#the creators confirmed her aa Black

[fyeahnix]

LRB

Every time I remember about Adventure Time and Bubbline, I am reminded of how many artists who draw Marceline as......not Black and I'm just like....how sway

Not talking about the art I just reblogged but more so in general...

[accirax]

Literature Girl Insane and the Color Connection Theory

(Spoilers for DRDT’s Literature Girl Insane MV, as well as through Chapter 2 Episode 11. Vague spoilers for Super Danganronpa 2 and New Danganronpa V3. Because the images in this post are mainly designed to showcase the colors presented in the MV, there will be no image IDs in this post.)

Wow! Literature Girl Insane is… so much!! There is literally so much to look at that I don’t know how we’re supposed to handle it!!!

I mean that all in a glowingly positive way, to be clear. The DRDT creator has granted us an exciting puzzle that may take months to fully solve/analyze (or maybe we’ll never finish it), with so many facets that there are still things that I haven’t seen much of anybody talking about.

Speaking of, I’d like to take a look at the colorization of some of the lyrics! As per my eye, there are 15 distinct colors that appear in the lyrics of the MV. I distinguish the lyrics as “the words that are outlined in black (or white, when the color is black),” so any of the colored text in the background, such as the literary passages, will not be included in my analysis.

An important piece of information that I’ll reference a lot is the official colors that have been assigned to the students. That being, the color that the first letter of each of their first names gains when the students enter the Class Trial.

Because Xander never attends a Class Trial, he has no confirmed color, unless I’m forgetting something. However, based on his bright hair, I would have to assume that the color of that letter would have been a fiery red. It’s even on the opposite side of Teruko on the color wheel.

David has two colors; one for his inspirational speaker persona (yellow) and one for his depressed theater kid persona (gray). I don’t think J’s color changes between being listed as J Rosales and J Moreno. Although I didn’t put it on the chart, MonoTV appears to have no color, with all of the letters in its name remaining white. Some of my personal assignments will go against these color choices, but I think it’s still important to keep in mind.

Since Tumblr doesn’t want to let me use as many colors as I want, I will put in an image of what each color looks like the first time it appears. I’m going to analyze each color in order of how many times it appears in the MV, from most to least. That means the first color is…

Red

are all just idiots (final verdict); Bye; whatever; Goodbye.; go mad; together; are all just idiots!; Bye; broken; go insane?; ignorant; God; go mad; great applause!!!; Aa; won’t change; original; you’ve killed so many; and disappear!; 1; medicine; [untranslated characters]; [untranslated characters]; [untranslated characters]; go mad; self delusion; isn’t it!?; ah,

(If you want time stamps and pictures of the characters, I wrote them down in the document Venus and I compiled together)

Red appears 28 times throughout the MV, and as you can tell, they’re very… edgy. It’s a very interesting color, given that there are multiple characters I think it could apply to.

The first option is Veronika. Her color is a bright red, and she’s no stranger to creepiness. Things like “go mad” and “you’ve killed so many” could definitely be words she’s spoken to her problematic faves like Arturo or David. The selection of “broken” could apply to her hidden quote: “once something is broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. The same goes for people.” If Veronika herself is something that is/was “broken,” going insane could apply to her as well. Some people have already called her delusional, which could fit right in with “self delusion.” With her chaotic attitude, I can also easily imagine her using the intense punctuation (!!! and !?) seen on some of the lines.

The biggest problem with this interpretation is that, frankly, I don’t think Veronika merits this level of importance in this MV. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t like Veronika, or don’t think she’s important– I love Veronika! I just don’t think she’s that important to David, who this MV is about. 

They could have more of a connection in the future, given that Veronika has started simping for his dark side, but thus far they’ve barely interacted at all. The most damning rebuttal is the cast list at the end.

Would the color that appears the most in the MV really go to a character that doesn’t even make the supporting cast list?

