for every year of his life. Mari made them for you.” Nino’s voice was muffled by the box.

The next item he found was a small white blanket with hand painted detail on it. It looked like the prototype to Marinette’s Chat Noir pattern. Adrien looked to Nino for an explanation.

“Louis’ first blanket. We wrapped him in it when he was born, after they washed the goo off him. Marinette made it with fabric paints in the week before she gave birth.”

Nino slid the box toward Adrien, gesturing for him to look inside. The box was full of mementoes of Louis’s early years. An envelope with the words, “Louis’s first haircut’ contained a lock of blonde hair and a photograph taken at the barber's. A tissue-lined box revealed his first pair of shoes. Photographs of his first day at école maternelle, his first swimming lesson and his first loaf of bread were mixed in amongst artwork. A painting caught his eye, it was basic, but he could tell that the figures were meant to be Ladybug and Chat Noir. On the back, in Marinette’s handwriting, it said, ‘Louis’ mummy and daddy”.

He looked at Nino, speechless.

“She’s spent the last six years caring for us all, dude. She’s been a mother to Louis and a lifeline to Al, Chloe and me. We wouldn’t have made it without her. Call her what you like, you’re entitled to be angry, but never call her selfish.”

At that, Nino left the flat, leaving Adrien alone with his thoughts.

“Shit” Adrien needed to get outside and clear his head.

He reached for his phone, noticing that Marinette has sent him a text, ten minutes after he stormed out of her shop.

You have every right to be angry. Call me if you want to. M x

That was it. No begging, no missed calls, just one simple message. She was giving him space to process everything. ‘ I won’t pressure you… If you want us, we’ll be here for you.’ She was keeping her word.

He scrolled through his contacts and found the name he was looking for. “Hey, I need to blow off some steam, are you free?”

[thedappleddragon]

Day 62 (Wednesday May 13th)

Today we planned to get up a little early because my brother want to take my sister and I to a big park and do some light hiking. I woke up at like 8 but didn’t actually get up for a while. I went in and out of the living room a few times because that’s where my brother was sleeping and I didn’t know what kind of time constraint we were on, but eventually we were all up and had breakfast and packed and hopped in the car. We had a lot of fun just talking but eventually I started getting a headache and thinking about stuff I didn’t want to think about. I didn’t say anything because I was sure it would get better once we got out of the car and started walking around. But when we got there, the entrance we wanted to go through was closed. We drove to another one a little ways away, but that one was closed too. When we pulled over and called the parks number, it turns out they were open but not allowing cars in. We all thought that was stupid and went home a little disappointed. I think they did it to discourage people from too far away from coming to the park. :/ My sister and I hung out at home and did school work while my brother went out and did whatever. A friend in my dnd group is having her birthday tomorrow (today as I’m typing but whatever) so I decided to draw her dnd character. I spent a really long time on it, and I was really proud of the shading I did, and I even did a simple background. I was really impressed with myself because I haven’t been drawing like AT ALL during quarantine. My dad came home and cooked some food on the grill, my brother came home, and we all ate. I kept working on the gift drawing, and when I finished and went to save it, my phone glitched out and I lot a lot of progress. I got really mad and quickly re-did the last bit of flat coloring and coloring the lines but didn’t feel like re-doing the shading. I showed the groupchat that didn’t include the birthday girl and felt better because they kept calling me an art goddess lol. I’m still disappointed, but I’m proud of how it turned out anyway.

I also noticed that the ghost was overlapping with the glove wierd, and when I tried to go change it in adobe sketchbook, it won’t let me access the file anymore, so whatever :/

While I finished eating, my brother finished installing photoshop onto his old/my new laptop. I played stardew valley for a while, and he sat next to me and had some wine and talked and we laughed over wierd-ass deviantart stuff until he struck up a conversation with dad instead and I got some food and quit the game. One weird thing happened in the middle of me playing, and I think it was just my ADD, but still. I was focusing really hard on trying to catch a fish but my brother tried to sit down and asked me to move at the same time and I literally Could Not do both and I yelled at him to wait lol.

After I quit, I went to my room and read some of a book and did comprehention questions for online learning. The English department decided we wouldn’t do the questions for the rest of the book, but I emailed my teacher if he could send them to me anyway and he did and that was super nice of him!

Just now while trying to fall asleep I thogut of a really stressful embarrassing thing in one of my classes, the kind of memory that makes you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head and say some curse words, the same kind I was having in the car. It was when I was giving a presentation for creative writing (I think) and I hated that class and gjhbfbhffhhhggggghhhhh. Not fun. But then I remembered that I never have to step foot in that building ever again so that gave me some solace.

[incorrectcosmicgirlsquotes]

An Introduction to the members of Cosmic Girls/WJSN

Cosmic Girls or WJSN made their debut as a 12 member girl group under Starship Entertainment on February 25th 2016 with their first mini album Would You Like? 

The original 12 members are Seola, Xuan Yi, Bona, Exy, Soobin, Luda, Dawon, Eunseo, Cheng Xiao, Mei Qi, Yeoreum, and Dayoung. Each member represents a star sign. 

After success and popularity on Produce 101 Yoo Yeunjung was officially added to the group on July 11th 2016 and thus Cosmic Girls became a 13 member girl group. 

About the Members:

Seola

Real Name: Kim Hyunjung

Birthdate: 1994/12/24

Nationality: Korean

Position: Lead Vocal, Lead Dancer (Wannabe Rapper, she’s going after Exy’s rap position)

Representative Star Sign: Sagittarius

About Seola: She’s the oldest member of the group and has trained the longest of any member (10 years), she’s in love with Soobin although Soobin denies that Seola is her ideal type, even after describing a person that’s basically just like Seola. She’s the self-proclaimed “Dad” of the group and one of her specialities is twerking (I can’t make this stuff up). She promises that in the future she will release a hip hop album with Exy. 

Xuan Yi

Real Name: Wu Xuan Yi

Birthdate: 1995/01/26

Nationality: Chinese

Position: Sub- Vocalist, Lead Dancer

Representative Star Sign: Aquarius

About Xuan Yi: She’s the second oldest of the group but is really hyper and happy all the time. She loooooves kim, it’s about 80% of what she ate during My Cosmic Diary I’m pretty sure. She loves all of the members. She can imitate and look exactly like a gold fish and a rabbit. 

