#the bloodwork lady woke me up

[awheckery]

so. uh.

cut for frank discussion of chronic illness and the serious failures of the american healthcare system. tw for fatphobia and gaslighting.

Last July, I got sick. It wasn’t too bad at first: some fatigue, body aches and a slightly elevated temp, until suddenly it was bad and I wound up in the ER. It took three rounds of steroids, a round of antibiotics and a more powerful inhaler to get my feet back under me, but I never fully recovered.

I didn’t talk about it here, except for answering an ask in October and blaming my lack of creative output on depression. It really, really wasn’t depression; it was my health progressively collapsing, one system after another until the avalanche of symptoms that flattened me just after New Year’s.

For the last four months, I’ve spiked a fever over 100°F nearly every single day. My joints hurt. My knuckles are knobbly and swollen, and occasionally my fingers are so painful and weak I’ve had to literally tape my pen to my hand at work. I get rashes at random that itch so badly I claw myself bloody. I overheat and have hot flashes in temperate rooms. The skin on my face and neck and shoulders turns red and hot to the touch, like I’m burning for hours with no immediately discernible provocation.

Some days, I wake up and I don’t have the strength to get out of bed. Some days I can’t wake up at all. I’ve slept through deafening alarms for hours, long enough for my phone battery to run out and die. I can only stand up for ten minutes a day without being hobbled by the effort, and every extra minute beyond that I pay for in hours spent bedbound by exhaustion and pain.

I keep losing words. I’ll arrive at the middle of a sentence and stumble to a halt, because the word I need isn’t there. It’s not true aphasia, and it’s not all the time. I comprehend written and verbal communication perfectly well, but I can’t get my own thoughts out without tripping over them.

I am, to quote a friend attending school to be a nurse practitioner, “a textbook case for SLE,” and I agree, but somehow I can’t pay a doctor to treat me seriously.

In January, I was referred to a rheumatologist after the bloodwork my PCP ordered indicated I had autoimmune activity of some kind.

To date, that’s my only test for anything that’s come out definitively positive for any kind of disease state at all. Ever. I tested negative for celiac disease on a technicality nine years ago, despite how specifically and intensely sick gluten makes me, so I was dismayed but not too surprised when follow-up bloodwork for lupus came back just barely inside the range of “normal.” Despite that, I wasn’t prepared to be jerked around as much as I have been.

The first rheumatologist I saw, back at the end of January, had barely been in the exam room for thirty seconds when I could see he’d already made up his mind about me. He was dismissive and perfunctory and condescending when he told me that “plenty of perfectly healthy people have positive ANA results,” and he referred me back to my PCP for an exercise program and antidepressants to treat my “fibromyalgia.”

Putting aside that I’m not a “perfectly healthy person,” I’m a Fat Lady living in America, and I’ve experienced medical fatphobia for decades at this point. You learn the key words and phrases pretty quickly, and “exercise program” has never not been a euphemism for “weight loss.” (Which is heavily ironic in this particular situation, because before I was Fat, I walked 2-3 miles a day for funsies and spent 15-20 hours in the gym every week. I only stopped because I somehow shredded both my ACLs in one summer. I’d love to get back to that if a rheumatologist could help me figure out how to be active and uninjured at the same time.)

I was frustrated after that first appointment, enough to request a referral to one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. Why not go to the best, right? There was a five month wait for an appointment, but I am stubborn, and I made use of the time by documenting every bullshit symptom my body threw at me. I have a daily symptom journal, full of subjective entries like my pain and fatigue levels, as well as objective entries like daily temperature changes and photos of my rashes and my burning face and my goddamn mouth ulcers.

I thought I had enough logged to be impossible to ignore, and then I saw the second rheumatologist three weeks ago, and the first sentence out of her mouth was the beginning of an interrogation on my blood pressure, and whether I was taking medication or if I was on a fucking exercise program for it. I tried to get the appointment back on track by sharing my symptom diary, and she turned back to my just-under-the-wire test results, and told me, “many healthy people have positive ANA results, it doesn’t mean anything without other positive test results for specific conditions.”

I said, “Healthy people don’t run a fever for months.”

And then she told me that a "fever is not associated with any of the conditions a rheumatologist treats." I was so startled by the confidence and authority with which she stated the lie that I was unable to speak to rouse a defense or contribute anything else for the rest of the appointment. After an insultingly brief examination, in which I never took my face mask off and she declined to look at any of my photos, she said that she “didn’t see anything that could be rheumatologically wrong with me.”

I asked her what she thought could be wrong with me, and she grudgingly admitted it’s possible, though rare to have an autoimmune disease and test negative for everything, so she would order more tests and refer me to appropriate specialists for my various symptoms. She ordered a referral to an infectious disease specialist for my fevers, and a referral to a dermatologist for my “rosacea” (that she’s assuming I have, because I would like to again note she did not see it, at no point did she actually look at my face or a photo of it), and a referral to an ENT for a salivary gland biopsy for my dry mouth, and a referral to a neurologist for my “stroke-like” memory and speech problems.

It was, all told, an unbearably shitty appointment. I cried in my car for an hour in the hospital parking garage so I wouldn’t do anything impulsive like lying down in traffic, and then I went home, cried some more, and went to bed for three days.

