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qwimblenorrisstan · 4 months ago

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Insufficient | Azriel x Reader

Summary: After a few months of dating, your relationship begins to crack, and the truth behind Azriel’s odd behavior comes out.

Word Count: ~ 1.8k

Warnings: ANGST, so much angst, sort of unrequited feelings, breakup, mentions of sex + torture and murder, Nesta being an absolute queen

A/N: enjoy some delicious azzy angst😋 lmk what you think I should do for the next part, like should they get back together, or reader finds a new mans while az grovels??

Requests are open!

Masterlist | Next

It had been a warm, sunny day when you’d first met him.

The bakery had been going steadily as ever in Velaris, your family-owned shop hard at work to make the citizen's pastries and your famous sourdough bread. Generations of the family had owned it beforehand, and you were still helping out, you had been working the front that day.

Azriel had walked in, asking for some sort of treat that his High Lady was craving. His description of it hadn’t been the best, leading to almost thirty minutes of you showing him different sweet treats and pastries until he finally found what he wanted, and ordered a dozen of them.

That had been the beginning of your situationship, where he’d come to the shop asking for various things once every now and then, only to subtly get closer to you and even slightly flirt.

Eventually, he asked you out to dinner, and after a few more, you two began dating, and he admitted that he felt a little spark when he first saw you. Looking back, you wondered if that was the only reason he even pursued you in the first place, not for your personality, or even your looks, but just because of that spark.

The first few weeks had been lovely, him being thoughtful and caring to you in the little acts. Such as the way he made coffee for you just how you liked it in the mornings, how he began to put things lower on shelves so you could reach them, how he would talk quietly when you had migraines, or be patient when you were in a mood. The best example probably being the first time you had your period in front of him.

He hadn’t acted disgusted by it, instead, he’d gently cared for you, helping you through it, buying you chocolate and all the foods and snacks you were craving, getting heating pads, making sure you were alright for the entire insufferable week.

However, after that, the honeymoon period must’ve worn off, because he seemed constantly tense or stressed after that. His face remained like stone, not budging or cracking, even for you. The softening of his eyes that had happened before it was replaced by something strained as if he was waiting impatiently for something.

Even in bed, he wouldn’t look at you, remained quiet as a mouse, the only sign that he was enjoying himself being a large exhale as he buried his face in your neck or turned away. That was another problem, he knew how to fuck, he knew how to do that very well, but he didn’t know how to make love. Any time you tried to teach him, he just didn’t accept it, simply giving an unsatisfactory hum in response and continuing what he was doing.

He’d come home from missions, drenched in sweat and sometimes even blood, and not say anything even when you cleaned him off and led him to bed, giving you a cold shoulder. You fully understood that he had a bloody past and history, but you at least expected him to open up a little bit to you. Without any emotional transparency, it wasn’t really a relationship, was it?

His family was nice, though. You liked them, especially Nesta, since she seemed not to put up with everyone else’s bullshit. She was the only one you opened up to about your issues with Azriel, and how you were thinking of breaking things off or taking a break.

“He’s a hard one, but it sounds like he’s being an ass. If it were me, I wouldn’t put up with that.”

She said while you both sat in the library, neither of you noticing the small shadows lurking near the books. You sighed, nodding slowly.

“I know, it’s just…I feel like he’s waiting for something else, like just me isn’t enough.”

You said with a frown, and Nesta gave a little hum of acknowledgment.

“Just give it a week or two, and if you’re still unhappy, I’d leave.”

She said with a shrug, and not long after the both of you went your separate ways. You followed Nesta’s advice, giving the relationship a week or two, and it remained stressed and tense. However, when you finally managed to get into Azriel’s office during the day, about to break things off, he spoke first.

“Let me guess, your testing weeks weren’t satisfactory?”

He asked in a sharp tone, eyes narrowed on you with a piercing gaze. You took a sharp breath in, glaring at him despite the embarrassment that tried to take over.

“You were spying on me.”

You said, trying to keep your tone even despite how it wavered slightly. He stood then, towering over you from his superior height.

“I don’t like when people talk about me behind my back, let alone my partner.”

He said, the words clipped and full of anger simmering under the surface. He took a step closer, and you took a step back. You’d never been afraid of him, not really, but at this moment you didn’t exactly want to be close to him. His keen eyes noticed, and something like hurt and anger flashed in them.

“Don’t act like I’m some terrible person for having a girl talk because you’ve been acting weird. I can’t believe you spied on me.”

He huffed, taking another step closer, the shadows swirling and writhing, looking more agitated than ever. You took another step back, only to run straight into a wall that was now behind you. He continued stalking closer until your heart was beating faster and faster until he leaned down so you were eye-to-eye.

“I’m sorry I’m not what you signed up for. I’m not gentle or loving, I am a spymaster, I torture and kill people for my work, and have for centuries. I won’t be forced to change just to fit what you think I should be, or what you want in a relationship.”

He hissed, his words now full of anger and frustration. You leaned back, trying to keep away.

“That’s your problem. You don’t know how to separate your work life from your personal life, and you’re taking it out on me. You can be gentle and loving, I’ve seen it before, but I’m not what you want. You’ve been acting like I need to be something more for you when I’m not. I don’t know what you want, but your inability to communicate and be transparent isn’t my problem.”

You said back, tears now welling up as you tried to push him away. He didn’t back up, only moving closer and pushing you into the wall. His temper was building, and you could tell. It was only a matter of time until he would….

“A mate! I wanted a mate!”

Snap.

The silence stretched on and on for what seemed like hours after he said that, yelling it in your face. You’d never heard him raise his voice before. You gaped at the sight of him unwinding and shattering right in front of you as he rambled on.

“It’s not fair, Rhys gets Feyre, Cassian gets Nesta, Lucien gets Elain even if she doesn’t want him, and who do I get? No one.”

He said in an almost panicked tone, rambling on and on. He pushed off the wall, pacing around in his office, hands fidgeting.

“I thought—when I felt that spark when I went in your shop, that it might be you, but you weren’t enough. You aren’t my mate, because it would’ve snapped by now, I would’ve felt it, but I didn’t. You aren’t enough for me, and you never will be.”

He said, finally sighing at the end. He wouldn’t even look at you, eyes unfocused and only looking randomly around the room, anywhere but towards you. You swallowed, trying to hold back the tears that welled up because of his words. You weren’t enough. You never would be.

He looked like he felt a bit bad for half a second before his expression hardened again into that unflinching steel you’d grown to hate. He finally looked at you again, no hint of empathy or guilt now in his gaze for leading you on, or practically torturing you these past months.

Taking a shaky breath, you finally choked words out.

“Oh,” You murmured, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Okay.”

You whispered, managing to push off the wall to walk to the door, opening it and walking down the hall, to the room you two had shared, and you began packing your belongings. Picture frames of your family, your clothes, little trinkets, toiletries, you left no trace of you behind as you packed it in a large duffel bag in the closet.

You walked to the front door of the House, open the door, and walk out, the 10,000 steps down looming in front of you. Azriel didn’t offer to fly you down, and it was only when you turned to look back at him, his face stone cold, that you felt it.

The snap.

A shifting warmth and coldness all at once.

And a mating bond.

His face fell in what looked like pure devastation and realization, hazel eyes wide and lips parted. It might’ve been the most emotion you’d seen him show in weeks. He began to walk out, trying to go after you as you began taking the steps, but a large flap and wave of wind stopped him.

Cassian’s large, hulking form stopped him, shaking his head grimly as he walked towards you, where you were still going down the steps, and he laid a hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll fly you.”

He said simply, and you nodded with a sniffle as he picked you up, his wings carried him into the air as he soared up, only to land moments later and drop you off back at the bakery where your family was working. He set you on the ground, pulling you into a warm hug.

“I’m sorry,”

He said, letting you pull away, and for some reason, you believed him. You, Cassian, and Nesta made quite the dynamic trio, and you would probably miss them the most. They were some of your closest friends, and also wonderful drinking buddies. You and Nesta loved cheating in card games and beating Cassian when he was too drunk to notice until he owed either of you a fortune.

“You can always come visit me and Nes, just send a letter or somethin’.”

He murmured to you, wiping the tears from your cheek, and giving you an apologetic grin, before sending you off inside your family’s bakery and flying off.

This time, when you saw the shadow still curled around your wrist like it always had been when you and Azriel were dating, you smacked it off, sticking your hand right into a clear ray of sunshine to chase it off.

You were done being dragged down by shadows and darkness, and for once in your miserable life, you were going to look for the light instead.

#acotar fanfiction #writers on tumblr #acotar fandom #acotar x reader #acotar fluff #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel angst #angst #acotar angst #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #nesta supremacy #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #nessian

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mothford · 4 months ago

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everything you can put into the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.dom site to get something

this is probably not an exhaustive list, but its everything ive found. it's long, so im putting it under the cut. happy exploring!

divorce (or "breakup")

sorry

mason

dipper

pines

pacifica

platinum pax

ford (or "sixer" or "stanford")

bill (or "cipher" or "bill cipher")

filbrick

axolotl

stan (or "stanley")

mabel (keep entering this one!)

soos

wendy

waddles

fiddleford (or "mcgucket")

theraprism

robbie

gideon

cryptogram codex

spookemups

ciphertology

scrimbles

babba (or "disco girl")

craz (or "xyler")

weirdmageddon

family matters

xgqrthx

3466554

triangle

abuelita

cia (or "fbi")

alex hirsch

journal 3

journal 2

journal 1

mystery

reality

clone (or "tyrone")

multilevel mark

more from the comments, reblogs, etc (thanks!):

cursed

ad astra per aspera

r34lity

tad strange

pinata

monster

universe

disney (or "mickey mouse")

toby determined

god

love

plato (or "pythagorus" or "math")

titans blood

scalene

dorito

blanchin

curse wittebane

hectoring

just fit in

tantrum

euclydia

paper is book skin

t j eckleburg

baby bill (or "baby" or "mommy")

vallis cineris

burnside

rizz (or "skibidi" or "crypto")

deer teeth

answer

question

yes

lies

death

life

shit (or "fuck" or "bitch" or "pussy")

nothing

something

season 1

season 2

season 3

card

rat

history

gun

weird

harold's ramblings

union made

29121239168518

grebley hemberdreck

tinsel snake

333 sundapple lane cozy creek il 60714-94611

naitsuaf

glass shard beach

cray cray

imstillonyourmind

morality

sevral times

blendin blandin

ducktective

book of bill

portal

theory

justblendin

black sheep

even his lies are lies

please reblog with more if you find them!

#gravity falls #the book of bill #tbob #bill cipher #thisisnotawebsitedotcom

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shiftingparadise · 3 months ago

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Only an idiot loses a girl like you (Gojo x you x Nanami)

Hi guys! This is just a quick idea I had in mind. I hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: none

Word count: 1295

“Why?”, his head dropped.

Because you never have any time for me.

“Satoru-“, your eyes low. You didn’t mean to hurt him like this, to be insensitive toward his work, but you deserved more. “Are you in love with someone else?”. His voice never sounded so broken. This wasn’t the Satoru you knew. It was only a shell of the man you used to know. “No”, your grip around your bag tightened. “Where are you going?”. “To my old apartment”.

Your mind was made up. You wanted more than this; than what he could give you.

“Don’t do this, please”, desperation fell upon him. He didn’t want you to leave. He loved you, more than anything. “I’m sorry”, a silent tear fell from your cheek. “Don’t be, just stay”, he finally looked up, “We can work through this”.

That’s what you said last time, and the time before that, and before that…

“Satoru, I’m sorry but I… I can’t do this anymore”, you looked into his eyes. “What about Jujutsu High?”, he grabbed the counter behind him. “What about it?”. “We’ll still see each other”. “So?”, your brows pulled together, “Is that all you can think about right now? Work?”.

