#the continuation of Monty's Terrible Horrible Very Bad Day

[montymcallister]

( 5 ) New Messages

W117 Main Street, Renter’s Row, Downtown Edgewood July 14, 2019, 2:28am

Monty had Known it would be a tequila kind of day long before it had actually become a tequila kind of day. He’d woken up with the certainty settled solidly in his gut the way feelings sometimes took root after a dream. What he hadn’t expected--perhaps hadn’t remembered from the Dream--was that it would be a tequila kind of day because of the absolute shitshow that had rapidly unfolded at what was supposed to be a simple family meal.

His siblings had wanted him to get to know their kids, and his parents had said--indirectly, through Donnie--that they had something they wanted to discuss with him. So they’d tried for something more relaxed than their usual weekly family dinner. Likely because he had never shown up for another, after the Ambush Dinner.

And then it had all gone to hell when Clarissa and Elias hadn’t been able to resist the temptation of trying for a deeper reading.

So. Tequila. Cheap, brand-new-bottle tequila he knew he could kill any built-up alcohol tolerance he had with. It wouldn’t be enough to actually fix anything, but it would hopefully be enough to satisfy the ache in his chest that had refused to fade since The Fuck-Up.

Of course, the closer he got to being completely smashed, the more actually going through all the messages and calls he’d ignored since leaving his parents’ house earlier that day sounded like a reasonable idea.

How much worse could his day get?

With that thought in mind, he boosted himself up to sit beside the bottle of tequila on the kitchen counter, then settled back to dive in, a glass of tequila in one hand, his phone in the other.

From: Clarissa 1:48 PM   Monty come back 1:50 PM   We didn’t mean to upset you 1:56 PM   Please call me back                  We’re worried 2:10 PM   At least tell us you’re not still driving 2:14 PM   Monty 2:21 PM   Fine.                 Call Mom when you’re feeling better

Funny, how not once in her whole series of texts had she even attempted to apologize.

Monty threw the tumbler in the direction of the sink, barely flinching as the glass shattered on impact with the sink’s interior. He braced one hand against the lip of the counter as he shifted into a more comfortable sitting position, his other hand bringing the tequila bottle to his lips.

Funny, how she claimed to be a family-oriented person, with all the shit she pulled.

Funny, that what she never saw what she did as a psychic to be in conflict with her oath as a doctor. Do no harm his ass.

From: Elias 1:49 PM   We’re really worried about you 1:58 PM   At least call someone back

Figures, for the guy most likely to have known what state Monty had left in to have been the most obtuse to what he’d done. Two measly texts in the span of an hour.

From: Actually Satan 1:52 PM   Ur freaking mom n dad out

The insults and strong strong language of the next texts from Nate nearly had him hurling his phone across the room.

Asshole. Motherfucking-

No. No. He was not letting Nate get to him. No

From: Bastard 2:03 PM   This is childish, even for you. 

Fucker.

If he hadn’t been planning on finishing the tequila at some point, the bottle would have found itself following in the tumbler’s wake.

Fucker.

He hurled a metal water bottle--swiped from the counter he was sitting on--across the room to spare the tequila from his flash of fury. It clanged loudly against the cabinets across the way, but did little to actually soothe his flaring temper.

God, did he even want to know what his parents might have had to say about the afternoon?

From: Dad 2:02 PM   Answer your phone. 2:11 PM   Chester 

From: Mom 1:54 PM   We need to know you’re okay. 1:56 PM   Come back home.

He didn’t even want to unpack whatever it was that left his stomach churning unpleasantly after reading the few brief texts from his parents. Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. When had they ever gone out of their way to express more than a passing concern for him, unless he failed to meet their standards?

Monty exhaled heavily.

Would it even be worth listening to the voicemails? If he knew what was good for him, he wouldn’t even look at who’d called. He’d just delete them all and be done with it. Right?

How masochistic was it to just let all the new voicemails play without looking at the display? He pondered the thought even as he did just that, lightly tossing his phone across the gap between the counters so it landed out of reach.

At least if there was something terrible, his phone wouldn’t suffer the immediate consequences.

One missed call: 1:51 PM From: Clarissa One new voicemail: “Monty, please come back to the house. You shouldn’t be driving right now. We can fix this. Mom and Dad can fix it, if you want. Just call me back, okay?”

One missed call: 1:54 PM From: Clarissa One new voicemail: “Monty. Call me back.”

One missed call: 1:55 PM From: Elias One new voicemail: “Monty, it’s Elias. You’re scaring everyone. We need you to come home.”

One missed call: 4:48 PM From: Ali One new voicemail: “Hey, it’s me. You don’t have to call me back or anything. I know the others have probably been on your case for a while, now. I just want you to know I love you. So. I love you. Be safe.”

He sighed and tipped his head back to rest against the cabinets behind him. 

He’d have to call her in the morning, let her know he’d made it home safely. He didn’t like the idea of her worrying for so long, but given how late it was, she was probably asleep, by this point. It was for the best, anyway. He didn’t want her exposed to him drunk and bitter, anyway.

One missed call: 1:30 AM One new voicemail: “Hey, you.” --

He stilled, the bottle halfway to his lips. Monica.

The ache he’d been carrying in his chest--feelings he had been trying not to examine too closely, beyond determining that they made his throat feel tight, and that the worst of them seemed to be attached to memories Clarissa had dug up--twisted. Some desperate, gaping expanse of loneliness soured the taste of tequila that still lingered on his tongue.

Suddenly the decision to spend the night alone had been a horrible oversight.

-- “I didn’t think you had work today, but I’unno, maybe you do. I know it’s not late enough for you to have gone to bed. Anyway, I sent you some pictures from this morning. The surf wasn’t the best when I went, but the sunrise was gorgeous.” --

Fuck, he missed her. 

-- “My parents were asking about you again. If you’re not careful, I’m just gonna give them your number, and you can deal with them yourself. My mom keeps asking if you’re eating enough, you know. If she had it her way, she’d probably be sending you meals. Miggy’s back for the summer, too. I could probably talk him into bringing some of her cooking out to you. He’s been dying to meet Ali, you know. I sent him that demo of hers that you passed along to me, and he literally will not shut up about how in love with her music he is.” --

He should tell that to Ali when he called her. Maybe that would be enough to distract her from worrying so much about him.

-- “Okay, I’m not sure if you’re machine’s gonna kick me if I keep going like this, so I’ll wrap this up. But you better call me back when you get around to listening to this. I miss your stupid ass. Night, Monty.”

His phone idled after Monica’s message had ended, eventually disconnecting from his voicemail and falling dark when he failed to reach for it.

The shuddering exhale that left him seemed loud in the stifling silence that followed. When he reached up to rub at his face, his hand came away wet, and he tasted salt when he wet his lips.

He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying.

After a long moment--marked by a quiet filled only by a few faint hitches in his breathing, and the slow drip, drip of the kitchen sink’s leaky faucet--he left the tequila on the countertop and eased himself back down to his feet.

He was still slated for the dinner shift at the Lake House. And he had to call Ali in the morning. Maybe Monica, too. He definitely had to call them both at some point before the end of tomorrow. The end of today? He didn’t even know, anymore. Fuck, he was tired.

With another heavy sigh, he shuffled off in the direction of the couch, leaving his phone where it sat.

He’d deal with everything when he woke up. He just needed to sleep.

