#the better strategy = the glovamy fic

[nube55]

the better strategy. / astarion x tav

summary: a hand mirror, no shirt, and one hell of a discovery. (astarion romance canon scene spoilers, remixed with my own flair.)

pairing: astarion x tav (female, she/her) word count: 3.2k tags: manipulation, trauma, astarion's pov, miscommunications, mentions of cazador/spawn abuse, selûne worshipper!tav, sensuality, little kisses // mature for thematic elements

part two. / part four (coming soon). | masterlist.

PART THREE: THE DISCOVERY.

.

Tav wakes well before Astarion anticipates, which is a problem.

He keeps his promise: he stays with her through the night with his arm around her shoulders, foolishly protecting her from a darkness that painfully calls him home. 

He misses the sun just as badly as she misses the moon. 

(He refuses to entertain two sides of the same coin.)

Upon keeping his promise, Astarion has run into an ironic problem: the threat of wandering eyes have always kept him alert in his surroundings, two steps ahead of anyone in his vicinity to protect himself, but now?

This time, his eyes are the ones to wander. One blink leads to another, until they fall on something... shiny.

Then his brain embarks on a peculiar, intrusive thought: 

The mirror Tav uses to get ready in the morning sits a stone’s throw away from him on a crate acting as a makeshift table. 

And he’s curious.

Curious, because the tadpole has cured just about every other ailment of vampirism — the glowing red eyes, the stench of eternal death, the pesky scorch of the sun.

Maybe he can finally see his own reflection after two hundred some-odd years.

It’s a pipe dream, he realizes, when he carefully lays her down on her bedroll with the care of a lover. It's a pipe dream, but so is living out his days as a free man.

In what precious time he has before the rest of the group stirs, Astarion stalks towards the crate and pokes at the silver handle of the mirror. 

Huh.

No burning flesh. No jolt of pain.

That, too, is something he’s not yet used to — touching things, touching precious things, without burning for it.

Before picking it up by the handle, the vampire sheds his body of his billowing white tunic.

If this is going to work, he wants the grand reveal: of his face, of his body—

Of whatever the fuck Cazador carved into his skin all those years ago.

He’s felt around his back before, touched the edges of what feels like a warped semi-circle of text, but he’s never seen it.

(Shouldn’t he get the whole package of whatever in the hells this tadpole has irrevocably broke in his brain?)

When he picks up the smooth handle of the hand mirror, he stops. Freezes, really. He keeps the mirror's intricate rose-carved art facing upwards, avoiding what's on the other side for a moment longer.

Because he's afraid.

Astarion’s afraid of a lot of things — curing a fraction of his immortal disease hasn’t kept the list from growing.

If anything, it’s only grown longer since he’d stumbled into Tav’s merry band of misfits:

He’s afraid to lose the sun. He’s afraid to be caught. He’s afraid to wake up one morning and see that this merry band, however misfitted they are, will leave him behind.

(That she’ll lose any use for him, the stronger she becomes.)

Finally Astarion turns his arm at the wrist, expecting something hideous and distorted to stare back at him.

He knows his hands are translucent. He knows his body doesn’t hold hair like it used to. He knows he’s littered with over two-centuries' worth of scars.

...nothing.

Astarion squints, hoping that perhaps the nothingness in the mirror is a mistake.

Still nothing.

All he can see is Tav staring back at him.

Tav.

Wait—

“Shit,” he curses with gusto, turning on a heel to hide the mirror — and his entire mangled, carved back — from view as he flashes that forced, toothy grin her way.

Tav looks like she straddles this world and a dream realm with messy clothes and half-lidded eyes. If she’s mad, then typical signs are not present.

Astarion feels like a school boy caught red-handed with something naughty, ashamed when, truly?

“I was going to give it back,” he argues quickly, like being a thief in her own camp is the last thing he wishes Tav to think of him.

(Why the fuck should her opinion matter?)

He then turns smarmy, scrambling to his favorable line of defense: flirtation.

“My dear, are you perhaps — staring at something?”

He rolls a sensual shoulder towards her, hoping his face, his toned body, anything but what lay out of sight distracts her. Although flirting with Tav has always been useless, he sure does try.

