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ickymichi · 4 years ago

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matsukawa issei as things guys do that are hot for no reason

warnings: suggestive themes?,issei being seggsy,

summary: things that i think (know) issei does that’s hot without even trying

things to know: i got full inspo from @cultsumu after reading their version of this with haikyuu boys so pls pls check their stuff out! this is also set in the timeskip! and just like always hope you enjoy my dears! reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

•like it angers me how he’s so seggsy without even trying. but anyway let’s get to it!

MAN SPREADING: pls it’s the only way he can sit with that horse coque. but doesn’t matter if he’s in the comfort of his home, in the cinema, in a restaurant or in the train. it’s just comes to him naturally he doesn’t even mean to. so when you walk into the living room and see him in nothing but those grey sweats with one arm on the back of the couch, the other hand scratching his bare chest and legs spread like an invitation, prepare to take him right then and there.

THE DOORFRAME FLEX!!: like i said before issei owns the doorframe flex. sidbejdbsb i’m literally looking at my door imagining him standing there with both arms above him holding onto the door frame listening to me talk with that fkn lazy smirk on his face. i’m evaporating at the thought. but he does it every where it’s like he has magnets in his hands that fly to the frame. and oml the way his biceps bulge when he wears t-shirt’s that are a little too tight on the arms🏃‍♀️💨.

STRETCHING: okay well not exactly just stretching but that one when like he’s sitting on a chair or the couch and he stretches his arms behind his head and the bottom of his shirt rides up and you can see it all. the vline, the waistband of his boxers and his happy trail leading into behind his belt. omfg he’s too much for my small brain to handle.

UNINTENTIONALLY FLEXING: but like you know if he was lying in bed or again, the couch. and he was just there, let’s say no shirt, cause i know if he had the choice he’d walk around naked. but back to the point. when he’s laying down he puts one of his hands behind his head on the other on his phone or whatever he’s doing. like u can just see his muscles twitch every now and then sjdbsjdbsb.

LEANS DOWN TO HEAR YOU: but you know if your at a party or in the club and the music is way to loud and your trying to talk to someone? well issei is the person who leans down (or up if ur taller than him) and puts his head right by yours to hear you, and you can smell his cologne grrrrr i know he smells so fucking good. but he does the opposite if you can’t hear him and grabs your shoulder or waist to pull you closer and put you ear right by his mouth so you can hear his deep seggsy voice.

GRABS YOUR WAIST: when he needs to get by you, doesn’t matter if it’s in a crouched place or just the two of you in the kitchen, he holds your waist and brushes right against your ass and every time says ‘ ‘scuse me sweetheart’ SIR PLS HAVE MERCYYY.

SMALL SIMPLE CHAIN: he definitely has an infinite collection of rings but he’s had this one small silver chain makki got him for his 17th birthday and he’s literally never taken it off since. and he looks so good with it on especially if he’s sweating after a run or workout or he’s just in the shower or in the pool. pls the way it rests on his collarbones

TURNS HIS CAPS: when i say he has 50 of these in different colours i mean it. he wears them every where!!. it’s like his trademark. but he does that think where he takes it off runs his hand through his hair and buts it back on backwards. idk to be that’s just🤌 specially when he’s like mid workout.

HEAD TILT: now not the confused dog one no but the one where he leans his head back like every anime boy. but he definitely does it when he’s smoking and just slowly leans his head back while letting the smoke out. like r u trying to give me a stroke?

IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS: but if you ever compliment him or tell him a joke or something idk! he does that small laugh and turns his head to the side and covers his mouth with like three of his fingers. SJDBSJDB THIS SOUNDS SO STUPID BUT IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN THEN YOU KNOW!!

WINKS. LITERALLY WINKING: fun fact he actually invented winking. but he does it 200 time a day. you could be like

“thanks for buying me that ‘sei i’ll pay you back tomorrow”.

issei:*wink*

iwa: “nice hickey mattsun (y/n) really went to town huh?”

issei: *wink*.

also psa idk why i just have a feeling makki calls him big boy and issei calls him baby boy. like they don’t know where it came from but know it’s their contacts for each other and they act like those ‘cringe couples’ to annoy everyone. but again example:

oikawa: “can you two idiots be quite for 2 minutes jsut cause the teachers gone doesn’t mean you need be even more annoying”

makki: “hey don’t talk to my big boy like that” * grabs ‘sei’s thigh and leans against him*

issei *wink and does that fake kiss thing* (you know it)

but you get the point.

#🤍.issei #🧸.soft times #🍬.hcs #matsukawa headcanons #mattsun smut #matsukawa #issei matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei #matsukawa issei imagines #matsukawa imagines #matsukawa issei x reader #mattsun x reader #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa smut #matsukawa fic #hq matsukawa

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starkerforlife6969 · 5 years ago

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Jealousy’s a Dancer - starker/spidershield, ft creepy Norman

hello you fucking ray of sunshine, can you write one where norman osborne goes to some big ballet production where Peter is dancing (the nutcracker? it's christmas?) and literally just falls in love with my boo and starts stalking him but peter doesn't want to worry anyone and so the tony&gang are so fkn jealous and possessive in diff ways and then norman SNATCHES MY BABE and gets bruised up and hurt in the process and they raise HELL... OR (same anon, ran out of space bc i love everything you write and you scratch my NEED for soft, sweet adorable peter) you can just make it a drabble and make it solely starker or steve/peter or whatever is easiest for you. omfg i love you. i'm gonna go crawl back to hell; the tour bus is leaving without me

This is the nicest way anyone has ever asked for a story ever??? So, um, I love you. Let’s get all sorts of married. And I hope this doesn’t disappoint!

TW: mentions of violence, kidnapping, jealousy, obsession. Mafia Boss Tony and Body Guard Steve, Ballerina Peter

Tony’s face is creased with worry and regret, as he draws Peter into his arms and kisses him firmly on the forehead. “I’m so sorry I won’t make it, sweetheart,” he whispers, and Peter smiles, and surges onto his tiptoes and kisses Tony right on the nose.

“Daddy,” he murmurs sweetly, shaking his head. “It’s okay, really. Steve’s coming and ’m on for five nights, you can-“

“But I’m missing opening night.” Tony groans, “and you’ve been working so hard, and I…” he shakes his head angrily, and there’s murder in his eyes. “I’m gonna kill whoever it was that blew up our shipment, baby. Because they’ve interfered with you and I never tolerate that.”

Peter wants to urge his boyfriend not to kill anyone, but really, there’s no convincing Tony when he’s this upset. So, instead, he peppers kisses onto Tony’s beard until the older man huffs a fond laugh and hoists Peter up into a hug.

“You’re going to be superb,” Tony insists, and he smells of gunpowder and and expensive fabric. It’s a smell Peter associates with safety and comfort, and he nuzzles in closer. “You give me the names of anyone who doesn’t give you a standing ovation and I’ll hunt them down.”

Peter giggles at that and promises for the umpteenth time that it’s really, really okay, before Tony finally goes to sort out business.

Opening night is tomorrow, and he’s still a little jittery. But he’s excited, and he can’t wait, and he hopes the reviews are good and-

The front door opens and for a second Peter thinks Tony’s come back and decided to leave the manhunting for another night- but it’s Steve, wrapped up warm from the cold, winter air.

“Steve!” Peter squeals delightedly, bounding into his arms, and Steve chuckles, catching him easily and kissing him gently on the lips. “You just missed Tony!”

“Shit, really?” Steve frowns, setting Peter down gently and unwinding his scarf. “I have to talk to him- something big’s come up- Dubroveski’s doubled his men, I have to go with him.”

