#the damn elves stole that from me lol

[bootyful-seventeen]

While I’m waiting for the date to get closer to the release of the next volume for fire in his fingertips it’s got me thinking of a childhood friends to lovers au with fireman Seungcheol

It’s a sweet and spicy thought to marinate on

[nikkoliferous]

Ragnarok Makes No Damn Sense (Part 1)

Having now laid out who Loki has always been and why there was an open agenda to demean and debase him, we come to why Thor: Ragnarok is antithetical to his character. Buckle your damn seatbelt. We've got a lot to unpack.

Off the bat, we're supposed to be appalled/annoyed/something that Loki has usurped the throne from Odin. Yet when last we left our heroes, Thor had abdicated his role as King of Asgard, knowing full well that Odin's health was failing, he was emotionally unfit to rule, and there was no other heir to fill his role. Oops! And for all that we're meant to believe in Loki's selfish ambitions for a throne, let us not forget that Loki-as-Odin at the end of The Dark World offered Thor this kingship. It was Thor who refused. What was it he said at the time? Oh, yes.

"For all his grave imbalance, Loki understood rule as I know I never will."

Now Ragnarok wants us to forget all that. It doesn't suit the narrative Taika Waititi wishes to spin. He wants us to believe that Loki is a terrible, lazy ruler who cares only about glorifying himself. But wait, is Loki a terrible ruler? The Hero™ tells us he is, so it must be so. And yet all we really know of Loki's reign is that he had a non-interventionist foreign policy, improved public infrastructure, and supported the arts. Wow, yeah, what a dick.

We will soon go on to meet Doctor Strange, a character who in comparison to Loki is a novice at magic yet somehow repeatedly manages to get the drop on the trickster. This is necessary in order to minimize Loki's power and competence in the eyes of the viewer. Let me also explain why the "I have been falling for 30 minutes" scene is not charming.

Does anyone think perhaps Loki may have a touch of PTSD related to the sensation of falling? No? Then perhaps we should instead analyze the deleted scene in which Loki is locked in a portapotty while men repeatedly urinate on him until Thor arrives to let him out. The fact that this was an idea someone had to begin with is gross. The fact that they came close enough to using it that it was actually filmed is downright shameful. Every single person at Marvel involved in approving this trash should commit seppuku in penance.

Ignoring the sexual assault implications here... I mean, this is literally toilet humour. Literally. What are we, five years old? Who the hell actually finds this funny?

"I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world." - Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok

So how did you miss the huge, purple nutsack wreaking havoc across the cosmos? I mean, no offense. I'm just saying.

Now we have the culmination of Odin's A+ parenting. He's at the end of his life just because he feels like it, I guess, so now it's time to pretend he gives a damn about Loki for a few seconds again. One "I love you" without even looking at him is supposed to make a millennium of emotional abuse and neglect all better or something. Even in his death, Odin can't seem to stop screwing with Loki's mind. What a charming man, I'll sure miss him.

Oh, but before he's on his way, he has a teensy weensy confession to make. Remember when he lied to you about your entire existence, Loki? LOL! He lied to Thor about being the firstborn too! And now the evil sister neither of you knew you had is coming to destroy everything and he's given you no time to plan how to stop her! Don't you feel much better now?

It's been about five minutes since we were reminded that Loki is a coward and an idiot or something, so contrary to Tom Hiddleston's own words that

"The thing with Loki is that, if he’s afraid, he won’t show it. He’s been highly trained, through the experience of his slightly traumatic life, to shield his fears."

it became necessary for Loki to immediately panic and lead Hela straight to the one place he knows she'll be most powerful. Whoops!

The Warriors 3 are quickly dispatched by Hela because it's important we remember that the first two Thor movies were trash and nothing that ever happened in them has any meaning. By the way, Heimdall is Thor's new BFF now and Thor will never mention his former friends ever again. Ever. Like, even in passing. Like they never existed. Those people who committed literal treason for him both before and after he was banished in Thor (2011). And then again in The Dark World. Those friends.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki have both landed on a planet called Sakaar. It's a giant trash heap and that about sums up how I feel about this whole damn movie, so credit to TW for the symbolism, I suppose. Here's possibly the most cringeworthy moment in the whole debacle—and that's a very high bar. Or low, I guess, depending on how you look at life.

He's a Norse god... screaming, "oh my god!" I don't have enough hands for all the facepalming I feel like doing right now.

Anyhow, Loki and Thor have arrived on Sakaar separately and Thor has just noticed Loki sitting across the room, casually joking about his own suicide attempt. Because there's nothing funnier than suicide, amirite?! Especially when you still haven't sorted through any of the complex issues that led you to become suicidal to begin with. Who cares? We're just here for the lulz, yeah?

