#the college is closed for the semester but i’m not a student anymore so it doesnt matter

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[callooopie]

Modern!Davos Blackwood headcannons (pt. 1?)

— SFW —

I’ll hit it from the back, just so you don’t get attached — i like the way you kiss me // artemas

I can definitely see myself making more of these. Adding to the modern! Davos lore. Not proofread. LMK if y’all have other ideas or headcannons too!

Benjicot Davos Blackwood. People call him Davos. Only close friends call him Ben. Only you can call him Benji. Although, he goes by his middle name usually. Now, bloody Ben? That’s a story to be told later on how he got... (There is no story. It’s just people saying “Shit.. there’s bloody Ben..” or something like that. There’s no violence to the name, only pure exasperation when people see him)

This is the boy you need to hide away in your closet or under your bed when your parents come checking in on you randomly. You could’ve been working on homework, or just hanging around. And somehow this “annoying” guy appeared outside your bedroom window—and you just had to let him in. “C’mooon, let me in sweetheart.. you think I can’t climb up there? Stand back, I’ll show you.”

He is the type of person to rant about how the education system is rigged, set up to fail students, or rant about it in general and as a whole. Anyway he’s got a 4.0, and makes it onto the dean’s list every semester in college. However he is always late to class—complete with either a Monster or Red Bull drink in tow.

He invites you over to his place like a gentleman. Ignore his “annoying fuckass” roommate.. (it’s Aeron.) He does the whole (“it’s a little messy :3”) as he leads you down the hall of their apartment. “Hello MTV, welcome to my crib.”

He cooks at that desk, game-wise. Faceit level is between 5-6. CSGO rank is Master Guardian II (He does tell you he once hit Global Elite. But he stopped the grind to focus on school, not because he’s washed or anything—maybe you could be his Valorant duo? Or be his support in League; he’ll have you know he makes a mean ADC.. do you do overnight discord calls?—)

If you play more casual games (Minecraft, stardew, etc) he will play with you, HOWEVER, he will either ruin the aesthetic of the minecraft world via automated farms OR speedrun the mines in stardew (he passes out so much it starts to affect the money you’re trying to save for farm upgrades). Every time he goes fishing in either game he puts on a country accent and makes “gone fishing, getting away from my bitch wife” jokes. “I’ve uh- carved out an area for the iron farm. Nothin’ too big—just something to get started.” (Shows you an utterly decimated and leveled biome)

Davos Blackwood fun fact no. 43; he does rallying (rally racing). He went to a rally school for fun over the summer. Ignore the price tag; yes he saved up for that! no it’s not dangerous! Regular driving wise he does donuts in empty parking lots, and takes corners way too fast. He is the type to street race a random ass pickup truck or some other car that pulls up beside him. It is thrilling, and he knows you enjoy it too despite your protests and how you grip the handle above the seat. “No it’s fine.. pfft—don’t worry don’t— I’ll smoke him. Just watch.”

Speaking of cars. Do not complain about his car. This is his baby. His one and only. It’s an old car; it’s so old it’s bordering not being considered street safe anymore. Ignore the anime girl stickers with their tits and ass out, that was there already he didn’t do that. “It’s safe don’t worry—I’m getting the bumper and everything fixed like Monday I swear.. no I did not hit anything why would you say that-“

He’s oddly in-tune with his emotions and emotions of others despite appearances. He’ll KNOW if something’s bothering you. Maybe you’re just a little too quiet, you laugh at a joke a little too late or even if it sounds unenthusiastic. Whatever it is, Davos is on the case. A hug, some pep talk, he’ll let you punch his palms to get any anger out. He’s your ride or die, of course he’d do anything for you. And maybe if it’s a person who upset you he might pay them a visit.. “Who was it this time? Oh—that bitch? Ugh. I’m sorry about that… I have a gun just saying—“

Needs your hand in his. Or some part of you touching him. Whatever works. If he does not get a modicum of affection in 5 minute intervals he shrivels up like a plant—no he’s not being dramatic. Is the type to whine loudly about it regardless of where you’re at. On occasion he lets out bloodcurdling screams as a joke, lamenting about being denied tender love from you. You think it’s funny in private, you do not think it’s funny in public. Which is why he always does it in public. “Gimme your hand. Wha? What do you mean ‘it’s too hot out’? I wanna.. I wanna hold your hand… I don’t care if you’re sweaty—LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND”

I do believe his brain would be.. a little rotted. He sends you tiktoks, niche memes, shitposts. He will watch twitch streams or league/csgo content creators on YouTube. His vocab is normal, but does consist of slang from the gaming community. This can be good and funny, or sometimes bad if he uses it during serious moments. However he’s at least a normal human being and knows when to talk ‘normally’. He says joever unironically

Shadow boxes you. No matter what’s happening or where. You could be looking at something in a store and you just see slow, dramatic punches going toward you. He makes the whooshing sound too. This is how you know he’s bored. He’s also the type to tackle you to the bed. Not in a sensual or cutesy way but in like a WWE way that initiates a caged fighting match between you two.

Regardless of your mastery level of skateboarding he will hold your hands and pull you around on his board. Late at night when the parks or lots are empty, you both will be there. And he’ll be a smiling goof as he gently steers you around on the board. He usually says fuck helmets (his one big flaw), but carries one around just for you. His safety be damned. Yours? No question about it, you’re wearing all the gear required.

Smoker. Red flag. Marlboros, sometimes he uses zyns. It’s bad. Yes he knows he’s going to get lung cancer and succumb to nicotine. But he just can’t help it—it helps him relax. It’s why there’s a plethora of gum and also a cologne bottle in his car. Does it help? That’s to be determined. Does not smoke near you however if you don’t like that, he’s not that bad of an asshole.

[blooming-violets]

“You’re doing so well.”

"You're doing so well." || Inexperienced Smut Prompts

[tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader]

Warnings: It's a smut prompt so you will be reading about two people fucking. Obviously.

“I can’t study Physics like this,” you whined. “We can’t do this here.”

Peter had taken it upon himself this semester to personally tutor you for your finals. He had developed an interest in you when you quietly shuffled into the seat beside him on your first day. He knew Physics was your least favorite subject and, if you failed, you’d have to retake the class again next year without him. Every week he would inch himself closer and closer to you during your sessions until, late one night, tucked away in his dorm room, you experienced both your first kiss and lost your virginity within the span of an hour. Peter knew how to manipulate your body in ways that made it impossible to ever want to stop. He could turn you from a studious, quietly reserved woman to a moaning, desperate whore in a matter of seconds. 

Tonight, he had you sat on his lap. Literally. He picked you up and placed you down wherever he saw fit. Your underwear had been torn down your legs and stuffed into his pocket the second you met him in the student lounge. There were no “hellos” or friendly greetings. You hadn’t even had time to remove your bag from your shoulder before you were being exposed to him. He knew what he wanted, when he wanted, and he didn’t care where it was. The student lounge was empty this Sunday evening, thankfully, but it still terrified you to be doing this in such a public area. You tried to encourage him to take you back to his dorm room but that was when he had pulled you onto his lap, ending the debate before it even started.  

Your legs straddled on either side of his thighs, your pleated skirt curtained over the two of you to hide what was happening underneath, though any college student who glanced this way would know exactly what was going on. Peter’s cock was buried inside of you as you faced him on the couch. Large, hard, and completely stretching you as far as your recently deflowered pussy could handle. His cock was the first thing you ever dared put inside of you and it wasn’t a small task. You had cried the first time he split you open despite how gentle he tried to be. Now, it felt almost at home buried between your folds, even if you were in a public area. Your brain was saying no but your body was screaming yes.

There were no thoughts inside of your head anymore. Only Peter and his cock. His hands brushed over your baby pink blouse, running along your spine, as he cooed in your ear, “Shh, baby, it’s alright. No one is going to see you. No one will see how much of a needy, little whore you are. Your secret is safe with me. I’ll know if anyone is headed this way. You just focus on the questions.” 

You shivered when you felt his cock twitch inside of you. Neither of you moved a muscle. Your eyes closed as your breath hitched in your throat, another whine whimpering from your lips, “Peter.”

“Come on,” he urged. “Answer the question I asked. You should have been listening.” 

His hands slipped to the front of your blouse, his fingers working to slowly undo every button. You held your breath, biting down on your bottom lip. You had no idea what he had said prior to sitting on his lap. He had been reading something out of the textbook leaning on the cushion beside him. He knew you weren’t listening. He enjoyed the turmoil he caused and liked watching your brain short circuit in his presence. 

Peter reached behind your open shirt to unhook your bra, giving him easy access to your chest, “If you don’t answer me, I’m going to remove your shirt and leave you completely topless…out in the open…where anyone could walk by at any moment…I wonder how embarrassing it would be if someone saw you like that? Imagine what they would think of you then?” 

You gave a sharp inhale, eyes widening in horror, “Please, don’t.” 

“Would it really be a shame if someone else saw these beautiful tits?” He raised the cups of your bra so he could admire your chest. “I can’t be the first person to have laid eyes on them. Surely someone else must have gotten there before me.” 

He knew damn well that no one had ever seen you naked before him. The wicked glint in his eye told you everything you needed to know. His teasing was nothing more than empty threats. Peter would rather die than share you with anyone.

You gave a bratty grumble and rested your forehead against his, “You’re a terrible, mean tutor.” 

A devilish smilish toyed on his lips, “Do you need me to repeat the question?” 

“Mhm,” you whined. 

His hand slipped under your loose bra to cup your breasts. He carefully pinched your nipple between his finger and thumb, brushing over it with small, fast flicks. 

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you inadvertently bucked your hips. The sudden movement on his cock caused a satisfied groan to rumble in the back of Peter’s throat. 

“Focus, baby.” He growled in your ear. “Don’t lose yourself. Not yet. Sit still.” 

The urge to wiggle your hips was too much. Your clit was aching, begging to be touched, desperate for any sort of friction. Your toes curled in your shoes as you repressed a whimper. 

“The question, Peter. Ask me the question again. I’ll be good.”

He nipped at the side of your jaw and mumbled the question against your skin, remembering the exact phrasing without even having to glance back at the book, “A charged particle traveling along the +x axis enters an electric field directed vertically upward along the +y-axis. If the charged particle experiences a force downward because of this field, what is the sign of the charge on this particle?” 

He was speaking a language foreign to you. All you could think about was how wonderful he felt inside of you and how all you wanted to do was move your hips.

When you took too long to answer, he responded by giving a hard tug on your nipple, causing you to flinch in pain. 

“Is the charge positive, negative, or neutral?” He began kneading your breast to help soothe out any pain he gave you. “Come on, pretty girl. You know this. Use that brain of yours for something other than cocksucking. If you get it right, I’ll give you a nice reward.” 

“I-” You tried to steady your breath. The fact that you had his dick inside of you in the middle of a public space didn’t even bother you anymore. All you wanted was for him to satisfy you. You didn’t care who saw. “Negative! It’s negative.”

A proud smile broke out across his face, lighting up his eyes, “Good girl! Now tell me why it’s negative and I’ll give you what I know you want.” 

“Nnghh,” words were becoming difficult to form. You couldn’t stop yourself from moving, just a little bit, to give your body what it needed. 

“Use your words, pretty girl, come on,” he chided you. 

“It’s…oh, god…it’s negative because positive charges in an-an electric field will have an electric force in the same direction as the field. And…negative…will be in the opposite direction…so…it-it’s negative because the charged particle experiences a force opposite to the electric field.” 

“That’s my smart girl. Let me show you how proud I am of you, baby.” He placed a quick peck to your lips before thrusting his hips upwards as you stifled a shocked yelp. 

You didn’t even know he could reach that deep. You felt like you could feel him bulging out your stomach. His hands left your chest to fall down around your hips, gripping them tightly, helping to move you with each small thrust. It wasn’t enough. He was dragging it out, still teasing you, wanting to make you work for it. If you wanted to give your body what it needed, you would need to take control. 

You braced your hands on his shoulders for better leverage and began to ride him. Your pace grew from soft, little thrusts to long, hard strokes, finding a steady rhythm. Tears blurred your vision at the overwhelming sensations of how exceptional he felt. The wait was almost too much but now there was no stopping you. 

Peter’s head had fallen back against the couch cushions, his eyes closed, “Fuck, that’s good.” 

You responded with a quiet whimper, nuzzling your face into his cheek to try to get his attention back on your face, “I want to be good for you.” 

He opened his eyes to give you a soft smile, murmuring against your puckered lips, “You’re always so good for me, babygirl.” His slights gazed down to watch as you rose and fell over him, impaling his cock into you. He liked to watch it disappear, liked to watch as you took it all, every last millimeter like the good girl you were. “That’s it. Take it all. You’re so tight, babe. So tight for me.” 

You couldn’t do anything except chase the divine sensations rolling through your body. The pleasure rippled through you, the knot tightening in your stomach. With every thrust, you were closer to the finish line. It didn’t take much for you to get there. Everything still felt so new, so fresh, that every sensation sent you spiraling. Peter’s hands tangled in your hair, gripping onto the back of your head, as he pulled you close against his chest. Quiet sobs racked through your body. You felt silly for crying over how good his cock felt but you couldn’t stop. He reduced you to a shaking, shivering, sobbing mess in a matter of seconds. 

“Shh,” his soothing voice whispered in your ear. “It’s okay, pretty girl. You’re doing so good for me. You’re doing so well. That’s it. Just take a little bit more. We’re almost there. I’ve got you.” 

Peter took over, moving his hips, filling you to your core. He switched his pace from yours. Instead of your frenzied, jerking thrusts, he penetrated you with a slow, deliberate intensity. He cupped your cheeks, drawing your attention to him. 

“Kiss me,” he whispered in a husky, low tone. 

Your nose brushed against his soft skin as your lips crashed onto him. Your tongue pried open his mouth and slipped past his lips to tangle with his. You grabbed fistfulls of his shaggy hair, moaning into his mouth, panting, getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen. It didn’t matter if you passed out. It didn’t matter if anyone saw you. It didn’t matter if you failed your class. All that mattered was Peter Parker and the way he lit a fire between your thighs. 

You could feel your climax growing, Peter’s too. His rhythm sped up. The quiet, needy whines in the back of his throat got lost under your own whimpers. The swell of his cock twitched inside of you. He gripped onto you so tightly like he was terrified of you disappearing from his grasp at such a pivotal moment. 

“Be a good girl and come for me,” he gasped out between heavy breaths. “Let me feel you.” 

You rested your forehead against his sweaty one, gazing through half closed lids at him, taking in every look of needy desperation that flashed across his features. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him. His words were all you needed to let yourself go. 

Your climax washed through you like a tsunami, overwhelming your senses, and sweeping you away in a whirling maelstrom of pleasure. A scream got caught in the back of your throat, burying your face against his shoulder in an attempt to keep it from escaping. Somewhere, in the back of your blissed out brain, you remembered that you were still inside the student lounge. 

The sensations of your sex spasming and squeezing around his cock was exactly what Peter needed to finish. He wrapped his arms tight around your waist and forced your body down as he thrust up his hips, making sure he was entirely buried inside of you, as he erupted. Spurt after spurt of hot cum emptied into your waiting cunt. 

“Ah,” you whimper, hiding your face into his neck, the tears spilling freely down your cheeks now. “Oh, Peter. Yes, yes, yes. You feel so good.” 

Your arms felt numb and tingly, your head spun and your vision blurred. You had to actively remember to breathe or else you’d fail to do so. You tried to squeeze out everything he had to give you, feeling him throbbing inside of you, twitching as a shiver shot through your body. You adored how he felt without a condom. It felt raw and real like this was how it was supposed to happen. The night you gave him your virginity, he had used one, but once you started taking birth control, you had asked him to stop. You wanted to feel every part of him, wanted him to live inside of you. He was the kind of person who shouldn’t ever be covered up. 

You stayed wrapped around him, safe in his arms, as you came down from you high. Peter traced lazy lines up and down your spine while you focused on your breathing. You felt like your body was glowing, brighter than the sun, and ready to float away. It would give a shudder every so often as his cock softened inside of you until you finally lifted yourself from his lap. If you weren’t the first one to move, you two would never untangle yourselves. Peter never moved away until you did. He always followed your lead. You often wondered if he would hold you forever if you never pulled away. One day, maybe you would test that theory. 

You could feel parts of him dripping down your inner thigh as you rose onto shaky legs. You hurried to fix your bra and button your shirt back up. Peter made no attempts to get off the couch, his softening cock resting against his thigh, a large wet spot made by you damping his pants. He gazed up at you, admiring your body while you tried to make yourself presentable again. 

“You know we’re not finished, right?” He asked, raising his brows in amusement. “We went over one, single question. You have an entire chapter to get through.” 

Your mouth fell open in shock, gasping in his direction, the realization setting in, “But-”

“But what? I told you I was going to help you pass this test. We still have work to do.” His mischievous smile grew. “Sit back down.” 

[asahicore]

love calculator - pjh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. best friend!jihoon x fem!reader

synopsis. You were sure that Jihoon only took care of you so well because your brother had tasked him with looking after you when you started university, so you tried not to read too much into his actions until you couldn't deny your increasing sensitivity around your best friend anymore. What you didn't know was Jihoon was going crazy, finding ways to make his feelings for you more obvious than they already were.

genre. f2l, brother's friend, slight childhood friends action, college au, slow burn?, fluff, smut (mutual first time, they do it raw, dirty talking, very soft dom!jihoon)

warnings. jihoon is a menace, jihoon has a hot bod, junkyu is mean to everyone, mc is a bit slow, side romance but i dont actually ship idols i have a life, omegle, ok theres no actual stuff to be warned about its all good in there

word count. 28.2k dont ask me why or how idk either

a/n. there she is... i spent SO much time on her pls love it lots or i'll cry.. it was sm fun writing for jihoon omg i hope u love hoonyn as much as i do !!! @zreamy my dear sweet little zo ty for betareading this and freaking out over jihoon u rock

1K follower trope event - requested by @mosviqu, tysm for requesting and i really hope u enjoy it !!!! - listen to the playlist!

Oddly enough, it was Jihoon’s biceps that first made you think something was wrong with you.

It was the fourth week of the spring semester, that odd in-between when you knew midterms were creeping up but were still far away enough to be ignored. This meant that you could party guilt-free.

The plan for tonight was to pregame at one of those huge uni dorms where ten students shared a kitchen then head to an overpriced club downtown that always had the best music on Friday nights. You didn’t have any classes on Fridays, so you’d headed to Jihoon’s place around four p.m. to get ready together. Usually, that was something you’d do with Minjeong, your roommate, but that weekend, she was away for an excursion with her Geography course. 

He was in the shower when you rang the doorbell, so his flatmate let you in, and you made yourself comfortable on his bed while waiting for him. You were so engrossed in the romance Webtoon you’d started that morning that at first, when he came in, you didn’t even look up from your phone. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he said casually, unfazed by your sudden appearance in his room. The soft smell of his body wash filled the room, and you noted with smugness that it was the one you had jokingly given him for Christmas after you’d gotten fed up with his strong, ever-present Axe scent. 

“Hey, Hoonie. You smell nice. For once.”

He chuckled. “It’s all thanks to you.”

“What would you do without me?” you said with a sigh, then looked up. You shouldn’t have. “Oh.”

The sight you were met with was unlike anything you’d ever seen in real life - Jihoon in all his post-shower half-naked glory, a simple white towel hanging low on his hips. Small beads of water fell from his hair and dripped down his chiseled chest and onto the plush carpet lining his bedroom.

You were pretty sure you’d seen at least five scenes like this in your romance comics.

“Oh?” he parroted.

You squinted your eyes at your friend before turning your attention back to your phone. “You’re naked.”

From the corner of your eye, you saw his grin widen. “I’m wearing a towel.”

“A towel isn’t clothes.” He turned around to rummage through his closet, and you took that opportunity to observe him more closely. This was the first time you saw your friend without a shirt, and you were trying your very hardest to not freak out, but it was a bit hard not to. Who would have known that under his baggy shirts and sweaters, Jihoon was hiding firm abs, broad shoulders, defined back muscles and protruding biceps?

His arms were what really got you, because you felt like you should have noticed them before. You’d already caught yourself staring a little bit too hard at the veins on his hands and forearms during a lecture before, so you could’ve conjectured that the upper part of his arms was well-defined as well. As mesmerizing as the shifting of his shoulder muscles was, what you really couldn’t look away from was the bump that formed his bicep. 

“Jihoon, have you always had… arms?”

You had barely even realized you’d said this out loud until Jihoon turned around, a confused look on his face. His lips drew into a smirk when he saw how fixed your gaze on his biceps was.

“No, they just grew recently. Thank you for noticing.”

“No, I mean… arms. Muscles.”

“Oh, these?” he said, flexing his arms and pecking his biceps in such a cheesy way that it snapped you out of your reverie and made you burst into laughter. “I started working on them last year so, yeah, they’ve been around a while.”

“Huh,” you said, then picked your phone up again and resumed your reading. “Well, you should work harder, ‘cause it’s the first time I noticed them.”

Jihoon scoffed. “Don’t act like you weren’t just drooling over my dream bod just seconds ago.”

You looked up, outraged. “I wasn’t drooling, I was observing. And don’t call it a dream bod, that’s gross.”

“My bod is a dream bod.”

“Stop it.”

“Can you look away from my dream bod for a sec? I need to put some pants on.”

“I’m already actively not looking. This dude is way hotter than you, by the way,” you said, waving your phone.

“Let me see him,” Jihoon said, heading towards you after successfully putting a shirt and sweatpants on. Gray sweatpants, you realized with a frown. He took your phone and looked back and forth between the character on the screen and you, an expression of disbelief on his face. “Y/N, this is a two-dimensional fictional character that exists in a fairyland. It hurts my feelings when you call him hotter than me.”

A lip grew on your lips. “Yes, but he has pointy ears and doesn’t refer to his body as a dream bod, so he’s a ten in my books.”

As you spoke, Jihoon lay down on his bed, stretching his arms behind his head and resting it on his palms, looking up at you with a grin. You didn’t know what to make of the sudden flip of your stomach.

“Will I be a ten in your books if I stop calling it a dream bod?”

You laughed. “Dream bod doesn’t even sound real anymore.”

“I don’t think it ever was, to be honest,” Jihoon replied, laughing along. “Or maybe they invented it for me.”

--

After that riveting discussion, you watched the show you’d been watching together (which, you had been surprised to find, Jihoon had the discipline to not watch ahead for), then finished getting ready. That night out hadn’t been particularly extraordinary. Pre-gaming had been fun and chaotic, but the line at the club had been so long that you’d all sobered up by the time you were inside and none of you felt compelled to pay for six dollar shots. At least the good music and nice DJ that took all of your requests made up for it.

The interesting bit happened on the bus ride back home.

By some miracle, Jihoon had run into some of his friendly course seniors that apparently liked him so much, they decided to pay for all of his drinks. Only an hour after getting into the club, he was nothing short of wasted. In your five months of being at university with him, you’d not once seen him in such a state - disheveled hair (from dancing too hard or from getting his hair ruffled like a cute dog by all of his seniors, you weren’t sure), deep red blush staining his cheeks, forehead, ears and neck, unfocused eyes and constant lopsided grin. When he almost tripped over his own feet during Gimme More by Britney Spears, you knew it was time to go home.

Jihoon was usually the one that had to deal with a drunk you, so you didn’t mind taking care of him this time. It was actually kind of fun, seeing this new side of the person who had become your closest friend in the past months. 

Luckily for you, a night bus ran directly from the downtown area you were in to the street you and Jihoon lived on, and you managed to lug him to the bus stop. Getting him onto the bus and into a seat was an arduous task, but you made it, and were enjoying a calm, uneventful ride home until you felt Jihoon’s head drop onto your shoulder. You thought he’d just fallen asleep, but then the unmistakable sound of his voice made itself known to your ears.

“Y/N, Y/N…” Jihoon murmured with a muffled voice, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You tried to ignore the prickly feeling down your spine when his lips moved against your skin.

“Yes, Hoonie?” you asked, a tilt of amusement to your voice. You really had never seen your friend so intoxicated.

He sighed, lifting his head from your shoulder and resting it against the window with a bang. He didn’t even wince at the impact of his head against the glass - the alcohol had apparently rid him of the sensation of pain.

“Don’t call me that,” he mumbled, voice so quiet you had to ask him to repeat himself. “I said don’t call me that!” 

You were taken aback by his sudden burst of irritation, but he sounded more like an upset child than anything.

“Call you what? Hoonie?”

“Yes.”

“Why? I’ve always called you that.” You tilted your head at him, but he kept his eyes fixed on the road outside.

“Exactly. You’re the only one who calls me that. Everyone else says Jihoon,” he said, annoyance clear in his voice. It sounded like this had been bothering him for a while, but it was complete news to you. “Can’t you even be bothered to say my full name, or something?”

You chuckled and brushed some hair out of his face. Like an angry cartoon character, he puffed air out of his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. His frown deepened and a blush spread over his face that was already red from the alcohol. “Should I call you Jihoon from now on?” you asked softly.

His reaction was immediate. He whipped around, almost knocking your head with his, a look of total alarm on his face. His eyes were almost teary. “No!” he exclaimed loudly, garnering glares from some of the other passengers in the bus who probably wanted some quiet this late at night. “No,” he repeated, this time more quietly, and turned back to the window.

In slight disbelief, you chuckled again. “What am I supposed to call you, then?”

“Just-” he started, but cut himself off with a sigh. “Just call me whatever.”

A small smile tugged at your lips. “I’ll stick to Hoonie, then.” 

He groaned as he lifted his head from the window and let it fall back against your shoulder. The angle must’ve made it highly uncomfortable for his neck, but he didn’t seem to mind. He only stayed still for a few seconds before shifting slightly and burying his face in the dip between your shoulder and your neck once more, then let out a low hum of satisfaction. 

“You smell nice,” he mumbled. Your breath caught in your throat. He was too close, his lips were too soft and his breath was too warm against your skin. Your whole body felt hot, like the bus driver had suddenly cranked the heat up and turned the bus into a sauna. “Like almonds,” he added, pressing his nose deeper into the base of your neck and inhaling there.

You tried to laugh, hoping it would dissipate the tension in your body, but it only came out as a choked sound. “It’s my body lotion,” you explained, voice weaker than you’d intended.

“Hm.”

You didn’t know what it was about Jihoon’s proximity that made your head spin so - no one had ever made you feel this way, and the fact that your body was reacting so intensely to someone you had considered your best friend for the past months made it all the more confusing.

“Are you asleep?” you asked him in a small voice after he’d been silent for some minutes.

“Just sleepy,” he murmured, shifting in his seat again. You tried not to shiver at the tickling sensation of his hair against your neck.

A pause. “Jihoon?”

“Don’t call me that.” You smiled, but there was a slight whine to his voice that, for some reason, made your heart ache. 

You corrected yourself. “Hoon?”

“Mmh?”

“Why did it bother you that I call you Hoonie, all of a sudden?”

He took so long to answer that you almost thought he hadn’t heard you. “Because… every time you call me that, it makes me love you more,” he answered, voice getting gradually lower until it became a whisper.

Everything seemed to disappear around you. The other passengers, the seat underneath you, the blinking lights and the night sky outside the window. It was just you and Jihoon, his body warm next to yours and the only thing keeping you tethered to Earth.

“Makes you… love… me?” you echoed tentatively. 

But no answer came. When you bent your head down to look at Jihoon, it seemed like he had fallen completely asleep, mouth slightly agape and the blush of alcohol still red on his face. You didn’t know what to make of his words, but there was no point asking him about them now. So you let him sleep on your shoulder, only waking him once you were nearing his stop. 

--

Jihoon woke up the next morning with a pounding head and a bruised ego.

He had always prided himself in his ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol and yet only end up tipsy. Sure, it wasn’t exactly good for his body, but it meant that he never had to turn down a drink or watch on the sidelines as his friends did shots, and he could still get home just fine and not wake up with a head-splitting hangover the next day. Unlike you, who started giggling for no reason after one pint of beer and who tore it up on the dancefloor or talked to strangers like you’d been besties for years after two shots of tequila.

It only made his state of the previous night that much more embarrassing. He wished he had your amazing memory-erasing superpowers - but sadly, he didn’t, and what happened in the bus was glued to his brain. 

Before he could even lift his head or get a cup of water, his phone rang, the sound invading his ears and splitting his head in two. He slid a thumb across his phone to accept the video call and was greeted by a close-up of Junkyu’s smiling face.

“Rise and shine! I heard someone got their party on last night.”

Jihoon groaned loudly, chucking his phone somewhere on his bed so he didn’t have to see his friend’s face anymore. His was definitely not the face he wanted to see first thing in the morning. Unfortunately for Jihoon, Junkyu had been blessed with an extraordinarily loud voice that still rang clear even when the speakers of Jihoon’s phone were stifled by his blankets.

“Y/N sent me a video of you. You looked ridiculous, man.”

“I hate you. I hate your face, I hate the way you talk, I hate how mean you are to me-”

“I can’t hear you. What was that?”

With another groan and a lot of difficulty, Jihoon raised his upper body and retrieved his phone. “You suck.”

Junkyu’s smile widened. “Well, that’s all from me. Have a glass of water!” he said cheerily before hanging up. Jihoon had never wanted to kill someone so badly.

His murderous feelings softened when he turned his head to find a plastic bottle of water and a headache pill along with a handwritten note on his bedside table. Have this and text me when you wake up! with five hearts at the bottom. It wasn’t signed, but he knew it was from you.

When the two of you met up for brunch sometime later, he kept searching your face and reading into your actions for any sign that what he’d said last night had made you uncomfortable. He’d expected you to be awkward around him, but your attitude almost made him think he’d imagined the whole thing. You joked around with him as usual, as if he hadn’t practically confessed to you last night, and he was desperate to know what might be going through your mind.

Had you forgotten? Had you chalked it up to him being drunk and talking nonsense? Had he had just thought it very hard, and not actually said it out loud? Or, worst of all, had you heard it all and understood him and decided to just ignore it for the sake of your friendship?

Jihoon was going crazy. He could barely taste his chicken and waffles.

The truth was, you just had no idea what to make of his words, and you were scared bringing it up might make things awkward. Jihoon could have forgotten all about it, or he could have meant something entirely different from where your wild, romance-comic-filled imagination went. Save for his tired eyes and groggy voice, he was no different at breakfast than he usually was, so you dropped it.

--

“Okay, Y/N, I think it’s time for you to go home now.” 

Different Friday night, different party. A week had passed and neither of you had mentioned what Jihoon had said on the bus - it wasn’t quite out of your minds just yet, but you’d both separately decided to pretend nothing had happened.

This time, Jihoon had found you in the hallway playing beer pong and downing the cup of beer your opponent had thrown the ball into. Everybody cheered you on as you gulped the cheap liquid down before lifting the empty cup over your head, eyes screwed shut at the unpleasant bitterness in your mouth. Jihoon wasn’t sure why you were playing - you hated beer, and you had one of the worst throws he’d ever seen. But even he, who was supposed to look after you, couldn’t suppress a smile at your attempt and inevitable total fail at scoring a point for your team. Even with all the concentration in the world, the sheer amount of alcohol in your system would’ve made it impossible for you to make it.

Back against the wall and arms crossed over his chest, he watched amusedly as you squinted your eyes at the cups across the table from you, even sticking out your tongue as if that would make your aim any better. After a few tense seconds, you threw the ping-pong ball and hit Lee Jeno right in the chest. You’d giggled at your own failure, letting people pat you on the back for trying and reassure you that it’s okay (even though you really didn’t care) before stumbling right into Jihoon. 

As soon as you’d recognized your friend’s face, you’d thrown your arms around his neck and pulled him down into a hug as you yelled his name happily; his hands had come up to your hips and gently pushed your body away from his. Then, he’d said the words you always hated to hear at a party.

“But we just got here!” you cried, the same answer you always gave him when he wanted to leave. You started walking away from him and back into the kitchen for more alcohol. He sighed but was quick to follow you.

“We got here three hours ago. Plus we did pres at Yoshi’s place. You’ve had way more than enough to drink,” he said, snatching a cup you’d just filled with punch from your hands.

“I was gonna drink that!” you complained, leaning against the counter for support. 

Jihoon took in your swaying body and your dazed eyes and knew he had to get you home. Any more alcohol and you’d pass out in this stranger’s apartment. Usually, he’d let you drink to your heart’s content and just make sure you got home safe afterwards, but midterms were coming up, and you’d planned on studying the next day - he was just trying to minimize the severity of your hangover. 

You mustered your most pitiful expression - to drunk you, there was no way Jihoon could resist your pouty lips and sad eyes. “Do we really have to go?” you asked, and Jihoon had to read your lips because of the loud music. 

He smirked, seeing right through your little act. He bent his upper body so that his lips were right next to your ear. “You’ll thank me tomorrow,” he replied, making you drop your fake sad expression.

“I should go say bye to Minjeong and the others first.”

“I’ve already told them we were leaving.”

You rolled his eyes at him and his stupid smile and lifted yourself from the counter, immediately losing your balance. Maybe you had drunk too much. At least Jihoon was there to catch you and prevent you from falling. He tried to put his arm around your shoulder to support you but you stepped away from him and fixed him a pointed look.

“I can still walk, you know.”

Jihoon smiled but said nothing, gesturing at you to go on and walk. You turned around and started making your way out of the place, ignoring Jihoon’s snickers as you bumped into various party-goers and pieces of furniture.  

When you reached the front door, you decided that actually, no, you couldn’t walk. Sliding against the wall, you let yourself drop into a crouching position. Your head suddenly felt like it was twice its normal weight and you regretted those last few shots of whatever it was you had drunk.

Jihoon sighed as he lowered himself and grabbed you under your armpits to lift you up. He had never been more thankful for an elevator and a bus stop only a minute’s walk away from where you were. Standing under bright lights in a desert and quiet street, it appeared like an oasis to Jihoon. Whoever’s party this had been, they lived in a really calm part of town. At this time on a Friday night, Jihoon’s street would be teeming with drunk students deciding which bar or club they should head to next.

You had never been more thankful for a bus stop with seats. You plopped yourself down on one of them, resting your head on the glass behind you and tightening your jacket around your shoulders. You closed your eyes, deciding this was the perfect time for a nap. 

“Are you cold?” Jihoon asked, his voice keeping you from nodding off. You let out a non-committal hum in response which he wasn’t sure how to interpret. He chuckled and you heard a rustling sound before feeling an added weight on top of your body. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured, then sat by your side.

Next thing you knew, Jihoon was making you stand again, and your feet moved of their own accord as he led you inside the bus. As soon as you were seated, you drifted back off to sleep. You jolted awake when your head drooped over, making you feel like you were falling. You sat up straight and looked around the empty bus, frantically asking Jihoon where you were.

“I’m taking you home,” he answered, laughter clear in his voice.

“Oh, okay,” you mumbled, and closed your eyes once more, falling back asleep in a matter of seconds. 

Jihoon watched with a tender smile as your mouth opened slightly and let soft snores escape it. Scooting closer to you, he placed his palm on your cheek and pulled your head towards his shoulder so it could rest there.

“Why do you drink so much if you can’t handle it?” he asked quietly, even though he knew you were already in dreamland.

--

When you opened your eyes the next morning, you felt like a kid who had fallen asleep in the car on the way home from a distant relative's wedding and mysteriously woken up in their bed. You stretched out your limbs, enjoying the softness and warmth of your sheets covering your body until a headache and pasty mouth hit you like a ton of bricks. It felt like the alcohol had made your brain shrivel inside of your skull - your whole body was screaming for water. 

Some kind of miracle had made a large glass of water appear on your bedside table, and you gulped it down in mere seconds. The hour on your phone read 10:24 a.m. - so much for getting up early and going to study at the library. 

You’d have rather stayed curled up under your blankets and slept the rest of your hangover off, but some rustling noises from the kitchen (and an intense need to pee) forced you out of the comfort of your bed. You stumbled into the kitchen to find Jihoon placing a pancake atop an already dangerously high stack. 

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he greeted you, glancing at you with a smirk on his face as you made your way towards him. You stood behind him and rested your forehead at the base of his neck, as if catching a few last seconds of sleep. 

The feeling of your hair against his skin sent shivers down his spine and he hoped his shaky intake of breath had gone unnoticed by you. His pancake was ready and he had to put it on the plate behind him, but as if a cat had fallen asleep in his lap, he couldn’t get himself to move. This was a moment he wanted to cherish - although you never particularly kept your distance from him, he was still always greedy for more of your touch.

“Hey, Hoonie,” you replied in a groggy voice. “Thank you for breakfast,” you said, moving to rest your lower back against the counter next to the stove. He missed you immediately. “And sorry for being a nuisance last night.”

Jihoon smiled at you as he turned to place the pancake on the stack. Then he leaned in slightly and you made sure not to breathe through your mouth so he wouldn’t smell your morning breath. 

“You always apologize, and yet who’s dragging you home every single weekend?” he asked with an amused grin that let you know he wasn’t actually bothered by it.

He turned back to his pan and ladled more batter into it, forming a perfectly circular pancake. “Sorry,” you repeated guiltily.

He shook his head. “I’d rather be there and make sure you get home safe. And it’s not like I don’t have fun at those parties.” 

