#the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan

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萧景琰连环懵逼记 // the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan, #7 translated from original post @​ lofter

((obligatory warning: idiots being idiots.))

[previously: What goes around comes around, indeed. Changsu, after fooling people everywhere, here’s karma for you.]

Mei Changsu stared blankly at the young man that stood, tall and strong, in front of his bed, tears in his reddened eyes, mumbling for his brother.

Why did Fei Liu look so much like the water buffalo, I mustn’t be awake yet.

And so thinking, Mei Changsu drew the covers over his head and buried himself in them.

Just a little while more...

Hang on! Mei Changsu threw the covers back suddenly, jumped out of bed, and looked uncertainly at Xiao Jingyan: “Your Highness, what did you just call me?!”

Xiao Jingyan answered in a low voice: “You and Mother don’t need to hide it from me any longer, I know everything.”

“What do you mean, Your Highness? What have I and the lady been hiding from you?”

“Brother, I know, you’re my Changsu-gege...”

“......”

Nope, time to go back to sleep...

Mei Changsu was just about to fall back down when he was suddenly hugged by that person, arms wrapped around him like iron bands: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suspected or hurt you, shouldn’t have scolded you, shouldn’t have... shouldn’t have had any untoward feelings towards you.”

“I... just let me hug you, I swear this will be the last time...”

“Brother... brother...” Xiao Jingyan buried his face in Mei Changsu’s shoulder, and muttered it over and over again, as if this very name had infinite strength in it.

Mei Changsu tried to struggle free but failed, and numbly let himself be hugged, his mind considering the current situation at lightning speed.

......

He couldn’t think of anything.

Several minutes passed, and only when Mei Changsu really couldn’t stand it any longer did Xiao Jingyan slowly let go. He wiped as his tears with a sleeve, and said softly: “Brother, you focus on your recovery. The best people of the Eastern Palace are working on the reinvestigation, I’ll send someone to report the progress to you every day.”

And that said, he didn’t even wait for Mei Changsu’s reply before turning to leave.

“Xiao Jingyan, you stop right there! Explain yourself properly! What do you mean, I’m your brother!” Mei Changsu rose suddenly, and didn’t even bother with an outer robe before leaping from the bed barefoot.

“You would still hide this from me, even now?” Xiao Jingyan laughed forlornly and turned to stare right at Mei Changsu, his voice trembling: “You say you do this for for fame and gain, you say your methods are cruel, you intentionally describe yourself as despicable, so that I’ll hate you – in all this deceit, did you ever stop to think about whether I’d be sad too?”

“......” Mei Changsu paused, unable to answer in that moment.

His conscience was far from clear.

But what did this have to do with a brother! Mei Changsu forced down the bitterness in his heart with difficulty, and walked barefoot towards Xiao Jingyan, his heart sinking with every step.

Brother... mother... the Lin ancestral hall...

Xiao Jingyan, don’t tell me you–

Expression brimming with anger, Mei Changsu stood in front of Xiao Jingyan, eyes dark and teeth clenched, and bit out word by word: “Dear Brother Jingyan, I assume you’ve already gone to ask Consort Jing herself?”

Assuming that his brother’s anger arose from shame, Xiao Jingyan didn’t take offence, only replied calmly: “No, Mother has her own past. Since she’s never mentioned it, why should I bring it up and cause her sorrow?”

What do you know about not causing sorrow!

Mei Changsu’s anger ticked over into laughter. He stared coldly at Xiao Jingyan.

He’d always known Jingyan could be an idiot sometimes, but this was really pushing it!

“Then when you brought me to the Lin ancestral hall yesterday, I assume...”

“I found out.” Xiao Jingyan’s heart hurt on hearing it, but he steadied it: “The other day Marquis Yan mentioned his old journeys to me... I– I found out... about Marshal Lin having used the alias... of Shinan.”

