#the first part to a long sindri x reader fic!

[peiskos-and-apricity]

Fated to Fall ~ Sindri x Reader [Pt 1]

Tw: Dog Death

Summary: The hand of fate was a cruel thing. It followed everyone who traveled through the realms, from tragic beginnings to horrific ends. Some people sought to embrace it, while others tried to flee from it, but its permanence was undeniable.

Yet as you stood reflecting on a previous life that now seemed so far and a future that appeared all but definite, you couldn't help but wonder why fate had brought you here. In a home that was no longer home and in a place you found no more joy. Was this to be the end of your story?

Or had it only just begun

|Chapter Selection|

-

What brought you here?  To this house with its frigid walls and distant past that felt more like Hel than home.

Maybe everything was written the day your mother and Kratos first met in the Midguardian woods. Blood and bruises were replaced with tender kisses and endearing looks. Given the lives each of them had led up to that moment, such a thing seemed almost impossible. But it was just the right time in just the right place. Perhaps that was the beginning.

Perhaps it was the day you were born into this world. You were unfamiliar with its ways and were oblivious to the path it would lead you down. But when a mother's loving arms were around you, none of that mattered.

Or perhaps it happened gradually, like the memories of your youth. Warm was your mother's demeanor, a woman who was never anything but the sun in your universe. Cold was the avoided stare of your father, a man who you saw in passing moments and in staring shadows. Always silent, always out of reach.

Maybe the day you were finally old enough to leave, free and eager to see the world. Your mother was never far behind you as you took each step. You grew on your own, but her hands were always there to guide you, and her wisdom knew no bounds. The two of you grew closer than ever before, separated only by circumstance and duty.  She confided in you the secrets of her past, the stories of who she had been. A renowned warrior among her people. Though who those people were was never something imparted to you.

Or perhaps it was the birth of your brother. By then, you were much older. In fact, you were already well on your own. The second child of the two seemed to shake your father but for what reason you never knew. You wondered if that was how he was when you were born, or if his avoided eyes had always been there.

Or maybe...maybe it was the day you had returned home. After so long away spent exploring new worlds and meeting both friend and foe alike you had decided it was time. With excitement brimming at being able to see your mother again you made haste to that old home of yours. But when you returned you found no trace of the woman. Instead you found your brother, older by a few years now and predictably not recognizing you. After that you found your father who, upon seeing you, dawned an even more serious look than normal. He told you of your mother's death along with a letter she had left behind for you.

It had been so sudden to you. Your day had been so full of anticipation and excitement but all of it drained from your body as those words processed. Yet the reality of it could never be denied. Your father would never lie about such a thing. 

He told you of the coming long winters and the now unsafe lands along with your mother's wish for you to stay upon your return.

Yes, that must have been it. That was how you ended up here. You learned that not only had your mother been sick for months and never sent someone to seek you out in that time, but that she had been rather keen on avoiding seeing you all together. Your father and brother had been able to hold and care for the last remnants of her dying spirit and she had left you nothing more than a note. A note you would never dare to open.

Upon being faced with this you sought out the peak of Jotunheim yourself. You followed in the footsteps of their journey through icy cold and reminisced in familiar stories of your mother's past. You had learned by the end that the journey had been planned for your father and brother from the start. Each road and each step known by her. She had left a path for them to follow, a way forward to carry them through a life without her.

But you found no prophecy held on the walls that mentioned you. No mention of your very existence could be found on them. You found no picture, no name, no symbol or sign that would allude to you.

And it was then that a dark, irreparable scar had been slashed over your soul. Because you had found no spot for you on the walls of her people, but the continued etchings of your brother. And you found no guidance left for you, as your father gained in many paintings. It was as if you had been forgotten.

Upon returning home, unable to deny the last wish of your mother even as this deep scar formed, you chose to stay. And in the few years you had returned you saw your father, a man once so cold and distant, start to show a side of him to your brother that you had never seen on his best days. It was then you realized that your fear came to be solidified and your suspicions were seen true.

You truly had been forgotten.

You were overwhelmed by a new form of grief as you watched your brother gain something you never had after you had lost the only thing you did. You felt the absence of your mother burn a hole through your very being. 

You had nothing else besides her. No painting, no shared memory, no growing care, not even the etching of a name. And now she is gone, leaving nothing behind that could guide you through this horrible fate.

Despite how deeply this grief settled and how it spread through every fiber of your being in waves of constant numbing pain, you pushed it down. You buried it deeper, you ignored even the heavy waves of it. And every time it slipped, every time it seeped out for even just a moment, you would quickly push it down even further until it was nothing more than background noise in your mind. Always buzzing, always there, but only ever heard when it was quiet. When you were alone.

So that was how you ended up here. Sitting in front of the fire sharpening an ax not too dissimilar from your mother's. You had modeled it after hers after all. It only lacked its more magical capabilities of returning when called, but you could hardly complain. 

