#the face and lighting on this r SO GOOD im impressed w myself

[star-girl69]

hi everyone! this is so lazy but pls enjoy 🫶🫶

warnings: swearing and also slight freaky stuff 😣

you: good morning my sweet girlfriend

kk: wtf

kk: why r u not in my bed??

you: babe… i told u i had to leave early this morning bc i had an appt

kk: for what?

you: getting my nails done

kk: u abandoned me to get ur nails done?

you: yes…?

you: i don’t think i appreciate this attitude maybe i’ll just go back to my dorm

kk: please come back to my place.

you: say pretty please with sprinkles on top

kk: y/n

you: ok see u tmrw then

kk: pretty please with sprinkles on top.

you: ofc i will come back to urs 🥰

kk: 🙄

you: attitude????

kk: no ily

you: aww i love u too!

—-

you: can u plz drive me to my friend’s birthday dinner on friday and pick me up

kk: what times

you: drop me off at 6 pick me up at 9

kk: ok no problem

you: thank u ily

you: i would carpool w my friend serena but i don’t trust her in a car

you: she runs red lights a lot lol

kk: ??? plz don’t ever get into a car with her. i will drive u always

you: aww ur so sweet! not wanting me to die 🥰

kk: anything for my passenger princess

—-

you: CAROLINE ROSE HARVEY

kk: im sorry

kk: i’m so sorry

kk: i’ll make it up to you i promise im so sorry

…

laila: what did you do to kk 😭😭

laila: she’s staring at her phone in horror and when i asked her what was wrong she just said y/n before putting her head in her hands

you: i’m letting her sit in fear for a minute

laila: i admire you a lot ❤️

…

you: so i wake up this morning

kk: yes and u looked so pretty when i left

you: thank u

you: anyways and i then go about my day and i’m ready to run out and do my errands i look at myself in the mirror

kk: and u saw how beautiful u r?

you: yes and also i saw a GAINT FUCKING HICKEY ON MY NECK

you: SEVERAL OF THEM ACTUALLY

kk: do u really want me to say sorry for that

you: yes??? i need so much makeup to cover this up. actually i think u should buy new concealer for me

kk: as long as i can do it again

you: no this is so embarrassing

kk: it’s ok you’ll be saying different later

kk: besides u were encouraging me last night

you: ur delusional i’ve never done that

kk: if u say so babe but we both know

you: *link to new concealer*

kk: just bought 2 prepare to use them up

you: no

kk: yessss

you: no

kk: 😉

you: die

kk: ❤️

—-

you: i’m really craving chick fil a

kk: ok

you: i’m REALLY craving chick fil a

kk: u mentioned that

you: bye u don’t care abt me

you: gonna go text my other hoes

kk: u don’t have other hoes

you: im about to

kk: we’ll see

you: PLEASE GET ME CHICK FIL A

you: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

kk: thought u were texting other hoes?

you: i lied ur my only hoe and ilysm

you: plz get me chick fil a

you: i’ll do a cartwheel on it

kk: ???

kk: babe i’ll get u chick fil a

kk: thanks tho? i think

you: YAYYYY

—-

kk: i know ur asleep right now and i know u r very tired and i’m sorry but i forgot my helmet can u pls bring it to me at the rink

you: how did u forget ur helmet

you: like it weighs 10 pounds and it’s huge

kk: mean

kk: and idk i’m stupid plz bring it

you: ugh fine i’m On my way!

you: omw.

you: im not excited

kk: i love u so much u r the light of my life i cannot imagine waking up without ur beautiful face next to me u are brighter than the sun and i love u

you: thank u shakespeare ur so romantic

you: can we go shopping tmrw and u pay i need new pants

kk: u don’t need pants

you: it’s 9am

kk: yes we can go shopping tmrw

you: love u!

kk: ❤️

—-

you: hi

you: are u doing anything tn?? i feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever

kk: i know baby i miss u

kk: i have practice until 8 but u can come over still after? sleepover?

you: yes definitely i’ll be there

kk: i cant wait to see u pretty girl

—-

you: omg this restaurant looks so good we should go

kk: sunday at 6?

you: um yes i’m free

kk: just made a reservation

you: damn 😭 i’m impressed

kk: whatever my girl wants she gets 🤷‍♀️

—-

you: hi baby

…

you: so what position u got her in rn?

you: missionary? cowgirl?

kk: why do i love u

you: blocked

kk: i have no girls in no positions except for u

you: why are u so busy then?

kk: picked up this new hobby called hockey idk if it will go anywhere

kk: been at the gym for an hour about to go hit the rink

you: send workout pics 😜

—-

kk: hiiiiiiiiii

you: hi babe

kk: tone down that attitude plz

you: ?

kk: actually

kk: turn around show me that ass

you: are u drunk rn

kk: maybe

kk: you have an amazing ass do i tell u that enough

kk: i should tell u more

kk: i love ur ass

you: thank u…

you: do u need to be picked up?

kk: no laila is dd

kk: wanted to talk to my pretty girl

you: u sure know how to make a girl blush

kk: only u babe

kk: i like ur boobs too

you: oh my god pls hand the phone to laila

kk: this is laila don’t worry we’re going home rn

you: laila ur a goddess thank u

kk: i try ❤️❤️

—-

[nako-doodles]

content creator year in review

--- tagged by @suggable @taemaknae @userjiminie @jinvant @jimimon @lifegoesmon @honsool @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-BTS @hobibestboy @jiminslight @kimtaehyunq @taee ✨✨

i only started “”regularly”” making content this year bc of lockdown and i needed something to distract me before i went absolutely insane....i didnt realize i would get so much love and support for it so thank you. thank you for being there bringing laughter, light, love, life into this truly dark and difficult year. thank you for being my moot, my friend, my emotional support, my much needed safe harbor when life was being too much. i love you all such much and i hope y’all have a healthy, happy, fantastic, superb 2021 💖 cheers🥂✨

♡ first creation and most recent creation of 2020:

the inaugural: this moon/tonight inspired thing

the latest: bangtan welcoming the new year

the noticeable improvement aoejgioeagra let this be a lesson for everyone that “talent” is really just a skill honed from a lot of practice

♡  a new style you’re proud of:

this whole pixel art thing is something really new for me and im super happy that all of y’all are coming along w this journey w me. it pushed me a lot out of my comfort zone bc i havent serious giffed in y e a r s for a different era and fandom of tumblr and ive never done digital art before much less an art style so confined and well known and represented. color me slightly narcissistic and impressed w myself

♡ a creation you’re really proud of:

this one i made for jin’s bday! his houndstooth beluti jacket was the ABSOLUTE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE my LORD. unlike most of the things i draw i only had like...3 nonpotato reference photos of jin in it so i tracked down the jacket and figure out what the stupid pattern was. his eyes also made me want to punch my laptop and chuck it out the window bc i couldnt get his hamster face to read “jin” after like 320849032 iterations and erasing one pixel here and adding another pixel of a slightly different color there. i finished the entire thing within minutes of needing to post it in time for his bday even though i started more than a month earlier aojgiroeajgiior

♡ a creation that took you forever:

by jove this most recent one of bangtan dancing from their chilsung ads. i started this back in september/november thinking it would take like 2 weeks at most HA! i barely finished it in time to harken the new year 🤣🤣 animating it was especially challenging because i had to draw and animate the first half going forward, and then last half going backwards so it would loop right and THEN i replayed and rechecked all 60 some frames to make sure there weren't any glaring colour or continuity issues the fortnight before posting it bc things weren't lining up. for a first attempt, i think it looks good......if you dont like....look at it too closely

this one of their pj party bts run one also took me 2 months to finish afjgioraejgio i didnt think i was able to finish it tbh im glad it turned out well. it was my first attempt in animating complex motion and perspective and i think it turned out well. you can barely hear past me phantom screaming about it.

♡ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

this rollercoaster derby one from bts week on whichever late night show it was. it just made me really happy seeing tannies zoom by like that and im glad most of you agree

♡ a creation you think deserved more notes:

rather than “deserve” i think we as a fandom should do a better job in reblogging and support your content creators you feel?

♡ a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

i was planning on doing that ‘top 20 songs of 2020′ tag so I made a lil thing for sunmi, day6, lee hi, and ha:tfelt, but i ran out of time and motivation and decisiveness to finish all 20 (sorry dreamcatcher and apink for abandoning you midway aoijgriojgrao)

♡ a creation you made that breaks your heart:

idk something about this shot of jk tilting his head in the life goes on mv makes me....懐かしい? i tried to encapsulate the Feeling™️ 

♡ a ‘simple’ creation that you really love:

this ly photoshoot one of jin and the professor jin whistling one. theres not too many unique frames but they make me really happy looking at them

♡ a creation that was inspired by another one:

this yoongi daechwita one was inspired by my dash losing its mind at this iconic shot and the colouring was inspired by @lifegoesyoon

♡ a favourite creation created by someone else:

god everyone made such incredible work im going to try my best to not forget anyone:

-- @yoongikook and the art movement gifsets truly the galaxy mindedness of everything im in awe

-- @syubb and these gfx???? truly what in the ever living fuck do mortal limits mean nothing to you?

-- @jsuga and these insane gfx Jesus Christ spare talent pls? *shakes her empty beanie*

-- @everythingoes and her 100 days of joon; thank you for personally curing my myopia one joon gif at a time

-- @seoksjin and all her jin content is what saved my entire year tbh thank you ellie

-- @agustdfeatrm and this happy series seriously cured my depression

-- @minhope and this uNREAL ability to make such gorgeous gfx god im planning a museum heist and hoarding all of these like a dragon hoards gold

-- @jungshiii and their gorgeous art museum gfx and this ‘how's quarantine goin’

-- I am in love w everything @bangtanger colours

-- @hobibestboy and @eternalbulletproof and their crystal clear gifs that gave me Enhanced Vision even vision is jealous

-- @slipped-away and all of these goodies

-- @thebtsprint and their posters and gfx w o w

-- @bigswigofmilk their art style is so iconic and cute!!!!

