#the death of a younger sibling forces makes a turning point in his life

[mayonnaise-sock]

portgas d ace sometimes reminds me of michael afton.

[waywardxrhea]

loml - a Spencer Reid one shot

pairing: Spencer Reid x former BAU!fem!reader (no use of y/n)

word count: ~15k (this one's a beast whoops)

You left behind the BAU years ago and have been working as the captain of the police force in small town Montana when a string of murder-suicides catch your attention and you start looking into them. The BAU is called in and you become overwhelmed by feelings surrounding your ex-boyfriend Spencer Reid as you attempt to investigate this case and clear the air between the two of you.

content: canon-level violence, blood, swearing, anxiety, idiots in love

now playing: loml by taylor swift

not my gif, dividers by @firefly-graphics, and once again shoutout to my bestie @westernbitch for helping to come up with case details for this one!

A sharp knock broke the silence of your office and you looked up to see one of your reporting officers at the door with a look on her face that told you something terrible happened. “What's going on, Kate?” you asked, placing the file you were holding down onto the desk to give her your full attention. 

She sat down in the chair across from you and taking a shaky breath, she whispered, “There’s been another murder-suicide… It was Natasha and Hayden…” 

“Oh my God I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do for you or your family right now?” you asked, getting up and making your way around the desk to give the younger officer a hug. 

Kate’s sister and her boyfriend had taken off nearly two months ago for their freshman year at UCLA and weren’t due back until Thanksgiving. Maybe the pair didn’t agree on their majors like they originally decided or got spooked by the big life changes and decided that this was the best course of action. He did have a history of prior juvenile battery charges… Nonetheless it just wasn’t sitting right with you… Not after two other murder-suicides within the last four months. So after sending Kate home to be with her parents and remaining sibling, you went to investigate the crime scene. 

When you got back and had some time to do some thinking, you called one of your detectives into the office. “You wanted to see me?” came his voice as he stepped into the office a few minutes later. 

You stopped your fast-paced writing of theories to offer a polite smile as he sat down across from you after closing the office door. “I wanna see if you can connect the same dots that I am, Josh.”

“Okay, shoot,” he says, leaning forward with an eager smile. Josh had joined your squad a few months ago as a rookie detective and he was always ready to look into anything that came across your desk. 

“Six months ago the Fenways went away to mourn his cousin’s death in Florida. Then before anyone even knew they were back home, they both turn up dead in what was ruled a murder-suicide,” you started, tapping your pen along the paper sitting on the desk in front of you. “Then the Greenwoods turned up in the same situation a couple months later after going away on an Alaskan cruise.”

“Maybe that was the breaking point for both men. Everyone knew their marriages were on the rocks for months before that happened,” Josh said in a contemplative voice as he leaned back into his chair. “Losing a relative and driving all the way down to Florida and back could have caused some tension that made him snap. Same with being stuck on a boat for a few weeks. I heard they weren’t allowed to dock and were stranded on board for a week or so because of a conservationist protest. That would make anyone’s temper short.”

“That’s what I thought too,” you agreed. “However, Natasha Quinn and Hayden Welkins just turned up dead in another apparent murder-suicide.”

“No way!” Josh said, his eyes widening in shock at the news. He ran a hand over his chin and asked, “Is Kate okay?”

“She’s at home mourning with her family. She’ll be off for the next few days but I’m taking her off of this investigation,” you replied. 

“Investigation? Why is it a-?” he said, but then paused in the middle of his sentence. “Wait, you think there’s someone behind this, don’t you?”

“That I do,” you affirmed with a nod. “One was a tragedy, two could be a coincidence, but three? I think someone’s behind this. It could be someone manipulating them into killing.” You looked at the pictures of the dead bodies in the file you began creating and sighed. You scrunched your eyebrows together and shook your head as you said, “There’s so far been no signs of physical torture on the victims. They were all found days post-mortem in wooded areas off of trails though, so their bodies were worse for wear so we can’t exactly rule it out. Even then, psychological torture is a viable option.”

“So maybe the trips away weren’t even real… Maybe whoever is doing this created fake letters to send to all of the victims to make everyone in town aware that they would be gone so suspicion wasn’t raised…” Josh said as dots began to connect in his mind. “And as much as I hate to say this, Natasha and Hayden may have been a crime of opportunity. They could have been driving home exhausted when something happened and they were grabbed.”

A proud smile made its way onto your face at his theory and you nodded, telling him, “Exactly what I was thinking. Whoever this unsub is is getting sloppy and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.”

“W-wait, us? You want me on this?”

“As a rookie detective you just deduced what I did as a former FBI agent with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You’ve got what it takes, Josh. So yes, I’m asking you to help me out with this case,” you said with an encouraging nod. “This is a small town and people talk, so let’s get out there and see what anyone knows.”

“Yes ma’am!” he said, jumping up from his chair and turning toward the door with a spring in his step. 

“And Josh?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“This case is on a need to know basis so it stays between us unless I tell you someone else is allowed to know about it. Got it?”

“Got it!” he said while giving you a two-finger salute and a sideways smile. 

“So be subtle!” you shouted with a laugh as he exited the office and set out to begin his investigation while you conducted yours. 

A few weeks later you were making some headway in the investigation on the murder-suicide case. One crisp November morning when you and Josh were talking with someone over coffee about what they knew of the Greenwoods and their supposed vacation, you heard a scream outside of the diner. With your eyebrows scrunching together, you looked outside only to see a man holding a woman in a chokehold with a gun pointed to her head. 

Rushing out of the diner, you made your way to the area near the fountain where he was at and held up your empty hands to show that you meant no harm. When you got closer you finally recognized the man and woman standing in front of you. They were a married couple that had moved to the town a couple of years ago after vacationing in the area. From the outside they were a happy couple, but you had heard around the rumor mill that she had cheated on him on occasion when she was drunk. 

“Hey,” you began in a soft voice, one you would use if you were approaching a skittish animal so you didn’t spook it off. “Hunter, can you please put the gun down? We can talk okay? Just let Hanna go and we can talk things out.”

“No!” he shouted, pointing the gun in your direction to fend you off. “She deserves this! He told me so!”

“What did she do to deserve this, Hunter?” you asked softly as you creeped closer slowly. All the while, the emaciated woman just stood there catatonically in his hold. There was no hint of light in her eyes and if you didn’t see her breathing you would have guessed she was already dead. “Who told you this?”

“All you women are the same! He told me that all you do is lie! All you do is take advantage of us and then leave when it’s convenient for you!” he shouted, voice strained and eyes with a wild look in them. It was a look you had seen too many times during your time in the BAU, but before you could take further action to try and talk the man down, the first shot already rang out followed in quick succession by the second. 

A whirlwind of emotions filled your body in response to the event and they paralyzed you as you stared at the pair of bodies on the ground in front of you. Shock, disbelief, horror, confusion. A roaring sound filled your ears as your mind flashed to the day you decided to leave the BAU, but your thoughts were torn away from that time when you felt hands on your shoulders gently shaking you back to reality. “Captain. Captain! Are you all right?” came Josh’s voice through the cotton feeling in your ears. 

“I need to call Emily…” you whispered in reply, the back of your hand going to wipe away some of the blood that had spattered onto your face and was starting to slowly drip down. It hurt your pride to call in your former team and you have always dreaded the day you needed to, but you knew that you were in over your head trying to solve this on your own anymore…

“Okay, will everyone gather around? We’ve got a case,” Emily Prentiss announced to her team as she strode into the bullpen of the offices of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. 

“What’ve we got this time?” Tara Lewis asked as she looked up from the paperwork she was finishing up at her desk. 

“It appears to be a string of manipulated murder-suicides up in Montana. I have it on good authority that the latest victim was implying that someone convinced him that his wife deserved to die and then he took his own life shortly after hers,” Emily informed the team as they gathered in the area. “The other acts were not witnessed but I’m sure if we did a deep dive into their personal lives we would find evidence that the other male victims believed the same of their partners. This is the fourth murder-suicide in the town in five months and the unsub seems to be getting more brazen with his acts so we’re wheels up in thirty.”

“Fourth in five months? Why did the locals wait so long to contact someone?” Luke Alvez asked, the corners of his mouth turning down into a frown at the thought of someone letting this go on for so long. 

“Because the captain is a former one of ours,” she replied, shooting Luke a look that said to not reprimand the actions of the officer. “She was working the case herself and was beginning to make headway when the unsub set the latest two out to commit the act in the middle of downtown. Happened right in front of her. This case is escalating and it’ll take more than one set of trained eyes on it to catch this guy.”

“A former one of our own? Who is she talking about?” JJ asked quietly to no one in particular.

“Oh I know exactly who she’s talking about…” Penelope Garcia said quietly with a glance in the direction of Spencer Reid who seemed none the wiser about who their unit chief was talking about. 

JJ followed Garcia’s glance and quietly gasped as she asked, “You don’t mean-?”

“Yes I do mean!” Penelope said conspiratorially as she leaned in closer to the blonde. “When she left, Spencer never contacted her because he was so broken up over Maeve’s death that by the time he was finally in a headspace to process the breakup and her leaving the team it was far too late to try and make amends so he just never did! He doesn’t know where she went and she cut off all contact with the team except for me and it’s been a secret that I have hated keeping for so long because I know we all loved her so very much!” Penelope took a deep breath and let it out as she slouched back in her chair as if keeping that in all these years was a heavy weight that had finally been taken off of her shoulders. “You can’t tell him though!”

“Why not? He deserves to know that he’s going to be walking into his ex-girlfriend's police station!” JJ whispered back. 

“If you had a nasty breakup with someone would you want to know you were heading to meet with them and have to stew in that anxiety and uncertainty for hours on the plane ride there?” Penelope asked, a stern look in her eye as she once more straightened up in her chair. “That big brain of his would work overtime trying to figure out what to say so that you would make zero headway on the case!”

“Fine…” JJ relented. A small smirk graced her lips as she added, “I’ll keep you in the loop with how awkward he gets.”

“You better!” Penelope said. An air of seriousness washed over her for a moment as she added, “I know this case may dredge up a lot of old memories for Spencer so can you just keep an eye on him?”

“Of course,” JJ replied. Penelope smiled in return before heading off to her office with a file of information to look into on the victims. 

Time went by paradoxically during the wait for the BAU to show up at your station. It went slowly because you dreaded the looks on everyone’s faces upon seeing you after nearly four years with no contact. As you showered the blood off of yourself in the staff locker room, your mind once more flashed back to the day you decided to leave the BAU. 

It had been months of feeling distant from Spencer as he got closer and closer with the geneticist you pushed him to go to in order to get to the bottom of the headaches that had been plaguing him on and off for some time. Maeve Donovan. May she rest in peace, but she was the reason your relationship with Spencer fell apart… As their talks got deeper and he opened up to her more, you felt like you were sloughed away from Spencer’s life, brushed off so he could take calls with her and discuss what for the most part never even sounded like his could-be battle with schizophrenia like his mother… 

You remembered the day he had wrapped a book to give her when they decided to first meet. You couldn’t even remember the name of the book, but the returning feeling of heartbreak made a quiet sob escape your mouth as you scrubbed the shampoo into your hair harshly. The dam finally broke as you remembered the day that you and the whole team took time off of the clock to help Spencer out with getting to the bottom of who was stalking Maeve and making her fear for her life. Tears flowed freely from your eyes and dripped down into the soapy water swirling into the drain as you pictured Spencer sobbing over Maeve’s body as she too was killed in a murder-suicide. Hearing him whisper the words that you hadn’t heard in weeks of “I love you,” to her as he cried was what sealed the deal because in your heart you knew Spencer didn’t love you anymore. 

It took a few more days to make the final decision but in a whirlwind of anxiety you had made many phone calls back home to your parents and they encouraged you to take some time away from the BAU to come home to Montana and figure things out. So you put your notice with Hotch in and quietly broke things off to a catatonic Spencer who was so bereft following Maeve’s death that he didn’t even react to the breakup. 

Once back home you spent a few months piecing yourself together before moving for a job offer you felt like you couldn’t refuse and since then had been promoted to Captain after a year. It wasn’t ever what you planned for your career, but life has a funny way of guiding you in the direction you’re meant to go. 

Turning to face the shower stream once again, you scrubbed your face with your face wash one more time to ensure you got all of the blood off before turning off the shower and beginning to dry yourself. You wiped away the steam from the mirror in front of you and looked at your reflection, squeezing your eyes shut as you pictured the blood on your face again. When you looked back up at yourself again, it was obvious that you had been crying so you made quick work of getting dried off and into a fresh set of clothes that Josh brought from your house before heading to your office to try and freshen up with the meager set of makeup you had in there. 

You were surprised to see your entire makeup collection on the desk and as you sat down to begin working the makeup on, Josh popped his head into your office, saying, “Hey Cap! Lindsey went with me to get your stuff and we grabbed all of that for you. Said something about seeing your ex-”

“I told you not to tell her that!” came the voice of another one of your officers as she made her appearance in the doorframe. She shot you an apologetic look and said, “I’m sorry I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s just that-”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you said before forcing a cheery smile on your face at the pair in front of you. “Thank you two for getting the clothes and makeup from my place, I appreciate it.” You resumed your makeup with slightly shaking hands as you asked, “Now can you go make sure the work area is in the order I requested? Whiteboards and markers ready, corkboard cleared of the meme wars, desks available, coffee brewing with plenty of sugar because I know we were almost out earlier this morning.”

“Yes ma’am,” they chorused before taking off to get the space ready for the team’s arrival which would be… in less than an hour. 

The hour flew by as you went over the case file once again and you jumped as you heard a knock on your door that pulled you out of your concentration. Looking up, you couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto your face as you said with quiet enthusiasm, “Emily! It’s been a while. How have you been?”

“I’ve been well. As you know I got promoted to Unit Chief after Hotch left. I see you’ve been getting some promotions too,” she said warmly as you stood up and offered your arms out for a hug which she accepted. “Garcia?” she asked simply and you knew she was asking how you had kept up with things in your absence, so you nodded. When you pulled away, she glanced at the notes on your desk and asked, “Are you ready for the brief with the team?”

The question made your heart jump in its cage. “Who all is left from my days on the team? What new faces can I expect?” you asked, trying to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. 

“Spencer’s here if that’s what you’re getting at,” she replied softly as she reached down and gave your arm a reassuring squeeze. 

“Damn profilers,” you said jokingly before taking a deep breath and gathering up your files to take to the main area of the station to meet with the team. 

Your heart hammered in your chest so hard you could practically feel it jumping up in your throat as you approached the meeting area. You busied yourself with your papers as you and Emily made your way over, sweat beginning to dampen your hands the closer you got. You practically stopped breathing when your eyes looked up and met Spencer’s. He looked as handsome as ever, maybe even more, and all at once you felt everything rushing back, waves of emotions threatening to engulf you as you struggled to breathe under his gaze. 

Spencer looked like a deer in headlights when he spotted you and you couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking at that moment. The look on his face suggested that no one told him that the case was being manned by you and while it made you happy that Penelope kept her word, you weren’t sure if the look of shock he was sporting was a good or bad thing… 

You were ripped away from your anxious thoughts and Spencer’s eyes as a cheer in a distinctive accent broke through the chatter of the office. Your name was called enthusiastically and you turned in the direction of the sound to see David Rossi sporting a wide grin as he held his arms out to embrace you. “How’ve you been kiddo?” David asked as he embraced you quickly before holding you at arms length to survey your features that had no doubt matured since he last saw you. 

“The last 24 hours or the last four years?” you asked with a quiet laugh. “I’ve been making it though. Can’t complain.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said before turning you toward the rest of the team and telling you, “That’s Tara Lewis and Luke Alvez, they’ve joined the team since your departure. I’m sure you’ll love them!”

You offered the two of them a smile before suddenly you were being pulled into a hug by JJ and when she pulled away you couldn’t help but wonder how the hell you were supposed to greet Spencer. You were always a hugger, everyone knew it, and you actually shocked the office when Spencer let you hug him just a few days after you joined the BAU. But that time felt like a distant memory and your eyes turned to the ground instead of looking back at the man who used to bring you so much comfort but at the same time, more than ever you wanted so desperately to be in his arms…

Thankfully you didn’t have to make a decision on the matter because Emily’s voice cut through the quiet roaring in your ears as she said, “Yes, yes we all missed her, but we can get back to the reunion later. Right now we’ve got an unsub to track down.” She called your name before asking, “What do we know?”

You cleared your throat and went into work mode, telling the team, “So far we have eight victims.” You began placing pictures of the scenes on the table as you listed off their names, “First was Nora and Henry Fenway who we as a town thought went off to Florida after Henry got the news that his cousin passed away. Big Catholic family who wanted to perform a lot of traditional stuff for the funeral. They were found over a month later by some tourists hiking through the trails on the outskirts of town.