You settled in the silence of Mimir as he read from a book in the other room, but the silence didn't last long as you heard the familiar barks of the wolves and the distant voices of your two remaining family. You didn't move from your spot, the voices fading slightly but only for a few more moments as they were likely checking on Fenrir. It was a few minutes later that your father opened the cabin door. He walked in alone and after so many years of knowing him you could easily read the frustration on his face. The lack of Atreus following behind gave away the reason.

"Well. I'd recognize that dour expression anywhere" Mimir commented. Kratos went to hang his weapon, not looking at Mimir for more than a glance.

"Another fight?" You asked, not looking up from your sharpening. You got an annoyed grumble from him to which you only shook your head slightly. You were all but surprised. 

"The wolf is gone" he finally spoke. You stopped what you were doing almost immediately upon hearing his words, soon turning to look at him. 

"Oh no…not Fenrir…" Mimir spoke with a tone soft and hurt. The tense air in the room quickly thickened at the sound, the seriousness of the situation hitting all of you.

"I assume he isn't taking it well?" You asked, placing your weapon down for the moment. Your father's eyes glanced over to you but soon turned to look anywhere else. His silence was answer enough.

"He goes to bury him" he spoke as he walked towards the candles, snuffing a few of them out.

"Do you think he's going to need any help?" you proposed as you stood, moving to put away the tools you had been using. Your question sounded simple enough, though the implications were that the boy might need company right now.

"No. That is not necessary." he quickly stopped you. You gave a hum of acknowledgment in response, assuming that Atreus might have asked for space. You moved to put away your weapon beside his as well as before continuing with a few other miscellaneous tasks you needed done before bed.

Kratos soon sat in his bed. You had thought he meant to sleep but you were all too aware of the eyes that stared into you instead. If the lack of movement didn't give it away the heat of his eyes on your back always did.

"Something you need to say?" You asked, not turning to him as you spoke. There was a long silence before you heard another grumble and he finally turned to head to sleep. It was then that you realized you weren't that tired. In fact you could hardly think of sleeping right now. No. No, you couldn't sleep. 

"You worried about the boy?" Mimir spoke. You wondered why he would think that for a moment before you looked to realize your hands had been shaking. You quickly steadied them with a deep breath, soon occupying yourself with a knife and a small piece of wood by the minimal amount of candlelight. You began to carve at it.

"No. He can handle himself fine" you answered, still never looking at him. 

"Then what's gone and got ya so on edge?" He asked with his unending curiousness. You gave him a few seconds of silence in response before finding something to tell him

"...nothing in particular" you answered, though it was clear that you were all but honest. Even worse was Mimir’s ability to sniff out a lie faster than a boar looking for a truffle.

"Y'know you can talk ta me. My lips're sealed even ta Kratos if need be" he pushed a little bit, his words finally catching your eyes. You once again mauled over your words for a moment before finally speaking what was on your mind. If for no other reason than to shut him up.

"It's-...It's really not that big of a deal or anything I just-" you got lost in your words for a moment before stopping. You took only a few seconds to pull them together again.

"I don't think I can do this for much longer" you admitted. Mimir remained silent, but his face told you to keep going. So, having already opened the floodgates, you continued.

"There's just so much...death here. Everywhere I look in this place all I see is death. The forest is so quiet now, everything's quiet. There's no life here anymore" you finally admitted. Mimir looked rather taken aback by your words. It wasn't often you let the words of your mind slip out, let alone speak them so plainly. He didn't take long to recover though, quickly pushing past the surprise.

"Well I uh…I can't say I disagree with ya" he gave a reply and, though he meant well, his words did very little to calm you. 

You knew that whatever similarity he might have felt wasn't the same. He couldn't have known the significance of these walls or how each familiar smell sent daggers through you day in and day out. He couldn't have known how strange it was for you to return here without remembering everything about her. He couldn't have known how much all of this hurt. 

So you remained silent, hoping to avoid another slip of the tongue around someone your father confided in. The last thing you needed was to give him another chore to deal with. Atreus was enough.

You went back to whittling down the small piece of wood in hopes that it would take your attention away from everything. 

It rarely ever did.

-

Hours passed quickly and as they did you began to wonder what was taking Atreus so long. Slowly you began to grow more and more concerned, especially as it only continued to get darker. You left the cabin briefly to see if he had decided to be somewhere else for the moment, but when he wasn't anywhere around a deep dread began to build. Returning to your home you quietly spoke to Mimir.

"He isn't anywhere around. I saw footprints leading out to where he buried Fenrir, but there's no sign of him after" you explained, clear confusion and worry written on your features. 

"Well it's best we go look for the boy. Couldn't have gone too far" he suggested, to which you gave a nod in return. Your eyes quickly fell onto the sleeping body of Kratos though, a hesitation passing for a moment too swift for even Mimir to notice before you spoke again.

"We should wake him" The words left even with them being entirely rhetorical, your feet already approaching him before Mimir could say a word.

Your movement paused a good distance away before you called.

"Kratos" your voice carried just a bit louder than normal. He shifted a moment but remained still.

"Kratos!" You yelled a little louder, causing even more of a stir. Yet, to your dismay, he remained asleep.