God, you were so sick of his obsession with his work. Sure, he was the strongest sorcerer and the students needed him, but so did you. Where was he when you needed him?

“Y/N-“, he realised his mistake. “Always thinking about your work”, you chuckled, “You know, I once admired that”. “Please-“, his hand reached out for you knowing it was futile. “But there’s more to life than work. I want someone to take me out to dinner, to surprise me, to go out on dates together. Someone who I can share my life with”, your voice broke. “I will-“, Satoru moved toward you. “It’s too late”, you walked to the door, “You’re too late, Satoru”.

—-

“Are you serious?”, you tilted your head. “You have to believe me!”, Yuji practically jumped from his seat, “It was Gojo-sensei who stole my book. He said he wanted to read in it”.

The worst part of it all was that you knew your student wasn’t lying.

“And your teacher didn’t think about asking a copy from me?”, your words died out as you realised why he didn’t.

The two of you barely spoke to each other after your breakup. Let alone he’d asked you in private for your copy.

“Why did he need it anyway?”, you placed your own copy on your student’s desk. “Let’s see…”, Yuji looked to the ceiling, “Oh, right! He said he needed to know a bit more about certain cursed objects”. “You can give him my copy”, you looked to the whiteboard behind you, “Now pay attention”.

—-

“You seem tired”, Nanami’s voice reached your ears.

You were resting your head on your desk. You didn’t realise, however, that one of your students left the door open after class.

“Those kids… They’re a handful”, you forced a smile as you straightened your back. “You seem a different kind of tired”, he coldly added as he stood in the hallway. “I guess I am”, you softly chuckled as you massaged the back of your neck. “I heard…”, Nanami seemed to doubt for a second, “About you and Satoru”. “Everyone has by now”, you sighed. The blonde stayed quiet, unsure whether to continue. “It’s fine”, you noticed his internal struggle, “It’s better like this”.

—-

“Don’t forget to write your essays!”, you yelled after your students, “And don’t let Gojo-sensei distract you with his stupid missions! Knowledge is important too!”.

You pinched the space between your brows as you heard their ‘yeah yeah’s’. It was obvious they enjoyed Satoru’s course more, but yours was important too. It was wrong of them to disregard your course like this.

“They are a handful”, Nanami’s voice startled you. “They need to study more”, you shook your head, “I understand that Satoru’s style of teaching is more hands-on and fun but they need to know about cursed techniques and cursed tools, about the history… It’s important”. “Give them time”, Nanami entered the classroom. “Here”, he placed a bag on your desk. “What’s this?”. “Food”, he looked to the ceiling, his hands in his pockets, “You’re skipping meals”. “You noticed?”, your eyes widened. “You’ve lost weight”, he brushed through his hair, “Eat”.

You stayed quiet for a second. This was the first time that someone had paid attention to you. That someone had put in the effort to notice you.

“Thanks”, you softly answered. He grabbed a chair and placed it in front of your desk. “Thought we could have lunch together. If you don’t mind”. “N-no, not at all!”, you hastily answered, “I’d like that”.

—-

Satoru wasn’t the only one who noticed the amount of time you spent with Nanami. Even his students noticed.

“Look, look!”, Nobara almost jumped in the air, “Y/N-sensei and Nanami-san are walking together again!”. “They’re just having coffee”, Megumi sighed, “Mind your own business”. “Are they dating?”, Yuji matched Nobara’s energy.

Megumi was the only one who knew about your relationship with Gojo. It wasn’t a secret to the others that worked at Jujutsu High, but it was for the students.

“Gojo-san?”, Megumi tried to distract him, “Can you give me more tips to attract Shinigami?”. “Of course”, Satoru ripped his eyes away from the two of you, “Well, let’s see… Where to start”.

—-

“Everyone did well”, you happily handed them back their assignments, “Please, keep up the good work”. “Y/N-sensei?”, Yuji raised his hand. “Yes?”. “Gojo-sensei gave this back”, he handed back your copy. “Thank you”, you smiled, “Now go on, enjoy your weekend”.

You watched as your students left the classroom.

“Finally, weekend”, you sighed as you picked up your copy. “Huh?”, you watched as a piece of paper fell to the floor.

“I’m sorry about everything. I miss you more than I can take”.

Your heart ached as you recognised Satoru’s handwriting. “It isn’t enough”, you softly whispered to yourself.

“Ready?”, Nanami smiled as he leaned against the door. “Ready”, you hastily put the note away. “You look lovely”, he held out his hand for you to take. “Liar, I look like a mess”. “I’m serious”, his touch felt soft, “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen”.

Your cheeks reddened. It was the first date you agreed to go on. Nanami had been asking you for weeks now, but you always refused. That was until yesterday when he showed up with a bouquet full of your favourite flowers. You still didn’t understand how he knew.

“Nothing too fancy, right?”, you watched as he opened the door of his car for you. “I promise”. “Really? Because I just got off work…”. “Don’t worry”, he sat down behind the wheel, “Here”.

You watched as he grabbed a bag from the backseat.

“We’ll stop at your apartment first. You can change”, he smiled, “If you want too, of course”. “What’s this?”, your heart raced.

You carefully opened the bag, only to find a beautiful dress inside.

“You got this… For me?”, you barely whispered. “I’m sorry”, he started to panic, “I didn’t mean to offend you. You look perfect but I knew you wouldn’t feel comfortable going out with your work clothes, and I wanted to surprise you that’s all-“. “It’s perfect”, you tried not to cry, “I… I don’t know what to say”.

You felt his hand on your thigh. His touch felt kind. Kinder than Satoru’s ever did.

“You can start off by promising me this isn’t our last date”, he gently joked. “You’re an idiot”, you chuckled. “No idiot has a woman like you sitting beside him”, he softly pinched in your thigh, “And only an idiot loses a woman like you”.

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wolsalwastaken · 4 months ago

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So, as you do, I was on the new version of thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and I’ve figured out every. Single. Secret. Code. I. Could.

Now with the help of the community, I am expanding this list! Please post passwords in the comments sections or reblog if I have not yet mentioned them! You will, of course, receive credit for your discoveries! Nerds unite! At the very bottom, you will find a full list of citations I used for the passwords. Any password that is un-cited is one I found myself :)

Spoilers for this version of the website, but I’m mainly posting this as I know it’ll be gone soon. Keep reading at your own discretion, as these are spoilers if you wanted to solve it yourself.

This post will continually be updated as I find new codes and ciphers to solve and new passwords, stay tuned as this is a masterpost of this iteration of the website!

So, here’s all the places to click on screen for Easter eggs:

And here’s a list of all the different passcodes I’ve found to work on the computer. If multiple words are listed it’s because they activate the same thing. Brackets are not part of the pswd. (c) means that the person I learnt it from is listed below. If there is no (c), then I found it.

Cipher

Triangle (click 3 times)

Bill/Bill Cipher

Stanford/Ford/Sixer

Fiddleford/McGucket

Filbrick

Mason

Dipper (click 5 times)

Mabel (click 12 times)

Wendy

Robbie

Gideon (2 possible results)

The Book Of Bill

Alex Hirsch/Hirsch

Monster

Mystery Shack

TJ Eckleburg

Hey nerd

Divorce/breakup

Theraprism

Soos

Disney/mickey mouse/disneyland (c)

Hectoring

Axolotl

Stanley/Stan (click 8 times)

Gravity Falls

Pines

Geometry/algebra/math/greek/greece/trigonometry/shape (c)

Conspiracy

God/help me/frlliam (c)

Triangle

Ducktective

Waddles

Morality

Portal

Love/boyfriend

(Literally any word of profanity, i.e sex or fuck)/Ted Cruz (c)

Death

Dorito/chip/nacho (c)

Skeleton

Life

Weird

Reality

The universe

Baby/baby bill/lalalalala/mommy/daddy (c)

Rat

Urban legends/horror/creepypasta (c)

Blind eye

Crypto/NFT/gyatt/skibidi/fortnite/Elon/rizz (c)

Journal 3

Journal 2

Journal 1

Theory/that’s just a/matpat (c)

Question

Answer

Piñata

FBI/NSA

Blendin Blandin

Abuelita

Weirdmageddon

Toby Determined

History

Sorry

Cursed

They’ll see/they’ll all see/I see

Cryptogram codex

Curse wittebane

Fordtramarine

Disco girl

Ad astra per aspera

Forget the past

Torture mentally

Hotxolotl

Scrimbles

Lies

Paper is book skin

Euclid

Dionarap (c)

Booberry (c)

Unreality (c)

Vallis cineris (c)

Caryn

Euclydia (c)

Scalene (c)

Even his lies are lies (c)

Stodehttcennoc (c)

Emmalinebutternubbins (c)

Dispense my treat

Just fit in (c)

Nothing

Something

Ciphertology (click 2 times)

Well well well being (c) (click 4 times)

One eyed king (c)

Titans blood (c)

Blanchin (c)

Suck it merlin (c)

Tantrum (c)

You can’t kill an idea (c)

Kook (c)

Naitsuaf (c)

Oroborous (c)

Giffany (click 6 times)

Who are you (c)

R34lity

Fixinit1

Love ya bro (c)

Tad strange (c)

Liar lyre (c)

Xgqrthx (c)

Peak (c)

Platinum peak (c)

Glass shard beach (c)

Cray cray (c)

Deer teeth (c)

Season 1 (c)

Season 2 (c)

Season 3 (c)

Gun (c)

Irregular (c)

Seven eyes (c)

Xyler/Craz (c)

Yes (c)

Justblendin (c)

Black sheep (c)

Baaaa (c)

Union made (c)

29121239168518 (c)

Grebley hemberdreck (c)

3466554 (c)

Tinsel snake (c)

333 sun dapple lane cozy creek IL 60714-94611 (c)

Mountain don't (c)

Riddle (c)

Burnside (c)

No (c)

Llib (c)

When will I die (c) (click once a day)

Clone/paper jam/Tyrone (c)

Multilevel Mark (c)

Goodnight Sally (c)

Tourist trap (c)

The duchess approves (c)

Scientology (c)

Meow (c)

Shave your grandma (c)

Burned inside (c)

Sevral times (c)

Easter egg (c)

Oh yes they both (c)

Kings of new jersey (c)

Destruction is a form of creation (c)

Fuck you Alex/fuck Alex (c)

Rubberhose (c)

Am I blanchin (c)

Card (c)

Bye gold (c)

Globnar (c)

Kubrick (c)

Not a phase (c)

Virus (c)

Spookemups (c)

You're insane (c)

Owl trowl (c)

L is real 2401 (c)

Occurremus iterum (c)

Family matters (c)

Harold’s ramblings (c)

Is hell real (c)

Is there an afterlife (c)

Dippy Fresh (c)

Justblendin (c)

Here’s a link to the entire 15 minute video of me going over all the Easter eggs and codes, so if you don’t wanna bother doing it (fair) then here ya go! Had to post via Instagram because no other social media lets me post long videos, oh well. (As I find more codes, I may make a part 2 video of me solving those on video)

Link here (part 1)

Credits/sources:

@sage-nebula (Dionarap, vallis cineris)

@dottyistired (Booberry, unreality)

@vlada-elya (Ted Cruz)

@cloudofcaffeine (Euclydia, Scalene)

@putadapower (Even his lies are lies, oroborous)

@dippers101 (Stodehttcennoc, emmalinebutternubbins)

@ren-is-real (Just fit in)

@hopefully-maybe-abby (I see)

@towacletruck (Well well well being, one eyed king, titans blood, blanchin, suck it merlin, tantrum, you can’t kill an idea, kook)

@cskv11 (Naitsuaf)

@eazy-peazy54 (Breakup, gyatt, who are you, r34lity, fixinit1, love ya bro, tad strange, liar lyre, xgqrthx, giffany, peak, platinum pas, glass shard beach, cray cray, help me, deer teeth, lalalalala, season 1, season 2, season 3, Mickey Mouse, gun, irregular, horror, creepy pasta, seven eyes, yes, trigonometry, xyler, craz, justblendin, black sheep, baaaa, skibidi, Fortnite, union made, 29121239168518, grebley hemberdreck, 3466554, tinsel snake, 333 sun dapple lane cozy creek IL 60714-94611, mountain don't, burnside, riddle, no, llib, when will I die, Elon, clone, multilevel mark, goodnight sally, paper jam, tyrone, tourist trap, the duchess approves, shape, meow, scientology, shave your grandma, nacho, rizz, daddy, mommy, burned inside, sevral times, easter egg, oh yes they both, kings of new jersey, destruction is a form of creation, rubber hose, card, am I blanchin, fuck you Alex, fuck Alex, fuck you, bye gold, nsa, globnar, Disneyland, Kubrick, not a phase, virus, spookemups, that's just a, you're insane, owl trowel, L is real 2401, occurremus iterum, frilliam, family matters, Matpat, Harold’s ramblings)

@delusionalpaper (Is hell real, is there an afterlife)

@thisisnotawebsitedotcom-com (Dippy fresh)

@/soldofficialyt on YouTube, Justblendin

HUGE shoutout to @eazy-peazy54 for providing so many codes! Seriously, thank you so much for your amazing post compiling them!