[edgewoodrp]

A recap of character experiences from March 1st through September 30th, 2019.

Enjoy!

Audrey Mitchell

Went door to door searching for leads on the matter of Emilia Zimmerman’s mysterious disappearance.

Teased with an incomplete tale of misadventures featuring drink vouchers and drag queens.

Became a roadside savior to a car broken down on the back roads between Ashland and Edgewood.

Drank more caffeine than any one person reasonably should, no doubt

Met up with Russell Hemlock to freshen up his trivia skills before another game night at their usual haunt.

Had the worst Friday ever and, after letting some thoughts about her empty house get under her skin, talked herself into adopting a puppy.

Beatrice Larson

Beatrice had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. After a horrible morning, she got knocked into and spilt her coffee all over herself. David was nice enough to give her a spare shirt and a place to decompress

Beatrice was shocked by a bench after Claudia bumped into her on the street on Friday the 13th. She has no idea how or why the bench shocked her, it shouldn’t have happened like that.

Watched Audrey get shocked by a street lamp pole before the other woman knocked into her, spilling coffee.

Caterina Singh

After finally being awarded her promotion as a journalist (to write the gossip column under a penname), Cat went out celebrating and reconnected with some townies.

During a break at the summer festival, she explored the twisty fun-house with Tristan Kong and strange, unexplainable things happened.

For Valerie Bianchi’s birthday, Caterina hosted a small slumber party.

On an off day, she was reminded of some unfortunate events and had a small break down in front of Ronan North.

During Ashland Street Days, she helped some people find eclectic items after touring the booths several times and finding many oddities (seriously, who proudly displays a bedazzled cattle skull?!)

Charlotte Kingsley

Reconnected with her sister Bridgette, Preston Hawthorne, Rosie Arceneaux, Maxine Beauchamp, Monty McAllister, and other old friends upon her arrival back in Edgewood.

Got into a car accident with Mateo Garcia during the freak whiteout.

Took pictures of the local college campuses for Karen Pierce and the PTA for a collegiate project they’re working on.

Had a tense re-introduction to Trevor during the HAGS Carnival.

Wandered into the North Star Lounge purely by chance on the night of Logan Cree’s surprise birthday party.

David Elmasri

David rescued Preston Hawthorn from public humiliation and struck up a close friendship with him.

He found Juliet Hawthorn after she let out a significant amount of blood and became suspicious of whatever was behind this.

He saw himself destroying Brewed Awakenings in anger during a vision and brought a gun into reality. He buried the gun at Pleasant Rest Cemetery before anyone else could see, although he was caught in the woods with a shovel by Simon Romero-Martin.

He has been suffering with the internal conflict of his new found ability, unsure how to keep it under control or whether it has any benefit at all that is work the risk of getting caught.

Frankie Holloway

Frankie has been watching out for other patrons at bars.

Xe ran into Monty McAllister at the grocery store and caught up with him. 

On September 13th, which fell on a Friday in 2019, Frankie was plagued by visions all day and had little control over xir other powers. Xir sense of sight also faded as the day went on. 

Heather Payne

Heather has been growing increasingly frustrated with her job at Hope Wellness Pharmacy and is hoping for a chance to leave.

She is taking Wu Shu Kung Fu lessons from Tristan Kong, and she meets up with her friend Claudia Rinaldi after their kickboxing lessons together. She continues to also train in potion making and magic. 

She met Raiden Dryad when she attacked him outside of his club. Their next few encounters weren’t quite as hostile and they even saved a man’s life together, but there is still some tension. 

Friday the 13th in September of 2019 came with some strong side effects, including Heather losing control of her powers and almost exposing magic and her experiencing some intense visions.

Maggie See

Caught up with Maxine while spending the night out and a guy wouldn’t mind his own business.

Met Tristan when he rescued her from a creeper at a bar and then helped her deal with a potential panic attack.

Baked Trevor a rather lopsided cake for his birthday.

Maggie worked at the PTA carnival at the bake sale booth and taking tickets for the fun house, which gave her a funny feeling.

Reconnected with Monty at the carnival

Worked the bake sale booth with Trevor, made fun of Karen.Simon came and gave Maggie a break from the fun house

Logan came and tried to sell her raffle tickets

Mateo came and talked to her at the fun house

Valerie tried to get her to buy things from the bake sale table

Waited on Heather when she came into the diner, misunderstood her questions about another patron as finding him attractive

Ran into Valerie while out candle shopping, the two ended up browsing for candles together

Ran into Preston at the library, they chatted for a while and he asked her about baking advice, Maggie was surprised because she’s not had the best track record in the past.

Maggie saw a ghost and could not get away from it in time, resulting in her having a panic attack and freaking out on those who tried to help her.

Met Juliet, who was asking her all sorts of questions about ghosts. It seemed like she had a loved one that she wanted to talk to again. Maggie was not here for that, she just wanted to have a panic attack in peace, thanks.

Maxine helped her back to The Underworld

Heather tried her best to fight the ghosts for Maggie

Monty, being somewhat of a pro, helped Maggie get to somewhere farther away from the ghosts and helped her through her panic attack

Tristan wanted to get Maggie to a doctor, which she refused. He stilled helped her get to somewhere safer

She totally freaked out on Logan when he doubted the existence of ghosts

Maggie went to pick up some items that she had ordered from Miss Rosie and Simon was working the counter. They noticed what she was buying and tried to offer Maggie a protection charm, but Maggie didn’t realize that it was probably a gift and refused because she didn’t have enough money to buy anything else but what she had come in for.

Maggie went to the Underworld to celebrate Maxine’s birthday. She decided to let loose and get drunk, since it’s a space that she feels safe, and she knew that Maxine wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her in the club. She also made her a somewhat lopsided birthday cake.

Maggie found an ugly cat in the dumpster at work and brought it home, much to the annoyance of Trevor.

Ran into Monty on their terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. She could tell that he wasn’t doing so hot but was refusing her help. But she also wasn’t feeling too hot so decided to take advantage of the fact that he wouldn’t turn her away when in need to keep an eye on him as well.

Maxine Beauchamp

Got some outsider opinions on what event Underworld Night Club should host next.

Due to an odd encounter in the woods, Maxine has now, semi-reluctantly, become a mentor to Phoenix Castillo.

Made a pact with Bridgette to go sober, because they both caught each other in compromising positions, but it didn’t last that long.

Conspired with Simon to change the terrible music at the carnival to something less abrasive.

Thanks to the input of others, Underworld hosted a amateur drag show for Edgewood’s Pride Week.

Her suspicions were raised after running into another potential vampire at her night club, so she is updating Ronan on their shared list of suspects.

And now she has celebrated her 33rd trip around the sun with some close (and not so close) friends.

Monty McAllister

Got turned around looking for a grocery store and ended up running into his childhood best friend, Trevor Wells.

At the HAGS Carnival, he split a funnel cake with a friend, then visited several others at the food booths. Later, he was spotted by his older sister, and consequentially made his return to Edgewood known to his family.

After a big falling out with his family, Monty had a little heart-to-heart with Ronan North in the park, and later struggled to deal with the aftermath of the disastrous familial encounter.

Met Karen Pierce while they were both fleeing his older sister in a crowded shopping mall.

During the events of Friday the 13th, he struggled to deal with an onslaught of visions throughout the day, the most notable of which featured Simon and a Change.