On the fourth day, I woke up enraged. It’s one thing to be blown off by a doctor when you’re just reporting symptoms without proof, it’s a wholly different thing for a doctor to ignore your proof and lie about diagnostic criteria to your face.

It’s hard enough not to think you’re crazy when your test results come back negative over and over; it’s that much harder after being told that your major concrete measurable symptom is diagnostically irrelevant, when it really, really isn’t.

(for the record, just going off the symptoms I can concretely prove I’ve experienced in the last week alone, I land a 16 on this chart, which is the most up-to-date, widely agreed-upon diagnostic criteria)

I have decided, for the moment, to play ball. I don’t have the energy to jump through all the hoops this rheumatologist wants, but I'm angry enough to drag myself through them. Tomorrow I’m supposed to see the infectious diseases specialist. On Wednesday I see the dermatologist. In two weeks I see the ENT, and I’ve got a neurology appointment tentatively scheduled for December.

I’m going to be blisteringly forthright with all of these doctors about why I’m there, and that I’m looking to exclude diagnoses other than the lupus I pretty obviously have. (Except with the ENT. Apparently they treat allergies, and I’d like to be able to go outside long enough to walk a dog, someday.)

I’m supposed to see this rheumatologist again at the end of November. Depending on how this week’s appointments go, I’m aiming to either move up my appointment with her when one becomes available, or just send a firm yet diplomatic email asking why the diagnostic criteria apply to everyone but me.

If anybody else has gotten through this fucking nightmare successfully, I’m open to suggestions, it’s not like it can get worse at this point.

[adarafaelbarba]

Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader

Fandom: Law and Order SVU

Requested: Yes (and no)

Request: «Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨» - @ theichabbieclub

A/N: Last fall I started feeling super dizzy at work. Whenever I turned my head, or leant my head backwards to look up. It was worse than I was used too (I’ve always had a low iron level in my blood, so I have to take supplements for that). It took about a week (and my boss/colleagues telling me) to get me to get a doctors appointment. It turned out I got something called benign vertigo, which isn’t dangerous. It just means the crystal like particles in your ears that tells your brain where you’re turning your head (and in general helps you keep your balance) have come loose and you’ve got to do some exercises to get them to hopefully attach again (this could take from one month to a year or more). So I started writing this little fic a while back, never finished, until I got this request and I felt like it would kinda fit with the unfinished fic 🥰 Hope y’all like it ❤️ -Karen

“(Y/L/N)! Do you have a moment?” Sonny asked as I stood discussing the case with Fin. “Uh, yeah sure, what’s—.” I started before feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. “Hey! You okay?” He asked, catching me as I fell forward, catching the attention of everyone in the bullpen. Not trusting my voice I nodded.

“What happened?” Olivia asked, walking too us. “I don’t know Lieu, one second she was standing up, the next she almost passed out”, Sonny explained, still holding me. “(Y/L/N), what’s going on?” She asked, looking to me. “I’m probably just tired and dehydrated. I’ll be fine,” I said, sitting back down to work. “Go home (Y/L/N). That’s an order.” Looking up at Liv I was about to fight it when she just gave me a stern look. “Fine.”

Grabbing my things I make quick way to the elevator. When I look back at it, I probably went too quick.

I didn’t really know where I was when I woke up, but there were loads of people standing over me when I came too it.

«Detective (Y/L/N)! Are you alright ma’am?!» someone asked as they stood over me. Sitting up slowly I looked around me. The lobby. «Uh, what happened?» I asked, my voice shaking as I breathed in. «Someone found you laying on the floor in the elevator and got you out here», the man said. «Ambulance is on the way», he added. «That’s not necessary sir!» I tried, but he held a hand up.

«(Y/N)! What the heck happened?!» Amanda asked, running over. «I must have gotten up too fast. I’m amazed I even made it to the elevator.» I shrugged, sitting up. «I’m taking you to the hospital to get you checked, and that’s not up for debate!» groaning at her antics I was about to argue with her when the guy from earlier butted in to say there were already an ambulance on the way. «No need, I’ll take her myself!» a few back and forth’s with them and the man gave in, calling to cancel the bus.

«Amanda!» I groaned, but she wouldn’t have any of it.

Getting to the emergency room I was taken straight to see a doctor.

“Alright ladies. What seems to be the problem?” He asked, looking at us. “My friend here is struggling a bit with dizziness, and today she passed out in the elevator at work”, Amanda explained. “Oh my”, the doctor said, looking from Amanda to me. “There are a handful of things that could have caused this, but I think it might be vertigo. It isn’t harmful, it just means your balance is off.” he went on explaining as he printed out a stack of papers.

“Now if you could sit down at the bench there Ms. (Y/L/N), I’ll run some tests before doing a blood test”, he said, motioning to the bench in front of us.

…

Standing back up when we finished off I could feel myself growing tired, and nauseous. “Is the nausea normal?” I asked, looking at the doctor. “It is. Vertigo basically makes you feel like you’re really drunk or like you’re on a boat. It sometimes gets easier with time, but I suggest getting some rest, drink a lot of water, do some of the exercises on the paper there», the doctor said, motioning to the exercises he was talking about. «Alright then I just want to take a quick blood test, and then you’re free to leave», he said, taking out the needle.

…

two days later I was back to work.

