#the emergency showers plays the clown music

[buriedabitdeeperthanshallow]

listen i may be training to be a mad scientist but i would NEVER violate lab safety protocols unless it was really funny

[tsumucore]

Request: ok headcannon this the tiktok trend of either climbing into your bfs lap/filming their reaction to you dancing/the walking in naked reaction Daichi, Kuroo, Semi, Bokuto, and Iwa??? or really any of them bc like honestly those reactions would be hilarious 🤣

A/N: I have so much fun writing tiktok requests :D

Warning: implied NSFW

Daichi

You were planning to spend some quality time with your boyfriend by having a movie night. As he set up everything in the living room, you were finishing up your shower. After drying your hair, you wrapped a towel around yourself which gave you an idea.

You had been seeing the trend of people ‘dropping the towel’ and walking in naked on their partners all over social media. You wanted to know how Daichi would react; obviously, he had seen you naked many times before, but catching him off guard would be interesting.

“Baby, are you almost done?” Daichi’s voice floated over to where you stood in the bathroom, spurring your eagerness to commence with the plan. You loosened the towel and got your phone ready to catch everything on film. You opened the door and emerged from the cloud of steam that had filled the bathroom.

“Daichi,” you drawled as you watched him prop up pillows and spread out blankets on the couch. You waited until he turned around to acknowledge you before letting the towel drop to the floor with one effortless flick of the wrist.

This man didn’t even bat an eye at your naked form. “Uh, babe? Make sure you’re completely dry if you’re going to be laying on the blankets.”

You felt like a clown; you were trying to catch him off guard, and instead, he had caught you off guard. You quickly stopped recording and saved the footage before stamping your foot. “Daichi,” you whined. “You were supposed to react more favorably - blush or stutter or something.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” he chuckled at your slightly indignant expression. “Here, why don’t you sit on my lap while we go ahead and start this movie. I’ll show you a genuine reaction.”

Kuroo

Damn you, Kenma, you thought to yourself for what felt like the umpteenth time. Ever since Kenma had introduced your boyfriend to a new game, he had been hooked. You considered yourself to be a reasonable person, but if Kuroo didn’t give you some attention soon, you were going to spontaneously combust.

Lo and behold, you saw the trend all over your ‘for you’ page: people walking in stark naked to see how their partners would react. You decided at once that you were going to try it. If your boyfriend didn’t react favorably to this, you were going to scream into the void.

You wrapped a towel around your otherwise bare body and pressed “record” on your phone. You ambled into the living room, took a deep breath, and called his name before dropping the towel.

“Yeah, babe,” your boyfriend didn’t even bother to turn around as his fingers madly pushed the controller’s buttons. Unbelievable. He merely continued to talk into his headset. You were going to have to kick this up a notch.

You stopped recording and threw your phone on the couch. In case you failed again, you did not need your humiliation caught on film. You came up behind him, lightly massaging his shoulders and calling his name one more time. “Tetsurou...” You were now climbing into his lap.

Kuroo immediately dropped the controller in surprise. He took one look at you before pausing the game and hastily turning off the headset before lightly tossing it next to him. “What’s all this, babe?” He chuckled while roaming his hands all over you.

Bingo. “It’s for you,” you replied.” But if you want to get back to your game, that’s fine with me too.” You shimmied out of his grasp and started heading out of the room. You had to pull together every brain cell you had to suppress your laughter when you heard him tripping over himself to chase after you.

Semi

Your could hear the echoes from your boyfriend’s bass wafting from his makeshift studio in his apartment. He really was good - so good, that you could feel the energy his sound conveyed from where you stood in the kitchen.

The bassline tingled through your extremities as you felt it evoke a slight swaying of your hips. This gave you an idea. You pulled off your clothes and casually dropped them on the living room couch before opening the tiktok app and recording your journey to Semi’s studio.

You lightly danced your way down the hall and to the right where you paused briefly outside the door of his second bedroom-turned-studio. You knocked lightly and pushed the door open, continuing to sway your hips to the rhythm of your lover’s music.

Semi was still playing when he lifted his head to look up at you - and when he did, his eyes widened and crimson dusted his cheeks. “Eita, I just love your playing so much... Look what it’s making me do,” you giggled as you slightly twirled your torso, causing your breasts to bounce.

At this, Semi couldn’t meet your eyes as he stopped playing to use one hand to cover the embarrassed smile tugging at his face. Cute. You stopped recording and shook your phone at him. “Now everyone will know how talented you are. You’re welcome,” you declared teasingly.

He gave a slight roll of his eyes before setting aside the bass and pulling you on his lap. “Oh? I think you had an ulterior motive going on here... I find it hard to believe you did this out of the goodness of your heart.”

You stuck your tongue out at him before lightly slapping his chest and feigning shock. “I’m offended that you’re questioning my kindness.” This earned you another eye roll and a sweet kiss straight on your lips.

Bokuto

The second you saw the trend circulating all over social media, you knew you had to try it on your own eccentric boyfriend. You wanted to see how he would react - obviously, he would get excited (it was Bokuto after all), but you thought it would be funny to get everything on camera.

He was on the phone with someone - Akaashi, you presumed - as you dawdled in the bedroom. You stripped yourself down completely and hit the record button on your phone. Showtime.

“Akaashi, I swear! It’s all in the Chipotle sauce.” Your boyfriend was speaking through mouthfuls of sandwich when you walked into the living room. “No, it really does make a difference! Man, this re-” You rolled your eyes as you waited for him to look up at you. 3, 2, 1.

When he finally acknowledged your presence, his already owlish eyes widened even further and bits of sandwich were falling out his mouth as he gaped at your completely bare form. “Akaashi, I gotta go,” he practically screamed as he tossed his phone on the couch and eagerly ran towards you, banging his toe on the furniture in the process. This man really started limping in his efforts to get to you.

You decided to yank his chain even further by innocently asking him what was wrong and then glancing down at yourself as if realizing for the first time that you were naked. By now, he was practically frothing at the mouth. “Woah, can we do it right now?”

You stopped recording because his hands were getting - ahem - grabby, and you were sure tiktok’s policy wouldn’t take too kindly to what was about to commence.

Bonus: He pulled a fast one and did the exact same thing to you a few days later.

Iwaizumi

You had been seeing the trend all over your ‘for you’ page for the past couple weeks. At first, you disregarded it as just another corny gimmick for couples chasing clout. However, your curiosity got the best of you as you wondered what your own boyfriend’s reaction would be like.

You commenced your plan of action by staying in your bedroom when he came home from the gym. He always made a protein shake in the kitchen after working out, so you knew this was the best time to catch him.

The only thing you had on as you made your way down the hallway was a towel wrapped precariously around your body. Your phone was on and recording your journey to the kitchen. Once you reached the kitchen, you saw that his back was turned to you as he was pouring the shake into a glass. Perfect.

“Hajime,” you called in the sweetest tone you could muster before dropping the towel on the floor. Your boyfriend was in the middle of taking a swig of his shake as he turned around.

When he saw that you were completely naked in front of him, he spluttered and choked on his shake, which sent him into a coughing fit. It took a whole minute for him to recover. His cheeks were red and his hands were wiping away at his mouth.

You teased him incessantly after ending the recording. You had successfully captured what you were looking for.

“Oi, what do you think you’re doing?” While you gleefully examined the footage, you didn’t notice your boyfriend inching closer to you and grabbing your hips. “Maybe I need to teach you a lesson.”

.°•  rules  ₊˚•.  masterlist  .°•

[shewillreadyou]

Becoming: Chapter 4- About last night

As always. I hope that you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

A/N: This is my 4th part to this TRR series. Karis and Liam finally get their “Proper Date.” Her thoughts are in BOLD

Catch up: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Disclaimers: All characters are property of Pixelberry

Warnings: NSFW, SEXUAL CONTENT

Word Count: 2915 It’s LONG.

Pairings: Liam Rhys x MC (Karis Vasquez)

Song inspiration: Last Night- Az’ yet

Be Kind: Hit the heart button, leave a comment or reblog. It makes a writer so so happy.​

After they had breakfast in bed following a night of catching up at Karis’ Paris flat, Liam excused himself and headed to his hotel to get dressed for the day that he has planned for them. 

Her phone buzzed. It was Misti.. 

 After catching up with Misti, Karis opened her largest piece of luggage; knowing that she didn’t pack anything extremely dressy. She mostly brought things that she could wear into the office. She didn’t really anticipate that during these couple months she would spend in Paris she would bump into Liam or anyone else for that matter. She pulled out a black pencil skirt and a bustier top and laid them across the bed. 

Liam mentioned that she should pack an overnight bag as well. She threw in some sexy white lingerie that she sometimes wore under her clothes. She never knew why but it always did wonders for her confidence and for some reason, she felt that she would need a double dose tonight. 

She didn’t really know what else to put in the bag so she included lounge pants, her favorite hoodie, a bikini, some jeans, a cute blouse, and some fuzzy socks. If there was anything else she had forgotten, she is sure Liam would make up for it. 