Bona

Real Name: Kim Jiyeon

Birthdate: 1995/08/19

Nationality: Korean

Position: Sub-Vocalist, Lead Dancer, Visual

Representative Star Sign: Leo

About Bona: She trained at Cube Entertainment for about 6 years before coming to Starship Entertainment, which is why she is close with BTOB. She’s got one of the tiniest waist I’ve ever seen, I don’t know how it’s possible, probably sorcery. She tends to favor Xuan Yi and Luda, resulting in the ships BoXuan and BonLu, they’re both adorable ships but some people will fight to the death over which one is better. She and Eunseo are close and call themselves the Yeon Sisters, she and Cheng Xiao are adorable together as well.

Exy

Real Name: Chu Sojung

Birthdate: 1995/11/06

Nationality: Korean

Position: Leader, Main Rapper

Representative Star Sign: Scorpio

About Exy: Before WJSN’s debut she appeared on Unpretty Rapstar Vol. 2 and her rap had everyone shooooooook. I recommend watching her performances. She became Cosmic Girls resident girl crush rapper after that, but after debut we found out she’s really girly and adorable, but we still love her anyway. She has a song called “Wipeout” and anytime the members try to suck up they’ll all start singing it. She’s cosmic girls leader but in reality she’s just the tired aunt that the youngest bother, never letting her sleep, but she loves them, although she once threatened to throw Dayoung in the fireplace. 

Soobin

Real Name: Park Soobin

Birthdate: 1996/09/14

Nationality: Korean

Position: Main Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Virgo

About Soobin: She’s one of the smallest/shortest members in the group she and Luda call themselves the Pocket Girls due to their small size. Despite being so small, she is incredibly loud and once imitated a pterodactyl on weekly idol. Her nickname is the “smiling angel”. She vehemently denies Seola being her ideal type but its obvious that it’s Seola. She’s famous in the fandom for her Sunbae CF’s and her CF laugh, which is slightly terrifying. 

 Luda

Real Name: Lee Luda

Birthdate: 1997/03/06

Nationality: Korean

Position: Sub-Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Pisces

About Luda: I’m almost positive she has the shortest training period of the members and was one of the last members chosen to be in the group. She used to get Bona to help her out, which stressed Bona out, but she would send her cute messages thanking her. Luda is the smallest of the small and is the smallest member of the group at only 155 cm (5′1″ ish). But don’t let her size fool you, she’s a savage and is often referred to as “Pocket Satan” its the small ones you have to watch out for…

Dawon

Real Name: Nam Dawon

Birthdate: 1997/04/16

Nationality: Korean

Position: Main Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Aries

About Dawon: She is arguably one of the most under-appreciated members in the group (along with MeiQi). One of the nicknames the fans gave her is Dawonce and for obvious reasons, the girl can sing (give her more lines Starship). She appeared on a show for under-rated girl group members called “Girls Spirit” and killed every performance. I highly recommend watching her performances to gain appreciate for her vocals and if you can make it through her Yanghwa Bridge performance without crying you’re not human. She’s one of the sweetest, most caring members of the group, and deserves lots of love. 

Eunseo

Real Name: Son Juyeon

Birthdate: 1998/05/27

Nationality: Korean

Position: Sub-Vocalist, Lead Dancer

Representative Star Sign: Gemini

About Eunseo: She’s the tallest member of the group and the members often call her a giraffe. She along with Soobin is one of the loudest members of the group. She’s the groups vitamin and has soooo much energy. She’s like a puppy, she really is. She and Cheng Xiao arguably form one of the biggest ships in the group, EunXiao, they’re precious honestly. She’s self-concious about her looks especially her nose, so please refrain from making fun of her about it, it’s not very nice and she even cried at a fan meeting over it, so just don’t. Or I’ll find you…

Cheng Xiao

Real Name: Xiao Cheng Xiao

Birthdate: 1998/07/15

Nationality: Chinese

Position: Main Dancer, Sub-Vocalist, Visual, Face of the Group

Representative Star Sign: Cancer

About Cheng Xiao: She’s rarely seen with both feet on the ground, she’s always mid-air doing acrobatics. She’s suuuuuper flexible. She’s also quite the meme in some of her fan photos and has earned the nickname Meme Xiao. She’s still learning Korean, but she’s improved a lot due to being on a lot of variety shows. One of her most iconic moments can be found in their reality show when she says, “Babo Wasseo! (An idiot came!)” when she meant to say the food had come. She’s an angel and we as fans must protect Xiao Xiao from the perverts on here (cough tastymotion [please report them often even if its not cosmic girls their page is disgusting]). 

Mei Qi

Real Name: Meng Mei Qi

Birthdate: 1998/10/15

Nationality: Chinese

Position: Main Dancer, Sub-Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Libra

About Mei Qi: Although Starship categorized her as a sub-vocalist the members often place her in the vocalist line, where she belongs. The proof of her vocal ability can be found in their pre-debut music video “All I Want for Christmas is You” her parts in that had Mariah Carey shook. Despite being one of the other under-appreciated members in the group she has been in 3 movies and was the lead role for two. Be on the lookout for Step Up 6 to come out sometime this year and support Mei Qi! She’s often called “Baby Mei Qi” and "Mei Qi Oppa" by the members.

Yeoreum

Real Name: Lee Jinsook

Birthdate: 1999/01/10

Nationality: Korean

Position: Sub-Vocalist, Lead Rapper

Representative Star Sign: Capricorn

About Yeoreum: Despite being one of the youngest and one of the smaller members, this girl can eat. For most of her screen time in their reality show she was eating something. She’s adorable and although she is the oldest of the maknae (youngest) line, she still refers and introduces herself as the groups youngest member. According to the members the voice she uses and the way she speaks when she is in public or during broadcasts is not the voice she uses or the way she speaks at home. She’s also lovingly nicknamed the “Little Octopus” with Eunseo being the “Big Octopus”. 