The main way that I can imagine that Veronika actually is red is if she is the mastermind. That would explain how she could claim such a prolific color in general, yet why she wouldn’t yet be listed as a Main Role– because David (presumably) wouldn’t know that she’s the mastermind. If David survives for a while alongside mastermind Veronika, it would also give more of a chance for their relationship to develop down the road.

Still, it would make more sense to me if red did belong to a listed character; even better if one of the main roles. Someone like…

Option two: Xander Matthews.

Xander is obviously a key player in this MV, and like I said, I would guess that his character color would be red. Even if it was, say, yellow (for his eyes) instead, I don’t really think anybody could complain if he showed up as red in the MV.

The focus on the word “bye” would also fit Xander. He’s dead now, and David has clearly been thinking about him, so he could constantly be saying “bye” to Xander after the rebel “and disappear!”-ed from life. Xander had to treat his eye in the infirmary, so “medicine” could make sense for his character. “You’ve killed so many” could be something that David could imagine Xander saying to him in his guilt-ridden spirals. Although, as far as is confirmed, David has never actually killed anybody, including in his secret. Venus adds that “You’ve killed so many” could be Xander speaking to himself, stewing in his survivor’s guilt about the death of his family. She also says that “go mad” sounds like something a British person would say. You never know what she’ll have to contribute /lh.

Speaking of things Xander could say, though… I have a hard time imagining that he would say some of these things. I’m sure Teruko would tell me that I’m naive to have any trust left in the guy, but some lines just seem out of character for him, to me? Like, calling everyone idiots and telling people to “go insane” feels very different from how he acted in Chapter 1. Maybe if Xander was reflecting on his own “going insane” after he stabbed Teruko, it could work?

The line that stood out to me the most for not fitting Xander was actually “won’t change,” though. Man’s the Ultimate Rebel. He’s all about inciting change in people. Whatever this thing is that won’t change– David’s attitude, the mastermind’s wickedness, the continuation of the killing game– would he really be chiming in to say that it’s immutable? But, if I don’t really think that it’s Xander or Veronika, then what red person could be left?

Ah, right… the classic copout option, #3, Mai Akasaki.

I say “copout” because, overall, we know very little about her personality. Therefore, it’s easy to put words like “idiot” and “insane” into her mouth because there can’t be too much of a counterargument. It does seem like a pretty big contrast to her characterization as Unnamed Student (assuming that’s her), but given this series’ penchant for moral bankruptcy, I wouldn’t be surprised if her nice exterior hides a more sinister slant.

However, there are some genuine points in Mai’s favor here. First is the red color– Mai’s hair is red, and Teruko even notes that Xander’s red hair reminded her of Mai’s. Thus, if I speculated that Xander’s color could be red, Mai’s could be too. She’s at least in the Supporting Cast, unlike Veronika. “Bye” and particularly “and disappear!” would also fit Mai well, given her absence in the killing game. “God” is also of particular note, as it’s the first word in Mai’s roman numeral quote, “God is dead.” Mai also seems to be worshiped like a god among those who remember her (Teruko potentially excluded), and the MV notes her as “someone dearly loved.”

Those three aspects of God could be leading us to the conclusion that red represents Mai in this MV, and it’s that interpretation that I’ve decided to roll with. I promise I’ll pick up the pace for the next colors, okay?

Yellow

game; Bye; cat; is what you’re told; ambition; the falling slanted sun; Bye; “happiness”?; dead; make noise; The acclamation is; live; original; 2; Let’s do that! [translated]; shout; ah,; miserable

While Eden is the only holder of the color yellow as of Chapter 2 Episode 11, I think this color has to go to the man, the myth, the now-starless star himself, David Chiem. I mean, c’mon. It’s his MV. He has to have one of the most prominent colors.

But even beyond the yellow, there’s a lot that points to David here. Since I just mentioned the fading of the stars in David’s eyes, let’s start with “the falling slanted sun”. As the sun itself is a star, this line could represent both how the stars have fallen out of David’s eyes and how he, a star, is falling in the public’s perception. Given his determination to save his career, “ambition” certainly fits David’s character, and he “make[s] noise” every time he gives a speech, making people believe “what [they’re] told”. But despite his stage persona, he’s always felt “dead” and “miserable” on the inside.