He tore his gaze awa from his brother, who stood pale and trembling, with difficulty: “Xiao Shu was my very best friend, I’ll... protect you, on his behalf.”

“Xiao Jingyan!” Mei Changsu was so angry that he shook all over, and raised a hand to slap him: “Unbelievable! You’re really unbelievable!”

“Brother...” Xiao Jingyan covered the handprint on his face, and looked towards Mei Changsu in utter disbelief.

“To hell with brother! I won’t rest today until I beat you to death!” Mei Changsu’s rage was truly unstoppable now, slapping him yet again: “Consort Jing is such a pure and noble lady, you– how dare you!” At this point, Mei Changsu only felt a sudden rush of dizziness, and suddenly spat out a large mouthful of blood before falling.

“Brother!” Xiao Jingyan panicked and rushed to catch him, shouting for Lin Chen as he hurried towards the bed.

On waking, Mei Changsu immediately saw Lin Chen, who sat cross-legged beside him and said mockingly: “Yo, you’re awake, His Highness the Crown Prince has been keeping vigil outside until now.”

“Tell him to scram!” Mei Changsu’s anger returned in full force: “As far as he can get!”

“Hear that?” Lin Chen raised his voice and yelled towards the door: “Changsu tells you to scram! Best come back another day, Crown Prince.”

There was silence outside the door for few moments, before a low voice could be heard: “Brother... did I say something wrong today, you...”

The words sparked off Mei Changsu’s temper again, and he would’ve leapt down from the bed again if Lin Chen hadn’t stopped him and yelled back: “If you don’t leave, Crown Prince, your Changsu-gege is going to die of an aneurysm!”

“...I know that I’ve been disloyal and immoral, and deserve to be despised by Brother.” That voice paused for a moment, then continued desolately: “Take care of yourself, Brother, Jingyan... won’t return here again, after this.”

The footsteps faded into the distance and gradually disappeared.

“Hey, don’t look at me!” Lin Chen scooted backwards, waving a hand: “This has nothing to do with me, he’s the one who insists on thinking like that.” After retreating to a safe distance, Lin Chen’s lips twitched, and he looked unkindly at Mei Changsu: “This is just retribution if you ask me – everything would’ve been sorted if you’d just told him the truth earlier, instead of all this mutual suffering. Now look what’s happened, he thinks he’s fallen in love with his own brother. I can’t wait to see how you’re going to handle this.”

“...leave it be.” Mei Changsu’s answer was listless.

“You! You’re still planning to continue hiding this from him?!”

“...it’s wrong.” Mei Changsu closed his eyes, and his fingers trembled: “Jingyan loving me... it’s wrong.”

“I don’t have that many days left to live after all – letting him misunderstand and give up on this forbidden love, there’s nothing bad about that.”

“He’ll meet someone good, someone that can continue his family line, and stay by his side during his rule.”

“And I... am nothing but a lone wraith who crawled out of hell, what right do I have...”

“Mei Changsu!” Lin Chen interrupted him viciously: “Insult yourself all you like, I couldn’t care less! But deceiving someone to this extent, even I can’t let that pass! The truth always comes out eventually – if the Crown Prince finds out one day, what do you expect him to do with himself!”

“This is what you mean by protection?! Stabbing him in the back, then leaving him to lick the wound alone for the rest of his life?!”

Mei Changsu’s expression was cold as stone, as if he hadn’t heard Lin Chen’s words at all.

Lin Chen laughed coldly, and said, each word clearer than the last: “Changsu, I truly pity Xiao Jingyan for falling in love with you.”

And then he left, without even turning back.

Mei Changsu shivered slightly, dazed, and one tear fell.

How could he not be happy...

Except that Lin Shu had died a long time ago, burnt by the fire into a monster without a heart.

Incapable of loving ever again.

......

Under the darkening sky, Lin Chen rubbed his hands together and said impatiently: “Whatever it is you want to say, just spit it out already! I’m freezing here!”