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Korg, I'm the director's annoying self-insert, and I'll be pissing on every poignant moment from here on out because reflection is for nerds. You just need to smile more."

Hey, remember that time in The Dark World where Loki was stuck in solitary confinement for a year and Thor didn't come to visit him even once? Now Thor is the one locked up and Loki has come to visit him almost immediately. To offer his help. To try to relate. Maybe mourn the loss of... everything together. But Thor's not interested in relating. He's interested in scapegoating Loki, because that's what this family does.

"What would you like me to say? You faked your own death, you stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power, stranded him on Earth to die, releasing the Goddess of Death.” - Thor, Thor: Ragnarok

To borrow a phrase from the late Luke Skywalker, "Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong."

► Loki has never faked his death. What he did is fail to die on Svartalfheim, through no fault of his own. It seems a little insane I have to defend Loki's right to not die, but here we are, I guess.

"We planned to have Loki have a redemptive death[...]We think he's wounded, but it wasn't a death blow." - Kevin Feige, The Dark World DVD extras

"Loki probably in his heart wants to be worthy, and the way he achieves his redemption—his salvation—is to ultimately sacrifice himself, for Thor and for Jane. I hope it’s a very cathartic and moving moment, by saving his brother’s life and avenging his mother’s death." - Tom Hiddleston, The Dark World DVD extras

The worst that can be said of Loki's "betrayal" of Thor at the end of The Dark World is that he failed to inform him that he had survived. And Loki had very good reasons to do so. What had Thor offered him in exchange for his help with the Dark Elves? He would return him to his cell to live out the rest of his days in complete isolation—a fate that I will just reiterate is classified as a form of psychological torture.

► Loki didn't steal the throne. As mentioned above, he offered Thor the throne. Thor said no.

► There is zero evidence beyond Thor's own assumptions that Loki stripped Odin of his powers. We are meant to believe this only because we are told that it is so. On the contrary: "It took me some time to break free of your spell," Odin tells Loki before his death. But if Odin had been stripped of his power, how then did he eventually break free? Upon examination, Thor's logic fails.

► Loki did not "strand Odin on Earth to die". He left him in a freaking retirement home where he had every expectation that Odin would be well-cared for. An argument can certainly be made that after everything Odin has done to Loki in the past, Loki was downright merciful not to kill the old man in his sleep and be done with it.

► Loki had no way of even knowing Hela existed. How is her release his fault and not, say, Odin's for dealing with all his problem children by tossing them out and throwing away the key? Or for not preparing his sons for the day they would be forced to face her?

Oh well. Now it's time for Loki Is A Coward™, Part Deux, because as I may have mentioned previously:

"The thing with Loki is that, if he’s afraid, he won’t show it. He’s been highly trained, through the experience of his slightly traumatic life, to shield his fears." - Tom Hiddleston

MINOR ENDGAME SPOILER:

Reminder also that this was Loki's reaction to the Hulk in Endgame, only minutes after being beaten to a pulp by him

Doesn't seem particularly frightened, but what do I know?

Hey, remember back in Thor (2011) when this happened? If the Valkyrie were already legend, why did Sif need to prove herself as a female warrior?

Shhh. You were supposed to forget about that minor detail. Now back to the butt jokes.

Now let’s take a short intermission, shall we? Because this movie blows so hard that if I put all my criticisms in one post, it’ll probably break Tumblr.

↩️ back to the compendium

[annacwrites]

the wip list

Alright, gang. Buckle up. This is going to be a long one, and at this point I can’t even bring myself to be sorry about it. I meant to put this off but then I started thinking about it, so here we are (at 1:05 in the morning when I have to work at 8:30, what am I doing?). 

I’m going to break this down in a couple of ways—fanfiction vs. original fiction, fandom (if it’s a fanfic), series/universe (if it’s in one), and then the individual books themselves (if I have the ability to do that, because quite frankly, for some of these I don’t because I have no idea what the titles are or where I’m splitting the story yet).

Also, “WIP” is an incredibly broad term here. In some cases it means I’ve already written the whole thing but I plan to 100% rewrite it (and haven’t started yet). In some cases it means I’ve written half of the thing but haven’t finished yet. In some cases it means I have it all outlined but haven’t started writing yet. In some cases it means I haven’t really touched an outline on paper yet but I have it all worked out in my head. Take the “in progress” part of WIP with a grain of salt.

(Putting this whole thing under the cut because it is so freaking long. I apologize if the read-more doesn’t work on your dash. Idk what tumblr is doing.)  