“Next was Theresa and Harry Greenwood who were set to embark on an Alaskan cruise and got stuck in the water due to some conservationist protest. The protest story checks out, but when we called the cruise line a week or so ago, there was never a record of the couple on board, so we think that the cruise package they were boasting about winning was a ruse to make sure that the rest of us knew they were expected to be away for a while. They were found dead near a river off of a popular hiking trail.

“Third was the sister of one of my officers. Natasha Quinn and her boyfriend Hayden Welkins were thought to be off at UCLA for college but were found dead in an abandoned cabin that has been a known squatting location. Kate told us that there wasn’t too much contact from her sister during the time, but they all put it off to her being busy with school.”

You took a deep breath and tried to push the memory of the latest shooting out of your mind, but you could tell that your voice was distant as you detailed the latest pairing. “And just this morning it was Hanna and Hunter Newberry. He came out into the middle of downtown with Hanna in a chokehold and shot both her and himself but not before saying that ‘he’ told him that she deserved it.”

“Do we know anything about who ‘he’ might be?” JJ asked. 

“No idea,” you replied. “Josh and I have been doing some digging to see who started the rumors about the protest with the cruise, but it became a dead end when the first person who heard it said they just heard someone on the phone talking about it but they didn’t remember when it was or where they were.”

“You said that Kate’s sister didn’t have frequent contact. Does that mean she still texted occasionally?” Luke asked. 

“Kate and her family were getting occasional check-ins from Natasha, yes,” you confirmed. “Kate told me that the texts were pretty short for the most part though and that they didn’t really seem like her usual style of texting. She put it off to being busy between classes and trying to get into sororities though.” 

“I’ll have Penelope look into that,” Emily commented, taking down another note on the notepad she had in her hand. 

Your heart skipped a beat once more as Spencer’s voice cut through the air as he said, “All of the men’s names start with an H. I wonder if it could be the first initial of the unsub and he’s expressing himself through these killings. Maybe this is some twisted fantasy of his and he’s acting it out.”

“So you’re saying he might have an endgame?” David asked thoughtfully. 

“Yes, and I don’t think he’s going to stop until he gets her,” Spencer confirmed as he pondered over the photographs you left on the table before stepping away. 

“Then let’s get to work,” Emily said. She called your name to get your attention and informed you, “Tara and I will interview you about what you saw this morning. Spencer get started on the geographical profile. David head to the medical examiner’s office to see if there’s anything you can find on the bodies. Luke go see if you can get CCTV footage from the businesses around the crime scene. JJ start working with Josh to interview the other witness from this morning to see if she knows where the couple came from. I’ll patch Penelope in so she can get started on a list of men whose names start with an H that live in the area.”

“So can you walk me through exactly what happened this morning?” Tara asked you as you sat across from her and Emily in an interrogation room half an hour later. There was a part of you that for some reason felt like you were in trouble, but you understood the reason behind it. It was the easiest way to record the conversation and keep distractions from factoring into your memories of your encounter. 

“Josh and I were speaking with a cousin of the Greenways to see if they could give us some insight into how their marriage was when I heard a scream outside of the diner,” you replied quietly, eyes focused on the metal table between the three of you as you tried to remember everything. “When I got out, there was a bystander. She was the one that screamed and Josh took her away to make sure she didn’t get hurt.” You began picking at the sleeve of your sweatshirt as you continued, “I didn’t recognize the couple at first, they both looked worse for wear. Hunter is usually clean shaven but he had a wild beard that clearly hadn’t been taken care of and Hanna looked like her hair hadn’t been brushed in days… He had this wild look in his eyes and she just…she looked practically dead already.”

“How do you mean?” Tara asked curiously. 

“Well…there was no light in her eyes. Her cheeks were sunken in and she wasn’t even fighting. She just stood there,” you replied. “Even when Hunter was shouting and waving the gun there was no reaction whatsoever.”

“And what was Hunter shouting?” Emily asked. 

You paused for a moment and thought before replying, “He said, ‘She deserves this! He told me so!’ and then when I asked what he meant and who told him that he said something like, all women are the same and that he was told all we do is lie and take advantage of men and then leave when it’s convenient for us. And then…” you let out a sharp breath and closed your eyes as you remembered what happened next, “then he shot her and then himself.” You dabbed a tear away from the corner of your eye before adding, “I was so close to him when it happened… I… I just froze. Their blood was all over me and I just…” you didn’t even know how to finish your sentence as you let out a shaky breath, trying to hold your tears back and keep your hands occupied by messing with the hem of your sweatshirt. 

“It’s been a long time since you’ve been so close to something like that,” Emily offered quietly. 

“Exactly…” you whispered. “It reminded me why I left the BAU. When my anxiety and depression got so bad and I just couldn’t take it anymore… The job, life, everything was just too much. It broke me.”

“And that’s completely understandable,” Tara said empathetically, giving you a warm smile. There were a few moments of silence that were filled with her taking notes before she offered, “If you need a minute alone we can cover for you until you’re ready to go back out there.”

“Thank you,” you replied with a nod, leaning your head down onto your arms and feeling the cool metal of the table on your cheek to try and ground yourself before you slipped off into another breakdown. 

Meanwhile outside of the interrogation room, Spencer stood there with his heart breaking. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear JJ approach until she asked, “What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to work on the geographical profile.”

Spencer startled a bit before sighing and telling her, “I don’t know… I guess I just needed to know where her headspace was on everything.” He ran a hand through his messy hair and mumbled, “I really messed up with her, didn’t I? She said that this reminded her of when she left and that life was making her anxious before she even decided to go… That was because of me.”

JJ sighed and gave him a quick pat on the back as she replied, “Yeah, there’s no denying that you messed up big time…” She felt Spencer tense before she finished with, “But maybe you can at least ask for forgiveness. Take her to dinner and try to make amends.” Spencer nodded and threw you another glance before turning away and going to work on the geographical profile. 

When you emerged from the interrogation room, the team was either out on their assigned tasks or grabbing lunch, so you decided to get some quiet time with your files in your office while you tried to get some food down. You were pushing salad greens around in your tupperware when your phone began to ring and you picked it up with a, “Hello?”

“My sweet, sweet friend, oh how I missed your voice!” came Penelope’s cheerful voice through the speaker as her way of greeting you. 

“I’m sorry I don’t call Penny, I just… I was afraid of-” You cut yourself off and scoffed before finishing with, “Forget it, it’s dumb. You probably called about the case and I’m getting off track. What can I help you with?”

“No, no, tell me!” Penelope protested. “It is lunchtime there and no one is calling for anything so this has officially turned into a ‘tell Penelope all of your woes’ time!” 

You laughed quietly before asking, “And there’s no getting out of it?” 

“Unless there is literally another death while we’re on the phone then no,” she replied chipperly. 

Letting out a deep sigh, you decided that this wasn’t a battle you were going to win, so you told her, “I never called because I was afraid I would just open up old wounds. The thought of if we were on the phone and Spencer came in…it terrified me.” And suddenly, without even thinking about what you were saying, you blurted out, “And now here we are with him in the breakroom of my precinct drinking coffee that I made sure we had enough sugar for because I have never been able to fall out of love with Spencer Reid!” You covered your mouth to attempt to prevent the words from coming out but it was entirely too late for that. The truth was out there and Penelope had heard every word of it. 

“Oh honey…” she said in a quiet voice. 

You knew she didn’t mean it in a condescending way, but the building tightness in your chest after she said it was making it hard to breathe. You filled your lungs as much as they would allow before whispering, “I-I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, no, no! Don’t feel bad about your feelings!” she protested from her side of the line. 

“I-it’s just…” You took a slightly deeper breath before you began rambling again, telling her, “I’ve tried over and over and over again to find someone out here but it just never works. There was even this one guy back in April that was so sweet! Penelope, he picked me wildflowers while out on his guided hiking tours and arranged them into the most beautiful bouquets! He ordered me edible arrangements and had them sent to my office! He bought me coffee every morning in the diner when I was there picking up breakfast before coming into work! Hell, on our one and only date we had a candlelit picnic and he bought my favorite wine! That shit’s expensive! But I just couldn’t commit to him knowing that someone else still has my heart…and I don’t think there’s a way to get it back.” 

By the end of your rant, your tears were falling once more and you dabbed them away with a tissue or two as Penelope sighed and said, “I wish I could give you a hug right now… I had no idea you were still feeling that way.”

You scoffed quietly before asking, “Why would you? I should hate Spencer for what happened. He fell in love with someone else while still dating me and didn’t even flinch when I broke up with him because he was so torn up about her death. But…” You shook your head and finished quietly, “He’s the love of my life and it hurts so damn bad knowing that I’m not his.”

Before Penelope could offer anything else, there was a knock at your door and you looked up to see it cracking open to reveal Spencer’s handsome face with that awkward-as-ever smile crossing his lips. “Spencer, hey,” you whispered, your breath being knocked out of your lungs at his sudden appearance as you hoped that he didn’t hear anything you just said. 

“I think that’s my queue to go…” Penelope said quietly and in quick succession you heard the tell-tale sound of the call ending. 

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Spencer asked timidly as he opened the door a bit more to fully reveal himself. 

“O-of course,” you replied, hoping that it wasn’t too obvious that you had been crying. “Everything going okay out there? You holding up okay after…everything?” 

“I’m doing fine, yes,” He said with a quick nod. “I got the geographical profile down, but it’s in a weird pattern that I’m still trying to make sense of. All of the locations are in a strange arc sort of line without a centralized location that indicates a familiar area that the unsub is comfortable in. The first three sites were more so out in hiking areas in the woods so I thought it could be an avid hiker, but the latest one was so out in the open that it makes me wonder why the unsub chose that location. He isn’t escalating because there was still time for him to psychologically torment the victims before sending them out to commit the act so I’m trying to determine if maybe this was an outlier or if it’s a part of his endgame to have used that specific spot for that couple…” 

Your heart fluttered in your chest upon hearing him rant on about the profile he had created and you hoped he didn’t notice that your eyes were practically heart-shaped as you listened to his soothing voice ramble on about the case. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight from foot to foot before adding, “But uh…that’s not what I came to talk to you about.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and said quietly, “I was actually coming in here to ask if I could take you to dinner tonight. There’s a lot I feel like needs to be cleared up between us after…everything that happened. I know it may be wrong to ask for your forgiveness after so long but-”

“Yes,” you replied instantly, unable to fight the smile working its way onto your lips at the offer. 

“Y-yes?” he asked with an undeniable sparkle in his eyes as he too gave into his emotions and let his smile light up the room. 

You nodded and were about to say something more when Emily popped her head into the office after giving a short knock on the door, informing you both, “Garcia got us a list of possible suspects, let’s get to work.”

“Yes ma’am,” you and Spencer replied in unison, and you had to fight back the giddy giggle that threatened to bubble out of your mouth at the statement in stereo. 

That evening you took a quick trip to your house to freshen up before meeting Spencer. Even though you knew it wasn’t a date situation, you still took the time to make your hair look nice and put on a dose of perfume that you remembered Spencer liking. When you pulled into the parking lot of the cafe you and Spencer agreed to meet at and stepped out into the chilly November air, you pulled your coat close as you started toward the door. 

Before you could reach out to grab the handle though, another hand reached out and pulled it for you. Expecting to see Spencer holding the door open for you, your heart gave a stutter in your chest as suddenly the reality of the situation hit you. You would likely be discussing what happened back in Virginia, and that would mean talking about Maeve and the reason your relationship ended and that scared you. Sure, you had attempted to process everything yourself, but facing it head on would be an entirely different experience in which you would have to hear what made him fall out of love with you…

Your anxiety spiked for a completely different reason though when you looked up because when you did, your eyes met the very man you turned down because you still weren’t over Spencer. “Hartley, hey. Thanks,” you said quietly as you slipped through the door and into the warm building. 

“Looking for some company?” he asked as he walked in behind you and began attempting to help you take off your coat. 

Before you could respond, the hostess greeted you by name and asked how many were in your party. “There’ll be two, Rose,” you told her with a smile and she began reaching down to grab a couple of menus from behind the counter. While you were telling her this, you pulled away a comfortable distance from Hartley and began taking off your coat and gloves on your own. “I’m meeting someone actually,” you told him simply, tucking the gloves into a pocket and hanging the coat on the rack by the door.  

“Oh, okay,” he said slowly. “Are they late? I can get you an appetizer and drink while you wait,” he offered and you noticed his eyes moving around the restaurant in search of your intended partner. 

As he said this, the small bell above the door chimed and your eyes gravitated that way to see who was entering. Raising a hand in a wave, you greeted Spencer with a smile as he joined you at the hostess counter. He quickly took off his coat and racked it before running a hand through his messy hair and saying, “Sorry I’m a few minutes late, I was wrapping up something with Prentiss at the station!”

“It’s no problem, Spence. Rose was just about to take me to the table,” you assured him as you nodded your head toward the kind woman. 

“Great,” he said as the pair of you began following Rose to the table in the back corner she knew you preferred to dine at. 

“I guess I’ll see you around,” you said quietly to Hartley who was escorted to his usual spot at the bar by another hostess. 

“Who was that?” Spencer asked curiously after the two of you placed your drink orders. 

“Something that I assume will be addressed when we talk,” you admitted, feeling heat begin to crawl up your neck. Spencer nodded stiffly and remained silent in response to the comment, the tension only breaking when Rose came back with the drinks and said she would give Spencer a few minutes with the menu. 

“So what’s good to eat here?” Spencer asked timidly after a few more moments of silence as his eyes quickly scanned the menu. 

You let out a quiet sigh of relief at the fact that he wasn’t diving into the serious talk you needed to have and relaxed a little in your seat as you began raving over the menu items that you preferred and which ones you thought should be avoided. “And we have to get dessert, the pie here is to die for!” you gushed as you pointed out the dessert menu on the back. 

“Let me guess, the coconut cream is your go to?” Spencer asked, a small smile lining his lips. 

“Always,” you affirmed, a smile breaking out on your lips. “Remember that time when I-?” you tried to start, but couldn't even get through half of the sentence before dissolving into a fit of giggles. 

“When you were bringing a pie to the office and you tripped as you were putting it on the counter and tried to play it off as a pie eating contest with Morgan?” Spencer asked with a laugh and a sparkle in his eye at the memory. 

“Yes!” you said, more laughter spilling out of you as you remembered Derek’s reaction. “I still can’t believe he actually went along with it!” 

So that was how the two of you spent the next little while - reminiscing on the better times you two had at the BAU before your abrupt departure. That was, until Spencer’s eyes drifted slightly left over your shoulder as he asked once more, “Who did you say that guy was from earlier? He’s been glaring daggers this way the whole time we’ve been here…”

You sighed and nodded. It was time to face the music. So you took a deep breath and told him, “That’s Hartley. He flirted with me for months before I finally agreed to a date with him, but… Things just didn’t work out between us. Ever since then, he’s tried to get with me again, but I always turn him down.”

“Why’s that?” Spencer asked, his posture straightening the slightest bit at your words which you tried not to overanalyze as you instinctively studied his body language.

“I… It felt disingenuous to be with someone when my heart was still back in Virginia with you…” you admitted quietly as you pushed around some of the food on your plate to distract yourself and to avoid looking into Spencer’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything in response, your heart rate kicked up and you felt your palms start to sweat as you began rambling. “And I know that may sound crazy because it’s been so long but I just never got any sort of closure with you after everything that happened so I never really closed that part of my life away and so those feelings just…never left… I know you fell out of love with me, but it just isn’t that easy on my part…”

You wiped away a stray tear that escaped during your ranting and were about to open your mouth to apologize when Spencer whispered your name in a broken voice as he reached across the table to request your hand to hold. When you tentatively gave it to him, Spencer’s large hand wrapped around yours as he said in a quiet voice, “I know that saying this now doesn’t make up for all these years of silence, but I really am so sorry for what happened.” He cleared his throat and told you, “When you found Maeve for me and I started speaking with her about my headaches I finally felt seen. I thought I loved her because she was able to help me get through something that had been plaguing me for years. I was so excited to finally understand what was happening with me that I didn’t even realize that I had started to put you on the backburner. By the time I did, Maeve was dead and you had left and I didn’t know what to do so I just never reached out…” 

“Oh… I-I’m sorry I-” you started to say after a few moments. 

“No!” he exclaimed a little louder than he probably intended because you could see a tint of red creep onto his cheeks and he slouched into himself to try and make himself smaller. He squeezed your hand before saying in a quieter voice, “Please don’t blame yourself for anything that happened. Looking back I know that you were trying to be there for me, but I got hyper focused on what Maeve was doing for me that I started to prioritize you less and that wasn’t fair to you.” 

You cleared your tightening throat and told him, “Everyone makes mistakes, Spence.”

“But not everyone’s mistakes make them lose the love of their life like mine did,” he told you, a serious tone in his voice as he held your eye contact unwaveringly. “I messed up and I know I don’t deserve it but I would like to try and make amends so I can eventually earn your forgiveness.”

“I think you’re already on your way there, Doctor,” you told him, a shy smile on your lips as your eyes darted toward your intertwined hands. 

