#the big one's bank note fell off and i dunno where it is

[calocreek]

Tanuki statues I sculpted and painted a few years ago! My friend at the time kept challenging me to make them smaller and smaller haha. Believe it or not, there used to be an even smaller one but he is long lost...probably on some adventure in a couch or vacuum bag somewhere.

[kyber-crystal]

➳ pickup lines || s.w.

summary: you’re oblivious to the fact that sam, your best friend is hopelessly in love with you. and it kills him inside because he’s been dropping hints for as long as he can remember. 

warnings: none, just fluff and a cliche best friends to lovers trope :) 

words: almost 2k

a/n: for @marvelsswansong​ ‘s late birthday present! sorry this was so late and that it’s so bad RIP i tried to write it in one go...anyway our boy sam deserves some more recognition sksksk

“Guess what this shirt is made of?” Sam smirked as he pointed at himself. “Boyfriend material.”

You rolled your eyes, suppressing a chuckle. “Oh, stop it.”

He slid into the seat next to you at the kitchen counter, swiping the spare muffin from your plate. “Y’know what’s on the menu today? Me-n-u.”

You just shook your head, spreading jam across your toast before biting into it. “Wow.”

“They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth,” he cleared his throat, “well, apparently, nobody has ever been standing next to you. You are absolutely breathtaking.”

“I look gross,” you argued as you tried to hide your face with one hand, “I got three hours of sleep after helping Bruce in the labs and I’m a mess.”

“Don’t be silly, Y/N. You always look beautiful. Especially to me.”

Even if he was joking, you couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach at his comment.

“Oh my god, will you shut UP,” Bucky groaned. “You’re cheesy as fuck, Wilson.”

“You’re just jealous because nobody likes you,” Sam retorted. 

“Ooh, shots fired,” you whispered, cupping your hands around your mouth, “need some ice for that burn, Barnes?”

“He isn’t wrong, though,” Wanda shrugged, pouring herself a mug of coffee, “the chemistry is evident here. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten together yet.”

You let out a long sigh and went back to focusing on finishing your meal, not noticing the several glances Sam stole out of the corner of his eye at you.

...

“Y/N. “

“Natasha,” you replied without breaking your concentration on murdering the punching bag in front of yourself. 

“Girl, how long are you going to keep this act up for?”

You dropped your fists by your side, sighing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You and Wilson.”

“What about it?” you questioned as you began unwrapping the tape from your hands. She handed you your water bottle and you took a long sip, “We’re best friends. I don’t see anything special about that.”

“Best friends or not, he clearly likes you. I’m not gonna sugarcoat this: you’ve been the most oblivious idiot ever. If what he’s doing isn’t obvious enough, then I don’t know what is.”

“He does not. Sam’s just being Sam. That’s who he is. It’s in his nature to joke around.”

“Does he use pickup lines on me in every other sentence he speaks? No. Does he do that to Bucky? Never-”

“Because him and Bucky are rivals, and you guys are just f...”

“Just friends! Babe, you proved my point.”

“Oh, shut up...”

“If you don’t take matters into your own hands, then I will. You keep turning the poor man down and you don’t even know it. Tragic.”

“Natasha, I do not like any-” The redhead gave you her signature ‘look’, crossing her arms over your chest. Your shoulders sagged in defeat. “Fine. I don’t know. I guess I’m scared.”

“What reason do you have to be scared? You’ve gotten shot, you’ve led countless teams into battle before, you’ve taken out aliens with the power of your fists alone. Hell, we survived the Red Room together, and you’re afraid of catching feelings?”

“What if I embarrass myself by telling him?”

“Are you nuts? He’d be over the moon if you did so much as react to what he said. Poor guy’s feeling discouraged by your poker face. Give him a chance. He’s your best friend, you don’t wanna ruin the relationship you have together.”

“Fiiiiiine.” You whined and tossed your sweaty towel at her. “Now leave me alone so I can go take a shower.”

She laughed and tossed it back. “Alright. Tell me when you’re officially dating!”

“I hate you!”

“Love you too, babe!” she called out after you as you left the facility.

...

“SAM!” you yelled from the bathroom “Get your ass over here!”

“Am I in trouble?” he asked innocently as he peeked his head through your doorway. “You need something?”

“I forgot to bring a shirt with me. Can you get mine from the laundry? The black one?”

“Yeah, of course.” You heard him shuffling around before falling silent, then there was a knock on your door. “Here. Take this.”

“Thanks,” you nodded before taking the shirt and closing the door behind you. 

You looked down and let out a groan when you realized he’d mixed up the shirts and given you his instead - a V-neck you’d seen him wear plenty of times when you, him, and Steve went on morning runs together. It was ridiculously tight on him and you absolutely hated it because you couldn’t help but stare. But you didn’t like him. Definitely not.

Right?

Right.

You trudged down the hall to the kitchen, walking into to see Bucky’s and Sam’s awaiting smirks.

Crossing your arms, you raised an eyebrow at him, “Samuel, where is my shirt?”

“Dunno,” he feigned innocence, “I got mixed up.”

“Okay.”

“I’m no photographer, but I can picture you and me together,” he sent you a finger gun and a flirty wink. 

You rolled your eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day. “You’re such a sap.”

“Y/N! Hi!” Peter dropped his backpack and rushed forward, tackling you into a big hug. 

You stumbled backwards in surprise but quickly returned the gesture, ruffling his hair playfully. “Hey, kid. How was school?”

He made a face. “Sucked. I actually need your help with an assignment. I’m supposed to interview three role models in my life about stuff and Mr. Stark is in the middle of a conference call right now so...yeah.”

“Oh!” Your eyes widened in pleasant surprise. “Me? I’m not special-”

“If you weren’t special then Ned wouldn’t constantly fangirl over you to me. He always asks me if it’s true you can shoot lasers out of your eyes and hands.”

You chuckled. “I feel honored. Count me in, Queens.”

The two of you headed off to the labs together, and as soon as you left, Sam let out a loud groan, his face falling into his hands. “She doesn’t get it. I keep throwing hints her way but she doesn’t get it at all. I don’t understand. What exactly am I doing wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t an openly affectionate person. She rarely ever tells people how she feels. She usually conveys her emotions through killing her enemies and channeling all her energy into punching bags,” Bucky replied simply. “And the occasional Mario Kart deathmatch. She’s not very easy to read.”

“Even I had a hard time getting to her,” Wanda admitted. “She’s very...private. Prefers to keep her feelings to herself.”

“Does she even have any sort of clue?” Sam looked over at the young woman with a desperate look in his eyes. “Otherwise I’ve been humiliating myself all this time, for nothing.”

“She likes you, but she’s too afraid to admit it,” Steve suddenly spoke up. All heads turned in his direction. “It’s a thing I picked up from my ma when I was young. I can read into body language. And hers, well...she likes you, Sam. She’s just very subtle about it.”

Hope glimmered in his eyes. “She does? So she doesn’t mind my pickup lines?”

The super-soldier laughed. “As terrible as some of them may be, yeah, she doesn’t. I’ve seen her walk away flustered many times.”

“What do I do now?”

“You’re gonna win her over, once and for all,” Natasha declared. “And we’re making sure of that.”

...

“Y/N.”

“Pete.” You glanced over at the teenager, who had stopped furiously scribbling notes down in his notebook, “what’s up?”

“What’s up is you and Sam.”

“What about us?” You quirked an eyebrow. “I genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t.” The boy wrinkled his nose, “I know he likes you, and you like him. So why do you keep pushing him away?”

“Peter-”

“Y/N, I’ve known about this since we first met. So why haven’t you made a move yet?”

“I don’t know.”

“He’s trying his hardest to win you over and you’re refusing to budge! I bet he feels so bad about it.”

“Oh, God, I know...” you rubbed your forehead and let out a long sigh, “I just don’t know how to react.”

“Send a pickup line right back at him! He loves pickup lines, so gauge his reaction on that!”

“Alright...”

"Back to Chemistry! Which you two clearly already have...”

“Queens!”

“Okay, okay!” You both burst into laughter. “Okay!”

The team had all agreed on an outdoor barbecue, so you all gathered outside on the massive rooftop of the compound to eat dinner. Tony, Thor, Steve, and Rhodey were busy flipping the meat, Wanda and Pepper were setting up the refreshments, while the others were lounging around and casually conversing with one another. 

You noticed Sam standing alone by the edge, hands stuffed in his pockets as he stared out ahead at the horizon. He seemed to be deep in thought, but as soon as he turned around and saw you approaching him, his face lit up with a grin that the others knew he only had when you were around. 

“Hey,” you offered him a small smile. You felt your heart skip a beat as you locked eyes - the early evening glow only made him look better than he already was. “Penny for your thoughts, Wilson?”

“Are you a magician? ‘Cause when I look at you, everyone else disappears,” he stated.

“Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you,” you replied smoothly, taking him by surprise. This was a first --

“Am I dreaming, or did Y/N just send me back a cheesy pickup line?”

“I did,” you laughed lightly, breaking into what he thought was the most beautiful sight on earth - a million-dollar smile. He’d never forget it. “How’s your week been?”

“Uneventful. You?”

Your face fell momentarily, and he felt his heart drop at the same time. “Could’ve been better.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

You took in a deep breath before responding. “Fury’s got me leading Team Alpha in a recon down south in the Outer Banks. Then as soon as I get back, I’m called to represent the team at a press conference about disaster relief. After that I’m stuck filing reports for a solid six hours and I end up only eating one meal that day. So yeah...it’s been pretty rough.”

“Did you make up for all that lost sleep, though?”

“A little. Compared to my typical three hours, I’d say 5 is a good enough improvement.”

“Progress is what matters. And you did that,” he nodded. “Look, if you ever need someone to talk to...you know I’m always here, right?”

“Definitely. That doesn’t eliminate our weekly Mario Kart competitions with Bucky, right?”

“Of course not.”

“Good.”

You stood there in silence for who knows how long, until he spoke up again.

“Did you know that when you smile, you can’t breathe?”

“Really?” You looked straight at him and gave him the brightest smile your face could produce. 

“I’m kidding. I just wanted to see you smile.”

At that moment, all the Avengers immediately stopped what they were doing and froze on the spot. 

“I think you broke her,” Peter whispered as he poked you in the shoulder multiple times, and you didn’t move. “That was smoother than butter.”

Your mouth opened and closed like a fish but no words came out, face burning with heat - the butterflies in your stomach had turned to hummingbirds. Since when did he make you feel this way?

“Yup,” Bucky coughed, “she’s definitely in love with him.”

"I’m not in love with him, I love him. I have for a while,” you muttered so quietly that he almost didn’t catch what you said. 

Now, it was Sam’s turn to be left speechless.

[ickle-ronniekins]

worth the risk, fred x reader

request: from nonnie: hi! could u do a fred weasley x reader where they play in the snow and just have a fun time?

A/N: hi darling! sorry this request is coming at you so late—due to my unscheduled hiatus lol, hope you love fluffy chaotic freddie, also def made this a little more romantic in sorts i hope that’s okay!! I LOVE NERVOUS FRED

He was so incredibly persistent. It was outrageous.

It helped that he was cute.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

He was taken aback by your statement and stopped for a moment, as you continued to dust the books in the library without even looking at him.

Detention. His fault. You were just caught in the middle.

You’d never once received detention. Not once! And now, in your final year, here you were.

Fred had been setting off some type of miniature fireworks in the middle of an empty classroom you’d been studying in, doing so to try and... impress you? Make you ask questions? Fall into his arms in pure infatuation? You didn’t bloody know what. Snape had a field day with it and sent you two straight away.

And Fred sincerely thought that detention would be an appropriate place to ask you out.

You would’ve been on cloud nine had you not been so sincerely pissed off at him for landing you in this very situation.

He laughed sarcastically. “S-seriously? That’s all you have to say?”

You barely nodded. You continued on your work, making sure Madam Pince didn’t hear a peep from either of you.

Fred cleared his throat and smirked. “You haven’t given me an answer to my question,”

You’d finished quickly, but Fred—too busy trying to win you over—still had many shelves to finish. You picked up your bag and slung it over your shoulder. You glanced at him before turning around and exiting the library, “And you’re not going to get one.”

But Fred Weasley did not give up that easily.

“I’ll get one!” He called out after you, and Madam Pince shushed him angrily.

You smiled to yourself the entire way back to your dormitory.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like him—he just happened to get you rather angry, since the detention was really his fault, anyway. You did like him, of course, as did everyone—both him and his twin. Actually... you were sort of head over heels for him, and you always had been. But he’d never felt that way before. The reality of him finally, finally asking you on a date was beginning to hit you as you entered your common room—but you didn’t need anything distracting you from your final year. You had all of your big exams coming up and the last thing you needed was to be focused on a redhead and not on your work in front of you.

It would just be easier that way.

You weren’t sure when his feelings had changed. You’d been friends since your second year and you’d kept you feelings relatively hidden. But somewhere along the line, things had changed...and he was determined to get you into his arms.

A few days later in Transfiguration, you were carefully listening to McGonagall and taking vigorous notes, when you felt, suddenly, like you had eyes on you. You turned to your right, only to see Fred across the room, leaning on his hand, watching you as if he was in a sort of trance. Delirious. Next to him, George was taking notes and doing his best to stifle laughter.

You glanced at him quizzically, and bit back a smile.

I don’t even care, he mouthed to you.

“Mr. Weasley,” you heard McGonagall’s cool voice waft across the classroom. You turned back towards her, swallowed over a lump in your throat, and prayed to any higher powers above that your cheeks weren’t burning bright red.

“Yes?” he asked, slightly embarrassed.

“May I ask you what is so important that you are ignoring my lecture entirely?”

You squeezed your eyes and waited with baited breath for what he’d say next.

“Just the most beautiful girl in the world, Professor.”

While laughter echoed throughout the classroom and McGonagall told everyone to settle down, Fred sent you a wink across the way and you felt your insides go warm as you just shook your head at him admiringly—but you were also the tiniest bit embarrassed. When you turned your attention back towards the front of the class, you could have sworn that McGonagall glanced directly at you and grinned teasingly before continuing on.

When you headed directly towards the library after class, Fred excused himself from his friends and ran down the corridor to catch up with you. “Y/N!” He nearly tripped over his robes, and when he finally reached you, he ran a hand through his red hair and placed his bag against the wall.

“Come on,” he said, stopping you in your tracks. “One date. Give me one date.”

You bit your lip and thought for a moment. Then you said, “Fred—I told myself no distractions.”

“I won’t be,” he said, but his smirk said otherwise. You both knew he absolutely would be. “Look, I dunno about you, but this—” he gestured towards his heart, “this doesn’t happen to me often. I don’t think we should be running away from it, do you?”

“But Fred—” but he knew your whole ‘distractions’ excuse wasn’t a truthful one. It was a complete and utter lie. You could bypass studying altogether and pass your exams with flying colors. You knew it, and so did he. He knew you didn’t want to put the friendship at risk.

