#the drama of orchestra conductors speaks to this guy

[elliott-forgott]

[ Options —> General —> Blood ”on” ]

[denimbex1986]

'Although Matthew Modine has been making his way through the Hollywood ranks since the early ‘80s, the actor has found himself in a new position of prominence thanks to Stranger Things. Since portraying the complicated and devious Dr. Brenner in the first season of the Netflix series in 2016, Modine has become even more of a household name. The role earned him a SAG Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series and his character’s return last year made waves amongst fans. But Modine has a lot more on his plate. Recently he’s produced and filmed several movies, narrated a documentary (Accidental Truth, about UFOs), and performed onstage in London’s West End. He’s also part of the star-studded cast of Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan’s new blockbuster about the origin of the atomic bomb.

In Oppenheimer, Modine plays Vannevar Bush, a real-life historical figure who headed the U.S. Office of Scientific Research and Development during World War II. Bush was involved in many of the discussions about the atomic bomb, including which Japanese cities to target. Modine describes filming the scenes where some guys decide the fate of the world as almost absurd.

“The idea that there was this small group of men sitting in a room, old white men, who arbitrarily make a decision in that moment of going from one bomb to two bombs is incredible,” the actor tells Observer. “That a decision as powerful and as dangerous and as deadly as that could be made in a room—it’s beyond my comprehension and my belief that that’s how decisions are made. But it’s historically correct of what would happen in that room.”

Oppenheimer, which marks Modine’s second collaboration with Nolan, is one of two projects Modine is involved with which reflect on humanity’s obsession with nuclear weapons. His recent documentary Downwind, which Modine executive produced, examines the real-world impact of the nuclear tests in America. The actor made both films in between shooting the upcoming thriller Retribution with Liam Neeson and true life drama Hard Miles, as well as writing and directing a short film, I Am What You Imagine, which will premiere in film festivals this fall.

Here Modine speaks to Observer about making Oppenheimer, why humanity is in dire straits, and how Stranger Things has changed Hollywood.

What drew you to this project?

Film, for good and bad, is a powerful tool of influence. You can make films that glorify combat and war and make it romantic—what I call war pornography. Or you can make a film like All Quiet on the Western Front that shows you how ugly and horrible it is. That there’s nothing that’s sexy or romantic about it. It’s an ugly, horrible solution to people who hold different views. So with Oppenheimer I said yes right away. There’s a scene where [Vannevar] Bush is speaking during Oppenheimer’s trial and he says he’s expressed an opinion that was unpopular and that if we’re going to destroy people’s lives because they express an opinion that is unpopular, then you should start with me because I’ve expressed an unpopular opinion.

In the time we’re living in, especially with social media and the way that people are so quickly crucified for expressing an opinion that somebody might find contrary, that doesn’t bode well or speak well of humanity and civilization. We have to be able to discuss our differences and, more importantly, to hold a different opinion. That’s how we evolve. We’re living in a really, really volatile time with these really, really powerful weapons of war.

The massive cast was probably also a draw.

Just to get a sense of Christopher Nolan, when I asked him about participating, he said, “We’re casting a bunch of unknowns. The only person that you know is Cillian [Murphy], who’s playing Oppenheimer.” I knew Cillian and hadn’t worked with him, but we were in the same movie, The Dark Knight Rises. He’s a wonderful actor. And then you get closer to going to work and all of the unknowns are people that you’ve known or worked with or people you admire, from Kenneth Branagh to Robert Downey Jr. to Matt Damon. I mean, it was ridiculous. But that’s a testament to Emma [Thomas], Christopher’s wife, and Christopher. They’re such lovely people. They’re so kind and smart and obviously great filmmakers that these are folks people want to work with.

So were you cast because you had worked with Christopher previously?

I hope so! He’s like an orchestra conductor. Christopher is always on the set, he’s always standing beside the camera. He’s there in the scene with you when you’re doing it. What generally happens today is the director’s in another room watching on a television monitor, but because he’s in the room you can feel his encouragement. The same way that a conductor stands in front of an orchestra and raises his hand and opens his palm and says, “A little bit softer, a little bit louder.” Christopher conducts when on his set and it’s something that I really appreciate.

And as a cellist or a violin player or percussionist, it’s your responsibility to learn the song. You have to learn the role and show with all of your knowledge of how to play that piece because you’re part of a big orchestra. It’s not Christopher Nolan’s responsibility or job to teach you to do your part. That’s why he hires you. It’s why those actors come to work because they do all of their homework and their research. They show up and Christopher conducts them.

How long ago did you shoot Oppenheimer?

I’m very bad with dates. I saw a five-year calendar on someone’s wall once and it was just a bunch of boxes. And in the boxes, he had ticked off what he was going to do in six months time and a year and two years and three years. What was astonishing to me was how few boxes five years represented. What it looked like. From that point, I took my watch off and I tossed the calendar and I said, “I just don’t want to measure my life by a calendar or clock.” But I want to say it was about a year ago—it was pretty fast.

In general, why does it feel important for you to be part of the conversation about nuclear weapons?

