#the conversation was hard to confront
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the only thing that brings me more joy than emmrich being SO endearingly peevishly unimpressed with ingellvar pulling watcher 101 platitudes on him as a 'get out of emotional vulnerability free' card is rook's utter cheerful lack of repentance or pretence about doing it
#ask a deep personal question get a deflective answer I'm not quite sure what you expected here; the rye ingellvar story#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#emmrich volkarin#rook's ability to say 'lmao no. mortifying ordeal of being known not on the schedule today I'm afraid' in the friendliest#and most interpersonally slippery manner possible... legendary. they tell people 'piss off (no offense)' in such a plethora#of unapologetic yet also weirdly hard to spot and non-confrontational ways.#sort of a 'sorry about that no hard feelings you didn't do anything there's just something deeply wrong with me' energy lol#save me rye rye save me etc. I just need my brain to. not today. I need to. not. so fill it up with gazing upon blorbo#also I have so many feelings/thoughts about the running theme of mourn watchers seemingly having a culture#of quoting pieces they clearly expect to be familiar to both parties as a way of making their points#and creating connection. rook and myrna in the first conversation if you say the necropolis is still their home.#emmrich will slip into poetry sometimes to elaborate on/emphasize something he's expressing in normal conversation#rook does this thing and clearly holds on to the language of the rituals even if you make them more pragmatic#about the role of watcher in general. it's just very extremely cool that these guys have a clear in-universe literary identity#and tradition haha
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Whatever happens with Eddie going to El Paso (or not) I desperately need it to be about Eddie (and Chris). We know Buck is going to have Big Feelings, as he always does (and I do want him to), but for the first time in many seasons, can Eddie's arc actually be about him? And not be taken over by Buck and his feelings and issues? It's not a lot to ask.
#eddie has way too much to do for the show to make it about buck as it sounds like tim is going to do#confront the reality of his relationship with shannon and finally put her to rest#stand up to his his awful parents and make hard boundaries for them#have meaningful conversations with chris and rebuild their relationship#realize he's allowed to be happy and a priority while still being a wonderful father#i'm so tired and have no faith left but i'm too attached to eddie to move on (for now)#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#helena diaz#ramon diaz#evan buckley#not putting an anti tag because it's not anti buck it's anti poor writing and character favoritism#911#911 on abc
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hohoho i am writing a remus & sirius confrontation that is ending up a little too mean and it’s verging on the edge of not fitting into FoD but by god, is it satisfying 😈😈😈
“Oh, stop pretending, Remus.” There’s a part of Sirius, not insignificant, that tells him to shut the fuck up. To bite back the words as he’d always done. They don’t expect it of him but he is perfectly capable of maintaining a civil tongue when needed. He just doesn’t want to, today. “You’ve always resented us, haven’t you?”
“Padfoot, do you even hear yourself—?” Remus’ amber eyes are bright, almost feverish, and Sirius knew that all he had to do was push.
So he did.