Dayoung

Real Name: Im Dayoung

Birthdate: 1999/05/14

Nationality: Korean

Position: Lead Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Taurus

About Dayoung: She’s a part of the 99 line or the Maknae line. Despite her age she cooks really well and often makes the members their birthday meal, she and the other members prepared Eunseo’s lunch for the College Entrance Exam. She’s incredibly hyper and is likely the cause of Exy’s lack of sleep (let tired aunt Exy sleep). She gained popularity for looking like Shin Donyeop and even took a selfie with him when she appeared on a show with him (and they do look similar). Because she’s hyper she’s always falling down and getting bruises, be more careful space cadet!

Yeonjung

Real Name: Yoo Yeonjung

Birthdate: 1999/08/03

Nationality: Korean

Position: Main Vocalist

Representative Star Sign: Ophiuchus

About Yeonjung: According to the members Yeonjung was supposed to be one of the original 12 members of the group, but at the last minute was chosen by the company to appear on MNet’s Produce 101. She proved that she was an amazing vocalist and was the last member chosen to be in the group I.O.I. coming in 11th place. She was officially added to Cosmic Girls in July and became their 13th and youngest member. She and Soobin together have their terrifying CF laugh. She’s a sweet baby and needs to be protected at all cost (please don’t put her on a diet Starship).

*This post can and may be updated. Please let me know if there’s anything else you think I should add. (Examples being units, hometowns, blood type, height, etc.,)*

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

17 of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's best Instagram posts from 2018 so far

Though the happy corners of the internet are few and far between, if there's one place we've come to count on, it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Instagram page. No, we are not joking.

Why? He posts great work-out videos! He fake feuds with Kevin Hart! He loves pancakes! The Rock's social media presence is an overwhelming source of fun and inspiration, and as of this publish date, he's uploaded more than 350 videos and photos in 2018 alone. (Yes, I counted.)

SEE ALSO: The Rock and 'SpongeBob' just had a glorious Twitter exchange

We thought we would do the world a favor and whittle down his 300+ posts to our favorites from 2018 so far. Don't pretend you aren't grateful.

17. One of many cute daddy-daughter moments

In da cuppp. After a very long and fatiguing day of work, the battle of wills between me and my baby, Jasmine Lia was just the mental therapy I needed. When she throws the cup and pretends to be sad... she’s rewriting the psychological chess game, that I thought I mastered. Think again daddy 🤯🤣

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Feb 1, 2018 at 1:11am PST

16. Highlighting the importance of CPR training

You hope there’s never an emergency where you never have to deploy the skill. Since we have another baby girl on the way - I wanted to make sure myself, my family and our staff took another choking prevention and CPR course on infants, children and adults. Highly recommend you guys do it, because never know what may happen and it’s always best to be ready. For the record, this baby is not real and not mine. My babies come out much browner. And cuter. #IOnlyMakeGirls 🤷🏾‍♂️💪🏾🌺

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Feb 26, 2018 at 9:17am PST

15. Raising money for charity

These are some good boys right here. Bright futures, well mannered and they’re already taller than @kevinhart4real. An amazing night for our @lafamilyhousing raising awareness and dollars to help families transition out of homelessness and poverty. I know what it’s like not having the security of a roof over your head.. these boys have gone thru it too. I’m proud of them and how they now want to give back to their community. Thank you to EVERYONE who attended. Powerful night. #LAFamilyHousing

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Apr 7, 2018 at 11:38am PDT

14. Charging $0.50 a pop for selfies with fans

Shooting a scene in Malibu for #Ballers and the smiling lady I have my arm around, unknowingly walked right thru my scene trying to take a picture of me. 😂🤙🏾 She was embarrassed so after the scene, I walked across the street and took a proper picture with her and her girls. I also charged these ladies .50 cents a piece for this selfie. Hey my love ain’t free. ❤️ A good day with some great fans. Thank you ladies for being so cool. #OnSet #Ballers #Malibu

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jan 17, 2018 at 9:46am PST

13. Just some Lauren Hashian appreciation

I’ll handle this business 😉💪🏾 Mama @laurenhashianofficial has her hands full nursing/feeding Baby Tia, so I’m feedin’ mama her dinner. My pleasure. So much respect to her and all mamas out there holding it down and running things. Just landed and good to get all my girl’s settled in. Now, I gotta go satisfy my own appetite.. Iron Paradise, here I come. #EveryoneGetsFed #DaddysGottaGoToWork #ChivalryIsToughOnTheKnees

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jun 10, 2018 at 3:53pm PDT

12. Nothing like a good #FlashbackFriday

FBF to when I was ready to “smash” everything in sight as the Incredible Hulk for Halloween, but then became sad because I had a f*cked up haircut. #HulkNoLike #ButHulkStillSmash

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Mar 1, 2018 at 9:53am PST

11. Celebrating International Women's Day

Girl power. To every woman out there ‘round the world - all ages and races - I proudly stand by your side to always honor, protect and respect. Especially, the loves of my life at home. Now if I can just get Jazzy to say the daddy is the most handsome, brilliant, sexiest man alive part, then we all gonna be cool. #MyAnchors #InternationalWomensDay

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Mar 8, 2018 at 6:55pm PST

10. Getting cuddly with an alligator

Gorillas weren’t the only animals I spent time with for my RAMPAGE research. Luckily, I’m a country boy who lives only a few miles from the swamps of the Florida Everglades. I do a lot of fishin’ and truckin’ down here and these gators are some of my favorite fresh water species. They’ve been rompin’ and chompin’ for 37 million years. Incredible animal.. especially once I’m able to calm ‘em, then I’m really able to appreciate up close. *Important legal disclaimer: If you come across a gator, don’t try doing this. You’ll lose a limb or something much worse. Call the Fish and Wildlife Commission or WorldStar. #LizzieLoves2RompAndChomp #ButDaddyDoes2 RAMPAGE WORLDWIDE APRIL 13th 🐊🦍🐺

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Apr 5, 2018 at 11:16am PDT

9. Taking time to surprise his die-hard teenage fans

It all started with a promposal to me from an awesome Minnesota high school student, Katie Kelzenberg. I couldn’t make her prom, but as a gift I bought out her local theater this past weekend for her and 232 of her closest friends to watch a screening of RAMPAGE. Plus, all the popcorn, candy and soda a teenager could ingest. I surprised her with the news over her schools speaker system during their morning announcements. Thanks for making my day Katie by asking me to your prom, glad you guys had a BLAST and thank you for being an amazing fan. And ps, if you ever decide to cheat on your tests - which of course you won’t because you’re brilliant... call me because I know all the tricks. DJ

