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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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Your First Date With Baekhyun

:: bbh x sm apprentice!reader

words. 10k

warnings ⚠️ idol au hc, pining, brief angst, eventual car sex 👀, tw light injuries bc baek is clumsy in love, oral fixation, finger sucking, rough sex, making out

↳ NOTE. here we go again with the slow burn ✊🔥

It all starts with a divine act of clumsiness.

An accident, completely out of the blue.

Who is surprised, what else could it be.

Ever since Baekhyun violently bumped into you from behind in the SM cafeteria to avoid Mark spilling red hot Americano on him… life has never been the same.

That you walked in on him walking around mighty topless, with you wanting to clear the dance practice room many hours after work three times already does not help.

It’s always the same chain of events. He practices for longer than the others and gets sweaty, pulls off his shirt, pauses the music for a five-minute break. That’s unintentionally making it seem like everyone is already gone and the room is empty — you are deceived by it every time, and he almost gets a heart attack himself. We know how easily embarrassed Baekhyun is with showing skin by accident, outside of any shower stalls that is, let alone being caught stripping by himself.

The first time he screams and you scream, off you run after quickly shutting the door. He tries his best to cover himself up with his hands, but to no avail. Lucas, Kai, and Johnny are no longer the only Magic Mikes under this rowdy fucking roof anymore. Even if you turned around fast, you saw more than a whole lot.

You know how scared Baekhyun is by surprises, he gets all fidgety. Even after four whole minutes, he still sits with the music off breathing harder than he did from powering through four jointbreaking ligament-snappers I mean EXO choreographies.

Lot of thoughts on his mind, lot of blood pumping through him. Baekhyun can hear a pretty hefty heartbeat pound in his ears. Eventually, he shakes his head at himself and does switch the music back on. But even that doesn’t distract him, nor can he concentrate on the moves. He keeps on asking himself — what the hell is wrong, what is this, why does he act like that?

So, he ends up sneaking out of the room to call it a day. You were waiting in the nearby corridor to do the cleaning after he left. But now, you hide behind a shelf with props and miscellanea to avoid him.

Of course, Baekhyun comes to grab a water bottle from said cupboard. Well, oh shit. He has his shorts on, and his calves are literally 20 inches away from you. He doesn’t see you crouching down there, but your pulse is going through the roof now, too.

In fact, not even the days when Taeyong is walking around the company in a sexy as hell crop top could cause you such a panic. And that is the highest possible bar already. The average apprentice almost faints.

There’s pungent sweat that can knock you out of your socks… and then there’s sexy sweat scent mixed with men’s deodorant. Baekhyun leaves the latter after rushing out of the corridor. It’s even more intense in the practice room, if not absolutely unbearable. Oh boy. Pheromones, please no.

It’s almost as if you’re taking a bath in cologne. You’re getting nauseous and tingly from how it gets to you. You can hardly focus on scrubbing the mirror. If only the guy knew what horniness he is causing just by infusing the air, what the fucking fuck.

The second time, he jerks up again, but tries to explain himself. But so do you, ending up with a mutual, stuttering word spill in sync.

Neither of you understood what the other was saying because you were too busy with a knee-jerk dialogue. Anxious all over, you quickly leave and eventually end up hiding behind the cupboard again. The new comeback track blasts even louder in the practice room.

The third occasion, you no longer flinch at each other and laugh a little, mighty embarrassed still, but apologize with knowing eyes. This time, you enter the room after a small „Can I?“ and at least manage to clear some noodle boxes and unused towels from the backup dancers away, and pin a new schedule to the door.

Baekhyun quickly pulls over his plain white tee and keeps on mumbling sorry, sorry like he’s Super Junior, practically scraping the ground with his hair because he bows so deep.

You’ve never seen him this awkward. Instead of his usual one-liners and most effortless conversation starters, he resorts to switching on the music again after frantically looking everywhere but in your direction. He sings his lines right along, getting back into the routine’s intricate steps.

Strange.

Very strange.

All day, he is impulsive with lightening up just about any situation. One sentence, hook line and sinker; the mood alleviates. Not this time. He’s ignoring you now that you’re in the room.

The truth is: Baekhyun can’t help but set his pupper eyes on you in all other occasions already, especially when you’re busy at a distance. And it’s making him crazy. Next day at the cafeteria, he deliberately arrives late so he can queue way, way behind you.

For the first time in all glorious epochs K-Pop history, he would let Sehun enter the line before him so he would have a shield. „Maknaes first“ is his brief comment, and Sehun thinks that Baekhyun must squarely confuse today with his birthday.

And fate says… sike. Two minutes later, a teary Mark rushes toward you and loudly apologizes for the Americano disaster. „Baekhyun was not being impolite, it was me!“

As he says just that, he turns, points right at Baekhyun’s tomato red head peeking out from behind Sehun’s shoulders, and bows to him.

The whole cafeteria is witness, including Lee Soo Man.

And SHINee, who will have gossip material for five weeks because of this. Key is already taking notes.

And BoA — who’s giggling because she’s seen it all in the business and knows exactly what’s going on with Baekhyun and you. Oh. Lord.

Baekhyun wants to sink into the ground right then and there. He’s been found out again. Of course he has to step out from his lair now and bow back to Mark, take the blame and explain the whole incident all over, and comfort him with a string of appeasing words. Which he hates for four reasons at the same time. He embarrassed Mark, himself, disturbed you the way he bumped into your back, and now you saw him hiding from… precisely you. Little does he know you did, too.

Baekhyun quickly retreats to sit next to Sehun once again after Mark has calmed down and he, being the senior as always, has performed another 180° bow to you in front of the entire staff and idol audience, causing his oversized shirt to slip downward, way to his armpits.

Goodness gracious.

BoA is this close to shouting „get a room“ upon seeing Baekhyun stand in front of you with his stomach all bare until he has hastily tucked his shirt back into this place. Fast as it happens, you can’t hide your reaction face.

Chanyeol, sitting at a nearby table, does a telling reaction noise himself, and you can tell he’s read the situation to a T. Even worse, he’s whistling. You can fool a lot of people, but not Park „Radar“ Chanyeol. He’s a himbo incarnate, but this guy’s emotional intelligence is too damn strong, and he knows Baekhyun inside out. Oh shit, man.

The next ten minutes are fraught with a weird, sonorous mumbling in the room. Lee Soo Man doesn’t really get it, thank God. But the meaning of Baekhyun silently cowering behind Sehun while eating his kimchi stew is more than obvious to half of the people around. Baekhyun never fucking acts like this, even when he’s sad.

It’s like something is pushing the two of you into humiliating situations like that ever since you started to work at SM since last May. Literally Baekhyun can’t stop apologizing to you all day because he’s suddenly clumsy or the strangest situations happen.

Nope, he doesn’t do it on purpose. But yes, he finds himself enjoying your attention. So what is he going to do? This keeps being stuck on his mind. Especially because half of EXO, NCT, and SuperM is asking him what the hell is going on in three raging group chats at once.

And you? I don’t have to tell you how it feels like when Baekhyun stumbles over to squarely plant his cutesy baby face into your back. Firmly wrapping his hands around your waist on top of that not to fall over entirely. That feeling is locked into your muscle memory. And now, seeing him stripped down for the fourth time already? Goodbye to your sleep.

Special thanks to a jittery Mark for making this first hug I mean collision out of nowhere happen. Just to be sure: Mark really didn’t spill his coffee on purpose, nor did Baekhyun want to bump into you this hard. And we know Mark’s reflexes are usually fast enough to save the day. But he was about to host his first variety show all by himself, so you can imagine how shaky and distracted he was. And nobody will resent him — this is only all about you and Baekhyun… being the most repressed motherfuckers.

Baekhyun constantly almost-crashing into you somewhere or basically crawling on the ground before you makes for a second very shaky guy. What the hell is pulling him towards you wherever he goes? It’s even worse than Minseok moving one inch and accidentally smacking Baekhyun in the face.

It just goes on and on.

Following the second cafeteria embarrassment, the next Friday after lunch, you run into each other at the ground floor elevator exit so you would drop your fries. Yeah, extra crispy ones, with the best mayonnaise. Baekyhun has been feeling so guilty about his curse at this point that he orders extra fries for you at the cafeteria two times a week with his card. Which makes Chanyeol know dear Eros struck particularly hard. Because if he didn’t care, Baekhyun would pay it five times a week like he does for NCT every now and then. But if he does it only two times, something is at stake. He doesn’t want it to be apparent.

Baekhyun can’t even look you in the eye when he puts them on your tray. Instead, he quickly bows three times in a row and then disappears. This guy is a small puddle of blush.

Lee Soo Man cites him into his room to say what’s wrong soon, but all Baekhyun can blurt out is that he didn’t sleep well and the comeback song won’t get into his head. Which is not a direct lie, so.

Whatever you do, Baekhyun appears out of the blue and falls to your feet. Only two days later, he returns from shooting an MV and slips right in front of your office. Pretty much because his feet stumble over his own pants. You put the paperwork aside and check what the hell is going on outside. A dizzy Baekhyun straight-up hit his head at your door. He declines you helping him up because he knows that your touch is probably gonna make him fully insane. He walks around with a forehead patch during the comeback stage and people online think it’s the latest trend.

Somebody save this man.

The universe just keeps on arranging the silliest things to make shit happen, huh.

At this point, Baekhyun developing a full-blown apprentice crush is as obvious as Lucas being tall.

Now, the reality is. This man is Hitch, the Date Doctor. He notoriously handles crowds, can get along with anyone he’s put together with on camera, helps the other members to juggle their love life whenever they have a problem. Chen is probably a married man because of Baekhyun in one way or another. He isn’t really shy normally in his own words. But when it comes to his own crushes — classic case of everybody’s cupid who gives good advice they would need the most.

That Baekhyun is helpless with anything that digs beneath the surface of his usual interactions will show to you very soon. There’s tough Baekhyun, there’s cute Baekhyun, and then there’s an utterly speechless little bean who has an internal meltdown when you do as much as take the stairs together. The difference is staggering. He’s fidgety, tense, makes himself even smaller and first and foremost: Is impressionable to an extreme.

In short: Baekhyun has fully converted into a fake maknae.

It’ll show in staff meeting conversations on trivial things about the schedule that he wing-mans everybody but himself when shit hits the fan. He stutters in your presence. Baek’s a mess. Chanyeol takes Baekhyun to the side and raises his brows at him at least five times a day, as in wanting to say: „Are you ever going to do something about it?“

Baekhyun dodges the answer each time and preoccupies himself with social media. Fans will later say that he hasn’t uploaded as many Twitter replies, Youtube videos, and Instagram snapshots in his whole career. And Baekhyun is already quite active online so you can tell how much he’s spamming.

Secretly… hoping you see his online activity. Which you do.

You’ve memorized his five latest vlogs down to the cute little sound noises he’s making. Still, you hide behind the cupboard, and he is hiding behind an unsuspecting Johnny. Because Sehun is already grumbling about becoming a human shield, and Chanyeol would tease Baekhyun to the hell and back whenever you’re around.

Why does all of that happen? Why is he trying to escape?

The answer is, Baekhyun feels an overpowering respect towards you. He doesn’t know where it’s coming from, it’s something you exude. To the point where he isn’t able to clown you the way he does with others. It’s literally that bad.

On top of that, Baekhyun is frustrated that whatever extroversion he can switch on during broadcasts, fan meets, and with the other members is suddenly failing him. He tries hard to fall back to his usual humor, but you being around makes him act much more erratic. And, surprisingly reserved, believe it or not.

Eye contact will make him break whatever character he’s trying to tune into for the sake of keeping it together. The exact opposite will happen. All the blushing and boiling hot sweat gives him away. Your own heated af face he doesn’t even notice.

In his mind, he’s going through any possible way of mannerisms to get your attention all while not embarrassing himself. He gives confident SuperM leader Baekhyun a shot, comedian Baekhyun, too, and he will don a pokerfaced version of himself as a last option whenever you are close.

All unsuccessfully. He can’t keep the façade for long; he knows he’s acting strange and inconsistent that way. Do you even realize what you merely sitting in the same practice room is doing to this guy?

As you can tell…

It’s up to you to hit on him. Finding an unmistakable balance between being breathtakingly forward and overly subtle. The right way to ask him out is somewhere in between. The way you gauge it, Baekhyun is turned off by all kinds of brazen approaches, but doesn’t want to be nudged with satin gloves and feathers either.

However, you end up playing too lowkey at first try because you’re just as nervous. You think, maybe it’s good to find out how interested in me he will admit he is. Which, given how much he tries to conceal his feelings, turns out to be a difficult idea.

And — Isn’t is crystal clear he likes you a whole lot by the way he tries to retreat from everyone but you? Recently, fleeing to stand behind Lucas. Who has the most hiding surface and won’t question what Baekhyun is doing there all the time, unlike Johnny.

So, how do you learn that your plan is a bad idea? You try to involve yourself in NCT’s Friday night truth-or-dare where Baekhyun always joins to mess with everyone.

But that weekend, he interestingly excuses himself to „practice English, it’s urgent!“. Off he goes as soon as he sees that you are part of the lineup, looking like he’s seen a ghost.

So, that mission failed. You get Taeyong, Haechan, and Yuta twerking against you at the same time while wearing sailor moon outfits as a dare instead.

However: You still learned something from this. The way that even Haechan’s wild gyrating and arguably great ass did not have a single effect on you tells you that you really want someone else really damn bad. Hell, if Yuta Nakamoto winds against you and you feel nothing—

And, something else has become apparent to you.

Professional he is, Baekhyun establishes rapport even with people he dislikes or feels neutral about, but when his more vulnerable feelings are in the game, he runs from them.

Beside Chanyeol and BoA, you’re smart enough to begin seeing what clockwork ticks inside of him. When Baekhyun doesn’t try to get close to someone that’s around him so frequently, something is mighty wrong and his opinion about that someone must be an intense one. And it’s not because he hates that person, the opposite is the case.

He’s almost less afraid of you than his worries of ruining it.

But through what, you’re wondering, seriously.

On the other hand, you get why Baekhyun keeps a viable distance. He knows it’s difficult to be associated with him in the way he wishes you were. Since people were looking at him and you so strange in the cafeteria, he even stopped practicing in the after hours.

Two weeks later, he even quits buying you fries for lunch and eats in the recording studio instead. Chanyeol remains correct: Much is at stake.

