#the fact that people like my fic makes me so happy!!!

[zenkindoflove]

So for the last two weeks I've been really contemplating my writing goals for the year. Reevaluating what makes me happy and what is intrinsically motivating. Gonna ramble a bit under the read more. But the jist is I'll be taking a fanfiction hiatus.

After I finished Let the Light Linger - I sort of had a bit of a crisis and needed to have a come to Jesus moment.

I started writing fanfiction again in October of 2023 because I was really pulled into Elucien and missed writing. Needless to say, the last year and a half I went hard. Harder than I ever have before. I wrote almost 500k words of fanfic and it was all really fun and exhilarating.

About 6 months ago though, I think a shift happened.

My desire to write canon compliant Elucien has been waning. I've done a lot of it, and told their story multiple times. And what I've realized is that ultimately I'm a lot more motivated to write Eris and Alexius or explore little weird AUs for Elucien instead like I did with Carrion Flowers.

And what that made me realize is that I'm not really interested so much in writing fanfic anymore. But rather - I'm more interested in writing original fiction (or Amanda universe fic lol). I think I keep setting up these new ideas and new WIPs distracting me because I've been nervous about going in that direction.

The fact that I want to live in my own world more - with my own OCs or my own heavily altered versions of minor characters like Eris - is really evidence that what I'm doing is not really writing fanfic anymore. But instead trying to fit my own original ideas into the fanfic medium because it's where I'm comfortable.

I think the biggest evidence was toggling between Let the Light Linger and Shackled. Shackled is doing really well in terms of popularity. Which I'm very grateful for. But I kept finding myself wanting to rush through writing chapters so I can write Let the Light Linger instead - which comparatively speaking is not popular at all. It's on par for how my Erixius fics tend to do but the audience for Eris x Male OC is small. And part of me was becoming a little resentful because I wanted my Eris x OC stuff to be as loved because I know it's excellent work.

And then I realized - you dummy. Of course people want to read your Elucien fic more. That is what an ACOTAR fanbase wants. It's what we are all here for. To explore the possibilities of the canon characters we already like. Which is something I had always known and rationalized and made peace with. But suddenly my emotions weren't fitting what I already knew. And I think that was the final push I needed to know that I am ready to write original work now.

It's time to follow what really is driving me instead of what I assume is expected of me. So, for now, my fanfic Shackled will be on hiatus. I might update it now and again if I'm feeling particularly motivated, but I really want to focus more of my time working on an original book. And probably what I'll do is take a lot of the hard work creating OCs that I've done in my Erixius fics and adapt them to this new world. Alexius especially deserves to live in his own space now. And my Eris is really an amalgamation of other characters that I've loved before that are like him. So needless to say, who I create for Alexius is going to be very similar 😂. Alexius needs a grumpy guy to his sunshine.

I certainly won't be leaving the fandom because I need this ding dong Elucien book. And I'll still be reading fanfic and replying to anyone who does go and read my works and leaves comments. And you might get surprise chapter updates or oneshots from me if I'm feeling any of that motivation. But regular updates won't be happening anymore.

[imjustasimpxd]

Something Old, Something New

(Chapter Two)

➬ Ken Sato x Fem reader

Summary : At first glance, Ken Sato seemed to have it all. With money, fame, and success surrounding his name, there was nothing he couldn’t get his hands on. They say money can buy happiness. That may be true to an extent, however, can money buy forgiveness? Unfortunately for Ken, no amount of money and influence can turn back time and change the past. No amount of bribery can erase the fact that he had chosen to abandon his wife in favor of pursuing his baseball career. That awful decision he made took place five years ago, when he was just starting out as a professional athlete. But now that he’s matured and had time to reflect on his actions, can he hope for a chance to rekindle his marriage? Or should he accept defeat and live with the consequences of letting the only woman he’s ever truly loved slip away from him?

Word count : 4k words

Warnings : nothing really in this chapter, mentions of abandonment and neglect, mentions of regret, angst

Author’s notes : comments and reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on

Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.

Side Note : This fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.

Please read first!

Hi guys, so, I started a bookstagram! I know a lot of you have expressed a love for my writing on Tumblr, so, to further support me, I would appreciate it if you guys could support my bookstagram too! I am thankful for every one of you and I'm grateful to have such sweet people like you guys who support me through my writing.

Here's the link to my bookstagram :)

Now, please enjoy the new chapter! Love you guys! <3

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Kenji glanced upwards, watching his father walk into the bedroom; his movements a bit wobbly as he gripped his cane, shifting his weight on it with every step. “No, it’s okay Dad.” Kenji smiled and shook his head, his eyes turning back towards the suitcase he was piling clothes into. “I appreciate the offer but,” He paused, letting out a sigh as he folded another clean shirt and placed it inside his luggage. “This is something I have to do on my own.” 

Letting out a silent huff of effort, Kenji’s father made his way to his son’s side, his eyes narrowing in an analytical gaze at the contents of the suitcase. The old man stayed quiet for a moment, letting out a soft hum, as if to show an outward display of the wheels turning inside his head. A playful smirk strung across Kenji’s lips after seeing his father’s expression, knowing exactly what he was doing. Even in his old age, the man never seemed to grow out of his perfectionistic habits, always looking for opportunities to improve what was in front of him; even if it was just something as simple as helping pack his son’s suitcase. 