Peter nods worriedly, following on his heels as Steve heads for the bedroom. “Do you want me to call him for you or…?”

Steve shakes his head distractedly. “No, no, baby, don’t worry. I’ll pack a bag real quick and catch up with him at the airport.”

Peter nods, and sits on the bed as Steve packs. It then occurs to him that-

“Oh!” He gasps, a little sadly, and Steve’s head snaps up worriedly. “Oh- it’s nothing, really,” he hurries, but those blue eyes are relentless, so Peter’s shoulders slump a little and he blushes. “It’s silly, really, I know how important your work is but- it’s opening night tomorrow and-“

“Shit.” Steve whispers, closing his eyes in frustration. He immediately abandons his bags and comes to sit by Peter on the bed. “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have slipped my mind. You know what, I’ll have Clint tail Tony instead and-“

“No, no!” Peter insists worriedly, because Steve is the best bodyguard and Peter couldn’t handle it if something happened to Tony because Peter had been selfish. “You have to go, it’s fine! You can both come to one of the other nights.”

Steve frowns, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, scooping Peter up and onto his lap. “I’m sorry, doll, really.”

Peter smiles warmly, “I know you are. Now come on, if you don’t pack Tony one of his Armani suits he’s gunna be angry that he couldn’t do his fashion power play.”

Steve snorts at that. “It is his go to move.”

*** Norman normally doesn’t care for the ballet.

If anything, he’s annoyed that he’s here. Some bullshit tickets were purchased for Oscorp’s charity fundraiser and here he is, in one of the most expensive seats, watching the Nutcracker.

It’s a cliché of a Christmas ballet and he’s wondering whether he can get away with sleeping through it when-

The boy walks on.

He’s beautiful. One of the most beautiful young men Norman has ever seen. He can’t be older than 21 and his costume is fitted, leaving nothing to the imagination, and he’s cloaked in pink glitter and salmon silk and Norman coils his hands into fists and wants.

Suddenly, he’s very grateful for his vantage point, and for the viewing glasses he has. Suddenly, he’s invested.

The boy is the epitome of grace and elegance as he moves. Technically perfect and wonderfully in tune with the music. Norman was forced to see a lot of ballet performances as a boy and he knows that there’s no wonder this boy was cast as Clara. He’s perfect.

The look on his face when the Nutcracker falls, how he falls to his knees, lips parted in a soundless gasp of pain, how he leaps into the air like he weighs less than a feather-

It makes Norman dizzy with desire. How that supple body would feel writhing under his hands, what the boy’s voice sounds like- no doubt, as pretty as him.

When the boy’s not on stage, Norman leafs through the pamphlet. Peter Parker as Clara. Peter Parker. A pretty name for a pretty boy.

He wants to suck hickies into that perfect, marble skin.

The hours pass by like minutes, and when the curtain falls, he’s up on his feet just like everyone else, but he’s only applauding one person.

And it’s the boy who outshone all the dancing dolls and snowflakes and soldiers.

He’s applauding Peter Parker.

* Because he’s Norman Osborn, billionaire and tech-tycoon, it’s easy to get backstage, and what surprises him is the lack of anyone at Peter’s dressing room door.

No girlfriend, then? No boyfriend? People are clearly blind.

Norman knocks, checks his perfectly tailored suit, and is still winded when Peter opens the door.

This close he can see everything. The smattered of freckles across the boy’s dainty nose. The faint dimples as he smiles. The flushed skin with a few strands of oaky, chestnut hair stuck to his forehead. He’s dainty, so small and slender, and he smells like perfume and flowers. The scent is intoxicating.

“Hi?” Peter smiles warmly, looking at him.

“Peter,” Norman grins, extending his hand. “I’m Norman Osborne. I just wanted to stop by and say that you were- are- absolutely remarkable. An exquisite dancer .The true stand out of the company.”

“Mr Osborne?” Peter repeats, aghast. “From Oscorp Industries?”

Norman grins; sharp and proud. “The very same.”

And then the compliment seems to sink in, and the boy goes an even more delicious shade of pink, and he’s inviting Norman into his dressing room. “Thank you so much- I mean- everyone was amazing though. I mean, Harlequin’s dance? I never could have done that in a thousand years, Ronda is amazing-“

“You’re too modest,” Norman cuts him off, even though he’d quite like to listen to the lovely lilt of the boy’s voice for hours. “Forgive me for being too bold, but could I take you out for a drink to celebrate? Perhaps even dinner? You must be starving after a performance like that.”

Peter flushes again, it goes right down his neck. “Mr Osbourne, you’re too kind, really, but you don’t have to-“

“It would be my pleasure.”

Peter smiles, but his eyes are slightly hesitant. They’re lovely eyes. Like melted amber and caught sunlight. “I’m in a relationship, Mr Osbourne,” he says apologetically, “though I’d love to get a drink as friends? I’m not much of a wine drinker but I’ll never say no to something sweet.”

A relationship, Norman wants to roll his eyes. It can’t be much of one, if whoever it is isn’t even here. They don’t deserve a boy like Peter. They wouldn’t know what to do with those needy fingertips and desperate whimpers-

Whoever they are, they’re irrelevant. So, he plays along. “As friends, I would be thrilled.” And he offers his arm.

Like the perfect boy he is, Peter takes it.

** Peter is a vision the second night.

Tony is the first on his feet when the curtain closes, whistling and clapping so hard his palms sting. Steve’s applauding beside him- the whole crowd follow suit and get to their feet, and when the curtain rises and Tony sees his boy, he whistles loudly and throws bouquet after bouquet of blue roses onto the stage.

He’s front row, dead centre, so Peter sees him immediately and bows low and gorgeous.

God, he was perfect. Tony is going to come and watch this performance every night. Peter’s hypnotising on stage. As graceful as a snowflake, he was made to dance.

“You were incredible!” Steve gushes once they’re backstage, scooping Peter into his arms and spinning him around in the air. Peter’s still in his tutu- frilly white and fringed with silver, and he giggles with delight, before Tony reaches in to grab his boy into his arms and kiss him hard.

“Bambino, you’re perfect. Sublime. You’ve blown me away.”

Peter laughs, kissing the underside of Tony’s jaw.”I’m pretty sure those flowers will be covering the stage for ages! How many did you buy?”

“Nowhere near enough for you.” He promises, and Peter laughs- head tipping back, glitter shimmering all over his face. He’s gorgeous, when-

“Norman!” Peter beams, and Steve stiffens as someone enters. Tony turns and his eyes widen a fraction- that’ll all the response he’ll show outwardly. But inwardly, he’s furious. That’s Norman Osbourne, what the hell is Peter doing greeting him like an old friend?

Norman smiles warmly, enveloping Peter in a hug that’s far too fucking familiar- Tony’s already reaching for his gun, but Steve’s hand is gentle and warning on his elbow. Norman’s in a fucking three piece suit- deep green with streaks of velvet embroidery, and Tony’s in Tom Ford- his suit is more expensive, no doubt, but Norman’s suits him better.

When Osbourne finally looks at him, he’s smiling like he knows. It’s a tight, smug, cordial smile. “Tony Stark. What a surprise it is to see you at a place so cultured.” His eyes drift to Steve and he chuckles. “And not without protection, of course.”

“Osbourne.” Tony greets bitterly, “and what are you doing here? Preying on the souls of the young, or-“

“Guys,” Peter laughs nervously, moving to stand between them. “Tony, Steve, this is Norman. We met yesterday at opening night when he came to congratulate me and took me out for a few drinks. And Norman, this is Tony- who you already know- and Steve, my boyfriends.”

Tony smirks, mean and victorious, at Norman’s look of surprise.