♡ some of your favourite content creators from the year:

im ngl but im having that O M G SENPAIS NOTICED ME moment rn like everyone who tagged me I was like *amber ruffin voice* WWHHHHAAAAATTTTT like wow the talent in this fandom really be UNREAL so everyone who was tagged above as well as:

@chaylani @wabisaba @soie @hopekidoki @seokjinite @houseofarmanto @j-sope @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @joenkook @hosnack @jellyseul @jiminslight @jung-koook @joenns @hixtapes @hobeah @kkulmoon @lucid-jjin @bwijoon @jiminswn @shinhye @varietae @jintae @dearbangtansonyeondan @syuga @ynki @yibiart @samwol @kimnamtaejin @seokjinyoongis @introtae @jhoper @jinstaehyung @himbojoon @jhopetodream @eternal-bangtan @jcngkooks @faerieth @taejoon @jimint @jjoon & @/jinv (*sends a bottled message into the metaphorical ocean w my love bc ocean pollution is a no-go*)✨🌸✨💖✨

♡ and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love:

drop by seokjin’s and have a milkshake🧋you deserve it after reading this entire thing

♡ tagging: everyone above who hasnt done this as well as anyone who wants to 💖💖💖 have a lovely 2021🌸

[yiulee999]

Hey! What do you think of OPM season 2? I still love it & am looking forward to next weeks new episode but i just wish Saitama had more screen time ;-(

hey nonny~! 

apologies for the late reply, its a combo of not getting notifications (tumblr u useless trashbucket) and being on surgery rotation (i miss sleeping so much) 

firstly, i am truly glad you still love it and look forward to the new episodes!!! 💖💖💖please dont let anything i say from this point on dissuade you from that enjoyment 

THAT BEING SAID 

///cut for length 

ive only watched up to the second episode, and i am having Such Difficulties convincing myself to keep watching. i know my rxns to ep 1 were overall pretty positive and I stand by it but the more i watch the more the Cringe/Hypercritique starts take over. 

Turns out, the art style had a bigger impact than i thought on the length of which i enjoy shows. personally, i just really like when anime/shows have a happy marriage between writing and artwork. and when show directors know how to interpret writing, how to set up a scene (the angle, the music, the pacing), and then communicate with artists who have the skills to bring that idea to life using the medium they’re given -- that’s when writing becomes storytelling. OPM’s writing is still fantastic since they’re going off ONE (whereas GoT has the opposite problem where the production value is 4K and the writing is early 2000s livejournal/fanfiction lol god why is everyone dropping the ball in 2019??)

As for the art, since opm switched to jc staff and shingo natsume & co. left for other projects ( ;;_____;; im emo ), its inevitable we would see a drop in animation quality and i find myself constantly getting distracted by things i never used to get concerned about in the first season (bc of the high bar of expectations set by s1 artists/directors, like theres just no way jc staff would match up it to all of that and i feel bad for them, they’re trying their best but that doesn’t mean theyre immune to critique on the artistic liberties that they’ve taken that i feel as a viewer, may not have been the best choice?) 

the shading: no, just, unnecessary and distracting and why is it the center of saitamas face, im by far no expert in lighting but a bish can tell something doesnt look right??? 

the shading pt II: color choices. just gonna say i was not expecting sai’s ‘hair shirt’ in ep 1 to be bright-ass neon green, it was a little jarring at first and i miss him in red ;-; i get hes supposed to have poor fashion choices but i dont see him as the type to pick something that stands out so much in the crowd, like he likes to be left alone. NEON doesnt really relay ‘hi dont mind me im just barely existing here lol’ 

the shading pt III: genos arms/neck. okaY so the bby looks good in screenshots. like he’s shiny and nice to look at when nothings moving. bUT this is animation?? movement of objections is different from still life manga so making every single scene almost 99% like murata’s panels translates a little awkwardly to the screen (like staff is lucky bc murata’s a force of nature with his panels playing out like a movie for ref). but when genos moves, the arms are just distracting bc everything around him is drawn simply without shadows so they stand out by themselves and i (visually) forget about the rest of him haha. 

the pacing: it feels scripted, person A says this so we’ll show person A in the shot, then person B is saying something so we have to cut to person B, etc etc like keeping pretty steady to manga lines to the point where i was starting to get bored bc i knew what was coming. it was really intervaled? like someone had to be saying something at a certain effect and i think s1 had more dramatic pauses (lol) but thats how you can place emphasis on scenes to have an emotional impact if the character doesnt say anything and just let the soundtrack do some talking and the cadence of the script will change too (im 10000% talking about the sunset scene in s1 god bless. like it was slow, there was MOOD there wasn’t any rush and really gave the viewer time to think about the relationship between the two characters and what that moment meant to each of them) i feel like there were several scenes that could have been more like in the scene where sai protected fubuki, could have been a little more dramatically emphasized (aka just a pause) so the viewer could get a chance to understand that he purprosefully shielded her or when genos says that strong heroes are drawn to saitama--bUT nope its the same pace, like c l o c k w o r k just like my t eARS--

the fight scenes: how do i even start. the one scene that got me INTO opm (like watching the anime, reading the manga, drawing fanart, writing fanfic, reading fanfics etc) was kickstarted by the fight scene between genos and saitama in s1 that was circulating on tumblr a while back. i thought the characters were interesting and the fight was badass and it just looked SO COOL. (also the forehead flick at the end just kinda sealed my fate). going from that to s2 fight scenes where its mostly cut scenes and freeze scenes?? where theres a cut out behind the characters back?? during a fight scene????? this isn’t a calling card or an anime opening??? i dont understand. when they dont do cut scenes, its interesting but my initial impression is just underwhelmed. i can find good parts but it feels like i have to replay the scene to notice it? theres also an overwhelming amount of graphics/cgi manipulation that overpowers the actual art sometimes. its lacking some of the fluidity that comes from hand drawn fight scenes from first season. OTL

the sound directing: so i thought that the mood just felt off for certain scenes and the sound didn’t seem to support the scene as well (unless it was like the character’s theme or smtg) and i looked it up and the sound director was also replaced (Yoshikazu Iwanami replacing Shoji Hata). i have no idea if the sound director is also in charge of character lines but there were parts were fubuki was monologuing and i had no idea she was inner monologuing, i thought she was talking out loud and that just took extra effort on my part to re-orient myself (im nitpitcking i know but its just how i watch shows lol) 

there are still some parts i like about the animation:

fubuki looks bangin and i love her👌👗

all of this just made me realize how insanely lucky we were to have an amazing s1 and just have it exist and how i really could not care less if they had just waited forever to make s2 as long as we had the same crew come back. but anime is still a business and the quicker they dish out merch/seasons, the more money they can bring in. which they do in the short run but they would bring in more if they spent a little more on quality in the long run and it becomes one of those classics that ppl will rewatch and keep recommending to ppl who want to get into anime and oh my god we’re never gonna have that now, are we. if im gonna rec it to a friend its gonna be ‘read the manga!’ or ‘just watch s1!’ uGH. its just an unfortunate situation, its not one person’s fault either, so many factors go into what made opm s1 so spectacular and seeing s2 just made me appreciate s1 more. i guess im happy to have a s2 regardless? 

i’ll still watch to support (and bc i like suiryuu and wanna see sai in a karate gi and wig lol). maybe i just have to get used to the new style. 

so in summary,

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[jooheonies]

nawar lover no.1 aka user shwhyuk uwu

bloodorangeki said: the lady formerly known as hyuccwoo, shreknu if u will,

send me a tumblr url and ill tell you what i think of them!

hhhhhh ok before i eben launch into this full love essay. i jst wanna say tht u truly are the light at the end of my tunnel sejung,,,,u make me so happy !!! Like i remember when i was losing my mind off of like three sips of pineapple cider and i legitimately felt like i was gonna throw up but then i was like … damn i can’t forget to text shannon and tell her about all this. and then i talked to u for a full hour or so while u called me a liddle babie nd i continuously whined…either way you truly have me under your spell you demon!!

okay so not to be. dramatic but youre so dreamy and pretty you remind me of rain and soft kisses on the cheeks and rose gardens and bouquets of flowers and soft sunlight on flower meadows and like! that feeling you get in your cheeks when you smile too much for too long and you get that permanent blush across your face! god that’s probabaly nonsense and not very cohesive but you have the same sort of colors…soft orange and light pink….you’re like a sunset on the beach right at the start of spring when theres barely anyone on the shore and the whole world feels really big and wide but even though youre all alone you don’t feel lonely because it still feels like the whole world(you) is poised right at the edge of your fingertips.

hhhh that also probably made very little sense but i dont care i love you so much and im very bad at expressing emotion (blame my virgo moon who hasn’t felt any feelings in over 18 years) but i still feel like always showering u in that sweet love and affection, despite the fact that im horrible with words and i have absolutely no consistency. I feel like it’s really rare to meet someone who literally changes your entire perception of the world but … damn here we are!! tlkaing to u is literally a part of my daily life its a part of who i am at this point :/

Anyways, friendships don’t really come naturally to me because I have a very weird perosnality where like. im simultaneously suffocating whilst also being very detached and it turns people off so quickly but..god we mesh so well i truly love you so much. i also tend to not write a lot whenever i make these posts bc im the kind of person who continously says how much i love you throughtout the convo (even thoguh ill ghost most ppl for a few days) so whenever i get around to writing these im like :// but what else do i say :// but this time!!! oooo i have so much to say i can never go into full loving hours with you bc you always turn things around and get me to start talking abotu myself and pretty soon we start talking about how i used to raise rocks as a kid instead of talking about how hot you are :/

so anyways firstly . those were just the intro pragaraphs im finally getting into my loving sejung essay :(( helloooo one of my favortie things about talking to you is how easily the conversation always flows ….us talking about shownus asshole and the questionable consumption of expired jello and orbeez at 3 am is most likely the more demonic things weve done while simultaenously being the more tame things…my head still aches when i remember that giagntic bruise i got from looking at that wonho+tentacles/changkyun+black hole sketch u made… god we somehow always go from topic to topic with absolutely no regard for cohesiveness and yet neither of us ever question it…we’ll spend hours discussing absolutely nothing …like that one night we stayed up for like three hours on rabbit talking about all the different mx stans and which member has the most stans internationally versus domestically and why….icons of developing complex sociocultural theories at 2am while occasionally mentioning “oh wow its late u should go to bed >:/” god its just that I always lose track of time whenever I talk to you…its like im so focused on that I Love Her mood that I don’t even realize its been 4 hours until I look down at my pile of unfinished homework and then back up at my laptop like. This was a Valid choice why would I pick ib math when I have a whole entire sejung talking to me. hhhh its just that talking to you comes so naturally and I always tell you all these quesiotnable things to which you always respond by first calling me a demon and then laughing about it and encouraging my stupidity. it’s also so so endearing that ill tell you about the dumb shit im doing and your first response is always to nag at me to be safe and take care of myself as if ill actually listen to you and clean a cut with alcohol, risking legitimate Pain… anyways sejung? queen of making me feel loved and noticed? MORE LIKELY THAN U THINK!!!!

