#the end of his life is so utterly sad 😔!

[treason-and-plot]

REPLIES TO SAFFY LAMBASTING LIAM

@windermeresimblr

Wow! There's Saffy's backbone.

Yeah she's not known for holding back!

@drudragonrose

She's with a boy her own age that she actually likes. Be gone worm!

@ivorycrayon

Man, you write shades of grey so well. It’s hard to root for anybody, but it’s also hard to condemn anybody completely because all your characters’ actions are way too complex. “He’s wrong but..” “She shouldn’t have to deal with this but..” I could use your characters if I ever taught ethics class 😂 (except for Anita, that is, I always struggle to find any redeeming qualities in that lady :P)

Thank you so much Ash! I love writing morally grey characters who have questionable (but hopefully relatable) motives so it's extremely heartening to read your comment. And I love how steadfast you've always been in your opinion of Anita, lol!

@keoni-chan

I don't like this one bit. I hope Liam's brand new backbone doesn't evolve into an "if I can't have you..."-situation 😱

who knows what might have happened if fate hadn't intervened....

@dresdendarlin

Oooh it’s his snapping moment. He’s gonna do something drastic and crazier next.

@batsheba

Ok, now let's see if he, the creep Liam, can process this information?! Whatever happens I hope Saffy will be ok... I'm worried Liam will do something utterly stupid and potentially dangerous.

@oasislandingresident

Ooooh shit's about to go down!!! 🍿

@kimmiessimmies

I'm with @batsheba, this is not going to go down well with Liam...

@wannabecatwriter

Be careful, Saffron. He's in a weird mindstate now.

@bool-prop

Oh no. He's going to snap.

@muses-circle

🤦

@muses-circle

Liam will either have a meltdown right there, in the parking lot, or he'll wait until he's in the middle of class and doing something worse. I'm worried about what his breaking point will look like.

@muses-circle

And Saffron, men DO leave their wives. It's call divorce, honey. Life isn't as black and white as you think.

I didn't write Saffy's speech very well...what she was trying to say was that it's a well-known fact that married men never leave their wives for their side-pieces! She was actually quite enraged that Liam turned out to be the statistical anomaly, lol. That was the last thing she wanted to happen!

@echoweaver

Woo. Saffron's right, but wow she's still got so much growing up to do. OTOH, Liam seemed to be with her in large part because she verbally abused him. It's such a messed up puppy.

Yeah, he seems to derive a perverse satisfaction from being the victim and indulging in self-defeating behaviour. It's also not an accident that the two women in his life routinely humiliate and criticise him.😬

@sweetnovember77

Saffy's words can devastate ANYONE with strong emotions toward another person. It's like a knife to the heart.

Yeah, Saffy can be very acid-tongued. He probably deserved the wake up call but Saffy can count herself very lucky he didn't snap or do something as drastic as Stephanie.

@anamoon63

😮 This is not going to end well. I wish Saffy had been a little more diplomatic. 😔

It definitely did not end well, but fortunately for Saffy she was not the one who was impacted the most! I hope at the very least she learns some important life lessons from this whole sorry experience.

@simsaralove

I really hope this will make Mr. Yucky realize he better go live in the Twinbrook swamps and not make him do something stupid and ruin Saffy’s happiness 😭

@justanothersimsblog

I'd tell her to slap him but I think he likes that so... maybe knee him in the balls then lol

lol he is such a pathetic masochist that he would probably enjoy that too!😆

@greywardenconsort

He's a monster thru & thru

A sad, spineless, loser monster.

@streetlites

That's gotta sting. Bwahahah. Also, what did he think she was going to do? Leap into his arms? She was never like that toward him to begin with.

@mysimsloveaffair

They are both better off without each other. Saffy is doing him a favor and he doesn't even know it. SMH

Liam was always doomed by his poor life decisions and victim mentality. I'm also thinking that it was possible he had affairs as a passive-aggressive form of revenge, but didn't count on falling so heavily for Saffy. In any case, I think he got what he deserved.

[myhillsdonthaveeyesbbg]

Uhhhh hannigram for the questions game thingy trustt 🙏🙏 (these bitches are doomed)

YAY

When I started shipping: I went into the show knowing the gist but it felt heavily one sided until midway through season 1.

My thoughts: I love them frfr. They’re both bad and good for eachother and there’s so much going on with them to explore regarding character depth.

What makes me happy about them: They’re both so utterly themselves around eachother. Hannibal sheds tears and shows so much genuine emotion and so much of himself to Will which he never does to anyone else, Will doesn’t feel the need to hide who he is and struggle with himself every day when he’s with Hannibal.

