#the distance feels less harrowing and alienating and now its more like theyre distant because theyre different people
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i think i might be loved
#big milestone here boys#hard to formulate words. but im realising people like me#there are lots of people who know me and they think im cool and worth their time#boyfriend especially is obsessed w me and does so much to make me happy and also just generally exists in my space because he likes it#im awarreee that i often still dont like myself. i get frustrated and defensive and i start seeing anything associated with me as bad#but i am loved i think#kostik speaks#people still feel very distant but in a different way now#the distance feels less harrowing and alienating and now its more like theyre distant because theyre different people#but we still have points of contact and thats very special#nobody is crawling into my lungs to envelop me but theyre inside my space and theyre comfortable#it helps that theyre not looking at me. theyre closer but its not confrontational. no sudden movements. just existing#i want boyfriends bed again this is so unfair
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