She showered, ran the flat iron through her hair, and did her makeup before putting her Granny’s diamond studs in her ears. She squeezed into her top and shimmied into the tight skirt that shamelessly showed off her curves. She buckled her strappy heels and had just sat down painting her fingernails a bubble gum pink when she got a text from Liam. 

She blushed furiously at the picture he sent. He looked extremely dapper in his tuxedo, yet all she could think about is taking it off. Get ahold of yourself and just enjoy him tonight Karis, she thought to herself. 

Before she knew it there was a knock at the door. She could feel her heart beating in her throat. But why was she so nervous? It was just Liam. She opened the door and there he stood. All 6 foot 4, 240 lbs of him standing there looking like a snack in that damned tuxedo. 

He smiled at her and said, “Hey Angel.” 

She was sure she was having an out of body experience until he pushed passed her, kissing her on the cheek. 

“Sorry love, may I use your restroom? I have to go when I get nervous.” She just stood there mouth agape. 

What just happened? What does he have to be nervous about?

Moments later she heard the toilet flush and the sink running. 

Well, at least I know he washes his hands.

He emerged from the restroom moments later. 

“Are you ok?” 

“I am now. Shall we?” he asked as he offers her his arm. 

“You look absolutely stunning, love.”

“Thanks, Liam, you don’t look too shabby yourself,” she smirked.

“Liam? Would you like to tell me where we are going now?” 

He smiled at her, “Not a chance.”

They headed down to the black SUV that awaited. He opened the door for her and helped her inside. He walked around to the driver’s side door and she leaned across to open the door for him.

“These are for you.” He handed her a bouquet of long stemmed roses.

“More flowers Liam?” she blushed.

“I have more than a year to make up for…”

This man is unbelievable. 

After a short drive, they pulled up to his hotel. He helped her out of the car and had the valet park. He opened the door for her and she winked at him. 

“Liam, you’re not wasting anytime huh? Right back to your hotel…”

He chuckled. “I have something very special prepared for you.”

They took the elevator up to the top floor and headed down to the end of the hall where he used a keycard to open up the door. He led her through his suite out to a stunning rooftop where there was a table set for a very romantic candlelit dinner for two.

 She walked over to the rail to take in the view of the city. The view of the Eiffel tower at night in the background was stunning. She was sure that she had never seen a landscape in her entire life more beautiful. 

“Liam, this view is–”

“Absolutely resplendent, breathtaking even. I’ve noticed.” 

She looked over her shoulder to see him staring at her, she shook her head. She could feel her cheeks warming as he stepped up behind her wrapping his arms around her, nipping at her neck. After a few minutes he asked her to join him at the table, pulling out her chair. 

“What a gentleman you are.”

“I try.”

They tucked into a five course meal prepared by a personal chef he hired for the night. Bacon wrapped dates, Gnocchi soup, caesar salad, pan seared sea scallops over shallot herb pasta with fresh steamed veggies and baklava for dessert. When she couldn’t eat another bite he rose from the table and took her back through the suite and down the elevator to the next leg of their proper date. 

They took a long stroll alongside of the Seine River. 

They held hands and slowly walked taking in the sights and sounds of the river. They talked about Karis’ internship and her plans to head back to the states to finish up undergrad before going to law school. 

“There are several amazing options for law school in Cordonia. I know a few people and could easily get you into the school of your choice.”

A cachinnate laugh escaped her. 

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” 

He smiles wide, not answering.  

“Wow, this has been nice. No one has ever put this much thought into a date with me. You did all of this since last night?” 

“Yes, and the night is still young. I’d like to personally thank the clowns who didn’t appreciate you. It has led us to this moment. I want to stay in this moment with you.” 

He turned to her brushing his lips against hers. They strolled for a while longer before Liam checked his watch. 

“We need to head back to the hotel before we are late.”

Liam picks up the pace and Karis giggles. “What the heck Li?

When they get back to the Lobby of the hotel, Liam pulled out his phone and tapped the screen. 

Karis heard him say, “Rhys party of 2.” Then he turned to her. 

“This might be a good time for me to take a picture of you. No one ever believes me when I talk about you. They think I’ve made you up in my mind. I need proof that angels exist. Go stand over by that table and pose for me. This picture will be what I look at to get me through the times when we are apart.”

She smiled at him and complies posing for the picture he snaps with his phone. Just then a man beckons them down a hall and into the spa. She smiled when she realized what is happening. 

“You really listened to me, huh? Are we here because I told you I’d never had a professional massage?”

“Maybe,” he smirked.

This man is too good to be true.

The man escorted them to a room with very dim lights. There were two massage tables set up and soothing music in the background. The man excused himself while Liam and Karis got undressed. She noticed that he hadn’t taken his eye off of her while she disrobed. She looked Liam in the eyes and slowly let her clothes fall away from her body. 

“You’re killing me Karis.”

“You don’t have to look.” she smiles seductively. 

“I keep trying to look away. I can’t. You aren’t wearing a bra,” his mouth falls open as he neatly hangs his clothes on the rack. 

“That top didn’t require one. I wasn’t expecting to get undressed until later.” she smirked. 

When they are both down to just their underwear They both lay across the tables under the sheet as instructed. Two men returned to give them an hour long massage. When they are done both Karis and Liam are relaxed, almost to the point of slumber. They were told not to get up right away. To take their time getting dressed before leaving. 

“Liam, I have no words. Tonight–” 

He interrupts, “Is just getting started.”

When they are dressed they head back up to his suite where they find the jacuzzi has been filled with a bubble bath and there are rose petal scattered. There is soft music playing and two glasses of champagne sit on the counter. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you were going to spoil me today.” 

They quickly slipped out of their clothes and into to the bubble filled tub. They clinked their glasses together as Liam said, “to fate.”

They both took sips of the champagne then Liam took her glass sitting it to the side.

“Now what?” she smiles.

He grabs her wrist pulling her into his lap.

“Now, I get to bathe you, and then..”

He pulls her in for a lingering kiss and a moan escapes her. After a few minutes he picks her up bridal style and takes her into the shower where they both rinse the bubbles from their bodies. Before they get too lost in each other she stops him.

“Go get my bag? I have something for you.”

He retrieves her bag and leaves her in the restroom to change. After a few minutes she opens the door to a naked Liam with a black gift bag covering his length. His eyes go wide when he drinks in the sight of her in her white lingerie. 

“See something you like, your highness?”

‘Karis, you look.. wow. I just… you look like an angel. My angel.” 

She blushes. “What’s in the bag?”

“Huh, oh yeah, this? It’s for you.” 

He hands her the bag and begins to explain.

“I know that your internship is very important to you. I also know that you are 6 months away from finishing undergrad. I know that you have goals and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I distracted you. So, I know this may sound juvenile but I want there to be no mistake about my intentions. It’s a promise ring. I promise you that I am yours alone, mind, heart and body. When you are done with school, I’m coming to get you and upgrading you to an engagement ring.”

“That’s fair,” she says as she takes the velvet box out of the bag opening it. 

Her eyes go wide. She blinks back tears. He takes the ring from the box and places it on her ring finger.

God, I love this man.

“Do you promise to save yourself for me in every way?”

“Of course I do,” she says in a quiet voice.

“Do you like it?”

“Li, I love it. It’s gorgeous.”

She throws her arms around his neck kissing him deeply. He picks her up, her legs wrap tightly around his waist. He walks her over to the bed, he unclasped her bra before gently laying her down. He ran his strong hands down the sides on her body taking her panties with them. 

“God, you’re a vision.” he said as he kissed her sides lightly.

She squirmed beneath him rubbing his bald head. He moved over kissing her stomach with an open mouth agonizingly slow.

“Oh Liam,” she moaned. 

He propped her legs over his shoulders pulling her to the edge of the bed. He dipped his head kissing her inner thighs while his fingers found her middle. 

“Karis,” his eyes went wide.

“I have never had another man have that effect on me. It’s your fault. I’m not sorry.” 

He slipped 2 fingers inside of her warm drenched center. He slurped her juices as he skillfully teased her clit. She struggled to catch her breath as her body involuntarily spasmed. Her back arched off of the bed under his touch. 

“Open your eyes, I need you to see what this is supposed to look like.”

She opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows watching as Liam’s face emerges from down below. His face is covered in her juices and his chin is dripping. He smiles.

“I want you to watch while I make you cum.” 

And that was all it took. A dam broke within her and she came completely undone. All she wanted in that moment was him inside of her. She ached for him. She pulled him in for a passionate, needy kiss. She tasted herself on his lips.

“Liam, I need you.” 

“Anything you want love,” he growled.

She pushed Liam against the wall and grabbed his hardened length. She stroked him, licking him eagerly from base to tip. She swirled her tongue around his tip while pumping his shaft as he tangled his hands in her hair. She descended on his shaft taking as much of him inside her mouth as she could handle while massaging his balls. After a few more times she tried to take more. She gagged and tears flowed from both of her eyes. She  looked up at him, slapping him on the thigh when she could feel him twitching  and the veins on his length throb. 