«(Y/N), hey, how are you feeling?» Sonny asked, looking over to me as I walked into the precinct. «I’m okay», I replied, smiling at him before sitting down at my desk. «Yeah? Here. I got you coffee», he said, handing me the cup of steaming beverage. «Thank you Carisi. That’s so nice of you», I said.

Work took my mind of the dizziness for the most part. That was until I got up to hand something to Amanda when I felt myself getting lightheaded again.

«Whoa! Easy there doll!» Sonny grabbed me before I fell. «If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were falling for me», he said, chuckling. «Keep dreaming prince charming!» I laughed, straightening myself up before patting his cheek.

«Seriously though. What did the doctor say?» he asked, keeping his eyes on me. «I’ve got something called benign vertigo. It’s not dangerous, or contagious, it’s just, I’m off balance. My brain thinks left when I’m actually turning right, so it feels like I’m on a boat», I said, looking from his ocean blue eyes down to the white coffee lid. «Or … you remember PO Thomasson’s birthday party two years ago? When we both drank more than we should have, and had a hard time standing straight?» he nodded at this. «It feels like that.»

«(Y/L/N)! Catch!» Amanda called, passing a water bottle over. «Rollins!» I groaned, thanking Sonny for catching it. «Remember what the doc said. Hydrate!» Nodding my head I set the coffee down before taking a big sip of the ice cold water.

I caught Sonny giving me a sympathetic look as I capped the water bottle again. «What?» I asked, looking at him. «Nothing, I just, I’m sorry this happened to you. And also, I’m your partner, I should be the one looking after you», he said, hanging his head in shame.

«Don’t be like that Carisi. Only reason Rollins knows all this is because she’s the one that took me to the hospital, and she was in the room when the doctor checked me», you reasoned. «Still, (Y/L/N), I should be looking after you. And I will, starting now», he said. «You really don’t have to Carisi.» But he wouldn’t budge.

…

He had done his homework apparently, reading up on the vertigo. «Hey Lieu! I need to take this phone call. I’ll be back!» you called out for Liv while carefully getting out of your chair and making your way to the break room.

«Dr. Edward, you got my bloodwork result?» you asked, trying not to let your nerves eat you up. «Yeah, your iron level was low, not dangerously low, but the level was low enough to make you dizzy. So I want to start taking iron supplements as soon as possible», he explained. «Thanks Doc, I’ll get them right after work.» You thanked him again and said goodbye before hanging up.

«Detective (Y/L/N)? Can I talk with you in my office?» Liv asked, looking at you. «Yeah, of course, what’s going on?» you asked. «Let’s talk in my office», she repeated herself.

Entering Liv’s office, you awkwardly sat down on the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to start talking. «Are you okay?» she asked, sitting opposite you. «Yeah. I feel fine. I’ve taken time to rest. I’m eating more and I’m cutting back on coffee», you said. She didn’t seem at all convinced. «You still sway, like you’re about to fall, and you’re more cautious when getting up. If the dizziness don’t subside, I’m gonna have to put you on desk duty», Liv stated.

«Desk duty?! Lieu, with all due respect, I got it under control!» you exclaimed. She shook her head at this. «Until you get me a note from your doctor saying your fit to go out in the field, I’m keeping you on desk duty detective (Y/L/N), and that’s final.»

You exited her office in a huff and stormed off to the locker room, not caring who saw you.

«Hey, what happened?» Sonny asked, having followed you. «I’m apparently not fit to be in the field», you murmured, punching you locker door. «Oh?» he sounded surprised. «Yeah.» sitting down on the bench you leant your head back, immediately regretting it. «I’m on desk duty until further notice», you groaned.

…

You had nothing against cops liking or even wanting to be on desk duty. But it was not for you. You were an active person, an adventure seeking person, not someone who would do well being confined to a desk for the whole work day.

If you had someone to come home to at night it would be somewhat bearable, seeing as you got somewhat normal hours. But you lived alone, you were single, who would want to date someone with an irregular work schedule? The hours you got at home were spent laying on the couch and staring at the celling while the tv played in the background.

…

Four weeks into it all Sonny walked straight over to you after coming back from the DA’s office. «Come on, let’s go», he murmured. «Where are we going?» you asked, getting up so you didn’t have to crane your neck too much. «Lunch.» His smile was so infectious you couldn’t help but return it. «Lead the way Carisi.»

You found yourself sitting opposite each other in a cute little diner a couple of blocks down from the precinct. «What’s the occasion?» you asked, sipping on the lemonade you had gotten. «It’s a little pick me up, because I know you don’t like being on desk duty.» That made you smile. «Thank you Carisi», you said, your smile seemingly permanent on your face.

«Could you drop me off at home? I got to get something before going back to work», you asked Sonny after he had paid for lunch. «Yeah of course. I can wait while you grab it, so you don’t have to make your own way back», he suggested. «Then at least come up and wait. I can make you coffee to go.» Sonny nodded at this.

«Make yourself comfortable, I won’t be long», you murmured, going to your office to grab what you needed while leaving Sonny in the living room.

By the time you got back out to the living room, he was stood there holding two disposable cups. «I made coffee while I waited», he said, giving you a shy smile. «Thank you», you responded, blushing.

