#the dumbest men alive (affectionate)

[straight-into-the-animus]

A Place For Crows To Rest Their Feet (French Fryes)

Cause some people were interested in the idea of older French Fryes apparently and I thought I’d try my hand at it.

Song title and fic inspo from Marbles by The Amazing Devil

Read on Ao3

Arno felt old. 

Well, he was old. It was made sure of that when at his last milestone birthday that everyone decided to overload the cake with candles representing his age. He had been able to laugh it off as a joke then. But now everytime he looked in the mirror and saw a new wrinkle near his eyes and mouth, he scowled.

When he saw his favorite music being relegated to the classic station, he flipped the channel.

And when it was cold and rainy and shitty outside and he had difficulty getting out of bed, he grumbled.

Jacob always just laughed at his perturbed expression and would say that they didn’t need to get out of bed anyway and would snuggle in for a few hours more.

Even though he knew Jacob never meant anything by the things he said, it still made him feel bad. His husband was only a few years younger than him. But the problem was he didn’t look that bad, and if he felt old he never told Arno. He was already aging like fine wine. Arno felt like aged milk.

Jacob had noticed once before, when Arno pointedly avoided looking in the mirror while they were hip to hip in the bathroom getting ready for the day.

“‘ou a’righ’?” He asked around a toothbrush.

“Hmm?” He asked, toweling off and looking over as Jacob spat out the paste and washed his mouth out before trying again.

“You alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dunno. You just seem… off. Didn’t even hear one ABBA song in the shower, either.” He smiled a bit, trying to get Arno to copy. Which he did, but it was gone rather quickly.

“I’m fine, mon amour. Just tired, still.” He wrapped the towel around his waist, pecked Jacob’s cheek and made to leave, but got pulled back. Jacob kissed him deeply, the taste of mint still on his tongue and making Arno hum; his husband’s mouth was still practically sinful after all this time. Jacob pulled away and then went back in for one more peck on Arno’s lips, leaving both of them smiling.

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.” Arno said, meaning it completely as he left to go get dressed.

He tried to make sure that was the end of it, or at least to keep it out of sight of Jacob. But then his pride went down like a kick in the balls when he woke up one morning and saw the roots of his hair turning gray. Like ash gray. Like old gray. He’d gone out to the shops immediately and found the darkest box color for his hair that he could and shoved it in the back of their linen closet the minute he came to his senses.

Really, it was a bad idea. If he did it, he’d have questions no one wanted to hear and explanations he really didn’t want to give. And Jacob would find out anyway. But it was an impulse purchase he didn’t think through and so he hid it until the time was right, if it ever would be.

And then Jacob noticed him as he entered the living room and let Arno in on their small couch to watch whatever inane reality show they both liked, and then he forgot about it, because how could you remember anything at that point?

It didn’t take too long for his husband to find it out, though.

“Care to explain this?” Jacob said, coming into the dining room where Arno was trying to clean, and Arno turned too quickly at the tone in his voice and stubbed his toes on the thick table leg.

“Merde-!”

“Jesus, Arno- Don’t try and die on me now.” Jacob went over quickly as Arno sat in one of the chairs, placing something on the table as he pulled up the other chair next to Arno’s. Arno waved him away and curled up his hurt foot to rub it.

“Don’t touch it.”

“Drama queen. Do you need me to get the first aid kit? Or do you think you’ll live?” 

“You’re hilarious. Have I mentioned that before?”

“Only on days that end in “y”.” Jacob replied, and Arno stewed a bit. It didn’t take long for him to look over at whatever it was Jacob had brought into the room, and he grew a bit pale. Jacob, of course, because he had such a great eye when he wanted to, noticed immediately. “Figured it was yours.”

Arno didn’t grace him with a response at first. But the silence wouldn’t give.

“I found some gray hairs.” He mumbled.

“Yeah… Those tend to happen when you make it a few decades.”

“It doesn’t mean I have to like it! I don’t want to get old, Jacob. I’ll be… Gross, and senile, and you’ll hate me.”

“Please tell me you’re joking. You are joking?”

Arno flexed his hurt foot and quickly set it down, making to leave but stopped as Jacob grabbed his wrist and sat him back down in the chair.