- brought to u by ‘i’ve been thinking about remus and i also recently read a fic that blindsided me w commentary on james’ and sirius’ social positions intimidating remus into compliance as an excuse for his cowardice and general temperament and got incredibly annoyed at how he is, yet again, victimised so i shall now endeavour to turn that idea around on its head using the ‘ol ‘u cannot help someone who does not want to be helped’ adage so help me god’
#u only need one guess to know who is mean#which i have promptly negated by adding that little snippet lol#there’s two distinct threads to this scene#i don’t think the two of them fit#so i’ll have to choose one and put the other in the graveyard doc#but honestly? even the first one has devolved into a ramble#that is now taking away from the power of its dialogue i envisioned#but james really needed some screen time from beyond the grave? so we have sirius slipping into musings ab hogwarts and his family#i rly like that tangent too tho#but there is a very specific grievance that i need sirius to air w remus#it’s not the usual how could u believe i killed them or even how did u think i betrayed james or why didn’t u check on harry#all of that shows that sirius still *cares* about remus and his opinion#i’m playing w the idea of him just. not. giving a shit. he’s more interested in forcing remus to confront some hard truths ab himself#hmmmm now that i’m thinking out loud. that makes sense#and would fit almost perfectly after the remus & harry conversation i’d put in the outline#huh#there really is something to this talking out loud method huh#truly a brainstorm#if you’ve read this far#my salute and thanks to u 🫡#pen’s writing
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the epic highs and lows of rereading your own writing to seek out parts you disliked and analyze Why you disliked them to do better in the future
#personal stuff#delete later#just finished rereading fragments [shaky thumbs up]#been struggling with writing so what is there to do but reread my own stuff to learn from my mistakes 👍#man you can REALLY tell where i started getting crunched for time by a self-imposed deadline. like the quality is staggering#i could have stopped this fic at april and been content with it fr...#like if i had shuffled around some stuff in the later chapters to appear a little earlier. and actually had april be the resolution#might've gone a bit better. but alas.#anyway. the second half of the fic is rough for sure. but the early chapters. those kick ass. genuinely.#august is a good introduction!! i like the setup!!#and though i STILL clutch my head in my hands wrt september. the themes of the conversation at the end came off well#november i love you november. captures the feeling of anxiety Really well. still makes me cry whenever i reread it To This Day#the argument in december actually kinda goes hard?? i am always so shy abt writing confrontation bc it feels Bad but man it kinda kicked as#and february mwah mwah mwah. loove the atmosphere with that one. it's a little dramatic but ough. the vibes are off the charts#turns out. the bad parts of these earlier chapters were a lot smaller than i thought#and by ignoring the urge to cringe and instead looking my work in the face. i can learn from my mistakes. crazy#most of the later chapters though. don't look at me i was struggling.#trying to come up w ideas and arrange them around important dates was a fun concept but the novelty wore off#as i was like ughh but thematically this scene would work better here before this chapter...#i had suuuch a strong vision for april but i kinda stumbled with the execution as pointed out by one commenter#and that kinda put me off the chapter as a whole on rereads even after editing it. like whyyyy did i write it like that. head in hands#and it does not fit all that well after march. i think i relied a little too heavily on the timeskips for drama in both chapters#june was fine i guess but don't get me started on july. july was ass i had no idea what i was doing.#i think i wrapped up that chapter really well for what i had to work with but like. man#i don't even like Reading stuff like that why'd i write it.#what writing a chapter for the sake of posting it rather than for the sake of finishing up a fic does to you 😔#anyway yeah. i had a lot of fun rereading it but. mostly in the first half. i could stop reading at february and be content with that.#i think i took psychic damage from reading the later chapters. not bc they were bad but bc like. i remembered not having as much fun w them#and feeling stressed and crunched for time like they were a homework assignment that was due instead of a fun hobby for me#crazy. not doing that this time.
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my timephoon hot take is that the episode was literally fine, it's the episodes that came AFTER it that fucked things up
#the final confrontation where louie and della say that shit to eachother? peak televesion#the next episodes shouldve. yk. resolved that#but by having the premise be “the entire family is goign to disneyland and leaving louie behind” uh...?#i get what they were going for but they fumbled so hard#timephoon introduces a lot of conflicts that the next episodes SHOULD have resolved#but they didn't. at least not well#like della and louie should've had a proper conversation#and also i dont think della was wrong for steppin in at the end of timephoon like that was warranted#her wording and execution? far from perfect#but she's trying#also. timphoon was fine yes but it could have been way better still#i would have preffered it if they went more in depth about the struggles of motherhood and how beakley and della both felt about it#give me beakley being vulnerable and opening up about how hard its been raising webby alone and how she GETS it#she gets not knowing what to do#she was a spy#she has no idea how to be soft and motherly but she's learned and she's trying and she did it alone#and she doesn't want della to be as alone as she was so she tries to help#but she's a certified grizzled ex spy so fuck if she knows how to be gentle about it#so it just makes della MORE insecur because beakley seems to have it all together#and i wish there was a scene where they could talk to eachother and beakley could admit that she doesn't#she's made mistakes she's fucked up but she's trying and aren't they all?#but yeah. for what timephoon was#it wasn't bad#but the following episodes fumbled#i forget if it was in timephoon or next erpisode were we got della telling louie to shape up or he couldn't be part of the family#like again that was BAD! BUT#it wuld have worked if the show adressed and had her learn from it#and showed that it wasnt out of malice its because she was doing her best!#but they didn't#they were...weird with it
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I need a super direct dude. It’s probably why the thought of dating a cis guy seems so appealing. As a trans person myself I feel very familiar with the weird complex we have around communicating things (due to many reasons, be it trauma, insecurity, or just general anxiety/inexperience) and it’s smth that broke down both my past T4T relationships.
