#the dog I’m dogsitting it looking at me so sideways I swear I’m fine girl

[comma-souptra]

BBC Merlin 10th rewatch thoughts compilation:

(this is also my first full rewatch since I was literally 18 so prefrontal cortex is notably more developed or whatever)

This is SO long and rambled because it’s for me and putting my thoughts down on my blog! But feel free to peruse bc I am just crying sobbing putting words down. Thoughts under the cut for spoilers <3

-fuck this show fr

-starting off strong with Angel Coulby you are the most beautiful woman and the most perfect Guinevere possible

-something interesting is how much more the lack of communication drove me bonkers this time around, like please just explain everything in detail to each other we could solve so many problems

-Merlin also seems like so much more of an ill-moraled character this go around? Like he is truly so morally grey and his logic for “should I do this” is deeply just “does it in any potential way benefit Arthur/the fuckass prophecy”

-TO THE POINT THAT he’s literally like Magic’s #1 Hater for five straight seasons AND can’t see that he is actively making the prophecy unfold every single time

-Gwen/Morgana gfs my angels I’m so sorry this happened to you

-Morgana should have had a friend so badly like one friend (not Morgause) would have saved her

-same exact sentiment for Mordred

-Merlin/Arthur and Merlin/Gwaine literally no comments

-actually this show invented polyamory and throuples would have saved many of you

-ON THE TOPIC Lancelot so badly is both Arthur and Merlin’s queer awakening in my heart. I do think Merlin likely already knew (Will) but I think his relationship to Lancelot made queer relationships seem feasible in some form

-I do not think Arthur knew at all and that’s why he looks so damn confused every time he interacts with Lancelot

-Lancelot is around for SO much less than I ever remember too he really is just stepping in to be pretty and complicate the narrative and then leave again

-Arthur needs glasses so severely I fear because I can excuse a lot of the missing magic moments but I watched Merlin lock eyes with him and use magic during that S5 dice game you can’t explain that one away

-Gwaine my beloved! Proof that a fictional man can be both a butch lesbian to the women in his life and a pansexual man to everyone else

-Morgana and Morgause…. This script is fruity as hell can we be for real. Both actresses said “yeah we played it a little queer” I fear the BBC was not brave enough to give Morgana an evil fucked up gf and went the Kill la Kill route

-I think by Elyan’s death all the knights fully must know that the ambiguous secret Merlin seems to have is in fact his magic and they are just choosing not to say anything out of respect for him (“he’s tell us when he’s ready”)

-EXCEPT: Leon doesn’t know. I do however think Leon just thinks Merlin is gay.

-Gwaine absolutely knows there’s literally no way around that one

-Gwen I feel also had an inkling that Merlin had magic, which I feel is supported by her and Gaius’ conversation in S5E13, I do also think she thinks he’s gay

-I also do think Merlin is gay

-I forgot how much of a through-line the joke that Merlin crossdresses is, it comes up at least three times

-tangentially related, the early friendship between Morgana and Merlin… I mourn u every day! The friends they could’ve been and how happy he was when he thought she knew he had magic (S1? When she thinks he has a crush on Gwen)

-also I forgot how much angst Merlin had about magic towards Gaius, several (justified) comments about how Gaius doesn’t understand what he’s going through

-also so so interesting is that I feel like in so many Magic Revealed fics, we write Arthur responding with shock & confusion & anger (which all rock big fan), but in the finale, once he understands that Merlin is so for serious a sorcerer, he’s just so scared of him?? Which was crazy I don’t think that has sunk in before how scared he looks

-and then they start to get over it and we get the reminiscing about their fight from the first day they met where Merlin confesses to using magic and we get the devastating exchange “you cheated” “you looked like you were going to kill me!” “I should have”

-damn major nostalgia vibe killer from Arthur, DEVASTATING on this rewatch

-also S5E12 when Gwaine and Merlin and traveling through the valley of the fallen kings and get jumped by bandits and Merlin gets cornered and HOLLERS for Gwaine thank you BBC that one lives rent free in my head always

-fuck this dragon for real also because Merlin DOES kind of fail like none of the shit they planned for happened, they got pieces but so much more COULDVE worked out without this fuckass dragon whispering in Merlin’s ear every day Kilgharrah it’s on sight dude

-finally maybe the most sickening parallel I have to offer is S4E13 when Isolde is dying and she and Tristan are reminiscing on the plans they had that are obviously not going to happen anymore and she says “hold me”

-which obviously is striking a significant chord with Arthur as it spurs him to reconcile with Gwen (thank god everyone cheered)

-(also why was the full breadth of her enchantment never discussed back to miscommunication please she didn’t cheat on him like that justice for Gwen’s rep I’m sick)

-BUT ALSO! A season later in S5E13 we get Merlin and a dying Arthur with Merlin trying to explain that they have so much to do so Arthur can’t die, and Arthur says “just hold me”

-I will lose it every time about this one… watching half of a couple die and mourn the chance to live a life together and then mirroring that at your own death with the man you are unexplainably close and connected to

-also the “I’m going to say something I’ve never said to you before… thank you” had such a queer set up that even my parents thought it was going to be an “I love you” when we watched the show for the first time together in like 2014 so… it’s the Spanish supernatural finale dub in my heart

-I think that’s enough I’m just sick to my STOMACH over this show once again, obviously it’s a BBC show from 2009 so it’s not without criticism but it’s genuinely my favorite TV show I’ve ever seen without competition. There is a deeply clear allegory for queerness that has drawn in and continues to draw in queer fans constantly and keep the viewership active. I also just love so badly how campy and classic it is, it’s one of the few pieces of media I have in DVD because I fear so badly to lose it. BBC Merlin I love u what a brilliant and silly and devastating tv show from 2009