“You know what I like so much about you getting old?” Jacob didn’t wait for Arno to answer. “It shows you made it.”

Arno almost made a rebuttal, but stopped when he tried to parse through the words and actually think about them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve known you for decades.” Jacob still held Arno’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Since Uni. And you did the dumbest shit. I’m surprised we’ve gotten to this point without you needing a liver transplant.”

Arno looked down. He knew exactly what Jacob was talking about. He had been twenty two and having daily panic attacks about leaving university to actually be a person. Most relationships with girls and some guys were limited to one quick go in bed and then he was gone in the morning. 

Jacob hadn’t been much better off emotionally, or financially, but at least he knew how to handle his shit better. They made an interesting match that way.

“You’re getting old because you’re alive. And I get to see that.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Well it isn’t.”

Silence overtook for a few minutes as Arno looked down and Jacob studied him.

“Then I guess you must really hate me looking old.” Jacob said.

“I could never. And the difference is, you look good. You still have cute waitresses flirting with you despite the ring.”

“You mean from the diner last week?” Jacob raised an eyebrow. “Leanna had to be forty. And she was just being friendly.”

“She certainly wasn’t giving extra ketchup to me.”

“I would’ve given it to you.”

“So generous.”

“One of my best qualities.” Jacob murmured as Arno’s eyes remained dropped. A hand moved up to Arno’s cheek, and he realized Jacob’s pointer finger was tracing the lines near his mouth and the crows feet on his eyes. “Didn’t marry you for nothing, you know. I knew what I was getting into. And even if you turn out to be a grumpy old hunchback who can’t walk, I would still choose you if I had the choice.”

Arno felt his eyes start to glass over the longer Jacob spoke. It wasn’t some great speech. It was simple, and short, and matter of fact, and just… Jacob. Just as he had been for decades. And it sounded just as sincere now as it sounded when they were much younger men and first said they loved each other. And it was as sincere as when they had finally gotten married not even a decade ago. Arno had a shaky smile and squeezed Jacob’s hand, allowing the other one to keep exploring the tracks in his face.

“‘Sides,” Jacob purred as he leaned in closer, a gleam in his eyes, “being older just means you’re full of experience. And how could anyone say no to that?”

“Jacob-” He didn’t even know where he was going with his sentence, but it hardly mattered when he felt a warm pair of lips on his neck, making their way up his face. He turned his head at the right time and caught Jacob’s lips with his own. They both smiled, a soft thing.

“I love you.” Arno said.

“Love you too. Drama queen.” Jacob smirked as Arno rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Maybe stop putting up such high standards and I’ll consider taking a step back on my quest for perfection.”

“Sorry, I can’t. I gotta put in work to keep you in love with me. Sure as hell it isn’t my personality keeping you locked up.”

“Certainly not.” Arno snorted, leaning in and resting against Jacob. The man held him for a minute before speaking again.

“You believe me yet? That you’re good? And we’re good? Even if you get old?”

“I’ll work on it.” Arno admitted. Whether it was what Jacob wanted to hear or not, he was still welcomed in and let to rest for a while longer.

“Let’s move this to bed so we don’t stiffen up, eh?”

“You’re not going to carry me like you used to?” Arno asked teasingly as Jacob helped him stand up out of the chair. The man shrugged.

“Can’t. I’m too old.”

It wasn’t funny. It really wasn’t. But Arno laughed until he coughed, anyway.

They ended up throwing the box color out with much prejudice. And when Jacob started growing his own gray hairs, looking like a salt and pepper shaker, Arno just ran his fingers through each one while they watched inane reality television.

So. I ended up creating a whole other backstory for these two but found I couldn’t fit it in to the story, lol. If you’d be interested in that as well, let me know.

I hope you enjoy! If you do I have a Masterpost here and more ideas for writings and prompts here, so feel free to request!  If you’d like to support me, I have a ko-fi here but absolutely no pressure on that front. Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading!

[butt-lore]

Oh yes hello I’m alive! Want another fic? Of course u do! I had the MOST fun writing this cuz Sehyoon is one of my fave ppl for his facial expressions alone!

That one birthday fic I put off

Summary: you and Sehyoon had been dating awhile now, have had many shared shenanigans together. And when a fan asks about how Sehyoon is when he’s drunk, you’re more than happy to share...