#bill cipher gf #bill cipher gravity falls #bill gravity falls #gravity falls bill #book of bill #bill cipher #the book of bill #the book of bill spoilers #thisisnotawebsitedotcom #gravity falls #gravity falls codes #masterpost #thisisnotawebsitedotcom passwords

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h50europe · 12 days ago

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BUCK / TOMMY - HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A FANDOM SCORNED!

I did some thinking. Never good, but my brain can't wrap around the breakup that came out of the left field.

Recently, it was announced that a spin-off of "9-1-1" is in the works. While no locations have been finalized, Hawaii and Las Vegas have been suggested as potential settings. The showrunner is already working on the project, with filming set to begin in March 2025.

However, one of my biggest fears has come true: the focus of the showrunners is being diverted from the current show to concentrate on this new spin-off. All the energy runs in the new project. Also, at this point, we don't know if the mothership will be renewed. Without an early renewal, we must wait until May for the announcement. That is another reason why they are focusing on the new show. I wonder if this is why the plots feel rushed and repetitive. It's nice to revisit the past, but not ad nauseam. 9-1-1 does it too often lately. What's the point in bringing back Gerard and turning him into the butt end of a joke? What's the point in digging out Abby's Tommy and hanging it around Tommy Kinard's neck when nothing was ever mentioned in the past. The focus is clearly not on the current show. It feels like Tim abandoned the ship to board a new one. It's fresh, it's crisp, it leaves room for a lot of things. Even if the breakup was meant as a shocker. If your focus is somewhere else, you don't see it. Right now, the mothership is leaking and starting to sink. If Tim keeps his focus on the new project and isn't invested in the current show, the lights will go out sooner rather than later.

Bringing in an established character was probably the biggest mistake Tim could have made if he wasn't meant to stick around. Bring in Mary Sue or Marty Stu to be a LI but not a character with a history that connects to so many people on the show. You can't sideline them forever. Especially as Buck's bi-arc was announced as something big. And it was big. A bit too big to be treated the way it was. The fanbase that had built around TEVAN, or BUCKTOMMY, within weeks, was massive. It drew so many members of the queer community into the show. Suddenly, many of them felt seen. Tommy and Buck were different from the other queer characters out there. Different from what was represented on any other show. People were willing to watch to get the slightest glimpse of them. Because they felt real. Their chemistry shot into the stratosphere.

And then you go and end it on such a horrible note? I don't care if the haters call Tommy a plot device. Everyone on the show is one at some point—even Christopher, Eddie, or anyone else from the main or recurrent cast, Karen, for instance, the Wilson kids. You name it. Tommy Kinard came, saw and conquered. So why not give him more room? They did it with Taylor (yes, I know JLH was pregnant then, but that's reason enough? I doubt it). As I said in my other long post, you could cut in a sequence of 5 minutes and show a summary of Tommy's and Buck's life.

Tim makes the same mistake as many showrunners do. Cramming a shitload of plots into 42 minutes of airtime. Is it really necessary to tell that many stories in such a short amount of time? That feels like speed dating. You blink, and you miss an important scene. Every episode, you jump from plot A to B to A to C to B. We didn't have this fast pacing in season 1 or 2. Stop it. Make Quality plots over quantity stuff.

In Tommy's voice: And for God's sake, clean up that mess you created with that shitty breakup, or the audience will wither away.

I'm sorry. I could write a book about what is happening in my head. You'd get Super Brownie points if you made it here.

#Bucktommy #tevan #911 on abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #oliver stark #lou ferrigno jr #tim minear

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ranticore · 4 months ago

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Ok so, what is Inver how can I read it gimmie the sales pitch pspsps pretty please

This is Inver! It is an alternate history northwest Europe

It's a play on the old region of Doggerland; the North-East Atlantic Archipelago* with sea levels reduced by a catastrophic past event that spread parts of the fairy world out into the real world. This Event also wiped out all human life in the area pictured above, leaving it uninhabited for hundreds of years before it was slowly settled again by people from the land bridge to Hibernia, and people coming up from Aquitan

As a result of a war between these two groups of people and subsequent cultural exchange, Inver's dominant culture is a Hiberno-French mixture. Br*tain does not and has never existed.

The Event in Inver's history has still left large swathes of this land uninhabitable, with the only way east blocked by the Ruad, a hostile, labyrinthine, and largely impassible fairy territory. This has stifled the ability of these lands to produce much of value; Inver is a poor country, considered a kind of industrial backwater with a monarchy descended marauding werewolf war clans. This paragraph could last literally forever if I liked (and I did like. that's why there's books)

Inver's Régian Era, roughly equivalent to the Victorian era irl, is the stage for my main book series Moth Viper Foal (#mvf) (links are to the books & the tag on my art blog). It is an era of great change in Inver; much of the capital city is ruled by criminal gangs and a foreign church while the great noble houses, having lost touch with their people, turn on one another for sport. The story follows the sequence of events that ultimately results in catastrophic change for everybody in the region, and the dawn of a new era (that's as vague as i can make it)

But really it's about the (gay) struggles of outgrowing your relationships, setting higher standards for yourself, and all the various ways someone can fail to be a man. Main (POV) characters are three ex-conmen & one DLC extra nobleman. Before the start of the story, a catastrophic argument between two of the guys precedes one of them (Félix) getting kidnapped by the Black Horse, a fairy. He is returned five years later, a servant of the horse, to find that his friends (and ex-friends) have changed completely in his absence, and his old life is done for good.

I'm very bad at summaries so idk really. It's a story about interpersonal drama and friend breakups between some guys and also fairies are there. It's all i think about. Every other setting & post on this blog not about Inver was made as a kind of mental break from thinking about Inver. I've been working on it since 2019

you can check the overall tag to see posts from both my blogs including some very nice art and some absolutely heinous AUs (Pern Story among them??? maybe. idk if i tagged it)

also there's two more stories set in Inver, Ancient Inver which is a telling of the wars that founded the country and also an exploration of Being FTM, and also Modern Inver which is set in the distant future of 2017 and it's a buddy cop/detective thriller about a ranger investigating a series of supernatural kidnappings with the help of the guy who did most of them.

#*for political reasons i do not refer to these islands by any other name #setting: inver #mvf #i need u all to know that i still half die of embarrassment when i talk about mvf. like just as a matter of course #do i love it to bits? yes. does it feel like pulling out splinters with every word... yes...

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intothedysphoria · 21 days ago

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Being autistic felt like some big joke.

After barely scraping by a pass from high school, Claudia had threatened to sue the school board. She ranted about Steve not being given the proper support for his exams and after some very scary phone calls, Steve was booked in for an assessment. He came away with gems like:

“Steve is an excessively literal thinker. He does not consider the nuance in instructions or conversation”

“Steve is able to articulate himself well but his handwriting and spelling are poor”

“When I asked Steve about his interests, he talked about basketball for twenty minutes. He got very upset when prompted to change topic.”

The assessment came back. Autism. ADHD. Dyslexia. Dysgraphia. Auditory processing disorder. Steve retook his exams, with accommodations in place, and did much better. He wasn’t into like Yale or anything but it was a pretty ok school.

The one primary drawback was that now he had to attend an autism and disability group every week. For support. So now every single one of his classmates knew that Steve was disabled.

There was one other problem in the group.

Billy Hargrove was fucking phenomenal. He wore double denim, had battle patches on his jacket and his special interest was politics in punk and metal. Really, he was just Steve’s type. Well, from the looks of it he was everyones type.

Billy’s phone was constantly blowing up. He got a steady stream of Instagram dms, Snapchat messages, Twitter replies. It honestly looked exhausting. Not even at the peak of King Steve had Steve ever been that popular.

Then there was the fact that Billy was just a genuinely decent dude. He got angry quickly but that was linked to his autism. Mainly, he just tried to talk to Steve about stuff that Steve really didn’t understand.

The flirting started in earnest after the Christmas break.

Everyone had watched Billy’s breakup with Eddie Munson. The adjective Steve was drawn to use was loud. They were very loud and interrupted Steve’s nightly rewatch of Brooklyn 99.

Billy was very obviously going through something. They’d been together for like three years and that shit sucked. Steve knew that from experience.

What Steve found himself extremely ill equipped to do was answer the message “hey baby 😉😉😉.”

Some variation of that message would drop itself into Steve’s notifications everyday for 9 days. Steve didn’t know how to feel about that.

Sure, Billy was like the recipe for dream boyfriend but Billy was just bouncing around, looking for a rebound. Steves therapist had told him to stop people pleasing so he just didn’t answer for a bit.

Then the messages stopped.

Billy walked into the next meeting looking throughly embarrassed and mumbled a “sorry Harrington” before staring resolutely at the board.

That wasn’t exactly the outcome Steve had wanted either.

Heather, Billy’s best friend, looked like she wanted to slam their heads into a wall. Which was very weird.

She invited Steve to her Valentines Day party, which was even weirder. Steve would never turn down an opportunity to dance to the Backstreet Boys though.

He went dressed in his old Scoops Ahoy uniform, because he was bored and horny, and the first thing he saw was Billy in a red speedo and nothing else.

Steve did not have to excuse himself but it was a close call.

Heather seemed unintested in the actual party and spent most of the time interrogating Steve on his dating history before shoving him into the bathroom and locking the door.

There was an undertone of furious conversation outside before Heather, seemingly reluctantly, unlocked it.

Billy was standing in front of him and Steve tried his damndest not to just stare at his chest.

“Hi”

Why the fuck couldn’t Steve stop staring?

And why was Heather physically pushing them closer together?

Billy cleared his throat and Steve unconsciously gripped at his arms.

Who actually made the move was debatable but Steve found himself in Billy’s arms, shoving his tongue down Billy’s throat.

Maybe not a rebound then.

@shieldofiron @oopsiedaisiesbaby @harringroveobsessed

(Just wanted to quickly post this because I lost the original draft and would be frustrated if I didn’t finish it)

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove ficlet #autistic steve harrington #autistic billy hargrove #I’m still not doing fantastic and can’t really talk to anyone #but I wanted to post this #oblivious steve harrington

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myrrh1806 · 3 months ago

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BILL CIPHER LORE

Type wellwellwellbeing and click it three times.....you get to see three excerpts from Bill's files at theraprism.

