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nightingiall · 4 years ago

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things i love about you: you meet me in the afterglow

a post-little do you know drabble series // story page

Niall knew it from the moment he walked into the kitchen.

The afternoon light filtered in through the window, diffused slightly by the holographic decal Mona had applied to the top half. It casted soft rainbow flecks over her skin as she sat at the table, knees pulled up to her chest, a cup of tea balanced on top. She didn’t have to turn her face for him to know those big brown eyes were glazed over, lost in a thought that took her to some faraway place. He could tell instead from the deep hunch of her spine, rigid angles where there should be soft curves, her head slouched back in a defeated sort of slump.

Right, he remembered. Today was a Mimi day.

“Hiya, darlin’,” he greeted, mostly just to divert her attention away from whatever was swirling through her mind and focused on him instead. She flinched the slightest bit at the sound of his voice. Clearly, she was so lost in thought that she hadn’t even heard him come in.

A sharp intake of breath sounded as wide eyes flicked to him. She sent him a forced sort of smile. “Hi,” she murmured as he pressed his lips to her forehead. He had to give it to her. If he didn’t know her as well as he did then he’d have thought she was absolutely fine from the calm lilt of her voice. “Tea? I can put the kettle back on.”

“Sure.” They moved about the kitchen in a familiar shuffle. He washed his hands at the sink as she set the kettle over the stovetop, her spine cracking as she twisted back in a stretch. His fingers found her forgotten cuppa on the kitchen table because he couldn’t help it, and sure enough, it was cold, despite being more than half full. He held back a deep sigh.

When his eyes found Mona again, she was reaching up into the cupboard for a mug. “Takeout for dinner?”

He leaned against the counter as he loosened his tie, trying to appear nonchalant in his attempt to scan her features for a hint as to what could be bothering her. “Thought we were gonna try and use up all the veg that’s about to go bad in the fridge.”

Her shoulders heaved with a sigh. “Yeah, but I don’t feel like cooking tonight,” she said, that strained smile pulling along her lips again as she plopped a tea bag into the mug. “Let’s just order out and hang out on the couch. We can do a stir fry or something tomorrow.”

He knew the signs. Faraway, unfocused eyes. Constantly thrumming fingers. Tensed muscles in her shoulders. Not for the first time, he wished he could just press his ear to her head and hear all those buzzing thoughts that made her so unhappy. At least then, he’d know exactly what to do or what to say to make it all better. At least then, he wouldn’t feel this balloon of unease swelling within him at his complete helplessness, his complete inability to take all her pain away.

As always, he was at a loss whenever they ended up here. So instead, he gently smoothed her flyaway strands, tucking them gingerly into her bun, and said, “Sure. Whatever you want.”

And, so, perhaps he couldn’t fix everything, despite how desperately he would have loved to, but he could do what he knew best. He loved her a little extra. Ordered her favorite Indian takeout and ran her a bath with that fizzy lavender soap she adored. Curled up with her on the couch, a rom com playing on the television as they ate. Pressed soft kisses to her hairline when she leaned into him, her head nestled comfortably over his heart, his fingers twirling around the soft curls at the nape of her neck.

He held her as they watched the telly, close and snug, getting lost in an alternate world, a perhaps unrealistic reality, in which the two main characters fell in love and were pushed apart by some avoidable conflict but ended up with a happily ever after anyway. Except he liked to believe that perhaps a happily ever after didn’t have to be unrealistic. That he and Mona could have that.

Sure, there would always days that presented a challenge, and maybe they would get into avoidable conflicts too—they surely have gotten into their fair share of arguments over the years—but in the end, they would always choose each other. He surely made an effort to choose her every day. He knew she felt the same—or at least he hoped she did, as he often found his mind cast with a shadow of doubt on the days she got all distant on him.

Like today.

Glancing down, he found that she was fast asleep, her shoulders rising and falling rhythmically with each slow breath she took. He sighed, arms tightening the slightest bit around her. His beautiful Mona darling. She was so close and yet so far. “I wish I could read your mind,” he whispered into her hairline, eyes closed as he snuggled into her. “I wish I could make it all better.”