She doesn’t look at his face. Instead her gaze is lost somewhere in the space between his throat and sternum.

Then he realizes all too late: flirting with Tav really will be useless, because she’s already seen what he's so desperate to hide.

“Astarion… your back…”

Ah, Hells.

So she did see the whole gnarled picture. 

Tav trails off, seeking a question he knows she’s too afraid to ask. Because Tav is annoyingly good. She doesn’t poke her nose into places where it isn’t wanted.

He could be mean about it, too; make her so upset and embarrassed for staring instead of running back into her tent that she may cry.

In his mind, he has the upper hand in this agonizing moment.

“I thought it would be worth a shot, to see if my… current state of condition would lend itself to perhaps seeing my own reflection,” he chooses instead, playful in tone. He waves his free hand with little care. “It didn’t work, if that’s what you were wondering.”

No, she isn’t wondering that.

She’s wondering the very same thing that’s on his mind: what is that monstrosity on his back? 

At first he assumes Tav doesn’t have the heart to play along. Her inhale is sharp, focused, before she exhales the intensity of her muscles away.

“It must be hard, not seeing your reflection,” she replies instead, surprising him.

“Quite a pain, yes,” he answers.

“Do you miss it?”

“What, preening in the looking glass? Petty vanity?”

The vampire’s eyebrows slide high, before his face falls with undeniable grief.

“Of course I miss it. I’ve never seen this face.”

He notes the way her expression knits in confusion, so he clarifies.

“Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red.”

She watches his face, not daring to curve a peek at his back. The wood elf moves in a step closer, paying special attention to his eyes.

She wants to ask. Will she actually—

“What color were your eyes before?” she gently asks, and his stomach sinks.

Beautiful, wonderful, precious Tav — how can his lips be anything but loose around her?

“I..."

He could lie. Say brown, green, blue, whatever color might fit in her image, but he fails his deception for the second time.

"I don’t know,” he admits. “I can’t remember.”

(He'll never admit that he's made it a point to memorize hers. They’re such a brilliant color, magnificent in a way that’s perfectly Tav. No other eye color can compare.)

He's considering a lie, to tell her they have twin eyes, but something peculiar begins to stir with the cleric in front of him: she’s leaning in further, hands behind her back — she always refuses to touch him, which is as infuriating as it is assuaging — but then she… squints.

Stares.

Astarion blinks.

“What in the hells are you doing?” He takes a fraction of a step back, nerves bunched in the center of his throat. “Is there something on my face?”

“Not quite,” Tav corrects, and he loathes the sing-song tone she’s adopted. “I’m no poet, but I could tell you what I see.”

His brain blanks.

He has no retort, no sly flirtation, to toss in retaliation. He’s the one stuck with a translucent blush, left to wonder how someone like her manifested into this cruel, harsh world.

“You would tell me what you see?” he forces to repeat, to make sure he’s heard right. He wants to ask. He shouldn’t. He wants to know. He can’t. “What… do you see?”

He has always been reprimanded for impulse. Centuries haven’t changed that.

Tav takes a moment to study him with no malice.

“White hair. It curls around your ears and bounces when you walk. On the surface, it oftentimes waves in the wind.”

“I wasn’t aware you were a bard in disguise,” he scoffs, waving off such a tender recount.

She isn’t bothered by the jab. She glides closer, hands raising. The vampire’s brow rises.

“Your eyes are red, sure, but you have soft eyelashes. They frame your face wonderfully.”

Astarion playfully tilts his chin, fangs gleaming. “Flattery? Now this I can get behind.”

“It isn’t just flattery, Astarion,” she argues with a softness that devolves to laughter. “You have this… adorable little scar right here—” 

To his surprise, the wood elf runs a fingertip over a scar he got on a particularly bad day luring game to Cazador’s palace, and his entire body runs hot — not because of the memory, but because her touch is featherlight and inviting.

He’s not sure Tav has ever put her hands on him, not in the way he’s defiled her body with his teeth.

Her hands have gripped his arms, but his face…

Why in the Hells does he want to lean into it?