hhhhh ok moving on now I get to talk about how. sexy u are damn….i remember back when we were first starting to talk and you sent me those pictures of yourself in that button up and I literally. I quite literally almost passed out in the starbucks while the barista was handing me my strawberry lemonade I truly almost lost it…nd right before that I was encouraging you to talk to the boba girl nd flirt nd be all spicie…but then u sent me those pics nd I was like for what reason would she have to impress boba girl when im right here … mouth open so wide in love that all the bobas are spilling out of my mouth :( not to be dramatic yet again when I know ive mentioned those selfies before but damn…those were so hot u unbuttoned like two or three of the top buttons and u looked so hot truly. raw me vore me behind each and every single boba store location hewwwooo u look so intense nd powerful im truly putty in ur hands not only would I lose my mind for u, I have already lost it

hhhhh im very much rambling and making very little sense rn bc its. 2:30 am and im sleebie nd I blocked all social media sites so id do homework bt I kept thiknning abt u so I was like hm the universe clearly wants me to write about sejung more even though ill have to post this in the morning bc tungle is blocked until then :// bt anaywas that also means I get to go into all the other thigns I love about u and all the things u remind me of :(( hhhh its so wild that I never actually aunch into full loving shannon mood bt I talk abt u so much w my friends theyre all. suspicious ,,,,

them: nawar u don’t actually like romance and u hate talking about people r u perhaps dating this girl??me, w hearts in my eyes laughing at smth ure saying on my phone: what

HHHH DJHFKSJDHF TAHST TRULY ME,,,,ALWAYS THIKNING ABT U,,,ALWAYS BEING BIG HEART EYES FR U,,,at any given moment I could be reminded of u :( I see a piece of paper nd im like huh I should do work then again is work necessary to live perhaps not but sejung is necessary to live,,,,me thinking abt u as I procrastinate every single thing ive ever had to do :D Like, ive never understood when people say that they hated a zodiac sign at one point, and then they met one person and they were like oh my god nevermind this sign is perfect but truly,,,I love geminis now ,,,I used to hate them almost as much as cancer nd now? geminis are all good ure so wonderful nd loving nd sweet u being a gemini saved geminis collectively,,

ill also neber stop talking abt how now matter how much I whine and demand attention, youre always jst,,,supplying it without any question like at one point people usually get annoyed, no matter how endeared they were by it at first, bt youre always calling me a baby (even though im older) nd giving me that sweet Love and Attention,,mmmmm my libra sun thrives under ur care :( hhhh also I feel it is important to point out I love. all of u,,,,like I don’t even usually care much for peoples voices or anything unless its like so deep it sounds like the grim reaper bc that’s wild u ,,bt anyways the first moment I heard ur voice I was. breathless I was so shocked like ur voice is so soothing nd warm its like. if the aesthetic of sunlight and honey and warm pies had a voice,,,hhhh im also not the type to really believe in things like fate nd destiny and soulmates and stuff bt that’s kind of what u remind me of ? in a? not weird way hhhhh so I feel like youre just so naturally in tune with people like nothing really catches you off guard and you roll with peoples different personalities and quirks and you always jst. mesh so well with everyone ure like the minhyuk of the internet,,,,nd like!! theres smth abt u that reminds me of balance and maybe its my libra sun always seeking peace and harmony in life but I always feel so relaxed nd steady whenever I talk to you its like . idk how to explain it!!! its jst so comforting!!!

I was originally gonna cut myself off at 1k but its too late for that now and im gonna put this under a read more anyways and its 3am now so I feel like. go Big or go Home!!! now im gonna launch into a long analysis of u! and ur smile!! first of all,,,its so rare nd wild to find someone who likes validating people more than being validated,,,,u finding my libra antics cute???hhhhh tahts so wild,,,,I could pout for hours nd u would call it cute,,,validating!!! nd the fact that you’ve read my writing,,,,excerpts from my demonic wips and youre stil friends with me?? you still talk to me?? damn that’s like. never to be expected any time I make someone read that tangerine fic they ghost me for a good month but I sent you pieces of that tentacle fic and YOU FUCKCING SKETCHED OUT THE LOOK,,,,,MY MUSE,,,nd also you tend to always steer the convo around to focus on the other person n dim a FOOL who almost falls for it every time,,,before I remember and make u tell me thigns…god ive told you so many obscure things from my childhood like that time I tried to eat a brick and yet you still,,,,talk to me,,,,who are u,,,,hhhh ure always so cute nd giving nd caring I feel like I could genuinely truly look like shit nd send u a selfie nd you would still be like WOW GORGEOEUS YOU LOOK SO GOOD THAT’S HOT!!! u,,,going out of ur way to make ppl happy :( anyways im a fool in love w u ,,,also not to be like. one of those old white boy text posts from tumblr but ,,,,hey girl,,,ladie,,,wamen,,,did u know? ur smile lights up my world? ,,,did u know? theres no such thing as u being anything less than perfect,,,why? because its impossible to be anything less than the essence of who you are. hhhh that’s the dumbest thing im ever written im cutting myself off that was too much this is like. 2k words so far and in all honesty I could continue but then id get gushier than that last line and nobody wants to see That,,,hhhh

this started out with. somewhat decent grammar like I used periods and I think I occasionally capitalized the first letter of the sentence but at this point its incoherent rambling it’s the inside of my brain every time I see u or hear frm u its like when spongebobs brain was on fire and all the cabinets and computers were going up in flames and all the little brain spongebobs were losing their mind that’s me right now losing my mind over you I wrote exactly 2k words in that whole essay,,,,im so fucking valid,,,,ananywas I love you if you couldn’t tell nd iim . somewhat satisfied at being able to vent all this love,,,smoochie,,smoochh,,SMOOCHIIE

[thelifetimechannel]

[little-writings]

hello :) i've just found your blog and i've been catching up on the apocalypse au so far and its very very good, although im getting hecka angst. But anyways, could you do an au where Jumin and MC meet during a vacation and catch themselves falling for each other and just can't bring themselves to say goodbye when its over? xx

Awe thank you, that’s so sweet to hear!!! ZombieApocalypse!AU was actually probably the favorite one I’ve done and I’m incredibly excited to do another one eventually, in fact, I’ll probably set up a poll or something of the sort. 

As for the request, it sounds precious and I’d love to do it! Thank you so much and have a spectacular day!  (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

I got carried away this request was so fun

———————————————————————————————————–

“What’re you heading to Athens for?” You asked, tipping your head curiously in your seat on the airplane, looking at the person beside you.

“Pardon?” He turned his head to look to you, confused at your sudden voice. “Have we met?” 

“Oh-well no,” You laughed weakly, suddenly embarrassed. “I um-just thought the flight would be a bit better if it wasn’t spent in total silence.” 

“I suppose we ought to not be strangers then?” He reached out a hand for you to shake, a peculiar dullness in his gaze. “I’m Jumin Han.” 

You nodded returning the gesture. “MC, so if you don’t mind me asking again, what’re heading to Athens for?” 

He shifted in his seat, clearing his throat, his tone lowering a bit more comfortably. “’Vacation’ I think is the name for it. Wasn’t exactly my choice but my father insisted I take a break.” 

“Your father?”

“Yes, we work together.” 

You withheld a bit of a bit of laughter. “I hear that’s always fun,” You raised a curious brow. “What do you work in?”

“Business, I’m heir to the C & R company.”

You somehow nearly managed to choke on air. “You-what?” 

“What?”

“Well-it’s just…I don’t typically meet millionaires every day but-” You scoffed. “first time for everything I guess.” 

He chuckled just a bit. “What do you do then?” 

“Oh jeez- nothing impressive, just an average sort of thing.” 

“You shouldn’t be ashamed or anything,” He remarked. “Without average jobs, the economy would crumble to absolutely nothing.” 

“With how some people treat us you wouldn’t think so.” You huffed, sinking back in the cushions. “But you know-just how it is.” 

“It’s a shame really,” He mentioned. “It’s not much but I do think your work is very meaningful.” 

“That’s very sweet,” You replied. “Good to know there are a few nice people around.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.” He said. “Very few would vouch for you in that statement.” 

“Well, I’m not asking for people to vouch,” You smirked, folding your arms across your chest. “Am I?”

He smiled, sheepishly, shaking his head.

“No, I suppose not.” 

And that had been the beginning. 

You had spent the rest of the flight, chattering to one another, even throughout the night.

Though, that had mostly been on your part.

“Are you awake?” You’d whisper, seeing him clearly asleep, tapping his shoulder, ruffling his hair to wake him.

“W…What?” 

“There’s a really scary movie I can watch-but there’s no way I’m watching it alone.” 

And for some reason, he’d sigh, sit up, and watch it with you.

It felt like it would seemingly be that way forever.

Until it wasn’t.

Until the plane landed.

You both unloaded, even speaking to one another as you made your way throughout the airport, his voice perhaps a bit lighter now.

Softer.

Yet it all stopped as he saw his chauffeur. 

“I…It seems this is where I have to go.” He sighed a hint of sadness in his expression, his grip on his bag tightening. “Well, um…it was nice meeting you MC. Best of luck.” 

“You too. Take that well-deserved break of yours. I know I didn’t really give you any.” 

“Trust me,” He almost set a hand on your shoulder, pulling back at the last moment. “That was possibly the best time I’ve had in a long time.” 

And despite everything, a warmth bloomed in your chest.

Even as he left.

Yet as soon as he was out of sight, you couldn’t help but admit that you would’ve much rathered him stay.

However unlikely that would’ve been.

You instead, made your way to your hotel, a quaint, friendly environment with content and helpful people scattered about.

But not the man in the polyester suit.

Not that he was expected.

But you had hoped all the same. 

“What’s one of the best places to visit?” You asked the receptionist, early morning slipping in through the windows. 

She thought for a moment, tapping her finger against the desk, practically a light popping above as she came up with something. 

“Well, personally, I think you should check out the Theatre of Dionysus,” She told you. “I think you might be able to get there before tourists show up.” 