"BROTHER!" Mimir yelled with all he had in him which caused Kratos, as you had expected, to jump awake screaming as he called his ax to him. His eyes were already fully awake as they searched for the closest sign of danger. With heavy breaths the amber color quickly landed on you, his face wrapped in confusion as he was clearly distraught. You quickly looked over his state as it was all but rare for him to have nightmares. That's why you had kept your distance after all. You only needed to learn the hard way once.

"Atreus hasn't returned. He's been gone for much longer than needed and he isn't near" you quickly explained as you watched him move from whatever had been troubling him before into what he needed to do now. With a couple more ragged breaths he stood. Quickly walking passed you he grabbed Mimir and headed out the door. You grabbed your ax and followed without hesitation.

"The footprints lead down to the Frozen river. I got a little bit further before they stopped" you explained. He nodded along, showing he was listening. A few steps later he came to a sudden stop before turning to you.

"Stay. In case he returns" he asked, or more so demanded of you, before walking away.

And for that moment, that small enclosed space in time, a deep hurt exploded within you. And you almost denied the reasonable request like a child who didn't want to complete a chore. You almost reached out to him; a plea to follow on the tip of your tongue.

But you caught yourself just as quickly, nothing more than the slight raise of your open hand showing that moment of pure reaction to being told to stay. You swallowed your plea and, with nothing more than a nod, returned to the cabin. 

You waited a long while in silence. A silence that burned in this place you saw only great loss in. This place was no home to you, no. It felt as if each day things grew worse. But nothing, nothing, hurt worse than the severe isolation that grew. Because each day you looked on as your brother and father grew so close. Each day you watched as Mimir and him grew to be friends. And each day you were reminded of how he could barely look at you.

How proud he seemed of his youngest child. No matter how many arguments or how tense the frustration made their conversations, you could see it every time he looked at him. That glint of something special, that shine of warmth you'd never seen on him besides when he'd look at Faye. It was the look you remembered only ever receiving from her. And now you watched from a distance as he did the same for Atreus, but could hardly say more than a few words to you. 

You felt alone, your only semblance of care found in the boy who was far too focused on his future and father to pay you much mind. And even then that care grew not from a strong root, but from a similar frustration found in the ways of your father. You two hardly ever talked of anything else.

Time passed as you once again found a knife in your palm and wood in your hands. You carved away, the wood slowly coming into the shape of a bird. A crow to be exact. You had seen more of them around recently hiding in tall branches. You had wondered when you saw them if perhaps they saw the four of you and believed you would all be dead soon. You almost laughed at the time the thought had arrived in your mind, knowing your family to be persistent enough to outlast death itself. You weren't sure if that thought comforted you anymore though. 

After a time you could hardly think to keep track of, the voices arose again, gaining your attention immediately. They were through the door before you even stood.

"As evenings go, that was entirely too eventful. Though I admit it was a bit like old times there. For a moment" the sound of Mimir's voice carried in the cabin. Kratos walked in before setting him down on the table with Atreus followed in quickly after, relieving you immediately.

"Care to tell me about it?" You asked, your eyes shifting to the head once more with a short glance to the other two who moved to get situated for the night. Mimir hesitated a moment before speaking again.

"It's a bit of a story. Might be better ta explain it in the morning" he answered. You nodded as you quickly noticed the hastiness of the two to get to bed. You quieted yourself, allowing for them to do so without any further disruption. A bit of small conversation followed between Atreus and Mimir but you had largely zoned out by then. You were instead more focused on that bird you were making. Anything to occupy your mind. 

A few moments passed and quiet began to slowly fall. Atreus and Kratos wasted no time in getting to sleep. It was just before it got too quiet to speak when you heard Mimir once more.

"Still not tired?" Mimir asked, gaining your eyes for a moment. His expression was hidden from the other two by the slight wall, but sitting just across the room from him allowed you to see it just fine. His eyes shined with worry, the intention of his words clear. Just as quickly as you met his eyes did you turn back to the wood in your hands.

"No..." You answered back as you miscalculated a movement, ever so slightly slicing your hand. However it was enough for you to quietly wince, pulling the knife away. A small drip of crimson fell from the tiny wound as an overwhelming and burning sense of irritation overtook you. It was hardly noticeable from any onlooker, but you were nearly about to explode with built-up frustration.

With a quiet huff you stood, placing the knife down on a nearby table as you went to put on your boots and jacket.

"And where are you headin' off to?" Mimir asked, his words gaining the attention of Atreus who you saw just out of the corner of your eye as he perked up. You ignored his stare though, continuing to put on your winter clothes.

"To check on the wolves" you answered, though it was clear the moment the words left your lips that you were all but believable. Thankfully Mimir wasn't about to ask you twice. Atreus on the other hand-

"It's storming out there though" he called in a semi-loud whisper that let you know your father must already be asleep.

"Which is why I'm going to check on the wolves" you reiterated, your tone a slight bit harsher this time. He quickly backed off after that. You grabbed your bow and ax, placing them on yourself just in case.

And into the bitter cold you went.

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