#the fact that 10.000 people took their time to follow me and look at my stuff....It's a lot. a very lot

[l-ii-zz]

Um.

Who the hell are you people???

[dahpurplehatgirl]

So I didn’t think I would upload this on here but this is something I did for this years CF week.

⚠️The following dose contain talk about Coronavirus and Cystic Fibrosis. I know it’s not easy talking about it and it sure is something people struggle to read. So this is your small warning. Before I start this... yes...I spelt Shielding wrong all this time. So please don’t yell at me. I get muddled up with words and spelling is something I’m never gonna master. So yeah. For now here’s the Lockdown and shielding and what’s it been like. ⚠️

🔒LOCKDOWN AND SHIELDING 🛡

Never did we think that we would spend this year in a pandemic. And for someone with a high chance of catching something that can cause more respiratory issues is a big problem. I’ve had a few virus in the past the worst one I’ve dealt with was influenza (Flu) and that really didn’t settle well.

So what about Coronavirus?...Well...As it’s causes issues with reapitory...Yeah...I’m glad we went into lockdown and been told to stay at home. When I was first discovered and then came into the UK I got extremely anxious about catching it. I’m a person who panics when something wrong with my body and health. So attending hospital was a worry. Public transport was a worry and I stopped socialising. This was before the guidance was told that the UK was going into lockdown and that a guidance for high risk groups got something called Shielding. And it’s still going.

But what about someone with really bad mental health being around this time?... Well...It’s not been easy I’ll say that. For one I have OCD and that’s been all over the place. To a point where I was struggling to trust others and scared of touching things, I even kept 2 meters apart from family when in the house. Only now I feel comfortable for human contact and realised you don’t have to do that. It just make my mental health feel more at ease.

Anyone who is shielding isn’t allowed out to go shopping or pick up meds or see people. Until recently. Excise has been slashed too. So I was lucky I still have my parents to pick up meds and food ( there have been a few times I had for biscuits and chocolate ^^; ) and yes at first I was a lil scared at touching things but I’m getting better. I get some meds delivered like Promixin and my Symkevi and Kalydeco. It took me a while to get used to people being in the house working. In fact it’s been better for my mental health. I’ve been managing to do treatments. And keeping my self busy. Tho I’ve been washing my hands...A LOT ( and still am)

But at the beginning I was relaying on news and social media. Unfortunately there was so much information and misinformation and fake news it really pulled on my anxiety so for a few weeks I stopped looking and watching the news all together ( and still do. I just read guidance from GOV,NHS and CF trust. )

Now that control the virus is the new rule and Shielding is still happening. Things are a bit normal. For one we can see family members who you don’t live with again as long as you keep 2 meters apart and friends as well. Which is nice. And just recently July shielding people will be allowed to meet family and friends outside from their home and in August it will be paused meaning we can go back out, go shopping and try to live a normal life. For me I can’t wait to go outside for walks but my anxiety has been so bad and I’m very...Twitchy about stepping outside. I’ve only been out twice during lockdown and that was to ( where my CF center) has moved as they moved out of my normal hospital so seeing them to have my portacath flushed and meds like Meropenem being picked up. It was huge and I was very thankful for my CF team. And Threapy has been done by phones and online work.

lockdown hasn’t been all bad. Sure it’s been strange and frustrating. But we’ve been doing stuff to keep it entertaining. Like quiz night every Saturday and I never thought I’d get back into Animal crossing. I’ve been gaming with friends more online and I’ve got back to art and projects.

I won’t lie, lockdown wasn’t easy at first especially being unable to see my team or friends. But now it’s easing. I’m still anxious when I go outside. But I’ll get much better. I’m following the social distancing guidance and I I’m still washing and showering when I get back in but I think I won’t need to do it for walks around the block. We’re still having people come in the garden until it’s safe for them to go vist in the house. So yeah. It did mean I was able to spend Farthers day with my dad.

This hostly is the ‘new’ normal. I’ll I’ll keep shielding until it’s safe to go back to outdoor things. It may just take me a while longer cause of my anxiety. But even if wearing face masks and keeping distance from people I’ll still be able to get back to some normality.

I’ve been sheilding for about...105 days now and there have been some breaking points and huge achievement broken. And just today a new (life changing medication) has been agreed for CF in the United Kingdom. So this is indeed some postive news.

I’m still trucking along and so are another 2.2 million people in the uk. With over 10.000 in the UK having CF. It sure has been a strange time for CFers but it was done for the right reasons.

( Thank you for reading, stay safe and stay strong. ) 💜

[ethien]

Link x mermaid s/o?

Let me say: I love it. I love mermaids so much, Little mermaid is still my favorite disney movie and my acutal bedwear is little mermaid I know too much information.

I made it a bit longer and it’s more a story how they meet and how reader will tell it. Hope you like it as much I like it.

Under the sea

Genre: Fluff, little drama (soft drama)

Words: 3.018

“I congratsyou, my dears. All of you were successful in the test and the most important,you reached the age for our survival mission. I know the goal is hard toachieve. But I believe in all of you. Please spread yourselves over the sea andfind your mate outside the water surface. Everyone here will be waiting foryour comeback”

Everyoneapplauded and seemed touched by the words of the queen. Everyone could hear herconfidence for the new generation of the tribe. Of course, her dear daughterwas under it. You glanced to her. You saw how luckily she was to go on thismission and making her mother proud. It was true happiness. She needed it asthe future queen. You tried also to be happy but you couldn’t. You knew it wasimportant for you and your tribe. However, you hated the way the tradition washold. It was a must for every young mermaid. The only thing which brightenedyour mood was the journey to the outside of the ocean.

You werehighly curious to see how the world was. You only saw pieces when you hide inthe reef in the night.

You wereborn as a mermaid. Your type was a sub type to the normal hylian. For more than10.000 years, your ancestors escaped the rising evil ganon by transformthemselves in hybrids to live under the sea. In all the years, they used theirleft magic abilities to create a new life form: mermaids.

They couldlive in piece under the sea without facing the evil. But the price was high.They were shield for the rest of the world, so no one knew about them. Ofcourse, the transformation wasn’t completely successful. Only the royal bloodmermaid could mate with each other. Everyone could not propagate with eachother. That’s why only female could go on the mission. However, there were notmany kingdoms under the sea for the royal mermaid, so all mermaids needed to goto the outside of the ocean. This is the rest of the magic from theirancestors: They could transform themselves into a typical hylian to walk overthe surface. On the surface, they need to find a mate, propagate with them andafter this, returning to the ocean to give after some month’s birth to a newgeneration. To go on this journey, every mermaid need a training in fightingand living outside the well-known sea. And a minimum age.

Youachieved both of them, but it didn’t change the fact you didn’t like thetradition. The evil was gone long ago, there was no need to hide. And itsounded very unromantically in your ears to make love to someone and having noopportunity to see each other again. You did not understand the urge to stillhiding. However, there was no rule how long your journey should be. There was alimitation of your well-being on the ground but you had a good solution for it:You only need to be in the near of water.

Because themaximum limit outside without water contact was two days. After this, youdehydrate faster and this would mean your death. You were confident you won’tget this problem.

The thoughttraveling around the country you only knew from stories and books fascinatedyou. And of course the feeling of having a mate. Just without the urge topropagate. You wanted to stay at the outside.

Yourjourney started in a cave near Lurelin Village. It was the only place you knew.You dived out the water and sat yourself on a stone. You concentrated and feelhow your fin turned into beautiful legs. You did this many times before butevery time you were astonished by the result. It needed some time to get enoughstrength to stand and walk. You made slow steps around the cave to search yourlittle chest with some clothes to wear. It was pretty usual to wear nothing asa mermaid, so you were naked. You would not mind going out naked. But youlearned from the stories and your own observation that nudity was anembarrassing issue.

You tookthe cloths on and went out. You took a deep breath in and enjoyed the view. Thesun started setting. It was a good opportunity to walk around. That’s why youwent to the Village. The fact the evening came do not change the mood forpeople walking around. You had seen some before but now, you were one of themand they were so close. It made you really happy. The darker it got, morepeople went away. Despite the excitement you totally forgot where you will besleeping. Well, you had luck or you could call it coincidence when you bumpinto someone. It wasn’t a hard impact but it still surprised you. Neverthelessto say, you bump in a male hylian. He should be around your age, hadblond-golden hair and deep blue eyes. He had a good posture and the sword onhis back would mean he could fight. You found him quite handsome.

“Oh sorry,I didn’t see you” he apologized and offered you a hand. You took them and nowyou stand next to him. You didn’t know why but he made you a bit nervous.

“It’s okay.I did not see you either. My mind was in a bubble” you blurt out as an answer.He looked serious at you.

“You shouldnot walk around at this time. It’s quite dangerous outside in the night. Youshould go to bed” he said to you and wanted to continue his way.

“I…I don’thave a place…to rest” you murmur. He turned around and went back to you.

“You had nohome?”

You nod.

“And let meguess, you don’t own any rupees?”

You nodagain. You hide the urge to ask what rupees are. You guessed something forpaying. Like the shells at your home.

You heardhim sighed. You knew you are very careless. But you were full of happiness soyou simply forget the easiest things.

“I willhelp you” you heard him saying and got you back of your thoughts. You nod andfollowed him.

That wasthe beginning of your first friendship with a person outside the sea and yourjourney with him. His name is Link and you could say, he was a knight from thekingdom. He travelled a lot around Hyrule and fight monsters, solves miraclesand dungeons and helped people. You had a feeling he liked and hated it at thesame time – He was quite surprised you never heard of him or his adventures.You knew from the tales a hero appeared and defeat the evil. You guessed inthis time, it was him. You were very happy to be around him. He had learnedfast you had no idea of Hyrule. You said to him you were from far away and youreally wanted to visit it. Well, not everything was the true but he believedyou. The friendship grow between you while you travel and fight with him. Youknew you gave him at your first visit the view of the careless woman without orientation.But you had learned to fight and you could fight. The fact your orientation isbad was forgotten.

You had noproblem with finding a good water spot every second day – It seemed quitenormal to bath every day. It played you in your cards.

You had alot of fun times, playing around or just relaxing the field admiring the sky orthe sunset. You went to festivals with him or to marvelous temple. You got toknow castle town and had an audience with princess Zelda. It was a short talk,but you feel her love for Hyrule.

You spendevery day together.

You bothgrow close together. It took some months after you realized your feelings forLink. Maybe it was a bit of your instinct of finding a mate to survive. But themost part were from getting to know him more and more. You were afraid hewouldn’t feel the same for you. You never read how to confess feelings. Well,you really did not get a chance to confess.

You and hewere in a battle and it went well. At the end a silver Lynel appeared and thefight was horrible. The Lynel injured both of you, but you two made it todefeat it. You were exhausted and tired. You went to him and wanted tocongratulate for the win when he suddenly hug you. You could feel how hetrembled a bit. He did not let you ask what was. He put lovely his lips onyours. It was a short one, but soft and full of emotions and desire. After youtwo parted, he lean his forehead against yours.

“I wasafraid…the Lynel would defeat us. The fear to lose you was so intensive and nowI am so glad we both successes. Please…[Y/N]…Stay by my side”

Youanswered it with a deep kiss.

The monthspassed while you travelled with Link and being his girlfriend. You had the urgeto tell him your true nature – he deserved it. But you did not know how.

You did notknow at the moment the gerudo desert would give you a good moment when youshould tell him. You knew from Link’s telling it was quite hot and dry in thisarea. You were afraid to go there but also interested. You just hoped it willbe a good trip.

It wasn’t.

The momentyou took your feet on the sand, you suffered. You could feel how much you sweatand how your mouth went dry. Both of you had a lot of water on the trip to the oases.Well, you emptied them on the first half of the walk.

You wereglad he was a caring person. He noticed how you walked more slowly and yourheavy sighing rang in his ears. He also noticed how fast you ran out of waterand how pale your face got.

Heremembered you said you had some problems with extreme heat and dry humanity.He never expected it this worse. He wanted to travel to gerudo town to show youaround. He knew he had to wear his vai gerudo armor but the fact you alreadystruggle at the way to the oases worried him. He could see you were close to collapse.He supported you with his shoulders and his water savings. It was just enoughto arrive at the oases.

He sat youand himself under a tree to cool down. You were shaken and thirsty.

“Don’tworry – I will get you something to drink” he said and you watched how he buyssome drinks and food. You knew it would help a bit. Deep inside you knew itwasn’t enough. You had to go in the water. This was one of the rare moments youwanted to swim with your fin. You glanced to the little spring in the oases. Itwas like you act automatically when you jumped in the water.

You couldfeel the change immediately. Of course, Link noticed how you jumped in. He wasstill worried but chuckled a bit when he saw how happy you were in the water.

“Glad you’renow better. The next time, we will jump directly in the water” he said andjumped to you.

You wereglad he didn’t notice. But it also made you sad he did not notice. There were alot of moments he could think you were different.

Youremembered good how both of you swam. You could also swim very fast as ahylian, much faster as Link. You noticed a lot of hylians had problems withswimming for a long time. He often needs breaks and he was astonished by yourstamina.

He had toknow it. But how?

You twoabort your visit and went back. You really wanted to Lurelin Village. You saidto him you had a surprise for him. You had his attention.

During thewalk, you got nervous. You really did not know how he would react. A lot oflies will be revealed. He would learn why you react so badly to heat. Why youcould swim so well. Why you said you wanted to be intimate when married. Youwere afraid he would leave you.

“Iseverything alright? You’re quiet the whole way”

“Everythingokay. I am just a bit nervous”

He nods. Itconfused him why a surprise made you so nervous but he said nothing.

You arrivedand rest a bit. In the evening, you took him for a walk. You walked in the cavewhere you started your journey.

“I have totell you something…about me” you started while you watched the water in thecave.

“I…I hidesomething really important before you.” You started. “I lied when I said I amfrom a far away country. My home was always next to Hyrule, but no one can seeit.”

“What…doyou mean?” he asked hesitated and confused.

“My home isthe sea”

He tooksome steps back from you. “W-What?” he just asked.

“I am…I-Iam not a fully hylian person. We are a rare culture who lives under the sea –we’re mermaids.”

You saw hiswiden eyes and his shocked expression.

“There is atradition at my home. We should travel to the ground, find a mate, makingbabies and return to the home…to give birth to a new generation. We also hide,but it wasn’t necessary in my opinion. I hate this tradition, but it was theonly way to get to know this beautiful landscape…” you said and look himstraight in the eyes. “And it was the only way to get to know you…and fallingin love with you”

He saidnothing and did nothing to break the distance. You could see he was confused,feared and a bit hurt.

“I…I reallywanted to tell you sooner. Really. But I never had a good moment and I wasafraid you would think I only use you for the one thing. That was never myintention”

It wasquite between you two. The atmosphere was intense and you really had no ideahow Link thought about it.

You wantedto scream – the pressure of a silent Link was huge. You could not read hisface.

He took astep to you, he had a serious look on his face.

“[Y/N]…I…Inever expect this…as your surprise. I am kind of hurt you lie a lot to me”

Your heartclenched by his words, but you deserved it. It was the truth.

“I am soangry and confused at the same time. I really don’t know how long it will needto trust you fully again..”

You feelhow tears appeared in your eyes. You knew it would come and he had every rightto be angry. It did not change the fact it hurt you and made you sad…

“But I alsocan’t forget my feelings for you. I can also understand a bit your reasons tohide despite the fact it was wrong to lie…”

Suddenly,you were in his arms. You really did not expect this.

“Like Isaid after the Lynel fight…I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only one whereI can feel so free and calm. It will need some time to heal this wound…But to throwmy love away only because you had your reasons for hiding…isn’t fair for you…orfor me…I love you, [Y/N]. No matter if you’re fully hylian or not”

With this,you kiss him passionate. You also cried a bit. You were highly afraid he wouldleave you. But he accepted it and it made you to the happiest person. You feelhis hands on your waist which took you closer to him. You put your arms aroundhis neck and caress the back of his head.

The momentwent long and you two parted your lips. You saw a curious light in his eyes.

“Would you….wouldyou show me….how you looked?” Link asked a bit shyly. You nodded.

At first henearly falls from the stone when you fully undressed yourself. He saw you nakedbefore but this was very sudden. You jumped in the water and concentrate a bit.It took some time. You dived out and saw how his mouth was wide open.

“Oh hylia..”he said more to himself than to you. You feel a bit embarrassed. It should benormal for you being naked around him. But you were yourself before him and howhe admires your whole body made you shiver.

“Can I…touchyour…?”

Instead ofanswering, you took his hand and lay them on your fin. He could feel how warmit was…and how wet.  Your sheds were indifferent colors and shine brightly.

“You’rebeautiful” he only said and sat himself next to you. It was again quiet betweenyou. This time, it was a good silence.

“Ahm..” hestarted and you looked at him. He blushed hardly and looked shy away.

“Is yourtrue form the reason…we..you know…?”

You gotwhat he means and also blushed. You nodded.

“Well…yes.We mermaids are very fertile and despite the fact how much I love the idea ofhaving a family with you…at the moment, I don’t want one. Is this….okay for you…towait?”

His blushincreased and scratched the back of his neck. He chuckled shyly.

“I am gladit’s that reason. To tell the true, I really did not believe the reason withthe marriage. I really thought…you…ahm…don’t like my…my…my master sword…”

You werenow red like a tomato. Then you chuckled. He also started to chuckle.

“I couldnever hate you or your magnificent master sword.” You started and got an embarrassedglance from him.

“I love you…Link”

“I loveyou, too…[Y/N]”

[mmd-ask-italy]

Tag Game! :D

-Rules: Answer 11 questions - Add 11 of your own - Tag 11 people

was tagged by: @grandparomeaskblog  

..and then you where tagged by a second person

was also tagged by @catnipkitten

tagging: @asktheitalianempire   @ask-south-holland @ask-noodle-gerita @ask-bonnefoy @ask2pnyoitaly ...thats ...11...

(Questions from @grandparomeaskblog )

1) what’s the best way to wake you up on a lazy sunday

gently on your own, with no chores to do,

2) what annoys your friends most about you

Oh boy...Ummm when I talk over people, I don’t do it on purpose, but it happens a lot more then i would like. Just when I remember something, I start talking afraid i might forget it, and then happen to talk over people, problem is i am befriended with a lot of shy people who don’t tell me I am doing this, so it took me a long time to notice this...wich annoys me greatly. Please tell me when I do, i don’t wanna be rude

3) what family member do you like best and why

My grandma on my fathers side. She is the best, she is badass 

4) what habit did you which you did not have

uuh, not sure what you mean here? do you mean, what is a habit that I do now, that I hadn’t when i was younger? 

uum I dunno..i think eating when bored...i guess...

5) pineapple on pizza?

Love it, (sorry Italy ) I love fruit on pizza,i don’t care what other people think, I will not force you to eat it if you don’t like it

6) coffee or tea?

Tea espeasily cinnamon, I don’t like coffee. to bitter. 

7) i hate…

saying goodbye

8) name 3 not so known movies you recommend

Happily Never After ( fun take on the cinderella story, the animation..is not..the best but i really liked this movie )

Barbie movies ( not all, but they got good morals, and its fun to look at the quality of the old ones XD ) 

Koning van Katoren (not a perfect addaption of the books but fun to get you intrested, it made me start reading them..should finish them ) 

9) can you dance?

..depends Can I do different dance styles, or dances ...No...Can I learn certain dances and execute them enough to be considered dancing ..YES...do i have fun doing that...Absolutely

10) Here you have 10.000 euro pocket money but you have to spend it today. What do you buy?

Buy a car so that my family has once again, a few tickets to cons i wanna go to, maybe an overseas trip with my dad and sister..i dunno..what else..a few video games i guess

11) Grandpa Rome conviscated the couch in your living room, your reaction?

....I don’t see the dog..is he hiding between Grandpa and the Couch cushions to keep warm? 

(Questions from @catnipkitten )

1) is there a language you wish you could speak fluently?

I wish my German was more fluent I got to a lot of german speaking Countries

Also wish i could speak Italian, Japanese, 

2) name 3 books you recommend

um for the Dutch people “Het geheim van Teveel Torens” it’s defintly a kids book, but a funny one

um for the rest... i dunno 

3) if you had the chance to become immortal, would you take it?

No, I don’t wanna see my family and friends die around me while beeing able to live forever 

4) followed eurovision last week? what’s your opinion about the results?

No i didn’t, i am one of the few people i know who doesn’t follow it

5) any ideas for what you’d want to cosplay next?I got this pattern for an Italy jacket..and fabric which is closely coloured to Lucianos...so 2p Italy is next on the list, after that...chibitalia? 

6) can you draw well?

uuh.. sort of, i can ‘redraw’ things not much on my own, 

7) what country would you want to visit some day?

Japan, and i wanna go back to Venice when the carnaval is there with my grandma 

8) favourite genre of music?

at the moment...musicals, I don’t really have a genre, i just come across music if i like it, i add it to my list

9) a lie form your childhood that you believed was true as a kid?

not a lie... I was just convinced my dad had the words of an English song wrong, years later we listened to it again, and of course my dad was right, what we where saying was just gibberish, what sounded like the English text, but we where convinced that was what they said, because dad it’s our music and you don’t know it  XD 

10) do you like answering the phone?

Noooooo. I don’t, I will...but I don’t like it

11) do you know people irl here on tumblr?

yes quite a few 

My Questions

1) What is something you do that makes you feel good about yourself?

2) what is a useless fact you know?

3) do you have / want any pets?

4) Do you like to sing? (not are you good, do you like it) 

5) Ever broken a bone, if yes wich?

6) What is your favorite type of wheather?

7) Favorite song from your childhood?

8) Ever binged watched a show, so yes which one?

9) First fandom you joined?

10) Favorite colour to wear? 

11) Say something nice about yourself !

[askthenewhopespeak]

A Class Reunion

*Yamato’s phone rings, it’s from unknown number*

*He looks at it, a bit surprised. Who would call him? Almost nobody has this number… save for his new coworkers. He picks up. * “Hello?”

???: Yamato? It’s you, right?

He doesn’t recognize the voice, but it sounds familiar. It might be because of the phone… “Indeed, that would be me. May I inquire about your identity as well?”

???: What, you don’t recognize me? After all the good times we had in high school? I am hurt, Yamato. And here I wanted to invite you for a game in memory of old times.

Oh dear. Now he knows who that is. His tone sounds a lot more joyful - actually, a lot more like his high school self. “Asuka-chan! No way! I would love to join you for a game, but you would obviously win. If there is no suspense in this fight for the victory, what is the point? Events of which you already know the outcome may be inevitable at times, but they are boring.” He’s smiling to himself.

Asuka: Don’t be a poopy head, my games are fun, aren’t they? I mean, everyone always came.

“All the fun we had was seeing Ryusei-kun lose and almost flip the table with his Taichi techniques. But I admit, it was entertaining. And everyone came because you resorted to vile methods of corruption.”

Asuka: *her voice chokes with tears* P-pwease?

“It won’t work this time. I know you…” *He’s actually hesitating. *

Asuka: Pretty please? For old times?

*He’s weak. * “Alright. Inviting the others would be a great idea… If they’re still alive, that is. Though I doubt anything happened to Kyou-san. They were lucky, after all.” *He’ll have to sneak out Invidia’s ‘headquarters’ when nobody nags him to sweep the floor or something. *

Asuka: Kyou is sick. As always. I wonder what his luck has against my games…  I got Haruhi, though. And Shinzo. But really, I wanted you the most.

“At least Kyou-san has been saved from a humiliating defeat.” *He chuckles to himself. * “Aaah, am I really that important to a good games night?”

Asuka: You were always the most fun to talk to… If you tell Haruhi I said it I’ll kill you, though.

“I don’t have the means to contact Haruhi, anyway. Is she still following each one of your steps?”

Asuka: Of course she is. *there is a distant yell* Haruhi, come say hi to Yamato! *and then back to normal* She’s on her way. So, tomorrow at… eight or so? Would this do for you?

Tomorrow? Hell, they can make things go smooth without him. “Of course. I can’t wait to see all of you again.” It had been… since the end of the Tragedy that he hadn’t seen them. They were a big part of the best period of his life. It sounded cliché to say that the best years were high school years, but it was really something else. Hope’s Peak had been the funniest place he’s ever went to, and it was all gone.

Asuka: I can’t wait to hear how have you been, Yamato.

*a new voice on the phone*

Haruhi: Uehara-san? Is that really you? Omygosh!

Asuka: *far from the phone* Haruhi, that’s enough.

Haruhi: But…

Asuka: *still far* go do something else, dear.

Haruhi: fine

Asuka: Sorry about her.

“Haaa? But you didn’t even let me say hi. At least she sounded really enthused to hear from me.” *Nothing’s really changed…*

Asuka: She’s always excited. Didn’t want you to choke on that.

“We’ll have more time to talk tomorrow. May I ask how you’ve been?”

Asuka: Fine, you know. Joined future foundation when everything went to shit, worked under Yukizome for a while… and she was pretty cool, even if having your boss be six years younger than you is awkward.

“Talk to me about it! Mitarai-kun was even younger, and even less competent. At least being in the 10th branch wasn’t an utter waste of time…”

Asuka: the sixth was fine.  They didn’t really want me, but Haruhi refused to join if I didn’t and they really wanted her for her… skills.

“… I see. At least they didn’t hurt her, I hope?”

Asuka: Do you think I would have let them?

“Ah, true, true. But wasn’t she overworked? I know I kept doing back and forth between the 10th and the 1st branch because they were short on staff.”

Asuka: She doesn’t help anyone if she bleeds to death or dies of exhaustion. I made sure she rested well and ate well. Everyone were overworked by the end of it, but… I did all I could.

“It’s nice to take care of her. She wasn’t the best at that.” *Sounds like he genuinely cares. *

Asuka: Well, someone had to, and with Riko-chan gone…

*He sighs. * “Dammit. Some of us had to… well, you know.

Asuka: Yes. It’s funny, you know? I hated her. She took away Haruhi’s affection… and now… I wish she was here. I don’t know how to make sure Haruhi doesn’t kill herself by accident.

"But Haruhi has you. She loves you so much. She worships you. But… the weight shouldn’t all be on your shoulders.” *He doesn’t really know what to say either. He feels the quiet rage in him raise like the sea level. This is why he is doing this. Why he is collaborating with these people. To make sure the ones that made his classmates suffer, that destroyed Hope’s Peak, that destroyed their world, payed for their crimes.

Asuka: How have you been? Since everything ended?

*He doesn’t know if he should tell her. It would be best if she didn’t know. But…* “Well, I’m not doing so bad. I have a little… thing… going on. You know, getting back into business isn’t easy.”

Asuka: Tell me about it. What kind of a thing?

“It’s kind of obscure. It has something to do with the state of the world as of now.”

Asuka: …I somehow don’t see you doing heavy lifting, so it’s probably not restoration… eh, it’s probably still better job than mine.

“Hahaha… Indeed, physical labor isn’t for me. What job do you have?”

Asuka: You’ll laugh on me.

“I probably will, but tell anyway.”

Asuka: The local supermarket. *the disgust in her voice is clear. *

*He laughs, both in amusement and relief. The conversation got dragged away from his activity. * “Oh my. Asuka Amachi, the cashier.

Asuka: That’s not funny!

Asuka: Well, okay, but gaming tournaments don’t pay rent.

"It is funny, you have to admit. But it is true that you can’t pay anything with that. Maybe you could be a tester for board games?”

Asuka: I don’t think anyone needs a tester that would beat all their games.

“But you’re an expert. You could help them.”

Asuka: I didn’t find any place hiring. And honestly… A lot of places stay away from Hope’s Peak kids… we probably deserve it.

“That’s not true.” *His voice is much more serious. * “We had nothing to do in this perversion. We graduated years before Junko Enoshima thought of infiltrating Hope’s Peak. It was all because of her. We earned our talents and skills, we used them for hope. We have nothing to do with this perversion. It is unfair.”

Asuka: Well, people like us broke the world, so I can understand why people are mad! *she sighs* Also, I have never learned my kanji, maybe that’s why I’m never getting hired. *she sighs again. * go away, Haruhi. I’m fine.

“You should get Haruhi to help you with that. How do you even live here?”

Asuka: With Hiragana and Katakana, like a normal person.

“No, that’s not how you do it-” *He whines. * “You know Shinzo would sound exactly like that.”

Asuka: Yes, he would. *she laughs* man, I miss high school.

“Everything was much simpler.” He agrees.

Asuka: can we be sixteen again? being 30 sucks.

“Being 30 means we have to be responsible adults. I don’t think we were ever ready for that.”

Asuka: Yacks. Who thought letting me be an adult is a good idea? *she paused* Any chance your job is hiring?

“Unfortunately, the team is complete.” *He hates having to lie like that. * “But it is a temporary job, so you’re not missing out on anything.”

Asuka: Are you sure? I mean… it still must be better than my current job.

“It actually doesn’t pay well.” *More like not at all. *

Asuka: So why do you work to them?

Asuka: for, I mean for, I hate this language.

“They have a work ethic that I like. And they’re basically the only ones that took me. You’re not the only one struggling.”

Asuka: Work ethic doesn’t pay for food.

“It’s enough for how I live. Maybe not for you. Your clothes are quite expensive.”

Asuka: Not anymore, they aren’t.

“Tragic. I thought you would never accept to wear something that cost less than say… a good 10.000 yen.”

Asuka: Well, there is a difference between being a teen with rich parents who don’t give a fuck about your expenses and an adult who is struggling to end the month, no?

Haruhi: Hi, I took over for now, Suka… seems to not be in the best mood right now.

“Hi Haruhi.” *He laughs it off. * “Yeah, I think I made her a little upset.”

Haruhi: Hi. She is trying to forget.

“Thankfully she’ll have forgiven me by tomorrow.

Haruhi: Suka? Kicking someone out of game night? Never.

"But she could decide to get revenge on me, and that means I’m done for.”

Haruhi:  …You say it like you ever stood a chance.

“There are times when I stood a chance more than others!” *He is offended. * “If she decides I must lose, then I will lose in a humiliating manner.”

Haruhi: *she’s whispering*I think- I think she’s trying to prove something with tomorrow.

“Hmm? A theory?”

Haruhi: We barely have time for games- I think she is trying to prove to herself that she still can do it.

“… Oh.” *He didn’t quite notice Asuka’s melancholy. * “I understand… With the ones that left us, the fact she can’t even practice her talent anymore must be tough. Take good care of her, okay? I don’t think I need to beg you…”

Haruhi: Sometimes I don’t know who here is taking care of who. *she sighs* I’ll text you the address. See you tomorrow.

“Thank you. See ya.” They can hang on a little longer, but not much. Could he do something about it…?

*Haruhi hungs up, and a text with an address around the less nice parts of Tokyo is sent to him. *

Oh dear. Maybe the situation was worse than he thought. He pockets his phone and glares at the monitors of Invidia. 'Die already, you scum.’

[shawnofficials]

Imagination

A/N: This one is inspired by the song Imagination from ‘Handwritten’. It’s my favorite song of his so automatically I started building up this story after hearing the song for the first time :-) x

Pairing: Y/N/Shawn 

Rating: All

Request: No

Words: 10.000+

Summary: Even after 19 years of falling in and out of love Shawn still can’t tell whether his feelings for his childhood best friend Y/N are reality or just a stupid imagination

If it wasn’t for the fact that he felt the whole ball room seemed to light up by the single glance he gave towards the entrance, he would have been more interested in his feet and the glass of bobbling light pink champagne. 

Voices were crowding around his ears with different conversions but he wasn’t taking part in any of them, settling down with furrowing his eyebrows and barely believing his eyes. 

He wasn’t even supposed to look over at the direction towards the entrance that lead down to the large white stairs that were decorated in golden and silver garlands. It was simply a coincidence; a coincidence that he wished didn’t happen because now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. 

The navy blue dress she was wearing was simple, yet she made it work her body perfectly. Tight just like she preferred it to show her curves but still elegant and didn’t show too much skin. It stood out completely from others, she broke the little black dress curse. 

He wanted to take a deep breath and shake the thoughts off, looking back at his escort for the night, a chestnut brown haired beauty named Mia. She had all the things he looked for in a girl if not more. 

She was intelligent, had the right looks for his preferences and besides, she was so talkative and optimistic like him. 

But no matter how far he tried to catch up with her conversation, breaking in with a hum or eyes widening when he caught himself zoning out, his eyes were completely fixed on her. 

How she was looking down at her feet to make sure she wouldn’t trip over the stairs and neither on her dress, a hand placed neatly on the staircase to make sure nothing major would happen. 

She had always had this clumsy persona who seemed to trip over the easiest things, but he always thought it was a cute feature of hers. 

No, he didn’t want to think that. 

He didn’t want to think she was cute and he roughly shook his head again, accidentally knocking out a few curls he had tried to trap into one big mess with his hair spray. 

Safe to say he needed a haircut as soon as the New Year would approach. 

A small hum came from his lips out of nowhere, he wasn’t even sure Mia had said anything. All the voices seemed to crowd into one and it was his own begging for him to not look over at her direction again because if he did, his eyes would be stuck on her for the rest of the night. 

He was aware she was showing up, seeing her accept on Facebook was enough in general. His best friends had already pointed it out beforehand, but as always, he shrugged it off completely. 

He had done for years but just the sight of her seemed to make all his emotions come back at once. He had no control. 

The feelings he had been blocking out and sworn under his breath he would lock up into some old closet and never let them escape seemed to unlock itself by the source of his arching heart.

In the mix of thoughts trying to tie up loose ends and pushing away the past, he hadn’t taken notice of the male escort running down the stairs towards her and hurried to put a black glittery shawl over her bare shoulders. 

Of course she was with someone else, how could he be so dumb to believe that she would show up on her own. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise, he shouldn’t be feeling like this because it had been nearly 90% of his life she had been doing that. 

He couldn’t accept it anymore, he needed to move on. But Y/N took away Shawn’s breath and even after so many times, the stab in the heart was as painful as the first. 

- 3 Years Old - 

The first time they met seemed like ages ago, it felt like ages ago but just by thinking back he remembered the day like it happened 24 hours ago. 

Shawn was sitting lonely by the sandpit with a yellow tractor in his hand, switching between digging holes and putting sand above his head. He knew that his mom would be mad when finding sand in his small dark curls, but for now he enjoyed the peace.

All the other boys were running around on the small green area with a football, laughing and screaming weird things with each other.

He wanted to join, he really did, but Shawn had never been great with football and he always feared they would think he was weird. Even from that age their interest was much different and sports besides swimming wasn’t his ideal thing.

Sometimes he just wanted to stand up and say, “Hey, I want to be a part of this as well.” but it was always an imagination. He couldn’t dare to do it and it was weird because he felt he was a very talkative boy. 

He remembered once where he decided to join and it evolved in a black eye. The others thought it was fun but Shawn couldn’t see the amusing in it, and rather wanted to settle down on the small sandbox placed in the middle of the kindergarten.

It was his safe place, it was where he preferred to be. He had a full view of everything that was going on, seeing the boys run around on the left side and the girls play inside of the red and blue houses by the end of the sandbox.

Once he had also asked if he could be a part of their play but once he figured out they were playing the typical family thing and he was supposed to play their dog pet, he backed away and fell back to his corner.

He knew that the pedagogues were slightly worried about him, some even came up to check and make sure. But every time they suggested something, if he wanted to go back and do some outside painting or play with chalk he declined politely. 

“I gotta dig a hole. My mom says if I dig enough I will end up in China.”

It was the same answer every time, and the more he said it the more enthusiastic he became. He loved having goals in his life, achievements that he could follow in order to have success. 

This was like any other day at the kindergarten, the summer warm and the sun streaming down on his face. But when a shadow casted over him his attention drifted away from his beloved tractor.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat the sand right?” A girl questioned confused as if he was odd, she was wearing a nice light pink summer hat with a bellis on it. 

Shawn stopped in track from putting sand between his finger and into his mouth, it had become such a habit he wasn’t aware of it. 

She gave him a small smile and planted her bum down on the sand as well, feeling how it was warm from the sun and crossed her pink thigh covered tights. 

“My mom says it’s not very healthy, you can end up with a bad tummy.” 

“My mom says that too.” He agreed, tongue sticking out when he actually realized what it tasted off. Nothing else but ocean and a hint of dirt, making him spit down into the sand and she laughed loudly. 

“You’re funny. I like people who make me laugh.” 

Shawn’s eyes grew twice their size by her comment. It was the first time he had made someone laugh that wasn’t from his family, and he once again pretended to spit out some sand to see if it worked. 

She giggled loudly, head falling back in reaction and her hands clapping together. It made a feeling of joy bobble up in Shawn’s stomach and he looked down at the sand again considering whether or not to put some more into his mouth just for a bit more amusement.

“No weird boy don’t eat it I just told you.” She reached out to grab his hand before he could put it any near his mouth, their eyes meeting and he swore he could compare them to crystals. 

“My name is Shawn.” He said a bit insulted, not that he wanted to make her sad but he rather wanted to be called by his name than that. 

“Shawn, don’t eat the sand!” She corrected with wide eyes, doing motions with her hands and stood up from the sand to dust it away from her clothes. 

He watched her still with the sand in his hand and lips parted but no words seemed to come out. He sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t leave him already, she was the first out here that actually came up to him instead of it being reversed. 

“Where are you going? And what is your name?” He let go of his tractor and stood up from the sand, squeezing his eyes by the sun shining down at him. 

“I made this grass mini yard for some ladybirds that I’ve caught over by the bushes. They are literally everywhere but they constantly escape so I try to get them again. One of them flied over here but once I saw you I lost it.” 

She pointed towards the green bushes by the many trees by the end of the kindergarten, it wasn’t many kids that wanted to play around here but Shawn could already feel from their first meeting that she was different. 

“Come on.” She encouraged impatient, not wanting to wait for an answer from him because she had already settled her mind with that he was going to be a part of her little secret.

“But you never told me your name.” Shawn disagreed and rushed towards her small form, even if she was a little girl with short legs she was definitely a fast one. 

“Maybe if we become better friends I will tell you.” She giggled over her shoulder, happy that he wanted to be a part of it and disappeared into one of the bushes, having Shawn right in his heels.

He was completely wrapped around her finger from their first moment and it continued. 

- 7 Years Old - 

The more time Shawn spent with her, the more he felt happy and alive. It didn’t take longer than the pedagogues to call them in for lunch that he learned her name after sharing his cherry tomatoes.

Y/N it was, so easy to remember and a name that he knew not everyone around his group of friends were sharing. He could feel from that moment that they were committed and they shared every single day at the kindergarten together.

It all seemed to be a blurry memory when Shawn thought back, his eyes scanning the cartoon book in front of him and heard a deep sigh in the back.

“Can we do something else? We’ve been reading the same page for almost 10 minutes now I’m getting bored.” 

His tongue rested between his lips in thought. He looked over at Y/N to see her pout, she never had the patience to do the same thing for more than just a split second.

“What do you wanna do then? Mum says we should make homework soon, we need to learn about the vowels in the alphabet.” He was always the one to remember because Y/N constantly pushed it to the back of their minds.

“How about we go make a blanket fort? Then you can read your boring book and I will protect us from the weird alphabet that the teachers constantly want us to learn!” 

A huge sigh came from Shawn’s lips, he really wanted to but he also wanted to be done. His mother had always taught him to be loyal and well-behaved, but Y/N always fished out the rebel in him. 

“Come on Shawn.” She pleaded, pouting her lips just like she knew would become his weakness and stared up at him with puppy eyes.

“Fine.” He coughed lightly and jumped down from his blue office chair that his mum had gotten him along with a desk after starting in school.

Y/N excitedly cheered in the air and hurried towards his bed, finding all the pillows she could reach out for and sprawled them on the floor. He decided to push the chair towards the window and found a huge blanket under his bed, using it as the roof of the fort. 

“I have some fairy lights from my baby sister’s room that we can use.” He suggested when she crawled inside with his sheets, poking his head inside but she was quick up in his face.

“We need a code word!” She almost whispered, their noses bumping together.

“I uh-,” Shawn nervously said and looked down at his fingers, he didn’t know if he was supposed to come up with something or guess. 

“Yellow tractor.” She helped, holding the palm of her hands against the corners of her mouth to make sure that not even his mother would hear through the thin walls.

“Yellow tractor.” Shawn nodded his head in confirm, too confused at first to remember what he was supposed to do. He bit down on his lip and watched her face, just by her eyes sparkling he remembered and rushed out of his room to get the lights. 

He purposely made sure to whisper the code word the second he was back again, sticking his head inside and smiled when Y/N was sitting with one of his many cartoon series, eyebrows furrowing and scanning the pages. 

After hanging up the lights on his chair he grabbed his own magazine and leaned back at one of the pillows, letting the silence take over.

Even at that age they didn’t need to talk all the time. Sometimes when they would be reading Shawn would request Y/N to read aloud if she hadn’t suggested that herself. They enjoyed the comfortable silence that they created from being so used to each other.

If it wasn’t Shawn showing up at her house after school it would be her coming up after dinner. They always had tons of playing to do, they always had something in their minds that they just couldn’t do alone. 

They needed each other for everything that came along on the path of life, the small stages were something to remember and Shawn worth shipped every moment of it. 

“I had a dream about us.” He didn’t know if he was supposed to say it but he really wanted to. It was a dream that had occurred in his mind on repeat for a few days. He wondered if it was actually something real. 

“What did you dream?” She tore her eyes away from the cartoons to look at him.

“It was about us. Do you ever dream that?” He leaned his chin on top of the palm of his hand, pressing it against his pillow and looked at her with a quivered eyebrow. 

“All the time!” She smiled back and he felt how his heart was fluttering. 

“I always dream that we’re in some kind of danger and that we need to save each other. It’s almost as if it switches by every dream I go through. Last night I saved you from a fire spitting dragon, maybe tomorrow I’m gonna save you from an electricity monster like the orange one from Scooby Doo?” 

A frown came to Shawn’s face by her rambles, not because he was sad but because it was not exactly what he meant. 

He had been dreaming about the two of them as older. How they were walking together hand in hand by the beach, watching the waves crash ashore and the sun warm in the faces from the horizon. 

It was a moment that he loved and he hadn’t even gotten the chance to experience it. He could still remember how their hands had been intertwined, but it wasn’t the same way as when they would walk hand in hand during school trips. 

It was filled with love and passion, something Shawn had kept dearly in his warm heart but never expressed. 

“You know I will always save you in my dreams, right?” She suddenly said and pulled him out from his zoned thoughts.

He was confused as to what she meant but then he remembered the dragon story and a small smile came to his face. They had definitely been playing too many video games together but it was always Shawn losing, Y/N was always the winner and not just because he was letting her. 

“I will always save you too Y/N. Always and forever. You are my best friend.” 

She smiled in affection by her words, showing the small space between her front teeth that had fallen out during recess in school. He had been there when it all happened totally amazed because they were allowed to leave to go to the dentist for help. 

“You know what we should do?” She questioned seconds later after been thinking.

“What now?” He lifted an eyebrow and let go of his cartoon completely to move himself up in the small fort.

“We should prove our true friendship by sharing blood! I’ve heard the others talk about it at school and I think we should do it as well!”

“But why?” Shawn questioned confused, flashing images of blood everywhere and his mother passing out in case she would walk in and see what they would be doing to themselves.

“Because it means we will be best friends forever. Don’t you want to be that?” 

He almost felt a gutted feeling in his stomach by her question, there was no doubt in his mind that he never not wanted to be that. Y/N was the only person who understood him and the only one he could never truly become tired of. 

He didn’t have to say anything to show his confirm and once again Y/N excitedly made a noise and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. 

His heart was pounding loudly by the affection and she pulled away too soon for his liking to head out of the fort and found something to cut with. He could still conclude that she was in his room because of her humming and within seconds she was back again after saying the code word.

“I just took a scissor, it doesn’t have to be a big cut. We just need to share a drop of blood each.” 

She was never the one to be afraid, danger was her middle name. She easily placed the blade of the scissor into her pointing finger, waiting until a small scratch and been formed and gave it to him.

He almost felt as if panic went through his body because he had no idea how to do it. Should he just tell already that he was completely scared and thought he was fearful of blood because just by watching her finger he felt dizzy.

“Come on Shawn before your mom shows up!” She encouraged. 

That made him take action a lot quicker, images of his mom walking in flashing before his eyes and he pressed the scissor against the skin of his finger too forcefully.

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise by the blood dripping out from his finger fast, the cut was much deeper than hers and she could see that he was in secret pain.

“Repeat after me.” She hurried so he wouldn’t have to suffer that much.

“We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

“What does senile mean-,”

“Not now Shawn!”

“Okay okay. We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

She pressed their fingers together and gave them a light squeeze, feeling how she was shaking in pain and hurried out again towards his toilet. 

There was no way his mother wouldn’t be noticing this, he had managed to spill blood on his sheets and claiming it would be nose bleed wouldn’t work out that well. 

“Here’s some toilet paper, that might help.” She had made sure to put some water on it and wrapped it around his finger, making sure that none of it was leaking out before she took a patch and made it ready for him.

He watched her carefully clenching off the rest of the blood, wrapped the patch around his finger and made sure to give it a small kiss for it to heal faster.

A huge smile came to his face despite the pain in his finger so much that his dimple was showing and Y/N looked up at him with curious eyes but smiled as well in affection. 

“Why are you so happy it must be hurtful?”

“Because now we’re bestiest friends forever.” 

- 12 Years Old - 

Truth was, that stayed with them. As they grew older they grew closer to each other if that was even possible.

Where Y/N was, was Shawn and where Shawn was, was Y/N.

They were the only ones who stayed true to each other, they were the only ones at their school who had been friends throughout all the years.

Of course they also talked with a few others, Y/N had a girl group of hers that she always hung around with in the classes that Shawn wasn’t in and reversed. Shawn had his friends from his music class that he hung out with from time to time when Y/N would be doing some of her after school activities. 

The older they got the more they learned more about themselves and that was also so important to their friendship. They didn’t have a barrier that sometimes seemed to ruin it, or not what they knew of.

There were no secrets, there was no back stabbing when the other wasn’t there. They never wanted to make each other sad and when they did it wasn’t on purpose. They were each other’s rocks and friends around the school knew they were inseparable. 

Shawn could always tell when something was wrong with her, she didn’t have to say anything. He could read it through her mimics, the way she would uncomfortably advert her eyes to her feet and barely flick a muscle.

It was one of those nights where he noticed it, the way she was sitting with her legs crossed on one of the dark wooden chairs in one of their friend’s living rooms. 

They had been excited for this night, it wasn’t always they were invited for birthdays but this one was special because it was a shared friend of theirs from their English class. 

They had dressed nicely, followed each other to the place and enjoyed a delightful dinner. There was even red soda, something they both enjoyed in silence and secret when they would sneak into Y/N’s basement and found some in one of the old fridge without allowance. 

But after the dessert had been served and a few games had been played between the whole crowd, this new game seemed to have bad affection on Y/N.

Shawn had been a part of it before, it wasn’t that big of a deal to him but he could tell that she was uncomfortable. 

“Do you want to go out and talk for a second?” He whispered in her ear ever so quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. 

She didn’t say anything but looked up at him with a small frown, nodding her head in agreement and stood up from her chair along with him. They sneaked themselves out of the living and into the hallway that also lead to the kitchen, the faint sound of adults cleaning plates and talking. 

“What’s up?” He crossed his arms and remained his tone sweet.

“I don’t feel like playing.” She mumbled a bit embarrassed and he furrowed his eyebrows curious.

“How come?” 

She seemed unsure and looked down at her feet. She was debating with herself whether or not to tell him but it was Shawn. She always told him everything, even the embarrassing things in life. 

“I don’t want to play spin the bottle becaus-, Because I’ve never kissed a guy before Shawn and I don-, I don’t want it to be weird or have them call me weird.” 

She seemed really bad about the situation and Shawn felt the need to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to his chest. There was no way she should be feeling like that, it was okay that not everyone had had their first kiss yet.

“I just really want to part of it because everyone else is, you know?” She looked like someone who mentally wanted to kick herself, eyes glancing over her shoulder to look into the living room of happy kids. 

“I have an idea.” He suddenly announced, he hadn’t thought it through and his eyes widened in reaction to his own idea.

“What?” She asked curiously.

He became quiet, unsure of how to tell her. Maybe it was too dumb she would think, worst case she would laugh at him. But he felt this was his only shot, this was maybe something that would make her happy.

“We can kiss. From that you won’t have to go through the embarrassment and it will be with someone who actually means something to you instead of worrying about someone else showing up to do it.”

The words floated out of his mouth at once especially by the way she had widened her eyes in reaction. She wasn’t saying anything but neither was she backing away so he took that as a good sign.

“You want us to kiss? Wouldn’t that be a bit weird-,”

“No, of course yes it would Y/N just-, I mean. Just forget about my suggestion it was in fact weird.” He tried to settle with backing away himself but his breath hitched in his throat when she shook her head and took a step forward.

“That is the sweetest thing you could ever do to me, Shawn.”

He felt his heart beating so fast it felt like it was resting in his throat, his fingers shaking and tapping nervously against his thighs. 

She leaned forward just as he did, the two of them pretty confused as what to do but once they locked lips, they gave each other a small peck and instantly removed. 

The blush on his face couldn’t compare to anything else, not even hers. She was looking down at her feet still wide eyes, not really knowing what to say than nervously giggle. 

It had only lasted for a second but Shawn wished it had been more. He wanted to feel her touch again, there was something about the whole situation that made his stomach erupt with butterflies and his toes tickle. 

He was completely frozen. So frozen that he didn’t hear her encourage him to go back in, settling with doing it herself when she wasn’t getting any answer and looked over her  shoulder with a small smile playing on her lips.

From that moment Shawn felt that he was introduced to what was actually going on in his life. What he had been feeling for years without actually having any words to describe what he was feeling.

He was madly in love with Y/N. 

- 16 years old - 

It felt as if everything was crashing onto Shawn at once. 

Mixed up with his torn feelings towards the girl that had been his best friends from when he was little he was also struggling with other things. 

Trying to stay in school with the sudden change of being introduced to high school along with puberty hitting hard, but also being the ambitious guy he was. He had so many things going on at once sometimes the only thing that seemed to help was to sit in his tank top and play hardly on his guitar. 

But tonight his attire was changed for the occasion. 

“Could everyone just stand a little closer together, this is beautiful!” His mother commented with a camera in her hand, both trying to focus on the group of friends he had invited for the evening but also keeping an eye on his younger sibling. 

“Come on, Y/N.” He encouraged and reached his arm out in invitation, “It’s just for a few pictures. Austin will be here soon I’m sure.” 

She seemed to ease up by his words, the frown on her face becoming less noticeable and a small smile came to her face by the affection of his. 

She had been depressed throughout the whole night but it wasn’t a wonder to anyone. She didn’t want to believe that she had been stood up but her prom date Austin still hadn’t showed up at Shawn’s house.

It had him fuming, something he kept to himself and tried hardly not to express to the others. 

How could someone do this to her? She had been looking excitedly for this night for weeks hell he even remembered her talking about it back in middle school! Showing up at prom without a partner when you thought you would was like the hardest ice to break.

She was sad, it had been obvious on her despite her trying not to show it. But trying to stay that secret for Shawn’s was nonsense, he saw right through her. 

He was never really the guy to become that angry, mostly he was the smiling guy without any problems in the world. But just to think that someone would do something like that to her, to his best friend. It hurt worse than getting kicked in the nuts. 

She deserved everything in life, especially this evening. He had heard her talk about it for weeks, discussing what dress to wear and they were only Freshmen’s! It meant so much to her and by one idiot ruining that for her he couldn’t let it happen.

“I’m sure he will show up soon.” He comforted when the pictures were finally over, feeling spots on his eyelids in various colors by the constant blitz. 

“You sure?” She pouted softly, fiddling with one of her curls that had been completely sprayed in hair spray in order to not get ruined during the evening. 

“I’m sure.” He confirmed, a small smile on his lips to show that it was true but in the end he had absolutely no idea. He wanted to fix this mess, he wanted her to be happy so he hurried to turned around fast to approach one of his friends.

“Steward, you gotta help me!” He exclaimed and pulled the dark haired away from the rest of the crowd and into his kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Steward questioned confused and a hand through his curled hair. Both he and Shawn had been working on that all noon to make sure they both would be looking good for tonight. 

“You gotta help me out! Please if you could, could you follow Amber to the dance instead of me? I know that you think having a partner is ridiculous but I don’t want her to go alone.”

“Aren’t you Amber’s escort? Don’t you want to show up?” The confusion was clear in both Steward’s expression and voice, trying to solve the mystery in his mind. 

“Yes, yes I am and yes I’m still going I just really need to switch partners because…” He paused in track and looked out of the living room door that was still open, his eyes falling upon her.

She had curls of hair in front of her face, the frown trying to be hidden but every time she wasn’t talking with anyone it embraced her face. She was distancing herself from everyone despite saying that she was alright, but what else could she answer? 

“I need to help out Y/N.” Shawn spoke more quietly in order or her not to hear, looking over at Steward with a serious expression. 

“Austin stood her up once again and even though I’ve tried so many times to tell her that she shouldn’t go with him, she said yes when he asked! And now when he hasn’t showed up and most probably won’t she will be completely devastated and having to watch us dance while she will be sipping on nonalcoholic red wine!” 

“So you want to stand in for Austin?” Steward questioned just to be sure and pointed at him for confirmation.

Shawn sighed softly to himself, he really hadn’t thought this through. Yes he wanted to do everything in his power to make her happy, there was no doubt that he wanted to switch out Amber for Y/N. She had only been her second choice anyways, Austin came before him. 

“Yes, I want to stand in for Austin. That’s why I’m literally begging you to take out Amber instead because I can’t have two sad girls tonight. If we do this carefully everyone will be happy in the end and that’s what I really want.” 

He looked back at Steward with confirmation in his face. This was what he wanted, every time Y/N was talking about prom he wanted to do it with her.

Hold her hand gently and lead her into the massive gym that had changed into something beautiful for the evening, leading her to the table of champagne and clink their glasses together.

He wanted to take her out on the dance floor and swing them around, letting that beautifully dress of hers twirl to the beat of the band playing in the background and hearing her happy giggles. He wanted to be prom king with her as his prom queen, something freshmen never really experienced but he wanted that for her. 

“Okay fine Mendes, I will do it for you this one time.” Steward nodded his head in confirm with his lips pursed. 

It felt as if Shawn’s heart skipped a beat by his words, finally he could make her happy. He could already imagine her smiling all over her face by his words, that for once he would finally get acknowledged of how much he actually cared for her. 

“Thank you so so much I cannot express how grateful I am of you.” He was quick to shake Steward’s hand politely who barely getting a word said before Shawn rushed towards the door but stopped in track. 

“Honey hurry up the taxi is here to pick you up.” His mother rushed excitedly, doing motions with her hands but Shawn could only see it in the corner of his eye. 

His eyes were fixed on something he’d rather be left without. The way she was standing with her arms excitedly over Austin who seemed completely breathless, his hair all matted down from the rain outside but she didn’t care.

Since when had he showed up? He couldn’t recall hearing the door open but he had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn’t registered anything. 

The only thing he had been registering was how his heart was arching so hard for love because no matter what, his love for her would only be an imagination. 

“Man, I’m sorry.” Steward placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, an apologizing smile on his face Shawn didn’t have to explain himself.

Steward was one of the only people actually knowing what was going on inside of his head. He didn’t have to explain anything to show that no matter what he would never get the girl of his dreams.

“If you want we can just go upstairs and play some guitar and drums if you’d like? You know I’ve never really liked proms anyway-,”

“No.” Shawn responded and swallowed thickly. “This is how it’s supposed to be. I just have to suck everything through.” 

He couldn’t look at her because seeing her happiness with someone else tore him apart. The way she was looking up at Austin was supposed to be him, every single thing that made her happy was supposed to be about him. 

He needed to brush off those thoughts, it hadn’t come to his attention before now.

He needed to stop seeing them in his dreams, he needed to stop believing that they actually become a thing. Y/N would never actually realize his love for her and maybe that was so much better than the other things going on in his mind. 

He could never get himself to say the words he wanted to say to her. 

- 18 years old - 

It was the hardest thing Shawn ever had to do. 

Trying to forget everything, trying to erase all the memories and start new ones. He had to push his feelings back, he needed to sort out his life and stop daydreaming about something that was never supposed to happen.

It wasn’t on purpose that they were supposed to distance themselves away from each other, it happened eventually.

They went to the same school, had a few classes together but after that night before prom it felt as if it would never become the same again. He wasn’t speaking to her the same way he had done before, he wasn’t as dedicated to the friendship anymore.

He wanted to, it was like a knot forming in his stomach constantly but he never allowed himself to feel that pain of love anymore.

New interests came up, excited things that he needed to focus on instead. He had his vine to focus on. So many things were prepared for years to come and he realized that sooner than later he would have to take a decision he still hadn’t done anything about yet.

Telling her would be the hardest part. 

His room was completely filled with mess scattered everywhere, on his bed, around his desk, on his bed and mostly on the floor. His mother never believed that he could clear it up but he had to because sooner than later it all would be gone. 

The time was striking 1 A.M and he could hear the rain fall against his window that was still open. It was hot this evening and he was still not done with packing yet.

He was excited there was no doubt.

To him it finally seemed that happiness had found him, it wasn’t reversed. 

“Shawn, someone’s here for you.” His mother suddenly opened the door, eyes tired and her hair sticking different direction. She was wearing a light pink bathrobe to hide her nightgown and she removed herself so he could walk out of his bedroom.

Confusion was written on his face he had no idea who it was. 

Opening the door fully to see who it was his confusion was replaced with so many emotions at once. At first even more confusion, heartache, frustration but then curiosity. 

“Y/N?” He almost couldn’t let the name fall past from his lips and he removed himself from the door quickly to let her in.

“What’s going on?”

“I think Austin cheated on me.” She said ever so quietly, she wasn’t crying but he could tell by the way her eyes were puffy that she had and that she was also on the verge of doing it again.

“No way.” He commented in a soft tone, leading her past his mother with an apologizing expression on his face and lead her into his bedroom.

He noticed how she was looking around for a short second, it wasn’t the mess that was creating that expression but what was in fact going on. He waited with explanation himself and lead her to his bed to take a seat down. 

“What do you mean you think Austin has been cheating on you? Do you have any witnesses or did you see it yourself?” 

“I uh-,” She paused to take a deep breath and grabbed her phone, “I think I saw it over Snapchat on a Mystory from one of the others from high school. It might not be him but it sure as hell looks like it and I don’t know how to confront him with it.” 

Y/N opened the application and pressed play on the video she had seen, giving Shawn the phone and let him watch.

He felt how he lost his breath and his temper started to boil. The way it was faint to see who it was didn’t matter, Shawn could see that it was Austin and that bastard shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that. 

“Did you text him or something?” He questioned with a quivered eye and tried to remain calm. She was so fragile and so devastated she didn’t deserve any of his anger. 

“I left him a few messages over Facebook and he has seen them but I’m not sure how to interpret that without any answers..” 

She hiccupped softly but still no tears. She was holding them in just as hard as he was holding in his anger, it was horrible witnessing. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell that if she was with someone like him he would never ever do something like that to her. 

Never. 

“What is going on in here?” She changed the subject carefully and looked around.

He lost his breath again but this time it was so different. The way she was looking at him told that he wouldn’t get out of this before he had to explain himself, she needed to know the truth now when he had the chance.

“I’m moving to London.” 

“What?” It came out quick but not with any force, her voice was so soft but still confused. 

“Yeah uh-,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his fiddled hands. 

“I’m going over there to write a few songs and performe here and there with my opening act.”

“Tomorrow morning? And you never planned telling me this?” She was still not upset but he could tell that he had definitely taken her mind of Austin for a second. 

“Of course I did Y/N it has just been really hard you know? To leave everything behind after finishing high school, trust me it is one of the hardest thing for me to do! To leave my family behind, to leave behind friends but also to leave behind you!” 

The last part wasn’t supposed to come out as loud as it was but it did and he couldn’t change it. It was how he was feeling, it was how he was struggling and no matter what Shawn would never not feel the same about her. 

“It’s just a really big opportunity for us and I sincerely hope you understand. You know how much music means to me and for how long I’ve been dreaming about this.” 

He gently reached out to take her hand, he just wanted to feel her for one last time. Luckily she didn’t pull away and neither looked down with some sort of grimace. She kept her eyes on him the whole time. 

“I really feel that this could turn out into something big.” 

She nodded her head softly. Of course she understood, she had just wished he would have told her sooner. He wanted to, god how he just wanted to tell her to come with her and enjoy the busy streets of London but he never felt as if the time was there to do it. 

“You gotta uh-, You have to take a photography of one of those red phone booths.” A wide smile came to her face by her words, seeing how it was affecting him as well and he nodded his head in agreement. 

Silence fell upon the room and it was a nice one. For a long time he didn’t feel that it was awkward to be around her and he could feel the buzzing feeling of having her hands in his. He never wanted to let go again. 

He wanted to ask her if she wanted to say goodbye to him tomorrow. He knew it would be early, probably around ten but he still wanted to ask if she wanted to show up. 

Just for a final goodbye before he would have to lean but still hopefully come back after a few months.

“Oh my god he texted back.” She suddenly exclaimed and tore her hand away from his to use both on her phone, furrowing her eyebrows to read his message.

“Thank fucking god he says it isn’t him and that he was at hockey practice that evening.” She sighed in relief and ran a hand through her hair, “And he also suggests that I can show up tomorrow morning at his house for brunch with his family. Isn’t he wonderful, Shawn?” 

It was like his world crashing together again. He had literally just picked up the pieces of his broken heart to let them fall back onto his carpet and shatter even further. 

It was a horrible feeling but he had to suck it in and pretend that it would never bother him.

“Yeah,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his empty hand. 

“He really is a wonderful guy.” 

- 20 years old - 

“Shawn, you’re starring again.”

Looking away with eyebrows furrowed his lips parted but no words fell past from his lips. He kept on staring at Taylor who only shrugged his shoulder and drank the last bit of champagne and placed it on the table right next to him.

“I wasn’t staring.” He highly disagreed, shrugging off whatever feeling he had weighting on his shoulders and looked over at Taylor. 

But in fact, Shawn knew exactly what he was doing. It had only lasted fifteen minutes at the high school reunion for him to find her in the crowd, dancing along with a few others in her old graduation cap.

This was such a stupid night, he had wished he never showed up in the first place.

Sure, it was nice seeing a few familiar faces and got the chance to use Taylor as his escort. It was fun at first, he greeted a few people who also congratulated him on his success but now the only place he wanted to be was back in his old bedroom. 

“Come on, let’s have a fun night out instead of this pouting. The guys and I have told you before, you need to get over your old flame. I know it’s been harsh, I know it’s been years but at one point you need to let go of her.”

Taylor tried his best to stay calm, he didn’t want to trigger him and let him cause a scene. He knew just exactly how fragile Shawn was when it came to Y/N, saying the wrong words at the wrong time could leave him affected for days. 

But it was time to move on, Shawn felt that he was ready.

Yet it always seemed to change the second he would lay his eyes on her. All the memories, all the emotions seemed to go back at once and he couldn’t control them, he didn’t have control of anything.

He wanted her to be happy, hell he wanted them both to be happy whether they were together or separated. But every time he did he completely ruined it. 

She was dancing around having the time of her life. He wasn’t even sure if she had seen him during the evening and if she had, she had most probably ignored him. They weren’t on terms, they had even lost their strike on Snapchat. 

“I can-,” I’m sorry bro but I can’t do this. You can enjoy the party as much as you want I see a few from my old Spanish class who fancy you, go talk to them. I just-, I need to leave okay.” 

Shawn hurriedly placed his glass on one of the tables that was rushed past him by a waiter, his eyes glancing over his shoulder but didn’t allow Taylor to comment on the situation. 

He was completely crushed after all these years. 

Taylor stood completely frozen and watched Shawn’s shadow disappear out of the entrance, a somehow stunned expression on his face.

He was about to leave, settling with running after Shawn to comfort but stopped in track by someone poking him on the shoulder. 

“Hey,” A girl said and he turned around to see it was Y/N.

“You’re Taylor right? You might not remember me but we’ve met a few times, I’m Shawn’s childhood friend. I was just wondering if you knew where he went because I could see in the corner of my eye that he was there but suddenly he disappeared.” 

“He left.” Taylor was quick to respond, he tried to behave right but this girl had his best friend’s heart toyed around her hand without knowing how many times she was able to break it.

“What?” She questioned with wide eyes, the smell of alcohol was clear on her breath and she wasn’t thinking straight. 

“He can’t just leave I need to tell him something.” She was frankly grabbing him by the arms but just by Taylor’s expression she pulled away. 

“No sorry, I’m a little drunk just forget about it.” She came back to her real self and ran a hand through her hair repeatedly. She needed some cold water and definitely some fresh air. 

“Have a nice evening, Y/N.” Taylor replied politely and turned around to head towards the door. She watched him disappear away, her heart arching because she knew he was going after him. 

“Please tell Shawn that I’m in love with him.” She said more quietly to herself, fiddling with her fingers carefully and felt how a tear was falling down on her cheek and quickly removed again. 

- Now -

All these memories seemed to come back at Shawn at once, he faintly heard how people were screaming for the New Year to come in the background but he wasn’t catching up.

He needed to leave so he apologized himself away. Mia had already left to god knows where he had been so caught up in his own thoughts to even notice it. 

He needed to get away, he needed to be on his own because now he felt that he was a dead person walking on two feet. For so many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years he had been feeling like this, all coming down to one girl. 

A girl, that had been so important to him yet so unaware he felt as if he was only living on the sake of eating and sleeping. 

Opening the door to the balcony that had an ocean view and over the rest of centrum Sydney, he took a deep breath and adjusted the tie around his neck.

It wasn’t time to leave yet, he wanted this night to end successfully. He couldn’t just into a new year like this. He couldn’t work like this anymore it had to change, something new had to come.

All his life he had been waiting for moments to come.

“Shawn?” 

It was like time freezing completely and he felt his breath hitch in his throat. The voice was so recognizable he could feel his hair rise on his arm and he was unsure whether to turn around or not. 

Was this a part of his imagination or what is real? 

He still had one of his hands on the white balcony hand when looking over his shoulder with an expression that contained so many emotions at once, his limps shaking by the sight of her.

She looked like someone who was unsure of what to say, looking down at her long dress and let out a shaky breath. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes she was so damn beautiful. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot all these years. I’m sorry for not catching up with what was going on, I’m sorry for constantly throwing the friend card in your face and I know you probably won’t hear any of this, that you’ve finally gotten over me but truth is.” 

She took another deep breath by his reaction, his jaw had fallen and his eyes were wide. 

“I’m not sorry for being in love with you. I love you, Shawn, I really fucking do.” 

Time stood still again but this time it was so differently. He couldn’t express how he was feeling, he couldn’t even describe it in his mind.

It felt as if he was dizzy, exhausted, happy, frustrated and many more things at the same time. His legs were ready to give out any minute from now, his head was spinning trying to recall her words and he was unsure whether this was real or not. 

This was what he had been waiting for, for so long. This what was it felt to actually hear what he had imagined for years, it was nothing like he had thought it would be.

It was much more magical, he wanted to pinch his arm to make sure it was actually real. He wanted to hover over the balcony and scream in joy, he wanted to raise his arms in the air and holler that finally, he got what he wanted all his life. 

He couldn’t believe it and he wanted her to say it once again. Say those three words that filled out the feeling of being empty. His heart had been arching for hers for so long, he needed her to fill out that small piece and now she finally seemed to do that.

Shawn finally got the feeling of being loved.

But because he had been silent for so long without any further reaction she had taken it the wrong way. 

A huge frown was on her face realizing that she had been too late. Of course she had, they had known each other for 19 years and just now did she decide to confess what she was feeling. God how she felt so stupid.

“No, I’m sorry just erase that, please.” She begged more to herself than him and was quick to turn around but before she would walk back into the party he grabbed her hand gently and pulled her into his chest. 

“Y/N you have no idea for how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

Titling her chin up gently he gave her eyes a short glance before smiling brightly to himself, lips pressing against hers for a brief moment.

It was probably the best feeling in the world. It couldn’t compare to anything else he had experienced because he had been waiting so long for this kiss he never wanted to pull away from her again or let go.

It wasn’t the same as when they were messy and 12. It had everything he needed in life and to have her to fulfill it was the best part of it. He could feel her knees shake and how she stood on her toes to reach him even further, her arms wrapping around his neck and his hands grabbing her hips to tuck her closer. 

All the bad things he had been going through seemed to be erased completely. They were gone from his body, he suddenly felt how free it was to actually live.

The love for her was what both kept him alive and broke him at the same time. But to combine the love from her along with the love she had for him, it was the strongest thing he had ever felt. 

Every guy deserved a girl that could make their heart forget that it was ever broken. 

Grabbing her hips by surprise he pulled away just for a small breath and to twirl her around like that princess she was to him. She didn’t need a title for it because she was the only girl in his life and she had always been. 

He could feel how his heart was pounding so harshly he was sure she could feel it as well when he pressed his lips against hers again, the loud sound of fireworks appearing in the background but it was only making the situation better. 

It all came together at one, they could both tell on their face expressions. 

When they finally seemed to pull away he took of his blazer gently and wrapped it around her shoulders. They weren’t saying anything but they could see that it wasn’t necessary. 

The fireworks were going crazy they had never seen anything like it. He tucked her gently into his chest after wrapping the blazer around her, a final smile on his face in pure happiness when she nuzzled her nose into his chest. 

Had she always been this beautiful? Of course she had, what a dumb question he was asking himself and he constantly had to take himself in staring at her rather than the art in front of them.

Call it destiny, call it that it was pure luck but to him he knew that it would happen, deep down. All these imaginations, all these dreams and all these nightmares wouldn’t be left as something useless.

He knew that he needed them to finally realize what he was feeling and to finally know that she was the only one he wanted to be with in life. Of course he wished he had done it before, he wished they could have just confessed their feelings already, what were they waiting for? 

But they also needed this. Not every relationship was perfect, they had bumps in their way from the start but that also meant their relation to each other would be stronger, and it would grow like that every single day. 

They belonged together and thinking about the future he couldn’t imagine it with anyone else but her. It had been like this his entire life and he wouldn’t have it any other way because she was his rock, she was all his life ever had purpose of. 

Leaning down to give her a gently kiss to her forehead he tucked her even closer if possible, wanting her as close to his heart as possible. It was amazing feeling that he knew he would get to experience every day from now and he was so blessed about it. 

“I love you so much you have no idea.” He breathed into her hair, not sure if she heard but she did and stood on her toes again to brush her forehead against his.

“I love you too weirdo.” She softly giggled, smiling all over her face by the memory and closed her eyes when he pressed her lips against his once again. 

He had no idea where they would end in life but did that matter? He finally got the girl. He freaking fucking finally got the girl and now he could finally fulfill his life with a hand in his. Hers hand. 

But most importantly he realized that this love couldn’t compare to anything his imagination could create. 

[bananashemmo]

Imagination

A/N: This one is inspired by the song Imagination by Shawn Mendes from his album ‘Handwritten’. It’s my favorite song of his so automatically I started building up this story after hearing the song for the first time :-) x

Pairing: Y/N/Ashton

Rating: All

Request: No

Words: 10.000+

Summary: Even after 19 years of falling in and out of love Ashton still can’t tell whether his feelings for his childhood best friend Y/N are reality or just a stupid imagination

If it wasn’t for the fact that he felt the whole ball room seemed to light up by the single glance he gave towards the entrance, he would have been more interested in his feet and the glass of bobbling light pink champagne. 

Voices were crowding around his ears with different conversions but he wasn’t taking part in any of them, settling down with furrowing his eyebrows and barely believing his eyes. 

He wasn’t even supposed to look over at the direction towards the entrance that lead down to the large white stairs that were decorated in golden and silver garlands. It was simply a coincidence; a coincidence that he wished didn’t happen because now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. 

The navy blue dress she was wearing was simple, yet she made it work her body perfectly. Tight just like she preferred it to show her curves but still elegant and didn’t show too much skin. It stood out completely from others, she broke the little black dress curse. 

He wanted to take a deep breath and shake the thoughts off, looking back at his escort for the night, a chestnut brown haired beauty named Mia. She had all the things he looked for in a girl if not more. 

She was intelligent, had the right looks for his preferences and besides, she was so talkative and optimistic like him. 

But no matter how far he tried to catch up with her conversation, breaking in with a hum or eyes widening when he caught himself zoning out, his eyes were completely fixed on her. 

How she was looking down at her feet to make sure she wouldn’t trip over the stairs and neither on her dress, a hand placed neatly on the staircase to make sure nothing major would happen. 

She had always had this clumsy persona who seemed to trip over the easiest things, but he always thought it was a cute feature of hers. 

No, he didn’t want to think that. 

He didn’t want to think she was cute and he roughly shook his head again, accidentally knocking out a few curls he had tried to trap into one big mess with his hair spray. 

Safe to say he needed a haircut as soon as the New Year would approach. 

A small hum came from his lips out of nowhere, he wasn’t even sure Mia had said anything. All the voices seemed to crowd into one and it was his own begging for him to not look over at her direction again because if he did, his eyes would be stuck on her for the rest of the night. 

He was aware she was showing up, seeing her accept on Facebook was enough in general. His best friends had already pointed it out beforehand, but as always, he shrugged it off completely. 

He had done for years but just the sight of her seemed to make all his emotions come back at once. He had no control. 

The feelings he had been blocking out and sworn under his breath he would lock up into some old closet and never let them escape seemed to unlock itself by the source of his arching heart.

In the mix of thoughts trying to tie up loose ends and pushing away the past, he hadn’t taken notice of the male escort running down the stairs towards her and hurried to put a black glittery shawl over her bare shoulders. 

Of course she was with someone else, how could he be so dumb to believe that she would show up on her own. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise, he shouldn’t be feeling like this because it had been nearly 90% of his life she had been doing that. 

He couldn’t accept it anymore, he needed to move on. But Y/N took away Ashton’s breath and even after so many times, the stab in the heart was as painful as the first. 

- 3 Years Old - 

The first time they met seemed like ages ago, it felt like ages ago but just by thinking back he remembered the day like it happened 24 hours ago. 

Ashton was sitting lonely by the sandpit with a yellow tractor in his hand, switching between digging holes and putting sand above his head. He knew that his mom would be mad when finding sand in his small blond curls, but for now he enjoyed the peace.

All the other boys were running around on the small green area with a football, laughing and screaming weird things with each other.

He wanted to join, he really did, but Ashton had never been great with football and he always feared they would think he was weird. Even from that age their interest was much different and sports besides swimming wasn’t his ideal thing.

Sometimes he just wanted to stand up and say, “Hey, I want to be a part of this as well.” but it was always an imagination. He couldn’t dare to do it and it was weird because he felt he was a very talkative boy. 

He remembered once where he decided to join and it evolved in a black eye. The others thought it was fun but Ashton couldn’t see the amusing in it, and rather wanted to settle down on the small sandbox placed in the middle of the kindergarten.

It was his safe place, it was where he preferred to be. He had a full view of everything that was going on, seeing the boys run around on the left side and the girls play inside of the red and blue houses by the end of the sandbox.

Once he had also asked if he could be a part of their play but once he figured out they were playing the typical family thing and he was supposed to play their dog pet, he backed away and fell back to his corner.

He knew that the pedagogues were slightly worried about him, some even came up to check and make sure. But every time they suggested something, if he wanted to go back and do some outside painting or play with chalk he declined politely. 

“I gotta dig a hole. My mom says if I dig enough I will end up in America.”

It was the same answer every time, and the more he said it the more enthusiastic he became. He loved having goals in his life, achievements that he could follow in order to have success. 

This was like any other day at the kindergarten, the summer warm and the sun streaming down on his face. But when a shadow casted over him his attention drifted away from his beloved tractor.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat the sand right?” A girl questioned confused as if he was odd, she was wearing a nice light pink summer hat with a bellis on it. 

Ashton stopped in track from putting sand between his finger and into his mouth, it had become such a habit he wasn’t aware of it. 

She gave him a small smile and planted her bum down on the sand as well, feeling how it was warm from the sun and crossed her pink thigh covered tights. 

“My mum says it’s not very healthy, you can end up with a bad tummy.” 

“My mum says that too.” He agreed, tongue sticking out when he actually realized what it tasted off. Nothing else but ocean and a hint of dirt, making him spit down into the sand and she laughed loudly. 

“You’re funny. I like people who make me laugh.” 

Ashton’s eyes grew twice their size by her comment. It was the first time he had made someone laugh that wasn’t from his family, and he once again pretended to spit out some sand to see if it worked. 

She giggled loudly, head falling back in reaction and her hands clapping together. It made a feeling of joy bobble up in Ashton’s stomach and he looked down at the sand again considering whether or not to put some more into his mouth just for a bit more amusement.

“No weird boy don’t eat it I just told you.” She reached out to grab his hand before he could put it any near his mouth, their eyes meeting and he swore he could compare them to crystals. 

“My name is Ashton.” He said a bit insulted, not that he wanted to make her sad but he rather wanted to be called by his name than that. 

“Ashton, don’t eat the sand!” She corrected with wide eyes, doing motions with her hands and stood up from the sand to dust it away from her clothes. 

He watched her still with the sand in his hand and lips parted but no words seemed to come out. He sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t leave him already, she was the first out here that actually came up to him instead of it being reversed. 

“Where are you going? And what is your name?” He let go of his tractor and stood up from the sand, squeezing his eyes by the sun shining down at him. 

“I made this grass mini yard for some ladybirds that I’ve caught over by the bushes. They are literally everywhere but they constantly escape so I try to get them again. One of them flied over here but once I saw you I lost it.” 

She pointed towards the green bushes by the many trees by the end of the kindergarten, it wasn’t many kids that wanted to play around here but Ashton could already feel from their first meeting that she was different. 

“Come on.” She encouraged impatient, not wanting to wait for an answer from him because she had already settled her mind with that he was going to be a part of her little secret.

“But you never told me your name.” Ashton disagreed and rushed towards her small form, even if she was a little girl with short legs she was definitely a fast one. 

“Maybe if we become better friends I will tell you.” She giggled over her shoulder, happy that he wanted to be a part of it and disappeared into one of the bushes, having Ashton right in his heels.

He was completely wrapped around her finger from their first moment and it continued. 

- 7 Years Old - 

The more time Ashton spent with her, the more he felt happy and alive. It didn’t take longer than the pedagogues to call them in for lunch that he learned her name after sharing his cherry tomatoes.

Y/N it was, so easy to remember and a name that he knew not everyone around his group of friends were sharing. He could feel from that moment that they were committed and they shared every single day at the kindergarten together.

It all seemed to be a blurry memory when Ashton thought back, his eyes scanning the cartoon book in front of him and heard a deep sigh in the back.

“Can we do something else? We’ve been reading the same page for almost 10 minutes now I’m getting bored.” 

His tongue rested between his lips in thought. He looked over at Y/N to see her pout, she never had the patience to do the same thing for more than just a split second.

“What do you wanna do then? Mum says we should make homework soon, we need to learn about the vowels in the alphabet.” He was always the one to remember because Y/N constantly pushed it to the back of their minds.

“How about we go make a blanket fort? Then you can read your boring book and I will protect us from the weird alphabet that the teachers constantly want us to learn!” 

A huge sigh came from Ashton’s lips, he really wanted to but he also wanted to be done. His mother had always taught him to be loyal and well-behaved, but Y/N always fished out the rebel in him. 

“Come on Ash.” She pleaded, pouting her lips just like she knew would become his weakness and stared up at him with puppy eyes.

“Fine.” He coughed lightly and jumped down from his blue office chair that his mum had gotten him along with a desk after starting in school.

Y/N excitedly cheered in the air and hurried towards his bed, finding all the pillows she could reach out for and sprawled them on the floor. He decided to push the chair towards the window and found a huge blanket under his bed, using it as the roof of the fort. 

“I have some fairy lights from my baby sister’s room that we can use.” He suggested when she crawled inside with his sheets, poking his head inside but she was quick up in his face.

“We need a code word!” She almost whispered, their noses bumping together.

“I uh-,” Ashton nervously said and looked down at his fingers, he didn’t know if he was supposed to come up with something or guess. 

“Yellow tractor.” She helped, holding the palm of her hands against the corners of her mouth to make sure that not even his mother would hear through the thin walls.

“Yellow tractor.” Ashton nodded his head in confirm, too confused at first to remember what he was supposed to do. He bit down on his lip and watched her face, just by her eyes sparkling he remembered and rushed out of his room to get the lights. 

He purposely made sure to whisper the code word the second he was back again, sticking his head inside and smiled when Y/N was sitting with one of his many cartoon series, eyebrows furrowing and scanning the pages. 

After hanging up the lights on his chair he grabbed his own magazine and leaned back at one of the pillows, letting the silence take over.

Even at that age they didn’t need to talk all the time. Sometimes when they would be reading Ashton would request Y/N to read aloud if she hadn’t suggested that herself. They enjoyed the comfortable silence that they created from being so used to each other.

If it wasn’t Ashton showing up at her house after school it would be her coming up after dinner. They always had tons of playing to do, they always had something in their minds that they just couldn’t do alone. 

They needed each other for everything that came along on the path of life, the small stages were something to remember and Ashton worth shipped every moment of it. 

“I had a dream about us.” He didn’t know if he was supposed to say it but he really wanted to. It was a dream that had occurred in his mind on repeat for a few days. He wondered if it was actually something real. 

“What did you dream?” She tore her eyes away from the cartoons to look at him.

“It was about us. Do you ever dream that?” He leaned his chin on top of the palm of his hand, pressing it against his pillow and looked at her with a quivered eyebrow. 

“All the time!” She smiled back and he felt how his heart was fluttering. 

“I always dream that we’re in some kind of danger and that we need to save each other. It’s almost as if it switches by every dream I go through. Last night I saved you from a fire spitting dragon, maybe tomorrow I’m gonna save you from an electricity monster like the orange one from Scooby Doo?” 

A frown came to Ashton’s face by her rambles, not because he was sad but because it was not exactly what he meant. 

He had been dreaming about the two of them as older. How they were walking together hand in hand by the beach, watching the waves crash ashore and the sun warm in the faces from the horizon. 

It was a moment that he loved and he hadn’t even gotten the chance to experience it. He could still remember how their hands had been intertwined, but it wasn’t the same way as when they would walk hand in hand during school trips. 

It was filled with love and passion, something Ashton had kept dearly in his warm heart but never expressed. 

“You know I will always save you in my dreams, right?” She suddenly said and pulled him out from his zoned thoughts.

He was confused as to what she meant but then he remembered the dragon story and a small smile came to his face. They had definitely been playing too many video games together but it was always Ashton losing, Y/N was always the winner and not just because he was letting her. 

“I will always save you too Y/N. Always and forever. You are my best friend.” 

She smiled in affection by her words, showing the small space between her front teeth that had fallen out during recess in school. He had been there when it all happened totally amazed because they were allowed to leave to go to the dentist for help. 

“You know what we should do?” She questioned seconds later after been thinking.

“What now?” He lifted an eyebrow and let go of his cartoon completely to move himself up in the small fort.

“We should prove our true friendship by sharing blood! I’ve heard the others talk about it at school and I think we should do it as well!”

“But why?” Ashton questioned confused, flashing images of blood everywhere and his mother passing out in case she would walk in and see what they would be doing to themselves.

“Because it means we will be best friends forever. Don’t you want to be that?” 

He almost felt a gutted feeling in his stomach by her question, there was no doubt in his mind that he never not wanted to be that. Y/N was the only person who understood him and the only one he could never truly become tired of. 

He didn’t have to say anything to show his confirm and once again Y/N excitedly made a noise and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. 

His heart was pounding loudly by the affection and she pulled away too soon for his liking to head out of the fort and found something to cut with. He could still conclude that she was in his room because of her humming and within seconds she was back again after saying the code word.

“I just took a scissor, it doesn’t have to be a big cut. We just need to share a drop of blood each.” 

She was never the one to be afraid, danger was her middle name. She easily placed the blade of the scissor into her pointing finger, waiting until a small scratch and been formed and gave it to him.

He almost felt as if panic went through his body because he had no idea how to do it. Should he just tell already that he was completely scared and thought he was fearful of blood because just by watching her finger he felt dizzy.

“Come on Ashton before your mum shows up!” She encouraged. 

That made him take action a lot quicker, images of his mum walking in flashing before his eyes and he pressed the scissor against the skin of his finger too forcefully.

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise by the blood dripping out from his finger fast, the cut was much deeper than hers and she could see that he was in secret pain.

“Repeat after me.” She hurried so he wouldn’t have to suffer that much.

“We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

“What does senile mean-,”

“Not now Ashton!”

“Okay okay. We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

She pressed their fingers together and gave them a light squeeze, feeling how she was shaking in pain and hurried out again towards his toilet. 

There was no way his mother wouldn’t be noticing this, he had managed to spill blood on his sheets and claiming it would be nose bleed wouldn’t work out that well. 

“Here’s some toilet paper, that might help.” She had made sure to put some water on it and wrapped it around his finger, making sure that none of it was leaking out before she took a patch and made it ready for him.

He watched her carefully clenching off the rest of the blood, wrapped the patch around his finger and made sure to give it a small kiss for it to heal faster.

A huge smile came to his face despite the pain in his finger so much that his dimple was showing and Y/N looked up at him with curious eyes but smiled as well in affection. 

“Why are you so happy it must be hurtful?”

“Because now we’re bestiest friends forever.” 

- 12 Years Old - 

Truth was, that stayed with them. As they grew older they grew closer to each other if that was even possible.

Where Y/N was, was Ashton and where Ashton was, was Y/N.

They were the only ones who stayed true to each other, they were the only ones at their school who had been friends throughout all the years.

Of course they also talked with a few others, Y/N had a girl group of hers that she always hung around with in the classes that Ashton wasn’t in and reversed. Ashton had his friends from his music class that he hung out with from time to time when Y/N would be doing some of her after school activities. 

The older they got the more they learned more about themselves and that was also so important to their friendship. They didn’t have a barrier that sometimes seemed to ruin it, or not what they knew of.

There were no secrets, there was no back stabbing when the other wasn’t there. They never wanted to make each other sad and when they did it wasn’t on purpose. They were each other’s rocks and friends around the school knew they were inseparable. 

Ashton could always tell when something was wrong with her, she didn’t have to say anything. He could read it through her mimics, the way she would uncomfortably advert her eyes to her feet and barely flick a muscle.

It was one of those nights where he noticed it, the way she was sitting with her legs crossed on one of the dark wooden chairs in one of their friend’s living rooms. 

They had been excited for this night, it wasn’t always they were invited for birthdays but this one was special because it was a shared friend of theirs from their English class. 

They had dressed nicely, followed each other to the place and enjoyed a delightful dinner. There was even red soda, something they both enjoyed in silence and secret when they would sneak into Y/N’s basement and found some in one of the old fridge without allowance. 

But after the dessert had been served and a few games had been played between the whole crowd, this new game seemed to have bad affection on Y/N.

Ashton had been a part of it before, it wasn’t that big of a deal to him but he could tell that she was uncomfortable. 

“Do you want to go out and talk for a second?” He whispered in her ear ever so quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. 

She didn’t say anything but looked up at him with a small frown, nodding her head in agreement and stood up from her chair along with him. They sneaked themselves out of the living and into the hallway that also lead to the kitchen, the faint sound of adults cleaning plates and talking. 

“What’s up?” He crossed his arms and remained his tone sweet.

“I don’t feel like playing.” She mumbled a bit embarrassed and he furrowed his eyebrows curious.

“How come?” 

She seemed unsure and looked down at her feet. She was debating with herself whether or not to tell him but it was Ashton. She always told him everything, even the embarrassing things in life. 

“I don’t want to play spin the bottle becaus-, Because I’ve never kissed a guy before Ashton and I don-, I don’t want it to be weird or have them call me weird.” 

She seemed really bad about the situation and Ashton felt the need to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to his chest. There was no way she should be feeling like that, it was okay that not everyone had had their first kiss yet.

“I just really want to part of it because everyone else is, you know?” She looked like someone who mentally wanted to kick herself, eyes glancing over her shoulder to look into the living room of happy kids. 

“I have an idea.” He suddenly announced, he hadn’t thought it through and his eyes widened in reaction to his own idea.

“What?” She asked curiously.

He became quiet, unsure of how to tell her. Maybe it was too dumb she would think, worst case she would laugh at him. But he felt this was his only shot, this was maybe something that would make her happy.

“We can kiss. From that you won’t have to go through the embarrassment and it will be with someone who actually means something to you instead of worrying about someone else showing up to do it.”

The words floated out of his mouth at once especially by the way she had widened her eyes in reaction. She wasn’t saying anything but neither was she backing away so he took that as a good sign.

“You want us to kiss? Wouldn’t that be a bit weird-,”

“No, of course yes it would Y/N just-, I mean. Just forget about my suggestion it was in fact weird.” He tried to settle with backing away himself but his breath hitched in his throat when she shook her head and took a step forward.

“That is the sweetest thing you could ever do to me, Ashton.”

He felt his heart beating so fast it felt like it was resting in his throat, his fingers shaking and tapping nervously against his thighs. 

She leaned forward just as he did, the two of them pretty confused as what to do but once they locked lips, they gave each other a small peck and instantly removed. 

The blush on his face couldn’t compare to anything else, not even hers. She was looking down at her feet still wide eyes, not really knowing what to say than nervously giggle. 

It had only lasted for a second but Ashton wished it had been more. He wanted to feel her touch again, there was something about the whole situation that made his stomach erupt with butterflies and his toes tickle. 

He was completely frozen. So frozen that he didn’t hear her encourage him to go back in, settling with doing it herself when she wasn’t getting any answer and looked over her  shoulder with a small smile playing on her lips.

From that moment Ashton felt that he was introduced to what was actually going on in his life. What he had been feeling for years without actually having any words to describe what he was feeling.

He was madly in love with Y/N. 

- 16 years old - 

It felt as if everything was crashing onto Ashton at once. 

Mixed up with his torn feelings towards the girl that had been his best friends from when he was little he was also struggling with other things. 

Trying to stay in school with the sudden change of being introduced to high school along with puberty hitting hard, but also being the ambitious guy he was. He had so many things going on at once sometimes the only thing that seemed to help was to sit in his tank top and play hardly against his drums. 

But tonight his attire was changed for the occasion. 

“Could everyone just stand a little closer together, this is beautiful!” His mother commented with a camera in her hand, both trying to focus on the group of friends he had invited for the evening but also keeping an eye on his younger siblings. 

“Come on, Y/N.” He encouraged and reached his arm out in invitation, “It’s just for a few pictures. Austin will be here soon I’m sure.” 

She seemed to ease up by his words, the frown on her face becoming less noticeable and a small smile came to her face by the affection of his. 

She had been depressed throughout the whole night but it wasn’t a wonder to anyone. She didn’t want to believe that she had been stood up but her prom date Austin still hadn’t showed up at Ashton’s house.

It had him fuming, something he kept to himself and tried hardly not to express to the others. 

How could someone do this to her? She had been looking excitedly for this night for weeks hell he even remembered her talking about it back in middle school! Showing up at prom without a partner when you thought you would was like the hardest ice to break.

She was sad, it had been obvious on her despite her trying not to show it. But trying to stay that secret for Ashton was nonsense, he saw right through her. 

He was never really the guy to become that angry, mostly he was the smiling guy without any problems in the world. But just to think that someone would do something like that to her, to his best friend. It hurt worse than getting kicked in the nuts. 

She deserved everything in life, especially this evening. He had heard her talk about it for weeks, discussing what dress to wear and they were only Freshmen’s! It meant so much to her and by one idiot ruining that for her he couldn’t let it happen.

“I’m sure he will show up soon.” He comforted when the pictures were finally over, feeling spots on his eyelids in various colors by the constant blitz. 

“You sure?” She pouted softly, fiddling with one of her curls that had been completely sprayed in hair spray in order to not get ruined during the evening. 

“I’m sure.” He confirmed, a small smile on his lips to show that it was true but in the end he had absolutely no idea. He wanted to fix this mess, he wanted her to be happy so he hurried to turned around fast to approach one of his friends.

“Steward, you gotta help me!” He exclaimed and pulled the dark haired away from the rest of the crowd and into his kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Steward questioned confused and a hand through his straightened hair. Both he and Ashton had been working on that all noon to make sure they both would be looking good for tonight. 

“You gotta help me out! Please if you could, could you follow Amber to the dance instead of me? I know that you think having a partner is ridiculous but I don’t want her to go alone.”

“Aren’t you Amber’s escort? Don’t you want to show up?” The confusion was clear in both Steward’s expression and voice, trying to solve the mystery in his mind. 

“Yes, yes I am and yes I’m still going I just really need to switch partners because…” He paused in track and looked out of the living room door that was still open, his eyes falling upon her.

She had curls of hair in front of her face, the frown trying to be hidden but every time she wasn’t talking with anyone it embraced her face. She was distancing herself from everyone despite saying that she was alright, but what else could she answer? 

“I need to help out Y/N.” Ashton spoke more quietly in order or her not to hear, looking over at Steward with a serious expression. 

“Austin stood her up once again and even though I’ve tried so many times to tell her that she shouldn’t go with him, she said yes when he asked! And now when he hasn’t showed up and most probably won’t she will be completely devastated and having to watch us dance while she will be sipping on nonalcoholic red wine!” 

“So you want to stand in for Austin?” Steward questioned just to be sure and pointed at him for confirmation.

Ashton sighed softly to himself, he really hadn’t thought this through. Yes he wanted to do everything in his power to make her happy, there was no doubt that he wanted to switch out Amber for Y/N. She had only been her second choice anyways, Austin came before him. 

“Yes, I want to stand in for Austin. That’s why I’m literally begging you to take out Amber instead because I can’t have two sad girls tonight. If we do this carefully everyone will be happy in the end and that’s what I really want.” 

He looked back at Steward with confirmation in his face. This was what he wanted, every time Y/N was talking about prom he wanted to do it with her.

Hold her hand gently and lead her into the massive gym that had changed into something beautiful for the evening, leading her to the table of champagne and clink their glasses together.

He wanted to take her out on the dance floor and swing them around, letting that beautifully dress of hers twirl to the beat of the band playing in the background and hearing her happy giggles. He wanted to be prom king with her as his prom queen, something freshmen never really experienced but he wanted that for her. 

“Okay fine Irwin, I will do it for you this one time.” Steward nodded his head in confirm with his lips pursed. 

It felt as if Ashton’s heart skipped a beat by his words, finally he could make her happy. He could already imagine her smiling all over her face by his words, that for once he would finally get acknowledged of how much he actually cared for her. 

“Thank you so so much I cannot express how grateful I am of you.” He was quick to shake Steward’s hand politely who barely getting a word said before Ashton rushed towards the door but stopped in track. 

“Honey hurry up the taxi is here to pick you up.” His mother rushed excitedly, doing motions with her hands but Ashton could only see it in the corner of his eye. 

His eyes were fixed on something he’d rather be left without. The way she was standing with her arms excitedly over Austin who seemed completely breathless, his hair all matted down from the rain outside but she didn’t care.

Since when had he showed up? He couldn’t recall hearing the door open but he had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn’t registered anything. 

The only thing he had been registering was how his heart was arching so hard for love because no matter what, his love for her would only be an imagination. 

“Man, I’m sorry.” Steward placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, an apologizing smile on his face Ashton didn’t have to explain himself.

Steward was one of the only people actually knowing what was going on inside of his head. He didn’t have to explain anything to show that no matter what he would never get the girl of his dreams.

“If you want we can just go upstairs and play some guitar and drums if you’d like? You know I’ve never really liked proms anyway-,”

“No.” Ashton responded and swallowed thickly. “This is how it’s supposed to be. I just have to suck everything through.” 

He couldn’t look at her because seeing her happiness with someone else tore him apart. The way she was looking up at Austin was supposed to be him, every single thing that made her happy was supposed to be about him. 

He needed to brush off those thoughts, it hadn’t come to his attention before now.

He needed to stop seeing them in his dreams, he needed to stop believing that they actually become a thing. Y/N would never actually realize his love for her and maybe that was so much better than the other things going on in his mind. 

He could never get himself to say the words he wanted to say to her. 

- 18 years old - 

It was the hardest thing Ashton ever had to do. 

Trying to forget everything, trying to erase all the memories and start new ones. He had to push his feelings back, he needed to sort out his life and stop daydreaming about something that was never supposed to happen.

It wasn’t on purpose that they were supposed to distance themselves away from each other, it happened eventually.

They went to the same school, had a few classes together but after that night before prom it felt as if it would never become the same again. He wasn’t speaking to her the same way he had done before, he wasn’t as dedicated to the friendship anymore.

He wanted to, it was like a knot forming in his stomach constantly but he never allowed himself to feel that pain of love anymore.

New interests came up, excited things that he needed to focus on instead. He had Luke, Calum and Michael to focus on. So many things were prepared for years to come and he realized that sooner than later he would have to take a decision he still hadn’t done anything about yet.

Telling her would be the hardest part. 

His room was completely filled with mess scattered everywhere, on his drum kit, around his desk, on his bed and mostly on the floor. His mother never believed that he could clear it up but he had to because sooner than later it all would be gone. 

The time was striking 1 A.M and he could hear the rain fall against his window that was still open. It was hot this evening and he was still not done with packing yet.

Luke had occasionally texted him throughout the night, mostly because his mother was more strict than him and wanted to make sure that they would all be on time at the airport. 

He was excited there was no doubt. They all were and it was bobbling around their social medias. Some knew what was going on, some had heard the radio or seem the small shoutout they had gotten on Twitter. 

To him it finally seemed that happiness had found him, it wasn’t reversed. 

“Ashton, someone’s here for you.” His mother suddenly opened the door, eyes tired and her blond hair sticking different direction. She was wearing a light pink bathrobe to hide her nightgown and she removed herself so he could walk out of his bedroom.

Confusion was written on his face he had no idea who it was. Maybe it was Calum to make sure he had packed enough drum sticks but it wasn’t that it wasn’t possible to buy that in another country.

Opening the door fully to see who it was his confusion was replaced with so many emotions at once. At first even more confusion, heartache, frustration but then curiosity. 

“Y/N?” He almost couldn’t let the name fall past from his lips and he removed himself from the door quickly to let her in.

“What’s going on?”

“I think Austin cheated on me.” She said ever so quietly, she wasn’t crying but he could tell by the way her eyes were puffy that she had and that she was also on the verge of doing it again.

“No way.” He commented in a soft tone, leading her past his mother with an apologizing expression on his face and lead her into his bedroom.

He noticed how she was looking around for a short second, it wasn’t the mess that was creating that expression but what was in fact going on. He waited with explanation himself and lead her to his bed to take a seat down. 

“What do you mean you think Austin has been cheating on you? Do you have any witnesses or did you see it yourself?” 

“I uh-,” She paused to take a deep breath and grabbed her phone, “I think I saw it over Snapchat on a Mystory from one of the others from high school. It might not be him but it sure as hell looks like it and I don’t know how to confront him with it.” 

Y/N opened the application and pressed play on the video she had seen, giving Ashton the phone and let him watch.

He felt how he lost his breath and his temper started to boil. The way it was faint to see who it was didn’t matter, Ashton could see that it was Austin and that bastard shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that. 

“Did you text him or something?” He questioned with a quivered eye and tried to remain calm. She was so fragile and so devastated she didn’t deserve any of his anger. 

“I left him a few messages over Facebook and he has seen them but I’m not sure how to interpret that without any answers..” 

She hiccupped softly but still no tears. She was holding them in just as hard as he was holding in his anger, it was horrible witnessing. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell that if she was with someone like him he would never ever do something like that to her. 

Never. 

“What is going on in here?” She changed the subject carefully and looked around.

He lost his breath again but this time it was so different. The way she was looking at him told that he wouldn’t get out of this before he had to explain himself, she needed to know the truth now when he had the chance.

“I’m moving to London.” 

“What?” It came out quick but not with any force, her voice was so soft but still confused. 

“Yeah uh-,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his fiddled hands. 

“The boys and I-, you know. Calum, Michael and Luke, we have this band that we’ve shared once or twice on Facebook and now we’ve made this deal with some producers to come write some songs in London. We are leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning? And you never planned telling me this?” She was still not upset but he could tell that he had definitely taken her mind of Austin for a second. 

“Of course I did Y/N it has just been really hard you know? To leave everything behind after finishing high school, trust me it is one of the hardest thing for me to do! To leave my family behind, to leave behind friends but also to leave behind you!” 

The last part wasn’t supposed to come out as loud as it was but it did and he couldn’t change it. It was how he was feeling, it was how he was struggling and no matter what Ashton would never not feel the same about her. 

“It’s just a really big opportunity for us and I sincerely hope you understand. You know how much music means to me and for how long I’ve been dreaming about this.” 

He gently reached out to take her hand, he just wanted to feel her for one last time. Luckily she didn’t pull away and neither looked down with some sort of grimace. She kept her eyes on him the whole time. 

“I really feel that this could turn out into something big.” 

She nodded her head softly. Of course she understood, she had just wished he would have told her sooner. He wanted to, god how he just wanted to tell her to come with her and enjoy the busy streets of London but he never felt as if the time was there to do it. 

“You gotta uh-, You have to take a photography of one of those red phone booths.” A wide smile came to her face by her words, seeing how it was affecting him as well and he nodded his head in agreement. 

Silence fell upon the room and it was a nice one. For a long time he didn’t feel that it was awkward to be around her and he could feel the buzzing feeling of having her hands in his. He never wanted to let go again. 

He wanted to ask her if she wanted to say goodbye to him tomorrow. He knew it would be early, probably around ten but he still wanted to ask if she wanted to show up. 

Just for a final goodbye before he would have to lean but still hopefully come back after a few months.

“Oh my god he texted back.” She suddenly exclaimed and tore her hand away from his to use both on her phone, furrowing her eyebrows to read his message.

“Thank fucking god he says it isn’t him and that he was at hockey practice that evening.” She sighed in relief and ran a hand through her hair, “And he also suggests that I can show up tomorrow morning at his house for brunch with his family. Isn’t he wonderful, Ash?” 

It was like his world crashing together again. He had literally just picked up the pieces of his broken heart to let them fall back onto his carpet and shatter even further. 

It was a horrible feeling but he had to suck it in and pretend that it would never bother him.

“Yeah,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his empty hand. 

“He really is a wonderful guy.” 

- 20 years old - 

“Ash, you’re starring again.”

Looking away with eyebrows furrowed his lips parted but no words fell past from his lips. He kept on staring at Calum who only shrugged his shoulder and drank the last bit of champagne and placed it on the table right next to him.

“I wasn’t staring.” He highly disagreed, shrugging off whatever feeling he had weighting on his shoulders and looked over at Calum. 

But in fact, Ashton knew exactly what he was doing. It had only lasted fifteen minutes at the high school reunion for him to find her in the crowd, dancing along with a few others in her old graduation cap.

This was such a stupid night, he had wished he never showed up in the first place.

Sure, it was nice seeing a few familiar faces and got the chance to use Calum as his escort. It was fun at first, he greeted a few people who also congratulated him on the band but now the only place he wanted to be was back in his old bedroom. 

“Come on, let’s have a fun night out instead of this pouting. The guys and I have told you before, you need to get over your old flame. I know it’s been harsh, I know it’s been years but at one point you need to let go of her.”

Calum tried his best to stay calm, he didn’t want to trigger him and let him cause a scene. He knew just exactly how fragile Ashton was when it came to Y/N, saying the wrong words at the wrong time could leave him affected for days. 

But it was time to move on, Ashton felt that he was ready.

Yet it always seemed to change the second he would lay his eyes on her. All the memories, all the emotions seemed to go back at once and he couldn’t control them, he didn’t have control of anything.

He wanted her to be happy, hell he wanted them both to be happy whether they were together or separated. But every time he did he completely ruined it. 

She was dancing around having the time of her life. He wasn’t even sure if she had seen him during the evening and if she had, she had most probably ignored him. They weren’t on terms, they had even lost their strike on Snapchat. 

“I can-,” I’m sorry bro but I can’t do this. You can enjoy the party as much as you want I see a few from my old Spanish class who fancy you, go talk to them. I just-, I need to leave okay.” 

Ashton hurriedly placed his glass on one of the tables that was rushed past him by a waiter, his eyes glancing over his shoulder but didn’t allow Calum to comment on the situation. 

He was completely crushed after all these years. 

Calum stood completely frozen and watched Ashton shadow’s disappear out of the entrance, a somehow stunned expression on his face.

He was about to leave, settling with running after Ashton to comfort but stopped in track by someone poking him on the shoulder. 

“Hey,” A girl said and he turned around to see it was Y/N.

“You’re Calum right? You might not remember me but we’ve met a few times, I’m Ashton’s childhood friend. I was just wondering if you knew where he went because I could see in the corner of my eye that he was there but suddenly he disappeared.” 

“He left.” Calum was quick to respond, he tried to behave right but this girl had his best friend’s heart toyed around her hand without knowing how many times she was able to break it.

“What?” She questioned with wide eyes, the smell of alcohol was clear on her breath and she wasn’t thinking straight. 

“He can’t just leave I need to tell him something.” She was frankly grabbing him by the arms but just by Calum’s expression she pulled away. 

“No sorry, I’m a little drunk just forget about it.” She came back to her real self and ran a hand through her hair repeatedly. She needed some cold water and definitely some fresh air. 

“Have a nice evening, Y/N.” Calum replied politely and turned around to head towards the door. She watched him disappear away, her heart arching because she knew he was going after him. 

“Please tell Ashton that I’m in love with him.” She said more quietly to herself, fiddling with her fingers carefully and felt how a tear was falling down on her cheek and quickly removed again. 

- Now -

All these memories seemed to come back at Ashton at once, he faintly heard how people were screaming for the New Year to come in the background but he wasn’t catching up.

He needed to leave so he apologized himself away. Mia had already left to god knows where he had been so caught up in his own thoughts to even notice it. 

He needed to get away, he needed to be on his own because now he felt that he was a dead person walking on two feet. For so many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years he had been feeling like this, all coming down to one girl. 

A girl, that had been so important to him yet so unaware he felt as if he was only living on the sake of eating and sleeping. 

Opening the door to the balcony that had an ocean view and over the rest of centrum Sydney, he took a deep breath and adjusted the tie around his neck.

It wasn’t time to leave yet, he wanted this night to end successfully. He couldn’t just into a new year like this. He couldn’t work like this anymore it had to change, something new had to come.

All his life he had been waiting for moments to come.

“Ashton?” 

It was like time freezing completely and he felt his breath hitch in his throat. The voice was so recognizable he could feel his hair rise on his arm and he was unsure whether to turn around or not. 

Was this a part of his imagination or what is real? 

He still had one of his hands on the white balcony hand when looking over his shoulder with an expression that contained so many emotions at once, his limps shaking by the sight of her.

She looked like someone who was unsure of what to say, looking down at her long dress and let out a shaky breath. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes she was so damn beautiful. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot all these years. I’m sorry for not catching up with what was going on, I’m sorry for constantly throwing the friend card in your face and I know you probably won’t hear any of this, that you’ve finally gotten over me but truth is.” 

She took another deep breath by his reaction, his jaw had fallen and his eyes were wide. 

“I’m not sorry for being in love with you. I love you, Ashton, I really fucking do.” 

Time stood still again but this time it was so differently. He couldn’t express how he was feeling, he couldn’t even describe it in his mind.

It felt as if he was dizzy, exhausted, happy, frustrated and many more things at the same time. His legs were ready to give out any minute from now, his head was spinning trying to recall her words and he was unsure whether this was real or not. 

This was what he had been waiting for, for so long. This what was it felt to actually hear what he had imagined for years, it was nothing like he had thought it would be.

It was much more magical, he wanted to pinch his arm to make sure it was actually real. He wanted to hover over the balcony and scream in joy, he wanted to raise his arms in the air and holler that finally, he got what he wanted all his life. 

He couldn’t believe it and he wanted her to say it once again. Say those three words that filled out the feeling of being empty. His heart had been arching for hers for so long, he needed her to fill out that small piece and now she finally seemed to do that.

Ashton finally got the feeling of being loved.

But because he had been silent for so long without any further reaction she had taken it the wrong way. 

A huge frown was on her face realizing that she had been too late. Of course she had, they had known each other for 19 years and just now did she decide to confess what she was feeling. God how she felt so stupid.

“No, I’m sorry just erase that, please.” She begged more to herself than him and was quick to turn around but before she would walk back into the party he grabbed her hand gently and pulled her into his chest. 

“Y/N you have no idea for how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

Titling her chin up gently he gave her eyes a short glance before smiling brightly to himself, lips pressing against hers for a brief moment.

It was probably the best feeling in the world. It couldn’t compare to anything else he had experienced because he had been waiting so long for this kiss he never wanted to pull away from her again or let go.

It wasn’t the same as when they were messy and 12. It had everything he needed in life and to have her to fulfill it was the best part of it. He could feel her knees shake and how she stood on her toes to reach him even further, her arms wrapping around his neck and his hands grabbing her hips to tuck her closer. 

All the bad things he had been going through seemed to be erased completely. They were gone from his body, he suddenly felt how free it was to actually live.

The love for her was what both kept him alive and broke him at the same time. But to combine the love from her along with the love she had for him, it was the strongest thing he had ever felt. 

Every guy deserved a girl that could make their heart forget that it was ever broken. 

Grabbing her hips by surprise he pulled away just for a small breath and to twirl her around like that princess she was to him. She didn’t need a title for it because she was the only girl in his life and she had always been. 

He could feel how his heart was pounding so harshly he was sure she could feel it as well when he pressed his lips against hers again, the loud sound of fireworks appearing in the background but it was only making the situation better. 

It all came together at one, they could both tell on their face expressions. 

When they finally seemed to pull away he took of his blazer gently and wrapped it around her shoulders. They weren’t saying anything but they could see that it wasn’t necessary. 

The fireworks were going crazy they had never seen anything like it. He tucked her gently into his chest after wrapping the blazer around her, a final smile on his face in pure happiness when she nuzzled her nose into his chest. 

Had she always been this beautiful? Of course she had, what a dumb question he was asking himself and he constantly had to take himself in staring at her rather than the art in front of them.

Call it destiny, call it that it was pure luck but to him he knew that it would happen, deep down. All these imaginations, all these dreams and all these nightmares wouldn’t be left as something useless.

He knew that he needed them to finally realize what he was feeling and to finally know that she was the only one he wanted to be with in life. Of course he wished he had done it before, he wished they could have just confessed their feelings already, what were they waiting for? 

But they also needed this. Not every relationship was perfect, they had bumps in their way from the start but that also meant their relation to each other would be stronger, and it would grow like that every single day. 

They belonged together and thinking about the future he couldn’t imagine it with anyone else but her. It had been like this his entire life and he wouldn’t have it any other way because she was his rock, she was all his life ever had purpose of. 

Leaning down to give her a gently kiss to her forehead he tucked her even closer if possible, wanting her as close to his heart as possible. It was amazing feeling that he knew he would get to experience every day from now and he was so blessed about it. 

“I love you so much you have no idea.” He breathed into her hair, not sure if she heard but she did and stood on her toes again to brush her forehead against his.

“I love you too weirdo.” She softly giggled, smiling all over her face by the memory and closed her eyes when he pressed her lips against his once again. 

He had no idea where they would end in life but did that matter? He finally got the girl. He freaking fucking finally got the girl and now he could finally fulfill his life with a hand in his. Hers hand. 

But most importantly he realized that this love couldn’t compare to anything his imagination could create. 

[claracussonseo]

SEO Elite Review: Check out SEO software ranking examples!

SEO Elite Review: Check out SEO software ranking examples! is republished from: Chicago Website Design SEO Co.

SEO Elite Review: Check out SEO software ranking examples!

SEO Elite does what exactly?

SEO Elite starts from the following assumption:

- look at the page that ranks number 1 in Google, - do exactly the same + a bit better, - and you will be number 1

SEO Elite will examine “all” the SEO parameters that it finds out about the number 1 site in Google. Then this SE software will automate the process in mimicking this for your site.

SEO is more than a software-approach!

SEO is the art of ranking number 1 in any search engine for any keyword.

Spiders rank a website number one because they “think” that this site deserves to be number one. Of course the spider cannot think, and there needs to be a programmer who programs the spider to find out which site is best.

Now if you are smart enough to feed the spider exactly what the programmer thinks is important, you will have the knowledge to rank number 1.

This is exactly what SEO Elite does: it claims to know how to find out “all” the parameters that make a website ranking number 1.

Pitfalls of a software-approach to SEO

Suppose you find all the parameters needed to rank a website number 1. You manage to get all this parameters onto your site and you even manage to be rank number 1.

Now if your site is really deserving to be ranked number 1, all is fine. But if surfers start complaining that you are not, they will complain like: gosh, this Google these days just gives undeserving sites ranked at number 1.

It won’t take long since Google find out that “somebody broke the code” of the spiders, and they will update the spiders, hey, they want the search engine to give quality back to the visitors!

So that means that you need to get an upgrade of your SEO software approach… in other words: you are running after the facts in stead of above the facts.

How to be ranked number 1?

You rank number 1 because you deserve it. In general spider logic this still means: - your page talks about the keyword you are optimizing for - you page has lots of incoming links about the keyword you are optimizing for.

This is what SEO is about, and whatever you do different could make you not be number 1.

But my SEO software is really up to date, or is it not?

Your software can only be up to date AFTER the spiders’ software is updated. Unless you write the spiders yourself, you will always be a bit later.

You cannot know all the parameters the spider takes into account, unless again you are writing the spider software yourself.

And some of the parameters you cannot influence: age of the website is one of them. Suppose the spider needs to choose between 2 websites: the oldest one and the SEO mimic: which one to choose? The oldest one would be the easiest bet, and you cannot change the age of your website can you?

SEO Elite: a close look at this SEO software

SEO Elite advertisement says you can get a top 5 Google Ranking in under 30 Days… But the examples on the SEO Elite website tell a different story!

There are 16 websites listed at the bottom of the website with their rankings.

Examining those 16 websites :

- 6 are about Yahoo rankings (and the advertisement stated clearly Google ranking!) - from the 10 Google rankings left, only 1 is stated to rank number 1 in Google BUT - typing this so called number 1 website keywords in Google, the website ranks down only number 9! - and the so called number 1 website keyword-phrase is far from a popular keyword-phrase, in other words: not a lot of people search for that keyword AND the website doesn’t rank number 1 for this keyword…

Why do you do SEO in the first place?

SEO is 1 of the ways to get more traffic to your website. But there is more in getting a lot of traffic to your site, than “blindly ranking 1 in Google”:

— Always make sure you rank number 1 for a word a lot of people are looking for! —

If you buy any SEO software or outsource your SEO to the SEO specialists: always check their SEO examples: - are they ranking number 1 - are the keywords they rank for popular search keywords (bigger than 10.000 searches a month in the Keyword Selector Tool from Yahoo’s searchmarketing is considered not too low) - how long did it take them to be number 1 - how big is the competition for the keyword-phrase (smaller or bigger than 5 million? As a general rule : above 5 million keyword-phrase results in Google, things become though) - how big is the competition for the quoted “keyword-phrase” (smaller or bigger than 33.000? As a general rule : above 33.000 quoted “keyword-phrase” results in Google, things become though)

If for all these items the SEO software or SEO specialist can answer YES, then you can start taking them very seriously!

Let us use SEO Elite as an example of how serious you should take this SEO software.

1. SEO Elite: Are they ranking number 1?

Yes they are for the keyword-phrase SEO Elite.

2. SEO Elite: Are the keywords they rank for popular search keywords?

According to the Keyword Selector Tool from Yahoo’s searchmarketing, SEO elite has less than 2000 searches, so it’s not that bad, but again, it is under the 10.000.

The top keywords are : 46762 searches for seo 10815 searches for seo services 9849 searches for seo company,

and for none of these the SEO Elite website ranks number 1.

So “No” for popular search keywords.

3. How long did it take them to be number 1?

I cannot answer that question now.

4. How big is the competition for the keyword-phrase

SEO elite has about 1.5 million search results in Google, less than % million, so shouldn’t be to though to rank number 1 for. So that’s a “NO”.

5. How big is the competition for the quoted “keyword-phrase”

The quoted keyphrase “Seo Elite” has about 250.000 search results, so the competition is stiff here and the SEO Elite website ranks number 1 here, so that’s a “YES”.

6. SEO Elite results

2 YES and 2 NO… so for my analysis, it SEO Elite is a 50-50 program. It means it can do some good but is not proving it can do all. And the question is: do I really need to spend the money to reach not the highest goal: ranking number 1 for a popular key-wordphrase?

6. SEO Elite: the website

Whenever you are interested in something to buy on the Internet, check out the overall website of the product you want to buy! For SEO software

SEO Elite website is a 1 page website… Now what was the first idea to set up the Internet? To give people information, lots of information.

And we are talking about a “net” in Inter"net": net means links here, there, everywhere… (that’s why links is so imprtant in SEO)

I didn’t see any of these and from the point of the “information-internet” I don’t like that: a SEO software program being on a website without loads of interesting content and without loads of links.

SEO software: read and check the examples before you buy!

Again this goes for all SEO software you want to buy on the Internet: if they say “I ranked this website for that keyword number 1 in Google”, spend a few seconds to check it out!

1. SEO Elite: check out Google

SEO Elite’s first sentence talks about “your page in Google”

This sounds promising: is SEO Elite “the” SEO software to get me number 1 in “the” number 1 search engine Google?

Well, at the bottom of the screen of the SEO Elite web page you then read: Using SEO Elite I rank number 1 in Yahoo for this, that, and more site…

Oops, Yahoo! …

So do you want to be ranked number 1 in Yahoo, or do you want to be ranked number 1 in Google? Everywhere I can hear you say… You want to be ranked number 1 in Google as that is at this moment the most used search engine of all. If you get number 1 in Google, you surely will have a high ranking in Yahoo and MSN, not the other way round! So why starting the SEO Elite website with Google rankings and then switch to Yahoo?

But you mostly want to be ranked number 1 in Google because you have to pay for SEO Elite!

2. SEO Elite’s website examples

The SEO Elite website lists 16 example pages: high example-rankings using SEO Elite.

From those 16 , there are 6 Yahoo rankings, so that leaves us with 10 Google rankings.

Remember my SEO keywords rule above : SEO is well possible if your keyword phrase has less than 5 million results in Google.

How many of the example site in SEO Elites website are below this 5 million? Only 2 out of 10.

And how many of those 10 rank 1 in Google? Only 1 (or at least that is what they want you to believe!)

Hmmm. if I am going to pay big bucks for SEO Elite, then I want to be number 1. Don’t you? Don’t you just hate it to be number 2? I do, especially when I need to pay for it!

3. SEO Elite’s website examples : The numbers are wrong!

Numbers, numbers and numbers… Always check the numbers on any website! So SEO Elite claims to have a number 1 ranking website :

* keyword phrase : learn to type faster * website typingmaster.com.au

It takes only a few seconds to verify what SEO Elite says : Type in Google - learn to type faster - and see what comes out:

55 million results! and not 5 million like mentioned on the SEO Elite website. Great you say: SEO Elite is modest, he is able to rank number 1 with a higher competition than mentioned!

Does he???

Eh, you take a few seconds and a scroll down to find the example website ranking number 9!

Number 9!

Eh, yes you say: maybe the competition took over after the time the SEO Elite website was written…

Yes, but wasn’t the idea of SEO to rank number 1…. not for 1 day but “forever”. Or was it just a typo like the 55 million that became 5 million, people do make mistakes you know…

Whatever the reason for the mistake: you need to check out all numbers quoted on the internet yourself!

All is a lot you say? I agree, but if the first example I chose already doesn’t fit the reality, then you don’t need to check all.

Anybody can make mistakes, but luckily we can easily check everything what is said about SEO, so always check anything said about SEO before spending money on it!

Rank 9 is not that bad after all you say….

I agree, the first time your website gets on the first page of Google is one you keep remembering.

But: I had to scroll down to find the SEO example page and only found it because I was looking for the particular URL stated in SEO Elite’s example. In other words, if you are ranked number 9, it takes some efforts of the visitor to actually scroll down and chose to click on number 9.

What is even more strange: The quoted keyword-phrase : “Learn to type faster” has no ranking on the first page!

Now this is what really bothers me: if I search in Google for the exact phrase “learn how to type faster” I would assume that the SEO Example site would be number 1 there!

Back to Basics: what is the purpose of SEO?

Your purpose is getting as much people to your site as possible, isn’t it?

SEO software has the purpose of ranking 1 in Google.

Now it is very easy to rank 1 in Google for the keyword-phrase “jhdkghgkbdcds”, but who is looking for jhdkghgkbdcds??? Nobody!

So if nobody looks for jhdkghgkbdcds, then why bother to rank number 1 with it?

Same with the above example-site with keyword phrase “learn to type faster”:

The Overture keyword-tool says that 448 people are typing in this keyword sentence in Yahoo.

448 people… is this a lot? As mentioned above in this article: Nope, and those 448 need to find the result example website at rank 9… not ideal SEO!

What is a nice number? Anything above 10.000 but: also know that above 10.000 “the big boys’ are competing with you, below 1000 you kind of have the field for yourself. Ranking second for this example website could be expected after 2 months, but it should be number 1 in no time, even without using SEO software.

SEO Elite Conclusion

As I said before: always check the numbers and the facts about any SEO software! Also check the numbers in this SEO article written 13th May 2006.

Then make a decision yourself. If you see that the SEO software - is ranking well for it’s own product - is ranking websites for popular keyword well,

only then you can consider buying it.

SEO Elite Review: Check out SEO software ranking examples! read: SEO company reviews

[endaanda-blog]

It is All About the Entry Ticket, Myanmar (Burma) Part One

All right my unknown-around-the-world friends, where were we? Right... My girlfriend and I were on the JJ Express bus to go to Bagan. The ancient, religion focus town where there are approximately 2000 temples and pagodas combined. Okay, a little bit about the bus ride. The bus ride took about 8 hours from Aung Mingalar Station to Shwe Pyi Highway Station and there were 2 stops (or sometimes only one). There is no toilet on the bus (better not drink much before and while going to Bagan).

We arrived in Bagan (the bus station) at 06.45 am and not knowing anything at all. The only thing that we knew was we just have to wait until our check-in time at the bus station. We kindly got invited by some groups, there were some who inviting to share taxi cost to Nyaung-U or New Bagan (what is it am I saying? I’ll come back with that later) or there were some who invited us to share taxi cost to go directly to where the hot air balloons viewpoint. But, we were just being ourselves and humbly refused the invitation because we just got battered by the 8 hours bus ride and prefer to look like some lost tourists at the bus station.

We literally stuck for hours. I watched the sky turns from dawn, sunrise to a sunny day. All of a sudden, Anggey came out of nowhere and said she found a motor taxi to bring us to our motel. But, instead of having one each, we had one motor taxi for both of us (actually, three of us, including the driver. Plus our bags). The restaurant owner from the bus station told us something like this, “The driver will take you to the off beaten road, so you don’t have to pay the entrance fee. Don’t worry, you don’t need to pay any. Unless you get caught, then you just have to pay.” At that time, I didn’t understand much about it, plus I couldn’t hear it really clear because of the thick Burmese accent he has. I read some blogs about paying some fees to enter the town but I read it briefly and didn’t really catch what it’s all about (More into this later).

So we went to the off beaten roads that even Google Maps failed to capture it into the system. I kept looking at the Google Maps, just in case if the driver decided to go the other ways (I am a bit paranoid and lose faith in people after my trip in India). All of a sudden, we arrived in front of our motel called Shwe Kaung Kin Motel in the area called Nyaung-U. We paid about MMK 7000 and it is cheaper than hiring our own taxi but probably not as cheap if I share a taxi with the other travellers. 

***

Okay, I will explain you a little bit that I know about the areas in Bagan. So at first, we have Nyaung-U. Nyaung-U for me looks like the area where tourists are staying but I like to stay in this area because the access is easy and close to some great pagodas, temples and viewpoints. Then, we have New Bagan area where there are a lot of hostels so it is a nice place for backpackers, you can mingle and know people so you can share some costs or travel together. But, I think this area is quite far from my great viewpoints. These two areas used to complete each other; New Bagan being a place with various places to stay and Nyaung-U with various places to eat. I reckon time has changed everything. The last one is the Old Bagan. Old Bagan is the area where the main temples, religious and cultural sites are, this is the place where you should be roaming around.

***

Back to the main story. We asked the motel caretaker to find us a scooter but he said that foreigners cannot rent a motorbike in Myanmar, the only things that can be rented are e-bike or bicycle. Or just hire a horse taxi and the driver will offer some sightseeing packages. You can also hire a guide that comes along with a car too (if you can get the right guide, he will show you some hidden stairs that can bring you to the top of temples).

We rented an e-bike from the motel with a price of MMK 10.000 / 24 hours. This price is an insane one. We later found out that on the e-bike rental shops, the price is MMK 7000 for 2 persons and MMK 5000 for one person (more to that later). A little bit about the e-bike, e-bike stands for the electric bike and is powered by batteries that need to be charged. A good e-bike can be used for one and half day (depending on how you use it). 

After got our e-bike, we went to Nyaung-U centre to get something to eat. Luckily, one of a friend, Khai Rani (@khaikuy) suggested us to eat at Weather Spoon Restaurant. To be honest, I love the taste of the foods here. In fact, during the evening, the place is packed and people are actually queuing! But, one thing to know, there’s always pros and cons in everything. Unfortunately, you have to prepare to wait for so long for the food to come. Sometimes, we even waited for 45 minutes-ish. But, still good and the people who work here are really friendly!

We went to places that our friend, Wahyu (@IWWM) has suggested us. I must say, it was a desperate time because our friend here likes to have his own personal spot and believe me... There’s nothing hard than following somebody’s step than find your own. So we went to another spot and I think this is the mainstream one because there were lots of people on the top of that abandoned building. It wasn’t a pagoda or a temple. I must admit that from this place, the view was spectacular. We were there to enjoy the sunset and it was packed with people. But believe me, for a first-timer in Bagan and no clue about which place to go then I would say we were the lucky one. A majestic sunset on our first day.

We stayed there a little bit longer after sunset to see the after sunset colour because as you already know, the after sunset is the magical moment hideout after the main thing. Then, all of a sudden, there were some securities came up to the building and start checking all of people tickets to enter the town. I suddenly also remember with the thing that the restaurant owner at the bus station said to us and also to all blogs that I read about the sometimes they pay and sometimes they not pay for the entry to the town. Blasted! Because we did not have the money to pay the entry at that time. So we told the securities that we need to take our money first at the ATM. To make it easy, here’s the breakdown of the conversation:

Securities: Hi, please show us your tickets entry, please.

Us: I am sorry, what tickets?

Securities: The one that you need to pay. It is MMK 25.000 per person. If you don’t have, you need to pay now or you will be blacklisted.

Us: Oh wow! We don’t have that much MMK at the moment.

Securities: What money you have? USD? We take USD, or any currency you have. We will calculate it.

Us: I am sorry but we don’t have that much at the moment. We need to go to the ATM first.

Securities: Ok, show me your passports. I need to take a photo of them. Where do you stay? What room number? We will come there and collect the money.

*After told them the place where we staying for the night*

Securities: Ok, we will come at 6.30 pm to collect the money.

Us: I am sorry, but now it’s 6.15 pm. There is not enough time.

Securities: Ok, We will come at 7 pm.

Us: Please come at 8 pm instead because we need to get our dinner first. We will be there with the money, we promise.

Securities (after hesitated): Ok, We will be there.

So... We took our money from the ATM after we came back from the sunset spot and dinner. We returned to our motel at 8 pm precisely as our promise. We waited and waited but they never came! I really didn’t know how to feel that moment. Should I be happy because we did not have to pay? Should I angry because we have now have taken a lot of money from the ATM and it makes us not saving our budget correctly? I haven’t got any clue. But surely, it was an up and down moment hahaha! 

Well anyway, it’s been a long entry for only the first day in Bagan. I need to end this as the rest can be said in the Bagan next part. 

Adios, stay safe and be responsible for your journey!  

#DOYOUKNOW

There are various prices on the hot air balloon riding prices: USD 300 - 400 depending which type of package you choose and from which company you use.

3 main areas of Bagan: Nyaung-U, New Bagan and Old Bagan.

Foreigners/Tourists are prohibited to rent motorcycles. Only e-bike allowed.

#USEFULPRONOUNCIATIONS

[welldresseddadblog]

Ever since I rediscovered Harris Tweed it has been a desire of mine to travel to the Hebrides and seek out it’s roots. Last year we did a mini-tour of Scotland and ended up in Ullapool, the village where the ferry to the Hebridean islands leaves from. Just a three hour trip on the ferry and I could have been in Stornoway! It was not to happen then, but imagine my delight when I was contacted by the Harris Tweed Authority, asking if I’d like to come over and visit them! (If you can’t imagine how delighted I was, bring up a photo of me on your phone and shake it up and down, and that’s about how excited I was, ok?). Finally, a chance to see the sights, feel the wool and discover if the lore of the legendary tweed was fact or fiction!

The weeks before setting off I was following the weather forecasts closely. The Hebridean weather is very similar to the weather in Scotland, mainly strong of wind, moist of downpour and moody in it’s variances. Not really a destination if you’re planning to work on your tan, to be honest, but as will be shown, you can get lucky here as well. My trip took me via Bergen and Aberdeen to the small airport in Stornoway, the largest town on the islands. Getting off the plane into a cold drizzle did not disappoint, this was part of the island experience!

This was actually the last photo I took, as the ferry left Stornoway. Through rain rain we see the Town Hall, where the Harris Tweed Authority reside.

I was met by Jane from the Harris Tweed Authority. Now Jane is a relative rarity on the Islands, being a person young of age. I was shocked to find that in the years 1991-2001 the Islands lost 10.000 inhabitants, most of them young folks. Now that is a statistic that doesn’t say much until you realise this meant the population took a massive 28% dive from 36.000 to a mere 26.000. This does sadly raise questions about the future of the Islands, though I am assured there has been a change over recent years.

After a brief swing by the hotel to drop off my gear it was straight into action visiting the mill that resides in Stornoway itself. There are currently three mills on the islands and this was the McKenzie mill. This is the mill owned by Brian Haggas, notorious as the man that both almost killed and saved Harris Tweed back in 2007. As the story goes, Brian Haggas, Yorkshire-born businessman, did the sums on how the Harris Tweed industry was performing and saw that business-wise it was a mess. Far too unstructured and far too inefficient. So he bought the largest mill, reduced the number of patterns to a standard four and piped all the fabric into producing reasonably priced tweed jackets in China. At this point, pretty much a fatal wound for Harris tweed. What happened then though is a testament to the feisty spirit of the islanders, as they what was happening to their beloved tweed (and let’s face it, the main income of many islanders) and restarted a second mill, the Harris Tweed Hebrides. While the McKenzie mill has now expanded their patterns to a dozen and takes care of the efficient bread and butter variations, Harris Tweed Hebrides provides the bespoke and less common tweeds, thereby completing the range once again.

I’ll be covering the actual process of creating the tweed from a sack of wool separately, but I can reveal that it was a lot more complicated and involved than I had imagined. Also, for a nerdy guy like me it was very cool to see all the quirky machines in use. Not a huge amount of modern machinery, but a lot more Wallace & Gromit, in the best possible way! If you ever wonder how smart humans can be, take a look at the machine that tests the yarn diameter in the McKenzie mill. You will not be disappointed.

  After the most excellent tour of the mill it was back to the centre of Stornoway to visit the Harris Tweed Authority itself. With offices in the town hall, rightin the middle of Stornoway, the largest town in the islands, it’s clear that Harris Tweed is central to the Hebrides, and the Authority is central to the Harris Tweed industry. I enjoyed a cup of tea and a chat with Lorna, boss and the longest serving employee at the Authority. Hearing tales of how worlds collide when the la-de-dah world of Parisian high fashion meets a crusty crofter was great, and a reminded of how great the span is between where the tweed originates and where it may end up used. Certainly further than the 1400 kilometres of actual distance might indicate.

The final destination of the day was the Harris Tweed Hebrides shop in Stornoway. This is a shop owned by the second of the mills, so they are very much involved in the inner workings of Harris Tweed. Now, you’ll no doubt have read my diatribe on the awfulness of the Old Town in Edinburgh, and the cookie cutter tourist tweed shops. Now imagine if those shops had been inverted and had instead become nice shops with attractive goods. Nice though, right? Well, that’s the Harris Tweed Hebrides shop for you. Apparently there is one just opened in Edinburgh, though the online selection is nothing like what is in the shop. Quite astonishing really, to find a business actively not wanting to sell their wares, when their wares obviously superior to their primary competition. Make sure you drop by though if you’re there. Note: Shops in Stornoway close early.

I enjoyed a pleasant dinner in the local arts and community centre, sadly foregoing my promise to my wife of taking every opportunity to try local specialities. At this point I’d been awake since 4 am and a burger and a couple of pints of cider was just about right. I did stop to think that an arts and community centre must surely a sign of prosperity and hope for the future generations.

In the evening I went for a long walk around Stornoway. Like Ullapool it’s an unspoilt and real town. There is no doubt they get a fair amount of tourists and visitors, but unlike a lot of other Scottish towns, they’ve not sold their soul to tourism. This is a place where people live, not only in the summer, but all year round. I found myself really warming to Stornoway. Even the weather was very pleasant, sunny and dry. Something else that struck me was how friendly people were.

Down by the ferry terminal I found a clear sign of pride in the local weavers: An original Hattersley Mk1 loom. This is the prettiest of the looms, where the cast iron parts are as much a work of beauty as a marvellous piece of engineering. As as the way for many machines, as efficiency of function and economy is brought to the fore, the design itself loses much of the detail that made it so remarkable in the first place. Remarkably this machine was made in Yorkshire in 1919, so in two years time it will enjoy a grand anniversary.

Stornoway even has it’s own castle, recently restored and very spiffy with castle grounds featuring proper big, old trees unlike most of the islands that are mainly without growth over knee height. I forgot to ask if there ever had been trees, or if they had been felled to fuel the fires of the industrial revolution as on the mainland. Houses on the islands were mainly variants of brick, stone and concrete, though I did notice that there were a number of very handsome looking new houses that were built from wood.

The evening ended on a fine note when I found a cluster of vintage Bentleys in the parking area of a local hotel. Their unrestored, yet well kept condition, perfectly complimented the surroundings and I’d have loved to join them for a jaunty ride on the roads north to Ness.

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Part two will be along in a few days. This is when things get even more exciting!

Travelling to the land of Harris Tweed - part one #harristweed #scotland #hebrides #tweed #blog #stornoway Ever since I rediscovered Harris Tweed it has been a desire of mine to travel to the Hebrides and seek out it's roots.

[ilusita]

When I was planning my trip through South America, I thought it sounded like a really cool idea to get to Peru from Colombia by the amazon river, instead of taking a plane. Little did I know that this process would involve taking at least two planes anyway, as well as being a very confusing and stressful experience. I’m only glad that we could speak Spanish and a bit of Portuguese, otherwise we would have been totally lost and probably still be lost in the Amazon rain forest somewhere (ha!). In all seriousness, I just had no idea what it would be like, so if you are thinking of doing this trip, hopefully this post will eliminate some of the confusion and help you understand what you are in for!

The Process

The process will start when you arrive to Leticia. You can’t do any of this stuff in advance so allow enough time between arriving in Leticia and departing in boat.

Book your boat ride

There are numerous tour agencies that sell the tickets, but when it comes down to it, there are only two companies which operate the service. One is Golfinho and the other is Transtur. The tickets for this cannot be bought online, nor can they be purchased anywhere in Leticia. To get the tickets, one must cross the border from Leticia to Tabatinga, Brazil. Don’t worry, this is a fairly simple process. Because the two towns are conjoined (see the map below), there is no border control, it is simply a matter of walking down a street. I didn’t even realise I was in Brazil until I looked behind me and saw the sign: ‘Bienvenidos a Colombia’.

Standing at the border between Colombia and Brazil

But it won’t take you too long to realise you are in Brazil. Suddenly all of the signs are in Portuguese and all the people you walk past speak Portuguese (and no, not everyone is bilingual, there are many people living right next to the border that don’t speak a word of Spanish, and vice versa). Also, the conditions of the two towns are vastly different due to different city councils. While Leticia prides itself on being the ‘cleanest city in Colombia’, Tabatinga is a mess. Lots of poverty, dirty streets and unfinished tar paths are what will great you.

So basically, you have to visit Tabatinga to pick up your tickets, but you want it to be a simple in-and-out. There’s no popping over to Brazil for a coffee or for lunch, as we had naively imagined. You really want to just get your tickets, and get out of there as fast as possible.

All of the tour agencies and ticket sellers are located on the same street, Rua Marechal Melet, known by locals as ‘rua dos sapatos’ (shoe street). We wondered where they’d got this name from, until we walked down the street to see hundreds of different shoes laid out for sale on the side of the road.

We bought our tickets directly from Golfinhos, located at Rua Marachel Melet #306. Follow the maps below to see the layout of the town and how to get to the ticket office. Note that it only opens in afternoons after 3pm.

The price will be subject to negotiations (and your level of Spanish/Portuguese), but we managed to get it down to 180.000COP (or around $60USD) per person for four people.  Most of the tour agents were bilingual in Spanish and Portuguese.

You will need to pay in cash and have your passport handy.

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This is where the borders of three different countries collide. Colombia is yellow, Brazil is green and Peru is red. This map shows the towns of Leticia, Colombia and Tabatinga, Brazil as well as the island of Santa Rosa, Peru

You can take a taxi or a tuk-tuk to make this journey. Of course, the tuk-tuk or taxi will be able to pass through the border and continue into Brazil.

This is where you will need to go to get your boat tickets. It is about a 15 minute walk.

You will find lots of boat tour sellers here. The one we bought from was Golfinhos, as it is also one of the main boat tour operators

Get your passport stamped

There is no apparent strict border control, so the matter is in your own hands to get your passport stamped. You need to get your exit visa for Colombia stamped less than 24 hours before you exit Colombia, and the Peru one to be stamped within your first 24 hours in Peru.

Exit stamp: you need to go to the Leticia airport to get this done. The airport is not far from the town centre and you can get a ride there and back for as little as 10.000 COP (about $3USD). The office closes at 6pm.

Entry stamp: This is done on the small island of Santa Rosa, Peru, before you take the boat journey. You can get there from the waterfront in Leticia on a boat for about 20.000 COP ($7USD). The immigration office is located on the main street, next to Las Brisas del Amazonas restaurant. It’s a good idea to call first to make sure someone will be there, but generally they open until 5 or 6pm.

This is also the island from which you need to take a boat to take you to the island from which you actually take the boat to Iquitos. But that all comes into the next step.

This shows the route you would take if you were to go straight from getting your exit stamp in Colombia to getting your entry stamp in Peru.

Getting ready for the boat ride

So both boats board at 3am…yeah. There are a few ways to get there, including shuttles from Tabatinga and Leticia which will see you waking up at 2am at the latest. We opted to stay the night in Santa Rosa, which meant a short boat ride for us the next morning. We organised our boat at the docking station the day before, when we arrived from Leticia to Santa Rosa. As soon as you arrive you will be greeted by a line of boating men who would all be more than happy to offer you the service of driving you to the docking station the next day at 3. Just choose one and negotiate (preferably out of earshot of the other drivers).

Santa Rosa, Peru

Santa Rosa is a bit of a dead town. It consists of just one main street. All the electricity is powered by generators, so there is no electricity until about 6pm, and then it only lasts for a few hours until it is turned off again. There are a few restaurants and a few hostels on the street, but apart from in the immigration office I didn’t see any other foreigners around, and we got the vibe that it can be quite a dangerous place. The hostel we stayed in was sup-par, to say the least. There were four of us, but since it was going to be such a short night’s sleep, we didn’t see the need to pay for anywhere fancy. So we ended up four people being squished together on a double bed in a room with a heavy mildew smell trying to get some shut-eye but all the while expecting that alarm to go off any minute. A very strange night to say the least

When the alarm finally rang we found ourselves collecting our belongings in complete darkness, and rushing off to the dock in heavy rain, where the boat we had previously organised awaited us. It was a dark ride to the docking station, as no lights are allowed to be turned on to navigate the river as apparently it could attract dangerous creatures.

Anyway, we made it to the dock and it was time for our Amazon river adventure!

The boat ride

If you have bought a ticket previously, the boat driver will have a list of names and will call you up one by one. Luggage is loaded on top of the boat and you can choose a seat. Tip: try and get a seat where you can look out the window, as not all of them have well positioned windows! Remember you are travelling upstream by taking this route, so the boat ride takes over 11 hours, so allow for that time. Oh, and try to refrain from taking pictures out the window with flash on before sunrise. Remember, no lights allowed for safety reasons! Taking pictures after sunrise is okay, but don’t expect any magical pictures through those tiny windows.

This is what it looked like outside of the boat for the majority of the journey.

Getting off the boat

Welcome to Iquitos! You have endured 11 hours sitting down, so it is time to get up andstretch your feet. The next step is to disembark and then stand around waiting as the luggage is taken off the top of the boat and handed down to passengers one by one.

You will be greeted by a number of tuk-tuk drivers all competing for your service. In Iquitos, there are no taxis. Most of the road vehicles are motorcycles or tuk-tuks. In other words, pack light because no one has a boot for all your shit!

Tuk-tuk piled up with backpacks in Iquitos, Peru

Common Misconceptions:

There is very little information to be found on the topic, so I have put together the common misconceptions people (especially me!) tend to have about travelling t=from Iquitos to Leticia by boat.

You can travel from Colombia to Peru without a plane.

I was completely wrong about by initial assumption that by travelling by boat we wouldn’t have to take planes. In fact, the two towns in question (Iquitos, Peru and Leticia, Colombia) are both completely secluded and there is no way to get to them by road, as they are both fully surrounded by rainforest. I (foolishly) assumed that we could take a bus to Leticia from another town in Colombia or something, but unfortunately that is actually impossible. Unless you want to spend weeks walking through the Amazon rainforest, the only way to get to Leticia is by plane (we took a plane from Bogota). Likewise in Iquitos, the only way to reach the rest of the country is by taking a plane. Iquitos and Leticia are two of the most remote cities in the world, so don’t expect transport options to be abundant.

The boat ride itself must be amazing.

I had been dreaming about the boat ride down the amazon river for months. I was expecting a lovely scenic ride with close-up shots of anacondas and cheetahs basking in the sand by the water’s edge, as well as a vast outdoor area to enjoy the amazonic breeze and take in panoramic views as well as shooting beautiful, insta-worthy pictures. When the websites said that beverages and breakfast were included, I imagined a bar where fresh tropical juices and hot Colombian coffee would be brewed up, and that a hot cooked meal would be provided, along with chairs and tables to fully appreciate the service.

…Let’s just say my fantasies did not play out how I would have hoped. The ride consisted of a stuffy indoor bus-like coach, with tiny windows, and there was certainly no deck to enjoy the breeze. In fact, there was absolutely no way to get fresh air. Because of the early start, we spent most of the ride trying to catch up on sleep and trying to drown out the awful Spanish-dubbed action movies that played constantly. After hours on a grumbling stomach, breakfast was finally served at around 9am. The drinks consisted of two options: bottled juice or bottled water, and the breakfast was a sandwhich of which I ended up dropping half the contents on the seat in front of me because I was eating it with no table (not even a fold-down one) on a rocking boat. Long story short, this is not a touristic experience by any means. In fact, what it is is the only means of transport for people who need to travel by necessity between Leticia and Iquitos. Yeah, it was cool gazing out the window at the vastness of the amazon river, and it is great for bragging rights to be able to say you’ve travelled via the amazon river, but would I have spent my time doing this if I could go back in time? No, I probably wouldn’t.

Most of the journey the view is exactly the same: brown river alongside grass and trees. The only thing that changes is how close the boat is to the greenery.

This is the window that I had to crane my neck to see through throughout the journey (the bottom of the window was at about my forehead height).

You are travelling from one country to another.

The boat actually departs from Santa Rosa, Peru to arrive in Iquitos, Peru. So while I did take a boat to get from Colombia to Peru, it was a very short trip that took about five minutes. The long trip is actually entirely domestic.

This is from the motor boat we took to get from Leticia to Santa Rosa. A quick five-minute journey, but in my opinion much more exciting and scenic than the 11-hour journey we made the next day!

My recommendation:

By all means, go and spend some time in the Amazon rain forest. It is an amazing place and I learned so much in the time I spent there. However, unless you have a really particular reason that you need to visit both Leticia and Iquitos, I recommend visiting just one of these towns, and save yourself the trouble of worrying about boat tickets, visas, safety and the works. Both towns have great options for Amazon rain forest tours. Leticia, in my opinion is a prettier town but Iquitos is larger with more things to do.

Taken at Parque Santander, Leticia

Please keep in mind all of the places mentioned in this article experience a lot of poverty and while the local people live in a semi-developed suburbia, they live in very remote places and as such may come across very strange or detached compared to the friendly Latin American people you are used to. You need to take care to look after yourself and your belongings when spending time in these areas.

Maybe you are thinking that a fast boat isn’t for you, so a slow boat might be the way to go. To be honest, I haven’t heard raving reviews about these either, but if you’re keen on that, check out this review on a slow boat trip in the Amazon river.

Has anyone done this or the reverse trip before? How was your experience? If you are planning on doing this trip, let me know in the comments as well!~

Have you ever wondered what it is like entering a country via the amazon river? When I was planning my trip through South America, I thought it sounded like a really cool idea to get to Peru from Colombia by the amazon river, instead of taking a plane.