#the final version for the cover will include han and chewie but for now we just have the hand and the heart

[emilianadarling]

Imperial High Prince Skywalker and Darth Amidala

Another early draft of cover art that caro and I have been working on since we finished posting ‘warrior’. <3 These two are only one part of the final cover, so I wanted to share a higher-quality version.

(Sidenote: I’m absolutely in love with the way Phil Noto draws these two. For reference, here are links to both originals.) 

[toaarcan]

One ship exposes everything wrong with TRoS

Heaven help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Alright, so, I enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker when I watched it. I actually watched it twice, once on my own when I rushed to see it as soon as possible in order to beat spoilers, and once with my family, in what was a semi-annual new year tradition for us during those four years that a Star Wars film released.

But that doesn’t mean it was good. I enjoyed Transformers: Dark of the Moon the first time I watched it, and that movie’s still a steaming pile of shit. I was admittedly fifteen when I saw DotM, but still. 

My point is that I’m fully capable of enjoying crappy films.

But there’s one thing, one thing about TRoS that exemplifies so many of the problems with TRoS as a whole, if not everything (And by that I mean with TRoS specifically, the woeful treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran is a Whole Trilogy Problem). And it’s a ship. Specifically this ship.

The Resistance Y-Wing. I hate this ship with the fiery passion of an exploding star, and to talk about why, we need to first go back to The Last Jedi and its conspicuous lack of Y-Wings.

One of the things that I disliked most about the Sequels before TRoS put all the other problems into stark light was the lack of new ships. Instead of new vehicles, we got shinier, sleeker versions of the ships from the original trilogy. And I disliked this because it’s the opposite of what the Prequels did.

Episodes I-III don’t feature more primitive versions of the X-Wing and TIE Fighter, but instead have similar vehicles that evoke the classics while still having an identity of their own.

The ARC-170 looks kinda like an X-Wing, but it’s bigger and has more weapons and crew, and you get why the well-funded Republic can afford things like this while the scrappy Rebels can’t.

The Eta-2 is a predecessor to the TIE Fighter, but it being employed exclusively by Jedi makes a lot of sense, of course a precognitive wizard with superhuman reflexes can do well in a light, unshielded ship, while in the hands of the Empire’s military they’re just expendable swarm fighters.

But then in the Sequels, rather than evolve the ships into new forms, they just made new incarnations of the X-Wing, TIE Fighter, A-Wing, TIE Interceptor, B-Wing, and of course the Y-Wing.

Well, except for one movie: The Last Jedi.

At the outset of the film, we’re introduced to this ship.

This is the MG-100 StarFortress, AKA “That ship all the Star Wars Youtubers hate”. It’s designed to be a much heavier and bulkier version of the B-Wing Starfighter, and is even made by the same people.

From questions about how the bombs “fall” toward the Dreadnought (The answer is magnets) to claims that they’re completely useless because most of the ones in the film died so easily, these things have been put through the wringer by the fandom, and honestly they don’t deserve it? What destroyed the StarFortresses in the film wasn’t their own weaknesses, but them being deployed in too tight a formation. It was a tactical fuckup, not a problem with the ship’s design.

And given that the whole point of the battle over D’Qar is that Poe makes a tactical fuckup to kickstart his development into the new leader of the Resistance as a whole, adding another layer makes sense to me.

But we live in a post-CinemaSins world of media consumption, where every plot-point that isn’t spelled out with a flowchart and an audio commentary by the writers is actually a plothole. 

We also live in an era where Star Wars fans pine for the days of the Legends canon where everything about new ships, species, and worlds was explained in background lore and books, and are angry that the new Canon is... doing exactly the same thing?

Seriously, how much exposition and lore dumping is actually present in any of the Star Wars films? Not a whole lot. And that applies to all three eras. 

So the StarFortress’ appearance in the film and the lack of Y-Wings led to a bevy of armchair writers demanding to know why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings and why they were using those “Resistance Bombers” that are just ‘terrible’.