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Apr 24, 2018 at 8:50am PDT

8. Words to live by: "Don’t cheat yourself, treat yourself"

Don’t cheat yourself, treat yourself. Mound of chocolate banana pancakes with the “fixin’s” on the side. Two great Netflix docs for the night, that I recommend: “Drug Lords” and “The Toys That Made Us”. #SundayGluttony

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jan 21, 2018 at 11:07pm PST

7. Working out with John Krasinski

An honor to drop sweat and pain for #TheMurphChallenge. Thank you brother @johnkrasinski for the challenge. And most importantly, thank you to our men and women of our US military - past and present. And boundless gratitude to their families at home who endure it all as well. Great day of sweat, pain and a few miscounts in the #IronParadise 🤣💪🏾 #MurphChallenge #BloodSweatRespect #FirstTwoYouGive #LastOneYouEarn

A post shared by therock (@therock) on May 28, 2018 at 8:00pm PDT

6. Working out alone

We’re all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils. Great training sesh! Big thanks to the hard core Mutant Nation Gym, Shanghai 💪🏾 #NowINeedCarbs #WorldTour #RAMPAGE

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Apr 8, 2018 at 11:03am PDT

5. Rescuing birds

Had to take care of this lil’ guy this morning who I found on my porch struggling hard to fly. All his lil’ bird buddies were hanging around looking at him and making a crazy cacophony of loud bird chirps - either encouraging him to fly or... “hey boys looks like we’re having Keith for breakfast”. Humans do not get the same treatment if I find you on my porch.

A post shared by therock (@therock) on May 10, 2018 at 12:11pm PDT

4. A memorable Cardi B moment in the gym

Kickin’ the week off right. #LetsBleed #WestCoastIronParadise 💀

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jan 22, 2018 at 11:20pm PST

3. Very rare sighting of a child-age Rock

Happy Father’s Day to this hardly ever smiling OG bad ass. Little boys by nature, look up to and idolize their old man. They want to be just like em, do whatever they do and are always looking for their approval. Funny thing is the day I stopped looking for that approval was the day I understood what it meant to be man and more importantly, a father. That shift lifted me to a new level of gratitude for the tough love he always gave. Years later as a man and father of three girls, I know that tough love, is a helluva lot better than no love at all. I’ll take it. It’s made me who I am today. Grateful to the original Rock. #HappyFathersDay #KingStache #RockyJohnson

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jun 17, 2018 at 11:23am PDT

2. The Rock gets his Tom Hanks (a là Big) on

As a kid I had this dream of playing my favorite ragtime song, “The Entertainer” from Marvin Hamlisch on piano. But I truly sucked at piano. Until I started using my feet. And that’s why it’s called #TheSting 🎹👣 🎥 by my partner in rhyme and grind @laurenhashianofficial

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jan 28, 2018 at 1:04pm PST

1. A pebble is born

Skin to skin. Our mana. Blessed and proud to bring another strong girl into this world. Tiana Gia Johnson came into this world like a force of nature and Mama @laurenhashianofficial labored and delivered like a true rockstar. I was raised and surrounded by strong, loving women all my life, but after participating in baby Tia’s delivery, it’s hard to express the new level of love, respect and admiration I have for @laurenhashianofficial and all mamas and women out there. Word to the wise gentlemen, it’s critical to be by your lady’s head when she’s delivering, being as supportive as you can.. holding hands, holding legs, whatever you can do. But, if you really want to understand the single most powerful and primal moment life will ever offer - watch your child being born. Its a life changer and the respect and admiration you have for a woman, will forever be boundless. And to my third and youngest daughter, Tiana Gia - like I did when your two older sisters Simone Alexandra and Jasmine Lia were born, you have my word, I’ll love, protect, guide and make ya laugh for the rest of my life. Your crazy dad has many responsibilities and wears many hats in this big ol’ world, but being your dad will always be the one I’m most proud to wear. Oh and one more thing.. you’re gonna love rollin’ in daddy’s pick up truck. #TianaGiaJohnson🌺 #3rdDaughter #BlessesAndGratefulMan #ImInTROUBLE

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Apr 23, 2018 at 10:52am PDT

Keep the content coming, Dwayne.

WATCH: What your receptionist says about your company culture

[bknodel]

Knodel’s 2017 in Pictures . . .

Decided to start with our classic, annual “Bowser Family Picture”.  Enjoy the pictures and comments.  (Disclaimer: all comments are from Brad and do not necessarily reflect the feelings and/or opinions of the other family members.)

January was a bit crazy with close to a meter of snow falling and almost a week off school for all of us - one of the perks of a being a 2-teacher family.

Just because we couldn’t drive 10 minutes on the treacherous roads to go to school it didn’t mean we couldn’t drive 2 hours to Whistler to go skiing! :) 

(Note: the road to Whistler from our house goes right past our school)

Few things make you feel as old as getting together with friends from your “young married” days and seeing how your toddlers have changed.

Adam has really enjoyed being part of the MEI drumline. It has provided him some neat opportunities like playing downtown for the BC Lions’ awards banquet.

Applying for scholarships seemed to take up much of our Spring. This was part of a project Lynden put together for a Dogwood Scholarship . . . which he got!

Who’s the best mouse catcher in the our house? (insert comment here about the garbage disposal in the background)

Lynden spent the first half of his Spring Break in Mexico with a service team from MEI. He really enjoyed his experience and it helped to reaffirm his love for other cultures.

The rest of the family met him in San Diego where we boarded a ship for a week-long cruise down the west coast of Mexico.

Getting on the ship was interesting . . . We did the honest thing by checking the box admitting that Adam had been up puking the night prior, only to be told to fill out the form again; this time checking the box stating that no one in our party has been sick in the previous 24 hours.

First stop . . . Cabo San Lucas!

We would have been ok if the ship would have remained moored in the Cabo Bay for the whole 7 days . . . Amazing scenery and weather.

We ended up enjoying the ports much more than we were expecting.  It was fun introducing Adam to a culture very different than ours.