Nuclear bombs and nuclear energy are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. As long as human beings use violence and war to solve our problems we are the stupidest primate. There are eight billion people on the planet consuming the Earth’s resources at an unsustainable pace. We are about to experience the largest migration of climate refugees in the history of the planet. I picked up a book in England, which I encourage you to read, called The Long View. The problem with the world is the political systems and the economic systems are all designed for the short view. To address the environmental problems that we have, it demands a long view. You can’t look at it in four year cycles, you can’t look at it in quarterly cycles. It demands that we look at the systems where the tree that you and I plant today, we will never enjoy the shade of that tree. You plant that tree for your grandchildren. And that’s what’s missing from the human race today is that ability to see the long view.

The film Downwind, which is also about nuclear bombs, reflects on that. I grew up in Utah. My family—my father, my uncle and my grandfather and my grandmother—they all lived out in the desert in a place called China Ranch in Death Valley. They all died with cancer. They were all downwind of the almost one thousand bombs that were tested in the Nevada desert. They were downwind of the radiation that was falling depending on which way the wind was blowing. I was watching the news once and I saw my brother Maury being arrested and he said what I consider one of most significant things about atomic bomb testing: We know they work, so why did we have to test almost one thousand bombs on American soil?

Did you film Retribution before or after Oppenheimer?

Right before. Liam Neeson and I have been friends for almost three decades and we’ve always wanted to work together. There’s been some plays that we were going to try to do on Broadway.

The director of Retribution, Nimród [Antal], was directing two episodes of Stranger Things. One day, he said, “Come on, they’re ready for us on the set. So we’re going to walk through it together.” I said, “I’ll walk with you if you give me a job in the Liam Neeson movie you’re directing.” He laughed and I laughed. About an hour later, he showed me his phone and had a text message from his producer saying, “We think it’s a great idea.”

It’s a good lesson in asking for what you want.

I would have never done it before because it sounds like such an ass-holic thing to do. That’s a word I learned from Christopher Nolan—I have to give credit where credit’s due.

How has Stranger Things impacted your career?

I think it’s changed the entire entertainment industry. When I began, one of the most famous films I was in was Full Metal Jacket, a very powerful anti-war film. If Full Metal Jacket was successful in 60 territories around the world that was an unbelievable success. Netflix is in over 190 territories around the world, bringing entertainment right into people’s homes. So the kind of success that you can experience today from a streaming service like Netflix or Hulu is something that’s never existed in the history of the entertainment industry.

Have we seen the last of Dr. Brenner?

I hope not! It has been announced now they’re doing the origin story on stage. The producer of a play that I did, To Kill a Mockingbird, in London, Sonia Friedman Productions, is doing an origin story of Stranger Things. I think the whole scenario is about the origin of Dr. Brenner and the children.'

[min-minn]

Symphony - Chapter Six

A03

Summary: Viktor Nikiforov, tenor prodigy and top student at the Salchow Institute of Music, is looking for an accompanist.

And word around campus is that Yakov Feltsman, Head of Music and conductor of the prestigious Institute Band, is looking for new members.

Yuuri Katsuki is just looking to survive his next Piano recital

OR

The Yuri on CONCERT Music School AU that we all deserve

Pairings: Viktor Nikiforov/ Yuuri Katsuki

Rating: Teen And Up

Content Warning: Anxiety

A/N: First, can I just say, I'm so sorry this took so long. Life has finally settled down, and you can all thank soft Korean dramas for getting me back in the mood to update. I need my boys like I need air. I need their soft little moments.

A huge thank you to everyone for your patience, your support, your general amazingness. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this fandom is magical. Thank you.

WON'T MAKE ANY PROMISES AGAIN BUT, my dream is to update fortnightly. Fingers crossed I can do it. Stay tuned for more disaster-bi-Min. The only promise I will make is that this fic will be completed before I die. Its become my solemn duty.

Lots of soft-Korean-drama-love,

- Min

Translations:

ミール - (miiru) - literally "Meal"

Yuuri found his voice as they were walking to the bus, managing to disentangle himself from the group and pull Phichit back with him.

“Phichit, please,” he gasped, reaching to grab his friend’s hand and squeeze it desperately. “We need to talk.”

Phichit was still starry eyed, gazing after the group in front of them like he’d just won some kind of lottery. But when he saw Yuuri’s face, flushed and fearful, his eyes grew sombre.

“Yuuri, I’m so sorry,” and his voice was soft. He reached down to hold Yuuri’s other hand, clasping at them, bringing Yuuri close and slowing them down so they could lag behind the rest of the group.

“I know it was wrong of me,” he said, watching the ground as they walked. “I betrayed your trust and it was really stupid but, come on!” and he waved a hand at the group of students, all laughing and singing and jostling each other as they walked. Christophe and Jean-Jaques and Seung-gil and Mila. Names he’d known for years. Names that belonged in Broadway lights and glossy magazine titles.

And somehow, they were one of them.

The main thought going through his mind, despite it all, was how important this was for Phichit. How hard Phichit had worked to get himself into the Institute Band. The countless hours of practice and preparation. This was his dream. It meant everything to him, and Yuuri wanted to fight for it. Wanted to make it a reality and watch his best friend soar.