“Open your eyes. I need you to see what you’ll have waiting for you when you are back in Cordonia.”

He watched as she took him back into her mouth just in time for her to receive his release. She held her head back slightly opening her mouth. He could see how full her mouth was. She licked her lips before swallowing. He pulled her to her feet. He is not sure he has ever been so turned on. He guides her back to the bed taking her nipple in his mouth rolling the other between his fingers. He rotates breast while stroking his length which is now stiff again. 

“Liam! She growls growing impatient. 

“Karis, are you sure you’re ready?”

She nods sheepishly. He lines himself up with her center. She closes her eyes and holds her breath. He rubs his head around her slits. 

“Open your eyes, love. Tell me if it’s too much or if I’m hurting you. We can stop.”

“I will.” she whispers.  

He enters her slowly. It’s just the tip initially. His eyes locked on hers. She gasped and he could see her swallow thickly. He waited for her cue. She nodded and he thrusted carefully deeper inside her warm, wet, tight center. He stayed there giving her walls time to adjust to his massive girth. She let out a breathy groan. 

“Are we ready?” he asked cautiously.

“It burns. Is it supposed to burn?” 

“It’s just your body stretching around me.” 

He rolls his hips a few more times slowly, still watching her, taking his cues from her. She visibly relaxes closing her eyes and rolling her hips under him when she feels more comfortable.

“Does it still burn?”

“No, you feel amazing.”

“I’m glad. You feel unreal and I am going to cum if we don’t change positions. He pulls out and flips her over on all fours. 

“Arch your back for me.” he says as he lines himself up to enter her again. 

He grabs her hips thrusting deeply inside of her and she moans in pleasure. She began to throw her ass back onto him and he knew that if he didn’t slow down it would end prematurely. He slumped over her body one hand finding her swollen clit and the other on her neck. He slowed their pace but it was too late. She came apart and the way her already impossibly tight walls gripped his length dragged him right along with her. 

They collapsed on the bed trying to catch their breath. Both of them spent, bodies covered with sweat. He pulls her close absentmindedly twirling one of her sex tousled locks around his long finger as her head lays on his chest. She listens to his heart pounding until it slows again. After they fell into a comfortable silence, he cleared his throat.

“Was it that bad? Your silence is not very reassuring.” he says in a low husky voice.

“It was– incredible Liam. I’m speechless.”

“Was it….different being with a virgin?” she shyly questioned.

“It was different. But not because you were a virgin. But it was because it was the first time I have ever made love.” 

She was confused by what he said initially. 

“I mean sure, i’ve had sex before. But I have never been in love with anyone before you. So, yes it was different. Life changingly different. I love you Karis.” 

She blushed. 

“Liam, I love you too.”

They laid there in silence for a little while longer. 

“Do you think we could do that again? I want to be on top.”

He smiled seductively, “Do you think you’re ready for that?”

“I guess we will find out.” 

He pulled her on top of him. She was straddling his hips as he caressed her soft skin. They kissed for a long time before she built up the confidence to lower herself onto him. 

When it was over, they both fell into an exhausted slumber as the sun came up outside of the window of the Persian paradise.  

Tagging:

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[fanofafan2ff]

51: Jumping The Broom

Madison

I was gonna kill Chris. 

Leave it to him, to not only get Mijo drunk as a fucking skunk the night before his wedding, but he managed to get ALL the groomsmen pissy drunk last night. He strolled in the hotel room at 5 am this morning and not even fifteen minutes later, his head was in the trash can, puking his brains out. I wanted to slit his throat. Mel was gonna kill them.

I let him get it all out of his system before helping him get in the shower. There was no way in hell he was sleeping next to me smelling like that. The shower helped him sober up a little but, he still needed to sleep it off. He didn’t have much of a choice. 

Kaya let me know she was getting Mijo together, mind you she was drunk herself.  But, she was always the one to sober up the quickest. Her, Mel, Ashley, and some of the other women from Mel’s family went out last night too. From the looks of Snapchat, they were all lit last night. Between the drinks, the dancing, and all around atmosphere of Miami, they looked like they had a fantastic time. If I wasn’t this pregnant, I would have been down there shaking ass too, ha. 

After getting Chris in bed, I couldn’t go back to sleep. So, I resorted to watching TV and rubbing over my baby bump. I was so excited for my baby girl to get here, I swear. With all the stress, wight gain, and swelling I was going through during this pregnancy, I was beyond ready for her to get here.

I was finally gonna have a mini me. Christian was so excited about being a big brother, it was the cutest thing! He and Chris had a talk about making sure they protect her at all times, and I could only shake my head. I could just see it now, they were gonna treat her like a little girl all her life. 

Chris had to be the most excited. Right after the baby shower, he was already planning to redo the nursery. Mind you, we had it done already, all in neutral colors of course. But he was ready to throw every shade of pink in the room as soon as we got back home. I had to get him to pump the brakes.  It was cute though. 

As I watched Living Single, I couldn’t help but to think about the future. We were gonna have two kids running around. That made me smile, coming from being an only child, I knew Christian would love the company. The other thing that was floating around my head, was the fact that I was about to be Chris’s wife. 

The thought alone brought tears to my eyes for the millionth time. I was such an emotional wreck these days, I couldn’t stand myself. I was gonna be able to spend the rest of my life with my bestfriend and our children, what could be better than that?

It was only 9:32 am when I checked the alarm clock on the night stand, and I was starting to get hungry. Knowing Chris was gonna have to wake out of his drunken slumber soon, I made sure to order enough food for him to munch on. I made sure to eat and take my vitamins before jumping in the shower. I washed and made sure to wash my hair. Just as I wash washing the deep conditioner out of my hair, I heard Chris dragging his feet into the bathroom. 

“Good morning sunshine.” I laughed as he groaned. Instead of answering me, he went straight for his toothbrush and got to work on that stanking mouth.  He brushed twice and gargled with mouth wash. “Good morning baby.” His voice was so deep in the morning, it always made me squirm. 

“How do you feel babe?” “Like shit.” He replied. “You need advil or anything?” I washed the last of the conditioner out my hair. “Nah, I ain’t got a headache or nothing. I just feel shitty.” He admitted. “Well, I already ordered food if your hungry. It should still be hot.” 

“Forget the food, you looking like a whole meal.” He watched me through the glass shower, like a damn vulture. I grinned and rubbed over my bump, posing real quick. “You see this ring blinking too? Issa garnish.” I said making him laugh. 

“Babyyyy! I’m gonna be your wife!” I gushed. I rung the excess water out of my hair before washing my body off again. “I know. I done lost my mind for real.” I shut the water off and rolled my eyes at him. “That’s how you feel, baby daddy?” “Mhm, just send my ass to the crazy house.” He grinned. 

“Hand me my towel please.” He grabbed my towel and came over to wrap me in it. I got on my tippy toes to peck him quickly. “Are you excited for today? Our bestfriends are getting married!” “I know, shit crazy.” He replied. I agreed and moved to the second sink to brush my teeth. 

“You kissing me with stank mouth?” He playfully gagged. “You’ve kissed me after I’ve had nastier things in my mouth.” I smirked. Instead of replying, he returned my smirk and exited the bathroom. I scrubbed my teeth before applying some moisturizer to my hair. I opted to wear something comfty, since today was gonna be chaotic. 

I got dressed while Chris ate. After I was dressed, I climbed back into bed. I made sure to call my dad to check on Christian. He insisted on staying with his Papa last night, latching onto him all throughout dinner. My dad loved it though. They didn’t get to see each other often, so he was all for it. Christian thought he was slick though, he knew his cute face and charm always suckered Tasha in baking him something. Another reason he chose to leave with them last night. 

“Babe.. nah. Never mind.” Chris started. “What happened?” “Nothing, for get it.” Now I really wanted to know. “Chris what is it?” “What room Ashley staying in again?” He asked. “She’s two doors down, why?” He chuckled ans shook his head. “What happened?” I rose my brow. “I seen Austin creeping in there this morning when we got back.” 

My brow rose even higher. “Austin? Your Austin? Your cousin Austin? Like Ashley’s ex boyfriend was sneaking in her room this morning?” I said in a hushed tone as if they could hear me. “Yeah, nigga.” He replied. He climbed in the bed with me, making sure to lay his head on my thigh. 

“They’re getting back together.” I gushed. “Or they just fucking.” Chris shrugged. “Really, Chris?” I rolled my eyes. ���What? It’s a possibility. You know they both don’t know what they want.” He said referring to both of them dating a bunch of people in the last few months. “I just hope they know what the hell they’re doing this time around.” Together or not. 

Mel’s make up artist was so fed up with her shit. It was the funniest shit ever, considering it was her cousin. Every time she touched up her makeup, Mel would start crying again. The last time, she threatened to beat her ass in the parking lot as soon as they were done throwing rice. I was dead. 