Words: 1480

Warnings: it’s grossly fluffy? Alcohol usage, cursing I think

Not my pic but how I see him when he’s defeated.

“Happy birthday!” Sehyoon blinks aimlessly, a party hat strapped to his head upon entry, a placid smile on everyone’s face but his. They cheered and popped poppers around him in merriment, chuckling at his flat annoyance. Usually one to keep to himself on special days, or share his day with a very few, a group of thirty is a little much. If he was enjoying this, he wasn’t showing it, a full range of emotions but joy passing through dulling brown eyes. You move a bit closer, waving a timid hand pass his face. “Yoonie?”

“Thanks… I love it.” Even and full of disappointment, his husky voice pushed through clenched teeth. While his lips picked up, the rising star’s thousand mile gaze stayed put. Your own mouth threatening to break open in laughter, holding his stare, enveloping the both of you in a world much more familiar: a world you two have been sharing happily alone for two years. He said thanks, and he meant it, but here, where there is only you, he asks what the fuck?

You insisted, a party for Sehyoon would be amazing to celebrate debuting and his birthday, he deserves it. It was much easier than spending the day bouncing around from place to place visiting. A long, tedious tradition you hoped to avoid this year and hopefully many more. Please, try to have fun, your smile said, and you meant that. You knew, the hardest part of living in your head was interacting with others. Sehyoon was improving, but, you see now perhaps this was not thought all the way out. Shit. I’m very sorry.

Yes. Acknowledged. Then he was whilst away in a whirlwind of the many pieces of memory he’ll have of his twenty-fourth birthday. Drink after drink all but poured down his throat. Kim Sehyoon wasn’t good at drinking. And what you witnessed this night would live in infamy in your heart, and it all started with a single beer.

-

“To be fair it was a beer and soju.” Toned arms cross over a fitted black sweater, Sehyoon’s lips dipping to a frown.

“Yes honey we know.” You responded patting his thigh affectionately. “I thought I said that?” You look up claiming innocence, humming softly.

“Mm.” Peach gloss disappears as a line presses his cheeks up when you look back after a long moment of silence. His eyes pinned you down, shining in bewilderment. You weren’t sure what to call this face but it was very effective, you bursted into laughter and he soon followed. You both calm down to chuckling, Sehyoon fidgeting with imaginary dust on the desk the phone sat upon. He clears his throat twice before speaking. “After a soju and beer.”

“Right, after a soju and beer-“

-

Everyone had scattered to corners of the house, breaking off to smaller conversations, Sehyoon passed around in a ten min rotation. You watched, concerned for his social battery and well being, but after a drink poured for him by Chan, Sehyoon didn’t seem to have trouble keeping up. He wasn’t very talkative, but when spoken to, Sehyoon kept pace, even if he was slurring words. He spoke of a multitude of things he likes with passion a total of six times, something he does mostly when he feels like it: even then that’s when Sehyoon felt he could trust them. His forty-six minute rant about avocados was new to you, however, and by the end of it, you’re not sure if he’s for or against them, or why and how they were brought up. It was the way everyone zeroed on him, transfixed it seemed, holding onto the words spilling from him.

-

“I don’t care one way or another about avocados.” Sehyoon throws his hands up, licking his lips in the same motion he swoops black bangs between long fingers. “Hope that answers your question.”

“He’ll eat em.”

“Just don’t have an opinion on them.”

-

As the night neared its end, many participants heading home, meaning you, too, would have to leave at some point. As it dwindled to just you, the crew, and group members, Sehyoon truly came alive.

“I have a confession.” He almost said, the syllables dragged out longer than necessary. “But none of you can tell anyone.” Jun is first to lean in, trying to make sense of the gibberish he’s attempting at. Sehyoon sits bolt right, speech clearer. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh?” Chan just about shouts, jumping onto the cushion next to Sehyoon, bright eyes promising mischief.