“What? Did I forget something?” Kenji asked, his tone playful as he observed his father’s contrasting gaze.

“You need one of your suits.” The old man spoke, as if the statement was obvious. He then turned away, limping over towards Kenji’s closet, entering the luxurious space and scanning its perimeter with an inquisitive stare. 

“You think so?” Kenji spoke up, following behind his father curiously. “I mean, I’m only going to be staying a few days or so. At least, that’s only if she doesn’t call the police the moment she sees me.” He let out a quiet laugh, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, as if the thought of you doing that didn’t make his stomach turn with nausea. The scenario itself was a bit of an exaggeration, he didn’t actually think you’d resort to calling the cops on him. That wasn’t like you. But still, even if you didn’t send for reinforcements, you were bound to be displeased with him; or even outright angry. And in all honesty, he couldn’t exactly blame you for that if you did happen to react with bitterness upon seeing him again. He had been a sorry excuse for a husband after all, so your anger would be justified. 

“It doesn’t matter how long you’re staying. You need to look your best if you want to win her back.” His father argued, his fingers caressing past the designer suits hung on the closet rack, shuffling by each one to find something suitable for his son to wear. 

“Win her back?” Kenji let out a dry laugh, a little shocked by his father’s confidence in the success of that likelihood. “I don’t know about that, Dad. What makes you so sure she’d even want me back?” 

The old man looked up, his eyes narrowing at his son with confusion; not appreciating the negative self-talk he was hearing. “Why wouldn’t she want you back?” 

Kenji crossed his arms and shifted his weight, his shoulder leaning against the doorway of the walk-in closet, letting an apprehensive laugh escape his lips. “I don’t know, maybe because I practically ditched her in favor of my baseball career.” His tone was diffident as he spoke, clearly stemming from a lack of self-confidence on the subject. “I mean, I don’t think most women want to feel like a single woman in their own marriage.” He spoke with a smile, shrugging his shoulders as he tried to laugh it off.

It was a force of habit for Kenji to downplay things; pretending not to care and masking his insecurities behind that veil of charisma he often resorted to. After all the years he spent bottling things up for interviews and fan events, it was basically second nature for him now. It was his retreat, a desperate attempt at control. An effort to save face and convince others that he wasn’t hurting, as if his heart wasn’t twisting with guilt and anxiety. He had a reputation to uphold as a legend, not some frail human being. 

But his father wasn’t convinced. He knew him better than that. And no amount of humor could reassure a worried parent. 

“But she won’t feel like that, not anymore.” The old man spoke, shifting his weight on that cane once again so he could slowly make his way back over towards his son who stood in the doorway. “You’ve changed, Kenji. Don’t discredit yourself and the progress you’ve made by pretending you’re the same man you were five years ago.” He spoke with such conviction, such confidence in his son’s transformation and maturity; much more than Kenji himself could ever claim to have. “You’ve worked hard to get where you are now, and I have no doubt she’ll recognize that. Even if it may take a little while.” He lifted his hand to give his son a soft pat on the back, his thumb gently digging into Kenji’s shoulder. His grip was strong despite his old age, and his gaze was a mix between affection and seriousness. 

The warm smile on his father’s face was a touching sight, a reminder of the diligent effort they’ve both put in over the last few years to improve their broken relationship. In the past, Kenji never noticed anything more than guilt and shame whenever his father looked at him, but now his gaze was tender and encouraging. A testament to the healthy relationship they now maintained as father and son. 

Having such natural and pleasant interactions with his father was not something that Kenji had previously thought possible, but it was his new normal now; and had been for the past five years. It didn’t happen overnight of course, there was a lot of resentment and grudges to work through first, but, they got there in the end, didn’t they? After so many years of missed calls and absences from holiday gatherings, Kenji and his father finally achieved the wholesome bond they’d always strived for. 

Foolish or not, that reality gave Kenji some hope towards his pursuit to win back his ex-wife. She may hate him at first, she may refuse to forgive him in the beginning, but hopefully, with time and patience, their relationship could be revived; just like Kenji had done with his father. 

“Thanks Dad.” Kenji’s expression softened, his hand lifting to rest atop his father’s, returning his affectionate pat. “I think I needed that.” He spoke, a vulnerable smile stringing across his lips. 

“You’re welcome.” His father returned the smile, his head tilting in a heartfelt manner. “But that’s beside the point.” The old man’s voice reentered the air in a quick and hurried manner, his body turning away with the help of his cane and retreating back into the closet, returning to the luxury suits he was inspecting earlier. “We still need to pick your suit.” His fingers brushed across the fabrics as he spoke, evaluating both appearance and quality as he sifted through them. When his eyes finally settled upon what he deemed to be a suitable option, he gently grabbed the hanger and carefully pulled the suit off the rack, turning it so Kenji could see. “You’ll wear this one.” 

Kenji’s eyes shifted up and down, scanning the suit his father was holding out to him. It was a black suit jacket with pants to match, underneath the set adorned a grey vest and black tie to complete the look. It was one of his more expensive suits, one that gave off a classier feel than the others. It was definitely a head turner, and if his ex-wife saw him in that it couldn’t hurt his chances of winning her back. 

Kenji smiled and nodded his head, speaking in agreement. “I’ll make sure to pack it.” 