Phoenix Castillo

Phoenix has surprised many people on her adventures through the woods. She has made a new friend in Valerie Bianchi this way, but only thoroughly confused Tristan Kong.

She has started training her telepathy with Maxine. 

She met Juliet Hawthorne at the Mystery Shack and found out that she is a vampire turned by Phoenix’s Great Uncle Leon. Phoenix is still hesitant around vampires though after some intense encounters with Logan Cree.

She has became friends with Preston Hawthorne after discovering a shared love of dance at the local library.

Raiden Dryad

Raiden and Juliet shared whiskey and exchanged taunts.

Met Caterina at Ashland Street Days and briefly discussed odd finds at the stalls.

Potentially insulted psychic werewolf Ronan North at Ashland Street Days about his father’s flannel shirts, and continued attempting to rile the wolf up.

Ran into Tristan outside the Crossroads Club, who was involved in an argument on his phone.

Had a suspicious meeting with Claudia after she barged into his club and admitted she had unestablished business with one of Raiden’s employees.

Almost beheaded Valerie with a mobile phone and had an odd conversation with them with supernatural-related jibing. Is currently attempting to suss out who and what they are at the Grille.

Was jumped by a blade-wielding Heather and came to a reluctant truce with the witch.

Tried to help Juliet hunt down Hawthorne birth records whilst acquiring his own sustainable blood supply at the hospital.

Introduced himself to Logan at the other vampire’s birthday party.

Offered Monty some guidance in choosing a dinner wine for his family dinner.

With some assistance, Raiden helped save a stranger’s life from a car accident.

Ronan North

Tracked down Wesley Callaghan with the help of his bartender, Evangeline Priestly, after Wes skipped out on another tab.

Bit the bullet and put some of his father’s old clothes up for sale during Ashland Street Days. Parting with those flannels was sweet sorrow.

Ran with Harley Chapman on a full moon.

Experienced some unusual bad luck on Friday the 13th. He lost control of his Change and turned in broad daylight while responding to his pack beta’s SOS. His other senses diminished as he found the beta and broke up an altercation between them and Simon Romero-Martin.

Russell Hemlock

At Ashland Street Day’s car show, Russell accidentally spilled ice cream on one of the cars and recruited help from others, only to find out it was Ronan’s late father’s car. Whoops.

Simon Romero-Martín

Upset a townsperson or two -and their balance- chasing after a “lucky” snail.

Volunteered as a face painter at the Have A Great Summer Carnival and made a number of the patrons’ day something truly magical.

Assisted Preston Hawthorne in ridding himself of a spell-generated doppelgänger that overstayed its welcome.

Spent every full moon diligently keeping their transformations behind lock, key, and spell…

Was interviewed by the watcher.

Bribed Monty McAllister with coffee and breakfast to hike out into the woods and help her take care of her cats.

Was rescued from having to walk their flat-tired bike home by Raiden Dryad.

Ran out of luck with their usual transformation preparations on Friday the 13th and stirred up some trouble with members of the Ashland pack.

Xavier Bennett

Talked classic cars and what their favorite decades were with Juliet Hawthorne at Ashland Street Days.

Gave Phoenix Castillo the shirt off of his back to wrap her bleeding hand after witnessing her trip in the rain, had an uncomfortable conversation about his psychic abilities.

Had dinner with Harley Chapman, but this is a weekly occurrence as she is his neighbor and one of his closest friends in Edgewood.

Served drinks to patrons such as Mateo Garcia and Bridgette Kingsley  at Logan’s birthday party at the North Star Lounge.

Lamented about todays youth with David Elmasri at Brewed Awakenings when he went in for his morning coffee.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 2x13 Resurrection

This is one of my favorite episodes of season 2. It feels like the second part of a two-parter, continuing right where Rubicon left, and dealing with the fallout, both in the physical and emotional sense. The episode is very focused, and features just two storylines in two locations: the aftermath of the bombing of Tondc, and inside Mount Weather itself, where the Delinquents and Bellamy are continuing to fight and even finding new allies. Both storylines build up tension towards the apparently inevitable final showdown between the Grounder/Arker army and the Mount Weather leadership. But the storyline about the Delinquents is in Mount Weather is simpler, more straightforwardly heroic (as is Bellamy’s role in most of season 2), while the storyline centered around Clarke and the bombing of Tondc feels very dark and morally ambiguous. Some of the crucial quotes relevant to the themes of season 2 and the show as a whole are from this episode.

Rating: 10/10

The aftermath of the bombing of Tondc and the devastation are strongly portrayed, especially in the opening scene: Clarke seesa horse on fire and a woman holding her own arm that was ripped out, before collapsing. Clarke spends most of the episode obviously feeling horrible about what happened and about herself and her decisions (not even remotely the last time she’ll feel that way!) and trying to find a way to deal with her feelings of guilt and shame.

One of her early reactions, the easiest one, is anger at the Mountain Men and desire for revenge.  “I want the Mountain Men dead. All of them.” I can see what you’re doing show: Bellamy and Monty have also said similar things in anger– Monty after seeing the Harvest chamber in 2x06 (Maya: “Look, without the treatments, we die. What were we supposed to do?” Monty: “Die”), Bellamy in the cage, after being tortured, in 2x11 (“I’m gonna kill everyone in this mountain”) –these things were said in anger and not literally meant which now feels like foreshadowing to what they will actually end up doing in the season finale, out of the lack of options, and which they will be very unhappy about, to put it mildly.

But after that, she becomes determined to find and kill the sniper, who is killing the survivors and making it impossible for anyone to engage in rescue missions. All she can do is try to something good to make up for what she failed to do. Lexa is meanwhile following her around, observing her with her apparently cool demeanor, and telling her that everything will be fine when they fight and beat the Mountain Men, and telling Clarke to focus on the future instead of dwelling on guilt about past actions, which seems to be Lexa’s MO in general. She says platitudes like “Victory stands on the back of sacrifice” and tries to give Clarke more of her leadership lessons, but Clarke is at this point pretty fed up with them (I can relate) and tells her to shut up.

Meanwhile, Abby and Nyko (working together), Octavia and Lincoln are all trying to save at least some of the wounded people, while Kane is trapped under the rubble - one of the several “Kane in danger” plotlines in the show. Abby tries to help him, but gets trapped herself as well, resulting on one of the longest and deepest Kabby conversations, and brings those two even closer together. Abby tells Kane the truth about Clarke, which she finds shocking. But Kane points out that they didn’t exactly give her great examples growing up on the Ark, with all the terrible things they did. He mentions the culling – which obviously still haunts him – and executions of people for “crimes” like stealing food or medicine, and Abby agrees with him and mentions herself betraying her husband. It’s the first time she describes it as “killing the man you love”. Back in season 1, when they still hated each other, Kane was saying he would do anything for the humanity to survive, and Abby insisted that she cared that they “deserved to survive”. Their current views are much more similar:

Kane: “We all have to answer for our sins.”

Abby: “After everything we’ve done, do we even deserve to survive?”

Lincoln decides to kill the sniper, but gets caught by him, and Clarke finally gets to save Lincoln and kill the sniper, Whitman, making it possible for the rescue mission to proceed. This is a really good scene – when Whitman uses Lincoln as a human shield, and Lincoln tells Clarke to kill him if necessary just to take out Whitman, so she could save her people, Clarke replies “You are my people”, making a point that what someone’s “people” are is not determined by origin or tribalism. This episode has several great lines.