A small smile on your lips, you nodded and let his words assuage your guilt. “I’ll make coffee as a token of my gratitude.”

“How kind of you,” Jihoon teased, beaming. 

No matter how many times Jihoon reassured you, you still felt bad that he thought it his obligation to do those things for you.

Although you’d only grown closer at the beginning of your first year of university, now six months ago, you and Jihoon had known each other since you were thirteen, and he fourteen. You still remembered his braces, wide boba eyes and round cheeks from your teenage years - when you saw him again five years later, you couldn’t deny your surprise at his much… manlier appearance. Sharper jaw, broader shoulders, taller figure, deeper voice - it was hard to recognize the Jihoon you’d known and the Jihoon in front of you as the same person.

His parents’ job made their family move around a lot - your town had been their fifth home since Jihoon’s birth already. The year and a half they stayed went by far too quickly, and before you knew it, you already had to say goodbye. Jihoon and Junkyu had grown really close in that year, and since you were always in your older brother’s business at that time, you’d developed a liking for your brother’s best friend, too. You liked the way he’d ruffle your hair whenever he came over to your house, the way he remembered strawberry milk was your favorite, and the way he’d wave at you in the school hallways, effectively making you cooler than all of your friends for knowing someone who was in the year above. At the time, you hadn’t known if what you felt for him could be described as a crush - all you knew was that for the rest of high school, you missed him. 

When you found out that he had not only come back to South Korea to study, but that he was attending the university of your dreams, you couldn't have been more excited. But you chalked it up to the relief of knowing someone in an otherwise unfamiliar place.

Jihoon had been even more welcoming than you’d expected. He had come to get you at the airport with a big, colorful Welcome Y/N banner, helped you move into your dorm and treated you to a meal the night you arrived in town. Over the following weeks, he’d introduced you to his friends, showed you around campus, and kept inviting you out “so you would know where the good spots were.”

Thanks to him, settling in had been a much less stressful and emotionally exhausting process than you’d expected. But no matter how grateful you were, you couldn’t help but wonder why he was going to these lengths to welcome you. 

Somewhere in the town center, there was a square that was extremely popular among skaters for a reason beyond your understanding. But at almost any time of the day and night, you could find people practicing their skating there. You’d just left a bar nearby with Minjeong, Jihoon and his friends, and to an intoxicated you, skating, something you had never attempted before, seemed like the thing to try out right then and there. You ran up to the first skater you found and asked him if he could show you how to ride.

Minjeong had run after you, finding a skater of her own while Jihoon’s friends either watched or talked about something else amongst themselves. Of course, the inevitable happened, and as soon as the skater let you try skating on your own, you’d fallen on your hands and knees. In a flash, Jihoon had been by your side, frantically asking if you were okay and making you show him your palms. They were only grazed, and one of your knees was bleeding very faintly, but Jihoon acted like you’d just broken something. He got you to get on his back so he could carry you to the nearest pharmacy, leaving his friends and Minjeong to wonder what the hell was going on. You tried telling him you were okay and could walk on your own just fine, but he wouldn’t listen. 

He’d sat you on the curb in front of the all-night pharmacy and asked you to wait as he got disinfectant and bandages. You watched his face closely as he rubbed medical alcohol on your wounds. A crease had plagued his eyebrows ever since you fell, and he would not stop mumbling something about you needing to be more careful and you’re lucky you didn’t get hurt badly.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until one of your tears fell on Jihoon’s hand, hot against his skin, and he looked up at you with worry, any of his previous frustration with you wiped from his expression.

“Y/N? Why are you crying?” he’d asked, voice soft, as if trying not to scare you.

You sniffled. “Why are you so nice to me?”

His eyes softened and a small smile grew on his lips. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to mirror his smile, and the more you cried, the sadder you felt. Inexplicably, your tears just fell and fell and fell. Under the bright white lights of the pharmacy, in the cold of a particularly chilly September night, Jihoon wrapped an arm around you and let you cry on his shoulder. He didn’t ask any further questions, just waited for you to calm down as he rubbed a hand up and down your back and whispered in your ear that it was okay.

When you thought back on it now, you knew that it had just been the alcohol making you unreasonably emotional - you weren’t actually sad about Jihoon looking after you, if anything, it made you happy. But once you’d started crying, you couldn’t stop.

“I’m just looking out for you,” he’d said once your sniffling had somewhat lessened. You’d leaned back to look at him. 

“But why?” you’d whined.

Your frown had deepened as his smile had widened. “Because we’re friends.”

“Is that it?” 

“Well, Junkyu also asked me to look after you,” he admitted sheepishly. 

You gasped in affront. “He what?!”

“Y/N-”

“So he’s been forcing you to do all of this?” you asked, voice breaking at the end. Your anger had lasted two seconds - you’d gone back to being sad at the thought of Jihoon only being nice to you because your stupid big brother had asked him to.

“No, no, it’s not like that, listen to me-”

“I can’t believe the two of you! I’m not a child-”

“Nobody said you were-”

“So you don’t actually even care-”

“I do!” Jihoon had exclaimed, louder than you’d expected, and it shut you up. “I do,” he repeated, voice softer. His hands were still on your upper arms, and he leaned in closer. “You’re his little sister. Of course he was worried about you leaving home. He just asked me to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble,” he explained, lightly tapping the tip of your nose with his finger. 

He sighed, smiling as he watched you try to keep an upset expression on your face. He took the bandages out of the pack he’d just bought and stuck them with caution on your wounds. “But I wouldn’t be doing all of this if I didn’t care, Y/N.” When your eyes met again, you hadn’t known what to make of the look in his. “I missed you, you know.”

Just like that, the ducts behind your eyes filled up again, and large, hot tears streamed down your face as you rested your forehead against Jihoon’s shoulders again. He chuckled at your dramatics but placed a reassuring hand against your hair. “I missed you, too,” you replied between broken sobs.

He’d texted his friends to take Minjeong with them and go on without the two of you, then carried you back to his apartment, which was thankfully only a five-minute walk away. 

Ever since that night, you and Jihoon had been inseparable. He continued checking on you consistently, bringing you food and coffee without you even asking and, of course, getting you home safe from nights out. 

You were thankful to have a friend like him.

“Pancakes?!” your flatmate exclaimed as soon as she walked through the door, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey, Minjeong,” you and Jihoon greeted in unison. 

She was wearing her clothes from last night and her hair was a mess, but she had a bright expression on her face (despite the faint mascara stains underneath her eyes). You narrowed your eyes at her but she made a beeline for the food, completely ignoring you.

“Hot,” she mumbled as she held a pancake between her fingers, but threw a piece in her mouth anyway. “You’re so lucky to have a boyfriend like him, Y/N,” she said around her food.

“Isn’t she?” Jihoon replied before you could say anything.

You rolled your eyes at the pair in front of you and poured a cup of coffee for Minjeong. She referred to Jihoon as your boyfriend so often that you didn’t bother to correct her anymore. “Not my boyfriend. And even so, he’s more like a bodyguard than anything.”

“Being a bodyguard is just one of the many duties of being a boyfriend,” Minjeong declared, easily ignoring you. “Don’t you agree, Jihoon?”

He nodded, a serious look on his face. “Absolutely. I take what I do very seriously.” When his eyes found yours, he shot you a wink. Your frown deepened. 

“Anyway, care to share why you’re coming home so late?”

A blush creeped on Minjeong’s cheeks. “Well, Yoshi’s place is quite a ways from here…” she murmured, looking down at her half-eaten pancake. 

“Called it!” you yelled, just as Jihoon let out a loud “no” of shock and defeat.

“Next takeaway is on you,” you told Jihoon with a proud smile. In a mature response, he stuck his tongue out at you.

Minjeong frowned at both of you. “You guys bet on this?” she asked, vexed. Jihoon exchanged a look, glanced back at her, and shrugged. “Not cool. I didn’t even know something would happen with him. How did you guess?”

You smiled. “You always go for the cute ones.”

She hummed in agreement, her expression almost a pained one. “He’s just the cutest little thing ever, I couldn’t help myself.” She took a sip of her coffee, cringing at the bitter taste before getting up to fetch sugar and milk.

You sighed at your friend. “You’re gonna break that poor boy’s heart.” You knew Minjeong wasn’t to blame for the boys that got attached to her when she made it clear she wasn’t looking for a relationship - but if it happened to Yoshi, you’d feel guilty. You’d met him in a tutorial for one of your Digital Media courses and he seemed like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’d invited you to do pres at his place, and you’d dragged Minjeong and Jihoon along, so they’d met through you. In a way, if Yoshi fell for Minjeong and got hurt, it’d be your fault.

“I told him I didn’t want anything serious,” she said, pouring as much milk as there was coffee in her mug.

“He doesn’t seem like the type to do casual stuff,” Jihoon chimed in as he placed the last pancake on top of the stack. But it was one pancake too many, and the whole stack fell over. Jihoon wasn’t rattled - he placed a few on his plate then rebuilt the stack.

Minjeong ate her last bite of pancake and got up from the stool. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“We? This is your problem, babe,” you said.

Minjeong smiled at you, eyes crinkling as she pressed a wet kiss to your cheek. You were sure there was some pancake left on her lips. “You’re such a good friend, Y/N,” she said, making you laugh. Of course you’d help Minjeong if she needed - but you were starting to feel bad for all the hearts she kept breaking. “I’m going back to bed,” she announced. Then, she put her hand next to her mouth as if telling you a secret, but spoke loud enough for Jihoon to hear anyway: “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, is all I’ll say.”

Jihoon choked on his food and you let out a groan of disgust, but you both burst into laughter anyway. “I want details later!” you called out.

“You won’t be disappointed,” she said between giggles as she closed her bedroom door behind her. 

Just then, your phone buzzed with an incoming video call, Junkyu’s face taking up your screen. “Hey, ugly face,” you greeted, propping your phone up against the milk bottle.

“Hey, stink.”

“Hey, Kyu!” Jihoon called out and took a seat close next to you - you knew he was just trying to squeeze into frame, but the sudden proximity still made your breath catch in your throat for a second.

Your brother’s eyes narrowed. “What are the two of you doing together on a Sunday morning?”

You looked at Jihoon, then back at your screen. “Is there something wrong with Sunday mornings?”

“Not inherently, no…” your brother conceded. “But still.”

You rolled your eyes at him and his meaningless suspiciousness. “We just went to a party together last night and he crashed here afterwards.”

“She was so wasted I had to bring her home. And I made pancakes this morning.”

“Y/N, if you don’t marry this guy, I will,” Junkyu said with all the seriousness in the world, and Jihoon made a kissy face at him.

“What’s up with everyone today?” you sighed. “I’m going to shower. You two have fun.” You knew your brother probably didn’t have much to tell you anyway - he liked calling you for no other reason than to bother you. 

“Oh, we will,” Jihoon said with a suggestive tone, and you made a vomiting noise before disappearing into the bathroom. 

“When I told you to look after her, I just meant to make sure she doesn’t drink too much or get involved with weirdos. I didn’t mean to make her pancakes on Sunday mornings,” Junkyu teased, a knowing smile on his face. 

Jihoon looked down at his place, a small smile growing on his lips as well. “I know, but I like doing those things for her.”

Junkyu let out an odd noise, half out of disgust and half out of annoyance. “I can’t believe you. Just ask her out, already.”

“So you don’t like me at her place on a Sunday morning, but you want me to ask her out?”

Junkyu rolled his eyes (Jihoon thought this was a family trait, at this point). “I’m trying to help you out here, buddy. I know she’s my little sister, but you’re also my best friend,” he started, ignoring Jihoon’s aww, “and I don’t know how much longer I can stand you being in love with her but not making a move.” He paused to sigh. “I know you’re a good guy, so you have my approval, or whatever.”

Jihoon smiled somewhat sadly, picking at his food with his fork. “I appreciate it, Kyu, but I really don’t think she feels the same way.”

“How do you know that? Have you asked her?” Junkyu asked, not even trying to hide his impatience.

“No, but-”

“Do I need to do it for you? Do you want to hide behind my back while I tell my little sister, hey, my friend here has something he wants to tell you? Hey, my friend thinks you’re pretty, do you want to talk to him? Are you a big baby who can’t do anything, Park Jihoon?”

“No, I just-”

“You know, if this were a k-drama and you were the main lead, everybody would get Second Lead Syndrome. Me included. You suck.”

“Supportive as ever, Kyu,” Jihoon said, sighing.

“If you don’t ask her, you’re a bitch. I’m hanging up now,” Junkyu said before Jihoon could get another word in. He just shook his head, chuckling as he dug into his pancakes again.

The two of them had had this conversation about a thousand times, and they always came to the same conclusion: Junkyu thought Jihoon should confess his feelings to you, and Jihoon dismissed the idea, knowing he’d never have the guts to do it. To him, making jokes about being your boyfriend and relentlessly flirting with you was sign enough of his affection for you - you just needed to figure out that he wasn’t actually kidding at all. He was already doing half of the work for you, really. 

An hour later, the two of you were sitting on the fifth floor of the library, where nobody ever dared to venture because of its dark corners and maze-like rows of bookshelves. It creeped Jihoon out, but it was your favorite place to study, so on days he couldn’t convince you to go to a nicer spot, he sucked it up and followed you to the table you liked by a window that overlooked the park next to the campus. The window let some light in, but to get there, you had to go through dim hallways that looked like they hadn’t seen a human soul in years. Jihoon didn’t know how you’d found out about it in the first place. It felt like something a fourth-year would keep as a secret, not something a first-year would have discovered in her first months of attending uni.

As he observed your sleeping figure, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed. You’d gotten about twenty minutes of work done before resting your head atop your crossed arms, claiming you would just take a “power nap.” He couldn’t believe you’d emotionally manipulated him (pouted up at him and gave him puppy eyes - with that look on your face, Jihoon would agree to murdering someone for you) into going to this creepy part of the library only to sleep almost immediately after getting there. 

He bent down onto his arms, mirroring your position, and let himself have this moment. Even though he saw you all the time, it wasn’t often that he could shamelessly stare at you and get away with it.

He watched as your shoulders rose and fell to the consistent rhythm of your breathing, as the sunlight pouring in from the window made your eyelashes cast shadows against your cheeks. You looked so peaceful that any trace of his irritation towards you vanished. It wasn’t like he could ever really be mad at you.

Jihoon loved how little you had changed in the years you’d been apart. Of course, you’d grown into your features and didn’t quite look like the thirteen-year-old version of you he’d known, but still, you had the same face and same habits he’d fallen in love with in the first place. 

He still remembered the way his heart had swelled when he’d found your face amongst the crowd at the airport, how his whole body had buzzed with excitement at the idea of finally seeing you again after all these years. When you’d received your admission email from your university, the first thing Junkyu had told Jihoon was that he’d better look after you. It wasn’t like he didn’t think you couldn’t handle yourself, but it reassured him, knowing someone he trusted so much would be there to help you adjust to university life, since he couldn’t do it himself. 

Jihoon had taken this seriously. Junkyu hadn’t given him any sort of instructions - the picking you up at the airport, introducing you to his friends, making sure you were well-fed and well-caffeinated, that was all him. At first, he tried convincing himself that he was doing this in an old friend, big brother fashion - he knew how close you and Junkyu were, so he fancied himself a sort of Junkyu 2.0 for you to rely on. 

It had been when he saw your red, puffy eyes, trembling lips and tear-stained cheeks that he realized his old feelings had resurfaced. After all, don’t they say you never really forget your first love?

Truth be told, that whole night had been a dead giveaway. From the moment you met up at the bar to his little nurse moment in front of the pharmacy, his heart had not stopped racing. He kept checking on you, making sure you were having fun and handling your alcohol, and stuck by your side the whole time, like a bee to a flower. 

He remembered standing arms crossed over his chest and observing you with narrowed eyes as you tried out skating. He was telling himself he was just watching in case you got hurt, but he couldn’t ignore the way his stomach twisted with a hot, unpleasant emotion as the skater guided you, hands on your waist. He didn’t like that you held that stranger by his shoulders, relying on him and not Jihoon for support, or that you laughed together like you’d been friends for years. Jihoon was your long-time friend, not this random long-haired, baggy-shirted, vans-wearing loser skater that probably had a name like Mark or something.

When you’d fallen from that skateboard, his heart had dropped in his stomach. He’d been sick with worry that you’d gotten badly hurt, and even upon seeing your barely-grazed palms and knees, he hadn’t been reassured. 

Seeing you cry had made him panic like crazy. He tried his best to comfort you, but had no idea whether he was doing a good job. For days after that night, he’d replayed the conversation the two of you had under the lights of the pharmacy. 

“Why are you so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m just looking out for you.”

“But why?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“Is that it?” 

Jihoon hadn’t known whether you meant, is that the only reason, or, are we only friends? But he’d thought the second question was wishful thinking on his part. So he told you about the promise he’d made to Junkyu, and that had somehow made you even more upset. Even though he hadn’t said it outright, he’d thought he had made it clear that he wasn’t only doing this because Junkyu had told him to - he also wanted to be there for you. He did care, more than he wanted to admit. 

Over time, his feelings for you had grown far bigger than simple teenage nostalgia - he loved your present self impossibly more than fourteen-year-old Jihoon had loved thirteen-year-old you. He thought he made it obvious - he always made sure to compliment you, remembered your coffee order and favorite dishes from your favorite restaurants, rushed to your side whenever you needed him, and did everything he could think of to support you. Sure, he relentlessly teased you as well, but that was just Jihoon.

If you noticed him, you didn’t show it. He wasn’t sure whether you genuinely didn’t know he wanted you as more than a friend or were playing dumb, but he knew you saw him as something like a second older brother. But Jihoon had come to terms with that - he’d rather be in your life as a friend than not at all.

This was why he was grateful for moments like these, when he could just look at you without you knowing. 

After five minutes, Jihoon quietly got up and bravely made his way through the dark hallways and back outside to get you a drink - in case you woke up grumpy from your nap, he knew a matcha latte would appease you. He almost got lost on his way back, but when he found your table again, you were still sleeping. He couldn’t help himself - before rousing you, he snapped a quick picture of your sleeping face, making sure to get the drool pooling at the corner of your lips in frame. The photo went into his Y/N folder, full of pictures and videos he’d both secretly and not-so-secretly taken of you, which, no, wasn’t creepy at all, thank you very much.

When he pressed one drink to your cheek and the other to your forehead, you woke up with a gasp, then immediately winced at the pain in the side of your neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position.

“I wasn’t sure whether you’d want a hot one or an iced one, so I just got both.”

“Ooh, iced, please,” you said. “Thanks, Hoonie.” But before you could grab the drink, he snatched it away.

“No drinking until you get at least one thing done,” he said, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

You frowned. “But the ice will melt and it’ll taste all watery.”

Jihoon didn’t want to give in so easily. 

“Hm?” you hummed, tilting your head at him.

Jihoon gave in, handing you your drink with a tut. Seeing your excited grin and hearing your sigh of contentment after taking a sip made it worth it. 

About two (surprisingly productive) hours later, your stomach started demanding nourishment, and who were you to deny it? Your hangover was strong that day, and even the pancakes and coffee hadn’t completely rid your mouth of its sour taste. You needed something salty and greasy, so you pitched going to the fried chicken place a few blocks down to Jihoon, who agreed immediately.

On the way there, you tried to recollect some moments from the party yesterday, but quickly realized that not much was coming to mind. Pre-drinks at Yoshi’s were clear in your head, and so was walking to the other party - but the better part of your memories after that were fuzzy or non-existent. 

“Hoonie?” you suddenly asked.

“Hm?”

“Did I do anything embarrassing last night?”

Jihoon chuckled. “Not more than usual.”

You groaned and pushed his shoulder, making him laugh even more. “I mean, you just kinda danced like crazy and talked to absolutely anyone. At some point you were gone for like twenty-five minutes, and I found you in the bathroom taking selfies with girls I’d never seen before in my life.”

You pulled out your phone and checked your gallery - indeed, there were about fifty pictures of you and some random girls. “Who are they?” you asked, more to yourself than to Jihoon, in disbelief at how comfortable last-night-you looked with these strangers. “They seem nice enough, I guess.” You laughed with Jihoon before sighing. “Well, that’s not too bad. I’ve done worse things.”

Jihoon made a face as if to say, Yeah, I know, and you rolled your eyes at him. You returned your gaze to the path in front of you, but if you’d kept on looking at Jihoon, you’d have noticed the smirk growing on his lips as a joke formed in his head. After some time, with a shit-eating grin on his face, he broke the silence. “Oh, well, there was also that moment when you confessed your undying love for me, tears streaming down your face, begging on your knees, all the works. That was pretty embarrassing. But I get it.”

It was so ridiculous that you couldn’t help yourself from laughing as you slapped his shoulder. “You wish,” you said between giggles.

I do wish, he immediately thought, but kept it to himself. He laughed instead and could only hope his real thoughts weren’t so obvious. 

--

Two things happened in the fried chicken shop restaurant.

Well, three, if you counted their promotion on their chicken rice cake coleslaw menu, which was your favorite and which Jihoon always chided you for ordering (“Anyone who likes coleslaw is not human”), but in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t so important.

First, your mom called. Now, this wasn’t anything huge in itself, but it was Jihoon’s behavior that got to you.

You had gotten maybe five words before he snatched the phone from you and lifted it to his ear. “Hi, Mrs Kim!”

You heard a faint but enthusiastic “Hi, Jihoon!” on the other side of the line. They made small talk for a bit, and you couldn’t believe your mom could have forgotten about her only daughter so quickly. You’d dived back into your fried chicken, pretending you didn’t care about whatever it was they were talking so energetically about, until you heard your name on the other end.

Your and Jihoon’s eyes met. A mischievous smile spread across his lips and your gaze hardened. “Yes, well, you know her, she’s a bit of a nuisance, but I’m keeping her out of trouble and all that. I saved her from joining a cult the other day,” he said, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Oh dear!” you heard your mother exclaim.

“You didn’t save me from anything, I knew what that woman was up to.”

You’d been waiting for Jihoon outside of the movie theater when an older woman approached you. She seemed friendly enough, and you thought she was just a lonely grandma in need of a nice discussion - which it was at first, until it veered towards religion. Next thing you knew, she was telling you stories about the upcoming end of the world and how we had to beg for salvation. You didn’t believe any of it, but you found it captivating, so you stood there listening to her and egging her on until Jihoon showed up and forced you out of there. You thought it’d have been funny if he’d listened along, but knowing Jihoon, a small part of him might have actually believed her and started freaking out.

“I didn’t know you and my mom were so chummy,” you said when the phone call was over. She hadn’t even asked to talk to you again.

“Your mom’s awesome. I can’t believe such a lovely woman gave birth to two gremlins like you and Junkyu. Are you sure you’re not adopted?”

It had seemed like nothing at the time, but when you played the scene over again in your mind that night as you lay in bed, the fact that Jihoon got along with your family filled your heart with an unexpected warmth. It was almost like he was part of the family himself - not in a third child way, but more in a if you brought him home to your family, he’d fit right in, a thought that had made you panic as soon as it’d appeared in your mind. Because why were you thinking of bringing Jihoon home? Why did it make you so happy, knowing he’d be welcomed with open arms?

You shook your head against your pillow, hoping it’d make those thoughts vanish. You reassured yourself by telling yourself that you’d be just as happy bringing a friend like Minjeong home, and that you were sure she’d get along just fine with your brothers and parents. 

The other sign had been much more straightforward. You weren’t afraid to eat messily in front of Jihoon, so some honey barbecue sauce had spread over the corner of your lips as you wolfed down one of the wings. As soon as Jihoon started to lean in across the table, you knew you were in trouble.

Not only did he wipe the sauce off your lips with his thumb, but he licked it off of his finger, never breaking eye contact throughout the whole ordeal. Your whole body tensed and you swear you stopped breathing for a second. 

It only really lasted maybe five seconds, but felt like hours to you. You glared at him for a bit before diving back into your chicken, hoping you didn’t look as flustered as you felt. But Jihoon and his stupid, proud smirk probably knew what he’d done to you. As if that wasn’t enough already, he even had the audacity to whisper cute under his breath. Your eyes snapped back up to his face, but he just smiled and nodded towards your food, telling you to keep eating. 

Over the next week, the word cute refused to leave your mind. You kept replaying that scene over and over - the feeling of Jihoon’s thumb on your lips, the sight of his own lips around his thumb, his gaze through it all. It wasn’t the first time such thoughts of Jihoon plagued you - once, he’d guided you through a crowded club with a hand on your lower back and the way the warmth of his hand against you had made you feel prompted you to ignore him for the rest of the night. Another time, he’d kissed you on the forehead after dropping you off at your apartment and you hadn’t been able to look him in the eyes for the following week. 

You took the small but meaningful events of that day as your second sign of your new odd feelings directed towards your best friend, feelings that you didn’t know how to name just yet.

--

Crazy rich Yoon Jaehyuk was having a pool party at his house, and basically everyone was invited. If you knew about the party, you could go - all Jaehyuk had to do was to tell maybe ten people and let them spread the word. As his partner for an English Linguistics class you had together that semester, you were one of those privileged people who’d known firsthand about the event and had made sure to tell everyone you knew to come. You shouldn’t have been so surprised to find what must’ve already been a hundred people on the front lawn, inside the house and around the pool when you showed up with Jihoon and the rest of your friends there.

Coincidentally, this was when the third sign occurred. Third time’s a charm, as they say, and the events of that night and those following cemented your growing hunch that something really was up.

Pre-drinks at yours and Minjeong’s place had already taken quite a toll on you. Jaehyuk lived at the edge of town, quite a ways from your flat, but the vodka cranberry you’d snuck in on the bus prevented you from sobering up during the long ride. When your group arrived at the party, both you and Minjeong were ready to dance. But before you could rush to wherever the dancefloor was, Jihoon caught you by the wrist, effectively stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes went from his fingers around your wrist to his smiling face, a surprised look on your own. 

“We’re gonna head directly to the pool. Don’t drink too much, okay?”

Your lips blossomed with a smile. Typical Jihoon. “Okay.”

The alcohol probably had something to do with it, but a surge of affection for your friend hit you and you stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before taking Minjeong’s hand in yours and making a beeline in the direction of the music.

I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas was calling your name and you didn’t think to turn around to look at Jihoon, so you missed the way he watched your figure retreating into the mass of drunk students as he tried to commit the warmth of your lips against his cheek to memory.

You and Minjeong made your way to the center of the crowd, shrieking with drunken excitement when you found a group of girls from one of your shared classes there and exchanging very brief pleasantries before falling into the rhythm of one of your all-time favorite party songs. In your humble opinion, no one understood partying like The Black Eyed Peas did.

You only leave the dancefloor on one occasion, which is to take a round of vodka shots with your new best friends for the night - Jihoon had said not to drink too much, not not at all. One of the girls (Yunjin, you thought, but she showed up to class so seldom you weren’t sure) had a trick of pouring a lick of strawberry syrup before the alcohol, so that you wouldn’t be hit with the nail polish remover aftertaste of vodka. You were delighted to find it worked (almost) like magic.

It’s about an hour later when you and Minjeong reach the pool, not quite sober but more so than when you’d arrived at the party. For a pool party, there were definitely less people there than inside the house, maybe due to the fact that it was the end of February and most people didn’t want to risk getting hypothermia from the temperature difference between the heated pool and the cold outside. 

The relatively small number of people makes it easy to spot Jihoon, in nothing but his swimming trunks and a towel around his shoulders, sitting on a longchair a dozen or so meters away from you. Something about half-naked Jihoon, you’re not sure what, makes you want to walk over to him and do… you’re not sure what, but Minjeong frantically slapping your arm and whispering your name stops you from doing whatever it was you wanted to do. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Yoshi is right there,” she whisper-yelled. Indeed, Yoshi was in the pool, not far from where you stood, playing with his friends you recognized from pre-drinks at his place the other day. Minjeong’s face was redder than you’d ever seen it, and you recalled a conversation you’d had earlier that day.

“Will Yoshi be there?” Minjeong had asked, trying to sound innocent.

You’d looked at your flatmate with an incredulous look on your face. “Yes, he’ll be there, you slut. I thought you never went for a second time?”

She’d shrugged, an unusually shy smile playing on her lips as she looked down at her feet. “I don’t know, we’ll see.”

This was very unlike Minjeong - in your six months of knowing each other, it was the first time you ever saw her even consider getting with someone a second time. You didn’t know what sort of spell this Yoshi guy had cast on your friend, but it must’ve been very effective. 

“Go talk to him,” you simply said.

“What?! No way, I can’t- Oh my God, he’s looking at us,” she said, words rushing out of her mouth, “he’s looking right at us, isn’t he?”

You just laughed at your friend and waved at Yoshi who was already waddling towards your edge of the pool. “Hey, Yoshi!” you called excitedly. At the sound of your voice, Jihoon’s head snapped towards you. He wasted no time in yelling your name, motioning for you to come over, so you gestured back that you’d be there in a minute. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Yoshi called back with the same tone. “Hey, Minjeong,” he added, tone somewhat quiet, but the blush that grew on his cheeks told you you weren’t the one he was most happy to see. 

“Hey, Yoshi,” she said so quietly, you weren’t sure the boy could even hear her.

“Nice to see you guys here,” he said, talking to you but glancing nervously at Minjeong. 

“You too!” you replied, and before he could add anything, you placed a hand on your friend’s shoulder. “Well, I’m sure the two of you have a lot to talk about. See you later!”

You grinned innocently at Minjeong as she called your name, eyes wide in panic. She was a big girl, and Yoshi was clearly into her - she could handle herself. Jihoon eyed you amusedly as you made your way towards him.

“Are you setting them up?” he asked when you were within earshot of him.

“I’d be a bad friend if I didn’t at least try. I’ve never seen Minjeong blush over a guy, so this must be serious.”

A few of Jihoon’s friends were hanging out next to him, people that you knew from the many parties you attended together but that you rarely saw outside of drinking contexts. You waved at them before sitting on the deckchair next to Jihoon’s. He pivoted in his seat to face you, seemingly not minding that he’d just turned his back to his friends, then scooched his chair closer to yours so that your knees touched. You rested your palms next to your thighs and kept your gaze down. Something about Jihoon kept you from meeting his eyes, tonight. Maybe it was the half-nakedness.

Jihoon eyed you for a little bit, wondering what was making you so unusually quiet, before looking behind his shoulder to check whether Minjeong had been able to make progress on her own.

“Looks like it’s going well,” he assessed.

You followed his gaze to find Minjeong sitting at the edge of the pool and kicking her legs in the water while Yoshi stood next to her, water up to his belly button. You smiled as they giggled and splashed each other - it was going well, indeed. 

“Have you been in the pool yet?” you asked, shifting your gaze to the party-goers playing in the water. The echoes of people talking and water splashing were quite loud, but Jihoon was so close that you didn’t need to raise your voice too much. 

“No, I just took my shirt off for the hell of it.” 

You had meant to bring your eyes up to his face, you really had - but somewhere on the way, they stopped on his abs, and got stuck there. It was probably a full five seconds before you could look away from the well-defined muscles on his stomach and finally meet his eyes. He didn’t need to say anything - the smirk playing on his lips and the slight surprise in the raise of his brows were enough to tell you he had not missed your stare. 

You looked back to the pool, eyebrows slightly creased in shame at having been so obvious. Thankfully, you had brought a drink with you and took a swig of it there. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

You were trying to ignore the way Jihoon’s eyes burned into the side of your face, the way they followed your every move, but with each passing second, you felt more conscious of them. Not unlike one would try to escape a wasp, you thought that going into the pool might tear Jihoon’s eyes away from you at least for a little bit. It’s not that his gaze made you uncomfortable, like that of a random old man in the street would, but it definitely made you feel… things. Things that you didn’t necessarily want to dive into. 

The problem was that, to go into the pool, you’d need to get into your swimsuit. You’d thought ahead and had come already clad into your bikini underneath your clothes, a black, strapless tube dress that was easy to take off so you could jump into the pool at any time. But getting rid of that dress right in front of Jihoon and his watchful eyes was more nerve-wracking than you’d imagined. 

You downed the rest of your cup for some liquid courage and shot up from your seat, releasing a deep breath as you did so. You thought it was better to just get it over with than make it last any longer than it needed to. Jihoon’s eyes glinted with amusement as they followed your every move.

“Let’s go back in.” 

Your plan had been to lift your dress off of your body and head straight to the pool, but Jihoon’s gaze made you freeze in place after stripping. You couldn’t quite describe it as lustful, or as hungry, because there was a hint of surprise there that softened it. It was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and loving it at the same time, if the slowly growing smirk on his lips was anything to go by. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, a fire that made your knees turn to jelly and that rendered you close to breathless.

You let his curious eyes travel your body for a few seconds before clearing your throat. “Do you want a picture or something?” you asked ironically, hoping your voice didn’t sound as shaky as you felt.

His smirk only widened. “No need. The real thing is so much better.”

You tried not to cower under his shameless gaze, instead stood up straighter and stared right back at him. “My eyes are up here, you know.”

“I know,” he replied, but his eyes stayed trained on your body. You watched as they slowly made their way up your legs, took in your stomach and waist, then paused on your chest, which was quickly falling and rising with your shallow breathing. It was only when you scoffed and crossed your arms that he looked at your face.

Still that lopsided smirk on his lips, he stood up and languidly made his way towards you. He came so close that you had to slightly crane your neck to meet his gaze.

Your heart raced as he let a few seconds of silence stretch between the two of you, keeping his eyes locked in yours. “Nice eyes,” he murmured after a pause, the sudden depth of his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

After six months of seeing him almost every day, one would think Jihoon’s flirty personality would not have such an effect on you anymore. And most of the time, it didn’t - even back in the day, he was already fond of teasing you, so usually, him telling you how pretty you looked, patting your head or him tucking stray strands of hairs behind your ear went somewhat unnoticed by you. Or at least, it was easier not to freak out over “small” things like these.

But this was one of the times when you thought he was really pushing it, and you lost the ability to even eye-roll, which was your usual defense against his flirting attacks. You hated to admit, but you just couldn’t pretend it didn’t have an effect on you. You hated it because you knew he was just flirting as a joke, not because he was actually interested or anything of the sort, and you felt stupid that it still did something to you - although you sometimes doubted whether he really was doing it just for fun. You wanted to think he was acting the way he was on purpose, to get a reaction out of you. It’d make you feel less of a fool.

Before you’d even had time to understand the meaning behind his words, he’d already walked away from you and to the pool. When your senses had come back and you spun around, he was already inside the water. He looked like a cute wet puppy with his hair sticking out all around his head, especially when he shook it and let droplets of water fall off his hair and splash around him, and you couldn’t believe this was the same man that had essentially called your tits nice just moments prior.

The raging butterflies in your stomach were your third sign.

You must’ve stared long, because after a while, your eyes met again, and a smile reappeared on his face. An actual smile, this time, not a smirk or anything of the sort. As if nothing had just happened - as if it was absolutely natural for your best friend to practically devour you with his eyes like that. 

He waved you over and you noticed Minjeong and Yoshi were with him, seemingly waiting for you as well. When you reached the edge of the pool, someone entered the room with a platter of shots of God knows what, and you immediately reached out for one and downed it. Sambuca, you realized with relief as the sweet liquid burned its way down your throat. That way, if your body kept buzzing the way it had been around Jihoon, you could blame it on the alcohol and nothing else.

Minjeong and Yoshi were already back in their new little world, but Jihoon watched with an amused grin as you measured the temperature of the water with a foot, then, deeming it warm enough, made your way towards your friends. There, the water reached up to your shoulders, and the fact that it got up to just a little bit under Jihoon’s chest only marked your height difference further, which shouldn’t have made you as flustered as it did.

“Didn’t I tell you not to drink too much before going into the water?” Jihoon asked, laughter clear in his voice.

“How about you let me drink as much as I want, and make sure I don’t drown?” you bit back, even though you knew it wasn’t much of a comeback. You had spoken in an irritated tone that, going by the way his smile softened, Jihoon found cute.

“Okay, I will,” he said, and the sweetness in his tone only served to further unnerve you.

If he noticed your annoyance, he didn’t say anything. 

You let yourself be convinced to play a game of chicken fight against Minjeong and Yoshi, which (along with that shot of Sambuca) made your competitive streak kick in and allowed you to, at least momentarily, forget about your irritation towards your friend. The reason behind that irritation was something you didn’t even want to think about.

Somehow, you endured the prickling on your skin as Jihoon kept your thighs tightly pressed around his shoulders with two big hands. Even when he squeezed the flesh there or craned his neck to look up at you with those big, round eyes of his, you managed to not let the way your stomach flipped get to your head. 

You weren’t sure how you won all three rounds of chicken fight, if it was thanks to Jihoon’s devotion to the gym, or yours to the free weekly Sunday morning pilates class your uni gym offers. It might’ve been down to the level of complicity you and Jihoon had built over the months that Yoshi and Minjeong hadn’t reached yet (if that can even be a factor in chicken fight success) - all you know, is that you do, and that even underwater, Jihoon’s hands burn as they snake their way around your waist, and press your body flush to his in a celebratory hug.