Answer? Because the Y-Wings sucked shit.

Seriously, go back to the Original Trilogy and try to keep track of the Y-Wings, and see what they actually do, and you’ll find that what they do is “Explode, mostly.”

We’re first introduced to the Y-Wings in A New Hope, and they’re supposed to be the ones performing the Trench Run while the X-Wings cover them, and to their credit, they try.

And then they all get blown up by Vader and his wingmen before they can even take a shot at the exhaust port. Well, except that one that appears with the rebel ships flying away from the Death Star.

Where the fuck were you when the X-Wings were doing the attack run?

The Y-Wings got absolutely wrecked.

Ancillary media would go on to explain that the Y-Wings were beat-up old vehicles that were no longer fit for purpose, but the Rebels had to use them anyway because they had basically no money. They’d stripped down the ships and removed a bunch of their more costly features just to make them viable, and the results of that were pretty clear.

Of course, the Y-Wings were still present in the later films. They don’t do anything in The Empire Strikes Back, but they play a role in Return of the Jedi.

Naturally, that role is mostly “Get blown up while the other ships do the important stuff”.

Despite supposedly being a fighter-bomber that was designed to do significant damage to capital ships, does the Y-Wing play a role in the destruction of the Executor? Does it fuck. Destroying the Imperial flagship’s deflector shields and the subsequent suicidal ram attack on the bridge are tasks that are both performed by the goddamn A-Wings. Y’know, the light interceptors?

The Y-Wings get shown up at their own job by the ships that are there to protect them from TIE Fighters.

Ancillary media again explains why they’re still there. While the Rebels have a newer, better fighter-bomber in the B-Wing, the B-Wing is expensive as fuck and also really difficult to fly. 

A non-centreline cockpit that rotates will do that to a ship.

Still, the B-Wing was a better bomber than the Y-Wing ever was (And the StarFortress was better than them both at that role).

All this adds up to a simple fact: There were very good reasons why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings. And there were even reasonable reasons to choose the StarFortress compared to the B-Wing itself, given that the Resistance are still undermanned and under-funded, especially with the New Republic getting nuked midway through The Force Awakens. It being easier to fly and having more armaments would have made it a viable choice for the Resistance.

Buuuut oops, people didn’t like the StarFortress and we can’t make the Internet angry at us again! Better put the Y-Wings back in for Episode IX, and show them destroying a Xyston-class Destroyer, that’ll make them happy!

And sure, okay, giving the Resistance a fighter/bomber is probably a good idea. And they already have New X-Wings and New A-Wings, so where’s the harm in a New Y-Wing?

Alright, alright, sure. But why the fuck does it look like this?

If this is a new ship, why is it already stripped-down like the ones in the Original Trilogy? Why doesn’t it look like the actual brand-new Y-Wings we saw in The Clone Wars? 

Now that’s more like it. Still visibly a Y-Wing, but with more of an identity of its own. 

Seriously, “Literally the same ship but without its armour pulled off” has more of a unique identity than the crowd-pleasing New Y-Wing.

And that, in and of itself, is the essence of The Rise of Skywalker.

It’s blind, empty fanservice, rushing to include as much nostalgia-pandering as possible to try and get the fanbase back on-side after The Last Jedi didn’t do what the fanboys wanted it to do.

This is a whole near- three hour movie whose only message is “Yes, Youtubers making TFA critiques longer than an entire season of TCW, we hear you, we’ll make it for you, please love us!”

And, almost entirely predictably, it was shite.

It was riddled with plotholes and none of the scenes had any time to breathe because the movie was too desperately trying to rush itself to the next crowd-pleasing scene in a desperate attempt to wank off as many disgruntled fanboys as it possibly could.