Starting off easy—the fics:

Harry Potter: (JKR can fuck off with her transphobia and cultural appropriation and all the other stupid and fucked-up shit that she’s done/promoted but, as I said to my friends, she can pry my next-gen fanfics from my cold dead hands. Cursed Child is not canon in my life because I’ve never read it and I don’t care what nonsense she came up with.)

The “In Your Arms I’ll Stay” universe (Tedtoire/Scorose): 

The first fic in this universe is the first fic I ever finished. 110k words followed up by a ~137k word sequel. It is a disaster and a half but it’s also my baby and I fully intend to rewrite it one of these days. It is full of standard Tedtoire trope-y nonsense—best friends since childhood! two-year age gap! jealousy about other relationships! obliviousness!—and at 15 I thought it was a really good idea to try to turn it into a mystery too, which is a mistake that I have every intention of rectifying because it was unnecessary and I just didn’t know how to do drama and tension back then. 

Anyway. It will probably be two parts again when I rewrite it because one part per school year just works, yeah? We’re covering Vic’s fifth/Teddy’s seventh year and Vic’s sixth year/Teddy’s first year out of school over the course of these parts.

Within this universe we also have Heartbeat and Bone, which is a Scorose fic that I’ve written probably 75% of already but have no intention of actually finishing before I rewrite it. I want to get the stories in the right order so that I can get details straightened out, so Teddy and Victoire get the rewrites first and then I’ll be revisiting this fic. Also full of trope-y nonsense (and my continued acceptance of the headcanon that the Heads have their own dormitory at Hogwarts, because it’s just too much fun that way).  

some things were meant to be (Tedtoire):

Oh god, another fic with a cliché title taken from Can’t Help Falling In Love. I have zero regrets because it fits them perfectly.

This one is... half-done? I fully intend to finish it but I need to finish the outline first. It was my 2019 NaNoWriMo project and I am 100% just writing it for the lols (and because Teddy and Vic are like... my comfort ship where writing is concerned). I wanted to play with a different universe and change up their relationship and roles at school a bit, but once again... trope-y nonsense. It’s unavoidable with them. There is obliviousness everywhere. 

Star Wars: (it’s Reylo, okay? It’s Reylo. I don’t want to hear it about how the ship is ~so terrible.~ That is literally the furthest thing in the world from a hot take, you can’t say a single thing that I haven’t heard before, and I’m a grown adult and can do what I want. Bite me.)

looking for the map that leads me home (Reylo): 

Stole the title on this one from We Take Care of Our Own by Bruce Springsteen, because why the fuck not, right? 

To put it simply: musician AU. To put it a little less simply: he’s got a dead career, she wants to have even the slightest shot at one, Rose is the best, Poe’s a singing heartthrob, Finn is a love-struck goofball. You know, all that fun stuff. The entire thing is based on a playlist that I made and every chapter has a song that acts as its theme. I haven’t touched it since January 2018. I want to finish it eventually but it’s not really at the top of the priority list. 

There’s a few other fics from other fandoms that I’ve started and never finished but the odds of me touching them again are like... nonexistent, so I’m not including them here. I’ll update this post if anything changes on that front (but it probably won’t).

Now for the complicated part—the original fiction:

Maker’s Magic 

This is a trilogy (or at least, it’s supposed to be). This is also a rewrite of the first story I ever finished—the fantasy novel that I wrote for my first-ever Camp NaNoWriMo back in August of 2011, when I had literally no clue what I was doing at all and essentially stole the plot structure from The Obsidian Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey and built my own story around it. This is not a good way to write a piece of fiction that you want to publish, kids, but it is a damn good way to get your feet wet when you’ve never really written before.

I am reworking this story entirely from scratch. The characters are... kind of the same as the original story. Kind of. Maybe. I’ve changed a few names and merged a few people together and scrapped some others and entirely shifted the backstory of pretty much everyone, but... they’re definitely still the same, right? 

Basically, at this point the plot is really only similar to The Obsidian Trilogy in that we’ve got a trilogy, we’ve got some elves, and it’s your standard good vs. evil fantasy story (in its own unique fashion, of course). I’m still working out the details of this rewrite, but this is kind of the Holy Grail of all of my writing projects and the one that I’m most concerned about getting right, so I’m anticipating that I’ll be in it for the long haul on this one. I’m hoping I might be able to get a draft of the first book done this year, but... we’ll see.

(I also don’t want to give too many details about this project, ‘cause it’s the one that I’d really like to maybe publish one day, so...)