Some time later, you sit at the edge of the pool by yourself, having been deserted by the two lovebirds who not-so-sneakily snuck away under the pretext of getting some drinks, as well as by Jihoon who was called by some friends to join him back in the pool. You were at the level of tipsiness that made you want to self-introspectively sit on your own and people-watch for a little bit.

Until someone broke your peace.

“Hey, Y/N,” you heard a vaguely familiar voice say. Before you could respond, Kim Sunwoo was sitting next to you, a bit too close in your opinion for your level of acquaintance, clad in black swimming trunks that let the band of his Calvin Klein underwear peek through. 

He wasn’t half bad-looking, you decided in that instant.

“Oh, hi, Sunwoo,” you replied, smiling as you unquestioningly accepted the drink he offered you and thanked him for it. You peered at the orange liquid and decided it was the right color for alcohol before taking a sip. It being orange vodka didn’t come as much of a surprise. “I didn’t know you knew my name,” you admitted.

You recognized Sunwoo’s face from the Introduction to Literary Theory lecture you’d had last semester, and had learned his name when the lecture had to be online due to the professor falling ill, and he was one of the few brave students who had turned his camera on. With a face like his, you understood where the confidence came from.

Then, one night out on the town with Minjeong and other friends, you’d run into him at the counter of a bar, and had exchanged a few (flirty, if you recalled correctly) words, but not your names, hence the slight confusion.

He chuckled and you watched as two deep dimples appeared on his cheeks. “I did my research before coming here. Sadly, no one knew what kind of drink you liked, so I went for something basic and prayed.”

“This is perfect,” you said, laughing.

“To be perfectly honest,” he starts after a slight pause, “I’ve seen you around campus, and we even saw each other at a bar once, didn’t we?” he asks, and grins when you nod. “I felt stupid for never asking for your name, or your number. So when I saw you sitting here, I thought it must be fate that brought me to this party.”

You had barely registered his words, let alone formed any sort of response in your mind when Jihoon suddenly appeared in front of the two of you, placing a hand right next to your thigh on the pool edge. You hadn’t noticed him swimming your way.

“Hey, Sunwoo. I see you’ve met my girlfriend,” Jihoon blatantly lies as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The shock is apparent on Sunwoo’s face, and if it wasn’t for the sweet, convincing smile Jihoon was looking at you with, you might’ve let your surprise show more.

Sunwoo didn’t know Jihoon like you did, so you didn’t know whether he noticed the tightness in his grin, the challenge in his slightly raised eyebrows, or the general way he was holding himself that screamed Leave. But he must’ve noticed something, because it only took him a few seconds to start nodding slowly and rise from his seat.

For some reason, you stayed quiet, letting the word girlfriend and the way it had rolled off Jihoon’s tongue so easily repeat over and over again in your head. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he had said it so convincingly that you almost questioned whether you actually were Jihoon’s girlfriend. Before you could think any more about it, however, Sunwoo broke the increasingly tense silence.

“My bad, man, I didn’t know she was taken. I’ll leave you two to it, then,” he said with a smile, and that was that. 

You watched his retreating figure for a bit, eyebrows creased in confusion, before snapping your head towards Jihoon. Head tilted, he was fixing you with a questioning look, as if to ask, What are you up to?, when he was the one that had just acted strangely.

“What was that all about?” you asked.

Jihoon shrugged. “I chased him away for you. I’ve only heard bad stuff about that guy, like he sleeps with a new girl every weekend and doesn’t treat them right.”

You thought for a second, bottom lip slightly jutting out in concentration. “Well, couldn’t you have told me about his reputation then let me make the decision for myself?”

“I-” Jihoon started but stopped himself. He seemed to mull over your words for a bit, then sighed. “You’re right, I guess I could have, but you’ve been drinking, who knows if you would’ve made the right decision?”

This made you furrow your brows. “So what if I did? Getting drunk and going home with a rando is not unheard of, I would’ve been fine. Just maybe ashamed tomorrow morning.”

A flash of annoyance swept across Jihoon’s features, and your curiosity couldn’t help but be piqued. The two of you had had your fair share of aimless arguments over the months, but he’d never actually gotten cross with you. For some reason, you were suddenly itching to know what angry Jihoon was like.

“I wouldn’t be fine with it, though. I’d hate knowing that I let you go home with a prick like that.”

This wasn’t the first time Jihoon had fended off guys for you during a night out, but to his credit, they weren’t ever guys you wanted to talk to. And, well, admittedly, after learning what he was like, maybe you didn’t want to talk to Sunwoo either, but Jihoon’s protectiveness tonight was bothering you more than it ever had. 

You let a silence stretch between the two of you before speaking again. “You- you can’t just do that, you know,” you declared, not meeting his eyes.

“Do what?”

“Act like you just did. Pretending to be my boyfriend just to get a guy away from me.” Jihoon was just staring at you silently, so you felt compelled to add,  “You’re not actually my boyfriend, you know.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because his jaw locked and a coldness you had never seen before appeared in his eyes.

“Aren’t I basically?”

That caught you off guard. Where was this coming from? Jihoon had never entertained the idea of being your boyfriend, ever, so why was he suddenly acting like he was? Like he had always been?

And yet, you found yourself toying with the idea of dating Jihoon once more. The one question that pervaded your thoughts was, would things be so different? You’d never had a boyfriend, so you weren’t sure what they did, but you thought it wouldn’t be too far off from how Jihoon treated you now. Keep you safe, bring you food, buy you random keychains or pencils that reminded him of you, text you throughout the day, compliment you. The only difference would be…

Your eyes drifted down to his lips, and you swore you heard a shaky intake of breath coming from the man right in front of you.

The thought had barely crossed your mind that panic rose in your chest. You could not be thinking about kissing Jihoon. You couldn’t think about him being your boyfriend, either. You weren’t sure why, but your sudden heart palpitations at the mere idea told you that you just couldn’t.

“No, you’re not.” You had wanted to speak firmly, but you feared your voice had come out shakier than intended.

To your surprise, Jihoon scoffed. “So if I went off and started dating someone else, it wouldn’t bother you?” he asked in a disbelieving, almost mocking tone.

“No, it wouldn’t,” you answered, and as soon as the words were out, you knew they were a lie. You scrambled to your feet, suddenly wanting to be away from this conversation and the way it made you feel. “I’ll, um, I’ll head back inside.”

You ignored his call of your name and picked up your dress, hastily sliding it back on as you made your way back towards the living room where most of the action was. You quickly found that it was too loud, too hot, too packed in there. You headed back outside through another door that led to a part of the backyard far from the pool, where people sat in small groups around a big fire, either nursing a drink or passing round a joint, the smell of weed heavy in the air. At least it was quiet here.

You walked around some before spotting Jaehyuk, the man of the house himself, sitting on his lonesome on a swing bench in a dark corner of the garden, looking down despondently into a red solo cup. A couple hours into the party, this was the first time you saw him, you realized. It made you wonder how long he’d been sitting out here on his own.

“Hey, Jaehyuk,” you greeted, catching him by surprise. You took a seat next to him, sliding your hands underneath your thighs to keep them warm.

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Nice that you came.” He mustered a smile for you before taking a swig from his cup and cringing at the taste of what must’ve been alcohol.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” you asked softly. You were used to cheery, smiley Jaehyuk, and even though you weren’t very close, you couldn’t help but be saddened by seeing your friend in such a state.

Jaehyuk sighed deeply. “The girl I planned this party for isn’t here.”

“The girl you… planned… this party for?” you echoed, and he nodded. “You mean this,” you said, gesturing to the house and backyard full to the brim with people, “is all for one girl?”

He sighed and nodded again, taking another sip from his cup. He tutted at the drink, or maybe at himself for drinking it when he knew how awful it tasted. “I wanted an excuse to see her outside of class.” He chuckled. “I realize now that I might have gone slightly overboard.”

“Just a bit,” you laughed along, watching as a group of stoners cheered at their friend who had found marshmallows and sticks God-knows-where. “It’s not even midnight yet, she might still be coming.”

Jaehyuk shrugged. “I’ve stopped hoping. I think I just need to get into the party and forget about it for tonight.”

You smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”

“What about you, what made you escape out here? The music not to your liking?”

“Are you kidding? This is the Danish alternative pop playlist of my dreams,” you said, earning a chuckle from him. “No, I just…” You realized you didn’t even know how to talk about this. What was making you so upset?

“I got into a bit of a… squabble with my friend, if you will. He-”

“Oh, so it’s a he?” Jaehyuk cut in, a knowing smile on his face.

“No- I mean, yes, he is, but it’s not like that, it’s- it’s…”

“It’s?” he egged on.

“Ugh, fine, it might be like that,” you finally admitted, as much to Jaehyuk as to yourself. Your irritation made him laugh.

“It’s okay, it happens.”

“I didn’t think it would happen to me, though.”

“Why not?”

You sighed. “Just ‘cause… him and I, we’ve known each other for such a long time, it feels weird that things would start changing now.”

“How long have you known each other?”

“We met when we were thirteen and fourteen. Then he moved away and we only met again in September last semester.”

“Did you keep in touch?”

“Not so much. I just heard from him through my brother, they’re much closer.”

“So… what I’m hearing is, you’ve known each other a long time, but you’ve only really become friends since September, right?”

“Right,” you echoed dubitatively, wondering where Jaehyuk was going.

“Y/N, that’s just a bit over six months.”

“...So?”

“So, that’s not nearly as long as you make it out to be. It’s not like you’ve been best friends for years and things are suddenly changing. Six months… aren’t that short, I’ll give you that, but I think it’s a reasonable time for people to get closer as friends and then start developing feelings.”

“Feelings?” you immediately echoed, panic evident in your voice.

Jaehyuk let out something like a chuckle, looking at you like he was figuring out whether you were joking or not. “Is that not what this whole thing is about?”

You dropped your gaze down to your thighs, frowning. “Feelings just sound so serious…”

“They can be, but they don’t have to.” After a few seconds of silence, he noticed your upset expression and nudged your shoulder good-naturedly. “What’s worrying you so much?”

“It’s just confusing. I… It’s not like I’ve been totally indifferent towards him up ‘til now, but there’s something about him lately, especially tonight. It makes me actually wonder about… you know. Whether I want him as a friend or not.” You sighed. “And even if I am feeling… feelings, I don’t know how he sees me. I could still be a sort of little sister in his eyes, for all I know.”

“What makes you think that?”

A small smile grew on your lips as you blew air from your nose. “Junkyu - my older brother - tasked him with looking after me when he learned I was going to attend this university with him. So, while I go crazy trying to figure out why he acts the way he acts and why I feel the way I feel, he might just be keeping a promise to my brother.”

“But have you ever seen him as an older brother?”

“No,” you replied immediately. Your surety almost took you aback. “Jihoon is… Jihoon. He’s definitely not Junkyu.”

Jaehyuk smiled. “Then I don’t think he would see you as a little sister, either. The way you act with a sibling and with a friend, potentially someone you like, is very different. I don’t think there’d be room for question if he treated you as a younger sister, you’d just know. Most guys I know are very obvious when they like someone, me included, so if you’re thinking about this so much just because of the way he acts with you… well, you’re probably onto something.”

“You think?” 

“I do.” 

You and Jaehyuk stayed outside chatting for a few more minutes until you decided to go back inside for some warmth and a refill of your empty cups. In the kitchen, you ran into some of your classmates, so you joined in their animated discussion on which version of The Sims is better (Asahi offended everyone by saying the mobile app was the best) instead of going looking for Minjeong and Jihoon like you had intended to.

A few minutes later, as your phone buzzed with six consecutive texts from your roommate, you found out where both of them were. 

minjeong girl do u know how many bedrooms there are in this goddamn house??!!!! yoshi and i are spending the night here xxx ask jaehyuk if he has a room for u or get home w jihoon whos that girl he’s talkin to in the kitchen btw??? love yaa xxxxxoooo text me if u need anything!! i’ll be busy but i’ll keep my phone on ;)

Usually, you’d have rolled your eyes at the exorbitant amount of x’s and the cheesy winky face, but something else had got your attention. Suddenly stepping away mentally from the conversation (which had turned into an interrogation on Asahi’s suspected addiction to mobile games), you looked around the crowded kitchen until your eyes settled on your culprit.

From where you were, you only had a view of his side profile, just as Minjeong had said, Jihoon was talking to a girl, red solo cup in his hand and stupidly attractive smile on his lips. She was leaning against the wall while he stood in front of her, both looking as relaxed as if they had known each other for years. What was up with all that eye contact? What was making them smile so hard?

You hadn’t realized how hard you were staring until Jaehyuk’s voice broke through your thoughts, asking if you were okay. 

“You look like you want to kill someone,” Sumin joked, not knowing she was closer to the truth than she thought.

You tried to laugh it off, saying you were just deeply disturbed by Asahi’s predicament, but you couldn’t keep yourself from glancing back at Jihoon and the girl every thirty seconds. Another girl arrived, and Jihoon shifted to make room for her so that he was now directly facing you. Over the chatter of the kitchen and music booming from the speakers in the living room, you couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but it seemed like Girl #1 was introducing Jihoon to Girl #2, placing a palm on his bicep as she did so. You counted - that hand stayed there for four whole seconds, and when she finally took it off of him, your eyes drifted back to Jihoon’s face.

Jihoon, who was staring right at you. Jihoon, who raised his eyebrows at you as if to say, What about it? while yours were creased in - confusion, anger, you weren’t sure what, but an ugly feeling you weren’t accustomed to. Jihoon, who, you decided, had to know what he was doing, had to know how this was making you feel.

The only thing on your mind was getting out of here and taking Jihoon with you. Without thinking much, you fished your phone out of your sweater pocket, texted Jihoon Let’s go and said bye to your friends, lying that your friend had suddenly asked you to leave.

After a few minutes of waiting by yourself outside in the cold, crouching to maximize body warmth, you started to wonder if Jihoon had decided to not follow you. But when you felt a weight drop on your shoulders, you snapped your head up to find him smiling down at you. 

“Where did you get this?” you asked, meaning the blanket he had given you.

“I stole it from the living room.”

“Jihoon,” you scolded.

“You know the guy right? Just give it back to him this week,” he said, lowering himself down to your level. Similarly to your eye contact in the kitchen, you were still frowning while he kept on smiling. “Not like you to want to leave before one a.m.. Is something the matter?” he asked, and you debated whether he was faking his innocence or not.

For about ten seconds, you tried to stay quiet, not wanting to betray your feelings to him. You glared ahead of you, watching your breath form wisps in the late February night air. 

But then he called your name so softly, it undid all of your resolve. The sound of it made you sigh.

“Who was that you were talking to?” you finally asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hm? That was just Shuhua, she’s a Tawainese exchange student from one of my classes. Then she introduced me to her friend Yuqi.”

You nodded slowly, still not meeting Jihoon’s gaze. “I didn’t know there was a Taiwainese exchange student in one of your classes.”

“Y/N?” The unexpected seriousness with which he had called your name forced you to look at him.

“Hm.”

“I have something to tell you.” He must’ve noticed your sudden inability to speak, so he continued, lowering his head to be at eye-level with you. “There’s a Taiwainese exchange student in one of my classes.”

A smile broke through his serious facade and you had to look away to hide your own growing grin. “You’re stupid,” you said, but it only made Jihoon laugh.

“So is that what this is all about? A little bout of jealousy from my Y/N?”

You didn’t know what to focus on - the fact that he had finally put a name to what you were feeling or the face that he had called you his. It made you frown. “I wasn’t jealous,” you said, aware of how unbelievable you sounded.

“No? Then what made you want to leave so suddenly?”

“I- You-” you started, glaring at Jihoon when he snickered. “How come I can’t talk to guys but it’s okay for you to talk to girls?” 

“So you are jealous.”

“No, I just think you’re being unfair. I’m calling you out on your hypocrisy, Hoon. Double standards and all that.” 

Jihoon grinned. Had he known that he’d get such a reaction from you after talking to a friend that happened to be a girl, he’d have done it much earlier. And yet you had never had a problem with any of the girls in his usual friend group - if anything, the bunch of you often ganged up against him - so he wondered what was wrong with Shuhua in particular. Was it because you didn’t know her, and misunderstanding could arise?

His smile and eyes softened. No matter how adorable you looked to him right now, he wasn’t one to play games with feelings, his or yours. It was hard enough to make you realize how much he liked you (although he hoped that scene at the pool had made things more apparent), so he wasn’t going to make it even more confusing by letting you think he might like someone else.

Earlier, when he’d asked you if him dating someone else would bother you, and you’d answered no, he hadn’t formed any plan whatsoever to go off and talk to another girl right in front of you. Things just happened in his favor. He’d been talking with a whole group of people in the kitchen, but save for Jennifer, they’d all left for a game of spin the bottle (at their grown college age). Shuhua had a boyfriend back home and he had you, so they both had no interest for it. So it was just the two of them bonding over their love for Taylor Swift’s music when you appeared in the kitchen with Jaehyuk. 

Did he also feel a pang of jealousy seeing you with another guy, even though it was just Jaehyuk and he already knew of your friendship? Perhaps, but this wasn’t anything new with Jihoon. He didn’t think he’d be able to get rid of it until he had the surety that you were his, which had felt like a faraway goal until recently. Maybe it was due to his growing boldness or maybe you had managed to piece everything together yourself, but he was sure he’d felt a shift in your attitude towards him lately. There were times you would get shyer than usual, refusing to look him in the eyes; other times, like tonight, you’d defy him, as if trying to prove to both him and yourself you didn’t feel any sort of way towards him. But he hadn’t missed the way your eyes had drifted down to his lips and stayed there for a few seconds, hadn’t missed your panic when things seemed to get too real.

Just like you, although he didn’t know about that, he also found that there was something different about tonight, some tension between the two of you that was bound to explode. The fact that you were both in swimsuits had probably not helped. As soon as he’d seen you in your black tube dress, his imagination had started running wild. The way you casually had a gray zip sweatshirt of his in your room and donned it before leaving your place had made it harder to not just keep you in your apartment while the others went off to the party, and seeing you in your bikini was like the final boss he hadn’t been able to defeat. Keeping his eyes off of you was simply impossible. He wasn’t sure how he had resisted kissing you right then and there, showing everyone who the prettiest girl in the room - hell, at this party - belonged to.

(Jihoon had a bit of a possessive streak.)

Even now that you had somewhat made up, he still felt the changed air around you, like there was no going back from here. No pretending there were no unsaid feelings anymore - at least, that’s how he felt. If you needed the extra push to realize either his feelings, your own, or both, he didn’t mind initiating it. If anything, he had been waiting for it.

So he made sure to clear things up. “I didn’t want you to talk to Sunwoo because I knew he had bad intentions. Or at least selfish ones. Shuhua has a boyfriend, nothing was gonna happen there.”

“Oh, but if she didn’t, something would’ve?”

“No, Y/N. No,” Jihoon said firmly. 

“Why not? She’s pretty.” You knew you were being unreasonable at this point, arguing for the sake of arguing, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Jihoon sighed before placing a hand at the top of your head, brushing your hair gently. “I know someone who’s prettier.”

You turned your head slowly to look at him and were met with a sight you forever wanted to keep in your heart. Jihoon was looking down at you, eyes soft and filled with an emotion you wanted to describe as adoration, corners of his lips upturned into a sweet smile. You wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, feel the warmth of his skin under your palm and make sure he was real, but you were too stuck in his gaze to move.

“I actually know the prettiest girl in the world. I’m very lucky.”

You continued staring at each other for a few seconds or maybe a few hours, until he booped your nose and stood up. “Our Uber’s here, pretty girl.” 

You took his extended hand in yours and let him help you up, still in a daze as he opened the car door for you and rushed to the other side. You didn’t expect the relief you felt when he took your hand in his again as the Uber started driving. As the driver and him made minimal small talk, you watched out the window, but you couldn’t hear or see anything - you could only focus on Jihoon’s fingers intertwined with yours. Had hand-holding always felt so natural?

Even once you reached your apartment and you had to let go of it to get out of the car, the only thing you wanted was to have it again. 

You didn’t notice right away, as you punched in the code for the entrance to your apartment building, that Jihoon had stayed behind on the pavement. A light rain had started and his hair, all curled up from the pool, shone with small beads of water that the streetlights reflected on. 

“Aren’t you coming up?” you asked, turning around to face him and leaning against the door so it wouldn’t close.

“Not tonight,” he simply said, and you hesitated to ask him why. Whatever it was, he must have his reason, and you would see him again soon anyway, so you dropped it.

“Okay.” You nodded and hoped you didn’t sound as disappointed as you felt. 

You thought that would be it, but then he took a step closer to you, then another, until he was standing right in front of you. The doorstep made you taller so that your eyes were on a parallel with his lips, on which they naturally fell. No matter how confusing tonight might have been, if what you thought was about to happen actually did happen, you knew there was not a cell in your body that would resist it.

Jihoon leaned in closer and closer, until he was right there, and your lips would touch any second - but he leaned to the right, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips instead. You stood with bated breath as he leaned back, wearing a proud smirk. “Good to know you wouldn’t push me away if I tried to kiss you,” he said, but on this rare occasion, you were speechless. 

His smirk softened to a smile as he ruffled your hair. “Good night, Y/N.”

It wasn’t until he had reached the corner, turning around and waving at you to go into your building before disappearing that you snapped out of it and made your way to your apartment. As soon as you’d shut your front door behind you, you realized just how disappointed you felt that Jihoon hadn’t come up like he usually did, how much you missed the reassurance of having him there, even if the two of you were a room apart. 

You also realized you didn’t want any walls to separate you anymore.

And there you had it - the signs were too obvious to ignore anymore. The heart flutterings, the thoughts of him invading your mind day and night, the jealousy. The constant longing to be with him.

You were in love with Park Jihoon.

--

You fell into a deep sleep for about four hours, before waking up with a start.

You were in love with Park Jihoon.

What had seemed like a comforting thought at the time now freaked you out to no end. Park Jihoon was your best friend, your brother’s best friend, someone you’d met so long ago he’d known you during your embarrassing bangs phase of 2015 (BangGate, as your friends from home inappropriately liked to call it).

You were great as friends, sure, but how would you fare if things went further than that? There was no way for you to know other than by trying it firsthand. Did you want to take that leap, and risk falling face first - or chance falling right into his arms?

For some reassurance, you got your laptop out and went to Google. At first, you intended to search some YouTube videos or blog posts about successful best-friends-turned-lovers stories, but something deep inside your brain compelled you to type Omegle in the search bar. Even if it was five a.m. for you, it’d be a reasonable time of the day for people with good relationship advice somewhere, right?

In your interests, you typed love, relationship and advice, hoping this would lead you to your savior. After skipping a few naked men who apparently were into love too, two young girls appeared on your screen who, going off of their accent, were British. They looked about eleven and were doing their nails, not paying attention to their screen. NewJeans was playing in the background.

They were perfect.

“Hey, girls!” you said, cringing at the sound of your own voice.

They raised their heads in unison, looking at you for a second before coming closer to the screen, all wide smiles. One of them had braces with pink elastics. “Hey, girl!”

You decided you had no time to lose, so you directly told them you needed advice with a boy you liked. They nodded vigorously. So you told them everything - from how you and Jihoon had met, to reconnecting in September, to the events of the past few months (including a detailed rundown of what happened at the pool, which they loved). They even insisted on seeing a picture and squealed when you showed them. Your Jihoon really was handsome.

“So? What do you think I should do?” you asked when you were done recounting everything.

“I have this thing I do whenever I fancy someone,” the girl on the right started, while the other one munched on some sour candy. You nodded for her to continue. “It really helps me know if I should keep fancying them or if they’re not worth it. It’s called a compibi- compa- combali- Rosie, what was it again?”

“A compatibility test,” Rosie said, tongue blue from her candy.

“Right, that. It works like magic. Just the other week I thought for sure Leo was the cutest boy in school but then I did the test thing and got forty percent with him and a few days later he was dating Sarah anyway.”

“Sarah is terrible,” Rosie chipped in.

“Oh no!” you exclaimed.

“Yeah, really bad,” the other girl said, nodding. “But then, I did it with Martin and got eighty-six percent and we’ve been dating for ten days now, we have,” she finished proudly.

“That’s amazing.” You didn’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the conviction with which the girl spoke, but you were hooked. “How do I do it?” you asked, although you’d probably done it when you were their age too.

“Oh, it’s easy. You just type the comp- Rosie?”

“Compatibility.”

“That, test on Google and click any one of them and type in your name then his. Any of them will do, I’m sure,” she shrugged, reaching for a candy. 

“Okay, let me do it right now. Gimme a sec.” After a few clicks, you’d reached an early 2010s-style website called lovecalculator.com, all pink and cupids shooting their arrows into the sky. You typed in your name, then Jihoon’s, then pressed a shaky finger to the Enter bar.

“Oh my gosh!” you squealed. “We got ninety-nine percent!”

“Oh my gosh!” the girls yelped back, clapping and hugging each other in celebration.

“Girl, you need to go tell him right now,” non-Rosie said firmly.

“Right now,” Rosie echoed.

You pouted. “I can’t, it’s five a.m. right now.”

“You better go later then! You two are meant to be! You’ll last at least like, a month or two.” 

“At least.”

After thanking and saying good-bye to your new best friends, you spent a good three minutes staring at the big 99% in bright pink on your screen. This randomly generated number made you so happy that you took a screenshot and printed it out on Minjeong’s printer in the living room, then put it on your fridge for you to admire. You used a magnet Jihoon had gifted you for Christmas - it was a four-cut photobooth picture of you two you’d taken at the Christmas market. You thought you’d only taken the paper version, but he’d made you go get food for the both of you while he bought the magnet version as well.

Your mind at ease, you started heading back to your room, but you ran into someone right as you walked out of the kitchen.

You looked him up and down. Yoshinori was standing in your living room half-naked, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

“H-hey, Y/N,” he said, breaking the silence first. “I’m sorry, I thought you were sleeping…”

“I woke up early,” you replied, unable to keep yourself from smiling at his awkwardness. “What are you doing?”

“Just, um, just getting some water.”

“And you have to come to my apartment to do that?”

“No, I, um- Someone called the cops, so Jaehyuk kicked all of us out.”

“I thought you were in a room somewhere?”

“Yeah, but we went outside to see what was happening, and he saw us, so we had to leave.”

“Right… Well, glad you made it back home safe.” The strangeness of the situation suddenly hit you, and you realized you should probably let the half-naked man get his glass of water and leave. “I’ll go back to my room, then.”

“Oh, right, see you, Y/N. And sorry.”

“No worries!” you said, waving his apology off and scurried off to your bedroom. You plopped into your bed with a satisfied sigh, hugging a plushie Jihoon had won for you at an arcade close to your chest. He really was everywhere.

When you woke up next, sunlight was pouring from the window into your room. You checked your phone - nine a.m.. Not early enough to go to late sleeper Jihoon’s place, but definitely early enough to call your probably still sleeping brother. You had to tell someone about your newfound revelation, and Minjeong next door was either asleep or busy.

Your phone rang with an outgoing call for so long that you thought Junkyu might simply not pick up. “I’m in love with Jihoon,” you blurted out as soon as your brother’s face appeared on screen. 

He paused for a second, taking your words in, then yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Good morning to you too, Y/N.”

“I’m in love with Jihoon,” you repeated, more insistently.

“I heard you the first time.”

“Well, what do you think?!” you asked, impatience rising. You couldn’t believe your brother could be sarcastic in an emergency like this.

Junkyu frowned. “Uh, congratulations?”

You tutted. “Kyu, I’m serious about this!”

“I know, I can tell,” he said, chuckling. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I think I have to. I think… I think he feels the same way about me, actually.”

Junkyu rolled his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

You paused. “Huh?”

“Everyone and their mom knows he’s in love with you, we were just all waiting for you to see it.”

“Huh?!” Junkyu shrugged. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Your brother sighed. “Some things in life, you have to figure out on your own, sis. Like taxes.” You just frowned at him. “Well, how did you figure it out?”

“Now that you say it, I guess I should’ve noticed it earlier. But really what happened is I saw him talking to a girl.”

“Put the man in jail!”

“Shut up. And then we talked for a bit, and he didn’t outright say it, but he heavily implied that he… liked me.”

Junkyu scoffed. “That’s an understatement.”

You ignored your brother. “But I don’t know if I should wait for a bit or go tell him now-”

“Y/N. Please, put that man out of his misery and go tell him now.”

“Don’t you think he’d get upset if I confessed first? You know Jihoon, he gets proud about random things like that.”

“Believe me, he won’t care. He’ll just be happy you like him back after all this time.”

You thought for a second, a small smile blooming on your lips. “Does he really like me that much?”

Junkyu sighed. “He’s been harping on about you since we were fourteen. He probably keeps a diary or a boyblog where he just writes about you. Just go get him, girl.”

Your smile grew wider and your heart started beating faster, excitement growing in your stomach at the thought of seeing Jihoon again. “Okay, I will.” You and your brother stared at each other for a second, eyes wide in anticipation, until something struck you.

“Wait… You don’t mind, do you? Your sister and best friend dating?”

“I l-word both of you, so no, I don���t mind. I trust you both enough to not hurt each other. But I’m still your brother, so if that prick does anything to hurt you, I’ll kick his ass, okay?”

“Kyu, he bench-presses your weight as a joke.”

He squinted his eyes at you. “I’ll metaphorically kick his ass, then.”

“And what if I hurt him?”

Junkyu thought for a second. “I’ll… give you the silent treatment for a few days.”

“How scary,” you laughed.

“Anyways, congratulations in advance and all that, but for my mental health please pretend you’re not a couple in front of me and remember that premarital sex is a sin.”

“Will do! Bye, Kyu!”

--

Right after hanging up with your brother, you texted Jihoon, asking if you could come over. You quickly got ready, doing affirmations in the mirror to calm yourself down, and as soon as your phone pinged with Jihoon’s answer (miss me already?), you were out the door. It was usually a thirteen-minute walk between your and Jihoon’s place, but with the power of love, it only took you eight.

You felt like your body had gone on autopilot - instead of practicing over and over what you would say to him in your head, imagining all the terrible ways it could go or pacing back and forth in front of his apartment building, you just walked, the loud thumping of your heart in your ears drowning everything else out. You’d just get there and get it over with. 

Even when you had to wait for seven seconds (you counted) for Jihoon to open the door after you’d rung the doorbell, you didn’t start panicking. 

“Hey, Y/N, I just ordered some-”

“I love you.”

“Breakfast… You what?”

“I love you, Hoonie,” you beamed. The relief of letting those words free made tears pool in the corner of your eyes.

Jihoon just stared at you, mouth agape and expression like he couldn’t believe what was hearing. Reaching for your hand, he brought you closer to him and shut the door behind you, eyes never once leaving yours. Then, he pulled you into a hug, one so tight you’d be worried about your blood circulation being cut off if it wasn’t Jihoon’s arms you were in. 

“Can you say it again, please?” he asked, nose buried in your hair and voice weak like you’d never heard it before.

You tightened your hold around his waist. “I love you,” you whispered.

“Again?”

“I love you,” you repeated, giggling.

He laughed too, more out of relief than anything. “I love you, too.”

He leaned back and raised his hands to gently cup your face in his palms. The both of you were smiling like idiots from ear to ear, gazing into each other’s eyes. Tears streamed down your cheek and he wiped them away with a thumb before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Took you long enough,” he said, making you laugh again.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t be. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

“I’m happy for you guys and all, but could you like, not do this here?” a voice interrupted you. You looked behind Jihoon’s shoulder to find Hyunsuk, one of his roommates, on the living room sofa, watching Brooklyn 99. You hadn’t even noticed him. In his defense, you were declaring your love for each other right next to him in the entrance hallway. 

“Oh, right, sorry, Suk. Let’s go into my room,” he said, tugging at your hand. 

The both of you burst into giggles as soon as the door shut behind you. Jihoon wasted no time in pulling you into another hug, and it felt like your whole body sighed as you let his warmth engulf you. You cursed yourself for not letting yourself have this earlier. You gently rocked from side to side together, as if slow dancing to a melody only the two of you could hear.

“I guess a little jealousy goes a long way, huh?” Jihoon said after a minute of silence.

“I wasn’t jealous,” you huffed, leaning back so he could see your frown.

“What made you realize your undying love for me, then?”

“I just… I thought we’d be good together. I realized how compatible we are, if you will.”

“Our compatibility? Did you only notice it last night?”

You grinned. “Guess I did,” you answered, just to tease him. Jihoon did not need to know about your love calculator epiphany.

He looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky. You felt shy under his gaze, but you couldn’t get yourself to look away. “So does that mean we’re… boyfriend and girlfriend now?” he asked, making you burst into laughter. “Don’t make fun of me! It’s important to make things clear,” he complained between giggles.

“Yes, let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Awesome,” he replied, then pursed his lips as if debating to say what he wanted to say next. “So, now that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend…”

“Yes, Hoon?”

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips that you mirrored.

“Please,” you whispered.

So he did.

When his lips touched yours, it was like a flower that had been waiting for the right moment finally bloomed inside your chest. It felt soft, and comforting, and just right. Like your lips had always meant to meet. 

At least, it started out that way. The fabric of Jihoon’s t-shirt bunched up in your hands while his cupped your face tenderly, your lips moving in a slow cadence against each other’s as if you had all the time in the world - and you did. You were both so filled to the brim with excitement that when you pulled away for a breather, you laughed together, foreheads resting against each other.

But then, you raised your hands and threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging on it gently as you deepened the kiss. You probably hadn’t done it on purpose, simply wanting to feel more of Jihoon out of some basic instinct - but it undid something in him. 

He slid his hands down the sides of your neck and your shoulders until they reached your arms, pulling on them to have your body closer to his. His hands then continued their journey down to your waist, where they sneaked themselves under your t-shirt. They ran up and up until almost your entire back was exposed to the fresh air in his room, the contrast between that and the fire-hot warmth of Jihoon’s hands against your bare skin making you shiver.

He walked you backwards until the back of your legs hit his mattress, unto which he helped you down gently, somehow not breaking the kiss as he did. One of his hands came to brush hair away from your face, while the other remained on your waist, after some time venturing onto your stomach, a sensitive spot for you that made you sigh into his mouth. He took that opportunity to slide his tongue against yours, yet another new sensation that made your head spin.

This was exceeding any expectations you had ever had for a first kiss. In fact, you had always thought first kisses were messy, awkward things, but this was nothing of the sort - your whole body was on edge, responding to every little movement on Jihoon’s part. Your fingers buzzed with a fizzy electricity that put your brain in a daze. You could do this forever, you thought. 

But forever was cut short by the sudden buzz of Jihoon’s phone. Jihoon started, practically leaping off of you and dramatically holding onto his chest when he realized it was just his phone that had interrupted you. The delivery person was calling him to announce their arrival. 

Jihoon pressed a kiss to your forehead, took a few steps, then came back to press another kiss, this time to your lips. Your stomach growled loudly while you waited for him, and you realized you still hadn’t eaten today. Add making out to that, you were ready to devour whatever it was Jihoon had ordered. 

The smell coming from the paper bag Jihoon held as he entered the room again made you close your eyes in bliss and take a deep whiff. “Johnny’s,” you whispered. “You know me so well.”

Johnny’s was your absolute favorite breakfast place in all of town. It had been opened a few years ago by a graduate of your university who had mastered the art of hangover food. From soups, to hash brown patties, to iced coffee, he knew exactly what it was that students needed after a night out. You could tell he had a lot of experience with that himself. He was kind of like a God amongst the student body of your university.

“Of course I do. I know your order from all of your favorite restaurants, and somehow you only realized yesterday that I was pathetically in love with you.”

You smiled sheepishly, taking a bite of your sausage and egg wrap. “How long are you going to hold this over my head?”

Jihoon grinned brightly. “Until I forget about it.”

“So never?”

“Precisely.”

He put on the next episode of your show, and for the next couple hours, the two of you stayed holed up in his room, cuddling once you were done with your food. Even though you had spent endless time watching shows or movies side by side, neither of you had ever dared initiate physical touch, no matter how much you’d wanted to. He’d been scared you’d pull away from him, and you’d been scared it’d be awkward. You hadn’t realized how much you’d longed for his proximity and warmth until you had it.

Save for his laptop screen, it’d been quiet for a while, and you thought you might fall asleep when Jihoon spoke. “I’m so glad I don’t need to pretend anymore,” he said as one episode finished and the next one started.

“Pretend what?”

“That I’m not desperately in love with you and that every single little thing you do doesn’t drive me insane.”

You giggled. “Does it?”

“Yes,” he whispered, his voice a heavy sigh, almost a groan. There was a slight edge to it, a deeper meaning behind that short yes that had your stomach suddenly feeling very tight.

“Oh,” was all you could answer. You suddenly wondered what you might have done without thinking that had had an effect on Jihoon, just as he’d done to you many times before. You also wondered what sort of effect you may have had on him, what sort of thoughts he may have had about you that he had to keep to himself all this time.