After the truth-or-dare fail, you sit down in sobriety and go through your options. You get all sorts of grand ideas to reveal your feelings, but dismiss the majority of it. You have to start small, really small. This needs the utmost care. Especially because you don’t want to compromise him by accident any further, nor are you anywhere near as ballsy as you believe someone hitting on Byun Baekhyun needs to be.

Truth be told: BoA would kick your ass for thinking that. And letting so many opportunities pass, as if you aren’t beating yourself up for it enough. Idol mode Baekhyun, well, he would be hard to approach indeed. But what is currently going on… he’s literally showing you his underbelly. He’s begging you to do something.

That he avoids even the lightest touch: More than telling to BoA’s knowing eye. He would be so easy to sway with just one sentence. She knows that at this point, Baekhyun is desperate. His yes would come so fast. You’re far from having faith in this. But you still try. You want this man.

Eventually, you rack your brain for anything understated you could do.

Then, you get the idea.

After a schedule briefing, Baekhyun recently said he dearly wishes he could eat fried noodles in the early evening because he’s craving something savory, meanwhile flashing a split-second glance at you. Maybe… You can discreetly bridge the gap by getting him food.

You’re part responsible for doing things like that in the company already so nobody will question you driving around with your little motorbike.

If you think about it: That’s a good excuse to approach him frequently and visit his apartment. The move is calculated, but it’s what the situation requires. You can’t tell how Baekhyun will react, but if he looked at you this way, it’s worth a shot.

And so, you dare the impossible. You show up with a deliberately small portion of noodles after the last comeback stage, knock twice. He does open. You’re frozen up.

Uttering a hopefully neutral „You said you wanted this. I’ll also bring it tomorrow if you want,“ and then drive off again without even waiting for a reply from a very surprised-looking Baekhyun in PJs.

Sweating like crazy, thank God your helmet and the upcoming dark of the night was hiding your red cheeks. Shit man, that was robotic as fuck! is what you’re thinking for the entire ride home. Another fail, you sure won’t return tomorrow. Now you can’t look him in the eye, either.

Meanwhile:

The meal not only saves the day of Baekhyun’s usually very lackluster diet mood that comes out when he is by himself. It also makes him flustered and grateful, curling up on his couch. He couldn’t even remotely try to say no out of politeness or concerns for his food plan. Baekhyun breaks the chopsticks right away after closing the door. Today, his dog’s with him. Mongryong excitedly jumps up and down next to Baekhyun. Your visit was short and sweet, but it made two beans very happy.

In fact, he rips open the box and shoves a quarter of the content into his mouth in the blink of an eye. It’s not just how hungry he is. He’s also overwhelmed that you came to his house. He feels like it’d be the highest level of disrespect to throw it away to begin with, no matter how spartan his eating habits are supposed to be.

He almost views this little take-out box as a part of you. He imagines how you listened to him talk, decided to drop by, bought it with your own money, and carried it all the way to him. All that extra effort and attention he spins back and forth in his head for the whole next week.

And, on the spot, Baekhyun is so taken aback that he starts deep cleaning his apartment at midnight as soon as he finishes his noodles.

To your own initial shock, he also drops an envelope with money under your office door the next day. And you thought someone was sending threats.

You get the underlying message, though. This is something just between the two of you, and the envelope is a yes. For another meal. Actually, more than that. There are 30 sorted bills in it, each to buy one box since he knows where you get the food from and what the standard price is.

Payment for one month in advance. Meetings for one month in advance. This fucker.

And you thought your sweaty scene at his apartment left him confused or weirded out. Nope, he decided he wants this times thirty. Something you have to let sink in.

The next day you drive along at the same time, there’s nobody there.

Because Baekhyun has left the door open. Now you can’t just speed away again. Nor do you really want to, for God’s sake.

After putting your helmet down in the small entrance room, you find an anxiously waiting Baekhyun on the extremely cleaned up living room couch, sitting there with fidgeting feet like it’s a porn casting.

The tension could kill. You put the box on the table before him like it’s England’s Crown Jewels. You want to calm him down so desperately, but don’t know how.

Given his sparkly eyes set on the food, that he wants to devour what you brought him right away is not hard to overlook. But he still seems hesitant. Insecure. Baekhyun doesn’t manage to say a full word which is the most surreal thing. You work up your voice and pass him the chopsticks in their paper packaging. „Pig out. You didn’t eat since 7AM.“

Again, he breaks the chopsticks. Trying hard not to do it too fast.

You sit opposite to him and revert back to professional mode. Talking about statistics from the comeback that Baekhyun hummingly acknowledges the way he does when you talk to EXO in meetings.

He stuffs himself like his life depends on it. No stable eye contact from him.

Both of you know that it’s not what you want to say. But even ten minutes in: Nothing about the cafeteria, the fries, the envelope, the topless incident, the forehead patch, nothing. Just you going on about details from work and him listening, nodding, chewing, making brief little remarks and using all his standard corporate phrases. „Ah, yes, EXO surely benefits from that.“ But it’s a start. You begin small.

So far, so good. With every evening, the conversation becomes more and more two-sided and the meals bigger. A second envelope soon enters your office, covering the extra costs for the XXL boxes, your fuel, and another month worth of meals. Note: Only one and a half weeks in.

Fuck, you got yourself into something big. Is it because his dog likes you?

You are starting to like babying him like that, even if you both keep it serious. Unusually so, but at least you don’t get into any more accidents with that suspense off your either shoulders.

It’s not like that cute little face would leave you any chance in the first place. Baekhyun smiles shyly around you. His big laugh is sweeping, but the small things… lethal. Absolutely lethal.

His manager doesn’t like it, but his genius idol’s mochi factor is increasing since you bring him spicy, richer foods. Baekhyun declines most snacks he’s offered at work, hardly eats up at the cafeteria and gives it to Foodcas Xuxi instead, and even the stylists wished he would gain more weight without any results in their convincing acts. But when you bring him a large portion of extra al dente spaghetti or — as of recently — self-made black bean noodles, Baekhyun would consider it rude not to follow the call of the carbs.

Interesting.

He eats even more aggressively when he knows you made the food yourself.

Quickly enough, he pays either for take-out or ingredients meant for not one, but two people. You usually eat a little earlier than he does, but you would not trade the best luxury meal in the world eaten by yourself with being together in Baekhyun’s flat. To the average Joe, this would be the biggest hassle, but to you… there’s no way you can get enough of being around him so privately. You enjoy taking the time to buy food for him. Taking the time in general.

You’re not the only one.

I don’t have to tell you how Baekhyun has to fight getting a vicious hard-on with sitting opposite to you with your motorcycling jacket peeled down to the hip, right inside a staring-not staring-staring-not staring match while you both slurp on your noodle soup pretending to be apprentice and idol.

It’s… bizarre. And hot. And bizarre. And frustrating.

You both don’t know where to take all of this. You end up making it a rock-solid daily routine, but not going any further than that because you are afraid. The excuse: Never change a running system.

In the meantime, Baekhyun works out even more. Not to compensate for the calories or to get rid of the increasingly chubby cheeks. Nope, it’s to impress you and show his fitness, plain and simple. At times, the music once again blasts in the practice room after everyone left. You come in to clear the room with Baekhyun in one of his very tight tank tops.

You greet each other softly smiling. The familiarity really does begin to show. While you sort and organize, he writes you a little note on what to get for food tonight. He scribbles a little „:3“ emoji underneath.

You think about that for at least two hours before you drive to his apartment.

So, yeah. Something is going on with him regardless of both of you trying to keep your routine stable and CIA-level secret.

He finds himself cringeworthy when he carries seven stacked up chairs to a group meeting at once just because you’re attending. But something in him can’t help it, for the love of God. At least in this regard, he thinks, something is running on autopilot in terms of flirting methods. Meaning, he really does hide less and less.

Meanwhile, Lucas’ eyes are falling out because Baekhyun is mustering new levels of strength nobody suspected he had. In the most random situations, even. Baekhyun’s fitness trainer is also living one hell of a life because his protégée is so eager these days. Mastering everything from weights to pilates. Hormones are one hell of a drug.

Kai frequently remarks that Baekhyun is different. „He’s nagging much less, what’s going on, why, why!“ he says to Taemin on the regular, and they invent all kinds of theories.

Since Baekhyun doesn’t want to miss out on your daily evening visit nor spend 8 hours in the gym, that means: He increases the intensity of the work-outs. For two and a half weeks, he is completely knocked out afterwards.

And so… it happens.

Baekhyun falls asleep before your visit. The door he has opened beforehand as always, but you enter a dim room with dozing Baekhyun splayed on the bed in his red carpet outfit from earlier that day. He worked out in the morning, did some hosting, talked his soul out in an interview, attended an award show, drove home, and eventually collapsed in the sheets. Lights out.

You put the rice box and cake slice you brought along on his desk. He looks so cute when he dozes, but you also hate disturbing his sleepy angel hours. Especially because you know how worn-out his schedule has left him and you feel sorry for it.

You feel weird for standing there with your take-out and want to hurry outside as fast as possible, but leave a note.

For the first time in weeks, you eat dinner in your own flat.

After forcefully waking up at 3AM due to his usual sleep cycle being off balance, Baekhyun falls into a spiral of regrets. Once it dawns on him what time it is and he must have missed your visit, he buries his face in his palms sitting at the edge of the bed.

He resents himself for neither cleaning up his bedroom properly nor staying awake even more so, no matter how eventful his day was. He imagines how you must have seen him sleep, probably in the most humiliating, unflattering position and with terrible hair, judging him for being rude, forgetful, unattractive, messy, and probably a thousand other things.

Until… he finds the note. That one gives him a second almost-heart attack, but an adrenaline-fueled one this time. He stumbles back onto his bed and reads it twenty times over.

„Rest well and dig in. Don’t worry. Text if you’re okay. 03304 68010113.“

After three typos in your number, almost choking on cold rice because he eats so passionately, and several minutes of going back and forth on sending something, he kicks his own ass and writes a little „I’m ok, I’m very very sorry! I’m an idiot 😭“. After you reply that he has no reason to apologize, he rambles on about how he wishes that he’s not being an inconvenience to you with a whole row of sad and dejected emojis.

You hate that Baekhyun feels put on the spot and obliged because of you this way and try to think hard about how to solve the dilemma. You won’t try to stop the rain of his apologies by telling him to calm down because you know it’ll make it worse, and instead decide it’s time to get going.

The opportunity is now, and there’s only one.

‚So, I have an idea—“

Going to the groovy little underground pizza restaurant downtown is something that Baekhyun immediately accepts as a suggestion. He wants to compensate for his dozing, but he also knows that this is a whopping chance more than anything.

And… a covert first date.

He knows that’s what it is. It’s about leveling up now.

Before you can write that you’ll treat him and he can relax, he gets firm with insisting that you will pay not a single dime. You know that it’s not just his overworking conscience speaking. It’s also the only way Baekhyun gets an occasion to express that he takes this very seriously via text.

That he wants to repay you and aims to get the most out of meeting up is something you realize when he steps out of the wardrobe room the next evening after everyone in the company has gone home.

The stylists he has told that he needs to try this particular outfit on for some time to get used to it. „I need to dance in this, so.“

Actually, it is meant for EXO performing at the Oscars next week, but he got away with the excuse and a promise to take care.

And… he really did the rest of the styling all by himself. He’s turned into a glamorous neat freak. Every shiny hair glued into its desired place, freshly dyed honey blonde with soft brunette roots.

In fact, who walks at you is a wholly different Baekhyun in a dark, reddish-violet satin suit, pointy black shoes, matte black tie, mature sultry eye shadow, black square sunglasses pushed up into his hair, his signature lipstick, with a distinct statement tote bag, and black lace socks. I repeat: Lace. This is the fanciest anybody has ever headed to eat $6.50 pizza at a tube station. I mean wow, just wow. The tailored shoulders and how tight the tux cinches in at the waist is on par with Kai’s Obsession crop top.

Even the much more expensive award show outfit from last week looks like a potato sack compared to how much he dolled himself up and reinvented literally every inch about himself. Like you have to prevent yourself from drooling.

Yep. He. Means. Business.

Funnily enough, Baekhyun realizes his zeal and just how much he is trying to impress you at all costs when you turn up with your standard khaki trench coat, bunny print umbrella, and casual white sneakers that have seen World War 1 and 2. You know, just the way you always come to his apartment and the way it’s inconspicuous.

Going by his face… he starts to overthink his esteem. You can see how his expression becomes mortified. You promptly decide to put an end to his self-conscious back and forth through taking him by the hand.

„You’re the best-looking man in the world and I’m asking you for a date. Are you comin’ or are you not?“

You then make it particularly clear to him that if anything, this right in front of you is very much authentic Baekhyun and not someone else you’re in for after all. And, that you’re both in your genuine form tonight the way it’s gotta be, the way you know each other and the reason why you decided to do this. Boom.

Four-step Greek style sermon for tonight: Delivered.

Now he’s gaping at you too much to beat himself up. That mission is very much accomplished. Modern problems apparently require ancient rhetoric. You’re in a kick-ass mood tonight. I dunno, anybody would be, Baekhyun’s accentuated sense of style has the historic potential to make girls reckless.

Baekhyun’s hand is heated like an Icelandic geyser and his heartbeat rate would make the average rabbit look like an amateur. Believe it or not — it’s the first time you’re deliberately touching. It’s ridiculous.

You head to the company garage, he churns out five jokes in a row on how he must look like a Korean Elton John on the way to his best-of concert, you laugh… Baekhyun feels better. Three times as nervous compared to when you usually come to his flat, but better nevertheless. And he drives, so.

He feels like he’s catching up and giving something back, no matter that you feel he doesn’t have to, but to him, it’s important.

You joke back to him how it’s a little bit funny — Elton John pun intended — that you saw every inch of Baekhyun’s apartment at this point already but this is the first date. The world is upside down, but it’s SM Entertainment, so. Things get started in different ways, but they do.

That realization is getting to him, too. Baekhyun’s peacock alter ego emerges to bolt over the motorway like a lovedrunk Lewis Hamilton with a foot glued to the gas pedal, but also checks fifty times for how you feel in the passenger seat. Asking about how you like it, if the A/C is set to how you want it, whether your seat is tilted the way you enjoy it. Damn, he really is on edge.

On top of that, said alter ego maneuvers him right into a 3-kilometer outer ring traffic jam before his innocent self even realizes it. More time to chat… more time to sit so close… more time you get to savor the comfort of his luxurious car. So that was a Freudian slip with a steering wheel right there.