“Boyfriends.” Norman repeats, still a little starstruck. “So modern.”

“Peter knows what he wants.” Steve murmurs lowly, and Norman sizes him up, before accordingly stepping back. This isn’t his arena, Tony knows. Norman may have a legitimate tech business but he has a number of goons who Tony’s run into before. Ties to the seedy underbelly of New York.

And now Peter knows him. Norman’s come along- must have done his research about Peter- knew Tony wouldn’t be here and-

“I won’t keep you.” Norman smiles, all polite and fake, “I just wanted to say you were spectacular again, Peter. We must have lunch sometime.”

“Oh sure!” Peter beams, curls tumbling into his eyes. “Text me anytime.”

“Texting.” Norman chuckles again, heading for the door. “So modern.”

* Peter is, understandably, angry when Tony bans him from ever seeing Norman again.

Steve tries not to get too involved, because he knows how quickly Tony’s jealousy can shift to anger, but Peter is yelling now, and Steve can’t bear it when they fight.

“He didn’t even know I was with you!” Peter cries, out of his outfit now, and in his warm, pink pastel pyjamas. He’s still got speckles of glitter across his freckles, but his cheeks are flushed with indignation.

Tony lets out a patient sigh. He’s still in his suit- he’s been pacing agitatedly since they got back, calling some of the others to see if Norman had been sniffing around their operation- and he leans against his oak desk and shakes his head. “Baby, you’re too trusting. He’s lying to you-“

“I’m not-“ Peter glares at him, choking a little, “I’m not an idiot, Tony, he’s not using me! He just- he just wanted to be friends-“

“He’s dangerous.” Tony growls, standing up straight. “I won’t let you put yourself in danger. You’ve known him for what, a day? And you’re already picking him over me?”

Peter gapes at him, swiping his hand viciously through his curls. “Picking him? Tony, I just don’t want you to tell me who I can and can’t see! He’s been nothing but nice to me-“

“He’s using you, Peter, don’t be so blind!” Tony yells.

Tears, crystal and sparkly, slip from Peter’s eyes and he wipes them away as fast as they appeared. Steve gets to his feet and crosses the room, pulling Peter into his arms. He gives Tony a warning look, but the brunet already looks contrite. “That’s the only reason anyone would even talk to me, right? To get to you?

“That’s not what I meant, piccolo, I just worry about you.”

Peter turns away from him, and buries his face into Steve’s chest. He hugs him tightly, rubbing his hands up and down Peter’s small frame. Steve doesn’t trust Norman either but…Norman had looked surprised to see the two of them- to learn about their relationship to Peter. Plus, Tony keeps Peter so well hidden- how could Norman have known-

Tony can’t bear it any longer, before he crosses the room in three long strides and wraps his arms around Peter too, so their boy is cuddled between them. “Let me look into it first,” he pleads quietly, “just to make sure- just to check. Peter, if something happened to you, I-“ his voice wavers uncharacteristically, “I’m not sure what I’d do. But I’m pretty sure a murderous rampage is fairly high on the list.”

Peter looks up, cracking a small smile, and threads his fingers through Tony’s. “And if you don’t find anything?” He asks, sniffling.

Tony pauses, but under Steve’s glance, he sighs. “If there’s nothing then, I won’t stop you.”

Try as Tony might to find something, he doesn’t.

It seems more and more likely that Norman found Peter quite by chance, which is just…furiously unlucky.

But true to his word, he doesn’t stop Peter from hanging out with him.

His jealousy gets the better of him a lot of the time. He’s a possessive bastard. Steve’s managing to be above it all, and Tony tries to listen to his advice but it’s hard.

Because all the things he loves most about Peter- his big, honest eyes, his innocence, his belief, his ability to see the best in absolutely everyone- well, it’s all the things that are allowing Norman to elbow his way in.

So far, Norman and Peter have only met up twice- Norman had magically appeared at Peter’s final night of the ballet, and they’d gone out to brunch at a small bistro up on Terrace street the next morning.

Nothing’s happening. Nothing’s happening, Tony knows that. He trusts Peter- he knows that Peter would never, ever cheat. And Peter’s so open about everything- he keeps his phone unlocked and Tony’s seen him texting over his shoulder- all the messages to Norman are polite and courteous and-

Peter is an angel.

But he’s their angel. He’s with Tony and Steve, and-

Tony is greedy. He doesn’t want their boy out with anyone else and-

“Tony,” Steve says urgently, walking into the room with a frown on his face. “Has Peter called yet? I told him to message by six, but he’s still not back.”

“He hasn’t.” Tony mutters worriedly, reaching for his phone. “Who’s he out with?”

“Norman.”

* This is all rather humiliating, if he’s honest.

His head still throbs from where it was slammed into the brickwork, and he thinks his lip is busted from the struggle he put up as he was loaded into the back of a limo.

It’s a nice limo, he thinks dully, looking up at the open roof. He can see the stars rolling by. There are plush leather seats and it smells clean.

Tony’s limo is nicer, though. It has a mini-fridge stocked with all of Peter’s favourite snacks, and there are comfy throw pillows everywhere.

“I wish it hadn’t had to be like this.” Norman says, and Peter lets out a muffled noise through the gag, to see the man looking down at him. “But he’s got you so wrapped around his finger, pet. They don’t care about you. They weren’t even there at your opening night. They let you come out with me. Besides, Stark’s involved with- dangerous operations. Someone like you shouldn’t be anywhere near his line or work.”

Peter rolls his eyes in annoyance, shimmying onto his back. His vision is still a little dizzy, but all he can think of is how smug Tony is gunna be.

Damn, Peter should have listened to him. He’s always right, in the end.

Right on cue- a horrible screeching rings out as another vehicle scrapes along the side of the limo. Norman jolts up, but Peter just curls into a ball and tucks himself as far under the seats as he can- just like Steve taught him.

The screech happens again, and then the driver swerves and they crash to a halt-

Cold wind whips in as the door is wrenched open, and Steve is there- tugging Norman out of the car, and then-

Tony’s there, and he’s scooping Peter out and removing his gag.

“You were right,” Peter gasps, even as he’s carried bridal style in Tony’s arms to their own car. “I’m sorry.” He nuzzles into his throat. “You’re right, I should have- I should have listened to you-“

“Precious boy,” Tony mutters, yanking a blanket from Clint to wrap over Peter’s shoulders as he’s buckled in. His touch is quick, but careful, his fingers dragging softly over Peter’s skin. “Never change.” And he kisses Peter’s forehead-

That’s when he notices the little trickle of blood, and his worry morphs into cold fury.

Peter tries not to smile. That’s Tony’s killing look. Norman’s going to die.

“You hurt, baby?” He hisses, hands curled into fists and Peter leans in to kiss him on the lips.

“I love you,” he says instead, and Tony kisses him back- distracted for a moment- before he goes to join Steve.

Peter can briefly hear Norman begging, but then the door is being shut and radio is being flipped on.

“Steve put some ice packs in the bag,” Clint says, “he thought you might need ‘em.”

Peter smiles, reaching for one and pressing it gingerly to his head. He thinks he might fall asleep. “Tell them I love them?” He asks drowsily, and Clint smiles warmly at him.

“Sure thing, kid. But trust me- they already know.”