Luke with his green saber! Jedi Leia! Chewie gets a medal! Lando! Luke raises his X-Wing out of the water! The main villain is a testicle in a bathrobe again! Snork origin! Original-flavour Star Destroyers! Rose doesn’t exist! Rey had a super-special secret magical bloodline the whole time and Luke and Leia totally knew even though Luke has literally no idea who she is in Episode VIII! Luke actually was just afraid of the bad guys in Episode VII, none of that self-imposed exile for his own mistakes nonsense! Y-Wings.

I mean fuck. Disagree with Luke’s portrayal in TLJ all you like, I certainly have my issues with it, but I lay those at the feet of JJ for making Luke’s absence into one of his fucking Mystery Boxes, and then deciding that, even though last time Luke sensed Leia and Han might be in danger, he abandoned his Jedi training, hopped in an X-Wing, and flew halfway across the galaxy to try and save them, he wouldn’t do shit when the First Order pointed a star-powered System-Killer 9000 at Leia, and Han got himself killed trying to redeem Kyle Ron. Like how in fuck was Rian supposed to explain Luke’s inaction in VII?

But regardless of the problems with that Luke portrayal, at least Mark Hamill gave it his all. Hell, it might be his best performance in the Star Wars franchise!

 In TRoS, he shows up in a bad wig, waves a middle finger at TLJ, and ascends to his final form as a Lightsaber Delivery Boy, because apparently all you need to kill a Sith who literally clawed his way back from death is two lightsabers. Haunting Kyle Ron? Nope. Providing guidance as a ghost? Not really.

And y’know what the kicker is? It didn’t fucking work. Lucasfilm and Disney fucking gutted this trilogy, sliced out the integrity, surgically removed the soul of Episode IX in a desperate effort to make the Internet’s most unpleasable fanbase happy, and it didn’t work. They still hate it! Now they just concoct hour-long videos about how much they would’ve preferred to have the Trevorrow script (Which is admittedly much better, albeit still with it’s far share of giant flaws), which was probably thrown out because it wasn’t fanservicey enough!

The Rise of Skywalker is an awful film. It’s a loose collection of nostalgia-baiting moments, roughly stapled together around the skeleton of a plot that was never properly developed. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie, but, and I say this with full offense, the Victor Frankenstein in this tragic story isn’t Lucasfilm or Disney or Kathleen Kennedy or Rian Johnson, or even JJ Abrams. It’s you, Star Wars Fandom. It is your monster. 

[yessoupy]

the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?” 

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it. 

[son-of-alderaan]

All the Glorious New Star Wars: The Last Jedi Toys Revealed for Force Friday II

There has been an awakening, Star Wars fans—one that threatens the structural integrity of your wallet far more than it does the galaxy far, far away. That’s right: it’s Force Friday II, meaning that from 12:01 am tonight, September 1, the very first toys from The Last Jedi are going on sale. Get a look at everything we know will be available—and we’ll be adding more all day.

3.75-Inch Action Figures

Star Wars and 3.75-inch action figures have gone together like peanut butter and jelly since the very first movie 40 years ago, and The Last Jedi is no exception. The first wave of figures from Hasbro ($8 each) have five points of articulation, and features major heroes and villains from the new film, including Rey, Luke Skywalker, Finn, Poe Dameron, newcomer Rose, Kylo Ren, General Hux, and many more.

Two deluxe two-packs ($15 each) will also be available: One based on the new movie featuring Rey and an Elite Praetorian Guard, and another based on The Empire Strikes Back including Han Solo and Boba Fett, the latter of which you can see above.

Black Series Action Figures

If you’re looking for something a little fancier, the 6-inch Black Series figures ($20) will also feature new characters from The Last Jedi: Specifically Rey, Luke, and Kylo Ren.

Joining the trio is a New Hope Storm Trooper, Darth Vader, a realistic version of Hera from Star Wars Rebels, and Grand Admiral Thrawn.

If that wasn’t enough, Toys R Us will have an exclusive 6" two-pack of Admiral Ackbar and a First Order officer ($40) to duke it out too. You can head on over to THR to see more pictures, but you can see even more new Black Series figures—including Snoke, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and a ton of the new Praetorian Guards—exclusively on io9 here.