You already know that Baekhyun has never tried as hard to make somebody like him. You compliment his taste in cars vice versa to take that pressure off before he turns into a nervous wreck entirely. And then, also adding that you could get used to this which makes Baekhyun feel like a billion Won. His eyes are downcast, his cheeks are beaming. Figures, light superpowers and such, we know the deal.

Meanwhile, that you really like him already and for a long time is something you challenge yourself to make more than apparent to him. If he’s still this desperate about pleasing you and unsure about how he comes across, there’s some work to do. This guy needs a sign. A football field-sized one. If Baekhyun’s demon is his self-worth tonight, yours is being a lot more demonstrative. You’ve been far too indirect with him all day every day.

That you’re outside of both your professional spheres actually helps: Big fucking time.

Easing him into a conversation happens surprisingly smooth when you recount visiting his apartment and seeing him sleep so beautifully. Which you say was the most gratifying thing which is the truth. It’s been on his mind, hearing about your relief makes a lot of things plague him less.

You also add how you enjoy bringing him food just because. That he’s nice and good company, even when he sleeps. That assures Baekhyun and makes him laugh.

And yes. He ends up serenading you throughout the entire traffic jam. And yes. When Baekhyun is in love, his singing is particularly on point. You can hear the cherry on top in his registers. No need for the stereo, you can ask him to sing any song you like.

The traffic jam disperses after 20 minutes, Baekhyun has interpreted your entire favorite playlist at this point. Arriving feels like way too soon.

You put your trench coat over Baekhyun while he exits the car. There’s hardly anyone around in this part of the town but who knows, making sure not to mess up his hair in the process. Both of you hurry to the stairs leading underground. Meanwhile, the car is parked quite stealthily behind a closed-down fish restaurant with dusty windows.

It feels good to walk around with Baekhyun right by your side.

The surroundings are cluttered with trash and only few people wait at the tube station that opens up before you with every step downwards. It’s actually perfect as a getaway. There are mostly older businessmen on shift at first glance.

It’s colder out in the open and surrounded by surfaces of concrete, the car was like a spa by comparison. Baekhyun takes the initiative to put the trench coat back onto your shoulders. You feel flattered and you smile at each other, and walk on with synchronized steps. The pizza bar is almost within sight. In the meantime, the digital board announces the tube arriving in five minutes. He takes your hand.

And then… some real bullshit goes down.

A group of seven scraggly-looking teens lounge on a bench, roughly 200 meters before the pizza bistro. You have to pass the bench close-by given how narrow the walking space next to the train tracks is.

One of them, the tallest of the bunch, coarsely shouts at you. „How much did that prostitute cost and where does he keep his money, huh?“ He sticks his wriggling tongue out right along. The others are ogling Baekhyun’s shoes and chest pockets, preying and laughing and sneering. It dawns on you that you should’ve asked for one more song in the car.

The mood tips. One of the boys sitting on the left side of the bench starts fiddling with a 3-inch switchblade. And then, something flicks the switch inside you, too. Your Kyoong-protect-o-meter goes through the roof faster than Baekhyun can get his car to the speed limit.

Cue She-Hulk transformation. In an onslaught of your inner wrestling diva claiming her rights, you take matters into your own hands by hurling Baekhyun’s glitzy designer bag at the guy’s surprised face. Sorry Versace, it had to be done. The whole group gasps out loud. While they’re still caught off guard, you go on to lunge forward and furiously whack greasy knife guy and two other approaching attackers with your Roger fucking Rabbit umbrella using a windmill-motion martial arts technique you came up with from scratch. Baekhyun doesn’t even have to duck… being smol has its advantages.

The switchblade is sent flying into a bin. Point landing. You proceed to rip into the group to helicopter your improvised weapon in circles until it threatens to plow down the better of them and they back away squealing and pleading. Britney would be so damn proud of you, I’m telling ya.

Needless to say, the mortally terrified group runs and disperses into the arriving tube, probably booking their therapist appointments for Monday morning already. You pick up the bag for Baekhyun a little breathless, dust it off, and say a prayer. Holy shit.

What the hell just happened. Literally, what the fucking fuck.

An entirely wide-eyed Baekhyun still can’t believe that a whole group of sleazy guys twice as tall as him took an unhinged windmill beating by you to prevent a robbery, and meanwhile he is the martial arts champion. Like, hello? He’s been a Hapkido instructor with several gold medals. How many black belts does the guy have again? He could mow down fifty of that kind and pulverize anyone of them with a mere NCT-style kick. This is ridiculous. He’s mighty impressed.

A few businessmen at the station are looking at you from afar with open mouths. You wave and give a thumbs up signalling all is okay. The security personnel reviewing the CCTV the next day is down for a ride. You hope that there are no headlines with pictures of this. Tube brats get their ass busted by cartoon bunny at 2:15 AM. K-Pop star Baekhyun defended by mysterious umbrella wielder gone wild.

You take a deep breath, brush off your coat. „Um. Moving on I guess.“ Then, interlink arms with Baekhyun, strolling on toward the restaurant. Looking around everywhere, still a little shocked. Walking off your relief helps, as is looking forward to eating. Damn, you do outrageous things when you’re hungry.

The restaurant is the size of the practice room at best, lit with white neon and decorated with Italian flags in every corner. The empty seats are designed like in an American diner from the 80s.

The lanky six-foot-something waiter, Luigi Roberto Maranello Salvatore (his nameplate is really in-depth about this), hurries to the door when he sees how Baekhyun is dressed and probably thinks the King of Korea just arrived. Which he, in fact, did, but that’s beside the point.

You sit at the very back and get comfortable after breaking your last sweat. An enthusiastic Luigi presents to you the latest ‚delicious couple menu options’ and promises to use the best toppings he can offer. You instantly trust him, Luigi has the most accurate mustache you’ve ever seen.

Baekhyun and you share a huge plate of the curiously named ‚Pizza Puppy Love‘ that might be better described as a circle-shaped late night gala buffet. You dig in because damn, fighting thugs makes hungry, and Baekhyun stuffs himself given how it’s his favorite meal. Luigi sees that you are avid eaters and way too busy looking at each other, so he disappears in the kitchen, proud of setting the mood just perfectly.

In the meantime, Baekhyun says that he thinks of hiring you as a sasaeng protection machine. You muse how the umbrella is sturdier than you thought and you wouldn’t hesitate to use it again now that you think about it. Being Baekhyun’s Jarvis is not a bad thought, actually. Beating up rascals for him is your newly discovered love language.

In fact: Whatever took over inside of you and made you lose your chill, Baekhyun is mighty curious about. He thinks that was very sexy. You get the feeling that this guy could like dangerous women. He might have picked that up from Taemin, credits to him.

After Baekhyun has dramatically recounted the umbrella incident at least five times, the conversation goes on about your embarrassing hiding stories, how hilariously over- and underdressed you are as a unit, and you teasing him about „speeding on the highway, are we“. Baekhyun teases you back about how you acted like his manager with your trench coat over his head. He kind of has a point and you call it a tie.

Seeing Baekhyun all full with his beloved pizza and acting so carefree in his Oscar suit is a cute sight. You take the liberty to cut a particularly large slice out of the puppy pizza UFO and feed him.

If it’s a couple menu, you gotta act like it.

Baekhyun is making some mighty heart eyes at you, and so — you decide to take it a little further. This whole fight thing made you forget you’re on a goddamn date after… a whole year of eyefucking and that it’s about time to close the gap.

Luigi is wholly busy making order in the kitchen and Baekhyun has some tomato sauce stuck at the side of his mouth. Convenient. You take the chance to wipe it off with the tip of your right digit.

He realizes what you’re doing and promptly grabs your hand to keep it right where it is. Uh-oh. His tongue darts out, he licks right across your finger. To top it off, he starts to suck it, too. With a typical nonchalance. Seeing how you almost combust, he takes another finger into his hot mouth. And sucks a little more. His lipstick smudges onto your hand. His eyes are like hot coals and the pupils are all blown. Oh my, my, my.

If you’re just playing, don’t you ever give Baekhyun anything to escalate on like that, ever. The way you were ready to knock down the seven guys, he is ready to get physical once the first step is done. Though, the thing is. You’re not playing. It’s exactly the type of fodder that you’ve been craving to give him. Baekhyun’s oral fixation is something else.

The rest of the pizza is gone in five minutes…

…and Luigi gets the tip of his life.

You walk to the car in much faster steps than before. Even if it’s later than late, nobody is around anymore except a sleeping beggar on the other side of the station. No danger in sight whatsoever. There’s a different reason to get going like that this time and there’s no way you can mentally prepare yourself for what’s coming.

Back to the fish restaurant, back to the car spa. Nobody on the streets, anywhere. This night, Baekhyun does not feel even remotely tired, though.

After you put your umbrella in the trunk — you will honor it much more from now on — the driver’s and passenger’s seat stay empty for half an hour and a little more. Now, the actual stereo is on. There’s a lot to catch up with on the backseat.

Baekhyun puts Delight on repeat, and queues City Lights just because. Guy knows what good music and singing sounds like. You interlock hands and call him pretty. Baekhyun is flustered, but all the more eager.

It takes barely a minute until you get serious with making out on top of him and grind on his lap like the world ends. The satiny fabric is too tempting not to gyrate all over it in your jeans. Lord knows his legs are great. You know what you signed up for. Those thighs are so delicious to straddle, you can’t even imagine.

Baekhyun gazes at you so intently and ready, whispering his little you-can-do-anythings and tell-me-all-you-wants, it’s like magic.

To top it off, kissing his little pouty lips has got to be the best thing, running your hands through his sexy hair — even more so. Your mouth and fingers have been begging you to do this. Begging.

From there, your hands go places. His neatly razored nape of the neck, his waist, the chest. His suit, all that expensive fabric, his gentle skin, it’s so nice to the touch. He smells so hot. Bergamot, cinnamon, and sweet, deep, rich and soothing sandalwood. „Girl, I’m your Candy“ gets a whole new meaning. Practice room memories. As if you aren’t wet enough already.

By the last minute of the second track, Baekhyun is already hooked kissing your neck and does some very daring acrobatics with his tongue. And you thought the pizza would satiate him. Nope, he eats you up like a whole salad bowl of black bean noodles with three pounds kimchi and ten fried eggs stacked on top. In his own words I mean lyrics: Game over.

The desperation and nervosity adds even more sloppiness and hunger. These have got to be the lewdest slurping and sucking noises you’ve ever heard. You can’t help but curse the ugliest things. Something’s pretty damn hard through the front of his tux already.

Baekhyun feels that you feel it and the kissing becomes even more frantic. His whole body says: Grind more. Please. Please.

By the time the fourth track starts, Baekhyun’s entirely wet mouth wanders upward. Here goes the French kissing madness. You glide your hips back and forth on his bulge, and his tongue is already winding inside of you like it’s advanced singing lessons. It’s so unreal that you have to grab hold of his upper arms to stay in place. Shit, this guy.

You can tell that this… is his absolute forte. Nobody can fuck with Baekhyun when it comes to outrageous mouth and throat technique. Your tongue gets a sense of how confident he is in his lip service and works his way into it. Now you know how it feels when Byun Baekhyun pays back your attention. Holy Luigi’s Cannoli, he has so much fun. Way, way too much fun. Like Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

And that’s the last damn straw. Really, the last one. You can’t do this shit anymore. You ask for condoms.

After freezing up for at least ten seconds, he nods his little head about ten times in a row. It’s as if he can’t actually believe it and didn’t just kiss the shit out of you with the hardest dick in history.

„Okay, I’ll—“

Baekhyun keeps them in a yellow puppy-shaped bag under the driver’s seat and takes three torturous minutes to get them from there since it’s underneath and behind other random things. Which means you get to look at his ass for said time because he is bent forward between the two front seats. It’s not like you’ve never seen Baekhyun from behind, but never this close nor in a suit as tight since he usually wears baggy things. So. He’s not just big in the front, then. For his build? That is Korea’s ass.

And the condoms? You expected they were in his tote or his suit within one reach and rip. Nope, Baekhyun did not leave the company building with intentions. He’s been managing this raging boner for a whole year and did not make any moves on you in his apartment where he could have had you on any available surface in two minutes. Baekhyun wasn’t close to even remotely ask for literally anything. He just sat there on the couch with restless legs, ruffled hair, and an open mouth while hearing you talk. You don’t want to imagine how intensely he must have gotten off. Which he, in fact, did.

He didn’t deliberately plan sex in a specific place for the first date either. Instead, he was prepared for— what exactly? A slight eventuality? Now that you think about it: Going by how he dressed himself, what Baekhyun probably thought he could get out of this was: A compliment. Even if all of your evening visits were nothing but hardcore sexual tension and this was the chance to bring that to an end. Let that sink in.

This guy’s self-control is not only astronomical, but also completely astounding given his usual character. In fact, you thought he would be entirely sovereign with this. How could he not? He’s Baekhyun!

Going by all that… You conclude that Baekhyun must really feel like he does not deserve you. His shame and self-denial must go through the roof. Given how his deeper insecurities have been in plain sight, it actually makes sense. Looks like you’re the one bringing them out, whatever it is that you do. It’s pretty tough knowing that you rouse something as vulnerable in him but it’s as good as it is bad. You find him very brave and incredible for letting it show. Honestly? It’s better than pushing through all of this pretending.

Plus — You really must have given him the impression that he can look but not ever touch. While that’s the entire opposite of what you want.

To be fair: Having Baekhyun openly touch you in the company would have been a dangerous act. Even more so than say, you touching him, (which would have been somewhat possible, look at stylists and managers casually or work-relatedly doing skinship). Because that means that the availability his profession suggests to the world is no longer a thing and his mind is set on one person. Which, in his field, is social death.

That’s why Baekhyun could only ever touch you by virtue of circumstances and whatever higher forces arranging accidents where he bumped into you. Talk about indirect ways. The universe gave you what you wanted, but in a way where there was always the excuse of bad luck and no possibility of other people finding out about your feelings. Risky love breeds risky circumstances.

The same with showing his body or knocking at your door to get your attention. He knows he can’t do that, can’t ask for it. So what happens? You accidentally walk in on him, or he crashes against your office entrance after slipping.

The same with treating you, spending time together, getting taken care of by you. Baekhyun found himself wishing for it. So it happened that you spilled your fries and he bought them for you all over, and he was begging for fried noodles so the opportunity to meet surprisingly came about. The accidents themselves both of you didn’t want nor deliberately stage, but you very much wanted the results of them. Directly you could not express your feelings, not even Baekhyun. That’s how it all came to be and now you see just how much he wants to be close to you in so many ways.

