#the cocaine powered super villain and it's just regular drugs at that

[gothamite-rambler]

"I am SNOWFLAME! Every cell of my being burns with white-hot ecstasy. Cocaine is my god, and I am the human instrument of its will!" Snowflame said, calmly. (Batfamily Chronicles Microfiction Series)

Snowflame (singing): Oh Harley!

Harley Quinn: Not this guy. Roy, stand back.

Roy (Arsenal): Can you not say my government name out here.

Harley: Yeah, yeah, stay behind me.

Roy: Why, what is going on?

Snowflame: HEY I'M BEHIND YOU!

Jason (to Roy): Get ready for this.

The trio turns around, the shorter Harley using herself as a shield to protect a confused Roy. They spot Snowflame... The cocaine powered super villain.

Snowflame: I AM SNOWFLAME! EVERY CELL OF MY BEING BURNS WITH WHITE-HOT ECSTASY. COCAINE IS MY GOD, AND I AM THE HUMAN INSTRUMENT OF ITS WILL! COCAINE GIVES ME LIFE, ENERGY, POWERS MY SOUL! SNOWFLAME!

Roy: Am I high or is there a guitar riff in the background?

Harley: We haven't figured out where it comes from. Are ya high?

Roy groaned, covering his face annoyed.

Snowflame: Harley, Helmet man... Ginger man I've not met yet how dare you return to my jungle! I sell COCAINE to give others the euphoria that COCAINE provides! They can never be as powerful as I-

Harley (aggravated): Stop, stop, stop! Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I get it! He gets it. You say this speech every time I've had to deal with ya and turn off that guitar riff! I can't hear my thoughts!

Snowflame places his hands on his hips annoyed then snaps his fingers. The music stops. Roy's eyes widen as he checks that the music actually stopped.

Roy: What?

Snowflame: You're no fun. Typical freaks like you who can't handle the true power that the life giver COCAINE provides!

Harley: Oh my God, Roy are you okay? Do you need to go a good distance. I know all the toxic drug talk is probably clouding your mind?

Roy (looking around confused): I'm fine.

Harley: You sure? I get if you need to be away from this walkin' drug dealer.

Roy (offended): OH FUCK YOU!

Snowflame(gasping in horror): Have you deprived the follower of COCAINE the sweet white ecstasy as well? Ginger man, join me and we will rule the world with the power of COCAINE!

Roy: I was never on cocaine! Harley, you don't seriously think- Of course you do... of course you do! Why did I go with you guys?!

Harley: That's what I'm sayin'. You can get a contact high from this coke head!

Snowflame: And then you would feel the true power of my sweet nectar to life!

Jason (rubbing his forehead): I'm getting a headache being around him again. Roy, if you need another job he's hiring and pays in cocaine.

Harley: Hood! Stop it. Roy-

Roy: Stop calling me that! I'm not Ginger Man, and for this mission, I am not ROY! Is the name Arsenal that difficult to remember?! I was never on COKE, you jackasses!

Harley: I know how those gateway drugs work. Snowflame, keep ya distance from us we don't want your coke crack.

Roy: Those are different drugs.

Jason (trying not to laugh): You're not helping your case.

Roy walks a few feet away begrudgingly agreeing with his friend.

Snowflame: You may attempt to inflict pain on me, but I warn you, one blow to me will make me stronger! I am no ordinary man! You see before you a man ON FIRE! A man who has consumed enough cocaine to kill a bear, but not I! I will not give up my magical powers that are provided by COCAINE! FOR I AM SNOWFLAME!

Roy: Is he ODing or is this some torture method from the matrix?

The guitar riff returns.

Roy: Seriously, how does he do that?

Snowflame: OD? I am IMMUNED to such a weak act! I BURN with thought, accelerated thought! Always moving. Always on! I never sleep! I am the ONE!

Harley: Says the man who ate three bricks of cocaine like they were brownies.

Jason walks sits on the ground and rubs his eyes and laughs.

Jason: Okay... I can't every time... he's like an escaped mental patient.

Harley: J- Red Hood, you are insulting your boyfriend!

Roy: I'm not insulted... We're not dating! I'm embarrassed for this Snowflame nutjob and pissed off.

Harley (turning to Snowflame): See what you done? He's mad.

Snowflame: Hahahahaha! WEAK! Another FREAK who can't handle the true flame to life! I will never give up my COCAINE! COCAINE is my God, I am its vessel and I am the human instrument of its will! I relish you weaklings to defeat me for I know you will LOSE!

Guitar riff stops. Harley checks her invisible watch.

Harley: You done?

Snowflame crosses his arms waiting a second then nods.

Harley: Goodie… can we have a moment to chat?