“So, Miss L/N,” The woman smiled at you, her legs crossed as she sat up in the chair, making sure to appear sophisticated in front of the large audience. “Tell us about the ending of your book.” She spoke, her tone intrigued, as if she was genuinely interested in hearing your answers instead of simply maintaining a perky façade for the reporters. “Most romance novels end with a happy ending, but in yours, the couple goes their separate ways. Why did you decide to do that? Are you planning to write a sequel to continue their love story?” 

“Well,” you began with a smile, clearing your throat softly, trying not to let your nervousness show in front of a room full of attentive ears. “I’m not entirely sure yet if I want to do a sequel. I think the ending is fine just the way it is for now.” You spoke, your eyes fixated on the interviewer, hardly able to even see the audience with the stage lights centered around you. 

“I agree.” The woman spoke up immediately, her body leaning forward with interest. “So many romance novels end with some cheesy happy ending where the guy and the girl get back together. It’s overdone. We need more of these types of stories, where the woman finds her worth elsewhere instead of from the male lead.” She rambled on, her voice passionate and eager, as if this was a topic she’d invested a lot of thought and credence into. 

“Oh, yeah,” you laughed a bit awkwardly, not really sure what to say in response to her subtle projection of a “strong independent woman” agenda. It was clear she had taken on a more rancorous point of view, convinced that the ending of your story was a push for women empowerment rather than the simple decision to conclude it as an open-ended denouement; as if to say “who knows what will happen in their futures.” 

“I feel like the ending really resonated with you in your own way, I’m glad to know you enjoyed it.” You spoke politely, not wanting to spoil her fun by correcting her interpretation of your novel’s conclusion. Everyone has the right to elucidate their own version of a story, that’s the beauty of literature. And who were you to rectify her? 

“Of course I enjoyed it!” The woman said with a smile, turning towards the audience now as she continued. “I think everyone enjoyed it, right?” She stated, the crowd responding with murmurs and hums that formed a collective “yes.” “See?” She turned back towards you as she laughed, her expression still bright and cheerful. 

You gave her a gracious smile in response, squinting under the glow of the stage lights as you looked out over the sea of people. “I appreciate everyone’s support and feedback. This book was very personal for me and so I’m happy to know that you guys appreciated it.” 

The crowd responded with applause, some people shouting compliments, others cheering. The interviewer let the audience express their support for a moment before she spoke up again. “Are there any questions for Miss L/N?” She asked, her inquiry reciprocated with a show of hands from the crowd. 

One by one, the interviewer chose people to stand, allowing them to voice their thoughts. Some people asked questions about the book itself, while most of the reporters probed about your personal life, anxious to get the latest scoop on any private affairs you were attempting to keep silent.

You answered their questions politely, successfully changing the topic each time someone asked something a bit too invasive. You had dealt with their interrogative tactics before, and you weren’t intimidated by it. You had grown accustomed to simply “smiling and nodding” throughout their inquiries. However, that smile abruptly faded when the next person was chosen to stand and ask their question. Your heart felt like it stopped the moment you heard that voice, his voice. One you hadn’t heard in over five years.

“Miss L/N, I’m curious to know. You said this book was very personal for you. Does that mean you wrote it based off events that happened in your life?” 

The breath seemed to escape your lungs; your body paused in place as you sat in the cushioned chair on stage.

Was that really him? No, no it couldn’t be. Why would it be? 

You cleared your throat, trying to remain calm, convincing yourself that you were just imagining things. That wasn’t him, just someone with the exact same voice. And as you squinted past the harsh stage lighting, peering out into the crowd to prove your negation, you realized the man had the same exact face too. 

“Um...” You stuttered, feeling a wave of emotions rushing towards the shoreline of your sanity. Shock, bitterness, resentment, hope, longing, anger. Your mind was an assortment of emotions, brewed together into a cocktail of unresolved feelings. 

You recognized his hair, his build, his stupid trademark smirk as he stared at you from the crowd. You didn’t understand why he was here, what he could possibly want after all these years, but there was no denying who he was. The man you divorced five years ago: Ken Sato.

The silence was deafening, your discomfort apparent despite your attempts to remain calm. “Well, um...” You tried to get ahold of yourself. There were reporters in the same room as the two of you, watching your every move. If they sensed drama occurring before their eyes, they’d be sure to rehash it in their most recent article; and then the birth of a juicy news story would commence. You refused to give them a reason to suspect a history between you and the man standing in the audience. You wouldn’t let yourself become “Ken Sato’s past fling” in the latest headline. You had to sedate your anxieties and answer the question, without giving way to any suspicion. 

“I apologize, I didn’t realize you were a fan of my work, Mr. Sato.” You spoke with an artificial laugh, trying to play the situation off as humorous. You smiled at him, attempting to hide your discomfort by faking a flattered façade in front of a crowd of intense staring.

There were murmurs amongst the audience, people whispering and pointing, clearly recognizing him as the famous baseball heartthrob. 

He stared you down with a grin, that nonchalant manner of his bringing back a variety of memories from your repressed marriage. “As shocking as it may be, I like to indulge occasionally.” He chuckled, his head tilting as he gazed at you, almost fondly. “Your work feels very relatable, that’s why I wanted to know if you wrote your book based off true events.” 