“Master Lin, I hear that you have two stalks of Bingxu grass?” The person before him carefully took out a glass bottle: “Take a look at this.”

“This is...!” Lin Chen looked, shocked, at the silhouette under the hood.

That person’s face was pale and bloodless, but had eyes that burned dark with determination, as if there were crimson flames.

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萧景琰连环懵逼记 // the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan, #3 translated from original post @​ lofter

((obligatory warning: misunderstanding continues. also Lin Chen being an ass.))

[previously: In one day, Sir Su had become his brother, and even shared a bed with him…]

Xiao Jingyan carefully opened his eyes – great! Brother wasn’t here! This was the Eastern Palace! I’m back!

After morning court, Xiao Jingyang summoned the senior minsters from all six divisions. He informed them that scouts at the borders and various countries had sent tipoffs that at the end of the tenth month this year, Da Yu, Northern Yan, Dong Hai, and Ye Qin had plans to invade Liang simultaneously, and tasked them with investigating the truth of this news and preparing beforehand.

Subsequently, Xiao Jingyan continued on to deliberate a plan of response back and forth with the ministers until sundown. On exhaustedly returning to the Eastern Palace, he called Lie Zhanying to a stop just as the latter was about to retreat, and said hesitantly: “Zhanying... you– you go and call Concubine Ning here.”

Lie Zhanying was shocked almost to tears. After all these years, His Highness had finally remembered that he, too, had concubines in his estate? After having made Zhanying constantly worry whether there was something wrong with His Highness’ body...

Brimming with anticipation, Lie Zhanying watched an embarrassed Concubine Ning enter, and excitedly stood guard outside the door. It was good, good that His Highness had finally seen the light. Forget younger children, other estates even already had a fair few grown ones – for a dignified Crown Prince to have not one son or daughter was most improper.

One quarter-hour later, a red-eyed Concubine Ning walked out. Lie Zhanying startled. Was His Highness... this– this fast? He hesitated a moment, and was still hesitating when he moved forward to knock on the door: “Your Highness, do you need me to call someone to bathe you?”

No answer came for ages. Lie Zhanying scratched his head and walked in worriedly. He was surprised to find the Crown Prince with his clothes askew, sitting on the bed with a depressed expression. An intense grief shrouded his very person, as if it couldn’t be dissipated by any means.

Several long moments later, the Crown Prince said, sorrowfully: “Zhanying, perhaps I do need to see a physician.”

On hearing this, Lie Zhanying paled, tumultuous waves of sadness in his heart.

So His Highness... really had something wrong with his body...

After dismissing court the next day, Xiao Jingyan called Meng Zhi to stop. Smiling slightly, he tilted his head and asked: “Meng-qing, you knew about Sir Su’s identity since long ago, did you not?”

Surprised, Meng Zhi hurriedly waved a hand: “Know– know what? Isn’t Sir Su just Sir Su?”

Xiao Jingyan didn’t miss the panic in Meng Zhi’s eyes, and his heart sank – these people really did team up to deceive me.

I... I almost caused Brother’s death...

I can’t blame Brother, that doesn’t mean I can’t blame all of you, does it!

Seeing that Meng Zhi was still looking at him nervously, Xiao Jingya huffed coolly, and said perfunctorily: “It’s nothing, I’m just asking.”

Meng Zhi nodded uneasily, and watched Xiao Jingyan leave with growing alarm. This– this Crown Prince couldn’t have recognised Xiao Shu, right? The more he thought the more afraid he got, and he rushed towards the Su residence.

After meeting Meng Zhi, Mei Changsu quickly had Nie Duo and Xia Dong go hide at the Mu estate, in preparation for Xiao Jingyan to come and confront him. In his heart turned thousands of ideas and an unstoppable fear, as if he was on the guillotine, waiting only for the knife’s swing.