“So explain to me again what the ME’s findings tell us?” you asked as you flipped through a file the next evening. 

“The brains of all the victims had densities and lesions in certain portions that have to deal with the capacity to have rational thoughts and feel emotions properly. We think that this happened because they were exposed to emotional and psychological torture for an extended period of time which is how the unsub manipulated them into performing a murder-suicide,” Spencer informed you quickly. 

David ran a hand over his chin before asking, “So then what did the unsub have on all of these people that made them so easy to manipulate into snapping?” 

“Well we know that he said that all women are the same and just use men, so-” you started to say but were interrupted by JJ coming up with her phone on speaker and Penelope’s enthusiastic voice coming through the speakers. 

“All of the women in these couples were wanting an out from their relationship in one way or another!” Penelope informed the group. “There were some cases of cheating or wanting a divorce or breakup or just getting out of an abusive partnership. Poor Natasha was being abused by Hayden and just wanted out…”

There were a few moments of silence before Spencer suggested, “If all of these women were trying to leave their relationships in some way then maybe that was the unsub’s stressor.”

“Maybe he was cheated on or recently divorced then,” Luke offered. 

“Right,” Emily agreed. “Garcia, can you start looking into recently divorced men in the area and cross match that with your list of men whose names start with H?” Emily asked. 

“I am on it!” the blonde replied as you all heard her fingers typing away on her keyboard. After a few moments she said, “There are a handful of recent divorcees in the area. A Harold Fenton, Herschel Brunswick, and Hester Lincoln.”

“Right, so then we start with those men and see if they have anything to do with these cases,” Emily informed the group. “It’s getting late and I doubt anyone is going to be awake at this hour for questioning, so we start in the morning and I’ll assign teams for the interrogations then. Be smart people, it isn’t going to be enough to just get an alibi for the time of the killings. We need to know where he was roughly when the couples were abducted and if he’s got other properties or a room in his house where he could have done the torturing.”

Before there could be any more discussion on the matter, Josh came into the precinct with a shocked looking woman on his arm. JJ and Tara rushed over to retrieve the woman from him and you asked quietly, “What happened?”

“She said she was out for an evening walk when she came across two recently shot bodies. Jessica Stevenson and Hendrix Jordan. Both shot in the head presumably with a pistol that was found beside his body,” Josh replied grimly. “While EMS was looking over her to make sure she wasn’t hurt, I asked around and turns out a neighbor had heard them fighting pretty loudly before she stormed out. He followed pretty soon after, but the neighbor said they didn’t see him with a gun.”

“Did you take any pictures of the scene?” you asked, your mind beginning to run a million miles an hour to try and work a way in front of this lunatic.

“Yeah,” Josh said as he pulled out his phone and pulled up the picture. 

The team gathered around the phone and each studied the photo before David asked, “Is anyone else seeing what I’m seeing?” 

“Yeah, the placement of that gun isn’t consistent with someone who just shot himself,” Luke said, his eyebrows coming together in confusion as he studied the picture. “And I’m sure once we get the ME report, it’ll show that the gun wasn’t flush with his head either.”

“So you’re suggesting that this one was a double murder?” JJ asked. 

“We don’t know for sure, so let’s not get lost in the weeds, people,” Emily told her team. “The unsub is escalating. He didn’t even take time to torture this couple. This may mean that he was triggered recently and felt the need to kill. We need to get to him before he gets to another couple.”

By the next afternoon the unsub had already struck again.

You and Spencer had just gotten back from speaking with Herschel Brunswick at the cafe when you were informed of the killings. Kaitlyn Grant and Harley Dixon, a young couple who the whole town loved, but knew he was drifting away because he was so committed to his job just outside of town and would spend long hours there. 

“Damnit!” you shouted in frustration, your fists clenching as you could feel your blood begin to boil when it started to feel like rage was consuming your entire being. 

You brought your hands to your face in an attempt to cover up the anger but they were coaxed down and held gently by Spencer’s as he mumbled in his soothing voice, “Hey, we’re gonna figure this out.”

Ignoring Spencer’s words, you whispered, “This is my fault…” With the rage taking over once more, you snapped, “This town trusts me and the sheriff to keep them safe, but in the last five months twelve people have died! Twelve!” Your tears began to fall and you practically collapsed into Spencer’s arms as you whispered, “I can’t do anything right…”

Instinctively, Spencer caught you and started running a hand up and down your back to try and comfort you. Forgetting he was in front of the whole team and your officers, Spencer kissed the top of your head before trying to calm you down. When your breathing had finally slowed and your tears subsided enough for you to feel comfortable showing your face again, you untangled yourself from Spencer’s arms and gave him a quiet ‘thank you’ before turning to face the team and your officers who had all migrated toward the other side of the room in order to give you and Spencer space. 

You were about to try and make a speech toward the team to attempt to motivate not just them but yourself too when Tara came up and placed a hand on your forearm, giving you a warm smile. “I think you need a break,” she told you gently. “This case is getting to you and I think you need to clear your mind for a little while.”

“But-” you tried to protest, but were stopped by Spencer. 

“Significant stress has been shown to measurably affect neuronal properties and cognitive functioning of the hippocampus. It’s also been found to impair memory function and the ability to recall information of which could be crucial in a case like this. Did you know that in some theories about the effects of stress on the body, the individual actually loses the ability to function in the presence of excessive stress which leads to exhaustion and potentially death?”

“Okay, not what she needed to hear at this moment, but I agree with Reid that it may be best for you to go home and take a breather for a while. Details in this case are really important and I know that you want to nail this one,” Tara told you and began walking you to your office to grab your things and help you to your vehicle while assuring you that the team had it under control.

Back in the precinct, Emily cleared her throat and announced, “Okay everyone! We know from forensics that the gun was in fact not up against Jordan’s head when he was killed and that it was actually from a distance away so we can confirm that he was killed and did not commit suicide. I bet we’ll get the same result from today’s victims. This unsub is working overtime to get our attention so we need to give it to him.”

Spencer nodded and added, “Brunswick wasn’t our guy because we were with him all morning. What did we find out about the other men Garcia identified as recently divorced?”

“Fenton is clean too, we just got back a few minutes before you two,” Luke informed him.

Tara nodded in agreement. “Lincoln too. He isn’t our guy.”

“So what are we missing?” David asked. 

“I don’t think we’re missing something. Maybe we’re just thinking too narrowly,” Spencer offered as he turned to look at the new report Josh had filed on the new crime scene. 

“Well then let’s widen our thinking. We can’t let this guy kill anyone else,” Emily said finally before assigning groups to tasks. 

After finding out that of course there weren’t any trail cameras in the area of the latest scene, Spencer was once more going over files in search of something he must have somehow missed. “Why don’t you go over the geographical profile again now that we have more victims?” Emily suggested. 

So he did, taking stray pins from the cork board and placing them in the places of the latest two crimes. What was revealed in front of his eyes was the shape of a heart. “Son of a bitch…” he whispered, looking over to Emily with wide eyes. “He’s plotted out where he wants all of these people to die in order to make a heart on a map, so it could stand to be assumed that-”

“His real target lives in the middle of that heart,” Emily finished with a grim look on her face. 

“That’s a large area to cover that doesn’t seem like it’s heavily populated, we’ll need a few teams to fan out and search the area,” Spencer said, grabbing a pair of keys from the rented SUVs they had been using to get around town. 

“Right.” Emily looked around and started giving orders to those who were back at the station, “Luke, go with Spencer in the first SUV. Josh you’re with JJ and David in the second. Tara and I will go with Lindsey in a patrol car. We have a lot of ground to cover so let’s get moving!” 

Spencer calculated the coordinates to the exact center of the heart and began driving that way with Luke in the passenger seat. On the way there, Luke broke the silence of the vehicle by asking with a smirk, “So what was going on with you and the captain earlier?”

“Old habits die hard I guess. We used to date back when she worked at the BAU,” Spencer told him. “There were a lot of cases where she needed some mental help afterward and that’s how we ended up together. She found my facts and statistics comforting because at least there was some form of guarantee to her safety.”

“That’s cute, I didn’t know-” Luke began to say but stopped short when at the same time he and Spencer noticed the vehicle in the driveway of the house they were approaching. “Reid-” Before Luke could finish his sentence though, Spencer had thrown the SUV in park and was getting out with his gun pulled from his holster. “Reid, think rationally here! Just because her house is the one you think may be in the middle doesn’t mean-”

With his gun drawn in one hand and his phone in the other, Spencer dialed Penelope as he and Luke made their way up the winding driveway, keeping to the tree line and in the shadows of the fading sunlight. “How may I be of assistance Doctor? I-” Penelope started chipperly.

“Did she ever talk to you about her relationships since leaving?” Spencer asked quickly. 

“She? Who do you-?” she tried, but was quickly interrupted by Spencer blurting out your name to hurry her along. “Oh! Just one she told me about the other day! She said that back in April this guy tried to get with her but they just went on one date.”

“Hartley…” Spencer muttered under his breath. “Garcia, try to find anything on a man named Hartley in the area, that’s the last man she dated. Call Emily with whatever you find and send her to my location.”

“Got it!” she said before ending the call. 

“Reid, what's going on?” Luke asked urgently. 

“The first couple was abducted back in late April, after she rejected a man named Hartley. He was at the restaurant we went to the night before last and was glaring daggers at me the whole time. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that those two couples were killed so close together after that night…” Spencer told Luke quietly as they approached the house. 

Spencer just about reached for the doorknob of the house before Luke snatched his arm away and sharply whispered, “Don’t! You’re smarter than that! What’s gotten into you man?”

“It took me two days to figure out that she was the target of the unsub when it should have taken me two minutes after dinner that night! If she gets killed then that’s on my shoulders since she rejected him because of me!” Spencer whisper-shouted at him. 

“Then we need to do this right and take him down quickly and quietly. We can’t just go in guns blazing,” Luke said before releasing the grip he had on Spencer’s arm. He listened for a moment and motioned toward the back of the house, telling Spencer, “I hear two voices coming from that direction of the house. Let’s start there.”

When they got to the back of the house, your voice and a male’s voice could be heard from inside having a conversation about dinner and flowers. Luke’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he whispered to Spencer, “It doesn’t sound like she’s in danger…”

Spencer peered around the corner and risked a glance into a window, noticing how your eyes flicked in his direction before taking the conversation into the next room, making sure the man who was with you followed. So Spencer motioned for Luke to follow behind him and he noticed that this room was near a backdoor that the pair of them could use to get into the house if needed. 

That time came when, straining his ears to hear, Spencer heard you say, “Do you like literature? I think my favorite line is from Macbeth. Act one, scene five, lines 64-65.”

And with that, Spencer kicked in the door to the house and pointed his gun toward Hartley as he announced, “FBI, don’t move!” 

Luke came in shortly after Spencer, also with his gun raised as Hartley grabbed you around the waist and held the gun loosely near your head as he let out an almost maniacal laugh. When he took in the two men across the room from him, he shook his head and said, “How fitting that it’s you who came to her rescue? You two really had a connection the other night at the cafe and it made me realize that it was you this whole time! You’re the asshole who made her turn me down! You’re the reason my heart got shattered into a million pieces! It isn’t fair that someone can break a heart so easily! So she doesn’t deserve to live and neither do I because I destroyed all those families lives by killing their sons and daughters, mothers and fathers!”

“You don’t have to do this!” Luke warned the man sternly as he trained his gun on the man’s head. 

Spencer noticed Hartley’s loose grip on your waist and said your name to get your attention. Hartley warned him to shut up, but Spencer ignored him and instead locked his eyes with your terrified ones. A small reminiscent smile made its way onto his lips as he asked softly, “Remember what you told me your favorite movie was when we went on our first date?” You thought for a moment and then nodded almost frantically as Spencer said, “I want you to do the opposite of that for me, okay? Now!” 

And just as he planned, you dropped to your knees, allowing Spencer to get a clean shot on Hartley that took him down in an instant. The second that he went down, Spencer holstered his gun and ran to your side, sitting himself on the ground and against the wall as he pulled you into his chest to comfort you. While he did this, Luke kicked the gun away from Hartley’s hand and checked his pulse before quietly nodding to Spencer. 

“He’s gone, he can’t hurt anyone anymore,” Spencer whispered into your hair before kissing your head and letting you burrow into his embrace as you cried. “Breathe with me sweetheart, I’ve got you,” Spencer mumbled as he tried to calm you down, running a soothing hand up and down your back at the same pace as he wanted you to breathe. 

Minutes passed as Spencer attempted to calm you down and he was mildly successful, enough to get you out of the dining area and onto the back of the ambulance that arrived with the rest of the team. As Spencer hesitantly left your side in order to go locate any anxiety medications you may have in your medicine cabinet, Luke followed him and asked, “Dude, how did you know she was in danger?”

As Spencer pulled out a bottle and read the label, he told Luke, “Act one, scene five, lines 64-65 of Macbeth says ‘Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under't.’ That was her way of saying that what looked like an innocent conversation between partners was actually a dangerous situation.” A huff of a laugh left his lips before he added, “She studied Shakespeare for fun in college and would analyze his work with me when we were together. Don’t try and get into a debate with that woman about Shakespeare, you’ll lose every time.”

“Wow… You two must have been a force when you were both at the BAU,” Luke mumbled, seemingly in awe of how easily the pair of you were able to communicate without giving anything away. 

“Hotch thought that we could somehow read each other’s minds sometimes,” Spencer confirmed with a quiet laugh as he pulled the right bottle from the shelf. 

“So what was the movie?” Luke asked curiously as he followed Spencer through the house once more, weaving through the BAU team members and your officers who were investigating the scene. 

“Up,” he replied. “I told her to do the opposite so she went down.” Luke chuckled in response before being whisked away by Emily to recount his version of what happened while Spencer went back to the ambulance to give you your anxiolytic to help you calm down. 

The next morning came after a sleepless night pacing a motel room that the sheriff had booked for you so your house could be processed and cleaned up after the events of Hartley’s takedown. When you drove up to the station there was a decent sized crowd near the door, presumably to get a sneak peek as to what happened at your house the night before. A light knock on your window made you jump and clutch at your heart as you looked over your left shoulder to see Spencer there with a small smile on his face. 

“Want some company to head inside?” he asked as he offered you a hand to help you out of the vehicle. 

“Stay close?” you asked quietly, afraid that perhaps the people in that crowd had already figured out that you were in fact the target of Hartley’s killing spree and were there because they wanted you gone… 

“Of course,” Spencer replied as he hooked your arm in his and the two of you made your way through the crowd and to the front door, ignoring all of the questions being thrown your way. 

When you got inside, you almost breathed a sigh of relief before you were approached by Tara and Emily who told you once more that they would need you in the interrogation room, but this time for an actual questioning. At the request your body stiffened as you realized that you would have to relive the situation again and without missing a beat, Spencer said, “As long as I can be in there with her.”

“Spence, you know that-” Emily started but was interrupted by Tara. 

“Let him,” she told Emily with a shake of her head. “As long as Reid doesn’t say anything to her it won’t matter if he’s in there or not, but if she needs his presence for comfort we at least should allow that.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, your muscles relaxing the slightest bit as you and Spencer began following the pair to the interrogation room. 

Once inside the cold space, you pulled your cardigan close and made sure that Spencer’s hand was held in yours before you nodded to signal that you were okay to begin. “So can you tell me what happened yesterday from your point of view?” Emily asked. 

“I left the station to clear my head after being informed that another couple had been found dead. I grabbed a few groceries and headed to my home where inside I found Hartley Rivers standing in the kitchen of my previously locked house,” you told her quietly, your voice wobbly as you spoke. 

“Did he do or say anything when you got there?” Tara asked. 

“He was…oddly calm at first. Asked what I got from the store and said that I should make the two of us a meal. Said that it was the least I could do for him after all the work he’d been doing lately,” you replied. 

“Did he elaborate on that statement?” Emily asked. 

“Not at first,” you said, “but I got him talking and he confessed to staging all of the murder-suicides in the last few months. He…he said…he said…” you trailed off as your breathing began to pick up and your leg began to bounce anxiously. 

“Take your time,” Tara said. 

“He said it was my fault…” you whispered. “He said that if I just didn’t reject him then all of those people would be alive…” The grip Spencer had on your hand tightened the slightest bit and it brought your turbulent thoughts to that feeling alone and you used it to ground yourself back to reality before clearing your throat and adding, “He told me that I was the loss of his life and that I didn’t deserve to live for what I did and neither did he. But he thought that if he got my attention in a way that wasn’t romantic gestures it would get the point across better…”

“So you're saying that he confessed to orchestrating the killings?” Emily asked. 

You nodded. “Yes. He didn’t tell me where, but…”

“Then what happened?” Tara asked gently when you didn't elaborate more. 