#starker #peter x tony #peter x steve #mafia boss tony #body guard steve #ballet dancer peter #soft peter #protective tony #possessive tony #kidnapping #happy ending #protective steve #norman osbourne #jealousy #mentions of violence #spidershield

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toxicxxmyth · 5 years ago

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Dating Christopher Vélez headcanon

Authors Note: Don’t know if I rlly have to mention this but I called Chris a fuckboy in this like 20+ times so don’t be offended m8 and just like Richards, this is all over the place

Richard‘s headcanon

Christopher has mentioned many many MANY times that he is not looking for a relationship

My man is getting that good good PussAy ;))))))

And he ain’t looking for no commitment :(:

We stan a fuck boy ;)

So it probably took him like three encounters to notice you

The first time was at a house party and y’all talked for like five seconds and then went your separate ways

You remember him

He didn’t even remember your hair color lol

The second time was also at a party

You were looking for your car keys but you spotted the cute guy you talked to for like a second

So you asked if he’d seen your keys like a fkn dumbass

And he was like “nah m8 😔”

And you were like “aight 🤘😔”

And he thought you were hot so that’s a start

Then the third time was also another party

And then y’all saw each other again and made a convo this time

He for sure remember you this time cause he wasn’t as tipsy as before

Lol

So that’s how y’all met

But just like Richard

It took this boy a long time to actually get his shit together and be like

“I actually like this girl”

Ya feel?

But you already liked him

But you understood his position

You were actually grateful that he didn’t just agree to go out with you if he wasn’t certain about you

It saved you the heart break

But after many MANY months

He gave in, and he was grateful for your patience

Anywhore

Now to the headcanon of dating the Ecuadorian fuck boy who we love

There is never a day where you’re bored

He’s always got something planned for the day

Lazy days are superior tho

His laugh could cure your acne, sadness’s and anxiety

Thank God he laughs every damn day

HE WILL FOR SURE TEACH YOU HOW TO SKATEBOARD

And if you already know how to skateboard then y’all will ride together like actual goals

He goes all out when it comes to dates

Will take you to the most expensive restaurants in the area

For sure will buy you a fancy ass dress

I highly believe that out of all the members he’s the one who’ll spoil you the most

Like fuck

It’s a lot

When he’s away on tour he’ll have a bIG ASS bouquet of flowers sent to you or chocolate

Will surprise you jewelry, food, clothes aNYTHING

you’ll have to remind him that he doesn’t have to do any of that but he insists on doing them bc he loves spoiling you sm

Yet when you return the favor by buying him something small he’s all like

“:0 thIS IS TOO MUCH, AMOR”

and you’re like “???? Khe ???”

For sure will teach you Spanish if you don’t already

Staring by cuss words ofc :’)

Whenever y’all go to the club he always comes up to you like you’re a stranger or smth

“I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?” ;)

“ChRisssss”

He’d try this the whole night making random guys come to your “rescue”

Chris is laughing his ass off while you calmly tell them that it’s just your bf

He doesn’t seem to be the jealous type

He’s v confident that u love him and only him

Which is true

It takes a lot in him to get jealous

But when he does

OOFFF

You better be scared

He never takes it out on you, just the guy who seemed to cross a boundary that Chris drew in his imagination

You’re the one who gets jealous easily for sure

SO MANY PRETTY FEMALES THROWING THEMSELVES ON HIM MAKES YOU SEE RED

But he always shows you that you’re the only one he wants if you know what I mean ;)

Honestly, y’all don’t even cook, just order a shit ton of food while watching movies or the both of you just work on your individual projects

If you ever get stressed over work or a project from uni hes always there

Softly rubbing your shoulder as he presses kisses soft kisses along the shell of your ear sending shiver down your spine as you relaax

It might lead to ;) or it could end in you cuddling until you get your mojo back

The sEX is bOmB bTw ;))))))))

Like, this dude is so into overstimulation and subspace that he’ll have you c*mmimg multiple times a night :):

Ooff

Edging is suCH a big turn on for this boy

Y’all fuck like rabbits no doubt

Public sEx is definitely HIS thing

Expect a quickie after each show in his dressing room when you visit him on tour ;)

Anything you do is such a turn on for him

You literally make him feel like a hormonal teenager again

I’m 92% sure this boy will cry one tour bc he misses you sm

Which leads you to surprising him on the other side of the world

Which he is super grateful for :’)

And then y’all have some bomb sex cause y’all a bunch of sex addicts m8

Whenever he feels down he just rests his head on your boobs and wrap his long arms around your body

You let him rant as much as he wants

And somehow you know whether or not he wants advice or just someone to listen

vice versa

Now imma be 100% honest

Don’t @ me

I feel like it’ll take such a long time for Chris’s mother to actually like you

He’s such a mommas boy that just seeing him with another woman might make her skeptical

Ooff I’m crossing dangerous grounds here

He’s siblings and grandmother automatically loved you, but his mother was distant

Christopher has to have a heartfelt conversation with her about it beCAUSE HE LOVES YOU SM AND HE NEEDS THE WOMAN OF HIS LIFE TO ACCEPT THAT

This lowkey makes you feel like an intruder

You feel as if you’re ruining their relationship

But you’ll also have a heartfelt convo with her and at the end of the day y’all would get along once she sees how much you love and care for her son

It probably took a year for y’all to move in together

But when you do, y’all have even more fun and adventures than before

Y’all goals asf

Most of his ig stories are about you

Videos, promoting your posts etc the whole package deal

Subtle matching tattoos

You say “I love you” first and he’s all blushy and giggle which makes you all bullishly and giggly as well :’)

And y’all just make love as he repeats the words and over and over :’)

He always has his hands around your shoulder

Pulling you closer at the most random times

HUGS EVERYWHERE MAN

Omfg this man smells like christmas heaven

Just like his mom, your family wasn’t certain about him first

And by your family i mean your dad(or male figure if you’re dadless :’)

Making him sad

But you’ll do your best to convince you dad that he is a good guy wHICH HE IS!!!!

After a while, he gave Chris a shot

And that’s all you ask for Tbfh

Will subtly mention you in interviews which would cause the guys to give each other knowing stares

Just Like Richard, you receive hate after hate

BUT YALL FICKING TOO HARD TO NOTICE!!

It sometimes gets to you but Chris is always there to comfort you

Making you go all uwu

He goes full mom mode whenever you get sick

Will google your symptoms

Lowkey has a mental breakdown when google tells him that you only have two weeks to live lol

He later calls his mom and she tells him what he should do

Will try to help you with your work but he just gives you a look and gives tf up

Soft hours late at night

You guys talk about your future and marriage and kids and it just lives you all soft and warm inside

Little did you know that he feels the exact same

You’d be in his arms slightly leaning against the headboard as your dress hands play with each other fingers talking about nothing and everything

Sings to you whenever you have trouble sleeping

THE GUYS LOVE YOU

Did I mention that? Lol

Just like any new friendship

Y’all were awkward at first but after a few minutes of getting to know each other they all loved you

Especially Erick, that boy is your child and you will protect him from any danger in the world lmao

That’s it my ppl :’)

Deuces once again :’)🤙🏼

#cnco headcanon #cnco imagine #cnco fanfic #cnco x reader #cnco one shot #cnco imagines #christopher velez #christopher velez imagine #christopher velez headcanon

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meshkol · 6 years ago

Text

Twitter Threads (or That One Time Tony Dialled It Up to Eleven)

Summary: Social media is hard and full of trolls, and Tony has poor impulse control.

Notes: I hate this so much. Less cracky than I wanted it, because I suck at writing humour. Fill K-3 for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019: Gossip Press. Unbeta'd as per usual. Any relation to existing twitter handles is entirely coincidental.

Warnings: Social Media, Twitter, Homophobic Language, Sexist Language, Ableist Language, Internet, Trolls, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Goes On A Rampage

No one can say that Tony’s ever had good impulse control, especially about people he loves.