Every last person in the Su residence seemed to have been swept along by this atmosphere, and watched the visiting Xiao Jingyan as if they faced a great enemy. Xiao Jingyan looked at each of their expressions in turn, looked at Mei Changsu sitting across from him, face white as paper, and felt pain in his heart, burning bitterness rushing up to his throat.

This was his brother, was a relative bound to him my blood, was a person who went to such pains to protect him. And since he refused to let Jingyan know, he naturally had his own difficulties – then why should Jingyan expose the truth and sadden him?

“Sir.” Xiao Jingyan clenched his hands into fists, kept a death grip on his urge to acknowledge their relation, and said seriously: “Tipoffs from the borders have reported an urgent military matter, one you would not know of yet. Jingyan came today to discuss this very matter.”

Stunned, Mei Changsu quickly set aside that little bit of personal sentiment in his heart, his expression darkening as he kept asking for more details. Between the two of them, it was late at night before either knew it.

“Thank goodness for Your Highness’ scouts, or I fear that the country of Liang would be at risk of destruction.” Even though they’d worked out a plan of response, Mei Changsu stil felt the lingering trepidation, and couldn’t help the heartfelt words.

Xiao Jingyan nodded with warmth in his gaze. On discussing military matters, it was as if Brother cast off that body frail from illness – it was dazzling. He thought of that ��future’ Brother, that General of the silver robes and long spear, gentle as jade, and couldn’t help feeling shaken.

Outside, the sky was dark. Xiao Jingyan took a good look at Mei Changsu, saw how he leaned tiredly towards the brazier, coughing unstoppably, and it was as if someone had sliced a chunk right off his beating heart.

I’ll protect him. Xiao Jingyan closed his eyes briefly. I’ll definitely find a way to treat him, I’ll definitely be able to protect him.

Mei Changsu rested for a long while, then suddenly laughed and said: “Your Highness is getting married in a few days. Allow me to congratulate you in advance here, Li Gang will send a present on my behalf when the time comes.”

Xiao Jingyan: “......”

Mei Changsu doubtfully looked at a suddenly-awkward Xiao Jingyan.

“Um... about that.” Xiao Jingyan scratched his head and prevaricated: “I– I might not be getting married...”

“Eh?” Mei Changsu sat up, surprised: “Why is that?”

Xiao Jingyan dropped his gaze, and silently bolstered his strength.

It’s fine, Xiao Jingyan, this is your brother... he’ll know sooner or later... there’s nothing to be embarrassed about...

Mei Changsu watched, completely mystified, as Xiao Jingyan’s face went from green to white, and slowly turned red, as he turned his head to look at the sky and earth but never at himself: “I...... that is, there’s an issue with my body...”

“What does that have to do with the wedding–” Mei Changsu stopped and widened his eyes abruptly: “Your Highness, you’re saying that–––”

“Yes......” Xiao Jingyan nodded in deep grief.

Mei Changsu: “......”

Good heavens! So Xiao Jingyan was actually... actually impotent, was he! No wonder! No wonder he’d never had any children, all these years! I’ve been such an idiot, I didn’t even think of this... Jingyan only found out now, don’t tell me all these years he’s been...

At the thought that Xiao Jingyan could be like him, still a virgin, Mei Changsu couldn’t help a small leap of happiness, and quickly stopped those dangerous thoughts of his in their tracks.

Jingyan is your best friend, how can you be like this! Mei Changsu scolded himself angrily – it must’ve been difficult for Jingyan, all these years...

Xiao Jingyan saw Mei Changsu look at him with a strange sort of tenderness, and suddenly understood that his brother was still unaware that he, too, was impotent as well.

Better not to tell him first, Xiao Jingyan thought worriedly. Brother’s health was so poor... there was no way he could withstand the hit of an ending family line... better to wait for a suitable opportunity and tell him later.

The two were silent for a while, each making their own plans.

“Ahem...” Mei Changsu started hesitantly, carefully considering how to say this so it wouldn’t harm Jingyan’s dignity: “For such a matter, finding a physician might– might not be too suitable... um... I have this quack doctor with me, his medical expertise is not too bad, how about... how about asking him to take a look at you?”