Snowflame: Yes, I will prepare over here! Precious COCAINE let's get started.

Snowflame sits down on the ground where a cutting board is with a large pile of white powder. He starts chopping it up and treating it as if he was eating a fancy meal.

Jason stands chuckling at the insane come addict. Harley walks to Roy and yanks him by his arm. Maintaining a safe distance from...the cocaine powered super villain.

Harley: We got about a minute, look at that man's smile. There's only one thing runnin' through that coke fiend's mind and it's snortin' coke. What’s your plan, Jason?

Roy: What if-

Harley: Nuh-uh, R- Arrow man? Nah that's not it... I forget your hero name. Red head, I can not sleep in good faith having you close to him. I don’t want you relapsin'. Sit this one out.

Harley turns Roy the other way, snaps her fingers like a parent and points the other direction. Jason chuckles.

Jason: I hate that she does have a point... But she has a point. I got a contact high punching him once, so yeah sit out.

Roy: But-

Harley: Nuh-uh. Over there.

Roy: Man. It wasn't even coke I was addicted to, it was heroin and I've been clean for years! Damn it!

Roy takes a few steps away and sits down annoyed.

Harley: Jason, plan?

Jason: Can I shoot him?

Harley: Yeah, but he’s strange. He can take a bullet, I’m not sure-

Jason shoots Snowflame five times as the man bounces around after doing his boogar sugar. Snowflame falls to the ground. Five seconds pass. Snowflame jumps to his feet.

Jason: I forgot he could do that… okay that was kind of awesome.

Snowflame: FOOLS! You think your measly human bullets can stop the COCAINE that flows through my blood! I am a TRUE GOD! Fueled by sweet co-

Roy (at his breaking point): Would you shut up!

Roy shoots Snowflame with an arrow. The guitar riff cuts off, but the former addict pays it no mind.

Roy: I didn't go through withdrawals, one relapse, custody battles and losing my father figure for some 80s villain rant!

He shoots another arrow and another, and another. Totaling to four. Snowflame topples backward. One arrow in his arm, one in his stomach, one punctuating his hip, and the last in his thigh. Snowflame remains hyped up but severely injured.

Snowflame (weakly): Snowflame ... Will tap out.

Jason claps as Roy seethes.

Roy (angry): Such an asshole. I hate guys like that. I’m going to the car!

Harley nods, appreciating Roy's resilience, at least that's what she thinks. Jason could spot how aggravated he was at a coke addict bragging about something Roy struggled with and dug himself out of that dark hole.

Harley: I'm proud of him. High-five?

Jason walks past Harley to get Snowflame.

Jason: You’re lucky Arsenal got pissed off.

Harley shrugs and high fives herself.

Harley: My years as a rehab counselor paid off.

Jason: You were a drug counselor too?

Harley: I was a psychiatrist, duh. Who did not sleep with her teachers.

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2010) Part I

We’ve reached a decade of lists! To be honest the year 2010 was one of the weakest years when it came to decent comic movies but there were still some good ones! We get two sequels with Iron Man 2 and Predators and the debut of Kick-Ass, The Losers, Jonah Hex, Scott Pilgrim vs The World, and one of the worst movies in cinema, The Last Airbender. Without any more delay here’s #74-51!

*SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

Cameo Appreciation: Stan Lee (Kick-Ass, Iron Man 2)

In his first cameo that ISN'T a Marvel movie, Stan Lee graces us with his presence in Kick-Ass. It's nothing fancy, he's just seen watching the news, but the fact he agreed to show up is hilarious and super fun. He shows up where he rightfully belongs in Iron Man 2. Like the movie before it, Tony Stark mistakes Stan Lee as a celebrity although this time it's Larry King.

Cameo Appreciation: Peter Parker (Iron Man 2)

Even though it started out as a fan theory, it was later confirmed that little Peter Parker made his MCU debut in Iron Man 2 instead of Captain America: Civil War. He's only a kid but his bravery against bad guys shows early on as he tries to stand up to one of the drones attacking the Expo with his Iron Man costume. Iron Man shows up just in time to really defeat the drone and it would mark the first, but not the last, time Tony Stark comes to Peter's rescue.

Cameo Appreciation: Princess Azula (The Last Airbender)

Towards the end of the film, Firelord Ozai is upset for many reasons. Commander Zhao was killed and his fleet retreated from the Northern Father Tribe, his brother betrayed him and is now a traitor to the country, and his son continues to dishonor him in his eyes. His solution? Release Pincess Azula, one of the greatest villains to appear on the small screen. With the new rules the film has to firebending I wonder how they would explain her blue flames or her lightning bending, but it's for the best that we'll never find out.

74. Adleman Lusk (Jonah Hex)

"It appears the bells are finally ready to toll on Washington."