@1234ideclareathumbwar posted: I donno what it is about dr strange but he must suck dick like a pro if hes got iron man whipped god knows theres nothing attractive about him except those dick suckin lips #drstrange #ironman #wtfisstarkthinking

@100percentDONE-xxx replied: yeah its not like he can give a decent handjob ffs must me the lips or maybe hes just tight every1 knows stark loves a tight whole hes prolly cheating neway poor cripple

@itsawrapandimreadytoparty replied: Probably just lays there and thinks about the wizard gods just to get that $$$...I’d think of England even for a nymphomaniac drug-addicted sugar daddy too, tbh.

@BlessYouThor-ness replied: still can’t believe he chose strange over THOR like everyone can see the chemistry between them and tony is such a bottom he’d take thor’s cock so well fuck yes

@they-did-the-thing777 replied: is it just me or does strange look like an alien maybe there’s no magic at all just aliens and he’s got a tentacle dick and stark just wants to mark off another box on his worlds-biggest-slut checklist #tonystarkispathetic

@snowflakes_makeme_lol replied: hes just fkn ugly i s2g stark id spread 4 but strange??? that bitch be ugly asf n not worth gettin my dk wet prolly get aids

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: You guys are the pinnacle of our evolution and I am in awe of your genuine kindness and polite generosity (and grammar). Wow, I can’t believe Stephen Strange saved all of your jerkass lives TWICE for this shit and you know what? Everyone knows I’M the cocksucker in this relationship, dumbfucks.

@kiki_blow_this_popsicle_stand replied: HOLY SHIT LMAO

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t bother looking up from his tablet, backing away from that thread because he has no interest in seeing the replies, and hunting for the next war he can wage. “Destressing,” he replies gleefully, clicking on a thread that mentions Pepper. He can feel Rhodey behind him – and, what’s more, he can feel the disapproval seeping out of his pores too now that he’s peeking over Tony’s shoulder – but he’s on a roll, and fuck impulse control when he can sass and bitch on twitter. Some people just need to be removed from the genetic pool of the human race and not be allowed to procreate, honestly.

Somewhere in bumbfuck-nowhere, Fury is having a coronary and Stephen is rolling his eyes so hard they’re permanently lodged in his cranium.

@rudethatyoureallamatwink posted: Does anyone else think that Pepper Potts only got the job at Stark because she’s got awesome legs and a great twat and Tony Stark wanted to stick his dick in? #idfuckher #pepperpotts #starkindustries #idfuckhimtootbh #tonystark

@MyNameIsGoFuckYourself replied: lol ur gross shes like 35 or smth but wvr u want crusty ol lose pussy u do u bro #oldchickgross #getbotox

@shredderinmymetal3-14 replied: @MyNameIsGoFuckYourself lmao wtf?? He started fucking her when she was like twenty or something so she was still nice and tight back then. I mean I’d still fuck her right now cause she’s one hot cougar and I bet she’s learned a thing or two from the Slut Extraordinaire. And anyway, how tf do you know what her cunt’s like?? The only hole you’ve fucked is your mom.

@queeen-bee-says-hi replied: Wow, you guys are pigs. Pepper Potts is a strong, independent, beautiful woman who is worth a thousand of all you, and your mothers would be ashamed of you all.

@gags_are_the_best_fight_me_bitch replied: @queeen-bee-says-hi hey look theres the feminazi if you want i can replace that stick up your pussy with my dick you know you need it ill fuck you real good show you what a real mans like

@truthisanillusion replied: I’ll fuck @queeen-bee-says-hi AND @OfficialPotts_CEO at the same time fucking feminazi cunts, god knows you bitches would be grateful for my prick in your gaping lesbian pussies

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Wow. So. Uh.

1. That’s revolting and my AI just delivered the IPs of @gags_are_the_best_fight_me and @truthisanillusion to the authorities for premeditated violence, rape, and hate crimes. You’re welcome, and feel free to send a cash donation to the charity of your choice for my thoughtfulness. I’d recommend something for women’s or LGBTQ+ rights, and I’ll match it with a multiplier of 1000x.

2. @queeen-bee-says-hi, good for you, and I can see from your profile that you’re a student. Consider your crops watered and your schooling paid for, all the way to your twelfth PhD if you want it.

3. @OfficialPotts_CEO can and will murder you with her pinky nail. I’ve taken on Thanos and I’d rather go ten rounds with him than piss her off. THAT’S why she’s CEO, not because of her admittedly awesome legs.

4. I hate this hellsite. If I buy it, can I kill it?? Rhodey says “technically” so I’m gonna look into that now.

@i_stan_one_legend_named_virginia_p_potts replied: IRON MANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!! #PEPPERPOTTS4PRESIDENT

@iaminlovewithcapandimunashamed replied: lmfao incels be fkd when #ironman comes to town

@truthisanillusion replied: Hey @YouKnowWhoIAm No one trusts you or likes you, you fake ass super “hero” taking it up the ass like a faggot stfu and die already, kthxbye

@queeen-bee-says-hi replied: whAT OH MY GOD THAT IS NOT NECESSARY

@OfficialPotts_CEO replied: Tony, stop picking fights and threatening to buy twitter or I’ll ground you. And just accept the gift, @queeen-bee-says-hi - after all, he’s already done it.

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Shut up Pepper, you aren’t the boss of me.

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: And jokes on you @truthisanillusion because I’m already dead inside come at me bitch I’ll be the one in the multi-billion-dollar suit of armor surrounded by Avengers

@OfficialPotts_CEO replied: Actually, I am. Don’t make me take away your toys. Or call @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel. He’s on speed-dial, sweetheart, and he likes me better than you.

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Rude.

@Sorcerer_Surpreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: The last time you threatened someone, your house got blown up. Please refrain from egging on internet trolls or I’ll dump you for Rhodes for my own sanity.

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: ALSO RUDE.

“You know, I’m not even remotely bi-curious and I would totally tap that,” Rhodey says absently, though his lips are quirking into a smirk.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Hands off, you little shit, or I’ll tweet about that one time in MIT when you ate that—”

“Fuck you.”

“Been there, done that,” Tony quips cheerfully. “Not remotely bi-curious my ass—”

“You know what’s better than picking fights with twelve-year-olds on twitter? Kicking your ass right here. You come at me, Stank.”

Tony opens his mouth to reply but then gasps, already losing himself in another thread after sending a middle finger emoji into the last one.

@mwahahaha-666 posted: You guys can wax poetry about Tony Stark all you want, but screw that basic-ass rich boy - everyone knows Doctor Strange is the smokin’ hot one. #takemenow #mybodyisready #drstrange

@ukulele_jedi_master replied: PREACH!!! stark may be loaded but stephen is the one that looks like a prada model giMME THAT MAGICAL DICK

@xxx-foreverfit-xxx replied: Fuck both of you. I just wanna be a fly on the wall when they’re fucking each other...or better yet, DIRECT them on how to ruin each other #ironstrange #otp

@highpercentageofuselessnessachieved replied: i wonder if he can clone himself like can u imagine?? being fucked from all ends by #drstrange cock?? what i wouldn’t give to be tony stark omfg i don’t even want the money just the hard dickin from that fine piece of ass

@its_a_fact_that_captain_america_has_a_big_dick replied: He’s got Iron Man wrapped around his little finger so he must have the biggest dick and the know-how to use it properly. Yes pls and thank you very much, I’ll take that monster dick pronto.