She had already gotten all the bridesmaids, maid of honor, and Mel’s mom’s makeup all done, with the help of her crew. We all needed to be dressed soon, but in the meantime, we were all chilling in the bridal sweet. We all lounged around and drank champagne (apple cider for me of course) and had girl talk. 

Mel’s mom took the time to tell her how much she loved her and was so excited for this day. She also talked to us about how wonderful yet challenging marriage was. It was nowhere near being boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. We all took it in, absorbing the information.

When it was time to get dressed, Kaya helped me get dressed and Mel’s cousin touched up my makeup before we all waited for Mel to make her appearance. Kaya played with her hair, while I rubbed over my belly. “I have tea.” Kaya whispered. I almost didn’t hear her. 

“Hm?” I hummed. “Ms. Maid of Honor got her back blown out last night.” Kaya sang. I looked at her to continue. “This morning, around like 5:30, I got up to pee and you know how her room is next to mine? Girl, she was getting her back blown ouutttttt!” Kaya giggled. “All I hear was yes, yes, Austin, yes!” She continued. 

My eyes bulged. “Oh my God!” I whispered. “Chris told me he peeped Austin creeping in there this morning!” I confirmed her story. “Girl yes! They were going at it. Headboard knocking, drunk, loud sex. I’m so happy for her though. Finally got the dust knocked off that thang.” Kaya said making us share a laugh. 

“Hey, if she likes it, I love it.” I shrugged. “I know that’s right.I just hope they know what the hell they’re doing.” She agreed. “You and me both.” I nodded. Speaking of the devil, she stepped out in the living space we were in, to see the smirks on our faces. Kaya being Kaya watched as she strolled over to the other side of the room to grab her jewelry. 

“You gliding reaaaal good for a bitch that got her shit rocked like that last night.” The words couldn’t float around the room for a second before Ashley’s face turned red. She grinned but covered her face in embarrassment. “I hate y’all.” She muttered. We only laughed and high-fived. 

Before we could tease Ashley anymore, Mel emerged from the room in her lace Lazaro gown, accompanied by the matching veil. My eyes filled with tears immediately. “Madison, don’t start me up again!” She whined. “I’m sorry, you just look so beautiful! I can’t help it.” I sniffled. 

She thanked me and her mom handed her her bouquet before we were all called to the hallway. They told us that the groom and groomsmen were downstairs already. We all crowded the elevator and made our way down, leaving Ashley and Mel with her mom and the wedding planner. 

They escorted us towards the ballroom, we could see Mijo and his groomsmen doing what they did best. Clowning around. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Chris though. I watched as he chewed his gum and laughed at whatever Mijo was telling him.  My baby daddy was such a snack.

The music was cued and it was time to get the show on the road. The officiant took his place up front, the groomsmen made their ways down the aisle first. They had Chris and Mijo enter from a different door, standing in their respective spots. The bridesmaids made their way down the aisle next, when it was my turn, Christian-who was sitting with his grandparents- screamed “Hi mommy!” He was so cute. 

Ashley strolled in after us. After her was Dominic, carrying the rings. His little cute self had a personality just like his daddy’s. So, on his way down the isle, he was saying hello to everybody and their mothers. The flower girls came down last and everyone knew what was next. I watched Mijo take a deep breath before “Here Comes The Bride” began to play softly. 

And there she was. She strolled in with her mom on her arm, walking her down the aisle just like she said she would years ago when we all sat in our dorm rooms eating ramen for the millionth time that week. It was crazy how she had dreamed of all of this and now she was living it. My bestfriend was getting married to the man she loved.

It was surprising to see that she hadn’t shed a tear, but was in fact smiling the whole way down the aisle. Mijo’s expression matched her and I could tell all the nervousness, stress, tears, and doubt were all erased in this exact moment. 

“Let’s make some noise for Mr. and Mrs. Barry Bradford!” DJ Esco announced as they strolled through the door. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were included in their little welcome dance, but when it was time for their first dance we cleared it and sat in our assigned seats. The first thing I did was slip my shoes off, and changed into something more comfortable, I couldn’t take it anymore. 

Kenny Lattimore’s “For You” played as they swayed to the beat. It was so beautiful. It was so refreshing to see them both so happy (and calm, since this wedding had them going crazy). Chris stood behind me rubbing my belly as we swayed in the crowd. 

Before dinner was served, Mel’s mom blessed the food. During dinner Christian found his way over to us and I couldn’t help but gush at how cute my pumpkin was in his little suit. Since Chris had cut his hair a few months ago, he was on track to be just like daddy so he had his hair cut too. They were looking like twins more than ever now. 

He sat on Chris’ lap and ate off his plate while everyone engaged in different chatter. Kaya tapped my leg and nodded towards Austin and Ashley who were mighty close. You would have thought these fools had gotten married today the way they were on each other. I tapped Chris and he grinned at the sight. “My boy!” He said out loud, grabbing Austin’s attention. He was so annoying. 

After the newly weds cut the cake, it was time for the toasts. Mel’s mom went first. She had everyone in here misty eyed as she talked about her daughter and her excitement to have Mijo officially join the family. Next was Mijo’s mom and dad. They couldn’t stop saying how proud of him they were. 

Ty and Austin’s speeches were short and sweet. They just wished him luck and playfully clowned Mel. “Boy you done did it now.” Chris started as soon as they handed the mic to him, making some people chuckled. “Me and Mijo have known each other since we was kids. I mean when we was wearing T-Shirts and jeans three times our size.” He chuckled. “And even around them days when we was dating them little girls- cause you know we had them bruh..” He and Mijo took the time to fist bump and laugh a bit.

“Even through all that, he never mentioned marriage. Ever. Not even when we graduated high school. Never. But, after meeting Mel, he couldn’t shut up about her and I knew it wouldn’t be long before we all would be here witnessing this. Y’all are a perfect fit, since y’all both crazy alike.” He added. 

“Nah, but seriously. Mijo was blessed to find a woman like Mel. And Mel was blessed to find a man like Mijo. Y’all really bring out the best in each other and I couldn’t want more for either of you. Y’all have a beautiful family and I wish y’all many more years of happiness together. I love y’all. Congratulations.” He embraced Mijo in a hug. And Mel made sure to hug and kiss him too. 

Ashley, Kaya, and I kind of did our speeches together and we couldn’t keep it together for one second. Even Kaya’s mean ass was boo-hooing up there with us. We touched on the fact that we had all met at school and just bonded over little things. Almost ten years later, here we were. Despite having some off moments, we wouldn’t trade each other for anything. We made sure to congratulate them and Kaya added a “It’s lit” making everybody laugh. 

The rest of the night was dedicated to taking pictures and dancing. All the kids were having the time of their lives, dancing to ‘Rolex’ by Ayo & Teo. Chris’ ass just wanted to show off when he joined the mix. He was so extra. The DJ switched the song to something more soft and everyone made sure to grab someone to dance to. 

I watched as my parents swayed to Jesse Powell’s voice. To see my daddy so in love was refreshing. I would forever miss my mom, but Tasha filled that void for me. I watched my newly married friends cuddled close as they glided over the ball room floor. I watched as they spoke in each other’s ear and laughed soon after, they were so happy it was contagious. 

Kaya and Darius were by the bar, cuddled up. She shared that things had been pretty rocky for them lately. Every couple had rough patches, so I was hoping they would get through it. I loved them together. Austin and Ashley... they just didn’t care at this point. They were so hot for each other, I was almost positive there was something inappropriate happening at the table in the farthest corner they were sitting at. Just ridiculous. 

“Mommy! Come dance with me and daddy!” I heard Christian’s voice from the crowd. I eyed the crowd before I saw his tiny self running towards the table. “Come dance with us.” He took my hand and led me to his daddy. “Pretty lady, can we have this dance?” Chris asked. He picked Christian up and they both reached for my hand. 

I obliged and soon enough we were all swaying to the music. I laughed seeing my favorite two boys staring back at me with grins. I was so blessed. The DJ soon switched the music and Christian asked to go dance with his cousins. Chris let him down and he ran off to the other side of the room. Chris took the opportunity to pull me closer. 

“I love you.” I muttered. “I love you more, baby mama.” My heart swelled at the pet name. “Who would have known we’d be here?” “Right?” I giggled. “If it wasn’t for Mel, we really wouldn’t have got together.” I stopped and thought for a minute. “Oh yeahhh! I forgot she was the one that gave you my number.” I laughed. “Yeah, that’s why she married now. Good karma.” He said making us share a laugh. 

He planted a kiss on my forehead. “I love you Madison.  I can’t wait until you have my last name.”

[obstructedantiquity]

11, 14, 15, 16 for everyone's favorite awful clown

>11: Is there a place they go to in order to escape the world, the stresses of life? What’s their favourite place?

Back to their childhood hive! Riccin lived in a coastal area with lots of hills and the sea constantly off in the distance, far enough away from anyone else that there's relatively little light pollution, and wide, open skies.