Taking the coffees from him you quickly put them down on the breakfast island. «Thank you Sonny. For helping me get my mind of the current situation. You’re an awesome partner», you said, hugging him tightly. «Oh, of course (Y/N). Anything to see you smile.» Looking up at him you couldn’t help but smile wide. He was literally the sweetest man in the world.

«We should head back to work before Liv starts calling us», Sonny murmured, turning to grab the coffee. «Yeah, hold on.» You had no idea what got over you, but you got a sudden urge to grab his face and pull him down to you. So you did, meeting him halfway to kiss him softly on the lips.

It felt like a mistake as soon as you kissed him, his lips almost frozen still against yours. «I’m so sorry Sonny! I don’t know what came over me», you gasped, pulling away. «I read the signals all wrong! Shit, I’m an idiot! Please let’s just forget this even happened», you rambled on, not even looking at him.

«Can you shut up for a second and stop pacing so I can speak?» he murmured, effectively stopping you in your track. Looking up at your partner you waited whilst nervously biting on your lower lip. «Sorry», you whispered. «I’m not», he replied, pulling you back in for a searing kiss.

There was one thing you were sure about, you never wanted to stop kissing Sonny. His lips moulded so well with yours as you both stood there in each others embrace. You let out a small moan at how good it made you feel, and Sonny took the chance to slip his tongue into your open mouth. Fuck, does this man know how to make out! you thought to yourself, your hands going into his hair.

When you reluctantly pulled away, you were both out of breath. «That was—wow. I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time», he murmured, caressing your cheek as you both stood there. «Yeah, me too», you confessed, smiling up at him.

«Shit. Yeah we really have to go. Let’s continue this later though.» Nodding at him you both grabbed your coffee and ran out the door.

Maybe being on desk duty wasn’t so bad after all?

Taglist: @thatesqcrush @beccabarba @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-giggles @sweetcannolicarisi

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Just a heads up, this is gonna be a TMI post involving Lady Problems™ so if you are squeamish about the female reproductive system.... grow up.

Ok, I haven't had a period since April 2018. That summer I went to a gyno who was... frankly a massive dickhead. Me not hemorrhaging once a month & having my hips & pelvis even MORE loose was not high on my issues list so I said fuck it. Plus every gyno I've had has been a prick (Texas... go fucking figure).

My gastro recommended the place she went for both her pregnancies & afterwards, so I gave them a call & went in this past Tuesday.

Super nice lady a bit older than me with the hair of my dreams (turns out she uses the same product & method as me, just adds a diffuser & is naturally the silver color I lust after) became my doctor. She listened, wasn't put off by my joking manner of dealing with stuff, & actually believed what I was telling her.

She did the well woman junk & some bloodwork. Then she called me the next day to say my well woman stuff looked fine, my level of the hormone that rises when you go into menopause is normal for a not menopausal person my age, but that my estrogen is super low & not having a period for that long puts me at high risk for uterine cancer.

At that point I mentioned that due to some unexplained weight loss & sketch bruising, I had an appointment the following Tuesday with a hematologist at an oncology clinic. She said that's probably for the best & that to figure out where the disconnect is in my brain/hormone jazz, she is having my do a test where I take 10 mg of a hormone for 10 days. Then in 3 weeks go in for an ultrasound & a follow up. Cool.

NARRATOR: it was indeed not cool.

I took the first hormone @ dinner & woke up this morning in excruciating pain & a literal puddle of blood. Can barely walk & have bled through 3 super tampons despite only having been up for 2 hrs. Today is going to be fun on a bun.

I called & left a message with the nurse line to see if I need to take the other 9 days because I SUPER don't want to.

Fucking don't. Don't harvest other people's misfortune, suffering, or experiences for whatever publication bullshit. Like... it's lazy. It's rude. I'll hunt you down. It will be a whole fucking thing & in case you didn't know, I'm hemorrhaging today & not up for that.

[the-general-hux]

@temptedbythelight

Hux tried to stop his legs from trembling as he stood in line at the auction house. He'd never had to stand for so long at once before, having been brought here directly from an OmegaPrime breeding house. They specialised in pairing pedigree alphas and omegas to produce prime stock for their eager beta customers. Before today Hux hadn't seen the outside of his pen where he had been born with his siblings. Alpha pups were taken from their mothers almost as soon as their eyes opened, ready to be trained to become builders, farmers and other heavy laborers. The best specimens were reserved for studs or pets for daring betas. In contrast omegas stayed with their mothers until they were fully mature and entered their virgin heat. They were then put on suppressants and sold at various markets depending on their quality. The highest quality breeding stock like Hux ended up here, to be sold to rich elite betas as luxury pets. Their demure and submissive nature making them easily trainable and well behaved.

The line jostled as an omega at the front of the queue was lead on stage. Hux looked at the floor, trying once again to calm his trembling body. His knees felt like jelly and the cold was making his feet turn numb. It seemed like no time at all before the omega in front of him was lead on stage leaving Hux next in line. His shivering increased and he nervously clutched his hands together. He was next, soon he would be sold to his first beta owner. He hoped they were kind and patient, but then omegas weren't meant to hope so perhaps he was already being disobedient.

The beta auctioneer pushed his way backstage through the curtains and took Hux's dangling lead hanging from the simple leather collar around his neck.