But for him…

What did he want?

He’d gone along with the original idea because of Phichit. Because Phichit had convinced him that Viktor had wanted him to audition…

Viktor.

As they meandered through the quad, Yuuri caught glimpses of Viktor’s silver hair amongst the crowd. Flashes of his profile, face beaming, smile like the sun…

Try as he might, over the past few weeks, Yuuri just couldn’t get that first practice out of his mind. The way Viktor’s voice had filled every cell in his body and set it alight. The way his own hands had responded, coaxing music from the piano keys like he were penning a new language. A language just for them…

He wanted to speak it again.

“You’re … an asshole,” Yuuri mumbled into his scarf, still watching the crowd and slowly coming to terms with what was really happening. “And this is insane.”

Yet, despite his anger and fear, it was starting to dawn on him. He was in the band. He’d been accepted.

He’d get to perform with Viktor again…

And somehow, even if Viktor was just being kind. Even if he were just taking pity on Yuuri, that was okay. It was okay because it felt good.

“But it’s real, Yuuri!” Phichit squealed in response, shifting to grab a hold of Yuuri’s arm by his side as they walked, skipping slightly to catch up as the group came close to the bus stop. “This is really happening!”

“Yeah,” and Yuuri found himself giggling despite himself. It was insane. It wouldn’t last. But maybe, just for now, he could let himself enjoy it.

“I’m still going to kill you, though,” Yuuri said with a laugh, falling into Phichit’s shoulder to knock him off balance.

The two were laughing heartily by the time they reached the bus stop, Phichit still hanging off Yuuri’s arm. As their bus pulled to a stop, Yuuri felt the back of his neck tingle uncomfortably. He turned and saw their group preparing to board, Viktor standing near the back…

Watching him.

The blush was instant and fierce. Viktor’s eyes were disarming – achingly beautiful pools of blue set in a silver frame – and Yuuri couldn’t help the way his body seemed to respond on its own, heart stuttering, knees growing weak. He swallowed, realising he’d probably been laughing a little too loudly, instinctively rubbing the back of his neck.

And he tried not to notice Viktor making his way towards them.

Phichit made a noise at the back of his throat, smirking back at Yuuri as he noticed. “Can’t say no to that, either.”

“Sit next to me, Yuuri!” Viktor suddenly said in a sing-song voice, face breaking into a smile as he took a few steps closer. Yuuri almost stepped back, his throat closing in on itself. Viktor’s voice should be a normal sound, by now. Shouldn’t send thrills through Yuuri’s nerves like he’d just been struck by lightning. Shouldn’t turn his legs to water and close off his throat.

But Viktor was close now and Yuuri couldn’t breathe.

“He’d love to!” Phichit said instead, still tangled on his arm and almost bouncing on the spot with excitement. Yuuri threw him a desperate look, but Phichit only winked.

“I’m going to find that tall, dark, and handsome double bass,” Phichit said, glancing over to where Yuuri could see Christophe boarding the bus. He glanced back and offered a friendly wave to Phichit who all but bounded after him like a puppy. Yuuri could only stare after them as his friend disappeared onto the bus, leaving him alone with Viktor.

Viktor.

Viktor, who was still waiting for some kind of reply.

“O—Okay,” Yuuri said lamely, not daring to look Viktor in the eye.

“I have so much I want to ask you,” Viktor said, the smile all too obvious in his voice. “I’m so happy you decided to audition, in the end.”

“Y—Yeah, well,” Yuuri rubbed the back of his neck again, shuffling along next to Viktor as they boarded the bus. “It was all Phichit.”

They paid their fares, flashing their student IDs and making their way onto the bus. The only seats available were at the back, tucked in the corner behind the rest of the group. Yuuri offered a shy wave to a few of the members – Seung-gil, who he was acquainted with from the SIM Orchestra, nodding stoically in response. He could see two younger students – Guang Hong he knew as well, a saxophone major like Phichit, and next to him, another boy who he assumed must be the remaining saxophonist from the case on his lap. They were chattering away as they shared a phone screen, Guang Hong glancing up and smiling as Yuuri passed. He could feel his nerves settle somewhat as he realised that there were at least a few members younger than him – as he realised they weren’t going to try and eat him alive the first chance they got. Maybe he could even make some friends…

“Window or aisle?” Viktor offered as they reached the back of the bus, gesturing to the empty pair of seats. Yuuri swallowed.

“I—I don’t mind,” he whispered, attempting a small smile. Viktor blinked and seemed to be momentarily distracted. Oh. Was that too indecisive? Yuuri chewed on his lower lip as Viktor watched after him intently. Was he having second thoughts? Did he want to sit with Chris instead—?

“Y—You first, then,” Viktor said with a nervous laugh. Nervous? No, it couldn’t be. Yuuri was suddenly reminded of their first practice together – how Viktor had shuffled his feet and stammered his words. He could only put it down to awkwardness. Yes, that had to be it. Yuuri’s complete lack of social skills probably put him off guard. He must be used to people with far more confidence. People who actually knew how to hold conversations and weren’t reduced to a blabbering puddle around his good looks.