What makes me sad about them: Toxic yaoi 😔 As much as they bring out in one another they always hurt eachother in the end which is sad fr

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Hannibal being a strong alpha sociopath. The most intriguing thing about Hannibal is that no one knows why he is the way he is, he isn’t typical and making him an emotionless ‘alpha daddy’ undermines his character sm (same with Will being a shy little guy)

Things I look for in fanfic: Whatever explores their dynamic in a way a like, I don’t read a lot but I enjoy fresh takes and situations with them because there are many ways to interpret the two.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not eachother: I genuinely think they are the only good options for one another due to their issues, however Molly tried her hardest to be in a good relationship with Will, Hannibal on the other hand is only ever shown to build emotional bonds for his own gain so its hard to say (EX: withdrawing Alana from Will’s life, his entire relationship with Bedelia etc)

My happily ever after for them: Hannibal waited for Will and he was able to fly Will and Abigail with him instead of Bedelia. They’d live in a secluded home somewhere with Will teaching Abigail how to fish, the two would come home each day after spending time outdoors and help Hannibal make dinner. Maybe they’d have Winston cause Will couldn’t part with him and Hannibal secretly loves the dog but complains about the shedding.

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Will moves too much when he sleeps and Hannibal has to avoid getting kicked so they tetris it out.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Murder probably- serious answer probably cooking. Hannibal already enjoys it and I feel he’d like getting to share that with Will. Will seems like the type to suck at cooking but he likes listening to Hannibal and spending time with him even if he’s a bit incompetent.

[destinyc1020]

TCR Reviews: Episodes 5 & 6

I missed posting my review for Ep 5 last week, so I'll just combine it with my review for Ep 6.

*****WARNING: SPOILERS!!!!

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Ep 5 Review:

Overall, I felt like this episode was really good! I was glad that we as the viewers were able to get a little more insight into Danny's childhood. This episode was very sad to me though. 😔 And some scenes could have possibly been very triggering for some watching because is deals with the topic of child sexual abuse. 😔

To me, it's just utterly DISGUSTING how a grown adult would take full advantage of a CHILD and abuse them in this vile way, and basically rob them of their innocence like this. 😡 Those actions have awful consequences for the child victim, and many times they struggle with the abuse even into adulthood, and it basically ruins their adult life forever...especially if they don't receive any assistance/therapy. 😔

I kept praying that they weren't going to show us too much of the abuse in this episode, because that would have just been super sad. 😭 Thankfully, the show stopped just short of showing too much (thank goodness). I feel like Ep 4 started making it more and more apparent that Danny is dealing with DID and doesn't even realize it himself (but others around him can tell something is wrong with him), whereas I feel like Ep 5 kind of showed us why Danny is the way he is, and some of the reasons behind his mind split. The interesting thing though is that his mind seems to have split even before the abuse of the stepfather, so it makes me wonder if maybe he had some other possible childhood trauma in his history? 🤔

Anyway, by the end of Ep 5 I just felt SO SAD for Danny, and I keep wondering..."When is his life going to change for the better??" 😭 His life is just so sad and depressing. 😩 My heart goes out to him. With that said, I like how this show isn't making Danny into some kind of "monster", but is more so showing how we should have sympathy for his character and his mental struggles. I know a LOT of fans were worried that the series would focus on the murders and rapes, and were afraid it was going to cast people with DID in a bad light, and some were worried about seeing Tom in a controversial role like that, but so far, it's clear to see that a LOT of fan worries and anxieties (and assumptions) were waaay off base.

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Ep 6 Review:

I really loved this episode! 😃 I LOVED getting to know more about Rya and seeing more into her life. Now things are starting to come together. The pieces are all starting to fit.

Idk why critics claimed that the series is difficult to follow in the timeline. The timeline isn't difficult to follow imo at all. In fact, I actually LOVE when shows/films go back and forth from the past to the present. I like trying to connect the dots lol. Maybe they didn't add the "5 weeks after the Rockefeller shooting" taglines on the episode scenes at the time the critics saw the show?? Anyway.... Tom's acting! He did awesome in Ep6. 👏🏾😃I can't wait for more! I feel like we will get even MORE of his great acting in the latter episodes. He did the transitions so well too. You could see him switch from Jack to Danny so effortlessly. Even the way he holds his eyes... It's very subtle, but it's noticeable. His scenes in this episode remind me so much of James McAvoy's performance in the film "Split" and his therapist scenes. The switch btwn characters is just amazing. I'm glad they added those elements in this series as well.