"Come on sweetie, don't be afraid" he cooed as he gently led Hux past the velvet curtains and onto the wooden stage, placing him on a chalk x marked on the wood. Hux squinted against the bright lights even as he focused his eyes desperately on his toes, maintaining his submissive posture.

"As you can see ladies and gentlemen we have yet more high-quality breeding stock for you. Arrived here just this morning from OmegaPrime itself" the auctioneer announced to his avid audience. There was a scattered muttering at the mention of OmegaPrime. They were well known for producing award-winning pedigree omegas, and also for being exclusive with their stock.

He flipped the page on his clipboard and started reading Hux's fact sheet.

"So specification: red hair; green eyes; petite frame and tall; his fertility rates very highly at 82.6%, if you're considering breeding from him; bloodwork suggests no genetic disorders, but as always OmegaPrime offers a lifetime guarantee with that; and finally a family line which includes 3 award-winning pedigree omegas. I’m sure we can all agree that this is a rather special individual. With all of this taken into account I think we'll start the bidding at 1 million."

Hux remained focused on his feet ignoring the bids as they climbed higher and higher, the better behaved he was the more he would be trusted by his owner. And that meant more freedom and less punishment.

"Sold! To buyer 24 for 60 million, that's our highest bid yet today day so that's the amount to beat!" The beta joked as he gently led Hux to the other side of the stage where a beta woman took his lead.

She led him out of the backstage area and into what looked like a waiting room, before coaxing him to climb into a carry kennel. Only a few minutes passed before the door swung open and Hux peeked through the cage at his new owner. The beta was tall and thin with dark hair and a pointed face, he was smiling though as he moved into the room, setting Hux at ease. That was a good sign.

"Good afternoon sir, congratulations on securing your bid." The woman bowed politely as she took the signed cheque from Hux's new owner.

"Thank you Ms, and please call me Harold" he said as he made his way towards Hux's cage. "Hello little one, you're very pretty aren't you", he murmured as he held out his hand for Hux to sniff.

"Of course Harold. Now may I enquire as to if you've brought from us before?" The woman asked pulling out some pamphlets from her bag.

"No, I'm afraid not", Harold turned to face her, "I'm a first-time omega owner actually, but I have an alpha slave at home".

"Well I wouldn't worry sir, training omegas is far simpler than training alphas! They’re naturally obedient you see. I'll give you these leaflets on basic care but with your purchase we've included a bed and some feed to get you started, we’d like to make this process as seamless as possible. Now we can have the crate taken to your vehicle or if you'd rather we can have him delivered tomorrow morning." She motioned to the cage Hux sat in whilst handing over the leaflets.

"Oh no, I'd definitely rather get him home today. I imagine it's been a stressful and tiring day for him so I'd like to get him settled." Hux watched as his owner spoke to the beta woman. His voice was kind sounding and calm and Hux wondered if his hopes had come true with this man.

His cage was suddenly hoisted up into the air by beta workmen as they followed his new owner out of the room. The auction house was a maze of corridors, and his cage jolted from side to side with each sharp turn before they stopped at an automatic door. It slid open and Hux was greeted by the cool outside breeze as he was carried out into the car park. The air smelled fresh and clean, and the chill gave Hux goosebumps as he sniffed eagerly at the new smells that surrounded him.

"It's probably the first time he's been outdoors. OmegaPrime have very strict quarantine rules so their omegas are often fascinated by the outside world. Things that are ordinary to us are extraordinary to them." The beta lady spoke as Hux was loaded into the trunk of his owner’s car.

Harold nodded, "So I've heard, I plan to let him out in the garden as much as possible so he can explore the outside world more fully." The trunk slammed and Hux only heard muffled voices as his owner moved around the car. The front door opened as he clambered in, slamming the door and starting the engine. "Don't worry little one, we'll be home soon.

Hux's owner’s house, or Master Harold as he'd been instructed to call him, was large and intimidating. The front door itself loomed over Hux as he was led inside and the stark hallway beyond reminded Hux immediately of the auction house. He was ushered through the house and into the kitchen. It was all grey with straight lines with a huge polished granite worktop stretching from one side of the room to the other. There was no clutter or personal touches in the room and Hux wondered if his master had ever used it. Thankfully Master had placed his bed in the utility room next-door, in a large cupboard with the door taken off.

“I was told that omegas like boxes and enclosed spaces to make them feel safe so I think this will be suitable. The boiler is just above it so it should be nice and cosy too.” Master rubbed the back of his neck bashfully before pointing to a generous bowl of food and a clean bowl of water.

"Those are for you so please eat and drink your fill. Now the leaflets all say you'll want to settle into your surroundings so I'm going to leave you to it for a while, you’re allowed anywhere with an open door. If you need anything don't hesitate to get my attention, I won't be angry or upset if you need something." Master smiled gently, "I'm going to call my friend Callum, he's an expert at slave keeping and he’s helped me a lot with my alpha Ben. He'll come over and give you a good look over for me. I'm afraid I'm at bit of a novice at this." He patted Hux's head. He walked out of the room.

Hux looked around briefly before crawling over to the food bowl. It was standard OmegaKibble which is what he’d eaten since he had been weaned from his mother. The familiarity of it was comforting as he happily tucked in. After licking himself clean Hux snuggled down in his new bed. His master had tucked a clock between the many blankets that made up his nest. The soft ticking reminded him of his mother's heart-beat, when Hux would lie next to her in their pen, and it lulled him gently into sleep.