The Willow Hill universe

This started as a single story plus a standalone sequel set in the same universe, conceptualized when I was fourteen and missing horseback riding terribly (so yes, it is a story for all those Weird Horse Girls™ out there). I wrote a good portion of it, then deleted it, then rewrote the entire thing, then deleted it again a few years ago because I was no longer satisfied with the writing quality (after hitting top 100 on the Teen Fiction list on Wattpad way back when, so... I didn’t do too badly as a 16-year-old, but the writing still sucked). I’ve been promising a rewrite to my Wattpad followers since 2016 or something like that (2014? Whenever the hell it was that I deleted it the second time) but haven’t delivered at all.

I now envision this universe as a duology plus the aforementioned standalone sequel, except it’s not entirely fair to call it a YA duology in that the first book is definitely YA, but the second is more romance-y?

I originally just revealed the main character’s endgame relationship in the epilogue of the story, but I love both her and her boyfriend and their relationship so much that I decided that I’m going to be self-indulgent and write the story of them actually falling in love with each other, so that’s book two (so really, you don’t actually have to read book two to understand anything, I’m just writing it because I want to and it’s also kind of a present to anyone who read the original story when they were also a teenager and is now an adult who wants to read other stuff). 

Book one is now about the teenage struggle of crushes and trying to figure out what it is that you actually want out of your life and what you value (I say “now” because it was definitely way more self-insert-y the first time I wrote it and it is decidedly not at this point). It’s also sort of a love letter to trainers who are amazing and the kind of person we should all be so lucky as to be coached by.

These characters are my comfort characters where original fiction is concerned since they’ve been bouncing around in my head for the last ten years or so, and I’m hoping I can get at least the first book rewritten in the next year-ish, partly because I’ve been promising it for so long, and partly because I just really enjoy this world and I want to get back to it again.

The Coffee Shop Chronicles

AKA, I lived in one coffee shop on my university campus for pretty much the entirety of my college experience and it was a very inspiring place to be, so this has less to do with coffee shop AUs and more to do with the fact that I met several of my favorite human beings on this earth over a vanilla chai latte and mutual sass with the baristas.

(One of said baristas is very near and dear to me and introduced me to another regular who is now a very good friend with the statement “You’re both sarcastic assholes. You’ll love each other.”) 

None of the characters in this universe are based on actual human beings whom I know, but I liked the idea of the campus coffee shop serving as this thing that tangentially connected all of these people to one another, much in the way that I am tangentially connected to god knows how many people via my barista friend. Essentially, the idea is that the stories in this universe are all standalone, but the characters sometimes cross paths with one another at Caffeinated, so it’s sort of... Easter-egg-y in terms of who pops up where in which story. 

Currently I only have two stories in this universe that are legitimately plotted out, but there is room for any number of spin-offs based on whichever characters show up in those stories (or don’t—that’s the fun of it being a coffee shop. The barista is the only reliable character). Those two stories are as follows:

Chance Encounters (title so totally subject to change, also stealing the terribly summary from the Wattpad draft that never saw the light of day):

For Bennett McGuire, things with guys just didn't seem to want to go her way. From the disasters that were her attempts at dating in high school to the problem that had been Elijah Becker, she hadn't exactly had the best luck. With all that in mind, it made perfect sense to swear off dating until she finished college—that is, it made sense until one frozen day in February when Gordon Evans walked into her life. After that, who was to say what would happen?

What’s Your Metaphor? (once again, enjoy the terrible summary from the Wattpad draft that never was. I am cringing reading it but also too tired to come up with anything better):

"What's the point?" 

It's a question asked widely, for all sorts of reasons, and it's one that April Hayes didn't know the answer to any better than anyone else. All she knew was that she had her plan, and she was going to stick to it, because it was the only thing that seemed to have any sort of logic to it in her life. The things she thought, the things she believed—well, they all fell before the plan, because she didn't have time to ask herself "What's the point?"

That is, she didn't have the time to know the answer—her answer—until one guy by the name of Drew Collier showed up and made her consider things that she had never even thought of before.

High Blood

Yinz can go read my WIP introduction post for this one. It’s a fantasy story. Just for the hell of it, here’s the summary from said WIP introduction post: 

At the age of seventeen, Thessaly of Averak had a choice—take the crown of her people and her place as her father’s heir, or set it aside to become one of the High Warriors, dedicated to protecting their people and the country that her long-dead ancestor Enred built after leading its citizens out of a long and bloody war. Amidst raids and famine at the borders, she gave up her crown to better serve the people that her family rules.

Ten years later, all is quiet. At least, all is quiet until Beca’s pendant is stolen by a thief who disappears into the night on the journey back from the summer palace, Tess gets herself stabbed, and the discovery is made that the rock-solid foundations of their family’s claim to the throne—and the peace that depends upon them—are laced with hairline fractures.