Perhaps the most interesting line here is the “Let’s do that!”, which can be seen here.

(It’s the only line in Japanese we were able to translate ourselves T-T)

Even if it’s a “let’s do that!” instead of a “no, that’s wrong!”, which means that David is arguably only agreeing with himself, the protagonist imagery here is exceptionally clear. Not to mention, every canonical protagonist post-Makoto has been able to access consent points as well.

I’ve definitely seen people out there theorize that David may become Despair Time’s protagonist one day, and while I found the concept merely amusing at first, the more evidence piles up, the more I’m forced to believe it may be true. So, if David is represented by the color yellow, this could be further evidence/foreshadowing towards his future role. If so, I’m particularly intrigued by the fact that yellow has both “dead” and “live”. It seems like David’s alignments and beliefs are still up in the air.

Green

this guy →; Bye; a life full of much shame; make noise; this guy; anonymous; Bye!; substance of the arts; this guy; original; 4; make noise; clown

Similar to yellow, there are two primary candidates for the color of green. And while Hu has a better argument than Eden did on yellow due to being listed in the supporting cast, her greatest competitor, Teruko, is also in the supporting cast.

Did you know that green appears thirteen times throughout the MV? Of course it’s fucking Teruko.

There’s a good argument to be made that, with her tragic backstory, Teruko is one who’s lived “a life full of much shame.” Doubly so if you believe that she has the “the killing game is all your fault” secret, which I personally do. Because she’s moved around so much and doesn’t seem to have many attachments to people, you could say that she’s “anonymous” in a lot of her actions.

Teruko “make[s] noise” frequently in both Daily Life, when she refuses to avoid the subject of murder and thrusts knives at people, and Deadly Life, where she maniacally laughs her way through solving the entire trial for those idiots twice in a row. However, due to her over-the-top lack of trust in anybody, I could still believe that David would see her as a “clown”. A smart clown, but a clown nonetheless. (She also had her sillier moments as well, especially when Xander was alive.)

The line that makes the least sense to me is honestly “substance of the arts,” especially given that it’s part of Veronika’s roman numeral phrase. Teruko doesn’t seem particularly artistic to me. Maybe it’s just meant to imply that she’s a girl with a lot of substance? If “the arts” were theater, it could be saying that her life is very tragic and dramatic? And if Teruko is a substantial, dramatic character, maybe Veronika would appreciate that? I’m obviously reaching, but I still do believe that green represents Teruko here.

Cyan

dog; No Longer Human; game!; I; isn’t that; original; LET’S LAUGH; just like that; 3; cry; foolish; “kapukapu”

While it might seem like this color should belong to J, given that it’s quite similar to her character color, I actually believe that this color represents someone else. Namely, MonoTV.

MonoTV’s official character color is white, but its face is obviously a bright cyan. It even tells Teruko that its favorite color is blue in Chapter 2 Episode 3, so I don’t think that calling MonoTV cyan is a stretch at all.

The most obvious clue that MonoTV could be cyan is “dog,” which is pasted over “cat” (in yellow) at 0:37. The replacement of “cat” isn’t written in the original lyrics of the song, so the creator definitely intended for this to relate back to MonoTV. Why not give the mascot itself the line correcting the species? “No Longer Human” fits along with this creature angle as well.

“game!” is another obvious one, as MonoTV is the excitable host of this killing game. While “LET’S LAUGH” seems sweet out of context, in the killing game, it could seem much more heartless and robotic. The all-caps approach also makes it feel threatening. “cry” could also be a command to the students, like when MonoTV encourages them to create more drama in Chapter 1. I don’t remember a specific instance of MonoTV calling the students “foolish”, but it doesn’t seem out of character at all.