That he feels ashamed and undeserving — that shocks the living hell out of you.

So, all right then, keeper. Time to show you otherwise.

It’s crazy how he thinks you’re the one off limits and not him. Then again, he’s not the guy with the savage umbrella technique.

Since his hand is too shaky, you slip one on him and start to ride him without any further ado. You’re already leaking so what’s left to fiddle around about. No wasting any time here.

The deal is as good as sealed. He feels fucking great inside of you and his wide eyes are the most rewarding thing. Whatever dimension Baekhyun just broke through, the level of whipped is not possible to be described with any human words. His hands are roaming over you pretty much without aim, you can tell your body is too much for him.

After he’s begging you to do it roughly, you grab him by the collar and fuck his soul out until he’s all gasping because his dick hurts. The song’s called Are You Ridin’ with good reason.

Baekhyun’s brains are long screwed out at this point, if not reduced to absolute green and purple jello. Is there actually any mind to lose at this point after you had your fingers in his mouth? Like literally, his favorite thing? Probably not.

He bites down into his sleeve. Baekhyun is all knocked out by you by the time you get to your second orgasm, and reclines on the backseat bench to starfish the rest of the thing with his mouth hanging open at you. Hormone overload. His entire body shut down except the will to keep it up and not come. Yum, he is fit. Where he takes that godly strength from, only higher powers can tell. The Tree of Life, Zeus, Ten Chittaphon, I don’t know.

He just has the kind of dick you can really bounce on. Really. Fucking. Hard. You are one spark of insanity close to run on autopilot. I don’t think anybody’s growled like this on him before. Nor was Baekhyun’s cock this close to falling right off, ever.

This is not sex, it’s a crazy as fuck pounding, with Baekhyun on the verge of being blacked out with drool on his chin and his eyes rolling back. His fingers are absentmindedly trailing down your upper back and all he can utter is a small, yearning „please, please“ and gritting „don’t stop, please don’t stop…“ between his teeth. And hell, you have not a single reason to. Cue Captain America, I can do this all day.

When other people say smashing, whatever they’re referring to is not as smash as this. This must be the dirtiest, wettest slapping noise you’ve ever heard, and Baekhyun’s entirely uncontrolled moans will be forever etched into your memory. So melodic, so goddamn excited and desperate and all fucked out. He’s groaning so well, it’s like it’s meant for you.

By the third time you come, he’s crying and whining and has to cover his mouth not to scream out loud. You have no idea what your body is doing, but whatever it is, it’s taking Baekhyun out. Even you tire after some time, but you keep going. You imagine that every thrust is the meal and attention you wanna give to him.

That’s a lot of fucking and edging you get done in half an hour. Baekhyun’s tongue is hanging out afterwards and you went through a whopping three condoms. So much frustration finally released. Baekhyun’s gonna be emptier than Suho’s wallet after Sehun ordered a lifetime supply of bubble tea.

You squarely avoid oozing your own cum onto his backseat with one hand. Good lord that creampie would ruin everything if he didn’t wear a condom. You’ve come a long way since colliding in the cafeteria, not gonna lie.

And thank God you’re not fucking somewhere in the company and the Audi is close to soundproof because this guy is LOUD. You need some good eardrums to handle these moans. Unhinged is an understatement. If this becomes a contest outwhoring each other, he’d win by a landslide.

By the time you slip off, Baekhyun is on the verge to the dreamland, you milked every last drop out of him. Which means…

…you get to drive an expensive as fuck Audi through Seoul. Your beatdown with the tube thugs you try to refrain from boasting about, but this one you are tempted to brag about to yourself for the next week. Well, in your mind. Just a little bit. It’s a great car. And you feel giddy in your body all over. That’s what sex with Baekhyun does to you.

Seoul traffic is tame around this time. Half in his sleep, Baekhyun hums and sings on the driver’s seat. He’s all sober, but you made the guy act a lil’ drunk, huh. In his element, he talks and talks and talks and talks a little more. Then, does his tiny 'ㅅ' pup face and dozes for half the ride. Sleeping angel hours.

You can’t really scold him for passing out so fast in the slightest. As always, he went who knows how many extra miles just for you. That includes vowing to hand-wash his Oscars suit because it’s fucking ruined. Since the stylists are guaranteed to flame him, you send the fashion department a message how Baekhyun has to wear a different suit because he’s simply too dummy thick for this one, especially as far as the pants are concerned. Which is almost no lie and they will believe you.

Much like his name suggests, Baekhyun does go hundred. At his apartment, you basically have to carry him into the bedroom. He says he doesn’t want to sleep. But you won’t kiss him goodnight after you pull off your jacket without a strong word on how his health has to be priority. He gets the point when you say you wouldn’t have had a first date without Baekhyun dozing off before your evening visit.

Sweet baby Jesus, you’d still be awkwardly slurping noodles without Baekhyun’s faux pas. If you look back at it: It’s all a story of accidents that turn out beautiful.

Sleep being Baekhyun’s reset button, that’s the best thing to do in order to give the night a good conclusion. Being alone in his apartment together, you don’t have to discreet about sleeping next to him after setting the alarm clock.

Mark Lee’s piping hot Americano is the culprit for all of this, but you thank him.

----

#exo smut #baekhyun smut #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun hc #baekhyun headcanon #baekhyun imagine #baekhyun #exo imagine #exo scenario #exo hc #baekhyun scenario #exo headcanon #baekhyun reaction #bbh #baekhyun angst #baekhyun crack

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evilblot · 3 years ago

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Fandom ask game, Resident Evil! I was thinking Village, but feel free to pull from the series as a whole!

Well, despite knowing basically everyone in the series personally (and some of them... carnally hfhfhf), I don't think I'm ready to open the REvildora's Box™ just yet, so instead I shall curse you with my very based opinions on RE4 and Village instead for they are my beloveds <3c

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

RE4: The Merchant! My bestie, my pal, my boinky spunge... God I love him so much <3c Best comfort character to ever step into a RE game, I wish I could snatch him like the purse and take him home with me. Also Capcom if you're reading this... Bring him back. Tell me he's all right. Explain how the Duke knows about him. I NEED ANSWERS FFS >:(

RE Village: No thoughts, only Sturm frolicking free within the walls of my skull, bouncing around my brain like the DVD screensaver dispensing dopamine like a murderous vending machine... We shall be married in spring <3c

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

RE4: Regenerators! They're shaped like friends and they give the best hugs! Sweet toothy babies, there's not a single thought behind those eyes and we're all absolutely thankful for that jddhk Also shout out to my guys the Garradors. Absolutely fucked up choices have been made for y'all's design but you're still my fave thing to crash into in the Castle 💜

RE Village: 《 *covers the mic* Can I say Sturm again? ..No? Aight, fine, I still got this dw 》 Call me based but the Soldaten are my squad and I will hoard them like a crazy old lady gathers stray cats. Sure, they're a little blood-thirsty and they definitely don't smell good but I don't care, they're so dear to my heart I can ignore such trivialities <3c (also I'm armed with wet towelettes and I ain't afraid to use them fhfhgh)

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

RE4: Ingrid. She's not really a "fave" of mine but I do like her, she was there for us when no one else was and honestly she's quite the most beautiful sight we get to see on screen imo... too bad everyone is obsessed with Ada instead smh 🙄

RE Village: Donna Beneviento. Maybe it's the gay panic, maybe it's her chapter being one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed in a RE game or maybe it's just the sad Italian bitches solidarity™ but she's really grown on me ngl. I just wish we had seen a little more about her though :/

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I will not ever shut up about it for a week)

RE4: Mike. We met for a short time but I loved you from the first moment... To bad you had to die so soon waaaa 😭💔

RE Village: Angie, who just like her creator hasn't received the right space she deserves within the narrative. Her design is top notch, her character is literally through the roof and the fact that she's the unhinged part of Donna? Fuck Capcom, why don't we explore that a bit more uh? Why don't we get to know more about this dynamic uhh??? Justice for Angie and Donna when 😤

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

RE4: Fucking Osmund Saddler. He's slimy, he's nasty, he's got tentacles in places they shouldn't be... He's the cult leader we don't need but surely deserve basically fjhd. Love to babygirlify him one day, I think that would fix him for good uwu💅✨

RE Village: Uhh I'm gonna regret this but uh.. Mother Miranda. Girlboss, gatekeep, gaslight queen am I right? I really like her character (that design... Yes!), her motivations and overall her story arc which, despite not being flawless and could've been better managed into terms of writing, I do find quite interesting :) She still gives me kinda the homophobic vibes though so hmm. I'm conflicted fjfhh

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

RE4: Salazar. I have nothing against him, I actually kinda like him but he's short and a brat so I'm just compelled to poke fun at him (and perhaps risk the fury of his bodyguards maybe even being manhandled by them, oh noo whatever shall I dooooo hrsgahg 👀🥴). Aaand Bitores too. Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head 🎱🙋

RE Village: Heisenberg, and this time it's personal >:3c

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

RE4: Krauser. He's a half-naked annoying crummy bundle of toxic masculinity whose perky nipples have harassed me on screen long enough. It's time to STOP. Go to therapy. Please?

RE Village: I think everyone should take turns in there. Not because I hate any of them but because I want to see the ensuing chaos unleashed down there uwu

Aaand we're done, tènkius so much for the ask, I've had a lot of fun with this one (despite taking an hour to come up with an answer that wasn't just copy-pasting Sturm and the Merchant for every category fjfhhf) and ofc if any of y'all is a RE fan you're more than welcome to come here and roast me for my life choices djfbdhfb <3c

#resident evil 4 #resident evil village #ask game #foolishwritingsstupidideas #get to know the corpse #oh yes this is definitely going on the other blog jddhk

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chloelucia13 · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 18: E Pluribus Unum

Pairing: Jonathan Byers x female!Henderson!reader

Prompt: You always thought Hawkins was the most boring town of all, stuck in a vacuum void of excitement and entertainment. Well, it seems that way until the world decided to flip upside down, literally.

Chapter Summary: The horrid night at the hospital brought up many worries about you, especially for Jonathan. With the party’s advice, Nancy and Jonathan devise a plan to hopefully get you back to normal.

Word Count: 3720

Warnings: pretty angsty, a little fluff, language, violence, gore, discussions of possession and lack of autonomy, mentions of death, different perspective in italics

A/N: We’re getting close to the end of season 3! I’m thinking I’m gonna space these episode rewrites between some extra scenes I couldn’t fit into the story and some individual one shots, but let me know what you think! As always, my in box and tag lists and requests are all open! Love you!

Tags: @just-my-fandom @nightbu-g @neemonroe

As Nancy and Jonathan watched the creature shift form and trickle through the vents in the door, panic flooded through their veins.

Jonathan contemplated running back to you and waking you up, to beg for you to take control of that thing and save Nancy. But as he thought about it, the image of your panicked face flashed in front of his eyes. He saw how fearful you were that you were losing control, that you might put everyone at risk.

Ultimately, he decided that you being asleep was for the better, but that didn’t make this situation any easier.

He heard a thud from inside the room as he gripped onto an oxygen tank and began to ram it into the door handle to try and break it off. After that proved fruitless, he shifted his efforts to the glass window in the door, watching the webbing cracks grow longer and longer but the glass still didn’t cave.

The creature let out a blood-curdling roar as a herd of footsteps approached Jonathan. Defeatedly, he stumbled back and tried to heave in a few breaths as Eleven stepped up to the door and tore it from its hinges. As the door crashed to the ground, the creature turned to screech at the group that was herded in the doorway.

“Jesus,” Mike gasped as Max hissed out a hushed “what the fuck” under her breath.

The creature rushed towards El, who was now a few steps inside the room, and she quickly swung her hand to the side, effortlessly tossing the creature against the wall. Then another wall. And then the ceiling.

Screams fell from El’s lips and the monster’s pincer-like jaws as it collided with the floor, though it quickly gained its composure and scrambled to its legs. It began to crawl forward with a vengeance, but Eleven threw her hands forward and sent the creature flying out the window.

As soon as they heard the splat of the creature hitting the pavement, Jonathan rushed into the room to check on Nancy while the party rushed down the stairs. Once she gave Jonathan a reassuring nod that she was, in fact, okay, they followed the party down the stairs and out to the parking lot where the creature laid.

The creature dissolved into that strange coagulation of guts and gore once more before inching over to a storm drain and dripping down into the tunnels.

Once there was to remnants of the creature lingering on the asphalt, Jonathan’s worry shifted to you, who was still on the abandoned floor of the hospital.

“Y/N,” he spoke, quickly turning on his heel and heading back inside.

“She’s in there?” Max asked incredulously, her eyes tracking Jonathan as he nodded quickly before disappearing behind the hospital doors.

His footsteps echoed throughout the stairwell as he rushed up the stairs two at a time, pushing through the door to the third floor. Panic was clouding his brain, hoping that you were still there and you hadn’t slipped away before he could try and help you. God, he just wanted to make you okay again. Make you you again.

As he rounded the corner to the room where you laid, he could barely even feel his feet from how overused they were. Nevertheless, he pushed forward, calling your name as he entered the room.

Luckily, you were still on the floor, and the inky veins seemed to have faded from your skin. You were so still, so motionless, though, as you laid on the cold linoleum that it worried Jonathan.

He gently knelt beside you and rolled you onto your back, one hand cupping your cheek while the other felt for a pulse on your neck. Once he felt the stead thrumming under his fingertips, he let out a sigh of relief. His hand left your cheek to brush a few strands of hair away from your face, letting his eyes soak in your relaxed features for only a moment before pulling you into his arms and lifting you off of the floor.

***

Your eyes began to flutter open from the movement, a small sigh falling from your parted lips. “Jonathan?” you whispered, panic beginning to seep into your veins.

He glanced down at you as he walked, each limping step making your head loll slightly. “Hey, it’s okay,” he hummed, clearly sensing the anxiety that had took hold.

Your gaze flickered over every bruise that marred his face. “I’m so sorry, Jonathan. I couldn’t take control. I couldn’t stop it.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay. We’re gonna get this thing out of you.”

You shook your head fervently, gripping onto his shirt. “Jonathan, you can’t. I’m gonna hurt you. I don’t have enough energy to keep the flayer at bay.” To say that you didn’t have enough energy was a sever understatement, though. You felt as though you’d been awake for days and had just run a marathon. Your body was screaming for sleep, your eyelids already beginning to droop.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“Jonathan, I don’t want to hurt you. Please.”

