#the depressing thoughts aren't helping bc I'm just getting more upset which makes me cry more

[malachitezmeyka]

The worst part of being on my period isn't even the cramps, it's the insomnia

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Can someone please let me know if this is something worth apologizing for or if I'm just blowing it out of proportion in my head?

tw: suicide ideation

Not mine. I'm fine.

So yesterday I was playing a co-op game w my big brother and he was on a long phone call w his friend on speaker. I do not know this friend. I know that he calls this friend and talks to them a lot for long periods of time. It's basically daily. I'm happy he has a friend to talk to.

They got on the topic of life goals and things they want to do. His friend said "life's too short not to have fun" to which my depressed brother said "good thing you can always make it shorter."

I said "not funny" in a deadpan and serious tone.

There was an awkward silent beat before his friend tried to diffuse it by asking "who said that?" And he said "my sister."

The friend then laughed bc for them it was just a sudden disembodied voice, like God to be the joke police. We didn't bring it up again and carried on, and I didn't talk again in response to their conversation.

I try to keep quiet and not add to the conversation when he's on a call (esp bc I don't know the other person). I don't know why I spoke up. I do know I felt some anger and sadness.

I've been thinking hard and reflecting on it. I understand he uses dark humour to cope, but I really didn't like this joke bc it's just suicide ideation. I used to be depressed so I get it, but thinking about him dying early makes me so sad and upset bc I love and care about him and I don't want that. I think I felt angry bc I know suicide ideation jokes just strengthen the neural pathways that think about suicide, which is not helping his mental health, and I really wish he would choose a better/different coping mechanism.

If you want to be less depressed, you have to fight and challenge your suicidal thoughts, but he's not, and it makes me so upset that I can't help him more.

I also think suicidal jokes might be triggering for me bc it just reminds me of when I was that depressed. I fought hard and was able to make it out of that, and the thought of going back to that place scares me so bad. Suicide jokes just aren't funny to me and I don't/or want to relate to them anymore.

I also think it was mean/rude of him responding to his friend's kind and optimistic view on life and rebutting it w a suicide joke.

However, he is allowed to say whatever he wants and express how he feels, and a suicide joke is really a cry for help to recognize that the person is suffering. But like. We already know and we're already trying to help as best as we can.

Idk I'm just frustrated. Am I overthinking this or is this something I should apologize for?