Yuuri ducked his head and settled himself in by the window, clutching his satchel in his lap, trying to cover up the obvious holes and tattered material. Viktor sat beside him as the bus began to move and, thankfully, didn’t seem to notice.

As the bus rumbled into gear, Yuuri couldn’t help but glance past Viktor to where Phichit was sitting down next to Christophe, already engaged in animated conversations and laughing loudly. Yuuri smiled as he watched – Phichit was obviously smitten. It warmed his heart to see his friend so happy, and Christophe seemed to enjoy the conversation too. Though Yuuri couldn’t help but wonder what his relationship was with Viktor. Surely they were together, after what Yuuri had seen earlier. The chemistry was palpable, even now, Chris glancing Viktor’s way every now and then…

“—together?” a voice cut across his thoughts, coming at him from a distance. He snapped back in his seat, turning to see Viktor looking at him with his brow creased, eyes bright and searching.

“S—Sorry?” Yuuri asked softly, chiding himself.

“Are you and Phichit together?” Viktor asked again, his mouth a thin line.

Yuuri blinked. “What?” And before he could stop himself, another blush bloomed across his cheeks. “Phichit?” and his voice was all but a squeak.

“Yeah,” Viktor glanced away, a smile across his features that seemed strange somehow. Out of place. “You guys seem close,” and the way Viktor’s voice grew soft did strange things to Yuuri’s heartrate.

“Oh, no!” Yuuri threw his hands up, waving them in front of him to try and get his message across. “No! We’re just friends.”

“Oh!” and Yuuri watched on as that strange smile suddenly broke into an honest grin. He couldn’t quite place the difference – they seemed just as bright and warm and Viktor – and yet…

“That’s good,” Viktor said with a huff, seeming to relax. Yuuri’s mind melted into static as he tried to make sense of it all. Good? Why was it good?

“I mean, not good!” Viktor suddenly cried, sitting up in his seat and leaning forward.

“Relationships are good, I mean. Good to have. And Phichit seems like a great guy!” and now it was Viktor’s turn to gesture wildly, hands moving like he’d said something wrong.

Yuuri was sure Viktor was speaking another language.

“H—He is,” Yuuri said quietly, brow furrowing as he tried to make sense of what, exactly, Viktor was trying to say. His thoughts quickly turned to Christophe, and it all clicked into place. Of course. Viktor was worried about Phichit. Worried about Phichit and Christophe, seated together, laughing together…

“Christophe seems like a great boyfriend,” Yuuri managed to say, glancing towards the pair and offering a small smile. Saying it out loud seemed to help the strange ache he felt in his chest because of course they were together. How could someone like Viktor Nikiforov be single?

“Oh, Chris is very single,” Viktor said with a laugh, leaning over and waving at Chris. “Aren’t you mon cher?”

Chris glanced up, tilting his head ever so slightly. “I am?”

“Very single,” Viktor said with a wink.

“Oh! Yes,” and Chris smiled, glancing pointedly at Phichit who seemed to melt on queue. Yuuri’s heart leapt into his throat.

Chris was single.

“And… you’re single?” Yuuri blurted out, voice quiet, blushing furiously as he heard the words leave his mouth, glancing up at Viktor through strands of hair that had an annoying habit of falling across his eyes.

Viktor made a strange noise – something between a groan and a whimper. A laugh? What was it? But Yuuri could hardly follow the thought through, because Viktor was looking back at him with such a strange expression on his face that had him holding his breath…

Almost like … excitement.

“Yes!” he said, a little too enthusiastically, flashing a bright smile that made Yuuri feel like he were in the middle of summer rather than bundled up for winter as he was now.

Single.

Viktor was single.

“Very single!” Chris chimed in from across the aisle, giggling a little like it were some kind of inside joke. “Getting him to the clubs is like pulling teeth.”

“Chris!” Viktor cried, scrambling in his seat. The other man just laughed, Phichit giggling along with him. Even Yuuri had to stifle a laugh that suddenly threatened to bubble out of his throat.

“Ignore him,” Viktor said with a sigh, offering Yuuri a weak smile as he relaxed back into his seat. Yuuri could see the beginnings of a pink flush across Viktor’s cheeks and oh. Oh.

Viktor was embarrassed?

Yuuri felt like his world was falling off its axel.

He decided to very pointedly keep his gaze straight ahead, far too enraptured by the way the soft colour of Viktor’s cheeks had set his heart racing. The awkwardness of the whole conversation was catching up with him. Why had he even asked that—?

“I’m not actually sure where we’re going,” Viktor said after a beat, one finger on his lips as he suddenly grew pensive. “I’m meant to be deciding, but I hardly go out for dinner…”

Yuuri furrowed his brow. “You don’t?”

Viktor smiled softly at him, “No, I rarely get the chance. Between the NYCO and SIM, my nights are usually booked.” He was staring ahead in a distant way, and Yuuri found himself imagining Viktor, at rehearsals or practicing, coming home late and getting straight into bed. It was an image he couldn’t seem to make peace with – so contrary to what he’d imagined previously. From Viktor’s outgoing nature, Yuuri had always assumed he’d be quite social outside of school.

Perhaps he’d had it wrong all along?