I couldn’t figure out exactly what a kapukapu was, unfortunately. It’s a reference to Yamanashi, a children’s book by Kenji Miyazawa, but they don’t actually describe what a kapukapu is in that book. When I googled “kapukapu,” it came up with a Sega character described as an antagonistic “orange cat creature with yellow eyes, a zigzag shaped tail, and big sharp fangs.” The creator definitely knows more Japanese than I do, but if they were similarly struggling on this one, they may have also googled kapukapu, seen “evil cat” and said, “yeah, that sounds enough like MonoTV.”

I should also probably talk about the “1”, “2”, “3”, and “4” portrayed at 2:43, which has shown up in the red, yellow, green, and cyan sections so far. These numbers representing Mai, David, Teruko, and MonoTV definitely feels plausible to me, especially if you throw in the wrinkle that David could become the protagonist. The qualification could be “mysterious characters with a darker side,” “characters related to the formation of the killing game,” or even “the most actively important characters at the end of the killing game.” This interpretation makes me more confident that these assignments are correct, although there’s obviously room for debate.

Pink

anonymous hopes,; heart; Rolling with laughter and turning into clowns; brainwashed; degraded copy; original; [untranslated character]; clown; painful

And now, onto a color for which I feel there’s basically no debate. If these text colors do correlate to characters, this color has to be Whit.

For starters, he’s the only character assigned the color pink, probably because it’s so prevalent in his design. I can imagine “Rolling with laughter and turning into clowns” paired with his XD laughing sprite, fitting how he’s the biggest canonical joke-teller in the cast. “heart” fits his Ultimate Matchmaker talent perfectly, while also representing how his empathic ways can make him the heart of a group. MonoTV literally mentions that he has “too many damn hearts on [him]” in Chapter 2 Episode 2. “painful”, meanwhile, can represent his secret, and how he represses the painful memories of loss regarding his loved ones.

The most concerning and confusing lines here are “brainwashed” and “degraded copy”. You could definitely pull these for mastermind Whit analysis, but since I’m not a strong believer in that theory (perhaps because I just desperately don’t want it to be true), I’ll go with another interpretation. Brainwashing could be something that Whit essentially does to himself, controlling his mental state and forcing himself to be happy. “degraded copy” could be how Whit feels about himself in regards to his mother. Although we don’t know too much about her, we know that he doesn’t relate to his dad, and he dyes his hair to be more similar to his mom. Since he idolizes her so fiercely, it’s possible he feels like he can never be as great as she was.

There’s always a lot to unpack with Whit “repression” Young, but… for the sake of post length, we’re moving on.

Gray

(after all); whoever else; (turbatus); XI.; whoever else; [untranslated character]; thing

Despite the fact that we’re running out of colors at a rapid pace, I actually think this one is David again. Specifically, clipless David, after his color turned to gray. C’mon, he’s the star of the show! He gets special privileges.

The gray character feels very depressed. It doesn’t seem to care about anything, using vague terms like “whoever else” and “thing,” as well as taking “turbatus,” AKA “troubled.” David has already claimed to have a family history of depression, and although he’s a liar, I don’t know if he was bs-ing that one. Based on his worldview as portrayed in Chapter 2 Episode 11, it’s not much of a leap to assume David feels this depressing gray way.

The inclusion of “XI.” is quite interesting, given that that’s Mai’s roman numeral, “God is dead.” In my mind, this further cements a potential relationship between Mai and David (and that Mai is red and David is yellow/gray). Just look at the colorization of the quote “XI. God is dead”!

That’s both of David’s colors on either side of Mai. Maybe, as the protagonist, David will be the one to take down Mai, the “God”?

If gray isn’t a second David, I would suggest that this could be Rose. While she isn’t particularly associated with the color gray, “(turbatus)” is part of her roman numeral quote, and she has plenty of troubles of her own. Based on her hidden quote, “In the end, the only thing I can do is watch my wretched life go on,” it would be reasonable to believe she is also depressed. “whoever else” and “thing” could refer to her absentmindedness, and how she tends to forget things that aren’t important to her (despite her photographic memory).