(I didn’t write anything to speak of for Camp NaNo July 2020 and actually wound up deleting my project for this on the NaNo site because my dad was hit by a car while cycling the Friday before the weekend when I was planning to write like... 30k words to catch up, so obviously I gave up on that plan (he is doing well now, thank you for asking). I’m hoping I’ll get around to this one eventually because this particular universe arguably has the most potential for having multiple stories set in it, fantasy-wise.)

Emerson’s Lights

Natalie Flynn has been best friends with Evan Acheson practically since birth. They've stuck together through thick and thin, from her braces in seventh grade to his jump to stardom as a singer-songwriter their freshman year of college. 

She’d do anything for him, but spending a week with him on tour involves a lot more than she bargained for, culminating in the turn of events that is Caleb Blake, lead singer and primary songwriter of opening act Emerson’s Lights, moving into her house for the better part of a month.

She always knew there would be complications being the best friend of a rock star, but this? This was one that she didn’t bet on.

(Aka, girl meets boy in a band trope. Yay.)

(NaNoWriMo 2020 project)

The famous musician story (this thing doesn’t have a title right now and I’m not even going to try)

Stupid, trope-y nonsense idea that I came up with for my own personal amusement and nothing else. I’ve written a few chapters of it but genuinely have no idea where this falls in the hierarchy of things that I want to get done. Long story short, she’s in grad school for history, he’s a famous musician in town recording for a new album, they meet in the library, she pretends she has no idea who he is, and shenanigans ensue.

And that is where I think I’m going to leave it. There’s four other stories that I can think of off the top of my head that I could theoretically add to this list, but they are legitimately just ideas right now so they can be added at a later date when they’ve manifested themselves a little more strongly. There’s also another quartet in the Willow Hill universe that I came up with in high school that could theoretically be added but I think I might just steal those character names and give them their own little world instead. We’ll see.

Basically, if you didn’t get the point from this list: I am working on a lot of things, and when I say I’m writing, it could mean literally anything on this list (or any of the other ideas that I have floating around). The stories/universe here are the most likely candidates for my time, depending on whether I’m doing a deep dive into my writing or just playing around with something fun, and hopefully (god, hopefully) I’ll be able to move one or two of these to a “completed works” list in the next year(ish). 

(Or at least, as complete as a draft ever gets before you start going in on it again.)

[cactuarkitty]

Random DA:O Thoughts - Pt 13.

Found a set of quests in Denerim for Rogues. I wasn’t sure if I could do them since I’m a mage, but seems like I can. Haha one of them I had to pick up body bags and dump them in the well. I almost choked laughing cause Alistair was looking at Norua funny. Like “Ah… Norua, we’re dumping bodies now?” “Well we’re killing people everyday, so…?” “Fair enough!”

I now know what all those love letters are for too. Haven’t found them all. I have a feeling there might be love letters in two locked chests in the Arl’s estate in Denerim - which I can’t unlock. Oops!

After speaking with Anora, I spoke to Alistair. We’re planning to run away together, living in sin and eating cake. Excellent!

Can finally go to the Elven Alienage. There’s a few side quests I need to do in there.

There’s a weird plague. Also something shady going on with Tevinter Mages. Hmmm…

The giant tree is sooo cool! I love it! Now I finally have found all the places of power :D

Haha it cracked me up that after I spoke to this elf lady about whats going on in the town (the elf I freed from the dungeon was there and told me about her), I broke into her house and stole all her stuff hahahah. Classic DA :D

A Templar named Ser Otto wants me to be his eyes and investigate some evil in the alienage. He’s blind cause a mage hit him with ice magic I think. Anyway I had a look around, found some creepy clues. Now we’re all in a creepy orphanage :/ damn it reminds me more of Silent Hill than DA. Super creepy whispers and ghosts. Gross blood stains and fire damage. Where’s the mist haha. DAMN creepy demons!! NOOO Ser Otto died :( was stabbed with a giant pitch fork. Ahhh annoying. I wonder if I made him stay in town whether he’d insist he come along anyway. Probably can’t change it. Sad :( Cleared out the demons though and found an amulet for an elf who heard whispers. Hope it helps her.

Lol now the beggars are asking for money. I’m too nice even in games. Gave them some gold.

The Tevinter Mage quest was quite hard. They were transporting Elves as slaves :/ he had a bullshit deal that I’d pay him 100 gold for him to leave. No way! Time to die! Whoa, that main mage was hard. I think I let him go in exchange for info on Loghain’s treachery.