You nodded, stepping back, waving to her as you made your way out. “You know what, I think I’ll go check it out. Thank you!” 

You rushed down the streets, going off, pink still wavering in the sky as you arrived, creamy stones lining the seats that had once housed while not many, had much importance. 

You strolled about the walkway, sitting down against one of the flat stones, staring out what was once a stage.

But while you became engrossed in your thoughts, a voice suddenly brought you back.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you again.” 

You twisted your head to see him.

Jumin.

And the widest smile tugged at your lips.

And oddly enough, one came to him as well.

“Did you just miss me so much?” You questioned. 

“You’re hard to forget, but truthfully this was simply a happy accident.” He shrugged, letting out a faint bit of laughter. “Not that I mind.” 

“Neither do I,” You tapped the seat next to you. “Here, sit with me.” 

He obliged, sitting beside you. 

“Where are you staying?”

“Oh, just a little place nearby, what about you?”

“King George, in Constitution Square.” He answered. “Have you heard of it?”

“The hotel that is worth more money than I”ll make in my whole life,” You snickered. “Once or twice.” 

“I could book you a room as well if you’d like,” He offered. “I’d be willing to pay for anything you might like there.”

“Goodness,” You shook your head. “no I could never accept that.” 

“I have no trouble to do that really.” 

“But I do. Don’t go spending your money on me like that, I can take care of myself.” 

“…Alright…” He murmured. 

“What?” You furrowed your brow, frowning. “What is it?”

“I’ve simply never had anyone not want anything from me before.” 

“Never?” 

“No…never.” He appeared to notice something was wrong with it. “I don’t quite know how to feel about it.” 

You set a hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. 

“First time for everything?”

He nodded, letting out a weak snigger.

“Yes…Yes, I guess you’re right,” He sighed, standing up adjusting the cuffs of his suit.

“Hey-where are you going?”

“That’s not the question you should be asking.” 

“What should I be asking then?”

“Where are we going.” 

“What do you mean?”

“You said there’s a first time for everything, so-come on then.” He reached out to you, his fingers gently curling around you. “I want to take you somewhere.” 

“I already said not to take me to that castle-”

“No, this is different. I think you’ll like it.” 

Plaka.

Plaka was a small neighborhood village with flowers lining from roof to roof, quietly aged cobblestone roads beneath your feet as you walked beside him.

“Where’d you hear of this place?” You inquired, sitting down across from him in the cafe, hidden away by the hillside. 

“My assistant recommended it to me before I left, saying it was a very calm and lovely place. Reminded me of you when I started thinking about it.” 

“I’m not very quiet.” 

“Perhaps not but you are-” He stopped himself, a bit of red sprinkling his cheeks.

“What? What am I?” 

“You are um…l-lovely I-I mean…” He looked to you for only a moment before letting out a bit of flustered laughter, looking away. 

“E-Excuse me?” 

“I don’t mean anything by it y-you’re simply just-” He shrugged, nearly trying to wipe the heat from his face. “unlike anyone else I’ve ever met.” 

“In a good way?” You asked, leaning a tad over the table.

“In the best way possible.” 

And from then on, you were inseparable.

You exchanged numbers and you found each other calling each other more than you had expected.

Which truthfully, could’ve simply been once and you would’ve been surprised.

But it was much more.

You would wake up in the middle of the night, lids groggily raising as the phone rang, raising it to your ear ready to almost burst with frustration.

But then you heard him.

And somehow, it melted away.

“Hello…MC, I hope I’m not waking you.” 

“U-Um no-no not at all!” You exclaimed, holding back a yawn.

“Good.” 

“So…uh…why’d you call?” 

“I…I wanted to hear your voice,” He answered, softly. “That was all.” 

“Oh.” You felt your heart begin to race, flustered beyond belief. “Well, um-here I am.” 

“Yes…I’m glad you are.” He continued. “If you don’t mind, could you just stay on the line? Talk about whatever it is you may like, I just…I just want to listen.” 

“I haven’t really got anything interesting to say.” 

“I doubt that.” 

“Oh, you do know?”

“I do, very much so in fact.” 

“Well, what if I’m just silent then this whole time?”

“I don’t see you doing that.” 

“…I don’t see me doing that either.” 

Each day it appeared to be something new.

Athens or otherwise. 

“Do you even know who Hephaestus is?” You looked to him, wandering the temple beside him.

“Yes, it just so happens I do.” 

“Who is he then?”

“God of blacksmithing, sculptors, and artisans.” He explained. “He is unable to use his legs and was cast out by the gods when he was discovered to be imperfect. He fought his way back, however, and was wed to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty.” 

“Well aren’t you an educated man?”

“I’d certainly hope so.” 

And as your hands were close, you felt the side of his against your own. 

And soon they began to intertwine with yours.

But you never let go.

It seemed the two of you would never.

Until never came.

You met Jumin at the airport as he prepared to leave, a sort of sadness overwhelming you as you watched him arrive, his suitcases held in his grip.

“MC…” He sighed, attempting to grin. “I’m glad you could come.” 

“I am too…I think.” 

“You think?” 

“I mean if you stayed that’d be great too.” 

“It would be,” He confessed. “I think we might’ve missed a few places.” 

“Maybe next time?” 

“I can only hope.” 

An announcer came on, a voice booming over throughout.

“I…I need to go. That’s my flight.” 

“Right…don’t think Athens will be too fun without you though.” 

He let out a deep breath raising his palm, hovering just over your cheek, debating for a second.

Before you answered for him.

You sank into his palm, offering him a smile that he wholeheartedly returned, despite the sorrow in his features.

“I…goodbye MC.” 

“Bye.” 

He drew away, making his way down the hall through the pools of people.

Leaving you.

So, what else could you do?

You did the same. 

You turned away, heading back the way you came, pushing past what felt like hordes of people to the door.

Until you heard a voice.

A familiar one.

Jumin’s. 

“MC!” He yelled out, dropping his suitcases as he found you at the exit. 

You twisted around to meet him, gaze widening like dinner plates. 

“J-Jumin?” You were baffled. “W-What’re you doing? You’re going to miss your flight!” 

“I’m very well aware of that,” He huffed. “But I…I didn’t want to leave.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want to leave…without you.” 

Speechless. 

“I-I’m in love-I’m in love with you.” He struggled to keep his cool. “I’m i-incredibly in love with you actually.” 

“I-I um.” 

You didn’t really know what to say.

So you just said what you felt. 

“I-I love you too!” 

“You do?”

You took in a sharp breath, unable to withhold your giggles.

“I-I do!” 

“T-Then will you come with me?” 

“S-Should I?”

He held onto your hands, running a delicate thumb over your knuckles. 

“Well…I certainly think so.” 

“Then…” You beamed. “how can I say no to that?” 

He pulled you closer, tipping his forehead against your own, hardly inches apart.

Yet before he closed the space between you, he spoke.

With utter adoration.

And true delight.

“I suppose you can’t.” 

[monchelefinchel-blog1]

Why Mon/Finchel(e) will remain my favorite relationship goal

It begins on glee, on set, Ryan Murphy will tell later ‘’they had that ort of chemistry none could fake’’ and Lea will say on an interview she found him very cute and Cory will say he was really impressed and had looked at videos of her on ytbe  and sees her as a celebrity (’’I work with Matthew Morrisoson and Lea Michele, huge broadway people’’. 

It goes on on Glee, their performances of ‘’Don’t go breaking my heart’’, ‘’Faithfully’’ after the ‘’Break a leg’’ ‘’I love you’’ were probably when they were already sort of figuring out they were becoming a thing. Jenna said they were like Mama and Papa on set. Their kisses for most of them on season 3 weren’t scripted (after Without you which describes so well their out screen relation), during prom, after I just can’t stop loving you...

They had such a hard time during the two break-up scenes ‘’L:after the train goodbye scene shoot, we went to take drinking and eating and we sat down and I was so devastated’’ (but fortunately their relation went on and deeper off-screen) and ‘’C:watching the break-up, I sobbed (but quietly so one would hear).

And they loved the scenes for hich they were reunited ‘’I wated to hear your voice...You know Glee it’s also about the romances, they come and go but they’re just as important, don’t give up on your dreams’’ ‘’F:The question is wether you can handle singing with me, we have a pretty dangerous musical chemistry’’ ‘’R; I think I can controll myself though I must admit you look very cute right now’’ followed by We’ve got tonight ‘’we are endgame, I know that and you know that’’, another phone call:‘’Thank you, that was perfect advice’’, ‘’stay away from my future wife’’ ‘’A part of me was using this relationship (w Brody) to make Finn jealous’’ and finally when she sings To love you more definitely for him & when they reunite in Don’t stop. Plus, it’s often forgotten but she nearly got a baby from him on Glee.

The grief of Rachel in the Quarterback was Lea’s who had once said ‘’falling in love with Finn and Cory is two of the easiest things I’ve ever done’’, she picked the song (to make you feel my love) which she probably was one of the first song they sang along in Cory’s car on the roads of the West Coast and she has this fear that she is gonna forget everything, which is also why she keeps tweeting on anniversaries of his death and singing songs about him. She was so strong, planned off-screen a commemoration even though she was the one who suffered the most, he would be so prud of her, and on glee ‘’he was my person, I had it all planned out, when we were ready i would just come back, he’d be teaching here, I’d walk throught hose doors and then I’d just say ‘’im home’ and then we’d have a happy ever after’’ like the one that could have happened if Quinn hadn���t had a car accident, or if -as Cory said he’d have had- he had followed her in New York or made his way once he came back.

Their height difference is adorable ‘’it was pretty great (kiss on bowling) besides I have to climb stairs to reach Cory/ ‘’would you see Cory as a potential boyfriend ? ‘’he is so tall, I don’t actually know what his face looks like, maybe if I could tajke a good look at it I could give it a thought’’.

They were friends before they fell in love and it came naturally : C : ‘’I think we kinda always knew there was something more, it changes when you acknowledge it’’, L : ‘’he’s one of my best friends’’ ‘’he even farts in front of me’’.

They are so funny, he always tried to make her laugh during shoots and said on the begnning of filming when he was sort of already flirting ‘’the show’s hilarious. She’s hilarious’’. And he is the one who brings light and joy to people and makes friends with everyone and welcomes new members.