Their house is both their favorite place, and the place they go to get away from people!  (Maidel is currently living there, but Maidel is enough of a nonentity in Riccin's eyes that they don't really pay much attention.) They'll go home, take mothmom with them and spend a week or so laying in the grass, watching the stars and playing music until they feel up to dealing with life again.

>14: Pet peeves. Tell us what would really tick them off. Do they have aBerserk Button?

Disloyalty! Cheating is Riccin's big sign that someone is a bad person - judgment for leading Kit and Pheres into a life of DEPRAVITY and SIN aside, they're going to be pissed on Pheres's behalf over the monogamy miscommunication forever. But even things like lying to your quadrants, cheating a friend out of money, siding with the wrong person in an argument, ect pisses them off. Ingratitude grates on them, too, and people not showing them the thankfulness they expect after Riccin does something nice will get snapped at.

They have buttons that will immediately set them off. They're used to being called hardware, and their faith being insulted. It doesn't bother them, but it does when it's coming from someone they think should know better, and it'll immediately set them off on a hurt tirade. People referring to them as orange instead of yellow - or referencing the fact they're a cusp who got lucky at all - will get them from 0-to-100 very, very quickly, as Riccin's intensely defensive over that fact.

People honestly saying that Riccin needs a moirail will get.. a very vivid example of why Riccin needs a moirail when they get increasingly aggressive and looming in response. Not quite a berserk button, but a severe pet peeve.

>15: Does your OC have any awful fears? Do they get paralyzed with fear or can they work through their fears?

Riccin cannot swim and is terrified of the water. They're convinced that their ports will fry if they get wetter than, say, a shower. This may or may not be true, but they believe it wholeheartedly! Similarly, they're convinced their size and the weight of the various cooling implants they have installed to prevent burn out will drag them straight to the bottom. May or may not be true!

They're afraid of being put into a helmscolumn! They've been promised a position helming a carnival ship, where the technology is equipped to let people connect and disconnect at will - the better to make use of the fact all the subjugs aboard have chucklevoodoos, and can serve as emergency batteries. It's a coveted position! It's one that can very, very easily be taken from them, as Riccin is aware.

They're afraid of ending up alone. Riccin craves the sense of belonging you get from communities, the closeness you get from clade, the sense of being wanted and needed that you get from quadrants. They can function without them, unlike Pheres, who wastes away: Riccin prizes themself too deeply for that, but at the same time, they're legitimately afraid of the idea someday no one will want them, no one will need or miss them, and they will genuinely just end up a piece of hardware.

They can get paralyzed with fear on occasion! If someone higher takes control of a situation and then tries to throw it back to Riccin, they will get stuck on what they would do, what they'll get in trouble for doing and what that person WANTS them to do. Stick them in water and Riccin freezes the fuck up.

But otherwise, it's a stiff upper lip and slog through it. Riccin does not think they are a person who needs a moirail, and they do their best to prove it constantly by just slogging on: it's less working through their fears and more aggressively normalising them as irrational, though, like when they get spooked by Kit's mindcontrolling them.

>16: What are concepts they value? Virtues? What do they look down upon?

Loyalty is Riccin's big one!  It's a person's greatest value, as far as they're concerned, and the true measure of someone's worth. Steadfastness in general. Honesty, because Riccin doesn't lie and expects it of others. They're a Hufflepuff to the bone, basically: if you're honest and true to your beliefs and your people, a person can't be that bad, as far as they're concerned.

They look down on more mercurial trolls! Ones who flip flop, ones who can't make up their minds or let others make the choice for them - someone says "leaving their options open" and Riccin hears "too weak to make a choice".

[newagesispage]

                                                                MAY   2019

PAGE RIB

 ***** Illinois pot growers say that if more licenses aren’t issued to growers, there could be a shortage if recreational weed is legalized. Studies show that medical cannabis demand is under reported. ** Support Senate Bill 7 to legalize recreational marijuana. It is the early stages and has not yet been fleshed out but the bare bones of it passed the committee 12-4. Let’s go!

*****With the presentation of the Peabody award, Rita Moreno will become the third PEGOT winner on May 18. She will join Barbra Streisand and Mike Nichols on that list.

***** Harvard and Yale text book writing U.S. rep in California, Katie Porter is really shaking up the congressional hearings. Go Go Go!!

***** Could Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker have a way of keeping Trump off the ballot? Are the Dems getting as creative as the GOP?  Illinois is looking into forcing candidates to show the last 10 years of their tax returns or their name will not appear on the ballot.

***** Michael Shannon and Audra McDonald are the newest to play Frankie and Johnny on Broadway.

***** Watching the clueless old white politicians on the Sunday morning shows (yea, you John Barraso) makes me a little queasy. ** And I get so tired of the talking heads speaking for the ‘middle of the country’.  Most of the people I know care deeply about the Mueller report. Who the fuck are they talking about? Talk about special rules for our rich President as we remember Nixon and the Clintons. Why should Scary Clown 45 get such great treatment?  I am always hearing about the ‘middle of the country’ worrying about feeding our families and fixing our cars and not knowing or caring about issues in Washington. It is true that so many are living the paycheck to paycheck dream and are burdened with health care and other emergencies they can’t afford but they pay attention to the political problems of this country too. Since citizens don’t have the time or the power or money to be in Washington, they rely on those they voted for to keep each other in line.  Quit letting the shady shit go on. Have some backbone and do not let things slide. Simple rule: DO WHAT IS RIGHT.

***** Word is that Somebody paid off Brett Kavanaugh’s $92,000 country club fees, $200,000 credit card debt and 1.2 mil mortage. Seems like someone might own him.

***** Maria Butina was sentenced to 18 months.

***** The Man in the High Castle will end after season 4.

***** I love the way Abigail Disney is standing up to CEO’s.  The points she makes are ones that the corporation heads always hope you won’t think about. Shouldn’t employees be treated fairly? If a CEO is motivated by their own bonus they are far more likely to overlook things like environmental damage, human rights violations and worker’s rights. Nobel prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz agrees.

***** When will the press (local and worldwide), give equal exposure to ALL candidates that run for office, especially President? We want to be informed. I do research but not everybody does and needs it to be easily accessible. Sometimes you have to spoon feed but why is it so hard to be fair? Enough with the agendas!!! There also needs to be more places to look for local issues. I hear so many citizens that tell me they don’t know what will be on the ballot. The info can be hard to find but USA Facts helps. Check it out!

***** Four days after confirmation, secretary of interior, David Bernhardt is under investigation for ethical misconduct.

***** Rod Rosenstein is out! His good bye included praise for the Pres and thanking him for all the personal conversations!! What He is the Deputy AG. What??

***** Jordan Klepper did a great gag on comedy central with the Clintons about Hil doing the audio book of the Mueller report. Yes!!

***** The Trumps are suing Deutsche bank and Capital One so they won’t turn over financial records to congress. Aren’t these actions obstruction of congress?

***** Indivisible is getting voters and candidates to sign a pledge to make the primary constructive and support the ultimate democratic winner.

***** Thank you to Tricia Newbold who is the WH whistle blower who let us know about Trump overriding security clearances. Rumor is that to punish her they took advantage of her physical limitations and purposely put files high and out of her reach. Wow! That is right out of high school.

***** Julian Assange was taken into custody and it seems he has turned into some sort of odd Howard Hughes character.

***** Hollywood is putting on a fundraiser for Mayor Pete. The event will be co-hosted by Ryan Murphy and hubby David Miller, Matt Bomer, Jess Cagle and hubby Matt Whitney and Billy Eichner among others. Murphy also hosted Kamala Harris on April 12. Some of Pete’s major donors have been Ryan Reynolds, Jane Lynch, Mandy Moore, Bradley Whitford and James Murdoch.

***** The Webby awards have been announced. Some winners are Billy on the Street, James Corden, Schitt’s Creek, Pod Save the People and Jimmy Kimmel’s mean tweets. Best music video went to Donald Glover for This is America and The Daily won for its onald J. Trump presidential twitter library.

***** Better Call Saul will call it quits after season 6.

***** Charlize Theron and Seth Rogan star in Long Shot, a political rom com out May 3.

*****& Sara Gilbert joins season 3 of Atypical!!!!!

***** Mushroom season is here and it looks like our friend Kavin is sure bringing ‘em home.

***** The shower toga looks like a great get for the festival scene.

***** Barry has been picked up for season 3. Hell yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

***** The state of Georgia wants to make any embryo a fully legalized citizen. An embryo would count on taxes and be able to receive child support.

***** Please let the immigrant children out of their cages!

***** Stacey Abrams has a best seller, Lead from the Outside.

***** Did Harper Lee write ‘The Reverand?’ Oh how I wish I knew!!

***** When will the Bob Geldof story make it to the big screen and can Pete Davidson play him please??

***** Tuca and Bertie from Netflix looks awesome. It has to be good with stars Ali Wong and Tiffany Haddish!!

***** John Lithgow is about to release a book with his poetry about the President which will carry the title of his pet name (everybody seems to have one for Trump), Dumpty.