@TGBYHN_4_LYFE replied: dude i tell u what i would do what @xxx-foreverfit-xxx said: sit in the corner w a ridign crop in 9’’ stilettos rubbin myself while directing them 2 do what i want...make em touch n stroke n suck n bite n fuck each other til they cant walk anymore n then cuddle w them n stroke their hair

@catcatcatcat-cat replied: I would give my college education, my life, my cow, and my internet access away for the rest of my life for a sex tape

@xxx-foreverfit-xxx replied: @TGBYHN_4_LYFE omfg fuCK YES CAN YOU IMAGINE listening to them moan as they lost themselves in each oter, so fucking desperate to get off that they’re begging you to let them cum even as they try their hardest to obey, covered in precum and sweat and hot as fuck

@bigfoot_is_nessie1987 replied: I s2g the amount of fanfiction I write about those two alone should have me committed but I literally can’t stop the two of them are so fucking hot together that it should be illegal god bless Iron Man and Dr Strange and their sexy, sexy chemistry and sexy, sexy bodies #killme

@one-upon-a-time-in-asgard2 replied: They are the hottest couple in the history of the universe and so fucking pure I love them both so much also @bigfoot_is_nessie1987 I demand a link to your fics cuz I’m always looking for more ironstrange porn #otp #ironstrange

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel Hey, they think you have a big dick. Little do they know that they’re totally right and that you also have the added bonus of actually BEING a big dick too! #dontthreatentoleavemeforplatypus #orilltagyouinthirstposts #awesomethirstposts #stephenhasabigdick #andiloveit #goodshit

@mwahahaha-666 replied: OH MY DUCKING GOD

@its_a_fact_that_captain_america_has_a_big_dick replied: Well, I’d be mortified that Tony Stark is replying to this except Tony Stark is acTUALLY REPLYING TO THIS BLESS YOU IRON MAN

@Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: One of these days I’m going to murder you with your own bravado and not lose a night’s sleep over it. And fine, I won’t touch Rhodes...I’m sure Rogers is free anyway, and he’s always so polite when I visit.

@bigfoot_is_nessie1987 replied: Please don’t read my fanfiction I will literally combust in embarrassment also I am dying over here in Copenhagen omfg

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: BRO CODE, DUDE. YOU’RE VIOLATING THE BRO CODE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT A DIVORCE.

@catcatcatcat-cat replied: ...oh my god what does that mean you guys are MARRIED??!?! BLESS THE WIZARD GODS!!!!

@Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: Rhodes, I know you’re reading over his shoulder, so if you could please take away his phone now before he ends up on the cover of the Times...or breaks the internet. Again. Thank you in advance.

Tony reacts immediately, trying to make a break for it, but Rhodey’s already tackling him into the couch, a hundred and ninety pounds of lean muscle and pretty Class As. Tony hisses breathlessly, the wind knocked out of him, and he struggles valiantly to keep his hands on his tablet while Rhodey does his best to rip it away. He doesn’t have a very good position so he makes a hair-brained, split-second decision to throw his body weight to the side, making them both roll off the couch. Rhodey’s a jerk though, and manages to react fast enough so that Tony takes the brunt of the impact, and he can’t even help but groan in a mixture of mild pain and disappointment as he feels the tablet being removed from his lax fingers.

“Sucks to be you, Stank,” he says breathlessly, fingers flying over the keyboard, and Tony cranes his neck until he can read Rhodey’s reply (and on Tony’s fucking account what in the hell!):

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: I think I broke your hot mess of a husband, Stephen. Come collect him before he murders me with his eyes or gets his hands on another electronic device. We’re in the lab.

Three seconds later, Stephen walks through a portal, looking oh-so-fucking-gorgeous in his battle robes, and wearing a scowl of irritation that bodes well for rough, mock-angry sex in the near future.

Tony grins unapologetically, and abandons the lure of social media in exchange for his pseudo husband.

It’s an easy choice.

Also read on ao3.

Feel free to prompt me things on my Bingo Card!

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sol1056 · 7 years ago

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hrm, I have several asks that all imply a similar premise in their questions, so I’m answering that particular part of those asks, all in one, here.

and the premise is that I hated S6; but truthfully,I’d be reluctant to say that. Instead, I’d say I found its flaws even more glaring thanks to contrast with parts that I did like, but that what goes in the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ columns depends on the hat I’m wearing when I’m asked.

See, if I were to break out the various levels in which I consume any story, in any media, it’d be something like this: as a writer, as a student of visual media, as an anthropologist, as a technologist, as a philosopher... and that’s not counting the various other things I love that -- if reflected well in a story -- will make me happy: engineering, mechanics, architecture, intercultural communications.

behind the cut: an example in how those parts of my brain react, and a quick rundown of the real issue of the season: failure to be inspired evenly across the character spectrum.

Take a scene like the one where the castle is hijacked. I don’t know for sure, since @ptw30 is too kind to smack the shit out of me, but I had to have sounded like a chaotic jumble in reactions when Pidge realizes there’s a virus, tries to barricade it in, discovers it’s got a counter-attack tailored to defeat her defenses, and then must use her stored shutdown systems as final defense.

writer brain: okay, the series of events is kinda cliched but it’s handled solidly, moving at a good clip, aaaand yep there’s the backlash, aaaaand yep, the final pivot, dialogue is jargon-heavy which reduces tension slightly but that emotional reaction beat at the end, good job there

visual brain: not bad, kinda predictable angle, oh, that’s a nice shot, good grief hate that cliche, glasses do not go full reflective like that, ohh that’s a different angle, lovely contrast with the character’s words, not earth-shattering but solid composition

technology brain: FKN STOP IT THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS NO OMFG JUST STOP WTF OF COURSE THERE’S DEFENSES WTF WERE YOU BORN YESTERDAY FKN FIND THE VULNERABILITY NO THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS NO WONDER PPL NEVER GET WHAT WE DO GADAMMMIT ANKERLNSDFOIXCVUDX OMFG

mechanics brain: uhm, does this castle have no isolated systems? did no one in all this time ever look at the castle and say, gee, all of this is connected by a single computer system and boy maybe we should, like, isolate this shit, where are my physical real-world levers and a big red button that will physically break connections in a case like this wtf

architecture brain: my HOUSE has a shut-off valve so I can turn off all water to outside spigots when there’s a chance of freezing, without putting interior water pipes at risk, what genius built this castle and never thought to do the same for all their crucial and vulnerable systems?

philosophy brain: is this meant to shut the castle down, or an act intended to make the castle explode, how to draw a clear conclusion as to the moral reaction to such an act, ramping up danger gives impression that purpose is simply shut-down, as opposed to going for the jugular by taking out life-support vs turning castle into bomb, (technology brain interrupts to say FKN CASCADE FAILURE DAMMIT) and reaction is good but lacking something (writer brain pops in to say but emotional beat! we have emotional beat!) bc still not enough to leap from here to seeing friend as enemy, where is the ethical decision point to justify murder in self-defense

...you can see there’s a lot going on in any one scene, in my brain.

But that also means I can analyze anything -- from an entire story down to a single dialogue exchange or image -- from one perspective and find it satisfying. And there’s no real contradiction imo to turn around and in the very next analysis put on a different hat and be frothing at the mouth over all the failures and numerous flaws.

No work is perfect, just as no audience is a monolith and neither are any of the individual members of that audience. Every single one of us has experiences across many areas and will bring all of them to bear on our enjoyment of a story. Up to and including sometimes willfully shutting down parts when they get too noisy -- like the way I have to grit my teeth through stories showing tech stuff because visual media pretty much never gets it right.

Here’s the bottom line, though, and the one thing that will overrule every other complaint (not neutralize those complaints, mind you, only backburner them in comparison):

do I give a damn about the characters?

As long as the answer is yes, I’ll be riveted, regardless of the goings-on. And that’s where S6 was a fascinating object lesson in how my reactions to some characters have changed, thanks to events in S3/S4/S5.

I honestly skipped every scene with Coran fixing the castle. I don’t hate him; I just didn’t find him half as compelling as the other plot threads.