“What about you, Yuuri?” Viktor asked suddenly, eyes growing bright. “Do you know somewhere we could go?”

“M—Me?” Yuuri squeaked, blanching at the suddenness of the question. Viktor was asking him?

“I’m not…” he desperately tried to sift through his scrambled mind, trying to remember the last time he’d eaten out.

“T—There is a nice place … near here,” Yuuri managed, fidgeting with the satchel in his lap as he glanced out the window at the city passing by. “ミール it’s called.”

Viktor blinked at him, cocking his head ever so slightly. “Mi…du?”

Yuuri ducked his head to hide the instinctive smile, “Oh, it’s Japanese,” he said softly. “It means ‘Meal,’ but it’s the Japanese way of saying it.”

Viktor was still staring at him, eyes wide. “Midu,” he tried again, and Yuuri felt his heart race dangerously close to some sort of cardiac arrest. The way the syllables rolled off Viktor’s tongue, adorably awkward around his accent… it was enough to make Yuuri weak.

“C--Close enough,” he said with a small chuckle, feeling that same smile tug his lips. Viktor was still staring at him, the blush from earlier still apparent across his cheeks.

“You’re Japanese,” Viktor stated simply.

“Yes,” Yuuri said slowly, attempting to tuck some of his unruly hair behind his ear. “I moved here just under four years ago.”

“Let’s go to Midu then!” Viktor said suddenly, and before Yuuri could stop him, he was jumping up in his seat and calling out across the bus. “JJ! We’re going to Midu!”

Jean-Jaques – who Yuuri realised must be called JJ amongst friends – turned towards them, seated a few rows in front with a phone pressed to his ear. He glanced back toward Viktor with a confused expression, giving him a slow thumbs up before turning back to his call.

“What a relief,” Viktor said with a sigh, sitting back down heavily. “I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find us a decent place.”

Yuuri felt a familiar spike of fear in his chest. “A—Are you sure?” Yuuri asked, voice breaking in his panic. “It’s just a local yakitori bar. Nothing special.”

“If it’s a place you go to, Yuuri, I’m sure its great,” and Viktor’s smile was soft. Achingly soft. Yuuri was glad he was sitting down.

“Let’s look at the menu!” Viktor suddenly said with all the excitement of a child, whipping out his phone and opening up the browser in one swift movement. Yuuri leaned in instinctively, catching a whiff of Viktor’s cologne as he drew unknowingly closer to his neck. It was intoxicating, and Yuuri wondered absently that it must be expensive.

“That’s the one,” he said, pointing at the screen as Viktor scrolled through his search. Viktor opened it quickly, fingers pausing over the screen as he took in the restaurant’s website.

“Ah, which one’s the menu button?” Viktor asked as the wall of Japanese loaded under his fingers. Yuuri scanned it and pointed to one of the buttons, but rather than follow his instruction, Viktor just handed his phone over instead, their shoulders brushing together as he leant closer.

Yuuri wasn’t expecting the touch to affect him so thoroughly, but he suddenly found it quite hard to breathe as a strange current of soft electricity shot through his veins.

Around the furious beating of his pulse in his ears, Yuuri managed to grip the phone with two shaky hands, focussing on scrolling through to the menu to keep his mind from unravelling entirely. The smell of Viktor’s cologne was heavy now, and Yuuri could feel the warmth of Viktor’s arm through his sleeve like a furnace. And Yuuri realised, with a strange blooming warmth in his chest, that Viktor didn’t pull away, either. If anything, it felt like he was pressing even closer, though Yuuri couldn’t tell if it was Viktor’s own movements or just the sway of the bus beneath them.

All the same, it sent shivers straight through his chest and directly into his abdomen, and he was sure his blush would be embarrassingly apparent by now from the way his ears were burning,

Luckily, Viktor didn’t seem to notice, more focussed on the screen as Yuuri slowly scrolled through some of the images. He saw a familiar photo of a bowl of katsudon and paused.

“This one’s my favourite,” he said softly, voice weak.

“Will you order it?” Viktor asked, his pitch rising as his eyes sparkled. Without missing a beat, he leant in slightly closer and added, “Could I try some if you do?”

Yuuri’s eyes widened, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose ever so slightly as he jerked his head in surprise. Viktor wanted to … try some? From his plate? He tried to stay present but felt his mind reel with possibilities. Viktor eating from his plate. Reaching over to take a bite off of Yuuri’s chopsticks…

Viktor’s own eyes grew wide and he suddenly pulled away ever so slightly, the shift snapping Yuuri back to reality.

“Or,” Viktor said slowly, clearing his throat and glancing back down at the screen, the excitement slightly dampened. “Actually, I’ll just get one of my own.”

Yuuri felt all the air leave his lungs.

Where he was teetering on the edge of hopeful before, now he was mired in despair. Because of course. Of course Viktor wouldn’t want to share with him. That would be strange. He probably hated the idea. Had probably said it because he’d forgotten who he was actually talking to…

“Is there anything else you like?” Viktor’s voice, soft and careful, cut across Yuuri’s thoughts. Yuuri realised he was still holding Viktor’s phone, leaning away as he unconsciously tucked his head into his scarf. Without meeting Viktor’s gaze, Yuuri moved to hand the phone back to Viktor, desperately trying to think of how to salvage the awkward social situation.