I need a dude who’s caring, hot, and not afraid to just fucking SAY how they’re feeling even if it’s smth difficult. LIKE IF U ARE FEELING A CERTAIN WAY OR ARE BOTHERED SMTH SPECIFIC JUST FUCKING SAY SOOOO
I recognize it’s a challenge but I’m kinda at the end of my rope. I can’t date a bitch who acts passive or vague anymore lord have mercy. If you can’t work shit out it’ll lead into a long term discomfort which will cause frustration which will inevitably compound into resentment and bitterness. I CANT do that again.
#wolvenwhispers#t4t#mlm yearning#thoughts#mlm#transmasc#achillean#vent#yearning#for anyone reading this who’s prone to that#NO you’re not preventing confrontation or acting cool and mysterious#learning to start hard conversations IS a big challenge ik#but it’s a wall in everyone’s life YOU NEED TO BREAK DOWN#OR YOU WILL GET LEFT BEHIND#I can read bitches so easily which is good and bad#it’s left me so little options cause I’m so awake to peoples red flags now#the blessings and curses of hyper vigilance
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I finished my mp100 rewatch… your life really IS your own
#of course I cried like a baby#not to be dramatic on main but I had a reallly hard year and a lot of it was taken up with some pretty serious emotional growth#learning to grapple with my own emotions and address parts of me I didn’t want to address head on#I watched mp100 for the first time a little over a year ago#which happened to be about a month before I started having the regular depressive episodes I’ve been having the past year#I guess what I’m saying is it’s really important to me to have the themes of this story be something I could carry with me the entire time#and they hit a lot harder on rewatch#I had two experiences this year where I had to hardcore confront ways I’ve been lying to myself and others in my life#I won’t say they’re solved or that they’re not things I struggle with anymore#and I’m still not fantastic about sharing my emotions#but the final conversation between Reigen and Mob hit really really hard this time around#I feel very lucky to have seen this show when I did
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:(
#be an author#have a vision for a nonlinear path to recovery#have a vision for a fun tense confrontation#worry extremely hard that nonlinear paths to recovery wear thin in stories where stories are supposed to you know#have growth and resolution#worry a lot that delving deeper is going to feel repetitive and same same and circular#worry a lot that this is the same conversation they've had before#fuck it it's fanfiction so what#fuck it my friend likes it#commenter: i wish they'd get their heads out from up their asses#commenter: i'm tired of them going in circles#commenter: i'm tired of them having the same conversation#:((((((((((((((((((((#personal#tbh i trust my readers more than anyone else#they're the ones who are actually most recently caught up#they see the whole story much more clearly and hold more of it in the forefront of their minds#they're probably right#i feel so wrung out#some people take serial/updating fanfics one chapter at a time and just enjoy the update#some people take it as a cohesive story from start to finish and expect a smooth narrative#i feel like sand slipping through my fingers#:(
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It's my birthday and to come into the ripe back-aching age of 28 I just binged watch two Quentin Tarantino films. Just wanted to say that if he could do the movies he does, you can certainly publish that fanfic no matter how badly you think you've written it
#im not saying he's bad#i like some of the dialogue and the things he gets his characters into#i love that he used brad pitt's stardom for inglorious basterds and have the man basically just be a passenger than a frontliner#i also like how he uses violence as both a shock factor and character development than just the former#i just get the vibes that this man sits by his desk propping dolls to reenact the mundane chitchat in pulp fiction#like he writes characters like a fanfic writer#that foot massage conversation?#oh man this dude definitely raised both hands trying to imitate two people conversing and how it would build up to the confrontation w bret#also not NOT condoning his language#but given context to pre 9/11 and just how the 90s were and what type of sickly happy movies were#i get it#also i didn't mean to watch it but my friend wanted to watch it and i am trying so hard not to be lonely and be happy on my birthday for#once and him making time for me absolutely makes the experience more positive than just watching it alone