But when Lexa asks her “Did that make you feel better”, Clarke replies “No”. Whatever good thing you go on to do, it doesn’t wash out the bad thing you did – it will always remain and you cannot undo it.

Indra gets a bit of character development throughout the episode and becomes less prejudiced: she was constantly shunning Lincoln and calling him a Reaper, and apparently that was the treatment he was getting from a lot of Grounders, but at the of the episode, she recognizes his help and heroism and hugs him.

On the less interesting (for me, at least) side, there’s also a mini-arc about Octavia, who’s now Indra’s chief second, managing to gain respect from the other seconds, who were all Grounders and were first not very happy to take orders from her. Which is not surprising – why would they, when she joined them a few days ago, and their mentor already gives her a higher position than them! That has to be annoying. But, as usual, because this is The 100, Grounder characters give stupid reasons instead of reasonable ones, and it’s usually something about like hating Sky people : one of the guys says they are “bringers of death”. Really? Because I was under the impression that the Grounders had been constantly at war and killing each other and that the Mountain Men have been killing them mercilessly.

Anyway, he probably changed his mind when a group of Sky people, including Sinclair and Jackson, arrived from Camp Jaha to the survivors, helping rescue Kane and Abby and others.

Clarke is very relieved to see Octavia alive, but their nice greeting is the last time they get along this season, because Octavia will figure out the truth and be very anti-Clarke in the next episode.

Lexa proves again that she has no problems using the deaths for propaganda, when her people start shouting “Heda” and she gives a rousing speech about getting revenge against Mount Weather for the dead. Clarke is standing silent and probably embarrassed, but Abby is so disgusted that she yells for everyone “That’s enough!” (I’ve never liked her more than in this moment), explaining that they have to focus on saving the other survivors.

While Lexa seems pumped up about winning the war (“With our two people together, we will win this war” – she’ll change that tune in 2x15), Clarke doesn’t seem happy at all. But her priority is the same – saving her friends from Mount Weather, which is why she refuses her mother’s suggestion to stay to help the wounded, and goes with the army to war with Mount Weather.. She’s realized that the treatment work, because the sniper wasn’t wearing a hazmat suit, and what this means “They are going to kill all of my friends”. While her relationship with Bellamy is in a *cough* special category, at t this point in season 2, if not before, I felt that Clarke’s feelings for the Delinquents were almost as if she was their mother figure, in spite of being about the same age. It’s that feeling of being responsible for protecting someone, which both she and Bellamy feel about the Delinquents.

Abby, concerned with Clarke’s apparent new acceptance of ‘ends justify the means’ methods, “Don’t forget we’re the good guys” – a line that will be referenced in the season finale.

I love the last scene of this episode – it has one of the best uses of a song on the show (“Couldn’t Stop Caring” by The Spiritual Machines), and it feels really epic, as we watch the army start its march towards Mount Weather – Lexa, Octavia, Indra etc. and with the close-up of Clarke, close-up of concerned Abby staying behind, and again Clarke’s solemn face, to the chorus of “It’s all for you/Take it to depths they never knew/I couldn’t stop, couldn’t stop caring” – which would be a fitting theme song for season 2.

……………

In Mount Weather, things start in a very dark way, as we see dead bodies of two drilled Delinquents that are still lying around. Since Monty is watching through the security camera, the Delinquents learn that the treatments are working, by seeing that some guards have no hazmat suits. The Delinquents have barricaded themselves in their form in Level 5, and are, for the time being, able to successfully defend themselves – which is made easier by the fact that the guards are not allowed to kill them – in order not to waste the bone marrow (as Tsing explained in one of the previous episodes, the window for bone extraction after death is quite short). However, the guards manage to take Fox, which devastates Jasper, because he promised her she would be fine (he is now playing the leader role that is usually reserved for Clarke and Bellamy), and reacts by killing a wounded guard – the second time in consecutive episodes that we see dark, vengeful, angry Jasper. The show had to put in danger one of the named Delinquents we kind of know, to try to raise the emotional stakes a little bit. Fox lives (for now – she still gets killed in the finale of season 2!), because Bellamy, still dressed as a guard, saves her. The reunions between the Delinquents and Bellamy are very sweet to see (before this, he only revealed himself to Jasper briefly to smuggle him the gun) – Fox recognizes him and happily hugs him.

Maya takes Fox to her father, Vincent, to hide her, and we find out that Maya’s mother refused treatments out of ethical reasons, and died as a result, when Maya was just 5. Her father shares the same beliefs, but, as he tells her, he needed to be alive so she would have at least one parent.

Cage finds a new bargaining chip – threatening Maya’s life to force Jasper and others to surrender (probably thinking all he needs is to make Jasper decide to do so), but instead Monty tries to find a way to save her. In the end, thanks to Bellamy, they manage to save her and all of them get away from the dorm through the trash chute, duping Cage and Emerson. The reunion between Bellamy and Jasper is marked by another hug, but also a rather awkward moment when Bellamy tells Jasper about Clarke coming with an army of Grounders, which leads to Jasper asking if Finn finally got his peace talks, with Bellamy replying “…Something like that”, as it’s obviously not the time to tell them that story.

Most importantly, Delinquents get help from other rebels, those of the Mount Weather residents who are secretly against Cage’s plan of killing them to get their bone marrow, and who are going to hide them at their homes. Bellamy tells them: “Stay alive and be ready to fight. War is coming.”

This all feels so hopeful and idealistic. This is a huge thing, the fact that, here in Mount Weather of all places, where we find the worst villains and the most evil society in the show, there are real rebels and revolutionaries ready to fight for what is right at the cost of their lives, rather than doing everything for their own survival, or caring only about their own “people”, even if their own are in the wrong and doing awful things to others. Maya tells Bellamy that she’s not a natural born revolutionaries as he calls her, she’s just trying to do the right thing, but this is what makes her one. She reminds me of Lincoln, who helped the Delinquents in season 1 so they wouldn’t be slaughtered by a Trikru army, explaining that he’s doing it because “what my people are doing to your people is wrong”.

But it’s all so sad to watch now, knowing how things will turn out, and that the cost of victory will be the deaths of Maya and all the other rebels who helped the Delinquents, which is one of the things that hurt the most, together with the deaths of children.

Timeline: This episode starts in Tondc pretty much immediately after 2x12, on the same night, right after the attack, and lasts about a day (since most of it takes place the day after, and the last scene is again at night).

Body count:

After the deaths of about 250 people (Grounders and Arkers) from the missile, a number of people are killed by Whitman by a sniper.

Whitman himself is eventually killed by Clarke

12 Mount Weather guards (10 killed by the Delinquents, 2 shot and killed by Bellamy while saving Fox). This means that 13 Mountain Men died in this episode, and 352 are still alive.

[kiruuuuu]

Monty/Bandit continuation in which Bandit hatches and follows through with a plan. (Rating T, it’s very slowly getting better, ~2.2k words)

The other parts of Protection Mountain can be found via tags or here on my Masterpost! (Mobile version here)

.

“You’re going to collapse if you keep going like this.”

“How convenient, the hospital is right there.”

Blitz doesn’t seem to appreciate his sarcasm and glares at him from the side. “Look, starving yourself isn’t going to achieve anything, except worry him to bits the next time he sees you.”

“Which will be when?”