Tentatively, you cocked your head up, only to find he was already looking down at you. The glint in his eyes made your body burn. Just as he started to lean in to reunite your lips, your phone buzzed with many texts in a row. Jihoon closed his eyes in frustration and sighed. “I want to throw both of our phones away,” he said, making you laugh.

minjeong hey pooks idk if ur out somewhere or still sleeping but im going to yoshis placeee he needs some stuff there so we’re going together and i’ll prob spend the night over… we’re like inseparable rn or wtv. anyways dont set the place on fire while i’m gone x

you ok thx for letting me know xx im w my boyfriend rn

Minjeong’s response didn’t even take three seconds to come through.

minjeong HUHHHH??? GIRL ???

you hehe

minjeong park jihoon is one lucky man

you how do u know its him?

minjeong literally who else would it be wait does that mean we’ll go on double dates…

you yeah ur right and pls no

minjeong DOUBLE DATES !! girls night tomorrow night i want all the deeeets have fun having the place all to urselves and rmb to use protection xx

you why is that where ur mind goes first ?? down for girls night tho can we watch teen beach movie

minjeong duhhh

“Teen Beach Movie?” Jihoon said, startling you. You hadn’t realized he’d been reading over your shoulders.

“It’s a good movie,” you mumbled, frowning.

“Right.” He said nothing for a few seconds, but he just couldn’t contain himself. The question was burning his tongue. “Aren’t you on the pill?”

Your head snapped towards him at the sudden question. “Uh, yeah, I am. Why?”

His eyes scanned your face as a smirk grew on his lips. “Then we don’t need to use protection, do we?”

You gulped. Your whole face felt hot - after having just shared your first kiss, you hadn’t expected him to mention sex so easily. Not that you weren’t interested in that, far from it, you were just… nervous.

You turned away from him, unable to sustain his gaze any longer. “I guess not,” you murmured. You had started taking the pill at the beginning of university, mainly to regulate your period and lessen your hormonal acne. The contraceptive part was just a bonus, one you had never imagined would come into handy like this. 

Jihoon’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh, I need to tell Yoshi about this! He’s gonna freak. I hope he won’t be mad he learned it from Minjeong and not me first.”

“Yoshi?” you asked as you watched him reach for his phone on his nightstand.

“Yeah, we’ve been updating each other on our love lives. He’s really into Minjeong, by the way.”

“That’s… strangely wholesome, actually.” 

While he typed away, you tilted your head and took the time to appreciate your boyfriend’s features. The round eyes, heart-shaped lips, sharp nose and even sharper jawline. He was so pretty, and now, he was all yours.

Without thinking, you traced a finger along his jaw, liking the feel of it against your skin. When his eyes found yours, you dropped your hand and straightened your head, expression like you’d just been caught red-handed.

“Should we go back to your place? We can pick up food on the way.”

You smiled. “We just ate.”

“And I’m hungry again,” he said, mirroring your smile and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Or at least, he had intended it as a chaste kiss, but he found that he couldn’t quite get himself to pull away. “Let’s go,” he said, lips moving against yours as he spoke, but made no move to actually go.

“Let’s go,” you repeated, staying perfectly still. You’re not sure who was the one to cross the millimeters between your lips, but before you knew it, you and Jihoon’s lips were stuck to each other once more. This kiss had none of the gradual intensity of the previous one - right off the bat, the feeling of Jihoon’s lips against yours flooded all of your senses.

Your hands found purchase in his hair while his found their way to your waist once more. With surprising ease, he pulled you to him so that you were straddling his lap. For a second there, you were conscious about how heavy you might be on top of him, but it was all forgotten when he pressed his lips to yours again in a passionate kiss. In this new position, you could press your body close to his, so close you could almost feel his heart beat against yours. He also had easier access to your back than before, and he quickly took advantage of that. 

Just like before, he sneaked his hands underneath your t-shirt, making you arch your back against him. He slid a finger underneath your bra strap and pulled away for a second to ask if this was okay. You looked at him - his eyes were darker than you’d ever seen before and his face had lust written all over it. You were sure you looked similar.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” you whispered before diving back into the kiss. One second apart felt like hours to you.

Your breath got shakier as he unclasped your bra. He didn’t do anything right away, settling on brushing his palm up and down your back while your heart raced with anticipation. You were so on edge that you couldn’t even kiss him anymore - you buried your face in his neck, gripping his hair so tightly you were probably hurting him. You didn’t care if he could feel how desperate you were. Then, finally, painfully slowly, one of his hands made its way to your front, and he gently grabbed your breast underneath your bra that was hanging from your shoulders. That was already a foreign sensation in itself, but when he took your nipple between two fingers and pulled on it ever-so-gently, the pleasure that overtook your body was so intense that it made you let out a loud gasp and you pulled away from Jihoon, startled as if you had been shocked by lightning. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, breathing heavily, a mix of worry and desire in his eyes. 

You nodded, holding onto his shoulders as you tried to make your breathing return to normal. “I’m fine, just… it’s all very new, is all. I’ve never done any of this before.”

Never had a boyfriend, never held hands romantically, never kissed - that was you. Not that you minded, though, since you’d never been interested in anyone and you were happy to do this with Jihoon, whom you trusted more than anyone else.

He smiled softly. “That’s okay. Does it at least feel good?” he asked, low voice making the hairs on your arms stand.

You whined, hiding your face in the dip of his shoulder again. “It does…” you admitted, voice muffled against his skin.

“You know, it’s my first time too,” he said after a while. 

You lifted your head to look at him. “Really?”

“Mh-hm. You’re my first girlfriend.” His eyes were full of affection as he gazed at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You giggled. “What’s funny?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

“We’re each other’s firsts,” you explained. “I think that’s nice.”

Jihoon made his way to your lips, giving them a small peck. “That is nice. And I promise I’ll make you feel so good,” another peck, “you’ll want me to be your last as well.”

You looked at him for a bit, taking in his features that looked even more beautiful to you now that you’d realized your feelings for him, and thought of a life with him. It might have been slightly premature, but you already knew you liked the idea of that.

“Okay,” you said, as if what he had said had been an offer. It made him smile.

“Okay.” He kissed you, softly like you could break underneath his touch. “You’re so cute, you know that?” he asked against your lips, but didn’t leave you time to answer before kissing you again. “Okay, I think we should take a break,” he said after a few minutes. “We can go to your place. And then we’ll have more… privacy.”

You agreed that spending some time not pressed up against Jihoon might help you think straight again. The walk to your apartment was nice and quiet, your interlocked hands swinging back and forth between your two bodies. When you walked past the grocery store, you stopped in your tracks, looking at Jihoon with a smile which he mirrored immediately, even without knowing the reason behind it.

“Should we bake a cake to celebrate our first day together?”

“That’s very cheesy.” His grin widened as he took a step closer to you. “I love it.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and led you into the store.

The rest of that afternoon was spent baking and decorating the cake. It was a simple vanilla batter, but it took way longer than it should have, because Jihoon first insisted on having a flour fight (which took ages to clean), then on having two cakes and having a competition for whose would be prettier (yours, of course), but you loved every last second of it. It was like a scene out of a movie, and you could not have been more content. To really bring home the cheesiness of it all, you even recorded yourselves blowing out the number one candles of your respective cakes.

The evening came around, and, full of cake and Chinese takeout, you were holed up in bed together, watching the first movie that had popped up on your Netflix recommended. It was too easy, falling asleep in his arms. The combination of his comforting scent and the soft back rubs he was giving you lulled you to sleep like nothing else. 

When you woke up next, it was because of a sudden lack of warmth next to you. You lifted your head to find Jihoon opening your bedroom door and heading into the living room. He had just been going to get water, but you didn’t know that.

“Hoon?” you called out, raising yourself to a sitting position on your bed. He immediately turned around, walking back towards you and crouching next to your bed.

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you staying?” you asked, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt sleeve. He looked at your hand before his gaze slowly made its way back up towards your face, a smirk growing on his pretty lips. 

“Do you want me to?” he asked back, gazing deep into your eyes. His voice had dropped to a low volume that made it hard to breathe. Initially, you’d just wanted him back by your side, but now all sorts of thoughts were running through your mind.

“Of course. I mean, we’re dating, right?” 

In an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, you tried to chuckle, but all laughter died in your throat when your eyes locked with Jihoon’s. You weren’t scared of his intensity - you were scared of the pace at which your desire for him was growing. One inch closer, and you knew you’d be wrapped around his finger.

He leaned closer.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked, tilting his head innocently to the side. Mindlessly, you rubbed your thighs together, searching for some relief for your core that had started to throb of its own accord, but Jihoon was following your every movement and had noticed it. “Are you saying you want to consummate our relationship?” he asked again, a hint of amusement in his voice as he placed his hands on your knee that wasn’t covered by the blanket.

You scoffed and looked away, hoping you didn’t look as flustered as you felt. “Not if you say it like that,” you mumbled.

Jihoon’s eyebrows perked up. “How should I say it, then?” he whispered. His hand slowly brushed along your sides until it reached your waist. Even over your layer of clothing, his touch burned. “You want me to make love to you?”

You kept your gaze fixed on something behind his shoulder, focusing on your breathing that was getting shakier and shakier. He drew the blanket away, leaving your thighs exposed to the chilly air for a second before he splayed his large palms on them, bringing you some warmth but intensifying the throbbing in your core. His hands inched closer and closer to where you most needed them, rubbing over your inner thighs but swerving right before he actually reached your core, setting them on your hip bones instead.

“Or do you want me to fuck you, Y/N?”

He took your chin between two fingers, forcing you to meet his gaze. Your eyes locked for a second before they dropped to his lips, watching the smirk that grew on them. “Guess it’s the latter.” 

As soon as your lips touched, you were overwhelmed by the immensity of your desire for him. Your whole body burned in want, in need. You had no idea what to do except hold on tightly to him and hope for the best, hope that he’d know how to guide you through this even if it was new for him as well. 

If you thought the kisses you’d shared earlier in the day had been intense, this one was on a whole other level. Your hands grabbed everywhere they could find and his gripped your waist firmly as your tongues danced with each other, resulting in a messy kiss that had your head spinning from lack of air in seconds. And yet, you couldn’t get enough. You kept pulling Jihoon impossibly closer by the hem of his t-shirt until he got frustrated from the layer of clothing between you two and simply took it off, discarding somewhere in your room. He gave you no time to admire his defined chest or abs, because he trapped your lips right away. 

He pushed you slowly onto the bed until he was hovering over you, alternating between kissing your lips and your neck, that you were sure would have a couple of purple marks for you to find the next day. Your skin burned wherever he touched it, and it was like a trail of fire had appeared as his hand made its way to your breasts once more, grabbing harshly at the soft flesh there. 

The whole time, he had been in some sort of a trance, drunk on your body, on your scent, on the way you were touching him - on the feeling that you finally wanted him as much as he’d wanted you all this time. But when he helped you out of the articles of clothing covering your upper body, and he had you half-naked underneath him, he had to take a double take and remember to take his time instead of just devouring you whole. For both his sake and yours.  

So he stopped for a bit, letting himself admire you. He noticed you shifting uncomfortably, so he leaned down again, pressing soft kisses along your cheeks and your jaw. “You really are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he whispered before kissing you. He then continued his journey down your neck and collarbones until he reached your breast. “Really so beautiful.”

When he took one of your nipples in his mouth, your back arched against him and you let out a loud moan. He couldn’t keep himself from chuckling slightly - he found it adorable how sensitive you were everywhere he touched you. Your moans were like music to his ears.

Nothing had ever felt like this before. As he circled his tongue around your nipple - God knows where he had learned how to do this - it took everything you had to not just scream in pleasure. Even if Minjeong was out, you still had neighbors. Now that you couldn’t grab his t-shirt, you’d switched to his hair, and you were tugging at it so hard you wouldn’t have been surprised if you ripped a clump of it from his head.

Your panties were sticking to your core, all slick with your arousal, and you didn’t know how long you could go on anymore without attention down there.

As if he’d heard your thoughts, Jihoon started making his way down your body once more, trailing kisses all across your ribcage and stomach.

“I’m torn between taking this real slow and making it last as long as possible.” His lips found a sensitive spot on your lower stomach, right next to your hip bone, and he gently bit the skin there, licking it afterwards to offer you some relief. “Or just devouring you now that I finally have you.”

“Jihoon,” you sighed, desperation evident in your voice. “Please, just do something.”

“Like what?” he asked, clearly enjoying your lust-filled state of mind.

“Anything.”

He chuckled, and by the sound of it, you knew he didn’t have anything good in mind. He lowered himself some more until his mouth was positioned right in front of your pussy, and, with no warning, licked a long strip from your hole to your clit over your panties, humming at the taste of your arousal.

“Something like this?” he asked afterwards, but was only met with a whine. He kissed the soft flesh of your inner thighs while you squirmed in his hold.

“Don’t tease me, please…” you begged, and your voice was so weak and genuine that he could only give in. 

“Whatever you want, baby,” he obliged, the nickname rolling off of his tongue casually. He had no idea what it did to you. 

He helped you out of your underwear, finally getting you fully naked just for him. Jihoon was a man of his words, so not a second was lost before he dived right back into you, licking up the arousal spilling out of you before flicking his tongue at your clit. He held your hips tightly in both of his hands so you couldn’t squirm away from him and ate you out like a man starved. You were so sweet and warm against his tongue, and your taste was worlds more intoxicating than any alcohol he’d ever had. He’d do this forever if you let him.

He noticed quickly that attention to your clit was what got you moaning the loudest, so he alternated between circling his tongue around it and gently sucking at it, sometimes releasing it with a pop just for the hell of it. He slipped a finger easily inside of you, your wetness accommodating him immediately. He couldn’t wait to be inside you - his hard cock was throbbing in the confines of his underwear, but his only concern right now was to make you come undone for him. 

When he found that deep spot inside of you, the one that had you gasping in pleasure and moaning his name, he slid a second finger in, and just like that, you were done for. You came apart on his fingers and tongue, a complete moaning mess underneath him, and he lapped up the arousal leaking out of you like it was water. 

You’d already thought you were at the peak of pleasure when your orgasm came ripping through you like an avalanche, blindsiding you and making you see bright white stars behind your tightly closed eyelids. Your throat felt dry from all the moaning and heaving you’d been doing. You had to take Jihoon’s face between your hands and gently pull him up yourself, otherwise it seemed like he was happy to keep going, but it was starting to overwhelm you.

Jihoon held you in his arms as you came down from your high. You let out the laughter bubbling in your throat as your breathing returned to normal - not because something was funny, but because you had just felt so ridiculously amazing that you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“How was it?” Jihoon asked, a lot shyer than you’d expected.

You lifted your head to look at him, a bright smile on your face even though you felt close to exhausted. “I have a hard time believing that was your first time giving head, Hoon.”

He chuckled. “Very first time, I promise you. I must just have some God-given skills.”

“I’m not even gonna fight you on that, because that was amazing,” you conceded, nuzzling yourself closer to him.

“I’m glad I could do that for you,” he said softly, burying his nose at the top of your head and inhaling there. The scent of your hair was oddly comforting for him.

Before you let yourself drift off to sleep, you started raking your fingernails across his chest and abs, smiling proudly to yourself when you heard him breathe shakily or felt his muscles clench under your touch. He wasn’t saying anything, but you could tell he was holding himself back. “I think,” you started, pressing a kiss to the corner of his jaw, “That you deserve something in return.”

“You don’t-”

You knew Jihoon. He didn’t like it when you insisted on paying for coffee because he’d done it the last time, or when you baked him something because he’d stayed up all night with you studying for a test. He liked taking care of you, but you always had to almost force him to let you take care of him. You wanted your relationship to be fifty-fifty - you wanted to give him as much as he gave you. Even if he would let you, it wasn’t fair to just take and take.

So you insisted. Whatever he was about to say, it died on his tongue as soon as you placed your palm on his erection. It felt hot and hard under your hand, and saying you weren’t slightly intimidated would be a lie, but you wanted to do this. If you were able to give Jihoon half the pleasure he’d given you moments prior, you’d be satisfied. 

You rubbed your hand slowly up and down over his clothes. “Really, baby,” he managed to say between shaky breaths, “I didn’t do that to get something in return- Fuck,” he whispered as you hooked your fingers underneath the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling it down his legs so he was only left in his underwear. Under the black fabric, his bulge looked huge, and you gulped at the idea of having it inside you.

“This feels good, right, Hoon?” you asked, steadily getting bolder and pressing slightly harder against his bulge as you continued rubbing it.

“It- it does, but-”

You shut him up by pressing your lips to his. He reciprocated it immediately, almost unconsciously, before moaning into the kiss. “So let me do this for you,” you whispered before ridding him of his underwear.

“Okay,” he said, sighing as you rubbed your hands from his knees along his thighs.

The groan he let out as you took him in your hand sent shivers straight down your spine. You could finally put to use all the knowledge Minjeong had passed on to you over the past few months. You let go of Jihoon’s cock to spit in your hand, the moisture helping you glide your loosely closed fist along his shaft with more ease. Your movements themselves were probably very clumsy, but Jihoon didn’t seem to mind - he moaned shamelessly, head fallen back against the pillows and exposed Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

Seeing him like this and knowing it was all because of you drove you crazy, and soon, you became greedy for any sign of pleasure from him. You wanted to hear all of his moans, sighs, groans, watch his abs clench tightly and feel him grab your hair, which he did as soon as you flicked your tongue across his tip, already leaking with pre-cum. The endless string of curses and moans that flew from his mouth as you circled your tongue and shallowly bobbed your mouth around him filled you with satisfaction.

“Fuck, just like that, Y/N. You’re doing so fucking well, baby. Making me feel so good.” Those words had been the cherry on top.

Jihoon was of a more-than-decent size, and fitting all of him inside of your mouth was probably a task that would take a few tries to achieve - you still did your best to take as much of him as you could. You massaged his balls with one of your hands, using the other to hold the base of his shaft while you bobbed your head up and down. You did this with increasing speed then let him take control over your pace as his fingers threaded themselves in your hair, guiding your head around him. You didn’t even know if he was doing it on purpose or out of reflex, but you definitely did not mind handing him the reins.

“You’re gonna make me- Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna cum, sweetheart.” You hummed around his shaft, and that seemed to do him in - with a loud groan, he released his load, hot and sticky inside your mouth. Taken aback by the bitter taste, you lifted your head and only swallowed what you had caught. You took him in your hand again, jerking him off to help him ride out the rest of his high.

You watched him, transfixed by his heaving chest, eyes screwed shut, the beads of sweat pearling across his torso, and the red blush that had spread from his face down to his neck. You’d done this. You’d gotten Jihoon in such a state. You let him rest for a bit as you wiped your hands and his body with a tissue and had a sip of water.

You then pressed a kiss to his cheek, taking the time to admire his smiling face. When he opened his eyes and found yours, you suddenly felt so shy that you returned to your usual cuddling position, head resting against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. You were both smelly and sticky, but you couldn’t care less.

“You did so good, baby. You did such a good job,” he whispered, the praise going right to your heart.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. That was amazing.” He sighed contentedly, then lowered his head to look at you. “You feeling sleepy?”

You shook your head no, a shy smile on your lips.

Jihoon smirked slightly. “You wanna keep going?”

You nodded.

He shifted himself so that his back rested against the headboard. “Come here,” he whispers, pulling you to his lap. You both winced in sensitivity at the feeling of your core right against his softening dick, but you didn’t want to pull apart either. If anything, the small stimulation created a pit in your lower stomach for the second time of the night.

You wrapped your arms lazily around his neck while he rested one of his hands on your hips and used the other one to rub your back. “How are you feeling?” he asked, eyes soft and full of affection.

You pressed a long, gentle kiss to his lips. “Good. Really good,” you said, making him chuckle.

“Good. Me too.”

You made out lazily, lips moving languidly against each other, neither of you in a rush to get anywhere. But after some time, you started to feel Jihoon hardening under you, and when you rocked your hips against him, coating his growing erection with arousal, he groaned. His hands traveled down to your ass, grabbing hard at the skin there as he helped you rock back and forth against him. You started out slowly at first, moaning every time your clit brushed against his tip, but it wasn’t long before you sped things up and lost yourself in pleasure once again. Your arms tightened their hold around his neck and, burying your face in his neck, you pressed your chest flush to his and muffled your moans against his skin, in both pleasure and frustration at having him right against you but not inside.

You suddenly lifted your head, and the look on your face made Jihoon instantly stop. “Is everything okay, baby?”

You nodded, but your worry was still evident in the crease of your brows. “Yeah, I just…” You pouted. “I’m scared it’ll hurt, Hoon.”

Jihoon caressed the side of your cheek with his palm, brushing some hair away from your face. “We don’t have to do this today-”

“No!” you exclaimed, taking the both of you aback. “I want to.”

“Okay.”

“I’m just a little bit nervous.”

“Okay. That’s okay, baby.” One of his hands rubbed reassuring circles into your lower back. “We can go as slow as you want, okay? And we can stop whenever you want. Just let me know. Does that sound good?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, it does.”

Jihoon smiled and pressed his lips to yours. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He helped you lay on your back against the mattress and hovered over you, propping himself up on one forearm. As he kissed you, he caressed one of your thighs, hand inching closer and closer to your core and making your blood rush with anticipation. Then he finally pressed two fingers to your folds, gathering up some of your arousal 

before sliding his digits inside of you. As you gasped out in pleasure, his lips trailed away from your lips and found a new home in your neck.

He scissored his fingers inside of you, stretching you out and getting you ready for him as he murmured words of “you’re doing so well” and “I’ll make you feel good,” as if he wasn’t already. When you seemed relaxed enough, he slid his fingers out of you, smiling at you mischievously while he sucked your arousal off of them. Then, taking his dick by the base, he rubbed his tip along your folds, making your body twitch and loud moans escape your mouth. He pressed a final kiss to your cheek and buried his face in your neck, trying to ground himself too as he slowly started pushing himself inside of you.

His dick was so much bigger than his fingers, and you gripped his hair tightly as you got used to the new sensation. Tears prickled in your eyes, the unexpected stretch making you frown in discomfort. It was a completely different pain to what you were used to, but the overwhelming pleasure mixed with it made it almost welcome. 

Jihoon was using all of his self-control to not pound you into tomorrow - your tight pussy was sucking him right in, and it was like his whole body sighed of relief when he bottomed out. He couldn’t believe he was inside you, feeling your walls clench around him and hearing your soft grunts as you got used to him. It was a scene right out of his wet dreams. 

“You okay?” he asked, voice muffled against your skin. His voice sounded strained and heavy. 

“I’m okay, Hoonie. I just need a minute.”

For that minute, as you breathed shallowly and relaxed around him, Jihoon pressed wet kisses wherever his lips could reach and twirled one of your nipples between two fingers to take your mind off of your pain. 

“Take your time. I know I’m big, baby,” he said. You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“No, you’re just right, Hoon. It feels nice now.” 

Objectively, Jihoon knew that this was a good thing, and that you had meant in a good way - better for him to fit right inside rather than cause you pain, but a part of his ego had still been hurt by your refutal of his claim. But then you told him he could move, and he forgot all about it.

It took him another superhuman kind of effort to go slow, slowly rolling his hips against yours with a self-control he didn’t know he had. He scanned your face for any signs of discomfort, kissing your small frown in the hope it might go away. He watched as your jaw relaxed and the soft hums escaping your throat turned into moans, as the crease in your eyebrows softened and turned into one of pleasure rather than pain. He allowed his movements to speed up, noting with satisfaction the increasing volume of the noises you were making and the way your fingernails dug into the skin of his shoulders.

He lifted himself on his palms and hooked one of your legs around his hips, the new, deeper angle having you seeing stars. He asked if you were okay again, and when you not only nodded yes, but asked him to go faster, Jihoon had to admit he got a little bit carried away, both in his actions and his words. 

Jihoon had a big mouth - you knew it, everyone knew it. What you didn’t know was that he would keep that big mouth even balls-deep inside you.

Maintaining a fast pace, he lowered himself so that his lips tickled your ear as he spoke. “You’re doing so well, baby. Taking my cock like the good girl you are. Isn’t that right? You’re my good girl,” he grunted, punctuating his words with harsh rolls of his hips into yours. You couldn’t even get yourself to answer, that’s how far gone you were, his words going into your one ear and coming out the other. All you could think about was how good it all felt, from his tip repeatedly hitting that delicious spot inside of you to the feeling of his warm, sticky skin against yours. The room smelled of sweat and arousal and was filled with all sorts of noises - your heavy breathing, your moans, your grunts, the wet sound of Jihoon’s dick inside of you.

“Can’t even say anything, can you? Am I making you feel that good, baby?”

You moaned, thinking that should be enough of a yes for him, but you should’ve known better. 

“I think you should answer me when I ask you a question, Y/N,” he commanded, slowing his pace down to get you to listen to him.

“Y-yes, it feels so good, Hoon,” you replied, out-of-breath.

“Attagirl,” he whispered, smiling as he bit the lobe of your ear. 

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until Jihoon halted in his motions, feeling one of your hot, wet tears on his palm. He was quick to wipe it away, searching for any pain in your features, but you only whined, asking him why he’d stopped. 

“Why are you crying, baby? Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” he asked frantically. The worry in his voice only amplified your already overflowing love for him.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just… God, this is so embarrassing,” you all but sobbed against his skin, realizing that the pleasure had been so overwhelming, tears had started flowing from your eyes. 

“No, it’s not.”

You screwed your eyes shut for a second before meeting his gaze again. “I just- it feels so good, Hoon.”

A pause passed as he took a deep breath. “Is that it?”

“It is, I promise. Please, just… let’s keep going, Hoonie. I was so close,” you whined, and Jihoon couldn’t help but chuckle at your desperation. How was it that he still found you so adorable even in such a situation?

“Okay, baby. I’m relieved.” He wiped more of your tears that had fallen, but as soon as he moved inside of you again, taking a minute to return to his previous harsh pace, your tears resumed streaking down your cheeks. Jihoon kissed them, savoring their salty taste on his tongue.

It didn’t take long for the knot in your stomach to become tight again, and with every deep thrust, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. 

“You look so pretty like this, sweetheart. All fucked out for me.”

“Mm. I’m so close, Hoon, gonna- fuck, gonna-”

“You’re gonna cum for me, baby? Gonna cum and make a mess all over my cock?”

“Yes, Hoon, fuck-”

You gasped out loud as his hand found your clit again, using his thumb to rub quick circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves. “Cum for me, sweetheart, show me how good it feels.”

That did it for you. Your second orgasm of the night washed over you, making you release your loudest moan yet. You held on to Jihoon like you might fall apart if you didn’t. 

The quick clenching and unclenching of your walls around Jihoon’s dick as he fucked you throughout your high drove him crazy and, soon enough, he came undone himself, hot, white ropes of his cum filling you up. The squelch as he fucked his cum into you, the both of you moaning in overstimulation, was nothing short of pornographic. 

Jihoon all but collapsed on top of you, humming as you traced your fingernails up and down his back. You took a few minutes to collect yourselves, and you thought he might have fallen asleep, soft dick still inside you, when he lifted himself up with a sigh and slid out of you. You winced at the loss of his warmth. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and said he’d be back in a sec. 

When he entered your room again, he was carrying a towel, a tall glass of water, and leftovers from your takeout earlier. He cleaned you off and asked you how you felt, then you chatted as you ate your food. You could pass out at any moment, but it was nice, talking a little bit after the moment you shared instead of falling asleep straight away. 

He almost choked on his water when you asked him where he’d learned to talk so dirty - now that he was out of the moment, his cheeks reddened at the thought of everything he’d told you. “It just comes naturally,” he’d said shyly.

“Do you want anything?” he asked when you were done eating. 

You kissed him, smiling against his lips. “I’m all good, Hoon. You?”

He mirrored your smile. “All good, too.”

“I just wanna cuddle and sleep now. I’m spent.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” he whispered. He laid down on his back and you followed, letting him wrap an arm around your shoulder while you rested your head on his chest. He drew you close to him and pulled the blankets over your intertwined bodies. “Is it creepy if I just stare at you for a little bit?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“But you’re so pretty,” Jihoon pouted.

“I’ll just sleep and pretend I don’t know anything about it.”

“Okay, just don’t panic if you feel a strange but very attractive presence looming over you.”

You snorted. “Noted. Night, Hoon.” You pressed a kiss to his neck and he hummed.

“Night, pretty. Sleep tight.”

--

When you woke up a few hours later, your room was bathing in the bright yellow glow of the early morning. You and Jihoon had shifted positions in the night and you’d ended up curled up on your side, back to him while he slept on his back, arms sprayed out next to him. It was the feeling of him shifting closer to you and wrapping an arm around your waist that had awoken you, a sudden warmth engulfing your body that made you feel like you might still be dreaming.

But no, it was all very real. From the man behind you, to the events of the previous night, to the dull but not unpleasant ache you felt between your legs. You sighed contentedly, taking his hand in yours and wrapping it tighter around yourself. 

Curious to see if he was awake, you turned around after a few minutes and faced him. He seemed pretty passed out until you pressed a soft kiss to his nose, then another to his cheek. His eyebrows creased for a second and his foot moved against yours. He didn’t open his eyes, but he pursed his lips for a kiss. He wasn’t content with just a peck, however, and you found yourself making out with him first thing in the morning, lips full of sleep and cotton-soft like your pillows. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve dreamed of this,” he says after a while, keeping his eyes closed, morning voice sending chills down your spine. “Waking up next to you.”

“You have?”

“I have. I don’t know if I should freak out over this and have a party or just be chill about it,” he said, smiling.

“We can have a party.”

“Really?” Jihoon asked, opening his eyes wide, excited like a kid who was just told they were going to Disneyland.

“Sure,” you giggled. “We can invite all of our friends and celebrate our one-week anniversary or something. Minjeong will probably want to plan it.”

He sighed happily. “I’m holding you to that. We’re celebrating.”

After lazing around in bed for a couple hours, going back and forth between chatting while cuddling and making out, your growling stomachs forced you out of your room and into the kitchen.

You and Jihoon noticed it at the same time. It was hard to miss, after all - a bright pink sheet of A4 paper with hearts and little Cupids everywhere right in the middle of the surface of your fridge, but more importantly, your name and Jihoon’s in big bubble letters with 99% in the middle. You wanted to rip it from the surface of your fridge, but the damage had been done - index pointed at the paper, Jihoon turned to you with an incredulous look on his face. You scratched the back of your neck and looked around the kitchen for a way to escape.

“Y/N, what’s this?” Jihoon asked, amusement laced in his voice.

You tried to find some sort of excuse, but to no avail. “This is just, um- you know, just a, uh, just-” The sound of Jihoon’s cackles interrupted you. You looked at him, unimpressed. “Don’t laugh at me. I was stressing out, okay? I needed something to reassure me.”

Jihoon was grinning wide as he pulled you into a hug, one arm around your waist and one hand on the back of your head. “You’re so adorable,” he mused, pressing a kiss to your hair. You wrapped your arms around his middle and nuzzled your nose against his neck, the comforting scent of his skin making you forget about your embarrassment. 

He leaned away slightly and took the paper off of the fridge, smiling down at it. “As cute as this is, you don’t need it. I’ll show you everyday that I’m the perfect man for you, okay?”

You mirrored his smile. “Okay.” Even when your lips found each other, you couldn’t stop smiling, giggles escaping from your lips into his. You only laughed harder when he started pressing small kisses all over your face, making sure to not miss a single spot. He pressed a final one to your forehead before resting his against it, both of you closing your eyes and relishing in each other’s presence. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

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[misctf]

End of Summer

The end of summer was always bittersweet for Jason, who had spent the summer between his semesters lifeguarding at his hometown’s pool. It would only be a week before he returned to the busy life of a college student, and the pool closing for the season often signified that transition. Although bittersweet, Jason just appreciated that he was able to keep his job. When the pool changed owners, he was worried that the new owner might not rehire him for the season. But Mr. Galvin seemed happy to hire him for the summer. And when Jason saw how much he was being offered, he was more than happy to sign his contract. The young lifeguard sighed as he finished locking up the main gates and headed towards his boss’s office to return the keys.

“Alright Mr. Galvin, it’s been real.” Jason said, handing the keys to his boss, a middle-aged man with graying hair and piercing blue eyes. Jason always felt uneasy around the man, but he was just happy to have a job, “Thanks for the lifeguarding gig this summer. I appreciate it.”

Mr. Galvin nodded, “Well of course, and Jason you did such an excellent job. I’m excited to see how you do in the fall.” He looked over at the clock on the wall and smiled.

Jason raised an eyebrow. That was a pretty weird thing to say if he was being honest, “With school?” Jason asked.

Mr. Galvin chuckled, “No with your new job. The new season starts in just a minute.”

“I don’t know what you mean. I’m not starting a new...” Jason froze as he felt a sudden tingle run through his entire body, which was quickly followed by an intense heat. He groaned in discomfort and fell to his knees, gripping his abdomen.

“Oh Jason, did you not read the contract?” Mr. Galvin said, standing up from his desk. He watched as Jason rolled over, groaning as his muscles contracted, “Summer is over and I don’t really need a lifeguard anymore. But I do need someone to tend to the orchard for the fall season.”

Jason grabbed at his shirt and ripped it off, basking in the cool room air as his body overheated. He groaned as he felt a bubbling in his stomach and grabbed his abs. It felt like his entire body was convulsing- each muscle tightening and contracting. And then, he let out the loudest belch that he ever had. If his frat bros heard, they would’ve high-fived him, but in this situation, Jason was too confused to celebrate.

“Wh-what the hell is happening to me?” He groaned, another loud belch filling the room. It felt like his body was starting to fill with air.

Mr. Galvin didn’t reply, only watching as Jason’s muscle started to grow. His pecs, biceps, triceps, and back all seemed to fill with muscle. And it didn’t stop. As Jason continued to belch, his musculature grew and expanded. The young man was horrified as he felt his body grow against his will. His lean swimmer’s build was slowly becoming that of a body builder's.

“You’re turning out so well so far.” Mr. Galvin remarked, watching closely as Jason’s muscular physique began to fill with fat.

His abs became covered in a thick layer of firm fat, while his pecs jiggled with the extra fat. Jason would disagree though and as he gripped his thicker abdomen, he felt tears well up in his eyes. He was proud of his swimmer’s build. This physique- while certainly bigger- was not built for swimming. His body seemed more built for hard labor.

“What *burp* is this?” Jason let out another burp as his stomach continued to expand.

“I guess you didn’t read that contract all too closely.” Mr. Galvin remarked, “But I need some help on the orchard. And now that summer is over and I no longer need a lifeguard, I’m hopeful that we can get you to fit your new role as a farmhand.”

“A farmhand?” Jason’s eyes widened as he watched some of his golden locks fall from his head, “But... college?”

Mr. Galvin shook his head and walked up to Jason, “No more college Jason. Just working on the orchard. Just a smelly, stupid farmhand that follows directions.”

Jason wanted to protest, but a voice from inside his head prevented him from doing so, “Jus’ a stoopid smelly worker boy.” The voice said, chuckling. It was a beckoning voice, slow and dumb, but welling up from deep within his mind. And Jason was confused. Where did that voice even come from? He was a college student- successful in his classes. He had aspirations. So where did this dumb internal voice come from? But before he could think it through even more, an intense itchiness erupted throughout his body. Hair sprouted from his clean shaven chest and face, rapidly growing and spiraling down his abdomen. His arms were no exception and Jason felt his heart sink as he gazed at his new hairy body.

“God darnit!” Jason shouted, his eyes widening at the sound of his voice. It was deeper, slower- resembling that of the voice in his head, “Naw way! This ain’t happenin’!” He let out another belch and then another.

With each belch, Jason felt like he was losing something. His thoughts seemed to slow down and the situation was becoming too complex for his brain to handle. It just didn’t make any sense. Was he ever a lifeguard or a college student? How do you go from one of those things to a farmhand? What exactly was real? Jason’s brain was starting to hurt more as he tried to think through this problem. But as he looked at himself and felt his new body, he struggled to rationalize that he had been anything else prior to this.

“Like I ‘member bein’ ah smart guy.” Jason remarked, “An’ college an’ stuff. But that ain’t whut ahm now.” He belched again and let out a dim chuckle, “Ah do like farmin’ though!” He said confidently as memories and knowledge on how to take care of the orchard filled his mind. All remnants of Jason’s prior life were squeezed into the far recesses as new knowledge invaded his mind.

Mr. Galvin nodded, satisfied with his new worker. Jason might not be the smartest tool in the box, but he was a good worker- always making the extra effort... one of the only things that Mr. Galvin felt was appropriate to leave behind. And with the start of the fall season and getting the orchard ready, Mr. Galvin was satisfied with the end result. Jason for his part remained a strong worker, enjoying his time out in the orchard. On occasion he would remember his life prior to being a simple farmhand, but he could barely make much sense of it. And what he did remember scared him. And so as the fall season came to a close, he was more than happy to renew his contract.  

[whereisten]

Valentine Boy

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 (Final)

Special Cover Art by @nakayutasama <3

Summary:

You've been dating College Student! Jaehyun for a few months now. He's unbelievably sweet, smart, oh..and very handsome. Best of all, he gives you the best love you've ever had. He's the love of your life and you can't see anything going wrong as your relationship sails smoothly.that is….until you discover his biggest secret. He's been hiding the fact that he's a camboy and you start to wonder..ls Jaehyun as sweet and honest as you think he is?