***** The Sultan of Brunei owns the Hotel Bel-Air in L.A. and the Beverly Hills Hotel. His country will now stone gay people to death. BOYCOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

***** Tim Ryan is running for President.

***** Seth Moulton is running for President.

***** Joe Biden is running for President.

***** What the hell is happening to Steak ‘n Shake??

***** What the hell is the matter with Senator Mike Lee? He makes a ridiculous presentation with a flying Reagan and all and now he says that babies may be the answer to climate change. He says we need to be free and develop. What is this gut talking about? Why are people like this getting into office?

***** There is a new podcast called Analysis of a killer.

***** Marianne Williamson is running for President.

***** Eric Swalwell is running for President.

***** The notion that Trumps twitter is like a national nanny cam makes perfect sense.

***** Can’t wait to read Seth Abramson’s, Proof of collusion.

***** The question isn’t really collusion. The redacted Mueller report is out and we now see why the team itself did not draw conclusions. All the evidence is there and a sitting President can’t be indicted…. Or can he? There are, however, multiple examples of corruption.  It didn’t cost as much as other independent counsel reports because of all the fines that were charged to Manafort and others pretty much paid for it. Mueller called and wrote to Attorney General Barr and told him he created confusion with his memo and that it didn’t really tell the story.

***** In about 12 years Mueller Probe will be a cool name for a band. –Sarah Silverman

***** Federal appellate judge Maryanne Trump Barry, sister of the President has officially retired at age 82. She was put on the U.S. court of appeals by Bill Clinton. And with that, so ends the investigation into her alleged violations of judicial conduct rules because of participation in fraudulent tax schemes with her siblings in the 90’s.

***** I loved the mash up of Trevor Noah taking over the chair and interviewing Colbert on the Late Show.

***** Oliver North and Wayne LaPierre have been fighting amongst themselves at the NRA. Blackmail? Was North trying to get LaPierre out? The board is standing by the VP while North seems aligned with a public relations firm that some board members disagree with. There are many financial questions as  well. Once again the NRA held its annual convention which does not allow guns. At the end of April North was forced out

***** The Universe is about a billion years younger than we thought according to astronomer Adam Riess. This is causing experts to look into rethinking dark energy and dark matter. Total mind blow!!!

***** People have taken to wearing Free Britney T’s. Her fans held a protest in L.A. to free her from the facility they believe she was forced into.

***** It seems fads lately are all about internet speak like. “felt cute ….” And etc. like that.

***** They are working on a Beauty and the Beast themed bar in Florida.

***** Seymour, Indiana recently uncovered pieces of a mastodon.

***** Mia Farrow has a cute little blue headed bird that visits here every morning. Is it Sinatra?

***** U go Grace Jones, showing us how to do it at 70!!!!!!

***** J Lo and Owen Wilson will star in Marry Me about a pop star who marries a random man in the crowd.

***** Magic Johnson resigned as President of the Lakers. The Owner and general manager were supposedly bad mouthing him.

***** The sweetest moment in the inductions on this year’s rock and roll hall of fame was the love shown for Rick Allen, the drummer for Def Leppard.

***** So twice as many companies don’t pay taxes now thanks to all the tax cuts. Some even get refunds. Scary Clown sure is making it work for the big guys!!

***** Former President of Peru, Alan Garcia shot himself before his arrest for corruption.

***** Wendy Williams and Howard Stern seem to be having a little war of words. She claims he has gone Hollywood and he called her a cunt. She has filed for divorce from this apparently nasty hubby of hers. I thought I heard her say just weeks ago that they were fine.

***** Joel McHale is in the new season of Santa Clarita Diet.

***** Has anybody checked out John Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg  ( Wow! Talk about getting the whole treatment) lately ? John F’s only grandson, better known as Jack Schlossberg , has a bright future ahead.

***** Lori Lightfoot has been elected the first black, openly gay woman as Mayor of Chicago.

***** Dave Tilley beat out John McCarty, who passed away in February, to become Spring Bay, Il. Village President.

*****Britney Spears’ Father is in ill health and Britney checked into a facility.

***** Zachary Quinto stars in the new NOS4A2.

***** It’s funny to me that when a true crime story hour begins, you never hear that he (cuz 9 times out of 10 it is the male spouse who is the culprit), was an atheist or an agnostic. No, it is always that he or the family attended church regularly or that they were close to God. This is just a pattern I have observed, totally my own thoughts.  Sometimes it gets way outer limits with the Fathers who sort of run their own cult out of the house. Of course this is not a blanket statement for we see wonderful things being done in the name of the Lord.  It just seems like there is a fine line where religion can be used as a way to hold their power and hide secrets. JS

***** Herman Cain and or Stephen Moore on the Federal regulatory board?  Well, Herman Cain dropped out.

***** Andrew Yang is running for President. Join the Yang Gang!! He wants to free all prisoners with non -violent marijuana offenses, free healthcare for all and every adult gets $1000.00 a month.

***** The Criminal Minds cast is ending their run. I think they should get together one more time and do a sort of Agatha Christie whodunit.

***** Secretary of Homeland security, Kirstjen Nielsen is out.

***** Acting ICE director, Ron Vitiello is out.

***** Dislike the elite? Nobody is more elite that Trump. How do so many people not get that?

***** Every woman should be able to tell her truth and who knows what makes a person uncomfortable but I think Joe Biden is going thru some bullshit. I don’t agree with everything he has done thru the years but I trust Biden and think he would be a great President.  I do think, however that his moment has passed.

***** Check out the behind the scenes book of Washington, ‘The Hill to die on’ by Jake Sherman and Anna Palmer. More proof that Trump just looks at everything as just a big show with his quote,“ There are ratings for everything.”

***** The Profiles in Courage award this year goes to Nancy Pelosi.

***** I have seen the pharmaceutical reps while at some recent Dr.visits, buying elaborate catered affairs for the medical staff.  It is a weekly thing. They sure have some money to throw around. No wonder everybody is hooked on something.

***** Real National emergencies: The electoral college, the discrepancies between the rich and the poor which makes it impossible to achieve the American dream, climate change and healthcare.

***** The co- founder of Home Depot, Ken Langone has seen to it that medical school students at NYU are given free tuition always. YEOW!!

***** We should take a lesson from Sudan. They have ousted President Omar al-Bashir, the butcher of Dafur. The protests have led to his indictment for genocide and crimes against humanity.

***** We never stop learning: Archaeologists have discovered an extinct human species they have never known in the Phillipines that they are calling homo luzonensis.

***** Is Cody Fern teasing us on Instagram about season 9 of American Horror Story:1984?

***** Rumple Buttercup by Matthew Gray Gubler hit #1 on the NY Times bestseller list.

***** As we celebrate the 25th anniversary of Tarantino’s Palme d’or win in Cannes, he is busy editing Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. It isn’t clear if he’ll get the film to this year’s event. Word is coming out that it is fantastic though.

***** I am a little bit sickened that the worst cooks show actually has Jimmie Walker and Tonya Harding on the same show.  Can’t the world find something better for a talent like Walker?? Come on!!

***** Is Stephen Miller and Fox news really running this country?

***** R.I.P. Mildred Mercy Tomes, Christine Marie Rinehart, Sen. Ernest Hollings, Dan Robbins, Shag Sheckler, Charles Van Doren, Georgia Engel, victims of the Sri Lanka shrine and hotel bombings, Lyra Mckee, David Brion Davis, MyLecia Naylor, Shelley Lazar, Mark Medoff, Warren Adler , Lori Kaye, John Singleton, victims of the University of North Carolina shooting and Ken Kercheval.

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/its-funny-how-you-dont-see-stand-up-like-adam-sandlers-anymore/

It's funny how you don't see stand up like Adam Sandler's anymore

NEW YORK — A funny thing happened when I picked up my remote and hit play on Netflix. A familiar face appeared, though one I hadn’t seen doing stand-up in a long time.

“C’mon, let’s watch Adam Sandler,” I said to my wife, at which point she grabbed her iPad and started poking on Pinterest. (Note: as a male feminist I believe in total parity between the sexes, though I can’t for the life of me figure out how she can spend hours on Pinterest. I guess there are some things that are biological after all.)

Anyway, in a night filled with punchlines — and Sandler’s new special “100% Fresh” is very old school and punchline-heavy — there was this: An hour later my wife and I were holding hands and passing a box of Kleenex between us. “100% Fresh” takes a surprising and emotional turn, cementing the fact that Adam Sandler, whether you find him to be one of the comic greats or an immature idiot, is a mensch of the highest order.

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“100% Fresh,” directed by Steve Brill, who brought us the recent Sandler-as-Hollywood-manager film “Sandy Wexler” and the criminally underrated Elizabeth Banks comedy “Walk of Shame,” isn’t a typical cable/streaming standup show. It’s more of a concert film from the 1980s.

Brill cuts between 20 different performances, creating something of a collage. He mixes up the best moments, sometimes shifting within the same bit (a technique Frank Zappa created on his live albums that he called “xenochrony.”) Some nights are in small clubs, others are at capacity crowd sports arenas. Also, some stashed-camera footage from the Times Square subway station, where it appears that no one recognized him. The editing is more like Bob Fosse’s “All That Jazz” than anything else the Netflix algorithm will suggest once it’s over.

Okay, so enough about how it’s put together. Is it any good? Listen, comedy is subjective, but one thing that’s remarkable is despite the salty language and subject matter that gets a tad risqué, it’s refreshingly nice. When Sandler does a whole routine about (oh, how does one put this delicately?) his wife’s unexpected air pockets during moments of intimacy, you can tell — you just know — that there is no shame, and certainly no revulsion. There is only honesty, humor and love.

I didn’t crack out the stopwatch, but it feels as if half of the show consists of musical numbers. With his chum Dan Bulla on keyboards and accompanying himself on guitar, Sandler runs through 28 alarmingly catchy short tunes. There’s a bit about urinating in the shower, there’s another about a smelly Uber driver and an entire medley about trying to rescue people in emergency situations even when you don’t know what you are doing. But there’s one that is destined to become an instant classic in the Jewish community.

“Bar Mitzvah Boy” is one of those songs that seems so perfect it’s almost as if you’ve known it your whole life. (I admit I had to Google to make sure that this wasn’t a reprise of an old Saturday Night Live bit.)

Screenshot from Adam Sandler’s new Netflix special, ‘100% Fresh.’ (Netflix)

With story board drawings displayed behind him on enormous screens, Sandler sings about memorizing his Torah portion, about his grandmother’s pride and about gentile friends asking “what’s a knish?” It’s sweet and honest (“Dad’s mad at the cost/Too bad, Mom’s the boss”) and, importantly, a total earworm. By the time it ends the entire New Jersey Performing Arts Center is singing along to the chorus.

After another number where Sandler’s pal Rob Schneider floats in on wires as a gay Russian cosmonaut (not in a mocking way; in a way that is inclusive to gay space voyagers of all backgrounds), the show climaxes with a tribute to the late Chris Farley. Sandler does his Springsteen-style voice and actually plays some decent guitar, remembering the SNL alum that he calls the funniest man he ever met. One line in particular evoked what the 51-year-old version of Sandler is all about:

“Hey, buddy, life’s moved on, but you still bring us so much joy / Make my kids laugh with your YouTube clips or ‘Tommy Boy’”

Screenshot from Adam Sandler’s new Netflix special, ‘100% Fresh.’ (Netflix)

There’s something so earthy and real about the image of Sandler with his kids, poking at YouTube, telling them about his old friend who died young. Then there’s the final number, a tribute to his wife, called “Grow Old With You” which is pretty self-explanatory.

Critics hate Adam Sandler. Sure, the voice can get annoying. Sure, there isn’t sophisticated wordplay. But I think the reason for the man’s success (and look at the numbers, he has been successful) is that he is the eternal class clown that wants to be our friend. In a landscape of dark and edgy comedians, this is 100% fresh.

Source: https://www.timesofisrael.com/its-funny-how-you-dont-see-stand-up-like-adam-sandlers-anymore/

[sargent-art]

Story #2

This is a story about a basic high school Junior named Drew and his friends. Most of his friends went to a different school, but he had three that he spent most of his time with; Lucia and Ellison, They rode the bus together and had a few classes together, but besides that, they didn’t spend much time together. Every once and awhile they would go see a horror movie or something, and last weekend they saw the infamous “IT” by Stephen King. Drew had a phobia of clowns, so he was slightly nervous about the movie but wasn’t about to show that to his friends.

Chapter 1

The movie hadn’t bothered him afterward, but then about a week later he found himself checking over his shoulder more than usual. At first, it wasn't that bad; he got a little spooked from time to time by weird noises in the area ( it happens to everyone ... probably). But as he spent a lot of time alone it started to get to him more and more. Whenever there was a closet or a dark room nearby, he would imagine a clown, spider, or even just a shadow coming towards him. It often happened when he had to walk out to his car in the morning. He woke up early, so it was always pitch black when he left, and he hated every second of it. He imagined scenario after scenario of horrifying things that could happen to him at any moment. They would come from every angle in every direction. Every time he lost himself too much into his imagination he would take a deep breath and pretend like everything was fine and watched some Netflix or played music in his car to get his mind off of it.

“I know there’s not going to be anything there, but I can't help but check anyway. But if I check and there is something what should I do? Run out of my car? No, that just leads to more danger. Stay in the car? But what about the thing in the car, did you forget? Ok, so if there is a terrifying, dangerous thing in my back seat both leaving the car and staying in it would be a bad option… Great. Just take a deep breath and try and think about something else.” He thought to himself over and over again till his brain wandered to something else.

After a while, he had gotten so paranoid that he wasn’t sleeping, and when he didn’t sleep, they got worse. Everything was against him. But it wasn’t because there was nothing there! What could you do when your imagination is against you?

Drew thought about this for a very long time. He decided to sit down and draw everything he imagined. Drew had started art recently and tried to practice when he could. He loved art, but he never seemed to be any good. Everyone had been telling him that “Everyone starts out bad!” and he tried to listen and practice as much as he could to get better but it always seemed out of reach.

As he drew, his pencil strokes started to scratch out a rough sketch, which began to become something more. As he went his imagination started to become a reality and he started drawing faster and faster, you could see that cogs crashing against each other in his mind.

He looked up, took a deep breath, and looked down. There staring straight back at him was a smiling Pennywise. I looked pretty good to him if he did say so himself (and he did).

Chapter 2

Lucia spent most of her time playing piano, doing homework or just watching Netflix. She watched Netflix a LOT. She had just been dumped for the second time by a boy named Tyler, so she tried to keep her mind off it with Grey’s anatomy and Bob’s burgers. Hanging out with friends was another one of her distractions, so she was all for going to see “IT” homecoming night.

After the movie, she went home, sat on the couch and waited for her parents to yell at her for going out. They told her that she couldn't go to the movie because she had to take he sister to homecoming to look after her because she was an irresponsible freshman. But her sister got a ride with some friends and Lucia went to see a movie with her friend. Her parents lectured for what seemed like hours; she never understood why her parents cared so much. They weren't going to be in charge of her next year when she went to college so what was the point of being so controlling now. The more her parents tried to control her every move, the more she wanted to disobey everything thing they said.  

“ It wasn’t that big deal; it was just a movie. Can I go now?” she asked.

“ not! You should have been there to protect you sister tonight!” Her mother barked.

“From what?? It’s Conifer, the worst thing that ever happened here was Riley Costello smoking pot in the band room” she replied sarcastically.

“From people like Tyler who would use her and then go date her best friend.”

That snapped something in Lucia that couldn’t be undone. Her face held a blank expression, emotionless and detached. Her mom realized what she said and quickly apologized, but it was too late. What was coming next couldn’t be stopped.

She got up and walked right out the front door. Her parents called for her to come back, but she didn’t hear them, all she could hear was the beating of her own heart. Everyone thinks that you can feel your heartbeat when you’re happy. Wrong. You can feel it when you’re mad. You can feel every molecule of blood pulsing through your veins, rushing to your face giving it a crimson glow. You can feel your had turning of the key and your food on the gas.

Chapter 3

Ellison was a nerd by any standard; whether it be for drumline or computers. He lived alone with his mom, so he spent most of his time on the computer. Ellison was 6ft2  but scrawny, his pants never really covered his ankles because his legs took up most of his body. He was lanky so Drew liked to draw him a lot (it was his favorite body type). Drew and he was close, they had been since kindergarten. But lately, he’d been spending more time with Lucia; he figured that Drew liked her. He wasn't jealous, he just, something about their relationship made them on edge. Ok, he was Jealous of Lucia and on a daily basis wanted to punch drew in the gut because of it.

At the movie, he hoped to sit next to him, so that they could spend some time close together. But no. Drew and Lucia sat together and left him with a creepy lady who looked slightly like Annabell. She kept looking at him during the movie, and it made him so uneasy he spent most of the time in the bathroom and blamed a stomach ache.

When the movie was over, he was in charge of driving Drew home, and he loved almost every minute of it. They talked about the good and bad parts of the movie, and it felt like old times again. Maybe a little too much like ancient times because Drew began to feel uneasy. After that, they spent the rest of the ride in silence. He dropped him off at his house and drove slowly home. He went ten mph the whole way. As well as being a nerd he was also a total drama queen. Everything was the end of the world for him. But that was yet to come.

Chapter 4

The end of the world didn't come with fire and earthquakes. It came with Ice.

It had been forecasted the previous night that it was supposed to be blizzard conditions, but since it’s colorado, everyone disregarded it. Well at least until it started. It began with 40 mph wind that would throw you in every direction if you weighed under 100 pounds, and if you weighed more, you just ended up with scrapes, bruises, and a red face thanks to windburn and flying debris. But the snow was the real problem. I don't know if you could call it snow, it was more like hail. The flakes came down so big they practically formed snowballs. It came down so fast and hard that within 20 minutes there were a few inches, then a foot, then two.

Our heroes found themselves on the bus headed home when the first gust of wind smashed into the side of the bus. Everyone jumped, and a few people screamed at the sudden lurch of the wind hitting the bus.

“ What the hell was that? “ Drew yelled. He had been tossed to the bus floor from his previously sleeping position.

“ The wind, I think. “ Ellison said annoyed. He had been enjoying secretly watching Drew sleep on the bus.

When Drew looked to Lucia for a response she just sat there in silence, she wasn’t very talkative for the past few days. They asked her once if she was ok and her response was an unpleasant “I'm fine” so they decided to let her have some space for now. Now that Drew was looking over at her he noticed her hair wasn’t as shiny as it usually was. He wondered if her shower broke or something, but then quickly averted his mind to something other than Lucia and her shower as his thoughts began to wander.

“What the …!” Ellison said as giant balls of ice and snow began to pelt the bus. It had a similar sound to hail, but instead of bb gun sized chunks of ice they were more the size of a baseballs . as it kept coming down It began to leave dents on the bus ceiling and one particularly large ball of ice crashed through one of the side windows spilling glass and cold air into the bus.

The bus stopped, and the driver began trying to fix the windows, but with no luck.

She yelled “Get down!” as another window shattered. There was a moment of confusion because there wasn't much to get under. The kids small enough hid underneath the seats, but the ones who weren't had to hold their backpacks over their head to protect themselves from the showers of snow and glass. This continued for about 10minutes; then it slowly started to let up. When it did the bus driver started taping up the windows and blasting the heater.

As everyone slowly crawled out from where they were, a few kids including Drew had injuries because of the glass and others were shivering together. Being in a snow-filled bus with nothing more than sweatshirts had done a number on all of them. They began asking what was going to happen next just as the bus driver finished sealing the last window with a garbage bag and duct tape. She explained how a few other busses were in the same situation and emergency vehicles were on the way. After that, she took out the first aid kit and began looking at injuries. For everything that was happening she seemed very calm and focused. Unlike everyone else…Ellison was the first to speak up

.”What the hell??? I’ve never seen anything like that in my life! Was that a freak blizzard/tornado/ice volcano?!”

“More importantly” chimed in Drew, “How are we supposed to get home after all of that, there are bound to be so many accidents that all of the roads will probably be closed.”

“Hey, at least we got a heater.” Lucia didn’t seem too nervous about staying on the bus.

After she said that she looked around at Drew and saw he was worse than she thought, he was bleeding from his right leg near his knee and his upper right bicep. Mrs. Robert, we discovered to be the driver's name, took out the glass and wrapped his arm and leg, but you could still see the dark red beneath the bandages. Drew was going to need more than they had in their first aid kit. Mrs. Robert quickly realized this and radioed to the bus barn for a more critical state.

The heater may have been on, but it didn’t feel like it. The windows covered by trash bags were leaking cold air everywhere, and the temperature wasn’t going much higher than 45 degrees. Everyone was freezing and scared. A few started to cry; others tried to call their parents or phone for help. But they soon realized their parents couldn't reach them and gave up. Lucia and Ellison were far too preoccupied to feel cold or worried about themselves; they were worried about their friend.

His condition was getting worse by the minute, he tried not to show it, but he could feel himself slowly getting weaker. He kept up like he was fine, his usual sarcastic self, talking about the implications of this storm for the Colorado government

“ What if it would be treated like a hurricane and people in Texas would have the option of donating 2 dollars to help snowplows get through with canned foods and popsicles every time they went to the supermarket for pizza dinners.” Drew joked.

“ I usually say no whenever they ask me to donate.” Ellison said.

“ Well then, I guess you aren't going to get any popsicles then are you?” Drew poked back.

“ But those disasters always seems so distant from Colorado, they looked like another world, separate from their own with their own problems.” Lucia said semi- sarcastically.

“Well, we don’t have to worry about an earthquake if that’s what you mean” Drew said. They all started to laugh and joked, Lucia began to smile one again, and for a little while pretended like everything was going to be okay.

Then the bus's engine died.

Chapter 5

"Fucking hell," Ellison said through gritted teeth.

Everyone looked to Mrs. Robert, she had been able to handle everything thrown at her so far. She just stared at the wall, thinking.

"its risky" we head he muttered under her breath. Then she cleared her throat, looked up and said, "I'm going to try and walk to the king supers to get supplies for medical supplies, food, water, and warm clothes." We all looked back at her in silence. Drews voice, now shaky broke the silence. " It's nearly 3 miles away. We need you here."

What he was trying to say was that if she left she would probably die and then all of them would die. She seemed to understand, but she said: "It's worth the risk, we don't know how long we're going to be here." She put a big coat on, a hat and some snow pants and left.

Chapter 6

It had been almost 3 hours since Mrs. Roberts left, and the bus had gotten colder. Groups huddled for warmth, but it didn't change that fact that everyone's fingertips were slowly turning a dark shade magenta. Drew was the worst the blood that had been dripping from his arm and leg was now frozen to his body and changing the skin underneath it the same shade of magenta. Lucia, Ellison, and Drew all huddled together, but Ellison was becoming restless.

"I need to get Drew somewhere warm, or he's going to…. Loose a finger! If I leave with him there's no way we'll make it to king supers and even if we did, would there be anyone there that could help him, or would just being warm help him? If we stay here, emergency aid might find us, but there's a chance that no one will come for us, our radio died with the engine so who knows if they know where we are or not. But if we stay here we're all going to freeze. Leave = die. Stay = eventually die. Ok, good options. Or... I could try and find help in the surrounding area; the closest building was about one mile away.I'm sure they could spare a least one blanket and not only would I heroically save Drew I would eventually save an entire bus and be given the medal of honor for my stellar service to my community. Best plan ever!"

Worst plan ever! He hopped off the bust before anyone could stop him in nothing but a sweatshirt and jeans. As soon as his feet met the snow, he sunk to his waist and couldn't get out. The wind blasted his face with flecks of ice that left small cuts on his cheeks; it burned his face until it was bright pink. Then, He gave up then and there. He laid the top half of his body down on the snow and was satisfied with his heroic ending.

Just then Lucia reached down, yanked him up by his belt and threw him back onto the bus with the force no one knew Lucia could pull off.

"YOU IDIOT! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!" she unleashed all of the anger that had been boiling since she left her house that night.

"let me just single handedly save everyone by racing out into the snow and dying," she said mockingly. Elison's blush was concealed by the snow burn on his cheeks.

"Not exactly," he said sheepishly.

"Ok, then what exactly was your master plan?

"Save Drew!" he perked up a little at the remembrance of his heroic quest.

"Well, how'd that work out for you?" she said coldly.

"it didn't"

"Ding Ding Ding we had a winner! So if any of you other smart asses has any ideas of ‘saving us’ go ahead I insist, You'll probably be dead in ten maybe 15 minutes! The best plan is to wait where we are. "

Her face had gone bright red from yelling. The bus was dead silent. She soon realized everything she had said and looked down. Her voice softened and became a whisper looked him right in the eye and said.

"Don't do it again dumbass."

She then walked back to where Drew was laying on the seat, grabbed his frozen hand and put her coat around him. He had fallen asleep after Mrs. Robert left. He was surprised that Lucia's outburst didn’t wake him up.

Just then something hit the bus. Everyone turned where the noise didn't see anything then assumed the wind blew something into the side. But then it came, again and again, getting louder and louder. Every time it hit the bus rocked a little. By the third hit if anyone was standing they were now splattered on the ground.

"What Now?" said Lucia seemingly annoyed.

"BOOM!"

The third hit sent the bus spinning from its place on the highway. It spun on the ice three times before returning to normal flinging everyone on the bus to the front or the floor. The bus had spun directly towards a precarious hill. Lucia stood up as best she could with the minor concussion from the spinning. She looks out the window to see a massive snow plow a few feet from the bus teetering towards the edge of a hill. The plow backed up as if getting ready for another blow but before it could Lucia raced out of doors and stood out in the snow thrashing and signaling to the driver that there were people on this bus. Instantly the plow stopped, and a 70-year-old man popped out of the side door looking sheepish.

Chapter 7

After much explaining, he told them how he was in charge of clearing the roads the best he could for the emergency vehicles which meant removing everyone abandoned cars off the road too.

"He thought no one was in here" Lucia explained, "But he can give us a ride to somewhere safe."

"Good! I'm getting off this metal death trap of death!" Ellison was happy to be off of the bus for two reasons, to be warm again and because he was afraid of heights and the bus was very close to teetering towards certain death.

Lucia picked up Drew who was still asleep and slowly carried him off the bus into the snowplow, which was crowded because they were trying to fit 7ish people into a two-seater. But they made it work