He took your hands in his. “I think it’s worth a little risk, don’t you reckon?”

You hadn’t realized you weren’t breathing until you choked on the words trying to escape your mouth, but nothing came out except a stifled cough. You put your arms up in the air, as if surrendering, but then backed away slowly from him. You held tightly onto your bag and bit your lip, but before turning around completely, you smiled at him softly.

“Promise me you’ll at least think about it!” He called after you. When you turned around and saw him at the end of the corridor, he was grinning from ear to ear. Ugh. So bloody charming.

That night, you didn’t sleep much. Maybe four hours at the most. You tossed and turned all evening. You went down to your common room, thinking maybe one of the arm chairs would be more comfortable, but it wasn’t. You paced back and forth, had a bit of tea, paced more and more. You fell asleep uncomfortably for about twenty minutes or so on one of the couches before making yourself another cup, and pulled gently at your hair and fought back and forth with your head and with your heart.

You’d nursed your crush on him for years. So why, now, when he was basically professing his love to you, were you holding back? You supposed, when you looked back on things, it was because you never really expected him to feel the same and you’d accepted that—so you’d settled comfortably into a budding friendship you knew would be enough for you.

But now?

Things were changing.

When you finally went back up to your four poster, you could see the sun beginning to poke out of the clouds. Your heart was thundering in your chest, and you knew that across the castle somewhere, Fred Weasley was still sound asleep.

Sometime a little while later, you sauntered into the Great Hall, spotting his bright red hair immediately. You gulped and ran your hands over your blouse and jeans. And then, you marched right up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

He must’ve been taken aback, because he nearly choked on his cereal and quickly ran his hands through his red hair, which was very askew and... sort of cute. He stood up and nearly tripped over his shoelaces. George and Lee held back laughter and Fred just peered at you with admiration. “Hey,”

“Hi,” you replied, swallowing again over the lump in your throat. You only just noticed the amount of people surrounding you all—maybe this was a bad idea. “So, um—I thought about it, a lot, truthfully, and... I suppose you’re right—it worth being a little bit of a risk, I mean, so... okay.”

He’d always been notorious for teasing people. “Okay...” he replied, waiting for you. He was going to make you say it. Of course he was. He flashed you a toothy smile that sent you into overdrive.

“Okay,” you said, feeling your cheeks flush pink. “One date.”

Fred shook his head and smiled at you. “Alright then—one date.”

You looked around at the faces staring at you. “Yep—okay, um... bye.”

You shuffled quickly on your feet to get away from the eyes following you out of the Great Hall. When you exited, you could swear you heard slight cheering and you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself.

It seemed to become a pattern, the laughing.

Much different from your day in detention.

Fred always had you laughing.

In the Three Broomsticks, when he purposefully guzzled his Butterbeer in a silly sort of way, leaving himself with a foam mustache, you couldn’t help but giggle. When he jumped out from behind some of the shelves in Zonko’s and scared the wits out of you, you fell into a fit of nervous laughter, swatting him with your coat sleeve. And when he threw a snowball at you, starting a war, you laughed like a little schoolgirl as you chased him throughout Hogsmeade, doing your best to get him back.

You were getting to know Fred in a different way—of course, you already knew him, you’d been friends for years, but this was... new. And exciting. And dangerous. And absolutely deliriously wonderful.

In the middle of a snowy field, he wrapped his arms around you and you both fell into a snow bank, the white fluff dancing around you as your bodies fell into it, snowflakes perching themselves on your eyelashes and ends of your hair.

“Reckon I won that one,” you said, closing your eyes and resting in the snow.

Fred laid beside you, moving his arms and legs as if to create some type of snow angel. “I’ll give it to you, but only because you’re cute.”

You turned towards him and glanced admiringly at him.

You loved the way his red hair stuck out of the front of his hat.

After what seemed like hours, he stood up and pulled you to your feet. You brushed the snow off of your coat and pants and pulled your hat tighter over your head. Fred nervously placed his hand around the back of your neck and gently ran his thumb over your cheek. He was inches from you now. He looked different across from you—nervous... shy, almost. “Was it worth the risk?” he asked you, almost in a whisper.

You grabbed onto the front of his jacket and pulled him closer to you, standing on your tippy toes and pressing your lips gently to his. Fireworks... but not the kind to land you in detention. When you pulled away, he kept his eyes shut for a moment before peering at you and smiling nervously.

“Yeah,” you replied, running your fingers across his jaw line. “Definitely worth it.”

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @perksofbeingawf @cottageoflove | let me know if you’d like to be added!

reblogs + feedback are always appreciated, thanks loves :)

[yayeetsonny]

Dancing In The Dark~Lindsey Horan x Male reader

prompt: Lindsey and Male reader are quarantined together, they’re in a bit of a rut. Romantic dinner, and dancing fixes everything.

Requested by: @zestybiscuitanon​ 

Y/N PRO//

It’s been 8 weeks since the start of the quarantine. The first 3 weeks were a walk in the park and my girlfriend Lindsey Horan and I were more in love than ever, We relished in the time we got to spend with each other and all the new things we were learning about each other. But then things shifted, we started arguing more often and by the time week 6 came around we were eating meals in silence, not knowing what to talk about anymore and having to take consistent days of space for ourselves. Now we weren’t going to break up by any means… at this point but if we wanted to make it work we need to find a way out of this rut we’ve found ourselves in. 

“Y/N?” Lindsey called out, coming into our room looking at me hesitantly

“Yeah, Linds?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to play FiFA with me?”

“Ummm… maybe later okay? I’m a little busy right now, sorry.”

As soon as I said that I regretted it as I watched her face fall but she did her best to put on a fake smile as she nodded and left the room. I would have said yes if I knew we wouldn’t play in absolute silence and stay sitting a whole couch a part. 

“I’m a little busy right now.” What? That’s a lie, idiot! I know lying to her wasn’t the best idea and I could tell that I had hurt her feelings but I wasn’t really sure how I could make up for it now. I just flopped down on our bed frustrated by my inability to be honest, but eventually I got up and went to the desk we had in the room across the hall, sitting down I  pulled up a notepad. My best ideas, romantic or not come to me when I write things down. 

I started to brainstorm romantic dates I could plan to make up for the last few weeks, I knew it would be hard because we couldn’t really leave the apartment unless we needed to get food or go to the bank but I figured I could still pull this off.

“Romantic movie marathon?… no she’s probably sick of tv.”

“Pie eating contest?… That’s not romantic or a good idea.”

“ Nerf gun war?… Not romantic enough.”

“Walking Ferguson?… We already do that everyday.”

“Ughh, this is impossible.” I said to no one but myself.

“What’s impossible?” Lindsey said, taking me by surprise.

I quickly closed the notepad that had “Date ideas” written at the top in big letters, threw it across the room and tried to act as “natural” as possible.

“Uh, Oh… Nothing honey, I was just working on something for my boss.” I said nervously

“Okay? Why are you being so jumpy?”

“Me, jumpy? pfft, I dunno what you’re talking about.”

 I nearly fell out of my chair as I had put my feet up on the desk in my bid to look calm.

“Alright then, I’ll leave you to it then.”

Once again she left looking upset and slightly concerned. Wow… smooth Y/N, real smooth. I thought. I picked up the notepad and once again went back to brainstorming ideas. It was a lot harder than I was anticipating but after what felt like forever I finally got an idea I knew she would love. I ripped out the page that had my plan on it and went back to our room to start getting ready. When I was freshly showered and changed I went out to the living room to find it empty and a note on the counter.

“Y/N,

I took Ferguson for a walk, figured you were too busy to come with. Be back soon.”

-Lindsey

Okay so her note was a little cold, no “I love you’s” or “We’ll miss you’s” but this gave me the perfect opportunity to get everything ready.

 I planned to cook her favorite meal, and during dinner I would tell her how I was feeling about everything and she could do the same. I hoped that then we would be able to get better at communicating and we would be in a better place. After we finish eating I plan to ask her to dance, and we would go to the living room and we could dance like we did that night I asked her to be my girlfriend. In order for that to be romantic I needed to set up candles (without lighting them yet), sting some of those really cool Led lights around the room and close off that area until I was ready for her to see it. 

That was the trickiest part since the living room was one of the first places you saw when you walked in the door but after some digging I found a clothes line, some pins and set of bedsheets I could hang to cover it. It looked really weird and I knew she would ask questions but I had answers ready. I barely finished setting everything up when she came back and when she walked in the look on her face was priceless.

“Okay… what’s with the giant bedsheet wall in the living room?”

“I just need those too dry; I accidentally spilled water on them, so I hung them up.”

“They don’t look wet to me.”

“Well, then would you look at that! They dried a lot faster than I thought.”

Turns out I really only had one answer to her questions and she was looking at me like I was crazy.

“You’re being really weird today Y/N, you know that? Here let me help you take them down.”

She started to tug on the sheets and I knew I had to find an excuse for her to stop before she saw what was behind them.

“Wait, wait! Don’t!”

“Why not? They’re dry I promise.”

“Lindsey, please stop!”

“Okay, okay. I stopped, what’s wrong? Why are you getting so worked up?”

“They’re important to me.”

“These bedsheets are… Important to you?”

She was even more baffled now and I could tell she was becoming more and more concerned by my weird behavior.

“Yes?”

“Y/N… is there something going on? Something you need to talk about? I’m a little worried about you babe.” She said, the concern very evident on her face.

She approached me and took my hand in hers, intertwining our fingers and squeezing gently.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I know, I’m okay. I promise but I just really need you to leave those up for now okay?”

“Okay, I’ll leave them be.”

“Good. Now I actually have a surprise for you.”

“You do, really?”

“Yeah, while you were out I made us dinner.”

I led her over to the table and showed her the meal I had prepared. I served us both and then sat across from her.

“Y/N- I don’t even know what to say. You didn’t have to do this, thank you.”

“I did have too, I wanted to make up for today and for the last few weeks. I know it's been just as hard for you as it has been for me. And I’ve been pushing you away, and I haven’t been a good boyfriend lately, I’m sorry.” I said earnestly.

“This was very sweet of you. It’s okay, I forgive you. I’m sorry as well, I know I haven’t been the most loving girlfriend lately.”

“It’s okay, I get it and I forgive you.”

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Why have you been pushing me away? I know I was doing some of the same things but I was starting to feel like you didn’t want to be here with me anymore.”

“I did that because I wasn’t sure how to tell you how I’ve really been feeling, I noticed that we were fighting a lot more about such little things and it scared the crap out of me, so I figured if I became a little more distant, the fighting would be less.”

“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling like that. I was feeling much the same way and didn’t know what to do.”

“I think we both were trying to find a way to make things better and ended up making it worse huh?”

“A little, yeah.” She giggled

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine, leaning across I kissed her gently. We continued to talk everything though and came to an agreement to do better at communicating how we feel and to make sure that we let each other have space but not push each other away. I felt much better and I could tell so did she. 

“Did I tell you about that squirrel in that tree outside the building the other day?” Lindsey asked, already starting to laugh at whatever she was about to tell me.

“No, What about it?”

“So I was just taking a walk by myself right?”

My face fell at the thought of her walking around possibly feeling upset about us. She noticed and quickly added

“But I wasn’t sad or anything, I just want to get out for a bit.”

“Oh, okay. Continue.”

“So I looked up in the tree after I heard a bunch of noise and saw that he was trying to grab an acorn that had rolled far away from him, but he wasn’t just walking to it, he was determined to stretch for it.” 

She finished in a fit of laughter and I couldn't help but join in.

“So like that little guy from ice age? He just couldn’t seem to get his precious acorn?”

“Exactly!”

We were able to find new, albeit somewhat weird things to talk about and finished the meal, smiling lovingly at each other. 

“Okay… Linds?”

“Yeah, babe?”

I actually have one more surprise for you. You wanna see?”

“What? No way, Yeah I do!” 

I took her hand and led her over to the bedsheet wall.

“Okay, we’re here.”

“The bedsheets? I’ve already seen these.”

“I know, silly goose. The surprise is behind them” I said giggling as she pouted at me.

“I would’ve figured that out.”

I back tracked after remembering I still had to light the candles, turn on the LED lights and turn out the regular lights, so I told her to go wait in the kitchen and not to peek. 

“I wanna seeee.” She whined

“I know lovely but I promise it’s worth just waiting a little longer.”

“Fineee.”

As soon as she wasn’t looking I dashed behind the “curtain” and did everything I need to there, before emerging again only to go over to the light switch and turn out all the lights in the apartment.

“Hey, Why’d you turn out the lights?!” She yelled.

I went over to where she stood, once again taking her hand, telling her to close her eyes I led her over to the living room and tore down the bedsheets. 

“Okay, open!”

When she saw everything she gasped loudly and brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

“Do you like it?” I said, nervously rubbing the back of my neck.

“Like it?… Y/N, I love it.”

“I’m really glad.”

I turned on the speakers I had set up and the playlist with all the music we loved, including the first slow song we ever danced to began to play,

“May I have this dance?”

I held my hand out to her and she eagerly accepted, I led her to the “dance floor” and we began to sway to the music. My hands rested on her waist while her arms were wrapped around my neck. She had to stretch on her tippy toes to be able to reach but she didn’t seem to mind. We got lost in each other’s eyes and shared little kisses here and there. 

“These lights are so pretty.” 

“You’re so pretty” I said smiling softly at her

“That was cheesy.” She giggled

“I know, that was what I was going for.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.”

We were so engrossed in each we had completely forgotten about Ferguson until he very loudly and rudely might I add made his presence known by barking at us and then shoving his way in-between us.

“Excuse you sir, do you mind?” I said feigning annoyance

He just barked at me while giving me the stink eye.

“Okayyyy… I’m sorry I left you out of my grand plan. Can you forgive me?” I said leaning down and petting him. He barked as if he was saying “Yes, I forgive you.” 

“My two favorite boys.” Lindsey giggled.

We went back  to dancing but this time we included Fergs and made sure he knew we loved him too.

“You’re my favorite dance partner. Thank you for asking me to the dance.” Lindsey whispered in my ear, giggling softly  as she hugged me.

“Thank you for letting me step on your toes.” I chuckled.

“You know, maybe next time we do this, you could let me cook?” Lindsey said hopefully.

“I hate to be the messenger of bad news babe but… You and I both know you aren’t the best in the kitchen.”

I laughed at the offered look on her face as she slapped me on the arm.

“Hey, I resent that! I’m not that bad.”

I raised my eyebrow and gave her a knowing look

“Okay so I suck at cooking! You’ll just have to cook me a romantic dinner every week then.” She said jokingly.

“That can be arranged.” I laughed.

We “danced the night away.” As they say, having Lindsey wrapped up in my arms and feeling closer than ever was an amazing feeling and as we continued to sway to the soft music I knew we would be okay and we’d come out of this quarantine stronger than ever.

//

Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[breanime]

Nobody’s Business

Soooo... My sleeping pill has kicked in in a big way, so here’s a slightly delirious Diego ficlet based on my nightly Diego fantasies. For context: the Reader is also powered (unspecified here, but it’s a very specific skill) and she’s been raised in a setting that is basically some morally bankrupt version of the Umbrella Academy. So she and the Hargreeves have known each other for years, they’ve worked together/fought eachother and all that jazz. So here’s a lil something form this universe I made up!

Note: This takes place a year before Diego leaves the academy, Ben is still alive

*gif not mine*

“What are you doing here?”

You didn’t even look up as Diego spoke to you. You had to keep your eyes on the target. You smirked as Diego squatted down next to you. “What’re you doing here?” You asked back, still staring ahead into the building across the way.

“Savin’ lives,” he reported, “The Academy got a tip that some big-time mobster was staying in this hotel.” You felt him shrug, and his shoulders brushed against yours. “Must be true if you’re here.”

“So where are the rest of the Brady Bunch?” You asked, finally turning to look at him. He was wearing his domino mask, and you wondered—like always—why he even bothered. Everyone knew who he was. At least he wasn’t wearing his school uniform; thank God his Dad gave up on that look once they turned 16. You passed him your binoculars.

“There was a bank robbery across town,” he replied, peering through the binoculars, “and a stand-off at the museum. Luther and Ben got the bank, Allison and Klaus got the museum, and I…”

“Got the scraps?” You grinned, turning towards him and taking the binoculars back.

“I asked for this, smartass,” he grinned back, “This is gonna take some real detective work, be good practice for when I’m a cop.”

You scoffed. “I still don’t get why you want to be a cop. This is so much better.”

“You can only get so many scumbags sitting on rooftops,” he said.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence after that. You and Diego had been doing this for years; he’d sneak away from the Academy and you’d wait until your mom passed out and you’d meet somewhere to beat down some criminals. It was nice… Sometimes he even brought Klaus or Ben along—but never Luther or Allison. They still saw you as the enemy. So you and Diego met in secret and somehow became friends. Two hours passed before you got a good look at the mobster when he walked in front of his hotel room window.

You and Diego stood up at the same time.

“I got this,” he said, adjusting his harness full of knives.

“Wha—no you do not,” you pushed him, but he only shifted a bit at the force, “This guy’s mine. I’m the one who’s been staking him out all night—”

“—The cops won’t take your collar; they hate you. It’s gotta be me.”

“So what? I don’t care if the cops are six inches deep in your father, this guy’s mine!”

“No way, I’m taking him in!” He stepped up to you. Diego had gotten taller, and he loved to stand over you.

You stepped on your tippy-toes and glared at him. “I was here first!”

“Fuck it, fine,” he scrunched up his nose, glancing over at the hotel, “We’ll do this together.”

Not even 15 minutes later, you and Diego were standing in the middle of a posh hotel room over the mobster’s unconscious body. There were knives stuck in the wall and blood splatters everywhere. There was also an open envelope on the bed full of the personal details of several people in Witness Protection and their families.

“Lemme call this one in,” Diego said, stepping over the man and walking towards the phone.

“No need,” you said back, casual as ever, “Mom said I had to kill him.”

“Jesus,” Diego turned back to you with a frown, “we can’t do that!”

“You can’t do that,” you corrected, hands on your hips, “I mean you can, you have—”

“—Under special circumstances,” he interrupted, one step away from fuming, “We don’t set out to knock off every asshole we come across!”

“Yeah, well, we ain’t in your prep school now,” you shrugged, “And I don’t have to follow your Dad’s flip-floppy rules.”

“It’s not about that. It’s about getting this guy. What’s gonna hurt him more: you killing him—”

“—Yes, that one. The death one will hurt more.” You deadpanned.

“—or us putting him behind bars where he has to watch the whole world move on without him? All his power, all his money, his allies, will evaporate over night while he’s wasting away in a prison cell.” He raised an eyebrow—the scarred one—at you. “Which one’s worse, huh?”

You sighed and rolled your eyes. “Fine,” you gestured towards the telephone, “Call….nerd.”

He smirked as he picked the phone up. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promised, “I know how much you like working criminals over.”

“Yeah,” you crossed your arms over your chest, “this pussy didn’t even put up a fight.”

“How about,” his hand hovered over the buttons on the phone, “after this, you and me head over to the ring and go a few rounds?”

You grinned. Diego was your favorite sparring partner. “And Griddy’s afterwards?”

Diego laughed, and your grin widened at the sound. He didn’t laugh enough. “Yeah, but this time, I’m buying.”

You rolled your eyes again, but this time you were smiling. “What does it matter who buys?”

“It matters,” he insisted, “The guy is supposed to buy. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.” You watched him punch the numbers. “It’s Diego,” he said into the receiver; you hadn’t noticed how deep his voice was getting these days… “Yeah, I—we—got ‘em. He’s knocked out on the floor of Room 202 at the Red Plaza Hotel. There seems to be evidence of bribery and intimidation in the files he’s got here…. Yeah, sure… See ya soon, Rodriguez.” He hung up and turned back to you. “So,” he grinned, “wanna hit the bowling alley after Griddy’s?”

You laughed. “I guess I’ll get to kick someone’s ass tonight after all,” you joked. You pointed to the mobster with your foot. “How long till they come to collect?”

“Dunno,” he plopped down on the bed, “Could be at least an hour…” He smiled over at you, and you knew exactly where that smile was leading. “Wanna practice kissing till they get here?”

That was something new you two had started recently, practicing kissing each other—because practice made perfect, after all. Just because you got butterflies in your stomach every time you heard Diego’s name, and you looked forward to seeing him, and you liked to spend time with him meant nothing at all!

“Sure,” you said, sighing as if you were so put out by the thought, “we got some time to kill.”

“Better time then people,” he said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you sat down next to him.

Maybe, just this one time…Maybe he was right.

*******************************************************************************************

I don’t even know, ya’ll. Forgive me for this self-indulgent nonsense. But also, talk to me about it! haha. My ask box/messages are open if you want to know the reader’s powers and background and stuff. I’d write more to this if anyone would be interested in reading it. 

Taglist: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp@shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @sssilverssserpent​ @heyitslexy @luminex3 @sithskywalkers

Also tagging @kilyra and @elekt-ra because I want you to read this, please. :)

[fulokis]

“Go on this mission, it’ll be easy he said. My ass there’s nothing easy about going to Syberia in the middle of god damn winter.” Morgan mumbled as she adjusted her position to circle around the abandoned hydra base.

“Would you like me to turn up the heat?”

“No FRIDAY I’m fine just remember to remind me to tell Peter next time I’m going somewhere warmer.”

“I can do that.” FRIDAY was silent for a second “Compleeted scan, there is only one life form in the base.”

“Well here goes nothing, I just hope this Skrull is a friendly.” Morgan said as she landed inside the base.

Walking through the halls she had to resist the urge to ask FRIDAY about specific details of what had happened here 20 years ago. As much as Morgan would have liked another warmer mission she was glad Peter had picked this one for her. Peter knew more than she wanted to admit to herself how much she missed her father. So much so that she ended up biulding her first suit at 11 to look just like his first suit. That was 5 years ago, she ended up biulding a couple more replicas before she biult her own suit. Her own suit looked a lot like the mark 42, but Morgan had added some weapons, more accurate scanners, and of course used nano technology to make suit removal quick and painless. Morgan had also found a way to make the arc into nano technology so that the suit could fit inside the simple ‘smart watch’ she always wore.

Walking further down the halls she came upon a lab with cryo tubes in it.

“FRIDAY is this where Uncle Bucky was held captive?”

“Uncle Bucky?” A voice behind Morgan said “Woah what the hell?”

Morgan froze for a second the sight of who was in front of her made her think twice about having the repulsars at the ready. How cruel of course the first skrull I run into looks like my father.

“Hands up greenie.” She said as calmly as she could.

The being opposite of her opened his eyes wide “What do you want kid?” The Skrull had gotten the details amazingly correct suprusingly it looked like it had aged the way a human would.

“I said hands up greenie.”

“Oh I heard what you said. I see you’re a big fan, kinda jealous you made a suit almost as well as I did...”

Starting the firing sequence of the repulsers Morgan interupted “Hands up or I will shoot.”

“I’d rather not have to drop my freeze dried blueberries thank you very much.” The man tilted his head “Blueberry?”

“Is this some sort of game?”

“I don’t know is it? If you’re trying to get me to come back it’s not going to work.”

“Come back? Only if you’re with Talos, if not your pathetic green ass dies here.”

“Are you color blind? Or have you failed to notice that I am not wearing green.” Morgan sighedfrustratedly “Aw does the little kid need a juice box?”

“What I need to know is which side of the Skrull war you’re on.”

“Are you sure I can’t interest you in some water? I could even squeeze some of the dead bugs in it to make it look like juice.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“You of all people should know who I am considering I designed that suit, you got some things wrong, like that bump along your right wrist. Also the blue on the left side is stupid. The blue the red just pick a color.”

“Who are you?” Morgan asked again fearing the answer, knowing she was shaking slightly.

“Tony Stark Playboy, Genius, billionaire....” Tony looked at Morgan as she seemingly froze. He walked up to her and waved his hand in front of the mask, “Hey kid you alright?” He pressed the button on the side of the mask to reveal Morgan’s face. “You...”

“FRIDAY call Mom.” She said as she turned down a hallway to avoid the man standing in the large open room. She started to run as FRIDAY tried to reach her mother.

“The signal is too weak would you like to try and reach Peter Parker?”

“Yes FRIDAY.”

“I cannot reach him either it is possible that the signal is too weak to reach anybody.” Morgan didn’t respond, How could she? She had no idea what was happening.

She remembered Carol telling her that the Skrulls could be tricky and would mess with her. But this seemed on another level too elaborate in a way, how could the Skrull predicted her arrival to get to her on a personal level. She had to consider that the man somewhere else in the base was indeed the real Tony Stark.

Breaking down she pressed a button on her wrist and sank to the ground. She could feel the panic seeping in. Just like the last solo mission she thought. Tears fell down her face as she shook, she started to take some deep breaths noticing each point where her back touched the frozen wall and where she could feel the frosty breeze from cracks in the foundation of the old building.

Tony found her on the floor eyes closed, walking over he sat down and joined her. “You alright kid?”

“I dunno.” Morgan replied trying to keep her mind open to the conversation.

“I’m sorry I took your mask off, I know how safe the suit can feel. By the way where is the suit?”

“Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m gonna run out of breath.”

“Heh all that responsibility really does weigh on your shoulders, you’re so young too. What made you take up the mantle?”

“Things here and there, in some ways to honor my fathers memory.”

“Your father.” Tony smilied “I had my own complicated relationship with my father.”

“It wasn’t complicated he died when I was 4 almost 5. And I thought I knew him but sometimes I wonder if I really ever did.”

“Was I his favorite superhero?”

“Uh he uh he was a lot like you, loved to build stuff.”

“Oh you he teach you anything?”

“Yeah some stuff.”

“You want to help me on a project I’ve been working on?”

“Sure.” Morgan shrugged as she got up to follow Tony. He lead her into a large room with tools and bits of scrap metal lying on the floor. She gasped with delight at the misshapen thing in front of her. Circling the contraption she noted each and every nut and bolt. “What is it?”

“It’s an apocalyptic event stopping machine, hopefully it’ll work to stop what I saw in a vision last year.”

“Thanos.” Morgan said absentmindedly.

“Yeah how’d you know?”

Morgan looked at her father his face was hopeful for something and she couldn’t tell what that might be, “I meant to say Thanatos Greek god bringer of death. But it is interesting that Thanos would be the guys name.”

“Makes sense, I’m essentially trying to build a container for all 6 of the...”

“Infinity stones.” Morgan cringed as something slipped out again.

“Yeah.” Tony said suspiciously “I am having a lot of problems actually getting the frequencies right without my suit and the help of FRIDAY I’ve managed to get rough calculations out but that was only for the one infinity stone I’ve come in contact with.”

“And you assume they each run on their own frequency and couldn’t be contained by one single entity.”

“Hit it right on the head kid.”

“Why is it so big?”

“One infinity stone has a lot of power to contain it I calculated it still needs some space to atract to or repel other stones otherwise...”

“Something worse than this guy Thanos could happen.”

“Bingo.” Tony smiled “FRIDAY scan for weak points in the equation. You should be able to find them in the data banks for the base.”

“Already finished boss.” FRIDAY’s voice came out of Morgan’s watch.

“What made you think to put FRIDAY’s software in a watch?”

“Easier to transport, I can have her right next to me when I need her.” Morgan wanted to say FRIDAY was left for her but saying it was just as hard as the reality she was facing right now.

“Makes sense.” Tony said “Let’s get to work.”

Morgan set to work glad to be doing something with her hands. As much as she wanted to tell him that Thanos had happened years ago before she was even born. She wanted to tell him that she was his kid and that she had a little sister. Her little sister Edna Antonia Stark named after him.

“Red Robin Yum!” Tony hummed “Man can’t wait to get Red Robin. My favorite is...”

“...A cheeseburger with onion rings and a chocolate milkshake.” Morgan joined in.

“That your fathers favorite too?”

“No mine I haven’t had that in a long time.”

“Why do you sound mournful? Tell ya what I’ll take you to Red Robin after we get out of here.”

“You can’t.”

“Sure I can.”

“No you can’t they shut down when I was 8.”

“That makes no sense... unless. Your from the future?” Morgan shook her head lump forming in her throat. “What.... What year is it?” Tony asked trying to process what was happening.

“2036” FRIDAY replied leaving the room in silence.

Morgan looked at Tony and it was like a mirror, sadness guilt and confusion all mixed into one. Their eyes met and for a brief moment it was like they knew each other and could read the others mind.

“Hey Morgan what’s up?” A voice came out of the watch.

“...Pe-pe-pe...”

“Take your time kid. Breath.”

“Peter uh where are you?” Morgan asked feeling it hard to speak.

“Just landed in Moscow to help Shuri with the tech summit. You back in New York?”

“No, I’m still here at the hydra base, I know Shuri needs your help but is there any way you could come and see this?”

“Yeah I think I have time, it’ll take me a couple hours to get there. Are you having trouble with the Skrull?”

“Not exactly.”

“What is it then kid?”

“Look I just need you to come here and not not to freak out when you see what I’m talking about okay?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Promise me.”

“Yeah I promise you I won’t freak out. See you in a bit.”

“Yeah.” Morgan sighed pressing a button on her watch.

“You’re my kid???” Tony asked out of the blue.

“Yeah... or at least someone who looked and acted like you.” Morgan shrugged “Was it that obvious?”

“No, not at all. You just look so much like your mother.” Tony chuckled “And you sound just like me. Should we start on a new project? I was thinking a suit.”

“Yeah I would like that .” Morgan said barely trying to hold the grin on her face back.

Two hours later and the suit was finished, not with nanotechnology but it would work until they could get back to the house in the woods.

Morgan whipped around at a sound behind her firing up the nanotech watch to cover her right hand with a glove. “Woah, might work better if you had one on the other side too.”

“My suit my rules, be quiet.” Morgan hissed. A spider web flew through the air and attached itself to Tony’s shirt. A second later Peter came flying in, kicked Tony and activated the fake spider legs to pin Tony down.

“It’s over greenie!”

“Peter! Remember what I said about freaking out?”

Peter looked over the man he had pinned on frozen concrete. After a second he retracted his legs and extended his hand down to Tony who took it, “Sorry Mr. Stark.” He said timidly still unsure if this was a trick.

“Pete...” Tony smiled and pulled Peter in a hug “ You don’t have to call me Mr. Stark.”

Morgan walked out of the room to awnser the text on her watch Morgan are you okay? Yeah Peter came. You want to talk about it? Yes when we get home Isn’t Peter staying there? Yeah he is Friendly? Something like that yeah Be careful. You know me Mom always careful. I know but I worry. Love you 3000. Love you 3000 too.

The flight back to the small cabin by the lake was ruff to say the least. The suit was clucks and would malfunction every fifteen minutes. Not to mention Tony was malnourished and by the end of the flight he almost crashed into a pine tree trying to land.

“Why aren’t we going right up to the house?” Tony asked.

“Edna can’t see me in the suit, and would you really want to have ended up in the lake?”

“Edna who’s Edna?”

“My sister.” Tony’s heart skipped a beat, he wondered how long it had taken her to move on.

“Does your mother know about you doing this?”

“Yeah I wouldn’t if she didn’t know.” Morgan turned her attention to her watch leaving Tony sitting on the rock in the clearing struggling to get his armor off.

Hey can you tell mom to get the med supplies Why? You get shot with another arrow? That was one time Edna mode. Then what the hell did you do mourge. Mourge what the fuck is that supposed mean. It means you’re gonna send mom to one one of these days. Just get the fucking supplies. I’m gonna tell mom you were swearing at me. Fine can you please ask her to get the supplies and meet me outside the house? Yeah what’d ya do? It’s not for me it’s for someone else. Are you cheating on Kate? And on Christmas no less. No I’m not cheating on Kate do as I say and next time I’m out of the country at a tech thing or some other shit I’ll get you some chocolate from there. Deal but it can’t be from Canada. I know. How long? 20 I think, not sure he’s really beat up. Uncle Pete? No you’ll see who when we get there. Fine

Morgan sighed as she took the watch she wore off. Walking to the clearing and finding her father she put the watch around his wrist pressing a button to activate a coat that had a built in heater.

“You built this? It’s so warm.”

“Yeah also less of a hassle to put on”

“Who were you texting?”

“Edna”

“She give you sass?”

“Yeah she’s probably worrying and thinking I got shot with an arrow again.”

“Why would you do that?”

“She thinks that me and my girlfriend hunt out here rather than train.”

The pair walked in scilence Morgan supporting Tony and focusing on leading him through the woods. When they came up on the cabin Edna was sitting on the steps watching the flock of chickens peck at the scratch she had thrown down. Seeing her sister she stood up opened the door and called into the house staring at the man who was with her sister.

Pepper walked out of the door took a look at the pair and dropped the medical kit. She walked through the snow slowly cautious of who he was. Stopping right before her daughter she asked “Is he...”

“No he’s him.” Morgan could feel the tears in her eyes.

“Hey Pep.” Tony tried to reach for a hug but almost fell over, Pepper saving him from falling in the snow. “Saved me once again.”

“Come on we can talk inside.”

Hours later everyone sat inside the living room in front of the fire and tree. Morgan was focused on her phone texting Kate about what exactly was happening. Edna was listening to some sort of music leaving Pepper and Tony to talk.

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

“I had hit rock bottom, I thought about telling them but things sorta fell apart. You were gone focusing on the company I didn’t want to get in your way, there was nothing to go back to so I stayed.”

“Do you remember the Skrull?”

“No I remember blacking out and waking up with my armor gone.” Tony sat and thought “Did he uh...”

“Tony hun he became you.”

“So like a clone?”

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Who’s Edna’s father.”

“You really don’t see it?” Pepper asked, and then Tony realized, she looked just like him except for the hair which was the same color as Peppers.

“Now I do.”

“Good.” Pepper smiled “Girls.” She said getting the attention of them “Come here.” Pepper pulled them as well as Tony “I love you all 3000.”

[etherealblasphemy]

Adventure of a Lifetime

these just get longer and longer...

TW: Cursing (Cal has a very dirty mouth), mentions of injuries, mentions of angsty backstories (*laughs maniacally*), transphobic slur

Their wounds were finally healed. In the weeks it took for the gash on their chest to close up enough that it no longer needed stitches, Calrex found themself slowly warming up to these strange outlaws who had practically adopted them as one of their own. Cal was still wary of them, especially knowing that Draven was after them as well. They’d yet to wrangle the story out of them of exactly why that bastard was hunting them of all people.

   With a yawn, they stretched their thin arms high above their head, cracking their neck to get the kinks out of it. Patton finally told them the night before they could start walking around the ship for more than a couple minutes. Though they’d never admit it to anybody, Patton had quickly become their favorite, with his paternal antics and constant smiles.

   They swung their legs over the side of the cot that had been their home for the past few weeks as Patton happily doted over them, monitoring the cut across their chest. They were still unsteady, as the father-like figure had only allowed them to begin walking earlier that week, and only for short bits at a time.

   “Believe me,” he’d told them. “You don’t want any chance of your skin beginning to dissipate again.” Thankfully, they’d listened to him, and now they could finally use their legs for what they were made for.

   Cal stood cautiously, testing out the strength of their limbs. Figuring they were sound enough to stand, they took a tentative step forward on uneasy feet, not used to Patton’s absence. They didn’t fall, which they considered an ‘okay’ to step forward further. Letting out a breath of relief, their foot landed firmly on the solid floor. Smirking, they headed for the door. Now that Cal could move freely, they were going to explore every inch of this mysterious ship.

   The doors opened as they waved their hand to reveal a long hallway splitting off into several other corridors. “Who in the heavens designed this place?” they muttered, craning their sore neck to look around at the pristine white walls. It was certainly boring.

   “Oh, you’re awake already!” they heard. They turned their gaze from a brightly lit panel to down the hallway, where Patton poked his head out from behind a corner. “Follow me, I made breakfast for everybody!” They opened their mouth to ask why a kitchen was necessary in a spaceship, but their stomach interrupted them, growling loudly. Patton giggled. “Looks like I finished at the right time!” he laughed, the sound melodious and reminiscent of- Cal stopped their thoughts there.

   They obediently followed the antlered man, who took them through a maze of hallways until they could smell the food and knew the kitchen was close. Patton waved his hand in front of a little panel, and the circular doors beside him spun open. Inside the room were the rest of the crew members Cal had met. L.O.G.I.C.- Patton and Roman had begun calling him Logan during their time on the ship- was seated at the table, his eyes scanning over pages of a leather-bound journal as he jotted down notes with a jet black feather that sparkled in the light. Roman was scouring through the cabinets, his hair mussed and unruly at this early morning hour; a bag of makeup that was definitely his was on the countertop, its contents spilling overboard. Anxiety was sitting on top of the countertop like a feline, contently munching on a piece of toast with what looked like jam smeared on top.

   “Oh, Calrex, how do you feel today?” Logan asked, looking up from his notes and noticing them. They shrugged, not really sure themselves.

   “I dunno. Bored, for one. Not much you can do in a cot for three weeks straight,” they complained, heading for a chair. Patton, meanwhile, headed for the cooking devices, where Cal noticed he had been making some sort of dish they had never seen before.

    “What do mean, ‘bored?’ Believe me, young noble, there is so much just waiting for you!” Roman cried, triumphantly grabbing a small jar from a cabinet, proceeding to struggle with its cap as he tried to open it. “...Anxiety could you... maybe help?” he mumbled. Sighing, the emo grabbed the jar and twisted it open with little effort, handing back to the embarrassed prince.

   Cal snickered. “And just what do you have in mind to entertain me, Princey?” They smirked, a hand on their cocked hip. The prince grumbled something with a spoon full of jelly in his mouth, snarfing it down like a hungry orphan.

   “How you feel about robbing a bank, Calrex?” Logan asked, adjusting the navy blue ascot tie he wore beneath a black waistcoat. Cal’s smile widened, showing off a mouth full of sharp fangs.

   “Positively! I feel very positive about robbing a bank!” they shouted with glee, already fantasizing about the destruction they’d wager. “Which one are we going to? How much are we taking? Can I use a blaster?!”

   “Calm down, Calrex, it’s a simple operation so we may acquire the necessary funds to continue our “intergalactic punk acts,” as Anxiety refers to them. We are headed to an aquaterrestrial planet known as Levian, and we will only be taking as much as we need.” Logan smirked. “If the commoners nearby decide they would like to take back the money they used to pay egregiously overpriced taxes, however, then that is entirely up to them.” Cal huffed.

   “Well, look here, everybody, the robot has a heart!” they exclaimed as Roman choked on his jam, laughing.

   “Aw, he’s actually a big softie when nobody’s around to see it!” Patton said giddly, overly excited for both the upcoming adventure and Logan’s slip of character. “Anyways, I’m setting course for Levian as soon as we finish breakfast, so eat up everybody!” The other four hummed in acquiescence, munching on the food Patton had prepared for them. They all joined Logan at the table, though Anxiety allowed Cal to take his seat, leaning against the window behind Logan.

   “So, tell me, Calrex,” Roman was saying, finishing off the last spoonfuls of his delicious jam, “why is it that you’re an outlaw? Whose feathers did you ruffle?” They hesitated briefly, the tension of their shoulders only noticed by the cameras in Logan’s eyes.

   “...Actually, I’m not that sure myself,” they sighed, running a hand through the tangled locks of their hair. “I ran away from my orphanage, so I guess some people might consider that ‘criminal.’ According to my wanted posters, though?” They trailed off, licking their smiling lips, enjoying the suspense as the others leaned forward, eager to find out. “I destroyed an entire galaxy system, and killed everyone.” The table fell silent, taking a tense turn.

   “Did you really?” Patton asked, his brows slightly furrowed.

   “Well, of course I didn’t!” Cal cried, offended. “I wish I was strong enough or as badass enough to actually do it, but, nope, I can’t even hold my own in a fight…” They snarled at long-forgotten memories, bitterly recalling past grudges and losses. “Nah, I suspect it was some sort of shit Draven put together after- nevermind.” They cut themself off suddenly, gripping the edge of their seat tightly in their palms. The crew members noticed, but remained silent, inferring Cal’s story was one like their own- painful, and not to be discussed.

   The rest of breakfast was quiet, most dialogue pertaining to one of them asking another to pass the butter. At one point, however, Logan asked Roman to pass him the salt, to which the prince replied, “I don’t think I can lift Anxiety, though.” That got a laugh out of the rest of them, however short-lived the relief of silence was.

   Patton soon left for the cockpit, Roman following him. Logan turned his attention back to his writing, mumbling something about cross-space travel, leaving Anxiety and Cal to shuffle their feet awkwardly. The earthling coughed into the sleeve of his hoodie, feeling the silence stretch longer than he wanted it to.

   “So, you like robbing banks? Who’re you, Nimona?” he asked, his voice small and tinny in the thick silence that preceded it. Cal nodded, thankful for something to distract them from something other than the quiet scratch of Logan’s pencil on notebook paper, paying no mind to the second part of his dialogue, more than likely a reference they wouldn’t understand.

   “I’ve had quite a bit of practice over the years. A little nick of a galleon or two here, a little swipe of a jewel or three there, the usual. Most of it I give away, though. There are people who’re starving out there, so if going hungry one night means another person doesn’t die of hunger, I’d do it in a heartbeat,” they mused, gaining a faraway look in their eyes. Anxiety tilted his head, smiling softly as he saw Logan pause from his writings out of the corner of his eyes.

   “Say, why don’t we talk to Thomas? He’s always fun,” Anxiety proposed, getting up and heading for the door. He stopped in front of the circuit board on the wall next to it and typed in something on the number pad. Cal watched him with confusion before a hologram appeared next to them. They shrieked in surprise, Anxiety sniggering with mirth.

   “What is up, crew buddies? Who’s the new pal?” the hologram asked, turning to Cal with a smile that seemed too real to be digital. The hologram looked similar to Roman, though with light chestnut instead of blond hair swept over his warm brown eyes. He was donned in a bright red charvet shirt, though not much else. The image cut off right below his chest, an electric blue edge fizzing in the air like real-life glitches.

   “Hi, Thomas!” Anxiety greeted, waving at the hologram, who waved back. “This is Patton’s newest childling.” Cal stuck out a hand before realizing the person apparently named Thomas was just a hologram, and shaking hands would most likely be one-sided.

   “The name’s Calrex Bennova. Most people just call me the Pirate, though, seeing as I’m wanted in nearly every system there is,” they offered, quirking a side of their lips. “Who’re you, exactly?” they inquired.

   “As Anxiety said, my name’s Thomas, your local, friendly AI! I’m basically the ship’s mind.” Cal narrowed their eyes, raising an eyebrow. “Logan was the one who programmed me, and he takes the more logical side of things, so he programmed most of my functions. Anxiety wrote down most of my speech patterns, though,” Thomas explained. Cal noticed Logan straighten at the mention of his new name.

   “Oh no, you, too,” he said, pressing his lips into a thin line of frustration.

   “Yah, Patton sort of changed your name in my database and I think Anxiety put a lock on it, so I guess I’m calling Logan from now on!” Thomas said cheerfully, shrugging his digital shoulders nonchalantly. Logan closed his eyes, taking a deep, audible breath.

   “Ooh, hoo, hoo, I’m really regretting not leaving when I had the chance,” he muttered under his breath. He snapped his notebook shut, placing it delicately on the table as Cal and Thomas continued to examine one another.

   The hologram tilted his head suddenly, his brows furrowing. “Ah, sorry, pals, but Patton and Roman are summoning me right now, so I gotta dash,” he said before the image was promptly cut off, nothing more than white static and garbled speech.

   “Well, shoot,” Anxiety said, pouting. “There goes our only escape from boredom.”

   “Nonsense, Anxiety, I can easily help with that.” Both Cal and Anxiety raised their eyebrows, clearly not seeing how the intellectual could possibly entertain them. “I recently memorized the entire Requiem scripture, which, despite its facade to be a book on religion, is actually quite an interesting commentary on our humanity and philosophy-”

   “Nope, I’m good,” Anxiety said sharply, shaking his head fervently. “I’m going to go join Patton and Roman, so see you guys.” Anxiety finger-gunned the both of them, at which they cocked a confused eyebrow at the earthling’s antics, and make a hasty retreat from a possible hour long lecture on intergalactic morals. Cal breathed a laugh, rolling their eyes. They cast a side glance at Logan, catching him watching them intently.

   “Don’t even think about it,” they warned. “I’m not about to be your next victim.”

   “Very well,” Logan conceded. “Shall we join our crew mates?” Cal shrugged, getting up as Logan did the same. He waved his hand in front of the blueish panel, the doors opened, and they walked through in silence.

   It didn’t take long for them to reach the cockpit, weaving in and out of a labyrinth of white-walled hallways. Anxiety was waiting for them there, Patton and Roman seated in the pilot chairs, small holograms flickering over their gazes. Cal’s breath stopped momentarily as they took in the sight of the room.

   Behind them was a wall filled with buttons and wires and levers and all sorts of things that made no sense to them. The floor was transparent, giving the illusion of walking out right onto the stars. A faraway cluster of stars painted the heavens beneath them a neon purple, the celestial skies dark as a raven’s fallen feather. In front of them were two high-backed leather seats the color of marble, holographic screens popping up in front of them to deliver information. Ahead, the entire wall was one seamless pane of glass, not a single fingerprint visible.

   It reminded them of happier times, when they could tell themself their childhood myths without triggering some painful memory. They bit their lip and focused on the stars twinkling like divine dancers slowly reaching their svelte arms towards them.

   “...bank,” Logan was explaining, likely describing how they would go about robbing whatever establishment the robot had chosen. They cursed silently, having heard not a word. “Calrex, are you paying attention?”

   “What? Who, me? Yeah, of course. I get a blaster and destroy everything in my path, got it.” Logan’s eyes narrowed, unimpressed. “Okay, fine, I got a little distracted by the stars and everything. Just tell me what I have to do, I’ll be fine.”

   “Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to take part. You have only just healed, and you hardly know anything about us. Robbing any establishment is more than just pointing a weapon and demanding resources- it is a carefully crafted dance where everyone knows the parts they must play in order for the performance to go as smoothly as possible,” Logan replied. Roman snorted.

   “I thought we normally just go off the cuff and end up with you ranting how certain damages could’ve been avoided if we’d just listened to you,” he laughed, his reflection in the glass smirking.

   Logan pursed his lips. “You see what I have to deal with?” He gestured towards the prince, who smiled and waved. Cal shook their head sarcastically, fooling the robot. “Roman’s a handful and he’s emotional and he’s illogical. Is that not the worst possible scenario for any being to encounter?” The crew mates shook their heads, biting back giggles. Logan sighed. “Well, I’m frustrated now.” Cal barked out a laugh, shaking their head as they let out a long sigh.

   The hologram called Thomas appeared suddenly next to them, frightening them. “Fucking Calypso! Don’t do that!” they yelped, jumping about a foot in the air, a hand clasped over their heart. Thomas cracked a smile, sheepishly apologizing as he rubbed the back of his neck.

   “Language, Calrex! Anyways, we’ll be arriving soon kiddos, so grab onto something,” Patton said, turning his head slightly to direct his words at the three behind him.

   “What bank are you guys robbing this time?” Thomas asked.

   “You’ll see,” Logan said, bringing out a pair of glasses from a breast pocket on his chest. “You all remember your illusions? Oh, Cal, you never gave me your answer. Do you want to take part in this? You’re free to leave at any time, now that you are sufficiently healed, though I must warn you that Patton does not like goodbyes.”

   Cal thought for a moment. They and the crew had slowly warmed up to one another, though neither ever asked each other why Draven was hunting them. But in the few weeks they had been in the med bay, they had felt a sense of familiarity. A sense of home. A sense of belonging. It had been something they hadn’t experienced for a long time, something they only ever felt in wispy dreams that floated beside them in the heavens, mixing and mashing and creating beautiful creatures they knew they had seen somewhere beforehand.

   Before them was a chance to finally have a family. No longer would they be alone. No longer would they be living on the streets. No longer would they be unwanted.

   “Sure, if you want me,” they replied, lifting their head to the purple and navy skies, brilliant white stars continuing their immortal ballet. Logan nodded, Patton clapping happily. They let out a breath they hadn’t realized they’d been holding in. Part of them had latched onto distant memories that had begun fading, of the constant rejection, the endless days where they were told over and over again nobody wanted them today. Not yesterday. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.

   “That settles it. Come with me, we need to figure out a way to disguise you. Along the way I’ll explain our usual tactics,” he said, adjusting a pair of metal-rimmed glasses on his nose. He blinked, testing his vision, and determined his sight was not deterred by the pieces of convex glass. He grabbed Cal’s arm and led them out of the room, ushering them into one nearby. “Grab a stool, I believe we will be landing soon,” he instructed, grabbing a stool for himself. Cal followed the orders, and soon felt the familiar rumble of a spaceship entering a planet’s atmosphere, adjusting to the pressure and weather conditions.

   “So, tell me, how exactly do you plan to disguise the most wanted outlaw whose face is plastered on every building you could think of?” Cal asked, lacing their fingers beneath their chin, settling their arms on a knee, feeling the ship begin to rock as the ship  prepared to land.

   “Roman will cover your scars, though I have no idea how, and I will provide you with an attire that should cover any other distinguishable features, yet still be functional should we encounter unnecessary problems.” With that said, the AI strode over to a chest in the corner of the room and opened it with a flourish, revealing dozens of clothing items packed neatly into the cramped space.

   Cal’s eyes were immediately drawn to one piece. Though folded, they could tell it was a silk dress the color of faded cream. Logan noticed where their gaze fell and picked up the dress. As the garment whoosed into the air, a cerise ribbon fell out of the chest, falling on the floor in a heap, and Cal rushed to pick up the gorgeous material.

   “I think I know how we can disguise you, Cal,” Logan simpered. They could practically see the gears turning in his head, his attention now focused on a chest beside the open one. He opened the smaller trunk, which contained beautiful jewelry and accessories. “Thank Calypso Draven’s nobles have such exquisite taste.” Pulling a few bracelets from it, Logan stepped back, surveying the items the both of them had acquired and looked at Cal, shoving the dress and bracelets into their arms. “Try this on.”

   “For a someone as serious as you, you seem to know a lot about fashion,” they remarked, already shoving their pants off. They knew one of them had taken their shirt off to treat their wound, and besides, it’s not like Logan wouldn’t turn around anyways- which the robot had indeed already done. They pulled off their shirt, throwing the dress over them quickly, eager to see how the dress fit them. Around their waist they wrapped the cerise ribbon, tying it in the back. They slipped on the bracelets and told Logan he could turn back around.

   He studied them, more focused on how well they would stay hidden rather than how the garment fit like a glove, giving them the appearance of a feminine being, a radical change from their previous experience. “It’s very flattering, Calrex. The guards should easily fall for this. Shall I acquire Roman for you?” Cal shrugged, nodding as their hands roamed over the soft fabric, marveling at its beauty. It had certainly been a long time since they had even dared to wear something so pretty, so untouched, so perfect.

   It was a rogue feeling, one that dreamed of wearing dresses and slacks and jerseys and slips, unconcerned who thought what about them. But as they grew older, they had learned to forget these childish fantasies. They couldn’t afford wearing what they wanted, not if they wanted to stay hidden for as long as possible before Draven eventually found them again and they had to run for their life.

   They had worn a dress once in their lifetime, a grey sleeveless one that tightened around their waist and puffed out slightly as though they wore a crinoline underneath. The best part of it was that no one had called them a girl or a tranny or anything except Calrex. That day, they had felt weightless, able to conquer anything. Pity the euphoria had ended so quickly.

   With a start, they realized Roman had entered the room, Logan likely taking his place as copilot. The prince was mumbling to himself, carrying the bag they had noticed in the kitchen area. “Roman?” they asked, unsure what he was doing. The prince looked up, startled, and proceeded to gasp dramatically.

   “Oh, I didn’t know Calypso herself was alive and well! You look absolutely stunning, by the way, but you shall look ravishing as soon as I’m done with you,” Roman said, smiling wickedly as he whipped out what looked like an eyeliner pencil from the bag. Cal inwardly groaned, ready to have their eye poked out or worse.

   The prince got to work quickly, constantly swiping his blond hair back as he grabbed foreign objects from his bag, twisting open tubes and popping the lids off of jars. At long last, he stepped back to survey his work, and gave a satisfied sigh. “Take a look,” he said, pulling out a mirror from the seemingly bottomless bag. They take the mirror gratefully and held up it.

   Cal nearly dropped it in surprise, taking in their transformed face. No longer were they the scrubby outlaw on the run for far too long, but an untouched person who had never seen poverty or war. They now took on the visage of a dainty damsel who had not yet met with death’s grim grip, their cheeks full and lips pursed, ready for the sweet taste of love. Roman had highlighted their cheekbones, covering their scars with mounds of concealer, and added dark grey eyeshadow to give their eyes more depth. They patted their cheek, seeing their reflection copy them, confirming they were real and not some illusion Roman had whipped up like magic.

   They turned to Roman, smirking smugly. “How do you do this? This is incredible!” they gushed happily, ready to woo all the guards and have a good time. Roman shared their content, and the two began to exchange make-up tips they’d garnered over the years as Patton’s voice came over the intercom.

   “Hey, kiddos, we’ve landed! Me, Anxiety, and Logan are all ready, so come on out whenever you guys are ready!” Cal hid a snicker, hearing Logan correct Patton’s grammar as the intercom shut off.

   “I guess we join them,” Cal said, handing the mirror back to Roman. “Let’s go have some fun!” they cheered, exiting the room, promptly getting lost before Roman led them to the docking bay, where they rejoined the others.

   “Oh, dear Calypso, Calrex, you look wonderful!” Patton squealed, running to hug his adorable child. They thanked him, grinning gratefully. “Right, let’s go do whatever Logan planned!” he cried with excitement as the robot took a calming breath, ready to go off on the Drisine for already forgetting the plan. Cal watched them, a bittersweet smile on their face. It had been a while since they’d witnessed scenes like this, been apart of scenes like this. Deep down, they hoped this sensation blooming in their belly like a rose at midnight would last, that maybe they could go on more adventures than just this one.

Lord Condor Finch’s Royal Bank of Taxes and Tributes was exactly like its name: huge, overzealous, and an obvious candidate for mockery and tomfoolery. Though imposing at first sight, the overuse of gold leaf was laughable, the guards sleeping were they stood was pathetic, and the amount of currency it actually contained in comparison to other banks the group had been to put a beggar’s tin cup to shame. It was perfect for the heist.

   “So I know you already explained, everything, but why this bank of all places? I’ve been on the downlow for a while now, but even I know how crappy it is behind the scenes,” Cal was saying as they hiked up the long flight of cracked marble steps that led to the entrance.

   “Easy,” Logan began. “Lord Finch is a moron. Thusly, his security systems are vastly inferior to others I have encountered. Besides, he taxes his people needlessly, some to the point of starvation, so by distributing the wealth within the vaults, not only might we save some lives, but the common people will begin to take our side, benefitting us in the future,” he explained as they finally reached the end of the stairs.

   Anxiety bent over, panting for breath. “Give me a second, okay?” he wheezed, catching what little air remained in his lungs. Patton fussed over him, offering a canteen of water from his satchel. Anxiety shook his head, saying he was fine.

   “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Roman said, fixing the lapels of his white suit jacket. The copper on the goggles perched above his ever-present flower crown shone brightly, nearly blinding Cal as the prince turned in the sunlight. “The steampunk aesthetic belongs to Remy, and to Remy alone.”

   With that said, the group moved. Cal stuck with Roman; their jobs were to distract the tellers. If the Generals broke loose, Cal had a blaster hidden within the handbag they clutched nervously. They were hoping for chaos.

   Roman laced his arm with theirs, giving his most charming smile. “My dearest sister-”

   “We don’t look anything alike, try again.”

   “Roman glared at Cal. “My dearest friend,” he started again, “what a lovely day for us to go to the bank to make a withdrawal!” Cal sighed, raising an eyebrow. “Quiet, I’m a great actor, I just have unique methods.”

   “You can say that again,” they mumbled under their breath. Roman playfully whacked Cal’s arm, huffing in exasperation. Cal’s attention, however, was already gone as they entered the massive bank. Despite its shady purpose, the bank was a magnificent sight to behold.

  The golden wall stretched up for what must have been forever, curving into a domed ceiling, where a chandelier made of thousands of crystals glittered, reflecting rainbow patterns onto the walls. Dozens of little stalls were lined up against the walls, all leading towards a single door in the back of the room, which undoubtedly led to the vaults. Above the door hung a ginormous portrait of the irascible Lord Finch in all his glory, sporting a cape of loon feathers and too many medals pinned across his chest like some feeble attempt to give credence to his leadership abilities.

   Looking around, there were only two or three tellers. Cal grinned. This would be easy. Roman grinned, too, sharing a knowing glance with the pirate. “I’ll take the mermaid,” the prince said, gesturing subtly to a fair maiden currently combing through aegean and peacock locks, cream seashells poking out in some places, looking bored out of her mind. “Can you handle the other two?” Cal glanced at the tellers on the opposite side, seeing a merman who definitely had to be the mermaid’s brother or something and a young girl whose eyes were the color of amethysts. They nodded, a wicked grin forming on their lips.

   “I got this,” they said, hurrying off to the neighboring tellers. “Good morning,” they greeted, smiling sweetly as they approached the tellers. The merman stood at attention immediately, jolting awake as the young woman waved cheerfully. Cal headed for the woman. She would prove to be more a challenge. “My mother recently made a deposit here, but she would like to withdraw the amount. She’s fallen terribly ill, you see, and needs the money to pay for her medication,” Cal alleged, batting their eyelashes seductively. They could practically see the young lady melt at the charms they had picked up from the streets over the years.

   “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, miss,” the woman said, speaking as though she had a bag of marbles stuffed in her mouth. “What was her name?” she asked. Cal swore under her breath. “What was that?”

   “Nothing. Her name is, uh… Cassandra. Cassandra Ildris,” Cal offered stoically, swallowing the lump in their throat as the young woman brought up a hologram, pressing a dainty finger to the screen to scroll through a long list of names written in electric blue. The young woman furrowed her eyebrows.

   “Hmm, I don’t see your mother’s name on the list. Are you sure she made a deposit here?” the teller asked. Cal nodded insistently.

   “Perhaps she used one of her other names. She’s been married twice now, including my father,” Cal explained. “If you just check all names under Cassandra, it would likely be fastest,” they said, leaning down slightly, watching the teller’s gaze glance down before meeting with Cal’s eyes again. They smirked mentally. Too easy.

   “All right, but I’ll have to ask Damien to help me. I’m not that good with technology,” the teller confessed, laughing nervously. “Damien, could you come over here and help me?” Cal grinned. Perfect. Glancing upward, they saw a small wooden beam painted white to match the walls. If they aimed just right, they could bring it down and trap the tellers. It might not be exactly what Logan had planned, but it would certainly be more fun.

   The moment the merman called Damien entered the stall, however, a shout came from the other side of the spacious room. Cal turned to see Roman back away from the stall, the mermaid saying something unintelligible, waving her hands furiously. With a burst of mist, she cast a spell. The result nearly made Cal choke on their laughter.

   Roman shrieked as he felt his now enlarged head, nearly double the size it had been before. At that moment, Anxiety chose to run in, who took one look at the enchanted Roman and said, “Oh, my God, it’s finally big enough to fit your ego!” He fell to his knees, laughing hysterically. Cal soon found themself unable to contain their own giggles, laughing as well as Roman began panicking.

   “Um, help!” he cried.

   “What did you do to Faerin?” the merman asked, running out of the stall towards the prince, who immediately began backing away, walking around like a drunk man as he tried to hold his head upright. “What did he do to you, my princess?” he asked the mermaid as Cal watched on. The other young teller ran out from her stall, joining the merpeople as they exchanged words, Damien’s eyes soon boring into Roman’s. “You will pay, you vicious fiend!”

   “Oh, I should probably help him,” Cal mumble under their breath, pulling out their blaster. “Eat crystal, motherfucker!” they cried, firing the gun up at the chandelier. They didn’t know what to expect, but an ominous rumbling emanating for the ceiling was hopefully a good sign. From the corner of their eyes, they noticed Anxiety rush towards Roman, grabbing his arm and getting him away from the tellers and whatever Cal had initiated. They glanced up to see a myriad of spider cracks running across the ceiling, just barely touching the chandelier. “Hmm. That’s probably not good,” they said, beginning to head towards the back of the room, where Anxiety and Roman were headed.

   They took one step forward and heard a resounding boom echo through the interior. They gulped, eyes widening, and bolted for the earthling and prince, not one second by their side before they heard a loud crash, turning to see the chandelier hitting the floor, the crystals smashing into smithereens as the brass structure holding it all together pinned down the tellers, trapping them all together. From behind them, Cal heard someone enter the room.

   “Nicely down, you two- dear Calypso, Roman, what did you do?” Logan said, a large, bulky creature Cal assumed to be Patton following behind, carrying several medium-sized satchels, the coins creasing in the fabric. Roman whimpered softly, embarrassed. Anxiety rubbed Roman’s back reassuringly, calming the prince down. “We should probably leave,” Logan remarked, eyeing the enraged merman chanting in a foreign tongue.

   The others agreed and they ran for one of the tall gilded windows by the door, where they had formerly agreed they would exit, as Logan knew the guards would more than likely block their original entrance. The creature known as Patton leapt first, his body weight easily shattering the glass panes. With a whoop, Anxiety jumped out, pulling some sort of martial arts move as he dove out the window, rolling as he hit the ground. Cal shot their blaster once more, firing randomly at a wall before diving out the window after the prince and the robot had clambered through awkwardly.

   “FUCK YEAH!” Cal shouted giddily, a wide grin plastered across their face. The others rolled their eyes lightheartedly. Their mission, however, was not over yet. They still had to get away. Their grin grew, showing off sharp fangs, as they raised their blaster, squinting at a couple nearby trees as they jogged after the gang, nearly tripping over their feet. With a laugh, they fired a final time, directly hitting the trees, setting them aflame. Immediately, the nearby guards, all dressed to the nines in their saffron red and midnight blue uniforms and shiny black boots, ran to the fire, panicking. “That should distract them for a while,” Cal whispered-shouted to their companions, who cheered as they ran around trees, jumped over small fences and walls, and avoided any more destruction.

   They all sprinted towards the nearby wooded marsh, tall pines sprouted up, outstretched towards the emerald sky dying down to a husky, smokey blue. As they reached the brackish waters, the sounds of confusion fading away, the water began seeping into their boots, the thick fog that hung in the air suffocating them, the setting sun blinding them.

   “Yeesh, Logan, why do you always pick the worst places for us to hide the ship?” Roman grumbled, still holding his head so he wouldn’t fall over like a newborn. Logan simply shook his head, not bothering with a response. They continued trekking around the edge of the shallow parts of the marsh, heading deeper into the wildlands where they had hidden their ship. “Shouldn’t we see it by now?” Roman asked as a soft whisper cut him off.

   “He-llo?” a voice called from all around, as though the voice wasn’t coming from just one place at one time, but rather every place at every conceivable moment. The crew froze, all looking in different directions. Cal glanced at the water a few feet away, where the water was much deeper than where they stood, and shrieked when they saw a pair of yellow eyes watching them from underneath the surface. For a moment they thought it was Draven before realizing he would never go anywhere near a marsh, too afraid of getting his precious cape wet.

   “Who are yo-u?” the voice asked, echoing across the otherwise silent swampland. Cal stared down those eyes, convinced the voice belonged to the body that held those eyes. “Who are yo-u?” they repeated. The voice sounded familiar. If they closed their eyes, they could almost picture-

   “Cassandra?” Cal spoke aloud. The eyes in the water were unwavering. By now, the others had noticed the yellow eyes, too, and were coming up behind Cal, ready to fight off whatever foe was calling out to them.

   “Who-o is Ca-ssandra?” the voice said as the eyes rose slightly, revealing slivers of a face soaked in water. “Who are yo-u?”

   Cal stepped forward, cringing as they felt the water and dead pine needles spill into their boots, soaking their socks. “My name is Calrex. Cassandra… Cassandra was a friend of mine. You sound like her,” they told the eyes. The eyes seemed satisfied with the response, blinking slowly as they registered the answer.

   “My na-me is Mi-la,” the sighing voice replied. Without warning, the eyes leapt into the air, bringing with them a face, body, and mind. Before the astounded group floated a young girl, skin blue as the water she lived in, eyes wide and unblinking. Water droplets coated her body, clinging to her skin as though it didn’t want to leave, forming a dress that covered her like a ball gown, the water becoming long, draping sleeves and a high collar. Her sweeping hair that spilled past the small of her back was made of reeds swaying in the breeze; in fact, her entire body swayed as though she was made of liquids herself. “Yo-ur not suppo-sed to be he-re,” Mila said, waving a single finger childishly to emphasis her point.

   “Our spaceship is here,” Cal told the water nymph. “Do you know where it is?” they asked, having a feeling the nymph did indeed know the location of their hidden ship. Mila nodded shyly.

   “I kept it hi-dden for yo-u,” she whispered, drawing both her hands close. “Ingare nadia,” she chanted quietly as the water began leaping up just behind her, dancing like bolts of energy. As the water parted, fragments of cool white metal appeared. With a giggle, Mila lifted her hands into the air as if praying, and the water enveloping the ship did the same, raising the bulky vehicle in a bubble. Logan stepped forward, ready to get away from the chaos they had created at the bank. Mila suddenly whipped towards him, throwing up a wall of transparent water to block him from continuing forward.

   “Mila, you want something from us, right?” Cal asked, remembering previous encounters with water nymphs that had not ended well. Mila nodded, her lips parting into a youthful smile.

   “Tw-o things,” the nymph said, holding up the equivalent number of fingers. “One, a ki-ss from the pri-nce,” she said, blushing as she glanced at Roman, who flashed her a charming smile. “Tw-o, an apology for hur-ting Fae-rin... She’s my only fri-end.” Mila ducked her head.

   “It doesn’t seem to bad an offering. I say we take it,” Cal proposed, turning to the others. Logan shrugged, as did Roman. The creature known as Patton squealed, indicating an agreement. Anxiety, however, stepped forward.

   “Undo whatever spell was cast on Roman and I’ll be your friend,” he offered. In a more gentle tone, he added, “It’s got to be lonely, out here all the time, when nobody ever stops by or says hello.” Cal’s brow raised. They’d have to ask about that later.

   “I’ll be your friend, too! It would be an honor to share a friendship with such a magnificent young lady such as yourself,” Roman commented. Patton barked, agreeing with the earthling and the prince. Logan sighed, muttering something along the lines of, “I’ll offer companionship as well.” They all look expectantly at Cal.

   “What, do you really think I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like Mila? She’s cool enough, I wanna be friends with a water nymph,” Cal remarked, turning back towards a smiling Mila. “So, what do you say? We accept your offering, what about ours?” Mila lifted her yellow eyes ever so slightly and grinned, nodding.

   “I would li-ke more fri-ends,” she mumbled. She drew closer to the group, her feet barely skimming the surface of the marsh, until she floated in front of Cal. Mila shyly extended a hand. Cal grinned back at the little nymph, grabbing the hand and shaking it firmly. “Ke-ep your end of the de-al first,” she said as she drew her graceful hand back.

   Cal glanced over at Roman, who stumbled forward as Anxiety shoved him forward, the shadows on his face just barely concealing his smirk. “Go on and kiss the girl,” he said as Roman’s eyes lit up at the phrase.

   “Oh, I love that movie with the mermaid!” Roman exclaimed as he neared the nymph. “Perhaps we can show it to Calrex tonight?” he inquired, pursing his lips as he batted his eyelashes.

   “Only if you get us out of the mess you caused,” Anxiety replied. Roman scoffed, but turned towards Mila, who had sunk halfway into the water to be eye level with the dashing prince. Flashing her his trademark grin, the prince leaned over and pecked the young girl on the cheek as she blushed, giggling in a manner that echoed across the marsh.

   “I apologize most deeply, my dear Mila, for hurting your friend. Do accept my most sincere and heartfelt apology,” he said, bowing deeply. Mila laughed, a tinkling sound that reminded Cal of fairies.

   “It was fu-nny hearing it from the wa-ter,” she mused. “Th-ey tried to mi-mic it, yo-u flirting with Fae-rin and fai-ling.” Mila turned towards the others, whose interests were now piqued with curiosity. “He to-ld her, ‘Yo-ur eyes shine like the mo-on on a cry-stal ni-ght,’ ‘Yo-u’re the mo-st beau-tiful sea crea-ture I’ve met.’” Mila burst into laughter, clutching her stomach as Cal glanced at Roman.

   “You called her a sea creature? No wonder she cast a spell on you!” they uttered, shaking their head in exasperation. Roman spluttered, unsure how he could spin some sort of witty response from this humiliation. Mila sighed.

   “Yo-u kept your bar-gain, now I ke-ep mine,” she proclaimed as she throw her hands up in the sky, waving them as though she was signaling some passing ship. “Vocifere, caban!” With the enchantment cast, a cloud of smoke encapsulated Roman, dissipating to reveal the mermaid’s spell had been reversed.

   Roman clapped both hands over his face. “Oh, my gorgeous head is back to normal! Anxiety, do I look okay? Because a prince has got to slay,” he asked. Anxiety laughed, disguising it with a cough.

   “You look fine no matter what’s happened to you, don’t worry,” he reassured the prince. “Anyways, Mila, thank you so much for your help,” he thanked the nymph. “We might not be able to come back for a while, but we’ll try to return as soon as we can.” The nymph smiled happily, waving. The wall of water blocking Logan suddenly dropped down, scaring the robot. With a few more thanks and a couple vociferations of the marsh water soaking their feet, the group finally clambered onto the ship.

   As the door shut, Cal swore they heard Mila say, “Go-od luck, Pi-rate. Fi-ght and pro-sper.” Perhaps it had just been the wind.

   “Alright, kiddos, let’s get out of here before the guards find us!” Patton said, morphing back as he threw the heavy satchels off his shoulders, heading for the cockpit. Cal felt a breath of relief rush out of them as they followed the Drisine. They’d done it. Nobody had gotten (fatally) injured, no guards were firing at them as the ship started up its engines, and they had actually done something.

   “What a heist,” Anxiety sighed, leaning over the copilot’s chair, dangling his arms in front of Roman’s face.

   “That was certainly an ordeal,” Logan huffed, settling onto a stool as Patton skillfully guided the craft into the air, where they could easily see the miniscule figures of guards and peasants all grouped around a hole in one of the bank’s back walls. A pile of golden coins shimmered on the ground, spilling from the vault inside the building. “Hmm, looks like the commoners are taking advantage of Lord Finch’s private income,” the robot noted.

   “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink or two,” Cal stated. “Calypso knows after all this, it’s gonna take at least seven Harvey Wallbangers to forget the sight of Roman’s head double its size.” Lighthearted laughter overtook the cockpit as Roman groaned, wishing he, too, to forget what would likely be held against him for the rest of his life.

   “Let’s just head over to Remy’s already,” the prince pleaded.

   “Alright, I’m setting course for there now,” Patton said. “Boy, I won’t forget that adventure of a lifetime. And Cal got to be a part of it!” he squealed, his smile practically crushing his cheeks. Cal quirked up a corner of their, the feeling of apprehension beginning to sink in.

   “If you don’t mind,” they began nervously, “I’d like to keep having more adventures with you guys. At least I wouldn’t be bored.” A silence fell and immediately Cal knew they said the wrong thing.

   Patton squealed even louder, confusing the outlaw as to how the windows had yet to break from the high-pitched noises. “Oh, we would love that!” he exclaimed as he got up from the pilot’s seat to hug Cal tightly, Roman huffing as he took over Patton’s duties to fly the ship. Though first surprised at the kind gesture, Cal felt themself relax, awkwardly wrapping their arms around the Drisine to hug him back. The warmth that followed was something they remembered feeling a long time ago, when they were still an innocent child.

   Yeah, they could definitely get used to this.

WOOT WOOT WOOT ANOTHER CHAPTER UP! I hope all you lovelies enjoyed this new installment! (It was so much fun to write the bank scene)

Hey guess what I was inspired over the weekend for a chapter that probably won’t come up for a while so here you go:

“I will give you world. Every night, I'll let you know how much I love you in a hundred different ways. Every morning, when you wake up, I'll be by your side, whispering sweet nothings, telling you how beautiful you are, how your eyes look like the heavens when you're excited, how you are the bravest person I've ever met. Every day, I'll sing a ballad of praises for you. I will make you and this entire universe see how much you mean to me, because lavehsea, I’m so in love with you I might just burst, and dear Calypso this went so much better in my head.”

Hmm, may have just spoiled what that story’s about... heh.

AnYwHo, thank you all for reading, reblogging, and leaving likes :)

TAG LISTO (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@asofterfan

@alix-the-skeleton

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@sanderssidesstuff

[leigh-kelly]

It’s Not a Fast Move, But a Slow Groove

[freakydeke15]

Silas

My name is Silas Killeen. I was born into the Moonclan in Abeline, Texas thirty-one years ago. Things were going along great for the most part. Went to school, played with my friends, and even did odd jobs around town to earn some extra money. Yup, things were good right up until they went completely to hell. And on my birthday too. Whoda figured?

I was always big for my age. It ran in the family. Pop was a whopping 6’ 7’ and I was only just shy of him at sixteen at 6'0. (Grew another seven inches since then, but that’s not important to the story.) Ma used to joke I was gonna eat them out of house and home, but I never did, not really. Although, she did have to make a few extra grocery runs during the week. My sister Alicia said I was gonna turn into a horse instead of a werewolf. Funny how things turn out….

The day of my sixteenth birthday was coming on fast. My ma and pa were excited for me. They said there was something unusual about my birthday. I was born on a full moon and my sixteenth birthday fell on one too. They said it was a good omen. Turns out they were wrong.

In our clan, and in most werewolf clans, the first full moon after your sixteenth birthday is a right of passage into adulthood and into being a full-blooded Were. The teens are taken out by the their family members and are cared for during their first change. The other adults change with them (Our clan could change at will. Kinda nifty if you ask me), help them to hunt their first animal, and then help them in other ways, some of them a little too personal to put to paper, but you get the gist of it. 

On this day, I was lead out by my father, his friends, and several of my uncles. I was taken to a clearing in the woods, stripped naked, and left to the moon while they changed form. The full crest at midnight is when the change happens….or at least is supposed to happen. And as I laid there on the dirt and leaves, it didn’t.

What did happen was the most mind-blowing pain I could have ever imagined. It felt as if my very insides were being turned inside out: every bone broke, every part of my skin ripped, every limb stretched. Turns out, it was all in my head. While I was laying there, trapped in my pain, nothing happened. I grew no fur, fang, or claw. Nothing. My family and friends watched with horror as nothing happened. They waited a few hours as I moaned and then gave up. They wrapped a blanket around me and carried me back home, laying me in bed. They took me out every full moon for the next six months and still, nothing happened. I was the subject of talk, then ridicule, and finally shame. How could the clan alpha have born a misfit was what was said most. (Did I mention my pa was the clan leader? I guess that mighta been important.)

I still remember the day they called me into the kitchen to have what was to be my final talk with my parents. The clan could not have a Were that couldn’t change. I was told I was not allowed to mate with any Were females, I was not allowed to live among the clan, and I was no longer allowed to be with my family. The only one who even shed a tear or voiced an opinion was my sister, but it fell on deaf ears. Ma sat and watched as pa sent me away. My older brother Mark just shook his head and walked out of the room.

I wasn’t truly kicked out on my own. The clan had a small house on the outside of the village that they provided for me to live, and they even brought me food, but I was still alone. Not even my sister was allowed to visit and my friends seemed to all disappear. In my head, I thought t was better to leave and be alone on my own terms than to live alone under theirs. I packed my stuff, left a note, and took off. I had no idea where I was gonna go or how I was gonna live, but I was determined not to live as their embarrassment.

It turns out it wasn’t such a bad idea. I’m guessing the joke was on me. While I can’t change into a Were, I have their strength, senses, and healing abilities. Maybe it was the fates idea of a consolation prize. I dunno. Anyway, it helped me out a lot once I honed them. I spent my travels hitchhiking and doing odd jobs here and there. I even holed up with a group of nuns for a while, cleaning and running errands in exchange for food, boarding, and a little money. It was a nice gig until they started losing money and instead of doing something about it, they figured that God would provide. In a way he did, kinda. Without them knowing,  I’d put some of my money back into the till and kept my eyes open. I found the little punk that was stealing from the till and beat him within an inch of his life.

Suddenly, the money came back. I never said nothin’. Nice group of ladies. My real money came when I met up with a fella’ named Donovan through the nuns. I was kinda worried he was a creeper, but turns out he was one of the nicest human beings you could meet. He used to come to the church and talk with me. He was older, graying, and retired from the military. His wife had died years before and he had no children. He offered me a place to stay and to learn a thing or two. On the encouragement of the nuns, I accepted. That was one of the best ideas I ever had.

Donovan had made his money building special things for the government and using them. He had a shop out back of the house and used to sit with hours with me showing me how to tinker. After I had a grip on buildin’, he taught me how to shoot. It was something I took to straight away. So much so, that I drew some attention, which lead me to one of my not so good ideas.

He still had former military friends that would stop by once in a while. I found out that he had been braggin’ on me to them about my long shot skills. One thing lead to another and they tried to ‘recruit’ me. I turned them down flat. Last thing I needed was to be chained to a service. I wanted to wander and they sure as hell don’t let ya do that in the military. (Thinking back on it now, they never did mention any branch of military. I get the feeling they worked outside of the law. Lesson learned.) Instead, they made me a very nice offer for a one time job. The dollar signs turned my head so fast I had whiplash. 

One job. That was it. No questions, no enlistment, no names. I took it. The subject was to be killed. One shot clean. I was to do that and get the hell out. Later, they would wire the money to an account and I was scott free. They called it something like 'plausible deniability’. I didn’t care. It was quite a bit of money. So I did it, at range from a hill top. One between the eyes. The guy went down like a sack of potatoes. I tore apart the rifle, packed it, and headed for the woodline. I was making my way through the woods when I took two in the back and one in the leg. Sure, plausible deniability was good for them, but the guy I shot had guards who had spotted the glint of my scope seconds before I shot. I was now a wanted criminal running for his life. 

Now, I don’t know how I did it, making it out of the woods and to the pick up place, and I don’t know how they did it, covering my tracks and my name, but I managed to come out of it with a hefty bank account and new found respect for what I am willing to do and what questions to ask. Occasionally, I see that guys face in the lines of my scope and I still don’t know who he was. In my brain, it’s better that way. But now, I only take jobs I am willing to do. I have the funds to turn them down and walk away. I have become a much better shot than then too. Donovan called me dangerous. He meant it as a compliment, but he wasn’t lying.

Now, I take odd jobs. I’ve been everything from a bouncer to midnight security, but it’s mostly been bounty hunting and going in where the law can’t or won’t. I have no problem killing in cold blood, but I try to avoid it when I can. I still fall in pain every full moon, so I try to find some place safe to hole up on those nights. I have my tools on my back and my entire life fits on a couple saddlebags on my bike. Is it a lonely life? Fuck yes it is…..but it’s the only one I got and I’m okay with it until I get a better offer.

[fesahaawit]

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance?

Heyo!

Okay, this is totally going to look planned considering last Friday’s hypothetical on winning $100,000, but I swear this is a real question and that our friend here did not win any magical genie requests :) In fact, she got the money through the opposite of a fun situation :(

Here’s her note below, followed by my own thoughts for her to marinate on and then hopefully yours as well! We’ll call her “joy” to hopefully liven up the situation more :)

Here’s her email below… Oh, and whatever you do, Joy, do not read this post here!!

J. Money! I’ve been a long time reader of your column but, well, have never commented. Finally thought I’d send in a question at least since your advice is always sound (and fun to read)!

It’s been a year since my dad’s passing, and our inheritance has finally cleared the estate. I’m looking at a cool $100k coming my way in the next month. Looking at the best way to use that, given my current life situation.

Here are the good details: I’m 36, married, and we each bring in $80k/year salary though we don’t comingle our income for the most part. I have no student loans (paid off last year!), approx. $200k in my 401(k) that I contribute 5% to with a company match, and $20k in a ROTH which I’ve contributed $2k to this year so far. I also have about $12k in personal savings. (Recently used a chunk for a down payment on a car)

Now for the debt: I do have quite a bit of credit card debt to the tune of $20k (most of it is 0% APR CCs through mid 2018), a personal loan of $26k (10% APR), a car loan of $6500 (4% APR). I also have a townhouse rental property where thankfully the rent covers the mortgage payment, and we each pay $800/mo towards the mortgage for the condo we live in.

The big life event that’s making this a tougher planning process: We’re expecting our first kid in 5 months! We currently have $6k in a “Baby Savings Fund” (separate from personal savings) with an auto savings deposit of $300/mo. Full time daycare runs around of $1900/month for the area. We’ll want set up a 529 for the kiddo, but not sure how much to put in each month. But otherwise, not really sure what to do to prepare for the kid!

What I want to do is: 1) pad my savings to $35k (~7 mo living expenses), 2) fully fund my Roth, 3) pay off the personal loan and car loan, 4) put $6k into a townhouse emergency fund (3 months mortgage). Should I wait on my credit card debt since most of it is on 0% APR til next year so I get a little interest (free $ is free $ right?) on what’s left of inheritance? If I pay 100% of my debt (besides mortgage), that’ll free up $1700/mo. That leaves quite a bit leftover, but with the baby coming I don’t want to squander it!

One more side note – my spouse is on a work trip that will bring in an extra $8k in the next month. He’ll use that to pad savings, too, and I want to make sure we both put $$ aside for the kiddo. He has no student loans, car loan, or CC debt.

What to do what to do? Thanks in advance!

PS: I did read an older inheritance post you did where you talked about goals… thought I’d add some of mine. My biggest driver is : I’d been unemployed for a year before,  which decimated my savings. I got help from family to pay my mortgage a couple months. That’s where half my debt came from too. I never ever want to go back! And now with the kiddo coming, I want to set him/her up for not stressing about money too. My husband has always been frugal so he’s totally on board.

Oh the possibilities! What a great position to be in! (Minus the reasons behind the money, of course)

I love that she threw in the PS there at the end too because one of the most important things with this stuff is to KNOW YOURSELF and *why* you’re drawn to certain actions over others, even if they look strange from the outside. There’s nothing wrong with making moves this way so long as they don’t F you or your finances over, so anytime you’re super excited to go one route over another I say go for it! Who cares if others would do it differently, they’re not living your life?

*Awkward transition to others giving their opinion now…*

Okay, so what would I do in her shoes? Well, pretty much everything she already stated above with the addition of one minor/major? change. I feel like she already *knows* deep down what she wants to do – which is great! She’s been thinking hard! – but we’ll see if our additional advice sways her one way or the other :) I’ll go first, then it’s your turn!

Here’s what I’d do with the money…

#1. Hold onto the $100k cash for 2-3 months and let it all soak in!

It’s one thing to *know* the money’s coming, but a whole other to let it simmer in your bank account and feel SUPER CONFIDENT knowing you can pretty much do anything you want before unloading it… This prevents you from doing anything stupid with it too, especially in the case of winning the lottery! (Check out this article on 21 people who won it and then lost it all – ugh…)

#2. Once the anxiousness kicks in, start knocking off your Want List

Again, our friend here has a great sense of herself and pretty much already knows what she wants to do with most of it, and since they all improve her net worth and general comfortableness, I’m 100% for it. The real question is what to do with the money that’s *leftover*. Which I’m pretty sure we all here know what that answer should be ;)

Here’s her want list again, along w/ the amounts it’ll take to release the kragle:

Padding her savings to $35,000 (+$23,000)

Fully funding her Roth IRA (+$3,500)

Paying off both her personal loan AND car loan ($26,000 + $6,500 = $32,500)

Putting $6,000 into her “townhouse emergency fund”

That’s a total of $65,000 going to a new home, leaving her with $35,000 left…

#3. PAY OFF EVERY LITTLE BIT OF CREDIT CARD DEBT!

The extra savings in cash may feel good, but I’m willing to bet that being completely debt-free would feel even better over time – especially with the new baby on board. The Want List already took care of a bulk of the wanted savings, so why not shovel $20,000 right into the debt and have the best of both worlds? If the credit cards aren’t paid off now – with “free” money mind you – when will they be?

And here’s some other good motivation that she already alluded to: it would help free up $1,700/mo of cash flow too! Which can then be directed to a number of future goals as well! And considering NONE of this even accounts for any contributions by her partner throughout time – which I’m sure will be a lot since he’s so frugal and also makes a decent income – their family is definitely sitting pretty.

#4. Dump a chunk into the 529 account

If all the above wasn’t awesome enough, she still has $15,000 to play with! And since the 529 is the only thing we haven’t touched on yet, my vote would be to send $10,000 into it in one fell swoop to get that compounding going. It would serve her better over time than breaking it into smaller monthly deposits too (again cuz of compounding, despite dollar cost averaging), and from there you’ve hit all the main goals on the list. Woo!

But that still leaves us her with $5,000 left…

#5. Do something *special* for you or your family

As responsible as all the financial goals are, which now make up for 95% of the inheritance, I’d stash the remaining $5,000 aside to do something really rewarding or special for either yourself or your family in the near future. I’m sure your father would love to be able to contribute towards that, especially if it’s something you wouldn’t naturally do for yourself because you’re so “responsible!” And even better if it’s towards something that would also honor your dad’s life as well :)

Maybe a trip to somewhere he found special or always wanted to go? Or maybe starting or enhancing a hobby/passion you two shared together? Or what about going on a shopping spree that he’d look down and laugh at but approve of you finally letting loose?? Haha, I dunno…

Either way, keeping a little money aside to be able to “splurge” a little can def. do a person good. ESPECIALLY when a new baby is on the horizon and life will get about 10x more “interesting” :) But what a blessing indeed… One family member leaves, and another one comes in. The circle of life, baby.

#6. Allocate the new $1,700 earned back via cash flow towards whatever needs strengthening!

This is the cherry on top of it all, and the area you can feel even more free to do what you please in order to fill in the remaining cracks you see. Even if it seems like overkill to others (again – it’s your life! Do what makes you feel the best! Though may I recommend maybe upping your 401(k) contributions more for an extra boost? ;))

And here’s the best part of this cash flow cherry: It not only grants you $1,700 the first month, but it continues forward sending you $1,700 the second month and $1,700 the third month and the fourth month and on and on into eternity or at least until baby #2 and #3 comes ;)

It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Which means getting to make these nerdy decisions every single month as you continue to fortify your finances. A wonderful dream for any father’s daughter.

So those are my thoughts…

You’ve got plenty of money to last for years now, and you’ve got a loving husband who will also be helping you out across the board too. You’re going to be fine no matter which route you go, and all that’s left now is to love the crap out of your baby :) You can never love them too much! One of the best pieces of advice I got myself through this journey.

I now open it up to you, readers! What do you think of these plans here? What would YOU advise if you got this $100k and were in her shoes?

Share all your smart words below, and then pat yourself on the back for being productive this morning! It’s much better than the 100 other things we’re about to do when we log off here to distract us from the work that’s needing to get done today ;)

God bless, all.

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance? posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance?

Heyo!

Okay, this is totally going to look planned considering last Friday’s hypothetical on winning $100,000, but I swear this is a real question and that our friend here did not win any magical genie requests :) In fact, she got the money through the opposite of a fun situation :(

Here’s her note below, followed by my own thoughts for her to marinate on and then hopefully yours as well! We’ll call her “joy” to hopefully liven up the situation more :)

Here’s her email below… Oh, and whatever you do, Joy, do not read this post here!!

J. Money! I’ve been a long time reader of your column but, well, have never commented. Finally thought I’d send in a question at least since your advice is always sound (and fun to read)!

It’s been a year since my dad’s passing, and our inheritance has finally cleared the estate. I’m looking at a cool $100k coming my way in the next month. Looking at the best way to use that, given my current life situation.

Here are the good details: I’m 36, married, and we each bring in $80k/year salary though we don’t comingle our income for the most part. I have no student loans (paid off last year!), approx. $200k in my 401(k) that I contribute 5% to with a company match, and $20k in a ROTH which I’ve contributed $2k to this year so far. I also have about $12k in personal savings. (Recently used a chunk for a down payment on a car)

Now for the debt: I do have quite a bit of credit card debt to the tune of $20k (most of it is 0% APR CCs through mid 2018), a personal loan of $26k (10% APR), a car loan of $6500 (4% APR). I also have a townhouse rental property where thankfully the rent covers the mortgage payment, and we each pay $800/mo towards the mortgage for the condo we live in.

The big life event that’s making this a tougher planning process: We’re expecting our first kid in 5 months! We currently have $6k in a “Baby Savings Fund” (separate from personal savings) with an auto savings deposit of $300/mo. Full time daycare runs around of $1900/month for the area. We’ll want set up a 529 for the kiddo, but not sure how much to put in each month. But otherwise, not really sure what to do to prepare for the kid!

What I want to do is: 1) pad my savings to $35k (~7 mo living expenses), 2) fully fund my Roth, 3) pay off the personal loan and car loan, 4) put $6k into a townhouse emergency fund (3 months mortgage). Should I wait on my credit card debt since most of it is on 0% APR til next year so I get a little interest (free $ is free $ right?) on what’s left of inheritance? If I pay 100% of my debt (besides mortgage), that’ll free up $1700/mo. That leaves quite a bit leftover, but with the baby coming I don’t want to squander it!

One more side note – my spouse is on a work trip that will bring in an extra $8k in the next month. He’ll use that to pad savings, too, and I want to make sure we both put $$ aside for the kiddo. He has no student loans, car loan, or CC debt.

What to do what to do? Thanks in advance!

PS: I did read an older inheritance post you did where you talked about goals… thought I’d add some of mine. My biggest driver is : I’d been unemployed for a year before,  which decimated my savings. I got help from family to pay my mortgage a couple months. That’s where half my debt came from too. I never ever want to go back! And now with the kiddo coming, I want to set him/her up for not stressing about money too. My husband has always been frugal so he’s totally on board.

Oh the possibilities! What a great position to be in! (Minus the reasons behind the money, of course)

I love that she threw in the PS there at the end too because one of the most important things with this stuff is to KNOW YOURSELF and *why* you’re drawn to certain actions over others, even if they look strange from the outside. There’s nothing wrong with making moves this way so long as they don’t F you or your finances over, so anytime you’re super excited to go one route over another I say go for it! Who cares if others would do it differently, they’re not living your life?

*Awkward transition to others giving their opinion now…*

Okay, so what would I do in her shoes? Well, pretty much everything she already stated above with the addition of one minor/major? change. I feel like she already *knows* deep down what she wants to do – which is great! She’s been thinking hard! – but we’ll see if our additional advice sways her one way or the other :) I’ll go first, then it’s your turn!

Here’s what I’d do with the money…

#1. Hold onto the $100k cash for 2-3 months and let it all soak in!

It’s one thing to *know* the money’s coming, but a whole other to let it simmer in your bank account and feel SUPER CONFIDENT knowing you can pretty much do anything you want before unloading it… This prevents you from doing anything stupid with it too, especially in the case of winning the lottery! (Check out this article on 21 people who won it and then lost it all – ugh…)

#2. Once the anxiousness kicks in, start knocking off your Want List

Again, our friend here has a great sense of herself and pretty much already knows what she wants to do with most of it, and since they all improve her net worth and general comfortableness, I’m 100% for it. The real question is what to do with the money that’s *leftover*. Which I’m pretty sure we all here know what that answer should be ;)

Here’s her want list again, along w/ the amounts it’ll take to release the kragle:

Padding her savings to $35,000 (+$23,000)

Fully funding her Roth IRA (+$3,500)

Paying off both her personal loan AND car loan ($26,000 + $6,500 = $32,500)

Putting $6,000 into her “townhouse emergency fund”

That’s a total of $65,000 going to a new home, leaving her with $35,000 left…

#3. PAY OFF EVERY LITTLE BIT OF CREDIT CARD DEBT!

The extra savings in cash may feel good, but I’m willing to bet that being completely debt-free would feel even better over time – especially with the new baby on board. The Want List already took care of a bulk of the wanted savings, so why not shovel $20,000 right into the debt and have best of both worlds? If the credit cards aren’t paid off now – with “free” money mind you – when will they be?

And here’s some other good motivation that she already alluded to: it would help free up $1,700/mo of cash flow too! Which can then be directed to a number of future goals as well! And considering NONE of this even accounts for any contributions by her partner throughout time – which I’m sure will be a lot since he’s so frugal and also makes decent income – their family is definitely sitting pretty.

#4. Dump a chunk into the 529 account

If all the above wasn’t awesome enough, she still has $15,000 to play with! And since the 529 is the only thing we haven’t touched on yet, my vote would be to send $10,000 into it in one fell swoop to get that compounding going. It would serve her better over time than breaking it into smaller monthly deposits too (again cuz of compounding, despite dollar cost averaging), and from there you’ve hit all the main goals on the list. Woo!

But that still leaves us her with $5,000 left…

#5. Do something *special* for you or your family

As responsible as all the financial goals are, which now make up for 95% of the inheritance, I’d stash the remaining $5,000 aside to do something really rewarding or special for either yourself or your family in the near future. I’m sure your father would love to be able to contribute towards that, especially if it’s something you wouldn’t naturally do for yourself because you’re so “responsible!” And even better if it’s towards something that would also honor your dad’s life as well :)

Maybe a trip to somewhere he found special or always wanted to go? Or maybe starting or enhancing a hobby/passion you two shared together? Or what about going on a shopping spree that he’d look down and laugh at but approve of you finally letting loose?? Haha, I dunno…

Either way, keeping a little money aside to be able to “splurge” a little can def. do a person good. ESPECIALLY when a new baby is on the horizon and life will get about 10x more “interesting” :) But what a blessing indeed… One family member leaves, and another one comes in. The circle of life, baby.

#6. Allocate the new $1,700 earned back via cash flow towards whatever needs strengthening!

This is the cherry on top of it all, and the area you can feel even more free to do what you please in order to fill in the remaining cracks you see. Even if it seems like overkill to others (again – it’s your life! Do what makes you feel the best! Though may I recommend maybe upping your 401(k) contributions more for extra boost? ;))

And here’s the best part of this cash flow cherry: It not only grants you $1,700 the first month, but it continues forward sending you $1,700 the second month and $1,700 the third month and the fourth month and on and on into eternity or at least until baby #2 and #3 comes ;)

It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Which means getting to make these nerdy decisions every single month as you continue to fortify your finances. A wonderful dream for any father’s daughter.

So those are my thoughts…

You’ve got plenty of money to last for years now, and you’ve got a loving husband who will also be helping you out across the board too. You’re going to be fine no matter which route you go, and all that’s left now is to love the crap out of your baby :) You can never love them too much! One of the best pieces of advice I got myself through this journey.

I now open it up to you, readers! What do you think of these plans here? What would YOU advise if you got this $100k and were in her shoes?

Share all your smart words below, and then pat yourself on the back for being productive this morning! It’s much better than the 100 other things we’re about to do when we log off here to distract us from the work that’s needing to get done today ;)

God bless, all.

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance? published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[fesahaawit]

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance?

Heyo!

Okay, this is totally going to look planned considering last Friday’s hypothetical on winning $100,000, but I swear this is a real question and that our friend here did not win any magical genie requests :) In fact, she got the money through the opposite of a fun situation :(

Here’s her note below, followed by my own thoughts for her to marinate on and then hopefully yours as well! We’ll call her “joy” to hopefully liven up the situation more :)

Here’s her email below… Oh, and whatever you do, Joy, do not read this post here!!

J. Money! I’ve been a long time reader of your column but, well, have never commented. Finally thought I’d send in a question at least since your advice is always sound (and fun to read)!

It’s been a year since my dad’s passing, and our inheritance has finally cleared the estate. I’m looking at a cool $100k coming my way in the next month. Looking at the best way to use that, given my current life situation.

Here are the good details: I’m 36, married, and we each bring in $80k/year salary though we don’t comingle our income for the most part. I have no student loans (paid off last year!), approx. $200k in my 401(k) that I contribute 5% to with a company match, and $20k in a ROTH which I’ve contributed $2k to this year so far. I also have about $12k in personal savings. (Recently used a chunk for a down payment on a car)

Now for the debt: I do have quite a bit of credit card debt to the tune of $20k (most of it is 0% APR CCs through mid 2018), a personal loan of $26k (10% APR), a car loan of $6500 (4% APR). I also have a townhouse rental property where thankfully the rent covers the mortgage payment, and we each pay $800/mo towards the mortgage for the condo we live in.

The big life event that’s making this a tougher planning process: We’re expecting our first kid in 5 months! We currently have $6k in a “Baby Savings Fund” (separate from personal savings) with an auto savings deposit of $300/mo. Full time daycare runs around of $1900/month for the area. We’ll want set up a 529 for the kiddo, but not sure how much to put in each month. But otherwise, not really sure what to do to prepare for the kid!

What I want to do is: 1) pad my savings to $35k (~7 mo living expenses), 2) fully fund my Roth, 3) pay off the personal loan and car loan, 4) put $6k into a townhouse emergency fund (3 months mortgage). Should I wait on my credit card debt since most of it is on 0% APR til next year so I get a little interest (free $ is free $ right?) on what’s left of inheritance? If I pay 100% of my debt (besides mortgage), that’ll free up $1700/mo. That leaves quite a bit leftover, but with the baby coming I don’t want to squander it!

One more side note – my spouse is on a work trip that will bring in an extra $8k in the next month. He’ll use that to pad savings, too, and I want to make sure we both put $$ aside for the kiddo. He has no student loans, car loan, or CC debt.

What to do what to do? Thanks in advance!

PS: I did read an older inheritance post you did where you talked about goals… thought I’d add some of mine. My biggest driver is : I’d been unemployed for a year before,  which decimated my savings. I got help from family to pay my mortgage a couple months. That’s where half my debt came from too. I never ever want to go back! And now with the kiddo coming, I want to set him/her up for not stressing about money too. My husband has always been frugal so he’s totally on board.

Oh the possibilities! What a great position to be in! (Minus the reasons behind the money, of course)

I love that she threw in the PS there at the end too because one of the most important things with this stuff is to KNOW YOURSELF and *why* you’re drawn to certain actions over others, even if they look strange from the outside. There’s nothing wrong with making moves this way so long as they don’t F you or your finances over, so anytime you’re super excited to go one route over another I say go for it! Who cares if others would do it differently, they’re not living your life?

*Awkward transition to others giving their opinion now…*

Okay, so what would I do in her shoes? Well, pretty much everything she already stated above with the addition of one minor/major? change. I feel like she already *knows* deep down what she wants to do – which is great! She’s been thinking hard! – but we’ll see if our additional advice sways her one way or the other :) I’ll go first, then it’s your turn!

Here’s what I’d do with the money…

#1. Hold onto the $100k cash for 2-3 months and let it all soak in!

It’s one thing to *know* the money’s coming, but a whole other to let it simmer in your bank account and feel SUPER CONFIDENT knowing you can pretty much do anything you want before unloading it… This prevents you from doing anything stupid with it too, especially in the case of winning the lottery! (Check out this article on 21 people who won it and then lost it all – ugh…)

#2. Once the anxiousness kicks in, start knocking off your Want List

Again, our friend here has a great sense of herself and pretty much already knows what she wants to do with most of it, and since they all improve her net worth and general comfortableness, I’m 100% for it. The real question is what to do with the money that’s *leftover*. Which I’m pretty sure we all here know what that answer should be ;)

Here’s her want list again, along w/ the amounts it’ll take to release the kragle:

Padding her savings to $35,000 (+$23,000)

Fully funding her Roth IRA (+$3,500)

Paying off both her personal loan AND car loan ($26,000 + $6,500 = $32,500)

Putting $6,000 into her “townhouse emergency fund”

That’s a total of $65,000 going to a new home, leaving her with $35,000 left…

#3. PAY OFF EVERY LITTLE BIT OF CREDIT CARD DEBT!

The extra savings in cash may feel good, but I’m willing to bet that being completely debt-free would feel even better over time – especially with the new baby on board. The Want List already took care of a bulk of the wanted savings, so why not shovel $20,000 right into the debt and have best of both worlds? If the credit cards aren’t paid off now – with “free” money mind you – when will they be?

And here’s some other good motivation that she already alluded to: it would help free up $1,700/mo of cash flow too! Which can then be directed to a number of future goals as well! And considering NONE of this even accounts for any contributions by her partner throughout time – which I’m sure will be a lot since he’s so frugal and also makes decent income – their family is definitely sitting pretty.

#4. Dump a chunk into the 529 account

If all the above wasn’t awesome enough, she still has $15,000 to play with! And since the 529 is the only thing we haven’t touched on yet, my vote would be to send $10,000 into it in one fell swoop to get that compounding going. It would serve her better over time than breaking it into smaller monthly deposits too (again cuz of compounding, despite dollar cost averaging), and from there you’ve hit all the main goals on the list. Woo!

But that still leaves us her with $5,000 left…

#5. Do something *special* for you or your family

As responsible as all the financial goals are, which now make up for 95% of the inheritance, I’d stash the remaining $5,000 aside to do something really rewarding or special for either yourself or your family in the near future. I’m sure your father would love to be able to contribute towards that, especially if it’s something you wouldn’t naturally do for yourself because you’re so “responsible!” And even better if it’s towards something that would also honor your dad’s life as well :)

Maybe a trip to somewhere he found special or always wanted to go? Or maybe starting or enhancing a hobby/passion you two shared together? Or what about going on a shopping spree that he’d look down and laugh at but approve of you finally letting loose?? Haha, I dunno…

Either way, keeping a little money aside to be able to “splurge” a little can def. do a person good. ESPECIALLY when a new baby is on the horizon and life will get about 10x more “interesting” :) But what a blessing indeed… One family member leaves, and another one comes in. The circle of life, baby.

#6. Allocate the new $1,700 earned back via cash flow towards whatever needs strengthening!

This is the cherry on top of it all, and the area you can feel even more free to do what you please in order to fill in the remaining cracks you see. Even if it seems like overkill to others (again – it’s your life! Do what makes you feel the best! Though may I recommend maybe upping your 401(k) contributions more for extra boost? ;))

And here’s the best part of this cash flow cherry: It not only grants you $1,700 the first month, but it continues forward sending you $1,700 the second month and $1,700 the third month and the fourth month and on and on into eternity or at least until baby #2 and #3 comes ;)

It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Which means getting to make these nerdy decisions every single month as you continue to fortify your finances. A wonderful dream for any father’s daughter.

So those are my thoughts…

You’ve got plenty of money to last for years now, and you’ve got a loving husband who will also be helping you out across the board too. You’re going to be fine no matter which route you go, and all that’s left now is to love the crap out of your baby :) You can never love them too much! One of the best pieces of advice I got myself through this journey.

I now open it up to you, readers! What do you think of these plans here? What would YOU advise if you got this $100k and were in her shoes?

Share all your smart words below, and then pat yourself on the back for being productive this morning! It’s much better than the 100 other things we’re about to do when we log off here to distract us from the work that’s needing to get done today ;)

God bless, all.

Reader Question: What To Do With A $100k Inheritance? posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