Pairing: female reader X college student and camboy!Jaehyun

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Chapter Word Count: 13.5K

Warnings: cursing, cheating, cam boy (video-recorded sex with online audience), brief sexual assault mention (nothing detailed), deception, manipulation, blackmail, alcohol use, minor character death, descriptive smut (fingering, dirty talk, BDSM themes (toy usage, spanking), oral sex (m receiving), threesome, some masturbation, rough sex, vaginal penetration, anal sex, breast fondling).

(A/N): HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!💗💗 Jfc I cannot believe this took 3 years 😵‍💫 please PLEASEEEE forgive me for completely abandoning this as well as other fics, things happen and I couldn’t find any motivation to write for a while. It’s slowly starting to come back, so you’ll notice my writing style is rusty, please be patient with me❤️Anyway, I’ve introduced a new character *hint hint* his name starts with T hehe! Thank you guys so much for reading this series!! I really want to know if you love Cam Boy! Jaehyun or can’t stand him after this finale. So please comment or send an ask! I hope you enjoy! low key, I’m relieved but I’m also kinda sad, anytime I finish a series it’s really like closing a book and leaving the characters behind, it’s weird.. nonetheless!! ENJOY!

Tag List (if you’re still here, I’d be VERY impressed😭): @teddybella @nakayutasama @nainjun @moonflower-98 @cherrym4rk @hwangjinkkami @jeongyoonohs @starlightdustspots @80sjaeden-blog @poisonedsultana @breadjaehyunie @lilaewe @hash-brownsss @lazydepkkst @greatbakerypaperoperator @mymy127 @tiramisubox @cactus-rocks @justineasian @nakamotonikkoru @joyfulghosteagletree @nainjun @bluehippoo @suhtements @lonely-moon-in-the-sky @ratchet-sebooty @mrshatakekakashi-blog @painted-hills @haylo4ever @celestiababie @ubbesson @tinybangtanstan @oddeyecirca @hongtyong @johnnysmybabydaddy @yesitsmeavi @polarlight-b @chanyeolscoon @ncteaxhoe @suhweo @jiyoungiejae @suhfluffy @the-universe-in-you-jjh @yutyongie @isolemnlyswearimgood @staywritten @hnvbin @jhhooppppeeee @yunohflwr @gotoartistprofile @shiningstarsarah @glitterfall @minsik-k @yoooori @26zcl @ahtisa02 @wonw00t

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[2:30 PM]

“Miss y/n, I understand that you believe you’re innocent in this situation, but the fact of the matter is that these scandalous photos WERE taken with your permission. You voluntarily posed for these photos”

The Dean flips the posters over on his desk so that he doesn’t have to look at them anymore. You appreciated it, but really, you wished she’d be more sympathetic.

“Y-yes, but not with the belief that they’d ever leave my boyfriend's computer..I’m sorry, I don’t know who is trying to blackmail me, but I’d really appreciate it if campus police could do an investigation. I think my boyfriend was hacked.”

You say quietly, unsure of whether or not you even believed that.

“Of course, miss Y/n, this will be done and the perpetrator may be convicted of sexual assault, should there be enough evidence and should you wish to press charges, but right now, our main concern is maintaining our campus peace and the respectful treatment of others that we pride ourselves in having.”

You nod.

“That being said…” she sighs.

“Myself, as well as your professors, have decided to forbid you from entering the campus.”

Your mouth falls open as your eyes widen. “Wha-“

“It’ll only be for the remainder of the semester. You can join us again in the Fall, but in the meantime, you must finish your classes online at home.”

Your eyes start to fill with tears.

“But it isn’t my fault, I-I don’t understand.”

“Things have to calm down right now, you’ll also be at risk for even more harassment if you stay.” She stands and fixes her blazer, signaling that the conversation was over.

You nod and stand up. She was right. You were in a vulnerable state right now. People that hadn’t known you before now knew what your body looked like without your consent. They’d have perceptions about you, they’d look at you scornfully or maybe even make advances. 

“Thank you for your time.” You hold your head down and leave the office.

————

Back in your apartment, Bella and Jackson talk about how they ran Jaehyun away. He came to look for you, but they told him they’d have him arrested for trespassing.

“He and the fucking bitch Reina deserve to suffer! I swear to God I will ruin them!” Bella stomps through the apartment.

You hold your face in your hands and sob while thinking about what your life has turned into. You couldn’t show your face on campus now and it’s all because you decided to trust Jaehyun.

“I know what I’ll do, I’ll hack into their account and fucking delete it, how dare they make money after this!”

Bella continues. “They’ll have to start all over.”

“Bella..please..that won’t do anything right now.” You cry even harder. You knew she cared for you and hated seeing you like this, but her getting revenge really didn’t make you happier.

Bella stops in her tracks, rushing to sit beside you and hold your back.

“I’m..sorry, I’m so wounded up, I didn’t even remember that your health is a priority right now. You don’t deserve this and you didn’t do anything wrong, people are just assholes. Have you eaten?”

You shake your head.

“I’ll grab something for you, okay? Stay right here, I’ll be right back!”

While waiting, you hesitantly unlock your phone to check your notifications.

You had nearly 100 missed calls and texts from Jaehyun. You ignore them and block him. You aren’t sure what to think at this point, and it’s not like Jaehyun hasn’t deceived you before. You refuse to be taken for a fool any longer.

You open up the college social media app, CamPak, an app that allows only students on campus to connect with each other anonymously. It’s like Twitter, but for college students whose IP addresses fit the location of the college. You know you probably shouldn’t, but curiosity eats away at you in the silence of your apartment now.

You sigh and scroll through the posts.

Did anyone see those posters this morning? Is this a new nsfw club kkkkk sign me up

She’s hot!! Put the flyers back up

Poor girl must be so embarrassed

Why? She’s the one that posted them obvi, she wants attention

Nah that’s revenge porn

I’d show her a good time

Whoever posted these is a HOE

We don’t need to see this..let it stay on OnlyCams girl

The posts could’ve been worse, you think to yourself and put your phone down. You still feel embarrassed and know you need to be away from it all.

———

[Two Days Later]

“Hey, mom” you drop your duffel bag to the floor and pull your mom into the biggest hug.

“Oh! You’re home early, I thought you had about another month or so?”

You sob quietly, but not because you’re sad, but because it felt good to have someone hold you so lovingly. You’re relieved to be away from it all, and although it sucks having to switch to online classes so late, you prefer working from your home with only your mom around you.

“Yeah..well, I decided to leave early and finish up my classes from home.”

She pulls away to look at you, a frown coming across her face when she sees your swollen, red eyes.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

You hesitate to tell her the truth, how could you explain that you were the one that allowed the photos to be taken in the first place? The last thing you needed was for her to scold you for not protecting yourself.

“Nothing…it’s just been a difficult semester, I’m glad to be home now.” You give her a small smile.

“If something was wrong, you’d tell me, right?” Her eyes plead for an answer.

You nod. “Of course.”

You don’t need to relive your embarrassment by showing her the pictures and explaining everything, it’s all going to be okay now.

———

[Two Weeks Later]

You focus on your studies and get your work done online as expected. Bella tells you that students stopped talking about what happened a few days after you left. Luckily, social media and preparation for exams kept them busy enough to forget about it.

You breathe a sigh of relief when you finally feel like things are going back to normal, slowly, but surely. 

However, you still cry yourself to sleep on some nights. You miss Jaehyun and wonder what you did to deserve this treatment from him. All you did was love him with your entire heart. He took that for granted by risking your privacy and pulling you into a game you had no understanding of.

You never think of texting as this distance is necessary, but you didn’t know that he was keeping in contact with your mother. 

She loves him so much, thinking that he is incredibly charming and thereby, perfect for you. She thinks of him as her son already. So when he shows up to her house one day, she doesn’t hesitate to let him in.

“Honey!” She calls out to you as you wrap up a final paper while sitting at your desk in your room.

“Yes! I’m almost done.”

She still opens the door and peaks her head in.

“Jaehyun’s here. He says he couldn’t get you on your phone, so I told him you’ve been studying h-“

“What?!” You turn to look at her with wide eyes, your fingers begin to tremble over the keys of your laptop.

A week later, you’re finally starting to heal, and here he comes to ruin it all, to remind you of everything that went wrong.

Your mom’s brows furrow. “What’s wrong? Did you guys have a fight?”

“No..no, it’s fine.” You know how much Jaehyun means to her, but now is not the time to explain everything that’s happened. 

“Oh..ok. I’ll tell him to come up then.”

You fix your hair and put on lip balm to look somewhat decent while wearing a hoodie and sweatpants.

It doesn’t matter what you look like, but you don’t want him thinking your life has fallen apart completely.

He knocks and waits for you to answer.

“Y/n..”

You clear your throat. “Come in.” 

He pushes the door, stepping in quietly.

He wears a black hoodie over sweatpants too, but his hair is disheveled. He has a faint mustache and beard under his dark eye bags. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“What are you doing here?” You find it hard to look into his tired eyes so you look to the floor.

He closes the door behind him and steps towards you quickly, raising his hand to caress your face.

“Y/n..I’m so sorry, please forgive me..I-“

You step back away from him, bumping into your desk before gripping the edge hard. You feel the blood start to leave your knuckles.

“Get out..I don’t want to see you..” your eyes start to fill with tears as you speak weakly.

“Y/n..baby, it wasn’t me, and I swear to you I will get Reina back for this. She’s ruined you, she’s ruined us.”

“Us?” Your eyes flicker up to him.

“Stop acting like this is as difficult for you as it is for me, you’re not the one whose nudes were plastered all over campus and parts of the internet without consent. If you really cared about me, you would’ve done something already.”

Jaehyun’s hand goes to his side as his face falls. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I was a fool..please let me make this right.”

He leans in again, and you flinch as if scared of him for some reason.

He stares in confusion. You don’t want him to touch you anymore.

“Jaehyun…you can make this right by leaving. Don’t contact me or my mom again..” you start to cry and turn your back to him.

“It wasn’t me, I was hacked, you have to believe me!” He starts to cry as well. “I’d never do this to you.”

But the fact of the matter is he already did. He betrayed you by getting this job with Reina in the first place.

”You’re pathetic for trying to claim innocence right now. You know what’s funny, Jaehyun? I would’ve never known of Reina had it not been for you..”

He swallows hard and steps back.

You turn to face him. “If you hadn’t lied..if you hadn’t been greedy..If you weren’t the coward that you are.”

You’re almost unrecognizable as Jaehyun sees the rage in your eyes.

”Get. out.” You say firmly with tears streaming down steadily.

Whether or not Jaehyun released the pictures and posted them online, he was still the one that took them, he had possession. It would be hard to prove his innocence, not only to you, but to the world as well.

He knows this, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to love you again.

He turns to leave, but stops at the door. “I don’t blame you for being upset with me..but I will always love you, regardless of what happens.”

You exhale before falling onto your bed and wrapping yourself in your blankets. Your heart still aches for him, it hurts to be so cruel.

———

[Later That Day]

A plastered drunk Jaehyun slams the counter at the bar.

“Another shot!”

“Ooo..don’t you think you should slow down a bit?”

Reina sneaks up behind him while rubbing his back.

“Fuck..” he puts his head in his hands. She’s the last person he wants to see.

“You’re always so happy to see me, makes me feel loved.” She says sarcastically while sitting on the stool next to him.

“You’re..such a bitch..” he slurs out.

“But you love it, don’t you?” She pouts and places her fingers on his chin to tilt his face towards her. “If it makes you feel better, I do like the scruffy look.”

He pushes her hand away and stands up, he drunkenly stumbles through the crowd to get away from her, but she wraps an arm around his waist and helps him to the back. She pushes him against a wall and leans in close.

“Come on, Valentine Boy, it’s just you and me now, we can do whatever we want. We can make so much money again, what do you say?”

Jaehyun chuckles. “Reina..even enhancement pills won’t get me hard for you again.”

 He was done with her and completely disgusted after all she’d done to hurt you.

Reina’s fall smiles. “You don’t mean that..”

She tries to kiss him, but even in his drunken state, he’s able to push her way.

“Get off of me!”

She still doesn’t stop. “Look at me, Jaehyun, don’t I remind you of her? Treat me like you would treat her if she comes crawling back. You’d love to make love to her, wouldn’t you?”

She kisses his neck while holding his face in her hand. And for a brief moment, Jaehyun does imagine it’s you kissing him. Then, he has flashbacks of your heartbroken and angry face watching him leave. He’d never forget it, because it had been burned into his heart.

“You’re not her! You’ll never be her!” He brushes her off again, but in a fit of rage at his declination, Reina throws herself to the floor to make it seem as though he pushed her.

A ruckus is caused as men storm over to Jaehyun. “What the hell was that?!” They push him into the wall before he can explain.

“He hurt me!” Reina pretends to cry.

Jaehyun said no to her again, and this was unforgivable. She made her feel pain, so it’s only right that she does the same.

“Is he bothering you?” One of the men asks.

“Yes.” She sobs and stands up slowly.

The men take turns kicking Jaehyun down on the ground, making him spit up blood and groan. They pick him up and throw him outside of the bar and onto the street.

Eyes black and blue, stomach filled with bruises, and arms sore, but Jaehyun was convinced that he still didn’t feel as bad as you did. If this was his way to receive pain for what he did, then he’d gladly take it.

Reina hasn’t given up on him just yet, so she devises a plan. She bends over Jaehyun and chuckles. “You should’ve just said yes, Valentine Boy.”

She takes his phone out of his pocket and looks for your number. When she finds it, she puts it into her phone and heads home, leaving Jaehyun to groan in pain and roll around on the dirty pavement.

She calls you up and to her surprise, you actually answer.

You aren’t sure if it’s a professor trying to reach you about one of your finals so you answer just in case.

“Y/n..it’s me, Reina..I’m so sorry.”

You roll your eyes. “I should choke you for what you did.”

“I know..it seems like I’m the one that did this..” Reina starts to cry and sniffles over the line. “But it’s not true..I want to explain everything, I want to help you.”

And for some reason, you listen to her, you trust her. Jaehyun had proven he’s a liar before, but you wanted to hear Reina’s side of the story. So you listened and decided for yourself what you needed to do.

—————

[Three Days Later]

Your thumb hovers over the [send text] button on your phone. Did you really want this? Were you ready?

You take a deep breath and hit send.

You to Jaehyun: let’s meet

You put your phone face down on your desk right away and look to the floor, but just a few seconds later you hear a notification.

Jaehyun to You: yes, I can pick you up now if you’d like

You to Jaehyun: ok

You finally style your hair and put makeup on. You hadn’t felt like yourself since everything happened. You felt ashamed for some reason and a part of you felt that you didn’t deserve to feel pretty. All that changes tonight, however, you’re going to get your life back.

Within an hour Jaehyun arrives at your mom’s place to pick you up.

His eyes grow large at the sight of you in a flowy dress that compliments your body so well.

He hurriedly opens the passenger door and smiles.

“You look amazing.”

“Thanks..you look..better.” You give a small smile and sit inside his car. He cut his hair and shaved his beard and mustache. His eyes still look tired though. 

You look at the side of his face and observe all the features you missed. The way his slender neck looks in white crew neck shirts and how his sturdy pecs often peaked through if the collar was stretched. His arms looked toned, his veiny hands gripped the wheel hard. It all reminded you of the many nights you spent together with him pinning you down and making the best love to you.

Is this all that you missed him for though? Is it just lust, is it truly love? You question everything as you sit next to the man you once swore you would grow old with.

The air is tense during the drive to his place, neither of you want to be the first to say what’s on your mind.

“Are you…almost finished with your exams?”

Jaehyun breaks the silence.

“Y-yeah..I have one more. You?”

“I’m done, had my last one this morning.”

He nods and focuses on the road.

“That’s good” you look outside the window.

More time passes between you, creating an awkward space that you just have to break.

“I…forgive you, Jaehyun.”

He hits the brake a little too hard, causing the car to jerk you both forward in your seats. He turns to you now that you’re parked right outside his apartment.

“I-I’m so sorry, y/n…thank you, I promise to make it up to you and find those assholes. I was hacked and the techs at the library were able to wipe my hard drive so it never happens again.”

Did he wipe it to hide something or did he really get hacked? You thought to yourself.

You nod, desperately trying to hide your skepticism.

He leans in close, caressing the side of your face like you’re a precious jewel. “I love you..so much, you mean the world to me..and I’m sorry this happened to you.”

You place your hand over his, keeping his stare, but finding it hard to feel the love for him that you once felt in your heart.

“I know…let’s put it behind us..I just..want to spend time with you.” You start to tear up. You wish things to go back to how they used to be, but deep down you know that isn’t possible. He’s broken your trust more than once now, and you’re finding it hard to put the pieces back together.

Jaehyun, however, is ready for a third chance, his heart racing at the thought of you being his again. He’s going to do everything in his power to keep you this time.

“You mean everything to me.” His eyes fill with tears and it breaks your heart. You can’t help but feel sad when you see him like this. Despite all he’s put you through, it still hurt.

“I know..don’t cry, I’m right here..I’ll always be here.” You wipe his tears away before kissing him.

Your lips stay together for a few seconds before you pull away.

“Come on..let’s go inside.” You tilt your head towards his door.

As soon as you get inside, you resume your kiss while peeling your clothes off of each other, but stop when you feel movement around your ankles.

You pull away from Jaehyun’s lips and look down. “Wh-what’s that?”

“Oh!” He chuckles and bends down to pick up the gorgeous white and brown dog with huge ears. “This is Dora, I got her for you..for us, before everything went down..”He says softly as Dora sniffs your face.

You take her from him, your eyes welling with tears in the process.

“She’s..so precious, Jay.”

His eyes follow your soft face and he thinks of how much he missed you and hearing you call him that.

Your heart kept breaking that night, an overwhelming amount of emotions flowed through you. 

Why is he doing this to you? Why is he making you fall in love with him all over again?

You sniffle and place her back down.

“She’s perfect…thank you.”

You take his face in your hands and resume kissing him.

He drags the zipper of your dress down with one hand behind you, then overtakes your tongue with his, gaining a quiet moan from your body. 

The way he did things with such skill always turned you on.

Your dress falls to the floor, bunching up around your feet. You step out of it and bump into his kitchen counter while your lips are still attached.

When you open your eyes to unbutton his jeans you see bruises all along his midsection.

“Jay…what-what happened to you?” You pant.

“Oh..it’s nothing.” He tries to go back to kissing you, but you pull away.

“No..it definitely looks like something to me. No more secrets.” You look into his eyes.

“I-it’s stupid, I don’t want to talk about it right now..”

“Well..I do.”

Jaehyun sighs and looks to the ceiling. “Reina tried to get back with me and I told her no…she got a couple guys to beat me up.”

Your mouth falls. “What? Why would she—“

“Because she’s delusional..now kiss me before I go crazy.”

You smirk and raise an eyebrow. “Why should I kiss a guy that can’t win a fight?”

He sticks his tongue in his cheek and chuckles while stepping back. “Touché”

“I’m just joking, come here..”

“Nah..I’m good.” He walks to his room.

You run after him. “Okay I’m sorry, let’s forget about-“

He turns around and grabs you by the waist, swiftly bringing you onto his bed.

He kisses you harshly, biting your lip. He shows off his multitasking skills once again by taking your bra off for you as you hover over him.

Once off, he lets your lips go and smiles. His dimples and soft crescent-shaped eyes make your heart weak. He holds your arms while nuzzling his face into your neck. You giggle at how ticklish it feels.

He then flips you over onto your back and looks into your eyes.

You feel goofy as you smile up at him.

“I missed you so much, baby” he whispers while searching your eyes.

“I missed you too..”

“Oh yeah?” He raises an eyebrow.

You nod and bring your bottom lip between your teeth.

He leans back on his knees and licks his lips.

“Did you touch yourself when you missed me?”

You nod again.

“Sweetheart, let me hear your pretty voice..” he says lowly.

Your chest rises and falls rapidly as he looks down at you with lustful eyes.

“Yes..I did.”

“Naughty girl, you know your fingers can’t replace me, right?” His eyes fall from your exposed chest to the waistband of your panties.

“I know..but they still feel good.”

“Hmm, show me.” He demands.

You take your panties off and throw them to the side, then begin to finger yourself with Jaehyun watching intently.

He brings his jeans and underwear to the middle of his thigh before cupping a fist around his hard member.

You watch him move it up and down slowly and at the same tempo at which you tease your entrance to build your own arousal.

When you put two fingers in you moan and throw your head back.

“That’s it, baby. Fuck..you’re so wet already”

“Only for you, Jay..” you whimper and close your eyes tightly while thinking about the times when Jaehyun had you reeling from his thrusts.

He nearly cums from hearing your breathy words.

You move your fingers in and out of your silky walls, pushing in deeper and deeper. You find that fleshy spot and massage the tips of your fingers against it, just barely applying pressure.

Jaehyun pumps his cock up and down as well, nearly drooling from the sight of your essence-covered fingers entering you over and over.

“Fuck..I’m gonna fun, baby.” You move your fingers faster, but Jaehyun quickly grabs your wrist, placing your dripping fingers into his mouth to suck them clean.

“So good..you taste so good..”

He kisses your neck while aligning his cock with you. Your hands massage his back as you call out his name. 

“Jay..it’s been so long baby, I need you.”

He teases you for a bit, running the tip just along the slit.

“I know..” he groans into your neck and finally pushes into you all the way. You gasp, your nails dig into his back.

No matter how much you prepped yourself for him, he always felt big. 

He thrusts into you slowly, ensuring that you feel every vein while adjusting to him.

You mewl as your head spins. It feels so good to have him on you after all this time. For a moment, you forget about everything that's happened.

“Ahhh pretty baby, God you’re so tight.”

He kisses your neck and thrusts harder.

“All for me, right? I just have to stuff you well. You can handle it, right?”

You moan. “Yes! Harder, please!”

And Jaehyun listens, pounding you into the bed over and over to hear your scream louder. 

He places both legs over his shoulders, grasping your ankles as he fits himself into your body at a different angle.

Your mouth falls open as you call out his name again.

It doesn’t take long for you to quiver around him, cumming hard while your eyes roll to the back of your head. He moves a few more times then cums too, coating your walls with so much, you’re sure that some will leak out.

“Better than your fingers.” He smirks and falls down onto the bed beside you.

You chuckle and lay on his chest.

“I think I need another shower.”

———

[One Week Later]

For Jaehyun, everything went back to normal. You love him and he loves you, you both take care of your darling Dora together. You go on dates and talk about life  as you always do. You make love and spend time cuddling together whenever you’re at his place.

For you, however, it feels different. Jaehyun was the love of your life, but he kept hurting you and you felt the scars on your heart hesitating to heal. You try your best to smile and act as if you don’t suspect him. Your brain tells you everything is okay, but your heart is saying something else.

In the end, would this hurt you or him more?

“Hey. What do you think of this one?” Jaehyun breaks you out of your thoughts as you stare across the vast land of the vineyard.

You’re on a vineyard tour together and get the pleasure of trying different wines.

He hands you a small cup to take a drink out of.

You drink it and close your eyes for dramatic effect. “Oooo..” you exhale. “Nice.”

Jaehyun smiles widely. “I like that one too. Come on, let's grab a bottle.”

“Whoa whoa there, we just started the tour..” you laugh. “What if there are others we like?”

He steps closer to you, gazing down into your wide eyes. “I’ll buy every single one you like.”

You look away and scoff. “You’re so cheesy.”

He chuckles before taking your hand in his and kissing it.  “Only for you.”

The day goes by and you finally get to Jaehyun’s place.

You make out by his front door as you say goodbye.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay over?” He says in between kisses. He rubs his hand along your back.

“I’d love to..trust me, but I have something to take care of.”

You smile back.

“Oh..ok, do you need me to drive you?”

“No, I got it!” You say quickly while stepping back.

“Oh. Well, I’ll see you later then.” He smile before waving you off. “Call me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay!” You yell over your shoulder then walk swiftly out of his sight.

Jaehyun felt something was off about the way you said bye just now, but he shrugs his shoulders and heads inside to Dora.

“Just me and you now, girl.” He bends down and kisses the top of her head.

Meanwhile, once far away, you look back to make sure Jaehyun’s door is shut and he is inside. You then call an Uber.

The Uber drops you off at a place you never thought you’d be at again.

Reina’s apartment.

——————

[One Week Later]

You and Jaehyun have dinner and a Netflix movie date. The food was fantastic and you truly enjoyed your time with Jaehyun. It was romantic and reminded you of the old days.

 Something about him at night with his sharp facial features illuminated by candle lights made him irresistible.

Your dress suddenly felt tighter as he gazed into your eyes while holding your hand.

“Should we go now?” He asks smoothly as if hearing your thoughts about how badly you wished he’d rail you across the table right then and there.

“Sure.”

While on your way to his place, you receive a text.

You’re coming over tonight, right?

A big bidder messaged me saying he’ll be there

Remember you get half

You quickly closed your phone screen and looked out the window.

“Everything okay?”

Jaehyun squeezes your thigh gently.

You turn to him. “Yeah..yeah definitely. It’s just…”

His brows raise. “Just what?”

You frown. “I have to take care of something again tonight.”

“Oh! Are you sure? Is it something I can help you with?” His hand grips the wheel as he speaks huskily. He was slowly starting to get  tired of you leaving him alone at nights. Something felt off again and he wasn’t sure why.

You sigh. “Unfortunately, no, I have to go in about 30 minutes.”

“Oh…damn.” He exhales.

You sit in silence for about two minutes as he drives home, then he pulls over on the side of the road.

“Something wrong with the car? What are you doing?” Are you nervous about him suddenly stopping? Does he know?

Jaehyun puts the car in park then turns to you. “You said 30 minutes, right?”

You nod as you stare at him with wide eyes.

“Okay..we have time..I’ve been thinking about you in that dress all night.”

He runs a hand through his hair then licks his lips.

He leans in for a kiss and you kiss him back fervently, he kisses you like he’ll never get a chance to again, tugging your bottom lip before licking over it. He turns his head to get more and you give him just what he is asking. His hands hold the sides of your face still as you fall into him more and more, but then, you remember the texts and pull away after a few seconds.

“God..you’re so good…but I really can’t..” you say breathily.

Jaehyun’s brows bunch together. “W-why?”

You look at his lips. “I really want to…I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

“But baby, we have like 25 minutes at least let me taste you..”

You shake your head. “I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood tonight.”

You lied to him, but it was the only way to get him to start driving again.

You hadn’t had sex in 2 weeks, you wanted to, but it didn’t feel right.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

You shake your head again while looking to the floor. You couldn’t look him in the eyes as your heart beat out of your chest.

“No..no, it’s not you, it’s me..I just need you to be patient with me, okay?”

“Oh, of course! I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun nods and puts the car back in drive, feeling like a huge jerk for making your discomfort about him.

As you’d done a week prior, you wait for Jaehyun to get inside then call an Uber.

You head inside Reina’s apartment and get ready for your second love video with her and Taeyong, her new male counterpart.

“Are you going to be able to do it this time?” She asks as you place your bag down on the couch. You look onto the intimidating setup with lights and a tripod before swallowing hard.

“She doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to..although it would be nice, I’m sure she tastes amazing.” Taeyong leaves the kitchen and heads towards you.

“I’m ready.” You look into his eyes. You couldn’t put up with this game of playing with Jaehyun’s heart for much longer. You were slowly starting to fall in love with him all over again, only hurting yourself in the process.  You knew how this would work out.

If it hurt you to do this to him, why didn’t it hurt him when he had done the same for months? Did he truly care about you?

“Great.” Reina smiles before handing you a baby pink lingerie set complete with a leather collar to put on. 

You freshen up in the bathroom and put the lingerie on. You look amazing, but you wished you felt the same way. It’s hard to be cruel, especially to someone you once loved.

You step out and hear ooo’s and aaa’s by both Reina and Taeyong.

“Thank you..” you smile slightly.

Having your pictures being shared all over,  being labeled as a slut awakened something inside of you. Was it so bad to have people list after your body? Well, not really. But you should at least get paid for it, right? At this point, you didn’t have anything to lose, but you’d get the opportunity to enact revenge on Jaehyun. That was your true goal.

“Now..let’s have some fun.” 

Reina places the final touches on your lipstick and looks into your eyes. “You look beautiful, y/n. I know it’s your first time, and I know you’re nervous, but it will be okay, just follow my lead.”

You lay down on the bed and stare at the camera as she turns it on.

Comments flood the screen of the laptop behind it almost immediately. So many people were waiting for her, and in your novice mind, you still couldn’t compute just how big this online community is.

How could Jaehyun hide this from you for so long?

Taeyong wore pink shorts to match your set and a collar as well. He crawled onto the bed beside you before getting on his knees and leaning down.

“Baby girl..look at me..” the tattooed boy says smoothly. He uses two fingers to tilt your chin towards him. He smiles softly before placing his thumb on it and kissing your lips.

You had met him once before this to take your tests at the clinic together. Everything came back negative for all 3 of you, relieving you of any concerns regarding that. Nonetheless, he seemed to be a sweet guy and his looks were just as striking as Jaehyun’s. 

His sharp jawline provided a wildly stark contrast to his large brown eyes. Reina described him as the perfect partner, and even thanked Jaehyun for leaving her as Taeyong was more “flexible,” and not just in terms of working hours.

He’d take any position she asked him to.

But when preparing for tonight, you asked that they both be in charge. You’d be the one to listen and follow their instructions.

Taeyong maneuvered his lips in a way that made you dizzy. Jaehyun was a great kisser, but Taeyong wrote the guidebook. His tongue overtaking yours as his bottom lip caressed yours. You moaned quietly, raising a hand to grasp his arm and pull him closer. He smelled and felt amazing as he bent over your body.

For a moment, you forgot about everything, you didn’t think about Jaehyun or even remember the blinking red light of the camera. All you felt was Taeyong, but then Reina places her phone down and gets onto the bed beside you. She kisses your neck, leaving her rouge and warmness all over it.

She kisses along your shoulder, sucking hard and biting into the skin slightly. You whimper at the sudden harshness of her teeth against you.

She then kissed lower and lower until getting to your bra. She pulls the cup covering your hard nipples down and begins to suck the nub. Taeyong releases your lips and kneels back away from you.

“Mhmm..just as sweet as I imagined.”

He smirks while rubbing his thumb along your lips, dipping it in and out slowly as you hollow your cheeks and suck.

They way he looks down at you with swollen red lips and they way Reina flicks her tongue against your sensitive breast makes your toes curl.

You watch him palms his hard member through his boxers, noting how a wet mark appears where his precum has already leaked. Turns out he’s just as turned on as you are.

“Do you want it?” Reina pulls away to ask.

You nod, completely unashamed of how desperate you seemed.

She chuckles. “You have to work for it first.”

Meanwhile, Jaehyun gets a text on his phone after getting home from his walk with Dora. His eyes widened.

He immediately tries to call you, but you don’t answer. He doesn’t stop, dialing you over and over hopes that you pick up. Little does he know that all parts of you are currently occupied by Reina and Taeyong.

Your phone lights up on the kitchen counter from his notifications while you take Taeyong’s cock into your mouth.

Your fingers find Reina’s dripping flower as she continues to suck your nipples.

Taeyong grabs the leash attached to your collar and tugs it slightly to choke you.

“Such a good girl..taking me all in like that.”

You involuntarily moan, sending vibrations onto him. He groans and curses as he moves his hips to drive himself deeper and deeper into your throat.

Reina dips her fingers into your thong and begins flicking the tips against your clit.

You begin to choke as you have trouble breathing while Taeyong destroys your throat. The feeling is raw, but you’re so wet by being like this for them, you don’t mind it.

You feel dizzy and drool drips down your chin.

Taeyong is turned on by the sight below him, his movement stutters as he pulls out and pants. You look up with wide eyes while breathing heavily. Something about him was hypnotizing. You lay your tongue out as he unloads onto it, feeling yourself clench around nothing as you cum as well.

Jaehyun stares at his screen after hearing your voicemail come up for the 10th time. It was vital that he get through to you now. What could’ve been so important that you wouldn’t answer him?

He then sees a notification pop up at the top of it.

“watch Rein on Me Live right now! First 2 minutes FREE” 

“Rein on Me” is Reina’s username.

His breath hitches in his throat. Why does he still have her notifications set to “on”?” He thinks to himself and turns the screen off. 

He sits down on the couch and puts his elbows on his knees while thinking about where you could possibly be right now.

And then, curiosity gets the best of him. He picks the phone up, clicking the link while holding his breath.

Why is his heart racing? Is he curious to see if she’s gotten another partner for her videos? He’s not sure why, but what he sees shocks him, breaking his heart instantly.

You are on your knees with your ass up, having your collar pulled by Reina who is below you.

Taeyong pushes into you while you choke on Reina’s strapped on cock.

Taeyong grabs your ass, slamming into you so hard, feeling tears escape the corner of your eyes. 

“Oh look..she’s crying, Tae. I think you should give her something to cry harder about.”

You put a hand up behind you and onto his abs, pushing him away slightly, begging him to be softer on you.

But he chuckles then slams into you again while placing two fingers into your clit and rubbing circles onto it.

“Oh? Is this too much for you?”

They did give you a safe word for when it all came to be too much, but you wouldn’t dare say it now. Although you were being stuffed on both ends and had trouble breathing as a result, Taeyong felt amazing in between your velvet walls and his loud groans and whimpers told you he felt the same.

You shake your head.

“Good, because you’re gripping my cock like you love this. Isn’t that right? Our girl is a slut, Reina, look at her drooling again.”

The chat room is filled with praises and donations. The viewers loved seeing you like this and hearing the dirty talk between the two. Some wanted to be you, and some wanted to fuck you.

Jaehyun’s eyes grow, his focus shifts from the video and to the comments requesting even lewder acts from the 3 of you. How could this happen? How could you betray him like this? Either way, he has to stop this now.

He puts his phone in his pocket and heads out.

He drives angrily, finding it hard to see the road through his teary eyes. He was so angry he could feel the heat escaping his nostrils as he gripped the steering wheel hard.

Meanwhile, it was Reina’s turn to fuck you with her strap.

She lays on the bed on her back, facing the camera upside down. She rubs her soft hands along your thighs as you mount her.

“Ride me well, or we’ll spank you until you can’t sit on your ass for weeks.”

“Yes..” you lower your aching pussy onto the dual ended strap and begin moving.

Reina whimpers as her side of the dildo enters her with each time you go down.

“That’s it, baby, don’t stop.” Taeyong says breathily in your ear while unhooking your bra. 

“Fuck.” He kneels behind you, bringing your hand to cup his hard cock.

He kisses your neck as he pinches your nipples to hear you cry out his name.

Reina rubs your clit with her thumb making you gasp and swivel your hips faster to gain another high. Taeyong then tilts your head towards him and kisses you deeply. He grips your throat, squeezing slightly as his tongue explores your mouth.

He begins to leak all over your hand, but you don’t stop pumping him. You close your eyes and ride Reina even faster, enjoying Taeyong’s passionate kiss as you imagine it to be him you were on top of.

He pulls away, allowing a string of spit to connect your two mouths.

He licks it up then looks into your eyes with a lustful stare. “She’s close, be a good girl and make her cum.”

You nod then lower yourself onto Reina, pulling her bra down to reveal her incredibly perfect breasts. You lick and suck her nipples while fingering her clit.

Taeyong licks his lips at the sight of your dripping opening gliding up and down on the dildo with ease. He pumps his cock and aligns it with your ass while your focus remains on coaxing a well deserved orgasm out of Reina.

He enters you unexpectedly, forcing just half of himself into you before you let out a high pitched scream.

“Oh my god!” You grip the sheets on either side of Reina’s head while your legs tremble at the feeling of being stretched out.

“Ahh kitten, so tight..fuck.” He grabs your waist, digging his fingertips into it to leave what may be a permanent indentation.

He pushes himself all the way in, making you cry again.

You rub your own fingers into Reina faster, making her cum hard. Her eyes roll to the back of your head as she pulls on your leash.

“You’re so pretty like this, isn’t she Tae?”

Reina moans out. “Yes..the prettiest kitten.” He struggles to get out while watching himself enter your tight opening once more.

Reina moves from under you, pulling the strap out of both her and you.

She takes the end that was inside you and puts it in front of your face. “Open, and taste yourself.” She demands.

You open your mouth, sucking it off while looking into her eyes.

You whimper as Taeyong goes so deep inside you, you feel you might go crazy and truly won’t be able to walk for another week. It’s a miracle how he's able to be so big.

“Come on, baby, tell me how good it feels to have me fill you up like this.”

“Feels..so good..” you can’t hold your body up anymore, you fall into the bed as he pounds into you.

More and more payments flood the notification on the laptop screen. Taeyong pushes into you faster while grabbing your leash, and you’re both about to cum again when you hear the front door fly open.

Your eyes open in confusion as you look up at Reina.

She looks confused too. She quickly pauses the broadcast and right after the bedroom door flies open.

“Get the fuck off of her!” Jaehyun stomps towards Taeyong, laying a fist into his face so fast, all 3 of you fail to comprehend exactly what’s happened.

Taeyong falls into the bed as Reina rushes over.

“Jaehyun!” You yell, jumping off of the bed and grabbing the sheets to cover your body.

There goes your dazed feeling.