As he stepped out of the stairwell and through the exit of the hospital, he softly shushed you. Your mouth opened to argue, to beg for him to leave you and protect himself, but it fell shut along with your eyelids as the gentle rocking of his steps and his voice lulled you to sleep.

***

The drive to Hopper’s cabin was tense and silent, everyone in shock of what had just occurred. That, and the fact that they were harboring the leader of the flayer, the creature that was on a mission to kill.

Jonathan had volunteered to sit in the back of Nancy’s car with you on the ride there so that he could keep an eye on you, and though Nancy gave him a look of worry, he proceeded with his plan.

He sat with your limp body leaning against him, your head resting against his shoulder and your open mouth fanning your warm breath on his neck. With his girlfriend in the driver’s seat, his mind wandered back to the night before when your lips were pressed against his. He thought about the many times he had woken up with you in his bed, when both of you had fallen asleep to a mixtape that was still in the tape deck by morning. When the sunshine fell perfectly on your face that had a ghost of a smile lingering on it. When your legs were tangled with his and your head was resting on his chest, warm huffs of air falling from your lips and mingling with his breath due to the close proximity.

He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt at ridding himself of the thoughts, though all he could see was that rare glimpse of peace that he’d witness when you slept.

With a huff, he looked down at your sleeping form and watched your shoulders rise and fall with steady breaths.

He wished he could see the flutter of your eyelids as you dreamt, but they were hidden behind a scrap of fabric as a precaution in case you had awoken.

Once Nancy parked in front of the cabin, Mike assisted Jonathan in carrying you out of the car and into the house. Gently, the two boys laid you on the bed of the spare bedroom that was tucked away in the very back corner of the cabin.

As Jonathan slowly closed the door behind him and locked it, Mike gave him a look. “What?” Jonathan whispered, tucking the key into his back pocket.

“You should probably tone down the heart eyes a little bit,” Mike advised, arching a brow at Jonathan.

Jonathan’s brows furrowed in bewilderment, glancing around quickly before stepping close to Mike and lowering his voice. “What are you talking about?”

“Dude, are you that oblivious?” Jonathan shrugged, and Mike let out a sigh. “It’s super obvious that you’re in love with Y/N-”

“I am not!”

Mike stared at him silently with a look of extreme doubt, and Jonathan’s shoulders slumped. “Just try to tone it down a bit, dude. For Nancy.”

Guilt washed over Jonathan’s features at the mention of Nancy. “I just... I don’t know what to do.”

Mike gave him a look of sympathy. “Whatever you do, just don’t hurt either of them.”

Jonathan nodded silently and the two boys parted ways.

***

You woke with a start, searching around the room with wide eyes and a racing heart. You shoved the heavy comforter off of your body and scrambled to the carpeted floor. “Hello?” you called out as you balled your fingers into fists.

The floor creaked with each step, but everything else was silent. “Hello? Where the fuck am I?” you called out once more, stepping up to the door and trying the doorknob. The door didn’t budge, and your breath new fell from your lips in short bursts as panic took over your body.

Your fists collided with the door a few times, letting out a scream of frustration when the wood didn’t give. “Goddammit, let me out!” You threw your body against the door, but the door still held strong. “What the fuck are you going to do with me! Let me out, you son of a bitch!”

***

On the other side of the door, everyone who had fell asleep in the living room woke up from the pounding and the screams. Each person glanced to someone else in the room, silently communicating their panic from the adverse reaction you were displaying to being confined into an unfamiliar room.

Jonathan and Nancy quickly rose from their spot on the couch, Jonathan signaling at everyone to stay quiet while Nancy grabbed onto the rope that they had found the night before. Silently, both teens approached the door with caution and light footsteps.

*** Your outburst easily tired you, and you stumbled back onto the bed with a huff, your gaze fixed in a glare on the door.

It seemed to be only moments later that the door creaked shut, two figures slipping through the opening before slamming it shut once more. The two people slipped into the crack of sunlight that shone through the blinds, revealing themselves to be Nancy and Jonathan.

“Get away from me,” you hissed, shuffling back into the furthest corner of the bed. The two exchanged a look before Jonathan turned his back and headed over to the desk in the room that was accompanied by a wooden chair.

Nancy gripped onto your ankles and pulled you out of the corner, dragging you against the sheets and causing them to bunch up underneath you. You let out a growl and kicked with all your might, but she had already tied a quick knot around your legs. With another harsh tug, she yanked you off of the bed and onto the floor. You let out a gasp of pain, feeling all of the air escape your lungs and leave you winded.

Jonathan pulled the chair away from the desk and set it behind you and Nancy before rushing over to Nancy and assisting her in lugging you onto the chair. With your free hands, you gripped onto Jonathan’s shirt and tugged with all your might in an attempt to pull him to the ground, but to no avail.

The two sat you in the chair, and Nancy quickly freed Jonathan’s shirt from your grip. A huff left your lips as Nancy yanked your arms behind your back, tying them together before knotting it to the chair. “Let me go,” you said simply, showing no emotion whatsoever. Jonathan clenched his jaw, handing Nancy the other set of ropes for your legs. “Oh, I’m getting the silent treatment now?” You shook your head, leaning forward as much as your binds allowed you. “I said. Let. Me. Go.”

“Just ignore her, Jonathan. It isn’t her,” Nancy said, finishing up the binds on your legs before pushing herself to her feet. “I’m gonna get the heaters.” With that, she left.

“Isn’t her? Hell, I’m just voicing her concerns, her needs. And what she needs is for you to let her go. You don’t wanna break her heart, do you, Johnny? Not like all the other times you had?”

“Shut up,” he hissed through his teeth, eyes trained on the blank wall behind you.

“Oh, he speaks!” You flashed him a sinister smirk. “And why exactly should I shut up? I’m just speaking the truth-”

“You don’t know the truth-”

“Oh, but I do. I have access to her thoughts, her memories, everything. Like I said, I am her. And god, did you hurt her. When you saved Nancy from the Upsidedown but not her. When you ditched her for Nancy all those times, so you could ‘help Nancy,’ when little miss Y/N was the one needing help all along.”

He gulped, clenching his fists.

“All the times she let you run off to do god-knows-what with Nancy while she watched the kids. Watched your own brother.”

“I said, shut up-”

“You know she wished she died that night, in the tunnels. She didn’t want to be the sad damsel in distress anymore, didn’t want to be saved.”

Tears began to cloud his vision, and he turned on his heel to face the opposite wall.

“She wished she was with you. Wished she was in Nancy’s spot, helping you and your brother. But no, she had to go with the kids and Steve, had to be on the brink of death. She had to wait for you to help her, the thing she dreaded the most. You seeing her weak.”

“You’re lying. S-She doesn’t feel that way-”

“Then why do you feel so guilty? It’s tangible, I can almost taste it.” You leaned back, eyes trained on the back of his head. “And then you got a job at the Post with little Miss Nancy, leaving Y/N to work at the public pool with Billy. Leaving her to get possessed by the flayer. By me. Can’t you see, Johnny boy? This is all because of you. All her pain, her aching, because of you.” You chuckled softly, a sinister sound that reverberated in your chest. “Because of you, she was left vulnerable, open to being taken by me. I could tell, no matter how many times she cried for you, for anyone to help her, she needed this. She needed this little… Boost of confidence, let’s say. A lack of a filter.”

He sniffled, shaking his head softly. “Why should I believe anything you say?”

“You don’t have to, but I know you do. Because you know it’s all true.” You wiggled your fingers and toes, trying to get some circulation back into them. “You know that saying, sober thoughts are drunk actions? Think of me as the alcohol. I take her over, get rid of her filter, and let the truth run wild.”

He spun back around and stepped towards you, crouching down so he was eye-level with your face.

“That’s it. Look at what you did to her. Look at the scars.” You pursed your lips, smirking slightly. “She scares people. She doesn’t want to go outside, doesn’t want to be a spectacle, a walking freak show.”

“She’s not-”

“Did she ever tell you that she has to wear glasses because of her eye?” He shook his head. “She’s too scared to wear them around you. Doesn’t want to seem weird. She has constant headaches because of it, because she can barely see out of her one eye without them.”

His lower lip quivered slightly, his hand inching up to cup your face.

“She can hear you, Johnny. She can see you.” Another bone-chilling laugh. “She’s begging me to stop, but what’s the fun in that?”

“Screw you.”

The door squeaked open and shut, Nancy stepping in with a couple more heaters. “Sorry it took so long, I had to dig them out,” she explained, stopping when she took notice of the odd scene in front of her.

“Good. Let’s get this out of her,” He sighed, standing up straight and helping Nancy plug everything in.

You sat silently, a near-pout on your face as the pair worked on plugging in the multitude of heaters that Nancy had found. “I didn’t know you wanted me gone so badly,” you sighed, giving Jonathan a puppy-dog-eye look as he risked a glance at you.

The room already began to feel at least ten degrees warmer as all of the heaters got to work, and you glanced down in disdain at the sweater and jeans you wore. Nancy and Jonathan took a seat on the bed, their eyes trained on you as if you were a caged animal.

“So what did you guys do the last time you watched someone get exorcised?” you hummed, that fake smile settling on your lips once more. “Did you makeout, maybe sneak off to do god-knows-what together? It seems that that’s what you both are best at when people need your help.”

Nancy’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” she whispered, clearly bewildered by your bold statement.

You cocked your head to the side, feigning innocence. “Don’t you remember? Last year, you and Jonathan had gone off and disappeared while little Will was basically on his deathbed. All he needed was an older sibling, someone to comfort him, and Y/N, had to take up that role because you two were too busy.”

“We were trying to get justice for Barb-”

“And as a result you almost got everyone killed.”

“Shut up!” she screamed as she shot up from her seat and leaned close to you, close enough for you to see the sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. “If you say another word, I’m duct taping your mouth shut.”

You clenched your jaw and stared her in the eye, your chest heaving with heavy breaths. Jonathan reached forward and gripped onto Nancy’s forearm, prompting her to look back at him. They exchanged a glance and she contemplated their silent conversation for a moment before settling back down onto the bed.

The room grew warmer and warmer and the tension grew thicker and thicker. Everyone had stayed silent during that time, but that didn’t mean that you were shooting glares at the pair the whole time.

But that heat definitely began to worm its way between you and the flayer, acting like a knife between flesh and meat as it slowly cut away the flayer’s vicelike grip on you. However, as the flayer’s hold on you began to slip away, the days of sleep you’ve missed started to catch up with you.

Your eyelids drooped as sweat trickled down your face, your breaths ragged and hitched from the dry heat and lack of water. “Jonathan, Nancy, please just let me go,” you cried, weakly wiggling your hands and feet in their restraints.

“Y/N, you know we can’t,” Nancy answered, looking away from you so she wouldn’t feel guilt from the state you were in.

Nancy and Jonathan were suffering too, sweat making their clothes cling to them like a second skin. But they knew that if you were stuck in this miserable heat, they had to be too. They had to save you, no matter what it took.

Tears welled in your eyes and you let out a tired cry of frustration. “Please! I-I can take control of the mind flayer again and I can keep it from you guys! I can kill it! Please, just let me go!”

Nancy could tell that Jonathan was weighing the outcomes of each option, clearly caving in from the guilt and the heat. “Y/N, we need to get this thing out of you,” Nancy spoke up. “You only have so much control. We can help you.”

“You can’t help me!” you screamed, startling the pair and making them recoil slightly. “Just let me go! Let me go, you sons of bitches!” You began to violently thrash in the chair, prompting the two to get up and try to hold you down. Your screams grew louder when the attempted to restrain you, and they shared a horrified look when those familiar inky veins began to snake up into your skin.

Your strength grew as the flayer slowly slipped into power as a last ditch effort to continue inhabiting its host, and with one quick yank of your arm, the binds snapped from your wrist. Nancy scrambled to pin your wrist down, but once your other hand freed itself from its confines, both Nancy and Jonathan knew that their efforts were fruitless.

Jonathan rushed to help Nancy, both of them wrestling to keep you restrained while you fought against them with all your might. Your sweat-slicked skin seemed to prove advantageous as you quickly slipped from their grip, yanking the binds around your ankles and breaking them free.

The pair shared a panicked glance as you rose from the chair and shoved them both off of you. “Leave me alone,” you growled, your voice uncharacteristically deep as those black veins protruded from your skin. “Or there will be consequences.”

Jonathan hurried over to you and gripped onto your wrist, giving one last effort to try and help. That clearly was a mistake, though, as you snatched your arm back and landed a quick right jab to his jaw. He stumbled back and clutched his jaw, but as he looked up at you, a flash of guilt and fear could be seen in your eyes. It left as soon as it came, and he hopelessly watched as you slammed your fist into the window and escaped through the newly made exit.

***

Your eyes drooped with exhaustion as you sat on the landing of the stairs, head leaning against the railing as you stared out at the crowd of the flayed that were neatly lined up in single file rows.

“That-that girl,” he spat, pacing back and forth behind you. “She caused all of this.”

You nodded slowly, your face blank and emotionless.

“But we’ll win. Soon, we’ll talk control. We’ll end her, them, everyone. Everything will be ours.”

“When?” you hummed, slowly lifting your head from the railing to look up at him.

“Soon.”

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sseizonsha · 6 years ago

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Leon and Survival

Motivations and Guilt as an Agent of Death

The Biohazard universe requires the audience to suspend disbelief, particularly in regards to the protagonists surviving events where others would have died. One could argue that this is merely protagonist armor for the sake of thrills and playing the game, but if you’ll allow me, I’d like to get a little more symbolic and meta about this fact.

Leon is defined most prominently by two things: his tenacity, quick-thinking, and improvisation in the field, and the severity of the loss he experiences when he fails to save people in need. This eventually leads Leon to become the jaded and a little more distrusting version of what he used to be. But what’s most important here is despite this, Leon never loses his penchant for gambling on a snowball’s chance in hell. He never loses his idealism. He never stops believing he can help someone.

If I could let myself be facetious for a moment: Leon S. Kennedy. Leon Sentimental Kennedy. Leon Self-Sacrificing Kennedy. Leon Serve Justice Kennedy. Leon, ever the Survivor.

I have touched on this before in my exploration of Leon’s PTSD, but I really need to stress for anyone and everyone willing to listen: Leon does not take the term “survivor” as a compliment or as something to be lauded, and he prefers not to be referred to as such. At best, he uses it ironically in order to make fatalistic, derisive jabs at himself. The term serves as a reminder of all the people he’s failed and all the innocents he’s lost. This is also why, in Degeneration when defending Claire’s expertise, he omitted the fact that she wasn’t the only Raccoon City survivor in the room.