Mona simply snuffled slightly in sleep, fingers flexing where it was curled into the fabric of his shirt. Her lips were quirked upwards the tiniest bit, and he gently trailed a knuckle over the curved edge, savoring it. He hoped that in rest, at least, whatever bothered her while she was awake left her alone in her dreams.

With another sigh, he pressed a fleeting kiss to the corner of that tiny smile, holding her close for a few more moments before shifting slightly so he could take her to bed. A muffled sound left her throat when he sat up. “I fell asleep?”

Niall couldn’t help the way he chuckled softly when she let out the cutest yawn, bringing her arms around his neck. “Yep. Bedtime for you.”

A quiet groan left her lips, feet kicking out slightly as he lifted her off the couch and carried her towards their room. “I can walk.”

He shook his head at her, rolling his eyes fondly. She could barely keep her eyes open. “I know.” She yawned again against his chest. “I just like carrying you.”

She hummed, a smile curving along her lips, and he relished in the sight of it. “Yes, I know, you can never get enough of me,” she mumbled, voice quiet and sleep muddled.

At this, he laughed, pushing their bedroom door open with his hip. “You know it, my darlin’.” He jostled her to wake just enough so she could pull back the covers, and he gently lowered her into the bed, tucking the blankets snug around her as she nuzzled into her pillow, already being pulled back into sleep. “Sweet dreams, my love,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her temple.”

“You’re not coming to bed?” she asked, already sounding so far away, halfway to dreamland.

He smiled, flicking off the light. “I’ll just go check everything is in place and I’ll be right there.”

“’M’kay,” she murmured. Another deep breath and he knew she was already out.

And, so, his nightly ritual commenced. He checked that the doors were locked, made sure any candles were put out, any appliances unplugged, any leaky taps dealt with. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and moisturized—a habit he’d picked up at his girlfriend’s insistence. When his workday could sometimes be a whirlwind, having some sort of daily routine helped him feel more grounded and less like life was mindlessly whisking him along. It was the little things, he found, that he enjoyed most.

He was just grabbing their phones from the coffee table when Mona’s started ringing, Harlow’s face lighting up the screen. He answered. “Hey, Harley.”

“Niall, hi!” As usual, Harlow sounded like she was juggling numerous tasks. In the background, he could hear something sizzling, like she was cooking, as well as the sound of her pouring out food for her new cat. He remembered Mona mentioning that Harlow and Zayn had been having trouble in paradise, but it seemed like the cat was saving them for now as Zayn had texted him numerous photos of them cuddling with the furry creature, whom they had named Fudge. “Is Mona around?”

He sat on the couch, flicking through the mail that had come in earlier to make sure there were no bills in the mix. “She just fell asleep. Today was a Mimi day.”

Harlow audibly paused. “Oh, damn, I forgot. Not a good session, I assume?”

“I guess not, but I’m not sure,” he said, rubbing his fingers over his eyes with a sigh. “She was very quiet tonight and she hardly ate. But she didn’t talk about it and I decided it probably wasn’t the time to ask.”

Harlow hummed in thought. “She’s been going to Mimi for a long time though. Does she still have rough sessions often?”

“Not really.” Niall fiddled with the edge of an open envelope, trying to remember how often he came home to find her already in bed. “Nothing has ever been as bad as the first few, but she has her bad days. Usually I let her stew over whatever she’s thinking about for a while and she’ll fess up eventually.”

Harlow huffed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” Niall chuckled quietly in response. “I have news that might make her feel better. What are you guys doing next weekend?”

He raised a brow, wondering where she was going with this. Harlow’s plans tended to be slightly over the top. “Mmm, nothing so far, I don’t think. What’s the news?”

It was as though he could feel her enthusiasm through the phone, like it was taking everything in her not to simply squeal. “Guess!”

Niall snorted. “Give me a hint?”

“Ugh, never mind I’ll just tell you I’m too excited.” This made him laugh because of course she was. “Deepa is having a baby!”

Niall didn’t think he was a particularly dramatic person but a gasp escaped him at this. “Holy shit! That’s incredible!”

“Yeah!” Harlow cackled. “She’s like four months along now and she only now told everyone. Can you believe that? I don’t even know how she kept it a secret for so long. Mom said that she’s showing quite a bit and that she couldn’t believe that no one noticed. Apparently she’s been wearing baggy clothes all the—”

In the background, Zayn could be heard huffing at Harlow to get to the damn point, which made Niall grin. It was moments like this that had him really missing when they all lived in the same building. They didn’t see nearly as much of each other as they used to, life pulling them all in different directions, but it made them more excited for all the things they planned to do together, like their annual cabin trip next month for the holidays.