Ships, Vehicles and Creatures

Joining the 3.75-inch figures is an accompanying line of speeders and spaceships from the new movie as well, each coming with its own special figure. Kylo Ren comes in his sinister new ship the TIE Silencer (lower-left, $50), Poe Dameron pilots one of the speeders seen on the planet Crait in the first teaser trailer (lower-right, $40), a Resistance A-Wing comes with its own pilot, a young woman named Tallie (top-left, $30), and finally a Canto Bight police officer gets his own police speeder (top-right, and also $30).

If the weird droids and creatures of Star Wars are more up your street, there’s also a deluxe range of 3.7-inch two packs including plus-sized extra characters. Two will be available—one based on Empire Strikes Back, featuring Darth Vader and a Probe Droid, and another based on The Force Awakens, including Guavian Death Gang leader Bala-Tik and a Rathtar ($20 each).

If you want something a little fancier, there’s also two new Black Series scaled vehicles ($60 each), although neither are for The Last Jedi. From A New Hope, there’s farmboy Luke with his Landspeeder, and from The Force Awakens, Rey comes with her own speeder.

Force Link Wristband

The big gimmick of Hasbro’s 3.75-inch line this year is the Force Link—remember when the Phantom Menace figures came with those little chips you put in a communicator toy to play sounds and lines from the movies? The Force Link is like that, but it instead gets activated by RFID chips secretly planted inside each figure, playset, and vehicle, sensing whichever one you’re holding to play a thematically-appropriate sound or voice line from the movie, whether it’s Kylo Ren threatening you or an A-Wing swooshing around firing its lasers. The $25 starter set comes with the band itself to wear on your wrist and a Kylo Ren action figure to test it out with. 

BB-8 Mega Playset

You’ve brought your 3.75-inch action figures, now you need a playset to put them all in—and this humongous, $180 set ($200 for a version that comes with the Force Link wristband, too) is perfect for doing so. On the outside, it’s shaped like a giant BB-8. But then, you crack BB-8 open to transform it into a massive Star Destroyer playset, featuring multiple levels and three Force Link areas to play sounds and dialogue. On top of all that, it comes with two exclusive 3.75-inch action figures, Supreme Leader Snoke and an Elite Praetorian Guard.

If those prices are a bit too rich for you though, little ones can also get a BB-8 playset as part of the Playskool “Galactic Heroes” line ($80). This set, also shaped like BB-8 when closed up, opens up to reveal an adventure base for included Rey and BB-8 figures to mess around with, with everything from a jail cell to projectile launchers.

Lego

If “some assembly required” just isn’t enough assembly for you, Lego’s introducing models for vehicles making their first appearance in Star Wars: The Last Jedi including a Resistance Transport Pod (294 pieces, $30), a First Order Heavy Scout Walker (554 pieces, $50), Kylo Ren’s TIE Silencer (630 pieces, $80), Resistance Bomber (780 pieces, $110), a First Order Assault Walker (1,376 pieces, $150), and a First Order Star Destroyer (1,416 pieces, $160). Lego’s also got four new buildable figures available on store shelves tomorrow morning: an Elite TIE Fighter Pilot (94 pieces, $20), Rey (85 pieces, $25), an Elite Praetorian Guard (92 pieces, $25), and a surprisingly great-looking Chewbacca (179 pieces, $35).

The best addition to Lego’s The Last Jedi lineup, however, is the 1,106-piece, $100 BB-8 which features a rotating head that can be controlled using the circular accent on one side of the droid, and a hatch that opens in the front to reveal an extending and retracting welding torch. [Lego]

Disney Elite Series Die Cast Figures

The Disney Store-exclusive line of metallic, poseable 6" action figures is making a return for The Last Jedi, giving us new figures for Luke, Rey, R2, Kylo Ren, and the Praetorian Guard. Interestingly, there’s also one extra new character: a First Order Executioner, who carries one of those nasty spiked axes we saw in a recent behind-the-scenes reel from the movie.