He woke only a short time later when there was a knock on the back door. He looked up as his master walked past to open it, before ushering a huge alpha into the room.

“Just wait there Ben I'll bring you dinner in a moment." Master moved back into the kitchen.

[canaryatlaw]

alright I need to write and go to sleep. today was pretty good overall, busy but good. I woke up at 8, got ready, and got on the bus by 8:30 to make it downtown by 9:30 for my dentist appointment...except I was an idiot and didn’t check my calendar and realize it was actually a 10:30 appointment, but by the time I did realize this I was halfway there so I just said whatever fuck it I’ll just chill in a starbucks for an hour. as we got closer to downtown a girl who got on took out a torts casebook and was reading from it (the majority of law books look remarkably similar so I knew immediately what it was) so when I had the chance I tapped her shoulder was motioned to the book like “did you just start?” and she said yes so I told her I graduated last year and we had a little conversation for like two minutes before she got off, so that was nice. Once downtown I did find a starbucks like less than a block from the dentist (love that) so I chilled there for a bit before going over to the dentist. today was supposed to just be filling in a small gap in a filling that had started decaying but when my dentist got in there it was worse than expected so they ended up replacing the whole filling, which is unpleasant of course but definitely not the worst I’ve had to deal with. After the dentist I had time to kill before I could get food for lunch because of the flouride, so I went across to the street to sit on a park bench for a little until I was messaging Jess and she couldn’t find her navy tie for a cosplay and since I was downtown with time to kill I told her I could just grab one for her, so I walked over to the Target a few blocks down and grabbed that, along with a small sandwich from their little cafe before walking to ulta for my haircut appointment. that went well, quick but good, always enjoy talking to my hairdresser lady and we ended up getting into a conversation about the workings of the criminal justice system because she was big into Serial and Making a Murderer and we’ve discussed them on many occasions (she always asks what the latest details with the cases are) so I ended up explaining the tiered court system for appeals and how all of that works. Once I was finished there I got on a bus that took me most of the way home, then waited a few for one to take me the rest of the way. I had like an hour to chill before I had to take kitty to the vet, a task I was not looking forward to to say the least. She always fights me getting into the carrier bag but I was able to get her in without too much struggle this time, and thankfully our uber driver was chill with me having her (to their credit, I haven’t had any uber driver refuse to take us so that is appreciated, and I always tip extra for it) but of course she was whining the whole time which the guy thought was really cute and funny lol. once we got there we got into an exam room pretty quickly so I could take her out of the carrier. the technician came in and weighed her, same as last time which I was relieved to hear because this whole thing started about her not eating all of her food so I was worried she would have lost weight. The vet came in and did a physical exam and all that good stuff and she looked good, but they wanted to do another round of bloodwork to make sure there weren’t any elevated parasite levels. the last time they tried to do that it didn’t go great but it wasn’t the worst thing ever. WELL. this time for some reason she decided she was not having it. They have her like wrapped in a towel and trying to hold her still but she was very loudly protesting about it, and like halfway through she just starts flipping the fuck out and flailing everywhere and ended up completely getting out of their grasp, so that ended up being the end of the test lol thankfully they got enough. so she was not happy after that, but I managed to get her back in the carrier and ubered home. I was supposed to get nails done with Jess at like 5:15 but wasn’t sure how long the vet would take, and it was like 5 when I got home so I messaged her and once I got kitty out and settled I headed over to meet her at the nail place. they didn’t have anyone free at the moment (we normally try to make an appointment in advance but didn’t today because idk what time we were gonna be able to go) so we went and got dinner, then came back and got our nails done, so that was good. headed home afterwards (because SOMEBODY didn’t want to get ice cream) and chilled with my computer with the latest food show I found on netflix playing in the background that I didn’t have to pay too much attention to, lol. And I basically did that for the rest of the night until I showered and started getting ready for bed. this also included final packing arrangements, getting all my toiletries and good stuff. packing like two days in advance was a bad plan because I couldn’t remember what I had packed lol. and yeah, once that was finished I started typing this and now we’re here. I’m tired and we flying to Atlanta tomorrow, so I’m gonna go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Sleep well.

[endlessvoidsnkittens]

Lord have mercy.

Okay, I’ll try to make this not too long-winded. However, it IS me writing this post.

Went to get my allergy poke test this morning. I was supposed to get up at 6:30am. Woke up at 5:47am thinking I had overslept. So I just went ahead and stayed awake. So, woke up at ass-crack of dawn.

Got in the room to do my poke test and since I’m on seroquel they had to test me with histamines first because seroquel can cause false negatives.

I couldn’t get the poke test.

They didn’t have an order prepared for the blood work test.

The lady did everything she could to try to get one set up but it was just like...the planets were perfectly aligned to make this not work.

However, less than a mile away from leaving the building, they called me. Their computers had finally come back up and she was able to send out a lab order.

Got my bloodwork done.

I’m frustrated and cranky. The blood test isn’t as accurate as the poke test. But I hope I can still get SOME answers.

The stupid seroquel isn’t even working for me right now. I need an increase.