A sigh. “I don’t know. He took the brunt of that explosion. It’ll be a while, I assume, Six is already asking me whether it’s possible for me to come back.”

“Fucking go, then. I don’t need a bloody babysitter, especially not one who’s doing such a terrible job.” Regardless, he nibbles at the nougat-filled croissant Blitz forced onto him. He’s switched to demanding Bandit eat in his presence and, unfortunately, the outside of the hospital offers barely any distractions he could use to his advantage, therefore Bandit doesn’t really have a choice. It’s a miracle he’s not getting thrown off the property as a whole but figures security would rather have him where they can see him. “Your boytoy is probably missing you horribly, too. Let me wither away in peace and go back before Six gets her knickers in a twist. But if she wants me to come back as well, tell her she can shove it right -”

“She wouldn’t.” Blitz absent-mindedly begins taking his own croissant apart without eating any of it, gaze locked on his fingers. Talk about hypocritical. “She knows, Dom. They all know. I get daily inquiries about how he is, but more often about how you’re doing. They know you don’t read their messages and they probably know you’d break down due to the reality of it all if you did, so they ask me instead. We all know how much you love him. How much you love each other.”

“Shut up.” The croissant tastes like cardboard and the nougat reminds him of dark chocolate, so he looks around the ugly courtyard, turns his head away to blink away the tears. It’s becoming a trend and he hates it. “You’re bored out of your mind anyway, I can tell, and you’re fucking sick of me. Go back.”

“You’re going to do dumb shit if I do.”

“This isn’t fucking Romeo and Juliet, I’m not gonna drink bleach a day before he gets released out of the ICU. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Blitz side eyes him and they both know they’ve been friends for long enough that he’s worryingly aware of the kinds of thoughts buzzing around Bandit’s head right after Montagne was injured, when it was still unclear whether he’d make it. “There’s other dumb shit. I don’t know what you’re going to do, I just know you will. Trying to beat up Olivier falls under that, just so you know. It wasn’t his fault, even if both of you seem to think so.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? If I do stupid shit regardless of whether you’re here or not, it obviously doesn’t matter.”

And Blitz just sighs. They know he’s going to leave regardless, though he’ll inevitably keep checking in.

.

The pattering of small drops on his umbrella is meant to be soothing but if anything, it erodes his patience. He’s sick and tired of spending his days doing nothing, letting his mind run wild, but he’s afraid of the alternative. It’s imperative he spends as little time as possible in the hotel room he used to share, just like he needs to be in the vicinity when it’s visitor hours. He can’t afford to miss Madeleine in case she stops by that day, needs to be here if – if anything happens, but even if it did they probably wouldn’t tell him. It’s illogical to sit here regardless, on his usual bench, slowly feeling his shoes and socks soaking up the rain and cursing himself for not bringing another jacket. He’s freezing and his exhaustion exacerbates the icy feeling in his bones.

But how could he be anywhere else when Montagne is right here?

His days feel empty not only because of how little he actually does for how much time passes but also because there’s no joy in them. Every memory is sullied by worry – even if Montagne recovers fully mentally, what if he can never walk again? The possible long-term consequences are incredibly intimidating, so daunting that he’d rather not consider them at all. Still, when he thinks back to any wonderful moment between them (and they are endless), they loom threateningly in the background, casting a shadow over it all.

Someone comes to a stop in front of him and the boots are too heavy to belong to Madeleine. When he looks up, lifts the umbrella to reveal a dark expression, he scowls in return. “Get the fuck out of my face”, he hisses and decides to maybe leave it at a warning this time. The scratches on Lion’s cheek have healed by now.

“Come on”, the Frenchman growls, rips the umbrella out of his hand and begins walking towards the front entrance of the hospital. Despite how much Bandit wants to stay just to spite him, he might actually end up with hypothermia if he does, and so he eventually gets up and jogs after the thief. Lion shakes off as much water as he can before he returns the umbrella unprompted. “You’re allowed back in, I vouched for you. If you cause trouble again, we’re both banned, so don’t start shit. Got it?”

Bandit heaves a deep breath of relief but can’t bring himself to thank him, not after all he’s done. He nods and they venture forth together, take the stairs, greet the receptionist who squints at Bandit and sit down next to each other. He doesn’t know what Lion wants or why he did it, but the last thing he needs right now is a fucking talk. Fortunately, Lion seems to agree, merely crosses his arms and remains silent.

They sit like this for at least an hour, Bandit tense, Lion unmoving. He doesn’t know whether it really is a test of patience or whether Lion isn’t aware of the anguish his presence alone causes, but it’s beginning to piss him off. “You don’t deserve to be here”, he murmurs eventually, propping up his head on his knees, leaned forwards while Lion is leaning back.

“And if I wasn’t, you’d bitch about that too.”

He’s not wrong. Bandit remembers Blitz’ words: It wasn’t his fault, even if both of you seem to think so. Bullshit. He peers at the other man from the corner of his eye and notes how he, too, seems to have suffered. He looks exhausted, both mentally and physically. “Fucking bastard”, he mumbles.

“Cunt”, says Lion, unperturbed.

“You’re blaming yourself, aren’t you?”

The Frenchman’s brows draw together. “I’ve thought about it a lot. The whole mission. And I’ve come to the conclusion that we didn’t make a mistake, instead we were missing intel we had no way of acquiring prior to going in, intel we weren’t aware of missing. With all the information we had when we planned it, I think I’d agree on doing it all the same way again. I’ve retraced all our steps and it was the best possible approach. Just because the outcome turned out bad doesn’t mean there was a mistake in the decision making.”

Bandit mulls it over. He’s done the same thing but exceedingly more biased, frantically looked for people at whom he could point fingers. Ultimately, he came up empty and this revelation was a whole other punch to the gut: sometimes, life is simply unfair and accepting this isn’t easy. “Yeah”, he offers eventually. “Doesn’t answer my fucking question though.”

“Yes. I am.” Lion uncrosses his arms. “Of course I am.”

And this is unexpected, a show of weakness possibly meant as an armistice. “Me too”, Bandit says and feels a curious gaze on him. “He wouldn’t have been on this fucking mission if not for me. We requested to be deployed together, so we did. This wasn’t really his normal gig, too messy.”

“You can’t know whether he wouldn’t have been sent anyway.”

“No. I can’t. But that doesn’t change anything for me.”

“I have absolutely no fucking idea what he sees in you.”

Bandit catches himself before he agrees, swallows the words with a wistful smile and then shoots back: “And I can’t understand in the slightest why he’s friends with you.” They look at each other and shrug. “He’s just like that, I suppose. He sees something pitiful and he has to nourish it.”

Lion huffs in amusement. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”

“Have you met his sister? Madeleine?” A shake of the head. “She’s the only one visiting him at the moment.”

“Oh? What is she saying about his condition?”

“I don’t fucking know, I don’t speak French.” Lion snorts derisively. “Don’t give me that, I’ve seen how bloody lost you are with the people who only speak German here. Maybe you can translate for me the next time she’s here. She might come in later.”

“Sure.”

Bandit ponders this for a while. What is he going to tell her? He can’t really divulge any details as to what happened and as for - “Don’t mention anything about Gilles and me though. Our families don’t know yet.”

.

