#the entire video is fantastic the case is hilarious and the editing is top-notch—i really wanted to save the headings in particular

[kayawolfhorse]

Tall Claims TV

Full list of faux-news headings from the Mumbo vs Hermitcraft case!

Record Sales Down After Players Discover /playsound Trick

Rich&Rich Gets Record Bonuses Despite Losing Customer Funds

Permit Office Closed from December to June for Christmas

Snow Begins to Fall as Xisuma Forgets to Run ‘No Rain’ Command

AI Chat Bot Found to be Lonely Man With a Redstone Keyboard

Mined Worker in Hospital After Proving ‘Water is Safe to Drink’

Diamond Inflation at All Time High as Doc Builds Another T-Bore

Bop and Go Jingle Still Topping Charts, World Tour Announced

Neck Roll Parrot Dance Goes Viral on Brick-Tok

Gem-M is Ditching Voice Chat and Would Rather Message Instead

Shopping District Portal Deemed ‘Ugly Beautiful’ by Poll

Etho Upgrades Tissue Box to a Washed Takeaway Container

Globe Earthers ‘Still Believe’ Despite Farlands Expedition

Moon Size Report: Still the Same (Thank Goodness)

Netherite Out of Style as Youth Opt for Less Flashy Brands

Independent Study Finds Thumb Shifting to be Optimal

Increase Arm Muscle 33.3% With One Simple Click! Story at 10

Big News: TV Caption Writers Would Like More Pay, Says Everyone

Older Minecrafters Say New Generations Have it Easy

Villagerian is the Most Hostile Language, According to Poll

Surplus Mega Corp. Says ‘Air Quality is Better Than Ever’

New Zombie Flesh Diet Guarantees Fast Results

Hacker Infiltrates Ender Chest Network—Items Lost

Engineers Add 5th tick to Repeater, Public Still Uninterested

‘Is That Sheep Looking At You?’ New Show by MineFlex

How Many is Too Many? Asks TV Caption Writers

Leaving Floating Trees Named Biggest ‘Ick’ by Gen-M

Blockympic Gold Medalist Banned After Failed Speed Potion Test

Pig Kills Owner After 20th ride Without Getting Carrot

New Smart Watch Puts F3 on Your Wrist

Wart Epidemic Caused by Irresponsible Marketing Campaign

New Study Finds 91% of Players Don’t Understand Comparators

Kelp Powered Furnaces Recommended to Fight Climate Change

Research Finds We do Not Live in a Simulation

Skyscraper Firm Lobbies Government for Increased Build Height

Copper Voted Best Block in Minecraft, Despite Limited Uses

Theoretical Physicists Model Curved Blocks Called ‘Balls’

Magic Mountain Lawn Flamingo Company Goes into Liquidation

Hungry Hermit Addiction Reaches Epidemic Levels

Gen-M Should ‘Stop Eating Golden Carrots’ To Save For Starter Base