After what I've already seen so far, I definitely think Tom deserves at least an Emmy NOD. I can only imagine we get more of his fine acting in latter episodes.

This series reminds me so MUCH of "Primal Fear" with Edward Norton. GREAT movie. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it! I saw it years ago, so when Tom said this series was going to be a lot like "Primal Fear", I already knew what type of ride we would be in for lol. 😅🤣

I honestly don't know why critics slammed this series so much. It has been a "slow burn" (sure), but definitely not anything horrible at all! I'm almost wondering if they even saw all 10 episodes?? 👀 I also love how the series isn't making Danny out to be a monster. I know a lot of fans were worried about that, but I had faith that they weren't going to go that route when I kept hearing about how the series was being described. I like how it's moreso focusing on his mental health. I love it. It's been very good so far. It's VERY much like the film "Primal Fear" imo.

Can't wait for Ep7!!! 😁👏🏾

[strigital]

just a small bunch of Alek because he is the babiest of girls 😔

think it's about time i explained who tf he is and why i'm always sad about him so here are a few fun facts about the boi!:

saw his parents get brutaly unalived by Arasaka aged 16 and had to delta the fuck outta there with a toddler sister in his arms

got stranded in the desert outside Night City with nothing to his name but dad's old jacket, enough eddies to buy like one burger and a hungry child to care for

came across some Nomads (the Bakkers) and for a year or two Selita Bakker took the babes under her wing (then she fucken died and he had to leave again)

was forced into a life of crime just to make sure his sis didn't starve

he'd disappear for days or weeks doing gig after gig while Jaxine stayed with Mama Welles, Padre, Dr. Vik or Mama Fabienne (a kind-hearted haitian proprietress of The Birdhouse, an orphanage set up in the ruins of a small theatre tucked away somewhere between Dogtown and GIM) more about her sometime later

because of that Jax basically raised herself and Alek forever hated himself for not being there for her when she needed him most

he called her Jacket all the time and only used her name when she done fucked up and needed an ass woopin' (she was a hooligan who'd get locked up on possession charges aged 14...)

the nickname came from the fact that after they became orphans Jax would only ever shut up and stop crying while swaddled into her dad's giant jacket; she'd even wobble around like a penguin wearing it like a giant ass cape. and so it stuck. Jacket (sometimes it was JJ when Alek was in a hurry)

back in the world of edgerunning he was known as Vulture or V for short. his selling pitch was "got a bone to pick with somebody? Vulture's your man!"

as a side job he also ran an indie rock group "The Vultures". music helped him cope with day-to-day traumatic shit he had to endure. it's through the showbiz that he met Kerry Eurodyne and developed a hopeless crush on the celeb. feelings were mutual AF but both gonks were too shy to say anything. Kerry would only find out about it some years later from his sis when she became a walking floppy disk for Johnny_Silverhand.exe

at some point he utterly peaked in the merc world. every dog at the Afterlife knew his face and everybody wanted to work with him. even Rogue at some point advertised him to her clients as "the" man to do the job

at the pinnacle of his career Alek chipped in some mean mantis blades, top of the line Kiroshis, a Militech-made Sandevistan and a gazillion more enhancements that made him a fucken beast to be reckoned with. he also trained relentlessly and folks even mistook him for an ex-military, even though everything he knew was self-taught. he never stopped improving his body and mind and because of this (or maybe inspite of this?) he started showing the first symptoms of cyberpsychosis sometime around 2070. despite that, he'd keep his illness under control up until his death in 2074

it was also around this time that he klepped a pristine Type-66 Avenger off some corpo rat. he took the beaut to the Nomads to have it juiced up and after some work the wheels came out black as midnight, equipped with CrystalDome tech, guns upon guns, meanest freaking engine and tyres that could cling to walls if need be. don't ask how many people died staring down that bumper approaching them head-on at supersonic speeds, cause the answer is too many. Jax always felt like he loved that damned car more than her sometimes... and whenever she asked to take the beastie for a spin he'd always reply "over my dead body". who knew fucker meant it literally?!