Although I took this picture, Lynden gets the credit for setting it up and handing me his camera and showing me which button to push.

We spent Easter in Portland.  Hard to believe I grew up there and had never been to Voodoo doughnuts. Although it was our first time there, I don’t think the same can be said for the lady next to Jodi ;)

I was thankful to have Lynden as my assistant coach for my 14U club team this year. As you can see, he took his role very seriously!

It amazes me that I get to live so close to beauty like this! (If you think I am referring to the fields of flowers, you’d be wrong) 

I was asked to drive the bus for Lynden’s club volleyball team on a trip to Spokane Washington. And while it is obvious why I pulled the bus over for a photo here . . .

. . . this stop is a little harder to explain!

I was thankful for the opportunity to watch Lynden play his last volleyball match of his high school career . . . and possibly his last game ever. It was actually more emotional for both of us than we thought it would be.

Meanwhile, Jodi and her mom went over to Victoria to watch Adam perform in the Victoria Day parade. 

The real reason our family separated on this weekend was so Lynden wouldn’t make fun of Adam in this outfit . . .

Jodi was able to connect with a few of her best friends from high school at her reunion. I always wondered what girls did when they went to the washroom in groups. Now I know - they take selfies!

This picture is to show that I am thankful that at least one member of my family likes to fish with me :)

In May, we said goodbye to Jodi’s grandma . . . 

While it was sad, it was nice to celebrate a life well lived with Jodi’s family. 

In June, I had the opportunity to attend a volleyball conference with other MEI coaches in Las Vegas.  While I can’t think of a much worse place to live, we had a blast and learned a lot about a sport we all love.  I wish I could tell you more about our trip but what happens in Vegas . . . 

Having a son graduate was a new adventure for us - One that included surprises like early morning kidnappings by girls!

We are very proud of the young man Lynden has become in spite of our imperfect parenting. We are very thankful to all those who have helped us guide him through his teenage years.

He has a great group of friends and it was very fun to watch him thoroughly enjoy his grade 12 year. 

He even found someone willing to be his date for the prom! :)

I love this picture . . . perhaps because it reminds me so much of my high school experience . . . except for all the girls. 

Our grad gift to Lynden was a new camera. Photography has become a real passion of his and we have enjoyed seeing him enjoy a much nicer camera than what he had.

For sure, one of the highlights this year was watching Planet of the Apes on opening night with one of the stars of the film - the one and only Rick Ball! I’m sure the other folks in the theatre were wondering why we all were cheering every time he came on the screen. (That’s him on the far right.)

Adam wanted to have a girl-boy party for his 13th birthday.  We said ok as long as they stay on this web tower the entire time . . .

Jodi decided to join 2 other moms for a 3-day road trip with all the kids (which I thought was a fantastic idea!)  Unfortunately, for everyone, the stomach flu started making its way through the gang and Jodi was back home the next morning.

As mentioned, it has been fun watching Lynden become proficient with his new camera.  This is him up Mt. Baker in early July. 

I’m telling you . . . It is very impressive what he can do with his new camera! ;)

Lynden and I were prevented from completing that hike in July because of snow so we went back later in the summer with the whole family.  Adam might look like he is happy in this picture but, I assure you, he is not!

Me: “I need a haircut. Adam, want to cut my hair?”

Adam: “Of course I do!”

Couldn’t resist the photo-op on our way to Oregon.

Always a good time to be had at Detroit Lake with my family. My dad may be the only captain who wears holeys.

Lynden was working and was not able to come . . . so, we adopted adam’s friend Sam for the week :)

Although I insisted on taking a hiking selfie with Jodi on every hike we did, this was the only one she let me put in this year - likely because she likes how grey my beard looks in this shot. 

We even dragged Sam up the mountain behind the lake (actually I think we were holding him back. This was nothing compared to Everest - which he actually did last year.)

We finally got Adam all set up with his own watercraft . . .

Adam spent a week of his summer picking berries and he was able to save enough money to buy his phone.

Then it was off to Vancouver Island.

Different year . . . different vehicle . . . same sick packing job! 

My highlight of the trip was bass fishing one night from a kayak.  Lynden came along as my personal photographer.

It was nice to get away as a family and really connect with each other ;)

Adam: Dad, can Lynden and I use the kayaks for a bit?

Me: Sure

Lynden (on his phone after 2.5 hours): Hi Dad. We are at the lighthouse (seen in the top left of the photo!) but it’s ok . . . there is a nice lady who lives here and she is giving us food and water.”  

It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission I guess . . .

Nice of me to let Adam hold my fish! (The truth is that my brother-in-law @marklafleche caught this “pig” just after dark as we were rowing back to the truck.) 

We found this hike a short drive from where we have been staying on the Island for years. Very cool hike - at least when the water level is very low.

A “pig” in “mud”

We then drove across the Island to the West Coast to stay in “our” beehive cabin.

Here we are all tucked in the hive. 

It looks like we don’t eat much ;)

On our way from the east side to the west side, we stopped at one of our favourite places on the Island. Adam was all about the Parkour . . . which gave his mother a heart attack.

While Lynden gave his mom nightmares by leaning off the sides of rocks in order to get that perfect waterfall pic.

Hiking the rugged West Coast!

Taking the rugged selfie!

I like to include one artistic shot each year taken on my iPhone. . . 

Our boys are never happier than when they are on a beach.

Don’t let Lynden know that this is not actually surfing . . .

I just had to include this picture of Lynden because he looks so happy and we are going to really miss him when we put him on a plane in a few days . . . 

I took this picture of our boys in the back of an ambulance to send to Jodi just after they had both eaten almond chicken at a Chinese restaurant that contained peanuts :(

Only one son to send to school this September . . .

The other one was off to work at a chicken farm! He worked 4 days with the chickens and 1 day doing odd jobs like this.

Once again this year, I went with the boys volleyball teams to work at a camp in Hope for the weekend.

It was awesome to hear some of the volleyball alumni speak into the lives of the younger players.  We had to pretend we were around a campfire because of the fire ban.