I tuned out roughly half of what Pidge had to say, because her descent into amorality (and the lack of ever being called on it) has turned her from one of my favorites into one who doesn’t deserve my time.

I only gave Allura half my attention, b/c her deus ex machina in S5 is too OP and that takes away a huge amount of risk. She’s a walking powerhouse now which means a lot less at stake, and what could’ve been a truly dramatic moment (Lance’s near-death) had no drama for me b/c of course Allura can make it all better. (Plus the compressed pacing in that episode meant the story ran roughshod over that reaction beat.)

I skipped Lance’s scenes once I figured out they’d amount to him pining away (but not actually doing anything about it) -- once again, everyone else is working hard and Lance is wrapped up in himself, and I’m tired of it. Get over it, act on it, move on, I don’t care, just shut up.

I paid attention to Lotor until he went over the edge. I’ve heard enough descent-into-madness speeches from fictional sociopaths, and he didn’t even present a good enough motivation to make his actions riveting.

Uh, did Hunk have anything to say? Other than doing engineering stuff in the first episode... frankly, a chunk of which I skipped ‘cause I’d seen that four-minute teaser. Too long, enough I had no interest in sitting through it again.

If Keith, Krolia, or Shiro was on the screen, I was on it. If it was the clone, though, I kinda half-listened. I wanted that one storyline resolved already, so I could decide whether to stop caring for any of these three, too.

I paid attention to the generals... until Axca revealed she’d been working with Lotor all along, and then I realized the story had been lying to me. I do not forgive that. When Zethrid and Ezor shrugged over previous betrayals (Narti) and agreed to work with Lotor, I stopped paying attention to them, too. I’m here for characters, not plot devices.

Also, Romelle was left-field unforeshadowed swerve exposition fairy with an accent almost as annoying as no-name-father’s attempt at, uh, idk what that accent was (but goddammit it hurt to listen to, so I just muted him when I saw his mouth move). Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll drop Romelle off at the nearest mall so she can go buy herself a reason to be in the story.

And lastly, wtf was that about the castle’s destruction, whhhhyyyyy did we get a larger reaction space for AN EMPTY SHIP than we did for, oh, say, LOSING THE CLONE who’d been part of the team for how many months? wtf was that.

If you look up at my list of reactions to the castle-virus point, you’ll notice that there aren’t any mentions of personal stakes or characters. At no point was I thinking, oh no will everyone be okay (or even oh no not the poor castle) -- because any remaining connection with the core cast was tenuous by that point, at best. I had minimal to no emotional reaction to Pidge’s final emotional beat, because I’ve lost all respect for her as a character, so I don’t care anymore whether she cares or not.

Which means that there will be things -- depending on the hat -- that I either have found, or may be shown (via other peoples’ analyses, usually) are worth my time and/or have a reason to be there and/or make me reconsider. But without that connection to the characters, at least half the story is just going to go by at arms-length for me, now, and that’s a lot harder to come back from, all things being equal.

#voltron legendary defender #vld spoilers #meta #analysis is my chocolate cake #come for the sugar stay for the salt #vld #voltron

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wildmountainkid · 8 years ago

Note

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

For every @, tag someone I love/look up to || always accepting! ☼

[ OMFG I COUNTED, THATS TWENTY. ILY ANON BUT ALSO NOW THIS POST WILL BE HELLA LONG SO THIS WILL BE PLACED UNDER THE CUT AFTER LIKE MAYBE THREE URLS. IF YOURE TAGGED AND YOURE HAVING DIFFICULTIES FINDING YOUR URL, REMEMBER CTRL + F!! SO ARE YOU READY???? NO?? OKAY, HERE WE GO!!!

[ @wildchildfreecs - pssh, im so so happy to know that you like gon so much bc i, too, would also die for gon freecss. and i also really really relate to shoot in that one scene like??? ME TOO MAN, I CRY. I JUST WANNA LIKE SHOW MY SON TO EVERYONE. also i love your shitposting a lot even if i dont participate in it?? and oh, did i say that i love your gon???

[ @killuaslightning - kai, you are literally so patient and nice to me im like super effing thankful like wOW. im so happy you like angst so much bc i do too?? and at this point i think we have like maybe 20 threads but i love each of them a lot, even if im… slow orz. also the fact that we have so many angst also makes it even worse when we have fluff like Bound By Words bc your reply literally killed me with like two effing sentences. anyway, ily kai and you’re super sweet and aaaaaaaa

[ @jokerhand - cerise, we don’t talk a lot but i love your hisoka a lot?? he’s so ic – the right mix of predatory and animalistic?? and and!! i also love your writing in general. it flows really well and its super easy to read and even outside of writing, you’re also a super nice person too???

[ @cookiethumpr - i can only tag this blog bc i dont remember your other urls ( omFG, dont kill me? ) we’ve barely talked and have zero interaction but i laugh a lot bc of your messages on discord, and in general i just really like julianna and your writing style too?? its uhm, i cant word but it’s kinda like soft and quiet and i just love it a lot okay ;;;

[ @viincula - aaaaa you!!!! are super nice and sweet??? i still suck at conversations so im sorry i end up replying late and all but i really like talking to you! we havent interacted at all either but your kurapika is so on point from what i see??? *blows kisses at ur portrayal tbh*

[ @memorarane - oh boi, we havent interacted on here, but like! we had a tiny thread over at my baise blog and honestly that was super great as short as it was? i love your paku. she looks so emotionless but she really cares and i wanna cry and like?? your portrayal is so good in that aspect im?? maybe one day we can interact more haha

[ @rebelliouszoldyck - we!! have not interacted before but from your replies i really like your portrayal of killua!! he’s such a little shit and i think your portrayal is so on point??? i laughed a lot seeing the responses, so ty so much for coming back to rp him!! hopefully we’ll get to rp??

[ @izuru-ru - i have already said that i dont know a thing about bleach, but like?? bruh i just really love your replies and he’s so awkward and adorable?? i can tell how much you like him and it in turn really made me want to rp with you so im glad we’re rping now, even if im extremely slow ^^”’

[ @nisenokumo - im so glad you decided to come back to rp hisoka!! i mean you’re off on a trip and such rn but the fact that you came back for a bit makes me really happy bc your hisoka is goals?? his slight burns are so great to read and you are also super nice?? we dont talk a lot but its always fun(?) when we do!!

[ @ghostlywriterneon - oh gosh, where do i start… i really love your neon??? neon is a bratty little kid but i still really like her a lot and to have a rper write her well makes me really happy bc not a lot of people like her (understandable) but i didnt expect a neon!! so im like, super glad that you’re still rping her even now!

[ @voiice-ss - oh boyy, i fkn love hiromi??? we maybe interacted for a few replies but i really really like her from what we have and also your interactions with the others?? she’s so playful and mean to gon but that really makes for super fun interactions, and i think its hard for a rp to become stale bc of hiromi’s personality, so im really happy that we are interacting!!!

[ @botanicorum - HI UM, we havent interacted ever before, but ive seen your rps and i really love how you write kite!! especially chimera ant!kite?? i laughed and got kinda emotional with kite’s r/s with colt ;;;; so uhm, im kinda a shy but anyway i love your kites shagkjaahfks

[ @paradise-x-hunter - aaaa, i know you’re maybe insecure about jordyn but i really like her??? your rps with six is also amazing??? like i really feel her emotions in the thread and like!! your writing is super good and the fact that you draw your icons yourself is also really amazing?? esp since i have zero artistic ability ;;

[ @abrupt-extinction - ashfisahgjadgk idk if you’ll see this but i love our rps together??? the fact that both of our muses start questioning the fashion choices together and i think you’re a really nice person and i also love your shitposting and salt ;;

[ @eyesofcuriosity - aaa hi, we havent interacted all that much yet but Nessa is super sweet as a character and i can already tell that they’ll be adorable together. im so sorry for my slow speed and super grateful to how understanding you are but im really looking forward to seeing how much our muses’ r/s will develop!!