Instead of only Madeleine, Bandit meets Montagne’s parents that day and it’s the most awkward fifteen minutes of his life. There he is, hopelessly in love with the son of this overly friendly elderly French couple and terrified of them finding out on top of having to pretend everything is fine between him and his translator who seems to hit it off extremely well with them, when instead all he wants to do is kick Lion in the shins for prolonging the small talk to unbearable lengths. Not to mention he can’t go into detail of how exactly Montagne and he know each other, given that he doesn’t want to reveal their relationship and isn’t sure how much they know (or are even allowed to know) about Rainbow. The members of staff (who can clearly put two and two together and have effortlessly figured out Bandit is longing for his loved one as well as meeting his parents for the very first time) try and fail to suppress smirks the entire time.

It helps that he has a lovely conversation with Madeleine afterwards, learns that she’s a journalist and they exchange anecdotes of Montagne which leave all three of them smiling. Having Lion translate back and forth is annoying but required and despite all, Bandit is grateful for his help. Madeleine closes the conversation by saying how glad she is her brother has such devoted friends and she’ll be sure to stay in contact, laments the regulation of them not being able to visit Montagne regardless, hugs them both and remains blissfully unaware of the seed she’s planted in Bandit’s head.

Blitz left the day before and so his nights are lonely and unproductive, only this one is an exception. Madeleine told a story about the hospital Montagne was born in and it gave Bandit an idea – an idea which requires a bit of researching and a lot of unlawful thinking.

The next day, Bandit is busy. He spends a large part of it perfecting Montagne’s signature until he can forge it with his eyes closed and the rest on scouring the internet for certain French phrases and letter templates. He double and triple checks each one he composes, every single one of them absolutely essential to his plan, therefore they all need to be perfect. What little he remembers of taking French in school helps and eventually, he’s decently satisfied with the result.

Further researching reveals a small obstacle which is solved easily by contacting one of his old buddies who knows someone who in turn knows someone who can put Bandit through to someone who does small favours for small currency, and additionally to making that phone call to the French hospital Bandit needs, he even proofreads Bandit’s mangled letters, laughs at him for half an hour and then corrects them.

Finally, after printing and signing them, he drops them in the mail. Now he just has to wait.

.

A few days later, Bandit enters the registrar’s office of his home town Berlin, the city in which he’s still listed as a resident. It’s an extremely fortunate coincidence but he would’ve travelled half the country too if it’d been necessary.

“Good morning”, he greets the clerk politely and hands over the papers in his hand which are comprised of all the necessary documents: his and Montagne’s ID (which he left at the hotel when they went on the mission), both birth certificates (and France should really re-think how easy it is to get one of these) and a document certifying that Montagne is indeed single after having been married before. Additionally, he carries a writ of consent stating that Montagne agrees to all of it, signed by no other than Bandit himself. He’s proud of this particular signature and is sure it’d even hold up in court.

It’s all highly official and obtained extremely illegally. And with a smile, he announces: “I would like to get married.”

[the-desolated-quill]

The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards - The Best Of 2017

It’s an established scientific fact that the real world is horrible. Full of nasty, hideous and deeply unpleasant things like racism, corruption, global warming, terrorism and prawn flavoured crisps. No wonder more and more of us are turning to the world of fiction to escape from our unhappy lives.

Yes a number of good stories have come out this year, and as it’s the last day of 2017, it’s time once again for the Quill Seal of Approval Awards. Where I pick my personal favourite stories of the year and hopefully persuade you to give them a try if you haven’t already.

Before we start, two things. One, this is my list. If you disagree with my choices, that’s absolutely fine. Go make your own list. And two, full disclosure, I haven’t been able to see everything 2017 has to offer for one reason or another. So please don’t be angry at me because movies like Get Out aren’t on this list. I’m sure Get Out is as brilliant as everyone says it is and I’m sure it would win a Quill Seal of Approval Award. I just never got around to watching it this year (also fuck you Golden Globes. Satirical horror is not the same thing as comedy horror. From what I’ve heard, Get Out is not remotely like, say, Shaun Of The Dead or Zombieland. Satire is not synonymous with comedy, you know? It doesn’t need to make you laugh. That’s not a requirement of satire. I mean look at Black Mirror. That’s satirical. What about George Orwell’s Animal Farm? That’s satirical. Would anyone ever consider either of those to be comedies? No! Of course not! Do you know why? Because they’re fucking depressing, that’s why! If you thought either of those were funny, you require serious psychiatric attention, you sicko!)

...

I’m sorry, I went off on a total tangent then. What were we talking about?

A Series Of Unfortunate Events (TV Series)

There had been rumours for ages that we were going to see another attempt to adapt Daniel Handler’s post-modern series of gothic children’s books after the painfully lacklustre movie starring Jim Carrey, and on Friday the 13th January (on my birthday! EEEEEEE!!!), we saw Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events arrive on Netflix. Speaking as a massive fan of the books, I absolutely adored this adaptation. TV is just such a better medium for the Baudelaires than the movie was.

Adapting the first four books of the series, Season 1 follows Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, having recently lost their parents in a terrible fire, trying to keep their fortune out of the clutches of Count Olaf; a vile villain and even worse actor. The series is being adapted by Barry Sonnenfield and Daniel Handler himself, and not only remains close to the original source material, but also expands on it thanks to the TV medium. It also boasts a great cast. Neil Patrick Harris is incredible as the villain Count Olaf, able to walk the line between comic and sinister effortlessly. Malina Weissman and Louis Hynes are both great as Violet and Klaus, and share excellent chemistry on-screen, selling the sibling affection better than the movie did. There’s also Patrick Warburton as Lemony Snicket, who offers deadpan comic narration, as well as K. Todd Freeman as the incompetent Mr. Poe, Aasi Mandvi as the eccentric Uncle Monty, Alfre Woodard as the petrified Aunt Josephine and Catherine O’Hara as the perfectly innocent, I swear, optometrist Doctor Orwell.

Admittedly this may not be to everyone’s taste, but if you’re into family friendly viewing that intelligently mixes both the surreal and the macabre, then I’d say definitely check out A Series Of Unfortunate Events. It’s perfectly wretched :)

Wonder Woman

Warner Bros and DC may have completely fucked up their shared universe thanks to the total cock-up of Justice League, but one good thing did come out of the DC Extended Universe this year. Wonder Woman.

Finally making her cinematic debut, Wonder Woman is definitely one of the strongest superhero movies to be released in recent memory. Patty Jenkins does an amazing job bringing this feminist icon to life and Gal Gadot gives quite possibly one of the best performances in any superhero movie to date. This naive, but passionate warrior who takes it upon herself to try and save the world from the evil influence of the Greek God Ares. But what I especially appreciated was how the movie went beyond the simple hero vs villain story and really created something both powerful and socially relevant with its themes of love and sacrifice. The main takeaway from the film is that evil isn’t an external force or outside threat. It’s something that exists in all of us. We all have the capacity for violence and treachery, but if we could all just learn to love and support each other, and work together, we could help change things for the better. It sounds incredibly hokey when you say it out loud, but the movie conveys it extremely well.

If you haven’t already, definitely check out Wonder Woman. It boasts a strong female protagonist and an intelligently written and emotional story with a noticeable lack of the sexist tropes and cliches you’d normally find in these kinds of movies. Hopefully Wonder Woman will be the start of a whole new wave of female talent both in front of and behind the camera (and when I say women, I don’t just mean white women... please! Feminism only works if all women benefit from it after all. Let’s see some more women of colour in the director’s chair and on the red carpet).