Haha a reference to King Arthur. I pulled an axe out of a stone, a bunch of ladies said I’m the next Queen. Knew it! I’ll be Queen of the Wardens though :D with my King, Alistair.

It’s weird but everyone in Denerim calls me Ser. I’m a lady, fools!

Sten’s loyalty quest was pretty easy. Anyway he’s happy now. He’s calling me a special name, but I can’t remember what it was. He’s so cool! When I play again I’m going to try taking him more often.

The Ostaga dlc is so sad! Poor King Cailan. We gave him a proper burial. Thought we might find Duncan’s body too but we didn’t. Also found his armour, shield, and sword… plus Duncan’s sword. I feel like it’s creepy to put his Armour on Alistair so I stored it all in the chest. I did give Duncan’s sword to Alistair. So now he is wearing the grey warden armour with Duncan’s sword and shield. He is looking fiiiine! I took Alistair and Wynne, they had some interesting things to say.

Finished up a bunch of side quests in Denerim and now off to the landsmeet, cause there isn’t much else left to do except kiss Alistair hehe. Wow Loghain never shuts up! He’s just yelling the whole time. All the lords voted for the wardens except for one, so I guess I did pretty well. Had to fight him, then chose to have Alistair execute him. For Duncan! Felt kinda bad a little. I totally expected that it would come out that he’d been possessed by a demon, and that’s why he did the things he did. Guess he just went power mad or something. I made Anora queen, Alistair was relieved. Hopefully she isn’t like her Father. From what I gathered she was the one ruling anyway, and she had arguements with her dad over some stuff. Probably be better for her to rule without the intererence of Loghain. Really happy to keep Alistair as a grey warden.

Uh oh Redcliffe is overrun with darkspawn. Alistair thinks he’s King too lol. Some weird glitch which I found out about on google. Like they didn’t even record the dialogue for if he wasn’t King. I had him sleep with Morrigan so we wouldn’t die. The cutscene made me so mad! Ugh never watching that again. Poor Alistair.

Can’t really remember everything that I thought about the ending so will summarise it. I didn’t enjoy it as much as the rest of the game. Some of the fights were quite hard, I keep forgetting to use the armies haha. I think I enjoyed it more when I was in Fort Dracon. Also when I’d been playing the first part I was kinda half falling asleep. The Archdemon was so hard! I had a lot of trouble cause I couldn’t use the ballista. Leliana was dead so couldn’t use her. I was controlling Alistair cause I’d died lol. So then I couldn’t revive Leliana to unlock the ballista. So yeah I got sick of trying to beat it so I put the difficulty down. At that point I just wanted it over with.

I was super relived the king glitch didn’t continue into the end. When I asked Alistair what his plans were, he said he’d be staying with the Wardens with me, and he couldn’t think of anything better than being with me. YAY! Also he couldn’t wait to be alone :D If ya get my drift [wink wink nudge nudge].

Zevran is going to hang out with the wardens, Wynne is going with Shale to Tevinter, Leliana is going to help with the sacred ashes stuff, oghren is staying on the surface I think, Sten is going back to his homeland (reckons he might come back to fight us), couldn’t talk to doggo… guess he’s coming with Alistair and I, Morrigan dissapeared after the fight.

Things that never came up for me: the talk with Leliana about the nugs (I think maybe I was meant to do it before the Orzammar quest was complete. I dunno), Leliana never asked me about the romance with Alistair. Probably missed a ton more too.

Going to replay my mage game again cause I love it. Expect pics and gif sets. :D Edit: Am up to Lothering in the new game hehe. Have recorded heaps of scenes for gifs. ^^

So cute how Alistair planted a small memorial for Duncan awwww. I hc though that Norua went with him. :)

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 19

We’re hitting the end-game stretch!

Does that mean the series is impr-hhahaahaha I can’t type it with a straight face.

No.

-----------------------

There are no magic air conditioners, and we're given a bunch of reasons why... which apply to the magic ceiling fan we're promptly introduced to.

If I were reading this for pleasure, this would be the point at which I put the book down and indulged in vivid fantasies of murdering the fuck out of the author. As-is, I'm still having a hard time forcing myself to soldier on. I know, it’s a tiny thing, sort of ridiculous to be my breakpoint, but something about how the author is not actually trying to make sense but is still going to try to pretend like this makes sense just provokes me like nothing else. Before I could sort of imagine the magic lamps and so on were some kind of worldbuilding, even if in practice they seemed to serve the purpose of having a medieval aesthetic while having modern functionality (eg the Academy is a Japanese high school, but magic), but this nonsense about trying to explain why we have a rotating ceiling fan but not magic air conditioners (By which we mean we do have magic air conditioners, they’re just unpopular aaaargh) is just... no.