( context : The axolotl sends bill to therapy after season 2 finale )

Type seven eyes to get a picture of one of bill's friends ?......There is a message at the back too ( a warning)

type cipher to see Bill hidden in history ( prolly canon...)

type ad astra per aspera ( ford's journal 1-2 pages about bill's statue)

type robbie ( bill makes an appearance in a photo, also Thompson hates his toxic friend but beggars can't be choosers )

type Dorito ( Wait till the end. You see Bill's true form )

type shave your grandma ( Bill's view on humanity. Its pretty funny)

type stan and click 6 times ( You get to play a game with bill and uncover granule Stan's secret shame)

type dipper and repeatedly click ( Bill basically trolls him. Its funny. Also something at the end after the paper is burnt )

type love for.........well, its almost every fanfic of bill in ao3. ( The image made me do a spit take )

type r34lity ( pics of bill's minions in their new homes.....crptos stands next to a drawing of bill. Dunno what that means....maybe he misses him ? Prolly mocking him, though)

type oroborous ( Sixer had a pet axolotl and Bill wasn't very happy )

type irregular ( Bill's mugshots )

type vallis cineris ( baby bill )

type tourist trap ( bill's in it.....might have to examine this pics further. could be some clue ?)

type bubble and turn the knob ( backward message says :“The Sky is on fire. Everything is burning. How could this happen? You killed us all. Remember us. Someone help, the murderer's name is Bill.” Prolly the dying screams of flatland before bill.....you know.)

type destruction is a form of creation ( rambling of fiddle ford after he peeked into the portal and saw bill.....could be clues in there )

type say baaaa ( Bill acts like Sta- a conman )

type naitsuaf ( you get to make a deal with bill )

type hectoring ( songsposition )

type weirdmageddon ( proof that the people of gravity falls are either in denial of the apocalypse or forgot )

type tantrum ( bill vs time baby )

type scary ( knockoff goosebumps audiobook bill made. Man, Bill and Stanley have a lot in common from the conman angle. They could have been friends....in another timeline *sigh* )

type goodnight sally ( no lore but, its a cool bill t- shirt )

type even his lies are lies ( Bill's pov when sixer still trusted him - bill is talking to his therapist)

type suck it merlin ( bill throughout history )

type black sheep ( Bill's a jerkwad )

type cursed ( Bill is a bad influence )

type card ( another one of bill's 'ventures' )

type one eyed king ( bill tries to hypnotise you )

type forget the past ( its a colour code for the smart ones out there....it would be awesome someone solved it, ig )

type lies ( you see how bill lies to himself......his therapist should take notes)

type monster ( how bill views himself )

type breakup ( shows you the bar bill drank at after ending things with Ford )

type Kubrick ( Bill caught on camera )

type hey nerd ( Bill 'ventures'. Don't buy anything from that catalog !)

type booberry ( welcome to bill's ted talk. nil, he actually gave solid advice if you ignore the projecting )

type fordtramarine ( describes a color only people who have come in contact with bill or other extra dimensional entities can see )

type hotxolotl ( info about bill and his henchmaniacs after his defeat )

type morality ( bill's philosophy )

type you cant kill an idea ( leads to bill's pyramid scheme ciphertology)

type emmaline butter nubbins ( you get to download illustrations of bill from the book of bill without text. Pretty cool )

type piñata ( bill gets beat up by a little girl. )

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thelightsandtheroses · 8 months ago

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seven: me and the devil, walking side by side

Your Hand In Mine | Joel Miller x female reader.

Chapter summary: an unwelcome visitor brings everything to a head Chapter warnings: Reader is a single parent to a teenager, mentions of breakups, discussions of cults/religious movements and violence within these, threat of a gun, tension, lightly implied panic attack/anxiety, 18+ blog mdni, Notes: Chapter title i

s from Me and the Devil, originally by Gil-Scott Heron but I have both this and the Soap&Skin version on my playlist for this fic. Thanks for all of your patience with this chapter. It’s a big one! Word Count: 5.4k

Previous | Series | Next

You’ve been through breakups before. It’s nothing new. Usually you like to be the one to leave before you can be left. That takes out some of the salt in the wound.

Your separation from Joel hurts though. It physically hurts.

Your chest aches, your eyes sting, you miss him. Every small detail brings Joel to you; a flannel shirt, the soap everyone in Jackson.

You’re not sure if it’s because you’ve distanced yourself from a good man - and aren’t those rare to find?- or the impending fear of The Junction. Perhaps it’s both.

On the moments that Joel is not haunting you, your past is.

Beau once asked you whether you were sure that breaking up with Joel was a good idea, if it would perhaps be better to bring him on side. That’s Beau; a survivor, pragmatic to his core.

You can’t quite find the words to voice what it would have meant to you to tell Joel. You still feel complicit somehow in everything that Ethan did, you realised too late, you didn’t stop him. There’s too much shame ingrained in your body for you to tell Joel.

The pain of the breakup feels like a suitable punishment.

“Anything?” you ask Beau as you sip your tea in the kitchen.

Beau shakes his head wearily. “No sign on anyone yet.” He pauses. “If I had to say anything though, it’s almost too …. clean. There’s no sign of anyone, sweetheart, anyone or anything.”

“They’re cleaning their tracks?”

“Probably.”

“Shit. We should leave.”

“We’re better off here than out there,” Beau replies calmly, “‘sides, we can’t just haul Gabe off in the middle of the night now. He’ll ask questions.” There’s an unspoken question - will you ever tell your son the truth?

“I hate this.”

“Me too. We’re going to get through this though.”

“Are we?”

“Of course.”

“Who were you patrolling with?” you ask, eager to change the subject.

Beau shifts uncomfortably. “Just -”

“Joel?”

He nods. ‘Did he notice the clean-up?“

“Things like that don’t get past him. He’s … aware of techniques like that.” probably for the same reasons as Beau. Their chequered histories made them survivors and in some strange kept people they love safe - Ellie for Joel, Sean and you for Beau. “We both commented on it. Joel doesn’t know about the junction though, he’ll assume it’s more like raiders. He wants to raise it in the town meeting tonight - I think he’d mention it sooner if it was more than just a theory. Maybe that can work to our advantage though.”

“How?”

“Well, if he says to Maria then she’ll probably put a stop to traders for a bit. That might protect us a little longer if Jackson’s more closed. It’ll give us time to decide on what we’re doing.” Beau smiles at you. “You and Sean, you’re not alone in this. You, Gabriel, Sean and me … we’re sticking together.”

You nod, sniffing loudly. You won’t cry, you won’t.

“There’s a trader in,” Esther says casually, smiling as you look up from your books.

It’s probably nothing, it’s probably just one of the usual traders who passes through Jackson, but that doesn’t explain why your blood is turning cold and your palms are sweaty.

“A trader? One of our usuals?”

“No, no, never seen him before.”

“Oh, really?” you ask, schooling your expression as much as you can. “What does he look like?”

“Not as good looking as Joel Miller, how you let a man like that go, I will never know.” Esther sighs and you remember that when Joel first came to town, Tommy had been trying to match the two of them. It hadn’t lasted long. You’d asked Joel about it once but he’d been polite, a southern gentleman to a tee so you knew even if there was a story, it wasn’t one you’d hear any time soon.

“Well, I’m sure he’d be heartened to hear your support on that. So, the trader?”

“I don’t know, he had dark hair and he - he had presence, a slight limp though.”

“A limp?”

“Uh huh. Shame really, and some burns but other than that …. he seemed real friendly, had a Victorian doll for trade too, might have some things for your boy. I heard a rumour about coffee.”

You walk past Esther, barely letting her complete her sentences before you’re heading out of the library.

Beau’s on the way to the hall. He’s in the stables and you can see him chatting with Ellie as you approach them.

“Hey Beau, Hi Ellie,” you say, walking in and smiling broadly. You think it’s a normal, false smile but by Beau’s expression, and Ellie’s, you’ve failed miserably. “Beau, there’s a trader at the community hall, want to go check it out?”

Beau looks at you and you hope he’s noticed how you said trader, how you all but winked and raised an eyebrow at the gesture.

“Oh, really?”

“We were talking about trading some of our old stuff soon, right? From back when?”

He definitely understands now. “Of course. Ellie, it was real nice talkin’ to you.”

Before you can leave, Ellie grabs you arm. “Wait, can you just wait a moment?”

No, you think, but it’s Ellie and you’ve already let her down so many times recently, that you nod. “Catch up in a moment, Beau?”

“Okay. I’ll be outside.” If you know, he’ll probably be working on a plan, just in case. He’ll be looking for signs of more of them. You and Sean told him about Ethan’s strategies, about his plans if that first gated community failed.

Ellie looks worried, her arms are folded around herself and it reminds you she’s still just a child, only fifteen. Younger than your own son.

“How are you doing, Ellie?”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, over the whole arm thing and the accident. I know it made you and Joel argue and then - and then you broke up. I know it’s-”

“Ellie, it was nothing to do with that,” you say vehemently, “Nothing at all about you. I promise.”

“Then why? I thought you liked him?”

“I did.” You do.

“I’ll never understand any of this,” Ellie laments, shaking her head. “Why not just - why’d you come into our lives just to do this then?”

You would have preferred it if she hit you. “I never wanted to hurt you, or Joel. I promise that. I’m - I have to go, Ellie, but I - we can talk more.”

“‘S no point. Unless, is there?” Ellie looks up hopefully.

You shake your head, digging your hands into your pockets. “Take care, Ellie.”

You have to get to the hall, you have to hope your fears are unfounded.

You can’t feel your fingers.

You know.

There are fresh flowers on each table in the hall; it’s a simple gesture, one that intimates the security, the homeliness of Jackson. It’s a place where you can do that again, it’s about living not surviving.

It clashes with the raging survival instinct in you, the fear that your home isn’t as safe as you hoped. The knowledge that everything is about to come crashing down.

What if they’ve already infiltrated? What if there’s been a Junction spy reporting back for months? They would despise you for what you did. They would demand your blood. But what if he …

You look over at the crowd around the trader and begin moving forward with Beau, each step in sync, his presence an unspoken crutch.

You hope you’re wrong about this.

He is not who you remember. That is the first thing you think when you see him. His hair is longer now with his limp, thinning dark locks tied back in a scraggly ponytail. There are more lines on his face, a vicious burn on one hand and you know underneath his clothes will be the hidden scars you left him with - you missed the first time. The second time you hit his leg though.

His eyes widen with delight when he sees you walk into the building. “You,” he exclaims, “At long last, we meet again.”

In your imagination, this scene always was more obviously like a horror film. In your nightmares, you’d be bleeding, taken, surviving once more. The scene was always in some abandoned warehouse, cabin or barn too.

You watched too many movies growing up.

However, you could have never expected this moment would happen in Jackson’s community hall. You could never have expected there would be an audience either. People are still milling around, looking at his potential wares, going about their day like the world hasn’t just ended once more. You want to scream at them, you want to call the insanity of this situation out but your feet are rooted to the floor with thick tendrils of fear holding you in place.

You notice Joel and Tommy at one table. Joel’s eyes look confused as he seems to gauge your expression.

You can see Sean standing near Maria. Sean looks so uneasy; almost grey, and you cannot imagine how your friend is feeling right now, you know he suffered in his own way at The Junction. His face is calm though, he’s planning, waiting for the right moment. You recognise the way his hands are shoved into his jeans pocket though, the way his eyes move wildly around the room when he thinks no one is looking at him.

Your legs feel shaky but you refuse to lean against Beau, to show any weakness in this situation. This situation has been a long time coming.

It’s been seventeen years. You are not who you were then. You have been shaped by him and the Junction, that is true, but you’ve become your own person again. Each tragedy, each win, each memory has sculpted who you are at this moment, has trained you for this moment.

Beau whispers your name, gives you choices on how you play this. He’s on your side, that’s clear, that’s beyond question. Part of you wants to hand the situation over to him, to let Beau deal with it while you bury your head in the sand once again.