A corrupt politician working for Turnbull, who basically slaps him around to get what he wants. Once their deal is finished Lusk mentions that if Turnbull were to fail, he'd die. Naturally Turnbul assures him that won't be a problem and kills him right then and there instead.

73. Haru and the Imprisoned Earthbenders (The Last Airbender)

*throws pebble*

Probably one of the biggest disappointments was the prison scene with little Haru and and the other earth benders. Their prison was literally surrounded by earth and yet they couldn't take out the few guards watching them? It took an eleven year old to point out 'Hey, there's rock under your feet!' for them to realize they could've broke out whenever they wanted? Haru's hair was flawless though.

72. Kanna (The Last Airbender)

"He will begin to change hearts, and it is in the heart that all wars are won."

Besides her whiteness, I didn't mind Kanna. She wasn't a big role in the show so there really wasn't a lot of material you could mess up with her. She cares about Katara and Sokka and believes it's their duty to join the Avatar on his mission.

71. Senator Stern (Iron Man 2)

"Funny how annoying a little prick can be, isn't it?"

This guy did not like Tony Stark but only because Tony wouldn't put America first and hand over his suit to the U.S. government. He starts a smear campaign against the Tony the entire film so when Tony saves the day it only makes sense that he forces Stern to be the one to give him his military award.

70. Smith (Jonah Hex)

"You get uglier every time I see you."

I liked Smith, thought he was a bit random, but I liked him. He's the one who's made all the bad ass weapons Jonah flaunts around throughout the movie. He likes working with Jonah and holds no ill will to him despite Jonah serving for the Confederate Army. Him and his two boys are present in Washington when Turnball launches his attack, but laughs it off once Jonah defeats him.

69. Dragon Spirit (The Last Airbender)

"You must show them the power of the ocean."

Ok so this dragon spirit was supposed to somehow guide Aang on his quest but for some reason was telling him to do the exact things in the show that nearly destroyed him and other people. Perfect example? Telling him to create the huge tidal wave against the fire nation. That's not how it went and it was also super weird that he showed up during Aang mourning for Monk Gyatso but it wasn't the biggest mistakes this movie made.

68. Lieutenant Grass (Jonah Hex)

"We want Turnbull dead."

Lieutenant Grass is sent by the President to find Jonah and hire him to take out Turnbull before the other can create his ultimate weapon and attack Washington. Since Turnbull killed his family Jonah easily accepts, but fails to take him out. This leaves Grass as Washington's only defense but he's easily killed by Turnbull's weapon.

67. Master Pakku (The Last Airbender)

"Water benders! Prepare for battle!"

Because of the time constraints, Master Pakku was reduced to more of a background character who taught Aang and Katara how to water bend and who led the Northern Water Tribe to battle against the Fire Nation. Because of this we don't get to see his misogynistic views on female waterbenders and we alos don't know of his love for Kanna, Katara and Sokka's grandma.

66. Sergeant Marcus Williams (Kick-Ass)

"You owe that girl a childhood."

A minor character in the film, Marcus was Big Daddy's partner when he was a cop and took care of Hit-Girl when he was in jail. Because of this, he cares for her well being and vocally does not approve of Big Daddy turning her into a killing machine instead of being a regular child. Still, he's always helping his friend and even becomes Hit-Girl's guardian after Big Daddy dies.

65. Julie Powers (Scott Pilgrim vs The World)

"Stay away from Ramona Flowers!"

Like most girls in the movie, Julie hated Scott but not because she dated him, but because he would date her 'friends' and then they'd leave after they broke up. She's specifically talking about Envy and because of their breakup tries to prevent Scott from dating Ramona. However she seems to forget all about them once Envy comes back to town, who totally doesn't see her as a friend.

64. Agent Coulson (Iron Man 2)

"If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch "Supernanny" while you drool into the carpet."

Agent Coulson comes back briefly to keep on eye on Tony after his drunk disaster at his birthday party. He's probably only with him for two days tops before Nick Fury reassigns him to New Mexico, where he finds the mighty Mjolnir in the middle of a crate. So, obviously, Coulson was only plugged in to tease the next Marvel movie, Thor.

63. Kyle and Ken Katayanagi (Scott Pilgrim vs The World)

*summons twin dragons*

Even though the Katayanagi twins are the 5th and 6th exes to go up against Scott and should be really strong, they don't really leave a lasting impression. They're able to summon dragons out of their electronic music but with the Sex Bob-Ombs helps, Scott is able to blast these two away with little trouble.

62. Cuchillo (Predators)

"I unleash."