Adam was in grade 8 this year which meant he got to go to grade 8 camp! At the last minute, they realized they were short male leaders and I was asked to go along. Which was a good thing as I was able to teach them some valuable life lessons like . . . you should never stand in a canoe ;)

We now officially have 3 adults in our home as Lynden turned 18 this Fall. As nice as it is to get a new laptop for school, he was also given 2 books that Jodi has been faithfully writing in each month since he was born. He is very lucky to have a mom who took the time to document the first 18 years of his life!

In October, I was able to experience my first true “redneck” weekend. All the male staff at my school (all 4 of us) headed north for several hours to enjoy a couple days of camo, quads, guns and grunting.

I took a break from coaching at the high school and coached my first team at our middle school.  It was a lot of fun to be able to coach Adam and his friends to several podium finishes.

We spent a week of the Christmas break in Oregon with my family. Lynden and I spent the better part of 2 days chasing waterfalls and taking selfies with our tongues out.

We decided to drive to the coast one day with my parents.  Not only did we find sunshine, we also found a super cool beach with a waterfall!

The beach is called “hug point” so I used it as a excuse to get this gorgeous lady to hug me.

. . . meanwhile, Lynden practiced his levitation skills.

And here is one more picture of Lynden . . . Did I mention that we are going to miss him?

Thanks for looking through our Year in Pictures - We wish you all the best in 2018.

Here are some of our best videos from our year . . .

This is what happened in Vegas after finding out we were at the wrong venue for the David Copperfield show and it was about to start in a casino down the street.

Back by popular demand - Another Rick Ball fishing video! (You may recognize him from such films as, “Planet of the Apes”.)

I find this hilarious! 

The craziest thing we saw in Mexico . . .

This is Lynden and his friends being led in the grad parade by Adam and his friends.

[trevorbailey61]

Latitude ‘17

Henhem Park, Suffolk

Thursday 13th July 2017

Latitude blogs - one for each day. I have too much time on my hands.

“Let’s not talk politics”. Sound advice, I am with a group of people who I first met twelve months ago and we are sitting around enjoying a few beers and chatting about what we have been up to since we last saw each other. Despite coming to terms with the referendum result, we barely mentioned it last year and we remained blissfully ignorant of how the others had voted. This year, however, I detect amongst some in the group a frustration that Theresa May wasn't handed the mandate she sought, despite, as even they admitted, fighting a campaign that managed to display levels of incompetence that was staggering even compared to the low standards we now seem to expect from our elected officials. To be fair, those I am with are not “mad, swivel-eyed loon" Tory activists, indeed I doubt whether any of them are party members and as we share a very similar background we find there are many areas in which we find agreement. Unfortunately, whilst the underlying values are similar, the binary choice we are given drives us into opposing camps where all subtleties and nuance are lost. Hence, once sides have been determined, the orthodox has to be adopted in its entirety. These people, I'm sure are tolerant and compassionate yet they argue the case for austerity despite the underlying conflict with their sense of fair play. Likewise, most would have voted remain but now want to see us get on with Brexit even though the reasons for their original choice are even more obvious than they were twelve months ago.

Many years ago, I was watching a report on the news about British warships patrolling the waters around Iceland in defiance of extended fishing limits that the country had imposed. Whilst, as far as I am aware, not a single shot was fired in the cod war, that didn't stop reports containing the same sort of jingoism that would be seen about a decade later as another British fleet headed for the South Atlantic, Britannia rules the waves, Britain was right. I make this point, who were these people to disrupt the right of “our” trawlers” to plunder the seas around their island, a nation so insignificant we hadn't even bothered to come up with a derogatory name for them. Having patiently listened to my ill informed take on the crisis, my dad offers an alternative perspective; true the Icelandic government was trying protect its own fleets but there was also an issue of declining fish stocks which, if not addressed, would see species pushed to extinction. As custodians of this resource, we had a duty of protection so that the resource would be there for future generations. It may be that Britain wasn't in the right on this one, that dispatching warships was an aggressive act in a dispute that would have to be settled by diplomacy. This would not be the first time my parents encouraged me to question what I had heard but it is a discussion I can remember very clearly and it was this sort of questioning that gave me a healthy scepticism. There were different perspectives, different alternatives, one side wasn't always right and the other wrong, the decisions made were not always the best ones, or the right ones.

As political awakenings go it was pretty unremarkable but I was very young at the time and it is a conversation I remember clearly. I always had an innate feeling of what I felt to be right, I remember at school a teacher asking the class how we would vote if we're we able to participate in a forthcoming election. Living in what was essentially a very middle class suburb of Birmingham, although with the boundary being over a mile away we were fiercely proud of being from the Black Country, this was true blue Tory country, something reflected in the result of our mock election. Hands soared above heads when the teacher asked who would vote this way, over half the class already displaying an allegiance to blue, there were a few undecideds, a couple of Liberals and then the question, who would vote Labour. A solitary hand went up; I looked around the room, no other hand was raised, for someone who spent most of their time at school trying not to stand out, difficult given my height, this was a disaster. The mockery began, nascent twitter trolls venting their hostility to anyone who wasn't part of the pack. I quickly found out that rather than discussion or debate, expressing an opinion mostly leads to ridicule and abuse; keeping quiet or, as many do, disengaging completely is the safer option; get on with your life, don't think, don't challenge.

Our politics is about how we see the world and our place it, it is about how we interact with and relate to others and based on our own values and beliefs. It is fluid and changing, open to influences and shaped and changed by experience. There may be a consistency in our core values and this will determine the way we vote, or at least on who we would vote against if not for, but our reasons for this may change or be subject to the pragmatism of tactical voting. Those who share our world are those who shape our view of it; family, friends, colleagues, teachers and so on; the English teacher who carried out the mini election was the my only other kindred spirit in that class which was a pity because she hated me. Around this is a wider culture where we form views based on what we hear, see, feel and read, a culture that, that if we engage with it, helps us to open our minds and develop our thinking. For me, music in particular was an important part of how I saw the world, it provided a means of contextualising my thinking, encouraged me to find out about how people used and abused their power to persecute others and gave a narrative that often conflicted with that provided by other media. Then, my adolescence was spent during what were politically very volatile times and the music provided the tunes, the beats and the slogans of protest. Through the urban guerrilla anarchy of The Clash, Gabriel’s indictment of apartheid in “Biko”, the interracial excitement of two-tone, the angry protest of Billy Bragg and the attempt through Red Wedge of aligning this youthful anger with the Labour movement, as it had done in the early 60s, music offered the promise real change, a society that could become more just, more caring , more tolerant. The heavy beats would pound as we took to the streets, the People’s March for Jobs, other marches organised by the NUS and public sector unions about cuts to education and others services, one culminating in a rally in Hyde Park where the then shadow education secretary, Neil Kinnock, was roundly booed by a section of the crowd, already suspicious of the direction in which the party was heading. This politically charged music was also highly popular, the subversive message being carried into the higher reaches of the charts and onto Top of the Pops, surely with all this youthful energy, our time would come.