Orange

← that guy; shout; that guy; let’s play!; that guy; original

So it’s a little random, but my best guess is that orange is Ace? Mostly because he’s the only true orange color in the class trial– Min and Rose have sort of orangey colors as well, but to me, they don’t fit the lyrics super well. Not to say that Ace does, but there’s more of an argument there to be had.

“shout” is the most Ace-like lyric to me. Most of his (amazingly) voice acted lines are screaming in some way. He yells a lot, whether due to stress, excitement, or anger.  On that angry wavelength, “let’s play!”, though it sounds innocent, could be something bitterly yelled out at an opponent. Like, “oh, if you wanna play, let’s FUCKIN’ play, Nico/Levi/etc!!” Given that Ace identifies as a man, he would be a more classic “guy” choice than Min or Rose would be as well.

The repeated “that guy” puzzled me at first, but I did find a solution. The thing that was tripping me up was that the orange “that guy” is always paired with the green “this guy.” If Teruko is green, then why would David be putting Ace on the same level of importance as Teruko there? He and Ace have barely interacted!

But then I remembered that there’s one key place in which they did interact, and that was in the second class trial. Ace takes part in revealing David’s secret when he exposes the conversation David and Arei had in the relaxation room. And then Teruko agrees with him, saying that she’s always found David’s behavior suspicious. David could pair Teruko and Ace together in his mind as “this guy” and “that guy” as the main ones who exposed his secret. Whoever else was there doesn’t matter; they were the main ones at fault.

Plum

change!; like that; original; change!; a cup of poison

Purple time! This one is Charles, I’m pretty sure.

Charles has probably had the greatest positive character arc thus far (other than maybe Arei?), so him being “change!” is very fitting. He’s certainly urged Teruko to change for the better, and maybe he’ll do that for David in the future too. “like that” is part of “Do it like that / let’s live together!”, which could refer to Charles warming up to his classmates. Notably, that is part of VII., which is J’s roman numeral. J did possess Charles’ secret and tell him about it, but it’s not the strongest connection.

“a cup of poison”... does not bode the best for Charles’ survival! However, it could just be referring to his custom weapon being strychnine. Rose’s secret weapon is also poisonous in nature, but (spoilers for the post) I’m not sure she actually has a color in this MV. Thus, if the creator wanted to give one of their poison recipients the “cup of poison” line, Charles may have been their only option. It could also indicate that Charles’ strychnine is more important to the story than Rose’s turpentine (a concerning concept, given that the turpentine has already been involved in an attempted murder), but… who can say! (I am in denial)

Black

you; the track to the ideal country →; you; you

We’re running out of colors here, and it would be pretty weird if the second member of the main cast didn’t have one. That’s right, I’m saying that black refers to Xander, despite his red leanings. However, his color was never officially assigned, and his gloves are black.

David seems very fixated on Xander in this MV and its associated content. Thus, the triple repetition of “you” could indicate David repeatedly thinking about Xander throughout the days. Although, if Xander is the black text, Xander should probably be the one saying “you”. Perhaps instead, it’s about how Xander cares about and fixates on specific individuals, like how he noticed that Nico was alone at lunch and went to go talk to them. I’m giving the guy a glowing review, but it kinda seems like David is doing that too.

“the track to the ideal country →” also reminds me of Xander. As the Ultimate Rebel, he calls for country-wide reform. So, he could believe that he’s leading the way to the ideal country. Abstracted a bit, this could also relate to his motivations for attempting to kill Teruko. He may have believed that killing her was “the track” to save everyone and get them out of the killing game.

Although I wish I could give him a color with greater importance, this one makes a lot of sense to me. It is the first color that appears, for what it’s worth.

Dark Blue

cry; original; big

This one is… hard. I’m not super confident about it– “cry” and “big” do not give me a lot to work with. I’m going to give this one to J for the time being, mostly based off of a fringe theory I developed about “original”.