That’s not possible though.

You wonder if it’s only the four of you who are aware of the tension at this moment. It’s a secret that your neighbours and friends can’t see, that you never wanted them to see.

And Joel -

Everyone is in danger now.

“Hi honey,” Ethan says loudly with a smile, “It’s been a while. Why don’t you come on over and say hi to your husband now?”

His words have the desired effect; everyone stops, everyone stares, heads moving in a ripple of movement throughout the hall.

Next to Sean, Maria’s smile fades and her face hardens. You hear the hushed whispers around you as they realise Ethan is looking and talking to you.

It’s Joel you want to look at though. You feel drawn to him like Orpheus, knowing you can’t look and desperate to all at once. You remember how he was unable not to turn around in those Greek myths, how you’d argued in class it was foolish and inevitable all at once.

Is this you now? Are you the damned, foolish one? Is your failure, your doom, inevit

Seeing Ethan solidifies everything; Joel is the person you love, the man who loved you and you have lost him because of your secrets and past, in a foolhardy attempt to protect Gabriel.

Gabriel. He’s nowhere to be found as you look around you and you’re grateful for that. You can protect him for just a few more minutes.

Instead of your son, instead of Ethan, you finally allow yourself to glance at Joel. Joel’s face is pulled into a frown and he looks … hurt. You’ve hurt him once again.

You can imagine his thoughts right now - he’ll be wondering why he bothered to trust you, how you hid this from him and why.

“I -” you stutter words, your mouth opening and closing without making any sense. You exhale slowly. “How’s your leg?”

Sean bursts out laughing. It’s a strange, mangled giggle borne of surprise and worry that immediately stops as people look at him.

“So how’s that how we’re playing things, huh?”

“This isn’t a game, Ethan.”

“Isn’t everything you do a game?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t - you were married, you were married to him?” Tommy exclaims, looking at Joel and then you in the vain hope one of you will provide an answer. There’s an unspoken conversation between the two brothers, one clearly Tommy isn’t happy about. “Who is he?” Tommy says your name in a low voice, imploring you to confide in him.

“He shouldn’t be here, he needs to leave.”

“I need to leave?” Ethan asks, an unreadable expression on his face. “So you haven’t told them anything about who you really are then? They don’t know there’s a fox in the chicken coop?” He says your name, tutting with disappointment.

Whispers carry around you like leaves in the wind. You’re not sure what people are thinking right now. You’ve been too quiet, too secretive, it would be easy to wonder who you really are. In another world, maybe this is who would have been - his dutiful wife and spy.

You notice Maria saying something quietly to Tommy, how the two of them are subtly clearing the hall of bystanders. Joel is staring between you and Ethan with a blank face.

Do they think you’re a victim or the perpetrator in this scenario? You notice Beau take the smallest step forward, readying himself for something.

“I don’t think this conversation is serving our community right now,” Maria says flatly.

“Hey Joel,” you hear a familiar voice call. ”Has the trader got anything good? You better not have traded like half of everything you own for coffee again. I honestly don’t get the whole coffee thing anyway, it tastes like burnt- ” Ellie’s voice breaks off.

Your heart races as Ellie, Jesse and to your horror Sean walk into the community hall, completely oblivious to what’s happened but seemingly starting to realise that something is going on.

“Not now, Ellie,” Joel gruffly says.

“What’s uh -” Ellie breaks off.

Ethan is staring at Gabriel and your heart sinks. For sixteen years, you have convinced yourself that Gabriel doesn’t look like Ethan, that there’s no passing resemblance at all.

There is though.

You see it now and it feels like a glaring beacon, another lie come home to roost. A truth you couldn’t avoid forever. He’s yours, you know that, but together in the same room you can see the similarities.

“Mu-” Ethan begins warily, noticing the tension around the room. He looks alert, worried, ready to do whatever is necessary. That’s how it is in this world - you have drummed survival into him from an early age. It feels antithetical though, that the child you want to protect and nurture knows how to fight, how to endure this world you placed him into.

Sean immediately takes a step towards him, but Joel’s there first, a strange look in his eyes. “You need to go home, all of you. Now.”

“But -”

“No arguments, Ellie.” His tone is firm. To anyone else, they would think him a strict parent, a firm, resolute man who accepts no arguments. You can hear the worry though, the slight fear in his voice that Ellie is here. That you have endangered her. Endangered everyone.

“Ergh,” Ellie says but she holds her hands up and takes a step backwards exit with Jesse. She looks over at you and then Ethan and then Gabriel, a frown forming on her face and then she pauses.

“Well, isn’t today full of revelations,” Ethan says in a wonderstruck tone. “It’s curious. He really does look -”

“Oh fuck off.”

It’s enough though. Those few words and you realise Gabriel is putting things together. The betrayal and fury in his eyes eviscerates you.

You look at the ground, hearing the shudder of your breath. No. No.

“Holy shit,“ you hear Ellie mumble under her breath.

“Ellie!” Joel says, the desperation starting to become clearer.

How much does our -” Ethan continues.

“Ethan, shut the fuck up and just go,” Sean interrupts.

“You’ve got braver on the outside. It’s a shame you showed none of this in the Junction when -”

“Thank you for stopping by,” Maria says, her voice even and cool, “It’s time you head on out now though.”

Joel clasps Gabriel’s shoulder so he can’t pass, can’t get any closer to the chaos around you.

“Leave, huh? Well, I think that perhaps you’re mistaken. I didn’t just come here for my son after all.” Ethan sighs. “It’s been a hard winter.”

Joel tightens his grip on Gabriel’s shoulder. Beau and Tommy exchange a look.

You wish you had a weapon, had something to stop this.

You shouldn’t have missed the first time, you shouldn’t have aimed for his leg the second time either.

“So, how many settlements have you been through now?” Sean asks in a nonchalant tone. “I think after two or three, it really says more about -”

“The Junction goes where it is needed. I have heard it is needed here.”

“We don’t need the Junction here,” you say quietly. “No one needs that.”

“You’d rather be damned?”

“If the alternative is an eternity with you, with pleasure,” you say icily.

You hear a slight snort of laughter and turn to meet Joel. He’s still resting a hand on your son’s shoulder, but he’s looking at you. He nods, a subtle gesture anyone else might have missed but that fills you with relief.

You might get through this.,

“You got your fire back, I’d almost forgotten. Now, what was it you used to say when we discussed this. When we discussed what to do about reluctant participants, people who didn’t know they needed to be saved? You remember this is the nice way? It could have been very different after all, but I am here offering magnanimous absolution, even to you.”

“I don’t need your absolution. I don’t need anything from you but for you to go now. For you to leave this settlement, leave these people alone. That’s what all of them need, to be away from you.”

“You think it’s right that they’re here without the Junction’s Word, but maintain all these resources while your own-”

“Leave. While you can,” you say flatly.

“Do these people even know you?”

“You need to go, Ethan, now,” Sean says firmly. “We said we don’t need the Junction here. This can end amicably.”

“Amicably?”

“Yeah, no need for it not to, right? Democracy over depravity - that’s the Junction’s way, right? The old ways, the right ways as you used to call it.” Sean’s face twists into a tormented grimace at those words.

Beau scowls and you realise that while you’ve kept the Junction in a box for seventeen years, Sean hasn’t. He has told Beau, he has talked about it. It’s you who has been stuck.

“You dare speak of the ways when you -“

“Just go, now. Sean’s right,” you say firmly.

“Amicably, is that what he said?” Ethan asks, regarding you again with a scornful expression that turns your blood so cold, you’re amazed you’re not exhaling ice. “Amicably.”

“Ellie, all three of you, I am not playin’” you hear Joel say in a deadly tone.

The three teenagers make a move to leave, relief flooding your veins as you gratefully nod at Joel.

Gabriel is the last to leave, he hangs back until Joel nods at him firmly, but as he moves to the door - he’s almost gone, he’s almost safe - there’s a sound.

“Nope,” Ethan says coldly, “He stays.”

You look at Ethan, at the gun in his hand, pointed directly at you.

“Mum?” Gabriel asks, his voice shaky.

“I thought Eugene fucking searched the traders,” Joel yells at Tommy or Maria, or perhaps you or Beau. All you can see is the barrel.

You’ve always known how this is ends for you.

“You should leave now,” Joel says in a deadly tone. For a moment you’re not sure if he’s talking to you or Ethan. You spin around, meeting his gaze desperately.

His hand on Gabriel is firm enough to stop him from either fleeing or running towards Ethan. You notice the way his muscles are slightly tensed, not too tight, but you make out his vein snaking down his arm.

You’ve mentally prepared for a dozen reactions to what is going on around you: disgust, hatred, pity, but you didn’t expect what meets you. Joel’s face is steely, poised to fight but a flash of fear passes his eyes when you connect with them. He is afraid for you, he is worried. There is no hatred, no disgust, nothing you expected.

He is not asking for you to leave. He is trying to protect you.

It’s like a lead balloon in your stomach. Maybe, maybe you could have said something all this time ago.

“Trust me, she’s not worth it,” Ethan says conversationally. “This settlement, my son? Now those are different stories.

“Are there others here?” you ask suddenly as you piece more of the day together. You can barely recognise your flat voice, the way you’re not entirely in your own body any more. You’re existing, and now you know that because you’ve finally been living and now you know what that is, you’ll lose it all*. “Did they help you keep the gun?”* Someone could be here from the Junction and you need them gone too.

Ethan pivots, takes a couple of steps forward and turns around the room, observing the rapt, frozen crowd around you both. It transports you instantly to dusty rooms, to a younger, more vibrant man you thought wanted to do something good in the world. It takes you back to a place you wanted to belong in, to a time you believed and hung off every single word he said.

“Others?”

“Yes, are they already here?”

“Why would -”

“I know your plays, I know them all.”

“Do you?”

You stare blankly at him, raise an eyebrow slightly. “No. I thought I did, but I didn’t. I thought you were someone else.”

“I am the voice of -”

“You’re a tyrant, a hypocrite and a snake oil salesman all wrapped up. You don’t speak a word of truth and you never have.”

“I’m the vessel, and so is my -”

“If you speak about my son, I will rip you apart so violently it will make the infected look tame.”

“You didn’t have these teeth before. What a pity. It would have been useful.”

“Go.”

“We’re past that.”

You realise he’s right. He’s in Jackson now, this ends one of two ways. Tommy and Joel, they can’t let him leave like this. You can recognise the desperation in his eyes, the hunger, the plans and strategies.

“You’re my wife. I am not going without you and my son.”

“We’re staying here.”

“No. I’m not,” Gabriel says, “Not with her.”

“Gabriel, shut up,” Sean snaps uncharacteristically. “Just leave it now.”

“My son ”

“You want to talk about the Junction? Let’s talk about it then. Gabriel, did you want to grow up in a place that would kill you if you -” You zone out as Sean continues, unable to fully bear the full truth of life in the Junction being exposed to the people around you.

You remember being hungry so much, the fear of breaking a new rule or tenet that your husband came up with. You remember how the inclusive, welcoming commune it was supposed to be shifted. How it became radicalised, against any sign of difference or subversion of what Ethan thought a person should be like. You remember the sexism, the way your voice began to become quieter and quieter.

You remember that Ethan scared you, that his move to the Vessel was antithetical with everything you knew about him. How his words, his dreams became literal, how he looked like he hated you by the end. You remember the violence of the Junction, you remember the lack of excuses.

In some ways, in many ways, it was worse than Kansas.

“Did I physically harm you? Did I not lead you to salvation, to the tenets of hope?” Ethan asks, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“The tenets? The ones that started off just close enough to normal and then suddenly you decreed that women couldn’t wear trousers because it affected the crops, or that if I spoke unless spoken to it would damn me, or that declared you the sudden voice of hope, or a - they never held hope, your rules. Not for anyone but you. You were dangerous, you are dangerous. You harmed us all without laying a finger, that was the beauty of your plan, right?”