Xiao Jingyan’s face was red as a pig’s liver – he stared steadily at the brazier, as if there was something extremely interesting there, and only made a soft ‘hm’ of agreement.

Mei Changsu personally called Lin Chen over, firmly closed the room’s door, and told him everything with a stern expression – and stomped viciously and accurately on his foot, right when Lin Chen was about to start snickering.

Lin Chen looked at Mei Changsu frantically giving him warning glances, and his expression settled into solemnity for a second before starting to snicker again.

Mei Changsu and Xiao Jingyan both gave him the stink-eye immediately, and Lin Chen carelessly raised his hands in surrender. Looping one arm around Mei Changsu’s shoulders, he looked challegingly at Xiao Jingyan: “Let me introduce myself. I’m Lin Chen, Changsu’s... childhood friend, here to treat your sterility.”

“Ow––– you stepped on me again, Changsu!”

Brother’s childhood friend? Changsu? Xiao Jingyan raised an eyebrow, watched his brother struggle free with a face full of dislike, and laughed lightly – sparkling gaze flickering with a determination that he hadn’t even noticed himself: “Of course you already know who I am, so I won’t introduce myself. But, I’ll be... Ah Su’s best brother.”

So he really did know. Mei Changsu’s heart sank.

[next]

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nirvana in fire fic translations

in honour of nif week: here’s the fic translations i’ve done, for those who haven’t read them yet! all complete and pretty much focused on changsu and jingyan, with various appearances from the rest of the cast.

the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan | 萧景琰连环懵逼记

Could it be that…… Sir Su was his brother, long-lost all these years?

16.4k words of absolute crack, except when it’s not. add accidental time travel to poor communication kills, shake, and mind the warnings.

silk scroll, twelve inches |  碧鲤书

As if someone had arrived, and it was only right that he open his eyes, raise a hand to rub away the tiredness, and look clearly at the person that came into view.

4k words. bittersweet with a strong emphasis on the former, and poems which i may or may not have mangled in translation. some references to novel events; i’ve linked relevant bits in the (very extensive) notes.

and last but not least – the most humongous of them all, the absolute whopper

known, unknown | 知否

Lin Chen pushed the windows open and took an exaggeratedly deep breath: “Ah… what fresh air! What magnificent weather! If you want to stay put in the guesthouse, Changsu, then stay all you like, but this young master here will absolutely not be wasting such good weather indoors!”

Mei Changsu put down the book in his hands helplessly: “When did I say that I wanted to remain in the guesthouse?”

an absolutely mind-boggling 106k words(!!) including 2 side stories. the post-nif1 fix-it AU you never knew you wanted but absolutely do. tropes include amnesia, identity porn, hurt/comfort up the wazoo, and a guaranteed happy ending to boot. also poetry, politics, and my eternal struggles to translate both. read it and weep.

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nope, different anon. so you know how the best part nif is the relationships? yeah, i was thinking and i couldn't come up with a single character that had less than two meaning full relationships in their lives. like, not one character was there solely for the benefit of another character's story. also ps, thanks for translating "the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan" tis hilarious

gasp i have attracted yet another anon, hello!!

and yes, i absolutely agree! tbh among the series i’ve read/watched, nif is one of the few where basically every main or recurring character feels fully developed both as an individual and in their relationships to at least several others, even if those interactions aren’t explicitly shown on-screen – there are def other examples but nihuang and xia dong come to mind first, they only share screentime for not long enough briefly but you already know how much they kick ass together. and as you mentioned, there aren’t really any “satellite characters” who exist only for someone else’s plot, which is a++ tbh. all of which is especially impressive given how intrinsically plot-heavy this show is??

also you’re welcome! i’m glad people are enjoying this mess of utter nonsense haha

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萧景琰连环懵逼记 // the dumbfounded diaries of xiao jingyan, #8 translated from original post @​ lofter

((obligatory warning: someone suffers from a major BSOD.))