Yeah, “original”. That 8-color madhouse that I’ve been ignoring so far. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with it. It’s possible that “original” itself is meant to apply to all of the characters featured in it– the word is generic enough that I believe it could apply to all of these characters.

However, I was trying to figure out if this could be hinting at a Chapter 6 trial composition. Eight people seems like way too many for Chapter 6, but if you say it includes Mai (red) and MonoTV (cyan), you only need six surviving students. While casts usually roll up to the endgame with 5 people (based on how SDR2 and v3 went), all you need is to skip a double victim case or have a blackened-less trial to get up to 6.

Under this theory, that would put Teruko, David, Charles, Whit, and Ace in the Chapter 6 trial. (Do I really believe this is true? Not really, but, man, what a dream.) I don’t know exactly how much the creator is paying attention to balancing their final cast, but I have to imagine they would notice that Teruko is the only girl listed there.

That was the deciding factor that swayed me into calling this J over Arturo, as both of their colors are blue. I can see J as a survivor much more easily than I can Arturo, and she would be a second girl (or third, if you count Mai) in the trial. I’m definitely not super convinced, though, so take dark blue with a grain of salt.

Light Blue

cry; cry; idk!!!

So, this is… bleak. This person is not having a great time. Based on color, I’m saying this one is Nico. (That’s also why I didn’t mention them as a non-male blue person on dark blue).

While Nico is definitely less of a crybaby than people might have assumed based on their first appearance, it’s still true that they have multiple sprites with tears in their eyes. “idk!!!” could reference how they struggle to communicate with others, and never know what’s considered “polite” to say. “idk!!!” is also part of Nico’s roman numeral, connecting it to them again.

You could also read “cry, cry, idk!!!” as a timeline of what Nico has done so far in the story. They were anxious, got bullied, and cried a lot, until something in them snapped. What are they gonna do after they snap? Idk!!! Kill Ace, maybe? Either of these options, along with Nico’s official color, are enough to convince me that they could be light blue.

Soft Blue

You’re called an; the world

Hang on, isn’t there another blue non-man you haven’t mentioned yet? You’re right. It’s because I think soft blue is Arei.

Even without her class trial color, Arei is a character covered in blue from head to toe,  so she would definitely fit one of the blue options. “You’re called an” reminds me of her for multiple reasons. One, she’s a bully who gives people mean nicknames, so it could be her calling someone else something cruel. Two, many aspects of her personality were derived from her sisters bullying her, so you could say that she’s defined by what she was called as a child. Classic cycle of violence type stuff.

“the world” is a little iffier, but there’s definitely still an argument to be made. In her rant to David and Teruko, Arei makes clear that she believes the world is an inherently cruel place, and that she’s only one piece of that meanness. If she ponders the state of the world frequently, “the world” could be related to her character. (She’s also my world, so–)

Mint

“Idiot”, pointless

Another character who is not having an excellent time! Well, if this alternative green isn’t Teruko, it’s probably Hu, as she’s the other character assigned green. That would also mean that we’ve cleared every character in the cast list, other than the mysterious M__ N____i(___).

While this is not my opinion, I think David currently sees Hu as a “pointless” “idiot”; another person in the long line of manipulable people that he was destined to control. He literally calls her a “fucking idiot” at 18:30 of Chapter 2 Episode 11. It’s also possible that this is how Hu is feeling about herself right now– she says in that same episode that “If no one relies on [her], then [she] won’t be useful anymore.” Since she wasn’t able to prevent Nico from attempting murder or see through David’s lies, she could believe her existence here is pointless.

Kind of an L, but I think this makes sense.

Orchid

doubt; shout

…um.

So, in the assigned colors, the only people with purple-ish pink-ish colors are Charles and Whit, but they’ve already been assigned colors– purple and pink, no less. The next closest person to being purple is Levi, so I guess I’m giving this to him?

It’s not like “doubt” and “shout” are terrible for him. He definitely has moments of doubt when it comes to understanding Arei’s mind games, or when apologizing to Ace. Speaking of Ace, “shout” could refer to the moment in Trial 1 where Levi snapped and threatened to strangle Ace.