They are each other’s balances. He has a hard past (’’you wanted me to know you let the past go’’) and he did get better with her, Naya recognized it and so did a friend of Cory for instance. She needs an anchor, with all the ‘’star events’’ and the ‘’I love hanging home watching reality tv with my cat’’ type and they always spent a great time together.

They admire each other ‘’Lea’s great qualiy is that she’s incredibly talented. And hot’’, ‘’for those out there we loved and admired Cory as much as I did’’. And inspire too, he helped her so much for the Louder album and was there all along, she loved his storyline when their characters went separate ways on Glee.

They love escaping and take time for their relation away from the public sphere. They went to Hawaii during New Year’s and to Canad hicking and snowboarding ‘’best holidays ever (Lea)’’. They are also getaway car lovers and the song she made was so beautiful, they used to do it ‘’before it became a big thing-glee’’, ‘’could go on forever, if I got you if you got me we don’t need anything at all’’.

They tease each other on social media (’’Happy Valentine’s day’’ ‘’#Wevegottonight’’) and share the other’s projects and on interviexws they talk openly but also keep a lot private about how much they love each ther  ‘’I feel really settled and happy, he makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the whold qorld’’, ‘’I adore him, he’s mine’’, ‘’Lea’s dress, it’s stunning I’m the luckiest man’’.

Their love lasts even though he’s gone, she cherish his memory with heartbreaking tweets ‘’We miss yu C, love you more’’, ‘’we remember the laughter and joy you brought’’, she often looks up at the sky (Pompeii song in Glee, Elsie Fest, songs related to him), she wrote a wonderful peaceful song/letter to how it would feel to see him again after these 3 and a half years or so ‘’Hope you know I forgive you, before you go, you should know, I love you more, I said so’’.

She is a wonderful figure of resilience, so is her idol Celine Dion, she keeps singing Make you feel my love and Don’t stop and Getaway car and holds him in her mind whenever she does and sees him surely among the crowd but she has chosen since the sad news to rise from this (Ellen show) and a song (Cannonball) freed her and from now on she shows she can love again, even if it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t die, she shows she can make of her life a mountain of experiences, singing, acting, enjoying to take care of her body, to go outwith friends or simply staying home and be cool. ‘’in grief comes an empowerement’’ and she found it, making her days better and better every day, without him cause life is worth living and he knew that too, it was just a tragic accident.

I could go on with her ‘’Finn’ tatoo and her ‘’if you say so’’ one from the song she needed to sing to express the pan she had held since the news of his death and how moving her scenes in the quarterback but also ‘’yesterday’’, ‘’who are you now’’, ‘’ this time’’ and even ‘’I lived’’ are.

I could go on with their beauty each and as one ‘’we are a two-for-one deal’’ and ‘’we keep wearing matching outfits’’ and the picture ‘’the day we all knew they had sex’’ which is so funny and how they well found each other, besides all odds he casted last minute and she destined to be Rachel. I could go on for forever, or just a couple hours, and I undoubtedly could (and maybe one day will if I can) write a book on their wonderful love story but that keeps me from my own present story.

I love the way they were and also who she has become without him, an inspiring talented person ho her fans wish the best to. It still makes me so sad one day on two but I remind myself that those times between them happened and they were lucky for that, and I’ll find some day, and experience ‘’true love’’ (L) and every present moment will lead to this and i’ll be able to share it with im.

[lukeysgirl]

Relentless | Calum Hood Series Pt.14

                                         Part F O U R T E E N

Request: Being the cousin of Ashton Irwin was exciting, especially when invited to their tour to hang out with his best friends. You found yourself becoming fond of Calum Hood, who finds you annoying from your constant appearance. But what would happen if you stopped giving him that attention?

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: this part is a lil spicy, so im sry if it kills ya heart ! but i swear itll get better, i promise it will ! im so happy you all enjoy it so much, it makes me smile so much! 100 notes please, loves xx

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. [DONE]  

                                                   I M A G I N E

Tokyo, 8:00 A.M. 

The boys remained silent once you asked about Nia. Michael became more pale than he already is as all the boys were quick to lose their appetites. That made your heart beat go faster. You couldn’t help but feel super nervous over their reactions. 

“W-well?” You asked desperately, looking over to your cousin in hopes that he’ll say something. But even Ashton couldn’t meet your eyes. “Guys, please don’t do this...” 

“Nia is part of the band also signed with Capitol,” Luke chimed. You looked over at the blonde boy, studying his indirect gaze at you as you listened attentively. 

“You mean from Hey Violet, right?” You furthered your interrogation. 

“Mhm,” Luke hummed with a nod. “She’s the drummer, but does vocals as well.” 

“But what’s her...” You began but trailed off, seeing Luke’s understanding of what you were asking. 

“She got close to him for the last year now,” Luke admitted. “She’s got this huge crush on Calum, but I think he found her annoying as well. But not because he likes her or anythin.’ Like actually annoying.” 

You giggled at this, but it still didn’t put you at ease. It was a little too much to be so overprotective when you just got with Calum, but you two have history. You and him have been in love with each other without the other knowing it. It felt like a challenge now knowing that you were to meet her soon. 

“Did he... did they ever... you know...” You broke your words, pure discomfort in allowing them to escape your lips. “Do anything?” 

Before Luke can continue, Michael patted his head gently. 

“Ask Calum yourself, okay?” Michael spoke to you softly. You look up at him, seeing the usually hyperactive spirit become so mature at serious times. It always amazed you how big he grew. “It would be more appropriate to hear it from him than anyone else about it.” 

“Okay then.” You still felt a little incomplete by everything. You didn’t want to feel so insecure as Calum was already yours and head over heels for you. Furthering that he didn’t even like Nia in return. But nonetheless, you can’t help but feel like something bad will happen once you get to America to meet the band. 

“...In other news, One OK Rock is coming with us to America!” Ashton pipes, changing the subject to something more exciting. You smiled at that, genuinely excited to get to know the band more. 

“We’re gonna have the best fucking time, mate!” Michael continued. “I was hoping that we could surprise the fans a bit by playing Take What You Want at one of our concerts soon since they’re our opening act.” 

“I think that would make the fans go crazy,” you agreed with Michael’s idea wholeheartedly. While Michael was hype over your response, you watched as the suite door opened to allow a seemingly-distressed Calum back in. 

“The management wants us to do a pop-up show in Nagoya,” Calum informed the boys. “So we’re leaving right now to make it over to Century Hall in time for soundcheck and what not. We have to tweet about it.” 

“Okay.” The 3 boys filed out of the suite immediately, leaving you alone with Calum. You stood up, dusted your bottom off of potential dust, and began to clean up after the boys. Picking up the plates and cups, you begin to head to the kitchen until Calum halted you. 

“Let me help you.” You watch as Calum lifts the weight of the ceramic plates from your arms and places them in the sink. He runs the water over them to remove residue and shuts it off, grabbing a paper towel to dry his hands. You watch as he returned in front of you and opens his arms in front of you. “Can I have a hug?” 

“Oh-- of course!” You quickly replied, rushing into your boyfriends arms as he wrapped his arms around you. You felt warm, sinking into the kind embrace of your lovely boyfriend. You realize that acting so paranoid won’t help your relationship progress at all. So instead, you’ve just chosen to ignore it and bring it up if it ever is brought up. You want to enjoy the time you have with Calum before returning back to your studies. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, love?” Calum mumbles against the top of your head, giving you a gentle kiss on your delicate head. One of his hands began weaving into your soft locks, giving you such a euphoric feeling of his touch. “I’m annoyed that you’re acting in a mood.” 

“I told you this morning that I was tired, baby,” you said softly, the side of your face leaning against his chest cozily. You suddenly felt his heart beat go a bit rapid than before, having you wondering what had happened. 

“You know, Y/N,” Calum began as he spoke against your head. “That’s the first time you’ve ever used ‘baby’ to address me.” 

“Has it?” You asked, slightly shocked and embarrassed at this. “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I have called you baby or babe before!” 

“Probably, but you don’t use it that often!” Calum exclaims, pulling you off a bit to laugh at you. You blushed, giggling a bit yourself as you attempted to cover your face. “Baby, you’re so beautiful, don’t cover it up from me.” 

“Nooo, I’m so embarrassed!” You squeal. “I’m still not used to dating you because it’s so weird and I never thought it would ever happen but it did so I’m still in a bit of shock and disbelief and I’m rambling now, aren’t I?” 

“I’m glad I still make you nervous,” Calum said fondly. “It means that even though you have me, you’re still scared to do something wrong. You’re even afraid to use ‘baby’ even though you have the complete right to.” 

“Shush already, bubba,” you groaned sheepishly, hugging yourself with your arms as Calum laughed at you again. But he quickly pulled you into a hug again and rested his chin on your head. You could feel and hear his heart slow down now, making you feel a bit more at ease. 

“I’m glad you’re not mad at me or anything, bug.” 

Nagoya, 11:58 P.M.

You and the 8 boys arrived at the stadium way before the concert even begins, allowing everybody to prepare at soundcheck. You all came by train, so it was an obvious that Calum had slept on you for the good 3 hours and you were wide awake to make sure he slept soundly without interruption. Now at the stadium, you watched from the front seats as One OK Rock prepared their instruments first. 

“Have you heard anything from us, Y/N?” Taka asked politely as he began walking towards the front of the stage. The sun ray licked Taka’s pink hair perfectly as he sat down with his legs hanging off the stage. “Other than the song we sang last night together.” 

“Unfortunately, no, I haven’t!” You said sheepishly. “I was gonna look up your stuff, but it seemed so embarrassing already because I’m now on tour with you guys as well!” 

“It’s okay!” Taka tried, his tone threateningly cute for your own good. “But now that we’re here at soundcheck, I would hope that you could lend an ear.” 

“I’ll lend both!” You quickly stabbed in the air. “Your vocals were amazing when you sang with the boys-- I’d love to hear you some more, Taka.” 

“Mm, I’ve been practicing this song for a bit now,” Taka began, giving you a hopeful smile. “It’s not mine, but I am fond of it. I’ve been covering it and I might just be singing it during our set. Wanna hear it?” 

Giving him a vigorous nod, he requests one of the workers to pass him an acoustic guitar. As he reaches up to grab it, you glance to your side to find Calum somewhat glare over. He was at the back of the stage, testing his bass on his own. But that didn’t keep him from paying attention to you. 