But instead of take the phone back, Viktor just leant in again, pressing against Yuuri’s shoulder once more as he watched the screen.

“This one?” Viktor asked, gesturing to the next item on the menu; okonomiyaki.

“That one’s quite nice, too,” Yuuri found himself answering shyly despite himself. Viktor didn’t seem to notice the awkwardness in Yuuri’s tone, however. Instead, his eyes lit up as he took in the image, casually zooming in, fingers spreading across the screen and Yuuri found he couldn’t help how his eyes followed the movement.

As a pianist, Yuuri was naturally drawn to fingers. Found himself calculating if people could reach a full octave or not. Wondering how they’d hold up performing glissandos…

Now, all Yuuri could think of was what Viktor’s fingers would feel like.

Because even in simple gestures, Viktor’s fingers were mesmerising. Like every touch were important – deserving of some sort of special care. Yuuri had had enough experience with performers to understand they were slightly different to most. Understand how much their profession permeated every aspect of their lives. Yet he realised, with a strange surge of awe and soft surprise, that Viktor lived his performance. Every gesture, the tone of his voice, the set of his lips, it commanded attention. Spoke of a deep sense of knowing. Knowing others were watching him. Self-aware…

As entranced as Yuuri was, the new knowledge suddenly made him feel incredibly distant, somehow. As if the chasm he’d imagined between who Viktor was and who he was had suddenly widened tenfold.

“What is it, exactly?” Viktor asked, brow furrowing, and even that simple expression had Yuuri reeling. It took Yuuri a moment to realise Viktor was referring to the menu.

“I—It’s … a sort of pancake,” he fumbled for his words, earlier thoughts scattering to the back of his mind. “Savoury.”

“Interesting,” Viktor said with a soft smile. “We’ll have to get one of those, too.”

They continued like that for a while, scrolling through the menu, Yuuri explaining the different food and drink softly as Viktor kept track of what he wanted to order. And Yuuri wasn’t too sure how he felt about it. It was almost too easy, the way the conversation flowed and ebbed. Far easier than any conversation he’d had before, despite how hard his heart was trying to tear itself out of his chest. And as they talked, it didn’t take long for Viktor to laugh, though Yuuri couldn’t remember what he’d said to illicit such a response. Such a melodious, beautiful response.

He decided making Viktor laugh was easily the best thing in the world.

And Yuuri found, with a small jolt of surprise, that he was soon laughing too. Really laughing. Gasping for air and snorting because Viktor was still trying to pronounce Japanese words and it was too much.

As he wiped tears from the corner of his eyes, Viktor smiling at him in such an attentive way that Yuuri couldn’t help but stare back, Phichit suddenly called out from across the aisle.

“I haven’t heard him laugh like that in ages,” and Yuuri tore his eyes from Viktor’s to give Phichit a decidedly threatening glare.

“Oh?” Viktor asked next to him, eyes still trained on Yuuri’s face. “Is that so?”

“D—Don’t mind him,” Yuuri shuffled back into his seat, tucking his face into his scarf. He decided the blush across his features was more or less permanent, now, though the instinct to hide it was still very strong.

How he’d survive the rest of the night, he had no clue.

And all too soon, they were rounding a familiar corner, coming to the block where the yakitori bar was. Yuuri reached to press the button that would signal the driver to stop, careful not to touch Viktor as he did so. Viktor was glancing out the window, eyes searching.

“We’re close?” he asked, furrowing his brow at the shops and apartments around them.

“It’s not all that well known,” Yuuri said sheepishly, wondering for the millionth time if he’d made the right choice. “We can still go somewhere else if you’d—”

“No!” Viktor cried suddenly, the fringe of his hair drifting across his eyes as he jerked himself back into his seat, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean—”

And Yuuri felt the laugh simmer in his throat, escaping as a giggle he couldn’t control. He wondered if he’d ever get used to how excitable Viktor was. How charming...

“It’s okay,” Yuuri smiled softly at him, and as all the panic and doubt and sense of inferiority threatened to cloud his thoughts, Yuuri realised it really had been a long time since he’d laughed like this. Smiled like this. Since he’d felt so at ease.

And as the bus came to a stop and the group began disembarking, Yuuri found the prospect of a night with Viktor to be all too inviting, after all.

[auselysium]

Author’s Notes for After New York

Thanks for those of you who have taken the time to read my latest CMBYN fic/screenplay/film sequel.  It was so much fun to write another happy ending for Elio and Oliver!! 

Once again, I have lots of thoughts - little tid bits about why I included what I did, about t he music, characters etc.

If you haven’t had a chance to read it, I’d be honored if you did!  LINK

Obvious spoilers below! And man...long.  I talk about what I imagine rolls over the end credits and there’s even a pic of Sascha, so it’s worth it.

Thanks so much for reading this if you do - it’s so self indulgent.  And thank you for sharing links to my fics, leaving comments on AO3 (it’s love and I’m a slut for them...), sending me messages here and all the love you give to Elio and Oliver (and Armie and Timmy and CMBYN in general!)