Now, Harlow huffed, and Niall imagined her waving Zayn off. “Anyway, I was thinking we could all go to Cali next weekend to surprise her. She’s not doing all the gender reveal and baby shower things and I know I could just go when she gives birth but I can’t wait that long!”

Niall laughed. “I love that idea. I’ll tell Mona about it in the morning and let you know, but I’m sure she’ll be excited to go too.”

This time, Harlow actually did squeal. “Thanks, Nially Poo! I’m so excited. I know this will lift Mona’s spirits too.”

Niall definitely hoped so.

The plane jolted from a minor bout of turbulence and Niall’s eyes snapped open.

Mona turned to him, eyes sparkling with amusement. “You alright?”

He belatedly realized that he’d yanked on her hand when he flinched and he murmured an apology. Mona simply smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead before going back to gazing out the window. As he rested his head on her shoulder again, he noticed that as the plane sunk through the clouds, they were getting closer and closer to the ground, tiny squares of houses and swirling highways now visible in the distance. “We’re almost there?”

“Mhmm.” She gave his hand a comforting squeeze without looking at him. “Landing in fifteen minutes or so.”

He felt a bit bad. She was the one who needed cheering up, who’d been out of sorts for the past few days, and yet the morning was spent with her being the one to comfort him. He’d woken up with a raging headache, probably because everyone had come over to their place and they’d spent the night catching up and drinking cheap wine.

Mona had held his hand all throughout the cab ride over to the airport, rubbed his back gently as he tried not to be sick in the middle of the security checkpoint, and when they’d finally gotten onto the plane, she let him hide in the curve of her neck, warm fingers skimming gently along the hairs at the nape of his neck, only having to murmur, “Go to sleep, my love,” before he was out like a light.

Now, she passed him a bottle of water, instructing him to drink. She’d even saved him a packet of peanuts and some cookies the flight attendants must’ve passed out earlier. He accepted them happily, pressing a kiss to her cheek in thanks.

“Mate,” Liam groaned on his other side. He and Harry had seats on the other end of the aisle. “That wine fucked me up. What was in that shit?”

Harry scoffed, looking equally worse for wear. They were all really about to show up at the Kotecha house looking miserable and hungover. “Diesel fuel, probably,” Harry muttered, nursing a paper cup of coffee.

Niall drained his water and finished his snacks, feeling a lot better than he did earlier. After placing his rubbish in the bag held by the attendant, he turned back to Mona, tucking his face into crook of her shoulder again and comfortable settling in, even though they were going to land in a few minutes. “Did you get some rest?” he asked, catching the sight of the airport through the window, the runway closely approaching as the plane curved to the side.

“A little.” The corner of her mouth twitched and he knew it was a lie. It took a great amount of effort not to let out a resigned sigh.

From then, it was a whirlwind of activity, from landing to grabbing their luggage from the overhead compartment to filing out and meeting up in the waiting area. Harlow’s dad and Mona’s brother would be picking everyone up, and as they waited for them outside, Harlow teased the boys about their zombie-like appearances.

“Raina!” Harry called out excitedly when Nick and Mona’s mom pulled up to the curb. “You didn’t come back to New York like you promised!”

Raina laughed, letting Harry gather her into a hug when she got out the car. “I know, sorry. Soon, for sure!”

Nick pulled Mona into a quick embrace when he approached, grabbing her bag. “I think Mom likes Harry more than she likes us,” he said to her before greeting Niall with a handshake and hug as well.

Mona shrugged. “Even Niall’s mom likes Harry more than her own kids.”

Niall gasped in faux offense. “Hey!”

Mona laughed. “It’s true, though!”

When they pulled up to the Kotecha house, it was decorated with a slew of golden lights and flowers, draped across the doors and windows and railings. Niall couldn’t help but stand there for a moment and stare in awe.

“It’s Diwali,” Mona explained when she handed him his bag. Niall was familiar with the holiday. They’d celebrated it once a few years ago when the Kotechas came over to visit Harlow in New York. Though he had a feeling this was on a completely different level than that. The house could probably be seen from space with how bright it was.

