#the brain rott is all consuming

[staryeyed-spacegirl]

Me? Drawing my oc and @bestosunglass Shake design again? Yes.

I've been wanting to do this art trend since forever!!

Background is not my drawing!

Found it here: https://pin.it/5idJAq8hC

[paperbagnotes]

I try to remind myself

“He doesn’t love you”

To accept

To move on

Let it go

Surrender myself

“He doesn’t love you”

And my face falls and tear drops soak

Until black and blue

Face bruised

Swelling happening

Collapsing

I never had a chance to be fluid

Controlled circumstance

Was that my chance

How could I have held on

How could I make it through

There’s nothing I knew

I don’t know a thing

This pain swallows me

Consumed I am going crazy again

All these thoughts an angry mob

I don’t want to accept what I’m being told

Can no longer breathe out of my nose

“He doesn’t want me”

Ribs crack into my muscle

Constricting

I wish I wasn’t me

Believed he ever loved me

How could I be so stupid, delusional

Days stack up, weeks & months

No sign in so much vast black

A void swallowing me

I’m sinking

Said to much

Should have bit my tongue

I ruined it for -

Assuming from the beginning

I was meaningful

Revolutionary

Or a liberation

“I’m not even a thought anymore”

My brain is brawny, beating me to protect me

But how much more can I bruise

“You’re just a memory”

“You never meant as much to him”

“He’s in love with others, sees them, speaks to them, and you had to go begging”

“He was just intrigued, because you were asking, he never pursued you.”

“You’re not picked, you’re put down”

“You’re not a princess”

“One of many - no longer on the radar”

This is leaving one giant scar

I’m scared

This hurts more than I can handle

Why can’t I face facts

I’m left to rott and die

“Never meaning as much to him”

Able to be left and lived without

“Unwanted”

“Abandoned”

“He’s never coming back”

My brain won’t stop running over me with this emotional steamroller

[eccogirl]

I just need a second to rant, feel free to ignore me and/or join in on my insanity.

Ok so random thought

As many of you all may have noticed over the last few months, the internet has collectively lost their minds when it comes to Stranger Things. I myself have found myself latching on to the series this season like never before and I honestly think it’s because my previous hyper fixation, Supernatural, had finally closed the last chapter(even as unsatisfactory as it was). Though I was looking forward to the new prequel series coming out, I knew it would never consume my little fangirl heart the same way. Enter in Stranger Things season 4. I was not prepared. Where do they get off giving us Eddie Munson in all his sweet cinnamon roll glory and then rip him away like that in just a few short episodes, how dare they give us lines like “For your modesty” and “Harrington's got her, don’t ya Big Boy” and then shatter our hearts all over the Upside Down like that.

Again I would like to say that this is just me trying to take the jumble of thoughts in my head into something a bit more concrete lol

I would like to propose this thought:

Eddie Munson is just Dean Winchester if Dean never had a little brother, never got uprooted every few days, and a heck of a lot less monster hunting!

These cocky little shits have been driving me nuts and i just think others need to see it too.

Like, I have a checklist! Let’s get the most obvious bits out of the way:

these two are not that terrible far apart in age, both would have been kids in the late 70s and early 80’s, though I do believe Eddie is older🤔

Musical taste is very similar and they are very passionate about it, Dean would have lost his mind over Eddies Master of Puppets solo

Eddie would have wept over Deans car in envy and Dean would have handled Eddies guitar with reverence.

It is shown on many occasions that Dean is a total closet nerd, if it wasn’t for the fact that he hunts real monsters on a daily basis he would have been all over DnD, you see it in the LARPing episode, Dean is nearly giddy when he gets to dress up and role play like the big ol’dork he never got to be as a kid. You see it in his love for Game of Thrones, in his love for both classic literature and his homemade ghost hunting equipment.