Your eyes suddenly widened at his words, realizing what he was getting at. You had been so preoccupied with panic at his unexpected presence that his question hadn’t even registered until now. He wanted to know if your book was written in resemblance to your marriage with him, you understood that now. A sense of bitterness engulfed your heart at his attempt to interrogate you here and now, in front of everyone. Even though you two were the only people aware of the history between you both, you didn’t appreciate his efforts to pry information out of you by use of subtle wording. You straightened your posture, your expression becoming firmer and more guarded now. You weren’t going to let history repeat itself, you refused to be tormented by him again.

“No, Mr. Sato. My novel does not reflect my life in any way, it is simply fiction.”  You knew it was a lie, and by the look in his eyes as he stood in the audience, you figured he knew it too. But even so, you refused to admit it, to give him the satisfaction of hearing it out loud. 

It wasn’t clear whether she sensed the tension between you both, or if she simply realized they needed to wrap things up, regardless, the interviewer spoke up, her tone enthusiastic as she encouraged Ken to sit down. “If that is all the questions you have, Mr. Sato, I believe there are other people waiting.” The woman spoke with a smile, making you feel relieved at the change of topic. 

“Of course. Please, continue.” Ken spoke, nodding his head politely before taking a seat once more. 

You were thankful for the chance to breathe at least, to allow yourself a moment of recovery before you had to answer the next person’s question. You tried to stay focused on getting through the interview, your eyes fixated on the woman in the chair next to you as she spoke. You didn’t dare look out over that audience once again, in fear that your eyes would meet with someone you thought would’ve remained a memory of your past. 

You didn’t understand why he was here, why he would show up after all this time; and at one of your book tour events no less. How did he even find out you’d be here? I guess, if he was following the tour dates, he could’ve easily figured that out. But still, the question of “why” was a mystery in and of itself. Like some annoying pop song repeating in your mind for the next few hours. 

What reason could he possibly have for coming back, had something been leaked to the news that you didn’t realize? How long was he planning on being around? Was this some cheap attempt to rekindle a past love for the sake of entertainment during his stay in America? Or worse, had he come back to gloat? 

Whatever his reasoning was, it had your brain scrambling to stay focused throughout the entirety of the interview. Just ten more minutes, two more minutes, ten more seconds until finally, you heard the words “thank you so much for joining us, we’ll see you next time” and you knew you were finally free. You walked backstage almost immediately after that, praying you’d avoid any further confrontation with the man you so desperately hoped to avoid. Unfortunately, it seems your prayers weren’t answered this time around, because just as you made your way to the back parking lot, speed walking towards your car, a voice made your heart clench in panic. 

“Got time to sign an autograph?” 

You paused, your heels scraping against the pavement as you came to a halt in the middle of the parking lot. You knew there was no getting out of this, he would just follow you to your car if you kept walking, he was stubborn and self-entitled like that. Better to just get the hard part over with and see what he wants instead of letting the questions continue to torment you. That way, at least you’d know what he was here for, and could prepare some sort of restraining order in case he came back for selfish reasons.

So, reluctantly, you turned your head, your eyes falling upon the silhouette of the man you once called your husband. You could seem him better now in the daylight, rather than the dim view you had earlier in the auditorium. And though you wouldn’t admit it, he looked good. Better in fact. He had always been attractive, that much was certain. But as he approached you now, with that fitted shirt and those business casual slacks, you felt your cheeks beginning to heat up; and that sense of determination to drive him away seemed to be forgotten momentarily. 

“…Hello Ken. It’s been a while.” You managed out a response, trying your best to sound calm and nonchalant. 

“Yeah, it has.” He walked up to you, stepping closer than you assumed he would. “I see you’re doing well. Bestselling author, huh?” 

“Oh...” You paused for a moment, expecting some sort of interrogation instead of this casual conversation that was currently taking place. “yeah... yeah it’s been a wild ride.” You let out a laugh, trying to take the edge off your awkwardness. 

He was staring at you fondly, as if the two of you were old friends just catching up; as if your marriage hadn’t ended in shouting and a slam of the front door. 

“Listen, uh...” He shifted his weight a bit, slipping a hand in the pocket of his dress pants. “I don’t know if you’re busy, but, I’m in town this week and so,” He looked up, his eyes fixated on you, analyzing every slight change in your facial expressions as he continued. “If you’re free, it would be nice to grab a drink or something.”

You felt your heart race at his words, shock and confusion filling the entirety of your brain, leaving you dumfounded before him. 

He wanted to go out? To “catch up?” Why? Did he need something? Was this a genuine attempt at resurrecting your failed marriage? Or had your newfound fame and social status brought him back instead? 

You couldn’t tell. He seemed to be acting friendly, friendlier than you expected. But then again, this was your arrogant, self-absorbed, ex-husband we were referring to here. This couldn’t have been genuine, could it? 

Could so much really have changed in the past five years? Could he really be a different person now than the one you divorced back then? 

I guess it’s possible, but, then again, the only way to know for sure was to accept his offer, and you weren’t exactly ready to take that chance just yet. 

“Um, I’m on tour actually, so I’m gonna be pretty busy this whole week.” 

It wasn’t a lie, at least; you had your schedule full of book signings and fan events almost every day this week. You knew you could’ve probably squeezed in an hour or two just to have a couple drinks with him, but, you weren’t exactly eager to prioritize someone who never reciprocated your effort in the past. 

“Oh, okay.” He glanced away, his hand reaching to caress the nape of his neck a bit awkwardly. “Yeah, I get it. Just, um…” He paused for a moment, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. “Just let me know if you have some free time, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure.” You smiled nervously, trying to sound polite. “I just... I gotta be somewhere right now.” You clutched your purse a bit tighter around your fingers as you began to take a step back, trying to escape from your ex-husband’s advances. “But um… I’ll see you later.” 