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criminal minds/call of duty crossover where a serial killer is targeting sets of brothers. the bau think it’s ghost after finding out he’s on leave and looking into him and finding out about his abusive childhood. they think being military, getting held by the cartel and his family’s murder made him snap and he’s trying to recreate a perfect childhood with perfect brothers but they’re never perfect enough
he’s arrested when he can’t provide an alibi for the nights of the murders. the interrogation is rough, even with his resistance training. he can’t fight back, he can’t wait out the clock until price rescues him bc it’s not ghost being interrogated, it’s simon. getting his family and childhood thrown in his face, being questioned about his time with the cartel, forced to remember everything he went through and the entire time he can’t hide behind his mask bc they took it the second they brought him in
he’s being moved from interrogation to a cell when soap bursts in, screaming and swearing at them, how dare they think ghost would ever hurt those boys, after everything he’s survived, all the people he’s saved, do they really think he would ever do something like that, what the fuck is wrong with them!!
he sees how rough ghost looks, sees they took his mask and is two seconds from throwing hands with morgan. ghost’s just been quietly saying his name as he rants, trying to get through to him before he gets himself arrested too until he finally barks, “sergeant mactavish!” and soap instinctively freezes and falls to attention. he tries to make him leave but soap tells the team that ghost was with him on the nights the boys were killed and he had security footage of him coming and leaving his apartment, as well as pictures from throughout the night
the team don’t believe him, asking why ghost would lie to them, he could be charged with murder if it went far enough, why hide his alibi? he stays quiet until soap finally says, “he was protecting me. it doesn’t look to good to be gay in the military. or to seduce your superior officer.”
“you didn’t seduce shit, johnny,” ghost argues back and the team realises they were trying to dodge a dishonourable discharge not hide a murder habit and releases him. they end up stealth helping them solve the case bc even if he didn’t do it, seeing all of these boys, these brothers getting killed was getting to ghost in a bad way
#the extra pictures are absolutely from soap blowing ghosts back out#outside perspectives are one of my favourite things in the world#the interrogation specifically is making me lose my mind the conversation theyd have about how to go about it?#should hotch play to his obvious daddy issues and come at him heavy and aggressive? should rossi do the same but with a sympathetic approac#or go the other way a military man probably with mummy issues too so send in emily or jj and see if hes misogynistic#they think hes killing boys should reid go in and ramp up his age and vulnerability?#ghost would see through them all with his training but each approach would tear at him in different ways#that they think they can get to him by treating him like something damaged or playing to his supposed prejudices#rossi acting anything like price would fuck him up something fierce#ghost is the king of repression and being confronted with all of this? hed be losing it#and the way he protects his sergeants (roach is alive bc i said so) as if theyre his little brothers? how he goes hard on the recruits to#make sure they live?#to be told they expect him to be killing these kids? it breaks him down a bit#it stabs at a part of himself that calls him a monster and unworthy of love and affection#his fathers son#and soaps just furious that anyone could ever think ghost is capable of something like that#that they dug up his trauma and saw a man to condemn instead of a boy to be saved#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#criminal minds#spencer reid#call of duty#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost mw2#save post
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a list of things I know exist but that my brain still cannot comprehend:
foldable smartphones/touch screens
adults that were born after 2000