War For The Planet Of The Apes

The long awaited conclusion to Caesar’s story, War For The Planet Of The Apes is simultaneously both the darkest and the funniest of the rebooted Planet Of The Apes movies. As the human race lash out against the apes in their desperate bid to survive, we see Caesar face his ultimate test. Will he lead his tribe to salvation or be consumed by inner darkness just as Koba did in the previous movie?

While not the strongest movie in the Caesar trilogy, it’s still exceptionally good. Andy Serkis gives the best performance so far as Caesar, and you really feel for him as he undergoes his inner conflict. He’s by far one of the strongest protagonists to come out of a Hollywood blockbuster, and War serves as a fitting end to his story. Director Matt Reeves continues to make us care deeply for the apes’ survival, with characters like Maurice, Rocket and newcomer Bad Ape providing many touching and comedic moments to alleviate the tension and darkness. We also see some strong human characters, such as the mute Nova, played by Amiah Miller, and the antagonistic Colonel, played by Woody Harrelson, who definitely stand head and shoulders above the other human characters in the previous films.

A lot of filmmakers could learn a thing or two from these films. 20th Century Fox should be immensely proud of this trilogy, and I hope the franchise will remain this intelligent and impactful in the future.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

No! Stop it! I can see you sniggering! ‘Oh! Quill honestly thinks this puerile kids movie full of toilet gags is worthy of some kind of award, does he?’ Well, actually yes. Yes I do. And before you judge me, have you actually watched the movie? No. I didn’t think so. So why don’t you get off your high horse and go into this with an open mind because I’ll think you’ll find Captain Underpants is one of the best kids movies ever, so there!

Based on the popular (and surprisingly controversial) series of children’s books written by Dav Pilkey about two troublemaking schoolchildren, George and Harold, who hypnotise their mean principal into thinking he’s a superhero and go off on a series of whacky adventures, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is an excellent adaptation that captures the books’ humour and message perfectly. Yes it’s filled with toilet gags and fart jokes (and I can see you rolling your eyes dismissively already, you snob), but it all serves a purpose, and the message behind Captain Underpants is incredibly unique for a kids film. That sometimes a little rule breaking is okay provided it doesn’t go too far. Children are often forced to conform to societal norms, and discouraged from certain things because they’re ‘inappropriate’. Captain Underpants serves as the perfect antidote to that, encouraging children to actually have fun and let their imaginations run wild. The toilet gags and adolescent humour in this film are very funny. It’s not very high brow or sophisticated, but it doesn’t really need to be neither. That’s the point. Captain Underpants is basically a celebration of the childish and the silly, implying these things have value in and of themselves rather than just dismissing them as being ‘immature’.

If you have kids, this would be a perfect movie to show them, and you just might reconnect with your inner child in the process. And if you need further convincing that Captain Underpants is worth watching, consider this. Did you know Harold is gay? Yeah! In the final book of the series, Harold meets his future self and discovers he’s married to a man and has two children. So it’s a cleverly made family movie that encourages children to be creative and to not feel constrained, and offers positive representation for the black and LGBT communities. Suddenly this movie doesn’t feel so puerile anymore, does it?

Logan

I never thought I’d see the day I’d actually be praising a Wolverine movie. 

After two failed attempts, 20th Century Fox finally offers a Wolverine movie that doesn’t make me want to fall asleep, tear my hair out in frustration or gouge by eyes out with ice cream scoops. Logan is not only the best Wolverine movie, but quite possibly the best movie in the entire X-Men franchise. Hugh Jackman gives a brilliant performance in his last ever portrayal of the character and Patrick Stewart is equally as good as an elderly Professor X.

Logan is as tragic as it is thought provoking, deconstructing the idea of a superhero and spelling out in no uncertain terms how Wolverine utterly fails to meet that criteria. It’s dark, hard-hitting and surprisingly poignant as we see Wolverine desperately try to redeem himself, escorting a group of young mutant children across the border whilst metaphorically passing the baton to them. He may have failed to be a superhero, but he could well have saved a new generation of mutants that will succeed where he failed.

If you haven’t already, you need to watch this movie. Even if, like me, you don’t like Wolverine very much, you should still watch it. Logan more than makes up for past mistakes, I assure you.

The Tick

Are you getting sick to death of the over-saturation of superhero movies and TV shows these days? Then The Tick is the perfect antidote for you!

Based on the comics created by Ben Edlund, The Tick essentially drops a Saturday morning cartoon character into a Christopher Nolan-esque environment. Serving as an affectionate parody of the superhero genre, The Tick is both incredibly funny and surprisingly clever. Peter Serafinowicz does a stellar job in the title role, giving a performance almost reminiscent of the late Adam West, and is both charming and hysterical. But the true star has to be Griffin Newman as the Tick’s sidekick Arthur. While his surroundings are incredibly wacky and surreal, Arthur himself is treated with the utmost care and sincerity. He is to all intents and purposes the main character, as we see him try to overcome his own anxieties and insecurities in order to expose a plot from supervillain the Terror. He is the emotional centre that the show revolves around and is what elevates The Tick from being just a simple parody to a legitimately good superhero show in its own right.

The first half of Season 1 is available to watch on Amazon Prime, with the second half due to be streamed in February 2018. if you haven’t already, check this show out.

Horizon Zero Dawn

Finally we end with a video game, and it’s a very special video game (well it would be. It’s on a best of 2017 list). Horizon Zero Dawn. Created by the same people who did the Killzone games, Horizon is an open-world adventure game set in a post post-apocalypitic world where machines dominate the landscape and humanity have gone back to basics, living in isolated tribes and shunning the technology of the ‘Old Ones’.

Two things make Horizon Zero Dawn stand out. The first is the world itself. Guerrilla Games have created a very rich and nuanced setting, and as you explore the environment and collect datapoints, you begin to piece together how exactly human society as we know it initially fell hundreds of years ago. The machines are well designed and each have a very specific purpose, and the tribes are incredibly well thought out with believable hierarchies, belief systems and societal structures. It’s simply fun to explore this world and interact with its inhabitants.

The second is the protagonist the entire game revolves around. Aloy. A young outcast woman who goes in search of her parents and ends up discovering herself. She’s a classic archetypal hero and one of the best female protagonists to come out of the video game industry for quite some time. She’s a fully realised, three dimensional character with her own goals and motives, and is at no point ever sexualised or objectified. Even when she’s captured by the baddies, the game never resorts to sexist tropes or cliches. Just as Wonder Woman represents a significant milestone for women in film, Aloy represents a significant milestone for women in video games. She’s intelligent, resourceful and immensely likeable and I was completely emotionally invested in both her as a character and her journey. It’s not only fun to explore the world of Horizon Zero Dawn. It’s fun to explore the world of Horizon Zero Dawn with her. If you have a PS4, definitely get this game. It’s a must-own and you won’t regret it.

And that’s it for this year. All that’s left for me to say is Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and I hope that your 2018 is less shit than your 2017 most likely was.

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 5: Complete Project List

I feel like I should have spent more time this week reading books and fic because my writing has not been going very well. I just feel so…uninspired. None of my projects are really, I don’t know, calling out to me. I don’t know why.

The only thing I’ve really worked on is my Bellarke High School AU, which I still like, though not as much as I used to. At least that’s something.