“What the FUCK is going on here? Reina, what the hell did you do? How could you get her involved in something like this?!” Jaehyun is so angry, his hands create fists at his sides as he glares at Reina. She doesn’t pay attention to him, however, trying to see just how bad his punch was towards Taeyong.

You calm your nerves and finally tell Jaehyun the truth.

“It was my idea, Jaehyun..I want to do this…to get back at you.” 

He turns to you with a confused look in his eyes. You don’t turn away from his stare this time, you look into his eyes and remain strong. You thought of all the nights you cried yourself to sleep, of all the times you felt like you weren’t good enough for him.

You thought of his betrayal and the acts it left you.

“W-what?”

You scoff. “Don’t give me that, Jaehyun. I know it was you..I know that it was you who sold the pictures of me and put them up on campus.” You walk closer and closer to him while speaking harshly. 

“I know you wanted to embarrass me and make me desperate for you..so I tricked you..like you tricked me this entire time, I made you fall in love, just so I could break your heart.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen as they fill with tears. His mouth falls open. “You…you really think I could do that to you?”

You nod. “After everything you did to me, you still try to pretend to love me.”

Jaehyun gasps. “Pretend?” He shakes his head. “I have always loved you. There’s not a moment in my goddamn life that I don’t think about you.”

You finally break your gaze, finding it hard to keep your eyes focused on him as he cries endlessly.

“Look..I may have done something shitty and I deeply regret it, but I could never embarrass or dehumanize you like that.” He sniffles. “I’d never put you in danger.”

“Stop lying Jaehyun! We know you were trying to get back at both of us, I tried to stop you!” Reina yells while holding Taeyong, who is still knocked out.

“Fuck you! You’re the reason all of this is happening.”

He takes his phone out and shows you a text he received from his friend. The text he had been calling you about all night.

“Look.. it’s a photo taken from a security camera on campus. I asked my buddy, who volunteers at the police station, to do some digging for me two weeks ago because I wanted to find out who’d done this to you.”

You look at the picture, a breath leaving you once you see who is stapling a print out of your scandalous photo onto a tree.

You turn to her, tears falling onto your cheeks.

“You fucking bitch.”

Reina loses a semblance of her coolness and clears her throat.

“Why? Why did you do this to me?” You sob.

“Because she wants me! She’s so desperate to have me to herself, she’d do something as cruel as this!”

You hold your face in your hands.

“Jaehyun..I’m so sorry..” you reach out to hold him, but he pulls away.

“I’m not surprised by her, but I’m disappointed in you. You’ve hurt me..so badly.” He walks out as you run after him, still clutching the sheet to your body.

“Jaehyun, please!! She showed me the video you made a week before you came to my moms house! She said you were back to making videos together!” You tell him, but Jaehyun shakes his head and turns to you in shock.

“I’d been taking exams the entire time, y/n. There’s no way I’d do that! She just uploads old videos of us to get more money!”

You look back at Reina as she leaves the room too. “Oh..my God.” You crouch down to the floor. How could you be so easy…again?

Reina chuckles and crosses her arms before leaning against the door frame. She nods. “Well..this isn’t exactly how I’d expect things to go down, but I should’ve known you’d still be subscribed to me as part of the notification crew..” she whistles before continuing.

“Yes..I lied, yes..I hacked his iCloud and printed those sexy pics of you, y/n. But it’s only because I wanted to teach him a lesson. He can’t leave me..I made him.” She laughs again. “And to leave me for you? Oh that pissed me off even more. He makes you seem like you’re an angel on Earth. No..he doesn’t deserve you, he deserves someone like me.“ She walks towards him and attempts to touch his chest but he steps back and looks down on her in disgust.

“Valentine Boy deserves someone as lustful, self-centered, and greedy as himself..”

“You’re cruel. And what you did was a crime. I hope it was worth it.”

He speaks sharply.

You cry and remember the call you had just a few weeks ago with her.

[REINA’s CALL]

“I understand why you’re upset..I’d be too, but you have to understand that this is just Jaehyun’s way of getting back at you.. he was upset that you made him stop. He was desperate for cash so he sold your pics y/n.”

You gasp while listening to her over the phone. Should you have listened to her? Maybe not, but could you really trust Jaehyun after everything? After all, he did take the photos.

“I begged him not to..I told him this would ruin you, but he did it anyway..he made some cash, but he didn’t expect whoever these jerks were to print them out and put them all over campus as a joke.”

You scoff. A joke? That’s all this was for them, a joke.

Reina continues. “He got drunk the other night and came to see me. He said that he didn’t expect all this to happen, but that it worked out in his favor anyway. You’d eventually realize that no one else would love you because you've been exposed and praised as a pornstar slut all over campus. You’d be reliant on him forever..or so he hopes. But I won't let that happen, y/n. I want to help you get your revenge.”

“Why should I believe you?”

Reina exhales. “Listen, I have nothing to lose by telling you the truth. As a matter of fact, I have something to gain. If he gets back with you, he’ll stop doing videos with me, and I’ll stop making money. So I’ll need you to break his heart, therefore he’ll come running back to me. Capeesh? Everyone is happy. And I’d you don’t believe me, take a look at the link I just texted you..”

You look at your phone and click the link. It’s a video of Jaehyun and Reina on OnlyCams with the broadcast date showing “One Week Ago.”

Your brows bunch as you grind your teeth. This bastard was already back to this without you being in his life.

He was misleading you again.

“See? You’ve only been separated for a few weeks and he’s already back to making videos and money with me..”

You can almost hear her smile over the phone as you sit there with steam escaping your ears.

“What is it you want from me?” You let out through clenched teeth.

“Ask to be his girlfriend again, then start making videos with me..break his heart this time so that he gives up on you..get your revenge and make money at the same time. You’re pretty enough and by now I’m sure you’re used to everyone looking at your body. So…join us.”

[PRESENT DAY]

“Jaehyun..wait..please, I was stupid, I’m sorry I hurt you!”

You stand up from the floor and hurriedly change into your T-shirt and sweatpants that you brought. You run after Jaehyun as he heads out of the door.

However, Reina pushes you to the side to run after him first. She hurries down the stairs.

“Jaehyun!! Don’t go..I love you more than she does, can’t you see? I went through all this trouble for you! I never doubted you, I never hurt you, I only loved you and shared what I had!”

She wraps her arms around his waist from the back, keeping him still as she sobs.

“You’re everything to me, I need you, baby.”

Your mouth falls open as you watch from the top of the stairs.

This was Reina’s plan all along and you fell for it, like an idiot. You allowed yourself to be played.

You rush down and run away, through the trees, hoping that no one will find you. You’re beyond embarrassed and devastated at how everything has turned out.

Jaehyun pries Reina off of him, grabbing her arms off and pushing her away. She calls onto the ground and reaches up for him, but he only grimaces and steps back again.

“Leave me alone!! You’re fucking crazy! If I see you again, I swear I will call the cops!”

In a final desperate attempt, she grabs his ankle. “If you leave me, I will send everything to your dad!”

Jaehyun’s mouth falls open.

“You wouldn’t dare..” he says with venom on his tongue, he truly couldn’t believe she’d do this to him.

“I don’t love you, I never have and I never will.” He pulls his foot away and continues to his car to drive after you.

He looks all over but doesn’t see a trace in the night sky.

He then takes his phone out of his pocket and goes to dial you, but Reina grabs it out of his hand and throws it to the ground in a fit of rage, breaking it instantly.

“You fucking bitch!” He places both hands around her neck and begins to choke her.

She smiles. “Yes, Valentine Boy, come inside and punish me.”

He grows even angrier, letting go and jumping into his car.

“No no no..don’t go!” She slams the trunk of it as he drives off.

“Fuck…” he drives everywhere, looking through the woods to see if he can catch a glimpse of you running through them. 

You find somewhere to rest and crouch down while crying. Your hands shake. How could everything go to shit so quickly?

You take your phone and call Bella.

“Hey..I’m coming over.” You sob.

When you get to your shared apartment, Bella welcomes you with a big hug. “I missed you so much.” She tears up.

You sit down and explain everything to her as she consoles you. Jackson is there as well, making ramen noodles in the kitchen for you.

“Y/n..it’s not your fault, I probably would’ve done the same thing.” He says as he walks in with a bowl.

You take it from him as you sniffle.

“She’s a bitch, she manipulated you. God I can't wait until she gets arrested!”

Bella clenches her fists.

“How..will Jaehyun forgive me? He’ll never look at me again.” You cry harder again.

“No no don’t say that, you’ve forgiven him more than once, he’ll probably forgive you too. Just talk to him…give him some time to calm down, then call him.” Bella rubs your back as you listen. She was right, if Jaehyun truly loved you, maybe he would see it from your point of view and forgive you.

You nod. “Okay.”

And after finishing your noodles and taking a shower, you fall asleep.

———

[The Next Day]

You rub your swollen, red eyes and pick up your phone instantly.

You have no new notifications Jaehyun, only his missed calls from before everything went down. You swallow hard and dial him back, but it goes straight to voicemail. You then send him a text, but receive a message.

The subscriber you are trying to message is not accepting calls or texts at this time.

You sigh and put your phone down on the bed. As expected, Jaehyun blocked you. He’s deeply hurt and wants nothing to do with you. And so you cry again, clutching your pillow to your chest as the day goes on.

Jaehyun stares out of his window and thinks of you. He misses you so much, and now he can’t call you as his phone was destroyed by Reina.

Now that he’s calmed down and erased the image of you having sex with another man from his mind for a moment, he realizes you  both messed up, you both hurt each other and he wanted to talk with you to see if you still don’t trust him or rather, do you love him at all anymore?

He’s not sure if you’re at your mom’s place or your place near campus with Bella, or if you even made it home safe..but he needs to find you.

He takes a shower, feeds and walks Dora then gets ready to head out in the afternoon, but he is stopped when he hears a knock on his door.

Dora barks before he shushes her and taps her behind lightly.

He braces himself. Could it be Reina? Could it be you? Could it be the guy he knocked out?

He looks through the peephole and sees someone he didn’t expect.

He opens the door and allows the man in.

“How’s my favorite nephew doing?” Jaehyun’s uncle, Charlie, pats his shoulder before stepping towards the couch.

Jaehyun looks at him nervously, but follows behind.

His uncle is a professor at the college. He was instructed by his father to watch over Jaehyun carefully, but in respect for Jaehyun’s growth as an adult, Charlie never overstepped or took his role too seriously.

“Hi..what’s going on?”

He places his bag down and sits beside him.

“Well..you and I…I guess I should say, you are in some deep shit.”

Jaehyun places his hands in a fist in front of him and his eyes lay on the coffee table.

He placed his fingers over his bruised knuckles, swallowing hard as he anticipates what his uncle will say next.

Not many things bothered Jaehyun, but impromptu visits from his family members always made him uneasy. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that girl whose pictures were put all over campus the other day, would you?”

Charlie leans forwards

“Why do you ask?”

Jaehyun clears his throat.

“Oh well…I just thought you might know something..” 

Jaehyun turns to him and speaks softly. “Uncle..why are you really here?”

“Jaehyun..you know..how your father is..”

Upon hearing this, Jaehyun suddenly remembers Reina’s threat. His eyes widened.

“He knows..I know, your mom knows…I mean, personally, I don’t care, it’ll all be erased at some point, but Jaehyun..it’s not looking good for you.”

His uncle continues as he sits back on the couch and exhales.

“Why’d you do it? It’s not like you need the money. Is this like a young couple thing? Is she your..girlfriend?”

“No!…no, not at all..” Jaehyun stands up. He’s furious that Reina really actually exposed him to his father despite knowing their rocky relationship with each other.

“I’m not sure why I did it, Charlie, maybe I needed to feel independent. Maybe I just don’t like asking my hypocritical father for anything..”

Charlie nods, sighing again before fixing his tie. “Well, Jaehyun..whatever your reason is, I get it. You’re your own person.”

Jaehyun stands in silence while clenching his fist.

“Nonetheless, your father is pissed…he wants you back in Korea.”

“What?!” Jaehyun turns around and stares in shock.

“I know..I know..he’s a bit dramatic, but he’s not happy about you becoming a “pornstar.” His words, not mine.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I’m not going back.”

Charlie stands and holds his hands out in front of him. “Look, I know you love it here and you don’t want to be anywhere near your father, but think of it this way. You can start fresh back home and learn what it’s like to run a business. Eventually, you’ll make your own money again and won’t have to rely on anyone!”

“But that’s exactly what’s gonna happen! I’ll have to rely on him to get the position! It’s not fair!”

“Jaehyun..I know, you’re upset right now, but just go..at least for the summer break. Maybe you need some time away to rethink everything.”

“No..I won’t.” He looks into Charlie’s eyes.

“Tell him I said “no.””

Charlie sighs and looks to the floor. “He won’t pay for your college anymore…you’ll officially be on your own, cut out of the family name completely, is that what you really want?”

Jaehyun remains silent as he contemplates his choices.

“Think about it and let me know soon so I can help, I’ll try to calm him down for now.”

He lays a hand on his shoulder and leaves.

———

[3 Days Later]

You finally leave your bed and decide to treat yourself to some coffee from the cafe on campus. Jaehyun never showed up or called so you stopped expecting him to. However, you still thought about him all the time. You missed him so much, but if space is what he wanted, then you were in no position to deprive him of that.

This was your punishment for hurting him.

You stuff your hands in your hoodie and look up at the menu, knowing very well that you’ll just choose what you always do. An iced grande caramel macchiato.

You smile while taking the drink from the barista and look for a seat.

You find your favorite comfy chair in the corner and place your laptop on the table in front of it.

So far, your day is going pretty well. Favorite drink, favorite seat. What else would go right for you?

You needed to distract yourself from thinking of Jaehyun. You take a few sips while reading a novel Bella recommended to you. 

Gentle Monsters.

It’s about a woman who runs, literally, into a handsome man that operates a glass conservatory. The catch is he happens to be hiding a dark secret.

Your eyes scan through the pages quickly as the drama gets juicy and then..your laptop screen is pushed down.

“Hey! What the h-“

“Hey..”

Your eyes grow when you see who takes a seat across from you.

“T-Taeyong?”

“Mhm” he smiles while sipping a pink drink. He wore sunglasses and as he tilted his head, you could see remnants of the bruise Jaehyun left him.

“What..are you doing here?”

“Oh, I didn’t know dashingly good looking boys couldn’t be college students too.”  He says sarcastically.

“I didn’t know you studied here..so does that mean..you saw my pictures? Did you know about me before we met?”

Your face becomes warm as you lean forward and whisper.

“No..I didn’t..I don’t pay that much attention to what happens on campus to be honest.”

You exhale and relax in your chair.

“And if I had, what would it matter now? I’ve already seen…everything..” he eyes you up and down. His gaze is almost too much to bear and you start to feel like Patrick Starr’s rock home under the sea is the perfect place for you right about now.

“Ugh..” you close your eyes and shake your head. “Please..don’t remind me.”

Taeyong’s mouth falls open. “What? Was it that bad?”

“No..it was..magnificent..you were, I mean, are magnificent..it’s just…”

He chuckles as you stumble over your words.

What could you say? He had an intense aura about him that made you nervous. What made matters worse was the fact that a small part of you wanted to kiss him again.

“Oh..magnificent, I like that.” He says in a growl while running a hand through his luscious brown hair.

For some reason, it felt like you were cheating on Jaehyun again so you looked away quickly. “I’m..sorry about Jaehyun, he shouldn’t have hit you..it’s all my fault.”

He shrugs. “It’s fine..you can just make it up to me later.”

You laugh and look outside the window. “Gosh you’re interesting..”

“And magnificent..” he places his sunglasses on top of his head to wink at you.

“Hey!” A girl stops by your table and squints.

“Aren’t you that girl from the posters?” Her friend beside her snickers.

“Oh..” you look down at the table.

They laugh loudly, and begin to create a scene inside the quiet cafe. “Nice! I guess nothing is left to the imagination anymore! Talk about desperate!”

You swallow hard and tap the table while waiting for them to just walk away. You could’ve gone off on them, but what would that do? They’d only make fun of you as more people look up and start to recognize your face too.

Taeyong grows angry once he sees how upset you look. “What’s so funny? Look, I’d be insecure too when she has a perfect face and body and I look like..” he looks her up and down and grimaces. 

“that..” he fakes a total body shiver.

“Better get going, I think Shrek is looking for his long lost cousin.” He says smoothly while giving an evil glare. He puts a finger on his chin and squints. “Congratulations on being the first ogres to be admitted to this school. Yay! diversity!”

You can’t help but laugh.

“Go away now before I call animal control.” he shoos them away.

Damn, he was lethal. You’d hate to be on his bad side.

The girl’s friend scoffs before saying “fuck you..” and walks away.

“I wouldn’t fuck you with the lights off, bitch.”

Your eyes grow.

“Taeyong!”

“What? They’re rude and ugly.” He rolls his eyes.

You found it hot that he’d defend you like this and simply laugh again.

“Anyway, once I found out about Reina’s plan and what she did to you, I left. I want nothing to do with her.” He sips his drink again.

“Yeah..I’m sorry she used you too..”

“Oh don’t be sorry, on the bright side, I got to meet you.” 

A moment of silence rests between the two of you.

You nod and start to gather your things.

“Well, I should get going!”

“Y/n..” he says as he touches your hand on the table.

“I’d love to spend time with you again..”

You take your hand away and tuck it into your pocket again.

“Oh..I don’t plan on doing anything like that ever again, I’m sorry.”

Taeyong laughs. “No..of course not like that, get your head out of the gutter…I mean, time like this at a cafe or park, or something..you’re nice to talk to.”

“Oh..shit, I don’t know why I was thinking that like of course you meant just regular time like this, it’s just the way you said it, you know like the way you touched my hand, I-“

He laughs before standing up from the table. “You’re a mess, let me walk you out.”

Taeyong held your hand to help you stand up from the soft chair.

You walked outside together, but said your goodbyes as you headed in different directions.

“Y/n..” he calls out to you as you walk away.

“Yeah?”

“Phone.”

You fish your phone out of your pocket quickly and hand it to him. He smiles from ear to ear as he puts his number into your phone.

“Don’t be shy now, remember I’ve already seen everything..” he leans in close to your ear. “And I love it..”

You gasp as you punch his chest lightly.

“I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

He waves while trotting away.

You stand there dumbfounded and completely smitten by the man, then you suddenly remember Jaehyun and wonder if these new feelings told you you were over him.

Jaehyun wonders the same thing as he watches from across the street.

He was heading to your place with a bouquet of flowers when he saw you and the man he punched leaving the cafe. He decided to park into a spot a few spaces away and watch your interaction.

You looked..happy. This man made your eyes light up, and the sight was much more painful than watching you get fucked by him.

He now knew that emotions were involved. But did he have any right to be upset? If you decided to move on, why shouldn’t he accept that? You’re doing what’s best for you.

He looks at the flowers in his passenger seat.

He was hurt by everything, but he still felt bad for dragging you into all of this in the first place. He was going to apologize and attempt to prove his worthiness as a boyfriend once more, but after seeing you so happy with another man, he isn’t sure if he had any more chances to take.

A few hours later, you receive a call from campus police.

They positively identified Reina as the person that placed the photos everywhere so they ask if you’d like to press charges for harassment while they charge her for vandalism and breaking into private property.

You nod and say “yes.” The process would be long to convict her of this crime against you, for anyone could argue that you voluntarily took the photos. But you’re determined to teach her and anyone else that thinks of posting “revenge porn” a lesson.

———

[One Week Later]

You finally receive a text from Jaehyun.

Jaehyun to You: I just got a new phone..I’m sorry for taking so long, would you like to go somewhere?

You tremble slightly and respond. You were starting to get used to not hearing from him so this shocked you

You to Jaehyun: yes

You needed to apologize again, but more importantly, you needed to know how Jaehyun felt about you after everything. Does he still want to date you? Could you make this work?

Later that day you meet up at the park.

Jaehyun arrives with Dora and sits on a bench.

You immediately sit down as well and start to per her.

“Y/n..” Jaehyun says with his warm honey voice. You always grow weak when he calls your name.

You look up at him, taking in the brokenness in his eyes

“I’m so sorry, Jaehyun..I..I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. After everything I put you through, I honestly deserved that.”

“Jaehyun..I’m so tired..I don’t know what’s going on anymore, everyone on campus thinks I’m a slut and I feel so dumb and pathetic.” You start to tear up.

“No, they don’t. They’ve already forgotten about it, okay? And come fall semester, absolutely no one will remember you as that girl.”

You sniffle and nod. Thank God for summer break.

“I think..I just need time..it’s all too much.” You look up at him and Jaehyun isn’t sure if you need time away from everything or just time away from him.

He scoots closer to you on the bench and takes your hands in his. “Don’t worry about anything, I’m here for you, okay? We can start over. We can be completely honest with each other this time.”

You look to the sky as he continues.

“Please, y/n, please come back to me. I promise to make it all right.”  

If you say yes, I’ll stay, even if that means betraying my father, he thinks to himself.

You still sit quietly and think to yourself.

You loved Jaehyun, but you found yourself second guessing everything, could you truly be like how you once were. Then, there are your wandering eyes and emotions. If you loved him with all your heart, how could you possibly think of another man in that way?

And the question that screamed the loudest was why? Why did Jaehyun click the notification from Reina’s livestream in the first place?

You look back to Jaehyun who anxiously awaits your answer, his eyes glossy with tears.

“Jaehyun…I” you start to cry, you can’t hold back your emotions as you fear that  deep down, you already know the answers to all of these questions.

”Do you still love me?” He asks with tears flowing in a steady stream. Your heart breaks to see his lovely eyes so red.

Your mouth falls open.

Why are you hesitating?

“I- '' want to, is what you wanted to say, but just couldn't.

You can’t answer because you know you still don’t trust him. Furthermore, you aren’t sure if you love him or only lust after him.

But still, why is your heart cracking slowly while you both cry? You can almost hear it inside your chest.

Jaehyun nods and stands up before wiping his tears away. “I won’t bother you anymore, y/n..”

“Jaehyun..don’t.” You stand up and grab his hand before he can walk away.

He pulls away and takes Dora’s leash.

Make it easy, lie and rip the band aid off. 

He clears his throat. “I actually wanted to meet with you..because I’ve been thinking during our time away from each other…I don’t think I love you anymore…”

And there it was, the sound of your heart finally falling to the ground and breaking into a million pieces that were beyond repair.

You weren’t sure if you loved Jaehyun, but to hear him say he doesn’t love you is a pain unlike any other.

“…and I think it’s time to move on.” He turns away from you, knowing that the look on your face would only make him fall to the ground and sob.

But deep down, he knows he lies because it’s easier for him to decide for you. This was the only way you could move on. He had to make you hate him.

“You and I both know we only use each other for sex…this isn’t love, it never was, and it has no chance of ever being that..that’s why I cheated on you and felt no emotion.”

He turns back to you and speaks sternly. “If we were to date again, I’d probably cheat again in hopes of finding the true love I crave and don’t receive from you..”

His words stung like sharp daggers and you’re pretty sure even Caesar had an easier pain than what you feel right now.

For a few minutes, you are completely speechless and debate whether or not you should argue with him. But instead, you nod and walk away. “Okay Jaehyun, goodbye.”

You can't see your way through the park as water floods your eyeballs. You finally stop at a stream and clutch your chest.

The tears never stop, your head starts hurting and you feel yourself on the verge of a panic attack.

You call Bella who hears your gasps and panic over the phone. 

“Take deep breaths! I’ll be right there!”

She rushes from home to get to you while you go dizzy.

Jaehyun has trouble driving home, his teary eyes causing the road to blur. He pulls over and pounds his fist against the steering wheel.

“Fuck!” He yells before holding his face in his hands. He didn’t expect saying goodbye to be so difficult, he didn’t expect to regret it for the rest of his life.

He just broke the heart of his one true love.

———

[A Few Months Later]

“Come on, Dora, let’s get back inside.”

Jaehyun calls after Dora to go back into his mom’s house in Korea.

His mom sits at the table as she goes over the final preparations for his father’s funeral.

The real reason Jaehyun’s father sent for him was because he was ill and only given a few months to live by doctors. He did scold him for creating such scandalous videos, but didn’t spend too much time on it as he had more pressing matters at hand.

Jaehyun deleted all social media and focused on his father’s health as a result. To you, it seemed he had fallen off the face of the Earth.

He trained Jaehyun and taught him some of what he needed to know about the business during his final days alive. Jaehyun was thankful for the opportunity and finally found himself bonding with him after all this time.

“I can teach you all about finances and numbers, Yoon Oh, but I can’t teach you about being passionate about it. At the end of the day, you’ll only regret what you didn’t do for your heart..I guess, that’s why we didn’t see eye to eye before.”

He chuckles before coughing. “It took me getting to this point to realize..All my life, I had no true passion. Nothing worth missing.”

Jaehyun sits at his father’s bedside as he prepares to say goodbye.

He cries while listening to him speak.

“You were always so passionate about art and all this stuff I didn’t understand..I didn’t respect it because I didn’t get it..but what does it matter? It’s about you.. and if it makes your heart happy…if it makes your soul complete, then why should you let it go?”

His father passed away peacefully the next day, leaving Jaehyun with wise words he’d never forget.

A few weeks after the funeral, Jaehyun is tasked with deciding whether or not to stay and gradually take over the business or to go back to college and finish his studies.

Being away from you gave Jaehyun the chance to learn more and think with a clearer mind, hence his decision to go back.

He told his mother he’d be going back only to get his degree, but really, he found his fathers words hard to ignore.

“If it makes your heart happy, if it makes your soul complete..then why should you let it go?”

For Jaehyun, this was about you. He couldn’t fight the urge to love you, he couldn’t just let you go like that.

So he leaves Dora with his mom and heads back.

He knows it will take some time to make up for his shitty actions, but he’d do whatever it takes to love you again, even if that meant watching you from a distance. Just seeing your smile and laugh was enough for him.

He’d complete his studies, but he’d always have you on his mind. 

He keeps in touch with your mom without you knowing, that is, until Christmas dinner that year.

He knocks on her door and waits patiently for her to open it. It would be the first time you’d see each other since he broke up with you. It was going to be difficult, but he had to try. 

What he didn’t account for was the fact that your mind may have already been set on someone else..the strange, handsome fellow named Sicheng that sat across from him now at the dinner table.

The End

Thank you again for going on this journey with me, i hoped you enjoyed it xoxo - Krys

(Hint: check out the agreement to see what happens during the Christmas dinner hehe)

[jamneuromain]

Wishful Thinking Chpt. 5

Andy Barber x You (Reader), no use of Y/N

Alternate Universe - College AU

Summary: A new semester. A new task. A new boyfriend, your previous professor, Andy Barber. Everything seems to be going on the right track. So why didn't it?

Warning: Fluff, inappropriate teacher-student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, explicit language, Possessive!Andy Barber, mention of CHEATING, discussion about BDSM relationships, mention of sex

A/N: This fic has some disturbing themes, and discusses potentially upsetting topics. Please read through the warning before engaging with the fic. As I have said, the fic has mentioned a number of (potentially) triggering and heavy topics, you don't have to engage further if you feel uncomfortable about one or more topics.

Wishful Thinking M. List Dancing in the Daydream M. List

You arrived at his place nonetheless.

He welcomed you with warm embraces and sweet words muttered into your hair.

No funny business as he promised. You watched an old black-and-white movie together, and he took you to bed, holding you as you both had pajamas on.

Such a sweet sweet morning when you are woken up by Andy’s firm chest and shallow breath behind your back. His arm hooks around your waist, his hand relies more on your thigh than your stomach. Your neck is tickled by his beard slightly, his thick beard which makes him look more like a barbarian overnight.

You blink a few times to see straight, onto the white ceiling.

Andy hums in his sleep, apparently disturbed by your turning in his arms. He nudges your neck with his chin, barely opening his eyes, whispering, “morning my beautiful-”

“Morning Andy.” You carefully interlace your fingers with his. It’s not that you are shy of letting his hand fall on your stomach or your thigh, it just feels … natural.

His breath stiffens, before slowly taking an exhale.

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

He was so close to letting slip just now.

He was so close to saying “morning my beautiful wife”.

Fucking stupid habit.

You turn around to face him, witnessing the moment his hand runs down his face and squinting his eyes to pull his consciousness together.

“Beautiful huh?” Small sparks of happiness glinting from your eyes, teasing him, “I’m not your sweet girl anymore huh?”

His fingers dip from the hem of your large T-shirt, possessively sprawl over your belly, giving it a warning squeeze, “Depends.” He growls, his low timbre almost impregnating your ear, “Are you going to be my beautiful sweet girl? Or are you going to be a naughty little brat?”

You reply with silence, which is abnormal.

Andy looks down at you. You chew on your lower lips, mulling over something in your head.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I-” You start, but don’t even know where to begin, “I read over the brat part in the book. I read the whole book, actually. The whole thing about the Dom/Sub relationship. But I don’t know…in the book it says every relationship is different.”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I was thinking,” you panic a little and choose to look anywhere but his eyes, “I don’t understand, what does being a sub mean?”

Andy gives out a thoughtful hum, “Well, for the most part you'll do as I say when we are having sex. Though it's more of a formality, or not if you don't want it to be. For example, when I tell you to keep your hands above your head, you can choose to obey the order, or disobey it. But we both know that during heated moments, we aren't exactly in control of ourselves. So if you accidentally - and I say this because I'll know if you do it on purpose - broke the rule, I may have to hold onto your wrists with my hand, or cuff you to our bed, depending on how you behave.

“And what about... besides sex? I know that some SM relationships require kneeling at the door to wait for the dominant one to return?” You wince, not liking having the idea of a bruised knee in mind, “I don't have to do that, do I?”

Maybe he’d give you a pillow for that? Instead of kneeling directly on the floor?

A pillow doesn’t sound so bad.

“No,” says Andy, “absolutely not. I'm not a sadist. I don't enjoy anyone kneeling on the floor. Apart from if you are sucking me off. But that's another discussion.” To which you bury your face in your palms. You did not expect things to take a sudden turn and end up on oral sex.

“No,” continues Andy, “I don't want you to kneel or be uncomfortable in any way in real life. On the other hand, if you are considering bringing about this dynamic to our lives. It would be the same as sex. If I tell you something, you do it. I make decisions for you, you take it. Like that. But we can discuss about what we are both in favor of, something like if I take you out and you want me to order for you, or I'd tell you to eat the carrots or broccoli, you eat it. And you would also face punishment if you aren't behaving.”

Speaking of food, you want some breakfast, but breakfast can wait for now.

“What about other things? Besides food? Anything you say I have to obey?” You ask.

He doesn’t really mean everything he says, you have to oblige, right?

“We would discuss what you are comfortable with me dominating first.” Andy emphasizes what he was talking about just now, “we’d always discuss beforehand to make sure you are okay with this. Under that context, yes, anything we mutually agree on.”

“Like what?”

Andy eyes you. You can sense that he is going to say something that you don’t like.

“Well, drinking more water...”

You do NOT like that.

“…get a healthy routine and don't get drunk partying…”

“Ouch.” Getting drunk is fun, no one can deny that.

“…go to the gym twice a week…”

“Okay now hang on-” You definitely won’t agree to this. Going to the gym regularly? Monstrosity!

“…finish your undergrad, be hard working, and try your best to pursue your dreams…”

“Wait wait wait wait wait.” You gesture for him to stop for a second, “Gym? No. Drinking alcohol? That can be arranged. But water??” You scrunch your nose, “surely I drink enough iced americano and bobba.”

Andy scoffs, offering a sympathetic smile, “I mean water water, not the sugared crap I see you have almost once a week slurping on my class.”

“That’s bobba tea and it’s made out of milk and tea, very healthy I’m telling you-”

“No.” Andy’s decision is final, so is his unrelenting attitude, “I mean water. One liter per day. And I'm going to keep count because I know how much you hate drinking plain tasteless water.”

You grumble like the Grinch in Christmas, making a face: “Are you seriously trying to talk me out of it? Because it’s working. It’s working so well. Also, you sound like my dad more than my dom.”

“There's a category called daddy dom for a reason. But yes, I am going to tell you three times a day to drink water even if you decide to let D/S dynamics out of our daily lives.”

“That’s not fair!” You exclaim, but soon you lower your voice and start pouting, “... I felt like joining a cult. Only that this cult keeps telling me to drink water.”

“Tell me where this cult is, I want to sign up too.”

“Very funny. Says the man who drinks two Liter every day.” You bump your head on his shoulder, earning a fake cry of pain from him.

“God, don’t need to murder me even if I tried to drag you into a cult.” Andy playfully covers his collar bone, feigning injury.

“A cult that tried to make me drink water.”

“A cult that promises you six glasses of water every day.” Andy corrects you.

“Same thing.” You are not keen on the subject, so you decide to return to what you were talking about only a minute ago, “apart from the whole water thing, you’re saying that I don’t have to obey your every command if I don’t feel like it?”

“If you are feeling bratty or you don’t like my command physically or mentally.” Andy becomes a bit more serious when he’s discussing your relationship with you, loosening the playfulness in his tone as he speaks, “though you have to tell me which one was it, so I could adjust my behaviors, that you won’t get hurt. But do remember being a brat has its consequences.”

“Like spanking?”

“Like spanking, yes. But not limited to spanking.” His eyes darken on mentioning what your consequences for being a brat are, “Punishments, in general. I might get very creative if you wouldn’t learn the lesson from light spanking.”

“But we would still have the safe word during punishment? I can still tell you to stop?”

“Yes.” He kisses your forehead, “Your safety is always the priority here.”

“Can I tell you to do anything? Role-reverse?” Dominating sounds fun. Really fun.

Andy chuckles. In his wildest dreams, he wouldn’t even imagine you would volunteer for being a Dom, “that’s called a switch. If you opt to try both Dom and Sub side of the relationship. But sure, we could work something out.”

“Okay.” You grin, “I’m exercising my Dom rights now and ask you to cuddle me.”

“Wow, bossy.” Says Andy jokingly, even though he did what you told him to, looping his arm around your waist again, holding you close.

“Yeah well, I learned from the best…” You murmur, yawning into his chest, slipping back to your sleep.

You are disturbed in sleep as he has to get up to go to work, giving lectures to juniors and postgraduates.

“No no no no don’t get up.” He whispers by your ear, his beard scuffing your cheek as he places a few kisses on your temple and your forehead, “Sweet dreams, my baby.”

You grip the duvet a bit tighter as you fall asleep again. Unlike previous nights, it has been an extremely pleasant sleep, with few dreams and the feeling of you are fully charged, all energetic and ready to take on the day, waking up at nearly 10.

Spending the night at your boyfriend’s place has its perks.

One of which, to name of, you are dressed in his shirt. In your defense, that isn’t stealing if he doesn’t know any better and lets you have access to his wardrobe.

However, there are downsides to this, too. You are trying to cook yourself breakfast and spend a little while searching for salt and pepper, and later, plates and a chopping board. But the downsides are less annoying as you wander around his place and pick up the sticky note he left on the headboard, telling you that he wants you to stay at his place and you’ll have dinner together when he gets back from the start of term reception. He also says that if you don’t want to, that is also fine.

You find your way to his study. As a professor teaching English Language and Literature, Andy is no short of books and novels in his place.

One particular white-covered book caught your eye.

It doesn’t look like any regular books, and you are too curious to leave it there.

After you take it from the shelf, you realize that this is no book, but rather Andy’s dissertation from his Master’s, discussing modern espionage novels and their background setting using a theory you are vaguely aware of, mentioned somewhere during lectures.

It was a detailed discussion and analysis, though you are not very keen on espionage novels, it gives you some ideas about what you will write for your dissertation.

Maybe you can pick some other novels, discussing their background setting, but using a different theory…

But this isn’t exactly Andy’s expertise, which he told you during a dinner that he researched creative and modern writing for his doctorate. Meanwhile, Professor Johanna Klein focuses on English literature and teaches classes on this topic.

On a more private note, you do want Andy to be your tutor with your young pumping heart that is filled with your sweet boyfriend right now.

Touch call.

You put the dissertation back on his shelves, paddling around the room.

You’ve been at his place alone before, which shouldn’t be a big deal for you right now, being his formal girlfriend, even though you need to keep your relationship a secret.

…right, a secret.

You let out a small frustrating sigh.

You know it’s unethical and wrong and all that, but Andy really is a nice guy. The small debate in your head quickly forgotten when you stride to the bathroom, throat a bit dry when you remember a handful of times when he railed you in the showers or had you ride him in the bathtub. Oftentimes when he has already brought you three orgasms and you started cleaning in the hot water. When he would guarantee you a fourth or fifth orgasm, having you breathless and boneless.

You would swear to God this man has an insatiable appetite.

Shivers run down your spine. Your breath quickens.

Fuck the man does things to you. Horrible things. Even when he’s not around.

They were not all dirty showers.

Sometimes, after getting up – from a purely innocent cuddle session in the night, you’d also take a shower in his bathroom,

Due to the frequency that you stay and shower, he even bought the same brand of hair dryer, the shampoo, and the body wash you use and stored it in the cabinet below the sink. Not to mention your toothbrush and your hairbrush standing side by side with his.

You aren’t living with him. You are far from that stage of starting a life together. But close enough. Ever since you’ve settled your relationship after the first night you had sex, you have been staying almost three nights every week.