“I…I saw Spencer sneaking around outside so I brought the conversation to a room near an outside door and informed him that I was in danger by referencing a line from Macbeth,” you said, which earned a small smile from Emily. “When Luke and Spencer got in, Hartley grabbed me and held me at gunpoint. From there things get fuzzy because I was so scared. All I remember is Spencer asking me something so I took a knee and heard a gunshot and Hartley let go of me. I thought I got shot until I felt Spencer pull me into his lap and then my anxiety got the better of me…”

“Thank you, you did well,” Tara informed you, standing up and coming around the table to give you a squeeze on the shoulder. 

“We’ll get all of that into the right hands and then we’ll have to be on our way soon,” Emily said hesitantly as she made her way to the door. 

“I’d like to stay behind for another day or two. I’ll use vacation days,” Spencer told her immediately. “I can book myself a flight back to Virginia and do my paperwork on the way.” Emily opened her mouth for a moment and then closed it, simply nodding in response before making her way out of the room with Tara behind her. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Spence…” you whispered. 

“No, but I wanted to. I need to make sure you’re okay at least through the hardest part of this,” he informed you as he helped you stand up on your unsteady legs to leave the room. 

“Thank you,” you told him graciously, turning into him and throwing your arms around his frame in a tight embrace. 

“Of course,” he told you, the smile evident in his voice. 

After a few moments, you took a deep breath and said, “I need to make an announcement, would you mind staying with me for it?”

“I don’t mind,” he replied, following you out into the main office area where the BAU team and your officers were milling around filing away papers. 

You cleared your throat and said just loud enough to be heard over the noise, “I have an announcement I’d like to make.” When all eyes were on you, you took a deep breath and said, “I would like to thank everyone for their work on this case, both my locals and the BAU team. You all worked long and hard hours to close this case and I am very appreciative of that. Unfortunately before we could solve it, twelve people died in this town at the hands of Hartley Rivers under my watch. So with that being said I’m announcing that I will be stepping down from my position as Captain of the police division here. I made a promise to serve and protect the people of this town and after the events of this case I feel like I failed at that because I couldn’t solve it sooner and because I was the reason Hartley felt the need to do what he did. It’s been an honor to serve this town while I did, but it wouldn’t be right to continue on from here. Thank you.”

There was a stunned silence that filled the room and you quickly ducked your head and started toward your office after making eye contact with the sheriff who gave you a nod and a sad smile in response. When you got there, you grabbed a box and began slowly placing your belongings inside when you heard footsteps enter the room. “So you’re really going?” Josh asked quietly, his sadness evident in his voice. 

You nodded, which earned a sigh from Lindsey and her saying, “Man this sucks…”

“I know but… I feel like I failed this town. And once word gets out about what happened, I would be driven out of the position and the town anyway and I’d rather end it on my terms.”

The two agreed and began helping you pack up your belongings while reminiscing on some of the better days in this office. Once you seemed to run out of things to talk about, Josh asked with a smirk evident in his voice, “So…you and agent Reid huh?”

“Doctor Reid,” you informed him sternly with a quiet laugh escaping your lips. “He didn’t earn three PhDs for nothing.”

“So you’re into the smart ones,” Lindsey said teasingly as she landed an elbow into your ribs lightly. 

“I suppose so,” you said as you looked up and saw Spencer himself in the doorway. The four of you made quick work of packing up your office and before you knew it, you were being escorted out to your vehicle with Spencer’s protective arm around you as you made your way through the crowd of people who still thankfully didn’t know the truth behind everything yet. 

When you and Spencer got to your house, he helped you unload the boxes of your office items and then sat beside you on the couch after you put on a quiet instrumental record to keep there from being a deafening silence in the room. You couldn’t help your mind from wandering back to the events of not only yesterday, but of the last five months. As you did, a roaring filled your ears that was interrupted by Spencer’s voice as he asked, “Hey, what’s on your mind?”

“Too much,” you replied quietly. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really, but…” You sighed and in defeat relented, saying, “I guess it’s best if I do.”

“It is. And I’m right here with you,” he told you as he tentatively scooched closer on the couch and put his arm around you. Your muscles relaxed as he did this and the flood gates opened once more as you burrowed into Spencer’s side.

“I just feel like such a screw up… Twelve people with lives and families and dreams for the future are all dead because of me…” you whispered, trying to muffle the sob that escaped at the end of your statement. 

Spencer ran his hand up and down your arm for a moment before quietly asking, “If it were anyone else in your position what would you tell them?”

“What?” you asked after a few seconds, pulling away for a moment to look up at Spencer with furrowed eyebrows. 

“As the victim advocate specialist that you are, what would you say to someone else in your position?” Spencer asked and you began to see his point. “Say it was Lindsey in the center of this instead of you? You wouldn’t tell her that those people died because of her would you?”

“No…” you whispered, sagging back into his embrace with a sigh. You were quiet for a moment before replying thoughtfully, “I would tell them that they can’t control other people’s actions and feelings. That they couldn’t have known that something so simple as rejecting someone could cause such disaster. That they shouldn’t have to live in fear of this happening again so they’ll go out and live their life and not seclude themselves. That even though in the heat of the moment if the families of the victims find out the reason behind the crime that it still isn’t their fault no matter what nasty things are said to them. I would remind them that they’re a victim in this too and they deserve treatment and counseling services just like the other victims’ families…”

Spencer leaned down and kissed the crown of your head before mumbling, “Exactly. So what is making you feel like you don’t deserve to hear those things too?”

“Because I was supposed to protect all of those people and I couldn’t do my job. They shouldn’t have died in the first place. Pair that with the fact that Hartley was doing this because of me and…it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be handled gently after everything that happened,” you told him sadly. 

“I think that just proves that you should be given more grace than anyone in this situation,” Spencer says. 

“I just don’t feel like I’m deserving to be cared for after everything…” 

“Well I guess I’m just going to have to prove your anxiety wrong,” Spencer said and you could hear the smile in his voice as he pulled you impossibly closer in what seemed like an attempt to bring all of your broken pieces back together. 

Later that day after finally getting through all of your emotions about your now totally uprooted life and watching your comfort movie with Spencer, you started to feel a bit lighter. So as you made dinner for the two of you, you sang quietly to the music coming from your record player as Spencer helped where he could with the meal. While you were standing at the stovetop stirring the food, he came up behind you and gently wrapped his arms around your waist and swayed to the music playing. “I missed this…” he admitted quietly, his voice and body relaxed. 

“Me too,” you replied, a small smile on your face and tears prickling the backs of your eyes. 

You were afraid to ask Spencer what happened next after he left back to Virginia and you went…where? You still hadn’t decided what you wanted to do for work after you just resigned and where would that land you in the country? You weren’t sure how well- “Hey,” he said, squeezing you slightly to bring you back to reality. “You’re getting lost again.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you replied, going back to stirring the nearly complete stir fry. “I just have a lot on my mind still is all…”

“Like what?” he asked, stopping his swaying to focus on your conversation. 

“What do I do for work now? There’s no way I’ll get a job in any of the surrounding counties and I’m afraid of even getting into that position again because that is so much responsibility I don’t feel ready to handle again after what happened here…”

“Have you thought about coming back to the FBI?” Spencer asked. “I know that the BAU was a cause for a lot of stress on you, so maybe you could see if there are any victim advocate positions available in other departments? Or maybe go back to your SVU department?”

“I have enough in the bank to take a month or so off from work to sort things out mentally but… I think once I figure myself out again, being an advocate again would be rewarding and now that I have a unique perspective on things…” Maybe it was time to move back to Virginia…

“I think you would do great,” Spencer replied, releasing you from his arms before reaching for the plates you had been warming to place the food on. You still had a faraway look in your eyes, even you could tell, so you weren’t surprised when he asked, “What else is on your mind?”

You didn’t reply as you plated the food and made your way to the table, trying to figure out the best way to discuss the topic at hand. You couldn’t figure out a graceful way to ask, so you let out a heavy sigh as you gestured between yourself and Spencer and asked quietly, “Spence… What is this? What is going on between us right now? The hugs, the kisses, the comforting touches. Is it just because of the case? Is it because you feel bad for me?” Guilt at the last bit began to crawl its way up your spine and you felt your throat closing up slightly as you said, barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry I’m just scared right now…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured you, reaching over and grabbing your hand gently and rubbing comforting circles onto it with his thumb. Clearing his throat, Spencer admitted, “At first it was habitual. It felt like an instinct to comfort you because that’s what I did all those years, but…but then I realized that I didn’t just want to provide you with physical comfort. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to hold you until all of your fears and doubts went away. I just…I want you back.” At those last words, your eyes darted up to meet Spencer’s hopeful ones. A smile fell onto his face as he finished, “Please. I want you back in my life and if that can’t be as your boyfriend right now I understand that, but I just want to be in your life somehow. It took me a while to realize that I never stopped loving you and it took me seeing you to realize that if I want you back I need to fight for it and prove to you that taking me back won’t be a mistake.”

“Taking you back would never be a mistake,” you mumbled, a smile making its way onto your face as you scooted closer to Spencer on the dining table’s bench. 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Spencer whispered as his hand ghosted its way up your arm, landing on your cheek to hold you for a moment before asking, “May I kiss you?”

“Of course,” you replied with a slight nod before your lips were enveloped into the most tender kiss Spencer had ever given you. A feeling of warmth ran up your spine as you relaxed into the kiss, your hands wandering up to hook around the back of Spencer’s neck to pull him closer. 

All too soon, the kiss was over and Spencer pulled away to rest his forehead on yours before telling you, “I love you. And I never want to lose you again.”

“You won’t,” you promised before leaning back in for another kiss, the stir fry going forgotten on the table as you lost yourself in Spencer’s love and affection. 

thank you for getting this far, I appreciate you for reading! Don't forget to like and comment! <3

[ilguna]

☼ runs in the family (Johanna Mason) ☼

summary; lately you've been flirting with Cashmere, and Johanna can't watch anymore.

warnings; swearing, death mention, hints at prostitution, weird little sister idolization for a second.

wc; 3.4k

notes: reader is finnick’s sister.

–

The biggest problem you have with being Finnick’s younger sister, is the fact that you pick up on his behavior and make it yours as well. It doesn’t sound so bad at first, maybe you’re just idolizing him, because that’s what younger siblings do. Except, you two are grown adults now, and it shouldn’t be that way anymore.

When your parents were alive, they used to encourage the behavior by saying that you and Finnick were meant to be twins, with how similar you were. Everything he did, you were right behind him. For the longest time, he loathed your existence, and didn’t bother hiding it, either. To him, there was nothing worse than being constantly compared to his younger sister, of all people.

It only got worse from there. You got enrolled into District Four’s Private Academy at the same time that he did. Which meant that you were in the same classes as him, despite being two years younger. He got the achievement of being the top of the class with boys, and you followed a couple of days later with the girls.

It got so bad to the point where he stopped speaking to you unless he had to.

You have to admit, there were a few times where you begged to be with Finnick, because he was the only person you could trust. You didn’t have many friends your age, because Finnick’s friends were yours. On the other hand, you used to go blue in the face telling your parents that Finnick hated you because they insisted you be attached at the hip.

Finnick got reaped at fourteen, of course. He won the title of the youngest victor ever. As well as the biggest sponsor gift in history. He came back from the Capitol, traumatized but triumphant over the fact that he could finally be differentiated from you. He started talking to you again, because you two were no Cashmere and Gloss. You didn’t care, you didn’t want to be important like them.

Finnick got to be in the spotlight without you having the chance of taking it over, and you were forced to focus on your studies if you even wanted a sliver of your parents' attention. It was a heavy trade-off, because everything fell back onto you to be successful too. Not quite in the same way, but they didn’t want you to give up solely because he was a victor.

The year Finnick turned sixteen was a hard year for you. It started off that way, because you hit Finnick’s age when he was reaped. And while you were suffering from nightmares, your parents filled every free hour of your day with the Private Academy or studying at school. You were exhausted.

Finnick wasn’t even on the train for an hour before you got into a fight with them over it, tired of the pressure to succeed when that’s all you’ve ever done in your life. 

That was the last conversation you ever had with them. You left the house for two days, something you’d never done before, but you couldn’t face them. When you came home, they were nowhere to be seen. You waited hours and hours for them to return, and still, they were gone.

No one in Victor’s Village had an idea of what happened. No one on the way to the Justice Building had a single clue. The Mayor of Four completely shut you down and threatened to arrest you if you pursued the matter any further, sending you home.

You spent three weeks alone in that house, struggling to preserve any sense of normalcy, terrified that you were going to be taken by the Mayor, since he knew that you were by yourself. It didn’t even dawn on you that he must’ve had some part in their disappearance when he sent you away. You were worried about the two most important people in your life gone.

You were doing things that you never had to do before. You didn’t usually cook for yourself in the first place, so you were left with easy meals that you had been eating before his win. The problem is, with Finnick’s money, they stopped buying food like that, which brought in a whole new issue. You’d never had to go buy groceries before.

You spent three days trying to find any cash whatsoever, unaware of the fact that Finnick’s Victor ID was in the top drawer in the kitchen, and would pay for anything you asked for. You were starving, and ended up at one of the other Victors’ houses, in full-blown hysterics because you couldn’t handle it anymore.

Everyday you woke up and wished that Four’s tributes would die quicker, because that meant Finnick would come home. He would be able to take care of you, and understood where everything was. He would have a clue as to what happened.

When Finnick came home, he shut you out. He spent days locked alone in his bedroom, denying any idea as to what happened to your parents, refusing to talk to you once again. You knew he was lying to you, he wasn’t trying to hide it either. Your parents were gone, not a single trace as to where they’d gone, and he decided you didn’t need to hear why.

After a month of pestering him for an answer, you stopped. You couldn’t do it anymore, with the stress of everything hitting you at once, you gave up. Finnick must’ve thought that you’d forgiven him, when really you didn’t. You were angry with him beyond words, and you punished him the same way that he punished you: you stopped talking to him entirely.

You pushed him away, and kept it like that for the next year. He tried to take up your parents’ role in the house to make up for their absence. He made breakfast, lunch and dinner. He walked you from your school to the Private Academy, where he was forced to work for the next few years. He cleaned your clothes, and restocked your bathroom items, and he kept trying to make up for it.

You had a whole year to plan how you were going to get back at him for the final time, because you refused to be with Finnick for the rest of your life if he was going to lie to you and treat you like a baby. The only answer you came up with in the end was the one that would likely kill you.

You volunteered for the Hunger Games at fifteen. 

At the time, there was a part of you that wished you would die inside of the arena, to punish Finnick for the very last time. You would be the last person taken away from him, by your own choice. And he would be forced to live with it for the rest of his life. Alone. 

Just like how you were for almost two months.

Finnick wasn’t mad. You would say that he was extremely upset with you on the train to the Capitol. All you could do was taunt him. What was he going to do about it? It was too late to go back. You told him that he had two choices—he could tell you what happened to your parents and what caused them to be taken away, in which case you’d fight to come home. Or he could continue to treat you the way he was, and you’d let the Games play out the way they always do.

He was less than thrilled with your existence before you were reaped, but he didn’t leave you alone for a second when he was mentoring you. By then, he was seventeen. He’d had three years to perfect the way he mentors, and there wasn’t a chance in hell that he was going to let his little sister die inside of the arena.

Well, Finnick wasn’t going to let you act that way and get what you wanted at the same time. He told you to figure it out yourself. Which meant that there was a way to find out without asking him about it.

You spent the week analyzing his behavior, how odd it was that he’d leave the apartment frequently but Mags never did the same thing. The times he’d come home, how late in the night it would be. The night of the interviews, you managed to get Mags alone. It wasn’t for long, less than five minutes.

From the very first second to the last, you spent the entire time spewing terrible theories about your brother and what he could be doing when he went out. You figured out earlier in the week that Mags liked to be correct sometimes, which meant that at the end of the conversation, she corrected you. She told you what Finnick was really doing.

You had never felt so much regret in your life like you did at that moment. On the same token, you couldn’t believe that Finnick would keep something so vital from you.

Since, there’s been several times that while you were in the arena, he’d say he wished how much he could be in there with you, to protect you. He’s grateful that they don’t let victors volunteer to go in again. If he had, one of you would be dead today, and the other would be living without them.

As much as you know Finnick was wishing he’d be able to save you from the horrors of the Capitol post-victory, it wasn’t realistic. There might not have been any family for Snow to kill, but you had other people you loved. Your friends, your neighbors, and the people who took care of you and Finnick after your parents were gone.

It’s a shame, being sucked into Finnick’s personal vortex.

Lately, you’ve picked up on something you swore you never would—his stupid casanova personality. It’s like he automatically defaults to flirting with people when he talks to them. You started off by making fun of him, because you wanted him to knock it off. It was weird to watch for a while, especially since that is not the same version of Finnick that you know.

However, he ended up telling you it’s because that’s how he’s supposed to act with these people. A young ladies man. As for you, you’re his cute little sister. Gross.

You honestly thought you had him figured out because he uses it to his benefit sometimes, whether he realizes it or not. It might have started off as an act because the people here need to see him that way, but it’s turned into a manipulation tactic. 