His own hand shoots between them, curling around her wrist to keep her hand there.

Tav must realize what she’s done, because he can feel the muscle tend under his grip.

Astarion leans in, cooing his next question:

“Is this the part when you tell me I’m the most beautiful creature you’ve ever laid eyes on?”

Her eyes widen with shame.

He’s going to ruin this.

Good, he thinks. Feel bad for being kind to me. Remind me that I’m a monster that keeps you up at night. Remember I feed off of your very life source—

“Astarion, you are beautiful.”

As if it’s the most innocent confession at a religious altar.

(She'll never burn like him.)

So many before her have said the same — called him beautiful, gorgeous, sexy — but there is some uncertain way she goes about it that punches the air from his undead lungs.

He can’t do this.

He must upset something, or else he may upset himself.

“You saw the scars on my back, yes?” he murmurs in the finite space between them. Her eyes widen even further. “When you spoke earlier, was that not what you were referring to? Are they beautiful to you, too, or is it just my dashing young face and mouthwatering body?”

The wood elf considers her next words very carefully, but she doesn’t fight his hold on her wrist.

The vampire tilts his chin down, closer, and he can hear the urgent inhale through her nose.

“I saw them, yes," she admits under her breath. "What... may I ask what they are?"

“I haven’t the slightest clue, my sweet,” he replies. “I’ve been tracing them with my fingers for years, trying to read them by touch, but I can’t. They may as well be written in Rashemi.”

“And that’s why you were trying to use my mirror?” 

Oh, Saint Tav. Always so clever.

She tilts her head, hair following her movements. He gets a whiff of her natural perfume — Gods, it’s intoxicating. 

“Because you thought if you could see your reflection, then perhaps you’d see what's on your back without anyone's help?”

He sneers. “It wasn’t like Cazador was ever going to tell me.”

Her expression softens. “He…?”

“Carved them, yes,” he tells her, remaining as flippant as he can muster. “One night, in my first years as his spawn, he was feeling particularly gracious and decided to give me them. A poem for the ages, so that I may never forget my place in this world."

The words taste like ash on his tongue.

"He spent hours drawing his project into my back without sedatives or a healing potion in sight. My reward for being good and quiet was cleaning it up myself — my own blood as a source of food over my usual vermin. It was oh, so generous of my master.”

He expects pity so he can hate her again.

He wants her to feel sorry for him, so that he may return to his normal headspace where Tav isn’t a lingering infection, competing with the godforsaken tadpole in his mind.

Yet her face hardens. The wood elf pulls her arm away from him and, to his surprise, drops to her knees before him in the dirt below. 

“Turn around.”

Well — that’s not what he hoped for.

A slight panic grips at his chest. “What?”

“Turn around,” Tav repeats, then clears her throat. “Please?”

His eyes narrow with innate distrust. “Why?”

Her shoulders slump. A slender finger reaches to the dirt beneath her boot, tapping at it.

“Because I am no bard or artist, but perhaps I can draw what I see for you to read yourself. It isn’t anything I can translate, but perhaps together we can figure something out.” She pauses. “And it’s easy to kick away should the others stir early.”

Astarion’s stomach drops.

She’s protecting him?

But... why?

Astarion reluctantly shuffles his shoe, turning on its heel until he’s trapped staring at the flaps of Tav’s tent. Their tent. 

(The possessiveness does have him smirking to himself, his mind wrapping around something other than what the wood elf is doing behind him. Take that, Ravengard.)

After a few minutes of drawing in the dirt, he can hear Tav huff in frustration.

“I don’t quite understand… what did Cazador tell you this was?”

“Who knows,” Astarion calls over his shoulder, trying to sound unbothered. “A poem? He had a very sick sense of humor.”

She grows silent. He shifts his weight from one leg to another.

“Astarion…”

Her voice is smaller than before. Uncertain.

The vampire cannot help himself. He whips his chin over his shoulder, only to see—

“The hells did you draw?” he asks in a flurry of words, brows furiously furrowed.

Tav doesn’t look up from the crude rendition she’s drawn below. Swirls connect to lines in three distinct circles; a language he’s never read nor spoken in all his near three centuries of living.

It’s just as horrific as he recalls in the moment: his muffled screams, Cazador’s voice relentlessly berating his cries, how the tip of the dagger relentlessly dragged over—

He puffs his bare chest, refusing to landslide.

“Well? What in the hells did he do to me?” 

“I don’t…”

The woman trails off, eyes rising to meet him. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Tav is furious. He’s never seen her angry, save their encounter with Nere in the Grymforge cave-in.

Yet that anger isn’t directed to him — it’s at the dirt, where his shame, his pain, his past, lay bare.

“I don’t know what this is. I can’t read it. I thought maybe something would click if I drew it myself, but I have never read this language. It could — I don’t know, it could be some type of Infernal?”

“Excuse me? Did you say Infernal?” he repeats with uncensored anxiety.

What the fuck was his master doing with the language of devils?

Cazador was a right bastard, but he was not a devil. Not in the traditional sense, at the very least.

“Shit.” She curses, catching him by surprise.

This is not her burden, so why is she so upset?

“We’ll figure it out. Perhaps I can draw it on paper and find someone to translate,” Tav hurriedly replies as if she’s done something wrong. She stands from the ground, dirt pressed into the knees of her trousers. “Karlach might—” 

“No.”  

Astarion interrupts, shutting down the thought before it can cross her tongue. She freezes, halfway between kneeling and standing at full height.

Meeting her gaze he deflates, shaking his head. 

“No, I… I’m not ready to involve anyone else.” His tongue is as heavy as lead. “Just you.”

Only you, Tav.

He cannot trust anyone else in this camp. He shouldn’t even be trusting her. Yet she has given him her life source, her blood, over a dozen times. She’s confided in her fears, her worries, without expecting payment. She’s provided shelter, weaponry—

Something akin to a home, even if that concept is all but foreign to him at this age.

Her face softens in that way he likes.

“Okay,” she promises. “Just me.”

Someone stirs in a tent at the other end of the camp. Gale opens the entrance of his tent, and Tav is quick: she shoves him back into their shared tent, out of view.

Her boot kicks and slides, erasing the image beneath her feet.

He realizes a beat too late: she’s covering the evidence.

(She’s keeping his secret.)

“Get dressed,” she adds, nodding to the shirt he left draped on her chair. She fixes her own clothes, readying for the breakfast fire.

Except he isn’t ready to let this go.

“...Tav.”

When she turns, the vampire is quick — he catches her wrist once more, tethering himself to her.

Before she can ask, Astarion gently pulls her back into the tent.

He realizes he’s never once called her by her first name.

In all the weeks they’ve traveled together, it’s always been a passing pet name. Flowery words for a wood elf; a body over a person. And now?

The man waits to catch her eye. Slowly, slowly, he raises her wrist to his mouth. His lips purse to press a gentle and chaste kiss to the heartbeat of her inner wrist.

Tav’s lips part, eyelids fluttering in a flurry of flustered surprise. 

Astarion will burn that image into his memory, evermore.

“What you’ve given me these last few weeks,” he begins with purpose. “It is a gift. All of it.”

She relaxes, wrist limp when he presses an additional peck to the skin. Her blood is thrumming with life. Excitement. Anticipation.

His voice is but a murmur.

“I will not forget this.”

There: the wood elf bites her lip, and pride surges through his body. It’s a mannerism he recognizes all too well — he has seen the tell-tale sign on thousands of faceless people, on hundreds of the victims he lured home in dirty taverns and hidden alleyways and plush brothels. 

He knows the script. He knows what he could push.

Yet seeing that look on her of all people stirs a feeling in his belly to the point where he is starving— not for blood, but for her.

To be consumed by something, rather than consume it himself.

He lets her go, his phantom heart beating wildly in his chest. Tav takes a modest step back.

She stares for one more precious minute, chin dropping to an understanding nod, before leaving him to help Gale start the morning fire.

No god has ever answered his prayers.

In the dirt, buried alive, he thought he begged every single one — yet now he fears he missed the one who could have saved him.

(The one who may save him yet.)

.