Alek lied to Jaxine her whole life in a desperate bid to protect her from literally the entire world. the story of how they became orphans, what he did as a job, where he went off to for days on end... girl grew up knowing nothing about real Alek. only years later when with the help of a mutual friend she discovers his secret pad in the Glen that she'd start to piece together who he really was

Alek was afraid of his illness taking away his memory, so he scrolled damn near everything. birthday parties, hangouts at the shooting range, hikes into the badlands... every more or less important moment with Jaxie got recorded onto a BD shard and tucked away like a precious little slice of life that he was losing alongside his self-destructing neural links. later, Jaxie would spend hours rolling them over and over again, reliving the life that Arasaka took from them

throughout his career Alek's sole purpose in life (besides keeping his lil' sis alive) was revenge on Arasaka. specifically, he wanted to end Saburo himself with his own hands. any gig that involved messing with 'Saka or allowed him to gather crucial info was an automatic green light for him

he knew his dad didn't die in the assault and suspected he was Soulkilled like many other enemies of the corp (old man did in fact manage a anti-corpo group of vigilantes for like a decade before getting ratted out by somebody). at some point while on a gig to steal some 'Saka intel he got a hold of his dad's engram's copy. not like the Relic which would delete your personality, but the old gen - one that you plug in and talk to like your average hologram. of course, Alek never told Jax that he had their dead father on a shard slotted into his head at all times... and old man Bryce didn't want to traumatize his junior kid even further, either

dad wholeheartedly supported his son's mission to topple Arasaka, which was probably a bad idea... because history tends to repeat itself and eventually 'Saka discovered Alek's true identity and connected numerous crimes against them back to him. Adam Smasher was on his way to smash Alek...

too late did Alek realize that he done fucked up. he got all the crucial info locked away in his pad, the keys from it he left in his wheels and send that mf off into the sunset with a trusted fella. he recorded a sordid confession for Jaxie with a shitton of i'm-sorry's and i-love-you's and sent her away by... lying, again. he told her some drug dealers where coming to collect their due and he wanted her out of danger while he dealt with them. but the metal man Smasher showed up and the epic fight ensued. Alek knew he had no chance but he wasn't gonna make it easy for the dickwipe that zeroed his fam. the least he could do is hurt the bitch. and so as Jaxie was speeding away on Alek's bike - explosion. both Alek and his digitized dad were gone for good. Jaxie was left to fend for herself, not knowing that 'Saka now knew that they didn't wipe all of the Bryces and were looking for the one that got away

eventually she'd learn the whole tragic ass truth. and despite Alek's last wish for Jaxine to leave 'Saka be and just live her life, she made it her life goal to avenge her family. somehow, someway. one Johnny Silverhand would later come in extremely handy in this quest of hers

even though his life was hard and short, he did try to live to the fullest. he put his heart and soul into his music, he tried his damned best to show Jaxine that he loved her, and he looked out for his friends. Rogue would describe him as "the good villain" - a guy who despite having bloodied hands that never dried, always tried to do well by others. there was a short time when he was considered the deadliest motherfucker in town the mention of whose name sent shivers down gangoons' spines. and then he, like many before him and after, died

so if ya wanna honor the legendary Vulture whose flight was cut short, come down to the Afterlife and ask Claire for a shot of The Vulture: Armagnac Massy on the rocks with a splash of Cirrus Cola and a mint garnish. expensive, you say? if you knew him, you'd know he was worth every ennie

[btscontentenjoyer]

They're my babies and they need to be protected at all costs!!!! Good thing I know they're all looking out for each other 🥺🥺🥺

"it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier." There's something so cute about them doing their own thing but still spending time together 🥺🥺

"jungkook thinks you’re so cool." So do I!!!!

"you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do." This is so heartbreakingly true. But that's why we need to make twice as many happy memories to make up for the bad ones!! I'm sure Jungkook is making sure that happens for OC at least 🥺

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!” What the absolute fuck is his problem 😤😤😤

"he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore." He doesn't deserve any of that anyway, only thing he deserves is Jungkook beating him up the way he did.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.” 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

"so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him." Once again, getting angry at someone you love for putting themselves in danger is a way to show love too, but it definitely feels a lot worse to the receiver than some other ways 😔😔😔

"you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change." Need to see Jungkook reassure them that that's absolutely not the case because I can't stand seeing my poor baby think of themselves that way 🥺🥺🥺

"he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!” Lmaooo cute

"it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you." 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

"everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved." And that's what he's there to do!!

"and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest." That's what matters most 😭😭😭

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow." Plsssss they're so cute and funny and match each other's energy perfectly.

"you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?" Love and sincerity and kindness is the best thing we could give, so I hope it's enough 🥹🥹🥹

"you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family." 😭😭😭

"eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything." 😭😭😭😭😭

"…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love." Seeing into OC's thoughts like this, their past, their trauma, their insecurities and fears, hurts so so much. But then seeing them be taken care of and reassured by Jungkook feels like a soothing balm for that pain. Because even though he can't erase everything that's plaguing OC, I'm sure he can give them at least a piece of the reassurance and love they deserve 🥺

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?” The light moments in between will always make me smile through the tears welling up in my eyes, I love their cute teasing and jokes.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to." 🥺🥺🥺

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!” Lmaoooooo I can't believe him 😭😭😭 (but let's be honest, we all would if it's OC)

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.” 💕💕💕💕

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.” The peace of mind they deserve!!!!! Because they're still such a kind and strong person despite all of the hurt they've endured or any past mistakes!! And they deserve love!!