He didn’t move, he didn’t try to prolong the conversation. He simply nodded and lifted his hand to give you a subtle wave. “Yeah, see you.” He spoke, his tone sounding a bit defeated, as if he could tell you were just turning him down nicely. 

You almost felt bad after seeing that hint of despondency in his gaze, but you didn’t act on it. You smiled politely and turned away, heading across the parking lot to retreat to your vehicle. A breath of relief escaped your lips the moment you shut the car door, feeling safe in confines of the automobile. 

What a day this had turned out to be.

But you didn’t dwell on it for too long. You actually did have somewhere to be, and as you pulled out your phone from your purse, you realized you should get going before you risked being late. So, after switching the gear shift into reverse and pulling out of your parking spot, you drove off, leaving a more somber version of your ex-husband behind to watch as you exited the parking lot.

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[hivemuthur]

i haven’t seen this before but a viktor x doctor!reader where his pains are extra bad one day but he’s come to a standstill to his discoveries so he’s extra irritated already. and so reader tries to help him and he just snaps. can be full on angst or angst w/ happy ending if you please. idk much about the topic of chronic pains so hopefully this request wasn’t ignorant, tweak it if you want! love ur writings!!

Hi Anon! Here's your fic!

It Never Entered My Mind

viktorxgn!doctor!reader general audiences, angst with a vague resolution

author’s note: Okay, so this wasn't easy to write because I'm on the both sides of this coin, as a person with chronic pains and someone with medical degree. So, when I'm in pain I want people to pat me on the back and make me a cup of tea, and when someone announces they are in pain I'm this annoying dude that asks WELL DID YOU DRINK WATER TODAY? :O Title from Miles Davis, cheers!

word count: 1,3K

—

The first thing you hear is the door slamming shut and then a long groan as Viktor kicks off his shoes and drops his keys in a bowl. His movements are careful, deliberate—like with each one, he calculates how to hide the fact that something is wrong. But you see it anyway. The stiffness in his shoulders, the slight hitch in his step. The way he lingers just a little too long by the door, gripping the frame before finally stepping out of the hallway.

“Hey,” you greet him, eyeing his posture from under your glasses. “You’re late.”

“Hm,” is all he offers in response before strolling toward the kitchen. No teasing remark. No tired but affectionate jab about you keeping track of his schedule. Just that vague, dismissive sound as he moves past you, his cane tapping against the floor in uneven intervals.

Undoubtedly, it’s going to be another one of those afternoons where he sighs and talks mostly to himself while telling you not to worry about it. So you brace yourself and follow him.

“Have you eaten?”

“Not hungry,” he mumbles while searching through the tea cabinet. You frown. His coat is wrinkled, his hair more dishevelled than usual. And up close, you notice the tension in his face—the tight set of his jaw, the way his fingers curl into his palm even as he reaches for a cup.

Pain. It’s always there in some form, but tonight it clings to him heavier than usual.

You step forward, your hand already reaching out for his shoulder. “Viktor—”

“I am fine.”

The words come too quickly. A pre-emptive strike. Which only confirms that he isn’t and makes your frown deepen. You exhale and go for the obvious first.

“Do you want something for the pain?”

“No.”

He doesn’t even look at you. You can see his defences rising and feel yourself becoming annoyed with his martyrdom.

“Viktor.”

“I said no.”

He sets the cup down harder than necessary and sighs, defeated, as if you have just betrayed him somehow. As if it’s not the physical pain that he is looking to ease.

You cross your arms, studying him for a moment before shifting tactics. “Alright. Then tell me what happened.”

“It was just—” He waves a hand, as if dismissing an invisible nuisance. “Nothing of importance.”

“That’s not an answer,” you press, and all air leaves you. Why do you press in the first place? If he wants to sulk alone, you should let him.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. His patience is thinning, but so is yours.

“Viktor,” you try again, willing yourself to be softer this time. “Just talk to me.”

He hesitates, then finally, “I am stuck.”

You blink but say nothing, making space for him to speak. Your features soften at the sight of him cracking—just a bit.

“With Hextech. With my research.” His fingers tap against the counter, restless, agitated. “It is like hitting a wall, again and again. Every theory, every equation—I run in circles, and it is infuriating.” His voice edges with frustration, exhaustion—something raw beneath it all. “And on top of that, my leg—” He cuts himself off, lips pressing into a thin line.

When he doesn’t continue, you take a step forward and place your hand on his shoulder. “You need to take better care of yourself, Viktor.”

His jaw immediately tenses. “Not this again.”

“You don’t take breaks, you barely eat when you get like this, and it only makes everything worse—”

“Enough,” he growls, shaking your hand off.

But you don’t stop—meaning well but making it worse. “You push yourself too hard. You know stress makes the pain worse. If you just listened to me—”

“I am not your patient,” he hisses through his teeth. It isn’t loud, but it’s sharp enough to cut through your little lecture.

You stare at him, startled, words stuck in your throat. Viktor exhales sharply through his nose, gripping the edge of the counter as he fights for composure. When he speaks again, his voice is lower but no kinder—disappointed, for that matter.