[ @earthsno1champ - aaaaa idk why our rps keep dropping (is it me, did i lose the thread idkidk) but even tho i dont watch any dbz, i really love your portrayal?? your rps and everything are super fun to read/write with and you, the mun, seems like a really sweet person behind it too?? tysm for reaching out to me first bc?? if you didnt i probably wont either cos im a lot less proactive when its fandoms im not familiar with ;;

[ @etherealassassin - I MEAN WE LITERALLY FIRST INTERACTED LIKE AN HOUR AGO but i really like your portrayal of killua, aND THOSE EDITS OH MY GOD. the lenny face and taco on killua’s face, i will never forget it now shfiahgjakdgj but your killua is adorable and??? tbh i always wanted to interact with you so im really glad youre back now!!

[ @ofdaggerisms - lmao cal, idk if you’ll see this but the Time Has Come for me to talk about how much i love jack. as expected from the angst lord, the thread that i thought would be cute became angsty but that’s fine. ;;; jack is effing adorable and i really like the way you write!

[ @rosewhxp - UM HELLO, i dont think we’ve interacted and i think youre busy with things too?? but even tho i havent finish watching yyh, i really like your kurama?? and your writing is really good too?? its really pretty too just like kurama ashiadkghjakjs

[ @the-crimson-haired-princess - hello again!! ahsiajgiadkhiasjf um, i want to thank you for willing to interact with gon despite the fact that you dont know hxh (at least i dont think you do?) but you’re super open about it and i really like yona and the way you write her so the fact that you’re willing to interact makes me super thankful!

#anon #;;inbox!#;;ooc || out of energy!#[ dID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO RUN OUT OF NAMES???]#[ HA NO WAY ]#[ i am exhausted tho so shIT??? ]

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meredith-alexandra-jane-blog · 8 years ago

Text

My Immortal: Beauty and the Beast Version Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Summary:

Things get even stranger. (Warning: character death.)

.....................

Beasty Adam and I ran up the stairs looking for Clocksworth. We were so scared.

"Clocksworth! Clocksworth!" we both yelled. Clock came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsebeast has Gaston!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Gaston!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what happens to Gaston. Not after how much he misbehaved in the castle especially with YOU LeFou." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him much anyway." then he walked away. Beasty Adam started crying. "My Gaston!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guys r lik so hot!)

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldebreast's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say, "Avadre Q'uedarve!"

It was...Voldebeast!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISED.

We ran to where Volcebeast was. It turned out that Voldebeast wasn't there.

Instead it was...STANLEY!

Except only he wasn't a Prep anymoar! Stanley loved me so much he was trying to turn to the right side witch is da DARK SIDE. He called himself Stanley Snaketail.

He was dressed all Goffic with a black corset with laces and red lace and black leather miniskirt and black high heel boots. He still wore his hair like Jean Travolta and in those curls but he had pale white foundation and black lipstick and eyeliner and skull earrings and snake tattoos (probly fake) he got from Madame de Goffik Garderoble, dammit! POSER! I was so angrey!

And he was hurting my GASTON!

Gaston was there crying tears of blood! Stanly was torturing him! Beasty and I ran in front of Stanley Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he said as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.

"." he said. (he is 4 years yunger than me so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked. "Lefou I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Stanley Snaketail. I started laughing crudely.

"What the frck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fck you? Mon Dieu you're so fcked up you fcking bastard."

Then I looked up and saw...A FULL MOON.

That means it was tim fro me to transform! I transformd into a 5 foot 5 inch tall Werewolf with sparkling sharp fangz. Then with no self control and my conshence suppressed by my evil Werewolf mode, I jumped on Stanley Snaketail and bit him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Noooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died.

Then I transformed back into my human self and saw that I murdered Stanley Snaketail. The full moon was hid behind clouds now. I brust into tears sadly.

{You see, even tho Stanley used to be a fckn prep, I still was attracted to him and liked him kinda. I even tolerated wen he played awful prep music on the radio back in Villaineuve in the tavern. Like Maroon Cinq, Bruno DeMars, Meghan LeTrainor, and especially the Grease soundtrack which he always sung.}

But I had to choose between him and Gaston. I still wanted to cry depressed tears tho.

"Stanley Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldebeast. Then... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our candlesticks and flew back to Beasty's castle. We went to my room. Beasty went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong, honey?" asked Gaston taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cause he's so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"It's so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other boys and girls and preps here except for B'loddy Belle and Beasty, they're not ugly or anything."

{The Real Author's Note: WTF does this have to do with the fact he just murdered someone? It is so hard to keep to the script. Crying tearz of blood. Please flam dis so that I don't have to continue warping my favorite Disney characters.}

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fcking sluts." answered Gaston.

"Yeah but everyone who is Ghey or Bye is in love with me! Like Clock and Loomiere took a video of me naked. Chapueau says he's in love with me. Beasty likes me and even Stanley Snaketail was in love with me and I murdered him! I just wanna be with you ok Gaston! Why couldn't Seten make me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily.

(an don't wory lefou isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl have told him he's pretty and cute. Even tho he's a little over weight he ain't no size 2 but he can shake it-shake it like that preppy bimbette Meghan LeTrainor sing.)

"Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FRAKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

{REAL Author again: Don't worry, LeFou. If 'Seten' won't make you unattractive, the 1991 Walt Disney Animation Studios will. ;) }

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tm sum1 flams me im gonna slit mah ristsz! fangs 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"LeFou! LeFou!" shouted Gaston sadly. "No, please come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now you can go an have sex with Beasty!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of M'arilyn L'Maison on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Gaston and Beastly. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. (sorry Real Author.) Then I looked at my GC watch and noticed it was time to go to B'loody Belle's Reading class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic vest that said Le Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and had a spiky belt. Below that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Gaston all over them in blood red letters. No pants just fishnets. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs to the big Library feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did some advanced Steakspear literary work (cuz I am no longer illeterate fangz to B'loody Belle) I doodled pictures with gothic ink on my parchment. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned into Gaston!

"LeFou I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I don't care what those preps and posers fink. U da most beautiful Ghey boy in da Disney Worl. Before I met you I wanted to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna be with you all the fcking time. I fcking love you." Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of La Vie et Mort" (we considered it our song cuz we fell in love when Jacques was singing it) right in front of the entire Library! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Jacques, Chester, Pierre, M'arilyn L'Maison, and specially Luke Evans (AN: don u fink dos guyz r so hot. If u dnot no who dey r thn get da fk out od hr!)

"OMFG!" I said after he was finished. Some frcking preps in the Library stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Gaston's now) at them. And I yelled "IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN U FRKING POSERS!" so loud that the top books from the 300th shelf of the Library fell down.

Plumette that feather lady screamed. Her bf Loomiere (always a perv) laughed in the French way like 'hon hon hon!' and Plumette slapped him with her feather. They are preps but I tink they can be converted someday specially Plumette if she change her white feathers to black like Raven.

Anyway, Gaston.

"I love you" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hillary Derriere (I fkn h8 dat bich) and CML in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loomiere shouted 'hon hon hon' at us and everyone was clapping because how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCL would have a concert in Porcs-Hydromel right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

#gafou #gafou au #gafou trash #parody fic #my immortal #not sure if i want to continue because it gets stupider and i cant fit batb characters into it in a logical way at all

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