First off, let’s talk music again.  

It’s so key for me to know what music is going on in the background of certain scenes it really helps to set the right mood for me.  So adding them in is for my benefit as much as yours!

Starting with the concert was an idea that came very early on from chats with @iknowthebattle as I blathered on at her about what kind of guy (or girl) Elio would be dating.  At first I was thinking some sort of cool business type, but then knowing Elio would be working as a musician (already making progress from his days in NYC as an accompanist but taking center stage again as a performer) I had the idea of him dating a conductor who have a bit of a reputation within the musical community.  They tend to have huge egos and also develop relationships with favorite musicians - in this case, young, star Elio.

Sascha Beckmann (last name another homage to Unter Uns, 1/2 of my German soap couple Ringsy, Ringo Beckmann) is absolutely based off a conductor I worked with.  This is him:

Petrushka is a totally kick ass piece and features so many amazing piano parts so I knew I’d start with that.  In fact, many of the pieces I included are orchestral standards that have orchestral piano, meaning the piano acts as part of the orchestra - not a solo instrument.

I also included larger orchestra works in the soundtrack to represents Elio’s increased world view, his age, his level of experience.  If CMBYN was almost all solo piano and TOR was mostly piano chamber music, ANY was piano as part of a large ensemble: Elio as a fully formed human, part of the world.

I also chose that last Sufjan song totally last minute and got lucky - there is no lyrics and has a very minimalist feel, referencing again the Glass and Reich I’d used in TOR.

Now onto plotty goodness.

This story is about Elio and Oliver choosing to commit to themselves.  It’s not about how Oliver’s marriage will end, the ins and outs of how they will share custody, it’s not about Elio finding work in Boston etc. etc.  It’s about them choosing happiness.  I’d mapped out breakup scenes, fights with Cindy, but in the end that detracted from the beautiful choice Elio and Oliver were making.  Obviously, those things will happen.  But not in this perfect summer.

The scene on the piazetta where they talk about marriage, I actually use a quote from Armie where he talks about “liking the idea of marriage”.  To me, that has always read as very sad.  Liking the idea and not the act.  It felt very Oliver so...here it is.

So I killed Sammy because he means so much to both of them and would get them together.  The father/son, professor/student bond was so strong.  I was sad to do it, but also happy to let Annella be the wise one.

Speaking of Annella, I’ve often speculated that by the end of the book she has gone senile.  I added that little scene at the end with her and Sammy’s ashes to suggest that maybe that is starting to show itself now.  But it’s also the only time I give her private grief.

I used Home Alone because that is the movie Armie says made him want to act.  I used Silence of the Lams to sort of mimic the scene in the book where Mafalda is commenting on a Italian drama they all watch but wanted something very much of the times.

It was important for me to include the postcard again - Oliver’s Cor Cordium is the closest to an ILY that we get in the book. Though I’m pretty happy with how I slipped in an ILY here too. ;)

I also really wanted to include the friend, brother, father, son, lover, husband, myself line because that so completely encapsulates to me their love - it’s not purely romantic, purely physical it is every kind of love that exists rolled into one person.  But having it has just a single person’s monologue would have been awkward so I split it (plus is mirors “Elio, Oliver, Elio, Oliver, Elio”).

Speaking of mirroring: the final shot of this scene comes directly from the fire escape scene in TOR.  Elio wishes they could start again “Rubbing elbows on that balcony in the sunlight, making plans, everyday for the rest of my life.”  So I let them. :)

As for the end credits, you all hopefully remember the polaroid pictures they took their day in NYC, the one Oliver tucked behind the postcard.  Well, for the end credits, I imagined more pictures: Elio and Oliver in Athens, Jerusalem, a pic of Josh and Oliver, drunk together in NYC, the day Elio moves into Oliver’s apartment in Boston, Elio playing with Oliver’s sons, a picture after Elio’s first Boston solo recital and on and on and on...

[thenovelescapes]

april 2017

This is the first April in five years that I have not been studying for final exams and feverishly reading the textbooks I neglected during the semester. Instead, I’ve been spending my days at work, commuting three hours to/from work, and watching Mad Man with my parents. It’s a wild life, y’all.

- the television -

Speaking of Mad Men, my parents and I wrapped up the series this month with seasons five, six and seven. It’s clearly very well made, and the acting is impressive, but I’m not sure I liked it? My only real opinions about the show are a) Jon Hamm is a fox, and b) Peggy Olson is the best.

In April, I also continued my re-watch of Grey’s Anatomy with seasons three, four, five and six. Predictably, I got sucked back into the Grey’s universe and fell behind on nearly all currently airing shows in favour of binging it. I’ve watched the first five seasons of this show so many times since I first started watching in middle school, and every time I do, I find more and more plots that irritate me. George and Izzie getting together is even worse than I remembered. Izzie having sex with Denny’s ghost? Erica Hahn’s entire presence? Boo, BOOOOOO. In season five, two new characters are introduced - Owen Hunt and Arizona Robbins. Both are characters that I loved (at first) and then grew to absolutely despise in later seasons. (I loved Hunt so much when he was just a great doctor and sweet guy struggling with PTSD, but now I could write an entire dissertation on why he is garbage). But the character development of Meredith Grey and Alex Karev through these first six seasons is so well done and incredibly important to me, and they are the only reason that I am still watching this show thirteen seasons later.