When you found out, you couldn’t believe he didn’t use it to get leverage on people, to flatter them and get what he wants. So, you started doing the same thing. So, in the end, it’s your fault that you picked up on this, but really, it’s funny how people react when they’re being flirted with. It’s like being seen as desirable away from the Capitol’s standards is a new high. It’s a form of validation, especially with the victors you work with every year. Like Cashmere, for example. 

If you flirt with her, or the other career mentors, they’re more likely to team up with you for the sponsors. You get to be on the good side with the people around you, and your tributes get taken care of. It’s a win-win situation.

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your hair is?” You ask, leaning into the table.

Cashmere looks at you through her eyelashes, a smile coming over her face, “I used to.”

“People don’t tell you anymore?” You gasp, “Your curls are so natural and cute.”

She shrugs, “Guess they’re not my biggest quality now.”

“It must be your smile that won over, then.” You wink, Cashmere rolls her eyes, but her smile doesn’t leave her face. “What are you doing after this? Have any plans?”

“No, I was thinking about going out to lunch with Gloss.” She looks over at him. He’s sitting at a different table with Enobaria. Finnick was over there for a while, but you can see that Johanna’s come into the Betting Room. He’ll choose her over anyone nowadays.

“Oh, where?” You raise your eyebrows, “Got room for two more?”

“You and Finnick? What is this, a sibling lunch?” She laughs, “I mean, we’re thinking of going to the new restaurant that opened down the street. It’s all cold stuff, like sandwiches and salads. Do you think he’d be interested?”

“Finnick doesn’t care, as long as it’s edible.”

She shakes her head, “Gloss too, I really don’t know how they do it.”

“You’re telling me.”

Cashmere reaches up to play with her earring, “I’ll let Gloss know, I’m sure he doesn’t mind.”

“Neither will Finnick,” You agree, scooting back.

“Does one work well for you?” She asks, getting to her feet.

“Sounds like a date to me.” You wiggle your eyebrows, biting your lip.

You can see her cheeks flush red before she turns away, heading toward the other table. You wave to Enobaria and Gloss before going to Finnick, who’s suddenly standing alone.

“Hey, I was just talking to Cashmere about all of us going out to lunch this afternoon,” You cross your arms. “Where’d Johanna go?”

“She got upset.” Finnick’s eyebrows twitch, “And who’s ‘all of us’?”

“Siblings, no Enobaria or Johanna.” You say.

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll love that.” He makes a face before turning to the Line Odds board.

“What does that mean? Who are you talking about?” You ask, moving around him so that he has to look at you. “Johanna? Why would she care?”

“She cares about a lot, haven’t you noticed?” He asks.

“No, not really. It’s Johanna, I thought she could give a rat’s ass.”

He makes a face, “Well, not when it comes to you.”

You stand in silence, staring at him for a long minute, trying to figure out what he must mean. Sure, you and Johanna are friends, but that’s the extent of it. You think that the two of you could be closer, if she lets you be, but she holds you at arms-length no matter how hard you try. There’s been times where you’ve tried to get to know her more, and she’ll shut you down. It’s almost like Finnick has something to do with it, because she’s his only friend. 

However, if he’s mentioning it like this, then that can’t be the case.

“You can’t say that and leave it that way.” You tell him.

“Really, I can.” He makes a face at you, “I’m older.”

Oh, he wants to go there?

“And you have a bad track history when it comes to secrets.” You say, knowing full well he doesn’t like it when you use this against him. You’re referencing your parents each time, and he’s told you that you might as well say it instead of beating around the bush. You like to rub salt next to the wound, not directly in it. It means it can’t be your fault if it gets inside. “Tell me.”

“Johanna likes you, idiot.” He says, “Happy?”

You can feel your face fall. No, you’re not happy. In fact, you’re not entirely sure how he expected you to know this information, much less react to it. All you’re doing it going out to lunch with Cashmere and Gloss, you’re not sure why she would take it the wrong way.

Johanna likes you?

Finnick can tell you’re lost, “You’ve been flirting with Cashmere for the past hour. She saw you do it.”

“She knows that I don’t actually like her.” You wave him off, looking over at Cashmere, Enobaria and Gloss.

How can Johanna like you when she never lets you get close enough? It’s different for you, you hear about her everyday of the week and then more. You’re fairly sure you know more about herself than she knows about you, at this point. Even when you go back home, Finnick will continue to talk about her throughout the rest of the year. He sprinkles details about her every now and then because he knows it drives you up the wall.

He knows how badly you want to get her alone, and she won’t let it happen. And he won’t tell her that because he thinks it’s some game. Another person that he has that you never can—just you taking away his spotlight again. He’s afraid that if you really do start dating her, then he’ll never get to see the same side of her ever again, much less get time with her.

You begin to grind your teeth, pressing your lips together. Johanna can’t possibly like you. This has got to be Finnick messing with you again.

When Finnick doesn’t say a word to confirm what you said, you let out a sigh through your nose, “Where’d she go?”

“She left to go back to her room.” He tells you, “She’s probably gone by now.”

“She has a tendency to hang out in the hallway for a minute to calm down.” You tell him, starting toward the exit doors, “You’d know that if you paid more attention.”

“Or maybe you pay too much attention!” He shouts back.

You ignore him, leaving the Betting Room and heading down the first hallway. How long has Finnick known that Johanna likes you? What has he been telling her in response? That you do like other people? Or that he doesn’t know for sure?

Sure enough, as soon as you round the corner into the second hallway, you find Johanna. She’s running a hand through her hair, and she doesn’t bother to look at you at first. When she does, she makes a noise.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You ask, not wanting to start with what Finnick said. There’s been a few times where he’s fucked with you because he knows it’ll get you stuck in a rabbit hole that you’ll wish you’d never jumped down in the first place. It’s better to hear what he said from Johanna, herself. “I saw you left. Are you okay?”

“You and Cashmere seem very close.” She says, you blink, surprised that she’d start so strong. “Didn’t take you as a career-lover.”

“Well, yeah. Her and I are friends.”

“Friends.” She echoes, “Friends flirt with each other?”

She’s upset. She’s really upset if she’s not even bothering to hide her feelings like that. You shake your head at her, “I wasn’t flirting.”

“Right.” She nods, rolling her eyes, “Because it didn’t come off that way or anything. I heard you’re going out to lunch together?”

You squint at her, “I’m confused as to why you care so much. I’ve offered to get lunch with you before. The difference between you and her—”

“Is that I actually like you, and she doesn’t give a shit!” She shouts, “She’s not even into girls!”

You stare at Johanna, genuinely speechless for the first time in your life. You never thought that you’d find yourself in this position, much less with Johanna. 

“So it’s true.” You manage to get out.

“What’s true?” She sighs, crossing her arms.

“Finnick told me you liked me.” You raise your eyebrows, “And it’s true.”

You watch her think for a moment, before her entire expression shifts into anger, “He told you?”

“Yeah, and I came out to make sure, before I did something stupid,” You say, smirking slightly, “Like this.”

You cup Johanna’s face, bringing her lips to yours. The moment they touch, you can feel your stomach skyrocket into your mouth, almost in denial that you’ve just done this. Her lips are soft, and warm, and you can feel the heat slam into your face. Johanna almost pulls away, before she presses into you, kissing you back.

When you take a step back, you brush a strand of hair out of her face. 

“I didn’t think…” She trails off.

“I don’t like Cashmere.” You tell her, “I like you. And you would’ve known sooner, if you actually let me talk to you.”

“It won’t happen again.” She breathes, her eyes on your lips.

[yanderes-galore]

Can we have something for our favorite muscly man, Clayton Carmine? We know he's gonna be a very protective and clingy man. :)

I love him so much.

Yandere! Clayton Carmine Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective/Possessive behavior, Violence, Death, Survivor's Guilt, Trauma, Clingy behavior, Social isolation, Blood, Dubious turned Forced companionship/relationship.

You just KNOW he's going to be one of the more tragic yanderes in the series.

The Carmine family is infamous with not having relatives live that long.

Anthony Carmine was shot in the head in Gears 1.

Benjamin Carmine was eaten by the Riftworm in Gears 2.

Gary Carmine was killed by a DeeBee pod falling on him in Gears 4.

Elizabeth Carmine was killed by a malfunctioning Hammer of Dawn strike in Gears 5...

Safe to say, Clayton is probably filled to the brim with Survivor's Guilt.

Which is shown in his obsession.

Clayton, when he does eventually get attached to someone, is definitely suffocating.

He's so used to those he loves dying that he feels an urge to protect his obsession.

All to the point he comes off controlling.

Clayton takes some time to grow attached due to his trauma.

He knows he shouldn't get attached due to how easy it is to die out here.

Maybe he met you around Gears 3? Around that time only Anthony and Benjamin have died and he is able to comfortably show an attachment towards you.

I don't think Clayton cared much about Gary's death due to him being an Outsider and not COG.

But he certainly cared about Lizzie... which means when Lizzie dies his obsession is in full swing.

Clayton is intimidating, but towards you he just seems nice to be around.

He looks out for you due to being a big brother for most of his life.

Clayton's obsession can be platonic or romantic.

If he's platonic, he probably sees himself as a big brother to you.

In that case he wants to protect you... since he feels the guilt from his younger siblings dying.

If he's romantic, he cares for you and flirts with you a bit.

He likes to impress you and can imagine himself settling down with you when things calm down.

He even tries to make such an attempt after Gears 3 and between Gears 4/5.

Clayton's biggest fear is no doubt losing you.

He knows how easy it is to lose people, Marcus is similar when it comes to this.

The only way to soothe such fears for him is to keep you close.

If you're lower in rank than him, which you no doubt are, he has an excuse.

He's "teaching you the ropes", of course he has to keep you close and in his squad.

Clayton can be affectionate but he holds off most of the time.

You have no idea how much he wishes to hug you sometimes... if he loves you romantically then he definitely wants a kiss.

Physical affection is a comfort to him.

It reassures him you're still there.

Clayton would do anything to see you safe and happy.

He's known as a Grub Killer and is ruthless in his skills.

If other COG members speak with you, Clayton often interrupts and pulls you close to him.

Not many approach you unless Clayton approves.

He's primarily a protective yandere with possessive elements.

The man is ripped, too.

Others would be a fool to mess with you when he's around.

Clayton doesn't want to force your adoration, he tries to be patient with you.

Yet by Gears 5 he plans to have you locked beside him... all so he doesn't lose you, too.

If pushed far enough, as OOC as it seems, Clayton may not mind holding you close with blood on his hands.

He'll protect you from everything.

Grubs, humans, by this point he's lost enough.

He doesn't want you to fight him.

However... Clayton's lost enough, hasn't he?

He doesn't plan to lose you too... even if it means trapping you beside him.

"Listen to me. I will take care of you... I won't lose you. Ever. Don't leave me here...!"

[toruden]

"Please don't cry."

warnings- shootings, angst, and familial death (parents and younger sibling), gn reader

wc- 2.3k

a/n- Ok, I'm gonna just say I've never written a fic before in my life so, beware.

“Hi, Fyo.” Usually you said that nickname with a cheery tone, not today though. You found out your best friend of almost 20 years was connected to the biggest string of murders according to your agency. 

“Hey, N/n. What’s up?” He knew what was up, and fuck how he dreaded this moment from the first murder. You were crowned the best detective in your agency, he knew you would find out one day. 

The look in your eyes when he said that caused his entire body to flood with guilt. He knew you didn’t want to do this, but he also knew you wanted justice. 

When you were younger, you saw your parents and your little sister murdered in front of you, you managed to run away but you couldn’t save your sister nor your parents, it’s the whole reason you joined the agency and are so hellbent on justice. 

But he put you in a tough spot.

You hadn’t felt this way since your mother yelled at you to run but your sister was crying trying to escape. 

“Just.. Why?” You hadn’t even spoken five words to him but your demeanor was already breaking, and he could see and hear it too.

“I don’t know.” He was telling the truth. He doesn’t know why he got so wrapped up in all this, he doesn’t know why he killed so many, he doesn’t know why he’s doing this to you. 

“You don’t know, Fyodor? That’s all you have to say? ‘I don’t know’?” You began raising your voice to combat the wavering and the breaking praying he couldn’t tell.

But he could see the tears begin to fill your eyes.

“I really don’t know, Y/n.” He tried hiding the hurt from not being called his usual nickname, Fyo, and instead being called by the full one. 

He wishes he could go back in time and stop himself from ever doing this but he knows it’s impossible.

“I just want a real explanation, Fyodor. You’re involved with the murder of dozens of people. This can— no, this will get you executed. Why would you do this?” You so badly wanted to finish the full sentence and say, ‘Why would you do this to me, Fyodor? How could you do this to me?’. But you had to at-least try and keep your demeanor.

“I don’t know—”

“I don’t wanna hear that bullshit, Fyodor. Tell me why. I can’t help you out of this if you don’t tell me why.” You tried so hard to make it sound like a command but they came out as begs, and that was what you were doing. Turning him in would mean his death. Turning him in would mean you were indirectly responsible for his death. 

You would be the cause of yet another persons death. You couldn’t save your mother, you couldn’t save your father, you couldn’t save your little sister, and now, you would be setting your best friend, the only one you have ever had, up for execution, so yes, you were begging. You would get on your knees and plead if you needed to. 

“So you’re not gonna say anything?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want a explanation, hell I fucking deserve one, Fyodor. I deserve to know why you’ve been doing this shit.”

“I just said—”

“I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.” You began getting angered and you couldn’t keep a calm demeanor anymore.

“I fucking heard it and it’s not good enough. Give me an explanation.” 

“I don’t have one”

“Yes you do, were you forced?”

“No—”

“Were you threatened?”

“No, Y/n—”

“Were you coerced?”

“Y/n—”

“Was someone else threatened?—” You were pleading with both him and yourself, this couldn’t be true and it couldn’t be happening.

“Y/n.”

“What?”

His hand reached over to your cheek as his perplexed eyes burned into yours.

“Please don’t cry.”

What? You’re crying? You didn’t even realize you started until he pointed it out. You ripped your face away,

“No, don’t you dare start acting like you care now—“

“I do care—”

“You didn’t care when you helped kill those people. Did you even stop and think once about what you were doing?”

“…”

“DID YOU?”

“No.”

“So why do you care now? Huh, Fyodor? Why start caring when it’s too late?”

“I don’t know.”

“Stop saying you don’t—” You had to stop yourself before you started breaking down in front of him. He reached out for you again, this time slower and timidly. He didn’t want to scare you or upset you even more so he was careful. To his surprise you let him. The look in his eyes was unreadable but the one in yours was as clear as the arctic sea. 

You were tired. 

“Please, just tell me why.”

“I wish I knew, N/n” and with his tone, and that very, very special nickname, you collapsed. You screamed, begged, and pleaded but his answer was the same. He didn’t know. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Please just tell me why.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Please.”

This went on at least 45 minutes before you began calming down.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do”

He was right and you hated it. He always was. It was one of the things you lo— liked. you liked about Fyodor. 

“Please don’t make me do this.” 

“Im so—“ He started, but a loud bang followed by a stinging, burning pain in his abdomen stopped him. You turned around to see your partner holding their gun up.

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” This can’t be happening, this couldn’t be happening.

“Fyodor? FYODOR?”

“I'm right here, you don’t have to yell.” He cracked a joke. He’s cracking jokes and he just got shot. You applied pressure to the wound. 

“CALL FOR HELP!!” You were practically wailing.

“Fyo? Fyo look at me.” you were calling him by his nickname again, his favorite thing to hear.

“I’m looking, N/n.” his voice sounded so soft, so light. He was dying.

“Hi.” You gave him your best watery smile, the best one you could muster.

“Hi.” He choked out, giving your smile right back albeit bloody. 

“Keep talking to me, Fyo.” 

“About what?”

“About anything. Just please, keep your eyes open”

“Anything for you.” You were glad he was back to acting like his usual self, and for a while, you two talked about random things. Places you wanted to go, things you learned. And then you were interrupted.

“L/n, they’re here.”

“Finally, tell them we’re in here.” Your heart was racing and you were terrified he wouldn’t make it. They started rushing in and they pulled him off of you but you quickly stood up and reached for his hand but you felt a strong, aching pain in your abdomen. It hurt so much it caused you to fall back down. Were you shot? Did it pass through him into you? He was holding you as you were shot, but you thought the initial pain was from both of you falling. Fyodors eyes widened at the sound of your collapse, he was confused as well. Did you hide your pain to comfort him? Or did you completely forget it so you could? You were writhing on the floor in pain calling out for help, and for him. they rushed you into the back of a hospital car but you had passed out before you could ask them your question. Was he ok?

Fyodor was moving in and out of conciseness and flatlined once on the way to the hospital but he was resuscitated, you on the other hand, blacked out and crashed multiple times before they were able to stabilize you.

The first thing you looked and asked for was him. 

“Where’s Fyodor?” You frantically looked around the room to find him, but he wasn’t here.

“WHERE'S FYODOR?” You yelled and your partner and doctor rushed into the room.