For Leon, helping others get to safety supersedes everything, including direct orders from top brass on mission; at the root of it, seeing others get out and survive IS his mission. Take, for example:

The important scene in RE2 leading up to and following Robert Kendo’s death, in which Leon shows serious emotional compassion for Kendo’s family and demands that Ada not keep the truth from innocent people. He explains that helping people is the only reason why he’s even here, that he cannot and will not allow her or anyone else keep the truth quiet.

When Leon and Helena are walking through Ivy University and come across the man looking for his daughter. Helena insists that they don’t have time for this, to which Leon responds, “We’re making the time.”

There is nothing more important or valuable to him than another’s life. Therein lies the greatest source of scarring and trauma for Leon: most of the people he stops to help end up dying anyway, and he is left standing over his friends’ and charges’ bodies, asking himself what exactly was the point of it all.

One could argue that this signifies Leon being protected by a force greater than himself. But you could also argue that Leon is that very protective force acting upon others. It is a secondary role, certainly, as his main career and role is to protect and serve and keep others alive. But no less important is this one: in which Leon S. Kennedy assumes the role of a psychopomp in the Biohazard universe.

Greek for “conveyer of the soul,” psychopomps serve a crucial role in most mythologies in that they exist to guide the recently deceased to the afterlife without hitch. It is important to note that many psychopomps do not exist to judge the soul; that they simply guide them to the next stage of passing. They are described as liminal beings: able to pass through both the land of the living and the land of the dead.

Below the read more I will explore these three defining aspects of Leon as a psychopomp. This is already a long post. Take a breather, maybe. Get some water. Get some sleep.

Judgement

One major quality that separates Leon’s character from many of the heroes in the Biohazard universe is that Leon's primary motivation is protecting innocents from villains rather than fighting the villains themselves; his personal stake in this fight is one based on compassion and the need for helping the victims and survivors. He doesn’t waste his time hating the bad guys more so than combating the corruption and greed that they stand for.

It is this nonjudgmental quality about Leon that allows him to see the world in shades of grey. He can empathize with motivations even if he doesn’t agree with them, and it’s for this reason why he can work so easily beside people like Ada Wong, Manuela Hidalgo, and Alexander Kozachenko.

With Leon as a psychopomp, this grey morality works for another reason: that a number of the characters who’ve died and had an impact on Leon all confessed some manner of sin to him before they died. More than that, they all acknowledge Leon in their own way. Below I will list some notable examples:

Marvin Branagh: Arguably the catalyst for Leon accepting his role in this fight, Marvin is first of many people to die in Leon’s line of service to the cause. When the Lieutenant insists that Leon leave without him, Leon refuses and says there’s still time. It is only when Marvin pulls a gun on him to save himself that Leon relents. Marvin names his guilt: “I tried, Leon. But I couldn’t stop it. We can’t let this thing spread. It’s on you now.”

Ada Wong: (subverted) Ada Wong is an entire meta post on her own in regards to Leon’s feelings, but she deserves mention here. The pain of her betrayal, “Why couldn’t you just hand over the sample,” was later exacerbated with the knowledge that she chose (allegedly) to die on her own terms rather than allowing Leon to save her. Ada tells him that “It isn’t worth it. Take care of yourself,” before falling to her supposed death.

Adam Benford: The United States President and long-time friend of Leon’s, Adam was prepared to sink the USA’s reputation into the ground for the sake of the truth and taking responsibility. When he tells Leon this confession, Leon responds with surprise but ultimately with support: “Whatever you decide, sir, I’m with you.” Adam validates Leon and tells him, “I’ve always valued your friendship.” I imagine this is one of the last things he says to Leon before he dies by Leon’s hand.

Luis Sera: Did not intend to die by anyone’s hands, including his own, but his motivations for helping Leon and Ashley are driven entirely by a need to repent. “I am a researcher, hired by Saddler....The sample. Saddler took it. You have to get it back.”

Liminal Beings

Spiritual guides are so powerful in the fact that they have an uncanny ability to travel between both worlds (living and dead) with ease. The most obvious parallel of this is Leon’s sheer luck in getting roped into outbreaks of undead infections and leaving alive and relatively unscathed. Such an existence is a lonely one. While the psychopomp may have companions for a time ( mission partners or innocents in need ), a rare few share his ability to travel between spaces; most often than not, those who follow from one destination must remain behind or move on.

When the psychopomp travels, it is often within a vessel which few can drive or operate, which is undoubtedly symbolic of the soul’s lack of control. In media and story-telling this is actually a trope known as the Afterlife Express. Leon S. Kennedy is often written and played in tandem with vehicular scenes, regardless of whether he is operator, passenger, or witness:

The beginning of Resident Evil 2: In which Leon drives his own Jeep (in full control) and ultimately switches to drive an abandoned RPD police cruiser deeper into Hell; it is subsequently crashed into and destroyed by an oncoming semi. Leon is temporarily trapped in Hell and must survive and find another way out (via the endgame train).

The beginning of Resident Evil 4: In which Leon is being driven by someone else into the countryside Pueblo. He is shown to be gazing out the window, contemplating on prior events. It is a recollection of his life’s past---his---but the ones doomed to meet their deaths are the Spanish police, who up until seemed so deceptively in control of the situation.

RE4: Ada driving the boat to the island. Again, subverted, as Ada does not die but chooses to leave the vehicle on her own terms.This forces Leon to take the controls and steer himself the rest of the way to his next area.

RE4: Mike and the helicopter. He meets and interacts with Leon just long enough to help guide Leon along his path; his death is a subsequent righting of roles. Leon witnessing Mike’s death and promising to honor him posthumously fixes this.

RE6: The start screen and Lanshiang. Leon rides a train with no known conductor steering the rails. The train is empty, save for himself; then with his companion, then with the soul he is sent to fight (Simmons.)

RE6: The plane. The pilot is subsequently killed and mutates into a Lepotica. Because everyone on board, with the exception of Leon and Helena, are infected, Leon is forced to take the controls and land the plane as best he can. Leon crashing the plane and surviving with Helena attests to his ability to move between literal spaces; the corpses and zombies destroyed in the plane crash all move on to the next world.

RE Damnation and the tank: While Sasha drives the tank and steers seemingly to his death against the Tyrant-Class mutant, Leon intervenes.

As a Guide

Beyond everything else that’s been said---and beyond the obvious that Leon’s primary duties are protective detail and getting his charges where they need to go, Leon's presence serves as a reassuring boon to many of the people he comes across.

Leon internalizes the deaths of everyone he fails to save. The main issue with this beyond the way it affects him is that Leon lacks the ability to see the reality of hindsight. Events in which an outbreak occurred (Harvardsville, Tall Oaks, Lanshiang) happened in a large enough scale that containment was nearly impossible. Sterilization was more or less the only way to eradicate the issue at hand. With or without Leon’s self-sacrificing and offers to help, the fact of the matter remains glaringly obvious to anyone else:

Most of the people caught in the chaos of these events likely would’ve died anyway.

Leon stopping to help gave these survivors the chance to last longer than they might have otherwise. He took that snowball’s chance in hell and made it count for what it was worth. The truth of the matter is? Although he is written as psychopomp symbolically, he is first and foremost incredibly and literally human.

From the symbolic, spiritual perspective, Leon is incapable of realizing that it is not his job to stop all of these people from dying---it is simply his job to be there for them so that they are not alone.

#meta.#leon s kennedy #biohazard commentary | ooc.#biohazard #resident evil #long post for ts #tw death #uh.#yeah so this is really long and 'm really proud of it and this is all thanks to luca for their suggestion.#someone tell me I'm good at writing #or someone tell me my love of leon fuckin' kennedy is real.

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josemaximiliano-blog1 · 7 years ago

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FAVORITE ALBUMS 2017 (TOP 50)

2017 was a phenomenal year for music and a special one because this year I went full dedication to music, heard albums here and there, a lot of them actually to be precise 402 albums I heard just from this year, there were good albums, bad albums, horrible albums, happy albums, sad albums, we had everything this year and out of those 402 I heard I selected the 50 that I liked the most from New Wave to Doom Metal to Bubblegum Pop to Hip-Hop, I found out about a lot of new interesting artists and I’m looking forward for what next year has in store for us. It was hard to choose my top 50 but here are the ones that stand out the most.

1. Alex Cameron - Forced Witness (New Wave, Synth Pop, Soft Rock)

Wow. This album has the best songwriting of the year, just to start the character development is sublime, the hooks are catchy, the lyrics are hysterically funny and the production is awe-inspiring, it brings back the 80′s in such an amazing way, his vocal performance is stirring. This album is an introspective look into the persona that Alex created. The recurrent themes of masculinity, bravado, love, failure, sincerity, hope and hopelessness make this album grow into you until it becomes addictive. The lyrics might be fun and everything but at the end there is a raw reality that some might feel identified with it.

Three songs you should check out: Candy May, Stranger’s Kiss (Duet With Angel Olsen), Politics of Love.

2. The War On Drugs - A Deeper Understanding (Heartland Rock, Synth Rock)

This album is awesome from start to finish, makes me want to take the car during midnight and drive and never look back, its beautiful and satisfying guitar riffs to its gorgeous instrumental breaks and dreamy synths make this album an almost perfect listening experience, with the cherry on top being the thoughtful and heart melting/breaking lyrics.

Three songs you should check out: Pain, Thinking Of A Place, You Don’t Have To Go.

3. Arca - Arca (Art Pop)

Immaculate and gorgeous production joined by a powerful voice, it is a journey into Alejandro Ghersi’s sexual life, fantasies and thoughts. This album has astonishing and beautiful falsettos with great lyricism.

Three songs you should check out: Anoche, Castration, Miel.

4. The National - Sleep Well Beast (Alternative Rock)

This album explores new territories into The National’s great discography and it is their most experimental album yet and it might be their best album too, time will decide. Frontman Matt Berninger gifts us one of the best written albums of the year with a sorrowful and mature songwriting joined by an amazing band work by the Dessner twins and company.

This album could’ve been my number one spot but being honest... Turtleneck is not for me. Excited to see them live next month!

Three songs you should check out: Nobody Else Will Be There, Dark Side of the Gym, Sleep Well Beast.

5. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION (Experimental Hip-Hop, Hip-Hop)

The first album out of the Saturation trilogy and what a perfect way to get introduced to this boyband, I want to be like them so bad! this album is banger after banger, the production is juicy and amazing, you will never get tired of this album.

I have more to say about them but (spoiler alert) they have two more spots on this list and I don’t wanna run out of praise.

Three songs you should check out: HEAT, SWIM, MILK.

6. Lorde - Melodrama (Art Pop)

This is an album that can define an entire generation, Ella wrote an album for the teenagers and it is a true blessing, with her beautiful voice and gorgeous production by Jake Antonoff (fun, Bleachers) Melodrama is really a melodramatic expression of the daily lives of many of us.

That’s a beautiful cover art by the way.

Three songs you should check out: Liability, Hard Feelings/Loveless, Liability (Reprise)

7. Perfume Genius - No Shape

Love has no shape, this album gorgeously produced songs (totally deserved that Grammy nomination) and Mike’s angelical voice make a wonderful listening experience.

Three songs you should check out: Slip Away, Die 4 You, Alan.

8. Sorority Noise - You’re Not As Alone As You Think (Emo, Indie Rock, Punk)

In a year where I openly struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and a friends death this album helped me a lot even though I might still be depressed, yes, this album talks about the same stuff I struggled with but sometimes a negative plus negative make a positive change.

Three songs you should check out: No Halo, A Portrait Of, A Better Sun. (It is just 30 minutes long so why not check the whole thing)

9. Father John Misty - Pure Comedy (Singer Songwriter)

2017 was a hell of a year and it is slowly going to fade away as long as we keep fighting each other and this album is just a reminder of that but it is also a reminder that it is a miracle to be alive and there is nothing to fear. Tillman’s songwriting is really an inspiration for me and he is my role model.

Three songs you should check out: Pure Comedy, The Memo, In Twenty Years or So.

10. King Krule - The OOZ (Post Punk, Art Rock, Nü Jazz, Trip Hop)

Yeah that genre description is cool isn’t it. Archy came out this with an amazing set of songs that explore depression and he just keeps showing us how great of an artist he is and yes we have to honest his voice is just something else I dream with his voice.

Three songs you should check out: Dum Surfer, The Ooz, Midnight 01 (Deep Sea Diver).

11. Charli XCX - Pop 2 (Electro Pop, Bubblegum Pop)

Charli closed the year with an amazing mixtape that stands out thanks to the amazing production by the PC Music team, the album is very futuristic and enjoyable with great features.

Three songs you should check out: Lucky, Porsche (Feat. MØ), Track 10.

12. Remo Drive - Greatest Hits (Indie Rock, Emo)

Same issue as Forced Witness but now with the title, to my understanding this is their DEBUT ALBUM and the fact they named it “Greatest Hits” made me think that this was a compilation from an old band trying to have more revenue but I’m glad I was wrong. This set of upbeat teenager songs is one of the best debut albums of the year.

They’re going to be touring with Sorority Noise how cool someone take me there!!!

Three songs you should check out: Crash Test Rating, Yer Killin’ Me, I’m My Own Doctor.

13. Julien Baker - Turn Out the Lights (Singer Songwriter)

The follow up to her debut album “Sprained Ankle” couldn’t be better, this is one of the most heart breaking and depressing albums (second most depressive because A Crow Looked At Me exists) of the year, Julien opens up with more depressive themes such as drug abuse, faith, suicidal thoughts and love and her delivery brings me to tears, the song structures here are brilliant and satisfying almost depending on the vocal performance but she doesn’t disappoint.

Three songs you should check out: Appointments, Sour Breath, Claws in Your Back.

14. Tyler The Creator - Flower Boy (Experimental Hip-Hop)

I didn’t like Tyler before this release but it did change my mind, this project was the album of my summer, literally, that was the only album I heard during summer camp so it brings me a lot of good memories with my friends and girlfriend.

Three songs you should check out: See You Again, Boredom, 911/Mr. Lonely.

15. Kirin J Callinan - Bravado (Art Pop, Synth Pop, Euro Dance)

The fact that one of my favorite songs from this album is one of my favorite memes of the year makes me feel wholesome.

Watch it for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg the joy starts at 2:23

Three songs you should check out: S.A.D., Big Enough, Bravado.

16. Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up (Chamber Folk, Folk)

One of the best produced and written albums of the year, beautiful instrumentation comes along with a strong set of lyrics to give one of the most pleasing albums this year, this would be even higher on my list if it hadn’t been for the replay value (that is good but it took me a while).

It has one of the most beautiful cover arts of the year for sure.

Three songs you should check out: -Naiads, Cassadies, Third of May / Ōdaigahara, Fool’s Errand.

17. Phoebe Bridgers - Stranger in the Alps (Singer Songwriter)

Another set of depressing songs now this time from Phoebe, props for being a debut album too, her songwriting reminds me a lot of Mark Kozelek and yes she actually sings a cover (which is my favorite cover of the year) from a Mark song. The narrative on her songs is criminally incredible.

Three songs you should check out: Smoke Signals, Funeral, You Missed My Heart (cover).

18. Charli XCX - Number 1 Angel (Electro Pop, Bubblegum Pop)

It’s Charli, again. One of the catchiest releases of the year with a more mainstream focus than Pop 2 but still the album is great and the features again are amazing, so much chemistry.

Three songs you should check out: Emotional, Babygirl (feat. Uffie), Lipgloss (feat. CupcakKe).

19. Protomartyr - Relatives In Descent (Post Punk)

The songwriting...

I’m not saying anything about this album just read this verse.

From the song “Half Sister”

In Northern Michigan There was an incident in winter A horse was hit by lightning And began to speak in a foreign language When he was finally understood It repeated, "Humans are no good" So they shot it behind the shed and stuffed him He's now on display as a lesson For the kids to always do your best Do your best always.

Have to say that the “she’s just trying to reach you” reprise used throughout the album is just heart breaking.

Three songs you should check out: A Private Understanding, The Chuckler, Night Blooming-Cereus.

20. Counterparts - You’re Not You Anymore (Metalcore, Hardcore Punk)

This album doesn’t catch a break at all 27 minutes of straight forward madness. All I have to say.

Three songs you should check out: Bouquet, No Servant of Mine, You’re Not You Anymore.

21. Mount Kimbie - Love What Survives (Future Garage, Indietronica)

Every time I listen to this album I just want to lay down and chill for a minute, great production and it has an overall dreamy vibe, shout out to Mount Kimbie for introducing me to King Krule.

Three songs you should check out: Blue Train Lines, Marylin, We Go Home Together.

22. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION III (Experimental Hip-Hop, Pop Rap)

The boys back at it again, the conclusion to the Saturation saga and it is as creative as previous efforts, they keep changing their sound with every new album, what I liked the most from this album was that members like JOBA got more spotlight than ever before, the MVP’S of this one were Matt, Merlyn and JOBA.

Three songs you should check out: LIQUID, BLEACH, HOTTIE.

23. Oneohtrix Point Never - Good Time Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Soundtrack, Ambient, Original Score)

The highest entry for a movie score is Good Time, what an addition to the movie with high gripping and tense sequences of dreamy acid songs and with one of the best closing tracks of the year with The Pure and the Damned featuring Iggy Pop the song is heartbreaking and a great culmination to the album.

Three songs you should check out: Leaving The Park, Connie, The Pure and the Damned.

24. Rex Orange County - Apricot Princess (Alternative R&B)

This is an underrated and overlooked album that definitively deserves more attention, Alex delivers sweet and lovely songs with his unique and tender voice, great instrumentation and vocal performance. If you are looking for a love album this might be one of the best ones of the year.

Three songs you should check out: 4 Seasons, Rain Man, Happiness.

25. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION II (Experimental Hip-Hop)

What a year for the boyband. This one is full of bangers.

Three songs you should check out: SWAMP, JUNKY, SUMMER.

26. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Flying Microtonal Banana (Psychedelic Rock)

It is the strange vibe to this album and the crazy tuning that makes this an exotic and groovy album. The prolific Australian band proved that they are here to stay, they put out four solid albums in a short span of time and this has to be my favorite (one more to come out before the year ends). Looking forward for the fifth of the year!

Three songs you should check out: Rattlesnake, Sleep Drifter, Doom City.

27. Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein - Stranger Things 2 (A Netflix Original Series Soundtrack)

In my opinion the score outlives the tv show, this nostalgic vibe is incredible and all the layering is chilling yet beautiful to hear, from mellow synths to dark and eerie atmospheric sequences this album is one of the most memorable things of the show.

Three songs you should check out: Eulogy, Descent into the Rift, Soldiers.

28. Xiu Xiu - FORGET (Art Pop)

It’s unsettling, bold and dreary, this is an album you should not forget about, vocal performances on point plus a weird and iconic instrumentation.

Three songs you should check out: The Call, Wondering, Get Up.

29. Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked At Me (Singer Songwriter)

The year’s most depressing album follows the story of Phil Elverum who tragically lost his wife after fighting against cancer, this is as real as it can be, the songwriting is heart breaking and outstanding, this album is arguably one of the best three albums of the year for me but the replay value affected its place on the list, the listening experience is too pessimistic and full of gut punches that I find it hard to listen to the full album in just one sitting.

Three songs you should check out: Real Death, Swims, My Chasm.

Starting from the next album I’m just giving my quick thoughts...

30. Benjamin Clementine - I Tell A Fly (Chamber Pop, Art Pop, Avant Garde)

An album with great and beautiful instrumentation joined by one of the most interesting and satisfying voices working today.

Three songs you should check out: God Save The Jungle, Phantom Of Aleppoville, One Awkward Fish.

31. Sampha - Process (R&B)

One of my favorite R&B releases of the year, Sampha has such a great voice.

Three songs you should check out: (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano, Under, Timmy’s Prayer.

32. IDLES - Brutalism (Post Punk)

The album title describes everything, brutalism all over the place with an interesting political/social point of view. Vocal performances are awesome.

Three songs you should check out: Mother, Divide & Conquer, White Privilege.

33. Ariel Pink - Dedicated to Bobby Jameson (New Wave, Synth Pop, Art Pop)

This album was my introduction to Ariel Pink and it was so good I enjoyed so much every track with a nostalgic vibe of music from the last century.

Three songs you should check out: Feels Like Heaven, Another Weekend, I Wanna Be Young.

34. Destroyer - Ken (Synth Pop)

I love the synths here, to be honest that was what made me love this album, it is so well designed and the lyrics were pretty cool.

Three songs you should check out: Sky’s Grey, Rome, Sometimes in the World.

35. Daniel Hart - A Ghost Story (Original Soundtrack Album)

I went to see the movie almost six months ago and the first thing I did after walking out of the movie theater was crossing the street to the nearest record store and buy the album, it still haunts me to this day, the album itself haunts me as well as the movie.

Three songs you should check out: Whatever Hour You Woke, Post Pie, The Secret In The Wall.

36. Jay-Z - 4:44 (Hip-Hop)

One of the best written hip- hop albums this year for sure, pure sincerity and emotion in this project and the production is just brilliant.

Three songs you should check out: The Story of O.J., Caught Their Eyes (feat. Frank Ocean), 4:44.

37. The xx - I See You (Indietronica)

One of the first albums I heard this year and it was good enough to make it to my list, I like the sensuality of the beats here and the smooth vibe to it.

Three songs you should check out: Say Something Loving, Perfomance, Test Me.

38. Primitive Man - Caustic (Doom Metal)

I like the way my favorite reviewer (theneedledrop) described this album, I share the same feeling so I’m just going to quoute “ Doom metal trio Primitive Man returns with one of the most nihilistic albums in the genre. For anyone who enjoys some pain with their pleasure.”

Three songs you should check out: My Will, Victim, Inevitable.

39. Moses Sumney - Aromanticisim (Art Pop, R&B)

Uhhh his voice is so beautiful and he is such a talented artist I’m in love with his voice, make sure you enjoy his voice as much as I do. I urge everyone to listen to Doomed if you wanna know what I am talking about.

Three songs you should check out: Plastic, Make Out in My Car, Doomed.

40. Code Orange - Forever (Sludge Metal)

It is brutal it is dirty it is aggressive it makes you wanna throw punches.

The cover art is easily top 3 of the year for me.

Three songs you should check out: Forever, Real, Spy.

41. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Polygondwanaland (Psychedelic Rock, Progressive Rock)

This is a great concept album that you should check out (if you are into concept albums otherwise you might not like it) because I love how every song builds to a great climax at the end.

Three songs you should check out: Crumbling Castle, Loyalty, The Fourth Color.

42. Alvvays - Antisocialites (Dream Pop)

Dream pop at its best this year.

Three songs you should check out: Dreams Tonite, Your Type, Forget About Life.

43. Slowdive - Slowdive (Shoegaze)

Great comeback from one of the most important bands of the genre, good for driving.

Three songs you should check out: Star Roving, Sugar for the Pill, Falling Ashes.

44. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Murder of the Universe, Chapter 1: The Tale of the Altered Beast, Chapter 2: The Lord of Lightning vs. Balrog (Psychedelic Rock)

The boys are here again for the third time, why did I put the chapters? Because this album is divided in three chapters and oh god the third chapter almost ruins everything so that’s why I didn’t put it here and I think that the first two need recognition, I love the narrative tone of the album and how it feels like a real story or a video game.

Three songs you should check out: Altered Beast I, The Lord of Lightning, The Balrog.

45. Zola Jesus - Okovi (Art Pop)

This album is so meaningful (a little bit of background, Zola Jesus wrote this album for a friend who tried to commit suicide twice) and powerful, it has a very strong message and the production is beautiful.

My favorite cover art of the year here.

Three songs you should check out: Witness, Siphon, Half Life.

46. Hans Zimmer - Blade Runner 2049 (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

So nostalgic and brings back the vibe from one of my favorite movies of the year.

Three songs you should check out: Flight to LAPD, Joi, All the Best Memories Are Hers.

47. Yung Lean - Stranger (Clout Rap)

This album might had its flaws but it is a great listening experience if you just one to chill for a minute, solid production, lyrics and performances so yeah why not. Also bonus points for having two of my favorite singles of the year.

Three songs you should check out: Red Bottom Sky, Hunting My Own Skin, Agony.

48. ROSALÍA - Los Ángeles (Flamenco)

One of the last albums I heard this year, If I had listen to this album earlier on the year it might have been higher on the list but anyways this is a good project from Rosalía and she has one of the most attractive voices of the year.

Three songs you should check out: Nos Quedamos Solitos, Día 14 De Abril, I See A Darkness.

49. Ex Eye - Ex Eye (Post Metal)

This is just four tracks long but it is epic and progressive, really well produced album and nice to see Colin Stetson experimenting more with his saxophone.

Three tracks you should listen: Go with all the album, it is just four tracks, If I had to choose one... Anaitis Hymnal; the Arkose Disc.

50. Mac DeMarco - This Old Dog (Singer Songwriter)

The songwriting here is solid with a nice production, the song structures make this album a satisfying session.

Three songs you should check out: For the First Time, Moonlight on the River, Watching Him Fade Away.

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honeylikewords · 7 years ago

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Merman AU HCs

1. David: A quiet merman, even by his own kind’s standards. Some believe that his vocal chords were damaged. The truth is that he can speak – can even sing a bit – but he just doesn’t really want to. (There’s a legend that he accidentally caused a ship to sink with his singing and he’s felt horrible for it ever since.) He met his human after his giant form got caught in a fishing net and she set him free after noticing how scared he was and that he posed no threat in spite of how big and imposing he initially seemed to be. Out of his immense sense of compassion and care, he sneaks up to her boat whenever she comes back to gift her with plants or stones you can only recover from the deep. In turn, she offers to teach him about some of what mankind has to offer. He is curious about land animals and is delighted to learn about them when the human girl offers to teach him. He wishes he could take the NatGeo issues down with him but can’t risk ruining the pictures so he makes sketches and hides them (can’t have the others growing suspicious on how he knows wtf a bobcat looks like). He wants to see a zoo if he ever gets to go on land – but he’ll only see one if it’s with the girl.

2. Eddie: A tattooed, dark-haired Ariel essentially. Seriously, he just is so enamored with the idea of the human world that when he comes into close contact with a human for the first time, he actually pleads for her to come back. (But they have to do so in secrecy.) He asks about human traditions and conventions, loving to note the differences between ours and his. It eventually comes to a point where he realizes just how unique every human is … and decides that his human girl is the most interesting thing about the human world. Soon, his questions drift to courting conventions. She’s a bit flustered, but explains anyway because she assumes its just his usual curiosity. “So, we have these things called kisses –” “I know what a kiss is; we DO have them down here.” “Oh.” “… But I’ve heard about coitus, so what’s that?” “NOW WE WILL TALK ABOUT CREAM PUFFS AND HOW THEY ARE A WELL-LOVED DELICACY IN HUMAN SOCIETY, YUP YUP.” If he ever gets a day on land, he wants to see everything human that he possibly can. Including his human girl.

3. Monty: Monty is probably the least mermanly one on the list in the traditional sense, being ready to attack at a moment’s notice rather than swim away. He’s just very territorial like that. Rumor has it he was raised by sharks but we’ll never know. He didn’t mean to save the human girl while she was drowning. But he didn’t feel like other humans searching his waters trying to look for her, so he plops her on shore and tries to literally hightail it before she regains consciousness. It doesn’t work. She keeps coming back to the shore where he left her, hoping he’ll reappear. He doesn’t understand why he eventually does but the moment he does, he finds himself not being as eager about leaving as he thought he would. His favorite thing to learn about the human world is all the variations of tattoos there are. Tattoos in the merman world are pretty limited to swirls and tribal-like to indicate region, so hearing about stars and daggers and even skulls sounds neat! He wants to get a tattoo if he ever gets a day on land. He’ll even let the girl pick what he gets, so long as it’s cool.

4. Joe: Joe is a solitary merman, but he helps a drowning girl out of the kindness of his two hearts. He doesn’t know what makes him stay to make sure that she wakes up. Really, by merman law and his own personal desire to be alone, he should’ve just plopped her there on the wet sand and swam away. But he doesn’t do any of that: He stays, long enough to feel a perplexing form of relief bubble within him the moment she coughs up whatever water was still inside her and attempts to sit up. He’s even less sure what drives him to return to the same spot in the hopes of seeing her there again. The only thing he does know is that he likes listening to her talk. She doesn’t have the enchanting vocals that mermaids and mermen do, but there’s still just something about her voice that entrances him … After some time, he still doesn’t understand what compels him to do the things that he does to be around her more. The only thing he does know? That he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. At least, not by himself. But alone with her, in the great, big, noisy world? He wouldn’t mind that.