Two words DADDY ISSUES

Eddie and Dean collected strays like Pokémon cards

They love their little big brained brother's

they would literally die for them... (this one hurt)

They have a father figure thats always been there for them

This last bit I'm just gonna leave here 😉lol

is it just me? does anybody else see these assbutts?! this has been living rent free in my head for months! Also the level of Steddie brain rott hell i have been living in for the last 5 months has only ever been rivaled by my Destiel and Sterek binges

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk...I'm sorry 😅

[faraum]

Driver's License -- Eli Pepperjack x Steve Palchuk

I'm on mobile so I can't do a read more link sorry :P

A/N: yes this is inspired by Driver's License by Oliva Rodrigo... i heard it and instantly thought of Eli and Steve because im a sap and i have a lot of feelings for those boys. This is set in a world where ROTT never happens. Enjoy some Steli feelz(it has a happy ending i promise). Also, this can be platonic or romantic!(i headcannom Steve as poly)

Its a bit angsty, lots of anxious Eli.

I hope you all like it! :D

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He did it, he finally got his license and he was on his way to pick up a used Miata from the dealership. The excitement he felt could not be contained, he was so ready to Tokyo Drift that bad boy. But, the excitement didn’t last once he was sitting at the wheel. Eli reached for the radio, remembering what Steve had said a few weeks ago... “Bro, you HAVE to play the tape Krel and I made when you get that car.” At the time, things were still somewhat normal, well, as normal as things were in Arcadia. Steve wasn’t completely consumed by his relationship with Aja back then, but now it seemed like Eli was fading into the background. 

His hand wavered by the radio still, his bag of car trinkets- and the tape -sat on the passengers seat. All of his joy sunk to the floorboards as he looked over at the bag. He let out a sigh as he reached his hand over, grabbing the hanging air freshener to put on his rearview mirror. As he reached into the bag again, looking for his GunRobot figurine, his fingers grazed the tape. He decided to pull it out, flipping it over to read it. “Creepslayerz mix” it was written in Steve's handwriting, he frowned as a small tear threatened to break through his tear duct. Sniffling back the emotions, he tossed the tape to the side and started up his engine. He would listen to the sweet purr of his new baby’s engine for his first drive. Anything to get his mind off Steve, but it didn’t work.

He drove through downtown Arcadia first, rolling his windows down so everyone could see Eli Pepperjack and his sweet ride. After taking it through the canals for some drifting, he found himself driving through the suburbs. He couldn’t help but think about what it would be like if Steve was with him. Maybe he should have sent that text before leaving and he would have come with. But he couldn't help but worry that it would have annoyed him, or that he was out on a date with Aja instead. Eli pulled over by some mailboxes and shut the car off before resting his head on the steering wheel. His doubt and anxiety was consuming him in the small vehicle. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, and then the tears came.

Why couldn't he just text his best friend?

Why was his brain making this so difficult?

He tried to convince himself that it was no big deal, that Steve was still his best friend..... but the fear and hurt still came. Was he being delusional?

Was Aja really stealing Steve away?

Or was he just being an insecure buttsnack about it all?

Eli wiped the tears and snot away from his face and reached over to find the tape again. He always loved the music Krel made, and rapping with Steve always made him feel good. But he couldn't bring himself to put the tape in the player. He put his head on the steering wheel once again, looking down at his lap where the tape sat. A few blank moments went by, and he heard a tap on his window followed by a familiar, "Pepperjack?" He lifted his head up suddenly, jumping at the noises. Right outside the driver's side window stood Steve, beaming with excitement. "You got a car and didn't tell me!?" His muffled voice yelled from outside. Eli turned the key to roll the window down, "Hi Steve." His voice was sad and rough from crying only moments ago. "Come on buttsnack, let me in!" Steve exclaimed before running around the car to get in. He nearly sat on Eli's car decor that was still sitting in the bag in the passenger's seat. "Hey watch out," he mumbled, while hastly grabbing the sack and pulling it close to his chest. "What's all that junk?" Steve asked while closing his door. Eli looked at him and held up the bag, "It's not junk, it's stuff for my ride I'm gonna pimp it out." Steve slapped his hands on the dashboard, "Then why haven't you decorated yet, bro? Let's get this puppy swagged out, whatcha got in there?" He reached over and grabbed the bag from Eli's hands, peering into it. "Hey!" Eli whined out, reaching for the bag only to be swatted away. "Dude you have a lot of nerdy stuff in here." Steve said, pulling out the GunRobot figurine and examining it. "Where do you want this?" He asked finally, Eli pointed at the dashboard. Steve took the figurine, pulling duct tape out of the bag, and taped it to the center of the dashboard. "What else do you have?" He thought out loud, digging through the bag again. Despite having Steve around, Eli still felt melancholy. They took turns pulling things out of the bag and decorated the interior. Once the bag was empty, Steve buckled himself and slapped the dashboard once again. "We are ready to roll!" He yelled out excitedly, "C'mon Pepperjack, lets take her for a spin!" Eli sat back in his seat, "It's a he." He said softly. "Oh," His friend replied, "Well, whatever. Let's take him to the canals!" He threw his arms out as if he was holding a steering wheel and was jerking it back and forth. Eli looked over at him, a smile slowly forming on his face. "You.. you want me to take you for a drive?" His voice squeaked more than he wanted it to. "Heck yeah, LET'S GOOOOOO!" Steve laughed and gave his friend a good slap on the shoulder. Eli shrugged before starting up the car, and they drove back towards the canals.

After some top teir Tokyo drifting, they parked in the shade of the bridge and giggled the adrenaline off. "Oh man, that was awesome!" Eli laughed out, beaming and happy. "Heck yeah bro, give me some!" Steve laughed back, holding up a hand for a high-five, which Eli returned. They sat for a moment, gathering themselves and calming down. Then Steve noticed something on the floor by Eli's feet, "Hey is that my tape?" He asked, reaching down between his friend's legs to grab it. He held it up to his face to check if it was the same tape he gave him a few weeks ago. "Have you listen to this yet?" He asked Eli, while sticking the tape into the player. Eli just shook his head, his smile fading. "No, I was too sad to." He finally admitted. Steve turned towards him sharply, "What? That's such a good reason to listen to it, why didn't you?" He asked sincerely, concern growing on his face. "Well I- You- I don't know." Eli muttered back, embarrassed for having such an anxious thought process. "Pepperjack, talk to me." Steve's voice was level, and serious, which was a rarity. Eli sighed, letting his head fall forward onto the steering wheel with a thump. He mumbled a little "Ouch." before picking his head back up. When he looked over at Steve, he was staring at him, eyes completely focused. "I thought that," Eli started, taking a minute to think about how he wanted to say this. "Well, since you and Aja were getting so close... I thought you we're leaving me behind. We've been through so much together and its like, all of a sudden I didn't exist anymore." He finally admitted. Steve laughed, "Are you jealous, Pepperjack?" He asked, consumed by his laughter. Eli put his head on the steering wheel yet again, "Maybe?" he shrugged. Steve was still laughing, and it only made him feel worse. He just rolled his eyes and stared down at his lap. Finally, Steve caught his breath and stopped laughing. He put a hand on Eli's back and spoke softly, his voice still ringing from laughter. "Eli, you're my bro, my homie, my best friend, we're partners. You'll always be my number one, dude." Eli tilted his head on the steering wheel to look at him. "You mean it?" He asked, insecurity oosing out of his voice. "Of course I mean it," Steve responded, a huge grin plastered on his face. "So you're not jealous, right?" He asked, pulling his hand away as Eli sat up again. "No," he started quietly, "I think I just need more attention." The last word came out more mumbled than the rest, but Steve still understood him. "Alright," he said giving Eli a pat on his shoulder, "I'll make more time for you, bud. Especially now that you have this sweet ride." Steve ran his hands over the dashboard and gave Eli a smirk. He smiled back, feeling much better about the day now that he could get over his insecurity, and have Steve around again. "Thanks, Steve." He said, starting the engine and turning up the radio. "Creepslayerz?" He asked, pressing play on the stereo. "Creepslayerz." His best friend replied back, holding his hand up in a C for him. He did it back, making thier hands form an S.

For the rest of the afternoon, they drove around downtown Arcadia blasting the mixtape for all to hear.

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Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fic so I hope it goes well >.<

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Tagging: @arcadian-socks