I don’t think this is actually going to be helpful but because I feel like I need to be organized and my go-to solution for when I lack focus is just to lay out all my projects in front of me and contemplate them, I’m going to go through my entire current writing folder and see if anything jumps out at me and excites me again.

I currently have 28 documents (though fewer than 28 projects because some of those documents are rejected passages or notes, etc.).

In order of appearance:

HAICG: I really do want to work on this again because it’s been so long and I feel guilty. Also because I had such inspiration and passion for it last summer/early fall. But it will probably require re-reading a big chunk of the fic to get into the style of it again and also I’m not really in ST fandom atm so it’s just...tiring to think about.

The autumn fic: You’d think this would be the perfect time to work on this, it being autumn and all (allegedly) but really I feel nothing for it right now. I still rather like the universe and I’ll probably continue to mess around with it in drabbles and so on, but it was originally conceived of as a multi-chapter fic and that’s…not going to happen anytime soon. It’s one of those ideas that feels very real in my head, strongly atmospheric, but when I try to pin down the plot and put any of it into words…I just lose a lot of confidence in it.

The party fic: I worked on this a few days ago, for the first time since summer, and it was a disappointing exercise. For so long I felt like this was still a front-burner project, even though I wasn’t actually writing it like at all, and now I’ve just realized how far my interest in it and inspiration for it has dropped. I don’t know…I guess I’m not so much abandoning it as seeming it with clear eyes. Low priority.

K/S affair: This really shouldn’t be in my current projects folder. I moved it over from my old projects folder a year ago during my last big ST kick with the thought I might actually work on it but I have not. It’s literally 5 sentences long.

K/S Aftermath story: I’ve been telling myself all year that one day I’m “just going to sit down and write this” and yet. Part of what intimidates me is that I actually did start it but I don’t think I like the beginning so I want to start again, but having a rejected opening puts so much pressure on all subsequent openings not to suck as much. So it’s become a mythical, monstrous thing.

Bellarke Beat AU: So I started writing this in the summer of 2016 during my last Beat phase and I really like what I have! But I haven’t touched it in so long… I tried once but I could see too clearly the seams between the two parts. I feel like one day I’ll pick it up and say “I want to finish this” and then it will be my priority project for a little bit and then it will be finished.

Bellarke Long HS AU: Oh gosh I used to think about this universe a lot when I was in law school. I never got any farther than writing some notes, not even a true outline, but I…just can’t call it abandoned. Initially it was going to be this very ambitious two-part thing but I still hold out hope I’ll write the short one-part thing version. Again, it’s an atmospheric fic that I’m not sure I can actually put into words…

Bellarke HS AU: The only thing I’ve gotten real writing done on in the last week. It’s currently at about 6k words and I’m on the last scene. I imagine it will end at about 8k. Probably my biggest priority if only because it’s the easiest thing I have going at the moment.

BFF Fill: The first sentence of notes on this is so pretentious it causes me pain and I’m the one who wrote it. Which doesn’t mean the actual fic will be bad. I hope. I don’t have a BFF deadline for a while so I’m not worried about it but also I don’t want to constantly do things at the last minute. I’m trying to move beyond that. Currently in the planning stages. I have general ideas and I think I need to distill them into a scene-by-scene outline before I can start writing. (It’s not that it’s that long…I don’t think…just semi-complicated in structure.)

Clarke, Sports Nut: I don’t know why this is a separate document. It’s in the same verse as the HS AU and I’m more than half sure it’s going to be a rejected one-shot opening but I’m keeping it around in case I want to expand it into an actual one-shot.

Dollhouse AU Notes/Chapter 1/Rejected Scenes: I still think this would be such a cool fic. BUT. Every time I start it, I hate it and I need to scrap everything I’ve written. I’ve trashed a huge amount of material by my standards and each time I reject something I lose more hope that it will ever be to my liking. Also, if I did write this for real, it would be an insane amount of work. And the audience for it would probably be small. And the truth is that I’m not sure I could put so much into the actual writing of a fic of this length and complexity for an audience of me. I’ll write smaller fics or even novellettes for an audience of me but some things, the return is just too small… so I don’t know.

Jonty Fluff Fic: I’ve had this idea in my head for a long time—I think it’s actually taken off of one of those AU prompts floating around tumblr—and I actually started writing it after 4x11 because I was so sad and this irredeemably fluffy, guilty pleasure, cotton-candy-in-written-word-form story made me feel better. But apparently I haven’t worked on it since July whoops.

Gina Magical Dystopia: I was going to write this two years ago but my opening sucked and then last summer I brought my notes back and tried to outline it but then I kind of abandoned it again. I’m not going to force it but somehow I think a desire to write it will come back to me sometime.

Bellamy/Jasper Fic: I have a lot of guilty pleasures (I probably wouldn’t feel so guilty for everything if this fandom wasn’t what it is but oh well) but this is probably the guiltiest. The original outline is from April 2016 and last summer I spent an afternoon at the coffee shop actually scene-by-scene outlining it, which means it is basically ready to start. I even wrote the introductory scene but then I scrapped it. The tone was okay but the actual substance wasn’t working for me. So I’d have to start all over. And again, audience of one lol, so there’s that. It’s the sort of thing that if it isn’t completely fun to write there is no point in putting effort toward it.

Jonty Dual Timeline: I had such high hopes for this!! And I still want to write it but I’ve become terrified of it. Terrified I’ve lost the tone, terrified I won’t be able to remember the ideas dumbass-past-me didn’t write down, and of course the passage of time makes the fears worse. It’s been months since I touched it. I think I’d need to sit down, re-read the entire thing, write down any thoughts I can salvage, and maybe rough-outline the rest. Then I can return to writing it.

Old prompt list/old prompt fill: Basically the appendix of this folder. By which I mean, it’s vestigial.

Monty S3 (original and edits): I’ve done one complete read-through of this fic and made some fairly big edits, deleting some parts, re-writing them, moving some things around. I feel like, except for the part in the middle where I made the biggest changes, it reads well. I like it. But I won’t post it until I’ve re-read the entire thing again, preferably in one sitting, and given that it’s 12k long I’ll need to devote a decent chunk of time to that. I’d like to say that this fic I’ve been working on for six months is done, so in that sense it’s ‘urgent,’ but on the other hand I don’t think it’s anything most people will notice.

Sleeping Beauty AU: A request but I’m getting kind of into the idea. Unfortunately (?) my ideas for it are getting ambitious and complicated. It could be so cool! Or it could be something that’s actually finished this decade and I’m just hoping these aren’t incompatible goals. Currently in the planning stages.

K/S comparison: Again, a fic I moved to this folder when I was back into Star Trek in Summer ’16 and feeling ambitious. Aaaaand I just looked at the last updated date. It’s from 2010. That’s wild. I am the slowest writer in the world. Or the most stubborn. Or both.

Story Idea Master List: self-explanatory.

K/S and Spock!Prime: Okay this fic is dumb because it’s FINISHED. It’s been finished for years. I found it in my old writing folder, complete, not posted, and I read it and thought it wasn’t horrible but that the beginning was…actually sort of horrible. So I thought I’d re-write that part and then just post it but it’s not working terribly well and increasingly I just feel like…is it worth it? The fic isn’t that good. But it’s not terrible and it is complete so… I don’t know.

…So yeah as expected this just confirmed what I already knew, that I currently lack inspiration or passion for pretty much any project. AWESOME.