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why." This is what it means loving someone 🥺🥺🥺 OC loves Jungkook’s snoring and the fact that his mattress is on the floor and I find that so cuteeee 🥺🥺🥺

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!” They're so cuteeee

"your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend." 🥺🥺🥺🥺

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 That's so sweeeeeeeet

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.” Aaaaaw him and OC being happy and together is all I could ask for 🥹🥹🥹

I always want to cry reading your writing, Art, no matter how angsty or fluffy or silly it is. It fills my heart with every possible emotion, rips it to pieces and puts it back together, but it always leaves me feeling like I've gone through an important and beautiful experience. And to think that you can summon all of that with the heart and soul you put into your words! It's incredible!

summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.

idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k

playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers

content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(

in which masterlist!

note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺

—

the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.

with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.

he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.

“what?”

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”

jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?

it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.

he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.

“is there anything else you want to eat?”

you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.

a kiss is granted to your forehead.

when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.

“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.

you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.

jungkook thinks you’re so cool.

you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.

you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.

there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.

his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.

because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.

“juwon?”

the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.

and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.

the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.

the slap thins out into a ringing noise.

“are you insane?!”

it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.

it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.

“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”

you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”

“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”

“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”

he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”

the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.

“jungkook!”

before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.

your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?

“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”

“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”

“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.

“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”

your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.

“stop it! you’re scaring me!”

that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.

“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.

“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”

he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…

“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”

he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.

“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”

your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.

“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”

and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.

you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?

“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.

but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”

“dude, how are you still speaking?!”

it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.

“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”

—

jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.

and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.

“baby, let’s go back.”

he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.

“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”

“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”

his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.

“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”

“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”

“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”

that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.

“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”

oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.

jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.

“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”

“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“

he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.

so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.

he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.

“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”

you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.

ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.

“get in, ____.”

and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.

you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?

you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change.

—

“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.

“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”

“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”

“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”

you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.

you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.

“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”

“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.

“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”

for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.

“a sofa?”

“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.

he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”

“quiet!”

he winces. “sorry, hyung!”

—

you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.

“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.

“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”

“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”

your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.

“he’s not worth it.”

“you are to me.” he declares.

it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.

“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”

he gazes at you with longing.

you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.

“are we really not going to talk about this?”

“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”

“baby…”

“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”

foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.

“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”

—

jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.

he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?

wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.

shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.

he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.

“you loved me too. once.”

however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.

and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.

—

you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.

you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.

“yah! why are doing just standing there?”

the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.

“i told you to stop doing that!”

jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.

“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”

“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”

that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.

the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.

“what happened to your face?”

fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.

“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.

“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”

“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”

your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.

“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”

“it’s for jungkook,” you add.

“doesn’t he have that?”

“it’s not here,”

your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.

“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.

he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”

“anywhere else?”

“nope!”

“sooo, do you have it or not?”

“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”

he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.

“thank you!”

“you’re welcome!”

—

despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.

a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.

how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.

stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.

you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.

you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?

you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.

“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”

“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”

“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”

you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.

“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”

it does hurt.

“thank you…” you reply shyly.

you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.

—

“baby, where did you go?”

jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.

he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.

“nowhere,”

you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.

his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.

a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.

he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.

your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.

for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”

“let’s go,”

he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.

“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”

“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

—

eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.

you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.

the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.

no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.

you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?

…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.

you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.

“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”

incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.

“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”

you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.

echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.

—

it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.

jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.

you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.

“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”

“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend���s too pretty.”

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”

“did you box again?”

the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.

“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”

he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”

“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”

you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.

you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.

you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.

“why are you trying so hard?”

your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.

jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.

“there’s no one to fight.”

“turns out there is,” he argues.

he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.

“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”

stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.

but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.

they almost sound like a plead.

“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”

strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.

“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”

—

jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.

“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”

“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”

“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”

“three-”

“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”

“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”

he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.

“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”

you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.

“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.

“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”

jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.

you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”

he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.

“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”

“that’s what you took away from the story?”

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”

you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”

“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.

“you’re crazy!”

“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.

the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.

“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”

your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”

“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”

“because you’re crazy about me.”

the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”

fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.