Interatech Kylo Ren

This 12-inch figure of Kylo ($30) has 65 light and sound effects that activate based on how you play with him. Wave him around to hear him swing his lightsaber around, or put his helmet on to hear him threaten you in a muffled voice, or even hold him upside down to have him admonish you—it’s like having a whiny Sith lord of your very own!

Funko Pop! Vinyls and Plushes

You thought Funko would miss out on the new Star Wars movie? Think again! A full line of cutesy bobbleheads ($12 each) will be available, covering every character you can think of—Rey, Luke, Leia, Snoke, Poe, Finn, Rose, Chewie, and so much more. Also available will be a line of plush toys ($10 each) featuring Rey, Porgs, new little evil BB droid BB-9E, and more. [Funko]

Sphero Robots

Everyone needs an arch nemesis; Luke had Darth Vader, Rey has Kylo Ren, and now BB-8 has the First Order’s rolling BB-9E droid. Looking very similar to BB-8 and Sphero’s RC version from a few years ago, BB-E9 rolls around a room controlled by a touchscreen smartphone app. Aside from a menacing dark color scheme, Sphero’s $150 BB-9E improves upon its BB-8 with functional LED lights in its dome powered by a tiny wireless induction coil so the head doesn’t need to be charged separately. Sphero also introduced a miniature $180 RC version of R2-D2. For more details on this amazing toy, definitely check out our full hands-on review of it here. [Sphero]

Porgs, Glorious Porgs

Just like BB-8 was the cute little thing to watch out for in the Force Awakens toys, the Porgs—adorable little furby-esque creatures native to Ahch-To, the planet Luke is hiding on—are the toy to look out for this year. You can get a Funko Pop version ($12), sure, but if you want something even bigger, Hasbro has a full on electronic version of the delightful critter. The $40 plush squawks, flaps its arms up and down, and can even scurry forward, waddling all the way.

If you want something a bit more on the cuddlier side of the force though, Northwest has an adorable plush pillow Porg that comes with its own throw to snuggle up in—or you could just get a throw that has Porgs andChewbacca on!

Roleplaying Toys

Do you walk out of the theater after a Star Wars movie feeling like you could take on the First Order all by yourself? Best get the right equipment. Nerf’s got a trio of new weapons including the Glowstrike Poe Dameron blaster ($25), the Glowstrike Captain Phasma blaster ($45), and the Glowstrike First Order Stormtrooper blaster. Each contain battery-powered lighting and glow-in-the-dark darts meant to look like phaser blasts.

If a more elegant weapon is your preference, there’s a new Bladebuilders Path of the Force lightsaber ($50), allowing you to align with the Light or Dark sides of the Force, and the Kylo Ren Deluxe Lightsaber ($70) which features sound and pulsating blade effects inspired by the movie. And if you want to hide your identity in battle, the First Order Stormtrooper Voice Changer Mask ($35) will disguise both your face and voice.

If accurate cosplay is more your thing, the Black Series Poe Dameron Electronic Helmet ($80) boasts movie-accurate details on the outside, with surround sound speakers inside to simulate flying an X-wing into battle against a TIE Fighter, including BB-8 on board as your co-pilot and second set of eyes.

Jakks Pacific Big-Figs

When a four-inch tall action figure costs you somewhere between $8 to $10, there’s a strong case to be made for Jakks Pacific’s $20 Big-Figs, which tower in comparison at 18 to 20-inches tall. You’re getting five times the figure for just twice the cost, and while articulation is limited to around seven points, the detailing on these over-sized figures is fantastic, including real fabric capes and costumes. [Jakks Pacific]

Hot Wheels

Maybe you prefer to collect tiny versions of your favorite characters morphed into four-wheeled vehicles? Then you’ll probably be happy to hear that Hot Wheels is expanding its $4 character cars line to add The Last Jedi vehicles including Jedi training Rey, Elite Praetorian Guard, BB-9E, Finn, a First Order Executioner, and new version of Captain Phasma. Hot Wheels is also introducing new $5 Starships based on the movie’s new vehicles including Kylo Ren’s TIE Silencer, the First Order Heavy Assault Walker, a Resistance Bomber, a Crait Speeder, and the return of the Resistance A-Wing fighter.