5. Shane: Shane is one of those mermen who goes out of his way to cause trouble. On his own people, on humans, whatever. He especially enjoys singing to coax women out to him in the hopes of seducing them. But one night, he takes it too far. He didn’t mean to make the ship go off course or crash into the rocks. He didn’t mean to cause so much destruction. As often indifferent to humans as he is, he still has two hearts. They both demand that he save the one last person whom the lifeboats hadn’t yet noticed was not recovered: A human girl, whose dress had gotten snagged on a broken, sinking mast. He hides in the water nearby the part of shore that he’d left her on, making sure that her kind found her. Afterwards, he can’t help but stick around the area whenever possible to assure that she was okay. It’s the guilt inside of him. Eventually one day, she does catch sight of him and instantly assumes (and correctly) that he was the one who cause the ship to break so close to shore and that he needs to pay for the havoc he caused. It takes all of his pleading for her forgiveness and even then she’s not entirely giving of it. But after somehow launching into a conversation about how his kind is so destructive, and him accusing hers of being just the same, they begin trying to defend their kind and their activities. Which then turns into giving each other fun facts. Which then develops into many rendezvous to that one little part of the shore, hidden by the rocks…

6. Mike: Mike is also curious about humans, but nowhere near to the obsessive extent as Eddie. …So why the crap was HE the one that got captured!? He pondered this over and over and over as he sat grumpily and overwhelmed by nerves in the glass tank that was barely enough room for him to put his finds out in (for once he was glad he was a smaller merman). His nerves only worsen when his container is taken into a fancy-looking room. He doesn’t care if the human lady suddenly looking down into his tank is pretty, this is terrifying as all getout! But as the lady commands the other people in the room go, she kneels down and pleads in a hushed voice for him to calm down. He was meant to be a gift, she explains. Some suitor thought he could win her over by presenting an elusive merman. Now she just felt bad for Mike. But Mike explains that he can’t return home now, not after so many have bared witness to his existence. Now both are miserable … All the girl can do, really, is request the construction of a large tank for him, keeping him in the palace’s large pool until further notice. In order to make him feel a bit better, she stops by to tell him stories. It doesn’t mute the pain, but it does make being stuck on land a bit more bearable. Eventually, though, a part of him wants to know of the world beyond the pool and beyond his tank. Where does the human girl go when she’s not telling him stories? What does she do? What’s a ball? Can he go to one? He soon begins wondering if perhaps there is someone out there who can concoct a spell that will allow him to be more human, so that he might be able to exist better in this world. After all, if Mike the merman exists, then surely other magical things do as well…

7. BJ: BJ saw his first human when he was a wee thing. She was about his age in human years. Adorable. He never forgot her and since then has harbored a secret desire to see her again. Apparently Merman God heard his heart’s desire, and granted that wish years later when the girl, now grown up, tipped over in her rowboat. At first she just assumed that BJ was a man who swam way out to sea (after all, his athletic form suggested that he had that ability). But once he started making excuses as to why he didn’t want to hitch a ride back to land in her now turned-right-side-up boat, she felt something was literally fishy. It didn’t take long for her to figure it out. But once she does, BJ can’t help but want to show himself off. He does tricks, flips, anything he can to show off his physique. And she eats. It. UP. She boats out every chance she can get to see him and he just loves it. But he hates when she leaves. He wants to go onto land and see what things she can do there, where she’s in her own element. He doesn’t want some other human to take her away …

8. Frank: Similar to Joe, Frank likes his solitude. However, unlike Frank, he’s not as steadfast about it. He helps a human girl out of the goodness of his heart and has no problem with leaving before she wakes up. But he’s so confused when she keeps showing up, collecting shells, even at high tide. Was she trying to get killed!? He shouts at her to leave from behind a rock. She doesn’t. Instead, the little weirdo just asks him why HE won’t leave. …She had a point there. Besides, what did he care? He decides to stay until she leaves, just incase she got swept out to sea again. The next day, she comes back again to collect things from the sand. She knows he’s there, so she starts conversing with him, talking about her home and town and asking him for any of his own stories to keep her entertained. Frank doesn’t want to. He really doesn’t want to blow anything out of the water, no pun intended. But eventually, he finds himself commenting more and more on her stories before his own begin spilling out. He’s pretty sure she knows what he is. He doesn’t mind it. But the third week, he knows she harbors no ill will towards him for it. He begins positioning shells you can only collect in the deeper parts of the water where she can find them. Wouldn’t want her wandering too far in and getting swept back, now would we?

stARTS SCREAMING SO LOUDLY THAT THE RAFTERS OF MY HOUSE SHAKE

YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND EACH OF THESE IS SO LOVING CRAFTED AND RENDERED AND DETAILED AND I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE

ohhh my god i’m so overwhelmed i don’t even know where to start ohhhh my goodness gracious ohhh my lord

NOW I WANT TO KNOW MORE AND WRITE MORE ABOUT THIS AND OH MY GOSH

how many of them end up becoming human and how? do any of them stay mermen? do any of them manage to coax their beloved into joining them as merpeople? oh my goodness gracious

#submission #ALSO EDDIE BEING CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT COITUS IS HAS ME IN STITCHES #fave #mega fave #SUPER SPECIAL TAG #AHHHH #long post ///#mermaid!au #multi

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recentnews18-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/seedpods-from-the-garden-of-stupid/

Seedpods from the Garden of Stupid

The Kavanaugh hysteria has provided the country with a crash course in academic victim politics. The tribal denunciations of “privileged white males,” the moral panic over fantastical accounts of sexual predation, the spectacle of Ivy League law students claiming to feel “unsafe,” the assertion that a single uncorroborated outbreak of male teen hormones should cancel a lifetime of achievement in the law – all originate in the anti-Enlightenment ethos of the academy, embodied in critical race studies, feminist legal theory, and the attacks on the Socratic teaching method as anti-female and anti-“survivor.”

The #BelieveSurvivors mantra is a cornerstone of the campus grievance industry but inimical to everything that a law school should teach. It’s a religious gesture, not a legal one: Such belief is independent of proof, arising out of a pre-existing commitment to a narrative of ubiquitous female abuse by patriarchal white males. The “survivor” label presupposes the conclusion that evidence should establish: that the accused is guilty of an offense. The fact-finder, if there even is one, regards contradictions or holes in a woman’s story as evidence of “trauma” and thus as further corroboration. According to #BelieveSurvivors logic, the Innocence Project, which exists to vacate wrongful convictions and has a presence at law schools across the country, should be disbanded.

Examples abound of student rape allegations arising out of voluntary drunken hookups, following which the self-described victim sought further sexual contact with her alleged rapist. Even if such cases weren’t so common, to presume the guilt of the accused based on an accusation alone would still be an affront to due process.

The current generation of elite law students will one day become judges themselves. If they remain committed to the circular logic of #BelieveSurvivors, the rule of law is in trouble.

Here’s a quick recap of the flimsiness of Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations by an online friend, Max Madison:

She refused to hand over the results of her polygraph

She refused to hand over her 2012 therapist’s notes

She said she was afraid to fly, but has flown dozens of times.

Since she did in fact fly, she offered no other reason for the delay

She said she wanted anonymity but contacted [the Washington Post] multiple times

Said she got advice from “beach friends” but didn’t mention that the primary one was a former FBI lawyer, Monica McLean, who worked for Preet Bharara, a man Trump fired. She also failed to mention, when talking of her Beach friends at the hearing, that Monica was sitting right behind her.

She had a perfect memory of 1982 but couldn’t remember basic things from the previous 10 weeks

She’d been drinking.

She changed the year of the alleged attack

She named 4 people, but had no backers

She couldn’t remember how she got home even though her story had her escaping the house far from home, pre-cell phone.

She gave no location or any details that could be researched for verification.

She never told anyone and never claimed PTSD prior to Kavanaugh’s name circulating 30 years later.

She said that she put the 2nd door on her house because of PTSD, but evidence shows it was to get around zoning laws to create a rentable apartment.

She said she didn’t know that Grassley offered to come to her, even though it was broadcast nationally.

She feigned no knowledge of polygraphs even though her ex’s sworn statement said she’d coached Monica McLean how to beat it in the 1990s, and in any case her profession should have at least well acquainted her with it.

She co-authored a paper on repressed memory creation years before she claimed to have one

Nothing is known of her pharmacology, but given her past alcoholism, her visits to a therapist and her general presentation, odds are high that it’s extensive.

She scrubbed her social media. We know from a pussy hat photo that she was rabidly anti-Trump.

She had zero family or friends with her, not from the 80s nor from today. She was surrounded only by Democrat Party handlers.

Constant cries of bravery & “nothing to gain” vs a $700,000 GoFundMe and a career boosted a la Anita Hill

Literally all there is her word vs all of the above. Not a shred of evidence.

I would add to this excellent summary – one of those she claimed at the “event” in question, Leland Keyser, whom she characterized as a lifelong friend, informed the committee that McLean had pressured her in a vain attempt to get her to change her statement to support Ford’s account.

The later claims of sexual predation by the nominee were even more fantastical and were rightly dismissed out of hand.

At the insistence of senators Collins, Flake, Feinstein, and others, the FBI conducted a seventh background check of Kavanaugh. All the senators were invited to read the report. Here’s a video of Senator Feinstein after she read it.

This is great. pic.twitter.com/HguQLTA6sk

— zyntrax (@zyntrax) October 4, 2018

She looks to be fighting back tears, and she should. Despite her denials and Senator Susan Collins’s generous endorsement of her probity, it is clear that Feinstein or her staff outed Christine Ford, a reluctant witness; secured counsel for her; and otherwise orchestrated this show, something that by credible accounts is creating blowback – an increase of support for the president and his party as we near the midterms. This shabby conduct is not likely to pass without further investigation, as Senator Graham and others have advocated.

In any event, the most compelling arguments were from Senator Collins, who graduated from St. Lawrence University, not Yale Law School, but who took a great deal of time to actually review the decisions Kavanaugh wrote and participated in and spent time with the Congressional Research Office and the candidate to understand the legal bases of his decisions. She also has a far firmer grasp of the constitutional provisions on due process and separation of powers.

If you missed her endorsement speech, a masterpiece of logic and persuasion, you can hear it here or read the full transcript. (In the absence of civics classes in most high schools, you might want to share this with any high school-age people in your household.)

In the meantime, crowds of what would certainly in another, savvier, age be dubbed “useful idiots” of the left mobbed senators. Included among their targets were Senator Collins and Senator Paul. The latter, having already barely missed assassination by a Bernie Sanders fan along with being badly beaten by a neighbor, was now being chased through the airport by these crazed harpies. Senator Graham, accosted in the halls of the Senate by one of these loonies for not insisting Kavanaugh submit to a polygraph, responded that maybe the candidate should just be dunked to see if he floats, leaving the shouter nonplussed. Another congressional staffer – this one on Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee’s staff – illegally released personal information about senators McConnell, Graham, and (Mike) Lee, who were likely to vote for confirmation, encouraging crank home calls and mobs at their doorsteps. When caught by another staffer, he allegedly threatened to release, among other things, the medical records and Social Security numbers of the children of senators who supported Kavanaugh.

Sheila Jackson Lee (B.A. Yale, J.D. UVA) promptly fired the arrested staffer, Jackson Cosko, and claimed no knowledge of his activities. (She was a prominent visitor at the Ford hearing and was seen passing an envelope to one of Ford’s lawyers, an envelope she said contained notes from Ford-supporters.)

After Collins’s speech, which virtually assured Kavanaugh’s confirmation, the Maenads (female “raving ones” in Greek mythology) gathered on Capitol Hill to continue their temper tantrum. Among their designated speakers against the patriarchy and sexual abuse of women was the advocate of female genital mutilation and sharia law, which by any sane account, remains the most anti-woman law in the world. She tweeted:

Senator Susan Collins is the mother & grandmother of white women in America who gave us a Donald Trump presidency. The 53%.

She is a disgrace & her legacy will be that she was a traitor to women and marginalized communities. History will not treat her kindly. #CancelKanavaugh

— Linda Sarsour (@lsarsour) October 5, 2018

It’s impossible for me not to laugh at these dingbats.

On the right, there is puzzlement as to why such a centrist jurist was Trump’s choice. I think Professor Glenn Reynolds at Instapundit got it exactly right:

Trump knew he’d been vetted enough that there would be no real skeletons, and he no doubt expected that the Democrats would be so desperate they’d invent some. They would have done that with anyone he put up – but, precisely because Kavanaugh was a milquetoasty DC Establishment type, seeing the Democrats go into full b‑‑‑‑‑‑ assault mode on him galvanized the other milquetoasty DC Establishment types. You could see the light bulbs go off in their heads: The Democrats don’t hate Trump because he’s Trump. They hate all Republicans and want to ruin them. Even me! And they always will.

The result is that the Kavanaugh affair has welded the Trump and NeverTrump forces (except for a few sad outliers who don’t matter) into a solid force. And it’s simultaneously galvanized GOP voters around the country, closing the “enthusiasm gap,” as the normals become more militant. Plus, it seems that minority voters aren’t as excited about empowering neurotic upper-class white feminists as you might – well, actually, I guess they’re just about exactly as excited about empowering neurotic upper-class white feminists as you might expect, but it seems Dems didn’t give that much thought. So Kavanaugh was, in fact, the perfect pick to trigger this reaction.

I’m reminded of the scene in Absence of Malice where Wilford Brimley asks Paul Newman, who has cleverly set a trap that the press and the rogue DOJ guy fall into, “Are you that smart?”

I mentioned this analysis to the Insta-Wife, a Trump fan who has followed him closely since the 1980s and her comment was, “Of course.”

Well, with five strict constructionists likely to be on the Court, Congress will finally have to spend less time fundraising and more time doing its job – writing and passing legislation. For decades now, they’ve simply been relying on their wishes being carried out subjectively by like-minded jurists who seek penumbras and such instead of reading text.

So it looks like another really winning week for the president, as Matthew Continetti (and I) see it – on trade, judicial nominations, the economy, and foreign policy.

Greg Gutfeld looks out on the sea of demonstrators against Brett Kavanaugh this week and characterized the display as “seedpods from the garden of stupid are blooming,” and it’s impossible not to agree. The people who planted those seeds include more than 1,700 law professors who said Kavanaugh should be denied confirmation because he “displayed a lack of judicial temperament” in responding to the baseless, uncorroborated charges by Christine Blasey Ford of sexual misconduct.

Reviewing this campus insanity, Heather Mac Donald contends – with ample basis: