#the brainworms want me to but im too tired rn

[robyntherav3n]

y’all remind me to start my elphelt essay

[u3pxx]

KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.

EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!

- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!

- “Sure is.”

DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?

YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”

DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!

YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”

KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.

INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.

ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.

HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.

KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”

YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”

LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.

KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”

YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”

YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”

KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."

He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”

EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.

YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.

YOU - “…”

KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.

YOU - “Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.

YOU - “KIM!!!!”

uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt

(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)

also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes

[furymint]

2024 Creator Reflection

FFXIV.

1. Playing with each others' fingers

it was nice to write wwi again... id planned for a complete conversion of nol and eli's story into this verse, but other hyperfixations got in the way and i forgot all my research for it (thankfully I have lots of notes). i liked how both of them are ridiculous here, and how nolanel is able to show both reason and disorder under an incompetent system.

2. Frightened

i think this was the strongest nol/eli writing this year. i had a lot of fun working out the correct verbs and balance during the fight. challenging nol w magic and garleans was also satisfying. i didnt get to participate much in nutley's extraordinary Tower rp plot, so im glad i could write this little bit of nol during endwalker. his silly convo w eli abt crushes is also set during that time.

3. Possessive Hand-Holding

This one is cute. I like culture shocking nol and eli with each other's communities, but i usually do that w nobility or penury, not making nolanel walk into a cruising district HGTHGTHHU 

FFXVI.

1. For Now I Am Winter

i have two more to write, but this is 200 words each (plus a couple bonus longer ones) of teredios in winter. i got to write some wwi au which kind of made me rly happy. i started to get used to the tiny frame as i continued throughout the month, and it rly enabled me to explore some ideas whether or not they fit in such a limit or not. i ended up liking each response in its own way, but i think 4. tinsel, 10 icicle, and 16. candles are my favs. i also need to give a big thank you to my friends for absolutely exploding my emails w comments. you make me so happy 😭😭😭

2. the waves now loose

tall ship brain rot finally indulged in.. it was fun to be back on the water after so long. getting to write invulnerable, young, spiteful dion after coming from my tired post-game dion was also great fun. it took me about 4 months to finish it and it began w this bullet point i cooked up while brainstorming lavendre's 2023 secret santa/No murmur against Fate.

even if this is canon-compliant tedi (the sanbreque navy is REAL OK🤡), i liked getting to establish some more of terence's refusal to accept the wider financial responsibility of knighthood bc that will be big in The Light I Hear ch3. talking abt the violence and tragedy of the ship is what i did best tho i think.

'terence writings words on dion's back w his finger' is a very old concept i had in my pocket for nol/eli which never had the right time. this fic has the longest and most explicit smut ive ever written (which isnt a lot lbr) and i think it finally kicked that bug out of my brain that liked writing it. which is also to say, idk how to reflect on it bc i feel neutral towards it rn. i have a lot of brainworms i need to wake up in 2025 to feel passionate again.

im not gonna put too much detail into this before i make myself upset. i didn't really meet any of my goals from last year. i did a lot of tellier research and made some astounding developments on that end, but not much else. i want to write more no matter what. i can feel the rust on myself every time i try to write, and when i look at my older writing and its beauty i get paralyzed by how i can no longer produce something like it right now.

i had a lot of good times last year too, though, and miku expo was probably the best day of my life. i also got to see kikuo, masashi hamauzu, nothing but thieves, and ffviir2 orchestra. we went to new york and i met karo and anew! i went to tellier's apmnt and found new poems! i made wyvern tails and gave a few out. i played a lot of disney dreamlight and made some decor im rly happy with. i plotted jillian's xmas gift for a while and she really liked it. i enjoyed the new dragon age game a lot. i bought some books im super thrilled to have. i got the sculpture arts aerith statue.

i need to build my stupid pc no matter what. i need to take care of myself. i need to let myself write instead of fearing my inability. im going to finish my degree next year. im scared about 2025, but it'll also be the year me and jillian get to see hachi. i really hope we can see hitorie at miku symphony.

thank you everyone for being my friend

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023