Hot Wheels has also turned the upgraded Millennium Falcon into a $40 Character Cars trackset where kids can try to repair the freighter while launching vehicles from the ship’s secret smuggling bay. We’re going to assume this isn’t exactly how this scene plays out in The Last Jedi, unless Luke Skywalker has become an enthusiastic tuner during his exile.

Spinmaster Star Wars Hero Droid BB-8

After a couple of false starts, Spin Master’s Hero Droid BB-8, first announced at Toy Fair 2016, is finally available for anyone who thought Sphero’s rolling BB-8 toy was just too tiny. At 16-inches tall, this version of BB-8 features working lights, built-in sound effects, and an impressive top speed. It can be controlled using voice commands, or an included remote that allows the droid to also autonomously follow whoever is holding the controller. So it’s no surprise it will set you back $230. [Spin Master]

littleBits Droid Inventor Kit

Envious of Anakin Skywalker’s ability to just throw a droid together in his spare time? littleBits new $100 Droid Inventor Kit won’t have you building another C-3PO, but using six electronic components and a collection of 20 different droid parts, you can cobble together a robot companion that probably reminds you of a certain R2 unit. By using an accompanying smartphone app, the droid can be programmed to complete 16 different activities and missions, or just left to wander around your desk in its self-navigation mode. [littleBits] 

And that’s just going to be the tip of the iceberg when it comes to new toys and merchandise from the Star Wars galaxy—there’ll be much more on the way between September 1 and The Last Jedi’s release on December 15.

(x)

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I saw: 

Return of the Jedi- Not “Revenge” like the patch I got sent as a kid in my fan club renewal.

SPOILERS....because I don’t give a damn!

 Han gets rescued from Jabba with the help of the whole gang. Oddly when Luke gets captured he isn’t forced to wear a metal speedo and chains to be Jabba’s new dancing boy. Apparently only girls get lusted over and subjected to bondage by baddies, even if the baddies in question are a completely different and sexually incompatable species. Go figure. 

Then Luke pops in to see Yoda who claims he’s fully trained, though back in the day they would force little kids to leave their mamas in slavery while enduring many, many years of training. Maybe Yoda dies so he doesn’t have to deal with our wannabe jedi and the fall out from all the lies Luke’s been told. Sorry Ben, “A certain point of view” excuse doesn’t really apply here. You lied about Luke’s daddy and weren’t going to tell him who his sister was until he realized through the force. Or maybe it wasn’t the force but a wild guess based on saving face because the only girl he knows picked the cool guy in the hot rod over his whiny ass. Only know he has gone all Jedi, meaning he’s trying to act all cooler than though, emotionally detached and wearing back. His little act of “I’m a jedi now” is either adorably adolescent or creepy.

Anyway, the Empire has built themselves a new Death Star that is already nearly functional. Death Stars are just their thing now, though how you quickly bash together a new weapon the size of a moon with no one noticing the purchasing of material, transport of equipment, transfer of personal and the like I dunno. Maybe they were already starting a spare with the first one got broken. The team sent to a forest planet like moon to deactivate the equipment keeping the second Death Star from getting’s own race to go boom naturally is made up of Han, Leia, Luke, Chewie, C-3PO, R2D2 and some nameless extras.

On the moon things go a bit unexpectedly for them. Leia gets seperated and ends up with the teddy bear people. The fur balls must have mad sewing skills because by the time the boys get caught by the Ewoks she is wearing a dress fashioned to fit her  perfectly, despite the fact that she is a couple feet taller than them and they only wear hoods and little capelets. Of course it could be left over the last time they sacrificed some humanoid captives, like nearly happened to the boys until Threepio got over his aversion to claiming to be a god and Luke used the force to scare the little savages. Savages, right, the cliched primitives to help save the day thanks to the crappy lowest bidder gear the stormtroopers are kitted out with. 

Luke does take a moment to finally tell Leia that Vader is his father and she is his sister. The fact that this means Vader is HER father too, this guy that having killed the crew of the ship she traveled in subjected her personally to torture, then held her back while she watched her home world with most likely murdering the entire family she grew up with and possibly everyone she ever loved. You know, the guy that froze her boyfriend and tossed him to a bounty hunter. That guy. She should have some serious issues about this revelation! 

Look, Luke doesn’t have the same reason to know the evil of Vader personally. Vader did hack off Luke’s hand, but it was quicky in a fight and he got a nice cybernetic replacement. Luke doesn’t know his aunt and uncle were killed by Vader’s orders, but then he hardly mourned them. He seemed far more upset when Vader killed Ben, despite the fact that he barely knew Ben and Ben basically commited suicide deliberately letting kill him. Considering Ben has continued to pop in to have chats with him, I doubt he has too much of a rage at the dark one over it.

Does remind me though: We get proof the Leia is a really nice person because she comforts HIM on the Falcon when she’s the one that just watched the genocide of her people and might still be feeling the after effects of torture! I mean, geez Luke, why is all about YOU?

So yeah, it’s Luke that goes off on a crazy quest to save his daddy, claiming there is good in him. Considering I saw the lousy prequels I take issue with that! He might have had potential as a child, but by adulthood there wasn’t a damn thing likeable about the jerk! Now, of the two Skywalker kids he is the one that would be able to forgive Vader, what with being to ignorant and idealistic to face  reality. On the other hand, he has always been emotionally impulsive and proves an idiot because he lets the Emperor goad him into teetering on edge if giving into his dark side. I mean, the Emperor pretty much tells him “I’m trying to make you angry so you act stupidly and join our evil club. Because we are evil, in case you didn’t notice. Aw, come on, you know you wanna!” I really think Senator and Princess Leia, leader in the resistance before it even went public, might have been a lot less of a risk at giving into her dark side, even with her reason to hate Vader. Because she isn’t an idiot like Junior Jedi boy.

It all works out like you expect. Teddy bears smash imperial gear, so Lando, Wedge and company can turn Death Star II into a fireworks desplay that must have rained down debris on our little forested moon. Luke gets his daddy to finally have one moment of change of heart as his boy is tortured. So all is forgiven, all those horrible, cruel and impulsive deaths he inflicted don’t matter. Luke burns the armour, because armour is known for being so flammable, and Vader gets to be a ghost with a couple decades worth of face lift unlike the other force spirits hanging around who look about like they did when they died. Love triangle cured on account of suprise siblings, Leia and Han get to be a happy couple (well until the Force Awakens tells us it didn’t work our and they spawned an evil, temper tantrum throwing brat) There is rejoicing all around, including, in the SE version we are stuck with, the captial of the bloody Empire! Because we know they celebrated with fireworks  in Berlin and Japan at the end if WWII. “Yippie! We Lost!!” Whatever. It was all over, the good guys won and the trilogy mostly satisfactorily finished.

You know, back in the 90s a magazine called SciFi Universe had a cover story saying something like “50 Reasons we Hate Return of the Jedi...but love Star Wars” (I may not remember that right, it has been a LONG time!) It surprised me when I read it. I existed totally removed from fandoms and was oblivious to popular feelings. I had always considered this movie the weak link of the three, by a wide margin, but “hate”? Nah, I don’t hate it. In fact, I am kind of fond of the reviled  Ewoks. But yeah, I I do sort of shrug and fail to feel the slightest bit guilty mocking it. Still, even though I don’t rewatch it near as often as I do the two that precieded it, I do once in a while. That’s better than a certain other Star Wars triology! LOL