“L/n, You need to calm down. Your heart is racing and it’s not good for your recovery.” Pausing, you asked again.

“Where is he?” Your tone was laced with malice, eyes burning into your partners. 

“He’s in a different room, but are you—”

“Why would you shoot without my command? We weren’t there to execute him, we were there to question him.”

“He was touching you, L/n.”

“Did I give you my fucking command, H/n?”

“No.” You stared at them with nothing but anger in your eyes, if fyodor was dead you would not only get them fired, but you would never forgive them.

“Get the fuck out.”

“But—”

“That was an order. Get the fuck out of my room.”

They hurriedly left and you questioned the doctor of Fyodors location.

“Where is he?”

“He’s fine if that’s what you're trying to ask, the bullet didn't hit any major organs and luckily, didn't hit his spine. He’s incredibly lucky to be alive.”

“Can I see him?” the doctor chuckled softly at this.

“To be honest, he’s more stable than you are.”

“What happened?” The doctor took a pause.

“The bullet sliced right through him and into you, it took us a few hours of surgery to get it out because you were bleeding too quickly.” How the hell did you ignore the pain for so long? You were glad you did or Fyodor might’ve focused on you instead of not dying.

“So, can he come see me?” The doctor closed up your charts and looked back at you.

“We’ll see about that. For now, you get some rest.”

Fyodor was internally losing his shit to figure out if you were ok. If you died it would be his fault. 

The doctor came into his room and he watched them before asking the question, 

“Are they ok?” Yet again, the doctor chuckled.

“You two must really love each other, huh?” 

What? No he didn’t love you. You two were friends. Yeah. Just friends.

His silence was enough to answer the doctors question.

“Before you ask, no, you can’t see them. Not for some time, anyway. Neither of you are allowed to walk, but I might be able to arrange for you to see them. You're a hell of a lot more stable than they are right now.” He gave them a confused look,

“Their surgery was complicated, but they’re ok.”

The doctor checked his vitals and left.

When you checked your phone you saw the date and realized it had been 4 days since the initial incident.

“What the hell?” You muttered to yourself. Was it really that bad?

After a few days you were finally able to see each other, neither of you were allowed to walk though. Nurses wheeled you two to a table in the cafeteria.

“Hi, Fyo.”

“Hey, N/n.” Neither of you could keep a solid face and immediately smiled.

“Are you feeling ok? Does it still hurt anywhere?”

“Why’d you hide your pain—”

“You answer me first.” You finally looked directly into his eyes. 

“I’m ok, and no, it doesn’t hurt. Now you answer me.” You fiddled with your fingers trying to come up with an answer. 

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” Oh, how the tables turn.

“I couldn’t feel it. I hadn't known I had been shot till I stood up.”

“Hm. The doctors said your surgery was complicated.”

“I guess so, I was also out for 4 days.”

“Y/n,” he started, You looked back at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don't wanna talk about that right now.”

“The charges were dropped from lack of evidence, you don't have to arrest me anymore.”

“That’s not the point, Fyodor.” you sighed weakly. 

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I would’ve had to turn you in, I would’ve had to question you, I would’ve—”

You had to take a deep breath because your voice was starting to waver.

“I would’ve been the cause of your death, Fyo. So no, you don’t have a fucking clue.”

He was speechless. He knew you would have to do that but he didnt know it would’ve affected you this much.

“I didn’t think it would get this bad.”

“Well clearly you were wrong.” Not long after that hot tears fell down your face at the thought of you having to do that. Even being a detective, you were grateful there wasn’t enough evidence because you just couldn’t take that. You two sat there and talked until the cafeteria closed, you would do this everyday until you were discharged.

Turning to him, you started,

“Do you think we can ever meet again?”

“Do you want me to answer honestly, or do you want me to say what you want to hear?”

“Honestly, please.” he chuckled lightly at this because, 

“Honestly, I don’t know either.” you turned to each other and just stared into eachothers eyes.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything”

“I think—” You didn’t know if you could say it, but you had to. Just in case this was the last time you ever saw each other.

Alive, anyway

“I think I love you, Fyodor.” His eyes widened slightly, but it was still enough for you to notice. You didn't expect him to say it back but alas,

“I think I love you too.” A few tears fell as you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“Please, don’t cry.” 

“I'm trying.” you said while giggling a bit. You reached out to hold his face and he reached out to hold yours. Neither of you could take just staring at each other anymore and held a kiss for a good minute or two. When you separated you kept your eyes closed and stayed close to each other for a while.

“Goodbye, N/n.”

“I’ll see you soon, Fyo.” And with that, you parted your ways. Did you see eachother again? Who knows. But at least you told the man you had been in love with for almost two decades you loved him, and he told the person he was in love with for almost two decades he loved them.

[lampmanliveblogs]

Okay, so… lot’s of information right here, lots to go over. I watched through the entire story, up to Eda saying ”We know what it’s like to feel alone,” but I’m gonna go through this piece by piece.

Starting off, The Collectors siblings told them to go play with the Titans down on this unnamed planet. Most likely, the Archivists had come here to collect some samples and brought along their little brother. Annoyed by him constantly badgering them about playing some game or what have you, they sent him away, hoping he’d stay busy and stop bothering them so they could get their work done.

Now, The Collector calls the archivists their siblings, but we know nothing about how their families work. Are the Archivists born like humans, or do they come from some other source? Seeing as this is the final episode of the series, I don’t think we’re gonna get answers to all questions, and if this story The Collector tells us here is the last pieces of information we get on the Archivists we get, then I wouldn’t be surprised.

Though to be honest, I’d trade information on the Archivists for Bat-Queen’s backstory in a heartbeat.

My point is, information is scarce, so I’m gonna have to make a lot if inferences and theorizing. But taking the words at face value here. The Collector was the younger sibling who annoyed their older siblings, so they made up a game for him to play… and things got way out of hands.

As has been hinted at before, The Collector made friends with some of the younger Titans. And, again, taking their words at face value, they were real friends; the little Titans were welcoming and liked to play. And with that in mind, The Collector forcing King to become their best friend and to play all these games is pretty clearly an attempt to replace those lost friends… but now with the added trauma of being abandoned by his family and having his friends ”disappear.” Plus the whole being locked up and sealed away thing.

Speaking of which, I found the specific wording used here a little interesting. The Collector specifically says that ”one by one, they disappeared,” while it’s pretty clear that what they actually meant is that the Archivists killed them. This could be one (or multiple) of several things. Maybe, seeing as this is a kids’ show, they had be careful with the kind of language they used. Maybe The Collector really does not understand the meaning of death, like Luz suggested before. Maybe The Collector just didn’t want to use the word ”killed” or ”died.”

I dunno, it might not mean anything.

As it turns out, King’s Dad mistakingly thought The Collector was the evil force that had wiped out his species and that’s why he hid away King’s egg and trapped The Collector… which may or may not have also have required him sacrificing his own life to do. Bit of a whoopsie there. I can understand why he’s hiding out in the In-Between, I’d be embarrassed to show my face to after a mistake like that. And Belos using his name to lure people into a cult just added a whole other layer to the bad PR cake.

Also, the reason I chose this particular moment to screen shot is because we can see there, in King’s Dad’s hand the magical symbol that was used to hide King away from The Collector (and all other Archivists).

You okay there Collector? Your eyes look a bit… grey? Not sure what’s going on there, when they blink their eyes go back to normal. Odd.

Oh well, let’s not dwell on The Collector’s eyes, let’s dwell on their words instead!

”Even when those Trapper jerks started acting weird,” they say. Which means that at some point, the Titan Trappers, regardless of whether they were jerks or not at this point, used to act normal. Or at least what The Collector would consider normal. Slight difference there.

I think it’s safe to say that the Titan Trappers were either inspired by the Archivists, or even created by them directly in order to combat the Titans. The modern Titan Trappers worshipped The Collector as a god, and we can assume the Titan Trappers of the past worshipped the Archivists as their gods as well.

All of that I think is safe to say, but where it gets a bit more muddled is in the time between then and now. It would seem that at some point after wiping out at least most of the Titans, the Archivists left the planet. It’s possible they feared King’s Dad was simply too strong for them to take down, so decided to just leave; perhaps they believed there were no eggs left and that King’s Dad might die from old age or that he simply wasn’t a problem. It is also possible they knew King’s Dad sacrificed his life to trap The Collector and with King’s egg hidden away, they thought ”Job well done,” and left, not really caring about one of their own being sealed away forever; that is, if they even knew The Collector was sealed away.

What we do know is that the Titan Trappers remained. At some point they started worshipping The Collector and sought after a way to free him. This most likely happened because they found one of those mirror things The Collector could use to communicate with the outside world… except we saw theirs was broken, so maybe it didn’t fully work anymore. The important part is that they knew about there being one Titan remaining, probably because The Collector told them King’s Dad hid away one last egg.

So here we have what I consider a possible reconstruction of the timeline. But that still doesn’t answer the question about what changed with the Titan Trappers to make them ”weird” to The Collector. I’m gonna guess that Bill spun The Collector’s words in such a way so that rather than trying to find the last Titan so he could help free The Collector, they instead had to find and kill the last Titan to free The Collector.

Which is kinda funny, because using the words of a powerful being worshipped as a god in order to gain control over a large mass of people… that’s what Belos did. Though Bill implies he’s been around for much longer and even calls Belos an upstart. I guess he wasn’t too pleased by Belos copying his schtick.

Luz: ”How about we tell you the story of how we all became friends? Collector: ”Hmm… okay. King, how did you and Eda first meet?” King: ”Well, it all started when Eda took me away from my home and guardian-” Collector: ”Oh, I see! So when she does it, you become family, but when I-!” Eda: ”Uhhh… maybe let’s start somewhere else. Luz, how about you…?” Luz: ”R-right. so, um… I guess it all started when I stumbled through the portal into the Demon Realm and Eda, uh… kidnapped me… and forced me to play along in one of King’s childish games…” Collector: ”OH I SEE! SO WHEN SHE DOES IT, YOU BECOME FAMILY, BUT WHEN I-!”

I kid, I kid. The idea here is that they’re dropping all the lies and false narratives to finally tell the truth. Because as we were shown here, one of The Collector’s big hangups is people lying to them, constantly lying and pretending to be their friend. The Collector, being mentally a child, is of course very susceptible to this. And having spent so much time being isolated and manipulated has left The Collector unable to form real friendships with people. It’s all part of a big game of pretend, and like all games, it has to come to and end.

What the Owl House trio are trying to do here is show The Collector how to create genuine bonds with people; no lying, no manipulation, no turning people into puppets and forcing them to play along in dollhouse tea parties.

Basically, they’re trying to adopt him into their found family. Then Eda will have three kids, two of whom are living gods. Let’s hope Raine’s up for the challenge.

Hmmmmmm……. sure is awfully convenient that Luz was carrying around that big stack of photographs of all her adventures with the gang. How did she even… the Owl House was ransacked… Eda and Lilith might’ve been able to save a photo album, and Luz then kept them with her as a good luck charm or whatever. Another possibility is that she found them while infiltrating the storage where the Emperor’s Coven kept all the confiscated material from the Owl House and Luz found them there. Either way, feels a bit contrived.

…

Oh wait, last episode, they extracted a bunch of Luz’ memories. As I recall, we saw mostly negative ones, but maybe they got a bunch of good ones as well, and Luz kept them on her. That’s probably it, yeah.

(Future Lampman here: I took a break and rewound the episode a bit and I remembered something I thought off but forgot to mention. The Collector mentions that King already told them about their adventures, and Luz responds that it’s different when you can see them. The Collector’s all about playing games and pretend, and from their perspective, King’s stories might very well be just that: stories. When one is so used to lies and half-truths and obfuscations, how does one tell fact from fiction? One good way is to show a photograph, objective proof of reality. In other words: pics or it didn’t happen.)

[probably-not-a-rutabaga]

AHAHA YES SOME BANGER QUESTIONS TO FORCE ME TO THINK MORE IN DEPTH ABT MY TURTLES

leo is the most emotional stable, mostly bc half the time she's too focused on her siblings to worry abt her own emotions. (but it's okay bc she eventually learns that she can in fact process her emotions and worry about her brothers!)

she's gotta be huge for all the hugs and love she gives her brothers

i think i'm gonna give mikey a cat,, he deserves one

leopril is a thing that will eventually happen,, i'm not really planning anything for mikey or donnie tho

so first of all, raph decided to become the nightwatcher bc he wanted to get out of the lair and decided a disguise would keep the risk of people finding out he's a mutant to a minimum. following that i don't think he would be super interested in fighting crime? once meeting casey that interest would grow until eventually plot things happen which force mikey, leo, and donnie to get involved and start using the minimum training they have,, BUT THAT DIDN'T REALLY ANSWER THE QUESTION- uhh before meeting casey, probably a few months. as he and casey started doing vigilante stuff it went on for at least a couple more months. so in total, raph was probably the nightwatcher for abt 5-6 months

favorite foods!!

mikey: pizza, of course

leo: she likes baked goods!!! literally anything warm n cozy (also clear soup bc splinter made it a lot when they were younger bc it was easy and he was able to,,, also it's yummy)

donnie: grilled cheese, but it's gotta be made with mozzarella and has to be grilled just right (they just like me fr)

raph: extra spicy ramen- casey refuses to kiss him after bc it makes his mouth burn (everybody thank my bestie for giving me that idea)

okay so,, no one really likes casey at first (except for raph and mikey, mostly bc mikey thinks he's cool). THEY DON'T HATE HIM- they just don't care for them. donnie dislikes him bc their initial meeting was casey accidentally attacking donnie when sneaking around the sewers looking for raph. leo dislikes casey for that reason, because she thinks he's a bad influence, and bc casey was a jerk to april when both of them were younger. all of it's pretty valid, casey goes through some character development and gains a little more respect from everyone

splinter's death was caused by later complications due to the experiments he endured and it is essentially a turning point for all of them. for leo it's some sort of reality check, she just lost one of the most important people in her life and she will do anything to keep it from happening again. which brings me to the fact that it would definitely impact leo the most. she felt like she had to be strong for her siblings and was never truly able to process any of it.

uhhh sorry some of these got kinda rambly- but !!! thanks for the questions, i'm happy to answer more :D

@raphsleftbrain

[mushroomnoodles]

So Simon is just gone just like that!? That must've been horrible Morri to see when he woke up!😢 like imagine saying goodnight to your dad and thinking what you'll do the next day together and he's just...gone. And how did Marceline react to Simon's death and Morri now down a parent?

tw parental death, grief, angst in general, god kid is raising themself

churning out some of these questions that i wanna answer with no art, mostly because i want people to know what happened/my thoughts even if i don't feel like drawing or don't have time to.

it was absolutely horrible for little 13 year old (250 year old) morrigan! they were very distraught and confused, because simon didn't even age or give them a warning. a thing they won't forget is the coffee machine was still on, with a full pot.

the emotional devastation sorta kickstarted their dormant god powers, and when they were silently trying to preserve simon's body (they didn't want him to rot, they wanted him to stay with them forever) they initially turned him to stone. morri has been highly intelligent since conception, so they don't exactly think like a teenager, more like a naive adult i'd say, but they're also still a child if that makes sense? they want their papa, they feel safe around him, they love him.

after their initial bewilderment they realized they could sort of force his body into whatever they wanted (remembering those long past memories of grasping for things with their powers while simon was still carrying them, changing those objects and hearing simon react to it) and turned his corpse into a crown that they could hold onto.

they couldn't really bear to be in the house, and they just wanted their dad back, so they simply left with some stuff they thought they'd need (they did want to be an adventurer when they were younger, so they had a loose idea of what to take).

when their judgement wasn't so clouded by leave me alone, my dad is dead, they were afraid pb would do things like she did when they were still in the womb without simon to protect them and also feared that they would be suspected for simon's death due to their. uh. nature. and they didn't want to tell marceline.

morri chose to navigate their puberty alone (and it was such an itchy one, growing spikes and claws) and when more powers came in (portals to other parts of the world, portals to other universes, floating) with no stable guide of their own they took to.. less than healthy coping mechanisms when they found bringing their dad back to life was going to be a lot harder than anticipated. every now and then, they'd hear of marceline looking for them, and they'd avoid her, ever so determined to "fix" things so they could go back to normal and their family would be fine.

morri did have a few on and off parental figures, especially when they were younger- kind strangers looking out for them for a bit before they scampered off again.

marcy, by the way, was having an equally terrible time. from her point of view, simon and morrigan both up and disappeared without a trace. why? how? she couldn't find simon, and with morrigan's inability to be physically documented, it was very difficult to pinpoint where her little sibling went. at first she thought GOLB had something to do with it, and sort of still does. but the thought that simon has died has crossed her mind many a time.

marcy is a bit harder for me to characterize so i think i'll leave it there for her.