“You never said a word to stop me from this though, did you? In fact, you -”

“I’m not finished, Ethan. You’re not a good person, Ethan, and I will never regret keeping my son from your dangerous, frankly nonsensical shit. That’s being a parent. So tell us who’s inside, who’s helping you and maybe we can figure a way out for you to leave.”

“You and I know they won’t let that happen. Do you remember the plan for then?” He laughs then. “I’m leaving and i’m leaving with my son. He’s the future of the Junction.”

“There is no way in hell that will ever happen.”

“He wants to. I can see it in his eyes.”

“No, Ethan, you know how this is going to end.”

Ethan sighs and nods. You exhale shakily and then look up as you hear the sound of the gun load. “Then I’ll take you with me to the eternal life instead.”

You don’t shut your eyes. You don’t look down. You will not cower for him.

You wanted to live. You’ve had more years than you expected. You wish you had more. It was always going to end this way though.

He will have to look at you. You will not make this easy for him.

“No, Mum -” your son’s voice is enough to make you waver, but perhaps, perhaps everyone else can keep him safe. If Ethan kills you, maybe they’ll protect him. It’s fine.

It’s fitting.

It was always going to be this way.

You wish you were outside though. perhaps by your bench and that quiet sanctuary you found. You want to hear birdsong, feel the sun on your skin one last time. You want to breathe in the fresh air and remember that.

Maybe they can scatter your ashes on the bench.

The bench bought you so much - peace on nightmare ridden nights, Joel, the difference between surviving and living. If it wouldn’t make Ethan happy, you’d tell Gabriel that now, or Sean. It’s too much for Gabriel.

Perhaps Joel knows. You hope he does. You hope he doesn’t.

You’re sorry. So sorry these people you love have to see this, have to mourn you. You should tell Gabriel you love him one more time, but you don’t want to burden him.

There’s a sudden crash, you feel yourself hit the floor and you finally allow yourself to shut your eyes as the gun goes off.

You expect to feel pain, to feel warm or cold, or something. Instead there’s nothing.

There are hands around you, pulling you away, words - Joel? Is she hurt? Did it get her? Words fade in and out. Something’s gone wrong. This doesn’t feel like death.

You open your eyes.

Ethan is on the floor and unconscious. Joel is shaking his fist and Beau squeezes your shoulders before heading over to a shaken looking Sean. Next to him, your son stares at the floor.

“So yeah, we used to be in a cult,” Sean says, running a hand over his hair and shaking his head.

You hear an almost laugh, a polite but awkward acknowledgement, from maybe Tommy or Beau, but you’re still glued to the floor, still reeling from this day.

You feel eyes on you and look up to meet your son’s gaze. Gabriel looks at you as though he has never seen you before, through you in fact, and immediately runs out of the room.

“Wait, Gabriel.” You make a move to go after him, to explain. If you can just talk to him, then maybe it will be enough. You shouldn’t have avoided this, you should have told him this.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got him,” Sean says, moving quickly.

“Where do we put him?” you ask flatly, staring at the unconscious form in front of you.

“The jail,” Maria says quietly. “The jail, Joel.”

“Guess we’ll finally use it,” Tommy replies.

“He can’t stay,” Joel says. “Tommy, he’ll -”

“I know, brother, I know.” Tommy looks down and then at Maria whose lips are pursed.

“He tried us,” Maria says, “We have to do what we have to do.”

“I’ll handle it,” Joel says calmly, authoritatively. He isn’t looking at you and you feel ashamed of what you have bought into his life. Blood, anger, pain. He’s bought you peace and calm and love and this is how you repay him?

“Me too,” Beau replies calmly, examining his nails in a pseudo casual pose. “It won’t be a problem at all.”

The two of them each grab one of Ethan’s unconscious arms, dragging him outside and towards the bank. Beau nods at you on his exit.

They’ve left you. Sean and Gabriel are outside somewhere, Joel and Beau are gone and while Tommy and Maria are here, they are not your people.

You feel empty and numb. You brace the edge of the table and fight back the racking, great gasps of breath as shock courses through your body. You’ve been fighting tears, fighting back the fear and emotion of the past weeks.

It wasn’t just this moment, it wasn’t just today. It was the anticipation, the fear, the secrets that have lasted seventeen years.

“You need to let Gabriel, Sean and Beau stay,” you say, “I know you won’t want me here and I’ll go. I’ll go, but please let me see them from time to time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because I bought them here with my secrets and I’m sorry, Maria, please, please know that -” You cough, a sob Breaking through. “Please don’t make them leave too.”

“We’re not making you leave, we still want you here,” Maria says in a gentle voice. She’s looking at you in the same way as someone would a startled deer, trapped in the headlights. “We need to understand more - if you’re right, if there’s anyone here, what we need to worry about it, what this - this group could do. You can help though. And you’re not leaving. This is your home, you didn’t do anything -”

You feel warm, soft hands around you, hear soothing sounds as you finally allow yourself a moment to feel.

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #your hand in mine fic #fic: your hand in mine

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macrolit · 1 year ago

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NYT's Notable Books of 2023

Each year, we pore over thousands of new books, seeking out the best novels, memoirs, biographies, poetry collections, stories and more. Here are the standouts, selected by the staff of The New York Times Book Review.

AFTER SAPPHO by Selby Wynn Schwartz

Inspired by Sappho’s work, Schwartz’s debut novel offers an alternate history of creativity at the turn of the 20th century, one that centers queer women artists, writers and intellectuals who refused to accept society’s boundaries.

ALL THE SINNERS BLEED by S.A. Cosby

In his earlier thrillers, Cosby worked the outlaw side of the crime genre. In his new one — about a Black sheriff in a rural Southern town, searching for a serial killer who tortures Black children — he’s written a crackling good police procedural.

THE BEE STING by Paul Murray

In Murray’s boisterous tragicomic novel, a once wealthy Irish family struggles with both the aftermath of the 2008 financial crash and their own inner demons.

BIOGRAPHY OF X by Catherine Lacey

Lacey rewrites 20th-century U.S. history through the audacious fictional life story of X, a polarizing female performance artist who made her way from the South to New York City’s downtown art scene.

BIRNAM WOOD by Eleanor Catton

In this action-packed novel from a Booker Prize winner, a collective of activist gardeners crosses paths with a billionaire doomsday prepper on land they each want for different purposes.

BLACKOUTS by Justin Torres

This lyrical, genre-defying novel — winner of the 2023 National Book Award — explores what it means to be erased and how to persist after being wiped away.

BRIGHT YOUNG WOMEN by Jessica Knoll

In her third and most assured novel, Knoll shifts readers’ attention away from a notorious serial killer, Ted Bundy, and onto the lives — and deaths — of the women he killed. Perhaps for the first time in fiction, Knoll pooh-poohs Bundy's much ballyhooed intelligence, celebrating the promise and perspicacity of his victims instead.

CHAIN-GANG ALL-STARS by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

This satire — in which prison inmates duel on TV for a chance at freedom — makes readers complicit with the bloodthirsty fans sitting ringside. The fight scenes are so well written they demonstrate how easy it might be to accept a world this sick.

THE COVENANT OF WATER by Abraham Verghese

Verghese’s first novel since “Cutting for Stone” follows generations of a family across 77 years in southwestern India as they contend with political strife and other troubles — capped by a shocking discovery made by the matriarch’s granddaughter, a doctor.

CROOK MANIFESTO by Colson Whitehead

Returning to the world of his novel “Harlem Shuffle,” Whitehead again uses a crime story to illuminate a singular neighborhood at a tipping point — here, Harlem in the 1970s.

THE DELUGE by Stephen Markley

Markley’s second novel confronts the scale and gravity of climate change, tracking a cadre of scientists and activists from the gathering storm of the Obama years to the super-typhoons of future decades. Immersive and ambitious, the book shows the range of its author’s gifts: polyphonic narration, silken sentences and elaborate world-building.

EASTBOUND by Maylis de Kerangal

In de Kerangal’s brief, lyrical novel, translated by Jessica Moore, a young Russian soldier on a trans-Siberian train decides to desert and turns to a civilian passenger, a Frenchwoman, for help.

EMILY WILDE’S ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FAERIES by Heather Fawcett

The world-building in this tale of a woman documenting a new kind of faerie is exquisite, and the characters are just as textured and richly drawn. This is the kind of folkloric fantasy that remembers the old, blood-ribboned source material about sacrifices and stolen children, but adds a modern gloss.

ENTER GHOST by Isabella Hammad

In Hammad’s second novel, a British Palestinian actor returns to her hometown in Israel to recover from a breakup and spend time with her family. Instead, she’s talked into joining a staging of “Hamlet” in the West Bank, where she has a political awakening.

FORBIDDEN NOTEBOOK by Alba de Céspedes

A best-selling novelist and prominent anti-Fascist in her native Italy, de Céspedes has lately fallen into unjust obscurity. Translated by Ann Goldstein, this elegant novel from the 1950s tells the story of a married mother, Valeria, whose life is transformed when she begins keeping a secret diary.

THE FRAUD by Zadie Smith

Based on a celebrated 19th-century trial in which the defendant was accused of impersonating a nobleman, Smith’s novel offers a vast panoply of London and the English countryside, and successfully locates the social controversies of an era in a handful of characters.

FROM FROM by Monica Youn

In her fourth book of verse, a svelte, intrepid foray into American racism, Youn turns a knowing eye on society’s love-hate relationship with what it sees as the “other.”

A GUEST IN THE HOUSE by Emily Carroll

After a lonely young woman marries a mild-mannered widower and moves into his home, she begins to wonder how his first wife actually died. This graphic novel alternates between black-and-white and overwhelming colors as it explores the mundane and the horrific.

THE HEAVEN & EARTH GROCERY STORE by James McBride

McBride’s latest, an intimate, big-hearted tale of community, opens with a human skeleton found in a well in the 1970s, and then flashes back to the past, to the ’20s and ’30s, to explore the town’s Black, Jewish and immigrant history.

HELLO BEAUTIFUL by Ann Napolitano

In her radiant fourth novel, Napolitano puts a fresh spin on the classic tale of four sisters and the man who joins their family. Take “Little Women,” move it to modern-day Chicago, add more intrigue, lots of basketball and a different kind of boy next door and you’ve got the bones of this thoroughly original story.

A HISTORY OF BURNING by Janika Oza

This remarkable debut novel tells the story of an extended Indo-Ugandan family that is displaced, settled and displaced again.

HOLLY by Stephen King

The scrappy private detective Holly Gibney (who appeared in “The Outsider” and several other novels) returns, this time taking on a missing-persons case that — in typical King fashion — unfolds into a tale of Dickensian proportions.

A HOUSE FOR ALICE by Diana Evans

This polyphonic novel traces one family’s reckoning after the patriarch dies in a fire, as his widow, a Nigerian immigrant, considers returning to her home country and the entire family re-examines the circumstances of their lives.

THE ILIAD by Homer

Emily Wilson’s propulsive new translation of the “Iliad” is buoyant and expressive; she wants this version to be read aloud, and it would certainly be fun to perform.

INK BLOOD SISTER SCRIBE by Emma Törzs

The sisters in Törzs's delightful debut have been raised to protect a collection of magic books that allow their keepers to do incredible things. Their story accelerates like a fugue, ably conducted to a tender conclusion.

KAIROS by Jenny Erpenbeck

This tale of a torrid, yearslong relationship between a young woman and a much older married man — translated from the German by Michael Hofmann — is both profound and moving.

KANTIKA by Elizabeth Graver

Inspired by the life of Graver’s maternal grandmother, this exquisitely imagined family saga spans cultures and continents as it traces the migrations of a Sephardic Jewish girl from turn-of-the-20th-century Constantinople to Barcelona, Havana and, finally, Queens, N.Y.