[previously: “…it’s wrong. Jingyan loving me… it’s wrong.”]

Mei Changsu moved closer to the brazier, occasionally nodding slightly as he listened to a secretary from the Eastern Palace report on the reinvestigation’s progress.

“Very good. Sorry to have troubled you, Sir Li, please send my thanks to His Highness.”

Secretary Li paused for a moment and said, his gaze evasive: “Naturally. Rest well, Sir, I’ll excuse myself then.”

Seeing his expression, Mei Changsu chuckled bitterly – it seemed like his falling out with the Crown Prince was now common knowledge.

It’d been half a month since then, and Jingyan had indeed kept his promise of not showing up again. Probably... he wouldn’t want to hear any thanks he sent, either.

With this bitterness in his heart, Mei Changsu rose to send the Eastern Palace’s secretary out, and stood alone in the corridor, thinking about that person.

Thinking about his tightly-wound arms, about his reddened eyes, about his bewilderment as he covered the side of his face, about him looking warmly at himself, about the sensation of his chin on his shoulder, about his hidden tears, his warm breath.

Xiao Shu, Sir Su, Chief Mei, Changsu-gege...

Jingyan, Jingyan, Jingyan, still the same old Jingyan...

How ridiculous, how laughable.

So even a monster’s heart could hurt too, was that it?

The frigid wind bit at his bones, scraped his face raw. Mei Changsu dipped his neck and felt someone tugging as his sleeve.

“Cold! Go inside.” Fei Liu pouted unhappily, and tugged at Mei Changsu again.

“Alright.” Mei Changsu wanted to smile warmly, but couldn’t, however he tried.

His face had frozen too, probably.

“Why haven’t I seen your Lin Chen-gege?” Without waiting for Fei Liu’s response, Mei Changsu answered himself: “See me getting all sleep-addled, Lin Chen’s back at Langya Hall handling matters and hasn’t returned.”

“No!”

Mei Changsu startled: “Not what?”

“Not, Langya.” Fei Liu frowned and shook his head: “North!”

“North? Lin Chen told me that he was going back to Langya Mountain though?”

“Pigeon, north.”

The pigeons were coming from the north? Mei Changsu stood startled for a long moment, his fingers rubbing at one corner of his clothes as he fell into deep thought.

The time he’d spent asleep was getting longer recently, and when he was awake he was mostly listening to the reinvestigation progress. The miscellaneous tasks were all being handled by Li Gang and the others – he’d barely even stepped out of the room.

From what they said, nothing major had happened, whether in the Jiangzuo Alliance or the court.

What then had happened in the north that required Lin Chen personally going there, and with the excuse of matters at Langya Hall, too...

But Fei Liu didn’t lie.

Could it be... that Li Gang and the others were teaming up to deceive me?

With his days numbered, Lin Chen wouldn’t simply leave, short of an important matter of life-or-death. Whose life, what matter, could constitute such a thing?

...Jingyan?

Impossible. Jingyan was in the prime of his health, newly made Crown Prince and in the Emperor’s favour – what could happen to him.

But that secretary’s reaction had been strange indeed... was it really because he’d fallen out with the Crown Prince?

One or two days would’ve been unremarkable, but he’d been gone for more than a week...

And so had Lin Chen...

Mei Changsu’s face slowly paled. Voice trembling, he said hurriedly: “Fei Liu, call Li Gang and Zhen Ping over.”

Just as they entered, Mei Changsu asked anxiously: “Where has Lin Chen gone?”

Li Gang exchanged a look with Zhen Ping and answered, respectfully: “Master Lin has returned to Langya Hall. You’re aware of this, Chief.”

Mei Changsu laughed coldly: “Do you think I’m stupid?! The pigeons from Langya Hall, flying in from the north?!”