“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”

“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”

and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.

you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”

he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.

“jungkook?”

“yes, baby?” he coos.

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”

goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.

“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”

“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”

“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”

—

although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.

your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.

“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”

“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”

and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.

“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”

“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.

“let’s just turn on this one then.”

“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.

“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”

“who’s the other one for?”

jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.

“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”

“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”

“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”

—

“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”

“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”

he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.

“thank you!”

you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.

“aigoo, are you that hungry?”

“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”

“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”

“sorry, sorry!”

your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.

“how’s your cheek?”

“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”

“that means it’s healing well.”

“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”

“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”

that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.

“thank you,”

“huh? for what?”

“being jungkook’s happiness.”

from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.

“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”

he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”

you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.

“…or something like that.”

uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.

“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”

“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”

“what’s with the noise?”

you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”

jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.

“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”

—

“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”

and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”

jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”

“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”

“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”

“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”

“right? so we should protect it… maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”

the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.

jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[admirableadmiranda]

Don't get me wrong. I just looove all of MDZS. Be it novel or any adaptation. But I just find WWX to be so passive when it comes to the rest of the cultivation world. Like he annihilated a great part of the Wen Sect as revenge to what they did to the Jiang sect. But when it came down to his new family he just went like: it's all in the past. Blah blah blah. I know its part of his character but honestly I find it unrealistic for anyone to react like that. Lol, im suprised he had unrest after his death for 13 years and for what?! being a good person. I think that WWX a great protagnist but his was too heavy of a price to pay he feels too perfect and too good and although that great. I kinda feel a little odd how easy he lets stuff go. Personally, the cultivation world is horrible and unjust that I see no good in it at all. He didn't even know Wen Yuan survived until the end of the story. Likd c'mon at least destroy some more major sects. 🥺😔

Anon, this sort of attitude towards the events of the story is one that I do not find particularly pleasing and a sign of usually missing the point and themes of the story. There is no small amount of thought and intent that MXTX put into making Wei Wuxian the sort of protagonist he is and it makes the book better for it.

Wei Wuxian is not the sort of person who would casually kill uninvolved people for being associated with those who did once hurt him before, and to suggest he should have is to drag him down to the levels of Jin Guangyao, blackening him beyond repair or respect for his character. To call him passive is to ignore the very nature of what he sees and why his choice actually changes something.

Let's for a moment, go ahead and consider what Modaozushi looks like if he does do that. If instead of choosing to not take vengeance on everyone and sundry, he instead brings the storm of fire and vengeance the clans fear because if it were them in his position they would do that.

Let's see why it's such a worse story than Modaozushi itself is.

Wei Wuxian: misunderstood person who was labelled as a villain before his death and had his reputation trashed to hell and back to cover up their shame at their actions, comes back and decides to wreak vengeance on the clans, wipe out some major clans in return, right as they did to him and the Wen Remnants, down to even the innocent children had they seen him.

These major clans would be the Lan, the Nie, the Jin and the Jiang.

So our story instead of beginning with us seeing that there's something off about the story we're told and the character we meet, he instead at best lets the Lan boys die trying to fight the arm. Sizhui is dead. His whole efforts that ended in his death the first time are utterly wasted now. But that doesn't seem to be something people consider when blithely suggesting that he should wipe out some major clans, especially since he's very quick to remind us that the children are innocent of what came before them in canon!

But I digress, we are not telling Modaozushi the actual brilliant story, we are telling MDZS the flat revenge story.

So Wei Wuxian kills or lets die all the Lan juniors that were trying to fight the arm and this is now fine because it's what the clans did to him. The next people he would run into is Jin Ling! The son of his beloved Shijie. But he's a Jin and part of the Jin clan and children are not immune from his revenge and Jin Ling is not kind to him when they first meet.

So Jin Ling will die. Then yes, we will finally have someone involved who was actually at the siege; Jiang Cheng. Who now will have a good reason to want to kill Wei Wuxian as he just killed Jin Ling in cold blood because he is related to a clan that led a siege on him in his past life.

Since he has to kill the people in the major clans and eradicate them, Lan Wangji can't live either. Too bad, so sad, no sweet romance, we're here for a vengeance plot. Whether it happens in Mo Manor or Dafan Mountain, it would be a rough fight, but well, Wei Wuxian is here to kill the major clans so Lan Wangji has to die.

Nie Huaisang pulled a lot of strings and helped him come back to life, as well as the fact that his Nie Clan is very visibly, tangibly no longer the same clan that Nie Mingjue led against him. But it's a major clan, with people connected to those that hurt him. No gratitude for any of this, Wei Wuxian can kill all of them.