“I do not need a lecture. I do not need to be told how to manage my own body, my own limits. I live in them every day.” His knuckles whiten before he delivers the final blow. “I need my partner. Not my doctor.”

And that does it. Because he is right. You’ve slipped into doctor mode without even thinking. Instead of just listening, instead of just being there, you’ve tried to fix it—fix him—like he was just another case to manage. Or an inconvenience.

And the worst part? You can see it in his face, in the way his shoulders have drawn inward like a man bracing for impact—this isn’t the first time.

You swallow hard, and with the lump in your throat go all the possible words you could say to him. I am sorry sounds like not enough. That wasn’t my intention sounds accusatory. I just want you to feel better feels too dismissive.

“I’m sorry.” You pick the lesser evil and reach for him again. “I’m here for you. Tell me what you need.” You say it quietly, moving closer, and it hurts you disproportionately that he keeps moving away.

“Viktor.” You plead, taking advantage of his slower coordination and sliding your hands around his waist. He raises his arms as if he’s trying to shake you off, but you persist.

“I do not need to be scolded like a child, that’s for sure,” he mumbles grumpily but lowers his arms. Still not ideal, as now you are wrapped around his waist while he stands stiffly, arms hanging limply by his sides. But he does finally look at you. “I just need you to listen, that’s all. To tell me it’s going to be all right.” Just tell me that you love me despite all of this.

You never meant to make him feel like that—like a problem to solve rather than the man you love. But how else are you supposed to react? When he is in pain, when he is hurting, barely keeping himself upright?

You exhale into his chest, trying to find your footing, trying to push back the instinct to argue—to tell him you know what’s best for him. Because that’s not what he needs.

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I wasn’t trying to—” You shake your head. “I just don’t want to see you suffer when I know there are things that can help.”

Viktor rubs a hand over his face, still avoiding your touch as much as possible. “And I appreciate that. But you have to understand—I have lived with this pain for years. There is no solution. No cure. No treatment that will make it all go away.” His gaze lowers to meet yours. “Sometimes, I just need comfort.”

Something in your chest aches at the admission. “I’m sorry for not seeing you,” you whisper, placing your hand on his cheek. You see something shift in his expression. “No more lectures. I promise.”

Viktor huffs out something like a laugh, tired and wry. “That is a first.” But his hands do finally move, settling on your hips, making you sigh in relief.

You press your ear to his chest and close your eyes. His heart beats unevenly.

“Can I at least take care of you?” you plead quietly, your palms flattening against his back.

His eyes close for a beat when he sighs. And then he hums softly.

“Yes,” he admits. “You can do that.”

[ricky-mortis]

Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 20

PREVIOUS

FF had watched more than a few self-defense videos when he believed that Andrew Minyard was looking for a dark alley to stab him in. He had learned how to turn the attacker’s momentum against them. Had learned about disarming the person trying to stab him.

He’d even had Matt teach him a few punches claiming that it was for the dust-ups that tended to happen on the court.

He, naturally, does not use any of that knowledge because his mind immediately reverts into Lizard panic mode the moment Jackson Plank takes another step forward with a knife (HUGE. Is it wild that he is thinking about Crocodile Dundee right now?)

“If you come quietly you won’t get hurt.” Jackson says and he reverts to who he is as a person and he freezes. His bravery was used up maybe it was only ever tied to great pump up songs and now in the silence of the alley he is back to being Stone-Faced Smith.

“You’re going to dial up Wesninski and if you don’t say EXACTLY what I tell you to then I’m going to have you SING in agony.”

Y’know in that moment he stops thinking about Crocodile Dundee.

He thinks about a movie that is far more ingrained in his mind than any number of self-defense videos or one-off lessons with Matthew Boyd where he’d been trying not to flinch. A movie he had watched in better days with his family and had been a favorite of his Grandma’s (and his).

He thinks about Miss Congeniality.

Sandra Bullock as Gracie Hart has taught him everything he ever truly needs to know when he takes a step back and Jackson comes at him.

He strikes right at Jackson’s nose with the palm of his hand.

“SON OF A-“

The knife is dropped and FF kicks it under a dumpster.

FF grabs the single weapon he has on his person.

The McDonald’s Megamind Happy Meal Light Effects Brainbot.

He points the LED light straight at Jackson’s eyes and just like Aaron in the car on the way back, “Shit, that’s bright!” And now completely blinded by a combination of watery eyes and LED McDonald’s toy he proceeds to SING just as Gracie Hart had taught him.

S - Solar Plexus. He punches Jackson there as hard as he can.

I - Instep. He smashes his booted foot down on the inside of Jackson’s shoes (who the fuck wears LOAFERS to a kidnapping?)

N - Nose. He’d feel bad about hitting it again if Jackson wasn’t y’know…a hitman out to hurt Captain Neil.

G - Groin. He may have to give himself just half a second to apologize to all of mankind for what he is about to do. His step brothers had definitely kicked him in the groin plenty of times to try and get a reaction. It’s an art to not let anyone know that your ball has retreated up into lower intestine. He kicks Jackson as hard as he can (collegiate athlete) with the boots that Nicky had let him borrow. He is right on target with the toe of his shoes.

Jackson goes down.

The next thing he does is not something Gracie Hart had taught him but does still feel like the right thing to do in this situation. He kicks Jackson in the head and the man goes limp.

If FF throws both hands up in the air and lets out a “I am Miss Congeniality!” Victory cry into the alleyway well no one is around or awake to know that.