“What– what pigeons, from the north? What are you talking about, Chief? Master Lin hasn’t sent any letters...”

“Liar.” Fei Liu interrupted him, and said grumpily: “Morning, pigeon, north.”

“Hand it over.” Mei Changsu said angrily: “Lin Chen’s letters, hand it over.”

Li Gang was tongue-tied. Zhen Ping clenched his teeth, and knelt down with a thump: “We burnt them.”

“You!” Mei Changsu was dizzy from anger. His breath came in large gasps: “Tell me! Where exactly has Lin Chen gone!”

Li Gang and Zhen Ping knelt unmoving, and didn’t say a word.

“Fine! Fine! Fine!” Clenching his teeth as he repeated himself, Mei Changsu turned and walked out. “Prepare the carriage, I’m going to the Eastern Palace.”

Li Gang and Zhen Ping both paled and moved forward, stopping him from either side: “You can’t, Chief!”

Mei Changsu stiffened where he stood, his heart twisting with a vicious hurt, as if he’d been stabbed in the chest. He’d only meant it as a test, but he hadn’t thought...

Jingyan...

Voice hoarse, he called for Fei Liu, and wrestled free of their grasp to stumble outside.

“Chief!” “Young Marshal!” The pair, alongside Wei Zheng, Nie Duo, and the others who’d come running at the racket, all fell to their knees, an unyielding line blocking his path.

Mei Changsu felt cold all over, his hands curled tight, lips paled to gray as they trembled slightly. He looked around himself, expressionless.

Li Gang, Zhen Ping, Wei Zheng, Xia Dong, Nie Feng, Gong Yu, Physician Yan, Nie Duo...

Nicely played, every last one of you.

“It’s only the Eastern Palace, does that call for this many of you? Fei Liu––”

“Chief, the Crown Prince was injured by an assassin and can’t receive guests. The whole court is aware of it. Going there now would only cause speculation.”

“Injured by an assassin, right! You just told me yesterday that he was working hard on official matters! If he was truly injured, why wouldn’t you have said it earlier! What nonsense, good for nothing beyond fooling the ministers!” Mei Changsu’s heart felt aflame, and he couldn’t stop coughing, coppery sweetness rushing up in his throat. He leaned weakly on Fei Liu, and softened his voice: “Jingyan... is with Lin Chen, is he not?”

...has he done something stupid, again.

No one answered, and neither did anyone dare to look Mei Changsu in the eye. Mei Changsu caught his breath and said slowly: “You all know better than I, what these fourteen years of painstaking work have been for.”

“Not just to overturn the case – more than that, to restore to this country a court without the lies and corruption.”

“If anything happens to the Crown Prince, all these years of effort will have been for nothing.”

“Not only did you not stop him, but instead you helped him to deceive me. I’m disappointed.”

“I disagree, Brother.” Nihuang walked in with Meng Zhi: “You know better than anyone how stubborn Xiao Jingyan can be, how could we have stopped him?”

“Not to mention... you being able to keep living on, is a wish we all share.”

Mei Changsu shook his head slowly and sighed: “Nihuang, no one returns from hell to stay. To me, overturning that case was already the end. And all of you–”

“Will live in your shadow, and spend the rest of our lives in pain,” replied Nihuang unhesitatingly. She laughed sadly, tears faint in her eyes: “Brother, when you were chipping away at your very life bit by bit for those wandering souls, for old friends, for your brothers that you walked through life and death with – you forgot that others would worry for you too, forgot about the guilt and pain we felt in our hearts as we helplessly watched you continue sacrificing yourself. You lied to everyone about the Poison of Bitter Flame, did you ever think about how difficult it was for us who found out the truth?”

Nihuang clenched her hands into fists, and almost sobbed: “Xiao Jingyan did nothing wrong. Without him, I’d have gone myself.”

“So would I.”

“As would I.”

“Me too, Young Marshal!”

The people in the courtyard answered, one after another. Mei Changsu’s mouth opened again and again, but nothing ever came out.