Assertion that Lightning is a high level spell because it can “hit anything." (ie including the caster, if they’re not careful) More typically mages uses Lightning Cloud, which spawns a cloud a short distance away to spit lightning.

Oh, remember that ominous foreshadowing with the Elves last volume? Yeah, fuck that, time to be attacked by the Elemental Siblings again.

Who apparently can all do Ancient Magic? The FUCK?

Tabitha was apparently number seven in the hierarchy of the blah blah Northern Spyknights. So who were the other two?

Something I probably ought to have mentioned eons ago: BIG FEELS make regular magic stronger too. I've... tended to ignore it because it's blatant Protagonist Power rather than an integral part of the setting, though.

Elves apparently live about twice as long as humans. Really? That's all?

Oh, the Elves are here, watching the fight with the Elemental Siblings and spewing racist bullshit. Also, asserting that 'barbarian' mages don't use weapons, which is so hilariously wrong I would applaud it as a nice bit of Ignorant Elves if it weren't for the fact that the author is so incapable of consistency it seems far more likely this is just one more piece of his own canon he's forgotten.

Oh, and elves have magic heat-seeing goggles, which has caused humans to think Elves can see in the dark. I fucking hate this setting's magitechnology. It's stupid nonsense that in no way fits to the setting's barebones magic rules -which is quite the feat of incompetent writing, given that the setting's rules ARE so barebones!

It's really sad watching how FoZ's artist gets better and more ambitious while the author descends into inane drivel. I really hope the artist does other work for something actually deserving of such craft.

The Elves have set up a base camp surrounded by a "barrier of Ancient Magic." We later learn this barrier makes it impossible to even realize the camp is there, with someone approaching it directly ending up going around it without realizing it. Basically? Fuck you, Elves can do ANYTHING, so long as it's conveniently in line with the author's current intentions. You know, just like regular magic! Aaaargh. [And no, they don’t use this craziness to protect their homeland or anything of the sort. This is a one-off piece of nonsense to justify the Elves sneaking into Halkeginia successfully]

Oh, and they're kidnapping Saito, when all their prior dialogue indicated they were here to capture one of the Void SPELLCASTERS, not one of their goddamn familiars. Because of course everything is about Saito, even when it EXPLICITLY ISN’T.

Aaand here's Louis appearing in a teleport and instantly casting Explosion before Ali has even noticed she arrived. So remember all that crap about Void spells taking forever to chant?... 'cause the author sure as hell doesn't!

Okay, something I haven't been mentioning: the story CONSTANTLY shitting on Louise by saying her body isn't attractive and her personality is outright repellent. Why am I mentioning this? Well, Ali sees her, and his first thought is that she's extraordinarily beautiful, even by Elven standards. aaaaaaa

And now Louise rapid-casts Explosion to nuke a bunch of arrow-branches. I hate. So. Much.

Oh, and the Elves have been hanging out nearby for SEVERAL DAYS before this stupid kidnapping plot went off. Why? How are they already here? What the fuck is even going on??

Where humans hate half-Elves because of their paranoid fears about evil cannibal Elf blood showing true, Elves hate half-Elves because their existence "brings shame on Elfkind". Except Luctiania, who is all about SCIENCE!!!!

We keep getting bizarre assertions that Ancient Magic gets weaker the further you are from the ground. No caveat for wind-based spells or anything, and so far no explanation as to why Halkeginian airships haven't tilted things more toward humans. This is dumb. [Future note: Next volume we learn that Elven airships are much better than human airships, for inadequately explained/outright nonsensical reasons. This doesn’t explain shit unless you accept the author’s nonsensical convention that mages don’t cast spells in airship combat, never mind that the scale of spell damage in personal combat from Dot mages is such that they should be very much relevant. This story is awful, is what I’m saying]

Even Luctiana turns green with nausea at the idea of taking on a human appearance. (Oh, and of course Elves have a spell for changing their appearance that has had no practical impact on their culture or daily methodology, because I'm reading FoZ)

Elves have a sleep spell that can keep someone asleep for more than a week, because of course the magic is always convenient for the story-of-the-moment. Don't think too hard on, you know, basic physiological functions and how the Elves avoided having Saito and Tiffania die of dehydration or soil themselves during the trip, because the author sure as hell didn't.

Elves have vertical slit pupils like a snake?! What the fuck, why is this the first we've heard of it??

Elven country is called "Neftes".

Elves consider the "Holy Land" to have always been their territory, and believe humans just arbitrarily declared it to be the Holy Land.

Luctiana's house has some standing enchantment she claims will reduce Saito and Tiffania to ash if they attack her. How? What does this have to do with anything we’ve heard about how Ancient Magic works?

Tiffania is willing to die to pass on her Void magic to someone else. Why? Because she thinks nobody cares about her, and that she's just a burden on others. sigh

The Elves would've used Crazy Poison on Saito and Tiffania if Bidashal hadn't vigorously argued against it because for some fucking retarded reason Bidashal thinks Saito is "different" from most 'barbarians'.

Elven tradition holds that Shaitan's Gate was opened six thousand years ago and a devil came out and killed half of all Elves. So they don't want it being messed with.

Adyl is the name of the Elven capitol. It's a city that extends far out into the ocean.

Apparently the Elves DO have their own language. Which they never use except this one time, for some fucking reason. And they all know the Halkeginian language, even though Halkeginians are filthy dirt-grubbing barbarians and imitating them on any level disgusts them. Yeah, that makes sense.

Elves have super-clean buildings. Um. How?

Tentacle porn scene with Tiffania because of course. Oh my god.

We finally come back to that Anubis/Gandalfr connection. Bidashal is fairly certain they actually are the same thing. Anubis is a saint in Elven culture because he supposedly defeated the devil.

Fouquet and Wardes are being instructed by Vittoria to rescue Saito and Tiffania... or kill them if that's too hard. Goddammit.

Turns out this "device in the Holy Land" story is a lie! lol noobs you trusted Romalia lol. (Seriously, why did these morons give them an inch of trust?) In actuality Vittorio just intends to cast a big spell using all the Void folk and their familiars. It also involves the four "treasures" somehow. You know, those things that don't matter except when they do?

"Lifsrasil," the heart of God, the last Familiar. Brimir's Elf familiar was this one, in addition to being Gandalfr. No, we're not getting an explanation on what this familiar's thing is, or what the fuck is up with this doublefamiliar thing.

Holy shit TIFFANIA is capable of intelligible moral calculus? What?? [Reader note:... dammit, I forget what this was in reference to]

Holy shit Tiffania with the sick burns. "You bring shame to all Elves." "Yeah well YOU bring shame to EVERY LIVING CREATURE ON THE PLANET" And the asshole Elf has no good response to that. Damn, why couldn’t we have had this Tiffania this whole time instead of the “lol big breasts” Tiffania?

Luctiana objects strongly enough to using the Crazy Poison to rescue our hero and her idiot friend... on some conditions.

Elven aesthetic with boats involves imitating nature: fish, birds... and lightning?

Bafflingly, the Elves have dragon-drawn vehicles running through roads like a modern city's cars, with sidewalks and glass windows for storefronts. Everything about the Elves is retarded.

Sort of surprised at Luctuania casually guessing an Elf stole her boat, with all this utopian society bullshit.

Passing reference to the idea that a given individual exerts dominance over the local spirits/Ancient Magic. As in, Caster B can't do anything if Caster A has dominance over the area. If this weren’t Familiar of Zero we’re talking about here, I’d wonder if maybe this was a hint as to why Ancient Magic was abandoned by the ancient Halkeginians in favor of wand-based magic. As-is it is, in grand FoZ tradition, a one-off reference unsupported/actively contradicted by any other part of the text that sounds logical and interesting.

Water Dragons finally showing up in the plot. They're the biggest and 'strongest' of all dragons, can't fly, seem to spray water instead of fire.

Aaaand Derflinger has come back by possessing the katana Saito has been carting around. Oh and he can catch lightning and hold the charge to enhance his next attack. What is this, Dark Sector?

Allusion to willpower limits applying to Ancient Magic. Since when? Oh, duh, since just now. Because FoZ.

Elves use dolphins to pull sea carriages. Fucked-up.

I hate this author. Write Luctiana being naked without giving it any thought because lol titillation, then later have Tiffania show off her breasts and have Luctiana act like it's obvious that getting naked is a big deal. Fuck you and your shitty, blatantly inconsistent writing.

Apparently Elves routinely give swords some degree of intelligence...and only Elves do this. So why is it back in Volume One nobody was wanting to melt Derflinger down as an obvious Elf artifact?...

Brimir's familiar stabbed him through the heart with Derflinger. Derflinger corroborates.

End volume 19.

---------------

In which Saito and Tiffania spend a lot of time in elfland and depressingly little actual plot happens, somehow.

Instead, the story just seems to be getting shittier and shittier. I actually miss the no-notes-taken-about-it-because-goddammit-FoZ crap with Scarron’s “Dancing Fairies Inn”, by comparison.