LAND OF MILK AND HONEY by C Pam Zhang

Zhang’s lush, keenly intelligent novel follows a chef who’s hired to cook for an “elite research community” in the Italian Alps, in a not-so-distant future where industrial-agricultural experiments in America’s heartland have blanketed the globe in a crop-smothering smog.

LONE WOMEN by Victor LaValle

The year is 1915, and the narrator of LaValle’s horror-tinged western has arrived in Montana to cultivate an unforgiving homestead. She’s looking for a fresh start as a single Black woman in a sparsely populated state, but the locked trunk she has in stow holds a terrifying secret.

MONICA by Daniel Clowes

In Clowes’s luminous new work, the titular character, abandoned by her mother as a child, endures a life of calamities before resolving to learn about her origins and track down her parents.

THE MOST SECRET MEMORY OF MEN by Mohamed Mbougar Sarr

Based on a true story and translated by Lara Vergnaud, Sarr’s novel — about a Senegalese writer brought low by a plagiarism scandal — asks sharp questions about the state of African literature in the West.

THE NEW NATURALS by Gabriel Bump

In Bump’s engrossing new novel, a young Black couple, mourning the loss of their newborn daughter and disillusioned with the world, start a utopian society — but tensions both internal and external soon threaten their dreams.

NORTH WOODS by Daniel Mason

Mason’s novel looks at the occupants of a single house in Massachusetts over several centuries, from colonial times to present day. An apple farmer, an abolitionist, a wealthy manufacturer: The book follows these lives and many others, with detours into natural history and crime reportage.

NOT EVEN THE DEAD by Juan Gómez Bárcena

An ex-conquistador in Spanish-ruled, 16th-century Mexico is asked to hunt down an Indigenous prophet in this novel by a leading writer in Spain, splendidly translated by Katie Whittemore. The epic search stretches across much of the continent and, as the author bends time and history, lasts centuries.

THE NURSERY by Szilvia Molnar

“I used to be a translator and now I am a milk bar.” So begins Molnar’s brilliant novel about a new mother falling apart within the four walls of her apartment.

OUR SHARE OF NIGHT by Mariana Enriquez

This dazzling, epic narrative, translated from the Spanish by Megan McDowell, is a bewitching brew of mystery and myth, peopled by mediums who can summon “the Darkness” for a secret society of wealthy occultists seeking to preserve consciousness after death.

PINEAPPLE STREET by Jenny Jackson

Jackson’s smart, dishy debut novel embeds readers in an upper-crust Brooklyn Heights family — its real estate, its secrets, its just-like-you-and-me problems. Does money buy happiness? “Pineapple Street” asks a better question: Does it buy honesty?

THE REFORMATORY by Tananarive Due

Due’s latest — about a Black boy, Robert, who is wrongfully sentenced to a fictionalized version of Florida’s infamous and brutal Dozier School — is both an incisive examination of the lingering traumas of racism and a gripping, ghost-filled horror novel. “The novel’s extended, layered denouement is so heart-smashingly good, it made me late for work,” Randy Boyagoda wrote in his review. “I couldn’t stop reading.”

THE SAINT OF BRIGHT DOORS by Vajra Chandrasekera

Trained to kill by his mother and able to see demons, the protagonist of Chandrasekera’s stunning and lyrical novel flees his destiny as an assassin and winds up in a politically volatile metropolis.

SAME BED DIFFERENT DREAMS by Ed Park

Double agents, sinister corporations, slasher films, U.F.O.s — Park’s long-awaited second novel is packed to the gills with creative elements that enliven his acerbic, comedic and lyrical odyssey into Korean history and American paranoia.

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED by Idra Novey

This elegant novel resonates with implication beyond the taut contours of its central story line. In Novey’s deft hands, the complex relationship between a young woman and her former stepmother hints at the manifold divisions within America itself.

THIS OTHER EDEN by Paul Harding

In his latest novel, inspired by the true story of a devastating 1912 eviction in Maine that displaced an entire mixed-race fishing community, Harding turns that history into a lyrical tale about the fictional Apple Island on the cusp of destruction.

TOM LAKE by Ann Patchett

Locked down on the family’s northern Michigan cherry orchard, three sisters and their mother, a former actress whose long-ago summer fling went on to become a movie star, reflect on love and regret in Patchett’s quiet and reassuring Chekhovian novel.

THE UNSETTLED by Ayana Mathis

This novel follows three generations across time and place: a young mother trying to create a home for herself and her son in 1980s Philadelphia, and her mother, who is trying to save their Alabama hometown from white supremacists seeking to displace her from her land.

VICTORY CITY by Salman Rushdie

Rushdie’s new novel recounts the long life of Pampa Kampana, who creates an empire from magic seeds in 14th-century India. Her world is one of peace, where men and women are equal and all faiths welcome, but the story Rushdie tells is of a state that forever fails to live up to its ideals.

WE COULD BE SO GOOD by Cat Sebastian

This queer midcentury romance — about reporters who meet at work, become friends, move in together and fall in love — lingers on small, everyday acts like bringing home flowers with the groceries, things that loom large because they’re how we connect with others.

WESTERN LANE by Chetna Maroo

In this polished and disciplined debut novel, an 11-year-old Jain girl in London who has just lost her mother turns her attention to the game of squash — which in Maroo’s graceful telling becomes a way into the girl’s grief.

WITNESS by Jamel Brinkley

Set in Brooklyn, and featuring animal rescue workers, florists, volunteers, ghosts and UPS workers, Brinkley’s new collection meditates on what it means to see and be seen.

Y/N by Esther Yi

In this weird and wondrous novel, a bored young woman in thrall to a boy band buys a one-way ticket to Seoul.

YELLOWFACE by R.F. Kuang

Kuang’s first foray outside of the fantasy genre is a breezy and propulsive tale about a white woman who achieves tremendous literary success by stealing a manuscript from a recently deceased Asian friend and passing it off as her own.

#new york times #100 books #reading list #2023 #books #reading #have you read any of these titles?

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thisnameisquitequeer · 5 months ago

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Been seeing some criticisms of Stolas from the last two eps that I’m just like…did we watch the same show?

Disclaimer before I begin; I think both parties have made mistakes and both need to grow. I am only focusing on Stolas bc people seem to give Blitzø the benefit of the doubt/understand his actions in a way they seem unwilling to do so for Stolas

Going through different opinions I’ve seen:

- “Stolas is abusive bc he forces Blitzø into sex work/he threatens Blitzø’s business to get sex”

I do agree that Stolas creating the Full Moon transaction wasn’t great, and their relationship could never be more than sex until that was dropped. HOWEVER Blitzø is not blameless in that situation. He is the person who snuck into Stolas’ house and seduced him bc he wanted to steal from him. Blitzø’s business is based off of using Stolas’ stolen property. You could argue that it shouldn’t belong to Stolas or that imps are treated so lowly in society Blitzø had no other choice? But asking for the book back isn’t “threatening Blitzø’s business” it’s…getting back what he stole so Stolas can do his job

- “Stolas is abusive bc of the power/class difference in their relationship”

I do think the class difference is something they’ll have to overcome but I would call it a character flaw of Stolas more than abusive. We do see him condescend to Blitzø earlier in their relationship in Lululand and Truthseekers but I’d argue that is more to do with Stolas being incredibly sheltered and too lovesick from his first relationship. I’d argue this is an earlier element of their relationship that there may still be some work left to do but by the breakup I don’t think is there as much. I think Blitzø externalizes a lot of his insecurities onto Stolas’ perception of him, but it’s mostly that a projection

-“Stolas is at fault for the break up bc he wouldn’t hear Blitzø out/bc he projected Blitzø outside his house”

The breakup is both their fault but I don’t think this is really fair. Yes, Stolas was so busy rehearsing his lines that it didn’t occur to him that Blitzø might need a minute to react or might feel like Stolas’ feelings came out of nowhere. But we don’t always react perfectly when we’re upset or hurt. I don’t think Stolas really believed Blitzø would say yes. A part of him probably hoped, really wanted to think Blitzø would but he was probably expecting a rejection. And to not only be rejected but to be mocked with the words you most want to hear after you’ve just been vulnerable…I would probably walk away from that situation too. Did Blitz start to realize at the end that he fucked up and Stolas was serious? Sure, after he screamed a bunch of insults at Stolas and made him cry. We as the audience know Blitzø’s history and saw him change at the last second but Stolas doesn’t and had his back to him so couldn’t see his expression soften. Also Stolas has lived close to 20 years with a wife who always screams and belittles him so I don’t blame him for not wanting to hear Blitzø out after that

-“Blitzø tried to apologize and Stolas wouldn’t hear him out”

Except…no he didn’t? Sure at the very end of Full Moon he attempts a last minute sorry but only after he’s pushed Stolas so far. He could’ve tried to text Stolas an apology or he could’ve tried to apologize when they were by the pool in apology tour but he doesn’t. At that point he’s still just trying to pretend everything is fine between them and get back to sex with Stolas bc he believes that’s the only reason Stolas likes him and if he can only give Stolas a good lay everything will go back to how it was. Blitzø doesn’t want to apologize, he wants to reset the status quo and Stolas won’t let him.

-“Stolas being upset in Apology Tour came out of nowhere/is bad writing bc he only cared about Blitzø for sex before”

I’m sorry…did we watch the same show? Sure, Stolas is a bit horny on main for Blitzø in the first 2 eps but that’s bc this is his first relationship and he’s excited. But as early as the Harvest Moon Festival he’s wanting to spend time with Blitzø and talk to him more. From then on he’s trying very hard to connect with Blitzø and keeps being shut down. If Full Moon had been Blitzø’s first rejection of Stolas you could maaaaybe see Stolas’ reaction as overkill but not with everything we’ve seen of their relationship and is shown in Stolas’ apology song. The only reason you could think Stolas felt nothing for Blitzø is if you took everything Blitzø said at face value and he is shown by Fizz’s reactions and Stolas’ actions to have a skewed perspective

TLDR; Stolas is not blameless but the way some fans maliciously interpret all of his actions just doesn’t square with the text of the show

#helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva blitzo #helluva blitzø #helluva stolas #stolitz #helluva stolitz

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equallyshaw · 10 months ago

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home, at last. | luke hughes ↠ can be read as a standalone, but first part. ↠ warnings: smoking and maybe a swear word? ↠ word count: 3.0K

over the past two years, blair and luke had grown up immensely. luke also finished his degree in kinesiology and blair had finished hers in art history at the university of glasgow, after transferring from umich. after graduation, she cut her hair, got layers, and added highlights; something she had always wanted to but was too nervous about it. she also dawned a new wardrobe, and honestly - a demeanor. more reserved, and quiet. after returning to edinburgh to be with her parents and her childhood friends, she outgrew that outgoing and sporadic personality and was now more tamed. after her and Luke’s breakup, it seemed only fitting to work on herself for herself. no one else. she just didn't expect herself to find herself flying to new york for a job interview, for lead coordinator at the metropolitan museum - aka the met. when she went to go book her ticket, she giggled to herself knowing that she had foolishly kept the money that luke had sent over when they broke up, thinking that she'd need it for a rainy day and not a plane ticket. her parents though, thought it was the universe trying to tell her something but she brushed it off, even as her friend group told her the same exact thing.

once she was off the plane and checked in at the soho house- in the meatpacking district she and a friend from michigan were on their way to dinner. they secured an uber and were off as quickly as they could, but with nyc traffic at 7 pm- it would be a hike.

the two had been eating their charcuterie board over a bottle of wine, when jessica- her friend saw who had walked in. she swallowed hard, looking back at blair who hadn't noticed. "but are you 100% on moving here? or you're just seeing whatever the met says and if you get any other offers?" and blair shrugged. "honestly yeah, just weighing my options." she said sipping more wine, "im gonna head to the bar to get a martini. need anything?" she questioned and jessica shook her head. blair stood up, turning on her heel and towards the bar. she weaved in and out of the aisle, not aware of her surroundings and who was in them. she slid up to the bar and smiled at the bartender who took her drink quickly, and was off to make it. she knocked her knuckles on the bar a few times before she heard the nasily and infamous voice, "if it isn't miss britain." she heard jack hughes snarl playfully. she rolled her eyes as she looked over, and took in how much he had matured since she'd seen him last. and for the first time in his life, he'd apparently learned how to take care of his dark curls.