“Holy shit,” he murmured when they walked inside. If the exterior was bright then inside was an absolute explosion. Niall imagined this was what it must feel like to step into a star. Not to mention the absolute heavenly aromas that were emanating from all corners—flavorful food being prepared in the kitchen, deep sandalwood from the burning incense, slight muskiness from the marigolds. He took great care not to step on the intricate swirls of colorful powder on the floor in front of the door as Harlow’s sisters, Pari and Jyoti, came rushing out to greet them.

“You’re here!” came a voice from the stairs. Niall looked up to find Deepa, Harlow’s eldest sister, and he smiled at her when she gave them all a tight hug. Harlow was not wrong, she was definitely showing quite a bit. He’d love to hear the stories of how she managed to keep this a secret for so long, which she promised to him with a laugh that she’d share later.

Harlow’s mom then ushered them all into the dining room to feed them. There was so much food that Niall couldn’t even decide what he wanted. There was that lusciously creamy paneer that he loved and the big flaky samosas that he loved and the mouthwatering but spicy biriyani that he, you guessed it, loved. Mona caught him reaching for the samosas and grinned, telling Harlow’s mom, “Seema Aunty, you’re gonna have to give Niall some more recipes because he makes samosas better than I can even dream of now.”

Both Seema and Raina gasped delightedly at this information, showering him in compliments until his cheeks felt as though they might just burn right off. From the corner of his eye, he spotted Mona holding back her laughter at his presumably tomato-red face, and he couldn’t even be miffed about it because at least she was laughing and having a good time.

After everyone showered and changed, they all sat down for prayers, indulged on delicious sweets, and then helped with lighting all the oil lamps to place in all corners of the house. There was no room for darkness in the Kotecha house. As Niall lit one, he found himself wishing that he could somehow take away all of Mona’s pain, wished that he could grab whatever was bothering her right out of her body and burn it away in the rows of oil lamps lined up all around them.

“Well,” came a voice to his left, and he glanced over to find Mona’s mom. She was smiling knowingly, eyes sparkling from the light bouncing all around the room. “Have you decided when you’re going to do it?”

He knew instantly she was referring to the proposal. He hadn’t brought the ring with him on this trip, deciding that he’d rather get to the bottom of whatever war was raging inside Mona’s head first, but he knew Raina was looking forward to the good news from the both of them. His cheeks prickled with heat again. “Erm, I dunno. I’m waiting for the right moment.”

Raina huffed exasperatedly, waving her hands. “You kids and this obsession with the right moment. I understand but I’m getting a little impatient.” They both laughed at this, Raina shoving his shoulders playfully. He looked up to find Mona only to spot her near the window, gazing out with a distant look in her eyes as she held an oil lamp in her hands. His heart twinged sharply at the sight.

As the night progressed, he noticed these short flickers shadowing over her features. She’d laugh along with Harlow’s sisters, cheeks tinging pink, until something in her head pulled her back. Or she’d reach for him randomly, a graze of fingers, a nudge of shoulders pressed together, and he’d know that it was because she was seeking comfort. He could hardly take it any longer. All he wanted was to pull her to the side and just ask her to tell him, just talk to him, just…anything except for this endless restlessness of knowing something was wrong but not knowing what to do to make it better.

Everyone laughed and shared stories and ate some more food and sweets. At the end of the night, he and Mona left with Raina, Nick, and Nick’s girlfriend, Kassie, to go back to the Shaw house. Niall joked along with Nick and Kassie while watching Mona from the corner of his eye. She’d curled into her mom’s shoulder, Raina’s arms wrapped snuggly around her, as they spoke quietly with each other.

When they got to the house, Mona told him to leave their bags in her old room and that she’d be there soon before she followed her mom up the stairs. Kassie made some tea and Niall sat around with her and Nick for a while. Nick caught Niall glancing towards the stairs and smiled. “You know,” he said, “Mo’s relationship with Mom has gotten so much better over the years. Probably even better than it ever was. And I never did thank you for that.”

Niall straightened in his seat slightly. “Thank me?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah. Being with you, it…saved her, in a way. After dad died she’d sort of been a shell of herself. But now she’s more open. Like we’ll talk for just a few minutes and it’s like we communicate so much better now. It’s been the best thing.”