“Mmm. Yes. She’s very pr-pretty. And very interesting.” Sehyoon carried on, you watch helplessly as he exposes you both so randomly. Sehyoon has a lot of secrets he can confess, you knew it, and he had been good for about two years. No one but your families knew up till now, not even the other members, you both were content with that for now, so if things don’t work out there's no questions, no scandal, a clean break if need be. And here he was, drunkenly ranting about you thighs. At least he hasn’t called you by name, it would be the strawberries on top of his birthday cake, you might start laughing. In fact, this whole situation was so funny to you. Seeing him so completely relaxed and friendly, not to mention by this time Byeongkwan had claimed Sehyoon’s lap for this important announcement. You watch Jun stretch himself across both Donghun and Chan, hundled close to their storyteller.

“What’s she like,” Jun laments, leaning his silver head into Donghun.”Tell us.” He’s equally if not more drunk, only adding to your enjoyment of the scene. You are grateful no one has kicked you out yet, but who would with the way you are holding your mouth covering a series of snorts. You meant no harm, posed no threat, well, not one to anyone but your own stomach, which was starting to ache.

“Y/n?” You zone back in, shaking your giggles free to prepare for you doom. It’s Jun again. “Do you know Yoonie’s girlfriend?” His smile mirrors that of his friends; drunk.

Chan and Donghun are snickering, you can understand why, you were just seconds from bursting into a cackle.

It's what Byeonkwan says that stops your fun time, “Is this the same girlfriend or a different one?” His comment is innocent, genuine curiosity in his soft tone.

“We’ve been together for three years, keep up, Kwannie.” The two drunken men descend into chaos, dragging the one on Sehyoon’s lap in by proxy.

“You told us…” Donghun answers, “Twice, dear.”

“Oh.” Sehyoon looks dissatisfied, with what, you can’t place. His black straight eyebrows knitting together in concentration. “Did I tell you who?” Well isn’t that just about the dumbest thing your boyfriend has ever said.

“Yes, Y/n is literally right there.” You’re not sure who had more patience, A saint or Donghun.

“Oh right. Y/n did I tell you?”

-

“You know that look you get when your brain just shuts down and you feel so defeated you can't do anything but just sigh and think about what life events got you to the current situation you’re in?” Sehyoon pushes his office chair back, a sharp bark from his chest as he doubles over. “I felt like Satan had won that day.” You keep your tone plain, sipping from your coffee mug. Sehyoon is still howling behind you. You just blink ahead, he’ll tire himself out.

His laughter continues to echo as you carry on the tale of a Drunk Sehyoon.

-

“No, you haven’t.” You smile brightly. “Who?”

Sehyoon doesn’t have an answer for you, not a good one for that matter. “I don’t remember her name.”

You knew this wasn’t right, to tease a drunk person, but he already confessed twice before, a harmless prank wouldn’t hurt. “Is she made up?” You tilt your head gently, listening to the mixture of his ranting and the others staggered amusement. “Well why don’t you call her here then?” You shoot when he tells you you suck for not believing him.

“I will.”

-

“I will never live it down ever. They won’t let me. The crew, the group, Y/n. And now you all.” Sehyoon’s soul slips from his eyes again, shoulders sagging. “And that’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.”

“It was a good birthday though.” You hummed, remembering how he refused to let you go home after that phone call, it ended with you holding him close against your chest. Drunk Sehyoon was just as cuddly as sober Sehyoon.

“From what I hear I had a good time.” Sehyoon swipes at the back of his head sheepishly. “I’m glad this year we decided against that, though.”

“Wouldn’t want to confess to your girlfriend that you have a girlfriend again right?”

“Well that’s a good place to end it, thank you for joining us today-”

“You’re confusion when my phone rang was just the cutest.”

“Thank you, bye bye.”

[stevestuckyonbucky]

I wrote a little T’chalcon drabble type thing for anyone who is as thirsty for content of these two as I am. 

Sam Wilson considered himself to be a lot of things. He was more mature than most of his friends and colleagues. He was patient and kind and happy for the most part. And Sam wasn't pouting, he just wasn’t. He had too much dignity to admit that he might be acting like a child, it’s not like he hadn’t earned a childish moment here and there. He definitely wasn’t pouting. As T'challa entered back into the room he felt his face slip into a scowl and he folded his arms, okay so maybe he was pouting a little bit.

He and T'challa hadn't been dating long, but they fit so well together it felt like they'd been together a lot longer than a few months. Sam felt so comfortable with the man, he felt like he could breathe better around him, like when he was gone he took Sam's breath with him and only when they were together could he get it back. He knew it was a little sappy to think like that so he never said it out loud, but he really couldn’t see himself without T’challa in his life.