Nihuang interrupted them all, and continued: “Brother, I think your problem lies with thinking too much and too far. Can’t do this, won’t do that – who ever said there were so many such things? What everyone else thinks is their own problem, all we need to do is live without regrets.”

“That’s right, Xiao Shu.” Meng Zhi added: “I heard that the Crown Prince now still thinks that you’re his brother by blood. Before he left he asked me to protect you at all costs – all ‘Brother’ here and ‘Brother’ there, I was so confused.”

“......” Mei Changsu wasn’t willing to bring that up. He coughed dryly, twice, and changed the topic: “The Poison of Bitter Flame has no remedy, did Lin Chen find some solution? One that required Jingyan to follow, no less?”

“We don’t know either, Chief.” Li Gang scratched at his head: “Master Lin only said that they’d be gone for a dozen days or so. Cai Quan and Shen Zhui are handling the court. We were to keep you right here, and ask the Duchess and Commander General over when we had no choice.” He glanced carefully at Mei Changsu: “...Commander General and Duchess both know about... the Bitter Flame.”

Seeing the two glares being sent right his way, Mei Changsu’s throat dried. He rubbed at his nose uneasily, and asked, his gaze shifting: “He brought only Jingyan? Did he bring anything else? Where in the north did they go?”

“General Lie brought a team of trusted men, but he didn’t say where. Before leaving, Master Lin was constantly busy making some pill with a herb the Crown Prince found, called something like... Yanxu grass.”

Mei Changsu froze abruptly. His mouth fell open to say something, but he could only howl lowly, as if someone was gripping his throat tight shut. He stood where he was, face terribly pale and ears ringing, waiting for the blood that’d rushed to his heart to flow back.

“Meiling,” he said hoarsely.

“What?” asked everyone, puzzled.

“Meiling, they’ve gone to Meiling.” Mei Changsu felt weak all over, his limbs frigid, and rushed madly for the stables. He climbed onto a horse with difficulty, then fell down, heavily.

“Chief!” The ones who’d followed him over almost jumped out of their skin with fright, and rushed forward.

“Don’t come close! Leave me alone!” Mei Changsu clenched his teeth, climbed onto the horse again – and fell, yet again.

Terrified by the desperation in his eyes, they formed a circle around him, not daring to come close.

Just like that, he climbed and fell, fell and climbed – and when they couldn’t help but want to step forward and strike him unconscious, he fell one more time, lay on the ground, and burst into tears.

It was too late, too late...

The ancient records wrote thus – that in places of extreme cold grew the Yanxu grass, that it could be made into the Yanxu pill, that its effects were completely opposite to the Bingxu pill. If two people afflicted to the same level by the Poison of the Bitter Flame took the drug and exchanged blood, the drug effects would cancel out, and the poison would be neutralised. 

He was Lin Shu no longer – and Jingyan couldn’t be Jingyan anymore, either.

The brightest ones broke first, always.

[next]

Translator’s note –

What Nihuang says here is 兄长 as in canon, not Jingyan’s 哥哥 (ge ge), but unfortunately both pretty much translate to “brother”. I feel that the first has less connotations of any blood relation (I’d liken it to “senpai” if only I could do that with a straight face), though admittedly the second isn’t restricted to relatives either – Fei Liu says “Su-gege” obvs, and iirc Yujin and Jingrui use “Lin Shu-gege” but... well, Jingyan clearly has different ideas...

Also, that last sentence was originally “慧极必伤，情深不寿” which is, alas, one of those ancient proverbs that doesn’t translate well and which I had to google, but roughly speaking: “those too smart end up harming themselves; those whose emotions run too deep do not live long.” (Or “emotions which are too deep do not last”, which is also a valid alternate reading of the second part, but then again, context.)

The snappiest translation I could think of was “Wisdom invites hurt; emotions shorten life” which... eh, still unwieldy as all hell, but now you know.