Niall didn’t know how to tell him that if that were the case, then Mona had saved him too. He’d been a completely different person before he met her, angry at the world, lost and confused. Soulmates was what she had called them once, and it never felt more true than now.

He went to bed thinking this over. There were so many things that would have been different in his life if he’d never met Mona. He probably wouldn’t have reconnected with his own family, wouldn’t have met all of his wonderful friends, wouldn’t have felt this contentment nestling in his chest. A thought of the universe working hard to help stars align—to ensure all the pieces are in the correct place so a moment like that could happen, so two complete strangers could meet and somehow the entire course of their lives would change—settled over him as he closed his eyes.

“You asleep?” Mona was closing the door behind her when he looked up, smiling at the clothes he’d laid out for her so she wouldn’t have to go digging in her bag in the dark.

“Nope. Waiting for you.”

At this, she huffed out a chuckle. “How sweet,” she drawled, pulling on her sleep shorts and oversized tee. Niall held up the edge of the sheet for her and she grinned, immediately crawling in. “Mmm,” she hummed as she settled in, curling into his arms, “I’ve waited all day for this.”

Niall laughed and held her tighter, relishing in her breathy giggles against his neck. Their legs tangled together beneath the sheet, Mona sticking her cold fingers under his shirt to warm them up. He didn’t flinch at this anymore, not after years of the gesture. In fact, he always looked forward to that cool sensation against his spine. It reminded him that the love of his life was near and close.

He turned to press a kiss to her skin when he noticed her glassy eyes. Trailing his fingers across her cheekbones confirmed his suspicions. There were tears there recently, the skin slightly puffy and red. He must have frowned at the sight because she was suddenly tapping against the corner of his mouth. “Darlin.”

She took a deep breath, nuzzling in closer. Her voice was a tiny whisper in the dark room. “Can I tell you something?”

On the inside, his heart gave a slight stutter. On the outside, he smiled. “Anything.”

When she looked at him again, all pretenses were up. A storm of anguish swirled in the deep coffee brown of her eyes. “I miss my dad terribly lately.” A slight crack sounded within the syllables and it made his heart ache. “I feel like I’m in such a good place, and things are great, and there’s nothing to complain about. But then I find myself wishing he were here. So I could share these moments with him too.” She let out a shuddery sigh. “It’s like a big, gaping hole in my heart.”

He held her closer. Her words were muffled slightly in the fabric of his shirt. This, he realized, was something he could not fix.

“I wish you met him,” she murmured, “I think he’d love you. Mom says so too.”

Silence cloaked them for a few moments. He couldn’t help but close his eyes in utter defeat. “I’m sorry,” he whispered finally, pressing the words into her hairline. “I wish I could make it all better.”

He felt her smile against his chest and she shifted to look up at him. “But you do.” Warm fingers trailed along his jawline. “Mom helped me realize it. You do make it better.”

A buzz of warmth trickled though the cold dread in his heart. “I do?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. Those eyes, which were dark and blustery before, had softened now, lighting up slightly with her smile. “You fill that dumb gaping hole with love and light. You’re like sunshine, have I ever told you that?” She nestled back into the crook of his elbow to look at him better. “You’re warm and kind and gentle and filled with light, and you love me and I’m so lucky to have that. And I know you worry sometimes. You think I don’t notice but I do.” He huffed out a laugh at this, shaking his head because of course she noticed. He never could figure out how to be subtle when it came to her. “But you shouldn’t. Because whenever I feel lost or crazy or shitty, it’s being with you that helps me feel better. I just wanted you to know that. That I love you and that makes everything better.”

He smiled, heart surging with an indescribable warmth. It bubbled over and filled him up. He wondered if she could feel it when he kissed her. It was relief and satisfaction. It was an overflowing of everything he felt for her. His sweet Mona darling. His soulmate. Perhaps he should have brought the ring after all.

Oh, well. There were other moments. For now, he held Mona close. He’d never let go, and he knew that she never wanted him to.

#hiiii here's a VERY late diwali drabble lol #i wrote this agessss ago and i hate that i forgot to post it #the diwali part is kinda short anyway #things i love about you #writings #1dff

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