But right now he was mad at him. The King of Wakanda, as it turned out, was a lot of things, he was protective and strong and wise beyond his years. But he also had a smart mouth and was a royal pain in Sam's ass. He loved him for it, he loved him for everything he was. But there were some things Sam just didn't understand, like T'challa's need to embarrass him in front of people, it was never on purpose which just seemed to make it worse. He was just a very affectionate person and loved to tell Sam exactly how much he cared for him. It didn't matter if they were in private or in a room full of people, the King made sure to let him know how he felt.

And it was great until Sam started blushing and the other avengers started to tease him about it. Damn Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. How dare they be little shits about his love life when they were actually the sappiest couple alive. He made a mental list of things to throw back at them when they brought this incident up in the future. After spending so much time with them, going to jail for a while because of them, he figured maybe he'd earned a little bit more respect but the way they were still snickering and giggling like preschoolers behind him made his eye twitch in irritation.

"Come on Sam he just loves you its sweet. It’s not like he’s never been all sweet on you in front of us before" Steve gave him a grin and a pat to his shoulder.  

"The way he nuzzles into you like a cat, it's so cute." Bucky added with a chuckle, he was probably getting the most enjoyment out of the whole thing.

"Both of you shut up before I give Natasha the go ahead to release those pictures of you two at last year’s Christmas party." Sam threatened, but he couldn’t help his small smile because it really was cute and he loved it when he nuzzled into him. It wasn’t like Sam hated all the affection, in fact he loved it, but he and T’challa were the new couple and tended to be the ones who got picked on the most. He looked over at T'challa and saw him glance back with that look, the look that was full of love and adoration and made Sam's heart melt just a little.

"He's just so good. What'd I do to deserve him?" Sam wondered quietly to himself and Steve and Bucky both reach out to grip his shoulders gently.

"You were yourself and he saw how amazing you are just like we did." Steve gave him a sincere smile and watched T'challa excuse himself from his conversation so he could make his way to the three of them.

"Kitty cat gets jealous and protective when his Birdie is with other very attractive men." Bucky snickers and Steve let's go of Sam's shoulder to shove him.

“Stevie!” Bucky gasped in mock offense and grabbed him by the waist, “Don’t worry Sam he’s just sad he doesn’t have a cute nickname like Birdie.”

"You're the worst." Sam complained halfheartedly, his attention more focused on a grinning T'challa sliding up to him. As T'challa goes to hug him Sam puts a hand on his chest to stop him

"Hey I'm still peeved at you for that little stunt you pulled, we've talked about this. No more ammunition for dumb and dumbest back here." Sam said and jabbed his thumb back towards Steve and Bucky. Steve laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d heard in a while, and Bucky huffed out an offended “Hey!”

T'challa took another step forward

"They're just happy for us." T'challa said easily and gripped Sam's hips, pulling him into a firm kiss. Sam pushed away again and raised an eyebrow at him

"They are a hundred times worse than we are, come on Sam just let me love you for a minute, I haven't gotten my fill of you tonight. You’ve been pouting and avoiding me." T'challa leaned forward again and kissed him, and this time Sam doesn't stop him, he kisses him soft and sweet and sighs when they part again

"Fine. But the next time Barnes makes a joke you have to beat him up." Sam relented and wrapped an arm around his waist

"I will gladly remind both the Captain and Sargent that I have some pretty embarrassing videos of them from their time in Wakanda should I need to use them." He said just loud enough for Bucky and Steve to hear and Sam grinned wide

"Oh we are watching those later tonight." He laughed a little watching Steve blush and Bucky glare

"You two are evil together." Bucky muttered and grabbed Steve's hand

"We're getting away from you and your blackmail, because I need food." He said and flipped them off as he pulled a laughing Steve away.

"You're right they're worse than us." Sam said and gave him a bright smile, he couldn't help it if he tried he's just too in love with him.

"We're still pretty bad." T'challa smiled right back at him like he was his sun and moon and stars and then kissed him again, and as he pushed a breathless Sam backwards towards the hallway and away from the party, Sam couldn’t help but agree.