You are not thinking about living together, not just yet.

The truth is, you are thinking about it, and maybe your wedding, and maybe your honeymoon too. But the tiny voice in your head tells you that it’s too early in the relationship to be thinking about it. You still need to finish Uni, either find a job later or continue your studies in literature, and you don’t plan to actually marry anyone after you have finished your studying, which means after 25 years old at least.

Yet it doesn’t hurt to dream a little.

Dreaming that he’s the prince in every fairytale story that sweeps you off your feet. With a happily ever after.

You are still stealing – well, commandeering one of his shirts as your pj. Not that yours is broken or anything, it’s just that his felt more … home.

And curling up in his large chair and reading some boring novel to pass the time since you have nothing better to do.

When he calls.

You sit up straight when you see the caller ID on your phone, clearing your throat and pretending you have done nothing wrong at this point, mimicking the hotel front desk with a sweet LA girl voice, “This is Andy Barber’s residence, how may I help you?”

Andy chokes a laugh, “Ha.” He then pretends to be calling for business, sounding sterner, “May I speak to Mr. Barber’s little girlfriend?”

“I’m afraid she’s not available at the moment,” you grin like the Cheshire cat, “would you like to state your name and leave a message?”

He chuckles softly, “Glad you’re having fun at my place, sweetheart. But I need a small favor.”

He absolutely did not miss the first sentence that came out of your mouth.

“Andy Barber’s residence”. Meaning you’re still at his place, and that you are willing to have dinner with him tonight. Maybe he could convince you to stay a night more. Maybe he could slip you the gift he prepared days ago, just before the unfortunate night.

He’d love to see your reaction to his gift.

But that have to wait.

“Listen, sweets.” He glares at his suit jacket and his shirt, ruined by a clumsy student and his cup of coffee, “The social event – with the students and all, starts in 20 minutes.”

“The start of term reception?” You quip.

“Yeah, that one.” He continues, “my suit is damaged by a cup of coffee and now has brown stains all over it. Shirt too. Could you please pick out a full outfit, suit jacket, pants, and shirt, and drive over to my office? I would’ve driven back and get changed, but there’s not enough time to return.”

“Sure! Sure!” You jump from the large chair, your bare feet hit the ground with a crisp slap, “I’ll be -” you check the time on your phone, “be there in 15 minutes?”

“That’d be nice. Thank you. See you at my office sweets.”

“See you in a sec.”

You hung up the phone, making a beeline toward his wardrobe.

Andy’s wardrobe is just like the rest of the house, simple and plain, white and gray. It is lined with a couple of formal suits, shirts, and a few T-shirts and khakis, all of which thin and made of soft cotton, perfect for the end of the summer. A few dark-colored cardigans were stacked neatly by the corner, on top of some thicker duvet.

You pick the full set of his navy-blue suit with dress pants, and a white shirt that looks decent.

You are putting his well-ironed suit jacket into the plastic cover when you notice there’s a small bump in his pocket.

Tissue? That’d be so yuck.

You smile to yourself, carefully turning the pocket around without touching what’s inside it.

A piece of paper, twirled into a ball of the size of your fist.

Some of the writing poked through the paper – more like put holes and cuts in it when whoever wrote it crossed them out too fast.

It’s not likely that Andy would put other people’s used paper in his pocket.

So…

You are guessing he used this sheet of paper to scribble something and was done with it. By now at least.

It’s kind of bad to look through this piece of – clearly – disregarded paper, considering it has already been wrinkled and folded, folded and wrinkled. But … well, what Andy doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Knowing you definitely have a couple of minutes to spare, you decide to unfold the paper and see what’s on it.

To be honest, you were expecting random scribbling and drawing.

You were not expecting … this.

-Book about D/S (SM?)

-Gift :>

-Stories: Love and War, Ari&Ana

-Text

-Call?√

Your breath hitches.

Did you just find his plan for his apology?

The “Gift” has a small smiley face behind the word, and the word “Text” has been crossed over, resembling a large black dot. “Call” has a checkmark following. Does that mean his “Call” worked? When he called you and sat in his car, or out of his car, right in front of your dormitory, having this piece of paper in his pockets? Or looking at it to make sure he got the right name and title of your fiction?

“Oh Andy…” You whisper to yourself, folding the delicate piece of paper and putting it in your pocket. It’s more important to deliver the suit to Andy right now, and you can confront him – not really, just to joke and tease him about this, and tell him how much you love him and appreciate him for this.

Taglist: @geminiflanagansblog@wintasssoldier @sapphire-rogers

[ramblingoak]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

I'll give you a whole bouquet if you can give me even one even if it's made up line from Latin teacher copia 👀 You may have forgotten about it but I haven't

Funnily enough I HAD forgotten about it...but I had it saved in my google docs as "sexy latin professor Copia" so it was easy enough to find!

Copia x Reader (NSFW, reader is his TA, Copia growls in a sexy way, mention of spanking, 18+ only, not edited don't judge me)

You never expected the semester to end with you bent over Cardinal Copia’s desk and your bare ass sticking into the air.

However…here you were.  Cardinal Copia’s, no Professor Copia’s, handprint still stinging and red on your skin.  He said he preferred being called Professor while at the college to teach his seminar.  It didn’t matter to you either way, you’d call him whatever he wanted as long as he kept touching you.  Even having him looking at you was enough.

And then today he had given his final lecture and of course chose to speak about the sin of lust.  You had barely made it through the class and had been vibrating at your desk the entire time.  He had kept sending dark looks your way and you swore he kept adding a darker and darker growl each time he said lust.  

Then came the wait of the students handing in their final assignments and you trying to keep the stack nice and neat in your shaking hands.  Professor Copia had been standing at the door saying goodbye to everyone, acting pleased when everyone was enthusiastic about how the class went and asking if he’d be back.

“Oh I’m sure there’s a few reasons for me to come back.”  You didn’t need to turn around to know he was staring at you as he said it.  It felt like the strange eyes of his could burn into your soul.  You glanced up at the clock on the wall, taking a few shaky breaths as it slowly clicked over to the last minute of class.  In one minute you wouldn’t be his TA anymore and all the anticipation that had been building between you for weeks could be resolved.

You turned when you heard the door close, the sound echoing through the empty room.  He was slowly stalking towards you like a predator, throwing a quick glance up to the clock at the same time you did.  When it chimed at the hour he met your eyes and smiled while he reached over and took the stack of assignments out of your hands.

He then dropped them to let them scatter across the floor.

“Time for your confession, cara mia.”

[heeracha]

ep 31. / ep 32. — the one with jake throwing a shoe at jay. / ep 33.

end of the line. — p. jongseong

synopsis: thinking it was a hotline for people who just need someone to talk to, jay calls. but why did a clueless student answer? with jay’s phone call has a time limit, you, the clueless student, insists on staying with him until the end of the line.

pairing: jay x f!reader

content/genre: college au (wow shocking), slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.

warning(s): friends teasing friends, yk affectionate teasing, swearing, tell me if i missed something !! jay lowkey being a jerk. jake throwing a shoe at jay HSBDZJHSD

note: here's the playlist <3 okay here u go. im not sure what time am i gonna update later but uhhh theres a possibility that i wont be able to,, yikes, sorry. anyway,,, enjoy jake throwing a shoe at jay for now <3

jay looks up when he hears the door of his room open. jake comes in, glaring at him. “what?” jay asks. “where have you been? have you eaten?” jay asks, sitting up.

“do you have thin walls?” jake asks and jay shakes his head. “JONGSEONG, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!” jake yells and jay furrows his eyebrows together. “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU INSANE? DID YOU DROP YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?”

“do what? can you calm down?” jay says.

“jongseong.” jake firmly says and jay realizes it’s serious. “you fucking rejected y/n and made sunoo tell her for you?”

jay sighs, closing his eyes as he brushes his hair with his fingers.

“jake, i—“

“jongseong, rejecting a person is fine. rejecting the person you like is questionable. rejecting the person you like and make your roommate tell her is just you being a jerk!” jake raises his voice. “do you know sunoo is so mad at you right now? you couldn’t have told y/n yourself that you can’t? do you know that y/n has been so upset and embarrassed for more than a week and half now because of what you did? sunoo said she feels like she can’t show up in uni because of you!”

“jake, i can’t face her.” jay says and jake groans.

“for fuck’s sake, jongseong!” jake says. “she made the first move, what more do you want?!”

“jake, do you remember bubs?” jay says.

“you like her now? not y/n anymore?” jake asks. “that’s fine, jongseong, but you should have been the one to tell y/n yourself that you don’t want to.”

“y/n is bubs, jake.” jay says and jake frowns. “i’ve been talking to her all along. i was her cute guy. she was the girl i’m talking to up until seven in the morning.”

“really?” jake says and jay nods. jake quickly grabs jay’s shoe that was lying around and throws it at jay.

“OW!” jay exclaims and jake huffs.

“then? why did you reject her?” jake asks. “don’t tell me you ghosted her.”

jay frowns and jake groans. “jongseong!” jake exclaims. “why? why would you do that?”

“jake, it’s y/n for fuck’s sake!” jay says, sighing. “now that i know it’s her, how can i talk to her? the person i’ve been pining for over a damn year and i’ve been talking to her the whole semester? with y/n i tried hard to think what to tell her. how can i talk to her now?”

“then talk to bubs.” jake says. jay was about to open his mouth, but jake cuts him off. “i know. bubs is y/n. but you’ve been talking to her the entire time, jay. you talked to her until seven in the morning. just talk to her, okay?”

jay sighs, frowning.

“and apologize to sunoo.” jake says as he grabs the doorknob, opening the door. “i’ll go now. update me. unless you haven’t talked to her yet.”

jay nods and jake exits, closing the door. 

he knew that one way or another he would talk to you again. he can't resist you after all.

[icecreamdreams]

ok i decided

to post now. before i begin let me make a HUGE reference to my inspo fic: The Importance of Being Kept Chapter 1: Kagome, an inuyasha fanfic by LianaLyn on fanfiction dot net. I read this story at the very beginning of the pandemic and loved it. Please check it out

blurb: at the end of high school, Inuyasha gives Kagome a special gift. how will their new lives at college impact their lifelong friendship?

ok here goes ~~~

“What’s on your mind, Kagome?” Sango asked. Kagome sat at the beautiful mahogany table next to her mother and best friend, Sango. She graduated high school a few hours ago and was currently surrounded by friends and family to celebrate.

“She’s probably thinking about how soon she can move out!” Sota cried from one end of the table. He sat next to grandpa who was trying to get Inuyasha to give Sota hints on how to be successful in secondary school. Sota wasn’t paying too much attention, trying to enjoy the fact that school was out for summer break.

“Shut it, Sota! I’m thinking about how interesting it will be to move to another stage of life. I don’t have to go to high school anymore!”

“Yeah, well college is a whole different ball game,” Sango added. She was already done with her first year as an engineering student. “You have to manage your own schedule and be responsible with keeping up with everything and make sure you eat too!” Everyone laughed while Kagome blushed. She was known for her big appetite for oden. How was she supposed to manage everything and find the time to make oden?

“Don’t worry, Kagome. Sango, Inuyasha, and I will all be here to make sure you eat, even if it’s not oden,” Miroku said. “Besides, we’re all relatively decent in the kitchen.” Now Sango and Kagome laughed. 

“I think you’re being generous, Miroku. You know Sango burned her ramen just last week,” Inuyasha added. “Besides, why’re ya lumping me into this? Don’t I get a say?”

“Because we know you’ll help out anyway. Remember that time I got sick last semester? Mom wasn’t home and you brought me homemade soup!” Kagome beamed. Her oldest friend could pretend all he wanted that he’d leave her out to hang but when it really came down to it, he’d be there for her in an instant.

“Keh, my mom made it and told me to bring it to you. It was her idea, not mine! Anyways, I'm finished, I’m gonna start the dishes.” As Inuyasha retreated to the kitchen, Sango thought about her friends. What wouldn’t Inuyasha do for her? she wondered. It didn’t matter now. Kagome was going to university and their whole friendship would see a brand new world. They would meet new people and learn about the harsh reality of balancing work and play. Sango couldn’t wait for Kagome to join her.

---

Kagome’s friends and family finished their wonderful meal at the Higurashi household dining table, a place they frequented many times over the years. The warm summer breeze danced on their skin as they talked and laughed and told stories of their childhood memories. The first time Kagome learned Inuyasha was a hanyou. The time Inuyasha learned that even if Miroku wasn’t a demon, he still had interesting abilities. All the times they protected one another without fail. The way they all became friends and how they made it their task to stay close after graduating high school.

Growing up, Inuyasha never thought he’d have a group of friends so loyal and dear to him. He didn’t say it much, but their acceptance of him blew his mind everyday. After all, it wasn’t easy being mixed. Half youkai, half human, and neither side of his family thought he was good at being either of them. Although his parents gave him the best opportunity to go to school with both humans and youkai, he had always been a bit nervous around his classmates. It wasn’t until Kagome joined his class that he got his first real friend.

Kagome was laughing at something Miroku said when she caught his eye. You okay? She thought, nodding her head at him. He looked across the table to find Miroku continuing whatever story it was that made the girls laugh. “Goshinboku tree,” Inuyasha intoned then stood up curtly and left, his red canvas button down flowing in the breeze. When no one seemed to notice, Kagome followed him, the end of her skirt taking off behind her.

“Hey.” Inuyasha glanced at her on his peripheral. He knew she was approaching, could smell her sweet, jasmine and lavender scent in the wind. Sure being a hanyou made him more alert of his surroundings but he always felt just slightly more sensitive to Kagome. For a long time he just chalked it up to her being his oldest and best friend but now he wasn’t so sure.

“Hey, yourself,” Inuyasha grunted, looking her over thoughtfully. “How’s it feel? You’re all grown up and stuff now.”

Kagome laughed and sat beside him. “We’re the same age, Inuyasha. When we get to college we’ll be on our own, so we’ll have to look out for each other. Anyways, Mama will always be here at home for me.”

“Keh, as if! I look out for you more than half the time because you’re so damn clumsy! What would you even do without me?”

Kagome looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t know Inuyasha. we won’ve been there for me for so long, I don’t even know what it could be like to not be around you.” Inuyasha felt his cheeks start to heat. He had meant to stay lighthearted. “But I have to be independent now because you’t be in the same classes or even the same building most of the time. So I’m gonna do my best not to bother you as much, ‘kay?”

Inuyasha looked at her. What did she mean she wasn’t gonna bother him? Who else would look after the klutz? “Forget it! I’ll still look after you in college, you know. What, are you trying to get rid of me or something?”

“No! But I want you to be able to make your own friends and decisions without having to worry about me. We’re not in the same major and at some point we won’t be living as closely as we are now.”

“Yeah, well that’s not today!” Inuyasha was surprised she seemed this detached from him. Weren’t you supposed to lean in to your friends and family during big changes? 

After a few moments of silence, Inuyasha pulled out a small velvet case and shoved it at her. “Here,” he mumbled. Kagome looked at him in surprise. “It’s your graduation present.”

Kagome opened the box and gasped. Inside she found a silver banded bracelet, inset with what looked to be real rubies and emeralds. The edges were lined with small diamonds. “Inuyasha…” Kagome didn’t know what to say. Why would he give her something so precious and expensive? “Thank you,” she said finally. “This is very lovely. What made you think of it?”

Inuyasha stared at the ground, his face flushing slightly. “I had the band for a long time and my parents gave it to me to give to someone who was special to me.” Damn, he hated this. How much could he explain without actually telling her what it meant? “So I chose you because you’re my best friend and I didn’t want it just sittin’ around anymore. What am I supposed to do with a stupid bracelet, anyway?”

Kagome looked at him, peering into the amber of his eyes. “Your parents gave it to you? Does it mean something to them?” Kagome was familiar with a lot of the everyday culture of youkai but she was still unfamiliar with the way they expressed themselves. When she first met Inuyasha, she had a difficult time getting him to express his emotions in a way she understood. He didn’t seem to have the words to tell her yet.

“Ehh...who knows, I don’t have time to learn every stupid thing about being a youkai.” Kagome could tell he was deflecting somehow but shrugged it off. He was usually very thoughtful about his mixed human and youkai ancestry and wanted to learn how he could better integrate the two parts of his life to become one. It wasn’t an easy task, but Kagome was proud that he was learning to accept and embrace who he was.

After a few silent moments, Kagome asked “are these real?” trying to determine just how expensive this gift was.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. I got a good price on the stones.” He seemed pleased about that. Inuyasha looked over and saw Kagome worrying her lip, no doubt over the price. “I’m serious, Kagome. I want you to keep the bracelet. You can wear it under your sleeve if you think it’s too flashy but I’m not takin’ it back.”

“Well, if you insist,” Kagome answered before slipping the beautiful bracelet onto her wrist. It fit perfectly and wasn’t too oversized. He was right. If she kept it under her sleeve she could wear it anywhere. “Perfect fit!”

He grinned.

---

After Kagome’s graduation party, Inuyasha experienced a continuous wave of calmness, a tranquility his yoki never felt before. It felt like he was releasing a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He sat in the top branches of the Goshinboku tree to revel in this new feeling before quietly taking off towards his own home.

When he arrived he was surprised by the presence of his older half brother who didn’t really frequent the Inu no Taisho’s house too often. Sesshomaru Taisho saw himself as his own man and insisted upon living independently of both of his parents. While he had no problems with his mom or his father’s second wife, Sesshomaru found himself diverging from the personalities of both of his parents and wanted to find his own way by living alone. His parents offered to financially support his “independence”, but as much as they were willing to provide, Sesshomaru insisted on fending for himself. How could he make a name for himself independent of his father if he didn’t branch out?

Regardless, none of this explained why Sesshomaru was at his father’s house now, some random night at the end of spring. Sesshomaru was going to Waseda University and had lived off campus in his own apartment for the last two years.

Sesshomaru stood at the kitchen counter, drinking tea and reading the newspaper like he belonged there. He seemed comfortable in any environment. Inuyasha knew that wasn’t a trait he’d inherited. “What are you doing here?” 

Sesshomaru looked up. “Came to talk to you.” That surprised Inuyasha.

“Keh, like we have anything to talk about. I haven’t seen you in like 5 months, and ya never reach out.” Inuyasha scowled. Their relationship seemed to be only on Sesshomaru’s terms. He didn’t like feeling manipulated by his brother with questionable motives.

“As a matter of fact, we do.” Sesshomaru replied, facing Inuyasha head on. “Father wanted me to talk to you about Kagome graduating. She’s your human, is she not?”

“She’s not my human, she’s my friend, and you know that!” He hated when Sesshomaru referred to Kagome that way. She wasn’t an object, she was a person. His best friend.

“Regardless, she has found herself with the sympathies of a youkai family and will more than likely need it as she begins this next stage of life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean that she will likely start becoming a target of all matters of youkai from now on-”

“I don’t believe it! You’ve always had a problem with Kagome and you’ve always wanted me to be as weirded out by humans as you are! Well I’m not! I’m half-human myself, idiot, and if you think I’m gonna start treatin’ her any different then you’ve got another thing comin’!” Inuyasha left Sesshomaru in his wake as he stomped off to some other part of the house to avoid his brother. He couldn’t believe this shit. Sesshomaru never did make it easy for them to act like actual brothers, that’s for sure.

Once Inuyasha got up to his room, he considered opening his window to climb out onto his favourite branch of the tree next to the house, but hesitated. For the first time in several years, Inuyasha felt like he didn’t need to sit in the tree to calm down. Sure, Sesshomaru was being a grade-A dick, but suddenly Inuyasha felt more emotionally equipped to deal with his annoyance of a brother. Instead, he just laid down on his bed, looking up at the starry sky through his window. Fingering the beads at his neck, he thought about how things would be when he and Kagome joined Sango and Miroku at school in the fall.

---

“You know, your brother might have more patience for you if he learned that you don’t actually hate humans.” Sesshomaru turned to look at his father. On most days, Toga Takahashi was a resplendent and dignified presence to almost anyone who crossed his path. But in his home with his family, he tried to be as earnest and down-to-earth as possible.

Sesshomaru sighed. His father had always been more delicate with Inuyasha and humans. “You think he’ll start opening up to me because of one girl?”

Toga chuckled. “Not at first, but at least he won’t think you’re as critical of his best friend as you’ve always seemed.”

Sesshomaru let out a low growl. His father was right but it still took a lot of effort to deal with his prejudices. He was trying.

“Besides, if he can’t count on his own brother to support him with something as trivial as this, how can expect the world to treat him any differently?” Toga really did have a point. While it was easier to figure out his son’s bias on his own behalf, it was harder to see Inuyasha struggle with his brother’s stubbornness. They needed a push if they were going to have a better relationship.

“I’ll think about it,” Sesshomaru conceded under his breath. It looked like Rin wasn’t going to be a secret for much longer if his dad kept harping on him like this. 

---

Kagome kept the bracelet hidden as best she could at the beginning of summer break. She didn’t want her mother, or anyone else for that matter, reading too much into it. 

The girls worked nonstop for three hours before Sango suggested they take a break. Kagome was fortunate to get the help of her friend to pack up her room for school. Mama Higurashi insisted that Sango stay for lunch afterwards as thanks. As they finished boxing up Kagome’s accessories, Sango noticed the bracelet on Kagome’s bedside table.

“Woah, Kagome, this is beautiful!” she exclaimed. “Did your grandpa give this to you for your birthday?” Sango carefully picked up the silver band to admire the red and green gemstones that littered the sides of the bracelet.

Kagome blushed. “Actually… Inuyasha gave it to me… as a graduation present.” Kagome’s flush deepened as she said it. Up until now she had managed to keep the bracelet out of sight, unseen by her friends.

Sango’s jaw dropped and she stared at her friend. “You’re saying Inuyasha Taisho gifted this to you with no strings attached?”

“Of course there were no strings attached!” Kagome hissed in embarrassment. “How could you even say that? We’ve always been best friends.”

“Hey, I never know what’s going on with the two of you. Inuyasha likes to be very discreet about his emotions, remember?”

“Tell me about it,” Kagome sighed. At least the bracelet was a kind gesture. What he couldn’t express in words, apparently he could express in gifts. Not that she needed anything more from him anyways. They had a friendship that was unbreakable for years, and she knew he loved her as much as one loved the person that could save them from their loneliness. She tried to reassure him that he didn’t owe her anything, but he made it clear that he was more than incredibly grateful to her.

“Come on, let’s go eat. Does your mother know about it? She’s always been rather intuitive when it comes to him.” Kagome blushed. In fact, she believed Mama was relatively unaware of the bracelet and its origin, although she couldn’t be sure. What would her mother say? It couldn’t possibly be anything more than a gift between gracious friends.

“Do I know about what, dear?” Mama Higurashi intercepted them at the bottom of the stairwell, catching an evasive look on Kagome’s face. “Inuyasha’s bracelet?” Her daughter’s eyes widened.

“Mama! You knew about it?”

Mama shrugged. “Well I asked Toga to be sure but I had my suspicions early on. It wasn’t hard to guess, Kagome.” Kagome’s jaw dropped. Wow, her mom really was intuitive when it came to Inuyasha. “I suspected he might give you something sooner or later, especially since you’re going off to school soon.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You mean Inuyasha didn’t tell you?” Sango asked.

“Tell me what?! All he said was that his parents gave it to him to give to someone important to him and I guess his belief of being indebted to me went far enough for him to give this to me in gratitude.” Sango looked at her incredulously. Her friend really had no idea what she had ahead of her.

“Kagome dear, the friendly relationship you have with Inuyasha was quite uncommon not too long ago,” Mama started. “In fact, it has only been within the last 50 years that demons and humans and the like have been allowed to coexist in society together. Before that demons and humans had their own land with its own rules and customs. Fortunately, things have changed but some parts of the relationship between humans and demons require more improvement than others.”

“What do you mean, mama?”

“Well, there is still a large population of demons that see humans as expendable playthings useful for their entertainment. As a response other demons may take it upon themselves to ‘claim’, ‘keep’, or protect humans they consider vulnerable or deserving of their attention.”

“Although, sometimes demons that decide to ‘claim’ humans end up being just as stubborn and possessive as the ones that don’t care for humans as much,” Sango added, shaking her head. “I swear we’ve come so far but still have so far to go. Anyways, the ‘kept’ or protected are usually given a charm of some sort that let’s other demons know not to mess with them.”

“So that’s what this is?” Kagome stared at the bracelet in annoyance. “A charm to keep me from meeting other youkai and hanyou like him?”

“I don’t think that’s his intention dear,” Mama said. “You know Inuyasha is quite noble at heart even if he doesn’t always go about things the right way. Why don’t you give him a chance to explain. I can only imagine that he wants to help and protect you, nothing as aggressive as what we mentioned earlier. He’s not like that.”

Kagome thought about that for a moment. What would cause Inuyasha to feel like she needed more protection than she already got? She was just another teenager going off to college and had never faced any real troubles - not with demons at least.

“I hope he doesn’t really think I’m that helpless. I don’t want to be ‘kept’ by anyone!” Kagome mumbled as she finished eating. Sango looked at her in surprise.

“I’m sure he just wants you to know that he’ll be there for you. Going to college is a big transition and you guys will be more separated than before. Maybe this is his way of saying he’ll be there no matter what.” She could live with that.

---

“It’s this way,” Sango pointed in the direction of Kagome’s new residence hall. The decision not to be roommates for the sake of preserving their friendship was mutual. The warm August air welcomed new students and their parents as they moved on campus. Kagome felt lucky she had friends who already knew how everything worked. She was starting to realize that starting a new life was a bit overwhelming if you were by yourself.When they arrived at the residence hall, Sango boldly led the small brigade through the chaos and right to her friend’s new room.

This is it. Kagome opened her door hesitantly to find her roommate on the other side.

“Hi.”

“Hi! I’m Eri! You must be Kagome.” Eri put down the clothing she was folding to introduce herself to the group. “You all must be Kagome’s family.” She smiled.

“Sort of…” Kagome said bashfully. “This is my mom, and these are my friends, Sango and Inuyasha. Although I’d say they’re family at this point. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s good to meet you too! Hey,” she said, turning to Inuyasha. “Are you a hanyou? Can I touch your ears?” Before he could answer, Eri’s hands were already in his face, reaching up to grab his furry ears. He quickly batted her hands away and Kagome winced, dashing in front of him.

“He’s sensitive about his ears. And yes, he’s a hanyou.”

“Half inuyoukai if it means that much to ya,” Inuyasha grunted. It was barely their first day on campus and already someone had to go and do the wrong thing to a hanyou. “Dontcha think it’s kinda rude to just reach in someone’s face and grab their ears?”

Eri stumbled back a few steps. “I supposed it is,” she said matter-of-factly. “Forgive me.” With that she moved on to speak more with Sango and Mama Higurashi.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I’ll have to put up with her all year,” Inuyasha complained, setting the boxes he carried in down on what looked to be Kagome’s side of the room.

“Calm down, Inuyasha. It’s not like you’re living with her, you don’t have to see her.”

“Keh! I will if I see you! Face it, you and her are gonna get real close and do stupid stuff like upset a youkai. And then what? I’ll have to handle it.” Kagome froze. This seemed like exactly the type of thing mama and Sango told her about. The possessive nature of even the best youkai seemed to be getting a hold of Inuyasha. She was 18, she could take care of herself.

“Oh well, Inuyasha, I guess I’ll have to learn how to take care of myself sometime,” She tried not to be too indifferent but she couldn’t stand him acting like she was his problem all the time. Kagome put away her items mindlessly, trying to ignore him when Eri broke into her thoughts.

“Boyfriend?” she asked, nodding over at Inuyasha. He was talking with Sango and mama, helping them finish up with Kagome’s things.

“Nooo!” Kagome responded, her head shooting straight up. “He’s my oldest friend and he likes to worry.” The girls giggled. 

“Well at least that means we can go look for boys together!” Kagome liked that idea and told Eri so. It seemed like her new roommate was pretty cool and could be a great way to meet other students on campus.

Across the room, Inuyasha’s ears perked up. So they were gonna look for boys, huh. He figured he could put up with that as long as she didn’t decide to hang out with obnoxious, annoying youkai that felt like they owned her.

“Are you okay?” Sango asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, you were growling to start.” She looked unimpressed. 

“Well what’s it to ya? Seems I’m just tryna mind my business here and they’re over there talking about foolishness like meeting random people. Dontcha think that could be dangerous?” Mama glanced at him and laughed.

“Oh Inuyasha, that’s just a part of the college experience. She’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Inuyasha grumbled and returned to putting the sheets on Kagome’s bed. This campus made him on edge. Maybe it was because he hadn’t really gotten the chance to get used to it yet but the calm he felt all summer long disappeared the moment they all got on campus. He didn’t know how Sango and Miroku dealt with it. There were so many people in such a small space. He felt like he would go crazy on his own. It seemed like Kagome knew it too because she insisted that he and Sango go ahead to their own dorms instead of worrying about setting up hers. Inuyasha was glad to get out and get some fresh air.

When he got to his room, he found that Miroku had already unpacked his half of the room and looked to be headed out.

“Where are you going?” As much as Inuyasha didn’t want to socialize, he couldn’t imagine his friend would just leave him on his first day.

“Ladies are calling, Inuyasha, and I intend to answer them.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“There are tons of freshman girls just downstairs that need help moving in or finding their way. I just plan to be a gentleman and help them,” Miroku answered, feigning innocence. “Plus, someone has to give them the lay of the land here.”

“Keh, you sound like bad television. Whatever, I’ll just see you at dinner.”

After Miroku left, Inuyasha unpacked his things and tried to familiarize himself with the dorm hall. It would be better to at least try to warm up to the place. He paced up and down his hall then took the stairs to the floors above and below and paced those too, allowing his nose to pick up as many scents as possible. If he could cut down the number of unfamiliar scents, maybe he wouldn’t feel as restless. Or maybe if Kagome was here. Inuyasha shook his head. Where did that come from? True, she had always been able to help him settle in any environment but he couldn’t just default to her. He had to learn how to survive on his own.

Inuyasha found himself wandering the halls. The floors above and below him housed people from all over Japan, humans, youkai, and hanyou of all types. It would definitely be interesting living amongst so many other types of youkai and hanyou so closely. It was his first time living so close to anyone besides his family. He wondered how long it would take him to find a nice, secluded spot for thinking like the tree outside his house. Waseda was a big place for thousands of students but he needed some time by himself. It wasn’t like he was super introverted but as sensitive as his senses were, sometimes he needed a place where they could settle down without being overstimulated.

Inuyasha was thinking about finding a way to the roof of the building to aid his search for isolation when he bumped into someone, another youkai by the smell of it. “Oops.”

“It’d be helpful if you were careful where you’re going,” a slightly irritated voice came from what looked to be a wolf youkai. He had about two inches on Inuyasha and wore a muscle shirt and track pants. His hair must’ve been long because it was pulled up into a lopsided bun at the back of his head. This guy seemed to put a lot of thought into his appearance. He seemed like the type of person that used his looks to intimidate people.

“My bad, geez,” Inuyasha replied. Damn, it was his first day and he was already on bad terms with someone. This would be a long four years.

“You’re good. Just watch it. Other youkai aren’t as forgiving with hanyou around here.” Oh, like it was some great compliment that a mere hanyou like Inuyasha wasn’t bothered by a youkai like him.

“Keh, give me a break.” He wanted to be done with the bullshit. “I don’t need some oh holier-than-thou youkai to try and tell me shit, I’m aware.” The youkai looked him up and down, seeming amused and slightly impressed by him. After a few moments of considering the hanyou’s presence, he introduced himself.

“I’m Koga, wolf youkai. You must be a dog hanyou if I’m not mistaken.” He rambled on. “Listen, you’re alright. I live two floors down with my boy Ginta. Room 412. Stop by if you ever need anything. Us canine youkai gotta stick together!” Koga had already started back down the hallway and was gone before Inuyasha could respond. Koga didn’t seem too bad, just really full of himself.

Like I’d ever want anything to do with him, Inuyasha thought and made his way back to his room.

[missywritesfor7]

🌺 Promise Flower | PJM 🌺

Synopsis: Jimin is a popular dance student and the best one at his university. Mina is a photography student and has known Jimin since high school. An idea for a photo project finds Mina getting closer to him than she ever has before. She learns how big his heart is, but also learns how closely he guards it. Every time she thinks he'll let her in, he pulls away again. Is it even worth the trouble?

Pairing: college student!Jimin x fem!oc

Warnings: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, alcoholism

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|| Ch. 10: Unspoken ||

Monday I spend half the day wondering if I should try texting Jimin again. I know he’ll be on campus so I’m bound to run into him at some point.

It’s still a little weird that he suddenly seems to not want to talk to me, but Tae keeps telling me to just talk to him anyway, that I’m overreacting. I don’t even know what to say. Do I just try talking to him like nothing happened or do I straight up ask him if he hates me?

I decide to have a drink at the cafe after I finish my last class of the day. I can just hangout there a bit and work on editing some of my photos on my laptop. I’m just not quite ready to go home yet.

Right when I walk into the door of the cafe I meet eyes with Jimin standing in line. He smiles at me and I think maybe I’m being silly about him hating me. Maybe.

“Hey,” I say getting in line behind him. “How was your first day back?”

“A little weird,” he says nervously. “I used to have my dance class today but since I’m not in it anymore I only had one class. I still went by to say thanks to everyone for the concert though.”

“Do you…have any plans for the rest of the day?” I don’t know why I’m so nervous about asking. Sure he turned me down yesterday but it shouldn’t make me feel the way I do right now. He’s not going to spend every waking moment with me and I shouldn’t expect that. Especially after I threw up all over him.

“Just physical therapy in a couple of hours.” He pauses searching the floor for more words. “But…I’m not doing anything else today. So…I’m free.”

“Oh, ok. Is Hoseok taking you to your appointment?”

“Yeah, he’ll be out of class by then.”

“Well…I was going to go over some of my pictures while I drink my coffee, do you want to take a look at them?”

“Sure.”

So maybe he doesn’t hate me? Maybe he needed time to process everything. But he still seems a little reserved right now. It’s like we’ve only known each other 7 days and not 7 years.

After ordering and getting our drinks we take a seat at a table and I pull out my laptop to show him the photos I’m working on. As usual he’s a bit embarrassed looking at pictures of himself but he’s still very interested in each one.

I guess I hadn’t been paying much attention, or I had been so distracted the past couple of weeks that I didn’t realize I don’t have many photos at all.

“Did you take any more?” Jimin asks.

“No,” I say trying to laugh it off. “I guess not. Shit.”

“You only have a few pictures from my surgery, but that’s all?”

“I thought I had more…”

“Oh,” he chuckles.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head. “I could ask my physical therapist if it’s ok, and if you want you can come to my next appointment and take pictures.”

“Really? That’d be great!”

He nods and says he’ll let me know if they’ll allow me to come to his next session. I realize I need to at least make an effort to take my camera with me whenever I see him. I had gotten so…distracted…that I stopped taking my camera altogether whenever I saw him.

I feel better now that we were able to sit down and talk. Although we didn’t actually talk about anything that we needed to talk about, but maybe we can address it later?

Hoseok came by to collect Jimin and take him to his appointment. I decided it was a good time for me to go home as well.

As expected, Jin isn’t home so I lounge around a bit and try to attempt some studying. Seems like I’ve done barely any all semester and it’s a miracle I haven’t failed any of my assignments so far. However, my attempt at studying proves to be futile and I find myself falling asleep on the couch.

I’m only awakened by a few text messages that set my phone off. Usually it’s Tae but to my surprise is Jimin telling me he finished his physical therapy for the day and they said it was ok for me to take pictures. I’m excited and I agreed to take him to his next appointment.

We continue texting through the night and I start to think I was definitely overreacting to the way he seemed when I left his place the other day. I apologize to him again for throwing up on him and he tells me, again, that it’s ok. He says his shirt is clean now so no worries.

By Wednesday I’m excited to go with him to his appointment. I’m not sure why though, I’m just there to take pictures for my project that I had been neglecting a bit. I guess it’s just that…I missed him? We hadn’t really spent time together since the weekend so, I don’t know, I guess I missed him a little bit.

Over and over I replay what bits of Friday night I can remember just so I can relive our kiss. Our making out. The feeling of him against me. His soft lips between my teeth. His tongue tangled with mine.

“Aren’t you going to come in?” Jimin’s voice brings me back to reality where I’ve parked my car and he’s waiting for me to get out so he can have his physical therapy session.

“Right,” I say turning the car off in embarrassment. I’m glad my instincts were good enough to get us here in one piece, because I was so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even remember driving.

Jimin’s session is an hour long and involves both stretching and strengthening exercises as well as a bit of a massage and nerve stimulation. Watching him do anything is always breathtaking for some reason, but it’s always so clear how much effort he’s putting in. His determination is written all over his face and his pleads to do “one more set” shows how bad he wants to get back to dancing.

The photos I take are nothing short of amazing, and not because of the way I shot them. His emotions come through so clearly that it really makes my photos look great. He looks so strong and…dominant when he’s focused. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on a little bit.