I also don’t know if it has any significance that these two words rhyme. Probably not, just because I don’t really see how this would point us to any character, but it’s something worth mentioning.

We’re almost at the end!

Periwinkle

world

Part of the reason why I disliked giving Levi the orchid quotes was because his color fits this periwinkle color much better, but I digress.

For starters, let me say that I’m pretty sure this is its own color, but it could be that my eyes are deceiving me from staring at this MV for too long, and this is actually part of purple. In that case, Charles is also my world, so we good. (The other color assignments are subjected to my opinions as well. I tried screenshotting everything and bringing it into Photoshop, but it was coming up with different hexcodes for colors that were clearly meant to be the same thing, so I gave up and went with subjectivity. If you think something is assigned wrong, let me know!)

As I just mentioned in the orchid section, there aren’t really any more pink or purple characters left in the cast, which leaves us with a problem. Based on the answers I landed on for all of the other colors, I found myself left with Min, Eden, Arturo, Rose, and Veronika. I sort of associate Min and Rose with purple based on the colors of their outfits, but officially, they’re both sort of brownish.

That’s why… I actually think this might be a character we haven’t met yet. Namely, Diana Chiem (should she actually exist), the woman in the video/the hand holding the acceptance letter, the class’ teacher that Min mentions, or M__ N____i(___). Or, some combination of these people, should any of them actually be depicting the same person.

Periwinkle is the last color to appear, which could correlate to how this character will take a while to appear in the story. Their one and only quote being “world” matches how this person is currently in the outside world, not the killing game. They could also be a connection David has to the outside world.

I’m aware this is even more of a copout than calling Mai red, but I honestly believe in this more than any of the other students.

And with that, we’re finally done! I’m always a sucker for matching things to other things, so this was a lot of fun. I might have more to say on this MV in the future, or I might not, but either way, it’s been an honor to piece this thing together with you guys.

[thehouseofjohndeaf]

Alcoholism, Acceptance, and Racism

The concepts of “live and let live” and overall acceptance are becoming painful.  Continually trying to remain humble without taking others’ inventory is growing increasingly more difficult.  We live in a world where we can all find our own corners of the internet to be spoon fed the things we already believe or partial information to confirm our biases.  The longer we hide out in those corners, the deeper it takes root.  We start to speak to other people as if our biases are the neutral option, and self awareness goes out the window.  This isn’t new, but it’s much more apparent in the age of social media.

I take a lot of my suggestions for social interaction from AA, and there’s a chapter: “Acceptance Was the Answer”.  I revisit this chapter often, and still play a “yeah, but” game with the suggestions offered.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”

I then grapple with this sentiment.  It sounds so sensible and rational, but I question its efficacy.  The Third Edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous (most often referred to as The Big Book) was released in 1976, offering this story originally titled "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict” by Dr. Paul O.  The same year this story was printed, on April 5, 1976, during the Boston busing desegregation protests the famous photo “The Soiling of Old Glory” was taken.  The black man who was attacked, Ted Landsmark, is now 74 years old.

So the questions rise, where do arguments for racial injustice fall in terms of acceptance?  At what point is pacifism no longer a strategy?  We aren’t talking about solving racial injustice right here and now, humility is still important, but what about racism that comes to your door, lives under your roof, speaks to you over breakfast or a workplace meeting?  When it’s harbored behind the eyes of someone you love and respect?

The answer in a vacuum seems simple enough: lead with love, accept them as they are, and try to ease them towards a better way.  Dr. Paul O. writes in his personal story:

“‘The courage to change’ in the Serenity Prayer meant not that I should change my marriage, but rather that I should change myself and learn to accept my spouse as she was. A.A. has given me a new pair of glasses. I can again focus on my wife’s good qualities and watch them grow and grow and grow[...]  I tried to think of her as a sick Al-Anon and treat her with the love I would give a sick A.A. newcomer. When I do this, we get along fine.” 