“Okay, here we go...” Taka said slowly, giving you another quick smile before looking down at the guitar chords. He gives the strings a light rub before beginning to strum. “Can you hear, my heart beat? Tired of feeling, never enough. I close my eyes and tell myself that my dreams will come true...” 

You couldn’t help but smile from how clean Taka’s voice was and his insane control over it. He played with passion, like the rest of the boys, with an amazing originality that seemed impossible to compare. 

“Don't stop us now, the moment of truth--” His voice became more aggressive and strong, with veins popping from his neck. You could tell he was simply committed to singing. “We were born to make history. We'll make it happen, we'll turn it around. Yes, we were born to make history!” 

“Yo!” 

Taka suddenly stopped his music for you and him to turn and look over at Calum. His face was it’s usual resting bitch face as he held his long-strapped bass on him. He looked annoyed, which is a regular with Calum. But more annoyed at Taka more than anything. 

“Stop impressing my girlfriend,” Calum mumbled. “It’s annoying and it’s pissing me off.” You always giggled at Calum’s bluntness. Although it was playful, considering Taka was a friend, Calum still couldn’t help his jealousy at all. 

“Calm down, Hood,” Taka chuckled as he began to stand up and rush over to the Maori boy. He took off the guitar from his body and placed it on the stage in the center. He rushed over and gave Calum a big hug. “I love you!” 

“I hate you,” Calum replied, having jokingly and half annoyed. 

The management had been working them for hours in soundcheck. They desired flawless perfection, forcing them to ensure that all the mics would be ready, all the instruments were tuned to perfect, and Calum still had his lucky pick. This was also payback for the boys being careless regarding their flight over to Japan. But as they did, Calum kept receiving back to back calls and had to keep hanging up to the point where he simply shut it off. 

“Y/N, baby, let me serenade you,” Calum began, shoving Taka off playfully as he grabbed the acoustic and walked down the stage. He sat down the way Taka did as he adjusted the guitar on his lap. 

“Serenade me, aye?” You teased. “You gonna play Grind On Me for me, Cally?” You watched as your boyfriend frowned from the pet name you used. 

“You are not using Cally as a cute pet name for me,” Calum growled. 

“Awh, but it suits you so well!”

“No it doesn’t!” As Calum exclaimed, his phone slipped out of his pocket and dropped on the stage. As Calum bickered with you about the pet name, you couldn’t help but stare at his phone. It was off, but a series of calls have been disrupting Calum’s life. You couldn’t help but ponder...

Who was calling him? 

6:35 P.M. 

You stayed back stage with the boys as One OK Rock was delivering their set. You ensured to keep a good ear on their performance while still speaking with your boys. It was obviously that Taka and his band were very talented. They play perfectly in sync with Taka’s vocals so flexible. You were all in all very impressed. 

“So I got the scab from the party last night...” The other 3 boys were discussing who knows what while Calum had snagged you aside to speak with you. The both of you were recapping the party and how Calum danced so sensually on you. 

“You were off it, Calum!” You exclaimed. “I don’t even know how you were even able to dance like that in your skinny jeans!” 

“Y/N, I wear them every day,” Calum chuckled as he watched another video of his grinding. “I’ve gotten used to them and just know how to be flexible in them.” 

“But that’s not how it works!” Laughter and smiles were exchanged. This feels nice, you thought. Just happy vibes with your boyfriend made you feel more at ease about everything. It put your curiosity about Nia in a more settled state, allowing you to actually have a good time with the boy you love. 

“Jesus, I really got deep in there, didn’t I--” Calum began as he pointed at his crotch grinding against yours. But the video was suddenly halted when a caller was coming in. You tilted your head a bit to see the caller ID. 

Your heart froze to see the contact name. 

“Who is Nia Lovelis?” You asked softly, studying Calum;s face as he looked down at his phone. He quickly ended the call and put his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb.’ He reluctantly looked over at you and gave you a simple, stern expression. 

“Nobody,” Calum mutters quickly. 

“She’s obviously somebody if she has your number and calls you,” you say with an annoyed tone. “Has she... is she the one who has been calling you over and over?” 

“Doesn’t matter, it has nothing to do with you.” 

“Yes it does, actually!” 

“No it fucking doesn’t, Y/N!” Calum growled at you. “You have no reason to be jealous--” 

“Who said that I was jealous?” 

“Y/N, you’re retaliating over a girl calling me right now,” Calum said with an eye roll. “Of course you’re fucking jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous of a girl I haven’t even met,” you spat. “You’re the one dodging my questions-- why would I be jealous of someone who you claim is ‘nobody?’” 

“Because she’s another girl in my life, of course,” Calum said it with ‘isn’t it obvious?’ tone. “Everyone knows how girlfriends are about guys having friends who are girls.” 

“Holy shit, Calum, I just want to know who she is!” You exclaimed, desperate for answers. This has been killing you since the morning, wishing he would just answer your question so you can be relieved. “I don’t mind you having girls as friends, I just want to know who Nia is!” 

“But answer me first! Why the fuck do you care?” Calum yelled, having you taken aback by his strong tone. He raised his voice at you, having you fear that he was going to potentially hit you. You stayed quiet, looking at your boyfriend with horror in your eyes. 

“Y/N, just tell me why the hell do you care?” Calum asked, his voice much lower but still filled with anger. His hands gently grabbed your shoulders, having him force you to stare into his eyes. His touch sent chills down your spine, but not of anticipation. 

“Woah woah, calm yourself, Hood!” Ashton quickly came to your aid as he pulled you away from Calum. He stood in front of you, his hands shoving themselves in his pockets as he glanced back at you. “What’s going on?” 

“She’s askin’ about Nia,” Calum responded for you. “I don’t even know why-- how could she even have heard about her anyways?” Calum then slowly realized, widening his eyes before looking back at you. “Did you look through my fucking phone?” 

“Mate, you’re scarin’ her!” Michael quickly began, holding Calum’s shoulder. His chest was heaving quickly, but you weren’t noticing much. You kept your eyes on the floor, gazing distantly at it as Taka’s voice continued to ring through. 

“Though,” Luke piped in. “It would make sense if she did when she asked us earlier about Nia...” 

“Wait.” Calum looked like he wanted to explode. “Y/N asked about Nia? What the fuck-- what did you guys tell her?” Calum sounded like he was paranoid, almost pleadingly that the boys hadn’t uttered much to you. 

“Y/N, did you even look through his phone?” Ashton began quietly, glancing back at you to see you nod your head no. 

“I don’t even know the pass code...” you whispered truthfully, having Ashton turn back at the other boys. 

“Y/N isn’t lying, you know,” Michael said softly. “She’d never lie to us. And I’m pretty sure as cousins, Ashton would know if she would be lying.” Ashton confirmed this with a nod, feeling a bit of relief knowing how close he keeps his blood in his heart. 

“My cousin would never look through a phone that isn’t hers without consent...” Ashton murmurs. But you noticed how he tilted his head a bit, with his eyes a bit dim. “But how did you hear about Nia?” 

“She could’ve Googled ‘Calum girlfriend’ or something,” Luke suggested. You knew he didn’t mean to interrogate you, but he just wanted to put out potential options. 

“If she did that, she would’ve known about One OK Rock already,” Michael points out. And it’s true. You weren’t really stalkerish about the boy’s lives really. All you knew was that One Direction took them on their tour and they were finally signed to have their own tours. If you wanted to know any truth about rumors of the boys (if you cared enough), you would have asked your cousin himself. What would do you good to look into rumors about your childhood best friends? 

“And Hey Violet.” Ashton added. 

“Then, Y/N...” Calum began again, his voice a bit more calm and low than before. You didn’t dare meet his eyes, knowing that there were two flames in there ready to burst. “How do you know about Nia?” 

You felt nervous, feeling like you were a bad girlfriend for stirring drama in the band. But, you couldn’t help and feel insecure again. Whoever this girl was could be trying to take Calum from you and you wouldn’t be able to do a single thing about it. You clenched your hands into fists, feeling your emotions build up and distribute themselves around your body. Tears flooded your eyes and streamed down your cheek very slowly. 

“Because,” you choked, the words burning to get out. With shaky vocals, you let out a breath before speaking. “Calum said her name when he was falling asleep last night.” 

yikes, im causing drama ! pls dont hate meee. let me know whatcha think right over here (please and thank you!) im so happy you guys love this series so much-- i hope it never ends! 

[leenuwoes]

170804 Snuper Fansign

The venue seemed so intimate to me, it was in a small theatre... I went to my spot (I was #91/100) and I started panicking because there was no wifi so I couldn't look up how to say anything anymore at the last minute... These two Japanese girls Kaylen and I met at the store to buy the albums for the sign both got in! They said hi to me and were so excited but really sad Kaylen couldn't come.... There were lots of other people we knew there, mostly Japanese fans we met at music shows honestly. At first I thought being #91 was bad but I think it helped me because I could see how everything played out before actually doing it myself. I got really nostalgic because they were playing Back:Hug and I listened to that on repeat on the plane to Korea and then there I was, meeting those guys....

When they came in my heart almost burst... like the feeling of "I'm going to get to talk to them oh my goddddd".... I would die for all of them... I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Also I got really tripped out because I imagined them sitting in a certain order and THATS HOW THEY WERE SITTING!! Incredible

I was sitting at the back so they were kinda far away but Sangho and Sebin were right in my line of sight. Woosung talked a lot before it started, and I kept getting distracted by Sebin because he is just... so good and he looked so damn fine as well with a lowcut shirt and necklace and pushed back blonde hair Ugh

As I looked away from Sebin I noticed Sangho was... staring at me...? And when I caught his eye, he smiled ;; so ;; big ;; and I waved and he waved back and I legit had to break the eye contact after a few seconds because I was so flustered fuck... after, a girl beside me yelled at Sebin and he looked a winked a bunch of times and I caught it on vid and since she was right beside me it looked like he was looking into my camera too Bye

Then I recorded my friend getting his signs and at that point I noticed that no one had given them any cute gifts like things to wear on their heads? And I had prepared something for all of them whoops so I was like Uh

While I was watching I felt very disturbed by how much time it seemed like people had with them, and also I was nervous because you have to line up like 10 people in advanced in front of everyone leading to the stage I was sooo nervous fuck

So finally they got to my row, so I went and lined up, and luckily my friend was right in the section in front so he was being really encouraging to me, like being silly and dancing to the music to me, and he also took some pictures of me lol so I felt really grateful for him...

