#the fact that this song (not even the og) reached number 13 on the modern rock chart is also silly

[sodafrog13]

hey pretty (drive-by 2001 mix) by poe is such a fundamentally silly song. literally johnny having a mental break down in kyrie's car in real time and she calls him pretty and thinks it's so hot she asks him to fuck her right then and there. unhinged behavior

[historymememachine]

For the historical meme: 3-8, 10, 11, 13, 15, 17, 18, 19

I’m so sorry it took me forever to respond to this!!!! i posted the historical ask game without considering that i’d actually have to pick one favorite historical figure. there are so many folks from history I find interesting. choosing is hard. but i will settle on the eccentric OG I make the most memes for, and that’s George Washington. He’s not exactly my favorite, but making memes for General G-Wash is what got me started with this entire blog. There are few historical figures I find as meme-able as George, simply because he’s the first president and an interesting character at that. Meme-able… Is that even a word? well it is now!

3. You bet I have nicknames for G. Washington. The OG, G-Wazz, G-Wash, George “I’m Too Old for This Shit” Washington, George “Why Isn’t the Continental Congress Sending Me Reinforcements” Washington, George “I Don’t Wanna Be President but this is Fine I Guess” Washington. When I was preparing for history quiz tournaments (big hobby of mine in high school because I was that much of a nerd), I used to remember most facts as abbreviations, and I’d tie a first name to a person, and that person to an event, and that event to its date of course, and that date to an era, and that era to whichever civilization/society it applied to, etc. Fun times, nothing beats going head to head with folks from other states who completely disagree with you about politics and you get to knock their egos down a peg for it. 

4. oh dang i have mixed feelings about most historical figures I have studied in depth, because the more you read about someone, the more you come to know their strengths and their flaws, etc. in terms of historical figures who really mean a lot to me when it comes to their personal resilience, here are a few: Joan of Arc, Van Gogh, Alan Turing, and Frida Kahlo. But back to General George “I’m Super Tall for my Time Period” Washington… One of his biggest strengths had to be his ability to stay calm under pressure. Valley Forge wasn’t easy. He also didn’t want to be the center of attention, unlike many of the delegates in the Continental Congress who sparred verbally with one another on the daily. He didn’t really want to be commander in chief of the army, and then he didn’t really want to be president. He seemed to be a bit of an adrenalin junkie who got a kick out of hearing gunfire and being in the middle of a gunfight (he talks about this in his first person accounts of his first command during the French and Indian War).

5. Favorite fact about a historical figure? I have a lot about Nikola Tesla when it comes to this question. namely the pigeon thing, which I think a lot of people know about. he believed he was in love with a pigeon, a white dove, the same way “a man loves a woman”. this was probably a misinterpretation of what he actually meant. either way it’s an amusing anecdote that should be in every history memer’s arsenal. One of my favorite facts about George Washington is that he was apparently super tall for the time period, around 6 feet 2 inches, which doesn’t sound unusual at all now, but apparently it was unusual back then. 

6. backtracking to #4, history is littered with many bad eggs, as we all know and which we should be more aware of. George Washington, though seen as a savior of the cause of colonial independence, would have extremely, extremely outdated political and societal views compared to those of us in the modern day, and likely would balk now at the sight of women wearing pants, etc. I can imagine if we were to have a debate about politics and society we’d just end up fighting because he’d say something like “women do not deserve to vote” and i’d say “shut up asshole” and he’d be like “you called me a… a what now?” and I’ll say something like “go suck a dick!” and he’d be like *gasp* “My word!” and probably either cover his face with a handkerchief in disgust or draw his cavalry saber to which i would be like “bitch, you think you’re the only one who knows how to fence?” to which he would reply “i am not a female dog! such insolence, you small scoundrel!”

8. My first impression of George Washington? Old man with a wig who my first grade elementary school teacher thinks is super important for some reason. Why do you scowl down from your poster, Oh George. Why? What hath my class done to deserve such judgement?

10. Favorite quotes? Hmm, not many by Old George, but many by Oscar Wilde, one of the sassiest fuckers who ever graced the chaotic writing world:“The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”“ Life is too important a thing to ever talk seriously about.”“ Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”“ The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”“ We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”“My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.” He died shortly after saying this one. 

11. My favorite portrayal of George Washington is Christopher Jackson’s in the Hamilton musical. And also all his songs are just so on point. 

13. If I met George Washington in person I would be like “is it true… is it true you smoke weed.”

15. If I could describe George Washington in a sentence, I would say…. “You’re a Disaster, but At Least You Made Us Not British”.

17. “Right Hand Man” and “History Has Its Eyes On You” from Hamilton.

18. What trait do I share with George Washington? Well, I’m related to him. I’m actually directly related to his mother, which makes him some kind of very, very distant uncle? I’m also related to Patrick Henry, the dude who said “Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death” before he was hanged. I’m also related to William Henry, a gunsmith who supplied rifles to the Continental Army. My dad was also named after one of the first dudes who died at the Battle of Lexington and Concord. It was pretty trippy actually visiting Lexington and Concord and seeing a memorial plaque with… my dad’s name on it.

19. Biggest difference between my personality and Old George’s? Wow I don’t know. People say he was quiet, introverted, and not very good at small talk. Big, tall, and a bit socially awkward around intellectuals with his middle school level education and limited reading and writing skills (no i’m serious, he didn’t receive the college level education that most of the Continental Congress delegates had the money to get). In fact, he took issue with the way the Continental Congressmen constantly debated amongst themselves without giving him solid instructions, or reaching common consensus, leaving him to improvise on a ton of things. There was no guarantee of reinforcements, so he had to change up his tactics accordingly. Espionage was a big part of his overall strategy and he had a spy ring that would give him intel on enemy troop movements regularly. I used to play a lot of Risk and and Stratego and Age of Empires, so clearly I can command an entire army of several thousand minimally trained ragtag minutemen who don’t get paid enough, or fed enough, or clothed well enough for long sieges, leading to high numbers of desertion during winter! I would know exactly what to do!