It didn’t of course, the alienation of inner city neglect in “Ghost Town” spoke to enough to carry it to number 1 but our generation were mostly listening to Duran Duran, Shakin’ Stevens, Bucks Fizz, Stars on 45, mindless pap, don’t engage, don’t think, don't challenge. Surely those who loved their music as I did would have absorbed its messages, would be on the right side. I realised, however, when, despite agreeing not to talk politics, the question, “how did you vote?” came that I was out of the echo chamber that I would normally find myself in. I was back in that old classroom in Halesowen again, who would vote Labour? without thinking I could feel the muscles in my arm starting to tense, lifting my hand as those around me remained resolutely at their side. How to respond; ignore, evade, deceive, lie, avoid, change the subject, refuse to answer, mention how much I was looking forward to seeing Fatboy Slim, DON’T ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION; labour. It was already out there, a moment of silence, an intake of breath, this is a nice little middle class enclave and they let in a fucking socialist. What about clearing up labour’s mess, the magic money tree, the nationalists, links to the IRA, swarms of immigrants; I brought out my best arguments, even the ones that had gathered as many as two likes and a retweet on Twitter but to no avail. They were on the other side, the side where the fear of socialism was greater than the fear of Tory negligence and incompetence. It was a narrow gap but it may as well have been a chasm, unbridgeable, did they learn nothing from The Beat?, or had they been listening to Shakin’ Stevens all along?

Despite the awkward start to the weekend, however, they seemed to tolerate me enough to allow me to join them as we paid our first visit to the site, with Claire again arriving later I was welcome of their company, I also found out that a number of the group were also public sector workers like myself, trying to provide a better service in the face of savage cuts and hostile inspections, the group were not as uniformly blue as I had initially thought they were. This will be my fifth Latitude and whilst the festival has grown, the changes have been gradual, barely perceptible. This year, however, they seemed more abrupt, mostly due to the organisers tying up a sponsorship deal with Carlsberg. This manifested itself in The Danish Quarter, a big timber framed bar area facing the Obelisk Arena that tried desperately to provide an experience that English people would think of as being authentically Danish but may have achieved that goal better had it been built out of Lego. It is big, corporate and occupied the place previously reserved for the poetry tent meaning that it had been absorbed into Literature to form what is now known as the Speakeasy. Needless to say, I immediately decide that I hate it, that is until I have spent some time in there and find that it is a lively place with good music to which many, in the absence of any other musical events this evening, start to dance. The beer is tasteless fizz, given the make up of its audience, it is surprising that Latitude doesn't have some sort of craft ale bar but that is undoubtedly a result of this commercial tie in. The buzz quickly becomes addictive and a couple of pints of export strength Carlsberg relaxes things so that the discussions earlier are quickly forgotten. It therefore becomes a bit of a wrench to pull ourselves away but we haven’t travelled all the way to Suffolk to drink beer we could buy for less than half the price in a supermarket. We therefore head for the Speakeasy where, despite the crowds, we manage to secure a place to see Tim Key. Like many at Latitude, he is using it rehearse a show he is preparing for Edinburgh and from this evening it still seems as if he has signifiant work to do. It starts well, wearing a dishevelled suit, he sprays himself with beer from a can he has been shaking up so that he inhabits the rather seedy character he has created perfectly. He has sharp and witty punchlines that quickly get the audience on his side. Then is all starts to unravel when a high pitched whistle is heard in the tent; thinking it is from a phone he starts to lose both his temper and his thread, becoming nervy and hesitant to the extent that some began to suspect he had been drinking. His own relief and that of the audience is all too obvious when he finally gets the chance to bring the routine to a close; the whistling it turns out was from a hearing loop, the fault meaning that the rest of the evening had to be signed.

Key’s own struggles were is sharp contrast to the compare, Luke Wright who managed to combine the brilliance of his verse with a sharp and engaging stand-up routine, his poem about the Georges, kings that is, was delivered at a blistering pace and showed a perceptive analysis of that particular period of history and how it has shaped our own times. It convinced us to see his stage act tomorrow. After we would normally have watched the waterborne ballet on the lake but this year we opt for something different in Marcus Brigstock’s Princefest. This involved Brigstock himself, his family, guests and members of the audience lip-synching to Prince songs. That it worked was mostly down to Brigstock himself whose knowledge and passion for Prince carried it through some sticky patches, particularly when having assured him that he knew the words to “Darling Nikki”, the lad he picked to mime to it turned out not to know a single one. The routine was rescued by a lady who mimed about “Masturbating with a magazine” while her children stood in front of the stage is a state of shock. The format started to wear a little after a while, particularly as those he called up early picked the best known songs, but aside from the guests, the highlight was undoubtedly a group of children miming to “Sexy Motherfucker” and the girl who gave a very sensuous performance of “Get Off”. With Brigstock finding the tracks on his phone once they were selected, something that is no doubt a lot easier now Prince’s back catalogue is available once again on Spotify, it emphasised the extraordinary creativity and variety of its subject allowing us to “party like its 1999” into the early hours of the morning. The weekend had arrived.

[foolsiwillshowthemall]

Farm Report:  Maru’s secret project

19th day of Winter.  More than half the season has gone by, and I need to start building my spring farm. These twenty tiles will all hold Quality Sprinklers, which will automatically irrigate the surrounding area every morning.

 I'm putting them on tiles mostly for neatness, and because I'm not sure if the sprinkler alone is enough to stop weeds from growing.

Getting the materials has been difficult.  Gold is only found in level 80 and deeper, and Quartz is a random rare drop anywhere in the dungeons.  I only have enough materials to make 10 sprinklers at the moment.  I'm going to have to do a lot of dungeon trips.

