#the conversation was actually started for bootheng a;lskfj

[followerofmercy]

Talking with @hydrachea and her and Rinn's take on Hanahaki disease to flavor it more towards emotional constipation and confession than the normal version that is deeply horrifying to me in a way that is probably not intentional (go look at the post here I love it) - and started thinking about Dan Heng specifically.

Wondering if he's hesitant to form romantic relationships after what happened with Dan Feng and Yingxing, and to a lesser extent any kind of deep love after what happened with Baiheng. Love drove literally all of them to tragedy.

Dan Heng spent so much of his early life running that he didn't have time to form those deep connections. He had no way to understand how someone could do something so stupid, ruin that life and his next, betray his culture, all for... a friend dying? People die all the time. It's sad, of course, but not reason to do something with such horrifying consequences on the chance it might work.

But I wonder if, after a few months on the Express, Dan Heng starts to get comfortable. He leaves his spear in his room while he reads on the couch and he's sitting there watching Stelle and March wrestle and Himeko drink her godawful coffee and Welt dad snore in the armchair and suddenly it hits him. He would do anything for these people. He couldn't bear any of their deaths, not too soon or sudden. This is The Defining Moment where he actually forgives Dan Feng because he can finally relate, and I think that would contribute to the bittersweetness. Just feeling a little bad about being so hard on his past self for one of his best qualities and the acceptance that this is who he is- who they are. Love is worth anything.