#my brain will probably implode if i am ever confronted with either of these irl#sorry to all the post-2000er adults for the blank stare you’ll get from me when you mention your birth year#it’s not your fault. my brain just needs a hard reset#also foldable touchscreen are witchcraft. i said what i said#prompted by a conversation i had at work#is that how i know i am getting “old”??#murmel rambles
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Reblogs talking about focal seizures is such a mood
soulja boy wrote kiss me thru the phone at 18 . what have u done
#since we are talking about focal seizures#one time i had one whilst eating with a group of friends at a restaurant#in which i imagined an entire dinner wirh conversation so when the waitress came to acrually take the order#and started taking orders#i was like “oh sorry my friend already got that” and had to have an akward confrontation with my friends#in which i DID NOT believe we did not already have dinner and the crisis of realizing i did not have a full stomach#idk how i biffed it that hard that time usually i just hallucinate short memories or noises
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totk is flawed for sure but I love a lot of what it does and is and sometimes the people they love to bring it up and talk about it like everyone agrees it sucks and I don’t I don’t agree it sucks. ☹️
#dragon words#could it have been better structured or set-up? sure. but the light dragon stuff is like why we make video games to me#and I can’t be convinced otherwise sorry#also sorry for LOL vagueing conversations from one of 50 billion discord servers I lurk in I’m not confrontational enough for my own good#I’d like to get better at it but I don’t think today’s that day#I’m just sensative to people hating what I like 😞 I want to get better at that too but it’s hard. and I’m squishy
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I've never known peace in a relationship before and it's so tranquil
#im able to talk to my gf about things without worrying about her spiralling at the slightest moment of tension#we actually talk and confront each other and learn together#i mean we kinda have to we've been friends since 2013#but its just#its so nice to approach hard topics together#theres no ''no one wants me happy everyone wants me to die'' in hard conversations#i no longer have to avoid saying something made me uncomfortable for the sake of sparing feelings or preventing a spiral cos thats just so#emotionally draining#we talk like adults#we sit and converse and get across each others point of view#im a recovering people pleaser from a childhood/teenage-hood of abuse and I finally feel at peace#my past love; our love burned intensely like stars#it was only a matter of time til we fizzled#but now?#my gf is like a misty woodland after a night of rain with the smell of damp moss and wet bark and the morning sun still rising#the air is crisp and the woodland is still silent#peaceful#sorry for rambling#its nice to vent on my own blog again#vent
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Why Most People Don’t Really Want Honesty
Everyone says they want honesty—until they get it. It sounds good in theory, like something we should all strive for. Be real. Be honest. Be transparent. But in practice? Honesty makes people uncomfortable. Because the truth, more often than not, isn’t what people want to hear. They want comfort dressed up as truth. They want their decisions validated, not questioned. Their ego stroked, not…
#Authenticity#being real#Boundaries#Communication#confrontation#courage#emotional honesty#Emotional intelligence#emotional maturity#growth mindset#hard truths#honest communication#honest living#honesty#honesty in relationships#inner truth#Personal Growth#personal integrity#raw truth#real connection#Real Talk#Relationships#self-accountability#Self-awareness#Self-Reflection#self-respect#speaking up#truth#truth-telling#uncomfortable conversations
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making v & jinx siblings was such a good call on our part actually.... oh boy is their relationship complicated
#and i love that about them#Jinx was also one of - if not the first to recognise V's psychopathic tendancies/symptoms (and learned the hard way that he refuses to#acknowledge those and will do whatever it takes to take that topic out of the conversation. confrontation hater king (/j on that last part)#but theres also a lot of jealousy on Jinx's side due to xyz lore reasons.... and they misrespresent that as anger often#auggrgffhfhhfhf i have so many thoughts abohg them!!! but i cant find thr words!!! to explain those thoughts!!!!!
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