At this point he probably ends up dying in another siege by Jin and Lan hands that is in fact entirely justified because what you are advocating for is him wiping out any clans that were involved in any way no matter the situation and while yes, I know that when people are saying this they're going "Of course Wei Wuxian would let the children, and Nie Huaisang, and Lan Wangji live, because he's not a bad guy", but that's not what they're saying.

What they and you are advocating for is the cycles of vengeance and killing to continue on and on and on. What you want is not an actual act of justice or change that will lead to a better world, but yet more senseless bloodlust. No one in this world is completely unconnected from this.

Wei Wuxian takes not a passive action, but an active one. He has not forgotten what came before, but he chooses where to place his anger and when to act on it. He wants nothing to do with Jiang Cheng and actively runs away from him multiple times. The only time he talks to Lan Qiren at all is in the cave during the Second Siege and after that continues to ignore him as much as he wants.

He calls out the people who are trying to blame him for what happened, he makes it very clear that he will not shoulder their blame for no reason, he still defends them because as much as he personally may not like them, no one deserves what Jin Guangyao tried to do to them.

Do you not realize that, anon? Do you not realize that the same choice to give his all to protect the Wen Remnants despite their connection to the people who wiped out the Jiang clan before is the one he keeps taking in his second life? By all means the Jiang revenge is the outlier here. He doesn't do that again and it is very connected with the trauma of the burial mounds and the beginning of an all out war when he does. Wei Wuxian is not being passive, he is continuing to make the same choices he did before because what the actual decision he is making is that no one deserves to die for a name.

You want here for Wei Wuxian to be judge, jury and executioner. You want him to go out and kill a bunch of nameless people because they share a name with people who sieged him thirteen years before. It's not a good thing. It's still mob mentality. You aren't making him stronger or more righteous to kill more people, you're just erasing the very message that the story carries.

What good would happen if he decided to actually go do as a lot of people want and massacre a bunch of great Clans? Would it fix the societal problems that led to his death the first time? Would it bring back the Wen Remnants and make it so that nothing bad happened the first time?

Or would it just respark the war and cycles of hatred that have plagued him and his generation since they were children and ensure that there will be no such thing as peace in any lifetime?

Wei Wuxian and the Wen Remnants are left with a unique choice in their lifetimes, something that many people do not get. They get to look their killers in the eye, during a time where they could let them be killed and the people around them expect it, and save their lives anyway regardless of their history. They say "You killed me, but your right to live is more important to me than my justified anger. I will keep you alive when I could stand by and do nothing." That is not passive. That is not naive.

I strongly suggest that you consider why it is that you think the story is not as good because Wei Wuxian didn't do exactly what you would have done in that situation. He's not a blank self insert who does actions that don't make sense, we see this pattern of choices play out multiple times.

Why do you conflate justice with death? Who determined that the only way to get get revenge is to bury them? Wei Wuxian's revenge is far better served by him getting everything he ever wanted, a life where he is at peace and loved, with no more battles to fight.

I think that's a much more valuable story than any amount of extraneous murder would have ever been.

[procrastinatorproject]

I made the big mistake of reading Terry Matalas’s interview he gave for some Trek podcast, and now I’m utterly heartbroken again.

Matalas talks about his history with Trek and teases some season 3 things. Among other things, he talks about how Picard is essentially an anthology show, with the only central focus being Jean-Luc Picard.

Season 1 was Michael Chabon’s vision of Trek, season 2 was Akiva Goldsman’s, and season 3 will be Matalas’s. And he talks about how the TNG cast didn’t get a send-off in Nemesis, so they needed to have a Proper Ending. But since the money for actors is limited, when he told the executive producers he wanted to bring back all the legacy characters that clearly meant letting go of all the new ones.

And it just... blows my mind that so very, very few people realize how deeply disrespectful that is? I mean... by all means, have an anthology show centred around Picard, but then that should have been what they set out to do from the start. Instead of telling us we were going to get many adventures with this new cast and how it was an ensemble show.

Not to mention that if you want to take over this show with the deep, layered, interesting new characters and write all of them out so you can make the TNG reunion you always dreamed of, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR THESE CHARACTERS TO COME BACK IN A SPIN-OFF!!!!

If you don’t know what to do with them and you don’t really understand them and you don’t care to give them their own arcs (since Rios doesn’t get any real development this season and Agnes is only there to facilitate the Borg Queen’s arc), fine. Other charcters have had seasons where they were ignored, side-lined, or written poorly. BUT DON’T ESSENTIALLY KILL THEM OFF SO NOBODY WILL EVER BE ABLE TO GIVE THEM NEW STORIES!!!

That just... blows my mind. And now I am very, very sad again. 😔

I’ve had some ideas about starting a re-write of season 2 to make it “You can have your Picard-centric pyschological drama with Q and the Borg Queen, but how about we are respectful to mentally ill people, actually take the characters we have and not some funhouse mirror version of them, and give the people who are ostensibly the heroes of this piece some development and arcs of their own and some base-level competent characterization.” And I was actually starting to get excited about it - but now I just feel very empty again.

I understand that a lot of TNG fans probably felt like this if they disliked season 1 of Picard and thought it wasn’t living up to the character they loved. But then again, season 1 was always extremely clear that it wasn’t going to be TNG season 8, that it would be extremely different from other Trek, that it would shine a critical light on the Federation and Picard as a character. They never made any pretens about that. And that’s what they delivered.

But they gave us zero indication in the run-up to season 2 that this concept had changed and we were suddenly doing a completely unconnected, context-less anthology where not only the story but also the characterization differ wildly between seasons. We had every reason to expect that they would continue the story of these characters they introduced us to in season 1. And then they didn’t.

And it probably wouldn’t hurt so much if they hadn’t written Agnes and Rios into corners where the only way to bring them (and I do mean them, the actual characters that Chabon created, not the strange season 2 funhouse-mirror version, the actual characters with agency and backstory and an inner life who make, you know, decisions that inform their growth!) back into the greater Trek universe is through some very convoluted storytelling.

I mean... if they ever let me write a Star Trek novel (or bully someone into writing it), it’s gonna be “how Agnes finally leaves the collective to actually grow as a person in her own right and then goes to the past to get Rios back to where he belongs: To his friends, to his family, to his ship and his holos. To his home.

But yeah. Man this is so fucking bleak!

[taniushka12]

🌼 for the fanfic ask: A + W !!

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

HMM..........OKAY........ i have MANY fics so here are my FavoriteS:

Long Live The King: both forever unfinished and underappreciated from 2017, but its still dear to me bc I made pages of lore for this one, thought the individual timelines of every character that appeared, had TWO drafts of 21k originally and 11k the rewrite, and I had it all planned out :’) I loved this fic... (dark fantasy, it starts w/ a shapeshifter crow guy who asked the unawarely for him prince of demons to teach him dark magic, ends up w/ the demons and humans at war started by the king then prince and the crow as his lover and right hand, a tale of love and corruption 😔 the very last chapter was supposed to be the king telling the crow to kill his childhood bff for plot reasons and after he does it hes like holy shit... oh god what am i doing? and looking in the distance at the clouds bath in red of the war a war that he facilitated before going back to the castle, mind a mess) 

both Close Your Eyes And I’ll Kiss You (Tomorrow I’ll Miss You) and A Welcome Summer Rain bc i love min/ffel :’) they deserve to be happy and also maybe kiss!!

for tma... The Dance Of The Spider And The Flame, bc how couldn’t it be? It has web!martin and desolation!tim cuddling and hugging while talking about utterly destroying elias in any way that matters! Also I love blurring the lines of the powers like the colors they are, and considering the web and the desolation are considered “opposites” it was fun to point out the similarities! Desperately Safe is also a fave of mine... mikaele chilling a bit, peter being soft and actually caring for someone and also old men in love? love it...

Sweet Irony is also very good..... martin/elias sexual tension that ends up w/ martin essentially being like fuck you and elias being both quite offended but also into it? not to toot my own horn but my m/e content is the best m/e content this fandom has to offer u_u

also once I finish writing apiculture then you Know it goes on the fave list LMAO...ITS GONNA BE AWESOME

W: What is your favorite pairing to write?  Favorite pairing to read? 

fave pairing to READ? JON/SASHA.............. i reread the extremely few j/s fics of the fandom multiple times bc i love them so much 😭😭😭!! they make me so happy!!! i squeal like the nerd I am and remember that life can be beautiful!! my heart... swells... OTL 

love reading jon/tim but only some... I already read so many sad stuff w/ them two years ago, I only have time for happy sappy shit yknow? (same w/ min/ffel! only happy allowed! unless im the one making it! bc i love angst :))

as for fave to write...... it might be bc i already wrote 12k of it but martin/sasha is so fun, their ways to talk their ways to be clash a bit and its fun!! i love them!! (also i greatly enjoy both martin/elias and peter/martin bc martin gets to be a bit of an asshole at best and also in the first case I can go 🖕 elias)

[send me a letter!]