[vampykitty-kun]

Update:

Well, it’d been about a year or so and I guess it’s time to say that I’m not dead. I’ve only just now, as of an hour ago, gotten internet hooked up in my ‘home’.

This past year was a train-wreck.

the move I planned for almost 2 years, and spent all my savings on, was a bust. I had to move back after only 3 months, because once I got out there the property owner changed their mind on a whole bunch of crap. I spent the entire summer in 80-100 degree weather and no AC. Given that I was up in Wisconsin and lived my entire life in northern IL me and heat do not get along. They wouldn’t let me have the electric company come out and install electrical lines, because the company needed the property owner to sign off on it and he was a paranoid ass that kept insisting he was going to get stuck with the bill despite me having the cash in hand and the order being under my name. I spent the 3 months with one extension cord, no gas, no plumbing.

The guy that moved me out there also moved me home. He was a neighbor that was friends with my mother but only 3 years older than me. He was in a rough spot. Lost his job, his girlfriend left him, and the roommates he acquired after she left stole the rent $ and ditched him. By the time the 6 hour drive home was done he managed to convince me to move into his house. My father had stolen my bedroom after I moved out, threw out all my furniture, and was not going to give my room back. Neither parent wanted me to move back in with all of my pets either. I would have been stuck taking my grandma’s old room, which never would have fit all my stuff, and I had no furniture to speak of while this guy already had a bed, dresser, and TV in a room for me.

I took the chance and moved in. Honestly I just wish I never tried to leave home. I moved in mid September and spent the next several months without internet, paying all his back rent, paying most of the ongoing rent, buying all the food and cleaning supplies, etc, etc, etc, to the point that I’ve never been so tapped out financially in my life. He did start working on Halloween, but then was bad with his money, and it took several occasions before i had to start demanding to see rental receipts because not only would he often not give the landlord as much as he said HE was giving him, he often kept money I gave him for the rent and spent it elsewhere. Then because He was having to ride a bike home 40 mins from work as the buses didn’t run that late, he bought a beater car from a co-worker when we still weren’t caught up on rent. In the end I had to even contribute to that cost. Then we were FINALLY almost all caught up and he was laid off the first week of March. 

It got to the point that I flat out refused to pay for anything anymore, sold some things, and started saving money for my own place. But as many people know, renting with multiple pets is a nightmare. We were about to be evicted, he at the drop of a dime acquired a girlfriend who moved in the day they started seeing each other, and I ended up having to drop another $600 to avoid ending up out on my ass. He and she were of course supposed to contribute to that, but they didn’t. She did get a job and start paying rent after that, but he only managed to finally start work last week. I of course no longer have money saved up to move out so I’m trapped here until at LEAST July. I had to pay to get the internet hooked up and $100 towards rent again just 2 days ago.

Past housing related issues there have been plenty. 

Right before I moved out May 2016 my grandmother had a stroke. She ended up in rehab, recovered some after a few months, then came home. But then she had another stroke and ended up with mercer, and ended up back in the hospital just a week after coming home. She did not recover that time. She ended up in hospice. I did manage to go see her a few times before she passed away November 4th, just 2 days after my mother’s birthday and we had gone to see her.

Atticus, my sweet, adorable smooshy faced kitty jumped out the window a week before Halloween. I had repeated yelled at my roommate to put the screens back in the window, but he was ‘anti-screen’ saying it blocked air flow. I then repeated told him to warn me if the windows were open so I could lock Atticus in my bedroom. He of course never remembered. I was outside when he jumped out the window, I heard his collar bell, and did go after him. Unfortunately it was already dark out and I had no idea where the flashlight was, so when he dove into the garage I let him stay there. The garage has no power and has been used as storage so it would have been a nightmare trying to get in there in pitch black. he had gotten out a couple times before, during the day though, and after an hour or so he’d always come running if called. Those of you that followed me closely know I’m very anti-indoor/outdoor cat due to the zillion safety risks. I wasn’t thrilled by any of this. Well I tried an hour later to get him in and he did not come. I sat down, watched a movie, and just as it ended it started storming. I went out looking for him, got soaked completely through my coat, got the flashlight from the roommate who was home by this point, and NOTHING. He was no longer in the garage, not in the yard, not under any of the cars, not at my mother’s around the corner, he simply vanished. I went a few hours later and checked again after it stopped raining, and nothing. Checked in the morning, nothing. Walked the neighborhood listening for his bell when I called, nothing. I put up fliers. I called every animal control, shelter, rescue, and vet in the area. Nothing. Brought the fliers to them even. Checked animal control and the local rescue in person several times, nothing. I had this cat for 10.5 years and he just vanished without a trace. I got to hoping that someone at least found him and was cruel enough to me and attached to him to keep him. He was half persian which is a desirable look. But at least in that situation he’d be alright. My roommate watch me go nuts for weeks never giving up. It all ended when I found out from this girl he liked and I never talked to (I guess he thought I never would, but I went to McD’s and we started up a convo though when we ran into each other) that my cat was dead. As it turns out my roommate’s friend a block away found him the day after the storm dead at the curb in the grass near his house. My poor cat ended up hit by a car in a thunderstorm and died alone and in pain, all because of stupid ass screens. Instead of giving me the closure, my roommate hid this shit from me. He apparently told the girl this saying he had to get it off his chest but didn’t want to upset me. Then when I confronted him, he denied it. But he’d lied to me about so many things since moving in I never believed him. I continued to bring it up regularly, until he finally got fed up and admitted it to me. He claimed he went to confirm that it was him, then came home for a bit before he went back to pick him up, only to find that the city had already removed him. I doubt it. So not only did I not get the closure, but I didn’t get to bury him or anything. He never intended to tell me. he watched me continue searching. Watched me gt into the neighbor’s car and go to animal control various times. So yeah... coming on here to see that my profile pic was still my poor cat landed me in some serious angst...