"you know im not british, wanker." she taunted before taking the martini from the bartender. "oh i know, i couldn't pass up the opportunity to say it again, like old times." he said cheekily and she rolled her eyes once more sipping some of the cold drink. "he's here right now, if that's what you are wondering." he said stepping a foot closer towards the girl. she looked up at him with a look, jack could not totally decipher. she nodded, before turning to walk away. he grabbed her free arm softly and she looked back at him, "you really hurt him b. really badly. even then, he still misses you." he said softly and she shook her head before turning to walk away.

she felt like she couldn't breathe. this black, long sleeve turtle neck body suit was suffocating her. she made it back to the table and set her drink, "im gonna go outside for a sec." she said grabbing her bag without waiting for a response from her friend. her friend watched her walk out in concern, then look towards the hughes and co table who too, watched her walk out.

yeah blair knew this was a bad habit to have, but only reserved it for certain moments. it was something she took on, after the two had broken up. call it influence, by the city of edinburgh. she pulled out a cigarette from her purse and quickly lit it. she leaned against the wall that was half a block down and away from the main street. she felt herself slowly coming down from her anxiety attack, and felt herself begin to feel somewhat light again. people walked past her in both directions in the meatpacking district, and the distraction and noise were plentiful and exactly what she needed. she closed her eyes for a few seconds before hearing snicker beside her. her eyes whipped open quickly and searched for the source. she sighed when she met luke's eyes, and shook her head. she breathed in one last puff, before dropping it to the ground and stepping on it.

"i never took you as one to ever smoke, blair." he said and now it was her turn to snicker. "im not the same girl, luke." she mimicked his tone, crossing her arms across her chest. he shook his head trying to find words to say. "im not the same that that i once was, sorry luke." she said beginning to walk past him. he turned around quickly, grabbing ahold of her arm softly. she stopped, looked at his hand then back at him, and she saw the tears pool the familiar shade of hazel. "you came." he said softer and she nodded while tears pooled her own eyes. "but not for the reason you think." she said untangling her arm from his hand while breaking both of their hearts in the process. she began her descent back towards the restaurant and saw her friend Jessica, standing outside the restaurant with their coats. "wanna head back to my place?" she questioned and blair nodded profusely.

leaving a sad luke in her wake.

two days later she was walking out of the met museum with a smile on her face and quickly called her mom and dad back home. "hi hun-" she cut her mom off, "i got the job!!!" she beamed while sitting down on the cold, marble steps in front of the museum. her mom and dad cheered loudly on the other side and she could not help but laugh. "you two alright im not coming back, right?" she questioned and her mom laughed. "ofcourse not love, new york is where you're meant to be! we'll always be here if you ever need to want to come home." her mom said and that made her heart swell. "do you have a place already or?" her mom questioned and the girl nodded. "yeah! jessica actually has an extra bedroom she's been trying to find somebody to rent so ill be with her for some time on the east side." she said smiling. "oh love, we are so proud of you! truly." her dad said and she nodded, "i love you both. ill send you details for the rest of my stuff, alright?" she confirmed and then they hung up.

she sighed, stood up, and began her descent back toward her new shared apartment. once

as soon as she walked through the door, she was speechless. she thought her friend was going to be at work and definitely not at the apartment and with somebody. "oh my god, blair!" jessica said standing up and making her way over. "how'd it go?" she questioned trying to gauge the girl's reaction. the Scottish girl could not get over the fact that luke's teammate was in the same vicinity as her. she could not look away from the blonde boy, who was stunned as well. "uh i i got it." she mumbled, heading over towards her bedroom and shut her door. as blair sat down at her vanity to unwind and remove her hair/ makeup, dawson explained how they knew one another. dawson and the girl got along well once luke came over for playoffs and had enjoyed facetiming the two during finals. blair heard the apartment door close before a knock came at her's.

jessica didn't wait for a response before opening the door, and peeking her head in before sitting down on the bed. "i didn't know, i promise. he never said anything, i can stop seeing him if-" but blair waved her off. she turned around in the vanity chair and smiled, "i don't care that you two are together. not at all, i was just shocked. you hadn't said anything or given any clues and therefore i was shocked but if you're happy, im happy." she smiled before walking over and wrapping her arms around the red head. jessica smiled, "im so glad i kept bothering you while you went back home." she mused and blair giggled. "me too, even though i hated the time difference." blair joked before pulling away. "now go call dawson back up here, i wanna say hi to him." and jessica didn't need to be told twice.

it was like time had never passed for dawson and blair, who hit it off well again. jessica's heart swelled at the sight of it. dawson caught up with how blair had been, what she'd been up to the past almost three years and jessica and he explained how long they'd been talking for, and then how long they'd been exclusive. "you got THE job?" dawson questioned and blair nodded softly. "oh my god, this is huge!" he said excitedly as she blushed. when luke and her had been together for that short period in jersey, luke had explained that she had wanted to work at the met or a nearby museum but the met was the end goal for her. and now here she was, freshly graduated and extra ready for the role.

"does luke know?" was the next question out of his mouth and blair swallowed harshly. she shook her head no, "no he does not. he doesn't even know im still here. he probably hasn't even thought about me or does in general." she said sipping some of her fresh expresso she had made. he laughed, "oh bless your heart." he said and jessica slapped his arm a little too harshly, "that's NOT what that means daws." she said while dawson looked confused. "its an insult babe." jessica explained more before dawson began to apologize. "its all good! but he does not think about me dawson, don't lie." she said sighing. dawson shook his head, "you'd never think you two had been broken up. he keeps up with you on social media, yknow? has asked jessica questions without any luck and has asked people back at michigan ive heard." dawson explained, and blair's eyebrows creased. "youre pulling my foot." she said and he shook his head, "its true. it can be a lot sometimes." jessica said butting in. blair sighed leaning back into the couch more, "ive moved on guys, there's never gonna be an 'us' again. im confidant he would say the same thing." she said sighing, "who's money did you use to get your ticket?" jessica asked cheekily. she looked over at jessica with a bit of a glare, "you mean the infamous money transfer?!" dawson asked and jessica laughed. blair put her face in her hands in embarrassment as jesscia and dawson gushed about the money. "if he knew that you used his money to get a one way ticket here, he'd ask you to marry him the second he found out." dawson gushed and blair sighed, not particularly fond of their attitudes but brushed them off.

it was a month later, when jessica was able to convince blair to go to a devils hockey game. dawson had always said that if she wanted to join jessica, he would get her ticket far away from the ice so luke couldn't or lets be honest, jack is more to worry about than luke. so they found themselves in the balcony, in the furthest 200's you could get. blair was very set on not having luke or jack or anybody else recognize her. the two sat down in one of the first rows, and got comfortable. "when was the last game you went to again?" jessica questioned softly and blair thought for a second, "whatever the last home game was during the Carolina series." blair said shrugging while jessica nodded. "they've come a long way since then. the season afterwards was apparently rough dawson said, last year the got better and this year their really good. finally back in the cup talks apparently." jessica mentioned and blair nodded. "this feel like old times, us at the yost and what not." jessica mused sipping her drink and blair chuckled. "except this time you're dating a player and im just along for the ride." she laughed and jessica nodded. "oh! its starting." she said as the players began to filter out for the anthem.

it was hard not to find luke as soon as he filtered out, and blair found herself in a trance. jessica looked on from beside her, and couldn't help but have a small grin on her face. blair would go to the end's of the earth exhaustingly, and attempt to never ever, confess that she still loved the curly haired boy.

the devils ended up beating the flyers 5-3 with luke and dawson both getting a goal in the game. jessica and blair waited back in the balcony before heading down and going to a certain part of the arena to wait for dawson. "usually we meet in the girlfriend and family's box but dawson said to meet here, away from there." jessica explained and blair nodded. blair leaned against the wall, her left leg shaking with nerves. "do you want a smoke?" jessica questioned and blair shook her head, "nah imma wait till we get back and i can sit on the balcony." she said shutting her eyes softly. jessica nodded, "i know, i know its a bad habit. save me the lecture, luke already tried giving me one. i don't need two in a short period of time." and jessica giggled. "yeah im def not the one to judge or give you one." jessica said as she caught dawson walking towards them. "hey babe." blair heard beside her and saw dawson and jessica hugging. "great game!" blair said giving dawson a quick hug, "thanks b." he smiled before pulling jessica's hand into his and the three began to make their way out of the arena. "some of the guys are going out for dinner, wanna join?" he questioned jessica and then looked at blair behind them. she waved him off, "nah im good." and dawson nodded. jessica gave him a small smile, as he turned back around. the three of the hopped into the SUV quickly before making their way towards the manhattan.

blair had been outside on her fire escape for the past 25 minutes and had yet to smoke like she had originally planned to. instead, she took a bottle of red wine and sat out there drinking from the cap. her head whipped towards the window, after hearing a knock at her apartment door. she sighed, standing up, and walked over towards it with the bottle still in hand. she opened it and almost dropped the bottle of red wine. she swallowed harshly, tears pricking her eyes.

"i waited three years for you to come home, i waited three years for you to say something. or at least attempt to contact me, and now that you're here - for good, you don't say anything?" luke confessed, and blair sighed. she opened the door further for him to come in, and then proceeded to set the bottle of wine down. she placed her hands on her hips, staring at the ground. "you don't know how many times i wanted to luke, but i hurt you! i didn't have the right to say something knowing what i did. besides luke, you could have reached out too! yknow?" she said looking up to face him now. luke knew that, his whole family had said it too. "you don't know the amount of nights i couldn't fall asleep because of the guilt that i felt, that would eat me up at night, make me sick, i wanted to luke but it wouldn't have been right. it never felt right the amount of times i was going to text or call you." she now confessed, as luke stood a few feet from her with a stance mirroring hers.

"you look different, a good different." she said taking him in, and then a small frown appeared once she saw that his curls were gone. completely broken now. "you do too. a great different." he said and she sighed, "what?" he questioned. "you don't even hate me, luke! you're supposed to hate me!"she said - yelling now. he grinned as he shook his head, "its always been you, even with your stubborn head of yours. i promise, i tried moving on. i did, but it all came back to you. every girl that i went out with, always ghosted me or screamed at me because i wasn't giving them enough attention or what they wanted. i was and still am stuck on you. you're my girl, b. my forever girl." he said breaking her heart. her eyes swelled with tears as she looked at him and she couldn't help but smile softly. "you're home blair, you're my home." he pleaded, and she shook her head. she clasped her eyes shut, feeling herself begin to cry.

even when she begged him and the universe, for him to hate her - he wouldn't. he would never. luke walked up towards the girl and wrapped his arms around her. that made her sob even harder, and that made him tighten his arms. "ive missed you so much, lukey." she said into his chest and he nodded. "i know i know, i know." he repeated, and having her in his arms made him emotional. he voice broke with those works and that made blair pull back a bit before reaching up and grabbing his cheeks. she pulled him for an emotional and passionate kiss.

they were home.

hope you all enjoyed! ngl this is my first piece in almost a month lol

#luke hughes #jack hughes #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes fic #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes blurb #new jersey devils #nhl #hockey #nhl blurb #hockey blurb #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #umich hockey

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