Interchange “spouse” and “wife” for any loved one, and this is the general repeated suggestion I have received from most AA members and counselors I’ve spoken to regarding this subject.

But then I recall that the Civil Rights Movement was not wholly built on pacifism as many who misquote Martin Luther King Jr. out of context will tell us.  Rather the oppressed have been fighting for equality for 400 years, and not without backlash and propaganda.  I remember that Dr. Paul O. was a white man writing from a place of white privilege.  I remember that AA was 89% white according to the 2014 Membership Survey, AA continues to be segregated throughout the US, and the struggles of alcoholism and addiction for white Americans pales in comparison to the struggle of minority groups.  We look at black Americans and poverty levels in comparison to drug/alcohol use and prison sentences.  We find that while the drink may have taken white alcoholics away from their families, in most cases the state didn’t.

So that’s the balancing board for those in AA who care about justice and a better future, for those who are working to move past selfish thinking and work on improving their community beyond their own sobriety.  The majority of AA are Christians and have a way of “Giving it up to God”, taking away their personal responsibility and boiling the world’s troubles down to a sentiment more like, “It is was it is”.

I don’t fool myself into thinking my voice is very important or that anyone even much cares for what I have to say, I’m not so disillusioned that I believe I can solve national issues, but when racism and bigotry comes home it’s difficult to just accept a person as they are.  Dr. Paul O. writes, “Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.”  If this world is purposefully crafted to harbor such deep hatred, violence, and death, it doesn’t feel very much like this world is loved by any sort of creator.  If anything it feels as though this world is inconsequential to a god.  So that sentiment, to lead with love and accept people just as they are, because there’s a bigger plan?  I just don’t buy it.  

We hold our fate in our own hands, we make our own choices.  I was held accountable, I had to own my mistakes and completely change my way of thinking to recover from my personal insanity.  I realize it’s too high of an expectation, but it doesn’t make it any less existent, that I expect those who harbor racism and bigotry in my life to recover if they expect me to remain a part of their life.  I had to distance myself from active alcoholics, and I can only stomach the drunkenness of others to a certain degree, too much exposure to that behavior is harmful to my recovery.  Just as too much exposure to racism, bigotry, and hate is harmful to my peace and serenity.  Losing my serenity is the first step on a path to losing my recovery, making bigotry a potential threat.  Sometimes I hang on to my serenity by keeping quiet, but often I find myself attempting to speak truth to ignorance in situations when it doesn’t matter whether I’m silent or not, because my serenity has already been dismantled by the hateful voices of people I love.

So we talk it out or we don’t.  At this point I find I’ll need to take an Al-Anon Twelve Step approach to living with racists in my life.  It wouldn’t even change the wording too much, because both addiction and racism are, to a certain extent, behavioral and learned.  Both are choices we make, at one point or another, which eat away are our understanding of reality and destroys our social connection to others.

We admitted we were powerless over the bigotry and hate of others.

Came to believe and to accept that we needed strengths beyond our awareness and resources to restore us to peace.

Made a decision to entrust our will and our lives to the care of the collective wisdom and resources of those who have searched before us.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to ourselves without reservation and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were ready to accept help in letting go of all our racial biases and prejudices.

With humility and openness sought to eliminate our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Sought through meditation and research to improve our spiritual awareness and our understanding of oppression.

Having had an awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

If we practice these principles to love the people in our lives who continue to say hateful things and support a racist agenda, often unknowingly like an alcoholic or addict in denial, we can also adapt the other principles of Al-Anon.

Stop enabling.  Racists can’t learn from their mistakes if they are overprotected.

Stop adapting.  You don’t need to laugh at racist jokes.  You don’t need to engage in discussions with racist undertones.  You don’t need to remain present and pleasant when racist remarks are being made.

Detach with love.  Care enough about others to allow them to make their own mistakes.  Be responsible for yourself and your own welfare, making decisions without ulterior motives or the desire to change others.