[spookky-aint-spooky]

Tell me more about Sabrina, I wanna know all the lore!

ooh, I've been waiting for this ✨✨✨

ok, so not everything's fleshed out yet, but here's what I have:

(ramble warning)

Childhood:

She was born in the Envy Ring, but her family moved to Lust when she was around 13

She has/had 5 siblings (most of which don't have names yet); all of them are younger than her, save for her older brother Cameron

Her father sure as hell wasn't a good man, being trapped in a loveless marriage with Marjanne (Sabrina's mom; who is quite the alcoholic)

He's a drug addict and has no regard for his wife or staying loyal to her, resulting in him frequenting Ozzie's to the point that the staff knows him personally

Sabrina was more of a parent to her mom and dad than her mom and dad were to her, so she was often calling taxis for her dad to take him home or leaving a hangover kit on her mom's nightstand

Despite Marjanne being a deadbeat for the most part, Sabrina and her Mom are very close, almost like best friends

Her dad, on the other hand, is not a fan of his kids at all

He pays for groceries and the rent on their tiny apartment, but that's basically it, having almost no involvement in their lives

Since Dad is also a deadbeat, this left Sabrina and Cameron to care for their younger siblings

Cameron was the breadwinner, while Sabrina usually made dinner and kept the littler kids safe (which caused them to have a close brother/sister relationship)

Adulthood:

When Sabrina and Cameron were on the verge of being adults (Cam being 19 and Sab being 16), the both figured they'd have some 'fun' during Extermination day

This was, you guessed it, a very dumb decision

They both went up to the pride wing with a knife and a handgun, trying to shoot/stab as many angels as possible like some kind of fucked-up video game

This led to Cameron jumping in front of Sabrina to prevent her from getting killed by an Exterminator, sacrificing his own life in the process

Sabrina was forced to run back down to Lust, frantically explaining to her mother (who was the only adult home at the time) what happened

After Cameron's death, Sabrina was forced to fill in his role as breadwinner on top of having to take care of their younger siblings

Once she turned 26, she found work in the Pride Ring and moved to the entertainment district (haven't decided her profession yet) after making sure her siblings had places to stay with foster/adoptive families

She rents a small apartment, making money where she can and staying afloat much easier than she used to

Additional/Notable Info:

Her full name is Sabrina Kowareta-Rivero, having a joint last name due to neither of her parents wanting to change their names (not sure if I wanna keep Kowareta as her real name or if I'm just gonna use it as a placeholder until I find something better)

Girlie is a Verosika Mayday stan; I mean swiftie-level fan. Posters? She has it. Vinyls? She has it. A replica of her heart-shaped glasses? She has it. Concert tickets from years past? She has it.

Her father is from the Envy Ring, so Sabrina has a few aquatic/envy traits like the ability to hold her breath for extended periods of time, green bioluminescent patches that she can make glow at will, and a pair of snake-like eyes on the point/spearhead of her tail

She loves swimming; if you gave her a choice she'd probably live underwater (unfortunately that is not an option; bills still need to be paid)

Her favorite genres are all over the place, ranging from slowcore/indie rock, hyperpop and country music

Since Hell's music mostly sucks (respectfully) she will often have a friend sneak up to Earth in a human disguise to buy things that allow her to listen to human music (i.e. she bought a phone from Walmart so she'd have access to a music streaming service that isn't Voxtify or SoundTown)

In addition to being a Verosika fan, she's also an enjoyer of Cigarettes After Sex, Morgan Wallen and Girl in Red

Her favorite song is likely 3 Nights by Dominic Fike; she often lights a cigarette and stands on her balcony as she looks over the entertainment district at night while listening to it

Bonus:

Sabrina: "I'm tired of this Grandpa..!"

Me, actively giving her trauma: "Well that's too damn bad!"

[peakyswritings]

Nina’s backstory

A Peaky Blinders x Hunger Games crossover

A/N: here’s a summary Nina backstory, written as some sort of headcanon. I’m writing this not only to give some insight, but also because Nina’s backstory is crucial to her reaping. Bear with me lmao, I’m posting so much cause I’m preparing what I need to start the series.

AU MASTERLIST

🥀 As we all know by now, Nina was born in district 9. Due that it’s a poor district and that she has a rather big family, her life isn’t exactly easy. But her family manages to get by, in some way, thanks to work and tesserae, and to the fact that there’s lot of cooperation within the family. She is the youngest of four siblings. The older one is Pietro, then there is Salvatore, then Vittorio and then Nina.

Little clarification: Pietro and Salvatore are Nina’s brothers in the canon, series, while Vittorio is a third brother who I’m still debating whether to insert or not in the canon version. In the canon series, he would’ve died during the war, and his death would’ve become some sort of taboo in the family, hence the reason why he’s never been mentioned. However, I decided to make him exist in the Hunger Games AU, cause I need him.

🥀 Now, going back to the AU. Things take an awful turn during the 63rd edition of the Hunger Games. Nina’s 10, so she’s still too young to be part of the games. Pietro’s 19, so the Hunger Games are officially over for him, and he has been lucky enough not to get reaped. Salvatore is 18, so it is his last reaping. For little Vittorio, it is the first edition. Despite his name being only once in the bowl, he gets reaped. Everyone was sure Salvatore would volunteer if his little brother ever got reaped, but he can’t bring himself to do that. Needless to say, little Vittorio doesn’t survive the Games, and that causes a fracture within the family.

🥀 The family never recovers from Vittorio’s death. Pietro feels guilty and beats himself up because there was nothing he could do for his younger brothers, although it wasn’t his fault. Salvatore basically hates himself and considers himself a coward, and thinks his whole family hates him. And although no one actually blames him for not willingly going to die, they don’t look at him the same. Up until that point, each member of the family looked out and protected the other, and that was a drastic change.

🥀 Nina’s mother becomes a shell of the woman she once was, distraught by her son’s death, and becomes completely uninterested in everything that goes on in the house. Nina’s father starts to feel like a failure for not being able to give his family a better life, and for struggling to keep the promise he made to his dead brother Mario (Agnese’s father): to make sure that his wife and daughters could keep food on their table, without the girls needing to ask for tesserae. He drowns himself in work, just like Pietro. Salvatore just stops doing anything - he can’t bring himself to work or to help his family in any way.

🥀 It follows two very difficult years, where Nina’s still to young to be part of the Games, and her brothers too old, so none of them could ask for tesserae. Also, the family is just not the same anymore, it’s almost as if they’re conducting different lives while staying in the same house. Then Nina turns 12. And she starts asking for tesserae, but without telling her family. So when they magically start having more food and supplies, she just tells them she traded them at the black market for useless stuff, or that she worked more than usual that month. Of course, everyone in their heart knows that it’s not true; but they force themselves to believe it, because it’s easier than admitting that they’re letting her increase her chances of dying.

🥀 Nina asks for lots of tesserae. Because the rations are not worth a year, as they’re supposed to, and they’re surely not enough to support two families (because, of course, she’s also thinking about Agnese’s family). Considering that one tessera has a year worth of supplies for ONE person, and that the quantity is not actually enough for one person, she needs a lot.

🥀 In the meantime, Salvatore starts to drown his pain in alcohol and drugs, which he trades at the black market for food supplies - the supplies Nina tries so hard to provide for the family. That means she needs to put her name even more. But no one says a thing, because at that point everyone is just numbly going on, and to face that kind of problem would be just another exhausting addition, and they’re in too much pain to do that.

🥀 This deepens the fracture, cause Nina is aware that they know the truth and they’re just keeping on letting her put her name again and again. By the time she turns 18, her name is in the bowl 216 times. So the day of her last reaping, she knows the odds are definitely not in her favour. And she gets reaped.

🥀 At that point, her family’s sure she will die. As I said in another post, she’s the most unexpected victor, no one believes she will win. And when she does win, things with her family get only worse. They try to be close to her to some extent, but they don’t really understand how traumatic it was for her. Actually, they don’t want to understand, because deep down they know they played a part in it. The fact that she survived cleans their conscience a bit, and they want her to be fine because they love her, of course, but also because then they’ll feel less guilty. But she’s not fine.

@call-sign-shark @justrainandcoffee @evita-shelby @emotionalcadaver

Nina Ferrante is the OC from my Tommy Shelby x oc series Heart, Body and Soul.

[khlklrns]

☆ 𝙇𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙀𝙎 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙊𝘿 !

blurb. a girl whose engagement were suddenly broken due to the massacre of her fiancé's family, and the sudden news of her fiancé was missing. she lived her life as a widow even though she wasn't married yet to her ex fiancé. however, three years later, she met him again when she was on the verge of getting eaten alive.

content. shinazugawa sanemi x fem! original character. 888 words.

prologue.

KATSUHARA YURIKO. was the eldest daughter of a noble clan, katsuhara. however, her family sees her as a form of a bad luck due to the death of her mother right after katsuhara yuriko was born. because of this very reason, her father want to dispose her by discussing a marriage between her and an unnamed commoner family whose life can be bought by money.

and that family was the shinazugawa family, with the head of the family, the father was a drunktard and the mother struggles to make living by herselves, yuriko's father thought that the best way to dispose yuriko is by marrying her with the eldest son of the shinazugawa, SHINAZUGAWA SANEMI.

and so, the engagement was completed. the shinazugawa have no other option other than accepting the proposal since there were compensation money offered.

the first time katsuhara yuriko and shinazugawa sanemi met was at the katsuhara estate. as soon as her eyes landed on his, yuriko made a promise to herself to become a doting wife to him. sanemi, on the other hand, he forced himself to smile. it's not like he likes her that he wanted to marry her, he was forced due to his family's condition. he thought that being the eldest son, he is responsible.

and in katsuhara yuriko's point of view, she thought everything was doing well. until, one day, she heard the news of the shinazugawa family's massacre and the mission of her fiancé, shinazugawa sanemi. the only living witness was his little brother, genya that accidentally said sanemi was the murderer.

due to this exact reason, katsuhara yuriko was treated like a lowly slave, as she was called the "murderer's fiancée"

THREE years later, in the verge of death, katsuhara yuriko lied down, injured while a grotesque looking creature, whose eyes were read, and mouth smothered with blood. it's fang were long enough that it poked outside of it's mouth. and in that moment, she saw that familiar white locks.

THE COLD AIR WAS BLOWING THROUGH THE NIGHT. a young girl, around 14 years old, was walking alone in the wood. her hair was a hint of dark crimson, more to black color. it was tied into a bun, with some strands were braided. she wore a white lily hair pin on her hair as a decoration. her eyes resembles the sapphire diamond. she wore a blue lily patterned kimono as her hands held a basket filled with herbs.

despite being the eldest daughter of a noble family, katsuhara yuriko was treated like a servant due to the rumors of her being the murderer's fiancée, a tragedy that happened three years ago. yuriko was picking some herb for her younger sibling that fell sick out of a sudden.

the forest was dark, the only light resources was the crescent moon above. the katsuhara estate was an hour away, the walk towards her home is far. yuriko walks slowly, a careful step so she doesn't trip and hurt her ankle.

she heard a rustling sound in the bushes. her legs stopped. her hands grip the basket tightly. she gulped, as her heart was beating non stop! yuriko slowly turned towards the sound.

"who is there?!"

yuriko's voice was shaky but there were a hint of strictness in her tone. 'who could be smuggling around the forest in the middle of the night?' she thought as she gulped. her eyes widened when something emerges from the bushes.

"i'm surprised you're able to sense my presence."

it spoke. yes, it spoke. the creature that emerges from the bushes was no human! it's skin was pale white. it's eyes were a pair of red crimson, that almost looks like blood. it's fangs were poking out of it's mouth. and it's finger was so long, that it resembles an octopus' tentacle.

without a second thought, a scream left yuriko's throat but it was quickly fade when the creature's tentacle wrap around her head, covering her screaming lips, making yuriko unable to breath.

"aha, you have to be quiet. i like to have my dinner in peace."

'quiet? dinner? what is it talking about?!' yuriko panicked. she struggles to free herself before she was completely restrained, with the creature's other tentacles wrapping around her legs and hands. the tentacles around her head was wrapped out. "what do you want from me?! let go!" yuriko screams the moment her mouth was free.

the creature chuckles lightly, his eyes stared into yuriko's, "what do i want from you..? isn't it obvious?"

the forest was filled with his chuckles.

"i want to eat you."

tears formed on her sapphire eyes, she was trembling. yuriko heard a lot about man eating demon but she never expected herself to meet one. she was scared! 'i am going to die!' yuriko thought as she shut her eyes closed.

the demon brings her closer but before he even have the chance to move his tentacles, they were cut by a flying green katana, making yuriko was about to drop on to the ground before she landed on someone's hand.

yuriko eyes fluttered open as it makes a contact with the purple pairs. she was stunned, her eyes widened as her tears still streamed down her face due to the fear earlier. her lips parted open.

" shinazugawa sanemi—san !? "

[barbatos-sama]

so i've made some changes, the family structure especially has changed plus the circumstances of roxanna's death, and it kinda surprised me looking back at the original post how much it's changed and i didn't even realize.

• twins gillian and christopher anthony, as well as their younger brother glenn, are patrick's children. he had them with an unnamed wife who died when they were still young.

• patrick and ramone are not brothers, they have a natural rivalry that the chief of police and a mafia boss would of course. they could have been brothers in a different life, because roxanna and ramone were an item. together they had a daughter, who turned out to actually be a son (trans rights) zachary.

• (so zach is a cousin)

• roxanna and ramone had secretly been seeing each other because obviously roxanna does not want her ultimate narc brother knowing she's canoodling with the literal mob. patrick thinks roxanna is a single mother whose dad is completely out of the picture, but that's not quite true. ramone didn't really get involved with his child, but it was less out of not caring about him and more out of not wanting to involve their kid in yknow, mob stuff. he still sent good money home to support them and he and roxanna still banged on occasion.

• roxanna spent a lot of time with patrick's kids once their mom died because she didn't have a lot going on her life (she was living comfortably off that mob money. shhh don't tell patrick.) so the siblings and zach were raised close to each other. anthony especially in his grief over his mom really clung to roxanna. (no one tell anthony this but roxanna obviously favored zach, the kid that actually came out of her. she never let that show because she's not a monster, just thought i'd throw that in lmao)

• however one might patrick and his force finally raided ramone's complex and an intense shootout ensued. unfortunately that was one of the nights where roxanna and ramone were together there, so patrick ended up killing not only his long time rival but also his sister, who he had no idea was even there.

• all the kids were devastated by losing roxanna, who by that point had essentially been raising them for years. everyone except gillian, who was a big daddy's girl and never much cared for roxanna (who she viewed as trying to replace her real mom).

• as per protocol both ramone and roxanna's souls were saved in canisters. patrick took both of their souls back home. ramone's soul canister would be displayed like a trophy in his office. it's not uncommon for famous/infamous people's souls to be treated this way. it's kind of like how celebrities graves get robbed. it's a legal gray area so while a lot of people view it as immoral it's not technically illegal to treat souls like an item rather than human remains.

• patrick didn't want the kids finding out that he was the one responsible for roxanna's death, but it didn't take much to put two and two together. anthony especially was furious that yet another mother figure had been taken from him, and it was a screaming match. patrick didn't care about his sister very much, he was honestly more angry that she was involved in criminal activity than the fact that he'd accidentally killed her. he also didn't care about his kids, in fact he resented having to deal with them. (with the exception of gillian, she was the favorite and kissed his ass all the time) patrick was already planning on kicking anthony out of the house since he was 18, and he saw an opportunity.

• in an effort to be the most evil person ever, he told anthony that he was going to use roxanna's soul to make a legacy, and anthony would have to fend for himself in the world while taking care of that legacy, so he would know what it's like "having a little fucker who takes and takes from you." anthony knew that if he didn't agree to it, his aunt's soul would probably be disrespected, whether it be used at a footrest, sold, or worse. it was also a way for patrick to kind of "get back" at roxanna for putting a blemish on the day family reputation, even though this legacy isn't Actually roxanna.

• thus auggie was created, using a military grade machine. at the time, anthony said no to giving them an activation phrase, yknow the phrase that could trigger them to become a mindless drone with no agency. patrick super secretly programmed one in anyway, a secret mousekatool for later 🤫

• so, now anthony is 19 and he has a whole new person to look after, as well as zach, who patrick would not take custody of. now it's the same as before, anthony is struggling to take care of two minors while he's barely an adult himself. he gets into the criminal life as it's really his only option after being dropped into the shady underbelly of the city so suddenly.

• he meets my beloved blue eyed blonde boy dallas blackbell. after doing petty teenage crime for a while anthony finally managed to get a real job, and was trying to sort of get away from that kind of life, but dallas stuck around because zach and auggie had grown fond of him. anthony started getting annoyed at dallas' presence and definitely didn't like him being around auggie. after all it was roxanna's involvement with crime that got her killed.

• dallas is a stubborn little asshole though and didn't give up on auggie, because he could tell that anthony wasn't treating her right (see: overprotectiveness and locking her in her room to "protect" her)

• queue kitten, zach's mom, offering to take them out of illumine. zach and glenn go, knowing they'll have better opportunities for transitioning and medical school respectively. kitten won't accept auggie though and anthony won't leave auggie behind, resulting in it just being the two of them left in their tiny apartment. zach really hates having to leave auggie and tells dallas to keep an eye on them.