Here are my fanaccounts for the members!

Taewoong

He was so soo sweet ;; Really really smiley in a very cute way. Our interaction was so awkward at first, he was asking me who Justine was (like if it was me or a friend) but I thought he was trying to figure out the age hierarchy between us, so there was a little miscommunication lol but that got figured out quickly. My friend who's been to about five of their fansigns told me he's always first because he's good at calming people down, and honestly its true. He's really easy going and playful, and a tonnnnn of fun. He spoke a lot of cute Korean to me, mostly just a few words here and there, of course he's smiling the whole time, and when I gave him his gift (a little bow clip with a spring and butterfly attached to it) he was like "Oh thank you!" (eng) and he was going to take it but I asked if I could put it on for him because I've always wanted to try that Whoops so he let me!!! And god it was so cute to hold his little head and I put it on the top of his head god I wanted to die (I could tell his hair was really crusty tho rip stop dyeing it). So then he started signing my page, and I looked down and... he was holding my hand... and I know that's normal but I was so taken aback because I didn't remember when he took it LOL and  Okay so I was... Really surprised to see he has.... very veiny, manly looking hands and he was wearing a lot of rings I........ and also he had a lot of stubble on his face too Okay! Anyways he answered my post it out loud in such a cute voice frick and honestly it was over so fast I was kinda sad I didn't have time to do/say everything that I wanted but its okay because it was a great interaction :))

[Trans: Please write me an encouraging message as I have been stressed out and losing sleep a lot lately!!

Ans: Here I am~<3 (I think he meant, “I am here” like “I am here for you!” ;; then, “화이팅!!” (fighting/I’m cheering you on!)]

Suhyun

He was sooo easy to talk to oh my god, he really made me feel calm because it was so casual, he's not really smiley but he's extremely friendly. He also talked to me in Korean the most. When he found out my name he was immediately like "Oh Justin Beiber!!!!" and I was like nOoooo and tried to explain theyre spelled differently and he was like "Ok ok sorry" lol Sorry bro and then I gave him his present (a pink bow clip) he took it and was like "지금...?" (now?) and when I said yes he kind of laughed like he was embarrassed (sorry) then put it in. He answered my post it in Korean then translated it for me even tho I knew what he said lol but that was nice. After, in Korean, he asked me where i was from and if (what?) I ate, and since I was able to answer easily he was like "Oh youre good at Korean!" (in Korean) and i was like "No I can only speak a bit" (in Korean) and he was like "대학교?" (like asking me if I study at university) and I was like yea but the staff was already pushing me away but he held hands with me once more quickly before I left!

[Trans: Is there a member who’s not who he seems? Why?

Ans: Sangil!!

When I asked why, he said it’s because he’s handsome but he’s actually really cute. I was so bored by that answer because I already know that but w/e he was put on the spot LOL]

Sangil

He was really cute and shy and awkward which I didn't expect (because he's pretty goofy) but it was still nice! My time with him was kinda chaotic though because first of all, he signed the wrong page lol and I tried to tell him but he was kind of confused so when I showed him he was like "OH..." but he couldn't do anything so he just moved the post it fjdj and he felt so bad but I just kept telling him it was okay (in Korean). And then he made the same JB comment as Suhyun but when I was like noooOo he was like "Okay sorry" bUT IN A MORE SAD WAY THAN SUHYUN GHDIDJDD BABY IM SO SORRY I WASN'T TRYING TO BE A A BITCH TO YOU... Then  I gave him him this apple headband that lights up and he gladly took it and smiled but THEN HE PUT THEM ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD SO I WAS LIKE "Nono bring them up!" And he was so confused again, but eventually figured out what I meant but I felt so bad because I felt like I kept demanding him things it was so chaotic god I love him tho and he's adorable.

[Trans: What’s something that makes you happy to hear?

Ans: I like you]

Woosung

He tried speaking a lot of English to me I love him so much? He was so sweet for trying, honestly hes soooo kind no offence I kind of thought he was shit tier (it's a joke don't worry) but hes NOT lol. In my post it I asked him to do a starjng contest with me then give his first impression of me afterwards, and honestly I don't know why I decided to do that but then I was So. Glad. I did because he is so...... BEAUTIFUL..... he looks like a video game character? He's so flawless he looks like a computer graphic I was so shocked.... and I was surprised I held on so long but it must've been because of his beauty like I could've stared at him forever.... but eventually he blinked and I think it was because he was wearing contacts (WHICH ALSO ADDED TO THINGS) so I kinda feel bad for making him do it but it was FUN and he seemed really pumped for it. Then on the post it for the first impression part, he was like (in English) "EYES.... SO.... PERFECT...." and he like... GAVE UP writing perfect because I think he forgot how to spell it I LAUGHED god I love he

[Trans: Let’s have a staring contest! After, tell me your first impression of me.

Ans: Eyes So Perfect]

Sangho

God...... my ass is in fucking pain just writing this..... he smiled a lot immidiately.... and he smiles as though hes seeing a really close friend after a long time? It's one of those heart melting butterfly inducing smiles. When Woosung told him "Justine" (oh yea the members passed my name down the line... frick) he was like "Ahhhh Justine!" And he didn't even ask me to spell it... note, he signed my slogan a week or so ago so I'm thinking he remembered my name from that... can I die... and then he looked me in the eyes and said "보고싶었어요" (I missed you/I wanted to see you) and smiled... GOD HE REALLY. TALKS WITH HIS EYES AND HIS LITTLE SMIRKY SMILE LIKE HE IS JUST SO. B O Y F R I E N D IT MADE ME WANT TO SINK INTO THE FLOOR AND DIE... (also side note, I noticed when he wasn't smiling that he had creases where his smile lines are and bitch thats like my #1 makeup issue so for some reason that just made me suddenly like him even more ?? Bye). Then I gave him the headband (pink with cat ears) but he didnt put it on cause he was wearing something else on his head... I really wanted to see him in it but oh well he... more than made up for it... While he was answering my post it, I decided to tell him I was leaving soon... I was like "그냥... 오빠..." (oppa [something girls say to older males]... just...) and my voice was really shaking because I was really flustered to be in front of him honestly and... he suddenly looked up at me, stopped writing and slid his hand into mine really firmly and held it and he looked really    concerned    oh my go d I ???!!!!!??? that moment alone   was worth how much i spent on the albums bITCH.............. like it was just... so boyfriend ((like it was that moment when he thought his gf was going to start crying so he tightly held my hand and stopped what he was doing to look me in the eyes and listen......I'm sorry I'm sappy)) and i was like "일요일에 (omg i jst realized said the wrong day).... 한국을 떠날거예요......" (on Sunday [I meant monday tho ;;] I'm leaving Korea) and he made such a sad face and was like "왜애애ㅐ" (Whyyyyy) and i was just kinda  choked up and he smiled softly and was like "어디?" (Where are you going/asking where I'm from) and I told him Canada and he kind of sighed and was like  "가지마ㅏ" (Don't gooo) and then he answered my note (I said "I like you so so much, where can I meet a guy like you;;") while still holding my hand and he said his answer outloud as he wrote it and after he held both my hands and he said something like "I know we will meet again soon" :'----(((((((((((( I'm going to fucking cry this is like something I dream of happening but it happened in real life... I love him so much... and then I had to go and he kept thanking me and stuff and I forgot about the Ryan stickers I was going to put on him so I just     fjdkdk gave him the whole pACK AND SOME OF THEM WERE USED HE'S GONNA THINK I'M SO CHEAP  BUT I WAS PANICKING and then right before I left I told him... I loved him (in Korean) god it just came out I'm so embarrassed ;; I love him so much he treats his fans so well he's like the kind of fanservice honestly I'm so shook

[Trans: I really really like you, where can I meet a guy like you?

Ans: ㅎ.ㅎ Justine I really really wanted to meet you

(My Korean friend and I looked at it a lot and that’s what it looked like he said, so I guess he’s saying after he first heard my name (from the slogan) he wanted to meet me... god he’s good at fanservice...)]

Sebin

GOD he is  .      be  a  u  ti ful    like a literal frigging prince and his was over way too fast too I wanna die... So Sangho told him my name and then I was like "oh wait a second!!" (in Korean) and he STOPPED SO FAST I'M SORRY BABY and I was like "My sister really likes you..." and he immediately understood and was like "Ahhhh whats her name?" So I was like panicking and I fumbled for my sticky notes but I couldn't find my pen so I just asked to use his lol and he looked at Kaylen's name and I had drawn a loop for the L and he took out my sticky notes and he pointed and was like "L?" and I COMBUSTED HE'S SO CUTE GOD and so he signed that for her and I explained to him that she couldn't come that day. Then I gave him the EARS (a beige fox/dog ear headband) AND HE PUT THEM ON RIGHT AWAY I LOVE HIM HOW IS HE SUCH A SQUISHY BABY BUT LIKE A FUCKING HOT ASS PRINCE AT THE SAME TIME?? And then he held my hand and Kaylen wanted him to draw something cute for him and he drew a cat so quickly god everything he did was so cute I love HE and I told him the same as Sangho that we're leaving on Monday.... and I honestly don't remember his reaction But my time with him was also pretty chaotic but i think I was just really flustered from Sangho :P Sebin though is seriously so beautiful and kind he's just a little shy with new people I think!

[Trans: My sister is your fan but she didn’t get into the fansign today... please draw her a cute picture!

Ans: *cat* jdkjdd]

ANYWAYS IM BEYOND EMO! BYE!

So after I sat down, a few minutes later Sangho caught my eye again then smiled and waved and gave me a ... heart.... then two finger hearts and I was really dying Fuck me

They all ended up keeping their presents on from me - Taewoong had his lil butterfly clip on the top of his head, Suhyun had his clip on the side of his head, Sangil kept his apple headband on, Woosung put the bunny clip on his collar like a bowtie, Sebin kept his ears on the whole time !!!!! Sangho has his kitty ears on his neck.

*Previews NOT MINE! Credit on watermarks*

*Previews NOT MINE! Credit on watermarks* 

 Watching the rest of the sign... Sebin really loved his ears and kept doing cute things to show them off and everyone thought he was so endearing!! But side note... he fidgeted with the headband a few times so I think it was kind of uncomfortable but he didn't want to take them off :-( god he's so precious...