He feels like he deserves a sash and a crown and some flowers.

He looks down at Jackson and then over at the van the man had hopped out of. He was definitely PLANNING on kidnapping Captain Neil so he probably has like…some kind of restraint?

Well, better to completely subdue this guy before he tries to figure out the game plan for Romero. Wait, what’s that next to the Crocodile Dundee knife, are those...?

***

Roland is calling for a second time.

Andrew had let it go to voicemail the first time. It was usually Roland complaining about Nicky, Aaron, or Kevin doing something exceptionally stupid in their inebriated states. They have a system. Roland will call and leave a voicemail detailing the dumb shit his family has gotten up to and then he’ll let it go.

If Roland calls twice then there’s an issue.

Arm still around Neil’s shoulders he answers the phone, “What.” He asks.

“You need to help your new friend. There’s some guy following him, he’s armed and dangerous and looking for someone to grab to get Neil’s attention. He tried to lead the guy outside but he’s standing watching it for now so there might have already been someone waiting?” Roland gets out in a rush and Andrew is up and moving towards the stairs even as he’s closing the phone to disconnect the call.

Neil, of course, is right on his heels. “What is it? Did something happen?” Neil asks and they are up the stairs and pushing past Frank and his stupid pineapple shirt. Andrew spots Nicky and he spots Aaron.

“Get Nicky and Aaron somewhere safe. I need to go help Smith with something.” He says because whoever this is wants Neil and Andrew will not let Neil get within grabbing distance and won’t mention it. Neil, blessedly, does what Andrew asks without question.

Andrew scans the crowd and finds a man whose gaze goes between his phone and the back door.

A face that Andrew had memorized.

One of Nathan’s surviving men.

In the same Zip Code as Neil.

And that man has the audacity to still be breathing.

He looks and Nicky and Aaron (drunk, drugged, and useless because Andrew had wanted them to be) are with Neil and Roland is directing them to the backroom.

Andrew goes out the alley and can feel Romero’s eyes on him.

He’s prepared for a lot of things to see out in that alley. He’s angry that FF hadn’t just come down and grabbed him and Neil (he does not need TWO martyrs) and he wants to know what the fuck FF was thinking (or if he was thinking at all). Even with that anger he does not wish to see FF’s blood spilled all over an alleyway because Andrew’s family needed to be protected and FF was the only one sober enough and aware enough to do it.

He knows what Nathan’s men are capable of.

Knows that Romero was one of Nathan’s best so if there is someone out in the alleyway then it’s likely one of his other bests.

FF doesn’t even know how to use a knife. He had asked and FF had firmly declined every time Andrew had brought it up after the first fainting incident. “I’m not interested in learning that. No.” Had been the standard response.

He knew FF had at least taken a lesson or two from Boyd on throwing a punch considering the one he shot out a week ago when a Striker came at him after the third time FF intercepted a pass.

Still, Andrew had not anticipated coming out into the alleyway and finding an unharmed FF securing an unconscious Jackson Plank’s arms behind his back with fuzzy handcuffs.

“Am I interrupting something?” He asks and FF looks up at him with a flush on his cheeks.

“It’s not my fault this is a weird sex alleyway! They’re the first thing I found on my way over to the van to look for actual restraints.” FF says immediately and Andrew almost laughs at the insanity of it. “Wait, where’s Captain Neil?” FF looks around nervously.

“He’s with Aaron and Nicky in the backroom. Roland gave me your S.O.S.” Andrew says even as he quickly makes his way away from the door and towards FF. “Romero is watching the door. Let’s give him a reason to come out.” He says going over to Jackson and when he rolls the man over he raises an eyebrow at the piss stain on his pants and the blood dripping down his nose.

He looks to FF who resolutely does not look back at him.

It’s a story he’ll get out of his friend eventually. Looks like FF didn’t really need those knife lessons. Something settles a bit more in Andrew, it’s nice to have someone else in their group that could handle themselves in a fight.

Andrew finds a phone and FF rolls Jackson back onto his stomach, “He could choke on his own blood.” He shrugs and Andrew wouldn’t care if Jackson choked on his own blood in fuzzy handcuffs in a back alley but he can understand FF not wanting a murder charge.

Andrew looks at the phone and sees the the swipe pattern clear as day. It takes him two tries to get the order right but then Jackson’s phone is available for him to get over to the texting app.

The texts he reads there make him angry. There were a lot of plans on what the two of them were going to do to Neil before his body was offered up to a different crime family to show that Romero and Jackson had no loyalty left to the Wesninski line.

He types out a text to Romero that will have the jackass come out thinking everything had gone well and they had two hostages. He looks over to FF, “You ready for round two?” He asks.

“There isn’t a tap out option right?” FF asks and Andrew laughs at the joke.

Always cool under pressure it seems.

“No.”

“Then yeah, I guess just hit send.” FF says with a shrug.

Andrew does just that.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Didn’t wanna leave ya’ll hanging on that particular cliffhanger for too long ;)

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio​ @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken​ @ken22789​ @atiredvampire​ @isoldescorner​ @not--a--pipedream​ @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupfriesandallthingsnice​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​

The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it  right but you didn’t  get a notification there might be something  switched around in  your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[a-very-sparkly-nerd]

I know in the grand scheme of things that this is by no means a lot, but it doesn't stop me from being FLOORED by the reception of my Rayllum Month stuff?!?! Like these PROPORTIONS are NUTS to me and I'm just over here in my bedroom sobbing my eyes out that my stuff (apparently) resonates with people the way I really want it to.

(^ the proportions in question)

Like, out of 895 people, and SO FAST (6 days, as of my posting this), 15 subscribed and I've got 79 kudos?! And 16 bookmarks?! AND 17 PEOPLE CARED ENOUGH TO COMMENT WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! I'm an emotional mess you guys and ik it's not a lot but it means EVERYTHING to me that people like my writing and I just CAN'T-

[camgoloud]

one small detail that stood out to me about this latest episode that i haven’t seen anyone else talking about yet is that when the commentators are calling colin “inspiring” and the “man of the match,” they are celebrating him not for actually scoring the goals himself, but for providing the crucial assists to make both of them happen. and i really love that because for me it’s the absolute perfect wrap to his character arc across all three seasons!

like, we know that colin’s job on this team has never been to score goals. in fact i’m pretty sure we’ve never heard about a single goal that he has scored. colin is and always has been a team player, not a star—and we’ve seen that crop up over and over. notably, we’ve seen the fact that he’s not entirely at peace with that crop up over and over: see the way he was affected by nate’s entire holidy-inn-painting monologue, being benched to make room for zava, etc.—like, this is the thing he’s sensitive about! this is where all of his insecurities come from!

but at the SAME TIME it’s also tied very intimately with all his struggles re: hiding his sexuality— “colin’s a chameleon,” etc. it’s fascinating because there’s SO much tension there between colin 1. feeling bad about the fact that he never stands out on the pitch the way some of his teammates do, because of who he is on the team, and 2. feeling like he CAN’T stand out, ever, because of Who He Is As A Person. etc. it’s like. he’s filling this role in the background. he’s afraid he’s not doing it well enough. he’s afraid that what and who he is isn’t good enough and isn’t worthy of recognition. he wishes he were someone different. trying to be someone different in the locker room is clearly making him so unhappy and stressed out. it is All Connected and my thoughts have been doing laps around it at an ever-increasing rate since i watched episode 2.07 ‘headspace’ if not before!

and all of this is why it’s so incredible to me that in the end, colin’s big moment comes from making assists and not goals! because on the one hand i understand the fandom desire for the colin post-coming out glowup that we all knew was coming—to see him, like, ~prove everybody wrong about him~ and inspire people by suddenly becoming a standout player and scoring goals left and right, even though that never used to be his role on the team before. and don’t get me wrong, i was 100% on board that train, and would have loved it for him if that was how it went down in the end, also. i think he should get to score here and there! as a treat! especially now that richmond are playing total football and there’s been so much emphasis placed on how it’s not just jamie/dani/occasionally sam who are making all the goals anymore!

but i don’t know! especially after the events of the last few episodes, there’s something very special to me about getting to see a colin who, rather than becoming someone entirely new in the moments right after coming out, just feels free to become, and be at peace with, the best version of the same self he’s always been. he’s still a team player first and foremost, but now that he’s not as weighed down by the need to chameleon/hide/pretend to be someone he’s not, he’s so much better at it. and everyone sees this! he gets to be celebrated for his contributions within the role he’s always played! he (and everybody else!) finally recognizes the value that he adds to the team just by being himself—fully himself! it resolves all the tension and insecurity that we’ve seen him struggling with this whole time, on every level. and so this moment was genuinely the perfect ending for his journey in my opinion—i’m so so happy that we were tall enough to join him on the ride here, and so excited to see what he does going forward these last few episodes now that some of that pressure is off him <3

[lunarharp]

uh.. just a doodly collection LOL

[theokusgallery]

Im extremely happy we’re mutuals, you’re so cool and I love seeing your opinion on things in your tags. Small ask to say I appreciate you!

HI THANK YOU SO MUCH <33

[enchantedlandcoffee]

.

[cherrylight]

dreamily sighs and screams

[rosekasa]

im actually so in love with the ml square dance event

[quirkle2]

question!

i've been wanting to stray away from lu for a while now and do my own thing with wars n ledge and the rest of the links (mainly bc i feel restricted by jojo's rules/don't agree w her takes, and wanna pursuit my own stuff), but there's one big thing holding me back, and that's lack of views to put it bluntly

if i make my own au and don't tag its content as #lu, then it will most definitely get a fraction of the attention my lu content does. and i know it sounds self-centered of me to worry abt something like that, but i put months of work into the fics i post. i put days of work into each art piece i post. if i work on something for months and then 10 people on ao3 read it and an astounding 0 of them even leave a comment, that will be Devastating to my motivation And confidence

what im asking y'all is this: should i finally make my own au to separate myself from lu and risk the plunge in notes, or should i stay in the lu fandom and suffer?

[adammilligan]

hi! i saw that last ask that brought up the divergence of divine law and it reminded me how love i have for that fic. it's one of my favorite fics like, ever. it's permanently wired into my psyche now (in a good way) lol, thank you for taking the time to write it! 💙🪽

this is so sweet, thank you so much!!!! T_T <3

[bataranqs]

gonna write a fic in a tiny and dead fandom as rent-control shots

[worth-the-chaos]

Omg I feel so honored! Thank you so much! 💛

Taking anti-depressant pills?? Seeing a therapist??? Journaling???? No need babe, my fav writer just dropped another x reader fic.