Cuchillo was a powerful drug lord before he was taken by the Predators to be their prey. He talked a big game with his two machine guns, but he did seem older and slower than the rest of the group. He's the first one to go when the Predators unleash their hounds on the group. We don't see him go, but we do see the Predators try to fool the group into a trap with his corpse and pre-recorded pleas.

61. Monk Gyatso (The Last Airbender)

"I won't let them take you, Aang."

I had no problem with Monk Gyatso being black. The Air Nomads aren't technically a nation so, to me, it's fine if their ethnicity is ambiguous. He's Aang's mentor and the closest he has to a father figure. Finding out he can't be with him as the Avatar is what prompts Aang to runaway in the first place, saving him when the Fire Nation arrives and kills Monk Gyatso and the rest of the Air Nomads.

60. Ulysses S. Grant (Jonah Hex)

"This country could use a sheriff."

When the President finds out Turnbull is alive and well, he realizes the man's potential for destruction and declares him a threat to the country. He figures the only one capable of stopping him is Jonah and assigns him the task of killing Turnbull and his men. He mostly stays in the background worrying about Turnbull until Turnbull attacks Washington in the middle of his speech. When Jonah stops him, President Grant offers him a job as the country's sheriff. Jonah declines but they still manage to part on good terms.

59. Stans (Predators)

"If we ever make it home, I'm going to do so much fucking cocaine."

I feel like every movie has to have at least one guy that you just can't for them to die. Stans was that guy. A prisoner on death row, Stans was a really twisted guy who's idea of fun was incredibly questioning. He didn't add anything useful to the group but at least when he was killed it was out of an act of selflessness? His death was the most brutal, which was his spine and skull being ripped out of his body.

58. Stacey Pilgrim (Scott Pilgrim vs The World)

"Wallace? Again?"

Anytime Scott does something stupid his little sister Stacey finds out thanks to Wallace who likes to gossip to her. She's so focused on trying to get Scott busted for dating Ramona and Knives at the same time when she needs to focus her energy on Wallace, who keeps stealing her boyfriends.

57. Marty, Todd, and Erika Cho (Kick-Ass)

"You guys never saw 'One Night in Spider-Man'?"

Marty and Todd are Dave's best friends while Erika is friend's with Katie. The trio didn't start hanging out until Dave and Katie started dating. They're a bunch of regular teenagers that take every opportunity to joke around and have fun. While Marty develops a crush on Hit-Girl, Todd and Erika actually become a couple at the end of the film.

56. Jeb Turnbull (Jonah Hex)

"He was my father! I didn't have a choice!"

Jeb didn't dared disobey his father so when Jonah, his best friend, did, he had no choice but to take him out. Unfortunately for him, Jonah is quicker and has a better shot. Jeb then spends the days of his afterlife watching as his best friend and his father go down their own paths of darkness. When he gets over the fact that Jonah killed him, he decides to help him take down his father once and for all.

55. Roxanne 'Roxy' Richter (Scott Pilgrim vs The World)

"Well I'm just a little bi-furious!"

Roxy is the 4th ex Scott has to battle and the only girl Ramona has dated. She's able to teleport via smoke and owns a pretty deadly belt whip. Ramona has to help Scott take her down since Scott won't fight a girl and Roxy ends up dying from...an orgasm? Turns out the back of her knee is one of her sensitive spots.

54. Matthew Patel (Scott Pilgrim vs The World)

"Pirates are in this year!"

Matthew is Ramona's 1st ex, therefore being Scott's first opponent. His mystic powers involve fire but it doesn't help him much as he's the only ex Scott fights that loses to just him alone. Even the coins Scott's rewarded isn't good enough to get Scott a bus fare, while all the other exes have rewards in the thousands.

53. Mombasa (Predators)

"I'm ready to die. Are you?"

I liked Mombasa. He didn't back down from confrontation and had a sense of honor to him that quickly left him respected among the others in the group. It's a shame that he was the one that died due to Royce's plan because it wasn't a quick death as several spikes shot out and through his body.

52. Commander Zhao (The Last Airbender)

"The Fire Nation's power will not succumb to childhood superstitions!"

With Firelord Ozai becoming a more featured character in the film, a lot of the twisted things that made Commander Zhao so hated in the show wasn't shown in the movie. Zhao just appeared as another lackey and not a dangerous person with no respect for the spirits and a thirst for power that makes him unstable. Killing the moon spirit wasn't even his idea in the film. It also bugged me that instead of the water spirit taking revenge on Zhao, he's taken out by some random waterbenders.

51. Wade Travis (The Losers)

"I was born in Quebec."

Wade was Max's lackey. I thought he was going to be a threat but he didn't really do anything intimidating except for when he threw that guy over the building. He fails at protecting Max's money and when it looks like he's going to do something cool in a motorcycle, Cougar takes him out in an explosion.