When things were winding down later, Sangil took off his headband and Woosung took it, put it on his face so the apple parts looked like they were coming out of his eyes and he was like "눈이 아파요요요요ㅠㅠ" (my eYes hurttt!!) in a REALLY DUMB VOICE I laughed so frigging hard them Sangil wore them the same way God they're so silly

Then they came to the front at the end of the sign and when they were doing their final waves Sangho smiled and waved really big @ me, mouthed "고마워요!" (thank you) and gave me a finger heart again (I got it on video that time) I wanna :-( my boyfriend :-(((((( i love he so much.... hes spoiling me..........

And then it was over and I really wanted to cry it was such a beautiful experience for me... I'm really gonna love and cherish these boys for the rest of my life!!!

[goodguidanceptc]

Race Report: Ironman Arizona Race Date: November 19, 2017

2017 started with the mantra, “Make the Kona choice.” I used this to plan and execute training, diet, meal timing and portions, as well as social activities, bedtime, even reading materials. As training data and assessments coalesced, I tweaked it to a more intrinsic, “Make the sub-10 choice.”

Why sub-10? According to www.coachcox.co.uk (which I highly recommend for robust IM data analysis), over the last ten years, the Average KQ time for AG males, 45-49 at IMAZ is a vicious 9:34. In fact, to even sniff at KQ at any Ironman, sub-10 only sometimes gets you in the running.

As volume and intensity of rides and runs increased over months of training, “Make the sub-10 choice” was truncated even further to: “1-5-4,″ an oversimplified shorthand for my expected S/B/R splits. Aggressive? Sure. Mistake? Maybe. But “Aggressive Mistakes” could be the tag line for every middle age endurance athlete. I wanted to redeem a terrible 2015 IMOO, be one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve, and with a healthy injection of luck, maybe earn a Kona Qualification.

To help make rides and runs (and lifting sessions) fun, like most folks, I built a playlist library. As I shuffled new songs in and out, the playlists became a mish-mash of blues, hard rock, EDM, classical and funk. Fun. Odd. Me.

I’ll save you some time (ha!)... I didn't get anywhere near sub-10. I made great strides in fitness, learned quite a bit and had some big fun doing it. Falling well short of a 10 hour Ironman has generated a mixed bag of emotions. So, not unlike my playlists, now that IMAZ is done, I’m all over the place. Here’s my race report.

Day Before and Race Day

In light of the result, one very small detail stands out from the day before: as a light snack at about 3:30, I had some corn chips and approx.1/2c guacamole.

Race day: All good. Proper fueling, proper timing, proper execution. 

Lesson: I’m well prepped on race day. Very little anxiety or stress; I planned the race and I’ll race the plan (mostly). But remember that guac snack.

Swim (1:08:32)

Tempe Town Lake is basically a giant, unfiltered pool, murky but calm, a Lake Michigan Lite. Two challenging aspects of the course are 1) officials make it very tough to preview actual course and 2) about 400 yards of swimming directly towards a 7:02 sunrise.

The new self-seeding race start works fine for me, I’m no mass start purist and I’m happy to navigate fewer dolts over the first couple hundred yards. I’d been in this water twice over the past 30 days and shaded goggles got me through.

In candor, while there’s always room for improvement, my Garmin indicated 1:26/100 avg. over 2.58mi and mapped very close to where Ironman says the buoys were placed. So in terms of efficiency, the extra .18miles could be attributed to race-start procedures/location, where I hit my T1 button as well as some normal jostling.

Lesson: better sighting and overall technique will help improve time.

T1 (5:14)

Smooth. Almost half the time my coach thought I’d take. I don’t fuck around in transition.

Bike (5:41:43; 19.7mph avg)

My plan was simple: “Front side strong side, back side fast side.” I’d muscle uphill to the Shea Road turnaround (strong side) and let gravity and aero deliver high speeds back into town (fast side) for three loops. This also fits my general race strategy of “take what it gives you.”

Furthermore, even the windiest rides I’d taken over the month that I lived in Tempe to train, the gusts rarely got above 15mph. So 5-10mph wind forecast was manageable. I had a solid, tested nutrition plan. I’d rented a small profile front wheel and disk back (practiced on during my stay) and a respectable 289 FTP. I made my race weight goal of 162lbs (74kg).

But Ironman is a bitchy trickster.

Because on race day, that bitch wind that usually hits at Beeline Highway, was already in everybody’s face at McKellips Road, a full 10 miles earlier (per loop), than any practice ride. However, logic indicates that if it’s that nasty outbound, it’s at my back inbound! Sure enough, IM tracker data supports this over first and second loops, essentially indicating 17mph outbound, 26mph inbound, though less dramatically on third loop data (16mph out/19mph in).

To stay conservative, I deliberately turned down watts to manage the additional 30miles of headwind on McKellips. Garmin says: 183 avg watts (63% FTP) overall. This may indicate I left some power out there, or(!) that good technique and aerodynamics on the “fast side” kept watts down despite high avg mph.

On the front side of the second loop, lots of “47″ and “46″ male calves passed me. I really hate getting passed. IMAZ results say I ranked 39th out of the water but 60th off the bike. So you just gotta believe me when I say that I let a lot of people go. Is that a positive step in my evolution as a competitor? Or was that concession to windy course conditions? All I know is that I took too long on the bike and there was a lot of conflicting chatter in my head.

To compound the problem, every time I peed, i had to gear up/mash hard in order to coast long enough to straighten a leg as I went. And if a few guys got past me as I peed, I had to catch them. Was that racing my plan? Yes and no. Yes I’d always planned to pee on the bike, but the wattage spikes to regain momentum may have caused problems later. On the other hand, 183 avg watts! So it’s a circular conundrum.

Two other items of note. 

I ate one Clif Bar within the first hour, as planned.

As is my habit, I thank volunteers as well as first responders (police, EMTs, Firefighters) as I go.

Lesson: trust the training. A good plan, well executed, will get it done.

T2 (2:49)

Again, smooth. No issues. I’d gotten all my nutrition and hydration in on the bike and my full body scan was all good. Even gave Susan a quick peck as I went by.

Run (4:21:26 or 9:58/mi)

Ten. Minute. Miles. Criminal. A heinous crime.

What happened? Started slowly--as planned-- and knew the course. Everything for the first two miles was A-OK! I wasn’t pushing. What happened? No problems on second loop whatsoever, I had the legs and the stomach was fine. Cola provided a great boost around mile 24. I ran the last two miles at sub-8:00 pace but did not negative split. I didn't get anywhere near my expected average pace of 8:30s or better. What happened?

One. Bad. GI moment. At Mile 2, forced porta-pottie stop to release the terrible pressure. 

So let’s Tarantino this crime... let’s go back... rewind... maybe you already know where I’m going...

IF I had started cola earlier (mile 16?), I could have negative split...

IF I had not had a brief but sudden bout of diarrhea at the second aid station (symptoms started bubbling at first aid station)...

IF only I hadn’t over-reacted in FEAR, slowing at every aid station to ensure that I was never too far from a port-pottie.

Did I need to walk every aid station? Absolutely not! 

In other words, despite near perfect race day plan and execution, that one  single, sudden burst of diarrhea blew up the whole run. Because once it started, that fear of it becoming a serial killer dominated my race management. Now, in the court of my post-race opinion, where does the blame belong? 

Infinite formula? Both bike and run formulas were used extensively during training. Verdict: Innocent.

That Cliff Bar early on the bike? Circumstantial evidence does point to this suspect, given IMOO results and frequent immediate distress after some(!) training bricks, but the timing doesn’t seem right and, again, used plenty in training. Verdict: Innocent.

Heat? It reached mid-80s. But I never felt that oppressive burn (or other symptoms) of being overheated AND I’d been training in it for over a month AND I did not cramp up afterwards. Verdict: Innocent.

Loss of Confidence? I don’t think of myself as a runner despite having completed multiple 70.3s and lots of long training runs, not to mention the friggin’ Chicago Marathon, sub-4 in 90+ degree heat. Verdict: GUILTY, Aiding and Abetting.

Guacamole? Forgive my grossness here but this suspect matches the volume and consistency of evidence left in the second aid station porta-pottie. Timing fits, too. Verdict: GUILTY.

Lesson: sometimes “take what it gives you” is not the right move. Sometimes fortune favors the bold. Should have and could have run harder and let the poops fall where they may.

OVERALL RACE TIME: 11:19:26

OVERALL RACE GRADE: B-

I had faster time expectations in all three phases, especially the Run. Honestly though, it is somewhat disingenuous to suggest that 11:19 is not impressive. It is. Especially given that this was only my second ever full 140.6 race.

Did I redeem a terrible 2015 IMOO? Unequivocal YES.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? SORT OF, depending on how pointy #48 out of 495 ranks in my AG (largest AG at IMAZ).

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

Furthermore, I admit that 1-5-4 was a stretch goal from the very start, especially given my limited time in the sport. I also have to admit that there was never any data to support the kinds of power or paces I know to be required for sub-10 results, including but not limited to:

1-5-4 does not account for 10-15 minutes of transition

A 5 hour bike split indicates a 22.4mph average speed

3.2 - 3.4 w/kg is well below elite ratios of 4.0+w/kg

A sub-4 standalone marathon does not project to a sub-4 IM marathon

A 5-hour 70.3 does not project to a 10-hour full

SWIM: A-

Could reasonably trim 7-8 minutes, or about :10-:15 seconds/100.

BIKE: B+

Wind. But also, could have managed/reduced surges better. Could reasonably trim :30 minutes with a few extra watts.

RUN: C

That initial shock of FEAR so early in the run created a tactical overreaction predicated on a lack of faith in my own abilities. I’ve just got to start thinking of myself as a runner. Then, run.

Finishing / Post Race

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach K and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff who share their wisdom. 

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam (Adam, Anjelica, Bernie, David, Kelly, Lauren, Megan, Sach), the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list) and other triathlete rockstars like AJ, Jeremy, Kristin D., Laura B., Thomas, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

Special gratitude to Tatsu, Jeremy and Paul Z who were involved, but thankfully not harmed, with my training ride crash. Tatsu was especially gracious and understanding. Thank you.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during FTP tests.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Joliet Bicycle Club, PSHS and the pros at Moxie Multi-sport in Tempe.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Garmin, Apple, Chipotle, Lifetime Fitness, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. 

Special thanks and appreciation to Matt Dryden, Rob Lemons and Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support--with special Top Marks to Bernie the Leprechaun!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons.