#the elspeth mckinnon post I’ve been meaning to post for a long time

[inhayara]

Ok. Let’s talk about elspeth McKinnon for a second here.

You dig up bodies and sell them even though your best friend (possibly lover?) hates it because you want them to have at least something good for dinner and sleep in a real bed for fucking once. Then this English dude comes out of nowhere and starts lecturing you on morals and damnation, but you’ve heard it all before and honestly HE isn’t sleeping in that urine-smelling grimy street corner so he can shove his morals up his sorry arse, and then you wheel over that fresh body to the surgeon (not a doctor, a mister, you remind yourself). You’re already having a bad day because now he’s offering WAY less than this body is bloody worth, but then he uncovers the barrel and the fucking body is a skeleton?? And you catch that flicker of smugness on the stupid Englishman’s face and you KNOW he had something to do with it, even though reasonably you can’t think of anything he could have done.

So you go back to the grave because you need a new body, this time with wee Morag, who you’re doing this entire bloody thing for, and she’s nervous and you really don’t want her there but she’s doing it for YOU goddamnit so of course you go with her and then! Then she activates the trap and the bullets and that’s it that’s it, she’s gone, and now you have nothing left. So you take her body and you sell it to the surgeon so she can have a fucking toast because you definitely don’t have the money for a grave, and you see the laudanum and think “yeah, that’s not such a bad way to go.” And you steal the laudanum and plan to toast Morag and die and if you do wind up in the same place (though you doubt it because you did sin and you would have sinned a thousand times for her, not that it saved her in the end) you’ll beg for her forgiveness because life has no fucking point to it anyways, and then the fucking Englishman shows up again?? With his Scottish tag along? And you really want to be done with it but then the Scottish tag along sees the laudanum and fUCKING DRINKS IT, OH GOD, and the Englishman just??? Doesn’t care??? And the Scottish one seems weird but still alive?? And also calls the English one angel, so there was something there you were right, but more importantly, the Scottish one just fucking d i s a p p e a r e d, w h a t, oh no wait he didn’t, oh no wait he’s. Small? Like pocket size? What. Is happening? And you’re mostly sure you’re hallucinating as the Scottish one makes some strange chicken noises and flaps his arms and then starts growing and growing and oh god-

And the Englishman just. Barely cares. And now the Scottish one is glaring at you from two stories up and yelling at you to not kill yourself, and you vaguely nod because it seems like a good idea when a giant Scottish maybe-man (?) is portending to you while the size of a church tower. And then he tells his Englishman to give you the contents of his wallet??? And it’s nINETY GUINEAS?! And all of a sudden you’re set for life as long as you “buy a farrrmmm and be good” as if you were planning on ever digging up bodies again with this much money, and the Englishman doesn’t even seem mad, so then you get out of there as fast as you can before the other shoe drops and the money disappears. And the next day you hope it was a really, really weird nightmare except now you do have ninety guineas. And no Morag.