I'm also going to need a lot more money for everything I have planned.  Time to gather up all the fruit, vegetables, and flowers I've grown or foraged that I'm not going to need and sell them.

The traveling cart shows up every Friday and Sunday.  I've been neglecting to check it, I need to get more diligent on doing that.

A red mushroom (that I have dozens of), some hilariously overpriced bug meat, and ... is that what I think it is?

"Squid?  You have squid?  I was starting to think they were mythological!"

"Might as well be, arond here!  These were smuggled out of the Gotoro Empire.  They're hardly found in this part of the world."

"I'll take it."

After all, the quest only says I have to bring him one, not catch it myself.

Here's how it's going to go, Willy.  You don't ask if I caught this myself, and I don't ask about the actual habitat range of the squid and whether they even exist in these waters.

That's what I thought.

I'm also selling all the old weapons and armor I don't use.  Sadly, they don't go for much.

Alex, you live next to the damn town center.  I came this way on my way through town and said hello as I passed.  Everything isn't about you.

Yes, sweetie?

Thanks!  I just got these, they're magma boots from the mines.  So sweet of you to notice.

I love you too, dear.

I had forgotten about the Recycling Machine.  It takes some of the junk I get while fishing (broken CDs, newspaper, driftwood) and makes it into useful stuff.  Here I'm recycling old CDs into refined quartz.  This will help tremendously - now every broken CD I find saves me one quartz crystal and one piece of coal.  And I have a lot of this crap stored from when I was trying to catch that damn squid.

Yay!  My crab pot caught a broken CD!  One more piece of refined quartz once I recycle it.

Today - the 20th of winter - I will be dropping off my hoe for upgrading, and then heading for the mines.  Even with a free source of refined quartz, I'll still need a lot of iron, gold, and coal.

Huh.  I don't like Sam much, but I have an amethyst sitting in storage he's free to have.  I'll drop it off tomorrow.  I'm just hoping his project isn't some juvenile prank.

Really?  What about?

Phooey.

On the way to the mines, I stopped by Mary's place, see how she's doing.  Today, she had a big announcement for me.

She wants to show me the big secret project that I've been donating materials to for the last month.  I'm hoping I don't get shocked again.

Down to the secret lab we go.  I had no idea this place was even here.  She has a great big robot sitting against the wall.

That's very sweet of you, Maru.  I guess since I donated most of the materials for this, I'm sort of a co-creator.  Not that I'd take any credit, this is totally your genius.

Wow.  That's a bit larger than realized.  Didn't look so tall while she was sitting down.

Demetrius comes down the ladder, sure that he's caught us doing something he wouldn't approve of.  Demetrius, whatever you were expecting, I'm sure it wasn't this.

Yeah, he had no idea his daughter was creating robotic life in the basement.

Sadly, that was not the case.

Sweet Maru was building the robot to help her parents once she wasn't around.  That's really quite nice, and perceptive of her.  Shows that she actually helps a lot around the house, but she's also aware that she'll be moving on to bigger and better things someday, and wants her parents to be provided for.

The robot has other ideas, however.  Maru, I think you may have over-engineered her a bit.

...what.  That's a bit of a leap from just being a domestic servant.

Demetrius is on board with that idea.  He's already anticipating Maru not being around the house much more.

And there's the whole rights of the artificial being to worry about.

Thank you. You finally get that I'm not out to ruin your daughter's future.

We head outside, and give MarILDA her freedom.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but for the robot to actually blast off into space was not it.  Maru, you built this robot to help out around the house, and it's capable of reaching escape velocity?  I joked earlier about you being a Spark, but this is a level of over-engineering that would not be out of place from a Heterodyne. 

Maru, you are terrifying and impressive.  Please continue to use your mad genius for good.

At least I get a kiss (on the cheek) for that.  I would suggest that we go down to the basement and fool around, since your dad apparently trusts me now, but you scare me.

Well.  After that, I don't even know if I feel like going around the rest of my day. Maru just created a sentient robot (with my help), which went off to explore the galaxy.  I can only hope that when it comes back in a few hundred years as V'Ger it remembers fondly the engineer and the farmer who gave it life.

 Honestly my worries about having the farm ready for the spring harvest feel small and insignificant now.

I consider just sitting in the snow and staring out into space for a few hours as I rethink my life, but no.  There are monsters to fight and rocks to mine, and as amazing as that was, I still need to face my life one day at a time.  Off to the mines I go.

Decent haul of gold and coal at least.  I haven't figured out how to kill that thing in the helmet with the glowing eyes yet, but it's easy to out-run.

Day 21 of Winter.  I'm up to 15 sprinklers.  Only 5 more to go.  Out of gold and running low on coal again.

There's  strange path off to the western edge of the map, blocked by a large log.  I have an axe that can break it now, so before heading for the mines I decide to clear it and check out that area.

A strange path through the woods, with large stumps, and slimes.  I didn't know slimes were even found above-ground.

Huh.  Wonder what that's about?  I have an idea, but it's a trip for another day.

Hey, Sam?  You home?  I have that amethyst you wanted.

I expect him to give me the usual money, but instead, he heads for the fridge and gets out .. an egg!  What a perfect reward!

Of course, the clumsy fool drops it.  DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THOSE ARE TO GET?  How do you people even HAVE eggs?  Nobody sells them!  I've tried everywhere in town!

For a moment, I'm furious.  It's probably another stupid prank by this stupid child of a man.  But, as much as I want to blame him, I can see on his face that he didn't do it on purpose.  Even Sam isn't that much of an ass.

Yeah.  I'm still furious at you, but at least you're owning up to your screw-up this time.  And, I have to admit that on some level you knew how much I was trying to find a source of eggs and was willing to give me one as a reward.  I'd be more touched if you hadn't dropped it, of course.

Now, what would really make me grateful would be if you could hook me up with your supplier.

The rest of the day is spent in the mines.  Killing monsters, grabbing ore and coal.

That's my girl!  I told you that you had talent.

Sometimes I want to just go ahead and get that mermaid pendant and propose tomorrow, but no, I have to stick to my schedule.  Next year's 13th of Fall isn't so far away, we can wait.  Besides, my farmhouse is in no way ready for her.