• something something auggie sneaking out of her window to go on adventures with dallas during the night.

• by this point several years had passed and gillian and anthony were back in touch, they would talk on the phone. they were very different people with very different opinions on patrick but he wanted to at least Try to get along with her since his family was so broken and scattered. during their conversations he mentioned how auggie was becoming rebellious and how he was afraid how they would end up. gillian ended up cheekily giving up the information that patrick had told her, auggie's activation phrase. anthony was disgusted and said he'd never use it, but uh oh now he knows. the mousekatool is planted.

• something something auggie getting that head wound, zach trying to use the activation word, auggie having a bitch you THOUGHT moment, emancipation, dallas taking auggie away from there so they can live in the van together and be gay

• zach officially moves back in with gillian after this since patrick no longer lives there, he's upgraded from police chief to politician now, with gillian taking his old job.

• i will write more about auggie and dallas' gay van adventures in a future post but this one is getting long

[tctteredwings]

if you’re hearing GONE TOO SOON by MICHAEL JACKSON playing, you have to know CAMERON CLARKSON (HE/HIM; CIS MALE) is near by! the THIRTY-FIVE year old YA AUTHOR/BOOK EDITOR has been in denver for, like, ALL THEIR LIFE ON AND OFF. they’re known to be quite LAZY, but being PROFESSIONAL seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble HENRY GOLDING. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those RANDOM IDEAS SCRIBBLED ON NAPKINS, LEGO BLOCKS HIDDEN AWAY IN A WORK SATCHEL, GETTING A TATTOO FOR EACH MAJOR LIFE EVENT vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the CHERRY CREEK DISTRICT long enough!

tw: divorce, car accident, death

ABOUT.

Name: Cameron Clarkson Nicknames: Cam Age: Thirty-five Date of birth: September 23rd 1988 Occupation: YA Author/Book Editor Romantic/sexual orientation: Heteromantic/pansexual Birthplace: Christchurch in New Zealand, although considers Denver his real hometown as he moved there at six months old Current Location: Denver, CO, USA

Cameron was born in New Zealand while his mom was out there on an extended gap year, so it was never really set in stone where he’d end up growing up. In the end, however, they returned to his mother's home, eventually ending up in Denver.

He was raised in Washington Park, so pretty much wanted for nothing as he was growing up.

However, he was the kid who didn’t seem to fit in anywhere, so eventually he used his sense of humour to his advantage, playing the class clown.

In the end he didn’t have too many friends, but he had one who was close, who lived two streets away and they pretty much lived out of one another’s pockets. At one point he might as well have moved in with their family as he was at their house so much.

At the age of six, his parents went through a messy divorce, effectively splitting the family in two. He went with his mum, his younger sibling went with his dad.

A year later he suddenly lost the hearing in his left ear. The doctors put it down to emotional stress, but there was no real way of knowing.

Still struggling to fit in, he turned to his imagination, getting lost in worlds of complete make believe. Fantasy was his favourite. Elves, dwarves, vampires. He read The Hobbit more than 20 times in the few years that followed.

He would write stories, put on plays with the few kids he did befriend. And in the end, that was where his life would lead him, to fantasy books that would sell millions and a movie deal to follow.

College was next, along with dead-end jobs in bars to get him through. He only managed a year and a half into his degree, though, finding himself unable to concentrate, so he dropped out again. From then, working in bars and takeout joints pretty much became his life.

He wrote in his spare time, his mailbox constantly full of rejection letters. It was a stream of disappointment for him.

At twenty-three things finally began to look up and he met his soon to be wife while locking up one night. Before long they became the best of friends, then their family became three… and then four. The wedding came last.

It was at twenty-seven that he got somewhere with his writing, Serena finding the letter that held his fate. A three book deal in young adult fiction was soon offered to him and everything changed.

When he hit book three, however, disaster struck. On a night out, Serena and her friends had gotten into an accident. His wife was gone. Just like that. He didn’t get to say goodbye.

The final book fell to the wayside and for a year be barely did anything, not really knowing how to get through. But his children forced him out of it; he finished the book, and he moved into editing, focusing on someone else’s work for a change.

It’s been a bumpy ride, one that’s taken him all over the country during the last couple of years and, at some points, left him chasing after his work. He’s making it work, though, he’s getting through, forcing himself to.

He's made a couple of attempts at relationships since losing his wife, although things never turn out too well, the most recent especially so. No matter what it always feels too soon in his heart, even though he knows it isn't anymore. It's something he needs to get over and fast so he can move on with his life.

HEADCANONS.

Cameron owns a black and tan Jack Russel called Gimli. Because he is both small and mighty.

He’s read The Hobbit around 50 times now and it will always be his favourite book.

Cameron picks up a new tattoo for every success he has in life (or what he considers a success anyway). Currently he’s up to number six. His wedding, his two children, and each of his books. He’s pending on number seven for when the movie’s released and how it does.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

Younger adopted sister; can be any ethnicity, around the age of 25-30.

Sister/brother-in-law; sibling/s of his late wife.

Childhood best friend; they were inseparable once they found one another, almost like siblings, and things haven’t really changed much since.

Childhood/school friends; anyone he was close to growing up in Denver.

High school sweetheart; his first love.

Exes; from before he turned 23 & met his wife, as well as afterwards.

It’s more than complicated; they work together, they can’t get enough of one another.

Flings, fwb, one night stands; anything that isn’t serious. he’s not really moved too well on since his wife.

Fans of his previous works; anyone who was a fan of his book trilogy.

Fellow gym rats; he’s a bit of an addict these days.

[zaenaris]

I also read a thing in some fic who make me sad but who is interesting:

one of the reason Inupi's relation with his parents got bad is that, when they started to notice him again after Akane's death, it's her that they were seeing when they looked at him. Because they were in pain, they wanted to see her again, and it's human but Inupi was hurt because he needed his parents because he was suffering too, and that's happened. And at the same time Koko was becoming more and more a delinquant. Of course, i can't believe that Koko has not kept some of his free time for being with Inupi. He has.

And then his parents started to work a lot because money problems, and they also start to ignore him (maybe because it was less painful for them to not see "her" face all time) and when he was send in reform school, they cut bounds.

Seishu doesn't look for anyone when he get out. Meaning that he doesn't expect to see anyone waiting for him. (seen his reaction when he sees Koko, or more his lack of reaction, he was clearly thinking that nobody would be here. His face looks like a "ho you are here :/")

He clearly didn't return home at this point (by the way, the kiss happened after Inupi got out of reform school? yeah since Koko has the same uniform that when Inupi has been freed).

Maybe Koko returned home few times at the point, maybe to take food or useful things. Maybe he took Inupi home in the few days after he got out of reform school. But they quickly started to live in the shop. Maybe Taiju has invited them few times in his house (since there are a unused bedroom) or force Inupi to rest in his house one time where Inupi was sick. (I have seen home cute comics on pixiv or twitter where we seen Inupi cooking while the Shiba siblings were here too).

oooh no, it's so sad that in that fic Seishu's parents were like that 😭

Of course, i can't believe that Koko has not kept some of his free time for being with Inupi. He has. --> absolutely, I believe they were together

Yes, we know that Inupi didn't spend much time at home and Koko was the same, united with the fact they used the shop as hidehout, we can say they basically lived together there?? Inupi also has keys of the place!!

I think the kiss happened before reform school, since Inupi's hair is shorter and he looks younger than we he got out of juvie

Maybe Taiju has invited them few times in his house (since there are a unused bedroom) or force Inupi to rest in his house one time where Inupi was sick. (I have seen home cute comics on pixiv or twitter where we seen Inupi cooking while the Shiba siblings were here too).--> since it turned out Taiju (in his own weird way) really cared about his inuneko duo, it would have been cute to see them in their everyday life

Awww cute, Inupi cooking with the Shibas <3)

[redwoodwv-hq]

Name: Alden Kane Age: 52 Town Occupation: Blacksmith & Weapsonsmith Previous Occupation: Biker Redwood Resident Length: 3 months Faceclaim: Norman Reedus

Bullet Points:

He isn't book smart but he is street smart. He is bad at math and isn't a good reader but he's great at making things and repairing things.

 Lives in a old garden shed he converted into a tiny house near the junkyard

He loves music (especially rock music). He owns a beat up walkman that he likes to listen to/use while working.

He loves animals. He will 100% talk to you just so he can pet your dog/cat/whatever animal you have for a pet.

His favorite weapons to use are his crossbow, his hunting knife, and a spear/walking stick. 

His old gang tattoo is on his left shoulder blade. It is a bear skull with a knife going through one of the eye sockets. He was going to get a cover up but the world ended so.... yeah lol

He has a lot of scars on his arms, face, and back. 1/3 of his scars are from his abusive mom, another 1/3 are from his biker gang days, and the last 1/3 are from end of the world incidents/fights

He doesn't know his younger sibling is still alive, that is old biker gang is still active & that his old gang has become a merciless raider group

Biography:

BEFORE THE OUTBREAK (tw for mentions of alcohol addiction, child abuse/neglect, motorcycle gangs, etc)

Alden is a part of the minority of Americans whose life was worse BEFORE the outbreak. The son of a construction worker and a waitress, his family grew up living paycheck to paycheck. His parents had no choice but to take on multiple jobs to make ends meet. Their over work led to his father's death (his father fell asleep while driving home from his third job) and it led to his mother drowning out her sadness and stress with booze. His mother was a mean, cruel drunk. Most nights he acted as a shield to his younger sibling, using his body to protect his sibling from their drunken mother's wrath. In turn, he acted as a sort of parental figure to his younger sibling. His traumatic, stressful childhood led to him seeking friends in all of the wrong places. Both he and his younger sibling joined a biker gang shortly after (barely) graduating high school. The biker gang served as a fucked up found family. The biker gang had them stealing, getting into bar fights, making home made weapons, and getting into high speed chases. He and his sibling never killed anyone while in the gang but there were a few, scary close calls. He and his sibling were in and out of jail due to their gang activity and struggled to find (and maintain) jobs. Sick of struggling to make ends meet, and not liking the violent, angry person he was becoming, Alden resolved to leave the gang.

DURING THE OUTBREAK (tw for sibling arguments & mentions of zombies eating people)

Shortly before the outbreak, Alden argued with his younger sibling about leaving the gang. His younger sibling wanted to stay in the gang but he didn't. They started talking to teach other less and by the time he witnessed a man tear another man apart with his bare teeth while driving home from a respectable blacksmith job, he hadn't talked to his younger sibling in two months. During the first few months of the outbreak, he remained in his home state of Georgia, alternating his time between killing walkers and searching for his younger sibling. Weird shit happens in the swamps of Georgia and after a series of horrifying near-death interactions with people, wild animals, and walkers, he was forced to leave the state, fleeing for his life.

Alden fled north after hearing rumors that cold weather could slow and potentially make walkers freeze to death. His journey northward was anything but linear. Raiders, walkers, desperate survivors, storms. and wild animals... It felt like for every two steps he took forward, he was forced to take one step back. Prior to Redwood he mostly traveled alone or in small groups. He was only ever in 1 large group (with that group be a group based back in the Georgia swamps). Greed, fear, and paranoia led to the fall of the swamp group. His horrible experiences with that group resulted in him being hesitant to join any group larger than 6 people total. Still, he knew he may have no choice but to eventually give larger groups another try, especially since the further he traveled north, the more allies he lost. 

FINDING REDWOOD

He didn't find Redwood... Redwood found him. While continuing his travels northward he stumbled across a survivor from Redwood. The survivor had gotten separated from the rest of their group and was hiding in a port-a-potty from walkers. The old, worn, port-a-potty was on the verge of caving in when Alden intervened, using his crossbow to kill the cluster of zombies that had the survivor trapped. He didn't intend on lingering but upon discovering that the survivor severely sprained their ankle, he helped them limp their way home. He originally intended to stay just long enough to stock up on basic supplies, but grew to love the community and opted to make Redwood his new home. His rough, scarred appearance makes some uneasy but he's a softie at heart.

[cineflections]

Kdramas are all about the twist and turns and add to that ill-fated relationships across several lifetimes and blood galore, and you get a series that manages to engage the viewer for the full 16-episode count.

I'm, of course, talking about Bulgasal - immortal souls on Netflix.

This had been on my list on Netflix for ages it feels like. I love costume dramas, court intrigue and what not, and I truly thought this was going to be one such, the 2 first episodes fooled me enough that the first 5 minutes in modern time didn't put me off. But the switch to modern times was well done and served the plot well.

Having gotten a new hobby in embroidering, it was easy for me to get through the 16 hours without getting bored and itching to look up episode summaries that I often do with C- and K-dramas. Ofc, the plot itself is right up my alley.

Halfway done with this, first time cross stitching for like almost 20 years (damn, I feel old now) so I will accept any mistakes I make on this.

I was really impressed with the cinematography and costumes in the first 2 episodes (in particular, it was quite stellar throughout), it felt grounded and real, and having the monsters be "humans" (with modification) added to this grounded style. The series uses make-up and prosthetics rather than cgi (although i did notice some here ans there) for the monsters and "monsterfication" effects on our protagonist and I always appreciate when a show/movie does that.

The cast of characters are quite small and they are reused for the different times shown in the story - showing where each character ended up reincarnating. And the reason why they're connected each life is because like our Bulgasal Hwal has said a few times (paraphrasing heavily): ties of destiny are not easily broken, and will endure across time. We have two characters that start as siblings, become mother and son, to lastly be platonic roommates (happy surprise by this tbh, I thought for sure the show would make them lovers even to the last 5 minutes).

The beginning made it so easy to root for Hwal who has had to suffer throughout his whole life, and at the end of a particularly harrowing experienced left him with nothing except his life - which he, too, wanted to lose at that point - but immortality was forced upon him. Cursed to become Bulgasal - a monster that has no soul and drink human blood for sustenance.

The beginning of the show was so effective at making me like and sympathize with him and the people he loved, that the whiplash was quite hard when we are thrust into the POV of the woman who cursed him to become a monster, this time reincarnated as a young girl.

The girl in question living her life with her mom, twin sister, and younger sister, somewhere in Korea. The twin sister almost never leaving the apartment and forcing the girl, Sang-un, to wear a mask to cover her face "Because Bulgasal will come for them". It's a direct parallel to how Hwal grew up. Always afraid that Bulgasal would come and get him.

The viewer has followed Hwal on his quest for revenge, but then following the POV of the girl he hunted, I just couldn't get behind him killing them. I felt that him murdering the whole family would really sour him as a protagonist for me. I actually wondered how the show was going to justify him going through with it.

Spoilers: he didn't.

But we don't really find that out immediately. The show smartly continues the main POV of the girl Sang-un, now grown up, with some switches back to Hwal as we find him seemingly looking for the one who got away from his murder of Sang-un's twin sister and mother.

And when they finally meet, we find out that he was actually not responsible for their deaths. He was certainly aiming to kill the twin sisters and their entire family, but someone got there first.

The show at this point starts the classical enemies to lovers trope and starts bringing up the questions on how this apparent blood feud started. Why did Sang-un, as Bulgasal, kill his entire family and then curse him so she could become human? Why is Sang-un important when it was her (now dead) twin sister that remembered all of her past lives? And the eternal question: why is no one talking to each other about their issues.

Which is my main critique of this drama. It often hinges itself on characters acting from misunderstandings and ignorance. A character would not explain anything to another and then be surprised when that character doesn't listen to them. Again and again I felt like if they would just talk we wouldn't be in this situation. And then, in the last episode, we find out what started it all - and it's a misunderstanding! And it just escalates from there. It felt so cheap. The resolution to all the conflicts, I feel, was good enough to satisfy me. But when the show really tried hitting me with the "emotional damage", I guess I was partly checked out and didn't feel anything in particular. I would've loved a good cry.

The conflict resolution was bittersweet, but the ending montage made it just sweet. And while the "how" can be questions and critiqued, I find it was good it did end like that anyways. Makes its easier to let go.

Overall, I liked this drama, it was not as bloated with unnecessarily long shots every scene (tho it certainly could've have trimmed the almost Naruto style flashbacks and One Piece style reaction shots), and so the pacing felt quick and each scene felt like they had purpose. The music was reminiscent of HBO's Westworld at times (especially the softer notes) and I really liked the drums that signified the arrival of Bulgasal. The acting felt mostly genuine and real, with some exceptions (I kinda dislike the excessive "whining" or "aggressiveness" characters sometimes act when talking to each other, which happens in every kdrama I've watched, is that how they act in reality or is it for "TV-drama"?).

I wouldn't recommend this one if you're looking for a romantic story, there is a romance, but it's very toned down and develops naturally over the course of the series, but the romance is not the point of the story and conflict.

But I do recommend this one if you like a good plot with reincarnation and recurring destiny. With some twist and turns that feel earned and not like bullshit.