At the end of his session I take him back home and he invites me in because he wants to see the pictures I got. Seeing them on my computer is even better than when I was looking at them on the small camera screen. They all look amazing and I can’t stop myself from dishing out compliments at each one, mostly about the way he looks.

After a few minutes I realized he’d gone silent. I was so focused on the pictures that I hadn’t noticed that he was half hiding behind his hands and his eyes are closed from the massive smile on his face.

“What?” I ask noticing his ears turning red.

“Nothing,” he says shyly.

“Are you ashamed of how good you look?”

“No,” he giggles curling into a ball in his seat. “But you’re just saying that.”

“Do you think I would just be saying that after watching you for 7 ye-all these weeks?”

“I guess not,” he laughs. “But, I still feel embarrassed by the compliments when I know I can do better.”

“Shut up,” I say with a chuckle.

Our banter continues as it normally would. He invites me to stay longer and watch the movie we wanted to watch. It gets late and he tells me I need to get some sleep so I’m able to wake up for class in the morning.

He wakes me in the morning to make sure I have time to go home and wash up before class. I take him with me because why not give him a ride if we’re going to the same place.

It’s like Friday night never happened, which is fine because I completely embarrassed myself, but at the same time it’s not fine. It’s not fine because ever since then all I can think about is kissing him again. I want us to talk about it so I can know if he’s interested in doing it again or if he thinks it was just a drunken mistake.

No matter how much time I spend with him and how many physical therapy appointments I’ve driven him to now, I still can’t find the courage to bring the subject up.

It’s now been two weeks since the benefit concert that raised more than enough money to cover Jimin’s tuition. His account has been cleared and yesterday he finally received a check for the remaining amount that was raised. It still amazes me that $4000 was raised when the goal was only $2000. He’s got an extra $2000 in his pocket now and he’s been mulling over what to do with it ever since he got the check.

As I was driving him to his Friday physical therapy session he got a phone call from his mom. It seems he wanted to give his parents the extra money, but his mom wasn’t having any of it. He couldn’t argue with her, but I could tell by the look on his face that he really wanted to.

I don’t want to pry because I know he holds his personal matters a bit close to the chest, especially when it comes to his family, but as I’m sitting on his couch going through my pictures I can tell that he was really bothered during his session. He usually has an intense look of determination on his face, but today he looked emotionless. His mind was elsewhere the entire time and his body seemed like it was just working on autopilot.

“Jimin?” I say softly.

“Yeah?” He says from the other end of the couch, looking up from his phone.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You just seem like something is bothering you. Is everything ok…at home?”

“Yeah.” He looks down at the floor and I can tell he’s not being honest right now.

“You’re not very convincing.”

“It’s nothing,” he sighs. “My mom told me to keep the money for myself and do what I want with it, but I want to give it to them to help out. She won’t let me.”

I know he’s wanted to pay his parents back for everything they’ve sacrificed to support his dancing, but I’ve rarely seen a parent accept money from their child no matter how bad things may be.

“Did she say why she won’t let you?” I ask.

“No, well kind of. She said that things are fine at home and I should just focus on myself and getting better.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. If everything is good at home then-“

“Everything’s not good at home,” he interrupts. “They don’t know that I know about my medical bills. They told my brother not to tell me anything but he did anyway. I know they were selling stuff off to make money before I got hurt. I know they’re behind on some bills and dodging collectors. I know more than they think, but no matter what they won’t let me help. Why would they choose to keep suffering when I’m trying to help?” He seems distraught burying his head in his hands.

“I’m sure they just don’t want you to worry. They want you to focus on school and your recovery, not the issues they’re having at home.” I know he desperately wants to help them and I wish there was something I could do for him.

“I worry more when they don’t tell me these things and won’t let me help.” He looks up at me with tears welling in his eyes. “I’m so tired of seeing them suffer like this. They’ve been suffering my whole life, I just want them to be happy.” He’s fighting his tears and it’s breaking my heart.

I set my laptop down on the coffee table and shift myself closer to him. I wrap my arm around him in a soft embrace and he buries his head in my chest. He heaves out a few sighs before I start to feel his tears seeping through my shirt.

Most people wouldn’t have to be told twice to spend money on themselves, yet here he is going through a mild crisis because his family won’t let him spend the money to help them. I’ve seen Jimin give so much of himself and never ask for anything in return from anyone. Seeing how much it pains him to not be able to offer help is just a testament to how big his heart is.

“Maybe,” I start to suggest once it seems his tears have stopped flowing. “You can help them in a way that they can’t refuse.”

“What do you mean?” He asks looking up at me with his bottom lip poking out.

I have to pause for a moment because good lord he’s so irresistibly precious when his eyes get big and he pouts like the cutest little puppy kitty.

“Well,” I try to think. “What if you helped them secretly? You could ask your brother if he can help you.”

“But how?”

“Maybe send him to get groceries. If he buys it without them knowing they won’t be able to say no if the food is already in their kitchen, you know?”

“Hmm.”

“If there’s anything they need you can order online and get it sent to them. They won’t even have to know it’s from you. Then if those things are taken care of they’ll be able to focus on the bills.”

After thinking about everything that just came flying out of my mouth, I start to worry that maybe I’m overstepping a bit. He’s usually quiet about his home and family life and maybe this is why. He probably doesn’t want other people prying too deep and knowing too much of the negative things in his life.

His long pause is nerve wracking but I definitely think I may have overstepped.

“Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to get in the mid-“

My sentence is cut short and it took me longer than it should have to figure out why. Jimin’s tear stained lips are pressed into mine searing his warmth into my entire face. Am I hallucinating?

He pulls away and looks at me while biting his bottom lip.

“That’s a really good idea,” he says softly.

I can’t even speak. My eyes are nearly out of their sockets and my jaw is on the floor. He’s not drunk. I’m not drunk. What the fuck was that? And then he’s just going to carry on like that was a totally normal thing to do?

“I-umm-yeah,” I sputter like a faulty engine. “Jimin, I-what…why? I mean…what?”

“Sorry,” he says retreating into his invisible turtle shell.

“No you don’t have to be sorry. At all.” He must not realize how much I enjoy tasting him. “I like-I mean, we did it before, so it’s like…ok. For me at least. If it’s ok for you?” I have not had a single drink today, but what the hell am I saying? Was this the best my brain could come up with?

“Oh? Really?” He says still biting his lip. “You-you’re ok with kissing?”

“Jimin.” I don’t know what else to say to him, but talking isn’t what I want to do anyway. I lean in and capture his lips, this time taking him by surprise. I pull my lips away, but only far enough to still feel the heat from his breath brushing across them.

“Mina,” he whispers against my lips. “Are we making a mistake?”

“Why would you think that? Do you…not want to do this?” I don’t know where his question is coming from but it’s taking a lot for me to ignore the feeling of my heart falling to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he says averting his gaze but not moving away. “I don’t know how to sort my feelings out, but I’m scared. Of a lot.”

“Like what?”

“Like…what about Taehyung?”

“What about him?” I ask furrowing my brow. What does Taehyung have to do with anything?

“I just thought that maybe…you both are always…it’s just that-“

“Do you think me and Taehyung are together?” I almost want to laugh loudly in his face. What is he even on about?

“Well no, I don’t know.”

“We’re not together, Jimin. Tae and I are only friends and we’ve only ever been friends.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Does that take care of that fear? Because you can tell me all of your fears right now and I’ll sit here with you and work through each one.”

“Thanks,” he inches back a bit. “But my fears aren’t your burden.”

“So you’re just going to deal with them on your own? How is that going?”

He looks taken aback by the snark in my comment, and honestly I didn’t mean to make it sound that way, but I’m only trying to help him. One minute he’s flirting with me and the next he’s pushing me away, the emotional rollercoaster he sends me on is driving me crazy.

I’m even starting to think that I should have never let myself get this deep. I squashed my crush for him long ago and maybe I should have kept it that way. Because now I’ve got real feelings for him and his game of back and forth is making my chest tighten way more than it should.

“Look,” he says backing himself all the way to the back of the couch. “I appreciate you wanting to help, but-“

“But what?” I interrupt, still sounding a bit more irritated than I intend to. “Why won’t you let me help? We’ve known each other all this time, and we’ve spent even more time together lately. And we’ve kissed. Multiple times now. And you still won’t let me in. You still won’t open yourself even just a little bit so I can try to support you. It drives me crazy!”

He continues looking at me without saying anything else and for some reason that makes me even more upset. What kind of game is he trying to play with me? Is he just making excuses or something?

“If you’re not interested in me then just say that. It’s fine, but don’t keep me hanging on just to push me away whenever you feel like it! I’m not a fucking toy, Jimin!”

Before I can lay into him more out of frustration, Hoseok comes in with some takeout entirely unaware of what he just walked into.

“Hey, Mina!” He says shuffling to the kitchen to relieve himself of the food and whatever else he has from one of his many shopping trips. “Do you want some chicken? I was out and picked some up for dinner.”

“No thanks,” I say grabbing my things and standing up. “I was actually just about to leave. I’ll see you later.”

I don’t offer Jimin another glance and walk out without saying anything else. I haven’t even pulled out of my parking spot fully before tears start flowing from my eyes.

Why am I hurting so much right now?

[welabee]

NAUUPOS

BY: WelaBee

disclaimer: This short story is purely fiction. If there is someone you know who has a similar name to my characters, it is purely a coincidence. The places, events, and characters are products of the author's imagination.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜

“I think the reason why I still hold onto you is because I’m still hoping you will come back, you won’t go. And for a brief while, I was thinking that my image of love is pleasant, pure, and lovely. Love may be as harsh and forceful as it can also be delicate and lovely. This love can never die, but life does. Just like a candle, which could bring us light to our life but can also gradually fade as time goes by, a candle that could never lit up again no matter how hard you try to light it up again to your life. It really sucks, knowing you can’t do anything to save the candle, once it melts, its life would be over.” 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Dear Jake,

            Hi Jake, hope you are doing fine. How are you? How’s life out there? Are you enjoying things in life like doing things that you write on your bucket list? I remember that we haven’t finish your list— or is it my list? Anyways I know that you’re laughing at me right now while reading this because you’re not used to me being like this since we always tease each other but I just want you to know that I really love you from second time I saw you.

Do you remember when I told you that ever since I was a kid I have this idea to make a bucket list for me to live my life to the fullest (which we do on the past few months), life is short so enjoy while you’re still breathing. I can’t imagine myself to have a boring a life, I’m more on adventurous kind of person and that’s because of my father. My father really loves adventuring such as mountain climbing; island hopping, hiking; surfing; traveling— I don’t know just everything, that’s how adventurous he is and maybe I got that from him. He is my hero, my companion and my everything, he supports me on my craziness in life. Sadly, him and mom got separated because of some misunderstanding, they didn’t cheat on each other nor having a new family, they just got separated and focusing on their hobbies and works. My mom lives in the city with my grandmother which is very strict and I hate that for her but still I love her because she’s still my nana– while my dad just lives in a shed outside the city surrounded by the nature.

My life is perfect and I couldn’t wish for anything else. My friends are there, my mom is also supporting me with my hobbies and dreams, I’m close with one of my cousin who also supports with my craziness in life and him. But my world turns upside down, like a galactic ride spins you like crazy until you throw up, my life turns dull and the person who is my yellow isn’t there anymore. And my life is starting to fall apart. But thankfully I met you right in time.

Do you still remember how we first met? We saw each other outside the main library on our campus, you’re in a hurry that time and we even bumped each other and my things got drop especially the research papers that I bring and it got scattered on the ground, thankfully your friend was there which is Ethan. He even helped me picked up my things, I got mad at you that time but eventually gone since Ethan, your friend, explained me why you’re in a hurry and I understand it. Days later we met at the library again, I was studying for our midterms and you sat in front of me, you initiated the talk first and I was so shy to talk to you but you’re so friendly and we eventually got close, you even apologize about the time when we bump each other outside the library. Because of that you and I gotten so close to the point we even became best of friends. 2nd semester have past and we are now on our 2nd year as a college student but I was so sad because your friend Ethan told me that you’ve moved to another school and I don’t even have your number nor your social medias and I’m also shy to talk to Ethan just to get your social accounts. Later on our college year, Ethan and I unexpectedly gotten close and he told me about you and how your life now in Australia, he even tells me that you live in Brisbane and how you’ve gotten a dog which I would really love to meet. I even plan to write you a letter and send it to you there but I’m just too lazy and didn’t know your exact address. Fast forward to that, Ethan and I eventually end up together as a couple and we are so happy about it, we’re like to be in sync with each other, like two peas in a pod. We are the type of couple with infectious laughter and sparkling eyes, and the embodiment of joy and contentment. Our relationship last for four years and that’s really great though honestly speaking, we ended up our relationship after we enter to the real world. There’s no cheating involved, it’s just that we both are so exhausted physically and mentally and we barely gotten have any time for each other, 'parang kandila na nauupos' it seems that we’re not that meant to be, just like one of Taylor’s song Midnight rain, he was sunshine I was midnight rain, but in our version we both are the midnight rain. We pursue our dream; he went to med school to pursue his dream to become a doctor while I go to law school to become a prosecutor.

But time really screwed me up, my illness is gotten worse and I can’t even finish law even though it’s my last year of studying law, God knows how I really want to unalive myself that time. It really saddens me since it’s my dream to become a prosecutor and I promised to my father that I will finish law and become a successful prosecutor, take the oath with my mom and lastly take the board. But my plan got ruined because of this, because of me. I stayed in the hospital for I don’t know how long did I stayed there to take my medication, days, weeks, months and even a year have been passed. I’ve been living in the hospital for quite some time now and I didn’t even tell my friends because I don’t want them to think about me and worrying about me while they still working on their own dream. I wasted so a lot of times and all I could do is to talk to other patients that I interact. I even interact with some other kids who has the same illness as I have and even befriended some doctors and nurses. My life became meaningful again when I started to stan this group, my view of life has been change, and they inspired me to live my life what I wanted to be. So with that I’ve decided to write a bucket list as a joke because I was bored, and you know what while staying at the hospital I also got addicted with online shopping, I even ordered clothes even though I can’t even get out here. But surprisingly my mother didn’t even scold me for buying those, my cousin even supported me and she even helped me to style my fit, she’s such a fashionista since she took a course of fashion design when she was in college. Now she owns a boutique and even sew her own collection, she’s very successful now and I’m very happy for her since it’s her dream to be a fashion designer.

I was thinking if what would my life could be if I continue law despite on what I’ve been now. I'm so happy of what I am right now but every night I think about the things that I've been missed, the opportunities, the social life and though I always think if I could still find a love life despite of me having a leukemia. One day, I saw someone entering in the emergency room, while I got down from the stairs since I always go to the rooftop just to have peace, to think about life. To think that even though I'm in this situation rooftop will always be my resting place, the place where I think I'm still a normal person who have a dream in life. While walking down from the stairs, I saw another patient who is fighting to escape death. While looking at the crowded lobby at the hospital, I locked my gaze into one person and what's so surprising is that it was you who I saw.

I was so scared that if ever you find out that I'm in the hospital and tied up in this situation you may talk this to your friends and you know that one of your friend is Ethan. I moved on from Ethan though, yes I still love him, but not the love that I would ready to sacrifice myself on it but we respect each other's decisions, and it's our decision to separate. Fast forward, that night when I was in the lobby where I buy a drink at the vending machine, my money got stuck not just once but twice, I was about to give up that time and go back to my room when I notice a man shaking the vending machine that I used earlier. He slaps the machine so that it would work and in a miracle the machine worked again so it ended up I bought 2 drinks which is Milkis, a carbonated drink. I was about to thank the guy when I realized who it was. I was in a great shocked that I saw you again face to face and same as my reaction you got shocked too.

We talked for a while, about life and I was in awe that you didn't asked about what I was doing here, what I’ve been through like we just talk like normal friends which I was still a normal human being who doesn't suffer any illness. We laugh again just like the old time, we revisited our past memories together when we're still at our freshman year in college. You even told me that you have a dog named Layla which you also bring here in the Philippines and I told you that time that I really want to meet your dog. We talked for a while and ended up sleeping late and I know my doctor would very mad at me because of that.

Since that time, we always hang out with each other, and I was excited to find out that you also know them since your sister is a fan too, and you even told that you came on their first concert and I was so jealous. You just laugh about it, and since we hang out for quite some time, you even share to me why you've been here in the Philippines again. And it's because of your sister. I was sad but I didn't show it to you since you don't want someone to pity you and I think we’re the same. I don’t want someone to pity me either, I always prayed for your sister's recovery after you shared that to me.

Do you also remember that time when I told you about the bucket list that I made during my lockdown days on the ward. I was so bored back then so I made a bucket list and to my shock you also shared to me that you also made a bucket list too when you're still in Australia. We also planned on how we will do this bucket list of ours together. Because of this bucket list thing, we got even more close to each other, we kind of connect again and I'm so glad that I met you again.

The first list on my bucket list is to eat a bulalo at the wet market since I heard some of my nurse friends talks about how the bulalo in the wet market is delicious even their soup. As a sick looking girl, we know that we are having a hard time to escape from the hospital we even have a blue print so that we could successful escape, by the time when we're going to escape we even meet my cousin at the hallway and I though our plan will be ruin but thankfully my cousin joined to our plan and even help us to escape. I am so really happy when I got out of the hospital and I really cried when I got out. And I saw you getting panicked because you don't know what to do but because of that I laugh at your reaction and I look like a crazy person because I cried and laughed at the same time. It was such a wonderful night, the time we ate bulalo together it was amazing and I really want to eat it again because I'm so sick of hospital foods. Because of that we always escape the hospital especially in the night time since that time nurses will no longer patrol and check each rooms. We even go to the park and played some laro ng lahi (like tumbang preso) that I didn't even have the chance to play before, we even played chess in the park since there’s a chess table there and we take advantage of it, I was so pissed that time because I didn't even win a thing, like you're good at everything. I feel like I'm healing my inner child and you helped me heal it.

We continued our bucket list together and this time we're now on our last list which is I want to go to the Switzerland and you wanted to live in the Switzerland, it's like we're really meant for each other.

As we planned our last bucket list I remember how I told my mom about our plan and she was so ballistic about it, she was wild and we almost cancelled our plans that time because both of our scared even my cousin. But eventually we laugh about it. Because of that we watched Haikyuu since it’s one of your list at first I got bored but as I watched you how you enjoyed it and how your eyes sparkle up when Hinata and Kageyama teamed up with each other to spike the ball I was so amazed and you were amazed too. So I ended up liking that anime, I got hooked up with anime because of you so we watched more every day, I remember how my nurse scold me because of how I messed my sleeping schedules but you know YOLO.

Time goes by and I didn’t expect my condition got worse I thought I was getting better because there's no sign of any pain in me for the past few months, makeups didn't help to cover up my bruises because it swells so much, I always got on therapy and it freaking pains me so much. I also started to avoid you that time because I dont want you to see me in this condition, I don't want you to see me in pain. But I know to myself that I'm being selfish because of this you're hurting more. I've tried to mend things up with you and even apologized to you of what I did and I know that was so petty. Because of that time, I can't keep myself anymore but to confess my feelings to you. From the day we met again, the day you're there by my side every time, those times where you always try your best to make me laugh and making me feel that I'm ok and I will be better soon.

But I guess that soon is no longer coming, I also want that soon too to come. I am running out, just like a candle who runs out of wick. A candle who eventually melts down and runs out of life to light again. A candle who can light everyone's darkness but eventually dies out. Life is like a candle, and candle can signify our life, the wick as our life, the wax that signifies our journey and the flame who signifies our everyday problem that we've been facing through our life. And I wish I can be your candle who will lights up your darkness. You are my candle Jake and I didn’t regret that I met you again for a second time. You are my night and shining armor, my sunrise in my every sunset, my coffee every morning, and my yellow. The lamp post in my dark road, the single candle in a dark room, the bulb beneath the ground and the moon beneath my night. I hope by reading this you will achieve our last list on our bucket list. And I hope by traveling to Switzerland you will spread my ashes in the ocean. I love you my star, my moon and my universe. I love you my golden retriever boy, I love you my candle. Until we meet again.

                                                                                                                        Sincerely yours,

                                                                                                                                    Wela <3

[the-happy-man]

“Part of why I got in a cult at all was because I had no idea how one finds a place to live in New York.”

Larry himself never seemed to get tired. He preached the benefits of prescription amphetamines and, according to multiple acquaintances, took them in such high doses he rarely needed sleep.

…

From the first time they’d heard about Larry, Claudia’s parents were suspicious of him. When they realized he was living in Slonim 9, they met with Allen Green, Sarah Lawrence’s dean of student life. Green told them he’d received other complaints about Larry but his hands were tied; a father had a right to visit his daughter on campus, he explained. A second meeting ended similarly. (Green did not respond to multiple requests for comment. Sarah Lawrence said it “had no record that Larry Ray lived on campus at any time.”)

…

Over the years, Larry would collect hundreds of pages of such confessions from the students. Many of them used almost identical language.

…

Of all Larry’s relationships with powerful people, one would prove the most significant in the years to come. In 1995, Larry met a young NYPD detective named Bernie Kerik. Kerik had recently been promoted from being Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s driver to the director of the New York City Department of Correction’s investigations division. Kerik was impressed by Larry, who exuded a macho, streetwise charisma and had valuable connections. The two became friends. A few years later, Larry served as Kerik’s best man at his wedding. For a time, Kerik would sign emails to Larry “Love, B.”

…

“Uher hates Ray for all of Ray’s lies,” one document reads. “The FBI was Larry’s biggest mark,” says one former law-enforcement official familiar with Larry’s role in the case.

…

If revenge was what Larry was after, he got it. Kerik was publicly humiliated. The city took his name off the jail; his affair with editor Judith Regan was made public; and he faced city, state, and federal investigations. Eventually, in 2009, Kerik pleaded guilty to felony tax and false-statement charges and served three years in prison.

…

The marshals pinned Larry to the ground and handcuffed him, breaking his arm.

… CHRONOLOGY OF THIS STORY? …

“In some ways, that’s the more dangerous thing; you could just lose contact altogether and have absolutely no lifeline.”

…

In front of the group, Larry ordered Daniel to wrap the contraption around his testicles and penis, then Larry began twisting it. The metal cut off circulation to his genitals and dug into his flesh.

…

Santos’s parents estimate that they gave Larry more than $200,000 over three years. They were forced to sell their house to cover the costs. They went to the NYPD three times with their story, but police told them there wasn’t much that could be done if their children were over 18. Claudia’s parents also alerted the police and were told the same thing. In 2017, the police conducted a wellness check on Claudia and determined that she was acting of her own free will. From her parents’ perspective, nothing could be further from the truth.

…

Daniel, Talia, and Isabella graduated in the spring of 2013. Santos never graduated. Claudia graduated a semester late, in the winter of 2013. Larry attended her commencement ceremony. According to Claudia’s mother, Green, the dean of students, approached her and Claudia’s father and said, “Well, I’m glad I won’t be seeing him anymore.”

…

Daniel tried talking to a psychologist, but Larry’s behavior had so closely mimicked therapy that the process felt impossible. Even the act of making friends felt unsafe. When Daniel went to parties he worried he wouldn’t be allowed to leave.

…

If you prefer to read in print, you can also find this article in the April 29, 2019, issue of New York Magazine.

…

posted in Comments by dandan000:

Part 1 of 2

Sarah Lawrence College

Office of the President

May 9, 2019

Dear Members of the Sarah Lawrence Community,

Many of you may have seen media accounts regarding a group of former students and their alleged interactions with the parent of one of those students. My heart goes out to those, SLC alumni and otherwise, whose lives may have been impacted by this parent—indeed, I hope that the spotlight now shined on them does not contribute to further distress. Though I have been, and remain, deeply troubled by these accounts, I have thus far refrained from commenting to our community, both out of respect for the privacy and well-being of the former students involved and also because of the real limits imposed by federal law on the College’s ability to discuss current and former student education records. However, certain uninformed, inaccurate, and highly irresponsible media reports and commentary compel me to share with you what I can about the facts of this matter as they relate to the College.

First and foremost, the College did not knowingly allow this parent to inhabit his daughter’s dormitory apartment, as claimed in media reports. The College has conducted a thorough search of its records across many offices as well as interviewed current and former staff responsible for the safety and well-being of students who were at SLC at the time of the events alleged to have occurred on our campus. On the basis of that review, we have found no evidence to support the claim that this parent lived on the campus during the 2010-11 academic year, nor that college employees who were responsible for our students’ safety ignored such reports or any College policy impacting student health and safety in this regard.

Part 2 of 2 Continued:

I also am profoundly troubled by the demonstrably false claim that one of our long-serving campus leaders resigned as a result of these alleged events. This administrator first approached me in the summer of 2018 to share his plans to retire at the end of the 2018-19 academic year—his 20th year of dedicated service to a college he loves, and where he has steadfastly supported thousands of students. We announced his decision to retire last fall, for no reason other than to allow time to plan the search for his successor. Just before winter break, he suffered a terrible fall and has been on medical leave this spring as he recovers. I should not have to disclose personal information such as this to combat acts of irresponsible character assassination, but do so with his permission to quell uninformed media speculation as to why he is not now on campus.

I understand that these recent media allegations may have left you with many questions. With that in mind, I want to reaffirm above all that student health, safety, and well-being continue to be overarching priorities of the College. We regularly review our staffing, our policies, and our support systems in these critical areas, and will continue to do so proactively.

I thank you for your continued support and confidence in SLC.

Yours,

Cristle Collins Judd

President

…

posted by situationlefty in Comments:

In college, we weren't even allowed to have pets in the dorm. Somebody's dad sleeping for entire school years there? Where were the SLC administrators?

The malleability of these cocooned, protected, wealthy kids is very sad. I don't know what's worse - the sociopathic con man, or the privileged and completely vulnerable college students.

[rushingby-slowly]

I found a photo of myself from 2018.

One I didn’t even know was taken, I know the night in question. I had my photos of the night, it was a good one. Nothing dramatic or negative to report. Fun, happy.

My final semester had just started. I was getting ready for what was coming next- except I really had no clue what was next. I had applied for the DCP, started student teaching, been cast in Antigone. I had lost my best friend, I had met someone I was going to fall head over heels for. Most of my close friends had graduated except for one. I wasn’t going to university theatre meetings anymore because it stopped feeling like home. I was in Swing Dance. I was working at South Campus. We had trespassed on a lavender farm.

But so much hadn’t happened yet. I couldn’t have predicted all that was still coming. I’m not sure if I had told this version of myself what was next if I would have believed it, if I would have laughed or run screaming.

It’s just a black & white photo from the roof of the parking garage. I’m looking off, at the street below. You can’t see my face but I imagine it’s calm. I always liked the parking garage.

Maybe I’m feeling a little sad- that had been a spot of a lot of nostalgia. Maybe I was already missing the moment I was in (very me thing to do).

Maybe I was happy. Maybe I was feeling excited and anticipating the future for once and feeling positive.

Maybe I was trying to just be in that moment. With my friends on the roof of that parking garage. In a place I loved. With people I loved who loved me.

I can’t know for sure. But I think of that 22 year old and how she expected life to turn out. Or maybe more accurately how she didn’t really expect it to- she was shocked we made it to 22 at all. I think she’d be floored that we’re inching closer to 27.

There’s so much I would say to her, or maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe that’s the control freak in me thinking of how I could have changed things.

Mainly I think if I could go back, I would just want to take more moments to appreciate it all. I wish I had stopped more often and soaked it in. I wish I had held moments like it more closely.

Sure there are things I would change, things I wouldn’t have focused so heavily on, things I would have let go of sooner, things I should have done sooner. But if I’m honest- I don’t have many regrets about college. And even the ones I do regret I think I can chalk up to experience and learning.

That 22 year old feels really far away anymore. I’m okay not being her anymore but I wish I felt her a little more often. She’s a different piece of me, bruised up & broken in a different way, but she was still standing, on that ledge.

[shingekinohyrulewrites]

Coffee & Comfort

While studying for midterms at an obscure coffee shop on campus, your (very handsome) professor comes in to do some grading. The two of you share a table since he needs an outlet to charge his laptop, which leads to the start of a forbidden relationship.

Read first chapter here

Read previous chapter here

Winter Break came to an end and the new semester came to a quick start. Now that you were no longer a student of Shoto’s, it was a lot harder for you to find time to see him. He would text you during the week, checking on you to make sure you were taking care of yourself and asking how your classes were going. He offered to help you with your homework on the weekends, and it gave you a chance to see him so you agreed.

The first Saturday of the semester Shoto picked you up from the garage and took you back to his place. He was quick to jump into Professor Mode, laying out your textbooks and notes so it was easier for you to study. Eyes focused on your notes, he began droning on about how the stock market influenced various countries around the world, explaining how it worked in Japan and how business relied on it.

A part of you was disappointed that your time with Shoto had quickly turned into just studying. You tried to keep your face as blank as possible, nodding along to everything he was saying and hurriedly scribbling down everything he was telling you. When he excused himself to use the restroom around lunch time, you finally let out the sigh you had been holding, realizing that today would be a long day.

***

You spent the first few weeks of the semester adjusting to your new classes and seeing Shoto when you could. Your three month anniversary was approaching, and you wondered if Shoto knew that it was coming up too and if he had anything planned for the both of you. While leaving the last class of your day, you were surprised to see that he was calling you.

“Hi love, are you free this weekend?”

“Another study session?” you joked, glancing around you to make sure no one was close enough to listen to you speak.

“No, actually, I want to take you on a proper date.”

“Oh,” was the only thing you were able to manage.

“I . . . know it’s silly, but we’ve been dating for three months and I want to take you out for once.”

You smiled. So he did remember.

“Sure, that sounds nice. What did you have in mind?”

“It’s a surprise,” he mused. “I’ll pick you up at six?”

“Sure, I’ll be looking forward to it.”

The rest of your week surprisingly flew by, and you were slightly nervous to see him. He had told you to dress nice but comfortably, so you figured it was a somewhat casual date. You pulled your cardigan closer to you as you stood in the garage, glancing around you carefully until Shoto pulled up in his familiar Acura. As usual, he leaned across the center console to give you a quick peck before slowly pulling out of the parking lot.

“Are you okay with dinner and a movie? I know it’s a bit of a stereotypical date, but I figured you wanted something easygoing.”

“That sounds great, actually,” you smiled.

He drove a little farther from campus, exiting the surrounding college town and pulling into the next one over. The sign for the restaurant read All You Can Eat Sushi, and he turned to give you a sheepish look.

“I figured we could eat well and enjoy the movie.”

The hostess was quick to seat you and you settled into a booth near the back of the restaurant. The way he glanced around nervously didn’t go past you and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m still nervous about us being seen. You’re not my student anymore but I still worry.”

He reached for your hand, interlacing your fingers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Soon I’ll be able to take you out without any worries, don’t worry love.”

The two of you caught up during dinner, asking him about his new class and him about your new classes. He was familiar with two of your professors and told you he would give a good word if needed. Your cheeks were hurting from how much you had been smiling and laughing, missing being able to be yourself around him and being able to truly let go.

Shoto had settled on some cheesy horror movie, something that “gave you an excuse to cling onto him.” The theater was surprisingly empty, and he led you towards the row at the very back. A few other young couples were scattered about, talking quietly amongst themselves as they waited for the previews to start. You settled in the middle of the row, lifting the cup holder to lean against his side. He threw an arm around you, wrapping around your waist as you adjusted yourself to get comfortable.

The beginning of the movie was slow and boring, and you found yourself squirming in your seat out of boredom. Shoto pulled you against him tighter, pressing a kiss to your temple before continuing to watch the movie. The movie was still slow paced and you figured the rest of the movie would be a bit of a drag. You moved your head to rest it against his shoulder, sighing as you tried to focus on the protagonist asking around about the history of the supposed killer she was running from.

The feeling of Shoto’s lips brushing against your temple again had you shivering and you turned to glance at him. In the dim light of the theater, you could see how large his pupils were, eyes slightly lidded as he looked down at you. Blinking, you were about to ask him what was wrong when he crashed his lips against yours.

This kiss was much different than the previous ones you had shared. One of his hands scrambled to push you roughly against him, the other reaching up to tangle in your hair. You felt his tongue slowly flick out, licking your bottom lip before you felt his teeth tugging on it slightly. Arousal flooded through you and you let out a soft moan, allowing him to slip his tongue completely into your mouth.

You felt self conscious, as you had never made out with anyone before. Sure, your friends had talked about it and you had seen it in plenty of movies, but you weren’t sure how to do it yourself. Shouto, however, didn’t seem to notice, the grip on his hair tightening as his tongue explored your mouth. Putting your ego aside, you slowly brushed your tongue against his, savoring the slightly sweet taste of the sushi he had consumed. You heard him give a sharp inhale at the action and you relaxed, knowing you were doing fine.

A loud jumpscare had you pulling back, eyes wide as you scrambled to hide your face in his chest. You could feel the rumbles of him chuckling, a hand reaching up to rub your back reassuringly as you tried to calm yourself down.

“You okay, love?” he whispered.

You nodded, pulling back to peer up at him with a bashful smile.

“Yeah, just caught off guard is all.”

Shoto stroked your cheek, giving you a soft smile before he whispered again.

“Was . . . that okay?”

“Oh yeah,” you blurted out.

He chuckled, rustling your hair playfully before turning back to the screen.

“In fact, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

His head whipped around towards you, eyes wide. Giggling, you placed your hand on the nape of his neck and yanked him towards you, immediately flicking your tongue into his warm mouth. A soft groan escaped his lips, and you grinded your thighs together subconsciously. You were about to climb into his lap when another jumpscare rang out. Shoto laughed as you buried your face again.

“Don’t worry love, there will be other times to do it again.”

[lcandothisallday]

since jack is back home atm and you two would be catching up, like having a deep conversation with him and his whole entire focus is just on you. maybe sometime he tucks hair behind your ear when a wind blows while you’re talking UGHEJRJF those little physical contacts 😍😮‍💨

Fireworks - Jack Harlow x f!reader

You had known Jack ever since you moved to Lousville in highschool. Somehow the both of you had remained extremely close friends since then, despite you being two years younger than him.

When Jack left to Atlanta and you left for college, you managed to stay in touch the entire time but you always remained just friends. Of course part of you always wished it had turned into something more but it was never the right time.

You were lucky enough that you finished your semester before the Kentucky derby, allowing you to be back in Lousville for the festivities. Jack too had gone home especially for it which made it the perfect time to catch up with him.

You leaned against the railing of the bridge with an amused smile as you looked up at Jack who grinned down at you. “I feel like it’s been a lifetime since I last saw you,” he sighed, his arms holding onto the railing on either side of your body trapping you.

You scoff playfully, “you’re the one who’s travelling the world and playing shows,” you point out. “Speaking of-congrats on first class. It’s huge.”

Jack smiled and thanked you before his hand came up to tuck a lose strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t wanna talk about me,” he said shaking his head. “I wanna talk about you.”

“What’s there to say? My life is so boring,” you frown. Jack shrugged, “doesn’t mean I don’t wanna hear about it,” he pointed out.

You lick your lips as you stare up at him intently. He had become so handsome, especially with the way he was looking at you, it made your cheeks heat up and your heart to flutter.

“Are you ready to graduate?” he asked you, genuinely interested in what you had to say. You shake your head almost immediately. “Not at all,” you admit. “I-I feel like I have no idea what I even want to do anymore,” you chuckle. “Not everyone can say they knew what they wanted to do since they were 12 like you.”

“You know you’ve got the rest of your life to try out anything you want,” Jack reasoned which only caused you to sigh. “With what money, Jack? I got student debt,” you groan, your head falling forward to rest against his chest. “My life just goes downhill from here.”

Jack bit his lip, “you know,” he began, his hands moving from the rails to your hips, rubbing them slowly. “This summer I’m playing shows all over…come with me?” he suggested. “I’ll pay for everything and that means you’d get to travel a bit and spend time with me before you gotta start working,” he breathed out.

Your eyes widened, “Jack I-I couldn’t,” you say, shaking your head.

“I want you to come though,” Jack said softly. You glance up at him with such loving eyes as you nod reluctantly. “Okay,” you confirm, your fingers lingering over his before he firmly grasped onto yours and intentionally intertwined your fingers together.

Jack leaned in close, smirking as he inched closer and closer to your lips before he brushed past them to whisper into your ears. “The firework show is about to start,” he mused cockily, grasping onto your waist and spinning you around to look at the water and the large bridge ahead.

Your breath gets caught in your throat as your heart rate increases and the butterflies in your stomach erupt. The front side of his body pressed firmly against your back, his chin resting on your shoulder while his arms wrap around your torso.

When the first batch of fireworks went off, it was sort of abrupt and caused you to jump. Jack laughed softly and rubbed your stomach in reassurance as the two of you continued to watch the beautiful sparks of colour in the sky.

“Oh wow-look at that one,” you hum, pointing at a particularly pretty one that went off. “It’s so pretty.”

Jack brought his lips closer to your ears once more as he spoke his next words, “I can think of something prettier,” he hummed, causing your cheeks to heat up.

Feeling a stare his way, Jack turns his head to the side and sees his mom observing the two of you with a faint smile. This only causes Jack to grin and wrap his arms tighter around you. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of your neck before he looked straight ahead again and continued to watch the show with you.