Then after Grandma passed and the new year started, my mother had a stroke. Just after grandma had had her two. Turns out she had lupis, and it did something to her heart and tissue tore, and some of that tissue pinged around in her brain. She didn’t lose any feeling, but her speech and some other things were affected for a couple weeks. Because it was the heart and lupis that ultimately caused it, they ended up having to put her on the proper meds, and she had to have open heart surgery to correct the tears. She has since recovered mostly.

Meanwhile I’ve been having a nervous breakdown and existential crisis the past years and it finally blew up to the point where I couldn’t function at all, barely left bed, slept an average of 14 hours and still woke up physically and mentally exhausted. I had lost a good 15lbs out in Wisconsin for 3 months but at this time I have since gained 30lbs. Enough was enough, I started having some seriously shitty thoughts, and I went and got a medical card and adulted, scheduling a shit ton of appointments. I’ve started getting my bad teeth fixed, the ones I suffered through for the past 6 years. My blood pressure is magically stable despite the massive amounts of stress. No diabetes, a miracle. All my bloodwork came back normal. They have me scheduled to check for a couple different cancers, as there’s several in my immediate family. They have me seeing a therapy lady 1-2 a month for anxiety and depression. My anxiety got so bad in all of this that I started breaking out into hives and rashes at random. They have me on anxiety meds now and while they’re still trying to figure out dosages it did completely get rid of the rashes. They want to see how I do on these before they decide how to address the depression. They said if I think I need it they can assign me to someone to see weekly, but really I’m taking baby steps. 

Past all angst and chaos I’ve really not done that much fandom related, and I feel I have to apologize even though I guess I sorta have a legitimate excuse? I did draw some things during my time out in Wisconsin. They’re inked and I had started coloring them but never did finish. I didn’t touch any of my fics, though I certainly don’t want to abandon them, it’s just been a bad time. I did however start on two actual novel-novels, one of which is probably 2/3 of the way through. It was honestly easier in all of this to write something outside of fandom.

As for what I’m currently into, I’m still a big BatFam fan, but I did get into the Marvel Cinematic universe, and several Marvel comic titles outside of that. For the most part not their big main people, I like a lot of the smaller characters and a lot of the alternative versions of main people. I also dove into Teen Wolf the past couple months and a I forgot how much anything werewolf related thrilled me, so it’s been a good time there.

Idk where I’m going from here. I waited to come back to tumblr until I had my own internet connection. I guess I’ll just have to see how things go. I did miss this site’s content quite a bit, and shit, I really missed a lot of the people on here even though I’m sure some of you are gone, and no one has the same profile pics anymore, and a lot of you have even changed your names, so things are confusing, but I’ll figure it out.

I’m glad to be back and I seriously hope I can finish pulled myself out of this hole.

~Vampy

[scentedpapernightmare]

Bleh. Ended up in an urgent care yesterday.

I woke up with some hives & stiffness so took ibuprofen & an allergy pill & called my PCP who sent me to a dermatologist.

Dermatologist confirmed hives, but cause still needs cause determined (rhumatologist & allergist/immunologist needed as this has been ongoing but only one dr has this far been open to schedule & that's the rhumatologist appt in july)

Dermatologist ups my antihistamine intake to 3 pills a day. I get home & take second allergy pill then lay down for a 3 hour nap.

I wake up & am basically a single giant hive. Its basically neck down & just starting to creep up onto my chin. My engagement ring was stuck & I worked on if for 15 minutes to get it off in worry itd need cut. It lives on a chain now.

I walk out & fiance immediately sits me down in a chair & calls his nurse friend. I was already on the phone with my mom discussing the merits of ER.

Both nurse friend & mom concluded I needed an urgent care. If I need further care, it cost less for me to be sent to the ER by an urgent care dr than just show up in an ER.

I walk into the urgent care, desk lady grabbed dr immediately & i was told to leave insurance cards with her & go back immediately.

I explained my day & was given the largest dose of antihistamines I've ever taken in one go ( they were also aware if earlier doses) & then injected with steroids (never got a butt injection before... it hurts)

I'm then sat down again with water & they watch me for about 10 minutes before its determined that the hives are starting to recede. I never had any breathing problems (past anxiety which I alerted them to) so fiance was able to take me home & told to keep me on "watch" to make sure i didnt have any further reactions. If so, ER for me, luckily I just grumpily ate garlic bread then fell asleep without any complications.

This meant periodically being nudged as fiance checked my breathing. I was dead tired and only remember him doing so once early on. But I woke up finding myself cuddled, so I assume that was his way to keep tabs while I sleeping. Or he wanted cuddled anyway & the keep fiancee alive was just a bonus reason.

Its "probably" autoimmune? According to bloodwork anyway.