I also spent an intense weekend binge watching 13 Reasons Why this month. The novel, by Jay Asher, was really important to me in high school - I read it a dozen times and did my entire grade 9 English final project on it. I do feel that the adaptation elevated the material, but there were changes made that felt unnecessary and gratuitous and as an adult, I am more aware of how the entire story could be harmful to those struggling with suicide ideation. This piece, by Ijeoma Oluo, does a great job of exploring this. 

- the books -

I fell into a bit of a reading slump this month. I’m still eight books ahead of schedule on my reading challenge (TAKE THAT, GOODREADS) but I only finished three in April. The first was Marlena by Julie Buntin. I preordered this novel back in 2016 and had been anticipating its release for months, so I was extremely excited to dive in. It did not disappoint! But, after I was done, I had trouble sinking into another novel. I started and promptly gave up on four different books before finally settling on Maybe in Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Reid’s novels are all contemporary romances, and nice, easy reads that you can mainline in an afternoon. I appreciate the existence of these kinds of novels but I have come to the conclusion that I do not like her writing, and this one was particularly bad. Her dialogue is unrealistic and her characters are not at all well-rounded. The main character, Hannah Martin, is obsessed with cinnamon buns and wearing her hair in a high bun, and Reid apparently thought these facts were enough to form a personality because she mentioned them approximately 347 times throughout the book. 0/10 do not recommend.

The last book I read this month was Everything You Want Me to Be by Mindy Mejia. This novel is a murder mystery, told from three perspectives in two timelines - one, before the murder and one after. It started out fairly strong, but I lost interest about halfway through and found myself skim reading the last 100 pages because, while I didn’t care about any of the characters, I wanted to know who the murderer was. It wasn’t a great conclusion - there were three different “twists” in the wrap-up and final one was just a little tooooo convenient.

- the podcasts -

Podcasts, podcasts, podcasts!

My job is extremely dull, so I’ve been keeping myself entertained for eight hours a day with a ton of podcasts. This month, I got into The Hilarious World of Depression, Heavyweight, Someone Knows Something, Nancy and 2 Dope Queens. If you’re looking for true crime, try Someone Knows Something. If you like frank, compassionate conversations about mental health, listen to The Hilarious World of Depression. If you like This American Life-esque human stories, Heavyweight is for you. If you’re looking for a podcast about the LGBTQ+ experience from two queer, people of colour, try Nancy. (Actually, you know what, literally everyone should listen to Nancy - it’s wonderful). If you like to laugh, listen to 2 Dope Queens. (I’ve been muffling laughter at my desk every day listening to Phoebe Robinson, Jessica Williams and their stand-up comic guests. Start with ‘#25 A Jon Hamm Sandwich’, it made me cry-laugh).

If you have any recommendations for me, hit me up here or on Twitter! I’m always looking for new podcasts!

- miscellaneous -

In April, I saw City & Colour live in concert for the fourth time. The shows are always amazing, but this one was truly special - two hours of just Dallas Green with a guitar surrounded by twinkly lights (aka. what I imagine heaven to be).

The Vancouver Symphony Orchestra launched a Harry Potter Film Concert series July 2016 with the Philosopher’s Stone, and this month, they returned with Chamber of Secrets. In this series, the orchestra performs the soundtrack (composed by John Williams) while the film plays on a large screen above the stage. It was an incredibly cool experience. My friend and I went dressed in our house colours (Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, respectively) and the audience was filled with cosplayers and people decked head-to-toe in Hogwarts merch. At the start of the show, the conductor encouraged us to clap and cheer for our favourite moments and characters, to laugh and boo and interact with the material. I’ve already bought tickets for Prisoner of Azkaban, which will run this July.

My parents hold season tickets at a local theatre, so every month they see a different play from the season roster. This month, my dad had a conflict, so I went with my mom to see The Out Vigil, a play written by Julie McIsaac and set in present-day Newfoundland. The cast is made up of only five people - three actors and two musicians - but they have an enormous presence. Act One is rather slow, but Act Two is incredibly compelling and the play features such rich relationships and an interesting magical realism element. Support local theatre!

This month, I also went to see Beauty & the Beast. It is my favourite Disney movie off all time, but the live action version lacked so much of the charm of the animated film. 

I haven’t been listening to much music lately. Music gives my brain too much time to wander, so I’ve been distracting it with podcasts and audiobooks. But, two songs did get stuck in my head this month. Harry Styles’ first solo single, ‘Sign of the Times’, was released on April 7th. It’s all glam rock and falsetto and drama. It’s long, running nearly six minutes, and slow, but I love it because I love him and I cannot wait until his full album is released (May 12th! Pre-order it!). Lorde’s new single ‘Green Light’ is the other song that has been playing in my head on a loop. It is an extremely good song to listen to while stuck in traffic on a sunny day with your windows and sunroof open.